The One About Balding with Matteo Lane

Summary

Sibling Rivalry – The One About Balding with Mateo Lane

Date: March 15, 2023
Hosts: Bob the Drag Queen & Monét X Change
Guest: Mateo Lane

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Episode Overview

In this riotously candid and heartwarming episode, Bob and Monét welcome comedian Mateo Lane to discuss the deeply relatable, rarely-discussed topic of balding — especially within queer and comedic circles. From hair transplants and toupees to the culture of social media and the pressure to "age gracefully," the trio shares personal stories, offers practical advice, and cracks plenty of jokes along the way. The episode also explores celebrity behavior online, the pitfalls of Twitter, and memories from the pandemic lockdown.

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Key Segments & Highlights

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Opening Banter & Age Debate

Timestamps: 01:03–04:05

• The trio immediately sets a playful and chaotic tone debating who is the youngest in the group.
• Monét repeatedly insists she’s Gen Z, prompting Bob to fact-check her birth date and call out the "lies."
  • Quote: “Monet is an old ass millennial. Just like every other millennial on this call.” – Bob (02:36)
• Mateo quips about "interracial Dolezal syndrome" when Monét claims to identify as Gen Z.
  • Quote: “So that interracial Dolezal syndrome can seep down into...” – Mateo (02:27)

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Social Media & Celebrity Handles

Timestamps: 04:05–13:40

• Stories about mishaps with Twitter handles and fake Twitter accounts for porn.
  • Quote: “I don't have Twitter. I have a fake Twitter just to watch porn. So I can like all I want. No one follows me.” – Mateo (08:13)
• The group discusses the difference between being famous enough to reclaim your Twitter handle, with Monét and Bob playfully sparring.
  • “Do you think you're famous enough to get your handle back?” – Monét (09:38)
  • “I think I'm more famous than you.” – Bob (09:40)
• Mateo recounts a Twitter cancellation experience with a topical joke, his subsequent meltdown, and Bob’s advice on handling fame.
  • Quote: “Are you ok for the rest of your life with people not liking you?” – Bob (12:00)
  • Quote: “In retrospect, I think I made the right choice. To me, Twitter is not great for people. There's certain people who can handle it well, and I can't. I'm too sensitive.” – Mateo (12:37)

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On Reading Comments & Beyoncé Mystique

Timestamps: 13:40–17:21

• Discussion on mental health and reading comments:
  • Mateo never reads comments on TikTok and doesn't get phased by Instagram critics anymore.
  • Quote: “Are they gonna get mad that I said pistachio wrong in a pasta video? Like, I'm not." – Mateo (13:26)
• The group speculates on whether Beyoncé reads her comments and imagines her living an ultra-private life online.
  • Quote: “I think Beyoncé has the fiercest finsta...and we will never ever see.” – Monét (14:17)

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Topic Reveal: Balding And Hair Struggles

Timestamps: 19:05–59:59

Hair Transplants & Insecurity

• Topic officially introduced: balding, hairpieces, and changing hairlines.
  • “The topic is balding. The topic is losing your hair. The topic is follicles atop your head slipping and sliding off into the abyss…” – Bob (19:07)
• Mateo shares his experience getting a hair transplant in NYC:
  • Describes how he researched doctors and warns listeners to meet with multiple surgeons, not just a consultant (22:01).
  • Humorously details the insecurity of being the only family member losing hair.
    • “I have 34 first cousins...All the Italians and Mexicans on my mom's side, full head of hair.” – Mateo (23:14)
  • He describes years spent styling hair to disguise his balding, using topic spray, and anxiety over social situations (25:15–26:39).
    • “I've never swam. I've never put my head under the pool. Like, I just, you know, never let a guy touch my head in bed.” – Mateo (26:34)
  • Describes the procedure, recovery, and costs (without giving exact amounts).
    • “...finally after 12 years of comedy, have started to make money. So I was like, you know what? This is an investment...I'm tired of being afraid of the wind.” – Mateo (30:18)
    • “I'm afraid of the wind.” – Mateo (30:47)

Balding in the Queer & Drag Community

• Bob and Monét discuss their own hair loss journeys and the emotional process of shaving their heads.
  • “I had one bad haircut...I'm tapping out.” – Bob (24:28)
  • “I was holding on, honey." – Monét (24:42)
• Group touches on the financial side: the cost of regular haircuts and savings for bald people.
  • “That's $3,380 a year just on haircuts that I'm saving...So I'm fine with that.” – Monét (36:30)

Hair Replacement, Recovery, and Real Talk

• Mateo explains PRP treatments, FUE hair transplants, recovery protocols, and the surreal experience of waiting for new hair to grow in (37:30–41:42).
  • “You have to sleep at a 45-degree angle...fill a measuring cup with water and soap, mix it around, and just pour it down my head. And that's it.” – Mateo (39:41–40:01)
  • “What's really strange is that the hair that they put in your head falls out in two weeks.” – Mateo (41:24)

Wigs, Toupees, and Units: Stigma & Empowerment

• Bob and Monét recall their experiences with hair units/toupees, with vivid anecdotes about the first time they saw themselves with hair again.
  • “I was gagged. I looked in the mirror. I was like, oh, bitch, I have...I had not seen myself with hair like that in more than five years." – Monét (43:47)
  • “Would you be against it [a wig]?...I would have to see how it would look. Because sometimes it can look really good and then sometimes it can look like a dead bird is sitting on your forehead.” – Mateo (48:28)
• Mateo comments on masculinity and shame around balding.
  • “Men are conditioned...not supposed to care about it. They're not supposed to, like, have attachments to beauty...” – Mateo (49:48)
• Bob calls out the phrase “aging gracefully” as ageist and sexist, mostly used against women.
  • “Aging gracefully is just an essentially ageist term... it's a really sexist term, too.” – Bob (51:02)
  • Notable quote: “It's not that men age better. It's that they're allowed to.” – Mateo, quoting Carrie Fisher (51:36)

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The Comic’s Approach: Openness & Comedy Challenges

Timestamps: 51:53–62:24

• Mateo is open about his hair transplant, rejecting the idea that men should hide cosmetic work.
  • “I’m very open about the surgery...I don't care.” – Mateo (51:59)
• Discussion of comedy on Drag Race: Is it possible to do a funny, compact stand-up set in one minute?
  • “You learned how to get jokes out within a minute. Literally...set up, punchline, go.” – Mateo (57:52)
  • Consensus: it's possible, but only seasoned comics should try it.

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Reflections, Friendship, & Pandemic Nostalgia

Timestamps: 62:24–end

• Group reminisces about the pandemic, friendship rituals, and supporting each other during lockdown:
  • Quote: “It was the first time ever that none of us had anything to do but hang out with each other all day. It was like being a kid during summer break.” – Mateo (63:55)
  • Mateo describes how meaningful it was to see the group during a difficult time.
• Bob and Monét welcome Mateo as an “honorary sibling" of the podcast (67:49).
• Mateo plugs his comedy tour and expresses gratitude for their friendship and support.
  • “It was very nice that you guys came to my show at the Beacon. It meant a lot to me.” – Mateo (68:22)
• Bob and Monét praise Mateo’s comedy and tease the idea of a shirtless comedy show:
  • “I cannot recommend it enough...you will really be in for a treat.” – Bob (68:39)

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Memorable Quotes

• “You knew that was the one question you were not to ask, and you did it.” – Mateo (37:39)
• “I'm afraid of the wind.” – Mateo (30:47)
• “Aging gracefully is just an essentially ageist term.” – Bob (51:02)
• “It's not that men age better. It's that they're allowed to.” – Mateo (51:36)
• “If you want to look a certain way and you want hair, you should do what you can do within your means to feel comfortable.” – Mateo (49:48)
• “I was gagged. I looked in the mirror. I was like, oh, bitch, I have...” – Monét (43:47)

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Notable Moments by Timestamp

• 02:27 – Mateo’s "interracial Dolezal syndrome" quip
• 08:13 – Mateo confesses to a fake Twitter for porn
• 12:00–12:37 – Bob’s “can you handle people not liking you?” wisdom
• 19:07 – The topic of balding and hair loss is officially introduced
• 25:15–26:39 – Mateo’s “hiding balding” coping strategies
• 30:18–30:47 – Mateo’s investment in hair surgery to “stop being afraid of the wind”
• 39:41–40:01 – Mateo’s detailed FUE hair transplant description
• 43:47 – Monét talks about her dramatic wig reveal
• 49:48–51:36 – Mateo and Bob challenge the stigma of balding and “aging gracefully” with Carrie Fisher quote
• 63:55 – Matteo recalls their first social-distance meet-up during lockdown

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Tone & Style

The episode is marked by Sibling Rivalry's signature blend of sharp wit, genuinely supportive friendship, and unfiltered honesty. The hosts and guest keep the mood buoyant even when addressing sensitive subjects, making their personal revelations both illuminating and entertaining.

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Conclusion

This episode stands out as both an intimate discussion on a taboo topic and a celebration of resilience and queer friendship. Through laughter and real talk, Bob, Monét, and Mateo destigmatize hair loss and affirm the right to define one's own version of confidence, beauty, and aging—on stage and off.

Transcript

[Mateo Lane]

Close your eyes. Exhale. Feel your body relax. And let go of whatever you're carrying today.

[Ad]

Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-contacts. Oh, my gosh, they're so fast.

[Mateo Lane]

And breathe.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, sorry.

[Ad]

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[Mateo Lane]

Visit 1-800-contacts.com today to save on your first order.

[Mona X Change]

1-800-contact contacts.

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[Bob the Drag Queen]

my name is Bob the Drag Queen.

[Mona X Change]

And I'm Mona X Change.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And this is Sibling Rivalry.

[Mona X Change]

On today's episode, we discuss how we survive the quarantine.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We welcome honorary sibling Mateo Lane to the podcast Our White Brother.

[Mona X Change]

And we find out what made Bob say this.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Kristin Chenwith pulled out a chunk of her hair. And then, like Sharon Osbourne pulls out a chunk of her hair.

[Mateo Lane]

We find out what made Monet say this.

[Mona X Change]

So she legally parks her car on this block. We go to the Hilton Garden Inn. Cause she does them in a hotel room in Chelsea.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And we found out what made Mateo say this.

[Mateo Lane]

You knew that was the one question you were not to ask, and you did it.

[Mona X Change]

I am several years younger than y'.

[Ad]

All.

[Mona X Change]

Y' all are all above 35. I am under 35.

[Jacob]

Okay, he's 36. And you're what, 34?

[Mona X Change]

I'm 30. Wow. I'm not 34, bitch. I am 32.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

First of all, every time Monet says she's Gen Z, the listeners drag her across the coals. It's great.

[Mona X Change]

They're all like.

[Mateo Lane]

You say you're Gen Z. I am

[Mona X Change]

Gen Z. I am. I'm a millennial. But I identify as a Gen Zer.

[Mateo Lane]

Okay, so that interracial dolezal syndromes can seep down into.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Exactly.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Monet.

[Ad]

You're.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Monet is. Monet is an old ass millennial. Just like every other millennial on this call.

[Mona X Change]

An old Gen Z are a young millennial.

[Jacob]

I think it's a cutoff because.

[Mona X Change]

Thank you, Jacob.

[Jacob]

Technically, we're in a millennial year, but really, our culture is a lot closer to Gen Z.

[Mona X Change]

Thank you, Jacob. See, Jacob gets it. You guys who are older don it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Because Jacob said it first of all, doesn't make it true. That's. In fact, if anything, I think this podcast is shown that shows that it is more than likely not true. I think that is actually where we're leaning these days. What year were you born, Monet?

[Mona X Change]

I was born in 1991.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Interesting. You think that makes you a Gen Z.

[Jacob]

Bob is Googling so hard right now.

[Mona X Change]

She's girl.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's the thing.

[Mona X Change]

Anytime dog is Googling, we can all tell.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Baba's like, I'm holding my phone. I'm not trying to sneak anything.

[Mona X Change]

You're Googling.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

First of all, I literally say, okay, Google all the time. I don't hide that I Google thing. I literally say, I try to hide, okay, Google. Anyway, this is something about this weird. You're also born in 1990, not 1991. So what are the people?

[Mona X Change]

First, the incident also thinks my birthday is March 23rd. You know my birthday is not March 23rd.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, it says February 19th of 1990. So stop. When did the lies stop?

[Mona X Change]

Can you please stop?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

When did the lies stop?

[Mona X Change]

Stop putting my information out there like that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I just want to know when do the lies stop?

[Mona X Change]

Stop putting my information out on the streets.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do they stop today? Do they stop? Tom Mateo.

[Mateo Lane]

Hi.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, we're not changing the subject.

[Mona X Change]

Yes, we are. Hi, potato. Ladies.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes, you're wrong. Cause you don't become lying.

[Mateo Lane]

Hey, Monet.

[Mona X Change]

We're so happy to have you here on the podcast. You know, I was surprised with you being a guest, but this is a very good surprise. I love you so much.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, thank you.

[Mona X Change]

And Mitchell James. Guys, this is Mitch. Mitch does all of the editing for our social media.

[Mateo Lane]

Hi.

[Mona X Change]

So also, that hilarious. All the very funny videos, but particularly the Meghan McCain one I like, guffawed at. Cause it was so dramatic and like something from. You'll see on fucking. On Inside Edition. I was cackling when I opened my TikTok.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm gonna tell you, you just.

[Mateo Lane]

Angela Bassett did the thing. You did a remix of it.

[Mona X Change]

Oh, my God, it's so good. Angela Bassett did the best.

[Mateo Lane]

Nicole Byers sent it to me. And she goes. Because we were watching all of them. And I go, oh, that's my friend Mitch. She goes, who's your friend Mitch? I go, that profile. That's my friend Mitch.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Hold on one second.

[Mona X Change]

Oh, God. Here you go. This is Mitch knows this is typical.

[Mateo Lane]

Did Bob order Uber Eats?

[Mona X Change]

Always, right? Always. And then halfway through the podcast, he's like, guys, can we take a break? Because I. I have to eat my. I don't want my food to get cold.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do you need me to get it?

[Mona X Change]

This is Mitch and J. Please make this. Use this in the episode. Not.

[Jacob]

Not Bob, but bleep out our apartment number.

[Mateo Lane]

4, 5, 4, 4, 5. You have to hit 4, 5, 4, like.

[Mona X Change]

And also, it's hysterical because we have all been to Bob's and Jacob's place, and none of them ever answer the fucking buzzer. So this bitch probably will never get in.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's for you. We don't want you here.

[Mona X Change]

No, you keep on one. Mitch identifies with that behavior as well.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We don't want you here, Monet. We don't answer the four. We don't answer the phone. We don't answer the door. We don't answer the buzzer, bitch. We move whenever you come over.

[Mona X Change]

We don't move her anymore. What's up, bitch? Your door broke. Your door don't even work. Let's talk about that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

My door is broken.

[Mona X Change]

No, it's not broken. It's broke.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What does that even mean? How is my door broken?

[Mona X Change]

Listen, this is not about us. This is about Mateo. Can we focus on Mateo Lane, please?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This is not an interview.

[Mona X Change]

We're not interviewing Mateo. Mateo was honored when we're talking to him.

[Mateo Lane]

I was told this was going to be an interview.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, Mon Monet's the Diane Sawyer of drag.

[Mateo Lane]

No, this is my impression of Diane Sawyer. Ready? Every time she talks, she keeps tilting her head, and then she just keeps going down.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do you remember when Sally Jess Raphael used to do on the show? And she would. Whenever Sala Jessa Raphael had her show, she would say her things and she would lean forward and then stand up at the end, she'd be like. And when you talk to your mother.

[Mona X Change]

No, I don't remember this.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Massive red glasses. And also, Sally Dancy Raphael is incredibly active on Twitter. Yeah, Twitter.

[Mona X Change]

Like, she is like, yes. All over Twitter.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh.

[Mona X Change]

So, I mean. I don't know. I mean, whatever. Twitter is public. So the other day, you know when you scroll on Twitter and when someone, like when one of your friends or someone you follow likes something, it pops up on your feed. So I'm scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, bitch. This porn star of Austin Wolf, this porn star video of him fucking a small person shows up on my thing, and it says, liked by silly Sally Jesse and Raphael. I was like, sally, you better Work. I was like, you better work.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What do you mean a small person?

[Mona X Change]

A small person.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

A little person.

[Mona X Change]

A little person. Yeah, that's what I meant. A little person.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, I was like someone like a petite, skinny thing. A little person.

[Mateo Lane]

But that is also Austin Wolf's type.

[Jacob]

That's very.

[Mateo Lane]

His tiny twinkie. Petite for sure.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, maybe people like me, Raphael is. Is into gay porn.

[Mona X Change]

I know. I mean, also, let's see. She. She probably just saw it and she like, woo, I like it. And whatever. I was like, what is that? Like, I wanted to screenshot him. I was like, that is. That seems a lot. So I didn't do that, but I

[Bob the Drag Queen]

was like, so you just talk about on the podcast. I don't want to like this screenshot. It seems like a lot. So I'll just tell you what I'm like.

[Mona X Change]

Do you know, Matteo? I don't know if you experience this, Bob. I know you have when, like, when you like, like porn or you're thinking it and they'll like pop them on other people's thing and they'll like, tweet you like, oh, my God, Monet. I didn't. Why are you watching this? I'm like, bitch, because I'm a grown ass man.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I want to watch what the fuck?

[Mona X Change]

I want to watch on Twitter.

[Mateo Lane]

I don't have Twitter. I have a fake Twitter just to watch porn. So I can like all I want. No one follows me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What's your fake Twitter name?

[Mateo Lane]

My Twitter name is Mariah Carey.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Did Mariah Carey get the name Mariah Carey on Twitter?

[Mateo Lane]

Of course she did. Mariah.

[Mona X Change]

Yeah. When you, when you, when you a big celebrity like that, you will make the other account shut down. So you get your, your Twitter.

[Jacob]

I. I use the sibling rivalry Twitter

[Bob the Drag Queen]

to, to watch porn because I don't

[Jacob]

have my own Twitter account. So I'm always, always very careful not to like anything.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm always tickled that Alyssa Edwards is Alyssa Edwards01. That is so funny to me. I'm also Elizabeth Alyssa Edwards, underscore 1. Even though she's very famous, but she could not get her fucking Twitter handle because someone was already Alyssa Edwards before she was Alyssa Edwards.

[Mona X Change]

Well, no shade. There is a big difference between Mariah Carey famous and Alyssa Edwards famous. Like Mariah Carey is, you know, you

[Bob the Drag Queen]

think Alyssa is a piece of shit.

[Ad]

Yeah.

[Mona X Change]

Yeah. What's. What's your, what's your Twitter handle?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

My Twitter handle is that one queen, but I've also been that one queen since, like, that was my Twitter handle for a Long time. Even before I changed my name about the drag queen, my handle's always been that one queen, and I've just been that one queen forever. Someone else has my Twitter handle as well. So by the time I got on Drag Race, I was like, oh, I should change my handle to OB The Drag Queen. And then this teenage girl was like, I got your handle.

[Mona X Change]

Do you think you're famous enough to get your handle back?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think I'm more famous than you.

[Mona X Change]

Why are you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Sorry, I'm just answering. I'm just. I'm. That wasn't the question.

[Mona X Change]

No, you did not answer the question.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm giving you a barometer.

[Mona X Change]

You're being a salty bitch. The answer is. Oh, bye, Mitch.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm just giving you a barometer of what I think my famous.

[Mona X Change]

Do you think you're famous enough to get your. To get your Twitter handle back?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I do. I think I could get it back, yeah.

[Mona X Change]

Oh, okay. Do you. Are you. Are you going to try to.

[Mateo Lane]

Like, this is the. This is. Mitch literally was like, this is the best time for me to leave.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No. Well, Todrick ended up getting his handle. Todrick got his handle back. So his. He was like something else, like Toddy Rockstar. And then he changed it Todrick. So I. And. And that was probably like, like six years ago. I remember you told me about it. Should we wait till Mateo's done?

[Mateo Lane]

I'm.

[Mona X Change]

We're waiting for you to be done.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think so.

[Mona X Change]

Thank you, Mateo.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think that. I think that I could. I think I probably could get my handle back, but I actually like my handle. And then I was like, but now everyone, like, I have a handle and people found me. It's not like. No, it's not like no one can

[Mona X Change]

find me, you know? So wait, Mateo, can you. Can you relitigate your whole Twitter drama? Because I remember. I remember when you had the Twitter meltdown and you were like, I am never going back on Twitter ever again. It's toxic. It's poisonous.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This.

[Mona X Change]

I have to leave.

[Mateo Lane]

I know. I talk about it on stage now. I just. I did this. I was doing this show. It's just people who don't understand the process of stand up comedy. So we were given a day to write jokes about. It was a topical show and I'd never post anything online. It was called Live at the Comedy Cellar, and it was when Trump was in office. And so anyways, I wrote a joke about Mike Pence and this gay blogger got wind of it. And I don't want to say the Joke. Because I don't want to. If you come see me live, then you can hear it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Can you say the gay vlogger?

[Mona X Change]

Can you say the gay vlogger, though? Oh, yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, Mariah Carey.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

She's obsessed with you.

[Mateo Lane]

She. She's obsessed. And the feeling's mutual. But anyhow, he said I was dangerous to the gay community and everyone. It was like thousands of tweets. This is before. Like, I was even touring. Like, I was just sort of trying to make it. And anyhow, yeah, now I talk about it, my act, when I got cancele.

[Mona X Change]

Okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And then encourage you to get off of Twitter. All you're like, I am done with Twitter.

[Mona X Change]

You left.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, because I remember going over to your house and Bob, you said to me, you were like, so what you're telling me, Mateo, is are you okay for the rest of your life with people not liking you? And I was like, I don't know

[Bob the Drag Queen]

in relation to what my. I'm going to say.

[Mona X Change]

I'm going to say the name. We're going to bleep the name, right? Was it Evan? Was it Evan Ross Katz?

[Mateo Lane]

No.

[Mona X Change]

Okay, okay.

[Mateo Lane]

But I know. I know him.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So do we have to bleep with it? We don't have to bleep with it because it wasn't Evan Ross Cats. But yeah. Cause I remember you being like, I gotta get off. I gotta. You were really torn up about it. You were like, I gotta get off Twitter. And I was like, well, you know, I remember.

[Mateo Lane]

In retrospect, I think I made the right choice. I mean, to me, Twitter is not great for people. There's certain people who can handle it well, and I can't. I'm too sensitive.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I just. Oh, is that what I was saying? I was like, people are gonn be

[Mona X Change]

mad at you on Twitter. So if you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, people being mad at you, stay on Twitter. And if not, leave. And then you're like, I'm not okay with it. So you left.

[Mateo Lane]

Essentially, Bob gave me an ultimatum.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, as someone who's been on the Internet for a while, you know, people just have their opinions about you. And if you're on the Internet, people are going to share those opinions if you're in the public eye. Are you. Are you. Are you a don't read the comments type? Mateo?

[Mateo Lane]

I've never read a comment on TikTok. I've just. I literally post and walk away because I don't want to get addicted to the app. So I'll read comments on Instagram, but it doesn't Bother me anymore, to tell you the truth. Like, now I. Now I.

[Mona X Change]

What?

[Mateo Lane]

Are they gonna get mad that I said pistachio wrong in a pasta video? Like, I'm not.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Did you say pistachio or did you say pistachio wrong?

[Mateo Lane]

I said pistachio. And then all these Italians like, pistachio, pistachio. Why you. No sipistacchio. Ay. And I'm like, I don't.

[Mona X Change]

Well, you know, also. But I mean, I mean, you're. That's good exercise. When I read, I don't read all the comments. Then if I post something, like, I'll go check like a few hours afterwards. But not like, I don't like, go back on all my posts and read. But. But when people say, oh, just don't read the comments, like super famous people, like, I get it. Like, I don't think Beyonce reads her comments. I don't think Beyonce ever reads her comments.

[Mateo Lane]

I don't think Beyonce even has a cell phone. I think she's so powerful that she just closes her eyes and whoever she needs to contact.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Why do you think she. Why don't you think she reads them?

[Mona X Change]

I just don't think she read. Because Beyonce never. Like, we never know Beyonce's opinion. And so maybe she does. But in my mind, Beyonce does not read the comments. In my mind, Beyonce has the fiercest finsta. Like, she has her fake Instagram that only, like her close friends and family have access to. And that's where she lives her life. And we will never ever see. We don't know anything about it. And the one that. The Beyonce one that only. That follows zero people and has like a bajillion followers, she never engages with that never looks at the comments ever.

[Mateo Lane]

No, that's probably a homosexual PA who's like, we're posting this picture today for sure.

[Mona X Change]

And she's like, okay, I. I wonder.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's interesting to me. The truth is we don't really know much about Beyonce. We know what she lets us know. Beyonce is one of those celebrities who doesn't really want you to know what she's up to or what she's doing.

[Mona X Change]

Up to a point. We used to, though all these old interviews come up surface about her where she's talking about, oh yeah, we like getting high and I think I'm a black panther. We see all these. It's like everything from before 2007, six with Beyonce was doing interview stuff all the time.

[Mateo Lane]

I think it speaks to her on her come up. She did everything she could. She was acting. She Was on every red carpet. She was singing Destiny's Child. They were. They would literally be like an Olive Garden singing. I mean, they were singing everywhere. They really proved themselves. And then now Beyonce's to a point where she doesn't have to put up with interviews suck. You know, the press sucks. People's opinions suck. So she's like, I'm just gonna make great work, and then you guys can figure it out.

[Mona X Change]

Yeah. There's this clip sticking around about her performing at. She did the Tyra Banks show back in the day, and she did Deja

[Mateo Lane]

Vu on the Tyra Banks show, by the way. I gotta tell you about it.

[Mona X Change]

Oh, my God.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, you did.

[Mona X Change]

Wait, what?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, when you were in Paris.

[Mona X Change]

Yeah, yeah. Is this clip of Beyonce performing Deja Vu at the Tyra Banks show? And, like, the person that posted the video, they was like, was Beyonce really going hard like this for Tyra Banks? And like, all the comments are like, yeah, this is why she can do what she is now. Because she was. Bitch. She was acting like she was at the motherfucking. She was at the Super Bowl. She was doing, like, a performance. She was going in.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, she was going in. But that was not the most iconic thing that happened on that show. The most iconic thing was Tyra Banks interviewing Beyonce and morphing her name. Slosh your fears. You ever get a little drunk?

[Mona X Change]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Seance. Do you believe in ghosts?

[Mona X Change]

I remember that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What's your favorite cheese?

[Mateo Lane]

No, the best thing that's ever happened in the Tyra Banks show is. I know I'm not eating it. It's paper. Boo.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh. Oh. Ye head in the bell versus that also. Wait. We'll talk more about this when we get back from the break.

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[Bob the Drag Queen]

So, okay, what is the name of the comedian on. She's a. She's on SNL. She plays the Patti LaBelle in the sketch about which was Cookie. Cookie LeFou or something. And she. I cannot remember her name.

[Mona X Change]

She's.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

She's one of my Favorite SNL actors.

[Mona X Change]

Maya Rudolph. No, no, no.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I never got her name.

[Mateo Lane]

Create that one.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes, they did.

[Mona X Change]

They really?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes, it is one of the funniest.

[Mona X Change]

Let me look.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Sketches on this show. And there's also a new clip of her, like, trying to cut a steak, but.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, my God.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes, she got.

[Mateo Lane]

Yes, that is classic Saturday Night Live like that. It's so. That kind of sketch is great.

[Mona X Change]

It was really good.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Also her trying to cut the steak with a whole table.

[Mona X Change]

Shaking is shaking.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like, I feel like she's not. For some reason.

[Jacob]

She's.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

She's been on SNL for years, but she's not like one of the big superstars. She's so funny.

[Mona X Change]

What's her name? Jacob.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Can you read it?

[Mona X Change]

Ego. Ego Nordem.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There we go. Ego. She's amazing. I am obsessed with her. Like, she is like my new favorite SNL person. Cast member. She's just like that steak scene. I was just dying.

[Mona X Change]

Who was the guest that was laughing? Oh, Pedro Pascal.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, Pedro Pascal.

[Mona X Change]

But she was on Celebrity Jeopardy. And she was so. I mean, Celebrity Jeopardy. Is not like a funny show, right? She was hilarious on Celebrity Jeopardy. It was. She was great.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Isn't Ken Jennings hosting Jeopardy.

[Mona X Change]

Now? No, that's. Well, they hold. They alternate Mayim Bialik and Ken Jennings, both hosts to show Ken Jennings was

[Bob the Drag Queen]

like the world record holder for Jeopardy.

[Mona X Change]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Anyway, Mateo, we have a very. We have a very interesting topic that the three of us are.

[Mona X Change]

I don't even know the topic. No one told me. What's that?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, well, Monet. The topic is balding. The topic is losing your hair. The topic is follicles atop your head slipping and sliding off into the abyss. And you very publicly, very publicly had a hair transplant.

[Mona X Change]

I did.

[Mateo Lane]

I did. I did. I did it in Times Square. That's how public it was.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Live streamed it on Twitch. No. Where did you. Because a lot of people go to Turkey. But you didn't. You didn't go to Turkey.

[Mateo Lane]

I did not go to Turkey. I stayed in New York. I found a really good doctor in New York City. And, yeah, I got it done in August. And now my hair is growing through and I'm like a Chia Pet. And it's awesome and I love having it and it's. It's great. I can answer any question you have about the surgery.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Did you take before and afters?

[Mateo Lane]

I did. Well, I have actually. It's a brutal photo of me when I. Because I didn't have to shave my head. So I have a photo of my Hair. The hair that I have, and then the hair they added so you can see, like, the difference. And it's so. I look so fucked up. My head is so swollen. I look like I ate a gusher. And that is the picture that Nicole Byer has when I call her work.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Can we. Can we. Would you be. Would you ever let us put it on the screen?

[Mateo Lane]

Absolutely not. No.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay. Can you draw it? Can you draw a rough drawing? Can you do a crude. You don't have to do it now. You don't have to do it now. Okay, just so y' all know, Mateo is an amazing chef who makes, literally, handmade pasta at home. Mateo is an opera singer. Mateo is literally one of the funniest people I've ever known and is a really brilliant artist. If you all know, a couple years ago, I had a comic strip that I put on Instagram right when they had the swipe feature called Kick Ass Drag Queen. And Mateo drew every single one of

[Mona X Change]

those pictures for our cartoon, Mateo. So for my birthday, Andy and I did a pasta making class, and we made Bravioli. And he was saying that when you make pasta, you want to use the double zero flour. Do you agree with that?

[Mateo Lane]

It just depends on the kind of pasta in the region of Italy and what the sauce is going to be. So you can use different types of flour for different types of pasta, because sometimes they use just salmonella with water.

[Mona X Change]

Salmonella, like the poison semolina, but also poison.

[Mateo Lane]

They just use poison

[Mona X Change]

drag hip.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Wait, can you send that to us? Can you please send that to us?

[Mona X Change]

I do that so fast.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Mateo, please, screen grab that and send it. We'll put it on the screen so

[Mateo Lane]

they can see it. I look like from Mars Attacks.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like,

[Mona X Change]

okay, screen, grab that and send

[Bob the Drag Queen]

it to us, please. That's so fun.

[Mateo Lane]

Yes, I will. I'll send it to you.

[Mona X Change]

So you're like, I'm going to get hair transplant surgery. How long did the surgery take?

[Mateo Lane]

Look. Well, first of all, let me just say, if anyone's planning on getting it done, you should meet with multiple doctors. Don't just meet with one. And if you meet with a doctor, you should not be someone like a consultant. Sometimes you go to places and you know it's a bad place. If not, the doctor is meeting with you. If it's a salesperson, and then the doctor comes later, you want to meet with the doctor. So I went to a couple places in New York. I finally landed on one. And, yeah, it was great. You know, the thing is, like, I was Balding. I started noticing it when I was like 27 or 28. And I. And I'm. The joke I make is like 20 years ago, I'm just like a bad haircut.

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[Bob the Drag Queen]

Monet said what I was like.

[Mona X Change]

So about 20 years ago.

[Mateo Lane]

Okay, yes. I'm 56. It was time I got it done. Really? Because, you know. But yeah, it was. Look, I had a lot of insecurity with it, and no one else was bawling in my family. I mean, he asked me if my.

[Ad]

What?

[Mona X Change]

My mom.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What else?

[Mona X Change]

That's wild.

[Mateo Lane]

Not a soul.

[Mona X Change]

What? Everyone in my. All the most. Most of the men in my family are bald.

[Mateo Lane]

My grandfather is a Mexican with a 1 inch forehead.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You have a thousand cousins and none of them are bald.

[Mona X Change]

Nope.

[Mateo Lane]

I have 34 first cousins. All the Italians and Mexicans on my mom's side, full head of hair. My grandpa, Mexican, full head of hair.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Not even one Irish guy. Not even one Irish guy.

[Mateo Lane]

My dad's side, the Irish side, full heads of hair. His dad, my Uncle Vince, my dad, my cousin Ian. All hair.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Even the leprechauns.

[Mona X Change]

Well, here's the thing, though. They say that gene comes from your mother's father, so it's not really a paternal. The hair follicle gene thing.

[Mateo Lane]

My cousin, my mother's father was a Mexican whose hairline started.

[Shopify Spokesperson]

Here

[Bob the Drag Queen]

you are. This is. I would be. Honestly, there's a lot of bald people in my family. I am not the only. I have two bald uncles, three bald uncles.

[Mona X Change]

John, John.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I have one uncle who. Who should be shaving him. Uncle Junhn should be shaving his head, but he's just not. I don't know. He's just one of those who just like. I'm just like. His hairline's like, here. And he's just like, I don't care. I'm gonna grow my hair. My Uncle Steve and my Uncle Scott. Not Scotty. Scotty has wet hair. My Uncle Steve, my Uncle Ray, they shave their heads completely bald. And I started shaving my head. I mean, when I say I had one bad haircut, I had.

[Mona X Change]

I remember one. I remember. I remember.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I was like. I was. I'm bailing out. I was like, I'm tapping out.

[Mona X Change]

Immediately, I came to your apartment and you were like, monet, is it time? I was like, girl, it's time.

[Mateo Lane]

You like, yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I mean, how many bad haircuts did you have, Monet, before you?

[Mona X Change]

Oh, I was holding on, honey. I was like, no, you're not big off here. I Was holding onto.

[Mateo Lane]

It's funny as Monet was holding onto that hair, and then when she got hair, she ripped it off the mirror.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Monet. Can we post a picture of you in your hold on face? I'll post my bad haircut if you post yours.

[Mona X Change]

I mean, I have one. Yeah. My hairline was just like, back here, I have, like, I. Bitch, I was giving Tyra Banks honey. Bitch. I was giving forehead. Yeah, I don't mind. I don't care.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

How many bad haircuts did you have, Mateo?

[Mateo Lane]

I mean, up until two days ago, A lot. I mean, really a lot.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Were you. What were you doing? Because you didn't. You didn't look like you were bald.

[Mateo Lane]

My barber is a genius. I've been going to him forever.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And David Copperfield. Are you going to a magician?

[Mona X Change]

Chris Blaine is up there. Like, Chris?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. Is Jesus Christ your doctor? I mean, your barber?

[Mateo Lane]

Actually, you know what? One time I revealed my hairline to Patty, and Patty was like, oh, you are balding.

[Mona X Change]

Like, that sounds like Patty.

[Mateo Lane]

He's like, oh. But the thing is, like, I had my hair probably went back. My hairline went. Or my skin went there. And what I would do is I would take this hair and grow it really long and swoop it forward. That's why I hate Trump. But when everyone made fun of his hair, I was like, what can you guys. I would do topic spray. So basically all this, I would spray with topic spray and then push my hair over it and then hairspray it. I mean, it was a sculpture that Michelangelo would blush at. And you have to avoid things like, you can't go out in the wind. You can't go out when it's raining. You can't go. I've never swam. I've never put my head under the pool. Like, I just, you know, never let a guy touch my head in bed.

[Jacob]

Really?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What if you run? What if someone, like, brushes up against your hair? The panic that would ensue.

[Mateo Lane]

I would join the witness protection program.

[Jacob]

So what would you do? You're, like, out at dinner, you're out on a date, and suddenly it starts pouring rain outside. What would you do?

[Mateo Lane]

I run, and I never speak to that man again.

[Mona X Change]

Okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Turn into a pumpkin. You just turn into a pumpkin.

[Mona X Change]

Here's my question. You work out, like, hourly.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

How.

[Mona X Change]

What is. What do you do at the gym?

[Mateo Lane]

You know, it's interesting. I'm not a big sweater. I'm not. I really. I had a really hard workout today.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Just envisioned you being that big sweater you wore at the standout special. I just imagine you are literally that big sweater. I don't know what in my head.

[Mateo Lane]

You know what I do, Monet? I wear a helmet that air conditions my head.

[Mona X Change]

Well, you sweat where it counts, which is your pits. Yeah. Yeah. That's hot.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, here's my question. So when you. Because you're the one friend I have who goes to the gym that. I've never seen a. I've never seen a photo of you working out. I've never seen a video. I've never seen all my friends who go to the gym. One will not. I don't know where she is in this video, but I'm trying to point to a certain drag queen I know will not stop posting videos of themselves at the gym. Videos of themselves talking about going to the gym.

[Jacob]

You.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Monet's like, I'm going to the gym.

[Mateo Lane]

It took me and Monet a second.

[Mona X Change]

It took monetary Monet. But you never told one of the coincidence. I posted one on my Instagram story today. I have not done that in mad long.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Monet. That's so true.

[Mateo Lane]

Monet looks amazing. And Monet also. And I use the same app.

[Mona X Change]

We do. You put me onto. But you know what? We got to bleep the name, because last time we said it on here, people were just. They were like, oh, Monat, thanks for the 10. So, I mean, the workout app. If you want to sponsor the dolls, you can. But we ain't saying we bleeping the name. But.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, you never. But you're also. Your social media presence is so interesting. You're. Oh, my God. Are you. Are you Beyonce? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Mateo, are you literally.

[Mateo Lane]

Wait, why is my social media. I post pretty often.

[Mona X Change]

Yeah, we post.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, you post and you just go. You don't go back and look at it. You don't really hang out there. You post a picture of yourself and your friends and you say, I'll just let the chips fall where they may. You don't post like, hey, guys, at the comedy.

[Mona X Change]

You mean like insta stories and stuff like that? Yeah, got it. Yeah. You don't do that. Why? Whoa.

[Mateo Lane]

What a good interviewer. Why?

[Mona X Change]

I just. Until Bob said it. Until Bob her.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Mateo, drag her.

[Mona X Change]

Until Bob said. I guess I haven't thought about yet. Never see you do like a. Hey, guys, like, you're. You don't do that.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, I guess I just don't. I don't know

[Mona X Change]

why, bitch.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Why, bitch? Why the fuck don't you do that, Mateo, you owe it to Your fans to do at least that.

[Mona X Change]

Because Twitter. He's Twitter. Twitter. And Twitter done fuck Mateo up. Twitter done fucked. No drag girl.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So can I ask you a question that, that, that. I don't know if this is appropriate. And you don't have the answer because you got your hair done stateside. Can we talk about. Can we talk about the dollars? Can we talk about the doll hairs? To put the doll's hairs back on

[Mateo Lane]

the head, if you want to see.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I mean, it sounds. It sounds. It must be. You got that in New York City? I mean, parking is expensive in New York City.

[Mona X Change]

Yeah, parking is a month's run.

[Mateo Lane]

Parking costs about the same as my hair surgery. Yeah, it was expensive. It really was. But you know what? I've been waiting for 12 years to get this done. And I Finally, finally, after 12 years of comedy, have started to make money. So I was like, you know what? This is an investment that I want to put in myself. It's going to make me feel better when I'm on stage. It's gonna make me feel more confident. I'm tired of thinking about it. I'm tired of trying to hide it. I'm tired of being afraid of the wind. So I. I did it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm afraid of the wind.

[Mateo Lane]

I just. I know the Windy City, it's like slapping my face. Yeah, I. But I did. It's expensive. It's more expensive than turkey or like Brazil or other places that people will go to get it done. But I wanted to be home, and my emergency contact was Nick. So that was a nightmare. And you don't know Nick.

[Mona X Change]

Nick.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Nick is a person that I introduced to this group of people. So I have to blame for Nick's. For Nick's existence in this group of friends. So you're not gonna tell us a number, but can you give us, like a.

[Mona X Change]

Was it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm just gonna ask you a question. Was it less? Was it less?

[Mateo Lane]

I'm not answering any of these questions. It is no answer how much I decided to pay. And I can see you trying to weasel your way into this. And I will not put up the peer pressure from Bob the Drag Queen.

[Mona X Change]

That's right. Set up for yourself.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I just want to know, was it less than 50,000?

[Mateo Lane]

Wait, was it less than 50,000? Yeah, well, I didn't buy a house. Yeah, it was less than 50,000.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, Mateo, some of it. If they wanted to grab my bald ass head, it would. I think it would cost a mansion because I have. I have a lot of hair loss.

[Mona X Change]

I don't know. Would you. Would you get it? Would you go. Would you go to get the surgery?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No. You know, I actually kind of feel relieved now that I don't have hair anymore.

[Mateo Lane]

I was shaved off better than me. Go ahead.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I did not having hair. Okay. I used to have a lot of hair. I used to have very, very long hair. I had hair, like past my shoulders. I had locs. And getting my locs done was such a process. If I did it myself. When I tell you hours, your arms are so. Have you ever had long hair before?

[Mona X Change]

Never.

[Mateo Lane]

I did in high school. My hair went down to here. But I have really, really, really curly hair. So I'd have to blow dry it and straighten it to get the look that I wanted to.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I had to spend hours doing my hair. And then when I would. If I wash my hair in the morning, which, by the way, if you have locs, you cannot wash your hair in the morning because it doesn't dry for. I mean, you have to wash your hair in the morning, but not like you have to go things. You have to wash it on a day off. So if I wash my hair and then put my hair up, my hair is going to be wet even when I get home. And then it smells crazy. So I have to wash my hair. I have to let my hair dry down. But then when it's down, you have to. Once it dries, then you have to do it, and then you have to buy all the products to get your hair done. It was such. It was such a process. And then once I moved to New York City, I was. I was wearing my hair really low. I used to do.

[Mona X Change]

I used to do even cockatoo here.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, that was. That was one. That was one. That was after I've been living there for a couple years. I started doing even all over, which is where you get. You get your hair cut pretty low, and then you just get an edge up and there's no fade. It's just the same shape. That was what I liked. The same width, all over, the same height, I guess the same whatever. Same clipper setting over your entire head with the edge up. And then I started.

[Mona X Change]

What in the. It's like you speaking. Harry Potter spells the edge up. What's an edge up? What does that mean? I don't know what that means.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

How long you been bald? You never had an edge up.

[Mona X Change]

Are you talking like when they were like, line. See, See, that's that Southern shit. We say a lineup.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Who is we?

[Mona X Change]

Northerners, people in the north.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay? Well, bitch, I'm from the South. And we say edge up. You would get an edge up.

[Shopify Spokesperson]

Okay, got it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We get my hair edged up. And then I started wearing. And then I started growing my hair. I started growing a lock Mohawk. So I had a dreadlock Mohawk just right down the middle of my head. And then after I cut that off, that's when I started balding. And I think I didn't realize that I was balding until I cut that off and started doing a couple of. I don't even know. One day, it was just one. It literally felt like. It literally felt like it was one haircut to the next. And I don't know if I was missing the time in between, but I just felt like one day, I used to go right across the street. I still have 106 in Amsterdam. There's that barbershop. All those Dominican guys used to cut my hair. And then. And then one. He was. My barber, was like, six, six. He was massive. He was a humongous man. And then one day, I just felt like within, like, two. Oh, my God. Within two weeks, I was just balding. And it wasn't super severe, but it was. It was bad enough that I didn't feel good about it. And I just said, fuck it. And then what I realized is I've been shaving my head consistent since I was 29, 28 years old. I'm now 36. I'll be 37 this year, baby. I grew my hair out again recently. I was gonna get another piece recently, and, baby, I did not realize how much it had progressed because I'd just been consistently shaving my head for seven, eight years now. So I was gagged when I grew my hair back. I was like, this is bananas.

[Mona X Change]

Well, I mean, for me, I think not having hair, it's the money. Because when I used to get my hair cut as a kid, right? It was like, maybe 10 bucks or it was less than that. Like, by the time I was, like, 13, 14, it was $10. Now, people, I hear dudes like my friend Dejuan Bob. You know, Dejuan to go to the haircuts. It's like, $60 to get your haircut now. Like, haircuts are so. So, I mean. And I would get my haircut every week. Like, every Friday, every Saturday, I was at the barbershop. So, like, I'm like, that is so much money a year. Like, 52. That's 5200. Well, no, that was $10. That's 520, right? So if it's $60. Let me do some quick math.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm lost. I'm. As soon as you start doing numbers

[Mona X Change]

and multiplications, I'm out $10 a week. There are 52 weeks in a year. That's $520 you're spending a week. I mean, a year.

[Mateo Lane]

$3 tip.

[Mona X Change]

$3 tip. Right? So let's say if I was getting my haircut, that's $60 now, but 60 and a $5 tip. 65.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's 3 bucks. 315 just to get there.

[Mona X Change]

Add $315,380 a year just on haircuts that I'm saving.

[Jacob]

Not.

[Mona X Change]

Not having hair. So I'm. I'm fine with that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I mean, Jacob, what about you?

[Mateo Lane]

If you start losing your hair, what would you do?

[Jacob]

I would probably get surgery.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It looks like you're in it. It looks like you're in hell. Can we just. For what?

[Mateo Lane]

Jacob's in Jafar's palace.

[Jacob]

Hey, Google, turn the bedroom lights blue.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It looks like Jacob is in. It looks like you're.

[Mona X Change]

Now.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know, when Hades gets mad and the hair goes. Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine. Anyway, so, Mateo, talk to me about. Okay. Would you. Does this stop you from. Cause I feel like if balding is in your genes, are you going to continue to bald? Do you have to go back again in years to do it again?

[Mateo Lane]

Wow. Really taking down the celebration of my hair. Got it. Okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You told me to ask you anything, and now you're like, I'm not. See how much it cost? I'm not.

[Mateo Lane]

You knew that was the one question you were not to ask, and you did.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Is written on your. On your PR sheet.

[Mateo Lane]

It is my writer. You know, the thing is, like, I wasn't balding. Balding to the point where, like, I was. I just had my hairline receded far back. So what I did is. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah. So I filled it in. Now I get PRP every, like, six months. So it's like you take out your blood and they take plasma. So they take the blood and they spin it in a machine. It separates with, like, plasma and then blood. They take the plasma and then they re. Inject it into your head and it helps strengthen your hair follicles. And then I take minoxidil.

[Mona X Change]

Can I do that?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Monet, I don't have hair.

[Mona X Change]

I mean, I'm not. See, so what I was going to do was get laser. I've gotten laser hair removal from my neck to my. To my mid thighs. I Have gotten hair. Laser hair removal all day. I don't. I don't grow hair there.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Wait, sorry. I'm gonna leave it. I'll let you finish. But before we move past the Matteo's thing, how often do you have to get this, this. This PCP or the prp, the elemental

[Mateo Lane]

P. You can do it quarterly, twice a year or once a year.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And is it just like you do it in. Like, if you do it once a year, do you do more of it or something?

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, I mean, you can usually. I mean, I'll probably do it quarterly, and it takes 15 minutes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, okay. I mean, I get Botox, so, I mean, it's not. I mean, I get Botox. I guess it's really not that bad.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, it's not bad. But the thing is, like, I'm sure I'll, you know, maybe like 10 years from now, like, my crown is still a little weak. Like, I could probably go get more hair done, hair surgery done. Because the recovery time is. I mean, it's two weeks, basically, but it's basically the first eight days you have to follow all these rules. Like, you come home, it's very. People say, is it painful? It's not painful. It's very delicate. And my doctor was very thorough. So I had a real list. You're on steroids, you're on antibiotics. You have to ice your head every hour. You have to spray your head with this spray every hour.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You have to sleep at a 45

[Mateo Lane]

degree angle, so the spray is full. Like minoxidil and other stuff to help hair growth and promote hair growth. When you shower because you can't touch your head, the grafts you have to lay. Because I got an fue, where there's FUE and fut, you got the whole Alphabet.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You got pcp, fuel, It's.

[Mateo Lane]

It's fu. FUT is where they take a strip of your skin and like, literally take off your skin to harvest the hair fue, they have a tiny. It looks like a mechanical pencil that goes around and pulls the hairs out individually from all around your head. So my hair was pulled out from all around my head. And what they do is they cut into your forehead where the new hairline is, and basically plant it in there. And then you can't touch it for, you know, 10 days because it takes 10 days for the hair graft to seep into the bloodstream. So, yeah, they had me laying in an Epsom salt bath twice a day to massage my donor area, so I don't scarce. And then to Wash my hair. I would fill, like, a measuring cup with water and soap, mix it around, and just pour it down my head. And that's it. You could barely even pat it dry. And you would have eight days, though. The new hair would be for eight days. You follow these.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's not bad.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Mona X Change]

I mean. But also, I mean, you have people who get. You have people who get bbls and they can't sit down. You have people who get, like. So, I mean, it's like, pick your poison of what, like, cosmetic thing that you want to do that makes you feel better.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like, it's just occurring to me now that all these letters. I don't know why. The letters are like, the fag needs BBL and some PVC and some qv.

[Mona X Change]

All acronyms, Bob. So you can say the whole thing.

[Mateo Lane]

What's really strange is that the hair that they put in your head falls out in two weeks.

[Mona X Change]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

So it's like you just kind of see what your hairline's gonna look like, then it falls out, and then you look like you did before the surgery. And then in four months, it starts to grow. So I was just waiting and waiting and waiting, and then.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Not a reveal.

[Mona X Change]

Reveal yourself, not a reveal. Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

At the end of November, I remember I washed my head and pulled my hair back, and I could see, like, a five o' clock shadow. I was like, oh, my God. And like a Chia Pet. I'm literally like, ch.

[Shopify Spokesperson]

Ch, Ch.

[Jacob]

Chia.

[Mateo Lane]

Like, I have so much more. Like, this is, like, my hairline now. I can't even believe it.

[Mona X Change]

Well, do you remember there was that episode of Wendy Williams show when Wendy. When Wendy made she. Well, not one episode. Many episodes. She would make, like, women, like, scalp their hair. She would, like. She would look. She'd look at them. She'd like, is edwang you? And they'd be like, yes. Like, Wendy saw my hair. Kenya Moore specifically. And she was like, wendy, look. And why would she do that?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's weird because Wendy. Wendy famously wore wigs. Like, her whole thing was wearing wigs.

[Mona X Change]

I know, but her thing was women who would say, oh, I'm not wearing a wig, but they were wearing a wig, and she wanted to just, like, scout them.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

See that clip of. I think it was the Talk or something, where all the women start pulling out chunks of their hair. Like, Kristin Chinwith put out a chunk of her hair, and then, like, Sharon Osborne pulls out a chunk of her hair. And then I guess it's not Sherri Shepherd.

[Mona X Change]

It was Cheryl Underwood. Cheryl Underwood.

[Jacob]

To clarify, they're wearing extensions. They're pulling out their extensions.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes, yes, yes. Everyone just.

[Mona X Change]

Just. Just ripping out a chunk of their flesh.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And then it gets to Cheryl Underwood, and Cheryl Underwood pulls off her entire wig. It was basically like, we're all wearing. Like, we're all, you know, wearing pieces now. So Monet and I have. Would you. Would you have ever gotten a piece? Monet and I both had had toupees, but people don't like me calling. People do. When I had a toupee. People did not like when I called

[Mona X Change]

it a toupee, because toupee has a very old connotation.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's a unit. And I'm like, okay, I thought you

[Mateo Lane]

were getting it done again, girl.

[Mona X Change]

Don't do it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was gonna get it done, but there was a mishap in the schedule between me and the barber. Me and the barber had a whole schedule mishap, and I wasn't able to get it done.

[Mona X Change]

Wait, really quick.

[Mateo Lane]

Monet and Bob. Let me ask you guys a question. When you both got your pieces, how did it feel when you saw yourself in the mirror?

[Mona X Change]

I was gagged. I looked in the mirror. I was like, oh, bitch, I have. I was like, I got my what in 2020. So, yeah, so that. So I had not seen myself with hair. Yes, we got it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, 2019.

[Mona X Change]

No, it's two. 2020. Because we did our tour right before I went to Asia. Australia. Oh, yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

A B of you in the airport in a yellow fur with your new hair and sunglasses. And I was like, wow, Monet really ran with this.

[Mona X Change]

Well, it was. Cause I had not seen myself with hair like that in more than five years. I was very gagged to see myself. But I did have regrets because the lady, first of all, she sent me on this journey. I found her on someone. Someone. Someone else's Instagram. And we, like. She told me to meet her on 23rd and 6th Avenue at a Starbucks. So I rolled.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Jesus Christ. And she was like. She's like, are you at the Starbucks? Great. I'm in the salon. Grab me a coffee, a venti. She goes, are you at the Starbucks?

[Mona X Change]

Great.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, I need you to pick me up.

[Mateo Lane]

You're in one of those cute protein bars.

[Mona X Change]

I rolled to the Starbucks, and I was supposed to meet her at the moment.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Can I tell you a quick thing? One time, one of our friends, Honey LeBron, did this thing. It's one of the funniest things. Honey LeBron was talking to Ms. Cracker, and Honeylip Brooks was like, oh, Ms. Cracker, do you need to. Do you need to go to. Do you need anything from Wigs and plus or.

[Mona X Change]

Wig.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do you need anything from Wigs and plus? And Cracker was like, yes, I do. I need. I need, like, these bobby pins. And she goes, oh, so do you want to go? Do you want to go? And Cracker's like, yeah, I'll go. She goes, great, okay, good. When you're there, can you grab me up? She was like, great. So when you go there, can you please grab me a so and so? I don't know why that shit tickled me so. That is so sneaky and underhanded.

[Mateo Lane]

I just want to say Bob interrupted Monet's story to tell that story. And Monet and I almost didn't even

[Mona X Change]

respond, Mate, welcome to my life.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think it's a good story. You can comment below. Do you think it was a good story?

[Mona X Change]

So I meet her. I had to meet her at 5am because she had, like, a full schedule that day of people she had to do. So you have to meet me there at 5am I have to start you right at 5:15. I was like, great. Get that 5am to Starbucks. This bitch did not show up until 6:15. I said it for an hour and 15 minutes waiting for her. She finally shows up. She rolls up in a Dodge Caravan minivan. She's like, get in. I was like, okay. So we get in this Caravan and we drive up to the Hilton garden inn on 24th between 6th and 7th. And she was like. And she's looking for a parking spot. She's like, you think I can park here? I was like, I don't think you can park here. I was like, I don't know. And she was like, yeah, nah, I don't wanna park at the garage. The garage is too expensive. And I was like, okay. So she legally parks the car on this block. We go to the Hilton Garden Inn because she does them in a hotel room in Chelsea. So then we get to the Hilton Garden Inn. They won't. For some reason, she cannot check into the room. She's like. She's like, all right, we're gonna go to another spot. So we get in her car and we drive down to 18th Street.

[Mateo Lane]

And why wouldn't you be like, I'm going home?

[Mona X Change]

Because I was desperate. I wanted hair Mateo. I wanted to see if I was

[Bob the Drag Queen]

kidding by someone else.

[Mona X Change]

But at that time. So when I went in, like, 2020, yeah, it was popular. But the only. There were only, like, two people I saw Online that were popular. Everyone else was kind of like, yeah, we do it. Like I didn't know where to go in New York City. So she was like, in my own result. So I finally got to this thing. We go down to this basement into this like building and she does it in this room. There's this other guy next to me. Like we both are doing our thing at the same time and he does not say a word to me because you know what do you have to grow your hair out? You grow all your hair out except the bald spot is really bald and you have hair everywhere else. So you look like a 90 year old man. And he was like kind of embarrassed to get his. And I was like, you know, getting my shit done. And when she did it, my hairline, I wanted my hairline to be like, hair bitch. She had me like up here. So I wish my hairline was lower when I got it done. But otherwise I was very happy with the results.

[Mateo Lane]

Well, maybe you should get it again by someone who's not performing it in a back alley.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The one I went to was really lovely. She had like a private, she had a private place, like a one chair salon. Because she was like, I just, you know, a lot of people don't want to, don't want to be seen by other people and they do this. She schedules you one at a time. The lady I went to Mickey Da barber is I 10 out of 10 recommend Mickey Da Barber really, really phenomenal and is legit one of the best in the business. And I got mine done Christmas 2021

[Mateo Lane]

and my toupee I got done in August still hasn't fallen off.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Would you, would you ever got, would you have ever gotten a piece? Would you ever done like a hair club for men?

[Mateo Lane]

I wouldn't be against it. Yeah, I would have to see how it would look. Because sometimes it can look really good and then sometimes it can look like a dead bird is sitting on your forehead.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I would say some, the ones I see online are just, just some. They are looks ins. They're so good. And you can get like these crazy, crazy hairstyles. But for those of you who don't know, the way that it works is they basically shave your head and you look like George Costanza from, from Seinfeld.

[Mona X Change]

Oh, other than George Jefferson is my reference.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, they're, they're, they're, they both have the same haircut.

[Mona X Change]

Okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The entire middle of your head, it's like Friar Tuck. The entire middle of your head is completely bald. And then they Take a. Basically a lace wig and glue it to the top of your head. And they. Then they cut your hair as if it's your hair. And. And I've seen some for. I feel like for white people, there's a lot of options, because I've seen them online that look in. Just look. I knew a guy in New York City for years, and then one year, he. One day, he was like, girl, this is bullshit.

[Mona X Change]

Say it.

[Jacob]

Say it.

[Mona X Change]

Say it.

[Shopify Spokesperson]

Who?

[Mateo Lane]

Who? Who.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

His name is David. It was literally. It was before. It was before I. You don't.

[Mona X Change]

You never met David.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You never met David, But David was like, yeah, girl. This whole thing is like. I remember he peeled it back because it was like. It was like. It was like a. It was. It was time to go get his hair redone. And it looked good.

[Mateo Lane]

I think we can all agree. I mean, you know, hair. I feel that men are conditioned to not. They're not supposed to care about it. They're not supposed to, like, have attachments to, like, beauty and stuff. And so it's like. I think there's, like, a sense of shame about balding and getting a surgery or wearing a piece, and we shouldn't have any shame about it. If you want to look a certain way and you want hair, you should do what you can do within your means to feel comfortable. You know, I just. But maybe that's my perception. But I do feel like growing up, it's like this sort of machismo, masculine, like, you know, balding, and I'll deal with it, and, like, I'll just. Do you know what I'm talking about?

[Mona X Change]

Oh, yeah, for sure.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think that there's. Yeah, there's a lot. There's a lot of things. There's the vanity of losing your hair, and then there's like, you know. You know, a term I don't really particularly care for, to be honest, aging gracefully. Something about it seems to. I think it's honest. I think it's bullshit. And everyone kind of says it as if it has some great. It's like, why.

[Mateo Lane]

They're implying that aging means bad. Like, you look bad with age. So saying aging gracefully is like, this is a person who's aging, but they don't look like the rest of them.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And. Or there's some insinuation that, like, if you want to get your hair, get a piece or get a surgery or get a toupee or get a. Whatever you want to call it, or get Botox or get, you know, a facelift, that you're not aging gracefully. And I think you should be able to age however the fuck you want to age. And it's really none of anyone's business. And I don't think that one way is necessarily more graceful than the other way. I think aging gracefully is just a essentially ageist term. And it also is mostly. It's mostly used against women. Most. They don't really use against men much, but it's a really sexist term, too,

[Mateo Lane]

to insinuate the best quote ever. She goes, it's not that men age better. It's that they're allowed to.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, yeah, that makes. That makes a lot of sense.

[Mona X Change]

Carrie. You said Carrie Fisher. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Let's all say yeah again.

[Shopify Spokesperson]

I know.

[Mateo Lane]

I really brought down the mood. I'm so sorry with that Carrie Fisher quote.

[Mona X Change]

I mean.

[Mateo Lane]

But I'm very open about the surgery. And I remember I was talking to my friend Trana. She's a comic from Montreal. And she. We were backstage, and she was like, mateo, I can't believe you're talking to people about getting your hair done. And she's like, you shouldn't say anything. And I was like, I don't care. I was like, who cares?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

A lot of people do, you know? You know. You know, someone who came forward and talked about it, and it was like a. Kind of a big. Well, she did it. Actually on my YouTube page was Jinx Monsoon. Jinx Monsoon came forward and talked about getting. Getting her hairline done. And she was like, yeah, I got my hairline done. And also Jinx. Jinx's hairline is bananas. Because I remember. I remember. I remember the before I saw. I had. I had done. Seen the befores of Jinx.

[Mona X Change]

I never saw it before.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, it was when we were on tour and in rehearsal, she would have this, like, this piece that she would wear, like a. It was like a. Literally, like a Clifton piece. And then if it was too hot, she'd take it off. And it was. It was. It was pretty. It had progressed pretty. You know, pretty far. Yeah. But then she. And she's younger than I. Yeah, she's younger than I am, too. But I mean, I've also. I've been. I've been ball since I was 29. So anyway. But what age I was.

[Mona X Change]

I don't remember what age I was when I started. So, what with mine, I was gonna say I would get the surgery. Well, I have two things. One, I would like to get just laser hair removal for my entire scalp so I don't have to shave anymore.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Because is that, Is that a thing?

[Mona X Change]

I. So I thought it was. So I, you know, I would get my laser hair removal and then one time, like on my, like one of my last treatments, I was like, hey, do you guys do laser hair removal for the entire scalp? And she's like, well, yes and no. I was like, well, yes and no. What's up? She's like, well, you can get it. But she was like, because there's so many follicles there and how hair grows on your scalp particularly. She was like, you cannot stop the hair. Like if, like you'll do it, but it'll just be patchy. It won't be like how everywhere else has been treated. She was like, you cannot just stop all the hair growing completely like everywhere else.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Cause let me tell her now I've magically found a way to stop my hair from growing in massive chunks on my head. So maybe we can re engineer the whole fantasy, honey.

[Mona X Change]

Because like, if I could just not. By the way, if you could get lazy hair move on your scalp so you just don't grow hair, wouldn't that be fierce?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I mean, shaving my head really isn't. It's really not that. Whenever I have to shave my head, I'm always like, oh, no, not this. But once I'm doing it, I'm like, it's really a five minutes. It's nothing compared to how much time I used to spend getting my hair done, leaving my house, paying someone. I just buzz my head and then I hand the clippers to Jacob and go, did I miss any spots? And then Jacob will, you know, buzz the few spots. So it. I would say it's like walking the dog. When I was a kid, I never, I never wanted to walk the dog. Once I was walking, once I was walking, once I was walking, I was like, you know, it's really not that big of a deal, but something about getting ready to walk the dog was like such a stressful thing. And once we were walking, I was like, we're just outside. It's just me and the dog outside. It's really not that big of a

[Mateo Lane]

deal, I will say, like, where it would take me 25 minutes to try and sculpt my hair and to, you know, to disguise it and. Ugh, just so you know what? Anyway, now I get out of the shower and in two minutes I'm done. I just go. And it hasn't quite sunk in yet. Like, oh my God, like, I somehow don't even remember how long it used to take Me. But it took me so long. And now I don't have to worry about that anymore.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

How do you think you would look bald

[Mateo Lane]

now? I shaved my head when I was 25. I had a Britney moment. And you could do one of those

[Jacob]

TikTok filters for him.

[Mona X Change]

Oh, my God.

[Mateo Lane]

I don't have a great shaped head.

[Mona X Change]

Everyone who is not ball says that. I thought that too. And then I shaved my head. I was like, oh, I guess I have a. Although my head slopes a little bit. Like this side goes in more than this side, but whatever. Mateo, live in New York City. How come you don't have a pet? You don't want a dog or cat?

[Mateo Lane]

I'm never home.

[Mona X Change]

Same. And I just put it on a pet sitter.

[Mateo Lane]

No, I don't need that kind of stress.

[Mona X Change]

It is a lot of stress.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I told money not to give that damn cat.

[Mateo Lane]

Reviews of Colleen have really not.

[Mona X Change]

What?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Get down, get down. Get off of that. Anyway, so what was I just saying?

[Mona X Change]

I just put in a pet sitter. Oh, my.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You look so cute.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, my God, Jacob, how did you do that?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Wait, Jacob, send it to us on Facebook. I want to see it like.

[Mona X Change]

Well, but Mateo, you look like a woman. You look like a woman. You know, you look like Mateo, have you ever seen cone heads?

[Mateo Lane]

Yes, I look like the white.

[Mona X Change]

No, you look like the daughter. Connie look like you like the daughter.

[Mateo Lane]

Subway sandwich.

[Mona X Change]

Yes, that's what you look like.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, my God. Mateo, shave it all off. It looks so good. Just shave it.

[Mona X Change]

It looks really nice, I imagine.

[Mateo Lane]

Just shave it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It looks so nice.

[Mateo Lane]

Bob is this is that is. That's Bob to a T. That is Bob right there.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It looks nice. It looks nice. Just shave it.

[Mona X Change]

Mateo, we need you to settle something right now. Because Bob thought that I was trying to influence what you were saying. So. You know the first episode of this season, how they did the queen that went home? Irene, she's gonna do an ice water number for 60 seconds, right?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

We talked and we talk.

[Mona X Change]

Yes. Do you think it's possible to make. To make. To make. To make a water. To make. To make. Making water a 60 second bit funny

[Mateo Lane]

in a minute, right? Yes, there is. Of course, there's always a way. There is a way. Yes.

[Mona X Change]

Thank you. That's all I. That's. That's all my question was.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's Monet. You're also pay. This is what I said. I was. What I said was Monet was like, so you don't think anyone. Anyone could possibly. I said, yeah, someone probably could I don't think it's worth it. The juice is not worth the squeeze. If you're gonna go on Drag Race, you should not do a water bit. Just do something else. I also said in general, stand up. Don't do stand up in a minute.

[Mona X Change]

Oh, that's what it was. Do you think stand up in 60 seconds is possible and make it funny and make it like a good bit for a talent show?

[Mateo Lane]

The only reason I say yes is because the open mic scene in New York City, which I would do four open mics a night, we were only given two minutes. And so you're lit at a minute and 30 seconds. So you learned how to get jokes out within a minute. Literally within a minute, you would have to figure out, set up punchline, go, you know, and you're in between 60 other comics. So if I was able to do it and other comics were able to make you laugh within a minute in those kind of high pressure rooms, I'm sure that you could find a way to do it on Drag Race.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, yeah. I, I would not want to. I would not. If I go on Drag Race, if I was, I'm heavy on a drag. If I was doing a talent show on Drag Race, I would not want to do stand up in a minute. Because by the time I'm on stage, I am, I, I am usually getting a laugh within my first minute. But also, I'm not telling, like, Anthony Jesy jokes. I'm telling jokes that, like, it's like a storytelling, it's a humor. And then the, the point that I say five minutes from now, doing a

[Mateo Lane]

minute is not conducive for every type of comic. Do you see what I'm saying? So, like, people who have bits and they build and they grow, like Yamanika Saunders, who, like, she'll take something really small and like, within five minutes, it's so big and she's got all these details and all these layers and stuff. Like, you know, you can't do that in a minute, but one liners, you can. You can.

[Mona X Change]

Really just someone who's.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Someone who's not a stand up comedian. If you're not a stand up comedian, I would not recommend you go on RuPaul's Drag Race and do one minute

[Mona X Change]

of stand up comedy. I agree, I agree. But my, my point, it is possible for someone who is a comic to do it in 60 seconds and make it fierce again.

[Mateo Lane]

I did not say it's not possible.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I did not say it is impossible to.

[Mona X Change]

Then why, why, why do we Call Mateo to ask.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I said the juice is not. It's not a. It's not a good idea to do it. It's.

[Mona X Change]

Juice is worth the squeeze, because if you do that juice, then your squeeze is the. Worth the squeeze is winning the challenge. So that is worth the squeeze. If you can do it successfully, you

[Bob the Drag Queen]

think you'll win the. And you think you win the. What I'm saying is I do not think that it's a good idea to go on Drag Race and do that. And I know that we have proof of one person doing it and showing that it's not a good idea.

[Mateo Lane]

And what I'm saying is, is that this is the closest I'll ever get to being a judge on RuPaul's Drag Race.

[Jacob]

This.

[Mona X Change]

Honestly, RuPaul, Michelle Fenton, Randy, how is Mateo not finna gesture to RuPaul's Drag Race?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Would you want to judge on Drag Race Italia?

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, my God. Yeah. I'm friends with the host of the show.

[Mona X Change]

They should make you want to do permanent hosts on there. Honestly.

[Jacob]

What's their name?

[Mateo Lane]

Mateo Priscilla. Pritchilla. Prichila Mateo.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Don't say pistachio wrong. They'll get you in Italy, baby.

[Mona X Change]

You've been literally. Will, you're so adjacent to drag. I mean, you've been around drag for. I mean. I mean, I. From some of the people who watch other franchises. I. The discourse. You see a lot online and be like, I can't believe this person is on it. They know nothing about drag. Well, I mean, I don't. I don't think you know the whole thing, the whole rubric about drag, but you're around. You've been around Bob a long time. Myself, like, you're around drag queens a lot. I feel like you have more knowledge.

[Mateo Lane]

No, I'm not. I'm not the most. I'm not a drag queen, you know, but I. But being friends with you two, especially before you two were even famous, every single night. We're at Barracuda, we're at industry, we're at therapy, we're at. We followed you guys to all your shows. We were backstage. We're downstairs. We know. You know, it's. It's one of the things of being, like, one of the worker bees in the city, where it's like, where you're working, you're gigging, you're working, you're gigging, and it's. Yeah, drag is really, really hard. I mean, it's a lot of shitty audiences. It's a lot of putting up with people's bullshit drunk people. You're trying to get something out. You've worked something all day, you put a mix together. And maybe, you know, depending on the show, sometimes only half the audience is in on it. Like, it's a hard gig. And, you know, going to drag shows, especially, like, the Help, like, oh, my God, like, those are, like, the best ever. Because it's like, we're all here to celebrate these performers and watch it. So, yeah, I. I'm, I'm very familiar with the. With the drag world, but also to

[Bob the Drag Queen]

be a judge and RuPaul's Drag Race, you don't have to know anything about drag. Half the judges don't know anything about drag.

[Mateo Lane]

But I do know something about comedy. So I could do. If they do a comedy challenge, I could help.

[Mona X Change]

T. Agreed.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

They tend to be. I feel like everyone they pick is always LA based. Like, everyone they pick is always someone who lives in LA or happens to

[Mona X Change]

be there for a time, whatever.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So you just got to move to la. We'll see you here.

[Mona X Change]

Mateo, you know, I'm so happy you were able to come today. The last time you were on the podcast, it was like, one of our very. It was like, maybe I'll, like, like, fourth or fifth episode ever. And people really loved you back then.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That was the last time.

[Mona X Change]

No.

[Mateo Lane]

In the Bronx, filmed together in front of a green screen. Oh, my God.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That was the last time.

[Jacob]

That's not true. We had Mateo on the second time in between now and Here, then the

[Mona X Change]

one with Mateo Lane I was talking about. The very first one is what I'm talking about. When Mateo came to my shitty Bronx studio, we sat in front of that.

[Mateo Lane]

I love that apartment.

[Mona X Change]

It was cute. I had to move into it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You love it so much, it's available,

[Mona X Change]

so.

[Mateo Lane]

No, I'm not gonna remember Monet in that, like, car you had that barely functioned. You're like, you're not in.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, I would say the Bronx is one thing, but Mateo, you lived in the most inaccessible part of New York

[Mona X Change]

City back in the day.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I will go to the Bronx 10 times before I ever go to the Upper east side. Mateo swore. Mateo was like, I am. Mateo was like. Mateo and Joan Rivers were the only two people living on the Upper east side. Getting to the Upper east side is terrible. I would. I would literally rather go to New Jersey than go to the. From where I lived anyway, than go to the Upper east side.

[Mateo Lane]

Look, look. Every day in the Pandemic, I came up to Washington Heights to hang out with you guys.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, yeah, we used to walk through. You remember how we sat in the park and we all sat on different.

[Mateo Lane]

Okay, real quick, real sentimental. I just want to say we'll end it this way. My favorite memory of all, because we. I mean, that was. I don't think the three of us have even talked about this. We're always on the road, us three traveling. It was the first time ever that none of us had anything to do but hang out with each other all day. It was like being a kid during summer break. But my favorite memory was we were all locked in, right? And it's like March, April. None of us had seen each other. And we decided, okay, we're gonna take a social distance walk in the park. And I was walking up Upper east, crossing over, and you guys were meeting me at the northwest corner of Central park. And I guess I didn't see you. And I just. I get a text from Jacob that says, look up. And I looked up, and it's the five of you perfectly posed. And I have to tell you, like, leaving that, like, gave me life for months. And, yeah, Bob, you were also such a good friend because you would call every day and say, I know it's hard for my friends who live alone. I wanna make sure you're okay. And you included me in that Carol Bur or the Carol Channing Drag Show.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, the. I forgot. That was one of the craziest. Yeah. You know, I was really concerned about you, Peppermint and Monet, because you all lived alone.

[Mateo Lane]

They had the microphone,

[Jacob]

dragged him.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Nick lived, like, 10 blocks. Nick lived 10 blocks. And Nick was always at our house. Nick was at our house, like, every single day. Nick came over to watch. Nick would stay the night every Friday, and then every Saturday morning, we go and have Dunkin Donuts together. So I saw Nick.

[Mona X Change]

It was. I remember it was very sweet when Bob would do that, but in the moment of pandemic, I was like, girl, it's fine. It's not that deep. I'm not gonna kill my. And then after the calls. Stop. I missed those calls from you, Bob.

[Mateo Lane]

Whatever. We would be on for six hours playing Super Smash Bros. And all of a sudden, Monet got this microphone that had an echo effect in the middle of playing. You would just hear.

[Mona X Change]

And then I got mad because all of y' all started playing that stupid Fortnite game. And I was like, well, I can't play that. And then I will call.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, not that attitude.

[Mona X Change]

Then I will call the phone, and I'd be like, hey, what y' all doing. They were like, we're playing Switch. You wanna hop on?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was like, yeah. I was like, okay, I'm making a room.

[Mona X Change]

They're like, girl, we're playing Fortnite. And I'll just hang up the phone. I'll be so angry.

[Jacob]

Just to clarify, you said you can't play that. I would like to say you won't play it. You can't drag her.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, gather her, Jacob. Gather Monet.

[Mona X Change]

Jacob, I put you on Monat. What happened?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Gather Monet. By her little. By the hairs on the back of her head.

[Mateo Lane]

Agent of chaos.

[Mona X Change]

Yeah, I did not like Fortnite.

[Jacob]

You're welcome to play with us whenever you would like.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm probably gonna play Fortnite after this. Fucking no, let's play Smash.

[Mona X Change]

Sake.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We can play Smash. You want to play Smash?

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, I have to. I have a fortnight date with Kim Cotton.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

She has something to do. Monet, you and I were going to be. You and I had a date tonight.

[Mona X Change]

I got to say, I only have until 7:45, but that's enough to whoop your ass about four times, so.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, we can. Well, I'm gonna eat my acai bowl.

[Mona X Change]

Oh, there she go. I'm surprised. So, normally, y'. All. Y' all know this. Bob will halt the podcast so he can have his dinner.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm happy that you've done it, like, three times. You do this all the time.

[Mona X Change]

It was the one time. It was. No, I got all of them. It was one time in Jackson. It was one time when you were in Saskatoon. It was one time recently at the house. I don't remember what it was. And there was another time when you were in Minneapolis and then once when you were in Madison. So five times.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You don't mind if I eat, do you, Monet? You used to eat during the podcast. And more than five times.

[Mona X Change]

Long time. Anyway, this is not about us eating. This is about our lovely friend, Mateo Lay. Matteo, we love you so much. Thank you for stopping by. This video.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's about balding. Mone. It's about balding. It's not about Mateo.

[Mona X Change]

Yes, it's about balding and Mateo. You know, so we have Bob. I don't know how you feel about this. We have three honorary siblings. We have Bianca Del Rio, Peppermint, and Naomi Smalls. And I think Mateo is an honorary sibling.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, for sure. Mateo, you're on tour. You want to tell everyone they come out. You on tour?

[Jacob]

Drag Garcia.

[Ad]

Wow.

[Mona X Change]

First of all, Arcia only listened to the episode she was on so you know what? That's a chop.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Arcia is listening right now. Is listening right now.

[Mona X Change]

She's not.

[Mateo Lane]

I do listen to podcast.

[Mona X Change]

We know you do.

[Mateo Lane]

You can catch me on tour. Just go to Mateo. Lanecomedy.com and I love you guys both very much, and it was very nice that you guys came to my show at the Beacon. It meant a lot to me, and Bob opened the show and was absolutely fantastic, and it was very special to me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Thank you. I really, 10 out of 10 recommended. Mateo is, I say, pretty consistently the funniest comedian in every show I've ever seen him on. Mateo's really, really funny. If you get a chance to go see the Al Dente tour, I cannot recommend it enough. You will really be in for a treat. Oh, and also, I'm gonna finally unair in front of everyone and pitch the idea that me and Jake. Jacob. Well, Jacob's idea. I can't remember. I think it was Jacob's idea. Will you ever do it? Will you ever do your. Your. Your shirtless comedy show?

[Shopify Spokesperson]

No.

[Mona X Change]

So. Because, see, Bob, Mateo is more than his body. Mateo is his mind as well. He's not. He's not worried about his body.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And also. And also his body.

[Jacob]

I wish.

[Mateo Lane]

I take that as a compliment, Bob.

[Mona X Change]

So your photographer, he tagged us in a picture. I went on his page, and he posted a picture of you from 2019and bitch, you're arch, bitch. Mateo is giving the body that the BBL girls wish they had, honey. The booty is booty ink, honey. And my body's too fabulous for you, babe.

[Mateo Lane]

I do have a very large butt.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's an old picture.

[Mona X Change]

Yeah, it's only 2019.

[Shopify Spokesperson]

Oh.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Sweet potato or sweet potato? Oh, my God. Sweet potato.

[Mona X Change]

Sweet potato.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, that's the name of your next special. Sweet potato.

[Mona X Change]

Sweet potato. But there it is. Love it.

[Mateo Lane]

That is kind of cute, actually. You're right.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I love you very much. You wanted to hate it so bad. You wanted to hate it so bad. But it grew on you.

[Mona X Change]

The New Yorker in him.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Just like that hair. It grew on you. All right, bye, everyone.

[Mona X Change]

Adio.

[Mateo Lane]

Bye. Love you all.

[Mona X Change]

Love you.