The One About Childhood (Re-Release)

Summary

Sibling Rivalry: The One About Childhood (Re-Release)

Podcast: Sibling Rivalry
Hosts: Bob the Drag Queen & Monét X Change
Episode Date: May 15, 2024

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Episode Overview

In this candid, hilarious, and unexpectedly touching episode, Bob the Drag Queen and Monét X Change revisit stories of their childhoods, exposing the differences and similarities in their upbringings. Through playful debate and outlandish anecdotes, the duo explores socioeconomic backgrounds, parental expectations, class differences, and how family history shapes their current lives. True to form, the conversation moves comfortably between comedy and vulnerability, offering listeners a delightful balance of laughter and sincerity.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. House Rules: The Uno/Porch Game Debate

[02:22–06:15]

• Bob and Monét launch into an impassioned, comical argument about the rules of “porch,” described as "hood Uno."
• They tease each other about conflicting “house rules,” who defines them, and how these shaped game nights with friends.
  • Quote:
    “Monet's house rules are: She gets to just make up rules as she's going.” – Bob [03:34]
  • Ongoing playful accusations set the stage for class and background discussions.

2. Customer Service Memories & The “Karen” Moment

[06:17–15:01]

• Monét shares her saga with a back-ordered couch and a call with customer service, with Bob teasing her for going "full Karen."
  • Quote:
    "Monét, you were Karen. You were full on. I was like, oh, my God." – Bob [06:24]
• This leads to reminiscing about working in customer service, performing “service voices,” and handling difficult customers.
• Comedic role-play: Bob as a complainant with a bizarre hotel issue, Monét as the diplomatic desk agent.
  • Quote:
    "Out of here. And they'll explain it to me. And I'll be like, all right. All right, Mr. Charlotte. Let me see what we can do." – Monét [12:12]

3. Surnames, Origins, and Class

[15:45–20:11]

• Bob muses that many Black families in the South have last names that are colors (Green, Brown, White).
• They delve into surname origins, regional differences, and St. Lucia's colonial history:
  • Quote:
    "We were seven times British, seven times French." – Monét [16:19]
• Laughter over what makes a condo versus an apartment, and the use of terms as signifiers of class.
  • Quote:
    "Condos are for people who want to feel fancy ... I'm in an apartment. This is fully an apartment." – Bob [19:44]

4. Childhood Wealth, Household Life, and Class Perceptions

[20:11–41:22]

• Extended banter about their perceptions of each other’s childhood wealth, comparing houses, bathrooms (“four bedrooms and how many bathrooms?”), and housekeepers.
  • Quote:
    "Of course we had a housekeeper." – Monét [22:43]
  • Quote:
    "Let me tell you this way, Monet. We were not comfortable. The Caldwells were not comfy, bitch. We were uncomfortable as hell." – Bob [23:41]
• Bob recounts living with an eviction notice on the door, lights shut off, and years spent in tight spaces—contrasted with Monét’s “middle-class” upbringing in St. Lucia and later New York.
• Discussion of allowances ($5/day for Monét), chores, school commutes, and allowance envy.
  • Quote:
    "That's $150 a month. That is Monet. That's wild." – Bob [25:24]
• Questioning each other on signs of childhood privilege: riding horses, private piano lessons, private schools, and car ownership.
  • Quote:
    "Did you have any private music lessons?...I did take piano, yes." – Monét [32:41]

5. Family Professions and Economic Reality

[29:35–33:14]

• Monét reveals her mom managed a telecom company (“Cable and Wireless”) and her dad worked in government agriculture and academia—Bob reacts with more playful accusations of hidden wealth.
  • Quote:
    "So your mom owned a cell phone company, and your father owned all the agriculture..." – Bob [31:53]
• Conversation about the difference between salaries and cost of living in St. Lucia versus the US.

6. Christmas & Family Traditions

[37:21–39:42]

• Heartwarming memories of Christmas: families focusing on one "big" gift (usually a game console), paired with a bounty of dollar-store treasures.
  • Quote:
    "That's really why I want to have kids: to, like, throw them nice Christmases." – Monét [38:23]

7. Vacations, Cell Phones, and Markers of Wealth

[44:23–45:57]

• Bob argues that having the Disney Channel or multiple cars were markers of “silent wealth,” sparking more debate about class and city vs. island living.
  • Quote:
    "If you had the Disney Channel, y’all was rich." – Bob [28:39]
• Both recall buying their first cell phones (Kyocera, RAZR, Sidekick), prospects of family vacations, and the rarity of true leisure trips in both households.

8. Family Structures & Latchkey Kids

[47:36–49:55]

• What is a "latchkey kid"? Both describe periods of independence: Monét walked home and waited for relatives; Bob discusses being home alone and the reality of bills being in his name (due to family financial struggles).
  • Quote:
    "The lights would get cut off or the telephone would be cut off...by the time I make it to college, I have bad credit because the lights got cut off again." – Bob [49:17]

9. Family Challenges, Estranged Relatives, & Ancestral Impact

[49:56–73:00]

• Both reveal deeper family hardships: incarceration, estranged or struggling parents, periods of shared poverty, moving in with relatives, borrowing money from children, and working through family estrangement and trauma.
  • Quote:
    "It really broke my heart...to see my mom have to ask her children for money." – Bob [65:58]
• Vulnerable stories: Monét discusses her biological mother ("June")'s struggles and the resulting split; Bob tells of his father's addiction and its impact.
  • Quote:
    "I could be a fucked up dad easily. Right?" – Bob [72:17]

10. Rich Relatives & Changing Family Fortunes

[58:36–61:41]

• Each tries to figure out if they have any "rich" relatives. Realization: they themselves are now the wealthier members of their families.
  • Quote:
    “You don’t have any rich family members besides this one uncle… you’re the rich family member… Jackie is the rich family member.” – Bob [59:01]
  • Quote:
    "I definitely make more money than anyone in my family." – Bob [61:38]

11. Parents, Communication, and Love Languages

[53:03–56:44]

• Exploring how frequently they talk to their mothers and their mothers’ personalities.
  • Monét: Mom calls maybe once every two weeks, loves to cook, host, and connect over food.
  • Bob: Talks to his mom daily, “She just wants us to be on the phone, just herring ear.” [54:35]
  • Mom technological barriers and long-standing family jokes about mispronouncing names.
  • Warm debates over who’s “Jasmine” and who’s “Aladdin” in terms of wealth.

12. Healing, Therapy, and Reflecting on Upbringing

[71:44–74:14]

• Both hosts discuss the prospect of therapy to process family trauma and how their histories impact their adult lives and relationships.
• Bob’s ambivalence about parenting is rooted in fears of repeating his father's mistakes.
  • Quote:
    "I'm just so nervous about the notion of being like Frank Bridget, that I'm like, I just don't want to have kids." – Bob [72:21]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Let me tell you this way, Monet. We were not comfortable. The Caldwells were not comfy, bitch. We were uncomfortable as hell."
  — Bob the Drag Queen [23:41]

• "That's really why I want to have kids: to, like, throw them nice Christmases. I love that feeling. I love gift giving."
  — Monét X Change [38:23]

• "If you had the Disney Channel, y’all was rich."
  — Bob the Drag Queen [28:39]

• "Of course we had a housekeeper."
  — Monét X Change [22:43]

• "It really broke my heart...to see my mom have to ask her children for money."
  — Bob the Drag Queen [65:58]

• "I can't imagine how it feels for a mom to steal money from her kids... my adopted mother and uncle took over. That's literally the path June was..."
  — Monét X Change [50:49]

• "You’re the rich family member. Jackie is the rich family member. Does that not seem clear and obvious to you?"
  — Bob the Drag Queen [59:02]

• "I could be a fucked up dad easily. Right?"
  — Bob the Drag Queen [72:17]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Games & House Rules: [02:22–06:15]
• Customer Service/Karen Moment: [06:17–15:01]
• Surname/Class Discussion: [15:45–20:11]
• Class Perceptions & Childhood Wealth: [20:11–41:22]
• Family & Christmas: [37:21–39:42]
• Vacations/Cell Phones/Markers of Wealth: [44:23–45:57]
• Latchkey Kid/Family Bills: [47:36–49:55]
• Family Financial Struggles: [49:56–65:58]
• Therapy & Healing: [71:44–74:14]

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Tone and Style Notes

Bob and Monét's conversation is a seamless blend of humor, teasing, nostalgia, and unexpected vulnerability. Their chemistry allows for deep dives into difficult subjects—like parental addiction or childhood poverty—without losing the lightness and joy that defines "Sibling Rivalry." The episode is richly layered: at once a hilarious recounting of childhood “one-upmanship,” and an honest reflection on how upbringing shapes us, for better or worse.

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Useful For:
Anyone curious about the hosts’ backgrounds, looking for laughs with a side of heart, or interested in the nuanced realities behind the queerness, Blackness, and class experience in America (and St. Lucia). This episode is especially resonant for listeners who appreciate unfiltered honesty about family, trauma, and resilience.

Those who missed the episode will walk away with a vivid sense of both hosts’ childhoods, family dynamics, and the wit that holds their friendship together, as well as a reminder that even the shiniest queens come from humble—and sometimes hard—beginnings.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

1-800-contacts.

[C]

My name is Bob the Drag Queen.

[B]

And I'm Monet X Change.

[C]

And this is Sibling Rivalry.

[B]

I'm even afraid to sing the legendary theme song. I don't want the rivalry stands to get mad at us. They're like, don't see that song. Right? How dare you.

[C]

They're like, are you even doing. Is this now just a show where you review Legendary? I'm like, literally three episodes. Three episodes. And y' all are really wilding out in these streets.

[B]

The Gagarini Santini girl.

[C]

No one was doing that when we were reviewing. Reviewing Drag Race. But also, granted, when we were doing Drag Race, we were doing Rivalry simultaneously.

[B]

And it's also. There's more. There's more chances to watch Drag Race Legendary. If you don't live in certain countries, you just literally can't watch it unless you do the whole VPN thing and

[C]

unless you do ExpressVPN. ExpressVPN.com rivalry. That's ExpressVPN.com rivalry. Actually, I don't know if that's the actual code.

[B]

Yeah, you just saying. Shit. You just. Oh, yeah. Jacob said. That is what it is.

[C]

See? Yeah.

[B]

Huh. We played Porch the other day, and Bob, as Bob Du, becomes a terrorist in every situation that you're.

[C]

I want to point out that if I had your friend Marcos here, he would agree that you were acting completely wild, and we had not acting wild. Yes, you were okay.

[B]

In case y' all don't know what porch is, porch is, like, hood uno. So what it is is that you get. There is a draw two penalty for almost everything. Like, there's a draw two penalty. If you don't know it's your turn. There is a draw two penalty. If you take long to. If you take too long to play, there's a.

[C]

So you were just mad because you were getting the penalties.

[B]

I wasn't. I. Bitch. I won the second round, so apparently I wasn't getting that many points.

[C]

Yeah, the second one. You got whooped up on the first one. How about that?

[B]

Did you win the first one?

[C]

Technically, no. Not technically.

[B]

You did not win the first one. Tyrone won the first one.

[C]

I never heard this uno out rule. I heard uno, and then you say out.

[B]

Oh, yes. Can y' all please sound out? You have to say uno. You have to say uno. But then you have to say uno out.

[C]

I mean, where I'm from, we say out. But I didn't wanna fight. Unlike you, Monet, I just accepted the consequences and it kept rolling. You, on the other hand, were fighting like you were on trial. Like you were in the O.J. simpson trial.

[B]

Well, it was also house rules, so I have my house rules.

[C]

No, that's what you said. We did not consent that you. Cause Monet's house rules. Monet's house rules are. She gets to just make up rules as she's going. That's Monet's house rule.

[B]

That's not true.

[C]

Yes, you were. You'd be like, well, the house rule is that this has to happen. And we're all like, what the. You did. You had no way of establishing the house rules. You just. You were like.

[B]

You didn't ask. You did not ask.

[C]

Announcing them as we went. And we were all decided, no, we don't like those rules.

[B]

Do you want me to have just a fucking. Because I play uno every day, you want me to have, like, a sign, like, these are the uno house rules? No. Y' all should have asked some of the rules that you weren't clear about.

[C]

So that's my job. Tell us what all the rules are. But you just get to tell us as you're going, like, as a new rule shows up when they're like, oh, by the way, this just happens to be a rule. Cause that's literally what was happening. But they'd be like, well, actually, the house rule, I get to make up the rules because I live here. And, bitch, we don't want to fucking play. So the rules.

[B]

So what we're talking about is that dealer. So can y' all sign off on this, too? The dealer always plays the first card. Bob is like, no, the winner plays the first card.

[C]

Okay, that's not even what you said. First of all, you said the person to the left of the dealer. So the first card comes off the deck. The first person left the car. Right, Exactly. That's what I said. Wait, so is the dealer playing the first card or is the person.

[B]

But the dealer flips the first card down. The dealer flips the first card down.

[C]

That's not playing the first card. The first card you play is actually from your hand. That's playing the first card.

[B]

No, that's not what I know.

[C]

You just said dealer plays the first card. You just buy.

[B]

And when I say dealer plays the first card, after you shuffle the first card that goes down from the top, that is. That is essentially the dealer's play.

[C]

So now we're all supposed to know the house rules mean that when you say first card, you actually mean from the deck. And is that actually from the deck?

[B]

That is the first card.

[C]

That is the first card. But it's from the dealer. But it's from the deck. It's not from the dealer. So the dealer is not actually doing it. But it's from the deck. But if you do your little laugh.

[B]

Rules. If you know card games, the deck is the dealer's. Like the deck is like the dealer's hand.

[C]

No, what happens is you play to the left of the dealer. The first card comes off the deck that's not the dealer. And then to the left of the dealer, that person plays. And then after that round, you've obviously

[B]

never been to Las Vegas or you've never played like actual real games of card stuff. You've never done it. And it's clear. It shows.

[C]

You couldn't even articulate that crunchy ass sentence. Okay, and then also everyone plays the left of the person who just won. They can come in below. You're saying it's the dealer, but you're saying it's actually not the dealer. What is it then, bitch? Who goes first? Who puts their first card down? Who puts their hand from their hand?

[B]

The person left of the dealer.

[C]

That's what I just said. Until after the first round. Then when someone wins, it's the person to the left of who won.

[B]

Now you're adding shit again. Now you're just adding your own rules.

[C]

But that's you, house rules. I make up the house rules. Monet's special rules of the game that no one else gets to know.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Also, not to mention y', all, by the way, Monet had me on hold here. Wait for her. Monet was full Karen.

[B]

I was not full Karen.

[C]

Monet, you were Karen. You were full on. I was like, this is. I was like, oh, my God.

[B]

Is that. Wow. So to give y' all some context, so I moved here to LA officially on April 1st, but I have my apartment since March 15th. So literally, as I had, like, my official day when I signed stuff, I went online to get all my stuff. Cause I like to. I want to continue my life. I don't want my shit being on hold. Literally went online to Crate and Barrow. Cause my friend had this amazing couch. I was like, I want this couch, Taylor. And it's literally the softest, most comfortable couch I've literally ever slept on. So I went to Creighton Barrel and I ordered a couch. It said three week delivery. I said, perfect. So that kind of lines up. So essentially I should have gotten the couch on March 23rd in my place, bitch. I fucking March 23rd is here a few days later. I'm like, where? This is crazy. So I called Kramer. I was like, hey, how's what's happening Order deliver on the 23rd. She was like, no one told ya. Oh, Kevin. She was like, it's actually gonna be. It's on back order until end of June. I was like, end of June? Like, March, April, May, June, like four months from now.

[C]

She's like, yeah.

[B]

I was like, this is annoying. I was like, well, what's gonna happen? She's like, well, we could arrange, like, a replacement couch until yours comes. I was like, that's great. Boom. Never heard from them. So I called them today on the phone. They had me on hold for 45 minutes. And then I was letting the lady. I was letting the lady know the situation. That's it.

[C]

So what did you say to her then? You were just like, oh, I'm just letting you know. You were not just letting. You are really downplaying your part in the.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Because then you basically just told her what happened. That was all I did.

[B]

So I explained to her the whole thing, and she got me hot. She's like, well, you know what? For your inconvenience.

[C]

So now. So now you admit that you got hot. Okay. Cause a second ago, you were just letting me lady know what happened.

[B]

She's like, for your inconvenience. She's like, for, like, the five months that you've Been waiting for this college. She's like, I'm gonna give you a $150 voucher. Oh, you're like.

[C]

You are sprinkling. Okay, now this is where I jump to the conversation. Monet is now sprinkling in. Woman did not say for the five months that you've been waiting.

[B]

Well, no, obviously I'm. But I'm. But that is the truth. I've been having with it for five months. So. So she was saying.

[C]

She didn't say that.

[B]

Well, she didn't say that. Yeah, I'm adding that. But she. She was like, we. We can offer you a five. We can offer you $150 gift card. I was like, no. I was like, $150. I was like. I was like, let me tell you the story. And I told the whole thing how no one contacted me, and I just had to call and find out my.

[C]

No, let me tell him.

[B]

She was like, yeah, you're right. You're right.

[C]

Monet's really painting herself in a real positive light. Monique goes. Monat goes. To be honest, I don't think $150 is enough money. I think that 150.

[B]

I did not say enough money. I said. I said that $100 is not. Is not appropriate. That's what I said.

[C]

$150 does not feel appropriate. I don't know if you know this or not, but I was raised in the 1% of St. Lucia. I'm a very wealthy person. I had a fucking housekeeper. Let's make that clear. So you're 100. So $150 does not feel appropriate to me. I've been waiting for. And money goes. And then I called and. Sorry, no one told you. And then Monet said. And then you were like, Oops, here's 150. I heard the woman. She did not go, oh, my God, Monet.

[B]

Yes, she did.

[C]

She was. I heard her. Monet's making everyone laugh. Everyone's like, oh, my God, 150. But here's the thing. I will say this from someone working in customer service.

[B]

What.

[C]

What I appreciate people do is when you are having a problem with what you. If you don't like what being offered to you, sometimes you need to tell me what you want. Like, what do you. What do you.

[B]

And I told her what I wanted, and she was like. And then she was like. I was like. I was like, Natalie, I was like, I think, like, I would like to. I would like to get the loan couch that was promised to me. And she was like, yeah, I don't know if you can do that. And I was like, oh, she wasn't laughing.

[C]

Now did the giggles leave?

[B]

She. Did she. Her fucking. What do you use when you go to the dent?

[C]

This retainer.

[B]

No gas. A laughing gas wall. Bitch. And she was like, I don't think we can do that. And I was like, she's like, I need to get further approval. And then she was like, I'm going to contact my manager.

[C]

It's called nitrous oxide, by the way.

[B]

Nitrous oxide. And she was like, I'm going to find out, but I will call you back. And I was like. And she was like. And if I don't. I was like. I was like, oh, Natalie. I was like, oh, I will call back. I was like, somebody's going to get back. One of us is going to get back on the phone. And she was like, you're. She's like, okay.

[C]

She didn't. She didn't let me. She goes, all right, Kevin,

[B]

but. So boss, it's just not crazy to you at all. Bob is like, this is normal. Bob literally has a crazy situation at his home where Bob is just letting these contractors run all over him. They supposed to come and do floors. They're not coming to floors. They're coming back tomorrow. They're never coming back.

[C]

And this is because you're not. How am I letting them run over me? I'm calling them every day, talking to them. I'm not like letting. I'm not just being like, whatever you say.

[B]

Then why they not at your place fixing the floor right now.

[C]

The fucking couch, bitch.

[B]

I don't know.

[C]

You have no loner. You have nothing. I've been to your house. You have a one chair and some fucking dinner table chairs. Why are you letting them run over you, bitch? You getting stumped on since we're talking about what people been doing to you?

[B]

Well, Natalie just called me back. She sent an email. Oh, no. It just asked me to rate Natalie. I'm gonna give Natalie excellent. Her customer service was excellent.

[C]

Her email just says lolol. Oh my God, you're so funny. You're so funny.

[B]

I give Natalie five stars.

[C]

Have you ever worked in customer service?

[B]

Yeah, I was a front desk agent at the Yale Club. Girl.

[C]

What did you do when you had nasty Karens come up to you?

[B]

I was one of those customers. I never had that again. I always portray such a nice energy and I didn't have nasty people come to me or like when they would or like they would be Nasty with, like, my other co workers. And when it got to me, they were like, kevin, thank you. Out of here. And they'll explain it to me. And I'll be like, all right. All right, Mr. Charlotte. Let me see. Let me see what we can do. All right? I was like, go back to your room, and then I'll call your room in, like, about 10 minutes, let you know what's going on. And then if it. If it couldn't be resolved, then they would. Then they would talk to the manager and get nasty with them. But I. People rarely got nasty with me at work.

[C]

All right, I'm coming up to you at the Yale Club right now. You ready?

[B]

Okay, wait, wait. Hold on. I'm typing. Hold on. Checking in.

[C]

Excuse me.

[B]

Hi. Hi, Mr. Calvo. How are you?

[C]

We need to cut straight to the chase. My room is a complete disaster, okay? The sheets are full of semen. Semen. Actual semen.

[B]

Like, more than one?

[C]

No. You know what I mean by semen? Oh, like, there's.

[B]

Oh, come. Okay. I was like, how did this. Fleet week is next week. How did they get in?

[C]

You think this is funny? Interesting. So I don't believe that the room was clean. I think either you guys gave me someone else's room. They did not clean the sheets or something. But it is a disaster in there. And there's a used toothbrush on the counter.

[B]

Okay. Do you mind if I come up and check it out? Mr. Caldwell, is that okay?

[C]

Yeah. You have a key to the room?

[B]

Okay, go check it out real quick. Oh, my God. There are.

[C]

Yeah. Do you see all this? And there's. Do you see all this crazy.

[B]

Okay, now, Mr. Caldwell, I know how to say this, but for the past four times you stayed here, your room specifically has had this problem. So I'm not.

[C]

Yeah. And you have not offered me. You offered me $150. You offered me a 150 Creighton barrel gift card.

[B]

Well, I'm not gonna.

[C]

In my opinion, I don't think that's appropriate. That's not enough.

[B]

I'm not gonna point any fingers, but we have done some DNA testing, and survey says that this is your semen.

[C]

Mr. Caldwell, I've gotten DNA testing in this space.

[B]

Yes, I guess I have it. It's an app on the iPhone. It's called Test yout Semen.

[C]

This is so interesting that you have it. Well, I don't want to get caught. I kind of pull this scam in every hotel I go in. But you want to.

[B]

I got you. I got you. I got you.

[C]

You want to make some DNA up in this room?

[B]

I'm at the Coldwell. So stupid.

[C]

I mean, whenever I worked in customer service, I always had. I don't know, I. I have great customer service also. I know we had this. We talked this before, but do you have a customer service voice?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

What was your Yale Club voice?

[B]

I was just doing it. Hello, Mr. Calwell. How are you?

[C]

Good to see you. That's your Yale Club voice?

[B]

Yeah, that was my Yale Club voice.

[C]

Hi, I need a bottle of champagne in my room.

[B]

Sure, Mr. Caldwell. We'll get that right up to you. Can you just tell me your room number, please?

[C]

Yeah, 666.

[B]

666. Okay. Thank you so much. It'll be up there in about five minutes. I'll let the bellman know right now.

[C]

Oh, wow. Okay. Let me give you my voice. You ready?

[B]

Mm. Hi. I'm staying in room 727, and I want new sheets and towels and stuff.

[C]

Okay. How many sheets do you need?

[B]

I need seven.

[C]

Seven. All right. And how many towels?

[B]

Three.

[C]

All right, do you want me to send them up or do you want to take them up yourself?

[B]

This is the Yale Club. You want me to come down and get them myself?

[C]

Well, you're at the front desk. You're here at the front desk. So I can either hand them to you now or I can send them up.

[B]

You can send them up. Thank you.

[C]

Absolutely. My pleasure. Thank you so much, miss.

[B]

Exchange.

[C]

Exchange. Brown. I want to call you Ms. Brown.

[B]

This one's a little racy, but okay.

[C]

You ever noticed that black people often have the last name that's a color? Have you ever noticed that green, brown, and white are very common last names for black people?

[B]

I don't know if that's true, Bob. I'm not even trying to be a contrarian. I just don't know if that's true. I don't think black people have it.

[C]

In the south, it's pretty common for black people to have the last name green, brown or white.

[B]

Maybe in the South. But I was like, I don't know that to be true in the black people I've met in my life that were colors.

[C]

Well, I mean, where are you from? They all got French last names. Did everyone have a French last name in St. Lucia?

[B]

No, because we were seven times British, seven times French. Like the French.

[C]

What does that mean, seven times British?

[B]

There were wars, and the British won seven times.

[C]

There were 14 wars in St. Lucia,

[B]

and the British won seven times, and the French won seven times.

[C]

Wait, in St. Lucia there was 14 wars.

[B]

Yes. Jesus or Bat. I don't even call them wars. There were battles.

[C]

That is wild.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Jacob. Jacob is bringing up some screen with some statistics.

[C]

I need to expand top 40 list of the 30 most common last names for black people. Taylor, Wilson, Moore, White, Lewis, Walker, Green, Thompson, Washington, Anderson, Scott, Carver and Wright are the top.

[B]

Why is that based off what?

[C]

What is this website that sister.com.

[B]

i just don't go off. Jones is the top black class.

[C]

Oh no, that's true, that's true. There are a lot of Joneses. There are a lot of black Joneses.

[B]

Do you know any white Joneses?

[C]

Tom Jones.

[B]

Oh yeah, Tom Jones.

[C]

I don't know him.

[B]

Yeah, right. And to be fair, these all came from fucking. Oh, wait, wait. Jacob is growing so fast. Williams. Oh, you can probably name a ton of people with the last name Williams. During the last census, this name was the most common with over 774,000 people with the last name Williams.

[C]

And I know two of them. Venus and Serena.

[B]

Gag. How popular do you think yours is? Caldwell.

[C]

Caldwell. Not terribly. I haven't met a lot of. I've rarely met Caldwell's in my life. And yeah, I rarely, rarely meet Caldwells. I just met a woman named Caroline Caldwell in South Carolina who I think I might be related to.

[B]

I see. Well, I will say on this call right now, you have the most common last name. I know two Caldwells. I know one Ritz, I know one Burton.

[C]

Who? Caldwell.

[B]

You know, Casey Caldwell.

[C]

Are you also acknowledging that like there are several spellings of the name Burton? Like your name in either iteration is pretty common?

[B]

Well, we're not talking about different. We're talking about B E, R T I, N. My last name. We're not talking about the B U,

[C]

R, T, O, N. Oh, now we got a specific spelling. So Monet, with the next spell. B, E, A goo.

[B]

House rules, bitch. House rules.

[C]

Well, bitch, I'm in my apartment. Okay, you're in yours, I'm in mines.

[B]

Not mine's the ghetto.

[C]

Quick question. I'll take a break.

[B]

What's up the ghetto?

[C]

Oocha, the ghetto. What is the difference between a condo and an apartment? Cause I live in this home. I call it an apartment. Everyone's like, it's a condo, right?

[B]

I thought that a condo. You buy a condo, you rent an apartment.

[C]

So if I buy this and rent it to someone else, it then becomes an apartment?

[B]

I don't think you can do that though.

[C]

I can rent this out to someone. I Can rent it out today if I wanted to.

[B]

Oh, yeah, I think. I think you buy a condo and you rent an apartment.

[C]

I think that when it's like, for example, we were looking at these one houses that were fully standalone houses, and they were also considered condos as well.

[B]

The biggest difference between a condo versus apartment is ownership. An apartment is defined as residence that is rented, often as a. Often as part of a larger residential building. A condo is a similar in structure to an apartment, usually a unit with a larger residential building. But condos are owned instead of rented.

[C]

What do we want? So if I rent this condo to someone else, it becomes an apartment? Yes, overnight. I also feel like condos wait for people to feel fancy. People are like, I live in a condominium. It's like, I'm in an apartment. This is fully an apartment.

[B]

It's the condo, Bob. You own a condo, bitch.

[C]

This is an apartment. Like, it's too. It's too. It's too St. Lucia for me to call it a condo. Oh, my God.

[B]

Stop saying that. You are crazy. You're so crazy about that. You've been so wild about that. I cannot

[C]

just tell y' all the story. I haven't told it on the podcast yet.

[B]

I said to my friends, well, let's take a break. Do you tell me when to come back? Okay, fine.

[C]

Okay. So we watched the Color of Friendship on our Patreon, exclusively with some guests. And also, big shout out to Lloyd, one of our patrons. Lloyd lives in Canada, who is from South Africa, who was able to. So if you don't know, I had never heard of the Color Friendship. It is based on a true story of a woman named Piper who did a foreign exchange student program and had a South African come live with her. The South African shows up. She is white. And it is in the middle, in the midst of the height of the apartheid movement in Africa in the 70s.

[B]

In Africa? In South Africa?

[C]

Yeah, in South Africa in the 70s.

[B]

So Steven Biko was just killed by the government.

[C]

So this white girl shows up, and then we have this guy named Lloyd from our Patreon talking to us about, like, the instances and what it was. He's not old enough to be. He was talking about what it was like with his mom and all that stuff. Anyway, in the middle of this, there's this one bit where the girl's like, well, we both don't have any money, but they both live in, like, mansions. And Monet was like, bitch, that ain't no mansion. Those broke bitches do not live in Mansions. And I was like, monet, what did you grow up in that? These are little shit condos. Apparently, compared to what you grew up in, when they was like, we just had a modest four bedroom. How many bathrooms? You didn't even tell how many bathrooms.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

How many, bitch? You're embarrassed to say cause you were so rich. How many, you 1% bitch. How many? How many bathrooms were in the house? Monae, Answer the question right now.

[B]

What it was.

[C]

You are so full of shit. Four bedrooms and one bathroom. You are full of shit. How many bathrooms are in this house, Monet? Tell the truth. Shame the devil.

[B]

You know what? We could call my mom and ask

[C]

her, you know, you remember, you lived in the house, didn't you?

[B]

Three and a half.

[C]

See? Oh, my God. Must be nice. And then Monet was like, well, of course. Then Monet walked me to the car and dropped this little nugget. Well, of course we had a housekeeper.

[B]

You're a fucking liar. Bob is a liar. Bob asked me.

[C]

I said, you have your name? And you said, of course we had a housekeeper.

[B]

Not in the seat. Oh, my God, you're so.

[C]

So.

[B]

There was a woman in the movie. Her name is Flora. And Flora lived at the house with the South Africans. And she took care of the kids and bosses on about that. He was like, well, did you have a housekeeper in San Lucia? I was like, yeah, we did. And you were like, did your housekeeper have a housekeeper?

[C]

No, when I said everyone had a housekeeper. No, when I said we had. What was her name? Julie? Juliet. Was her name. Juliet.

[B]

Juliet. Julieta.

[C]

When they said, yeah, of course. Okay.

[B]

Her name is not. Okay, don't Americanize her name. Her name is not Julietta. It's Julietta, okay?

[C]

I have an accent. Apologize. I apologize. Monet goes, well, obviously we had a housekeeper. Name was Julietta. But everyone had a housekeeper. And I said, you're adding so much. I said, what? Did Julietta have a housekeeper? And Monet could not bring herself to answer that question. Cause she knows Julietta didn't have a housekeeper. Monet, if you grew up rich, it's not a dish.

[B]

I did not grow up rich. I did not grow up rich.

[C]

But here's a question. Were you comfortable?

[B]

Yeah, we were middle class.

[C]

That's what rich people say. Rich people love to be like, we're comfortable. Let me tell you this way, Monet. We were not comfortable. The Caldwells were not comfy. Bitch. We were uncomfortable as hell. Like, oh, my God. I remember living in this apartment in Columbus, Georgia, on Victory Fucking drive. And the apartment complex is not even there anymore. Like, it was so bad. They've torn it down since then.

[B]

Really?

[C]

Yes. We were in a two bedroom, one bathroom. And so you know how when you look when you go into a closet and you turn around, there's an area right above the door, between the ceiling and the door. So people often forget to paint that. Like, actually, quite frankly, people forget to paint that. So you know how you go into the closet? I remember turning around and seeing a. But I will never forget this. Above the door in the closet, which was not a walk in. Like, it was like, if you went in the closet and they closed the door, the door would be like in your face. It was that tight. And it said murder written in red. I think it was like, red rum.

[B]

What in the conjuring.

[C]

Well, red rum is from the Shining.

[B]

Red rum is a drag queen in New York, in New Jersey.

[C]

Well, red rum is murder backwards. And it was written just like in the Shining. It was like dripping. It was like dripping in, like, red paint. And I remember I used to get so freaked out by this.

[B]

That's.

[C]

And we were living in the. We were in the hood.

[B]

That's.

[C]

We didn't. Julietta would not have. It felt safe in my neighborhood. Julietta would've been like, clean your own toilets.

[B]

Oh, my God, you're so.

[C]

Did you have to do chores growing up?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I also found out that. What was it? Banking? You had to, like, move the family's money around. I also found out that Monet exchange got $5 a day as an allowance. That is $150 a month. That is Monet. That's wild. And me and Monet's friends Tyrone were like, what? And she was like, yeah, my mom would give me $5 a day.

[B]

But also. Again, but guys. But you lived in Atlanta, like, it's. It's a. To get bitch to do $5 a day. Got me a sandwich and a drink.

[C]

There was not.

[B]

That's, like, a lot of money in New York. Plus, plus.

[C]

Plus.

[B]

I had, like. I didn't get free Metro cards. I got like half Metro cards. So I still have to pay 75 cents for my Metro cards. So. So the Regular fare is 150 for me was 75 cents. So that's 85 cents. Had to go to and from school. So that's a dollar fifty. So essentially I had three. $3.50 to go to school.

[C]

Let's be clear about one thing. I grew up in Atlanta. I did not grow up in the woods of Wisconsin. But the cost of living in Alabama is different. I didn't grow up in Antarctica, which is exciting.

[B]

Is different. From New York City to Atlanta, Georgia, bitch. 1000%. I've lived in both places, and I frequently. Both places.

[C]

Me too. Same. I've lived in both places. I lived in Atlanta longer than your little one year. I did 12 years hard time.

[B]

And I want to say not so like you in prison. 12 years.

[C]

12 years hard time in New York City. And I lived in Atlanta from sixth grade until I graduated high school. Mama.

[B]

So the cost. But I'm saying the cost of living as opposed to from Atlanta.

[C]

But I act like I've never lived in New York City. How dare you?

[B]

I'm just saying, like.

[C]

And I didn't have. And I didn't have a rich mom giving me money, honey.

[B]

Well, the way you say it, you're making it seem like it's not the same. $5 goes to the same.

[C]

It's okay for you to acknowledge that you.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

With money.

[B]

Also, we didn't have the luxury of our parents picking us up from school and dropping us off. That wasn't our lives. But you had to walk to school.

[C]

I walked to school.

[B]

You said your mom dropped you the other night. So which one is it? Did you walk or did your mom drop.

[C]

My mom would drop me off at, like, play practice.

[B]

Okay, so you lied then. So you lied. Okay, got it.

[C]

I did not lie. I walked to school. That's. Cause I lived next door to the school. And when I didn't live in next door to school, I took the bus. The school bus.

[B]

Okay, well, we didn't have school. We don't have school buses in New York. We don't have school bus.

[C]

I've seen schools for high school with my own eyes.

[B]

Yeah, those are from middle schools. Those are not for high schools. High schools don't.

[C]

So you're in middle school. What'd you do? How'd you go to school?

[B]

We had to. Well, you know how I know you took the bus?

[C]

Because you and your friend Kameeka be like, we took the cheese bus. Cheese bus.

[B]

Sixth grade year. They let you take the cheese bus. Seventh and eighth grade, you do not get on cheeseburger. You have to take.

[C]

So what year did you start taking Uber Blacks? What year did that start.

[B]

Oh, my God. This podcast.

[C]

This is. Maybe today needs to be about classism because we're in too deep. We're in too deep.

[B]

Maybe it's not about classism.

[C]

I have another theory. You know What? Someone tried to argue me on the Internet. And I'm gonna say this right now and make it clear. If you grew up with. If you had the Disney Channel, you were low key Rich. That's the. That's the end of this discussion.

[B]

I don't think that's true.

[C]

You had Disney Channel. Y' all niggas was rich.

[B]

No, Rich, I didn't have Disney Channel in St. Lucia. But because you, You, You. You don't. You don't. When I grew up in St. Lucia, you didn't buy cable like that. That's not how it worked. Like, they were just channels we had for free. And then you could pay people to

[C]

come out and act out scenes in your living room.

[B]

You know that Beyonce did that for Dream Girls. She hired. And then she hired an entire thing and recreated scenes with Dream Girls for her audition. I was like, that is fucking fierce. She's like, I want this role. Having the shadows of the movie.

[C]

Do you think that Jennifer Hudson's gonna win her second Oscar for Aretha?

[B]

I will see the movie. I don't know. I mean, I personally think Jennifer Hudson did a fucking incredible standout job in Dream Girls. People love the shade.

[C]

Everyone does. She won the Oscars.

[B]

No.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

But people love to shade up for Dreamgirls. Acting like she was like, oh, a weak part of the movie. I don't. I've heard that argument a lot of times with gays.

[C]

I've heard people say that they didn't think Beyonce did a great job, which I also don't agree with.

[B]

I just never did a great job.

[C]

I heard anyone say that. Ms. Hudson, she was. Anyway, she was fucking bananas. What do your parents do? What did your mom do for a living?

[B]

So when I was growing up, my mom was a big wig. I don't know what her exact title was. I can call her and ask her. But it's also 5:30 in St. Lucia right now, so she's probably just gonna. Anyway, when I grew up, she was a big wig over at Cable and Wireless. Cable and Wireless is like. It was a telephone company in St. Lucia. It's like AT&T. It's like Verizon. It's like one of those.

[C]

Did your mom own a cell phone? Why do I think your mom owned a cell phone tower?

[B]

Because you do the Bob thing.

[C]

You.

[B]

At one day, we were probably talking at your house about what my mom did. I said, oh, she worked. She had, like, a really nice position at cable.

[C]

Oh, so. So.

[B]

So your mom owns cell phone towels and say, hello Jimonet. It was one of those situations. And then your brain took that and ran with it. And then my dad was. He worked for the government, for the Department of Agriculture.

[C]

Bitch. Y' all, niggas, that's money. The Department of Agriculture.

[B]

It's St. Lucia, Bob. It is not like. Okay, just to give you reference, like, for example, I'm trying to get, like, prices. I can't even think of stuff but, like, price. The cost of living in St. Lucia is so much higher than in America. It's crazy. Like, how much? Like a carton. Like a carton of eggs is like 13.99. And yes, $1 in America is $2 in St. Lucia. So your money does go longer, but the jobs aren't the same. So, like, the same. So let's say someone's. Someone working as a bank teller makes $30,000 in America. A bank teller makes the same $30,000 in St. Lucia. So essentially, they're making half of what you make in America. If that makes sense.

[C]

According to this website, the agricultural manager, average salary in St. Lucian is $48,000 a year. 48,000. Whatever the money is. What is the money?

[B]

Eastern Caribbean dollars. So. So. So. But in America, that's probably like a six figure. That's like. That's like a six figure salary job.

[C]

48,000 East Caribbean dollars dollars to USD.

[B]

That's like 24, 25,000 dollars.

[C]

Is it?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Well, y'. All. Y'.

[A]

All.

[C]

I'm still not convinced y' all was not wealthy as shit. So your mom owned a cell phone company, and your father owned all the agriculture. All the agriculture in the entire country.

[B]

He did that. And he's also a professor of agriculture.

[C]

Monet. You come from a very fancy place. Have you ever. Okay, here's gonna answer my. I got a couple of questions. These are gonna answer all my questions about how rich you were. Have you. Before your 10th birthday, have you ever ridden a horse before?

[B]

My. No, I've never ridden a horse.

[C]

You never rode a horse?

[B]

No.

[C]

Are there a lot of horses in St. Lucia?

[B]

I mean, yeah, on the beach, like wild horses. Not wild. Like people, like, have them on the beach, but it's a very touristy thing to do.

[C]

Okay, how about. Did you take. Did you have any private music lessons?

[B]

I did take piano, yes.

[C]

Mm, private. Interesting. When you were in St. Lucia, did you go to public or private school?

[B]

I went to public school.

[C]

You are lying. Why do you stutter so much? You're lying. You went to private school in St. Lucia, Bob.

[B]

I stutter in every damn. Every part. Every conversation we had on this podcast, I stuttered. I mean, what was.

[C]

What was the name of your public school in St. Lucia? I'm gonna Google it right now. What was the name of it I went to?

[B]

Sorry.

[C]

You're lying. You're lying. I don't know the name of my school I went to. I don't mind.

[B]

Anglican. Primary school.

[C]

Anglican, yes. Primary school. St. Lucia. You made that up. I did not make that. Unless y' all school don't have. Unless y' all don't have a website.

[B]

I don't know if it existed. Girl, schools in English don't have websites.

[C]

Mona, you are 30. You're not 87. Does the school even exist anymore? How many cars y' all have growing up?

[B]

My mom had a car. My dad had a car.

[C]

Two cars race.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

What kind of cars were they?

[B]

I don't remember. My dad had a Honda something, probably an Accord, and my mom had an suv. I don't remember.

[C]

Did you roll the windows or did you press a button and it rolled up?

[B]

We rolled the windows in my dad's car, and my mom had pressed the buttons.

[C]

So your mama came for money.

[B]

What did your mom do?

[C]

My mother has had a lot of jobs. When I was very young, my mother worked at a company called FoldPak. Do you know FoldPak?

[B]

No.

[C]

So they make those little boxes that rice comes in.

[B]

They make the boxes like Uncle Ben's.

[C]

Like the boxes with the wire handle on them that your rice comes in when you go to a Chinese restaurant.

[B]

Oh, got it, got it, got it.

[C]

So my mom worked in a factory, and she would make those boxes, like, all day. That's literally what she would do. She would make those boxes, like, cut them and package them and send them out to Chinese food restaurants. And the company's called Fold Pack.

[B]

Fold Pack Work.

[C]

And then my mother went to college. She was in college while she was doing that. And then my mother got a job as an accountant at Burnham Services, which is a trucking company that I don't think even exists anymore. And then my mother was an accountant at Wachovia.

[B]

Oh, word.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Wachovia doesn't exist anymore, right?

[C]

It is now Wells Fargo. So basically every couple of moms I've worked for has folded and back. I don't think. I don't think Fold Pack exists anymore either. Can you Google that? Let me see. Does Fold Pack? So it was F, O, L, D, P. Fold Pack. I guess they're still around.

[B]

Yeah, they have to be. I Mean, that's also an industry. I'm like, that stuff is always going to be. Always going to need stuff like that.

[C]

Anyway, so. And then, then by the time I got to high school, my mother was a. My mother ran the cyber lab at Morris Brown College.

[A]

Oh, word.

[B]

Oh, my God. Morris Brown, that's the school from Drumline.

[C]

It is the school that no longer exists.

[B]

Morris Brown doesn't exist either. Oh, my God. Ms. Martha, wait.

[C]

I don't think. I think it exists, but it's no longer an accredited hollow Morris Brown College. Imagine my mama just shutting down every single, like, imagine.

[B]

What was the.

[C]

Well, I don't know. I don't know what's up with Morris Brown right now. But it lost its accredited a while back and it was like, you know, the three big schools were. The three big black schools were Spelman, Morehouse, Morris Brown, and Morris Brown was the co ed school. And it was a little less, shall we say, refined as the other two.

[B]

Oh, was it?

[C]

But apparently Morris Brown is back up and running. But there was a short time where you could not get a degree from Morris Brown.

[B]

I mean, going to, like, coming from, like, New York, like, you know, northern states. Like, when you like, hear someone going to like, Morehouse or Spelman, you're like, bitch, you're doing the thing.

[C]

Yeah. And my father was in the military. He was medically discharged. And then he was like a swindler, like a scammer.

[B]

Work, work.

[C]

Not a scammer.

[B]

I mean, I mean, at least, at least, yo. At least your daddy was setting trends, honey. He was. He was not following the crowd because that, that's, that's when scammer was new.

[C]

I know a couple of drag queens. He's inspired, apparently.

[B]

How are your Christmases? What was like, what were your Christmases typically like? Like, would you guys get all the things you wanted and et cetera, et cetera.

[C]

I will say this. We got everything we wanted. Like, I remember, like, we would get one big ticket item. Like one. Like I remember. I remember getting a Nintendo. We got every game console that we wanted when they came out.

[B]

Same.

[C]

That was like our big ticket item per year. And then my mom would. So this is how we did Christmases. You would get to open one gift on Christmas Eve, the night before. And then when you wake up in the morning, your house, the house was just covered in gifts. I mean, like, so what happened was my mom had two couches. And then like, you know, when the couches meet, there's like the square where they're not There, and then the tree was in there, and then she just filled up the whole thing with toys. I mean, really cheap toys, like from the dollar store, probably, but also with a couple of nice ones, like a Ninja Turtle sprinkled in. A Power Ranger here. An Easy Bake Oven. A Barbie, like, sprinkled in with the shitty toys.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And then we got, like, one really big thing, and it was usually a game console.

[B]

I love that. I mean, honestly, that's why. That's really why I want to have kids, to, like, throw them nice Christmases. I would just want to have, like. I just. I just. I love that feeling. And it's. I love gift giving, and I just. I was thinking about that.

[C]

It's so odd because I've known you for. Ooh, thanks. You could really practice on me if you want.

[B]

What was your first cell phone?

[C]

My first Alpha was the Kyocera.

[B]

Oh, my God. The one for, like, Virgin Mobile.

[C]

It was from Cricket.

[B]

Cricket was not. Cricket was around back then.

[C]

Okay. I don't know. How old. How old do you think I am on it?

[B]

I thought Cricket was only. But in, like, the past decade or so. I didn't know Cricket was that old.

[C]

Don't. Don't do me, dog that. Don't. Don't do me like that. Cricket came out in 2000. I. I know I had a cricket in 2004, me. So I don't know when Cricket started, but I had a cricket in 2004. And a cricket, by the way, is just like. I mean, when I say, like, it is a phone that has nothing but, like, snake and it had a flashlight on it, which I remember thinking was like. People thought it was so crazy that my phone. This was before iPhones were out. People thought it was crazy that my phone had a flashlight on it. People were like, this is wild. And I bought the phone myself. My mother would not buy me a cell phone, and I got it when I was. I think I was 19. I got my first cell phone in 19. How about you?

[B]

I don't know what my phone. It was either the RAZR or there was something before that.

[A]

I think.

[B]

I don't remember, though. I know, like, my first phone that I purchased myself was the Sidekick.

[C]

Cricket was founded in 1999. Our sources are telling us.

[B]

Gag, Gag, gag.

[C]

But wait, so wait, but who bought your phone?

[B]

My mom bought me the razor and something before that, but I bought myself the Sidekick. Or, like, I asked her for Christmas. I got it for Christmas or something like that.

[C]

If you were in Atlanta, you Lived. You would have lived in Henry County.

[B]

Henry County.

[C]

But you might have lived in Peachtree City. I cannot even believe. Like, I probably would have been to your house. I probably went to your house and be like, damn, these niggas rich.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

I'm like, oh, my God, they are so rich.

[B]

You fans with false narratives about me.

[A]

I'm not.

[C]

Okay. All I'm saying is, if I would've gone to your house, I would have thought y' all were rich. Like, that is. First of all, if I would've found out that you owned your house growing up, that would have been

[A]

crazy.

[B]

Honestly.

[C]

Crazy.

[B]

I'm so happy. So after, like, my mom and my dad had separated When I was 10, my mom stayed in the house. My dad got another house and another house. Well, I mean, so where's gonna live On. On the street.

[C]

He bought the house.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Jesus.

[B]

Stop looking at the screen like that. Y' all said.

[C]

I was like, that your dad moved out and they just bought a house, which is like, I just buy a house. That's crazy.

[B]

Anyway.

[C]

So crazy to me.

[B]

You are his, Bob.

[C]

You are his. Wait, was it a house in New York?

[B]

No, it's all in St. Lucia.

[C]

But you do own a house in New York?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah,

[C]

yeah. Of course. Money. Do you know what it means to own real estate in St. Lucia? But you were a millionaire before you went on Drag Race.

[B]

Well, I will say that. So the house that I grew up in, like, it's like, when. God forbid, when my mom passes, like, I'm really excited. I'm honestly happy. I'll have, like.

[C]

Did you say you're excited for when your mom passes?

[B]

No, I'm not excited when she passes, but she. I mean, that house is in my name.

[C]

Damn.

[B]

So I have a vacation house, but also my mom wants to move. So, like, in, like, the next, like, 10 years, I want to, like, move my mom to the States. I want my mom to live with me.

[C]

Your mom has a house?

[B]

Yeah, and that's what she's saying. But she don't need you.

[C]

Your mother owns a cell phone tower. She does not need you.

[B]

My mom will want. She does want to move to the States. She'll move to the States. But right now, my great grandmother. I mean, my great. My grandmother is still in St. Lucia, and she won't leave because she knows she's. She's an older lady, and, you know, she.

[C]

But she's your great grandmother.

[B]

No, my grandmother. Sorry.

[C]

Got it.

[B]

Yeah, she's. She's still insane. She doesn't want to leave.

[C]

I still cannot believe you own a house. And that is so crazy.

[B]

How many cars do y' all have growing up?

[C]

One.

[B]

No. Cause you had one and Justin had one and your mom had one.

[C]

That is a falsehood.

[B]

Who said. You said you had used. Bitch, you on a podcast how you had a Nissan Sentra or something like that.

[C]

Okay, first of all, that was not. When I was in high school. I did not even have a driver's license until I got to college. My mother wouldn't let me drive in Atlanta. She wouldn't teach me how to drive. Justin did not have. Justin couldn't drive either. Me and my brother both learned to drive when we moved out and went to Columbus, Georgia. My grandmother gave me an 89 Nissan Sentra that I had to. So you had another car, but we didn't have car. This was not all the same house. This is not all in cobblestone flats. My mother had one car at a time. There was actually a little bit of time where she didn't have a car. But my mom worked at a car dealership, so one of her jobs was at a car dealership. So she was able to get cars from work, I guess. But when I moved to college, my grandma gave me an 89 Nissan Sentra that was like. By the way, when I say 89, just so y' all know, I. I did not go to school in the 80s or in the 90s. I went to school in 2004. It was a 15 year old car back. It was 15 year old when I fucking got it. It was a raggedy piece of crap that I had to get fixed to own. But we only had one car. My mom drove a Dodge Dynasty. Then she drove a Mercury Mountaineer. And then she drove a Jeep Cherokee.

[B]

Bitch, you know how special. I had a 96 Nissan Maxima. And when I got that car, I was 13 years old. Because 96 to 2006, that's 10 years. And I had it in 2009. Yeah, so it was 13 years. So, bitch, you're not.

[C]

This is not the poor Olympics, but bitch, I got the gold medal.

[B]

Between you and me, do your family go on vacations?

[C]

No, I have never been on a vacation.

[B]

Never with your family.

[C]

I've never to this day. I haven't been on a vacation to this day.

[B]

That is not true.

[C]

The only time I've ever been on what people might consider vacation was when I did a cruise and I worked one day and I had nine days off. But I got paid to Be there. That's not a vacation. I worked.

[B]

You worked for one day. It's not the same thing as, like,

[C]

I've never had a trip that was just vacation. I've never gone somewhere, and I've never gone to a foreign country without dragging drag. That's not a vacation.

[B]

Fish.

[C]

If drag is on the way, it's not a vacation. I think you and I both know that.

[B]

Yeah, I love vacation. We didn't, obviously, growing up in St. Lucia. St. Lucia is an island, and so we didn't really go on vacations, per se.

[C]

You can go to other vac. Like in New York City. You can go to other cities.

[B]

Yeah, but why would you go to another island? Well, no. So we did not go on vacation as a kid. I mean, I would go to New York for vacation, but that wasn't really. I was like.

[C]

I mean, I went to Mississippi every summer. But I don't think that was really vacation. I think what it was, that is vacation. Well, let me explain it to you. My mother would drive me to Mississippi. Obviously, you've never been to Mississippi. No one's like, ooh, vacation in Mississippi. My mother drove to Mississippi because during the summer, we were not in school and she still had to work, so she didn't have anyone to watch her kids because she couldn't afford a babysitter. So my mom would drive me to Mississippi every summer, and my grandmother would watch us. My mother would drive back to Georgia. No. Grandma Liz.

[B]

Grandma Liz.

[C]

Grandma Julie lived in Alabama.

[B]

Right, right, right, right. And Grandma Liz is Ms. Martha's mom.

[C]

Yes. Grandma Liz is Martha Caldwell's mom.

[B]

And Grandma Julia is your dad's mom.

[C]

Frank Bridges. Mother.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Got it. I mean, sorry, Frank's. Yeah.

[C]

And we would. And so. But that was just so that my mom wouldn't have to, like, so that we wouldn't be at home during the day. And then after a certain age, after my grandma died, we just became latchkey kids and just spent our entire days by ourselves at home. Let's take a break real quick.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

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[C]

Were you a latchkey kid?

[B]

Latchkey kid? I don't know what that means.

[C]

You never heard that expression?

[B]

I've heard it, but I don't know what it means.

[C]

When you're a latchkey kid, you have a key and you're home by yourself without parental supervision.

[B]

Yeah, that's how. I mean, I don't want to speak for New Yorkers on a monolith, obviously, but I had a key from. I would walk from elementary school. I used to walk myself home from school and be home until my aunt, my grandmother, came home from work just

[C]

by herself in the apartment, in the house.

[B]

I wanted you to get it correct.

[C]

Y' all can't. If y' all are listening, y'. All, Monet just fucking gathered me like a cheap, inexpensive chignon, girl. Monet just got me together. Damn, bitch, that hurt my feelings.

[B]

You are so silly. I can't.

[C]

In the house. I'm sorry. This is just all so. Because it never occurred to me that I guess for some reason in my. I'm being a little bit hyperbolic and silly, but in my head, for some reason, I just thought that you and I grew up in the same economic class, and we. And we really did. Which, by the way, I'm being silly. I mean, I don't really think that your family, like, super, super rich, but my family was really poor. And it's just. It is weird to me because you and I have so much in common that you did not grow up, like, dirt poor. Like, that is just so crazy to me.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, also, I feel like it's just. It's your perception. I don't feel like you grew up dirt poor,

[C]

Monae. We were poor. I mean, so to give an example of how poor we were, I lived in one of those households where there'd be an eviction notice on our door, like, every third month because my mom couldn't afford to pay the rent and all the bills. Or we would come home and, like, the lights would get cut off or the telephone would be cut off, and then we'd be without lights for, like, two days while my mom went down to Georgia Power. And then next thing you know, the light bill is, like, in my name. So now I'm in, like, seventh grade, but, like, Christopher Caldwell has a light bill, and by the time I make it to college, I have bad credit because the lights got cut off again. And then Justin had the light bills in his name.

[B]

Got it.

[C]

And then my nephew junior had the lights in his name. And then, like, maybe after my mom was able to build her credit back up, she was able to get them back in her name and stuff like that.

[B]

Well, you know what? So that's the kind of life June was trying to have for me. And then that's when my. That's when my adopted mother and my uncle who adopted me dad. That's when they took over that. Cause that's literally the path that June was, because June is a mess with her life.

[C]

She called my mom June?

[B]

No, but she also, you know. You know. You know. You know. So I have a brother with June, and he just got out of prison. And, like, I'm. I'm trying to. Me and my aunt are trying to figure out, like, what. How best can we help this person?

[C]

Have you ever met your brother?

[B]

Yeah, when I lived in Atlanta with June, and when she came to New York a couple times, I lived with him in Atlanta and in New York for, like, a year. So, like, what was he in prison for?

[C]

For.

[B]

I feel it was, like, robbery, something like that. Robbery, something like that, you know?

[C]

So I met this woman named Caroline Caldwell who works with people who are recently out of prison to help them, like, acclimate back to life. It's pretty. It can be really challenging for people. So my mom used to work at a place called the community center in Atlanta, and one of her jobs was to go to the Fulton County Correctional Facility, which is where they famously said, I was waiting on you at the dough. And she would go in there, and she would teach inmates how to use computers.

[B]

Right.

[C]

As you noticed, my mom's had a lot of jobs. Every time we go to the party, she's like, oh, at this point, she was doing the. Oh, at this point, she was selling cars at this point. At one point, my mom worked at Taco Bell that also. My mom is very overprotective. So at one point, my brother got a job at Taco Bell, and my mom got a job at the same Taco Bell.

[B]

No.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

What?

[C]

Yes, at the same Taco Bell.

[B]

Adjusted Was probably like, ma, no, please don't.

[C]

And my mom already had a full time job and she got a job at the fucking Taco Bell that my brother got a job at. And they were working at Taco Bell together.

[B]

Cute, though.

[C]

I can't even. Cause I never actually went to the Taco Bell. But, like, so my mom asked her friend to get my brother a job at Taco Bell. And then she was like. And giving me one too. So, I mean, I'm sure she probably also needed the money. It was probably because she needed the money. And my mother is just very. She's always been very protective. I accidentally told my mom that I was stressed out yesterday, and it became a full production. I was like, mom, I'm so stressed that I have a meeting in like three minutes. She goes, well, tell me, is it good stress or bad stress? I said, I don't even know. I have no clue. I'm just stressed out. And she's like, well, just tell me what kind of stress it is. And I was like, monk, I have a meeting in like 30 seconds now. Well, how stressed are you? I was like, ma, this is adding. You're adding to the stress. I'm stressed right now. And then it became a whole thing. I remember one time I called my mom and told her I had a toothache. And then it was this whole production of me being. It was like, I literally just said, I have a toothache. And it became like this wild, wild, crazy, like, chat back and forth about me having a toothache. Oh, my God.

[B]

Can I read this message that.

[C]

This is a message to Jacob.

[B]

This is Jacob. Is Chris okay? He worries me when he said he's overwhelmed. I don't want him to get sick or anything. Oh, my God, that's so sweet. I love your mom. She's so nice. I don't want to get sick or anything. And then she said. And then she said, I know Chris doesn't take stress well. Just sometimes I'm not sure. Thanks for being here. Talking to Jacob. And she said, how is Chris doing at 12:24 that same day?

[C]

That's today. How's Chris doing today? It is like, my mom checks me, like. And also, I did not realize how frequently I talk to my mom. I thought everyone talked to their mom four times a week.

[B]

No, when you. When we hang out and back when we used to hang out almost every day, I used to tell you, I was like, you talk to your mom every day. And I'm like, that's so wild to me. Like, my mom will call me every day, but I will maybe talk to my mom once every two weeks.

[C]

Yeah, I've seen you look at the phone. I'd be like, don't do it dirty like that.

[B]

Well, because also. And I love talking to my mom, but my mom will. My mom is the type of mom. She's.

[C]

My mother's name is Robin, right?

[B]

No, Jackie.

[C]

Jackie. That's right. Jackie.

[B]

My bad. And then my mom's also my mom. She just wants to. She just wants us to. She just wants us to be on the phone, just not saying. Oh, she just wants us to be on the phone.

[C]

That's the whole point.

[B]

Just herring ear.

[C]

I'm like, mom, what did Jackie be saying? What does Jackie say on the phone when she calls you? Nothing.

[B]

She normally. Again, my mom loves entertaining show. She normally has, like, a little, like, dinner party she had or she had. And my mom loves to feed people, and she likes to cook, so my mom will cook a whole bunch of food when my mom cooks. My mom cooks, like, four meats, so she'll cook, like, lamb, chicken, lamb.

[C]

Y' all niggas rich. Not lamb. Oh, my God. I'm having such a hard time accepting that we're. That we're. We're Aladdin and Jasmine. I'm Aladdin, bitch. You're Jasmine. Princess Jasmine. Living the towel.

[B]

Like, lamb, chicken, like, rose stew, pork or something. And then she'll make, like, all these things. Then she, like, invites people over and she'll have, like, drinks everyone. Like, she just loves doing that. Like, that's her thing.

[C]

Like, were they drinking water with gold in it?

[B]

What's that? Oh, that's her love language. She likes to feed people and, like, take care of people that way.

[C]

My mom loves teasing people and making fun of people. Like, my mom love language is, like, being like. It's just. Jacob will tell you. She just teases everyone. Like, she just such a jokester, and she, like, just. She's. She's not a bully, but she's not. Not.

[B]

That sounds like someone I know.

[C]

I mean, Jacob can tell you she kind of bullies Jacob sometimes. One time, Jacob was just Jacob. I was on the face of my mom, and then she was like, tell Jacob. I see him back there being all pale. If I see him in the corner being all pale, I should have. I should have my mom on. Do you think Jackie would ever do our podcast?

[B]

My mom would. My mom is not technological at all, so I don't know how we would even get her to.

[C]

You ain't got a Cousin or somebody over there in St. Lucia.

[B]

No, I don't. I mean, I do. I mean, there is someone that can help her do it, for sure, but. But yeah, we should definitely. We should definitely. But you already said. Bob said on this podcast. I don't know what episode it was. He's like, our moms would never be friends. I was like, oh, my God.

[C]

I just feel like me and my mom are too country and ghetto, and y' all are, like, sweet.

[B]

You're like rich island people, not rich island people. I think our moms would get along very well, actually. My mom loves to talk, and she loves to make friends. My mom is that girl, and my

[C]

mom is loud and country.

[B]

And it'll just be hard because we won't be able to see each other. For my mom, it'll probably be audio only.

[C]

Y' all ain't got no cameras in St. Lucia, Monet.

[B]

Wait, do. My mom doesn't have an iPhone? Like, my mom has, like, a basic level phone.

[C]

Your mother works at a cell phone company and she don't got a phone?

[B]

Yeah. Cause she didn't work in, like, production. Blah, blah, blah. She worked in, like, you know, like. Like, financial stuff.

[C]

I mean, I reckon. So one day we'll have the ladies on. Maybe we should do them one at a time, or should we do them together?

[B]

We should do one at a time. We'll have Miss Martha on, and we'll have Jackie Daniel on, and then I think that'll be such a fun. We'll do it. We'll definitely do it.

[C]

I mean, my mother is one of those folks that. So whenever we have to do a thing, I also. My mother is not. So I just had one of my friends from college go over to my mom's house and set her up. Literally. I had to pay a friend from college to go over to my mom's house and set everything up. And then my mom just sits in front of the. Like we did with the WAP video, which, by the way, got taken down off YouTube.

[B]

Did it?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Did you play the music in it? You didn't play the music in it?

[C]

We showed the video.

[B]

Oh, you can't show the video.

[C]

Apparently not. Maybe I should re upload it to the Patreon as an exclusive, because the video of me and my mom watching WAP is just. Martha Caldwell is just a very funny person. Like, she really tickles me completely pink.

[B]

Also, we had a call with Patreon, just so y' all know, and they're gonna. They're adding a feature to our account where we can just upload the videos directly. So, you know, I know sometimes people watch the videos and they're like, it won't load for me. But that's. Cause we had to load it through YouTube and put it on Patreon. But now we can upload it directly to Patreon. It's gonna change the fucking game.

[C]

Do you have any rich family members?

[B]

I mean, I don't know about rich, but I have an uncle in Atlanta who has like a big cleaning company. He's probably like, you know, well, off in Atlanta.

[C]

I just realized something.

[B]

What?

[C]

You don't have any rich. You don't have any rich family members besides this one. Uncle.

[B]

Uncle Sidney? No, Monet.

[C]

You know what that means?

[B]

What?

[C]

Bitch, you're the rich family member. Jackie is. Jackie is the rich family member. Does that not seem clear and obvious to you that Jackie is the rich one? If you're like, no. No one more money than me.

[B]

So then who is your rich family member?

[C]

So I had an uncle named Uncle Howard who we thought was rich because he. Okay, so. Okay, it's weird. When I was a kid, we thought Uncle Howard was very, very rich. I thought Uncle Howard used to own a trucking company. What happened was Uncle Howard owned a truck. He literally owned. He owned his truck. And he was a trucker. And. And you know, truckers make good money.

[B]

Oh, yeah, six figures.

[C]

Uncle Howard was a trucker and he was my rich uncle. And along with my Uncle Ray, who does own a construction company, Uncle Ray does own a construction company. But Uncle Howard in his truck, like, kind of went under. And Uncle Howard was also the family drunk, like, until the day he died. Uncle Howard was like, he. I mean, I have never seen Uncle Howard sober ever. Like, I've never seen Uncle Howard coherent. Like, he was just like, fucked, like, fucked up. Just drunk, just. And like, Uncle Howard, like, I remember one time he got really drunk at Mount Hazel's house and he sat in her chair and he. And he pissed himself in the chair.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

And then he pissed all over the chair. So she got really mad. So my Aunt Hazel would famously take her broom and start hitting you. So she chased Uncle Howard down the street, beating him with a broom. In Columbia, in current Mississippi. Like, this is my family. This is what my country ass family. One of the eyes just got big like, oh, Lord, who tried to get her with a guitar.

[B]

Word.

[C]

So Aunt Hazel was chasing Uncle Howard down the street with his broom. Anyway, he died poor because he lost his license because of all the drinking. And my Uncle Ray, I think he's doing pretty well. My Uncle Ray came to my show. Cause he lives in Utah. This is my uncle. Howard was my mother's uncle. Uncle Ray is my mother's brother, her younger brother. So Uncle Ray came to my show in Portland. Not in Portland, in Utah. In Salt Lake City, Utah. And he was like, hey, nephew, you know, if you ever need money or something, let me know. And I was like, I'm good. But also, the truth is, Monet, as of right now, this moment, I am. I'm literally the rich uncle, Right?

[B]

For sure. Yeah.

[C]

I definitely make more money than anyone in my family.

[B]

Tell me the $100 story.

[C]

$100 story?

[B]

Oh, that one with Camilla Nevaeh.

[C]

Wait, is it the one about. Well, this is kind of a sad story. It's kind of sad. The set. I'll tell it. So when I was younger, one of my mom's friends gave me. And this is a really sad story. One of my mom's friends gave me and my brother a hu. Gave us like $100 between you or each. We each had $100. So when I lived. So you know how I tell you I lived all over Georgia? That's not because we were just like. We loved traveling a lot of time. It was because my mother could not afford to take care of me and my brother. So we just had to move. So when we moved to Mississippi, my mom just couldn't afford to like, take care of two kids. She just couldn't afford it. So we went to go live Mount Hazel for a little bit so my mom could save some money. And the same, when I moved to lagrange, my mom just could not afford to take care of me and my brother. Also, we were moving out of. My mom had just broken up with her girlfriend and we were gonna buy a house in Athens. But then that completely fell through. They broke up. And then my mom ended up. There was a point where me, my mom, my brother, my dog, and our three pet parakeets were all living in one bedroom in Atlanta. I don't mean a one bedroom apartment. It was a two bedroom apartment. And my mom's friend lived in one room. And me, Justin, Martha Grizzly Oceana Casino, and I forget the last bird's name. There were seven living entities in this bedroom. It was like. It was crazy. It was so like, no one needs to live like this. Anyway, so when we lived in La Grange, one of my mom's friends gave me 100 bucks, gave Justin a hundred bucks, and we just.

[B]

We held onto the. Why he just randomly, he was like, here's a hundred dollars.

[C]

Yeah, I think he was like. He wanted to make some kids happy, so he gave us 100 bucks. And he has some money. So he gave us the money. We, like, kept. My brother spent his. I would hold onto money. I remember one time my grandma gave me five bucks. And I kept it for three years. My mom made me spend it. Cause she was like, don't you have $5? And I was like, but this is like the money Grandma Liz gave me. Anyway, so we were in lagrange, Georgia. My mom would come back to visit us every once in a while from Atlanta. Because my mom was already in Atlanta in this bedroom, trying to set up a life for me, her and Justin. But we were staying with my uncle Scotty and LaGrange. And then she got down there and then like, my mom was like, hanging out and it was like a great day. And then like, I think it was like the day we actually registered for school in La Grange at Callaway Middle School. And then as my mom was like, getting ready to drive back to Atlanta, she was like, hey, I need to talk to you. And I was like, what's up? But she was like, I need you to. I need that money. And I was like, what? And she was like, I need. I'm really embarrassed. I hate that I have to even do this. This does not feel good for me as a mother. But I need for you and Justin to give me your money. I need you to give me the hundred dollars. So we were like crying and I was like. I remember at the point, I was like. I think I was crying because I was giving up the money, but also crying. Cause I was like, bitch, we are so fucking poor. My mom is borrowing money from her kids. Like, I hate this. This is like. This is some bullshit. Like, we are fucking. This is. Cause I remember also. I didn't tell you. I didn't even tell you. At the time. Me and Justin were living in my uncle Scotty's living room. So my uncle Scotty and his wife Crystal, it was a one bedroom apartment. They lived in the bedroom and we lived in the living room. We just slept on the couch in the love seat for like a school year.

[B]

Gag.

[C]

Like, that was like. And I think in my head, when I was younger, I used to think that, like, everyone lived like this. Like, I. I will say this. I genuinely did not realize we were poor until I got older and started telling people these stories.

[B]

And they were like.

[C]

And they were like, you. Your mom and your brother lived in a bedroom. And I was like, yeah. Or like, you, your brother and you and your brother lived on a couch for a school year. Like, yeah. And they're like, y' all niggas are poor as shit.

[B]

When I first moved to New York, my grandmother and I shared a bedroom, and I would. I would. I would sleep on the floor, and she'd sleep on a bed. That was, like, for a year.

[C]

So when I gave my mom that money, it was really. It really broke my heart. It was really. It felt really devastating to have to see my mom have to ask her children for money. Like, she was really hurt to have to do it. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. But. And so then you gave Nevaeh and Camille on $100 bills each recently?

[C]

Yeah. So there was this. Me and my mom were in a Samsung campaign, and so I was able to give my mom some money to give to Camille to Nevaeh for. It was for this campaign. But I was also like, but let them have. Go ahead and give them the money to do whatever they want. I don't know what they did with the money. Also, Nevaeh is. Nevaeh's mom is a teacher, and she does pretty well. Actually, Tashara does pretty well for herself.

[B]

Tashira.

[C]

She. Teshira. Teshira.

[B]

Sorry.

[C]

Also, I called her.

[B]

Bob has been calling this lady. Okay, so Bob has been calling his niece's mom by the wrong name for how long?

[C]

13 years.

[B]

13 years. Her name is Tashira. Bob has been calling her Tashara to

[C]

her face because my mom told me her name was Tashara. And my mom has been. So what happened was I was just hanging out with Tashara and Tashira in Nevaeh, and someone mispronounced her name. And she goes, teshira says, you know who mispronounces names? Your mom? I said, yeah, she calls everyone the wrong name. And she, like. She called me Tashara. And I was like, wait, what's your. Wait, what's your name? She was like, my name is Teixeera. And I was like, your name is. I was like. My mom told me it was Tashara. She goes, I know. I've been calling her Tashara for 30. That's crazy. Why do you never correct. And she goes, I just love Martha Caldwell so much. And I was like, oh, my God. My mom calls Patty Peppermint Patty.

[B]

Oh, because of his Instagram handle that time?

[C]

No, because she. Because Patty used to work with Peppermint.

[B]

No, but that was also Patty's handle on Instagram. Peppermint.

[C]

She still calls him Peppermint.

[B]

Got it.

[C]

She calls him Peppermint.

[B]

Got it.

[C]

I'm like, mom, this is. I was like, but you know who Peppermint is. Like, you know who Peppermint is. Why do you call Patty? It's wild.

[B]

I live. Oh, my God. So, okay, so we're definitely gonna have our moms on the podcast. We need to do that.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, sorry. Then I gave Nevaeh. What Is there more to the story, Jacob, of me giving Camion and Nevaeh the money? Oh, yeah, yeah. So anyway, so for me, it felt really nice that my mom was able to give Camion and Nevaeh the. This money, because I. I remember that, like, particularly low point for her when she had to ask her children to, like, give them money. I can't even imagine what that must

[B]

be like as a. Oh, I can't imagine either. I cannot imagine that either. And I mean, but I can't remember.

[C]

You have to humble your. You have to humble yourself, you know?

[B]

Yeah. I can't imagine how it feels for a mom to steal money from her kids and. Cause I was there, too.

[C]

Yeah, well. So your mom stole from you.

[B]

Oh, June used to all the time. That was like, the big thing, why I left Atlanta to come to. To New York, because I was after St. Lucia. I was living with June for a year in Gwin County. And then, like, my grandmother, my aunt would, like, send her money. It's like, buy me school supplies and buy me, like. And my birthday was coming. Oh, Christmas. On my birthday, one of them, it was Christmas, and I sent money to buy me. I think it was to buy the Dream. No, not the Dreamcast. Whatever system was after the Dreamcast. It was to buy me that Sega Saturn. No, I don't remember what it was.

[C]

Was it a SEGA system?

[B]

I don't remember. Maybe even PlayStation 2, I think. I don't remember. Anyway, so then. So then. And Chris was coming around, and then I was telling. And I was talking to my grandmother on the phone. Maybe it Sega Saturn. No. I don't know.

[C]

Go ahead.

[B]

Yeah, and then. So Chris came around and like the day after or Christmas Day, I'm talking to my aunt and my mom and telling them, I've been talking to my aunt and my grandmother, and they're like, oh, my God. So tell me about your gift. You opened up how they listed everything, and they were like, you didn't get anything else? And I was like, no. And they're like, you didn't get anything else, Kevin? I was like. And then they were like, at. You're coming to New York. This lady is trifling.

[C]

That is so crazy.

[B]

I know, I know, I know, I know. Who knows what she's doing?

[C]

I'm going to have June on as a private episode. Me and June, by ourselves, we gonna talk.

[B]

You know what happened recently? It was two years ago. Three years ago. I was. June was coming to New York for. My aunt was having a barbecue.

[C]

You told me about this. Oh, my God. You told me about this.

[B]

Yeah, and then she came to New York. And then my grandmother made this whole thing. So I walk in the house, and then my grandmother is in the kitchen making fucking sweet potatoes, whatever the fuck she's making.

[C]

This is June's mother.

[B]

This is June's mother. And she's like. So I walk through the door.

[C]

Is she also Jackie's mother?

[B]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[C]

Cause Jackie is cousins with June.

[B]

No. Well, by marriage. By my uncle.

[C]

Got it?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Right?

[B]

And then. So then I walk in, and then my grandmother just. She's like. She goes, kevin, June, it's time. Like, some fucking.

[C]

Not. It's time. Not, Rafiki girl. It is time.

[B]

Very that. And then she, like, made a talk. And then June and I went upstairs, and she was crying. She's like, I'm so sorry for everything I've done. I promise. Remind me. She has, like, a new kid now, by the way. At that point, he was two years old. He's probably like three or five or whatever now. And then she. And she. I'm sorry. I'm really gonna make it up to you. I promise. I promise. Bitch. I have not heard from her since that day.

[C]

She's probably embarrassed and sad and, like,

[B]

girl, I was like. I was like, one day I'm gonna go to therapy, and then I'm gonna realize, like, the keys to my. I have, like, some mental block from childhood trauma of bad parenting.

[C]

I don't doubt it. I mean, I just hate that June, did you like that? I mean, do you feel.

[B]

Do you feel you do, though? Do you feel like there's something that you need, like, you're gonna find out about yourself in therapy that's gonna, like, change your life? Because I, I. Maybe it is. I don't know.

[C]

I mean, I will say this. My father really kind of, like, you know, fucked me up and. And probably encouraged me to. A lot of my issues with wanting to be a parent revolve around my father and me being like, I don't. I know that I have that DNA in me. I could be a fucked up dad easily. Right?

[B]

Right, Right, Right.

[C]

If my dad did it, bitch, I could fucking do it. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And. And so I'm just so nervous about the notion of being like Frank Bridget, that I'm like, I just don't want to have kids because I don't want to be like him.

[B]

No Shade. But I. Look, that name is kind of fair. Frank Pridget.

[C]

Frank Pridget.

[B]

It sounds like something prolific like the Academy goes to Frank Pridget for best. It sounds very that to me.

[C]

For best stealing your car from your child while smoking crack in the Chick Fil A parking lot. And the award for best crackhead dad who stole a car from his kid while serving his third prison sentence goes to. Frank Pridget.

[B]

My daddy with his four.

[C]

Four gold teeth in the floor. Wait, Jacob. You saw my dad, didn't you? Jacob. I mean, Jacob, you want to chime in about my. About your experience with my father?

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Listen, if you think you need help with some therapy, like me and monat, go to betterhelp.com rivalry. Honestly, girl, it's betterhelp.com rivalry.

[B]

Honestly. And this was such a fun conversation.

[C]

Oh, Jake is talking about Frank. First of all, Land and Jay. Let's just bleep out his dad's full name so people can't go find him on Facebook. First of all, my father is out doing drugs and he will never hear this. Land. You can loop it. Oh, but we also don't want random fans, like, trying to contact him. Also, another thing, my dad has, like, six Facebook profile accounts. Because he doesn't know. He doesn't know how to use Facebook. Yeah, I mean, I don't. My experience meeting your dad wasn't, like, incredibly interesting. What did he do? He gave you and Justin matching driving sets. So every time my dad gets off of drugs or out of jail, he opens a new Facebook account. These are all my dad's Facebook accounts.

[B]

Good work.

[C]

I know we probably shouldn't show up, but My dad has. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12. He has 12 Facebook accounts. We met his new girlfriend and she kept on trying to tell us how he changed. He seemed nice. He didn't do anything like, crazy when

[A]

I met him, though.

[C]

My dad's not my dad. I've never seen my dad be mean. He only does sneaky shit behind my back. I've never seen my dad raise his voice. I've never seen him drink alcohol. I've never seen him do drugs. I've never seen my dad do. He does all of that in private.

[B]

Got it, got it, got it, got it.

[C]

Every time. Anyway, Roberta Monet, we got real again.

[B]

We did get real towards the end, after all your shenanigans. At the beginning of this podcast, there was a.

[C]

There's a. If y' all want to know what it's like for me and Monet growing up, there's a scene in the Color Friendship where the rich lady drives through

[B]

the hood

[C]

and gives this guy a dollar for cleaning her window. That is literally the story of how Jackie met Frank.

[B]

You're so silly. Anyway, you be blessed and I will talk to you soon.

[C]

All right.

[B]

Bye. Bye.

[A]

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