The One About Falling in Love II

Summary

Sibling Rivalry Podcast – “The One About Falling in Love II”

Hosts: Bob the Drag Queen & Monét X Change
Episode Date: May 3, 2023

---

Episode Overview

In this lively and heartfelt episode, Bob the Drag Queen and Monét X Change continue their exploration of the New York Times “36 Questions to Fall in Love,” using the prompts as a backdrop for hilarious storytelling, personal confessions, and authentic moments. They also listen to old voicemails, reconnect with loved ones (sometimes live on air), and reflect on their journeys, friendships, family, and dreams. Their signature banter, chemistry, and comedic timing make this episode both deeply resonant and rib-achingly funny.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Podcast Origins & Life Milestones

[02:44–05:50]

• The duo reminisce over their podcast’s beginnings and life events that serve as personal milestones.
  • Bob lists significant years: high school graduation (2004), move to NYC (2008), Drag Race (filmed 2015, aired 2016), pandemic (2020), LA move (2020).
  • Monét marks her life by college graduation (2012), starting drag, and quitting the Yale Club.

Notable Quotes:

• “What is being alive?” – Bob [01:37]
• “Graduating college ... was also the year I started drag.” – Monét [04:01]

---

2. Relationships, Love & Family

[05:11–06:36]

• Bob discusses his five-year relationship with Jacob, teasing out dates and anniversaries.
• Jacob shares about his own long-term relationship and jokes about his “longest” one being with Jesus Christ.

Notable Moment:

• Live call-in: “Can you hand me that picture? I wanna show everyone this painting that Matteo Lane did.” – Bob [06:09]

---

3. Art & Connection: Matteo Lane Painting

[06:09–12:23]

• Bob tells the story behind an emotional painting by Matteo Lane (who is called live on the show).
• After phone tag, Matteo nicknames the painting “Mama Coco,” leading to jokes about art, ownership, and memory.

Quote:

• “On the top left of your head, I put red, right?” – Matteo Lane [11:14]

---

4. Voicemails as Modern Time Capsules

[12:23–16:18]

• The hosts play old voicemails from friends and family (including Bibi, Jacqueline, Tina Burner, Lady Bunny, and their parents).
• The voicemails spark nostalgia, humor, and sentimentality.

Notable Quotes:

• “I listen to that voicemail all the time. All the time. Our sweet Jacqueline.” – Bob [10:12]
• Lady Bunny’s message: “Twitter blocked me for a week for tweeting something about how I got cancer from reaming Bianca...” [15:23]
• “Bob loves saying ‘as a rule.’” – Monét [08:43]

---

5. Chapstick Taste Test & Flavors

[16:39–21:04]

• In one of the funniest segments, Bob reveals a massive collection of Chapstick and initiates a blind “identify by smell” test for Monét.
• Discussion turns to Black cultural quirks: “Black folks will call a color a flavor. Black folks will say, 'what’s the flavor? Red.'” – Bob [20:05]

---

6. Life Stories: Four-Minute Challenge

[21:23–27:56]

• Bob and Monét each share their life stories in four-minute recaps.
  • Bob: Southern upbringing, moves, acting gigs, New York, comedy, Drag Race, podcasting.
  • Monét: Born in Brooklyn, adopted in St. Lucia, return to NYC, choir, musical education, drag, teaching, Drag Race, love, and homeownership.

Quote:

• “I was a very athletic child. And then I was also a big crybaby...” – Bob [22:55]
• “I sang in church... that’s where I started to recognize I had singing jobs...” – Monét [27:04]

---

7. Moms on the Mic: Family Conversations

[32:14–39:17]

• Bob and Monét call their mothers live. Jackie (Monét’s mom) and Ms. Caldwell/Martha (Bob’s mom) share stories, talk about names, preferences, and family culture.
• Bob’s mom candidly discusses why she dislikes being called “Miss Martha”—“Because it sound like a slave name.” [37:19]
• They discuss Southern manners vs. Caribbean/West Indian customs regarding titles.

Notable Quote:

• “Don’t call me Ms. Jackie. Call me Jackie. Thank you very much.” – Jackie [33:30]

---

8. Dream Abilities & Superpowers

[39:36–41:32]

• The group debates which one ability or quality they’d love to gain.
  • Bob: Multilingualism (English, Spanish, Mandarin, Japanese, and possibly Italian or Amharic/Swahili).
  • Monét: Becoming a true concert pianist, playing by both sight and ear.

---

9. Parenting Fantasies & Co-Parenting Schemes

[46:50–51:54]

• The hosts daydream together about co-parenting, ideal schools, what they’d require from their kids (musical training, language immersion), and even consider who in their extended families might carry a child.
• They joke about how intensely competitive they’d be about their future children’s achievements.

Quotes:

• “Music is a non-negotiable. You're learning an instrument and you're playing it.” – Monét [50:35]
• “I would like for my child to learn multiple languages.” – Bob [51:26]
• “We need to not have a kid. You're gonna make your kid... They have to.” – Bob [50:50]

---

10. 36 Questions to Fall in Love – Continued

[53:26–66:56] (Scattered throughout)

• A few deep questions stand out:
  • Greatest accomplishments:
    • Monét: Graduating college and the diligence learned. [53:34]
    • Bob: Earning a living as an artist in NYC (pre-Drag Race). [53:56]
  • Values in friendship: “Honesty and trust.” [54:46]
  • Most treasured memory: Live shows, psychedelic trips, winning Drag Race, and early days moving to NYC. [55:20]
  • What would you do if you had a year left to live?
    • Monét: Go “ham,” travel, farewell show, spend time with loved ones. [65:13]
    • Bob: Focus less on places, more on people; possibly remain sober, wants to “die alone” to avoid pity. [66:02–67:30]

Extreme Bob-ism:

• “Everybody in this room is gonna die.” – Monét [43:59]

---

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• "Black folks will call a color a flavor. Black folks will say, ‘What's the flavor? Red.’" – Bob [20:05]
• “Don’t call me Ms. Jackie. Call me Jackie.” – Jackie [33:30]
• "Because it sound like a slave name." – Ms. Caldwell on 'Miss Martha' [37:19]
• “If your kid’s speaking a language, my kid gonna telekinesis.” – Bob [53:05]
• “You're gonna make your kid... They have to.” – Bob on music lessons [50:50]
• “I think about my voicemails from Jacqueline a lot and I listen to it every once in a while.” – Bob [15:16]

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

| Time | Segment Description | |-------------|--------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:00–02:44 | Podcast intro, banter about podcast anniversaries | | 02:44–05:50 | Major life milestones timeline | | 05:11–06:36 | Relationship anniversaries | | 06:09–12:23 | Matteo Lane painting “Mama Coco” | | 12:23–16:18 | Voicemails: nostalgia and comedy | | 16:39–21:04 | Chapstick taste test & “Red” as a flavor | | 21:23–27:56 | Bob’s & Monét’s Four-Minute Life Stories | | 32:14–39:17 | Bob & Monét call their moms; discuss names & culture | | 39:36–41:32 | Fantasy abilities: languages & concert pianist | | 46:50–51:54 | Parenting ideals, non-negotiables, and co-parenting schemes | | 53:26–66:56 | 36 Questions to Fall in Love (accomplishments, values, death)|

---

Tone and Style

• The episode is a blend of comedy and earnestness. Bob and Monét’s conversational style is witty, self-deprecating, and sharply observant, with moments of touching vulnerability.
• Their humor includes playful roasting, earnest fondness for friends/family, and occasional “deep cuts” into cultural quirks and Black/Caribbean experience.

---

Summary for New Listeners

This episode captures why Sibling Rivalry is unique: Bob and Monét’s chemistry oscillates between uproarious laughter and sincere intimacy. Their continued answering of the “36 Questions to Fall in Love” opens doors to stories about childhood, creative struggles, dating, family eccentricities, cultural influences, and ambitions for the future, all while being incredibly funny. Calls with their mothers showcase generational attitudes and endearing quirks. Key themes of love, achievement, parenting, and friendship are examined with candor and wit, making this episode a must for both comedy and heart.

---

Closing Memorable Moment

“Everybody in this room is gonna die.” – Monét [43:59]
“I feel in my heart you’re going to die first and I’m going to be very sad.” – Monét [68:14]
“And when you die, I am gonna say, ah, Monet...” – Bob [68:18]

---

For Diehard and New Sibling Rivalry Fans

If you’re interested in hearing drag icons reflect on life, love, and their legacies—with a side serving of shade and Chapstick—this episode is for you.

Transcript

[A]

My name is bob the drag queen.

[B]

And I'm monet x james, and this is sibling rivalry. On today's episode, we listen to old voicemails.

[A]

We continue answering the New York Times 36 questions to fall in love.

[B]

And we find out what made Bob say this.

[A]

Black folks will call a color a flavor. Black folks will say, what's the flavor? Red. And we find out what made Monae say this.

[B]

Bob said.

[A]

Bob said.

[B]

Oh, your kid's speaking language. My kid gonna telekinesis. How long have we been. It's since.

[A]

I think it's been 20 years now.

[B]

Since February 2018?

[A]

I think it's been. No. Since 2016.

[B]

No.

[A]

For sure, no.

[B]

I wasn't on. I was on Drag Race when it was happening.

[A]

Okay. But I thought we were doing the live. Wow. Off the bat.

[B]

Off the bat, there were two options. Lying or what question?

[C]

So you. You can only respond by asking.

[B]

I like that question. Okay, start again.

[A]

So, Monet, how long have you been podcasting?

[D]

I don't know.

[B]

How long have you been alive?

[A]

I've been alive longer than you.

[C]

Right. That's not a question.

[A]

I'd have been alive longer than you.

[D]

Right?

[A]

Yeah,

[B]

but I think it's really. What is being alive.

[A]

I think we should get back to the original question, which is. Should we get back to the original question?

[B]

We should get back to the original question.

[A]

Do you remember the original question?

[B]

I remember that. I can't do this.

[D]

I can't. I can't.

[B]

This is too hard.

[A]

Do you remember the original question?

[B]

I remember. I mean, but what even is the question? We.

[A]

Can't we do this properly? Can't we? Can't we.

[B]

I can't. I can't.

[A]

Monet is tapped out.

[B]

That was hard.

[A]

I think that. Okay, well, I think we should say. When I say, how long have we been podcast? You should have said, have we been doing it for five years?

[B]

Oh, yeah, that's a good one. That was good. That was good.

[A]

And then I would be like, it depends. Did we start in 2018? And then you'd be like, by the way, it. What are some. Okay, we've stopped. What are some moments in your life where you mark things from that year? There are certain things in my life, like graduating high school. 2004. I moved in New York City in 2008. I went on Drag Race 2000. I filmed in 2015. It aired 2016. The pandemic happened in 2020. I moved to LA in 2022. Nope.

[B]

2021. You moved to LA. No, 2020. 20. October.

[A]

No, 2020.

[B]

You went to 2020.

[A]

I moved here in October 2020.

[B]

Wow.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Because I moved April 1, 2020. Oh, my God.

[A]

So I've been marking things based on. Based on those are things I remember, like, from. From when I. Like. Was this before I moved to New York City? Was this after I moved to New York City? Was this before I graduated high school? Was this after. Which is before them? Was this before 9? 11? Was after.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

What are things in your life that you market with

[B]

graduating college?

[A]

What year was that?

[B]

I graduated college in 2020. No, I graduated college in 2020.

[A]

Mona, you are not a Gen Z. Stop trying to.

[B]

I graduated college in 2012.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, that old ass bitch.

[B]

And as. So I also marked that.

[A]

You did not just say 2012.

[B]

I was thinking 20, 2012 anyway, because I do this thing too. I say 20, 2012, I add another 20 for some reason, and then I also market. 2012 was also the year I started drag. Well, the first time I got in drag. So I mark a lot of things by that. I also mark. When I quit the Yale Club and

[A]

started drag, where was that?

[B]

2015. And I did drag full time. So that's a big market for me and I think pandemic for a lot of people, pandemic is a very big market. We're like, oh, yeah, that was. That was like my last tour. Was my last. No, not last tour. Well, the last time I did work, the world was right before the pandemic, which was January 2020.

[A]

Monet was in. Monet was.

[B]

There's people spreading around. You either.

[D]

Got it.

[A]

Yeah. Monet and the girls were literally coming back from different parts of Asia as

[B]

they were shutting them down, gagged from port to port.

[A]

I remember when I met Jacob, but I'm not sure what year that was. 26.

[D]

No.

[A]

2018.

[C]

Yeah. 2017.

[D]

A little bit.

[A]

Technically, we made the end of 2017, but we started dating since 2018. 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23.

[B]

You don't count 18 because 19 will be a full year.

[A]

No, it was all of 20, but it was all of 2018. So 2018 to 2019 to 2021. 22, 23. We've been together five years. Wow.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

Five years. Does it feel like more or less to you?

[C]

About exactly five years.

[A]

I like the way you said that. That was strange.

[C]

My second longest relationship.

[A]

How long was the one?

[C]

I've had some pretty long ones. My longer one was with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

[A]

Is this your longest relationship? You're A bit. It is the longest one.

[D]

You're a.

[B]

You're a mess.

[A]

Can you hand me that picture? I wanna show everyone this painting that Matteo Lane did. So Mateo Lane painted this picture of me when I was living in Berkeley, California. Berkeley, California. This is a painting of me watching Coco. I call this Bob Watches Coco. This is me, me, me.

[B]

Isn't it up to the artistic title of the painting? You don't get to title it.

[A]

We can work together. We can call him right now. We can call him right now and see if he. See if he has a name for it.

[B]

This is Mateo. I'm going to bet this is how many he answers. Hi, Bob.

[A]

He's going to say, hey, I'm sitting with so and so. What's up?

[D]

Your call has been forwarded to.

[A]

Damn cold. As cold as Answer and tell me what he's doing. Bob, I'm getting ready on stage. Your call has been forward cold ass bitch. Does that mean that he sent me to voicemail? Yes. No, the rings once.

[B]

No ring once is going. Is going to voicemail.

[A]

But he sent me.

[B]

Yeah, he sent you.

[A]

He didn't send me.

[B]

Yes, he did twice.

[A]

If he.

[C]

If.

[A]

If Monet. Wait, if it rings once, do you get sent? Or does that mean that it's like one.

[B]

Is it rang? It's. I can't answer this. And they send you a voicemail.

[A]

Do you know that street, Jacob?

[B]

I mean, we can try. I can literally try to call. You can figure it out.

[A]

He normally texts me. Okay, I'm going up on the airplane.

[C]

Mateo says I can. I can talk in three minutes. Call me in three minutes.

[A]

Oh, that's what he said.

[B]

So he sent you the voicemail.

[A]

Okay, I put my phone in airplane mode. Call me and see what happens.

[B]

It's not supposed to ring. Galaxies. Is that a galaxy you're calling now?

[D]

Watch.

[B]

I'm gonna put my phone. Now try to call me and I'm gonna. I'm gonna press the. Press the. Press the block button and see what happens.

[A]

Well, you know, you gonna block me or you gonna send it?

[B]

Like, call me. I'm gonna press the end button. Like this is gonna.

[A]

But it rang twice and I had another phone.

[B]

Is weird.

[A]

My phone's not weird. So. Okay, so two rings. Is airpl airplane or like no service or something?

[B]

Yeah, that was weird.

[C]

I would also like to say that I've. Caldwell and I have been dating for five years and his voicemail for his phone has been full and unable to take messages. For that.

[B]

All of that, Bob's phone has been full and cannot take voice messages and voicemails since I met you for over 10 years.

[A]

Yeah, I don't take voicemails. As a rule. I don't take voicemails.

[B]

Bob loves saying as a rule or something. We try to do something. I was like, bob, we need to meet for the thing. Well, as a rule, I don't do my own schedule. I was like, bitch, if you don't tell me one motherfucking time we could be.

[A]

As a rule, I don't catch on myself.

[B]

As a rule, I can't.

[A]

And I don't think I've ever left your voicemail, Jacob.

[C]

You absolutely have.

[A]

I've left you a voicemail.

[C]

Yeah, you just left me a voicemail recently when you left your backpack here and you needed me to come out and drop it off to you.

[A]

I left you a voicemail?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What is that? That's not true. No, Ellen, that's not the truth. A voicemail. I call back a lot.

[B]

You've let me voicemails in the past, for sure.

[A]

Well, I used to have visual voicemail back in the day.

[B]

Yeah, I have visual voicemail.

[A]

Visual voicemail. Used to slap. And I still have some. Great.

[B]

Let me see if I have any voicemails from Bob. Well, I have one from Bibi. Let's play it.

[D]

Hey, sis, it's me. I'm trying to get in contact with you. Please call me when you have a second. I've sent you a couple of text messages. I'm just not sure if you see my messages, but please call me when you have a second. Thank you very much. Bye. Bye.

[B]

See if we have any good ones in here.

[A]

Can I play one that.

[D]

That.

[B]

Oh, sorry.

[C]

Go ahead.

[A]

I want to play one. But like this. This is one that I. I just love this one a lot. It's kind of sad, but I love this one. I'm. I love this one.

[D]

Hold on.

[B]

I already know it's going to be shady.

[A]

No, it's not.

[D]

Hey, Bob, what's up? It's J. Of course, calling to get your thoughts on the app tonight. It's probably working, though. Anyway, call me when you get a chance.

[B]

All right, Jacqueline.

[A]

I think voice. I listen to voice. I listen to that voicemail all the time. All the time. Our sweet Jacqueline.

[D]

Hey, Bob, what's up? Hello.

[C]

Here's Mat.

[A]

Isn't that so? I just love that voice so much. Mateo. Yes, We. We have to. Oh, you're on the podcast, by the way.

[D]

Okay. What?

[A]

This I love.

[D]

I'm only called to Help you to squash some kind of argument. Some inane, stupid argument.

[A]

Ok, first of all, there's no. First of all, there's no argument this time. We're teaming up on you. Can you move your leg, baby? So we are. We. We need to name the picture that you took of me. I called it. Can you move your knee, baby?

[C]

Well, let him. Let him name it before you tell him.

[A]

Oh, yeah. What do you. Do you want to call name the picture that you took of me? That. That you. I mean, the.

[D]

The.

[A]

The oil paint that you painted of me.

[D]

Oh, oh, oh, Do I want to name it?

[A]

Should I send it to you so you can look at it and get inspired?

[D]

Well, let me think of it.

[B]

We did it when I was watching Coco.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And I cried.

[A]

You did cry. I'm sitting there so you can look at it and let it move you.

[D]

I remember it. I remember. On the top left of your head, I put red, right?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

I remember it. I don't. Yeah. You want to be called? What should we call it? Mama Coco.

[A]

I love that. I love. That's amazing. Mama Coco. So now that the painting officially has a name, I have two Mateo paintings in my house.

[D]

I was talking about that the other day because I was like, yeah, I

[B]

was in San Francisco.

[D]

This was a week when Bob decided to be an oil painter, and he learned how to paint a jar. And then I ended up doing a portrait of him crying during Coco. And that was my trip to San Francisco with Bob.

[A]

That was pretty much the whole trip.

[B]

Mateo, don't forget there's a painting at your house that you gave me. I'm gonna get it. Monet is waiting for you. Okay, good.

[A]

Oh, I actually have three. I have three Mateos in my home. I have the Mr. Burns, I have the guy with the long neck, and I have the painting of me.

[D]

Wow.

[B]

Mateo just be giving shit away, huh?

[A]

It's just like. It's a long. It's like a turtleneck and is he here? The paintings in this house also, one

[B]

of those is Jacob's. They're not all yours. One is Jacob's.

[A]

They're ours. They're our paintings.

[D]

Anyway.

[A]

All right, Mama Coco. Thank you, Mateo.

[B]

I love you, matea. I love you so much.

[D]

Bye.

[A]

This picture. This

[D]

chica.

[A]

Chica's picture from Mateo. Oh, my God. Jacob. This is.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

But also, doesn't that look just like the drawing?

[B]

It does.

[A]

Oh, my God. It's giving Mega Bob. Oh, I have.

[B]

I have a voiceover. Bob, let's see from. From 12, 19, 2019.

[A]

We may not. We may not be able to keep

[B]

this in, depending on how.

[A]

What am I. Oh, it's a butt. It's giving butt dial.

[B]

Four minutes long. Four minutes.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Here's. Here's my mom.

[D]

Hey, this is mother. Your mother what? You know, I don't know, but I just gotta check in on you. I know it's kind of too late to try to call you. I thought you probably was on stage by now, but you're just on my mind, so I'll just give you a call if you give me a chance. Give me a call no matter how late you get in tonight. Talk to you later. Bye. Bye.

[B]

Oh, my God, that's so sweet. I love when artists put voicemails in their albums. Or like, maybe one of a special. In a future special, you can put voicemails of your mom in it.

[A]

I got some. Oh, my God, my cousin Odonnis.

[B]

I have one from Tina Burner. Let's see what she had to say.

[D]

Hey, Monet. Just going to say Happy Thanksgiving. Hope you are. Well, I don't know if you're where you are, actually. All right, have a Thanksgiving. Talk to you soon. Love you. Bye.

[B]

Oh, Tina, that was so sweet.

[A]

Here's my father.

[D]

Hey, Chris, this is Frank. I was calling, man, to see. To see where you. To see where you are answering your phone. Well, this just prank. Hey, give me a call later on. Chris. See you later, son.

[A]

Chris.

[B]

Oh, wow, your dad sounds hot.

[A]

Jesus Christ, he does Kids on the contract. Hey, Chris, wait, this is Arcia, but Arcia.

[B]

Oh, she lets you. Arcia has left me some. Arcia has left me some nasty voicemails. I was trying to find a nasty

[A]

old voicemail from RC you probably deserve them all.

[B]

No, she's like. She'll say something like, hey, big boy, I know you're probably recovering from one of your feedings, but call me back when you.

[A]

Oh, my God. Okay, we'll buy it after this break. I'm here. Jacqueline.

[B]

One kiss. A. Jacqueline.

[D]

Jacqueline. Let's see if I can catch you. It sounds like you're broad based on the rain. All right, no worries. We'll catch up later. All right, hope all is well. Talk to you soon. Bye.

[B]

My God, I love that.

[A]

I think about my, my, my voicemails from Jacqueline a lot and I listen

[B]

to it every once in a while. Okay, last one for Lady Bunny. She's probably rotted.

[D]

Hi, D. Sweet to call me concerned. I mean, Twitter blocked me for a week for tweeting Something about how I got cancer from reaming Bianca. Standards.

[B]

Oh, well, this was back in 2018. She got blocked.

[A]

Anyway, are y' all still doing the podcast again?

[B]

We used to do it. Yeah, we just. Episode just came out on Friday.

[A]

Like, how often are you doing.

[B]

Every Friday?

[A]

You haven't skipped any time?

[B]

No.

[A]

Wasn't you gone for, like, six months?

[B]

Yeah, when I was. It was two months I was gone. But since the new year, we've been

[A]

back up because then it was. I have a ran. It was irony and irony, because the Ebony was gone. Wasn't it Jackie for a while. Was Jackie doing it?

[B]

No.

[A]

Who was doing it?

[B]

She was just getting random people. Her and Jay had an episode together,

[A]

talking about Jada Feo.

[B]

Jay DeFeo.

[A]

Please send me. Please.

[B]

It is Jay yelling at Lady Bunny for an hour about her politics.

[C]

Wait.

[A]

Please send me. Wait. Jay DeFeo, by the way, who. Who edits our podcast? So Jay's listening to this Jay. Is he on one episode or multiple?

[B]

It's one episode, and it is crazy. All the.

[D]

All the.

[B]

All the comments in the reviews, like, oh, my God, you're producing.

[A]

How did Jay end up being.

[B]

Because I couldn't do it, and then Bunny couldn't. Bunny's gonna do it by herself, and Bunny cannot do. Bunny would just be. It would just be a stream of conscious consciousness for an hour. Jay was like, you can't do it by yourself. And then Jay was like, fine. Like, I. I had no. It was like Thursday. He was like, I have to do this with her.

[A]

We should do two episodes a year with Jacob where it's me and Jacob and then you and Jacob. We should do twice a year. Jacob should have.

[B]

No, it should be you and Andy and then me and Jacob.

[A]

But Jacob has a stake in the pocket. I mean, I would do one with Andy for sure.

[B]

Wow. You don't.

[A]

But it's because Jacob is a producer on the podcast.

[C]

For the record, we have invited Andy to the podcast multiple times, and he has declined our offer.

[B]

That's not true.

[A]

No, Ellen, that is the truth.

[B]

Ellen, that is not the truth.

[A]

You know, Jacob's the queen of receipts. Jacob had to send you a screen, grab cvs, a CVS receipt, and end your whole existence. Honey, a. A receipt with a little coupon on the end of it. I have a lot of chapstick, by the way.

[D]

What?

[A]

The coupons. A coupon for. It makes it in my head, but I have a lot of chapstick, and if you want some, I. I have a lot. I have what kind? I should show you how much chapstick.

[B]

I have kind. I like car.

[A]

I'm going to show you.

[C]

We also could get back to the questions at some point.

[A]

Yeah, you don't have to.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

That is what we're doing today, huh?

[A]

Wait, why chap?

[B]

Well, they sent y' all chapstick.

[C]

I don't know what he's on about.

[B]

Yeah. Jacob has no idea. Bob just be bringing stuff up in here, and girl, Jacob don't know. Don't be knowing what Bobby doing. I feel like he's gonna bring, like, a box of chapstick. Who sent you this? Chapstick sent it to you.

[A]

Chapstick.

[B]

Why.

[A]

Why does that look all shocked?

[C]

I've never seen that before. That's so much chapstick.

[A]

It's a lot of chapstick. So I have sugar cookie.

[B]

They say chapstick isn't good for you.

[C]

Wait, wait. We should have Monet close her eyes and try to identify them by smell.

[A]

Ooh.

[C]

Close your eyes.

[B]

I can do that. Well, and I know that is.

[A]

Well, I'm gonna swap it up now. Okay, so swap it up. Ooh. Okay, hold on. Okay, maybe you can open them and pass them over, because they are like. I'm going to work on. Do you. Do you have a refined palette, Monet? Like, a great sense of smell?

[B]

I think I have a good sense of smell, for sure. I think with, like, artificial stuff like this, sometimes it gets really hard. Eyes closed.

[A]

Who is she? Who is she?

[B]

One more time. I want to say something with a vanilla something.

[A]

Okay. But you gotta give me. You gotta give me the. Is it French vanilla? Is it.

[B]

It's like vanilla bean.

[A]

Pumpkin pie.

[B]

Pumpkin pie.

[A]

Now smell it again with pumpkin pie in mind and tell me if it works.

[B]

If you can smell it. No, I don't smell that. Wait, do you smell pumpkin pie?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

When it's in my mind, I smell it.

[D]

Yeah, got it.

[B]

I.

[A]

Close your eyes. Who's she?

[B]

Oh, mint. This is like some type of mint something.

[A]

She's. Candy cane.

[B]

Yeah. It's like a minty smell.

[A]

Give it up for Kandi Kane, which is a. By the way, there's a great director named Candice Cain.

[B]

Absolutely like her.

[A]

Close your eyes. Who's she?

[B]

Oh, that's a regular strawberry, like the normal red one.

[A]

That is red strawberry. Black folks will call a color a flavor. Black folks will say, what's the flavor? Red. Red. Close your eyes. Close your eyes. Close your eyes. Close your eyes.

[C]

Ooh.

[B]

This is a. That is a festival of.

[D]

Of.

[B]

Of of smell. It's like. It's like. It's like a multi. Like a tropical.

[D]

Ooh.

[B]

Like a cotton candy.

[A]

This is pride. This is love wins. Oh, Cotton candy. Love wins.

[D]

Wow. Cotton candy.

[B]

It smells like that cotton candy smell.

[A]

Is that the last one?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

There we go. So do you want one of these? Does one of these speak to you?

[B]

No, I wouldn't use any of that. I like. I like CarMax.

[A]

Monet said ChapStick.

[B]

Well, they send it to me. Send it to you.

[A]

Monet said chapstick is literally. And she would never wear any of your products.

[B]

We should get back to that.

[A]

To the camera.

[B]

We should get back to the question.

[A]

Do you want to diss chapstick to the camera?

[B]

We should get back to the questions. They literally sponsored two episodes of have they really?

[D]

No.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You got scared.

[A]

I like chapstick. I'm wearing it this second. All right, part two of me, Monet, falling in love. Yes. I have a fantasy like that. We have microphones like this one day, and we hold those like this.

[B]

I like those.

[C]

I feel like you really have to

[D]

hold them right up to your face.

[A]

We know how to. We know how to. If anything, we know how to. Do you ever talk to someone who does, who always forgets, and they'd be like. And I'm like, bitch. Hold the microphone.

[B]

Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible. All right, four minutes. Jacob's got a timer.

[A]

Who's going? Who goes first?

[D]

Me.

[B]

Yeah, you guys.

[C]

All right. Do you want me to give you a warning?

[A]

I need. I need a one minute warning.

[B]

Do you want.

[A]

Every time it's been.

[B]

Do you want a light at one minute?

[A]

I need. I need. I need. I need to hear that. I've been going for a minute. I've been going for two minutes.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

And I need that. I hear that. I have 30 seconds.

[C]

Okay, and rolling.

[A]

I was born in Columbus, Georgia. My mother is. My mother's never been married, and my mother moved to Columbus after giving birth to my brother in Mississippi. I was born on June 22 of 1986 at 10:30 at night in Columbus, Georgia. If you want to do my chart. And I lived in Georgia pretty much my whole life. I lived there. I grew up with one brother. I have an older brother named Justin. My mother's name is Martha. My father's name is Frank. I had a single mom, but my father was in my life. I know who my father is. And my father's family lived across the river in Phoenix City, Alabama. And I was one of those kids who was always told that I talk too much in school. This is a constant note I was given. I was all my. I used to get straight GS, which is like straight A's back in the day, but now they're called GS. I was also there. I used to, when I say to clean up at Olympic day at school. Did y'.

[D]

All.

[A]

I don't know if y' all ever had one minute. I used to, when I say I used to clean. I won the jump roping competition. I jump rope more than any boy or girl at my school. I, I could carry the, the, the egg on a spoon. The furthest I won at tug of war. Only thing I did not win at was when it was like actual sprint, sprinting and running. I won at the basketball three point contest. I was a very athletic child. And then I was also a big crybaby. So when I moved, when I was. Then I moved to Phoenix City in third grade, Phoenix State, Alabama. And then from there I moved to Corinth, Mississippi. And I'm rushing and I'm rushing. And then I moved to lagrange, Georgia. And then I moved to Atlanta, Georgia. This is now seventh grade. I stayed in Atlanta, Georgia from seventh grade until I graduated high school. So seventh to 12th grade. Then I moved back to Columbus, Georgia. In Columbus, Georgia, I went to college for two years. And then I went off and did an internship where I was working in Minneapolis as an actor. My first paid acting gig. I went back to college for one more year. Meanwhile, I was working two minutes. I was working at Ruby Tuesday and at Applebee's that whole time, but except when I was in Minneapolis. And then I came back, did a year of schooling and then I went and did another theater production. And then I met this guy who was like, you're so great. You need to go straight to New York City. Do not go back to Georgia. And in fact, if you go, if you promise to go straight to New York City, I will buy your plane ticket. David Cross. Shout out to David Cross. I moved to New York City in 2008. When I moved there, Obama was still president. That's how long ago I was. Oh, my God. Geez Louise. And then from there, I started doing drag. In 2009, I got on Drag Race 2015. It aired 2016. And since then I've been traveling. World famous drag queen slash comedian. I started doing stand up comedy. I started writing stand up comedy when I was doing the children's theater tours. How much time do I have?

[C]

You have a minute and 15 seconds.

[A]

Oh, perfect. I can slow down. I was really cooking for a second. I was ruminating. All right, So I started doing. I started writing stand up comedy in, like, 2000. I want to say 10. In this little notebook that I had then. I didn't get the courage to actually do it until I moved to New York City in 2009. So my first time doing stand up was at the New York Comedy Club on the east side of Manhattan. I don't even know if that club's still there or not. I was able to get, like, 15 people from my job to come see me. And then my first big one was at Caroline's, which I know is no longer there. Caroline's doesn't exist anymore. I was at Caroline's Comedy Club and I got passed to do a show called Wrong side of the Brain with Colin Kane. And then I kind of just was getting, like, a lot of shade from the comedian of the comedians.

[C]

30 seconds left.

[A]

Okay, now I gotta speed up again. I was getting, like, shade from the comedians. So then I started doing the night the gay bars instead. So I started as I started doing the gay bars. That's how I built up my comedy chops. That's how I built up my ability to be a drag queen. My, like, networking skills as a. As a professional. And then I moved to New York City in LA in 2020 during the pandemic, and I've been here since then, and I bought this. This apartment that me and Jacob live in.

[D]

And.

[A]

And then I started my podcast with Monet in2018, and we've been doing it since then.

[C]

Time.

[A]

Yeah, Like, I covered most of the stuff.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I got Jacob, my careers, all the movement. Every time I moved, I did not include. Well, I think I got most of them.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, you got most of them.

[C]

Did not include Monet at all.

[A]

No, I said. I said this is what started our podcast in 2018.

[B]

It wasn't what's the word? I'm looking for a time.

[C]

It was a footnote.

[A]

Numeric. The word when something happens. In order, in chronological.

[B]

Chronological.

[A]

Chronological.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

It wasn't chronological.

[A]

We are crickety, Chris Nickety. We haven't said cricket in a long time.

[B]

I know.

[A]

All right, Monet, tell me your life.

[B]

But we have made crunchy a thing people love.

[A]

I really think that us in this room, I think we have a huge part in why people say this is wild. Me specifically, and crunchy things. Being called crunchy. I Think that you and I put

[B]

that in the world.

[D]

I agree.

[C]

What times would you like? A minute?

[B]

I would like two minutes, and then one minute left.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

And go.

[B]

So I was born in. I was born February 19, 1990, to a woman named June in Kings County, Brooklyn. And then at nine months old, my family figured out she was not fit to be a mother. So they sent me to live with my aunt and my uncle in St. Lucia. And I lived with them, and they adopted me, and I lived with them until I was 10. 10 years old. And then. And then my life in singing was great. We would go to the Reach on every weekend. I did really well in school. I was very, very, very smart. I was in a lot of, like, advanced classes and stuff, because I was. I had a very, very, very brilliant mind, as they said. And that's kind of when I kind of. I sang in church, and I got. And I had my confirmation in Church in St. Lucia. And that's why I started to recognize that I had singing jobs. So then when I moved Back to. At 10 years old, when I moved, when June was like, you know what? I can be a mom again, I played, please, please let me take care of this kid. So they sent me to move to live with her in Atlanta with her and the new man. She married my stepfather, Mike, and they had a kid, Marley, and we lived in Atlanta for a year. And then my grandmother was like, nah, dawg, it's a rap on you.

[A]

It's a wrap.

[B]

And my grandmother sent for me to live from Atlanta, and I moved to Brooklyn when I was in the fourth grade. And then that's when I was. I was thriving there, too. Now I had a tough time because I had a very thick acc. And I was just gagged at how crazy schools in New York were. That's when I met Kameka. And then middle school was fun. I got beat up a lot in middle school because I was very, very gay. My ass has always been this side. So imagine this ass on a sixth grader.

[A]

I'd rather not.

[D]

And then.

[B]

So I got to a lot of fights. But New York helped me build a lot of thick skin. Also, my family, we, like, joke around, and we play around with each other a lot. We, like, really, you know, it's part of the culture in our family. So I grew up having very thick skin. And then in middle school, Kameka and I were in the middle school choir together with Ms. Little, who was, like, my first music teacher. That made me, like, fall in love with music. And then she was like, you know, you should audition for one of those arts high schools in New York City. So I auditioned for the professional Performing arts high school, got in there, and we. And that's when I went to Songs of Solomon. And Songs of Solomon was a very big part of my music development. It was an extracurricular chorus that we traveled and we toured around and we learned a lot of spirituals. And it's also kind of. I got very religious too, because it was an extracurricular choir, but was very, very heavily religious. And that's when I like, you know, I was up in church, praying, shouting, praising the Lord. And after that, I went to. I went to Westminster Choir College for college. I got a degree in music education, and then I taught for about a year and a half and I was like, you know what this is. I don't like waking up teaching kids, so I want to pursue my art. So then I went to. I sang with the Portland Opera with their Pogo program for two years. And after that I was like, you know what? I'm good on that. Let's try drag. Cause I just watched RuPaul's Drag Race Season 2, my first season. I watched in real time and I was like, you know, I met Jasmine Rice at a summer program and her. And I started going to the Roots in New York City, which I just. I found drag. And then I started. I was. I was doing drag and also working at the Yellow Club, New York City. And then I was like, you know, I can quit the Yellow Club, I can do drag full time. And then that's when I quit. The Yale Club was pursuing drag full time. My doors really opened up and I had a. I became a full time working New York City drag queen, working six gigs a week over seven days. And then I auditioned for Rules drag race in 2007 for five times. GoT on 2017, the show aired 2018. And ever since then, I've been touring the world with music, comedy, drag. I started a podcast with Bob the Drag Queen. And then I was like, you know what? I'm good on New York. I'm going to leave New York, move to la. And ever since I moved to la, my life has opened up even more. I. I found love with a man named Andy. And I have a cat. And I have a house. I have a townhouse in East Hollywood, a house in North Hollywood that I'm renovating. And I'm excited for what the future's gonna hold. And I think it's going to be beautiful, right? Fun. I Love doing game nights. I love doing this podcast and I love going to the gym.

[C]

I started Ornod in 2013 and we make bike apparel. The best part of Shopify for me

[B]

is our ability to run the business

[C]

as essentially non technical people. We're able to admin everything on the

[B]

back end, front end, and sell things online easily. If Shopify were a bike accessory, I

[C]

think it would actually be the bicycle.

[B]

It's the thing that you do the thing on.

[C]

We run the business on Shopify.

[B]

Start your free trial on shopify.com.

[D]

close your eyes, exhale. Feel your body relax and let go of whatever you're carrying today.

[A]

Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts

[B]

in time for this class.

[A]

I got them delivered free from 1-800-contacts. Oh my gosh, they're so fast. And breathe. Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste.

[B]

Visit 1-800-contacts.com today to save on your first order.

[A]

1-800-contacts contacts. I'm scared of J. I'd be scared to talk. But you never. You never mention your parents names. I don't know your dad's name.

[B]

Oh, Kenny. Oh, well, so my birth dad.

[A]

Oh, I mean, I knew you mentioned June's name a lot.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

My birthday's name is Chris.

[A]

That feels like you should have mentioned that by this point.

[B]

It was weird. I can't remember my dad's last name. What is his last name?

[A]

You know, Chris.

[B]

Yeah. So wild.

[A]

Chris is not with us on this.

[B]

No, he passed away. Yeah.

[A]

And you're. And Kenny's your dad?

[B]

Yeah, Kenny and Jackie. Yeah.

[A]

You know, did Jackie say it like, how does she say her name?

[B]

Jackie. You wanna call my mom real quick?

[A]

It's not like Jackie.

[B]

I'm gonna call her mom real quick so you can hear her voice.

[A]

Okay, let's hear your mom. Can she say Kevin? I want her to say Kevin because you know how I think she says Ion.

[B]

I really never call my mom. Let's see. She didn't have no idea what's going on. She. My mom does not know anything about technology. She doesn't get it. What's the podcast?

[A]

My cell phone.

[B]

Hi, mommy.

[D]

Hi. What's up? What's up?

[B]

Nothing much. You're currently. So you're on speaker. I am. I. I'm recording a podcast with my best friend Bob, and he's never heard your voice, so you want to say hi.

[D]

Hi. Hi, Bob. How are you? Doing?

[A]

I'm great. Ms. Jackie, how are you?

[D]

Don't call me Ms. Jackie. Call me Jackie. Thank you very much.

[A]

It's a pleasure to talk to you.

[D]

Same hair. Same hair. Same hair. We're not going to see you.

[A]

Well, Bob.

[B]

Bob wants to come to St. Louis show. Well, one day he's going to come. We're all going to come. It's going to be a whole big thing.

[A]

I never got an invite. Jack, you.

[B]

That's not true.

[A]

That's true. Ms. J. Hello.

[D]

I know. I know you've been invited, so let's not go there.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

He. He wants. He. So. He wants to. Do you think my mom has an accent?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You hear an accent?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Your mother has a Caribbean accent.

[B]

That's hilarious. Okay, Mommy, we're filming the podcast. Can you date? Can you? Can you. He wants to hear you. Say my name. How do you say my name?

[D]

Kevin.

[B]

Kevin. You see, it's annoying. There's no accent. Anyway, when we finish, I'll give you a call. I love you.

[D]

No problem. Love you, too.

[A]

Nice to talk to you, Jackie.

[D]

Enjoy. Okay, bye. Enjoy. Talk to y' all later. Bye.

[A]

Oh, she seems so sweet.

[B]

She's very sweet.

[A]

She said, kevin, Kevin. No, she was like, kevin, you like something? She's like, kevin, my mom is a very.

[B]

She's a. She's a firecracker.

[A]

Yeah. You know, it is like, when you leave the south, like, I've experienced that women do not want to be called ma'. Am. You do not want to be called miss. And it is so ingrained in me to miss everyone and to ma' am everyone. But, baby, when you leave the south, that shit pisses women off. They do not like that. Like, Jacob's mom does not like being called Ms. Rose.

[C]

Ms. Rose.

[A]

She's like, I just call me Rose.

[B]

Well, so the culture and any West Indians, listen, probably identify with this. So you don't call like. Because, you know, you have close friends of the family, right, that you. You call them auntie and uncle, even though they're not your blood relatives. You call them like Auntie. You like Auntie Jackie. Or you call her. You call uncle.

[A]

Well, how long would me and Jack have a hangout for? I can call her Auntie Jackie.

[B]

You can call her.

[A]

I'm never gonna call her. She was like, don't call me. Don't call me Auntie Jackie.

[B]

You can call that now. She would love that.

[A]

But not Miss Jackie.

[B]

You can call it Jackie or Auntie Jackie.

[A]

It's too formal.

[B]

I think it's too formal. She's like, we're family.

[A]

Okay. Work.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And my mom, I mean, she doesn't like.

[B]

Your mom does not like be calling. She doesn't. Do not call her Ms. Martha. She's like, I am not Ms. Martha.

[A]

She did not like we call her Ms. Martha. I call her. I call her mom or Ms. Caldwell.

[B]

Ms. Caldwell.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I call her Ms. Caldwell.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

But a lot of people call her Ms. Martha. And she started accepting people to call her Miss Martha. I went live with the patrons of

[B]

the other day, and they were all

[A]

Miss Martha and her. And I was like, oh, Lord, she does not like being called Miss Martha. She thinks that. I think my mom's. I think my mom was honestly triggered by the phrase by the name Miss Martha.

[B]

Because it sounds like, I think like

[A]

a lot of racist white people called her Miss Martha when she was younger. And she does not like being called Miss Martha.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Something about the. I feel like, natural. I should call on one real quick and let her know she's on the podcast. We're gonna have a quick mother break. And I asked mom, why does she not like being called Miss Martha? I remember one time, she was like, I just feel like white people call me Ms. Martha

[B]

Chick. Like, hey, Ms. Martha.

[A]

I think you called her Ms. Martha before. But then she was like, she. Well, I think she felt comfortable enough to be like, please don't call me. Just call Ms. Caldwell. I call my Ms. Caldwell. Or Ma.

[D]

Hello?

[A]

Hey, Ma.

[D]

Hey, Christopher.

[A]

I'm on the podcast. You're on the podcast?

[D]

Oh, hey, Christopher.

[A]

Monet's here too.

[B]

Hi, Miss Caldwell.

[A]

I said Monet's here too.

[B]

Hi, Miss Caldwell.

[D]

Hey, Monet. How you doing?

[B]

I'm good.

[A]

How you doing? I was wondering, why don't you like being called Miss Martha? You prefer Miss Caldwell over Miss Martha?

[D]

Uh huh.

[A]

You once said you prefer Miss Caldwell over Miss Martha.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Why do you not like being called Miss Martha?

[D]

Because it sound like a slave name.

[A]

That's what I told it. I said, I think one was triggered. It sounds like racist when people say Miss Martha. So you'll accept Martha, just not Miss Martha.

[D]

Right.

[A]

And Miss Caldwell, but not Miss Martha. So it's either Martha, Miss Caldwell, or. And that's it. I saw that cosplay there and I was trying to explain why I call you Ms. Caldwell. Because when I was a kid, I would say Ma so often that my mother would put in restrictions where for like, for the rest of the night or for the rest of the weekend, you can't say Ma. Do not say Ma. So then I just said, ma.

[D]

Ma. Ma.

[B]

I hear that.

[A]

So for the weekend, I would say Ms. Caldwell. Anyway.

[B]

Wait, Ms. Caldwell. So I tell everyone this story. Last time when I came to the house and I was there, and you had cut up some watermelon, and you asked me if I want some, and I was like, no, I don't eat. I don't like watermelon. And then you said, oh, Lord, you went black. And I tell everyone that story. It's very funny.

[D]

You ain't black if you eat watermelon. Sweet potato pieces.

[B]

I love sweet potato pie.

[A]

Well, Monet is from. You know. Monet's from the Caribbean. They be eating beef. Not beef. Curry. Goat. And plantains. Y' all eat plantains?

[B]

Yeah, plantains.

[A]

And what's that fish you always eat in that? Tuna fish. Y' all both love tuna fish?

[B]

I love tuna fish.

[A]

My mother used to eat tuna fish every morning. And I tell you, literally every single morning, my mother would have a boiled egg, some hot co. Well, she would give me hot cocoa. She'd have a boiled egg and tuna fish on toast. Right, Mom?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Which is kind of a weird breakfast. Anyway. All right. I love you.

[D]

Well, I love y', all, too.

[B]

Love you, too.

[D]

That's the way to go, Monet.

[B]

Say it again.

[D]

That's the way to go, Monet.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Way to go for what?

[B]

Just in life.

[D]

Don't worry about it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What you got? Y' all got a secret side conversation?

[B]

We do.

[A]

Well, send me Jackie number because I want to have a secret side conversation, too.

[B]

All right.

[A]

I love you, Ma.

[D]

Love you, too. Bye. Bye.

[B]

Bye.

[A]

What is my mom congratulating you on? Nothing.

[B]

Why you in our business?

[A]

Read the next question, bitch. We are one question in.

[B]

This is gonna. We have to just. We'll do this over the course of time. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be now? Are we doing, like, super superhuman abilities?

[A]

I think abilities that people have.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I would choose. I want to be multilingual. I want to be able to. I want to be able to speak English. I'm still working on that. Spanish, Mandarin, Japanese, and maybe Tagalog.

[B]

Cute.

[A]

Or German. No, I was. I'm so about Tagalog for Italian.

[B]

Italian.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm swapping out. Yeah. Italian or Amar. I've always wanted to learn how to speak Amharic, which is Amharic. Amharic.

[B]

What's that?

[A]

Which is the only thing to speak in Ethiopia.

[D]

Oh, wow.

[A]

Or I want to speak Swahili, which is one of the most widely spoken languages in the entire continent of Africa.

[B]

Is it really? Swahili?

[C]

Is.

[A]

Yeah. I started learning Swahili with. With Rosetta Stone when I was, like, in my 20s, but I had no one to practice with. God, we could together.

[B]

I would do that. But why don't any of those apps ever work?

[A]

They do work if you do them consistently and you have to have people to practice with.

[B]

Yeah. I would want to play the piano.

[A]

And, you know, one that really works. Babbel. I really recommend you all just Babble's great. Give Babble a shot.

[B]

Yeah, I would want to be, like, a concert pianist.

[A]

You can already kind of play a piano.

[B]

I can. No, but I can.

[A]

You can hone your skill. You can actually just try hard.

[B]

No, there is. There is. I will never be a. Yeah, never.

[A]

I'm sorry.

[B]

I want to be a concert pianist where I can, like, bitch, I want to end, but also play by sight and ear, because church musicians are so good at playing by ear. And not saying that concert pianists aren't, but there is, like, a. There's an economy between sight, singing, sight playing musicians and airplane musicians. I would like to be really good at both.

[A]

I used to have a huge crush on this concert pianist that.

[B]

In Australia?

[A]

No, in. In New York City when I first moved there. And him and his boyfriend. I used to be obsessed with both of them. Like, I would have been their little polycule baby, for sure.

[B]

You be.

[A]

But they ended up breaking up.

[B]

They're little Georges.

[A]

I'd be the little. I would have been the little George. We were all the same age, though. They're all probably, like, somewhere between, like, 37 and 40.

[B]

Yeah. I would love to be a concert pianist.

[A]

Would you be someone, like, a hint, like, two people's, like, third, like, little, like, slut boy?

[B]

I can't think of anyone that I'm like, I wish I was a part of that.

[A]

Like, two hot daddies. What if. What's his name? Majors. What's his name?

[B]

Jonathan Majors.

[D]

And.

[B]

And Michael B. Jordan. Absolutely. Absolutely. Would you be that little bitch Chain me up and use me when y' all come home?

[D]

Only.

[B]

And I would just live to do that.

[A]

Only I would serve God. Jesus Christ, our moms run this episode.

[B]

Absolutely.

[C]

I would.

[A]

What would Jackie say about it?

[B]

Every time I see those pictures of them together or doing, like, the interview together, I'm like, I wonder what it would be to just be at their service.

[A]

Read the next question. This got vulgar, girl.

[B]

Oh, this Is set two. We're into set two.

[A]

Work.

[B]

If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know? So you can choose. I think one of these things. You can choose know the truth about yourself, your life, which that seems anyway. The future or anything else I know.

[D]

Or.

[A]

Or. Or anything. Um. You know, when I was younger, I used to think, I want to know how I'm gonna die. But if it's. If it's. I would be depressed if I found out. It was gonna be like, in my 30s, I'd be like, oh, no.

[B]

Oh, no. Before we found out it's Friday.

[A]

Like, I'd be like, oh, man.

[B]

But think of what you would do, what you could do with that information, though. Like, if I found out I was going to die next week, bitch, I am going. I am doing everything I want to do with this next week because it's gonna happen. So. And again, we're all. It's gonna happen to all of us, and everyone in this room is gonna die. Like, I wouldn't want to know when that is. So I can plan a. Bitch, I can plan accordingly.

[A]

When they say everybody in this room's gonna die Verbatim. Verbatim. You said everybody in this room's gonna die right now. That is cr. I cannot believe you just said that to us. Elsie drinking beer. Deaf is doing too.

[B]

That's what I said. I literally said this earlier. It's pretty.

[A]

It looks like a tall boy. Do y' all call him tall boys in Philly?

[B]

No, that's country.

[A]

Do you call him tall boys in Philly or do you know Jacob grew up everywhere. We should have him do a four minute.

[B]

Where his life, everything, everywhere, all at once.

[A]

Can we get a four minute of you? Let's do a two minute of you. All right, two minutes. Hold on. Let me start the timer. We're going to give you the two minute. Vern Jacobs and I want to talk for four minutes and go.

[C]

Okay. I was born on February 19, 1993 in McLean, Virginia, to my parents, Rose and Dean. I have an older sister. She's four years older than me. Her name is Eliana. My parents Eliana to a Spanish language immersion school when she was a child. So she's fluent in Spanish now, but they never did that for me anyway. We moved from McLean to New Jersey, where I went to middle school from first to eighth grade. When I was in eighth grade, I went to a boarding school in Pennsylvania because my parents moved in Durham, North Carolina. And I didn't want to move to North Carolina. So I went to a boarding school in Pennsylvania and I spent summers in North Carolina. Then from there I went to college in New York City at the. Oh, sorry. From there I worked for celebrity photographer Mike Ruiz for one year after I graduated high school to figure out if I actually wanted to pursue photography. I decided I did. I started college in the new school in New York City. I was also. So I moved to New York, worked micro ease, went to college in New York for four year five years. It's supposed to be a four year program, but I kind of fucked up some of my credits. 15 years move. So graduate from college, couldn't find a job. Found a job randomly in San Francisco working at a haunted house. Where's the haunted house? For eight months. Then I started, became a food tour guide, worked as a barista, was doing photography on the side the whole time. Met this man, started dating. I moved to New York to live with him. The pandemic happened, we moved to Los Angeles and now I live here.

[A]

You have 30 seconds.

[C]

Where I also work currently as the producer for a podcast and I do my own photography work on the side and I also do some video editing work here and there. So, yeah, I've lived in. It was. How much time do I have?

[A]

I mean, you don't have to fill it out, but you have 15 seconds.

[C]

Okay, so Virginia to New Jersey, New Jersey to Philadelphia, slash North Carolina, North Carolina to New York, New York to San Francisco, back to New York, then to Los Angeles. And my name is Jacob.

[A]

All right, there we go. Did you learn anything new about Jacob just now?

[B]

No, I didn't know he lived your family. I didn't even. You went to a boarding school. I didn't know that.

[A]

Yeah. A quicker school.

[B]

Would you, would you send. Jacob was the lady Bunny and his ponka.

[C]

And I went to a Quaker middle school too.

[A]

What is a Quaker?

[C]

My school is 200 years old.

[B]

Yeah, Bunny liked her going to Quaker school. She was like, she's, she's very happy.

[A]

I would never say. I don't, I don't think I'd send my kids to a boarding school. But I, I, if I had kids, I, I do think I would want to send them to a private school. Like is that. But still went to public school. And I.

[B]

There are some good, like it depends on what county you live in. There are some.

[D]

Really?

[A]

I live in la. I'm not saying my kids are Hollywood High School. Have you driven my Hollywood High School? No, I'm not sending my kids to Hollywood High School. That I know.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, I would. I mean, let me tell you something, just to kind of, you know, talk with. I was. As Jacob was telling that story, I was like, I want to have kids.

[A]

You know what? You want to have kids with Jacob?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

They'd be cute.

[B]

They would be cute. No, I definitely want to have kids. And I'm like. I'm like, would you have a sister? No.

[A]

You don't have a sister?

[B]

I don't have a sister, though.

[A]

Do you have any cousins your age, like women?

[B]

No.

[A]

Is Andy?

[D]

No.

[B]

I mean, he's not. If he does, he's not close with him. Like, you mean, like, if I asked

[A]

him, there's no women Andy's age?

[B]

No.

[A]

In his family?

[B]

No.

[A]

A little bit older. Any childbearing age?

[B]

No.

[A]

How about you in your life? No. Women between 20 and 30 in your whole family?

[B]

Not. No. I'm. You're the woman. If I want to have kids, I would want to give my kids such a fierce experience. Like, I'm telling you. Like, what about.

[C]

Would you have Kamika or Arcia?

[B]

Either. Or if they would. I don't think any of them would. To ask that of a friend. Annie and I jokingly said, well, Arcia, you know, we're going to think of you for a circle. She's like, yeah, have my check ready. Arcia is a monster.

[A]

I feel like. Okay, we've discussed this before that, and we've not discussed this with Ellie, by the way, the person we probably should be talking to this about with anyone. But we were like, I feel like if Ellie were to give us an egg and hold the baby and carry the baby, because I want your DNA in the baby, or if.

[C]

I don't know if she would carry

[A]

the baby, why, That's a lot of king.

[C]

Well, I feel like it would be a very large baby, and she was a very small woman.

[A]

Rose said that she would pay for it. Roses. Rose said that she would. Whoever is going to carry the baby, she would make sure they are comfortable. So. And, Ellie, you just got married. I know expenses be coming in. This is a great opportunity.

[C]

Although I think Ellie is focusing on her own baby of hers. Probably that would be her.

[A]

But I also do have several cousins who already had a couple of babies. Amanda's had a few babies, Angela's had a few babies, and Ashley's had a few babies, and they're all roughly my age. Me and Angela are the same age. Ashley's two years older. I Mean Angela, Amanda's two years old and Ashley's a few years younger than me, so. But they can give birth to jk.

[B]

We had to have a kid.

[A]

Jake and Lil baby was a slider. Jacob, look him up. Whoa. We're like, woo. That was easy.

[B]

We have to have our kid at the same time. So we need to, we need to. So it's not just planning with Jacob you need to plan with. We need to plan each other what's going on.

[A]

I mean, I feel like I would want Amanda to carry my baby, my cousin Amanda.

[C]

What if all four of us co parent one or two children and then we can split up a thing.

[A]

I have been very much into co parenting. I think co parenting is really it. And I've already said the baby can live. The child can live with you.

[C]

You.

[A]

I'm not even arguing for effort.

[B]

You're not even asking j what Jacob thinks about that.

[C]

That's fine. That's fine.

[D]

Y' all are correct.

[A]

We're on the same page.

[B]

Y' all can't say what you.

[A]

We didn't say it. We said the child like you said.

[C]

They.

[D]

They.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, but let me tell you this. I'm going ham on this kid.

[A]

Go ham.

[B]

Ham.

[A]

I will be, I'll be across town being like, that's my baby.

[B]

A ham. They're doing all the things, all the

[A]

things what they want to do.

[B]

But.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Music is a non negotiable. You're playing, you're, you're, you're learning an instrument and you're playing it.

[A]

What if they to.

[D]

Don't want.

[A]

Want to.

[B]

They have to.

[A]

Yeah, we need to not have a kid. You're gonna make your kid, but they have to. Have you seen these kids who are forced to do the scales and, but then later on in life, they're.

[B]

9 times out of 10, they're so grateful that their parents made them stick

[A]

with music because you made that statistic up.

[B]

No, that is not true.

[A]

Nine times out of 10, that is a statistic that you just made up. You don't know that. 90% of children.

[B]

Okay, of all my. When I in, in undergrad, all of my, all of my friends who like, who were the piano majors and play instruments and they're like, they will be like belly can about it. They were all very happy that they, that they stuck through with music.

[A]

What about the ones who didn't pursue music?

[B]

Well, I'm talking about all the ones that did.

[A]

Okay, what about the ones you experienced? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Skewed results Skewed results.

[B]

Are there any like, non negotiables for you that they have to do?

[A]

I would like for my child to learn multiple languages.

[B]

Oh, emergent school.

[A]

That, that or private tutors.

[B]

But immersion is better because they're doing it all the time. Like, like it is like, right, Jacob? They're only allowed to speak that language.

[A]

And I like an emergent school, but

[C]

all of my sisters classes were in Spanish, except for English.

[A]

I like, I like an emergent school, but also like, I want to. I want them go to the best school. So if the emerging school isn't just the best school, I would like for my kids to go to a very nice school so they can still get private lessons and still learn, you know that.

[B]

Or pay for an au pair. So they're always doing it in the house that they're only allowed to speak that at home.

[A]

But you wouldn't be able to speak the language. You and the au pair and Kevin, you're gonna be talking shit about you behind your back.

[B]

It's just fine. As long as my kid learns the language, I'm fine. Cause what would be ideal? Emergent school, right, with one language. Like emergency school is Spanish. Home. The au pair is French.

[A]

This is violence.

[B]

What?

[A]

You are whooping my ass right now. Are you guys making your children.

[B]

No, no, no Spanking now Punishments? I mean, like, within reason, right?

[D]

Like.

[A]

Oh, we forgot the question.

[B]

Yeah. We've just had this conversation about children many times. Yeah.

[A]

Which is why we need to raise a child together.

[B]

Okay, let's go with this.

[A]

Are you really not interested in raising a child? Are you serious? You're like, that's your final.

[B]

I'm too much of a conversation with my kids.

[A]

You're not up for the conversation?

[B]

I'm not up for the conversation.

[D]

I'm not.

[A]

Well, honestly, that's fine because my kids gonna fucking whoop your kid's ass in every category. Your little piano organ. A. A little language. Five languages.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

If your kid's 5, 11. My.

[B]

Oh, your kid speak a language. My kid going to telekinesis.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Speak the mental.

[A]

Yeah. My child's going to make your kid look. Embarrass your kid at every function.

[B]

Oh, my God, you're insane.

[A]

Yeah, bring it. Little Bobby JR about to go. Oh, what we name our kid Bobby Jr? What if we actually named our kid my. Our kid Bob? Like, Robert? This is kind of cute.

[B]

Look at Jacob. Jacob is like, absolutely.

[A]

That's actually kind of cute.

[B]

No, it's not.

[A]

Anyway, what's the Greatest accomplishment of your life. The greatest what accomplishment of your life? What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

[B]

You know, I think graduating college was. Is probably my biggest accomplishment so far. I think that a lot of that felt personal. The tools and the things that I have that I. For that have helped me in drag and other aspects of my life came from college, like the diligent work of studying and practicing and voice and graduating and the hard work.

[A]

I think for me, it was being able to be a full time working artist in New York City pre Drag Race. Like so many. There are very, very few people who can actually say that they are. That they pursue their dream of working as a full time artist. I have been paying my bills mostly through my artistry since I was 19 years old, which is kind of low key.

[B]

Crazy. Yeah.

[A]

Like, I feel very. And I mean, even before I got on tv, like, that's. That's kind of major.

[B]

Yeah, for sure. Especially in New York.

[A]

Yes. This is my first acting gig at Climb Theater at the age of 19. Or was I 20? I think I was 19 years old. I can't remember. But that was kind of, you know, what? Gaggy. My sophomore year of college. What do you value most in a friendship?

[B]

Ooh, honesty and trust in a friendship. And I think that kind of echoes in relationships too, but for friendship, for sure. Like, I think what I value about all of my friends that are, like, my core best friends, I know that I can talk to them. I get an honest answer, and there are, like, friends that I can trust with my very. My deepest and darkest secrets.

[A]

I mean, same. I really value honesty and. Yeah, lying is just weird.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's weird behavior.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What is your most treasured memory?

[B]

Ooh, my most treasured memory. There's so many, and a lot of them are span dragons and like, going back to town hall and doing Cinnamon rivalry live and town hall with my best friend and being on stage, like, that was such a big memory for me. Also, the first time I did psychedelics, the first time I did mushrooms at acid. Bitch.

[A]

It was Mesopotamia.

[B]

Fierce.

[A]

Was this when you were in the closet? In the broom closet.

[B]

In the broom closet.

[A]

What you like, I was in Mesopotamia. I was like, bitch, you were in the broom closet.

[B]

That was like, that's a core memory. Yeah. Some stuff Andy and I have done together. Like, adventure stuff.

[A]

Like there's like the Vegas hike.

[C]

Core memory.

[A]

Core memory. What's the stuff that you, Andy, did that was like. It's like a core memory for you or like a valued, treasured Memory.

[B]

When we went to Portland. It seems so silly. When we went to Portland for the second time, we went to Portland. When we missed the Chelsea Hannah thing. It was such a. There's nothing about it that was like, oh, my God, this thing happened. But it was just. It was just a great time, and we had such a good time together.

[A]

It's not. It sounds like a sad memory, but I think it actually was actually bonding. But I just remember me, you, and Jacob in the basement crying while recording the one about the state of America.

[B]

Yes. That was. That was wild.

[A]

I just remember we were like, all. All of us are crying. I was like, we are. We are crying. It was so. It was like. But we. I think we bonded.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Over that one. And the world was just so scary. Like, y'.

[D]

All.

[B]

January 2020. I mean, June 2020 was wild.

[A]

I feel like when people who are, like, too young now to remember what the lockdown was, like, are asking us. They're not going to believe us when we're like, we. I swear. Yeah, it was. I swear it was.

[B]

It was crazy.

[A]

Winning Drag Race is a great memory for me. Go, like, go. I remember, like, going to, like, the. Walking into the workroom for the first time is a.

[B]

That is a good one.

[A]

Landing in New York City, August 24, 2008, 6:34 at LaGuardia Airport in the AM landing and being like, I am in New. This is crazy. I'm in New York City. That was just bananas for me. I cannot believe that I moved to New York City with $700.

[B]

Did you have a place to stay?

[A]

Yes, I did. A friend of mine. It was a whole story. My friend was like, you can stay with me. I'll never forget he said this. He was like, when I moved to New York City, my friend kicked me out after a week, and I would never do that to you.

[B]

And he did.

[A]

He kept true. He kicked me out before a week. He gave me five days and was like, you got to go work. So in his defense, he did not kick me out for a week. I didn't even make it a week. And he was like, you need to find a new place to stay.

[B]

That's hilarious. Why?

[A]

Because he asked me how much money I had, and he's like, well, have you saved money? I said, yes, I've saved up $1,400. And he was like, great. When I got to New York, he was like, how much do you have? And I was like, $700. And he was like, you lied to me. I was like, I Did not lie. That was, like, two weeks ago. I had to get to New York. I had to. I mean, which one bought me to have to, like, get to. From the airport? You know, getting from the airport to a place is expensive. I had to eat every single day. I ate every day. I don't even want to say his name because it upsets me so much. I was like, I lived my entire life. So. Yeah. Spending 700 in two weeks is not crazy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That is, actually, especially if you're moving.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Across the country, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So he thought. He felt like I lied to him about how much money I saved up, and he told me I had to move. And he. And he was like. And it was like, you need to be gone before I get home. I don't want to see you. He used to work at mct, which is the Manhattan. No, mtc. The Manhattan Theater Company. And he was like, you need. He was like, I met him. I was like. He met. I met him downstairs, and he was like, hey, I just want you to know that you have to be gone before I get home. And like, I felt like you lied to me. I feel like you said you had more money than you do.

[B]

And do you think he looks back at that now? Like, I know. Seeing, like, all your accomplishments and be

[A]

like, damn, I don't know. I spoke to him on the phone before the pandemic, and he was like, oh, I'm so proud of you. And I was like.

[B]

But also, in his mind, he's probably like, that gave you the. He thinks that he's probably the catalyst. He's like, this gave him the push to be great.

[A]

It was not what gave me the push. I mean, it gave me the push to go on Craigslist and find a roommate. Shout out to Poppy. Who was my Poppy? Poppy was my roommate. Was my second roommate in New York City. Well, I mean, I was living on Steven's couch. Poppy was this Indonesian lady that I ended up living in her living room. You know, one of those sectioned off living rooms.

[B]

Girl, New York City will. That is crazy.

[A]

So I lived in her. But Poppy used to cook down, like, every day. Poppy was cooking. So that was one of the great things about living with Poppy. She. She made sure that I ate every single day. And then I lived with who's like, it was Jonathan and I can't. Malini.

[B]

Jonathan Malaney.

[A]

You left with. Jonathan and Malini were this couple that I lived with and their baby, me. Chastity, shared a room. It was one of those Homies, baby. Chastity was my friend from college who I was gonna move to New York City, and then Chastity was gonna follow behind me, and we were gonna, like, figure it out and be roommates together

[B]

in New York City.

[A]

So I moved there first. So I set things up in Chassity, move down the line and shout out to Chasity, by the way, I love you so much, Chastity. My early years in XA would have never been able to happen if I did not have Chastity there. So shout out to my college friend, chastity, I love you so much. But me and Chastity lived in one room, and then Jonathan, Malini and the baby lived in the other room. And there was no living room. It was like you walk right in, and then there was two rooms on each side. There were five of us living in this two bedroom house.

[B]

Gag.

[A]

With no living room. And Malini was like, she did not. Like, one time, she was like, there's a pube on the toilet. And I was like, okay. And she was like, this is unacceptable. There's a pube on the. I was like, it's on the toilet. If there was a pube on the dinner table. If there's a pube on the dinner table, yeah, maybe. But on the toilet paper, pubes might land on the toilet. Like, that makes sense to me.

[B]

That's hilarious.

[A]

And she'd always be like, you have too many dishes in the sink. And I was like, that's not. I have one plate, one knife, one fork, one cup, and one spoon. Even if all my dishes are in the sink at the same time, there's no way. It was a whole thing. That was a pretty tough living situation.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

You never got to meet Chastity.

[B]

I never met Chastity.

[A]

Chassis was really my, like, my lifeline in. In New York.

[D]

Sorry.

[A]

Oh, I'm gonna show you a picture of chassis. Chassis was like. My. Was like, it's like a break or we're done.

[B]

We're done.

[C]

We're at an hour, but we can go.

[A]

Oh, my God. I feel like we really.

[B]

We're gonna do.

[A]

We are not gonna make it through these things.

[B]

Yeah, It's a work in progress.

[C]

I'm gonna.

[B]

I'm gonna choose one last one for us.

[A]

This is Chastity.

[D]

Oh.

[A]

Chastity was my. Was my first, like, my first roommate in New York City that I actually live with, and I introduced her to her husband.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. He used to work. He used to work with us.

[C]

I think his name was.

[A]

I think his name is cj. He used to work with us at the Jekyll and Hyde Club. And they. They met Chassis used to work at Barnes and noble. And C.J. was, I think, like a bar back at the Jekyll and Hyde Club. He was so. I. He was so funny. But, yeah, that's my homegirl, Chastity. That was like. I mean, she's. I wouldn't call her my Kamika because I met her in college much later than you met. But I remember telling Chaz, like, I want to. I want to move to New York City. And she was like, you know what? I want to move to New York City. A baby. Because Chaz had a big crush on this other guy named Dee. But all the girls had a crush on D. Like, every girl. Every girl had a crush on D. Like, obviously.

[B]

Would I have. Would I have had a crush on D?

[D]

Probably.

[B]

Was he my T?

[A]

D wasn't super tall, though. D's like, your height.

[B]

Maybe I gotta do my height.

[A]

Yeah. Then.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And he's about your height, isn't he?

[B]

And he's like, 2 inches taller than me.

[A]

And. But then I. But. But CJ was like. He was like. When your friend Chastity comes over, he was. He would just, like, be in the back being like, you have to introduce me to her. This woman is a lot like. I know she's a. I love her. And I'd be like. And I'd be like, okay, I can try. And she would. But she was like, I want to talk to Dee. But all. But. And I was like, well, Chastity, here's cj.

[D]

And.

[A]

And you might like him. He's. And he's really nice. And she. And they. They fell head over heels and moved back to Georgia.

[B]

Oh, they moved back to Georgia.

[A]

They moved back to Georgia.

[B]

Okay, this is the last question. If you. Did you read the. If you knew in one year you would die.

[A]

What did you say?

[B]

If you knew in one year you would die suddenly.

[D]

No.

[B]

Okay, last question. If you knew in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you're living now? Why?

[A]

If I knew in one year I would die suddenly, I would launch a deep investigation into Monet X Change and find out what she's planning to do to end my existence. These hoes been praying for my downfall.

[D]

Kimberly, you're wet.

[A]

I don't give a fuck.

[B]

What is that from?

[A]

You never seen it? I don't think it's Kim. I can't remember her name. But they're like, you're wet. And she goes, I don't give a fuck. Have you never seen this? Sorry. Tell yours while looking.

[B]

If I found I was dying in a year, I would rich. I would go ham. I would do all the things. I would change. I would probably. I'll probably still do some work stuff because I would want to. I love doing that, too. But I would make some drastic changes to go and do things that I have never done. Like, I would love to go to Bora Bora. I want to go to Fiji. I want to, like, live in one of them little villas on top of the water. You can just walk into the water. You know what I mean? I want to do all that. So I would do things like that. That I really want to do that I.

[A]

But I love working stuff. Like, some of them.

[B]

I would.

[A]

I would do a big show. Like, I would do a farewell show.

[B]

Yeah, I would do a big.

[D]

For sure.

[A]

I would do a great big farewell show.

[B]

I would do something fun like that, for sure.

[A]

And I mean, I don't know how much I would be traveling because I just don't. I don't love, love traveling. I like traveling, but not that much. Like, I want. I want to spend time with people I know and that I love. And if they want to go to some places, we can go to some places. But I would mostly want to spend it with people as opposed to going to see places, to be honest, because I would feel I would be thinking about the people that I love when I'm in these places.

[B]

But you have a year, so I think I would do a lot of that too. But I'm doing a big farewell party where I'm taking the biggest Molly I can find and just roll all night long.

[A]

Is a Molly a thing?

[B]

It's like a pill.

[A]

That Molly was, like, liquid.

[B]

You could do. You can. But you can take the pill and put it in water and make Molly

[D]

water

[B]

like the dust.

[A]

Would I be sober for my last year of my life? Oh, yes.

[B]

Oh, my God. Great question. Would you be okay?

[A]

I would, yeah. I'd be sober, yeah.

[C]

Really?

[B]

You wouldn't try one last time, like, to just die once? Like. Like, say you've heard of a lot of people talking about, like, LSD or mushroom. You wouldn't try one thing one last time?

[A]

No, because I think that I would end up being a drug addict in my last year of my life.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

Like, my whole. My whole last year would be me, like, fucked up, like, the whole year.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

I wouldn't be like, that was fun. It'd be like, yeah, have y' all seen Bob? I was a mess.

[B]

You dying? Who cares? It'd be a mess.

[A]

But I want to remember my last year with people. And I want to, you know, I would definitely have to do a big show.

[B]

And on the day that I'm dying, I want no one around. Probably just like, me and, like, my closest.

[D]

Closest.

[B]

Not even. I just wanted me to be around myself. Like, I want to go out being my last independent moment. Just me and my thoughts. And here it is. I don't want to be alone. Yes. I don't want people sad because everybody in the room will be like, sad.

[A]

They'll be at home sad.

[B]

Right. But I don't want to see that. I want to experience my last moments with me. I don't want to see people be like, I want to be in the room by myself watching Judge Judy.

[A]

I kind of low key want to die alone, too. Yeah. I don't want to die. Like, the idea of getting sick, I do not. Like, if something happens to me and I get sick, I do not want people, like, up in my face, like, pitying me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That annoy, like, that does not feel nice.

[B]

Keep me alone.

[A]

Like. Like, I don't want people being like, I'm already dying. Can you? Like, not me. You know what I mean?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

But also, I'm dying. I want people to help me with stuff like, oh, I'm dying, bitch, help me. I am dying. Help. Be well.

[B]

We will have to work on these questions while you're away on with Die First.

[A]

Me or you?

[B]

You, for sure. Why you just. You're going to die first.

[A]

Like, why do you think that?

[B]

I just know.

[A]

Based on what?

[B]

Just.

[A]

You're the one skydiving, jumping off of shit. You're the one traveling around. I stay at home by video game. I go for my little walks.

[B]

I feel in my heart. You're just. You're going to die first and I'm going to be very sad.

[A]

And when you die, I am gonna

[C]

say, ah, Monet, how old is your Grandmother?

[B]

My grandmother's 88.

[A]

Damn.

[D]

Christ.

[A]

Yes, my grandmother and I have 54, but cold as is.

[D]

Christ.

[A]

There have been people in my family who've lived very long, I'll have you know.

[B]

Or I want to be playing Smash when I go out and, like, and I want to time it as my character dies at that last.

[D]

That.

[B]

That's when I want him to take my last.

[A]

Do you really want to play or do you want someone to let you win.

[B]

No, I want to play a play. What if you lose? Because I won't. I'm one of the best Smash players in the zone.

[A]

But I beat you all the time.

[B]

Not all the time.

[A]

I do beat you all the time. Whenever we play, I beat you at least. If we play, like, five rounds, I usually beat you at least two of those five, and that is legit.

[B]

That's most to be three, most to be four.

[A]

I didn't say most. I said I beat you all the time. I didn't say most. I said I beat you all the time. There has rarely been a whole round where I don't beat you. Like, there's never been a whole session where I don't beat you.

[B]

We can sell those after this.

[A]

We can, and I think we will. And by the way, I have a capture card, okay? So we can literally. People can see it on the Internet. So you can stop the. Also, don't we still have footage of Jacob scrubbing you across the floor on the Internet? Don't we have actual footage of my. My boyfriend?

[B]

We don't. I have footage of my boyfriend crumbling your little fingers.

[A]

Yeah, he lost.

[B]

No, he did it.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

First of all, I have whooped up your boyfriend, and my boyfriend has whooped up on you. Y' all are team losing. Okay? I beat your little boyfriend twice. Crumpled to the ground. He's obsessed. He bought one of these things because he's obsessed night and day trying to beat me. And Jacob embarrassed you. My boyfriend embarrassed you.

[B]

It was not Jacob. It was Kahmora Hall.

[A]

No, it was Jacob. Jacob, did you beat one a. I.

[C]

Yes. During the thing. I beat Monet, and then I beat Kim Chi, and then I lost to Kahmora hall last year.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Jacob put on his little headphones.

[C]

There is footage of it online if you search. Bob the Drag Queen, Smash Brothers tournament.

[A]

Yeah. And you know what, Jacob? Probably.

[B]

But you know who didn't beat me? You.

[A]

I didn't play against you. I wasn't playing.

[B]

Yeah, because you couldn't. You cowered in the Internet.

[A]

I was one of the hosts.

[B]

Yeah, you cowered.

[C]

We also have footage in the Patreon exclusive of when we all play Smash Brothers with Kim Chi and Bob. Wings of Few rounds there.

[B]

And you can watch that as well. All the time. Yeah, some of the time.

[A]

I said often it was first. I didn't say all the time. I said.

[B]

You did say all the time.

[A]

What? I said.

[B]

You said all the time.

[D]

A lot.

[A]

A lot of the times. What'd I say, Jacob? I didn't say. I didn't say. Wait. Most likely, Monet beats most time. But I beat Monet a lot.

[D]

All.

[A]

Every time we play, I have some rounds where I whoop,

[B]

we're overtime. We gotta go.

[D]

Bye.

[B]

We all prefer things a certain way. Like groceries. If you want groceries just how you like them, you gotta try Instacart. They have a new preference picker that lets you pick how ripe or unripe

[A]

you want your bananas.

[B]

Shoppers can see your preferences up front, helping guide their choices. Because when it comes to groceries, the details matter. Instacart get groceries just how you like.