The One About Names

Summary

Sibling Rivalry: "The One About Names"

Date: July 14, 2025
Hosts: Monét X Change & Bob The Drag Queen

Episode Overview

This episode of Sibling Rivalry sees Monét X Change and Bob the Drag Queen dive into the wild world of names—drag names, real names, cultural names, pet peeves about names, and the chaos that ensues when people get them wrong. Interwoven throughout is Monét recounting a ridiculous Airbnb fallout, debates about regional identity, and plenty of sharp, signature banter. The episode is as much about how names shape identity and relationships as it is about hilarious life stories and the relatable struggle of existing as a queer person navigating family, fame, and the everyday.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening Banter: Collaboration Woes & Boundaries

Timestamps: 00:49 – 02:15

• Bob heartbreakingly confesses wanting to record an Outkast-style joint album with Monét, only to be shut down:

  "I wanted to do an album with Monet very, very badly...And Monet gave me a hard no," – Bob [00:52]

• Monét clarifies it was about timing, not rejection, reflecting on the difficulty of setting boundaries with close friends:

  "I had other stuff going on...I've done so many business ventures with you!" – Monét [01:17]

• The duo poke fun at their boundaries, referencing past living arrangements and business experiences, highlighting the messiness (and humor) of queer chosen family.

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2. Travel Stories: Airbnbs, Hotels, and Gross Surprises

Timestamps: 03:14 – 14:21

• Bob shares NYC adventures, including hosting Mateo Lane’s show at Radio City and hanging with Broadway’s Adrian Warren:

  “I hosted Mateo Lane's sold out show at Radio City Music Hall...Tiffany's will send you a silver...like a backstage pass.” – Bob [03:14]

• Monét recounts a Costa Rica trip gone wrong, where an Airbnb host named "Debbie" accused her and boyfriend Andy (falsely) of damaging property and alleged "cocaine residue":

  “Debbie basically sent a thing like. Hey, I saw that, you guys...It appears as if the tag was ripped off of the comforter, causing damage…” – Monét [15:44]

• Bob and the peanut gallery debate the drama. Jacob analyzes the repair costs, while Monét mocks Debbie’s “civil rights comforter.”
• Notable Airbn horror stories, including brown hotel water, used condoms, and dead mice.

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3. Hotel & Housekeeper Rituals

Timestamps: 06:43 – 13:02

• Monét’s hotel preferences: high thread-count towels, immaculately clean bathrooms, and no remnants of past guests.

  "If I look under my sheet and I see...hair, little things that I..." – Monét [07:24]

• Bob’s laissez-faire attitude: "I just get in the bed" [07:49] and “If there’s a few strands, I honestly don’t care.” [09:13]
• The group discusses paranoia versus practicality in checking for hotel/flight cleanliness.
• Housekeeper anecdotes: hiding artifacts to test cleaning thoroughness (which both agree is "abusive"), and the social anxiety of cleaning before cleaners arrive.

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4. Real Names, Drag Names & The Politics of Naming

Timestamps: 23:01 – 44:42

• Bob reveals all her close pre-drag friends call her "Kevin," and shares coming out stories:

  “Tyrone is the first person I ever told I was gay...on a lunch break from school.” – Bob [23:30]

• Delving into legal and family names:
  • Bob’s government: Kevin Akeem Burton (with a side story about inconsistent spelling).
  • Monét: Christopher Delmar Caldwell.

    "Christopher means Christ bearer; Del Mar is Spanish for 'from the sea'; Caldwell is a Scottish word for cold spring..." – Bob [44:14]

• Discussion about the importance of pronunciation and spelling, and how names reflect (or reject) identity.

  “It's pronounced Del Mar, not Delamar!” – Monét [44:42]

• Conversation about hating nicknames, e.g. Bob’s dislike for “Chris” over “Christopher,” and school quirks like being seated in first-name alphabetical order (leading to a debate over southern vs. northern schools).

  "What kind of fucking back swamp backwoods is that?" – Monét [26:12]

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5. Names Within the Queer Community & Drag Race

Timestamps: 47:25 – 49:49

• Running joke about the prevalence of certain gay names (Kevin, Chris, Michael, Brian). They attempt to count Drag Race contestants’ real names.

  "I think the most common name in Drag Race is probably Brian." – Bob [47:59]

• Quick look at age gaps and relationships, triggered by Grindr discourse and the ethics of maturity versus age differences in gay spaces.

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6. Regional Rivalry & Identity: Is Texas ‘The South’?

Timestamps: 26:26 – 34:52

• A heated (and comedic) mini-debate over whether Texas counts as “the South,” with Bob referencing polls, Monét deriding the idea, and both throwing playful regional shade.

  “There is nowhere you can go in Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi…where you won’t be like, I am in the South…but in Texas…no shade, a lot of Texas ain’t giving southern culture.” – Bob [28:47]

• Bickering over New Yorker and Southern reputations leads to family/friend origin jokes ("You lived in one home...your house was on wheels...you in the only trailer park in New York City?") [35:53]
• Ongoing confusion about who’s “from Brooklyn,” with Bob accused of plotting to steal "the Brooklyn queen" title from Thorgy Thor [38:08].

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7. Name Trends, Gender, and the Power of Naming

Timestamps: 58:31 – 63:54

• Philosophizing on kid names: gender neutral names, the hazards of being a “Craig” or a “Kathy,” and the evolution of ‘unusual’ celebrity baby names.

  "I don't think I'm particularly interested in giving my child that struggle...named my daughter Craig..." – Bob [59:23]

• Bob jokes about telling people her drag name is Bob and her real name is "Brittany" for maximum confusion [60:55].
• Both discuss whether they’ve ever considered legally changing their names.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Bob, musing on boundaries:
  “I accepted your no, and I said, okay, you set a boundary, and I have accepted it.” – [01:48]

• Monét, on Airbnb drama:
  “Fucking Debbie from Uvita, Costa Rica…Debbie is a reimbursement for Debbie, you big, fat, white, racist, smelling fat bitch…I'm coming up there and I'm going to beat the fuck out you, bitch.” [15:18]
  (Peak Sibling Rivalry roasting, not for the faint-hearted.)

• Bob, ruminating on comforter gate:
  “Tags that are sewn into comforters, bitch, you’ll have a better time breaking into Fort Knox.” [20:45]

• Monét, on New York identity:
  “Monét, you’re from New York…you change your neighborhood based on how tough you want to be or how high class you want to be perceived.” [35:32]

• Regionally charged bickering:
  "What kind of fucking back swamp backwoods is that?" – Monét, after hearing about first-name alphabetical seating in school [26:12]

• Bob, on queer names:
  “Do you think that gay guys have the same names?...There’s a lot of gay Kevins.” [47:25]

• On coming out and teen years:
  “Tyrone is the first person I ever told I was gay...on a lunch break from school.” – Bob [23:30]

• On kid names and gender:
  "I don't think that's good parenting... I named my daughter Craig because I was bucking against gender norms, and now she has to get bullied at school because her name is Craig." – Bob [59:23]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:49-02:15: Boundaries, collaborations, and living arrangements
• 03:14-07:44: NYC gigs, Mateo Lane’s show, and hotel stories
• 08:05-13:02: Housekeeper rituals & cleanliness standards
• 14:21-22:07: Airbnb "Debbie" beef
• 23:01-44:42: Real names, coming out stories, and drag name philosophy
• 26:26-34:52: What counts as ‘the South’
• 47:25-49:49: Most common gay and Drag Race names
• 58:31–63:54: The politics and psychology of child naming; legal name changes

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The Sibling Rivalry Vibe

Bob and Monét are in peak form: sharp, fast, irreverent, and vulnerable when least expected. Their banter is deeply gay, Southern and Urban at once, inflected by years of friendship, inside jokes, occasional shade, and a genuine wish for understanding—be it about where to draw the line in a friendship, how to clean a hotel room, whether Texas counts as 'the South,' or what to name a child, drag persona, or new pet.

Classic Episode Energy:
Names are more than labels—they’re family, drag, history, shade, survival, and hilarity. And no one unpacks that chaos quite like this duo.

Transcript

[A]

My name is bob the drag queen,

[B]

and I'm monet x change. And this is sibling rivalry.

[A]

On this week's episode, Monet gets involved in some Airbn beef.

[B]

We talk about names, and we find

[A]

out what made Kevin say this kind

[B]

of fucking back swamp backwoods is that. And we found out what made Delamar say it up.

[A]

Kevin, that was so uncalled for.

[B]

Party rock is in the house tonight.

[A]

Everybody want to have a good time.

[B]

Bobby, you and I can make a party song.

[A]

I don't want to have this conversation with you. Go ahead, y'. All. I'm going to be open and honest and vulnerable with y' all right now. I wanted to do an album with Monet very, very badly. I wanted to have our speaker Box Love Below moment where there's an album. One of us has an album, we have a joint track in the middle, and then it goes on to the next person's album. And Monet gave me a hard no,

[B]

because the time you were positioning it, I had other stuff going on, and I couldn't successfully do that. So that's why I wasn't. I don't want to. First of all, I've done so many business ventures with you. One being a makeup company that.

[A]

That is thriving. So we get to define success for ourselves.

[B]

So the fact that you want to say that. Oh, I just. I shut it down. Like, it was like, ugh, I wouldn't not want to do with you.

[A]

Well, that's not how you said. You didn't say it like that. You said no.

[B]

Okay, well, you should have asked me why, Bob. You know what? Sometimes you need to be curious and ask questions. To you.

[A]

I accepted your no, and I said, okay, you set a boundary, and I have accepted it.

[B]

And since when did you start honoring those?

[A]

I would say back when you told me you didn't want to live with me. Back when you told me that you didn't want to do an album with me. So. Several times.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

No, because you didn't respond to those matters. When I said I didn't want to get a place together, that became a. You bullied me about it and berated me for weeks afterwards.

[A]

How did I bully you?

[B]

Yes, you did.

[A]

How did I bully you?

[B]

Every time it comes up, you're like, well, I want to get a place in Monet. But she said no, because Monet is too good to live in me and you ain't.

[A]

That's just facts.

[B]

Anytime he comes up, you bully me about. That wasn't.

[A]

Those are just facts. So, so. So when I recount the events, that's bullying.

[B]

You know what you're doing? You know what you did?

[A]

You did say no. Emphatically, actually.

[B]

Anyways, your whole chest. We're both wearing skank tanks today.

[A]

It's my skank tank. Summer, where is?

[B]

Looks like one of your sacks.

[A]

This is not a sack. It is a tank top.

[B]

What does it say? Town.

[A]

P Town.

[B]

Oh, my God, you're obsessed with P Town. You will not start talking about P Town, girl.

[A]

Yeah, me, I go on and on about P Town. I kind of. It's kind of my personality at this point.

[B]

You do. You do. Good job. Land job. Wait, what are you doing in New York? When you coming back home?

[A]

I have done several things here in New York City. I'll be back. I'm flying back on the 11th. I hosted Mateo Lane's show Sold out show at Radio City Music Hall. And when you do Racing Music hall, if you sell out, I don't know if they do to everyone. So maybe I shouldn't say that. They do this for everyone. But Tiffany's will. Tiffany's, the company will send you a silver. I don't know if it's silver, but a metal.

[B]

It's silver. I mean, if it's Tiffany's, I'm sure it's silver. That's like the thing.

[C]

Sure.

[A]

I can't verify it, but it was really nice. Basically, like a backstage pass that has like your logo and the show and it says sold out Radio City Music Hall.

[B]

So I'm post that. So he did Mateo's show then.

[A]

And then I went to go see the last five years on Broadway.

[B]

How was that?

[A]

It was really good. I was very impressed with Nick Jonas's acting.

[B]

He's the. He's the Trumper.

[A]

Nick Jonas is a Trumper girl. Wait, really?

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Did Jake, can you verify that?

[B]

He's the one with the buzz cut, right?

[A]

He had a buzz cut when I saw him. And the lady who's the name, I can't recall right now because I can't find my play. Bill. Adrian was phenomenal. I think it's Adrian. She was absolutely phenomenal. And then I went to a party with Adrian Warren. Adrian Warren. Then I went to a party with James Tom. He's a comedian. I did the podcast. Three episodes we filmed while I was here. This is the third episode and I to tomorrow I'm doing. I'm filming a. A comedy special that comes out on Mother's Day called the Dead Moms Club is for people whose mothers Passed away. And then I'm interviewing Kesha. I'm giving Kesha an award, presenting Kesha with an award. And then I'm coming home, work.

[B]

Why don't you ask me to be a part of this? This, the comedy special.

[A]

Because your mother's alive.

[B]

Okay. Fair. Makes sense.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Does that sound okay to you? What have you been up to lately?

[B]

What have I been up to lately? Where was I last time I saw you? I went to Costa Rica for a few days. Annie and I went to Costa Rica for like a. Basically like a long weekend. We went like Thursday. Oh, my God. There's a drama happened at Thursday through Sunday.

[A]

What was the drama?

[B]

So we flew into San Jose, which is a big city. But then we drove down to Uvita, which is a small town outside of Costa Rica in the south. It's about three and a half hours away. Stated this, you know, I mean, I'm normally, you know, when I gigs whatever, I will splurge on a hotel. Because the hotel I'm at, whether I'm coming to work or leisure, will dictate my mood for the entire thing. If I'm at a hotel that's not making me feel the fantasy, I will be in a bad mood. But Andy found myself. What's a nice hotel like the Ace in Brooklyn, the one in Manhattan. Horrible, horrible girl. Every time. So I stopped saying I was fired.

[A]

Monet said, your hotel is literally garbage.

[B]

You know, I used to swear by the Ace, but then the last couple times, this was like two years ago when I stopped staying there. Every time I would go to my room and I would love to. Cause the staff there is amazing. Everyone there is very sweet. But I would open and they would always upgrade me to the suite. I would open my wal. Water to the shower and just brown water for like the last three or four times. I said I can't. So I stopped staying there. New York City, huh?

[A]

Welcome to New York City.

[B]

So now I said the standard either in Lower east or. Or meat bracket for people who don't

[A]

know what these hotels are. Can you just say what makes a hotel nice for you?

[B]

Oh, I think the quality of the bedding, the quality of the towels. If I go and get towels and they look like. And I can hold on my towel to the light and see straight through. Because they've been so used that they wash, they. They've lost the fibers. I don't like that. That looks like a decent towel.

[A]

I can see light behind it, though.

[B]

Yeah. Cause it looks like. But you know, you know you, you know when you have old ass towels in your house and they. They'll splotch you.

[A]

In my house? I don't know what you're talking about.

[B]

That's not true.

[A]

Maybe in your house you. You have these crummy towels.

[B]

One piece be one ply, and then a piece over here is like three ply. I'm like, baby, the towels are a mess. So that's for me if I go into the bathroom and like, even the little corners and the crevices, there's like dirt and grime. Like, stuff feel gross. If I look under my sheet and I see like there may be like a little thing of hair, little things that I.

[A]

You lift your sheets when you go to the hotel?

[B]

Yes, I check under. I check under where they, where they tucked in just to make sure I

[A]

just get in the bed.

[B]

But. Cause. But sometimes, you know, what did the guy say? You know what, you know what got fucked me up? Nicole Byer. Every time she, when she told me that story of her flying on Delta and she was in Delta one, she opened up her little bedding and put it out and there was feces inside of it. I check Delta, I check hotels, because I just. You just never know. Mistakes happen.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Imagine going to open your bed at Delta. You just see feces inside of the thing and you almost. You just. What if you didn't check? You just put it. You stepped into. Oh, I would die.

[A]

I mean, honestly, I'm. I'm sure it'll be fine. Like, I, I've. I've never checked up everything. Correct. I. I did one time. I was at a hotel and someone. Someone, not me. Someone did have a condom on their. Under their pillow.

[B]

I don't use condoms.

[A]

It was used.

[B]

No, to you. You said, I don't use condoms, baby, I use them. It was a condom. It definitely could not have been me,

[A]

but I think the worst that happened to me was one time in Temecula. There was a dead mouse in my toilet.

[B]

In the toilet?

[A]

Yeah. And it drowned in the toilet. I mean, maybe someone hid it and just threw it in the toilet, but I'm assuming that it drowned in the toilet. There's a chance that maybe housekeeping killed a mouse put in the toilet, tried to flush in. It's possibility too, but I just came back from work and I was like, oh, there's a dead mouse in my toilet. This is crazy. But even still, I just don't check. I don't. It'll be fine.

[B]

Whatever. Ty told me about some horror stories Y' all had singing. We're here, some of the places.

[A]

I just can't. I just don't wanna. I don't want to live my life like that. For on the off chance that I might find a condom under a, under a pillow. I, I just honestly, I, I, I. That living that life does not sound fun or exciting. It sounds kind of paranoid. And I would be so annoyed if I went my whole life and never found the condom. If I never found. I'd be like. And also, if there's hair in the bed, honestly, if there's like. Like what? Like a tuft of hair? No, but like, or like a few strands. If there's a few strands, I honestly don't care.

[B]

I do care. Well, I mean, for me, I found those things. I mean it does, it doesn't take away from my quality of life. It literally just takes 0.2 seconds to just when I go in the bathroom to pee, just to look and stuff like that. But again, when you stay at a nice hotel, like, I don't, I don't have to worry about it because they normally take care of all that stuff. So that's why I just saved myself.

[A]

And you don't check in on a hotel so far. You know, they could still be going on, but you just don't check anymore.

[B]

No, because when I go to the bathroom, I will see a tell. A telltale sign to see if it's going to be a clean experience. It just check the bathroom out. The bathroom. The bathroom is usually the place that will tell you how clean or how. How. How attention to. How attention to detail. The detail oriented. Sorry the staff is who clean it.

[A]

I imagine the bathroom be where they clean the most, but. So you don't check the beds anymore when you go to the nice hotels?

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Especially ones I stayed at a lot. I get it. Like there's this one in Seattle. I don't know. I love staying here. It's called like the Thomas or the Tompkins or something. It's like the theme is like green and browns and tans. That is a. Oh, you know, we have a hotel with a nice bed. I will call the front desk and ask them what type of bed it is and what type of bedding I will try to buy from my home.

[A]

I heard a rumor about someone.

[B]

Okay. Umbrella academy number three.

[A]

Whatever it's giving number three. I heard a rumor that you walked into the river. I heard a room about someone that they. Their housekeepers come back. I heard a room. You came back. Jesus Christ. Come back. I remember that you're, like, really nice to me and friendly throughout the rest of the podcast. Does that work?

[B]

I. Sorry, I don't think your powers are working.

[A]

My hearing's off. But that, this, this one person, whenever they do that, when their housekeepers come over, they hide a small artifact around the house, and the housekeepers aren't allowed to leave until they find it.

[B]

That's. That.

[A]

That feels abusive.

[B]

You do not know someone that does that.

[A]

I don't know them. I've heard rumor about someone who does that.

[B]

I'm gonna say if you know someone, you should not be friends. And that sounds. That sounds insane.

[A]

No, I've heard rumors about someone who does that.

[B]

No, I've heard people who, when they have housekeepers, come, they'll, like, put something, like, in a place that should be cleaned. And then when they done check if. Check if they got the thing. They're like, oh, you didn't. Blah, blah, blah. But, I mean, I have a pretty good relationship with my housekeeper. I mean, I, I. Annie makes fun of me about this, but it's just. Again, how I fucking grew up. I clean before the housekeeper comes. Cause I don't want them to feel like I'm some dirty slob. So I will, like, clean before the housekeeper cleans. And he thinks that's. He thinks that. What is God's people doing? I don't like doing a deep clean, but I'll like, you know, like, like basic things. Like, I don't know, like, I'm wiping around the sink and, like, cleaning my mirrors a little bit, and they, like, do the nigger. Also, like, I also ask them to do things like clean, like, once, like, twice a year. Clean the baseboards. I also have to plan beforehand. Hey, can you, like, do. Cause this is what I hate doing. I hate. Cause I used to hate doing it as a kid. I used to piss me off. I hate cleaning the fridge. So like, twice a year, I'll ask them to do that for me or fridge for you. I hate. You got to take everything out.

[A]

I'll clean your fridge for you, Bob.

[B]

No, you won't.

[A]

Yes, I would. I clean fridges. Why would I clean the fridge?

[B]

You will not clean my fridge, nigga. You're supposed to be sending me TikTok every Monday. You're late.

[A]

First of all, I've been sent. I sent you way more than 10 last time. Let me be clear.

[B]

Okay, but that's.

[A]

And you've also not paid. And you've also not paid me yet.

[B]

You. I told You. This is. This is not a paid position.

[A]

Well, you get. You get what you pay for.

[B]

Or we talking about. Oh, yes. So we drove down to UDA and. And he got it.

[A]

I will say I clean our fridge at home.

[B]

Do you?

[A]

Maybe, like maybe twice a year maybe.

[B]

Jacob, is that true? Jacob? Tell the truth, Shane. The devil. I have cleaned our fridge twice a year.

[C]

When was the last time? When was the last time you cleaned our fridge?

[A]

If you go back and you realize that all that takeout food you left in there, it's not there anymore. I don't know. You also notice that all the packages are in those Mason jar jars that are now in. You remember how you went and grabbed the soy sauce we had last time? Last time we had sushi.

[C]

That's fair. Did you clean it or did you just organize it?

[B]

Organizing.

[A]

I. I also cleaned it. I took the things out. I wiped them down because there was something you had. One of the sauce you had had. Like, it was like drippy and sticky. So you'll notice underneath it, it's not sticky anymore.

[B]

Taking out all the shelving and cleaning.

[A]

Yes, I cleaned the fridge. I don't know why I don't find this so hard to believe.

[B]

I just asked Jacob.

[A]

Jacob said.

[B]

Jacob said he didn't see. So no. So that's why I asked. And I don't live there, so I don't know.

[A]

I cleaned the fridge. Me and Camion did it together, actually. I mean, Camion kind of stood there while I was cleaning it. Okay.

[B]

They drove down to. Oh, my God, I'll never get this story out. We drove down to Uvita and we stayed at Andy. Got an Airbnb. Now, normally I would not say this Airbnb. I was like, you know what this is like in like the jungle? Like, it looked really cool. It had this like, cool outdoor shower. So we'll do it right? Stay at this thing. It's like basically the kitchen, the fridge, everything except the bedroom is outside. So you come in and like the kitchen, the dining thing, everything is outside. And only the bedroom has a seat inside. Right? So we're in the bedroom. We're there for two days leave. We didn't. We did not do. We did not use the fridge, the stove. We didn't use any of that stuff. Cause we just basically slept there and we ate out and did adventures, like activities. Leaving, coming back. I see a message from the Airbnb host. Her name is Debbie. Fucking Debbie from Uvita, Costa Rica. Okay, Bob, let me read this motherfucking message from Fucking Debbie.

[A]

You ask Debbie gavage. I can already tell. Debbie gavage.

[B]

Debbie gavage. Gavage is shitting for nobody. Here goes Debbie. Oh, I can't even see it. Fuck. Well, Debbie is a reimbursement for Debbie,

[A]

you big, fat, white, racist smelling fat bitch. Literally throughout the motherfucking schedule with your trifling, dirty white, racist ass, big body bitch. Oompa Loompa body ass bitch. I'm coming up there and I'm going to beat the fuck out you, bitch.

[B]

Debbie basically sent a thing like. Hey, I saw that, you guys. Wait, hold on. Just give me one second. I'm going to. Because I have it right here. A reimbursement request.

[A]

Reimbursement. You asked your money back?

[B]

No, she asked for money back.

[A]

What did you do?

[B]

I can't. Oh. So Debbie said there was a damage comforter. It appears as if the tag was ripped off of the comforter, causing damage to the material and seams. Unfortunately, delivery to Costa Rica of important items, of imported items is very costly and time consuming. Also, the batteries were removed and missing from the fan light, and the lighter was missing for the stove. It is a picture. I'm going to show you the picture of this. Of this motherfucking comforter.

[A]

She gathered you, Bob.

[B]

This is the. This is the rip. I'm going to send it to the group.

[A]

Wait, put it in the group so I can look at it. Honestly. She gathered you.

[B]

You.

[A]

You damaged her belongings.

[B]

So Andy and I, we have no idea what the fuck Debbie was talking about. We didn't rip anything from the motherfucking comforter. And then.

[A]

So she's making it up.

[B]

I mean, I'm not saying that it didn't happen. I'm saying Andy and I did not rip this tag off of. Off of her comforter, y'. All. This is the picture. Jay. Jay's putting it right here. This is what she's saying. And she's saying this is where she's owed $163 for this.

[A]

How'd it get ripped if y' all didn't do it?

[B]

I don't. Maybe it was ripped before we got there. I don't know. I don't know how it got ripped. I know that Andy and I did not do it.

[A]

How do you know that?

[B]

Because Andy said that he didn't do it, and I did not do it.

[A]

Did y' all check beforehand?

[B]

No. Cause we don't. We didn't check to see if the

[A]

tab was on you checking for hair? You look in the corners so then

[B]

I said, hey, I just saw your reimbursement request for the comforter, the batteries, and the stove lighter. We never removed the remote from the wall. So, like, it was a ceiling fan with the remote on the wall. We literally just pressed the button and it went on and off. We did not remove it from the wal. Never used the stove. As we did not cook. We also did not detach.

[A]

Black folks love that. As we. Black folks love as we did not cook. Black folks be driving before. They'd be like, as we were. We did not ruin your place as we never showed up.

[B]

As this may have happened with a previous guest, please advise on how you like to proceed. She's like the cleaning lady, and I personally took care of the space before you arrived. The comforter was not in that condition. The lighter was there and the remote worked. So then Andy, like, went in and say, like, Debbie, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[A]

So then Debbie, Debbie is lighting y' all up. Debbie's gonna let y' all have it. Y' all about to be banned.

[B]

So Andy said if you could also. We ripped. Also, if we ripped the comforter as a tag, as you said, could you send a picture of the remove tag that you may have found in the trash? She says, we don't feel it's sanitary to look through the trash, and it is trash day. So it was taken to the collection area at the end of the road. I have never made a claim in my four plus years to run Airbnb. I'm sorry, but we didn't miss any anything prior to your arrival. Here we go. We did find three places that cocaine residue. We did find three places that cocaine residue was on. But as we were showing the house at that time, the clean lady quickly wiped the surfaces down and didn't feel comfortable taking photos in front of prospective buyers. I prefer all communication happened through Airbnb, please. Now accusing us of doing cocaine. I'm like, so what she's talking about. Ann and I, we dirt. We made our protein shakes every morning. So it was protein powder that was on the kitchen table. Let's take a procade.

[A]

So what Monet. This is all Monet's big plot to launch her. Her protein. Protein based cocaine.

[B]

Propane.

[A]

Protein. Protein. Monet's protein based cocaine. We. This is a great commercial, Monet. We'll buy your protein.

[B]

When I read the cocaine, I was like, no. Accusing him of doing cocaine. So Andy goes, this is wild. I'm sober for 14 years.

[A]

I'm suing for that. This is wild.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Continue.

[B]

I'm sober 14 years. Are you sure you're looking at the right property? We won't be upgrading to your property and paying you for your regular maintenance of your belongings. I'm sorry. Good luck. And I said. And she said, again, please communicate via the helpline. I said, listen, Deborah, I've autoresponded, and a request has been declined. Good luck to you.

[A]

You. Okay? Let's have a conversation about a few things here. Okay? Do you think there's a possibility that in jostling around Andy's feet are.

[B]

Can you have a serious conversation and not be ridiculous?

[A]

Andy doesn't wear. Andy doesn't wear. He wears yabadaba shoes. You don't think that in jostling around, moving around, you could have. Maybe. Possibly. There's not a chance on earth that in the. In tossing and turning or adjusting or maybe you and him were trying to be cute and fight over the sheets that you could have caused a small rip in her comforter?

[B]

No. Anything. I didn't engage in anything like that, y'.

[A]

All.

[B]

And I will say this, as someone who has been using comforters for 35 years. We know this. Tags that are sewn into comforters, bitch, you have a. You. You'll have a better time breaking into Fort Knox. Tags on comforters you be having. You'll be on your comforter.

[A]

Like,

[B]

also. Go ahead.

[C]

Based on the photo, like, I understand that there's a rip that is, like, a pretty easy, like, sewing fix. So the implication that because of that tiny rip, she has to throw out the entire mattress, like, the entire comforter and get a new one shipped in for $140 is wild. Like, it would have made more sense. It would have been made more sense. If she's like, hey, this is ripped. I'm just gonna need, like, this much money to, like, take it to get, like, repaired. But also, that's like. Like, you can hand stitch that. That is not, like, a crazy. That comforter is much needed, needing to be replaced.

[A]

Her mom made that comforter.

[B]

You know what? I wouldn't say it looked like it.

[A]

And her mom sewed a tag into it.

[B]

That comforter was one of the civil. That was a civil rights comfort that was old and tattered. It wasn't. It wasn't even, like, a new thing. They barely kept us warm because the thing didn't have any polyfill inside of it.

[A]

So because it was. Keep you warm, you may have been, like, tightening around your body, moving around, and a lot because you tried it.

[B]

I'm just Trying it. I was. I was so gagged.

[A]

Do you have an extra lighter in your house?

[C]

Right.

[A]

Do you have a lighter on you? Oh, yeah.

[B]

We stole the light from the cell. We didn't even cook anything.

[A]

Do you have a lighter on you?

[B]

I don't. So now. So now we're in Airbnb court with this.

[A]

Tied him and you better get banned. You keep playing around with Debbie. Debbie. Don't play with Debbie, honey. Debbie has been doing this for four years. She has never filed a claim in her life.

[B]

I did get a little shady when she sent the pictures of the comforter. I said. I said, The $163 you are seeking may be used to get a better manicure next time.

[A]

Look at. Look at her. Down. We got bigger down. Kevin, that was so uncalled for.

[B]

Well, she tried it.

[A]

How do you feel about me calling you Kevin?

[B]

I don't care. You know. You know, all my. All my close friends. I guess you're not a close friend. All my really close friends who knew me before I. Well, it's. It's all my. It's all my BD friends. Before drag. Like Kamika. Before drag.

[A]

I'm going home.

[B]

Like Kamika, Arcia, dejuan, Tyrone. Like, they all. Have you ever met my friend Tyrone?

[A]

Not to my knowledge.

[B]

Really?

[A]

I don't think so.

[B]

Tyrone is the first person I ever told I was gay. And that's because on a lunch break,

[A]

everyone else told you.

[B]

On a lunch break. I don't. Debbie got me hot. I am sweating in my fucking bits on my lunch break one day from school.

[A]

Be careful you don't rip the tag

[B]

out that tank top on lunch break from school. You know, if you've known this podcast, this. You heard this before. I used to frequent the glory holes on my school. And then.

[A]

I really don't like that.

[B]

It's my truth. And then. So one day I was leaving and Tyrone was walking to get his lunch, and he saw me coming out of there. And in my mind, I guess there's no implication that I was gay, but I knew I was doing gay activities, so I felt I just had to tell him that I was gay because he saw me leaving the video store. Bitch, can you pay attention?

[A]

I am negligent. I was looking at the picture. I think that. So you'd be. You'd be okay with me. With me calling you Kevin from now on, on the podcast and everything on stage? Give it up for Kevin.

[B]

Okay, not on say when I'm. When I'm in drag. No, I was Drag. I don't care.

[A]

I'm not interested in that personally.

[B]

Can I get, can I, can I call you Christopher?

[A]

No one calls me Christopher except my mom was the only person called me Christopher.

[B]

What did Justin call you?

[A]

Chris. Career.

[B]

Career.

[A]

Justin calls me Chris.

[B]

He did not say the last S.

[A]

Girl, Justin says, hello Chris, how are you?

[B]

Justin does not say the S on your name. Chris.

[A]

My mother called me Christopher. Camion calls me Uncle Chris.

[B]

But can you tell the people you. Because so when I first met Bob, I was him as Bob. And then you know when you spend times with Queen. Because Queens never really know each other's government names. But then obviously we spent a lot of time together so we would find we found each other's government name. And from the beginning you like, you told me you hate. You hate your name Christopher.

[C]

Why?

[B]

I never knew why. Or maybe I think I did. I forgot.

[A]

I just don't like the name. It's really not deep. I just don't like the name.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

I just never liked it. I actually don't mind the name Christopher. I do not like the name Chris. And if you tell people your name is Christopher, they're gonna call you Chris. You're gonna get called Chris. My mom was the only person that called me Christopher. And I, I just do not like. I don't like the name Chris. I never like the name Chris. And I started going by Caldwell in high school because me, Chris Kine and Chris Kennedy all sit next to each other. Our class was in alphabetical order by first name. So all the Chris's were in one group together. Sitting there.

[B]

That seems so strange. Back swamp, backwoods shit is that they put y' all in alphabetical order by your first name.

[A]

What is backwoods about sitting in Alphabet order by your first name?

[B]

That's weird. That is some country shit. Can y'.

[C]

All.

[A]

That's not what is what what about that is country. Explain, explain it quickly that it only

[B]

happens in the South. I have never ever heard that happen anywhere else. But when you have said it and you only.

[A]

You only heard of it happening one time in one class. You've never so happens in the south. You've only heard that. That's like for example, if I stub my toe, if I. If I stubbed my toe on the cinder block. But you only heard one story of one person doing it. Because it happened in Alabama does not mean that that's an Alabama thing.

[B]

It is it. I'm saying for you, this is a. Columbus. No, whatever this is. I have never why would it. Why would your teacher sit you a novel order by first name? It doesn't make any sense.

[A]

Ask her. It's also not a thing in the South. One teacher did it in one class. It is not a Southern thing. You know literally nothing about the South.

[B]

Oh, and I will say this. I saw.

[A]

Convinced that you've never even been there before.

[B]

I saw you, I saw your little poll. And Texas is. This is the south compared by judging by your poll. And y' all know Bob is the most gloatingest bitch ever. He ain't tweet the results of that election.

[A]

I'm going to remind you all this, this is why. This is why I feel so confident. And I never feel bad about my take about Texas being the South. If you ask someone who is from the south, they will. If you have anyone, any, anyone from Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, the Carolinas, Tennessee, West Virginia, if they think Texas south. We all pretty much. I'm gonna say somewhere in the 90 something percent we're all like, that is not the South. And the reason why is this. I'll say this is why. There is nowhere you can go in Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, Tennessee, North Carolina, South Carolina or West Virginia where you will not be like, I am in the South. There's not a corner of the state anywhere you can go. Not a. Not a swamp, not a river, not a. Not a wooded area, not a suburb where you and I'd be like, I am in the South. There are places in. In. In Texas. A lot of places in Texas you can go especially as you get further away from Louisiana. The further you get from Louisiana, the, the less Southern it gets, the more wild, wild west it becomes. And then as you go south, it becomes more and more Mexican. There are so many places in Texas you can go where it's just not you. Like this is not giving any southern culture. So no matter what the people from Texas say, or especially what some fucking

[B]

Yankee says, yeah, the Yankees fucking be like the Yankees. That, that never matter to me that had abolitionists anyway.

[A]

Then there were lots of abolitionists in the South. I don't know where you think.

[B]

But more. But more. But more in New York.

[A]

I don't know where you think the

[B]

abolitionist movement started, but more in New York.

[A]

What do you. Wait, you think the abolitionist movement started in New York?

[B]

I did not say it started in New York, but I said by the time anyways. And motherfucker, then, then what was the point of the post? What was the point of your little poll? What was the point for what it

[A]

doesn't matter the results. But what is what I know. And I was. One thing is for sure, you. You know nothing about the South. So what you say literally doesn't matter at all.

[B]

So what was the point of the

[A]

posting alphabetically by your first name is Southern?

[B]

Because there's some weird ass. That only happened in the South. We have common sense. That's smart.

[A]

Your opinion is so. Is so invalid in this conversation.

[B]

I just. Can you answer the question? Why the poll? Because let me, Let me tell you something right now. As far as short as. My name is Monet, Moneta X. Change from Brooklyn.

[A]

Stop pointing at our viewers like that. They don't deserve. This is probably you and that comforter. This was you ripping the comforter to shreds, stealing lighters. You were stealing lighters, batteries, and ripping comfort of the straight with those big giant gorilla hands.

[B]

One of us has gorilla hands. Nigga, I have gorilla hands. You a fucking slave.

[A]

Look at you trying to bitch. You can scratch both your shoulders at the same time with one hand. Don't act cute, bitch.

[B]

As short as mine is Monet. Shane. If.

[A]

If the.

[B]

If the results said no Texas or the south, we would not have heard the end of it. But it's because no one agreed with this motherfucker. It was like what, 70? It was like fucking 90% southerners voting about it.

[A]

Because they weren't Southerners voting.

[B]

How do you know?

[A]

Because I literally have all. I have the statistics.

[B]

Okay, show us.

[A]

I can't wait to. This is so. Let me tell you right now, when I get a chance to be like.

[B]

Also, also.

[A]

And, and, and don't move it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[B]

I'm saying this, this is part of the whole thing. And even then, they're not the South. So. So only. So only. So only people from the south get to vote.

[A]

Vote. Oh, no, Anyone can vote. Obviously anyone can vote. Only people from the south know. How would you know? You literally don't know what Southern is. You literally sitting alphabetically county. You live there for like three weeks a year. I lived in New York City for 12 years. I know how you all are. I understand the New Yorker.

[B]

According to you, three weeks is. Is 12 years. Whatever the.

[A]

Listen, I understand the New Yorker. You don't understand the Southerner. Honey. Honey boo Boo. So my following is broken. I gotta go to my, my, My analytics.

[B]

Not all your. Your analytics. Everything. Which of that specific.

[A]

No, no, no. Representative.

[B]

No, we're not seeing.

[A]

Representative.

[B]

No, that's not how that works.

[A]

Representative.

[B]

This is A play from Elon Musk Playbook. This is Elon Musk Playbook right here.

[A]

Well, we already know you're the Trump of the podcast, so I guess if you're Trump, I'm Elon, then I guess. Honey, we already know you're the Trump of drag. This has been confirmed. You're laughing because you know it's true.

[B]

You're out of control.

[A]

You are the capitalist icon.

[B]

Eli is more the capitalist than Trump.

[A]

You're the capitalist, the big icon of capitalism. I don't know how to get to my statistic. There we go. Here we go. Most of my followers are from New York City. Second, Los Angeles, third, London, and fourth, Chicago.

[B]

We want the metric from that voting block. Not just that.

[A]

So. So. So obviously, most of my votes are going to come from those places. That's where most of my followers are. Obviously. No, and that seems obvious to me. But also, again, you.

[C]

You.

[A]

Considering how little you know about the south, your opinion. And also what will never, ever cease to amaze me is honestly how before Lizzo felt attacked as a Texan who. Who's masquerading as a Southerner, she was like, oh, no, it's not the South. And then she was like, oh, I thought you were from Texas.

[B]

Nah, nah, Melissa, she's using the same thing as you. She was. She's raising her vote based on the. Where the person. Like, you're literally. She's literally doing a Bob the Drag Queen.

[A]

Yeah, but she's from Texas. People from Texas don't know any better.

[B]

I can't. This is insane.

[A]

People from Texas don't know any better. They think they're from the south and they're not.

[B]

So all the Texans are. Damn.

[A]

I don't know why y' all want to be in the south so bad. I don't know what is people's obsession with wanting to be Southern when they're not Southern. I will. In fact, I will do a deeper dive in this once you get your full knuckle in your ear.

[B]

Knuckle. If you buckle, Close your eyes, exhale, feel your body relax, and let go of whatever you're carrying today.

[A]

Well, I'm letting go of the worry

[B]

that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-contact contacts.

[C]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

They're so fast. And breathe.

[A]

Oh, sorry.

[B]

I almost couldn't breathe when I saw

[A]

the discount they gave me on my first order.

[B]

Oh, sorry.

[A]

Namaste.

[B]

Visit 1-800-contacts.com today to save on your first order. 1-800-contacts. My name is Shannon Maldonado. I'm the founder of Yaoi, a gift shop from the lens of artists and handmade objects. I chose Shopify because when I was testing other platforms, it was definitely one of the most user friendly. It was a important to me to think about where we would be in the future. All of the tools for reading your sales, like planning inventory, they're just right there on your dashboard. For anyone starting a small business, the biggest thing I can tell you, it doesn't have to be perfect. Shopify can help you build upon it. Start your free trial on shopify.com.

[A]

yeah, I. I will personally never understand people's deep obsession with wanting to be from the south so bad when y' all are clearly just not from the South. But it's just a matter of where you where you're from. Monet, you're from New York. You're a New Yorker. You were born and raised in New York and apparently in Bushwick and Bed Stuy and Bensonhurst and. And Kew Gardens and Queens. You bounced you from you. You changed your neighborhood based on how tough you want to be or how high class you want to be perceived. I've noticed that about you.

[B]

Tell me where is, where is. Where is. Where is. Where's high class Brooklyn?

[A]

I don't know, but you be changing your hands.

[B]

I say I'm from East Wall, but I'm trying to say I'm high class.

[A]

No, but when you be like, oh, I'm from Brookshire. Brooklyn, dear.

[B]

Never said that.

[A]

What's the neighborhood with all the Italians that you've been trying to act like you was from one time?

[B]

I never said I'm from Bensonhurst.

[A]

Where was your high school at? What neighbor was your high school in?

[B]

Marine Park.

[A]

Marine park, dear.

[B]

Marine park is not a nice part of Brooklyn.

[A]

Monique goes, oh, I'm from Park Slope, darling.

[B]

I lived in the Parksville, not from there.

[A]

I've never seen you've been in 19. Apparently your house was on wheels. Was y' all living in the fucking trailer house? Why was your house moving, nigga? Was you in the only trailer park in New York city?

[B]

I'm so nerv. Mr. Fennec City, Mississippi was moving.

[A]

You were in one place acting Monet. You lived in one home in New York City.

[B]

You from Columbus, Georgia, Phoenix City, Mississippi River, Andalusia, Alabama.

[A]

You keep saying I'm from Andalusia. I've never lived in Andal. People think, think. People come up to me thinking, I'M from Andalusia. Because you keep telling people I'm from Andalusia. I have never lived in Andalusia. I've been to Andalusia. I am not from Andalusia. Y'. All with y'. All. I have never lived in Andalusia, Alabama in my life.

[B]

You're like, sister.

[A]

And also to the people who y' all the people. For whatever reason, I don't know what it is about me that makes people think that I lived in Brooklyn. I have never lived in Brooklyn. For some reason, people think I was a Brooklyn queen, which is so crazy to me.

[B]

Something on you have. You have. You have been on a campaign to take Brooklyn queen from Thorgy Thor. And you know you have. You have your business.

[A]

Yo. I have probably done three shows in the 12 years I lived in New York City. I have probably done three shows in Brooklyn.

[B]

Can you stop swinging them flash waters at the camera? I'm nervous. I was here scared. I know you.

[A]

I know you're not talking with. Take off those mitt. Those catchers mitts before you talk to me. I thought you better go play a game of baseball or some leather bound

[B]

bibles you got on your attached to your wrist.

[A]

Batter up hands.

[B]

Batter up. What else on my Nelly.

[A]

I do. Yeah. But anyway, like I said, I y', all, for those of you thinking I have never lived in Brooklyn, I have only performed in Brooklyn. Maybe I think I've pointed this and that once. I performed at one Frankie Sharp party and I did a gig under the Brooklyn Bridge one time. Like Last Pride. Like literally just this last pride. I am not. I have never lived in Brooklyn in my entire. I lived in Queens. I lived in Manhattan. Mostly Manhattan.

[B]

I mean, all the girls that know. We know Bob has gone on a slanderous campaign to steal the crown of the Brooklyn queen from Thorgy Throw. We know what you've done.

[A]

But anyway, we already know that Sasha Velour has snatched that crown from Thorgy and she will never have it back.

[B]

O damn. You know Sasha Velour is doing your favorite pop diva on Work the World.

[A]

Kesha. Who's she doing?

[B]

God, stop.

[A]

Who is she doing? I hate you. Who is she doing?

[B]

Madonna.

[A]

Madonna.

[B]

I am so sorry. You are not Bob's favorite anymore. He don't like you.

[A]

Oh, my God. And you know who don't like you?

[B]

Rihanna.

[A]

That's why you weren't in Barbados. Yeah.

[B]

That is a low down and dirty. I. That is one of the meanest. That is so mean.

[A]

And while. While, while Simone was. Was like, did you hear Simone describe what happened in the Barbados. Honestly, it didn't sound like the vibe I thought it was going to be.

[B]

Why? Why would she say I didn't see it?

[A]

RuPaul was like, what did you do in Barbados? And she was like, I met Rihanna. So Simone went to RuPaul's book signing.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And RuPaul interviewed her from the stage to the floor. By the way, she didn't invite her. She didn't invite her on stage, which is. That's crazy, right?

[B]

Wait, was it impromptu? Was like a schedule, like, interview.

[A]

Simone was in the audience just answering questions like a regular fan in the audience.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I was like. I thought RuPaul would be like, hey, girl, come up on stage. RuPaul was like,

[B]

okay. So RuPaul asked, Is there a video of this?

[A]

Yes. Simone's in full drag. And then she's like, so what are. What have you been up to lately? What's the most recent thing you've done? And she was like, I went to hang out with Rihanna in Barbados. And she's like, oh, what was it like? What did you do with Rihanna? She's like, we took a picture. We did some shots, and that was it. And I was like, you was down there for, like, days. You took one, y'. All. You and Ra took one picture. That was the only time you saw after taking one picture? I thought they. I thought they was, like, cutting up and kikiing.

[B]

That's what it looked like. I saw Scott. Oh, my God. I watched your Scott Evans interview. So fun.

[A]

I like Scott Evans. Have you. Have you met Scott Evans before?

[B]

We met a few times.

[A]

Where?

[B]

I love Scott. He's very sweet. Where I met Scott? At the Elton John's party. Him and I hung out for a bit at Elton John. We also hung out. Where did. We hung out? We also hung out together at the GLAAD Media Awards. We've been setting is to hang out, but we just haven't. I've not been in town. He hasn't been in town either.

[A]

What's on Natasha doing with Madonna?

[B]

I don't know. I just saw the pictures of her wearing her Madonna look.

[C]

I don't think they've started the tour yet, so we don't know what the girls are

[B]

like.

[A]

Do you see these girls?

[B]

They on stage? And if one of them know the choreography. None of us know the choreography. Where is she from?

[A]

Where is she from with that accent?

[B]

That's how vanity talks. It's like.

[A]

It's like.

[B]

It's like Vanjie is like a weird, like, Florida slash, almost like Brooklyn, Puerto Rican accent. It's very interesting. Vandy's accent is very interesting. Well, when she works hyper, it gets very New York, but she's not from New York.

[A]

What is she, Puerto Rican?

[B]

Yeah, she's Puerto Rican, but when she gets angry, she sounds like a New Yorker. Have you. Have you noticed this?

[A]

I don't think I've been around her angry before.

[B]

Well, not angry, but I amped up when she's putting on.

[A]

Yeah, but I think there's something about the port, a Puerto Rican accent that is kind of just a New York accent. Like, I would say Port New York is the only place you be born in America. Never leave America, but still have a Puerto Rican accent. Like, born and raised in America. Never leave the state. Leave the country. Never leave the state. And then still. Still have a thick Puerto Rican accent.

[B]

I was talking about. People don't. I was talking about these New Yorkers that who end up. I mean, I don't know if you ever met this. Have you ever met a New Yorker who's never left their borough?

[A]

I never met one, but I've heard about them. I heard of a woman from. There was a woman when I was in Staten island, which I've only been to, like, twice in my whole life. This lady was like, she was so proud about the fact that she hadn't. She was like, it was a point of pride for her that she has never been to Manhattan.

[B]

Yeah. It's the thing. And people. I've said this before. People are like, that's not true. I'm like, it is true. I know people who have. I know people who have never left Brooklyn. Brooklyn.

[A]

They've never, never set foot out of Brooklyn.

[B]

No. Have not gone to Queens. I mean, maybe. Maybe they've been a little extra extra about the Queens because Queens in Brooklyn are so close. But I know people from Brooklyn who for sure had never been to Manhattan. They've never stepped across into Manhattan.

[A]

Those of you who are not from the New York area, Queens and Brooklyn share a landmass. They're like, there's the only thing between them is streets. Now, obviously, Manhattan, Manhattan island, and then the Bronx is like, goes up into upstate. And then Staten island is also an island. So two of them are islands. The Bronx is not really connected like that. But Brooklyn and Queens are just one big chunk of land. Yeah, yeah. Connected to Long Island. Yeah.

[B]

No, they're not connected. They are long islands.

[A]

So you get on the G train and you just you just hop out before. Like, I don't understand. But wait, the G train is. Child, you cannot pay me to get back on the G train. That train is crazy.

[B]

Recently. I think they fixed it recently.

[A]

Oh, I haven't been on a long time.

[B]

Yeah, I think they've gotten it together, but yeah. Oh, wait. Names. So my name is Kevin Akeem Burton. I don't have to tell this story. I mean, I don't know if this can. This doesn't matter. So my birth name is Kevin Akeem Burton. My birth mother gave me June. My name was a K, E, E, M. Right. But at some point when I got my passport ret in high school or something, they thought the A. They thought it was spelled A K E A M. So now, because it's like that on my passport, anytime I fill out a document, I spell it like that because I don't want any troubles. So legally, my middle name is a K E E, M. But I mean, I guess legally it's spelled both ways. So one day I feel like it's gonna get me. But for now, I'm just. I'm just. I'm just chilling.

[A]

My name is Christopher Delmar Caldwell. Christopher means Christ bearer. Del Mar is literally Spanish for from the sea. And Caldwell is just like a Scottish word for like a cold well or a cold spring. Now, my middle name is spelled D E L A M A R, but it's pronounced Del Mar. My name is Del Mar. My name is not Delamar. My name is Delmarch Christopher Del Mar Caldwell.

[B]

It's so funny. That means of the sea when Bob hates water, which is so weird because you're also water sign. Cancers are emotional and they're like water.

[A]

Also Christ bearer. Age of Aquarius. Da, da, da, da, da.

[B]

What I don't get because. Because. Because Aquarius is a water bearer.

[A]

And then the Pisces comes after that. So Jesus is a Pisces, right?

[B]

Is he?

[A]

I think Jesus is a Pisces.

[B]

I mean, like. Like in biblically, Jesus is a. Is an. Is an Aquarius.

[A]

So he's an Aquarius.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So Christ bearer. Christ, water bearer. Aquarius, water.

[B]

Oh, got it.

[A]

All of my names. All of my names have something to do with water.

[B]

And you hate water.

[A]

I don't hate water. I don't go in the ocean. There's a difference between hating water and respecting the ocean.

[B]

One time, Bob came over. Bob came out and. Was it Jacob? Was it Jacob with us? No, it was someone else and Alfredo. Bob agreed to go in the hot tub. No, it wasn't always. Alfredo. Yeah. I was so gagged that Bob agreed to go in my hot tub. I was gagged. I've never seen you submerged in a body of water. A pool, A hot tub, a kiddie pool. Nothing. I was gagged. Bob was the only person in our crew that didn't do the fucking ice bucket challenge. He said water, not me.

[A]

I'm not afraid of water. This is not true. I am afraid of the ocean. I respect the ocean for who she is because she's that girl, and I'm not. I'm not. I have no desire to battle the ocean. Poseidon will take me down, honey. Okay. Like, I'm. Like I'm the Wicked Witch of the west, afraid of water. I. I don't particularly find water fun. Like splashing around in a pool is not fun for me. Sitting in a hot tub is not fun for me.

[B]

You did it the other night.

[A]

I did it. I was socializing.

[B]

Okay. The name Kevin is of Irish origin, means handsome, and is derived from the Irish name common, which means from the elements. Okay. What does my middle name mean? I think it's African. The name Akeem. I was Arabic. Could be African. Means intelligent or wise. So I am so handsome. Wise. What does Burton mean?

[A]

Berton.

[B]

Burton is of. I knew it's French. Is Germanic and French origin meaning bright. Bright or famous. So handsome. What does Akeem mean again?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Handsome, intelligent, bright.

[A]

Do you think that gay guys have the same names?

[B]

No, I don't think so.

[A]

There's a lot of gay Kevins.

[B]

Are there?

[A]

You don't know any Monet. I've been in your house where there was. I've been in your home where there was more than one gay Kevin in your home.

[B]

Okay. That's because Kevin, your friend Kevin. He's the only other Kevin I know.

[A]

I'm just saying that's. That's.

[B]

We're already.

[A]

We're already. We're already making a good case.

[B]

How many Christophers you think there are. Are in Drag Race? I'll bet you this there are more Christophers and Drag Race than Kevin's.

[A]

What is that? I think. I think the most common name in Drag Race is probably Brian.

[B]

I only know two of them. Trixon. Katja. Who else is Brian?

[A]

There's more. There's a lot of Brian's in Drag Race. You know what I mean?

[B]

Who Give us. You say all these. I remember.

[A]

But there's another. I remember there was. There was like a third one that. Oh, isn't it what's the girl who didn't want Ariel to be black? Ariel Versace.

[B]

She's Brian. I don't know. I don't know her name.

[A]

I think her name is Brian too. And then isn't Sasha Bell's name Brian?

[B]

You the one that's the dragger's historian?

[A]

Go ahead. I think Brian might be the guest name.

[B]

How many ruse are there?

[C]

I think it's Michael.

[A]

Michael's the most common one. You think?

[C]

No, I think Michael is the gay. One of the gayest names.

[B]

Why Michael?

[A]

Do I know any gay Michaels?

[C]

I know so many also. I guess when I'm looking in the. Let me look. Also I'm in the gaming course and we have a directory and you can see all the names. And There are like 10 Michaels in the chorus. And like, let's look at Kevin. Okay. There are four Kevins and four Michaels in the chorus.

[B]

Four Kevin and four Michaels. How many Christophers?

[C]

Chris? There is 1, 2, 3, 4.

[A]

Christopher is also a very common name. Christopher is a super. I mean the three of us. Chris, Jacob and Kevin. Like, no one's gonna.

[C]

There's only one Jacob and it's me.

[B]

Say it again.

[A]

I'm saying I don't think 18 year olds should be on Grindr. But if I was 18, I'd be like, that's what? If I was 18, I'd be Like, this is absolute. I deserve to be on Grindr. I'm an adult. But when I see what I'm like, what are you. What the are you doing here?

[B]

I agree. I hate it.

[A]

But okay, if I'm being realistic, it's fine for 18 years to be on Grindr. Obviously they're probably hooking up with their 18. Probably. If they were like you, they were hooking up with 45 year olds. Sorry, that was uncalled for.

[B]

I mean, you're not wrong.

[A]

But I'm always like, what are you like? You should not be in high school on Grindr.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

But they have all.

[A]

Maybe the rule should be this.

[C]

You.

[A]

If you are 18, you need to. You need to send them your high school. But if you dropped out, then you can't go. That's elitist. Never mind.

[B]

I also think, I mean, this may be problematic. I think that all these dabs, they should. You should have to send photo ver then. Yeah, I guess if I'm. If you want to hook up app. Hookup app. You want to be sending your government id.

[A]

But when does age gap get like your side eyeing the couple at what chunk? And is it, is it, is the age gap depending on the age of the people? Like if, like if a 50 year old dating a 70 year old. Are you looking at that weird?

[B]

No, but I. But if a 18 year old is dating a 30 year old, I'm looking at that weird.

[A]

I'm like, what if 18 year old dating a 21 year old?

[B]

I mean. Yes. Yeah. I mean, I don't know because. Okay. At 18 and 21, are you contemporaries?

[A]

I mean, you and I are contemporaries. When I was, when I was 21. Don't make me do math. Just do it for me.

[B]

How old were you when I was 18? You were 22.

[A]

So Jacob is. Jacob is seven years younger than me.

[B]

Right, so Jacob 18. And you met Jacob at 20.

[A]

I want to be very clear. I was in my 30s. I want to be very clear. Jacob. I did not meet Jake when He was a 18 year old. I met Jacob at 20. Jesus Christ. I'm so bad at math. And I also don't know how Jacob, how old Jacob is because he always lies about how old he is.

[C]

That's how I like it. I'm 30.

[A]

Jacob is not 30 because I'm 30. I'll be 39 this year. Jacob's 32.

[C]

It doesn't matter. It's not important. We're. We're about seven or eight years apart and we met when I was in

[A]

my mid-20s and I was in my early 30s.

[B]

Right, but I'm saying. But let's say you and Jacob met when he was 18 and you were 25. Is that crazy?

[A]

Yes, yes, that's crazy.

[B]

But yeah, but 18 to 21 is not.

[C]

I think it's more. I mean, there are specific markers in your life where I think you have life events that help you grow and move. So I think specifically college, which is from like 18 to 22, is an important time of life where you are maturing as an adult. But like there is a drastic shift between like 22 and like 20, like 21 and 22, where you're like out in the real world and like living your life and becoming like a real person. I think there's a lot of maturing that really happens in that one year. So I think they're like different. I would say there are different age grains where they're like maturity brackets. Like, I feel like once you're over 50, you don't really have, you're, you're there. You don't have a lot of like emotional maturity and growing. So like, if you're a 50 year old dating like a 70 year old. Like you are pretty much both in the same space stage of your life.

[A]

You know, like when I, when, when, when I, when you're 18, you're a recent high school graduate, you're 22, you're a recent college graduate.

[B]

It.

[A]

So I would say those are very big different indicators of life and maturity. You actually been living on your own probably, or at least away from home doing stuff. And I think that a, I would, if, if, if, if an 18 year old was dating a 20 year old, I would, I would be like, okay, whatever. I would, I wouldn't think much about it. If an 18 year old dating a 23 year old or a 23, I be like, like, I be like, that's interesting. That is certainly interesting.

[B]

I don't know, but I think it is a case by case. Obviously everyone is different. Right. J was saying like when you're 50 years old you have a lot of maturing or growing to do. I'm like, who's to say I met immature people in their 50s. 100%. I don't think it's about immaturity.

[A]

I don't think it's about your level of maturity.

[B]

That's what Jacob just said.

[A]

This again.

[B]

That's what Jacob just said. I'm just saying maybe, maybe I need

[C]

to rephrase as a better word. I just feel like maybe it's not about maturity but like where you are in your life and like, like that kind of vibe and like that I still, yeah, there are, I have met 50 year old men who. But that's also the issue. Like I think the 50 year old men who also are going after like 20 year old guys are doing it because they lack something that allows them to connect with men who are in their age group. Right.

[A]

And maybe that's a lack of maturity on their part. Like I'm trying to think of my youngest. Who's my youngest friend. Who is my youngest friend.

[B]

I don't have any of friends.

[A]

It might be Mikey.

[B]

Oh yeah, Mikey.

[A]

Or I have to have friends younger than Mikey.

[B]

No, no, he's 28.

[C]

Yeah, 27.

[B]

Yeah. I think Mikey's the youngest person I would call a friend. I can't think of anyone younger than that I would call a friend.

[A]

Let me think really hard about young friends. Mikey might be my youngest friend. 20. He's 27. Yeah. I recently hung out, hung out with a tick tocker named Keon and I was like, I am an old person, Keon. I want to say is 22, 21. And I remember being like, what is going on? I remember it felt like I was hanging out with like skibidi toilet kids. That being said, Keon is really cool. I wouldn't, I want to say that is not a. I had a lot of fun hanging out with Keon. But there were just, there were definitely moments where, where I was like, I, I'm hanging out with, with, with, with the skibidi toilet generation. That's what it felt like. Like. Although I know Keon is not a gen alpha, but I was like, I was like, you guys, you guys have to be the ones who say skibidi. You have to say skibidi. This is crazy to me how like young they felt in that space.

[B]

But what if you're 50 and you and you were the 25 year old? Is that crazy? Just 25 years probably.

[A]

That seems crazy. Yeah.

[B]

But I think, I think it will always be person to person. Like I don't think, I don't like and Holland Taylor have a 32 year old. 32 year age difference between the 12. They've been together for 10 years or more than that.

[A]

In when I was in college, my roommate was dating a guy who was 27 and we thought he was a crusty, dusty, musty old man.

[B]

100.

[A]

I am now 12 years older than he was.

[B]

Yeah, but also time also shifts, right? Like life expectancy. I think this was like they said this on the View like a couple days ago. I think we're all humans generally are living about 10 years more than we did 10 years ago. People are living older. So I think that changes too. Like because you're living longer, things change. But Holland Tail and Sarah Paulson, they've been together for over a decade and there's a 32 year old age gap. Sarah Paulson's 49 years old, which means they met when she was 40 and hall and Taylor was 70.

[A]

I also don't think that the amount of time you've been together is an indication of how successful and healthy your relationship is.

[B]

I think it's, I don't think it's the only bet, but I think that is a good. I mean I think it's definitely a contributing factor. Like I will say from my own experience, right. Andy and I are in a way different and better place than we were a year as we are three years in cause. That's cause time and knowing your partner and growing to them and growing with them and deciding what things you can tolerate or you don't want to tolerate or they need to, like, make room for you. I think. I think time does help with that. I can't.

[A]

You know, it certainly can. Yeah, but I don't. I don't. I don't know that I would use time as a metric for how healthy a relationship is, though.

[B]

Like, has, like, hasn't time made you and Jacob be better partners to each other?

[A]

Yeah, in some ways. Yeah, for sure. But I would say there are some ways that we were actually. Jake and I've been pretty good together for. For a long time, but, like, I would say that maybe there were times where, I don't know. Our relationship definitely looks different now than it did when we first started dating. And we've been together for seven, eight years. Somewhere in that. In that area.

[B]

Yeah. I think that time breeds comfortability. Time breeds.

[A]

I know it's a word, but I don't like it. I don't know why I hate that word. I don't like it, but it is a word. But I hate the word comfortability because I feel like comfort just makes more sense. But they're both words.

[B]

Well, take it up with your. With your homegirl. Miriam. Yeah.

[A]

Great drag name, too. Can't believe that. A Miriam Webster out there.

[B]

I'm sure there is. There has to be a real Webster drag queen.

[A]

If that's a Brita Village, it's got to be a Miriam. Walter. Miriam Webster.

[B]

Walter. Okay. Yeah. So, yeah, back to names. What if. If you're gonna have a kid? What. What. What do you. What do you name your kid?

[A]

I like the name Farouk.

[B]

I like that.

[A]

I like the name Genevieve.

[B]

You always say that.

[A]

I like the name Freddie for. Yeah, Any gender. Freddie works for any gender. I believe.

[B]

I always liked. I was. I've always liked Dominic.

[A]

Dominic.

[B]

Dominic. Regardless of gender. Jade. I love a Jade. Jade is a good name for me.

[A]

Although I like the name Genevieve. I think that I would probably give my kids gender neutral names, to be honest, like Freddie and Charlie and Break the norm.

[B]

Make. Make. Make Bob a fucking gender neutral name. Who cares?

[A]

I don't think I'm particularly. I've already done that. Thank you. I don't think I'm particularly interested in giving my child that struggle just for the sake of being like, I did it. I named my daughter Craig because I was bucking against gender norms, and now she has to get bullied at school because her name is Craig. I don't think that. I don't think that. That. I don't think that's good. That doesn't seem like good parenting to me.

[B]

I mean, I mean, kind of like when, like, I mean, when like Gwen Paltry never started name the kids Apple and school bus and shit. I mean, but now Apple. Apple is not. I don't think it's like a, A comp, like an Ashley. But Apple has now become a pretty, like, you hear it more time.

[A]

Yeah, but I bet the first Apple had a real rough time.

[B]

So you think, so you think the first Craig is gonna have a really. The first female Craig is gonna have a really bad time in school.

[A]

I think that naming your daughter Craig could lead to a lot of bullying. Yes, I do. You got me. I think naming your daughter Craig will, will create a lot of bullying situations. So like a name like Freddie, Charlie, Taylor, Sydney.

[B]

I don't know any female for, you know, you know, female Freddy is. I don't think I remember that one.

[A]

It can often be short for Winifred,

[B]

like a Sanderson sister. Are you naming your son Kathy?

[A]

Yeah, I think that that is probably gonna get Kathy bullied.

[B]

You'll bring your kid. I'll Bob bully little Kathy. Girly ass thing.

[A]

When people ask me what like people say when I tell my dragon name is Bob and ask what my real name is, I tell them it's Brittany because I think it's really funny. Funny. My real name is Britney. My mom named me Britney, actually, but I didn't think that was a good drag name, so I chose Bob instead. Do.

[B]

Would you.

[A]

Have you thought about changing your name?

[B]

No.

[A]

Never. Not once?

[B]

No. I like.

[A]

You think Kevin's such a great name. Yeah, just fantastic.

[B]

I'm a Kevin through and through, baby.

[A]

I thought I would change my name before.

[B]

You want to name it to cdc? No, to Caldwell. Like to dq. I mean, like, your legal last name would be to dq?

[A]

Yeah, but I don't feel like spelling that for people, so I, I and I don't change that. People never know how to spell tdq.

[B]

Yeah, I wouldn't know either. I just know because I know you, but I wouldn't know how to spell it. I, I'm. I, I. People always spell my last name like the, the snowboards. B, U, R, T, O, N.

[A]

Like the filmmaker. The snowboards is crazy.

[B]

That's what I know it is. I don't know who the filmmaker is. You know, Burton got it.

[A]

You're going to prison. You're going to prison. You don't. You never heard of a film broker named filmmaker named Burton of all people?

[B]

You. But that's what everyone, everyone always Wants to spell it B, A, B or. And so I just. So anytime I sell some man, I always say, Burton, B E, R, T, I, N. And they still spell it B, U, R, T, O, N. And I.

[A]

If you asked me to write your name before spelling that, I would have

[B]

said O, N. Yeah, everyone.

[A]

I would have 100% said that.

[B]

But after I say it, I say, kevin Burton, B R, T, I, N. I look at the screen, I'm like, E, R, T, I, N. And they're like, oh. Oh, God.

[A]

I hate when people say. When I say my name is Caldwell, and they go, oh, like the bank. That drives me crazy.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Because it's not a bank. Have you ever seen a Caldwell bank in your life?

[B]

It's a. It's a. It's a brokerage company, something like that.

[A]

It's a real estate company. They're called. And it's not Caldwell, that's Coldwell. So, like, first of all, no, not like that. That's Coldwell. My name is Caldwell. And also, it's not a bank, it's a real estate company. So everything you said. No, nothing like that. I do. I do sometimes say, like, Caldwell. If I'm in this area, I will say, like, Caldwell, New Jersey, because there's a Caldwell, New Jersey.

[B]

No one knows that.

[A]

Well, everyone from Caldwell, New Jersey, sound off in the comments right now.

[B]

And there's none of y'. All.

[A]

Or I will say, like, you called on the phone and it went, well,

[B]

that's. See y'.

[C]

All.

[A]

This works literally every time.

[B]

Doing too much.

[A]

It's not. It works literally every time every. Because if people go, caldwell. What? What?

[B]

What?

[A]

Carmine Carswell, Caswell. And I say Caldwell. Like, you called on the phone and it went, well. It literally works every single time. What do you mean too much? How would you know?

[B]

C, A, L, L, E, D. Well,

[A]

it's not how you spell it, it's how you say it.

[B]

Okay, so say that. Be more specific. I don't fucking know.

[A]

I don't. Listen, I. This has been already tested. I don't need your help in this. I've already. I've already done the market research. You.

[C]

You don't.

[A]

You don't even know how to get people to spell your last name right. So maybe you actually need to try something different. Have you considered that maybe what you have. You consider maybe you're doing too little because even when you spell it, it's not working.

[B]

You're the one. How much more. What's the word? That are not non rudimentary.

[A]

I Think it is a word.

[B]

There's another one I'm thinking of anyway.

[A]

Simple.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Elementary.

[B]

No, it'll come to me. I don't know how much. Oh. I don't know how remedial these people are. I'm literally spelling it B T I N. Stop. People. Just stop assuming people spell things.

[A]

Listen, in the event that you are the one who keeps getting bad results, have you ever considered maybe it's something about the way you're communicating? So you can say Burton like I'm in here. I in bur 10.

[B]

That is too much. Okay. Burton. Like the guy from the Sesame street. And he was in the show.

[A]

Well, you're not getting results and your name is getting spelled wrong all the time, so obviously you need to change what you're doing. So you can say Bert, or you can say Burton, not Berton.

[B]

I n. Like Ernie's. Like Ernie's fucking gay ass lover. And he was inside of Ernie. Burt is in Ernie. That's what I'm gonna say.

[A]

But then they're gonna. But Bert's name is. Isn't it B E, R. How's Bert spell his name?

[B]

Is it B E R? B E R is you.

[A]

But your name's not BER.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

God. What the.

[B]

The.

[A]

See, you're not doing it right. Something's wrong.

[B]

I. What the. I. This whole time, you.

[A]

I thought your name was B. I thought your name was B U R T O n. This whole time.

[B]

No, you did not.

[A]

Yes, Mon. I'm telling you. If. If someone would have said, write down Monae's legal name. I would say KE V I n. I would put a space. I would have said a K E E M. I would put a space, and I would say B U R T O N. That's why I would have done. I would say Kevin Akeem Burton.

[B]

Bob, we've been friends for 15 years. This. This. This June is going to be 15 years and you spell my middle name. Yes.

[A]

Spell it.

[B]

Delamore.

[A]

Spell it.

[B]

D E L A M A R.

[A]

My name's not pronounced Delamar, by the way.

[B]

I know. It's Delmar. I did that. I did that to. To perturb you.

[A]

Well, okay. I Ike. Or however your new spelling is. Ike Am. I'm gonna go watch a Tim Burton film now. I gotta go.

[B]

Well, I did think about. I did think about maybe, like, having, like, a cute pronouncement. Pronouncement? To pronounce my name. Cute. Like, be like kheme. Opera singers.

[A]

They said something.

[B]

Opera singers. Opera singers. A bitch's name will be Ashley Smith. She's like, oh, no, my name is Ashleigh Smythe. Opera singers love changing the pronunciation of their name.

[A]

Are they changing the pronunciation, you think?

[B]

Yeah, to make them sound, like, extra fancy you. Yeah, I am Ashley Smyth.

[A]

Well, you try to tell people to tell your name, Berton, but everyone I met in your family says Burton.

[B]

You haven't heard me say our last name.

[A]

I have met. I have your. I asked your mom how she pronounced your last name. She said Burton. So I have one person.

[B]

I. I think I'm going to start going by Kevan. Kevan. Kevin.

[A]

Kevin.

[C]

No.

[B]

Kevin.

[A]

What about Kevin?

[B]

Kevin. About that.

[A]

Yeah, try to tell me your name is Kevin. Kevin. Tell me your name is Kevin.

[B]

Kevin.

[A]

Kevin.

[B]

Are you trying to say with a Korean accent?

[A]

Korean?

[B]

No, I said Caribbean. Maybe My name is Kevin.

[A]

No, say Kevin.

[B]

Oh, my name is Kevin.

[A]

But you have to say. But everything else has to be in a neutral American accent. Hi, guys. Thank you all so much for coming out today. My name is Kevin.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Hi, guys. Hey, Bob. Yeah, my name is Kevin. Why is that?

[A]

Because you're switching accents. That's so funny. That is so. Switching accents in the middle of a sentence is so funny to me.

[B]

Bob, in one sentence, you will be from Savannah, Georgia. Then you teleport to Canarsie, then you end up in la. Bob, you have a. You have Southern accent and you have a New York accent competing with your west coast shit.

[A]

The idea that I would ever be from Savannah, Georgia, is disgusting.

[B]

Oh, God.

[A]

I am from Columbus and Atlanta, Georgia, Savannah,

[B]

South Savannah.

[A]

What's next? Valdosta?

[B]

What the fuck is Valdosta?

[A]

Valdosta is by Florida. Valdosta is. It's a little. It got a little too much Florida going on up in there for me. Me got it, quite frankly.

[B]

Well, you know what? Next time when we come back, I think we should do a podcast all about Valdosta.

[A]

There's nothing to say about Valdosta, Georgia. No shade. If you're from Valdosta, comment sound off. All right, this comment section is all Caldwell, New Jersey, into Valdosta, Georgia.

[B]

And if you're from Caldwell, New Jersey, I'm not going to say that.

[A]

Why do you New Yorkers do people from New Jersey like this? What's yalls problem with them? They don't even talk about y' all like this. It's always people from New Jersey York making fun of people from New Jersey. People from New Jersey don't bother y'. All. What's y's problem.

[B]

They're obsessed cuz they not like us.

[A]

Michelle, I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to put up with that. Ain't your best friend from ain't Arcia from New Jersey.

[B]

Yeah, and she's a problem back ar.

[A]

That was not me. I'm leaving. Bye everyone.

[B]

Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile.

[C]

Now I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of

[B]

unlimited Premium Wireless for $15 a month is back.

[C]

So I thought it would be fun

[B]

if we made $15 bills but it turns out that's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months or $180 for a 12 month plan required $15 per month equivalent taxes and fees.

[A]

Extra initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes. Me slow when network is busy. See terms.