The One About Narcissism

Summary

Sibling Rivalry – "The One About Narcissism"

Date: October 2, 2023
Hosts: Bob the Drag Queen & Monét X Change
Guest: Jacob

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Episode Overview

In this lively and candid episode, Bob the Drag Queen and Monét X Change, joined by their friend Jacob, dive into the concept of narcissism—personally, socially, and as entertainers. They riff on club culture, public sex, aging, beauty standards, and how living in the public eye shapes self-perceptions. Frequently wry and self-referential, the conversation blends humor, thoughtful personal reflection, and just the right dose of shade.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Public Hookups, Voyeurism, and Exhibitioinism

• School Dances & Club Culture (03:40)

  • Grinding, dubbed "dubbing" in New York, was a formative dance experience for both, with teaching staff trying to intervene (“the circles would protect the people in the middle who were grinding so that it would take the teachers a long time to get through...” – Bob, 04:28).
  • Club stories veer into the witnessing (or not) of more risqué acts, including public oral sex.
    • “I have never sucked a dick on a dance floor. Literally never sucked a dick.” – Monét (05:30)
    • “But you've seen people suck a dick on the dance floor.” – Bob (05:36)

• Exhibitionism vs. Voyeurism (06:55)

  • The difference between being watched and watching is clarified.
  • Both hosts reflect on whether they have any such tendencies, Monét explaining she'd only hooked up publicly out of necessity, not preference.

• Navigating Bathhouse Culture as a Public Figure (09:31, 10:20)

  • Monét describes how being recognized in queer spaces changes her comfort level with spaces like bathhouses:
    • “It’s the energy of people knowing you... at a fucking gay bathhouse, bitch, the majority of people are going to recognize you...” (10:20)
  • A detailed aside about Black’s Beach and the intersection of hookup spots and gay culture.

2. Aging and Perceptions

• Getting Older & Feeling ‘Sad’ for Elders (14:12 onward)
  • Bob and Monét discuss the way bathhouse patrons skewing older can feel “bleak,” and whether people will one day pity them in turn.
  • They reflect on kids' inability to imagine age:
    • “As a kid, you just don’t fathom ever getting old. Like, you’re like, I’m gonna be this forever.” – Monét (15:02)
  • Bob: “I don’t want to be the kind of person who looks at old people and thinks they’re sad because they’re old. Because hopefully one day I’ll be old. I hope I live that long.” (15:25)

3. On Narcissism: Definitions, Perceptions, and Trends

• What is Narcissism? (23:39, 24:42, 25:04)

  • The hosts read definitions, distinguish between narcissistic traits and narcissistic personality disorder, and hash out which elements apply to them and to artists more broadly.
  • Monét: “I think as an entertainer especially, there is an ounce of narcissism that is in you about your craft, about your work... to be an artist, there is some narcissism in that.” (22:14)

• Cultural Rise and Context (25:09)

  • Jacob outlines Google and literature trends, noting “a pretty sharp uptake” in use of "narcissism" starting in 1970, plateauing, then rising again around 2015.

• Narcissism in Drag (27:33, 27:42, 28:11)

  • Discussion of RuPaul’s Drag Race alum Violet Chachki:
    • “I love Violet very much, but reading the definition of narcissism, Violet has just a skosh of narcissism in her.” – Monét (27:42)
    • “I don't think that Violet lacks the ability to understand and care about people's feelings. I think that's probably a big part of… the definition of narcissism.” – Bob (28:11)
  • Bob and Monét reflect on empathy as the crucial dividing line.

• Narcissistic Parents and TikTok Culture (29:38, 30:49)

  • Bob points out the prevalence of TikToks about “narcissistic parents,” and both discuss intergenerational impacts.

4. Self-Perception, Talent, and Vanity

• Self-Ratings, Self-Esteem, and Drag Talent (35:35 – 51:16)

  • A tangent about TikTok self-rating videos prompts both to rate themselves and each other, leading to a discussion of self-worth, external validation, and their status within drag circles.
    • “I think I am more talented than most people. And it is what it is, my boy.” – Bob (51:00)
    • Monét: “Walking around DragCon, I’m like, I think that I am one of the most talented people here for sure.” (50:48)
  • Validation from respected sources (e.g., Tony Award-winner Stephen Spinella) and from family means different things:
    • “My mother doesn’t like theater... she would come to my plays, and on the way home, she would tell me how much she did not like to play.” – Bob (52:41)

• Body Image, Diet Culture, and 'Detoxing' (41:51 – 46:09)

  • Bob opens up about a period of disordered eating, recognizing past “juicing” and fasting as having been an eating disorder, not just healthy choices.
    • “It occurred to me very recently, maybe in the past year, that in my 20s, I was fully anorexic, but I thought I wasn’t...” – Bob (41:51)
  • Both critique the diet and “detox” industry:
    • “You’re not actually detoxifying. If you want to stop having preservatives in your body, then all you have to do is just stop eating foods with preservatives.” – Bob (44:45)

5. Beauty, Modesty, and The Value of Appearances

• Changing Presentations as Queens Age (54:07, 54:22)

  • Reflecting on their own drag presentations:
    • “Now I have gotten much more. I have gotten... I am very modest in drag these days.” – Bob (54:07)
    • “I feel like the older I’ve gotten, I’ve gotten more modest in how I want to present my drag.” – Monét (54:22)

• Society’s Treatment of Attractiveness (59:44 – 60:31)

  • “People treat people that look good better. Like, it’s just a fact.” – Monét (60:31)

• Obsessing over Looks: Is It Worth It? (57:40 – 58:32)

  • Bob considers whether dedicating a year to external beauty would make him feel better or worse:
    • “I was thinking about what happened if I spend a year obsessing over how I look and I just want to see, in the end, how do I feel?”
  • Monét doubts the practicality: “It’s not going to be sustainable because it’s not something you’re passionate about like that.” (58:01)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Bob the Drag Queen, on Self-Belief (51:00):

  "For the record, I am not being shy about this. I genuinely think I am more talented than most people. And it is what it is, my boy."

• Monét, on Recognition and Queer Space Pressure (10:20):

  “It’s the energy of people knowing you... at a fucking gay bathhouse, bitch, the majority of people are going to recognize you... that’s so annoying.”

• On Defining Narcissim & Empathy (24:42):

  “I don’t think that people are inferior to me... I just think there are some things that I’m better at than some people, and... there are some things that I’m worse at than some people, too.” – Bob

• On Appearances & Treatment (60:31):

  “People treat people that look good better. Like, it’s just a fact.” – Monét

• On Drag Modesty (54:07):

  “I am very modest in drag these days.” – Bob

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Timestamps for Major Topics

• School and Club Dance Culture: 03:40 – 06:10
• Bathhouses and Being Recognized: 09:31 – 11:41
• Getting Older and Perceptions of Age: 14:12 – 15:54
• Defining and Analyzing Narcissism: 22:11 – 24:42 / 27:33 – 29:38
• Narcissism in the Culture (Google Trends): 25:09 – 26:56
• Self-Rating & Talent Discussion: 35:35 – 51:16
• Body Image and Diet Culture: 41:51 – 46:09
• Beauty and Social Value: 59:44 – 60:55

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Tone & Style

The hosts maintain their trademark blend of frankness, humor, personal disclosure, and gentle ribbing. They move seamlessly between playful banter and earnest self-reflection, keeping the vibe light but never trivializing deeper issues.

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Summary Takeaway

This episode of Sibling Rivalry explores narcissism in all its forms—from clinical definitions to the everyday self-assurance (or self-doubt) of performers. Bob and Monét dissect the ways visibility, aging, attractiveness, and external feedback shape a queer artist's sense of self. With refreshing honesty and relentless humor, they embrace the paradox of craving both applause and authenticity. Their conversation unspools the nuances of ego, empathy, modesty, and validation in modern gay (and drag) life—reminding listeners that maybe a “skosh” of narcissism isn’t just natural, but necessary.

Transcript

[Monet X Change]

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[Jacob]

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[Monet X Change]

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[Bob the Drag Queen]

My name is Bob the Drag Queen

[Monet X Change]

and I'm Monet X Change.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And this is sibling rivalry.

[Monet X Change]

On today's episode, we talk about sucking dick on the dance flow.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We talk about narcissism and we find

[Monet X Change]

out what made Bob say this.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

For the record, I am not being shy about this. I genuinely think I am more talented than most people. And we found out what made Monet say this.

[Monet X Change]

I love Wiotchowski very much, but reading the definition of narcissism, Violet has just a skosh of narcissism in her.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Who is.

[Monet X Change]

What did that? Was that a TikTok thing or. That's not on TikTok. Right. Not start on. But it got popular on Tick Tock.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know, I don't know where it started or got popular. It might have started on Tick Tock. I'm not sure to be honest. Tbh.

[Monet X Change]

This thing is. Is a sports thing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's from. That's from basketball. Yeah, right.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. Ice in my veins.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But I'm not 100 sure where that started. Probably. Maybe, I think. Well, a lot of dances did start on Tick Tock.

[Monet X Change]

So yeah, TikTok has gone through some crazy. Remember the fucking. Was it the dolphin one?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The.

[Monet X Change]

That was some TikTok dances. It is. It's out of. It's out of control. I'm like, this is a ridiculous dance.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I mean, is that any different than like the Mashed Potato, right? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Like. I'm sure there's someone who's like. The mashed Potato is just wild. Why are we mashed potatoes?

[Monet X Change]

It was. What was?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The Cabbage patch. The sprinkler. The Cabbage patch. You know, the Cabbage patch.

[Monet X Change]

What's the cabbage patch. Oh, yeah, the cabbage patch. Why is that Cabbage patch. I don't understand. Is that how you. How you fucking plow a cabbage patch feel?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't really know the etymology behind the Cabbage Patch Dance or the history of why the name did that, but I think he.

[Monet X Change]

Etymology is for words, not for a dance.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, but I mean, the naming of something could also be etymology, I believe. Like, why is it called that? I believe that the naming of something could be the history of that. You know, I mean, it is a. It's not like happy isn't a word.

[Monet X Change]

This is true.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Or euphemism. I don't know if etymology works for the naming of things as well.

[Monet X Change]

Etchy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

When you did.

[Monet X Change]

When you had high school dances or middle school, whatever did. Is the. I'm assuming the answer is yes to this. I think it's just a generation or not just a school thing, but the kids, like, grind on each other. Like, in New York, we used to call it dubbing. They all used to, like, grind on each other at school. Dance, like, really slow and teach us how to, like, separate kids.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Mm.

[Monet X Change]

Work. Yeah. Ours. We did it. We did work. We didn't really get separated, though. Like, kids would be like that. And if it was going on for, like, too long, then I think there was some type of separation, but for like, a minute or two, it was fine.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, you weren't. I mean, you weren't allowed to do. You had. You had to sneak it in if you're going to do it. And it was. We did not. We did not call it dubbing for sure.

[Monet X Change]

What did y' all call it? Grinding.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Grinding. Or just, you know, you weren't allowed to have that close a contact, so you would gather around in big circles, and then the circles would protect the people in the middle who were grinding so that it would take the teachers a long time to get through so the two in the middle could grind longer. And it was usually, like. It was usually twerking. It wasn't like.

[Jacob]

That's also what happens when you're sucking dick on the dance floor Now.

[Monet X Change]

Excuse me.

[Jacob]

Like, I feel like if you're at a club and somebody's sucking dick, everyone, like, circles around them.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Not that I'm out there sucking dick,

[Jacob]

but that's what I. That's the behavior I've witnessed.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It sounds like you're at hot dog sucking dicks.

[Jacob]

I'm not. That's not my fantasy. But we.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We've all been there.

[Jacob]

I mean, seeing.

[Monet X Change]

I don't do That I have never sucked a dick on a dance floor. Literally never sucked a dick.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But you've seen people suck a dick on dance floor.

[Monet X Change]

No, I haven't, actually.

[Jacob]

That's not.

[Monet X Change]

I've never seen someone suck a dick on the dance floor. I mean, there was that guy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Who, Bob.

[Monet X Change]

You know, I mean, I'm pretty sure you know this. That guy. I'm not gonna say his name. Doc or whatever, but that guy, he would be at Industry Bar, and he would always be getting his dick sucked on that. On that red couch in the. In the corner. And Cole.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Or actor.

[Monet X Change]

The actor. They would always have to kick him out. Yeah, because he would get his dick

[Bob the Drag Queen]

sucked or he would flash people in the bathroom a lot, too.

[Monet X Change]

I never saw it. Was it good? Was it worth it? Had to have been.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I never saw it either. But I know that he was always getting kicked out for flashing people, for, like, waving, wagging his dick, showing his dick outside. I've never seen his penis because I was always doing the show. You know what I mean?

[Monet X Change]

So. Something he's very proud of. Good for him.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I don't know if it's necessarily proud of, like, I don't know if that necessarily means that you have a. Whatever penis, but some people are just voyeurs in general. He seems to be a bit. Obviously he's a bit voyeuristic.

[Ad Voice]

Very.

[Monet X Change]

Have you ever had any voyeur tendencies? Like, have you ever wanted to?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I've fucked up in public.

[Monet X Change]

You what?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I fucked up in public.

[Monet X Change]

No, that's exhibitionism. But voyeurism is so.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, no, no, you're right. You're right, I guess. Sorry that. You're right. That guy was very. He was an exhibitionist.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, like, people watching him.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If you. If you're.

[Monet X Change]

If you're getting your dick sucked.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think voyeur means you watch. I think voyeur means you watch, and an exhibitionist means you show.

[Monet X Change]

You show. Okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I think.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, I've never been inclined to either. I mean, I have hooked up in public, but not because I wanted to. Like, if I had my choice, it would not be in public, but I didn't have a place to go, so I would just do it in public. Like if you cruise someone on the train or something like that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I've watched people hook up before, and I like it. It's great. And I'm a bit of a voyeur and a bit of an exhibitionist.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, I would want to be involved. I don't think I've Ever. I mean, maybe like back in the day when I used to go to, like, bathhouses or whatever, pre Drag race, I guess I. But I wouldn't ever. Cause sometimes at bathhouses, like, you're there and like, there are some people hooking up and people just watching and jerking off. And I've never been that girl. I'm like. But I'm gonna find my own.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You've been to drag. You've been to. But, Beth, how's this post Drag Race one?

[Monet X Change]

Only one post drag race. When I went to pv, it was only one. I've only been to one post drag race. And that was the story. I told you about that one. Why would I lie about that?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I need to run the numbers on this Monet. I don't think you're lying. Sometimes I think you believe it.

[Monet X Change]

Mom, I've only been to one. I've only been to one on pv. And with that crazy horror story I told you that I would never.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I hear you.

[Jacob]

I feel like you've been to Wii,

[Monet X Change]

but in terms of. Wii Spa is not a. Is not a. Is not. I have been to Wii Spa, like, multiple times. Wii Spa is not a bathhouse. That's Century City. Century City is like the fucking hookup zone. We Spa people are genuinely there, like, spying. Have you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Bro Crunch is a bad.

[Monet X Change]

Jacob, have you hooked up bro crunch?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

WeHo is crunchy French. WeHo is a bathhouse, OK?

[Monet X Change]

I'm telling you, Wi Spa is not a hookah place. That has not happened there. Jacob, have you had that experience at WI Spa?

[Jacob]

I've never been to WI Spa. I've been to Century Spa, but I haven't been to Wii Spa. But I just assumed it was the same vibe.

[Monet X Change]

No, no, no, no.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm starting to think that Jacob is sucking dick on the dance floor and getting a scrubby W at Wii Spa. That's the notion I'm starting to get.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, yeah. We Spy is not that girl. So, y'.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

All.

[Monet X Change]

We Spy is a Korean spa here in la and they have like. They have like a clay room, a mud room, an ice room and all that stuff. And then the whole bottom is like these three Jacuzzis. There's songs, a jerk room, a bottoming

[Bob the Drag Queen]

room, a topping room, a dick sucking room.

[Monet X Change]

I've never been to Century City, though. I wish I heard they closed that down because that was like, crazy, apparently. But I've never been. I just. I wouldn't have fun at a bathhouse post drag Race. Also. I'm just not. I'm Just not into that anymore at this point in my life. Maybe later on I will be, but right now I'm just not into bath house currently in my current position.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, you know, you, you're very not into that. I guess you're just, you know, you, you, you're, you're.

[Monet X Change]

What the is wrong with you?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Maybe you're in your, your modesty era or maybe you're in your toned down era. Maybe you're in your.

[Monet X Change]

It's the energy of people knowing you. Cause it's a gay space, right? So obviously we get recognized a lot more so in gay spaces than sometimes non queer spaces. So at a fucking gay bathhouse, bitch, majority of people are going to recognize you and then it's just you. So you're dealing with that. And then someone like I went to Blacks beach recently and I would just. Where there are gays who are scantily clad, there is going to be a secret hookup place in the jungle, in the woods somewhere. So me like wi spa. So black speech is this beach in San Diego. And if you and the gays, first of all, we park ourselves as far away from everyone as possible. So you have to walk like a mile down the beach to the gay section and then behind the gay section there are like these, like these, they're not really the woods but brush and stuff on the beach behind where the gay spot is. And dudes go there to hook up. So me and a friend, we walking through, just walk through. And the amount of oh, hey girl, bitch, what are you doing here? I just don't want that energy if I'm going to be doing that. And so the idea of that happening multiple times in a bathhouse where I'm in a fucking four floor place specifically just to hook up and that is happening multiple times. That's so annoying.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I hate when you go somewhere and people go, what are you doing here, bitch?

[Monet X Change]

What are you doing?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I just don't get that question. I get it all the time. What are you doing here?

[Monet X Change]

And I'm like, I'm at Ralph, I'm

[Bob the Drag Queen]

here for McDonald's, girl. What am I doing at this McDonald's? I'm ordering food, I'm gonna eat it. I could be anywhere.

[Ad Voice]

What do you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I remember one time I was just standing on the streets of New York City. Someone said, what are you doing here? I was like, on this, you want me to tell you where I'm going? It's a very. And I get that people are caught off guard to see us, but I get it. That makes sense because you weren't expecting to see Bob the Drag Queen today, but what are you doing here? Is just such a weird question to ask someone. In my opinion, it is especially as. Especially a stranger. Essentially a stranger. Why? Why? Why the way. What are you doing there? Why are you sitting there, bitch?

[Monet X Change]

I'm recording a podcast.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, but why are you sitting in this spot?

[Monet X Change]

I'll tell you later. I'll tell you later. Anyway, so that's why going to PV felt a little. There was less pressure of that. Cause there really was. No one really had recognized me. Also, Spartacus and pv, if anyone's ever been. It's very. I don't know how it is now, but back in 2017, 18, it was very dimly lit. When I tell you, it's so dark, it's really not hard to see. But other ones, like Steamworks and stuff in Chicago and in Edmonton and shit. Oh, no, you're right. I did pop into the one in Edmonton. I did go to that. And that was. There was like every. The average age was like 97. I was like, I'm out. I went for like two seconds and I left. I did do that. That is the one I went to. But like Steamworks.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't think you'd be lying. I think you believe it. That's what I was saying.

[Monet X Change]

I forgot.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't think you're always lying. I think you just believe it. You'd be like, yeah, just like with the ugly wigs. Just like with the ugly wigs. You were like. You really believed it.

[Monet X Change]

Well, I kind of block Edmonton out. Cause it was so bleak and sad in there. It was a sad state of affairs. It was a sad.

[Jacob]

I was like.

[Monet X Change]

I stayed for like five minutes. I was like, I cannot stay here. I feel sad being here. And I just boogie. Because they're old, but it was just like. Just like. Not just old, but they were just. You can tell they had been there for a long. You can tell the dudes that have been at the bathhouse for a long time, they're sitting in the same spot and they had their towel covered and stuff. And they just. They're like. You walk in, you're like freshman. Like, I was just like, ugh. I didn't like it. So I just. I bounced.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do you think that one day when you get old, you think people are gonna look at you and feel sad for you?

[Monet X Change]

For sure, probably.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't like that notion.

[Monet X Change]

I think it's gonna happen. I don't think that everyone will. I'm sorry.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I mean, I'm sure people will look at you and be sad or will look at me and be sad or whatever. I just hate the idea that people are just, like, sad just looking at you, and they're just like, ugh, so sad.

[Monet X Change]

I'm sure some people maybe look at Oprah and be like, oh, she's sad because she's old. Like, I'm sure some kids are like that because they just can't fathom ever being that old.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Why did you choose Oprah, of all people?

[Monet X Change]

Because she's someone who is really powerful and has a lot of reasons to be happy at face value. Cause she has a lot going for her. But I'm sure it was.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oprah was such a random. I was like, she's not that old. It was such a random choice to

[Monet X Change]

choose Oprah, of all people. Well, yeah, And I just think some people will probably look at her, be like, oh, she's old, but she has, I mean, go off. I mean, you know, we talked about this before. Like, as a kid, you just don't fathom ever getting old. Like, you're like, I'm gonna be this forever. Like, I'm going to be this young person forever.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

When it starts to happen, I just try to.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't want to be the kind of person who looks at old people and thinks that they're sad because they're old. Because hopefully one day I will be old. I hope I live that long. You know what I mean?

[Monet X Change]

You said you. You said you don't want to live long now. You want to live long.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, I said long enough to be old. I don't want to die before I'm old. I said I don't want to live too long, but I do want to become. I want to become at least 70. I don't want to die in my 50s. Hmm.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. Dying at 50. Yeah, I would. I. Well, I mean, they did, like, I think, like, last week or something. The new estimate is, like, in 50 years, or I think it was 50 years, the average age, like, people are going to be. It's going to. People are going to start to live older. Like, it's going to. It's moving up. Like, people saying, like, going to, like, 110s and 120s easily, which seems.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So how old are the people at this bath house?

[Monet X Change]

I don't know. If I had to guess. Okay, let's take a break and I'll tell you about that one. We get back. Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile Now, I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited Premium Wireless for $15 a month is back.

[Jacob]

So I thought it would be fun

[Monet X Change]

if we made $15 bills, but it turns out that's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a [e-mail] Upfront payment of

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[Monet X Change]

Okay, we're back. If I, I don't know, if I had to guess, I would say maybe like around. They had. They felt to be like in their like 70s. If I had to guess, like 75ish. Which again, but it wasn't the old part.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The Average age was 70.

[Monet X Change]

I'm telling you. Yes. In Edmonton, California. Edmonton, Canada. And again, it's not the old thing. It was just like the walking to the thing and you know, they've been there for hours and just sitting there just like, like stroke. It was just like. I don't want to feel like that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Is Edmonton in Alberta? Is Alberta. Yes. Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Edmonton, is it Alberta? Yeah. Oh, or I ate that. I know, but I was just verifying it wasn't. It had nothing to do with you. It had very little to do with you.

[Monet X Change]

Actually.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Isn't it weird that we don't say like Edmonton, Alberta? We say Edmonton, Canada. We say Paris, France, but we don't say Texas, usa.

[Monet X Change]

Because I think city country.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But in America we say city state.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Sydney, Australia.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. We don't say. We don't say Sydney, New South Wales. We just say Sydney.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. So why, why in America? Because every. I feel like it almost. Not every, but almost every other city in the world, especially the major cities, we say city country.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

I don't know. It's weird. I don't know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Austin, Texas, eventually. Like, Austin, usa. Atlanta, usa.

[Monet X Change]

Because also, I mean, I think it's also because America is just so big.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Australia's about the same size as America.

[Monet X Change]

Russia is even bigger, is way small. Like, you have, like, we have more people in these states and Australia doesn't.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The population in Russia is not small.

[Monet X Change]

No, not in Russia. And I'm saying. I'm talking about Australia, but I'm saying,

[Bob the Drag Queen]

if it's about population, why isn't Russia or China? I mean, Russia is about a little less than half the population of America.

[Monet X Change]

So that's. We're half the size of us. In China, maybe in China they do. In China they do. In China they do. They say. They'll say that. They'll say the city.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Wuhan, China. I've heard of Wuhan, China.

[Monet X Change]

Is Wuhan the state or is it the city, though?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Wuhan's a city, a town. Wuhan's a small town.

[Monet X Change]

Actually kind of like saying Brooklyn, New York.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, that's Wuhan, China. Beijing, China.

[Monet X Change]

Does China have states or are they all just cities?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't. I'm sure they must have territories and states. I'm not 100% sure. Let's see. Does China

[Monet X Change]

have

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Providences? Provinces. I mean, China has 23 provinces.

[Monet X Change]

Got it. They have half the amount of us. And also Canada has like five. They have four. They have Victoria, Alberta, Calgary, Quebec, and something else. So they only have five. I don't know. And the US we have 50. We have 50 provinces and provinces. Provinces and states. I mean, because we have so many, it is easier to identify that way. Maybe.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Maybe. I don't know. It's just something. It's something I've never really thought about until.

[Monet X Change]

Because in Africa, we just say the country. On the continent, we just state the countries and I think so. It's also.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We also name the towns that we just say, like, we say Nairobi and we say, you know, you rarely hear

[Monet X Change]

people say Cape Town, South Africa. They'll say Cape Town, Johannesburg. Or they'll just say. They'll just say, like you said Nairobi. I rarely have people say the country as well. They just say the city.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I feel like people will say, like, Sydney. People say Sydney. Maybe it's because you know where Nairobi, like Nairobi is Nairobi and Beijing is Beijing. You don't have to say Beijing, China. You can just say. You can just say Nairobi. And everyone knows you talk about Nairobi.

[Monet X Change]

Did do.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But I feel like I've heard Cape Town. I've heard Cape Town. South Africa, for sure.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, maybe. I have to.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

For sure.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. Did you. What was I going to say to you? I was going to say, Bob, have you ever encountered a narcissist?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't know. I might be a narcissist for all I know.

[Monet X Change]

I think that. I think. I think as an entertainer especially, there is an ounce of narcissism that is in you about your craft, about your work, because you are your work. Like you're a direct reflection of what your work is. So I feel like to be an artist, there is some narcissism in that. And I don't. But I don't. But I think that especially in like the past five years, narcissism has become this like negative thing. Oh, he's narcissistic and toxic. Like, we have lumped narcissism into being innately a negative trait. When I don't think it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You think it's like a last five years thing?

[Monet X Change]

I feel so. I feel like, you know, with more people going through therapy and more people doing the mental work and identifying toxic behaviors that have caused them pain and suffering, whether it be with parents or partners or lovers, whatever, I think that that word has become. Has been circling the zeitgeist more. And people use that word to identify, like toxic things about people and why someone is.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Could you look up the Google trends for the word narcissist? I forgot how to look up Google trends, but there's an interesting, interesting notion. I had never considered that, but I forgot how to look up Google trends. It's. It's really interesting to see when words get Googled more though.

[Monet X Change]

I'm going to. Let's define narcissism.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Are you typing it out?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. So narcissism is a personality. Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them. People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others. So I think I get. Well, that's narcissistic personality disorder. Just narcissism. The definition is personality qualities include thinking very highly of oneself, needing admiration, believing others are inferior, and lacking empathy for others. Okay, so, I mean, I don't think. I think I have traits of narcissism as in when people experience my art, I want them to think very highly of it. I want them to think it was very good. But I don't, But I don't need. But I Don't think other people are inferior. And I, in fact, feel that I'm very empathetic. So I think there are parts of narcissism that artists have. But do you feel. Do you feel that you. Do you identify with any of the equality traits of narcissism?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Some, but not all. And I don't think that people are inferior to me. I think that. Well, to a degree. I mean, I think that I am better at certain things than some people are, but I don't think that constitutes the term inferior. I just think there are some things that I'm better at than some people, and I think there are some things that I'm worse at than some people, too. Yeah, you know.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, I would agree.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But, Jacob, did you find anything on the Google Trends of the word narcissism or narcissist?

[Jacob]

Yeah, I mean, here's the thing. Google trends isn't really what you're looking for, isn't super helpful because it doesn't have data going back for a long time. So there's something called the Google Ngram Book viewer, which looks at the words in books that are written and published. So I do have that data, and it looks like there's a pretty sharp uptake in, like, starting it in 1970. I can actually. I could just pull up. Let me pull up the.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But there's not. There's not like a. Like, doesn't Google show, like, when words get Googled a lot? That's not a thing.

[Jacob]

It does. But, like, they don't have a lot of data going back that long. So, like, it's gonna, like, you can search for in the past 10 years, but in the past 10 years, it's about the same. Because I feel like narcissism in our conversation has been around that long.

[Monet X Change]

So what does this spike in 2020 where it gets really high here?

[Jacob]

Wait, is this the right one? No.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Here we are.

[Jacob]

Okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So that was Googling. That was Jacob Googling, sucking dick on the dance floor.

[Jacob]

You got me. 1970. You can see it has a little uptick here. And then it platforms from, like, 19.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, we can't see the years scroll up. Also, you just have it from. You have it from August 2013 to September.

[Jacob]

Oh, sorry. I wanted. Here, this is the one I wanted to be sharing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay.

[Jacob]

All right. So as you can see, it starts really going up, like, right here around 1970. And then once we hit 1980, between 1982 and, like, 2000, it kind of plateaus, and then it starts shooting back up again. To its height, which was used and looks like right around 2015.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Interesting. That is all. So that's about what, 10. About 10 years ago or no, eight years ago. I'm not good at math. I'm intrigued by these findings. Jacob, can you meet. That's really interesting to me. I mean, I don't know that I am a narcissist or to be honest, when I don't realize that we're talking about this. I don't even know that I've ever actually met a narcissist. I mean, maybe I have. I just. I just. Maybe just. I just haven't given that much thought into diagnosing the people who I meet. You know what I mean?

[Jacob]

You never met one drag queen who. You're like, this girl is a narcissist.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Let me read the definition again. I think I've just never thought about it in terms of that.

[Monet X Change]

I love Violsky very much, but reading the definition of narcissism. Violet has just a skosh of narcissism in her. Violet would literally look at someone else and be like, terrible. I hate it. But why are they plastic stones? Like you couldn't afford crystals. Interesting. I mean, and sometimes it's all in light hearted fun, but there is death. And I don't think Violet has a whole. Actually, that's not true. When you get Violet one on one, she is pretty empathetic.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But yeah, I don't think that Violet lacks the ability to understand and care about people's feelings. I think that's probably a big part of that's. That's a really important part of the definition of narcissism. Right?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, I would agree.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What do you call it?

[Monet X Change]

We went out to get drinks and she was fucking cracking me up. We were talking about. She was like, but it wasn't fully stoned. And I was like, well, I don't think they wanted to be like, they wanted to give it. She's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. She was like, they couldn't. They didn't have enough time to finish it. I was like, for this person, bitch, people have been moving hell in high water. I was like, I'm sure they would have. She's like, no. She's like, they. They had to do it like that. Cause they couldn't. They didn't. They couldn't do the whole thing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was like, you just want to say that Violet. Violet's not wrong. Violet's not wrong. I'm not saying about that specific outfit, but when you're at that level, people still run out of time. I. I can guarantee you that even at this level, at Beyonce and, And the. And the Met gala and people still run out of time. And to be honest, I gotta be honest, I don't think I have a lot to contribute to the conversations. I don't think I've ever met a narcissist or. And I don't think I am a narcissist. And I mean, I guess I can think of what I would do if I. If I met a narcissist, but I see a lot of people. I see a lot of people on TikTok talking about being raised by narcissistic parents. I see that a lot. Which, which doesn't feel. It seems. Seems pretty rough, like your parent has

[Monet X Change]

no empathy for you. That's wild. That's.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't think it's necessarily just for you, but just for people. I don't think that. I don't think that a narcissist. Again, I'm not an armchair psychiatrist, but I think that people. I think that sometimes narcissists have a hard time envisioning or having sympathy and empathy and understanding. And understanding the feelings of, like, certain people, but I don't think it means that that's the case for every single person.

[Monet X Change]

Well, I assume if you had a hard time with a parent that is that way, you probably felt that, like, the reason why that's hard for you is because you experienced that. So if someone said.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Or maybe you watched it, maybe you watched the way your parents respond to other people. Maybe you watching your parents have no. Have no understanding of the feelings of people around you or your friends. You know what I mean?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, sure.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But like.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, so I'm saying, like, if that's like your thing or that something that you experience, I'm sure that there's a lot tethered to how it affected you. And seeing your parent behave that way with their lack of empathy or small diminished feelings of others thinking other people are inferior, like, maybe. I'm sure you felt some of that, or you saw it really close. It really made you feel bad. It's hard to live with.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I imagine it's rough to have a parent who is like a diagnosed or understood narcissist. That seems like it'd probably be really hard. And it just seems to be a lot of it on TikTok. Or maybe that's just. Obviously, I know that's called A for your page, which I don't know why I'm on that side of TikTok. Because I have a great relationship. You know, I'll tell you about why I'm on that side of TikTok in a second. Close your eyes.

[Ad Voice]

Exhale.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Feel your body relax. And let go of whatever you're carrying today.

[Ad Voice]

Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered for free from 1-800-contacts. Oh, my gosh. They're so fast.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And breathe.

[Ad Voice]

Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste.

[Monet X Change]

Visit 1-800-contacts.com today to save on your first order.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

1-800-contacts.

[Monet X Change]

And we're back. Well, you know where the. The word the, I think is derived from that? From that Greek God Narcisses or narcissists?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No. Narcissus.

[Monet X Change]

His name was Narcissist.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

His name was. His name was Narcissus.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And he wasn't a great God. He's just a guy who fell in love. His own reflection. He's just like. He was, like, looking at himself and was like, man, I look good. And he just fell in love with his own reflection looking in the water, so.

[Monet X Change]

No, y' all are wrong. His name is Narcissus. I knew I was right.

[Jacob]

His name was Narcissist. He was a really hot guy. He was super hot.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I said Narcissist. I said Narcissus.

[Monet X Change]

It's not Narcissist. It's Narcissus, Monet, Air and Ear.

[Jacob]

But it's about the same. He was a really hot guy. Some nymph. Like, some nymph who's like a. She's like a theory. She fell in love with him, but he was mean to her. He rejected her. And then she went back to Aphrodite, the goddess of love. And Aphrodite was like, no, no, no. You don't fuck with my nymphs. And she made him fall in love with his refusal reflection. And then he, I think, like, drowned in a pool trying to make out

[Monet X Change]

with himself or something.

[Jacob]

But I don't know if that part is real.

[Monet X Change]

You know, a lot of my knowledge of Greek gods is literally from Hercules and the Hercules and Xena live action series and also the Hercules animated movie. Like, that's, like, all of my knowledge of Greek gods and all that stuff is all from there. Cause I don't really feel like I learned a lot in school about Greek mythology. Did you? I know we did A unit on it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I learned a lot about Greek mythology. It kind of went in one ear and out the other, though. Jacob, though, however, loves Greek mythology. And this thing is always up in some Greek mythology. Jacob, be in these Greek mythology streets. And I have, I think, a decent understanding, but not a terribly intense one. I also did a little bit of Greek theater in college and in high school. That has stuck with me as well.

[Monet X Change]

Greek theater. Come on. Greek theater. And then you have the Greek gods, and you have the Roman gods, and they have different names, but it's the same people with the same powers. I'm like, it's too much. You have Zeus, you have Jupiter. I'm like, girl. Too much?

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But I mean, you know, I mean, it's just like, watch your mouth. Have you ever heard that expression, you

[Monet X Change]

know, Muslim and Christian and Jew. They're talking about the same guy, just different names pretty much, kind of.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't know that I can say that Islam and Christianity are necessarily having the same conversation in Judaism.

[Monet X Change]

That's what I'm trying to say.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't know. I don't know if that's true.

[Monet X Change]

Islam, Judaism and Christianity, Christianity and Judaism more so. And Islam is a little far removed.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't know if that's the case either, because Christianity is more of like a. More like a part two to Judaism. So the first episode of Christianity, the first season one of Christianity and Judaism are the same thing. But then there's a season two with new characters, new storylines. They're going. They're going. They're going to new places. Season two went bananas. They had this new main character. It went wild. Whereas I would say there are religions, like Egyptian religions that tell literally the same story as Christianity with, like, baptism, virgin birth, holy trinity, the like. Like, the whole nine yards.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do you. How do you feel about yourself? Have you seen those things on TikTok where they say, how would you rate yourself? And they didn't. They didn't. They. The people rate themselves, and they say, do you think people would agree? And they take a picture of them and they show the next person.

[Monet X Change]

No, I haven't seen that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

They run to you and go, monae, how do you rate yourself? And what would you say?

[Monet X Change]

I would give me an eight.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And then they'll go, do you think people agree?

[Monet X Change]

I'm gonna say yes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

All right. And then they click a picture of you and they just go and just show a random person on the street your picture, and they ask them to rate you.

[Monet X Change]

Ew, I hate that

[Bob the Drag Queen]

and almost every time the people do not agree. But the funny part is they usually. But then once that person rates the person and they go, okay, so what are you. How do you rate yourself? And they're like, nah. Like, they'll show the picture and they'll be like, what do you rate this girl? And they'd be like, man, that girl like a fucking two. That girl ugly as fuck, man. And they go, what are you? And they got like, nah, I'm a 10. And they go, okay. And they. So it's interesting how people have this really inflated version of their own self worth, but when they see strangers on the street, they have a lot less empathy. They don't grade on a curve anymore all of a sudden.

[Monet X Change]

Interesting. How would you rate yourself?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't know, like a six or seven or something Probably.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, Jacob, how do you rate this guy in this box here?

[Jacob]

You or Bob?

[Monet X Change]

Bob.

[Jacob]

I'm gonna rate him a 10 out of 10.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, great. So you, you. So Bob. So do we have the feedback and you rate. You actually rank higher than you rated yourself.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Interesting. Well, that's. That's good news. I'm so happy to hear that.

[Jacob]

What about Bob, you. How would you rate your co host?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Monet's like most like an 8.

[Jacob]

What about in drag?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, which picture

[Jacob]

her looking like dream girls behind stage at the opera.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, well, it was like a, like a, like a nine and a half.

[Jacob]

What. What would meet her? 10? What's the. What's the point?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Right?

[Monet X Change]

Thank you, Jacob. Damn.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I'll look at the picture. I mean. Oh, look at the picture. You mean when she likes. Shirley Rowe is right. Okay, first of all, all bodies are right. Let's just go ahead and make that.

[Monet X Change]

For me. For me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, we're talking about my. We're talking about my barometer.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, you're so shady.

[Jacob]

You hate me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You're asking me to judge. Y' all are literally asking me to judge and then not liking. I'm sorry, okay? I don't hate you. Why would I hate you?

[Monet X Change]

Claire? Jacob, has it pulled up?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, there we go. Yeah, but I'm looking at a close up. It's a pretty good picture. Maybe I would do smaller earrings. You know, I don't really like big giant earrings.

[Monet X Change]

I don't either. But Nova star from Fierce, Jack Drools. She gifted me those earrings around the finale season 10. And I was just like, just cause. And I've never worn them. And I was like, I feel like these are. I would never wear big drag queen Earrings like that. But I, like, wore this outfit because the stones match perfectly. And I was kind of like, oh, my God, I love big drag jewelry. Not all the time, but this was this specific instance. I was like, this is kind of fun to wear this big, crazy drag jewelry.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I do like a big necklace. For me, it's just when it comes to earrings, I just don't love a giant earring. You know what I mean?

[Monet X Change]

Mm.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like, and also bracelets. So when I say I like a big necklace, not when it goes up the neck, but when it goes down the neck, going up the neck makes your neck look shorter. Going down the neck can make you look longer and more elongated. And I don't love thick, thick bracelets.

[Monet X Change]

Do you like. Do you like dudes with thick necks?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I mean, I'm sure I've liked a guy with a thick neck before. Typically, I prefer a long neck,

[Monet X Change]

or.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know what I mean?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah,

[Bob the Drag Queen]

you like thick necks?

[Monet X Change]

Apparently not really, but it was this guy I used to. He's in New York. He's this really hot dude, and in Pandemic, he got, like, really, like, really. And his neck, because buff or fat?

[Jacob]

Buff.

[Monet X Change]

And his neck, I mean, like, look like an almost double in size. And to me, that doesn't look. Before, I thought he was, like, perfection. Like, he, you know, he was like an average whatever, and then. But after, he, like, got super buff. Like, his neck, like, doubled in size. It looks kind of wild. But some people are really. I mean, some dudes, a lot of dudes, a lot of the circuit queens love that aesthetic. That look that, like, buff dudes that look like a fire hydrant.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Fire. I've never hurt anyone.

[Monet X Change]

Just, like, short, stocky, beefy, like fire hydrant boys, you know?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I want to say I feel like every once in a while, I get some flack from certain fans on the podcast because they think that I'm always trying to be PC. I just want to say that the reason why I say stuff like, you know, all bodies are violent is not because I'm trying to avoid any cancellation. It's genuinely because I've done a lot of work on myself and the value that we place on bodies. And I think people think that I'm just, like, out here trying to be, like, I'm just trying to be PC, when the truth is I've done a lot of work on myself. You know, it occurred to me very recently, maybe like, in the past, like, year, that in my 20s, I was fully anorexic, but I thought I wasn't do what?

[Monet X Change]

Like, like because like were you like, were you actively making choices to, to be anorexic and you just weren't. Wasn't calling it that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was, I was choosing to not eat for days at a time. You were there for some of these and I would call it juicing or I would call it fasting or I would be trying to lose weight and I would say that the fact that I went, I would, I would juice probably at least once a month, if not every other month, which is kind of crazy. And I was just like no girl, I wasn't anorexia. I was juicing. And it recently occurred to me I was like, no girl, that is an eating disorder for me. Got it.

[Monet X Change]

The Pressed juicery, they have them around the country now. They're allowed in LA and they do a thing. It's like a three day or ten. I don't think there's a ten day, maybe I'm ODing, but I think it's a three day, maybe five day cleanse where you just drink juice and people do it like periodics is kind of like cleanse their body of a lot of toxins. If you're planning on switching your diet over to being vegetarian or you're going to be vegan, you like do this cleanse prescribed by them. Well, not prescribed, I'm not saying prescribed but they offer a three day cleanse and they send you all the juice for the time to only drink juice for that time. And I don't people that do it, I mean I guess I didn't associate that with anorexia. But you're saying for you like the way for what you. For you. It was. But I don't think. Because then I don't think press juicer would be able to sell that. Right.

[Jacob]

To clarify, press doesn't do three days, they do one day and they do half days. But they have different versions of the one day. So they have a one day one that's like, like thicker, like smoothies and then they have like, like an advanced one that's just like just green juice.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So I want to read something from Health.

[Jacob]

I'm just seeing one day on their website.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I want to read something from Healthline.com and this is, this is a common misnomer because typically when people do this is it is usually to lose weight. They claim it's for detoxification. Let me read this out loud. It typically implies following a specific diet or using. This is about CLE or special products that claim to rid the body of toxins, thereby improving health and promoting weight loss. However, the body detoxifies itself naturally and does not actually require special diets or expensive supplements to eliminate toxins. So you can't detoxify your body. Yeah, you cannot detoxify your body through juice and things. If you were to just literally stop eating the toxins, you don't have to flush them out of your system. Your body will get rid of them naturally. And these detoxifying things are literally just making you skinny. All you're doing is just not eating and then you end up losing weight because you're just not eating. So you're not actually detox. You're not detoxifying. If you want to stop having preservatives in your body, then all you have to do is just stop eating foods with preservatives. And then over the course of a few days, once your body's done the full cycle and you've had your bowel movements and you've done all the pissing you're going to do, your body will have detoxified itself.

[Monet X Change]

You know, my mom, my mom was really big into when I was a kid. She's really big into the water. Lemon and cayenne pepper. Do you remember this?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. It was called the, the, that, the, the hot. What was it called? The Master clean. There it is.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. My mom was, she was, she was upset. She would do that all the time and she would lose weight.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, no shade. That's low key disordered eating. No shade to your mom. But like I had a roommate who was doing it too, who would, who would do it. This is kind of how I got into the culture of, of juicing and cleansing because I had a roommate who would do it for weeks, weeks. And would come out losing so much weight and I would be like, oh my God, you're so cleansed. And you're not cleansed. You're literally just, you're is, your, what you're actually doing is starving. Quite literally, you're starving.

[Monet X Change]

Damn, homie. In high school you was the man, homie.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So not to shit on everyone's detoxes, but you know, you're just starving.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, there is, I will say though, like when you like drink, I mean, it's probably the placebo effect. Like you're telling your mind, like, ugh, having this beetroot, orange, ginger, kale juice. Like I'm really. And again, you are getting the nutrients from these things, but maybe you, instead of just doing that, you should also be eating healthily as well. You can be absorbing all the nutrients of the juice and also, like the hard food that you're eating, the solid food that you're eating.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. When you give yourself up, when you. When you fill your body with antioxidants and vitamins, you can get a boost of energy from that, but it's not. But you can also get a boost. You can also do that and have a full meal, but you can also

[Monet X Change]

do that energy from a donut.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know, they say apples give you more energy in the morning than coffee. I don't know if that's true, but I've heard it. I should probably go. I've heard that. I've never actually googled it, but I've heard it. That an apple will give you Monet.

[Monet X Change]

I love apples. Because of this reason. I don't drink coffee. I drink. I eat an apple every morning. I'm screaming.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm literally screaming right now.

[Monet X Change]

Belting.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm belting is what I'm doing. But I think that, you know, I do have a really high. Okay, I will say this in terms of my. Well, not right now. Grandma Villo is in a dumpster. I have not done anything in. In weeks.

[Monet X Change]

So.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Jacob, when I get home,

[Monet X Change]

I'm the opposite. I've been. I've been on.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Jacob, when I get home, we go become the Flintstones, honey, because that bag gonna be rocking.

[Monet X Change]

I've been vibrating at a very high frequency lately.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know, I've been really not. I mean, just like, no desire and not even, like, not even, like, not even masturbating. I'm just kind of like, girl, it's whatever.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm just tired. I'm really tired.

[Monet X Change]

Right.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Say something.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I do think that I'm a little bit narcissistic in terms of my talent. I do. I do genuinely think that I am more talented than most people.

[Monet X Change]

Honestly, I can confirm. I can confirm this. I can absolutely confirm the truth.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You do, too.

[Monet X Change]

I like a talent in most people.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I mean, what does that. What is that? And so do you. And so do you. And you too.

[Monet X Change]

I think it depends on what the talent is.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Right.

[Monet X Change]

Like, if we're talking. Yeah, I don't know. I think we have to do.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I can't draw. We all know I can't draw and I can't sing. But I think in terms of, like, just having a collection of talents, I think I do think I am more talented than most people.

[Monet X Change]

That is such a Bob response.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like, I don't think I can. I don't think I can sing better than you all. I can't draw better than almost anyone. You know what I mean? But to quote Liam Neeson, I have a very specific set of skills, you know?

[Monet X Change]

You know what we once talked about, you know, Let me not even say that. Cause they're gonna be like, oh, girl, get in line with the other shit y' all done said y' all gonna do. Nevermind.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So tell me about your. So how do you feel about your talent? How your talent lines up in the grand scheme of the world?

[Monet X Change]

I think there are so many people. I was like. I will say this, I was like, for every talent I have, I'm sure there's someone that does that, that can and probably does do it better than me. But I feel like for as to me, like mixing all the things that I can do together. I think that I am talented in my field. People who do all the talents that I do at the level that I do, I think that I am high up there. But like, one for one, every single one of my talents, someone can do it better and does do it better.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, to be clear, I do not think I am the most talented person in the world. To be clear, I don't think that I am more talented than everyone at any of the things I'm doing. I'm asking if you think you are one of the most. Like, do you think you're more talented than most people? Not do I think you are the most talented. Do you think you're more talented than most people?

[Monet X Change]

I don't know how to quantify that. Like most people.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There are, Bob. There are.

[Monet X Change]

There are how many people in the world?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Eight billion people, roughly. I think maybe six, eight.

[Monet X Change]

So I don't know how to quantify that. Like most people.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's the question. That's my question. Like, when you walk down the street, how many of the folks around you do you think can sing better than you are?

[Monet X Change]

Funnier than you?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Can do makeup better than you? Can sew clothes better than you? How many of those people around you do you think can do those things at a higher level than you?

[Jacob]

Not many.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

More than half of them?

[Monet X Change]

Not many, I will say. But for each different skill, right? Singing, probably. No.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

How about at dragcon? When you're at dragcon and you're walking around, do you think to yourself, most of the people here are better than I am at, like, all the things that require you to do drag?

[Monet X Change]

I don't do that. I don't think that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So you do think you're. You're you're more talented than most people at Drag.

[Monet X Change]

Walking around DragCon, I'm like, I think that I am one of the most. I'm one of the most talented people here for sure.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

All right, well then I think we got to the bottom of this. This, this, this murder mystery.

[Monet X Change]

What do you walk around dragon? How do you feel about yourself?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think I am more talented. I've already. I think I'm more talented than most people. I'm going to reiterate that again for the record. I am not being shy about this. I genuinely think I am more talented than most people. And it is what it is, my boy.

[Monet X Change]

If you get a ticket, if you get a ticket to. I mean, when you, when you go to the Oscars and you walk and you're sitting in the Oscars, do you think you're talented in most of the actors there

[Bob the Drag Queen]

maybe not at the Oscars, you know what I mean? There are times where I think I'm a really, really good actor. And there are times where I'm like, man, that scene sucked. But when I was in Angels, I was like, ugh, I am eating. When I was in Angels, I was like, I am doing such a good job because I was constantly getting reaffirmed by people whose talent I really respect. So when like Stephen Spinella, you know, two time Tony Award winner is like, you're great, you're doing a really good job. And one time we were in, me and Steven were also in Tales of the City together and Stephen was like, you are just like doing such a good job. That's how you do a table read. That really gave me a big boost when this Tony Award, when the actor comes to me and tells me I'm doing a good job, you know, or when Tony Kushner is like, you're doing a great job, that feels good to me. So I think the affirm that you

[Monet X Change]

did a good job.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, it means a lot. Cause I respect your talent. I think you're really, really talented. So when you tell me I did a good job, I feel like I'm doing a good job. I mean, it does matter who the compliment comes from, right?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, for sure. For different reasons, right? From a parent, I think that has, has a different. Like, like would you agree with, right. Your mom telling you did a really good job in Angels. That's different than Steven Spinella telling you that, correct?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, yes, but for different reasons. So my mother is. My mother is. Whilst my mother thinks that. Thinks the earth thinks literally the world of me. Specifically when it Comes to theater. My mother does not like theater. Compliments from my mom in terms of theater are very hard to come by. She does not like going to plays. When I was a kid, my mom would come to my plays, and on the way home, she would tell me how much she did not like to play. Almost every time, she'd go, ooh, child, that was just singing. It was a musical. Ooh, that was just every other word. It was just singing. Just singing, singing. And I'm like, well, ma, it was a play. It was a musical, Ma. But when it comes to comedy, my mom thinks that. My mom thinks I am just the funniest thing. My mother often calls me to tell me that I'm funnier than Bianca Del Ria.

[Monet X Change]

Word, man. Specifically, Mommy, in high school, you was the man. Really. Bianca Schottz.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Fired Martha Caldwell and Bianca Dario.

[Monet X Change]

The Caldwells versus the. Versus the Del Rio's honey.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The Caldwell versus the Haylocks.

[Monet X Change]

The Haylock. There you go.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But. But then again, like, my mother doesn't. My mother doesn't like whenever my outfits show too much leg. She doesn't like when my skirts are short, which, by the way, they're not really short anymore. When I. You know, back in the day, my skirts used to be short.

[Monet X Change]

Pre drag race, your footsie used to

[Bob the Drag Queen]

be out girl, right at the edge of glory. But now I have gotten much more. I have gotten. I was looking at picture. I'm like, I am very modest in drag. I am very modest in drag these days.

[Monet X Change]

I feel that about me, too. I feel like the older I've gotten, I've gotten more modest in how I want to present my drag to be. Because also, I just feel like I'm just old and I think about my body differently. And I've definitely taken that on as an older person and queen.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I mean, I think that I still think I might have really great legs. I still actually think my legs look really great. What?

[Monet X Change]

I'm being so silly. Might be naked. What are you talking about? Modesty. I'm literally the most modest person ever.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Not the most. No. Okay, let's talk about. Let's talk about the world we actually live in. Money. I mean, I'm looking at your pictures. You're pretty covered. I'm going through your pictures. You're pretty covered in almost all of these pictures. Your drag is low key, girl. Covered all the way down your. Look at this, look at. Look at the screen. But you're covered all the way down to your knees, to your wrists. The only skin Showing is your face and your calves. Yeah. Monet. Girl, look at you. This is modesty. Is it modest, Monet? You're covered all the way down to your.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, my hips are covered, you know, are hugged. Not every look from season 10 ranked. This seems shady. Not season 10.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Ah, well, Monet was not modest here, but that was back in. That was younger Monet.

[Monet X Change]

I hate that one.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You do have your ass cheeks taken out every once in a while your cheeks will be hanging out. But Monet, you're not that girl. Girl, modest. I mean, you do have a leg stick now, but this dress is. This dress was very modest.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, honey, take a sip of that modest tea, Honey.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So maybe you are more modest than you realize. You were trying to be goofy, but maybe you actually really are the queen of modesty.

[Monet X Change]

Maybe.

[Jacob]

Isn't it different in drag, though? Because like, like a lot of the queens, like you have to wear hip pads and like tights and stuff so you can have a bloody look, but you're still like. But she still wears tights and stuff.

[Monet X Change]

I wear, I wear fishnet tights. I wear a corset. So I'm oftentimes trying to hide my corset in my titties so I can like, you know, give the full fantasy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But, but I mean, but I mean the illusion of showing leg, even though you're not really showing your legs. I'm referring to the illusion of showing leg. You know what I mean? Yeah, but there are obviously, we know there are queens out here who, who, who are like Robin. Robin is showing. She. Yeah, she's showing her whole body these days. Yeah, girl, I'm wrong.

[Monet X Change]

Her page, I'm trying to see.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, she's not like, girl, these are cheeks. These are literal cheeks. Oh, actual skin cheeks.

[Monet X Change]

Thank God for actual skin cheeks. Actual skin cheeks. Sounds like some type of, some type of, some type of fucking product. Get you a nice bottle of actual skin cheeks.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was thinking about, I was thinking about engaging in a year of obsessing over my looks and seeing how I feel at the end of it.

[Monet X Change]

What does that mean? Like paying to get really extravagant looks made?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, like my physical appearance. Like my day to day look. I was thinking about what happened if I spend a year obsessing over how I look and I just want to see in the end, how do I feel? Do I feel better or do I feel worse?

[Monet X Change]

It's not going to be sustainable because it's not something that you're like passionate about. Like that. Like, you mean, like that means like if you're obsessed, that means you wake up in the morning doing a full ski, a full regimen, washing face, and I doing a full regimen, then going to get facial, going to do. You're not going to be able to sustain that because that's just not something.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, but you don't have to get a facial every day to be obsessed

[Monet X Change]

with your every day. Like, at least, like once every two weeks. Like, to maintain.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I can get. I can get a facial every once every two weeks.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, once a week.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I could probably do that too.

[Jacob]

You can make that happen.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. And then see if in the end, do I feel like it was all worth it or I feel like I wasted my time for a year? I'm intrigued to see. I'm intrigued to see how that would feel to me, because I think that. I don't think I've. I don't think I've ever honestly been obsessed with. Obsessed with my looks. I've never been obsessed with how people perceive me. Well, that's not true. I mean, I. I did go through a time where I was not eating, so I would be perceived as skinnier, but I've never been like. Like, only I've been obsessed with my body before, but never super obsessed with, like, getting haircuts and. And getting. Like, I was even when I had hair, I would, like, even when I don't have hair, I would, like, let my hair grow out when I should. Other day, someone was like, well, I see you letting your hair grow out. And I was like, girl, this is just because I'm being lazy. If you think I'm letting my hair grow out as some experiment, this is just because I've not shaved my head. I'm not just letting my hair grow out, girl, this is. I just have not shaved my head yet.

[Monet X Change]

Duan is that. Duan gets a haircut every week. Dejan at the barber every week. Djuan is very, very, very obsessed with keeping up his looks.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, Duan's very pretty and it's very pretty and it's paying off.

[Monet X Change]

It really. It really does pay off. Dawan is immaculate.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But how does it pay off societally? Like, how does it pay off? Like, I wonder how that. How that I'm having a stroke, how that second one today impacts how people treat him.

[Monet X Change]

I think it does impact. I think people are often very. When they meet Duan, they're very enamored by how handsome he is. And people often remark on that. And I think, I mean, we know this. People. People treat people that look good, better. Like, it's just a fact. Like, people are just nicer. They treat people that look nice better. People that are aesthetically pleasing and attractive.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That is true. Or people who look like downtrodden. Like, if you. They'll treat you nice, too, if you. If they feel bad for you.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, Bob, it's okay. It's okay, baby.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But it can't just be, like, I don't think enough. Just be ugly or, like, quote unquote, unattractive. You have to, like, look like there's, like, you're going through it in their mind. In. In their mind. There has to be something wrong with you for them to start treating you nice.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Which is kind of wild.

[Monet X Change]

It is. Well, Bob, we talked about narcissism, and I'm happy that you're on narcissist.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We actually stayed on topic pretty well this time.

[Monet X Change]

We did. I agree. I think we did a good job. I love you very

[Jacob]

much.