The One About Raising Kids

Summary

Sibling Rivalry Podcast: “The One About Raising Kids”

Hosts: Bob the Drag Queen & Monét X Change
Release Date: February 27, 2023

---

Overview

In this riotous, freewheeling episode, Bob the Drag Queen and Monét X Change dig into the idea of raising children as queer adults. From playful banter about who would carry a baby, to hilarious “what if” parenting scenarios and thoughtful moments about childhood, discipline, and family, the two bring their signature mix of sharp wit, candid self-reflection, and lovingly shady ribbing. Along the way, they veer into food debates, childhood memories, drag etiquette, iconic names in the drag world, and what kind of parents they might actually be—should they ever take the plunge.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Babies, Parenting, and Who Would Carry a Child

• Monét and Bob both joke about which of them would carry a baby if technology made it possible.
  • Monét insists that her partner Andy would have to carry it because he works from home:

    "Honestly, Andy had to do it, ‘cause he’s the one who sedentary. But she’s at home—like, he is. Like, in LA, I’m traveling to him.” (33:03)

• Bob imagines Jacob (his partner) as a “cuter pregnant person” but says he’d be willing if needed:

  “I think Jacob would look cuter pregnant than I would... but if I had to step up to the plate, I would be able to do it.” (34:00)

2. Organic Food, Childhood Diets, and Food Attitudes

• Extended riff about Monét’s claim of eating “only organic.” Bob clowning Monét’s selective memory and any inconsistency:

  "This is what drives me crazy. When you say only, but it's not even 50%. How are you bold enough to say 'I only eat organic'? That's why I thought I was—I was like, this does not only eat organic. You eat organic from time to time!" (07:27)

• They discuss whether they would feed their hypothetical kids only organic food.

  “When you have children, are you gonna feed your kids all organic stuff?” –Monét
  “I don’t think I will. Is that horrible?” –Bob (38:21)

• Bob argues kids who aren’t allowed sugar or video games often seem “miserable,” advocating balance.

3. Upbringing, Discipline, and Childhood Memories

• Bob reflects on pride in Black families around spanking, sharing his discomfort with it:

  “...in my family sometimes, and I don’t know, maybe it’s in a lot of Black families too, where Black families are sometimes, or at least my family, is really proud of spanking their children—to an odd degree.” (41:23)

• Monét’s Caribbean family provided all the snacks and little restriction (“I was a very heavy kid. I was fat, fat, fat”), but she wonders "at what cost?"

• Both reflect on growing up sharing beds or bedrooms with family, and how their experiences shaped them.

  “I was like...I was in high school, bitch. I was 35.” (46:38 - Bob joking about sleeping arrangements)

4. Drag Names, Childhood TV, and the Influence on Identity

• The duo riff on drag names with food or spice themes—listing queens from Cornbread to Lemon to Milk and discussing how these trends start.
• Playful debate about which cartoon character each represents (Skeeter, Patty Mayonnaise, Roger), morphing into favorite cartoons and voice actors.

5. Drag Career Geographies

• Conversation about how their drag personas would have changed if they’d started their careers in Atlanta or Chicago, and what makes Chicago and Southern queens unique.

  “If you started drag in Atlanta and you, like, stayed down there, do you think that you would become a pageant queen?” – Monét (13:00) “I probably would have gone into it...I did a few pageants even in New York City...” – Bob (13:09)

6. The Cutthroat World of Queer Parenting

• Extended “what if” scenario about co-parenting, name debates, and whose genetics would win in utero.

  "You know what? You're scared. You're scared that the baby's gonna like me more." — Bob (58:00) "I'm the type of parent—I'm coming to everything. I'm gonna be the obligation parent." — Monét (52:42)

• Hilarious fake arguments over the child's name, sport, and extracurricular expectations.
• Strict expectations for piano lessons ("You're getting a little pushy. You're getting a little pushy. Not no if, ands, or buts...What if Kenya is sad?" - Bob, 61:31)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On “weasel words” in food marketing:

  “Weasel words are things companies put on products...Like ‘all natural’ or ‘kills 99.9% of bacteria’...but there’s no one measuring how many percentage of germs you’re killing.” – Monét (02:43)

• On family discipline:

  “If I drop my kids off at someone’s house and they spanked them, I don’t care what my kids did. We are going to have a problem. A problem.” – Bob (42:36)

• On piano lessons and pushy parenting:

  "You're only 25 minutes in, you just have a little more time…But I want to hear those arpeggios!" – Monét, mock-parenting (62:01)
  “Ms. Smalls called me a bitch at our last rehearsal.” – Bob, pretending to be their future child (62:28)

• On the realities of growing up queer and hiding porn:

  “I had like five DVDs of gay porn, bitch. And she was like, Kevin, what is 'bus down boy'? Kevin, may want to know what is 'interracial facial' and what's his 'runner train on that twinkie boy'?” – Monét, on their grandmother’s discovery (47:29)

• Planning their hypothetical child:

  "Our child's name is Kenya Dominic." – Bob (59:00)
  "We got to get a baby. We got to get a baby." – Bob (60:49)

• On discipline and generational cycles:

  "Why y’all so proud of this? Hitting someone who can’t defend themselves? It’s so strange to me...I don’t think I would ever hit my kids." – Bob (43:41)
  "Let's build community in another way without whooping my kid's ass." – Bob (43:11)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Food/Organic Debate: 02:25 – 07:26
• Regional drag influences: 13:00 – 15:00
• Parenting & who carries the baby: 32:50 – 36:23
• Would you feed your kids organic? 38:16 – 40:14
• Childhood discipline, family pride, and cycles: 41:23 – 44:03
• Sharing beds, family privacy as a queer kid: 46:00 – 48:00
• Debate on co-parenting Bob & Monét style: 57:00 – 59:50
• Hypothetical kid’s name, activities, and language: 59:00 – 61:44
• Mock piano lessons and “tough love” parenting skit: 61:52 – 63:25

---

Conclusion

This episode is a textbook example of the chemistry that makes Sibling Rivalry beloved: irreverent, teasing, and full of genuine moments behind the laughter. While raising kids as queer adults (or even the idea of trying!) is the nominal theme, Bob and Monét infuse every tangent with comedic gold and heart, from food and family to drag industry truths, generational cycles, and deeply personal childhood stories. Whether or not the world ever sees a Baby Sibling Rivalry, this is a cozy, hilarious deep dive into what queer parenting could—and should—look like, delivered in their unique, loving, side-eyeing tone.

Transcript

[A]

Hey there, it's Wayfair here, where delivery and setup are as easy as a few taps on your phone. You're relaxing in an old hammock, scrolling Wayfair's app when you spot it. A brand new patio set. Next thing you know, Wayfair delivers it right to your patio and sets it up. Oh, you need a new grill, too. All right, Wayfair's got you covered. With Wayfair's room of choice delivery and fast expert setup on qualifying orders, life gets a little easier. Visit Wayfair.com or the Wayfair app.

[B]

Wayfair.

[C]

Every style, every home.

[B]

My name is Bob the Drag Queen,

[C]

and I'm Monet x Change.

[B]

And this is simply rivalry.

[C]

On today's episode, we discuss which one of us would carry a baby.

[B]

We talk about raising kids.

[C]

And we find out what made Bob say this.

[B]

You know what? You're scared. You're scared that the baby's gonna like me more. And we found out what made Monae say this.

[C]

Bob, what is going on? You feeling real? You feeling very country today? I come to work fat. I don't come to work and go to eat. Actually, when I had a civilian job, bitch, I used to come to work at 3 o' clock and I would order food when I got to work and then be eating in this little side office unless somebody come in. I'm like. They're like, hello. One second, please.

[B]

Monday's commenting on a comment we had off camera, which is that I ordered my food and then it's going to get here while we're podcasting, and I don't want to eat it cold, so I'm asking that we take a break so I can eat my food when it does arrive.

[C]

Go ahead and eat your little food. Go ahead and eat your little food.

[B]

But you also do not always come to fork fed. You've eaten on the podcast several times.

[C]

The whole. The whole thing about it.

[B]

I will not be discussing when, where, why, or how.

[C]

You see all the little.

[B]

Monet knows. We're not gonna. I'm not gonna.

[C]

That was literally. That was like. Jacob, first of all, you wasn't even producing pod. You wasn't even helping produce the podcast back then. You were just Bob's piece back then. So. What you talking about, Jacob?

[B]

We didn't have to talk about what we're.

[C]

What are you.

[B]

What are you combining?

[C]

Look at all the concentrate at the bottom of my juice. I know that that's what all juice is, but I just. I need to, like, shake.

[B]

That's not what all juice is.

[C]

Most juices, if you buy a juice at the stove. Most juice that has preservatives and natural fruit and real. Ooh, we need to do an episode about.

[B]

Ooh.

[C]

Ooh, we need to do an episode about weasel words. Hold on one second, let me try to shake it up.

[B]

What is a weasel word?

[C]

I see. Look at that tweezle. Words are things that companies put on products and the government. All natural. Yeah, all natural. Virtually, you can say 99.9%. It kills 99.9% of bacteria. Cause you're not saying all. Cause you literally cannot say 100%. But there's no one measuring how many percentage of germs you're killing. You know what I mean? So companies slap these markers onto products and we're like, oh, yeah, this is organic, bitch. I went to a whole deep dive on how the organic food industry. Bitch, half that shit is not organic. I mean, I didn't even start on organic, girl. Like, by some technicalities, they meet the organic metric, but it is not what we think is what it means organic.

[B]

I don't. I'm not into, like, I don't feel like I need to eat organic. Like, I feel like. I feel like a banana that may have been grown with a few pesticides is probably fine to eat, and I feel like I've been eating them like, my entire life.

[C]

The short answer is, you're right. Like, eating and eating an organic. Eating an.

[B]

Eating. Eating an organic banana. Eating an organic banana. Ow. Eating an organic banana. Eating an organic. Eating organic banana. Eating organic banana.

[C]

Eating a non organic banana. It does have pesticides, but you eat so many other things that. That aren't organic and have pesticides that you don't die. So you're not going to pass out or die or die early. I'm sure there's some type of science

[B]

that tap water in most places, like most places, I'm like, just give me the tap water. I drink so much tap water. I don't know you're gonna say taste. We cannot discuss water anymore. We've discussed tap water. We have a whole podcast about water. But we've talked about tap water. Me drinking tap water and you drinking and how you prefer with a. With a shit ton of ice. Which is weird to me because you're like, you. You're insisting on drinking this distilled or filtered water, but then you filter it. You drink it with ice that is not filtered. But also when you go to. When you go to restaurants, you just get a glass of water. They not. There's no filter at the. At the fucking.

[C]

I don't drink. I always. I always order sparkling water. If I go to a diva. Do you want spark? Do you want sparkling? A flat. I always say sparkling because I know it comes out of bottle.

[B]

I have to learn to. I have to learn to let it go over time. But when you. You say always, you don't mean always in that direction.

[C]

Okay?

[B]

Right.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

I don't say a word like that.

[C]

Bob will, but, Bob, act like we don't speak hyperbolically in this podcast. Yes, when I say always, I don't mean every single time, but more hyperbolically,

[B]

but not about oftentimes. That's one word I don't really use. I'll say, like, practically always or something like that. But you will be like, practically always,

[C]

but not always, because that's not the same thing.

[B]

That's saying 99.9%. That is like our famous argument about you saying you only eat organic. That drove me crazy. That drove me crazy today. You don't know who weren't around for that one. A long time ago, Monet came to my apartment, and it was one of our veganism. And Monet said that she only. The way the conversation started was Monet said she only eats organic. And by the time it was done, Monet was like, what I'm saying is, when I go to the west side Market, I get an organic salad.

[C]

Because y' all know. Because Bob and I got started when

[B]

I feel like I only eat organic.

[C]

Because when I started a. Bob and I getting in the only semantic argument about what? Okay, I mean, I think that you

[B]

said you only eat organic, but you came in eating, like, Lifesaver gummies that day, and you were like, I only eat organic. That is crazy.

[C]

But, Bob, we also. You and I would dine at fast food. We'd have. You would have Domino's Pizza and stuff. So, yes, we know. When I say only eat organic, we know that. I definitely.

[B]

That's why I didn't know what you meant when you said that.

[C]

Because.

[B]

Because I think if you mostly ate organic, but you don't even mostly eat organic. That's why I was so.

[C]

That's not true. At that point, the things in my home were like, all my fruits, all my veggies.

[B]

Stop. I'm not gonna tell you. All my fruits, organic now. Do you most eat organic now?

[C]

Yes, when it's not like a restaurant or something.

[B]

We have to move on because you literally is your little tuna from St. Lucia. Is that organic?

[C]

Actually, I think it is organic. Sibo.

[B]

Tuna Fish, how about your popcorn? Is your popcorn is organic?

[C]

I don't think popcorn can be organic.

[B]

Popcorn. You know your popcorners. Are your popcorners organic? Answer the question quickly.

[C]

I think they have organic popcorns, y'.

[B]

All. Okay, how about your little trulies and your little waffle?

[C]

Organic.

[B]

How? How. That's not. Show me where it says organic on the bottle. Organic.

[C]

That means organic.

[B]

You're currently drinking nothing. This is what drives me crazy. Because when you say only, but it's not even. It's not even 50%. So how do. How are you bold enough to say, I only eat organic? That's why I thought I was. I was like, this does not only eat organic. You eat organic from time to time. That's also the thing about, like when. Like when you. If you have a vegan meal, someone's like, are you vegan? It's like, no, I'm just eating a vegan meal. Like, this meat meal is vegan.

[C]

Why do you say meal like that, bitch? Are you. Are you a fucking Milner?

[B]

I say meal. How do you say meal?

[C]

No, you just said. That's like when someone says when I eat and when I eat. A vegan meal. Bitch. A meal.

[B]

A meal. My God. A vegan meal. A vegan meal. Now I don't even know what I'm saying. A vegan meal. Why don't say meal. A vegan meal. A meal. I'm ordering meals for everyone.

[C]

Amil. Amelie. Ameli. Ameli. Ameli. Ameli.

[B]

Ameli. You know how I use, say the thing you write with?

[C]

A Pen? Cause you say pen. A pen.

[B]

It is a pen.

[C]

You write. It's a pen.

[B]

It's a ballpoint pen. Pen.

[C]

It's an eh vowel. The E is an eh vowel. Pen.

[B]

No, don't. Don't.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

What? Don't use words like eh and diphthong. And we get it. It's gotta.

[C]

It's an open evile.

[B]

Don't open and glottis and soft palate me. Do not.

[C]

You are so mad at me existing. You are so mad at me existing. Oh, my goodness. I've never seen you like this.

[B]

This is you, Monet. You are all okay. This also drives me crazy. Cause you were always laughing at my existence. I'd just be in my life existing. You be cackling at my entire existence. I be. I'm having a hard time with technology. You just. You don't know how to block all the time. I be wearing my Little. My little. My little. What you call my little. My cat toy clothes. And you always have some Bobby. Just so interesting and kooky and quirky. Which are quirky. I said quirky. Wrong.

[C]

Quirky.

[B]

But you always laughing at my. I don't think I'm that kooky and quirky. I don't make fear faces at me.

[C]

Bob, you have said this on the before on the podcast, that you're Doug and everyone. And when literally a resounding everyone's like, this nigga is Skeeter.

[B]

You are Skeeter.

[C]

Nigga, you're blue and you are running around doing shit.

[B]

You are Skeeter. If this is Full House, you're six from next door. If this is Family Matters, wrong, wrong.

[C]

Wrong show.

[B]

You mean step by step.

[C]

That was step by step.

[B]

If this is Family Matters, you're Steve Urkel. Ok, this is Bob.

[C]

You're Steve Urkel.

[B]

Who are you then? Who are you?

[C]

I'm Patty Mayonnaise. I'm Patti Mayonnaise.

[B]

Where are you, Patti Mayonnaise? Bitch, you're Roger. Is who you. Actually, I'm Roger.

[C]

Yeah, bitch, you are the combination of Roger and Skeeter.

[B]

Why? Gotta be. Also, Pattie Mays was black, right?

[C]

Oh, for sure. But back then they had to make her fluorescent beige. But bitch, she's black.

[B]

So what's Skeeter?

[C]

I think it was black too.

[B]

But he was like a purple.

[C]

Yeah, but at the same thing you say what was the redhead? He was green, but I think he was still white. White color.

[B]

Roger was green. Roger is definitely white, but green colored.

[C]

Yeah, I think Skeeter was black, but blue colored.

[B]

And Patti Mayonnaise is black. And you know who does the voice of Patti Mayonnaise?

[C]

Cree Summers.

[B]

Who is Cree Summers?

[C]

Cree Summers has done the voice for so many characters that we love. A lot of the Rugrats characters. A lot of characters.

[B]

No, it's not Cree Summers. It was. It was. Did you watch Orange is the New Black?

[C]

Of course.

[B]

It was Yoga Jones.

[C]

Oh, really? The one that got. She wore the glasses.

[B]

She was very skinny and she just Google Yoga Jones.

[C]

I'm not. I'm going to use my phone because this. This table at this hotel is so topsy turvy. I breathe hard and this shit is rocking all over.

[B]

But it is wild me that Yoga Jones was Pattyman.

[C]

Yoga Jones.

[B]

People be out here living multiple lives, girl. Multiple. Like. Like some folks don't know that. Kathy and Jimmy.

[C]

Oh, that's really.

[B]

Yeah. Isn't that wild? Some people don't Know that Kathy and Jimmy is Peggy from King of the Hill. Kathy and Jimmy is like the thick. The thick sister from Hocus Pocus and also the thick nun from Sister X. She's actually quite slim these days.

[C]

She loves a lot of weight. I have never seen King of the. I was not a King of the Hill fan. I was not something watching my household.

[B]

It's a good show. You don't see. You don't know who Boomhauer is. No, Boom Howard doesn't. So someone said this talk like, Boom, Howard. That means nothing to you?

[C]

Nothing. Not anything.

[B]

Boom Howard was a character who was unintelligible. So he'd be like, ma', am, tell him one thing out of our line before you come over out here. Everyone tell me we don't want anything. I know for sure that's how Boomerang would talk. And so whenever someone's really country and they have, like, a really thick accent where, like, Northerners can't understand them, they. They're called Boomhauer.

[C]

Country, country, country, country, country, country, country, country, country, country, country. Like, all the Southern queens, y' all need to do, like, a country number. And then you always come.

[B]

Okay. I don't identify as a Southern queen. I'm a Southern person, but I'm a New York City queen. I know my dragness is. There's whatsoever in my drag. I don't think.

[C]

If you started drag in this. If you started drag in Atlanta and you, like, stayed down there, do you think that you would become a pageant queen? Do you think that that's something. Do you think that's something that you would have went into?

[B]

I probably would have gone into it. I did a few pageants even in New York City, so I probably would. There's probably a lot more available in this house. I probably would have done more. I'm really interested to see how my drag would have been shaped were I right.

[C]

You'd be so different, Bob. If you were a Southern, you'd be. So that was gonna be my next question I posed. I'm like, imagine how different your drag would be if you did not start in New York. You would be a completely different queen.

[B]

But.

[C]

But you're still funny, so you would have still found your way back to comedy, I feel. Right.

[B]

Yeah. Like, people like Violet Chokski. Violet's from Atlanta, but she does not. But Violet's not. She doesn't. She doesn't read as Southern, even though she's from Atlanta.

[C]

Yeah, I would say that, too. She doesn't read as a Southern Queen.

[B]

But Violet actually did drag in Atlanta, but just didn't read as Southern. And I am from Atlanta, but I. We're from Georgia, but I don't. Well, I don't know if you know this. I was actually born in Columbus.

[C]

We can't.

[B]

I was born in Columbus, and then I moved to Lagrange, and I moved to.

[C]

But if you grew up in. If you started in drag in Chicago, you'd probably have the same. A similar trajectory to what you have now.

[B]

You think so? I feel like Chicago and New York are pretty parallel. Chicago drag has, like, a. I don't think. I think Chicago drag has, like, a very specific, specific thing about it. Like, when I think of Chicago drag, I think of that Kim Chi, Shea, Bambi Banks, Lucy Stool, even Ora Mayori. Like, I like. I see her and I'm like, yeah, you scream Chicago, you belt Chicago. Ah. All right.

[C]

She's a queen that could. She told me she was from South Dakota. Like, I would see that, but I will. But again. But then if you would've started drag in Chicago, you'll be like, no.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, Chicago queens are like Bob the Drag Queen Kim Chi. You know what I mean? Like, you would have been in that.

[B]

She's definitely from Florida. I mean, I know she's from Alabama, but Trinity is, like, a Florida drag queen, for sure. She's from.

[C]

Yeah, I see that.

[B]

From Alabama, though, right?

[C]

Yes, she's from Alabama. Yeah.

[B]

Alabama is such an interesting place. You've been Alabama

[C]

a couple times. Two. Once for comedy and once for bebops in Mobile, Alabama, AKA the sweatiest, hottest bar in America.

[B]

No, I'm gonna give that to Scarlet. Honolulu.

[C]

Oh, this is true. Scarlet. Okay, so. Okay, so Scarlet is this bar in Honolulu. In Honolulu that a lot of the girls have worked at. It's a great club. I did not find it to be that hot. But every other queen was like, girl, be prepared. And it was hot. It was so hot. The stage was wet. And y' all know me, I am a sweat tea queen. But for some reason, when Patty and I went. Actually, I went by myself. Patty wasn't there. Why didn't Patty go on me anyway? I did not find it to be that hot. But they had also changed something. They had, like, two ACs in the dressing room at that point. It just wasn't.

[B]

The funny thing about the ACs in the dressing room, they're not connected to the. At least when I went there, the AC wasn't attached to the outside. The AC was attached. The outside of the AC was inside the club, so the dressing room was cold. I'll tell you more about after this break. Foreign.

[A]

Summer is here at Orderly Meds. We know this time is a reminder that life is full of new beginnings. Whether you're celebrating the nice weather, starting a new chapter, planning a vacation, or simply looking ahead to what's next, this season can be the perfect time to invest in yourself and your health. If you've struggled with weight loss and are curious about GLP1 medications, orderly meds can help you learn about your options. Through a simple virtual process, you can connect with licensed medical professionals who can determine whether treatment may be appropriate for you. Getting started is fast, convenient, and happens online from the comfort of home. This summer, consider a new approach to feeling your best. Visit orderlymeds.com podcast to learn more. That's orderlymeds.com podcast orderlymeds.com podcast because every new season is an opportunity to take the next step forward, compounded medications are not FDA approved, eligible, required and determined by a licensed provider. Individual results may vary. See website for details.

[B]

If I recall correctly, the AC is attached to the dressing room, but the butt of the AC wasn't outside, it was inside. Isn't that wild?

[C]

Excuse me? Well, I think when I went, they had one of those, you know, those rolling units that kind of has a little exhaust nozzle thing. That's what they had when I went. So I think they changed. They switched it around.

[B]

But also if anyone was going hunter lose listening. Carpet the stage. I would rather have carpet than be up in that bitch slipping and sliding.

[C]

I know that was, it was slippery. But also imagine how, imagine having a carpet on stage. That shit would be nasty.

[B]

I prefer on stage with the carpets before.

[C]

There is one club that has a carpet on stage. Oh, there is someone that has that. And I remember being like, this is strange. Maybe it wasn't a club, maybe it was a theater.

[B]

And I was like, this is weird. I'm looking for a queen. Do you remember Watermelon?

[C]

No.

[B]

Watermelon was this queen from Honolulu who would perform whenever you were there. I don't know if she's what she's up to these days. Yeah, Water. You don't remember Watermelon?

[C]

I don't know her.

[B]

Well, big shout out to Watermelon who is apparently hosting. Oh no, she's not hosting a review party. She just made her own drag race. Nevermind.

[C]

Oh my God, I have been tricked by that so many times this season. Cause you know, especially when the girls just came out. I knew it was so many girls. I was. I'm like, oh, I don't remember her from the promo. I was like, three people have gotten. Not that these girls are trying to get anybody. They're trying to, like, make a cute picture. But I was like, oh, bitch. I fully thought this was the queen of the show.

[B]

It used to be Watermelon and this other queen. They were called, like, the Fruity Queens, but they both had, like, fruit names. It was like, Watermelon and this other girl named, like. They were called the Juicy Queens, the Fruity Queens or something.

[C]

Juicy Queen. Sounds familiar. Maybe that is just a Queen Juice Box Queen. No, just a Queen Juice Box girl.

[B]

There's a queen named Juice Box.

[C]

Juice Box.

[B]

Some of these names. All the girls with food names. There's Sugar, Spice.

[C]

Spice.

[B]

Cocoa, Milk, Juice.

[C]

Watermelon.

[B]

Watermelon. You wanted to be Cornbread. Cornbread. You wanted to be mistake. Ginger. Ginger. Lemon.

[C]

Lemon, Ginger.

[B]

Peppermint. Y' all hoes hungry

[C]

also. That is a very Southern Hongry. Southern hills Will Hongry. You gargle.

[B]

You're Bob. What is going on?

[C]

You feeling real? You feeling very country today? I say hungry. Hungry.

[B]

Okay, I've said hungry since you've known me. I've never said hungry or you guys

[C]

agree, but you had a very. You had more of a bite this time. Y' all ho's hungry now. Don't come back now, you hear?

[B]

How do you say hungry?

[C]

Hungry, bitch. I am hungry.

[B]

I am hungry.

[C]

Hungry. That's a queen.

[B]

Hungry. Oh, wait, isn't there, like, a. Is she hungry?

[C]

Is she hungry? Yeah.

[B]

Oh, my God. Hungry eats all. Hungry eats all the other queens.

[C]

How do you feel about.

[B]

You heard you mistake.

[C]

I was gonna be mistake, and then I decided not to go with it. I was like, I'm not changing my name.

[B]

Honestly, that would have been iconic mistake. Oh, yeah. Mistake.

[C]

Do you remember there was hungry issue? Hungry had a drama because she posted Jacob, if you can. Jacob, look it up or chime in. She had posted the look. Someone, like, did her. Cause she had a pretty iconic makeup, right? Hungry's makeup is very signature to her and some.

[B]

Chris.

[C]

Yeah. When Christopher Versace came back together with the crown on UK4, she had a similar paint to what is she Hungry does? And is she hungry? Like, did a tweet about it and, like, basically saying that people don't credit her. And then ISIS ended up doing something similar to. And it's like, yes, Queens are inspired, but, like, so just because I did a makeup that's similar to yours, do I have to post like, this is the inspiration, like, people get. Makeup gets passed around and is inspired a lot. I don't think that you are indebted to tag and be like, I got this idea from. Maybe Crystal probably didn't even. She saw it somewhere else. Who knows?

[B]

I mean, imagine all the queens who have to tag fucking Trixie and Trixie, right? I mean, because, yeah, girl Kim, the girls who right now, Trixie really done change the game in drag makeup. I'm not saying Trix is the first one that did it, but I do think a lot of these baby queens in these towns are all. Not all, but a lot of them are very inspired by every. Every bar you go to, there is a Trixie Mattel there. And I'm not even kidding around.

[C]

What I would say is people like imitating Trixie as opposed to people doing makeup that's their own. I don't see a lot of people like, oh, I'm starting drag this to my face when I see Trixie faces. People trying to emulate or literally copy her things and make them Trixie as a bit.

[B]

I think Trixie has had an impact on drag makeup as a whole. I mean, I don't think she's the only one who's had that. I think that a lot of queens have had impact on drag makeup as a whole, but something about Trixie's stamp that.

[C]

That.

[B]

That kooky eye she does, I think has certainly. And I'm not saying Trixie invented any of it, but I do think Trixie invented some of it. I think that she's had. She. Her makeup has been very impactful on where drag makeup is today. I feel. I would say that, like, who else is like that? Like, Raven. Raven is someone who. Raven impactful in terms of, like, the way people do their faces. There's like a thousand ravens out there, bitch.

[C]

I mean, you look at someone of Krista Versace. Krista Versace's face is literally Raven's face. Like, you can tell she saw Raven

[B]

chat when it was Hungry's face.

[C]

And you don't see Raven being like, no one was doing the. This. The exclamation point that is Raven. People were not doing that.

[B]

Like, people literally, hello, Raven.

[C]

Literally. I mean, she has a show painted by Raven, right? So, I mean, you know, this Raven is. I love Raven painted by.

[B]

Because you're thinking painted by fame. The show's called Peace, and Raven's the host, but Raven doesn't paint anyone. It's a good.

[C]

This is true, bitch. Do you know who Was a guest judge on her show.

[B]

Who?

[C]

Fame mother. RuPaul.

[B]

Oh, work.

[C]

Yeah. She's the. I think she's the final boss. RuPaul is the final. The final judge every episode for the final episode.

[B]

RuPaul loves Raven. Oh. I mean, the two queens RuPaul loves is Raven and Gottmika.

[C]

RuPaul loves these two queens, and he loves Seattle.

[B]

You think so?

[C]

I'm just being funny again.

[B]

I think he's like, Seattle.

[C]

I mean, but Jay, what's your name?

[B]

Bob.

[C]

Oh, my God. It sound like my mom. Jesus Christ. Imagine the hours RuPaul and Raven had spent together. I think RuPaul once said an interview. It takes him, like, four hours to get ready and gestures. Painting. He likes to stop and, like, listen to music. Raven and RUP have spent so many hours together with Ru. With Raven and Ru's face.

[B]

Like, you asked someone to do your makeup. Layla did your makeup one time, right?

[C]

Yeah, Layla. I did. Ross was in Chicago, and Layla sent me a text. She's like, hey, girl, you gonna be Chicago this weekend, right? I was like, yeah. She's like, do you want me to paint you? I was like, oh, my God. I would love that. I've never had anyone paint my face before, and it was fun. I think Raleigh did a beautiful. We're gonna put a screenshot. We're gonna send this to Jacob so Jacob can give it to Jay. You're looking at the screenshot of how Layla painted me, and I think she did a great job. I felt beautiful.

[B]

It made such a big deal about the pictures being on the screen. It wouldn't be such a thing. Like, we are sometime making. We're like. And we print. Promise. We. We are. I'm sending it right now to Jacob. Jacob will send it to Jay. Jay Will. And if we didn't do that every time, I don't think it'd be such a big deal when it wasn't on the screen, even though.

[C]

But we got there, Bob. We got there. That's how we got here. That's how we got here. Because we would say, yeah, we're gonna put it on screen. I'm gonna go. And then people were like, what? We got here by doing that. So, yeah, I really. I enjoyed it. I think it does feel good to just show up and sit back and have someone just. And I can imagine at this point, Ru just shows up, heading the back of the chair. He kind of sleeps a little bit because, I don't know, Rue gets there pretty early.

[B]

Like, Rue because of how old she is. You think because of how old she is, she sleeps?

[C]

No, but I was about to sleep. When Layla's in my. When Layla does your. Well, Bob can't sit still. Bob has add, so I'm sure

[B]

I have not been diagnosed with add. You will not be. You're not a psychiatrist. You will not be diagnosing me on today.

[C]

Anyways, Bob can't sit still.

[B]

I do sit still. Layla does my makeup twice an episode on.

[C]

When I say. When I say sit still, I don't mean like moving. I mean like Bob is always like, wait, let me listen to this. Telling a story. Or like showing someone a thing. Like, you're always doing that. So I'm sure you cannot.

[B]

I can. I. I. I want to.

[C]

I know for a fact you are not sitting there like this.

[B]

I sit pretty still while. Call her. Call her up, Jacob. Send her a link. Actually, I want. Because I don't want Monet to have one side of conference like she did with. Like she did with Mattea, where she wouldn't allow me to speak my voice.

[C]

This is a simple drop. I'm not going to speak.

[B]

No, we can have. Layla McQueen can join the call. You try to control the narrative. We will send Laila a link. Don't you worry. Ms. Honey Bunny.

[C]

I have a piece of organic. Something stuck in my tulip.

[B]

Some sort of organic food you had.

[C]

It is. I had some organic.

[B]

What did you eat that was organic today?

[C]

Today? This morning I had bacon, egg and cheese.

[B]

Organic.

[C]

The egg was absolutely. Was cage free.

[B]

Organic in Brooklyn.

[C]

I'm not in Brooklyn. I'm in Manhattan. Oh, so you're saying. So you're saying. So you're saying because Brooklyn has a lot of black folk that they can have organic food in Brooklyn?

[B]

I know Manhattan bodegas don't be doing. If you go to a Manhattan bodega and be like, let me get the organic egg, they'll be like, get your ass out of here.

[C]

See. Cause y' all non New Yorkers, y' all don't know how to work the system. Bitch, I've been here. I'm not new to this. Bitch, I'm true to this. Okay? I know where to get the organic eggs.

[B]

Your own eggs.

[C]

I know where. I know which delis have organic eggs.

[B]

I know at these bodegas, they be like, do you want the fucking. It'd be the. It'd be the white eggs. Everyone has the same eggs. But, you know. Anyway, so what else you had was organic? Was the bagel organic?

[C]

I didn't have it on the bagel.

[B]

What'd you have it on?

[C]

I had it in a lettuce wrap.

[B]

And was the lettuce organic?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Was the bacon organic?

[C]

The bacon? No, I didn't have bacon on it. I said bacon, egg, and cheese.

[B]

Yes, you did.

[C]

Because I, like, say bacon. I'm so used to saying that. But I had the egg and cheese on the other side.

[B]

Was the cheese organic?

[C]

It was cheese. Okay.

[B]

You are so full of shit. That little tub next to you. What is it? Show me the lid. Show me the lid. It better say organic.

[C]

No, this is. I feel like I'm a makeup artist. So this is.

[B]

What is that?

[C]

This is my organic guacamole.

[B]

You're just saying organic. I know. Yes, you are.

[C]

I am.

[B]

I'm not gonna let you gaslight me and our listeners into just believing that you sitting around in a garden over there growing your own fucking food.

[C]

Can I tell you, I had a real idea. I was in this hotel and I was like, I think it'll be really cute when I get my house. When everything is done, I want, like, a wallpaper with this black on black. Wouldn't that be cute?

[B]

I literally just said that yesterday. I said, jacob, let's get a black on black wallpaper like this.

[C]

You did? When? Not when I was on the phone.

[B]

Yes, you did, because we were looking at you and I said, jacob, we should get a black on black wallpaper like this. Wouldn't that be nice? And Jacob said, yeah, that would be nice.

[C]

Oh, I didn't hear that.

[B]

But you remember that, Jacob, because one day you responded. Monday, you were like, oh, look, Jacob. Did they ring a bell to you, Jacob?

[C]

Jake already said no, but I didn't have my headphones in when you said that. You made that because right before that. Cause right before that, you were talking about something about a pizza or something like that. And then I pizza.

[B]

Then I.

[C]

Then I, yeah, you're talking about something with legit.

[B]

Then how did you know I'm talking about pizza if your headphones weren't in?

[C]

I was doing a bit to, like, incriminate myself.

[B]

Okay, well, listen, y', all, my food is almost here, so we will be.

[C]

Oh, my God, you are ridiculous. I'm hungry,

[B]

I said. And I said it your way. Hungry.

[C]

So you don't say me, I'm Bob. You're Bob. You're not hungry. Let this bitch live. Give her identity.

[B]

And I said it your way. So you don't understand me. I'm a hug hungry. So you hoes would understand. In These streets, Honey, I got to

[C]

take a whole commercial break for about

[B]

when we get back.

[C]

Maybe.

[B]

Maybe Layla McQueen will be here. I ordered. I ordered wings from Wingstop, and I got lemon, pepper, and buffalo wings with ranch. There's a.

[C]

There's a wing. Stop in. In our area.

[B]

Apparent. We don't live in the same area. We live, like, 20 minutes apart.

[C]

Mom always said this. And we timed it the other day. It took me nine minutes to get from my house to your house, but we see pretty much the same things.

[B]

9. Text me your address right now so I can Google Maps.

[C]

We did this on Google Maps.

[B]

I'm not gonna.

[C]

Oh. I'm not gonna say my address right now also.

[B]

Well, actually, I have your address on my phone.

[C]

You wanna say how you don't have my address?

[B]

Well, I have it saved under your contact. Honestly, I gotta start saving people's address on your contact so you don't have

[C]

to keep asking them.

[B]

What's your address?

[C]

Don't you be. That is so annoying.

[B]

Now, what's your. Or you just search the word address in the chat?

[C]

Yeah, I always feel really bad. I'm like. And I always say, girl, sorry. Just give me a dress one more time. They'd be like, bitch, not the last time.

[B]

Sorry. So sorry. Sorry. Sorry, guys. Sorry. Sorry. I was never born. Sorry.

[A]

No.

[B]

Take me to a dress. It's not. I don't have it.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

I know how to get to your house, and I know it takes 40 days by camel.

[C]

You are so ridiculous.

[B]

That I know for sure. Honey, have you told everyone what you're doing? And, oh, my food's here. Oh, my God. Wait. We gotta take a break, y'. All. We'll be right back.

[C]

We just had a patient exclusive where he was saying how, like, he's afraid that he's, like, hurting his voice and fully just screaming,

[B]

I want you on this show.

[C]

Didn't we just do a Patreon exclusive? And you said that you're trying to be about your voice, and you literally are screaming in your house.

[B]

I was singing, not screaming.

[C]

It's debatable.

[B]

Jake, can you please mute? Also, not to mention, there's something I want to talk about. I was sitting down on. So excited to talk about it, too, and you distracted me.

[C]

Oh, who needs. Who needs ginkgo biloba now?

[B]

I was. I don't remember.

[C]

I don't remember.

[B]

Anyway, we're back, everyone.

[C]

Oh. So.

[B]

Ooh, Ooh.

[C]

So I finished up my dentist. I'm in the city. I always like my little New York City Errands. I still go to my New York City dentist because I love them. She is a lesbian woman. She just had a kid. Anyway, I left my dentist. So I left my dentist. I had to stop by the bank to do. Oh, I stopped by the bank to get.

[B]

Did she carry the kid?

[C]

Her wife did.

[B]

Got it.

[C]

Yeah. So shout out to Dr. Harrison if you could.

[B]

If you and Andy were gonna have a baby and you could carry the child. If it was like, there's this new technology and you can carry a child and one of you has to carry. Who do you think would actually step up to the plate and carry the child between the two of you?

[C]

Honestly, Andy had to do it. Cause he's the one who sedentary. But she's at home like he is. Like in la. I'm traveling to him.

[B]

God damn. I said God damn. She said, nigga, you are. Sit your ass down. Don't move.

[C]

You are stupid. Andy has a character baby.

[B]

No, you're not static. You are stagnant, honey.

[C]

Cause most of the time, Andy is at home. Andy's doing his thing for his work. They're doing this biography about his company and how it's affected the sober community and how the great work is doing whatever. So they do a profile on him for wanting a part of it. So they came to film at the house, to film him at work. And he was like, what? They're just gonna film him sitting at the desk, just typing on a computer. I was like, they have other stuff. And he's like, well, that's what a lot of his job is. So a lot of Andy's job is staying home, driving the suburmobile, him like meetings and stuff like that so he can be at home. I cannot carry. Do you think if you and Jacob had to. Who's carrying the baby?

[B]

Okay, so between me and Jacob, I think Jacob would look cuter pregnant than I would Bob.

[C]

You look so cute pregnant. Imagine Jacob pregnant with your mumu's and your little cat outfits and Bob walking around dragging his feet. You'd be so cute.

[B]

I feel like, oof,

[C]

Girl. And also imagine Jacob. Imagine Jacob trying to carry Bob's nigga ass baby. This fucking baby would be busted in the season.

[B]

This bacon would rip Jacob apart. You know, Jacob's sister's smaller than he is and she's gonna probably have a baby. Jacob's mom is tiny. She has a baby. She had two of them.

[C]

Yeah, look, she had two tiny babies because Jacob's dad is tiny. Imagine your semen connecting with Jacob's semen and making this biggie.

[B]

We once did discuss the. The idea of Jacob's sister carrying our child, which would mean that she would end up carrying some of my large person DNA, you know, and that was a conversation we had at one point in time in our relationship, was whether or not Elliot would carry a child for us.

[C]

You know, Andy and I, we're similar in size, so my semen would not. Which. My semen would be in Andy's house. Just with space, honey, to move around and be like, oh, my God, it's big in here.

[B]

Well, I think, you know, uteruses and wombs and vaginas are made to stretch sometimes. Sometimes it doesn't work, but often it does. But anyway, Jake, I feel like. I feel like Jacob would just be a cute pregnant person, but I feel like I could. I feel like if I had to step up to the plate, I would be able to do it.

[C]

You know, imagine you like. I mean, what pregnant women do all the time. They travel and do all this stuff and they work, you know, pregnant. But, oh, my God, imagine doing drag. You had to get all. Honestly, great for you. No more corsets for nine months. No corsets. You can just wear the.

[B]

Wendy Williams jumped out for nine months.

[C]

Did I?

[B]

You said for nine months.

[C]

No, course you would be. You could wear. You would have. Not that you can't do right now, but, you know, we like to be snatcherella in drag. You can bitch. Wear all of the muumus. All the things that work. You could be like Bianca. Just sneakers.

[B]

She's had surgery.

[C]

Monet. Oh, I push it back.

[B]

The footage of her, like, limping off at the end. I felt so bad. I was like this raggedy. No. Then at the end, she walks off. Have you watched the whole Pit Stop yet?

[C]

No, I haven't watched the whole thing.

[B]

At the very end of the Pit Stop, she walks away, but she's limping. I was like, oh, my God.

[C]

Well, you know, I thought about. Cause I had this corn on my ring toe on both feet, and I want to get it removed. But you can't walk.

[B]

Well, for a little while. Not for the rest of your life.

[C]

Yeah, but for months.

[B]

Is it months?

[C]

Yes, it's months. Like foot surgery. You can't walk like, you can't wear heels or anything.

[B]

I don't think corn. I don't think getting corn removed is that severe.

[C]

I think so.

[B]

Is it?

[C]

Mm.

[B]

Corn surgery. Why the corn? Corn.

[C]

Well, there. I looked this up too. There's different variants in corn like the other ones you can put patches on. I think mine needs to be surgically removed.

[B]

It typically takes six months to three, six weeks to three months to fully recover from corner removal surgery. The recovery time truly depends on the extent of the surgery. But does that mean you can't walk, though? Can I walk off the corner? Surgery patients will have to wear posture. Posture post operative. There it is. Patient have to wear post operative shoe, a surgical boot for a week or two after surgery. Failure to wear the boot when walking could lead to swelling, healing delays, and other complications. Patients should avoid wearing workless shoes and walking barefoot for three to four weeks. You can walk?

[C]

Yeah. It's a. Imagine having my gigs with some damn sneakers on.

[B]

Well, when I broke my toe, I had to do my shoe, my show in scooties.

[C]

I remember I had to wear scooties. Girl, girl, bob them damn scooties. Okay, wait, so back to organic food. So when you have.

[B]

If.

[C]

When you have children, are you gonna feed your kids all organic stuff?

[B]

I don't think I will. Is that horrible?

[C]

It's not horrible.

[B]

When I think about kids who grew up not eating sugar, they'd be kind of like low key miserable. Like, who?

[C]

I don't think I know any of those people.

[B]

I know a few. My assistant grew up not eating sugar,

[C]

and he said, kenny's miserable.

[B]

No, about the not eating sugar thing. Like, like when you hear about, like, the. The I can't have sugar, those kids. And I'm not saying miserable now. You know what I mean? Ezra didn't eat sugar as a kid, wasn't allowed to eat any sugar. And I had like, those kids, like, everyone's like, having fun and eating like, Oreos and like, having. Eating all this fun stuff. And then like, and then you have this kid, like, Jacob wasn't allowed to play video games as a kid. He had to, like, play video games at his friend's house. And part of me is like, I think kids should be allowed to play video games at home. Now granted, I played a lot of video games. I really was in these streets playing video games. But I also just happened to be someone who liked to read back then. I actually like to read. So I like to explore. I like to read the encyclopedia, I like to read the dictionary when I was a kid. I like to read plays. But I also love to play video games and play wrestling games and play, you know, Grand Theft Auto, if that was even out back then. I can't remember when I was playing Grand Theft Auto and play, you know, Goldeneye and all that stuff.

[C]

But, God, goldeneye was such a thing to re release that, like, come on,

[B]

Nintendo, there's a thing you can buy like 60 bucks a year and play it on your. Your switch.

[C]

Your switch Star fox. I mean, GoldenEye is something we play with friends. Not necessarily something I would be doing by myself, but, you know, but yeah,

[B]

like, I would want my kids to keep me, baby, but I would. I would really want my kids to be able to eat candy and sugar and also, like, none. Or like, have a McDonald's meal every once in a while and play video games at home. Because I know how much joy you bought me as a kid.

[C]

It brought me joy, but I think at what cost? Because my. My mom and I think, you know, in the Caribbean too, people are not worried about, like, being skinny. Like, they're like, bitch, they want you to eat. They want you to eat, eat, eat, eat. And my mom was the queen of. She would go to the grocery store weekends and buy me all the things I wanted. The Dunkaroos, the Oreos, the Pringles, all the chips. Like, she would do all that stuff, and she did not believe in denying me those things. And, you know, I was a very heavy kid. I was fat, fat, fat. You know what I mean? So I think that, yes, I enjoyed all those things, and my mom would give it to me when I wanted it, but at what cost to my health? You know what I mean? And then also, I was also with gaming stuff like that. But also the reason why I didn't like reading as a kid, because it was corrective reading. My mom would I talk about this before she sent me down. I have to read because my stammering was so bad. Like, I was like. Like that was like me. So she would sit me down and I would read out loud in order. And it. It did work, but it made me really resent reading. I was like, ugh, I cannot read. In college, when I had to read stuff in college for whatever I used to. What a chore. So, like, it's good and bad.

[B]

I called my mom to talk the other day about raising children, and I was like, you know, mom, I feel like there's like a weird thing where, like, in my family sometimes, and I don't know, maybe it's in a lot of black families too, where black families are sometimes, or at least my family is really proud of spanking their children, like, to an odd degree. Like, they're very proud of. Of the fact that they spank their kids. Not just kind of like, and the more severe the spanking, the more proud the parent will be. Even to the point where my mom would tell stories about spanking us. But my mom rarely, rarely ever spanked us. And Jacobs has seen this, where my mom would be like, you got your ass beat too? And I'd be like, I don't know that we really did. And then she'll be like, well, you all didn't get spanked. And then after we keep talking about, she'll be like, well, I think I spanked you once and your brother twice. But when she tells stories, it sounds like she used to just whoop our asses every Wednesday, which is not true. My mom rarely ever laid her hands on us. Like, rarely, Rarely ever. And my uncle, we were at home and my uncle said something and I was like, oh, my God, I never thought about this until like, now. I'm like, he was about how he spanks other people's children. And I was like, if I drop my kids off at someone's house and they spanked them, I don't care what my kids did. We are going to have a problem. A problem.

[C]

But in certain circles, I mean, and you, this is y' all experience, you know this. But some people are like, it's like community building. So yes, they're dropping out at your uncle's house, but your parents always are also entrusting your uncle to like, help raise your kids.

[B]

Community activities, fucking play basketball. Go cornhole. I don't want the community activities, the group activity be beating my kids ass. Let's build community in another way without whooping my kid's ass.

[C]

But I mean, I don't think that's not my experience growing up. Like, I did get spankings and I did get beat, but it was never like. I kind of think it might be more of an American thing. I know we talked a lot about that in the past couple episodes of the podcast, but because in my family or in friends families, I don't have a recollection of people being like, oh, yeah, honey, you got your ass beat. Like, it's not a thing that we talk about often, but I did get beat as a kid. I did. And bitch at school. There's corporal punishment, but it's so the

[B]

thing that just made me weird was like, how proud my uncles and aunts are about hitting their kids. I'm like, why y' all so proud of this? Hitting someone who can't defend themselves? Yeah, like, it's so strange to me. And after giving some thought, I don't Think I would ever hit my kids?

[C]

I don't say I never. Like, I definitely. But I was never the go getter like you heard. I heard these stories, someone being like, oh, yeah, I had to go get my switch from the tree.

[B]

You did? Yeah. You never got your own switch?

[C]

It was not that type of thing.

[B]

Well, I used to either go get my own switch or when my grandmother. When my grandmother would spank me, or there was this big, big leather belt. Like a big leather. It was huge. It was, like, thick. And the point of this belt, the sole purpose of this belt was for spanking children. It had no other purpose. And it was to the point where the buckles were taken off of it on either end so she could hit from either end. And it was hanging in the kitchen. And if you did something bad, you had to go get the belt. And you would be sobbing while you go grab this weapon so that my grandmother could hit us with it.

[C]

Yeah, we didn't have. I didn't have that experience. My things were more like. I did get beat with a belt a few times. And my thing was my mom would give me just like, a slap. It was like a slap. Like a quick, like, stop it, but not that hard. More of like a stop it.

[B]

And it was. And yeah, I don't know. I was just thinking about that. I don't know. Oh, we talking about raising kids and stuff. It was really cute how you paid your grandma's car. And I saw that video. It was very cute.

[C]

Oh, yeah, my grandma did that for my grandmother. I love my grandmother very much. And, you know, my grandma has done a lot for me, a lot in my life. And, you know, one day when I do. When I have a memoir, I can talk about all those things. But she was very sweet. And we went out to go have dinner afterwards, and it was very sweet. I'm very happy to do that for my grandmother. This place called the Simpson in Brooklyn. It's Oyst Indian restaurant. Right on Atlanta.

[B]

You get it. You were on the Simpsons. This is out of control. This is out of control.

[C]

But my grandmother is. And also. And again, this is another part aspect of, like, this is my grandmother who found. Because my grandmother used to share a bedroom when I first moved to New York, and just.

[B]

Your grandma's bedroom.

[C]

Yeah, we slept in the same bed. I was. My grandma and I slept in the same bedroom from the time I was, like, when I first moved here. So 10 to, like, 14.

[B]

That's not that way. I slept in the same bed as my mom.

[C]

14, 15.

[B]

I slept in the same bed as my mom until I bought her this house. Like whenever I go back as an adult, whenever I go back to visit my mom, I would sleep in her bed.

[C]

When you were kids, you and Justin

[B]

shared a bedroom up until a certain grade. Up until like third grade, my third grade. And then we got our own rooms.

[C]

Yeah, I remember.

[B]

But we didn't share a bed. We had bunk beds.

[C]

I was like, bitch, this was like prime, like 10 to like 15. I was like, I was in high school, bitch.

[B]

I was 35.

[C]

And so this. She was my grandmother. So. And I would get. My friends was giving me. Was giving me porn, gay porn on DVDs, and was hiding it in my bottom drawer. And one day she was cleaning out my stuff because, you know kids who know, I probably was a mess. I probably had some shit, whatever. And she's going to fold my stuff and she found this gay porn DVDs. And I was like. And I remember coming home and she was like, you can tell when your parents energies off when either the teacher called home or you didn't do something. Like, you know, the energy's off. So I'm like, hi, Grandma. She's like, hello. And then we're talking, talking, and she goes, she takes them on. She's like, kevin, what's that? I was like, what's what? And she had these. Bitch. It was, Bitch. I had like five DVDs of gay porn, bitch.

[B]

And she's like, kevin. She's like, kevin, what is bus down boy? Kevin may want to know what is interracial facial and what's his runner train on that twinkie boy?

[C]

And I was like, I don't know. She's like, you don't know? She was like, they were in your drawer. I was like, oh, These are the DVDs I'm holding for my friend.

[B]

Yeah. Monet is the worst liar in the history. Monet is the queen of huh? Trying to think of a lie.

[C]

I was like, I want it for my friend. This is his. But he don't want to keep them at his house. So I said, I'll hold them for him. And then I don't remember what. I don't remember what. I should ask her about that.

[B]

She was like, let's watch them then. Let's see what's on your friend's DVDs, Kevin. So you don't mind if we watch them together, do you?

[C]

I'm like, yo, let's go ahead. In fact, fully watching that. Fully pull my dick out and Start resting with it.

[B]

I was like, why?

[C]

What you do? And then I don't know what she. What happened, but she found, you know, and then now to see how, you know. I love my grandma. She got in trouble. I most. I don't think I got in trouble enough to, like, get anything taken away. But no one. I'm sure she told everyone, but no one ever said anything to it about me. Or maybe she didn't.

[B]

I don't really feel comfortable saying this because it feels inappropriate to say, but also, part of me feels like, if you find that your kids have a porno magazine, like, just leave them alone. Like, leave.

[C]

My grandma's very religious, though. It's a religious part of it. That's what it is.

[B]

I hear you. But also, like, leave. Like, leave that kid alone. Like, it's. It's like you are as horny as you've ever been in your life, and you're just trying to find a small amount of relief. Like, part of me is like, if. Like, let that kid have that magazine.

[C]

But as a kid, in that moment, I remember feeling like, bitch, my life is over, bitch. She was talking to me. I felt the skin on my face. Like, I was like, my life. My grandmother knows I'm gay. And this is when I was like, in. Like, I was like, Jesus. Jesus, Kevin. I was like, and now God hates me now because he knows I have porn. Meanwhile, if God, he would know I had the fucking porn, but she gave me the desire to want to watch it.

[B]

He made the porn. Not God. Found out when your grandma found out.

[C]

Not.

[B]

Not grandma. Your guy was like, see, I told you so.

[C]

I was like. I remember being like, oh, my God. Like, I cannot. It's like, I'm definitely going to hell now. Like, it's a rap on me. Which I was like, it's over. Tell me.

[B]

I. I did a. A video today for my. I have a podcast coming out with Peppermint called Town Hall. I was. I. We did an episode about secrets, and my friend Devin was on the podcast, and he had a secret about his aunt that he didn't tell. He accidentally spit on her head as a kid, and he told her it was raining, and he never came clean about it. And he wanted to tell about 26 years later. Anyway, I did this. This interview with this sweet lady named Sandra. And at the end, Ms. Sandra was like. Told Devin. She was like, and if your friend wants any outfits, you know, my friend makes dresses for drag queens. So now. So that is the kind of friend I want. The Kind of friend I want is the kind of friend like Sandra who's like, hey, you know, I have a friend who makes dresses.

[C]

Oh, she was saying this to you?

[B]

Well, she told it to Devin afterwards. She was like. She was like. And tell your friend if he needs any dresses, you know, my friend so and so can make some. And I'm. Anyway, I just got a picture of some of the dresses. They're actually really cute.

[C]

Okay. So are you gonna order a dress from Ms. Sandra?

[B]

No, it's not Ms. Sandra. It's Ms. Sandra's friend.

[C]

Oh, are you gonna order dress from Ms. Sandra?

[B]

Fran, they are really cute dresses. They're kind of amazing. It's dresses by. I think it's Tandy Alana Beauty. I think that's the one who makes the dresses. I mean, this is a cute. You can't see it can. You know, I'll sit. This is. This is honestly a sickening dress. It kind of gives a little. It kind of gives a little bit of the vibe. Like, what. What's her name used to make.

[C]

Who?

[B]

Lashon Beyond.

[C]

Oh, Sean Beyond. So Sean posted a picture. She is divalicious. Body queen. She's hot.

[B]

So as. Since we're on this topic kind of already, where are you now in the realm of wanting to have children? Because we every once every couple, while we revisit. We revisit to see if anything's changed. Now I've changed. I was. I was a hard no to a maybe to like a leaning toward yes. I want to know where you are now today.

[C]

I am a no.

[B]

Hard no.

[C]

Hard no.

[B]

Because the F on the shelf.

[C]

Not F on the shelf, just in the. My dentist. We were talking about her kid and stuff today and she was saying, you know, and she loves. She's very happy with her family. She was like, having a kid is a lot. Like, it is a lot. And I was thinking, like, just all the things. Going to recitals and going to the things and it's just like it's having the kids see sounds feels so daunting to me. It just seems like a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot.

[B]

Just ignore the kid and don't go to, like, don't support them.

[C]

And if I had a kid, I'm the type of parent. I'm coming to everything. I'm coming to everything. I'm gonna be the obligation parent.

[B]

You don't wanna commit to that. Cause you can't go to everything. Cause I had a. I had a mom. I had a mom who came to very few things this is no shade to my mom. My mom. My mom was. My mom would come to like my plays and stuff. But if it. But my mom just worked all. My mom worked several jobs so she just couldn't make it the most stuff. So I was that kid who didn't have my mom at like a lot of stuff I was doing. And my mom was always the last one to pick me up at school. Like it was everyone picked up from like after school program. And I'd be the last one sitting there looking crazy because my mom had to work late and stuff. You know what I mean?

[C]

Yeah. So.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So having a kid, there's just a lot comes to that. And again, I'm only 33 years old. I'm very. I'm gonna start saying 33. Cause if I. Anytime your birthday comes, it takes you like two months to adjust. I'm gonna start two months early. It takes me. I'm 33, so I still have time. I think I want anytime. I mean, this is. Times are so different now, bitch. I can be 40 and have a kid and be fine, you know, because again, I'm not carrying a kid. But we're, we're. We're just donating the sperm, so. But today it would be.

[B]

No, I am. I'm 40. 60. You want to guess which 40 is what? 60.

[C]

I think you're 40. No. 60, yes.

[B]

Opposite, actually. I'm 40. Yes. 60, no.

[C]

Oh, really?

[B]

Because, I mean, like, for example, let's talk about what just happened now. So me and Jacob are going through this thing where our house is upside down because our ceiling was leaking. So they. They ripped out our whole fucking ceiling. There's a big hole in our ceiling in the bedroom. Like a hole like you like. It smells like an attic in there. Because everything from the ceiling is going into the house plastic.

[C]

Because all the rain. There's so much fucking rain in la, bitch. We're see. We're seeing the problems in houses. All this fucking rain. Go ahead.

[B]

Ours was a burst pipe.

[C]

Oh.

[B]

So then we had to move our bed into the drag room. Cause we only have three rooms in this house. One is for podcasting, one is for drag, one is for us to sleep in. So now we're down to the two. So the bedroom is the drag room right now. And I was like, what if just throw a kid into all this, girl,

[C]

you know what I mean?

[B]

So if you all see this video, this is the video as Jacob in our bedroom with the bed on its side, arrows on the wall. Can you point the Camera at the ceiling or is it attached to the thing where they see the holes in the ceiling? You kind of can't see them, but there they are. There's holes in the ceiling. It is madness. And then also a baby.

[C]

Yeah. For me, the answer is no right now. Okay, what is the latest you would consider having a baby?

[B]

Because I always.

[C]

When I was younger, I was like, when I have a kid, I do not want to be so much older than my kid. Like, I would. Like, ideally, I would want to be, like, 30 years older than my kid past that. So, like, what is. What is your ideal age? You're like, after this age, you're like, I can't consider this anymore.

[B]

To be honest, I feel too old. That's the truth. I actually feel too old already.

[C]

Right.

[B]

Because I'm so much older than my mom was. My mom was 22 or 24 when she had me. I'm 36. I am, like, 14 years older than my mom was when. Or 12 years older. However, I can't remember how old she was. And I. And I. And I'm not actually doing any math right now. I'm 36. My mom is 60. So you all do the math.

[C]

24. 24.

[B]

My mom was 24 when she had me. Thank you, Monet. But also, there was this guy. I don't know if he's very hot. That's probably inappropriate.

[C]

But anyway,

[B]

I remember seeing him. I was like, you are so beautiful. He's an actor. He's on some show on hbo. I met him at Colman Domingo's house. And Griffin. Something. Griffin Matthews. And I was like, man, this guy is so beautiful. Anyway, that's not the point. The point is Griffin has, like. Has, like, recently adopted, like, several children. Like, I think two or three.

[C]

What?

[B]

Two. Two kids. And he's. I think he's about 40 years old. You know what I mean?

[C]

Yeah. That's the age I'm capping after.40, this is gonna be a no. But I'm giving myself between now and 40 years old to decide having a kid.

[B]

I want to give myself to 42, but, like, to 40 as well. That's money. That's. That is only four years for me, bitch. You're going to. I'm going to blink and I'm going to be 40.

[C]

I know I'm going to look down

[B]

and tie my shoe and look up. My back's going to go out. Like, it's going to be that.

[C]

Yeah, I guess it's a 40. I mean. And. Okay, well, okay, here's another. Here's another question for you. Worst case scenario, right? You and Jacob break up. Whatever. You're not Jacob. Would you have a kid by yourself?

[B]

No.

[C]

Really?

[A]

Never?

[B]

Not once? No.

[C]

But I mean, you could afford the help.

[B]

I said no. Monet, this is not. I.

[C]

No.

[B]

I would raise out with Monae.

[C]

I would leave my child at Bob's because I think Bob would actually be a very good parent. But co parenting with Bob. No. Would be a nightmare for me.

[B]

Wait, wait. Why would you. Why would you not. Why would you not raise a child with me?

[C]

Because we cannot co parent a child together. Because we just. I just feel like we just foundationally so many things. We're just different about so many things.

[B]

I don't think it'll work. Because I won't let you beat my children. Because I won't let you beat my child. You know what? You're scared the child. You're scared that the baby's gonna like me more.

[C]

What?

[B]

You're scared that the child would like me more than the child likes you. And you know it's true. That's why you don't wanna do it.

[C]

That's not true for our fans and it won't be true for our child.

[B]

First of all, what would we name the child?

[C]

Something biblical.

[B]

Okay, you're doing that. You did that just to upset me. The baby child. The child name should be Kenya.

[C]

The baby child.

[B]

I like the name Kenya and I like the name Genevieve.

[C]

I like Jade. I like Dominic.

[B]

I like. I said Kenya and Genevieve. How do you feel about those names?

[C]

I like Kenya. I don't like Genevieve.

[B]

What's wrong with Genevieve?

[C]

I don't know. I like Kenya, though. What about Jade and Dominic? Which one do you like?

[B]

I prefer Jade, but I also like Dominic because Dominic is more of an androgynous name.

[C]

And Kenya Dominic.

[B]

Kenya's an androgynous name too. To be honest, I only know one guy named Kenya and he happens to be very good.

[C]

I don't know him, but the big producer.

[B]

Yeah. The blackish guy. Yeah. So I'm like. Yeah, King is whatever name. Okay, so we have. So we have a name. Our child's name is Kenya Dominic.

[C]

Kenya Dominic. What's the last name?

[A]

Burton.

[B]

You can have the last name. I don't. I don't mind you. Can you?

[C]

Kenya Dominic. Kenya, Kenya Dominic Burton to dq. That is a long. That is too much.

[B]

That name can be Burton. I don't.

[A]

I don't.

[B]

I don't have. I don't have. I don't need to have my name on things. I'm not like, my name.

[C]

Okay, Jacob's calling it.

[B]

It.

[C]

You're calling it a thing.

[B]

Y'. All. You said calling it a thing. You said it. You said it, too.

[C]

Y' all are unfit to be parents.

[B]

Mon. Let's get a kid. Does anyone out there want to give Monet me and their kid for a year? Here, here. Listen to me. Monet and I. Listen to me. Send your kid to our PO Box. Jacob, what's our PO Box? Mail your kid to our PO Box. We will raise it for a year.

[C]

We will rename that. It's 59 Andalusia Way, P.O. box 49275.

[B]

Yes, absolutely. Monet.

[C]

Mars, California.

[B]

Our kid would be so loved. It'd be so.

[C]

They will be so loved.

[B]

Would be so taken care of. Oh, the clothes every year, the birthday outfits, the Halloween garments. Oh, my goodness. This child will be. Listen to how this child will have West Indian roots, Southern roots, Jewish roots, and Boston white trash and Mayflower roots. I'm kidding. Andy, if you're.

[C]

I don't.

[B]

I don't think Andy listens to the podcast.

[C]

He doesn't. He only. He only listens when his name is mentioned. So now he's gonna listen.

[B]

I'll have you know Jacob listens to literally every episode of the podcast.

[C]

Because he has to.

[B]

Every. Every episode, honey.

[C]

Because he has to.

[B]

Because he loves us. Jacob loves to. Jacob hasn't even. Jacob hasn't even cashed one of his checks in literally years. Cause he just does this for fun.

[C]

Okay, then give them all back then.

[B]

We'll give them back at some point. We're going to give them to Kenya. Dominic Burton,

[C]

kdb.

[B]

Oh, my God. Kdp. Can we call the baby Katie? Kdb. Oh, we got to get a baby. We got to get a baby.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

What sport.

[C]

What sport is your kid playing? Would you like them to play?

[B]

I'm not going to encourage them to play sports, but I'm going to put them in dance.

[C]

I think if they want to play a sport.

[B]

If they want to, but I'm going to let them do. They can do whatever they want, but if I'm going to offer them, I'm going to be like, hey, you want to go to. You want to? I would like for my kid to be able to speak another language. I would like for them to be able to.

[C]

For sure.

[B]

I would like them to be able to.

[C]

We have to hire an au pair,

[B]

and I would like them to be able to dance.

[C]

Yeah, dance. And they're playing an instrument. You know you're playing an instrument. You're playing piano 1000%.

[B]

You're getting a little pushy. You're getting a little pushy. Not no if, ands, or buts. I said I would like. You're like, no if, ands, or buts. What if they're unhappy? What if the baby said, what if. What if Kenya is sad?

[C]

Kenya, you will get over it. But learning to play the piano is a skill that transcends just music ability and talent.

[B]

Okay, here I am.

[C]

That will help you with mathematics.

[B]

I'm Kenya. Daddy, I hate this.

[C]

I know, baby, but just.

[B]

Daddy. Kevin, I hate this.

[C]

I know, baby, but we said we're gonna give it an hour a day, okay? You're only 25 minutes in. You just have a little more time. Again. But I want to hear.

[B]

But I want to play.

[C]

I want to hear those arpeggios.

[B]

I've been playing for three months, and I tried it, and I really, really don't like it. Please. Can I please, please quit?

[C]

Okay, well, we have formal lessons with Ms. Smalls, so. And for the rest of today, what I want you to do is focus on the arpeggios. Okay? Baby, if you can give me.

[B]

If you can do. At least Ms. Smalls called me a bitch at our last rehearsal.

[C]

Okay. Well, baby, were you being a bitch?

[B]

I was being bitchy. I was serving cunt.

[C]

I know that you were serving cunt. What you need to be serving is these arpeggios. And the second. And you keep on. You're always flat on the B flat in the second measure. So until you fix that, you're not going anywhere.

[B]

Let's hear your arpeggios. Father. Daddy. Kevin.

[C]

Bitch. I do call him a Lizzo.

[B]

Wow, Daddy, that's very impressive. That's very impressive.

[C]

You're welcome. And you learned it.

[B]

And I wonder what you will learn.

[C]

The twerking next week. So.

[B]

Okay, first of all, don't ever cut me off when I'm talking again. You know, Daddy, Caldwell told me I don't have to take anything from anyone, and that includes you.

[C]

This only the shit you probably did to miss malls or why she calls you a bitch.

[B]

Are you cursing at me? I am a child.

[C]

You're my child.

[B]

All right, I guess I'm back to the arpeggio. I love this idea.

[C]

A community child with four feet. That sounds insane.

[B]

I have to buy the house next door to yours, or you have to buy the condo below mine. To the valley. Or you have to buy the condo below mine.

[C]

I'm into that.

[B]

And those are the only options. Oh, this is going to be so exciting. Y' all check out what be dropping our baby soon. We're going to be dropping our brand

[C]

new baby sibling baby.

[B]

All right. I love you very much, bro.

[C]

I love you too, Roberta. Bye.