The One About School

Summary

Sibling Rivalry: "The One About School"

Podcast Date: November 13, 2023
Hosts: Bob the Drag Queen and Monét X Change

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Episode Overview

In this lively and laugh-packed episode, Bob the Drag Queen and Monét X Change dive into all things "school": from hilarious personal memories and relatable anxieties about homework, to the roles teachers play in our lives, cheating in class, and the complexities of growing up queer in academic environments. The duo’s signature banter is in full swing as they swap stories, role-play teacher/student antics, and reflect on the shaping influences of school life.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. School Memories, NYC Living, and Heating Woes

• Heating issues in NYC: Monét describes her struggles with hotel heating in New York, noting citywide oddities where old buildings can't run AC and heat at the same time (03:33).
• Bob chimes in on how landlords control heating in New York and the challenges this poses for residents (04:04).

2. Parking Tickets, Cops, and the Law

• Origins of policing: The pair question the concept of police and their historical roots, touching on the racist origins of policing in America (08:41).
• Bob: "Some of these laws like, if you park in the wrong place at the wrong time, we can just take your car." (09:44)
• Monét shares her story of being towed in NYC, emotionally recalling sitting on the curb crying after realizing her car was gone (10:08).
• Discussion of fines: Why is retrieving a towed car so expensive? The hosts critique the system combining fines and tow fees (12:00).

3. Gaming: Platformers and Pitch Competency

• Platform games explained: Monét describes platformer games like Mario and Crash Bandicoot, teaching Bob the terminology (19:14).
• On Sonic: "I recently bought the new Sonic on PlayStation and that shit—it's so difficult to play!" – Monét (24:24)
• Ta-da! Challenge: The crew (with producer Jacob) debates pitch competency with the sound "ta-da" for comedic effect (25:13).

4. Cheating in School & Excuse Dramas

• Copying off classmates: Bob claims he rarely cheated, trusting his memory, while Monét details elaborate self-copying schemas—writing notes visible through yellow folders (26:43).
• Making excuses for missed tests: Monét humorously recounts feigning "cataracts" to get out of a music history test, only to be foiled when told to bring a doctor's note (28:30).
• Role play segment: Bob and Monét create an on-the-spot scene of a student (Bob) giving absurd excuses to an exasperated “teacher” (Monét), riffing on homework and misgendering with an over-the-top classroom showdown (30:06–33:50).
  • Notable Quote:
    "What in the 1995… why you got the only chalkboard in the whole school? Everybody else using a smart board?" – Bob (32:56)

5. Influence of Teachers & Choir Trauma

• Monét's choir teacher story: Monét reveals the emotional whiplash from a once-supportive lesbian choir teacher who turns homophobic after personal drama, and the lasting impact on queer students (35:15–39:27).
  • Quote:
    "She flipped the script on us that homosexuality was this thing that we should not… that we should eradicate, that we need to be saved from." – Monét (37:53)
• Bob's insight:
  "Obviously, she was projecting… her own insecurities and problems onto literal children." – Bob (38:27)

6. Coming Out, Closeted School Life, and Gay Teachers

• The duo reminisces on the abundance of closeted students in choir/theater and the rare overtly gay teacher ("Mr. Pennypacker") at Bob’s school (41:32).
• Discussion: The challenges of being openly gay among peers, and how collegiate and New York environments compare to elsewhere in the country.

7. Standardized Testing & Racism

• Monét brings up an article about standardized testing's racist origins, and how New York’s system (Regents exams) differed from the rest of the country (43:25).
• Bob critiques New Yorkers:
  "You’re barely socialized… you have no social skills. New Yorkers, y’all are wild." – Bob (44:02)

8. Family Stories: Chores, Towing, and Chandeliers

• Bob and Monét recount a failed errand in Georgia (Monét driving everywhere but nowhere takes Apple Pay), and Bob’s family drama over a hideous old chandelier (45:59–48:36).
• Quote:
  "I swear, I’ve driven to like four different places, and they do not take Apple Pay!" – Monét (46:51)

9. Friendship Tattoos, Decor Debates, and More

• Plans for "best friend tattoos" spark debate—serious ideas get sabotaged by the prospect of letting listeners pick, knowing the results will be a “clown tattoo” (51:21).
• Monét wants bolder home decor, while her interior designer disagrees.

10. Pop Culture & Music

• Bob and Monét talk celebrity heights, concert-going, and Megan Thee Stallion’s new song "Cobra,” especially the lyric: "This pussy depressed." (54:06)
  • Quote:
    "When she said ‘this pussy depressed,’ I was kind of like, this is so camp." – Bob (54:15)
• Reference to TV moments from Sex and the City and Insecure about “depressed” or “broken” genitalia.

11. Hilarious, Unfiltered Sex Talk

• The episode closes with an extended riff on erections (or lack thereof), performance anxiety, and the difference between “normal hard,” “bricked up,” and plush-toy penises.
  • Quote:
    "If you have one of the plush toy penises, we are not here to judge you." – Bob (57:35)

12. Shout-Outs, Self-Care Reminder, and Podcast Love

• Shout-out: To anyone “who forgot to take their prescription,” a uniquely Sibling Rivalry touch (57:49).
• Reminders: Bob plugs his Madonna remix and upcoming tour, while Monét promises to bring a Skims catsuit for Bob.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On cheating in school:
  "The amount of work you went through to try to figure out how to cheat, you could have learned." – Bob (27:14)
• Hilarious teacher role-play:
  "Either you slap the chalk… Class, choose one." – Monét as teacher (33:15)
• Choir trauma:
  *"We were trained… as like, freshman kids… we saw this beautiful lesbian relationship… and then… [she says] homosexuality is bad…" – Monét (37:53)
• Chandelier drama:
  "Chandelier is too kind of a word to use for what this thing was." – Bob (48:28)
• On erections:
  "Are you breaking glass? Are you brick breaking, like regularly?" – Bob (57:00)

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Important Timestamps

• Heating in NYC, hotel stories: 03:33–04:35
• Tow truck woes, car troubles: 10:01–12:43
• Video game platformers explained: 19:14–20:35
• Cheating & fake excuses: 26:43–28:52
• Teacher-student role-play: 30:06–33:50
• Choir trauma & queer identity: 35:15–39:27
• Standardized testing/NY differences: 43:25–44:41
• Chandelier & family drama: 47:15–48:36
• Friendship tattoos: 51:01–52:46
• Sexual health & comedy: 54:44–57:43
• Closing shout-outs & reminders: 57:49–59:11

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Tone & Style

True to form, the episode is fast-paced, irreverent, and deeply personal. Bob and Monét are unfiltered, affectionately roasting each other, and keeping listeners laughing even during more serious discussions about queer trauma and systemic inequities in school.

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Summary Takeaway

"The One About School" offers both nostalgia and nuance: exploring the quirks, injustices, and absurdities of school life alongside heartfelt stories about identity, coming of age, and the power (and pitfalls) of teachers and education. With endless wit and real chemistry, Bob and Monét make this episode a must-listen for anyone who’s ever sat in a classroom, struggled with homework, or simply loves a good story.

Transcript

[Kiana]

I'm Kiana, and I leveled up my business with Shopify. Once I figured out that Shopify was a thing, I never turned back. I can create a site with my eyes closed. Shopify thinks ahead of us, you know, and it thinks about the customer more than anything. Every day I'm thinking about some other new business, but Shopify is doing it to me because it's so easy to use. It's like I can't stop. I'm addicted.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Start your free [e-mail]. close your eyes. Exhale. Feel your body relax, and let go of whatever you're carrying today.

[Instacart/1-800-contacts Advertiser]

Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-contacts. Oh, my gosh, they're so fast.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And breathe.

[Instacart/1-800-contacts Advertiser]

Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste.

[Monet X Change]

Visit 1-800-contacts.com today to save on your first order. 1-800-contacts.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Hi, everyone. Atlanta, not Columbus, as Monet will be saying later on. But Atlanta, I will be coming to you on December 30, the eve of New Year's Eve. I'll be performing at the Atlanta Symphony, doing a night of stand up and beautiful, beautiful humor, laughter, you know what, maybe even a song or two. So you can go to seethedragqueen.com S-E-E-The drag queen.com seethedragqueen.Com for dates, of course. I'm also on tour with Madonna. Um, but you know what? She's selling tickets just fine without being promoted. But go come see me at Madonna, too.

[Monet X Change]

Hey, y', all, it's your girl, Monet X. Change here. And I am coming to the Orlando improv on December 6th and the Tampa improv on December 7th. So if you want to see me up in your home state of Florida, don't wait, baby. The 6th and the 7th. I'm coming to Orlando and Tampa. I'll see y' all at the Improv telling jokes. Oh, also, I'm retiring these jokes. These jokes are literally done at number 30.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, my fuck up. Yo, These jokes are. These jokes can. These jokes can drink at the club she's telling the jokes at. Okay, baby, these jokes are long. These jokes are have. Have PhDs.

[Monet X Change]

Anyway, so I'm retiring these jokes at when the clock strikes midnight on December 21st on December 31st of this year. So come see me at Orlando in Tampa.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

My name is Bob the Drag Queen.

[Monet X Change]

And I'm Monet X Change, and this is sibling rivalry.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

On this week's podcast, we find out Monet's a real age, and you will be shocked.

[Monet X Change]

We talk about schools, and we find

[Bob the Drag Queen]

out what made Monet say this.

[Monet X Change]

I'm trying to get the tape, and I swear I've driven to, like, four different places, and they do not take Alpha Bay. I'm really sorry. And we find out what made Bob say this.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What in the 1995, and why you got the only chalkboard in the whole school. Everybody else using the smart boards.

[Monet X Change]

Bob. Yana. Bob, what are you doing? What are you doing?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Doing a podcast.

[Monet X Change]

Nigga, stop acting. You are so sick.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm doing a podcast, bitch.

[Monet X Change]

Why you. Why do you have your hoodie around your hoodie like that?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Where do you wear your hoodie? On your head or on your neck? Where else does it go?

[Monet X Change]

I don't have it tied so I look like Kenny from fucking South Park.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, that's you, honey.

[Monet X Change]

I will say I'm in New York. And so I worked in New York hotels for a very long time before I started drag. Whatever. And so, because New York City is such an old city, a lot of the hotels, they cannot have AC and heat at the same time. So oftentimes when you. So, like, in the summer, so in, like, the spring and the summer, you can only have ac, and in the fall and the winter, you can only have heat. But this hotel, the heat's not on yet. And it is fucking freezing cold in this building. I am freezing. I don't know how I'm gonna sleep.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What's the thing they don't say about New York City is that you don't really get to decide when your heat turns on. Your landlord decides when to turn your heat on, and, baby, when it is on, it is.

[Monet X Change]

Well, yours is egregious. Yours. Yours is egregious.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, no, no. We're not moving on. We saw the slob. No, no, no, no, no. We're not gonna. We're not gonna push past that, honey. We saw the slob.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, because I took my Invisalign out. That's normal. Anyway, wait, Jacobs, if you had to choose only ac. Oh, ac for sure.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

He.

[Monet X Change]

Bob, imagine being in the summer when it's dead hot and you are sweating your butt. You can't sleep. I can sleep in cold. I cannot sleep in heat. Sweating.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Vice versa.

[Monet X Change]

Really?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I can sleep in the heat easily.

[Monet X Change]

You can. Like when your sheets are wet and sticking to you, you can sleep like that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I Can sleep at the beach Blistering hot and sleep well.

[Monet X Change]

You're covered the color. Looking at your hoodie girl just baked.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Something about people wearing their hoodie like this really irritates me. I don't know why, but I just hate it. Something about it pisses me off.

[Monet X Change]

So why are you doing it to us? Why are you irritating and pissing us off?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I didn't say it pisses everyone off. It just irritates me.

[Monet X Change]

But it's so funny to do behavior that you know. It's so funny, like doing behavior that you know irritates you because chances are other people are irritated by it too.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But, I mean, there's probably something I'm doing that everyone's irritated by. But the point is, like, when people wear their head like this, it just. I'm like, what are you doing? It has the same. It's the boy version. It's the masculine version of this.

[Monet X Change]

Well, I don't know if tying your hoodie around your head is femme or masculine. I wouldn't prescribe it to a gender.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I feel like I see more guys with this than girls do this.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, I can't even respond to that because I don't. I've never. I've never checked. I don't remember, but I feel like I see everyone do that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Bob, now what?

[Monet X Change]

I'm very sad you're not gonna be here for Thanksgiving. My family's coming to LA for Thanksgiving. We're doing like a big West Indian Thanksgiving at my house.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Wow, what a coincidence.

[Monet X Change]

You don't wanna go to be away with Madonna and wherever you're gonna be.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I've known you for literally 12 years. What a coincidence.

[Monet X Change]

Well, weirdly, the first year I have a. I have a home. Bob, that's not true.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You've had homes. What have you been living? What have you been on? Houses. I mean.

[Monet X Change]

Well, that. I have my own home that I can dictate.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Monet X Change]

How am I.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm just flying. Just back. The white guy. Is that still. I. I still eat Thai.

[Monet X Change]

Is that. Is that literally. Is that the lyrics?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm still fly. Just bagged a white guy.

[Monet X Change]

Got it. Yes. It's gonna be. We're doing like a. I'm very excited having people over. We're doing, like, all the West Indian things. It's going to be very fun. I really, really, really, really wish you were here.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, thank God. Hopefully me and your family. And I'm pretty sure we'll be alive longer. There's Christmas, there's birthdays. There's February 19th.

[Monet X Change]

Not how this world is turning out, bitch. We don't know if we're gonna be here tomorrow.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Money too soon.

[Monet X Change]

Where does St Lucia.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, St Lucia stands with the UK, but they're.

[Monet X Change]

They're. They're independent of the UK, so.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But are they all. But are they ally with the uk? Is there a military presence? Is there a military presence there?

[Monet X Change]

No, I don't think so. Okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do you know anyone in the military from St. Lucia?

[Monet X Change]

I don't know,

[Bob the Drag Queen]

but they're so, like. I imagine that they were. They were. They were part of the British military for a while, I'm assuming.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, I think so. But. But St. Lucia has been independent all of my life.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Your whole life?

[Monet X Change]

Yes, since I have been conscious.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Ask you that, and I keep Googling it every time you say that, it ends up being like, a different story when I Google it.

[Monet X Change]

No, I don't know. Type in St. Lucia and Independence. And Lucia. Independence Day is the 23rd. February 23rd.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, then how come when I type in. No, it was in 1979. So that's not your whole life. You were like, seven, bitch.

[Monet X Change]

1979.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Are you, like, your real age? And stop faking. Please shut the. Literally, please. Anyway, like, it's. Are you exhausted by, like, thinking that

[Monet X Change]

you're like, so is independent of the

[Bob the Drag Queen]

uk, so why is. Why is the Royal Family selling the money? I don't get it.

[Monet X Change]

I. I just.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I so don't get it.

[Monet X Change]

I don't get it either, because they're.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's so interesting.

[Monet X Change]

They're terrible people.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know, I was thinking about something today. The cops are such a weird concept.

[Monet X Change]

Well, they were literally developed to fucking. For slaves. To catch slaves.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, in America, yes.

[Podcast Producer/Interviewer]

Yes.

[Monet X Change]

So, yeah. Oh, that's a good question. So did we see that? Did we? Did. Did the Founding Fathers, whoever the fuck were like, oh, they have police over there. We can have that over there. But they can be for slaves. And it evolved to that. Or did. Like, how. Where were the first cops?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't know. Maybe the first cops were, like, a military presence. You know what I mean? Right. But the idea that there's this group of people and we pay them and they make up these laws.

[Monet X Change]

They don't make up the laws.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, you're right. They enforce these laws and, like, they have the power, by the way, some of them get less training than it takes to be a hairdresser.

[Monet X Change]

Bob. My brother became a cop. He went to school for six months. After six months, he had a weapon and he Was a police officer.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And then they are basically like, if you. But some of these laws that are like, all right, if you park in the wrong place at the wrong time, we can just take your car. If you do something as simple as just like parking on the wrong side of the street.

[Monet X Change]

Guilty.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Too many times in a row. We can take your entire car. That's wild.

[Monet X Change]

Guilty. It happened to me one time. I was in the city and I was out with. It was me and Tizlarn. We were out in the city and we were at.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, Tizzlarm. It's wild.

[Monet X Change]

I know. And they were out in the bar. I didn't. Cause again, you know this. And LA has this too. The street signs are so confusing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And they by designs are wild. It's by design.

[Monet X Change]

It's by design to confuse you. So I was like, I think I can park here. Went in, came out two hours later, car gone. And I never had my car towed before. And I was like. I was like. As his mom, I sat on the curb, I said, how old are you? 21? 22.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

One day. I need to get Thorgy on the podcast. Talk about the time she got her car towed. This shit was so fucking funny.

[Monet X Change]

I was crying. I s. I was just sitting on the. I was sitting on the side of. Of the curb crying.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was like, oh, my God, someone stole my car. I didn't lock it.

[Monet X Change]

I can't believe this. And then someone coming.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Why would your first thought stole your car?

[Monet X Change]

Because I thought maybe I was absent minded and I didn't lock it. And then they figured out how to like hot, hot, hot wire it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You can't hot wire a car.

[Monet X Change]

You can't.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Is your car from the 80s. You cannot hot wire a car that was made after like 2000, like three.

[Monet X Change]

They're literally recalling Hyundai because people. Have you not seen it? They're. They are. They are hot wiring and stealing Hyundai cars. Is this.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No. Is this the thing where they have the same key? There was a thing where there was this one key that was working for like multiple cars. I can't remember what it was. There's this one car that got recalled because they made so few types of the keys that people would just go online, buy this key, and just walk up to the car and it would work.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like you had like a 1 in 4 chance your key would work.

[Monet X Change]

Gag. Well, yeah, I didn't know. I didn't. I didn't know. I was 21. I was like, oh, my God, someone stole my car. So I'm just sitting on this on the curb crying. I'm crying because I was like, I cannot believe. Because when my car was at that point was four years old, I couldn't afford. I was like. I was like distraught. So then I. Someone from the restaurant comes outside. She's like, no. She's like, what's going on? She's like, someone stole my car.

[Instacart/1-800-contacts Advertiser]

I don't know.

[Monet X Change]

Did you see it? Is there a camera? And they're like, oh, no, it's probably towed. And we looked at the sign, we realized it was towed, and do the whole thing. And when you. I said this before. When your car gets towed, not only are you paying the fucking fee to get it out of the place, you would end up paying the ticket that is on your car for being parked illegally. So you end up like spending like $400 to get your car out. It's like, why isn't the ticket enough? Why do you have to pay the tow in fee too?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Because they have to pay the person. Because the person who takes your car is a private company. Right.

[Monet X Change]

Which is shady. Have you ever. Andy did. It's like you walk up to your car as they're towing it, literally, if they bitch once they start, they're like, oh, no, it's going away. You can catch them doing it in the act. They're like, no, we're taking it. And there's nothing you can do. That's shady.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's just like once the cop starts writing or the, or the. Or the meter maid starts. Once the pen hits the paper, baby, you have a ticket.

[Monet X Change]

I know you can't.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There's no, there's no putting the ink back in the pen. Baby, you have a ticket.

[Monet X Change]

Now that's. That's so bullshit. Because there has to be a way to not do that. They're like, no, I'm sorry. It's happening.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, they want their money. They probably get a commission.

[Monet X Change]

I'm sure you think so.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Probably. They probably get paid per show.

[Monet X Change]

You think they incentivize them by giving them commissions on.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, a lot of. A lot of tow companies are like private. It's just like a person with a tow truck.

[Monet X Change]

No, I mean the meter maid who is a civil servant. You think they have.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't know.

[Monet X Change]

I don't know about that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

They might have quota. They only have commission. I don't think you're allowed to have commissions on. I don't think cops or meter. Meter maids or any civil service allowed to have commissions.

[Monet X Change]

And a quota is just a commission. But you're not getting paid for it. Yeah. Which is crazy. We're so funny.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But also, don't worry. I don't know. That's not gospel, so don't take my word for what I just said. Just go do d y o r. Do your own research. And anyway, what were we talking about? How do we get here? How did we get here?

[Monet X Change]

Oh, my God. That clip from the last episode of you going for that note.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I ate. I ate seven plus one. Three plus five. Four plus four.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

How many you got? How many you got? Nine minus one.

[Monet X Change]

A negative. Give me a negative.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Give me negative real quick. Real quick. Negative eight plus. Negative eight plus plus 16. Okay, okay, okay.

[Monet X Change]

I saw a clip. More stalking you on Tik Tok. You look so pretty on the tour.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, you're very kind. Thank you. I'm very proud of what I'm doing over here at the in the wonderful world of Madonna. And we're working quite hard and entertaining these people by the dozens of thousands a night. It's quite exhilarating, to be honest. Tbationists. And I feel like I can be honest with you.

[Monet X Change]

Do you feel like. Do you feel like the Blue Ivy to Madonna?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, because she doesn't go, that's my skin foe. Also, Madonna's children are on the tour.

[Monet X Change]

I know her daughter is voguing and she's turning it out. She looks really cool.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Shout out, Esther.

[Monet X Change]

Let me tell you something. All these ladies having their kids in their shows now, it's kind of cute.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's actually been going on for a really long time. And Madonna had Rocco do her show on 2008.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, work.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think that Lola played. I think Lola played piano for her. I think, like. I mean, year, like years ago. And JLO had. JLO took her daughter on tour.

[Monet X Change]

She did. I remember she had them in her super bowl performance. I don't remember the tour, though.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I mean, Judy Garland put Liza Manley on stage. True, true, true. I think. I think it's been going on for a long time. But I think some folks are like, Beyonce created putting papers on.

[Monet X Change]

No one said that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, people are saying that. Actually, you didn't say that, but people do. People are being.

[Monet X Change]

They're saying that what the Beyonce invented.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There are people being like, navajona, copying Beyonce by putting her kids on stage.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, well, no, I didn't think that you said.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But there were people who were like, she copied her. That's crazy. And I was like, I don't know. That's how that worked. But anyway, go Ahead, because she's had her. So she has mercy playing piano, Esther DJing and dancing, David singing and playing guitar. And Stella also does a number of the show, too.

[Monet X Change]

If you. If you had kids, would you put them in your show?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If they wanted to, you know, if they wanted to, yeah, but not, like, often. I don't really do any, like, content. I mean, whether it be. Am I stand up?

[Monet X Change]

I don't know. You have a whole album coming on. Maybe you might do music, like, I don't know, maybe.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Possibly. You know, I've thought long and hard about it, and I was really in the area where I was like, I might have kids. And I am now on the other side of I do not want to have kids. I am now, officially, I was being pulled in either direction. I am officially, I don't. I don't want any kids.

[Monet X Change]

It's such a tricky thing. And again, we said this, and I said this ain't no common signs. It's just that once you got a kid, like, that's it. Like, you cannot. Like, I was comforted by a pet, which I, again, I didn't do, and I don't think I could do it. But just knowing that if things went all the way left, I know I either had people in my life that would take Colleen. Take Colleen. Or I could. Like, I knew I could find another home for her if it got to be too much. And I was, like, way in over my head. Like, I was confident with a kid. You do not.

[Kiana]

You could.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, again, yes, there is that option to. I don't even want to say the words out of my mouth. I don't even want to say that. But, like, you could, like, put your kid up for adoption, whatever. For me, a gay man adopting a kid or however I would like, that would be horrible to put them to adopt a kid, then put them back into the. Whatever. Like, I would never want to do that. So. But. So, yeah, I. Yeah, a kid. It's hard.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, you can also just have your kids taken away, which seems more your

[Monet X Change]

speed, you know, Let me tell you. Let's take a break and I'll tell you about yourself. I'm practicing restraint, y'.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

All.

[Monet X Change]

Let's take this break.

[Podcast Producer/Interviewer]

Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile. Now, I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited Premium Wireless for $15 a month is back. So I thought it would be fun if we made $15 bills, but it turns out that's very illegal, so there goes My big idea for the commercial, Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment

[Instacart/1-800-contacts Advertiser]

of $45 for three months, $90 for six months or $180 for a 12 month plan. Required $15 per month equivalent taxes and fees. Extra initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes. Me slow when network is busy. See terms.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We're back,

[Monet X Change]

y'. All. So y' all notice Bob gets so jealous when Jacob and I like. I have like, conversation and we're like, do anything without. He gets so jealous. Y' all see it? It's so. Ew. It's so cringy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Tell me a little bit more about what was your time today?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. That segue you're trying to do.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I was trying to tell me. I was trying to remember what we were talking about, but I couldn't remember,

[Monet X Change]

so I was like, platform which? Platform Video games. Okay. Were you a platform video game player?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't know what that is.

[Monet X Change]

Like Crash Bandicoot, Mario.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What makes it a platform video game?

[Monet X Change]

You're jumping from platform to platform.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, you mean like literally, like Mario's a platform video game, cuz you jump on stuff.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, like Super Mario.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

See, I played. Is it called a platform video?

[Monet X Change]

They're called platforms platformers because the early

[Podcast Producer/Interviewer]

ones were really just like 2D. One character jumping from platform to platform.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So I played Mario.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, so why, when Jacob said it, you believe him?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I never didn't believe you. I asked. I never said, I don't believe you. I literally said, is it. I said, oh, okay. I said a platform because I never heard of it. So you mentioned. I was like, I don't know what a platform video game is. You told me. Then I go, oh, they're called platform video games. So by the time Jacob entered the conversation, I had way more context.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Also, you a dumb bitch. He's such a cunt.

[Monet X Change]

He's such a cunt. Do you believe the word cunt is a bad word?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do I think cunt is a bad word?

[Monet X Change]

Yes. Okay, sorry. Not that word. Do you think that as you and I, people who do not have vaginas that we can use are allowed to say cunt?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. Yes, I do.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do you?

[Monet X Change]

I do. The Brits. The Brits use cunt.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. I mean, I can also say tits. I can say like.

[Monet X Change]

Well, because there is a segment of women at boo like this feel like it's very offensive to women to use the word kind.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Their feelings are valid. You know what I mean? But not all women who have Vaginas feel that way. I know.

[Monet X Change]

And I was also watching this thing where it's this black content creator on TikTok was saying like it's just a word that like that white women have co opted to feel offensed by. Cause she was, she was in this thing like and like black. I don't know if all, I can't say all, but a lot of the black women she interviewed. Well, all the black women she was in her thing specifically were like, no, I don't feel any type of way about it. But she asked a bunch of white women and they were like, yeah, it's a defensive word and I don't like when people use it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Now the question is, are they talking about cunt as a pejorative or a cunt as a like celebration? Which one are they talking about?

[Monet X Change]

I mean this is.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Or like you're a cunt. There's also a chance that a lot of white women hear it as you're a cunt as opposed to that was cunt.

[Monet X Change]

Well, yeah, I think the pejorative. But in that same way black women were like, no, that doesn't. I'm like, yeah, it's just like, just like don't call me like a fucking idiot. But I don't like, I like, I'm not personally offended by cunt. Like they don't take any like I guess extreme. Like it's not, it's not, it's not anti woman to call them a cunt. It's just like mean. Like, just like you would curse at someone. But like the white women were like, it's offensive and it's like a word that you're using to bring me down and like devalue or invalidate my pussy. I don't know. It was very interesting.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I do think there's a difference between C as an adjective and C as a pejorative for sure. Because when it's a noun, you're a cunt. Versus that was cunt. You give cunt. One is literally an insult and the other one is literally not. The other one is literally like, that was amazing.

[Podcast Producer/Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I just feel like a lot of black women probably have that context in their head when they. Because did the woman, the interviewer, was she specifically like when it is used as a pejorative? No. Or did she say the word cunt

[Monet X Change]

but by the context of the. I mean I should probably be fine and send it to you by the context of the video. Like they were talking about it pejoratively, not as like, oh, that's cunty.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like, how do you know?

[Monet X Change]

Because her whole thing. Cause she starts the video, all she's saying, like, let's talk about the word cunt. You know what I'm talking about? The girl with the. Sorry, I stopped saying girl. The woman with the cornrows and the twists. I'll find out.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Cat black.

[Monet X Change]

Padlock.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Cat black.

[Monet X Change]

No, not cat. Block. No, not cat. Blak.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Noir.

[Monet X Change]

I don't know her name. I gotta find a sentence here. I don't want to take the time and do it. But like, the framework of the video was like talking. Oh, my God. Hey, I'm doing a podcast. What's up? A podcast. What's going on?

[Podcast Producer/Interviewer]

The level of professionalism is far too much.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This is what you like.

[Monet X Change]

Just talk to him and let him know what's going on. Okay,

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Now I'm busy.

[Monet X Change]

Now Patty has my schedule, everything that at every point in the day, Patty knows exactly what I'm doing. He done call me three times in a row.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Drag her. Literally drag her.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, anyway. So, anyway, moving on. So do you like platform games?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I used to play them a lot. And I mean, I played Mario. I played all versions of Mario. I played Sonic, I played. I did play Crash Bandicoot. Yeah, I like platform games.

[Monet X Change]

I recently bought the new Sonic on fucking PlayStation and that shit. It's so difficult to play. You run it too fast. Or maybe I just can't wrap my head around how to play fucking Sonic. But I don't like Sonic.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So Sega's just done.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, but I think Sony bought Sega.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Damn Sega.

[Monet X Change]

Can you sing the Sega Sega? I'm just. I'm trying to see what your pitch competency is, bitch.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What's yours. What's your pitch competency, honey? Because it's giving fully incompetent.

[Monet X Change]

Oh my God.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So can you. Can you do. Can you say ta da?

[Monet X Change]

Ta da. Do you want to give me a pitch or just. Okay, give me a ta da.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You're pitch commented. You know the sound Ta da. You know what ta da sounds like?

[Monet X Change]

Jacob? Is that me or is that him?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Is that Monet?

[Podcast Producer/Interviewer]

Is that me or he's just. Oh, no, he's back.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know what ta da sounds like? Can we hear Ta da.

[Monet X Change]

Ta da. No, what is that, Jacob?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do you know ta da?

[Podcast Producer/Interviewer]

Like when you're presenting something, you go ta da.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Damn. Jacob was piss confident,

[Podcast Producer/Interviewer]

Bob.

[Monet X Change]

You didn't even know until he did it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You literally said it. It's ta da. Ta da. You cop. You're copying me and Jacob.

[Monet X Change]

Oh my God, how are you?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Are you pitch commented? Are you literally just copying off my schoolwork?

[Monet X Change]

Did you ever copy off anyone in school?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Never.

[Monet X Change]

Never? Not once.

[Kiana]

Maybe.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Maybe once or twice. Maybe once or twice. But. But typically speaking, I was. I was. I was. I was really good at retaining information, so it was. I just didn't really have to cheat a lot because I'm just really good at just keeping information locked in my brain and then regurgitating it back, especially, like, within a week. If I learned it on Monday, I can write it down on Friday, for sure.

[Monet X Change]

So what was weird was that in grade school, I did it. I'm in college in my music. Music history class. I used to. I used to. I used to try to cheat in my class because I was like. With college, I was like, I am paying too much money to possibly not get an A in this class.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Did you let kids copy off you?

[Monet X Change]

No.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No. You copy off other kids.

[Monet X Change]

I was copying off myself. So I would buy a clear folder.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You're copying yourself.

[Monet X Change]

Like, listen, hear me out. Hear me. Yes, it is. Hear me out. So I would have my. I would get, like, a clear folder, and then for my test, I need to send this rest on, and I would, like, put all my notes on one paper. And I will put. I would put it facing the edge, the back of the folder so I could see through the thing. But it was yellow, so it was like a little. It was like a. You know, it filtered it a little bit. And I would just copy my answers for the things, like word for word.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The amount of work you went through to try to figure out how to cheat, you could have learned.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, I learned it too, but. And I didn't always need to use it. There were certain things in music history.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't think that's what people think when they can. I can't speak for people. When I hear the term you're copying, it's copying someone else's answer. It's not copying from the book that's studying or cheating, but copying. When I hear, did you copy other people? Did you copy other people's work? You're copying off of another person sitting near you. You're doing this, you're going that.

[Monet X Change]

No, because I would get in my brain, I'm like, but what if Even the smart bitch in class, I'm like, well, what if she got that one wrong? And I would be afraid of. My answers will look too similar to theirs. And then I would out myself.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's the risk you take when you copy it.

[Monet X Change]

But Did I tell you this? So one time I did not study for this class. So I go to school and

[Instacart/1-800-contacts Advertiser]

I

[Monet X Change]

missed class that day. I didn't go to the class the day of the test. And then I came back like the next week. And then my professor was like, what happened? I was like, sorry, I meant to send an email. I got cataracts. And she was like, you got what? Yeah, I was like, I had cataracts. That's why I wasn't here last week.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like, what the fuck are you saying, my dumbass?

[Monet X Change]

I didn't know that. Cataracts.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Why did you say cataracts?

[Monet X Change]

I don't know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't know.

[Monet X Change]

I just went with cataracts. I don't know. It was stupid.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What did she say?

[Monet X Change]

And she was like, she's like, you had cataracts. She's like, yeah. She's like, okay, if you can get me a written note from your doctor and you should be able to do the test next week.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Bitch.

[Monet X Change]

I didn't have a doctor to get a note from, so I just ended up missing that entire thing. She didn't fight, she didn't argue. She was like, if you don't have a note, you can't retake the test. Cause she knew that I would not be able to get a fucking note from my doctor that I had cataracts. I didn't have cataracts.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, because she knew your 13 year old ass did not have a cataract surgery.

[Monet X Change]

13? I was in college.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, this is in college?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I mean, you can have cataracts at a young age, but you didn't.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, and also it wouldn't just happen over a week.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You are so silly.

[Monet X Change]

You're so silly.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm screaming cataracts. You know folks whose grandma died four times in college? No, no, my grandmas are all lesbians, so I get four chances.

[Monet X Change]

No, I was even. Still, today, I'm not about wishing death on, on family members because I know there's no power in that, but in my mind, if something was to happen, I would feel is my fault.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's interesting. Jacob. We would say, Jacob, can we do

[Podcast Producer/Interviewer]

a sibling role play where one of you is trying to explain to the teacher why you need an extension on a test?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, who's who?

[Podcast Producer/Interviewer]

I think Monet already gave an excuse. I think you should be the one who's giving me Steve's bob.

[Monet X Change]

Okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay.

[Monet X Change]

Grading papers. Living my life like it's golden Living my life like it's golden

[Podcast Producer/Interviewer]

My life

[Monet X Change]

is golden but you gonna Come into class or you just gonna stand outside?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If you're not gonna ask me, I'm not gonna walk up to you and tell you I don't have it. You gotta ask me. I'm not gonna be like, I ain't got my paper.

[Monet X Change]

Bob, where's your. Where's your homework?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What homework?

[Monet X Change]

The assignment that all 29 of your other classmates handed in that was due today.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Everybody turned in when? Like, just. Just now. Everyone. When did they turn it in?

[Monet X Change]

Caldwell.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

When did y' all turn it in?

[Podcast Producer/Interviewer]

Caldwell.

[Monet X Change]

This is the third time this month that you are missing a homework assignment. What is the problem?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. When did everyone turn the paper in?

[Monet X Change]

At the beginning of the class. Man, stop chewing that goddamn gum in this classroom. Spit it out.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm not chewing gum. I'm literally not chewing gum. But you know what it is, is I didn't get the. I didn't realize everyone turned it in, so I didn't even know what was happening.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, so what was your excuse the other three times?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I didn't know then either.

[Monet X Change]

That is impossible.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm in the furthest corner of the classroom and it's hard to hear. I'm literally. I just want to be clear about one thing. No student is as far from you as I am from you. And you don't speak up when you talk.

[Monet X Change]

So what am I doing now?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, we're. I'm. I'm up at the desk. But you don't normally like. And you seem angry, which is why I think you're talking louder now. But normally you don't speak up. We kind of call you quiet, Ms. Burton. Everyone calls you. Everyone calls you Mousey. Mousey, Mousey.

[Monet X Change]

This is the third. This is the third time you've misgendered me. And I. And I. Mr. Burton.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, I apologize. I'm sorry about that. It's because. How quiet you were. Because when you. I. I just assume because all that. All that curve. You know what I mean?

[Monet X Change]

Well, men can have curves, too, Caldwell.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You just low key, shaped like one of my aunties.

[Monet X Change]

Men can have curves, too, Caldwell.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So anyway, so I. I'm willing to do it. How much time did everyone have to do the assignment? I'll start now.

[Monet X Change]

You're not doing it now. I'm not. We're not doing this now. You're going to receive. You're going to receive a failing grade for these fast four homework assignments.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Hold on, hold on, hips. Hold on, hubs.

[Monet X Change]

Hold on, hold on, hold on now. What you can do is. I have some extracurricular activities you can do if you're meeting me in the office this afternoon after class.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What kind of activities?

[Monet X Change]

Why are you doing your face like that? Calvo?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What kind of activities?

[Monet X Change]

You're gonna, you're gonna, you're gonna. I want you to get my, my, my two chalk dusters. You're gonna slap them together and dust them off after school.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What in the 1995. And why you got the only chalkboard in the whole school? Everybody else using a smart board?

[Monet X Change]

Because I'm allergic. I'm allergic. I'm allergic to markers.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Your board. Dumb as hell. Look at your board.

[Monet X Change]

I'm allergic to markers.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I ain't slapping. I'm allergic to. That's why I ain't slapping. I ain't. I ain't allergic to chalk. I ain't slapping no chalk though. So I gotta ask.

[Monet X Change]

Either you, either you slap the chalk. Class, choose one.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So this is what I'm going to present to you, Mr. Burton. Okay. I sit in the furthest corner of the room and I did not hear you. And I don't think you want to be called out for being ableist against students who might not be able to hear you because, baby, I have. Listen to this before you run your hippie curvy mouth. I have 300,000 Instagram followers. Do you want them to all hear about the ablest teacher down here at Peabody Middle School? PMS?

[Monet X Change]

Do you think I care about your 300th? Follow your 300,000 followers.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Baby.

[Monet X Change]

That's light work over there. Kim chi. She has 1.2 million.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You about to find. You about to care. Hold on. Watch this.

[Monet X Change]

Kim Chi has 1.2 million.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Got you. Well, let's see how you feel in the morning. Oh my God. Gosh, why? Now you're going straight to attack. Let's go to a break and talk about your propensity toward violence.

[Monet X Change]

And we're back. I think that teachers have probably some of the biggest platforms societally. Like for some kids, like, they see their teachers more than their parents. And they're with them for eight hours a day. Wait, 7 to 8, 9, 10, 11, 1, 2, 3, 7 hours a day, which is a lot. And by the time you go home, your parents get home at 6 o', clock, you go to bed at 9, you wake up at 6 o', clock, the next 6 o', clock, the next day. Like, you see your parents for like four hours.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

After school programs, extracurricular activities, band practices, football teams, theater shows. So you're at school for more than eight hours a day. And I mean, teachers do practically mold the mind of essentially every single citizen in America. Not every, but like, I can't think of a profession that has influence on more people than teachers do.

[Monet X Change]

Can I tell you this, T? I don't think I've ever.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We've ever.

[Monet X Change]

We've never. We've ever. We've ever talked about this. So in my high school program, we had the extracurricular choir. Should I change the names? Is that weird? I should probably change the names.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't know what the story is, so I can't tell you what to do.

[Monet X Change]

I was in an extracurricular choir outside of school and it was super, very religious. This was, this was the choir where we did like tours and stuff. And we, we like, we had rehearsals.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You've already said their name on the podcast before.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, Songs of Solomon. And we used to.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, damn, dropped it. Right?

[Monet X Change]

I'm sure I have.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Back in the sailor name era now, honey.

[Monet X Change]

We are.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We're back in the sailor names era. We're back in the original seven robbery days, honey.

[Monet X Change]

And like after we had rehearsal like that, that extra. Extracurricular choir like after school on like Wednesdays. And then we also had rehearsals on Saturdays and. And we used to sing a lot. Like we did a lot. We were together a lot. And then so. And the teacher and the woman who was the choir teacher who was amazing, her name was. I don't gonna say her name. She like, we saw her a lot. Like she was my. My. My voice teacher at school. And also in this extracurricular activity I used to see every weekend after school all the time. So she was a lesbian for the first two. For the first like two or three years that I knew her. Like, she had her wife, they had a kid together. Like it was this beautiful black lesbian couple. And she really like, I was like, oh my God. And again, little closeted me. I was like, this feels so validating. Like secretly like, this feels so good. And then something happened at indiscretion with a student and her wife. And then so they. So then she ended up getting divorced from the wife and then she became straight. After she became straight, she kind of like demonized homosexuality and saying how bad it was and it was and trying. Cause again, we're school age kids in choir and music theater. We're fucking gay. A lot of these kids are fucking faggots. We're fucking faggots. And then so she flipped the script on us that homosexuality was this thing that we should not. That we should. That we should eradicate and that we should get rid of and that we need to be saved from.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What was she saying?

[Monet X Change]

Like. Cause again, this is what. We went to a lot of churches and we did. Like, we were. This was the group that we were like. We would be up in churches shouting and stuff. Like, we were like a very religious group. And then she would have said things directly like, homosexuality is bad. But she would be like, you got that demon in you, don't you? Like, you got that thing in you that needs to come out. Like, it was like, that kind of stuff.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was like, I know something needs to go in.

[Monet X Change]

So I had this, like, really. She, like, really fucked us up. Because, like. And we talked about it, like, since we graduated. Cause a lot of us are still friends and we're like. We were like. We were trained. We were like, as like, freshmen kids in school. Like, we saw this beautiful lesbian relationship and we thought that, oh, my God, I guess being gay isn't this scary thing. I can't have a beautiful, loving relationship. And then when she flipped the script after the thing happens, to then tell us that homosexuality was bad and we had these demons in us that needed to be, like, fucking exercise it. Like, it really fucked a lot of us up.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, obviously she was projecting for sure, clearly her own insecurities and problems onto literal children.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And instead of addressing the fact that she was dating a person who was having illicit relationships with minors and discussing the trauma that had on her, she just said that gay people are bad.

[Monet X Change]

And it wasn't. So. And again, I don't know what had happened was in her partner's office in the building that we were in. Like, she came in and the student was sitting on her partner's lap. And her and the student used to hang out a lot together.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So that's enough.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, yeah, it is more than enough. I just want to be clear about. It wasn't like some, you know, what had happened that was a catalyst for this whole thing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If you are not literally, if you're over the age of four, why are you sitting in someone's lap?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Especially a teacher or a teacher's wife.

[Monet X Change]

Right?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's bananas.

[Monet X Change]

It got weird, girl. It got weird. It got so weird.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Have you talked to the teacher in a while?

[Monet X Change]

No, I haven't.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, she would never talk to you. Well, not with your gas. You got that demon in you, honey. There's a lot of. There is a lot of closetry going on in choir. Oh, like, specifically like in these choirs, like, in choruses, like in the music department. There were so many closeted gay guys. I. I always thought they were so strange because they are gayer than the theater kids.

[Monet X Change]

I don't know about that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, no.

[Monet X Change]

They are like, okay, guys, come on, let's go.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, same over. Over on your side of the fence.

[Monet X Change]

No, they was not. We were more. We were more in the closet.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay? That's how you. When you're in your closet, you think you're really serving. But, honey, this is open. The room is open concept. Okay? One of them Container Store closets where the closet is lining the wall of the room. And I just remember. I just remember being like, why are there so many, like, closeted gay guys in the. But they would just talk to us as if they weren't gay. And we were all just like, You had a friend, and I don't. And who was. Who I met. And you were like, he's not gay. And I was like, what? You're like, bob, he's not gay. And that's his story. And we're all sticking to it. And I was like, you know what? And I was at a dog. I cannot believe I'm back in college. This is crazy. That was crazy.

[Monet X Change]

Everyone has their own time. Everyone has their own time.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You're right. Everyone has a time. I just hadn't been around many closet people in so long. Living in New York City, everyone's so out. I just hadn't been around any closeted people, like, in my personal space in a very long time. Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

Did you have. Did you have any, like, overtly gay teachers? They probably looking for me, girl. Oh, my God. That's not an interesting story. Did you have any, like, really gay teachers?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, we had a Mr. Mr. Pennypacker.

[Monet X Change]

I'm sorry, what?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Mr. Penny Packer.

[Monet X Change]

His name was Pennypacker.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

His name was Pennypacker, unfortunately. Right. Mr. Pennypacker was the coach for the girls cross country team. We had Ms. Treble.

[Monet X Change]

Wait.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Time out.

[Monet X Change]

Go back to Mr. Penny Packet. Was he, like, a fag, or was he, like, butch?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

He was. I mean, he was pretty gay, but he was just kind of like. Just like a sassy, older gay guy. He was like, now, let's not. It was like, a white guy. He's like, nah, I don't want to hear a lot of talking in the classroom. I want you all to make sure that you're being respectful when you're in my classroom work like that.

[Monet X Change]

If I.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If I go back, I want to be like, A really good teacher who is a hard ass. Ms. Trouble was a fucking hard ass. But she was one of my favorite teachers. She's to this day, one of my favorite teachers. We had this other teacher. I can't remember her name. She had a mullet. And I remember she had the.

[Monet X Change]

She.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Her whole thing was she was, like, the smartest teacher at school because she got a 1600. She got a perfect score on her SATs when she was. But she was older now, but she had a perfect score on her SATs.

[Monet X Change]

I don't remember what I got on my SATs. I don't remember. Do you? I don't remember. Huh.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Ketchup? Some pickles? No, that's not my joke.

[Monet X Change]

What I got on my SATs, I don't remember.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I got, like. Like, slightly above average, but, like, not, like, genius or anything.

[Monet X Change]

I couldn't tell you if I got a one or a 1600.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't.

[Monet X Change]

I don't remember.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

They don't go up to 600 anymore. Now go to 800.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, I think that happened, like, the year I was taking it. Or like the year before or something like that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Of course, you could also take the acts. Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

All that shit again. Standardized testing. It's all fucking bullshit. I was reading this article from the Washington Post about how that shit is racist, and I was like, I didn't even realize that standardized testing was racist.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Did you take the ITBS test?

[Monet X Change]

No. We talked about this. We didn't have those in New York. We had the regents. We didn't have the IBS test.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Everyone took the ITBS test.

[Monet X Change]

No, we didn't do. New York is different. We don't do the shit that the rest of y' all do. We are different people.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, you're barely socialized.

[Monet X Change]

We're the most.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What are you talking about?

[Monet X Change]

We're barely. We're literally the most social city in the world. What are you talking about?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, but you're not socialized with the rest of your. The goddamn country. You have no social skills. New Yorkers, y' all are wild.

[Monet X Change]

That's literally not true.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, New Yorkers are known for their social graces. New Yorker is legendarily known for their amazing social graces. We are.

[Monet X Change]

We literally had a whole podcast. We talked about that. All these, like, things about how New York is amazing and we don't talk to each other. We realize that that is not true. We do. If you are walking on a train and you need help carrying a fucking stroll up the stairs, you know what's gonna help? You another New Yorker? Some bitch from fucking from Columbus, Georgia ain't gonna help you. What is the assumption that people from

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Columbus, Georgia don't help each other? That's a bold assumption, but from being there.

[Monet X Change]

Cause I've been to Columbus, Georgia, and I needed help, and I was not helped.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

First of all, you need help everywhere you go. You have never been to Columbus, Georgia, like that.

[Monet X Change]

ET Would you put that fucking finger down? Oh, God. Jay is going to lose his mind. You are so stupid.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You need to go to Columbus, Georgia. Why are you avoiding Columbus? Why are you avoiding Columbus, Georgia?

[Monet X Change]

I was literally there. I was literally there for you, helping your mom move. What are you talking about, Monet?

[Podcast Producer/Interviewer]

Why are you going to St. Lucia?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I live in Columbus, Georgia.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, Clayton County. That's what I meant.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, why don't you go? So why? So for my mother. I live in Columbus, Georgia. First of all, stop trying to dox my mother.

[Monet X Change]

Like, I was. So y'. All. So I come. I was in. This was on a tour.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And we had, like, an hour and a half from each other. Just so we're clear.

[Monet X Change]

We had, like, five.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Not New York City. Hour and a half. Not like Brooklyn and Manhattan. I'm talking, like, from the Hamptons to Queens.

[Monet X Change]

So we were in.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I was like, Philly to New York City, actually. Anyway, sorry, go ahead.

[Monet X Change]

We were in. We ended up for the. Because of, like, the storms and stuff, we ended up having a lot of time off in Atlanta. So when we were in Atlanta, I was helping, like, the little bit I could like to. I went to Columbia. Cause Bob's mom was moving to the new place.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm not. My family does not live in Columbus, Georgia.

[Monet X Change]

The seas. I can't with the seas in their old town. And I was helping them move, and then. So they. I think there was like, we need a tape or something. I was like, oh, I'll borrow the car. I'll go get it. So Bob gives you the keys to get the car, bitch. I drove to, like, three different places, and I could not get this goddamn tape. I forgot I did something wrong, though.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What it was is you didn't realize that the places weren't taking Apple Pay.

[Monet X Change]

Cause everywhere it takes Apple Pay. But everywhere I went was not Lowe's, Home Depot. I was like, this is crazy. I called them back, like, after. So the trip was supposed to take me 20 minutes. Two hours later, I was like, guys, I'm trying to get the tape. And I swear, I've driven to, like, four different places. And they do not take Apple Pay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm really sorry.

[Monet X Change]

And Bob was like, monat, just come back, Monet. Please just come back.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Why was my mom giving Andy a hard towel? Because he threw her printer. I just remember giving Andy a really hard. I was like, what did Andy do that? My mom was. She kept giving him a hard time over, over and over again. He, like, tossed her printer or something, like, hey,

[Kiana]

Throwing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Brenda. What's his name? Mandy.

[Podcast Producer/Interviewer]

Alex, can you tell Monet the story about the chandelier?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What about it?

[Podcast Producer/Interviewer]

The old chandelier.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What about it?

[Podcast Producer/Interviewer]

That your mom was upset about.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So when we moved to this house, there was this. There was this. This. This chandelier in the living room. And then we had this contractor take the chandelier down because. And we're gonna put a new one in, but the new one didn't get in. I actually ended up installing the other one myself. My friend Taylor helped me install the chandelier in my mom's dining room. And so he, like, took the chandelier down. It was just, like, hideous, ugly, old chandelier. And then the guy took it and, like, sold it to someone. Like, he was going to scrap it. I think we were like, scrap it or something. I might have told him to scrap it. Maybe no one told him to scrap it, but it was a hideous junk chandelier and not even chandelier. It was a light fixture that came down. Chandelier is too kind of a word to use for what this thing was. And then he. He sold it, but he did not give the money back to my mom or to me or to the house. He just took this thing and. And we were like, get rid of it. And he. So, like. I think my mom was like, we'll put it in the basement. So my mom, like. My mom was like, well, you need

[Monet X Change]

to go get it back to you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Go get. No, to him. I need my chandelier back. He was like, well, it's gone. And she's like, well, I want it back. And she. And he's like, well, I want it. She kept being like, well, I. I'm not gonna resonate. I was like. It was like. It was like, I think he sold it for, like, 60 bucks or 30 bucks. Like, it. There wasn't even any money off of it. And she was like, I want. My mom would not let. I was like, I will pay. I will give you the $60 if we can just forget this shit and live. It was her property, Bob.

[Monet X Change]

You gave away her property without her permission?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I did not give Away her property. I wasn't even in Columbus or Croatia, wherever you say we were.

[Monet X Change]

I want a chandelier in my home, but my. I can't have a chandelier I don't have. My home is not that decadent. But one down.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Here's a fun idea for you. I think what you can do is you can take. So I had this thing I was gonna do when I was in college, but I just never did it. I was gonna make a chandelier out of liquor bottles. Like, Gray Goose bottles. And, like. And this is when I was really into this in high school and college, when I was also a drunk. But imagine if it was done with, like, a perfume bottle. Like a perfume bottle chandelier. That could be really beautiful.

[Monet X Change]

Actually, I don't buy that much perfume. I bought a bottle of Lilabo.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You can go online and you buy empty bottles. You can buy empty bottles of perfume online.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, I bought a bottle of Le Labo three years ago, and it's only, like, halfway through.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But imagine if you had this perfume chandelier, even if it was, like, a small light fixture in your drag room. That'd be so cool.

[Monet X Change]

That could be cool. Me and my interior design are going at it right now because I was like, I want a fun. I want, like, a fun door. I wanna paint it. He's like, no, you're not painting your. I was like, yes, I am. So me and Tim are going back and forth about, no, you're not going to. And he didn't say no. He's like, monet, you cannot ruin all this beautiful work and put a funky color on your door. I was like, why? He's like, please. He's like, can we please not do that? I was like,

[Bob the Drag Queen]

what kind of door does he want? Like a beige door?

[Monet X Change]

No, he sent me a bunch of options, but they're all too muted. I want something fun. I want so, like a. Like a. Maybe not lime green, but something, like, really, like, whoa. Because my house is gray. So I was like, I want to go pop.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay. Yeah. I don't have a whole lot more to contribute to that conversation, but I hope you get the door you deserve.

[Monet X Change]

Every time.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Every time.

[Monet X Change]

I feel like every time I see that tattoo on your arm, it gets more and more eligible.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This tattoo is horrible. This is my worst tattoo, which is. I kind of love it now. Cause how bad it is because of what it says. It says it's okay to make mistakes, but the joke was that I used the wrong two. But now the joke is that it's just a horrible tattoo. The tattoo is so bad.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. Oh, also, I'm gonna again, I think I've pitched this before. We're getting best friend tattoos. I'm not asking you. We're getting best friend tattoos.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, now you're the designer at the door.

[Monet X Change]

Look at you go. We're getting best friend tattoos. I mean, I'll let you figure choose what it is, but we're getting it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Me doing this, like a picture of you across your lower back, I will get.

[Monet X Change]

I will get a middle finger. I think that could be fun.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm not getting a view lower back here. It's gonna be long wise.

[Podcast Producer/Interviewer]

No, we should let the patrons decide.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. You guys have any ideas? And please, like, for anytime you let people decide, there's a bunch of like, funny answers. Like, I want, like, real.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You let people decide. They're going to clown you. That's the point. The point is that to see you get a star tattoo, they want to see you get a can of Sprite tattoo. They want to see you get, you know, fucking. They want something crazy. I mean, I thought would be good tattoos if you and I were do our hands like this, right?

[Monet X Change]

It'll be on this side.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, but we would both be the same side. But I can't do with my own hand because I don't have two right hands. I don't so like this, but. But we're both on the same side. So it looks more like kind of like that, actually a little bit.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, okay. I see what you're saying.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And you get a star on that.

[Monet X Change]

No, that's so hard to tattoo.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But it only. But it's only a star when we connect hands.

[Monet X Change]

I know, but I don't think a star. Maybe something else. I feel like that's gonna be. Look, messy bitch.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I said what?

[Monet X Change]

I said I'd rather be famous. Instead, I let all that get to my head.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I went to her concert. Did she look really beautiful in person? She looked like. She looked really beautiful.

[Monet X Change]

She looked beautiful in person. She looks. She looks. She looks. She looked. She looked beautiful. But she looks so small.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Is she tall? She looks tall.

[Monet X Change]

Short, bitch. And I was like two rows.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, I don't accept this.

[Monet X Change]

I was literally like, oh, I would. I would. I'm going to guess 5.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

4. I'm in the UK. Was fucking meters. Jesus Christ. 1.6 meters.

[Monet X Change]

5. 3.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Look nailed it is 5.

[Monet X Change]

She's short. She's short. I was gagged.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Big 5. 10 energy.

[Monet X Change]

Really? No, she doesn't.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, Bob. 510 energy she gives. Taylor v. Swift.

[Monet X Change]

No way. No way.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If I saw Taylor Swift, Megan v. Stallion and Doja Cat, they'd all be like roughly shoulder to shoulder in my brain. No, no, no, obviously not. She's giving fucking Lady Gaga. Madonna. Lil Kim. How close?

[Monet X Change]

Madonna?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like five, four, maybe five. Maybe five. Five.

[Monet X Change]

Did you have you listened to the new Megan Italian Cobra?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes, I have. It's so she's really pouring her heart out. She's over like a thick beat. This depressed.

[Monet X Change]

She's depressed. Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

When she said this pussy depressed, I was kind of like, this is so camp.

[Monet X Change]

Well, this episode, this episode of Sex and the City when Charlotte's pussy is depressed because she won't look at it. Charlotte had never seen her. And I thought they were just like, it was just for tv. Like, a couple of my friends have been like, yeah, girl, I've never seen my pussy before. Cause I see my dick every day. I can imagine. Like, I've never saying I've never seen my dick also. But ours is like, you know, up and out also.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like, you know, broken pussy.

[Monet X Change]

Broken pussy from insecure.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Depressed pussy broke. Are there any other pussies that famous television pussies?

[Monet X Change]

Are they, is it, is this something for dicks? Depressed dicks?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I mean, I guess that's just a

[Monet X Change]

dick that can get hard. That can't, you know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know, I've never had erectile dysfunction, but I know how much it can affect people's. Your mind when you can't. When there's a disconnect between.

[Monet X Change]

I have the opposite, baby. You, you give me us grades and

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm like, monevier, funeral is bricked up, girl.

[Monet X Change]

I have the opposite. I, I, I, I am the opposite of erectile dysfunction. Dysfunction. I.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

When you sad, you just get. You walk around on Bricky. I'm screaming, yeah, you know, I, I don't really think I get inappropriate directions. Like, I haven't had an inappropriate direction in a very long time. I mean, I think like, probably since like literally high school. Since I've had an inappropriate direction. Oh my God. Where I've been standing up and I'm like, this is wild. I just kind of just. I don't get random erections, but I don't get that.

[Monet X Change]

I don't get the right, I don't get the random. I'm just saying. But like when I'm, when I, when I, when I want to get hard, I can get hard hard. Like, like, it's never like I'm in bed. Like, oh, well, do that Thing until I can get there, it's like, no, you give me a little kiss. Kiss harder.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We talking on a scale of one to, like, you can. You can swing it at a pencil and break the pencil.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, just regular, like, normal, hard. A normal hard dick. Because I can get that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You've never seen, like, a particularly hard penis and be like, this is hard. That's happened to me a few times

[Monet X Change]

in my house in my life.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I mean, sometimes you're like, this is chubby. This is chubby. Well, some people can only muster up a simmy.

[Monet X Change]

Really?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. You ever met someone who has a really, really big penis and all they can do is muster up a semi?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, yeah, I've been there. I've also had the thing. We talked about this before with drag fans. That can't get hard. I've seen that. And I'm like. And it's so unfortunate. Back in the day when it was like, a nice dick and you're like, oh, damn. Yeah, a semi. I've seen semis before.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, but I'm asking you, how hard is your dick? Are you, like. Are you. Are you breaking glass? Are you brick breaking, like, regularly?

[Monet X Change]

No, it's normally, but I have had times where I've been, like, extra aroused and extra hard. Yes, but that's not my. That's not my regular.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, your erections are normally pretty. Pretty standard.

[Monet X Change]

This is standard.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Squishy.

[Monet X Change]

Can you squeeze it?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Is it malleable? No.

[Monet X Change]

No.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay. Don't let you get offended.

[Monet X Change]

My nigga's not a fucking plush toy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Some people are. And that's okay. If you have one of the plush toy penises. We are not here to judge you. Also this week, shout out. You want to give this week shout out.

[Monet X Change]

Yes. We're shouting out this week if you are picking up your. If on your way to pick up your kids. If you're on.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That was literally the last one. It was yes. Shout out to anyone who is literally, at this moment, forgot to take their prescription medicine.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, my God, that's me all the time.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Take your prescription medicine. Shout out to you and go take your medicine.

[Monet X Change]

I realize I just. I'm so forgetful when I have had, like, stuff for antibiotics for strep throat or whatever. I just. It's so hard for me to remember the victim.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, you don't finish them anyway. It's always been.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, since that episode. I do now.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Not one of the super spread.

[Monet X Change]

I do now the superbug spreader.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know, Monet, we've both learned a lot about on this podcast, and I am now the number one advocate for libraries.

[Monet X Change]

Also, I have an extra pair of those skims that I got for you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The nipples?

[Monet X Change]

No, the catsuit. It's literally your color catsuit with the stones on it and the jewelry.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, I thought it was the chain was the skims thing, but the catsuit is the skims.

[Monet X Change]

The catsuit is the skims, the chain is the Swarovski. Interesting. And the stones on the catsuit are swarovski too. But I was like, I'm gonna. I got one for you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Bring it to Barclays.

[Monet X Change]

I'm coming to Capital One to see you. Not Barclays, me. And I'm not gonna tell you who.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Madonna.

[Monet X Change]

She's busy. She can't. She. I reached out, but she's busy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't know. What happens if I get sick.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, yeah. Is there a swing?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No.

[Monet X Change]

Gag. Because you're in a lot of the show.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm just gonna tough it up. If y' all see me up there, snot nose, running, limping, just know it was against my will. All right, I love you all, so. Oh, also all of you, please go check out my. My. My remix of Bitch on Madonna. Bitch Like Me, available on my. On my YouTube page right now. I would love for you to go.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, good.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We'll say goodbye and then we'll do our vlogs.

[Monet X Change]

All right, Bye, guys.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Bye, everyone.

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