The One About Shopping

Summary

Sibling Rivalry: "The One About Shopping"

Episode Date: December 18, 2024
Hosts: Bob the Drag Queen & Monét X Change

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Episode Overview

In this hilarious and candid episode, Bob the Drag Queen and Monét X Change dive into their shopping habits—from luxury bags and knockoff jewelry to the dangers of TikTok Shop and infomercials. Along the way, they get sidetracked by debates about voice rankings, home invasions, New York vs. Atlanta, and how neither of them is actually part of the 1% (despite flexing hard). It’s an episode about materialism, scams, shopping addictions, friendship, and the difference between an “investment you can wear” and just wearing a gold brick. Fans of Sibling Rivalry’s signature blend of quick wit, irreverent banter, and surprisingly deep takes will love this one.

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Main Topics & Timeline

1. Rating Each Other’s Voices (01:31–10:18)

• Voice Qualities & Preferences: Bob asks Monét to rate his voice, sparking a deep-dive into what makes a voice pleasant, referencing James Earl Jones, Morgan Freeman, Zach Noe Towers, DDG, and others.
• Best and Worst Voices: Debate over what constitutes a “10 voice” (DDG for Monét) and a “1” (Karen Walker from Will & Grace, Megan Mullally’s character).
• Notable Quote:
  • Monét (about Bob's voice): “I think you’re neutral. Right in the middle at five.” (08:15)
  • Bob: “Five is not neutral... If someone told you you’re a five, that’s not neutral, that’s uggo!” (08:23)
• Playful Shade: Both shade each other, with Monét settling on a six for Bob and Bob returning the favor with a four for Monét.

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2. The Tooth Gem Debacle & Holiday Party Drama (10:26–18:29)

• Tooth Gem Story: Bob recounts almost chipping a tooth after a gem applied (poorly) by Monét came off while brushing.
  • Monét: “I did it, but I was half asleep. Sorry.” (14:55)
• Holiday Gatherings: Tales of crowded apartments, surprise visits, Bob “kicking” Monét’s door down (“It is literally off the hinges. You kicked my door in.” – Monét, 14:14), and choral concerts.
• Conversation About Stealing Each Other's Merch & Potatoes: Good-natured rivalry about who makes off with what after a hangout.
• Bob's Upcoming Book Plug: “Go to readthedragqueen.com right now and get a copy of my book, Harriet Tubman Live in Concert!” (16:17)

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3. Shopping Addictions: From Infomercials to TikTok Shop (18:30–34:43)

• Infomercial Nostalgia: Bob confesses to being an infomercial junkie (“If it had an infomercial, I’d purchase it.” – 18:55), listing everything from the Magic Bullet to the AB Lounge.
• TikTok Shop Madness: Both admit to compulsive TikTok shopping. From measuring tapes (“Mine is four inches.” “Impossible. You’re such a liar.” – 23:07) to unnecessary gadgets.
• Bob’s Most Ridiculous Purchases: From a depth-illusion art cube to a grip strength tester (“Handexter”), they compare the dumbest objects they’ve bought under the influence of TikTok Shop.
• Unusable or Return-Unfriendly Items: “Once you get it, that’s it. If it don’t work, either you donate or try to resell it... I don’t know how to return anything on TikTok.” – Monét (25:20)
• Party Potluck Etiquette: Debate over whether chips count as a “cooked dish” for a potluck and dragging Jacob over party invites.

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4. Luxury Shopping, Knockoffs, & Jewelry Realities (35:02–52:47)

• Luxury Bag Markups: Monét is incensed to discover Dior bags cost only ~$50 to make and retail for over $4,000.
  • “The markup on that is crazy. $50 to $4,200!” – Monét (36:12)
• Late-Stage Capitalism & Exploitation: Bob explains why luxury brands cost so little to produce (“That’s heavy exploitation, that’s what I mean”—37:34).
• Knockoff & Factory Rumors: Discussion about whether fakes and originals might be from the same factory.
• Jewelry as Investment: Monét laments poor resale value, Jacob jumps in to clarify the vintage jewelry market vs. regular pieces.
• Math Zone—Gold Calculating: Extended, hilarious confusion trying to calculate the value of the gold in Monét’s Cartier love bracelet.
  • “Oh, my God, we’re about to get a nosebleed.” – Bob (47:25)
• Iconic Quote:
  • “If you thought Bob wasn’t part of the 1%, he just flexed on ya’ll…” – Monét (51:46) (after Bob talks about buying a full ounce of gold at Walmart and wrapping it in twine).

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5. Spending Priorities & Sentimental Purchases (52:48–54:42)

• Priorities: Bob says he spends most on home electronics, family, and experiences like Broadway shows, not jewelry.
• Monét on Experiences vs. Material Goods:
  • “I also want to just enjoy the things we work so hard for. Like...to be able to go to New York to go see Gypsy because I really want to go see the show.” (53:19)

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6. Genetics, Sharks, and Cheesy Sayings (54:15–59:54)

• Bob’s ‘Cheetah Shark Tooth’ Necklace Bit: Absurd science and wordplay about hybrid animal teeth.
• Origins of ‘Long in the Tooth’ and ‘Never Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth’:
  • “That’s not what long in the tooth means. It means you’re old.” – Bob (55:29)
  • “You never look a gift horse in the mouth.” – Bob (56:01)
  • Monét tries to update the saying: “Maybe the saying should say, you never see how fast a gift horse can run…” (56:29)
• **Monét recounts sticking gems in Bob’s mouth (“You asked me all these questions!”), Bob denies finger-in-mouth allegations with, “I would not stick my fingers in your mouth. That doesn’t even sound like something I would do.” (58:14)

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7. Swimming, Catastrophes, and Hidden Athletic Talent (59:55–62:29)

• Bob Can’t Swim: “People have been trying to teach me to swim my whole life. I can’t swim.” – Bob (59:00)
• Doomsday Scenarios: Monét argues he needs to learn in case of a West Coast earthquake.
• Olympic Talent What-Ifs:
  • “You ever think maybe there’s some sport you could have been really great at, but you just…never did it?” – Monét (61:15)
  • Bob: “I think I would be a remarkable marksman.” – (62:00)

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8. Final Hilarious Sidebars: Dicks, Mics, and Goodbye (63:40–end)

• Measuring Microphones & Funny Bits:
  • “This microphone is nine inches around. Now let’s do our dicks next.” – Monét & Bob (64:18–64:36)
  • “Mine is a millimeter around.” – Bob (64:21)
• Classic “Sibling Rivalry” Send-off:
  • “Bad bye. Have a bad bye.” – Monét (65:02)
  • “Let me call my friend Alfredo—who’s obviously not happy in your home right now!” – Bob (65:07)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “If it had an infomercial, I’d purchase it.” – Bob (18:55)
• “I bought a camera, first of all, not the camera I ordered. Not the camera I ordered at all, and it broke upon opening it.” – Bob on TikTok Shop (25:36)
• “The markup on that is crazy. $50 to $4200!” – Monét on Dior bags (36:12)
• “If you thought Bob wasn’t part of the 1%, he just flexed on ya’ll…” – Monét (51:46)
• “I also want to just enjoy the things we work so hard for.” – Monét (53:19)
• “People have been trying to teach me to swim my whole life. I can’t swim.” – Bob (59:00)
• Bob’s science bit: “This is an actual cheetah tooth from a cheetah shark. They bred a cheetah and a shark….” – (54:15)
• Monét’s math anxiety: “Oh, my God, we’re about to get a nosebleed.” – (47:25)

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Episode Highlights

• Unfiltered banter and genuine friendship energy—from voice shadings to jewelry math meltdowns.
• Brutally honest takes on shopping habits, social media influence, and late-stage capitalism.
• Sly drag queen wisdom on why experiences often beat handbags or bling.
• Classic chaos over party etiquette, gift traditions, internet purchases, and what really counts as an “investment.”

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Recommended for: Drag Race fans, shopaholics, spreadsheet nerds, and anyone who’s ever considered spending $60 on something suggested by TikTok. Even if you skip the malls, you’ll enjoy the ride.

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Listen for more:
Find Sibling Rivalry wherever you get your podcasts, and check out Bob & Monét’s upcoming tour dates, books, and new TikTok purchases—if they don’t get talked out of them first.

Transcript

[Monet]

I started Ornod in 2013 and we make bike apparel. The best part of Shopify for me is our ability to run the business as essentially non technical people. We're able to admin everything on the back end, front end, and sell things online easily. If Shopify were a bike accessory, I think it would actually be the bicycle. It's the thing that you do the thing on. We run the business on Shopify. So start your free trial on shopify.com. i'm Kiana and I leveled up my business with Shopify. Once I figured out that Shopify was a thing, I never turned back. I can create a site with my eyes closed.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Shopify thinks ahead of us, you know,

[Monet]

and it thinks about the customer more than anything.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Every day I'm thinking about some other

[Monet]

new business, but Shopify is doing it to me because it's so easy to use. It's like, I can't stop.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm addicted.

[Monet]

To start your free [e-mail].

[Bob the Drag Queen]

my name is Bob the Drag Queen

[Monet]

and I'm Monet's Change. And this is sibling rivalry.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

On this week's episode, I Lose a tooth Gem.

[Monet]

We talk about shopping and we find

[Bob the Drag Queen]

out what made more 4 inches is crazy.

[Monet]

And we find out what made Bob say this.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, my God, we're about to get a nosebleed. Monique, I wanna ask you a question. How do you feel about my voice?

[Monet]

Like in. What do you mean, how do I feel about it? What does that mean?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like, how do I sound? Does it. Does it. When you hear my voice, does it bring you joy? Does it give you anxiety? Do you think it's. Is the timbre of my voice delightful? Am I a James Earl Jones type? Am I a.

[Monet]

If you're a James Earl Jones, I feel like I have a pretty neutral voice. It doesn't bring me anxiety, it doesn't bring me joy. Just. I mean, obviously I haven't seen you for a while hearing your voice. I think that's a different thing. I'm like, oh, my God, I miss him. But I don't think you have a voice. Like James Earl Jones is a great.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

He said, miss them. Those are. I don't use them pronouns.

[Monet]

I said him, nigga, you need to clean out your ears. My ears. And so, yeah, I wouldn't say it's like a James Earl Jones. I think that's like a super pleasant voice. You're like world record, respected as a voice or world renowned as a voice that's just neutral.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And how about Morgan Freeman?

[Monet]

Morgan Freeman is A nice voice as well. But I don't know if James O. Jones and Morgan Freeman, if they had that because we just heard it so many times and the way their voices have been used in film and tv or like. No, because. No. Do you know who has a good voice? DDG has a good voice.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't know who that is.

[Monet]

Halle Bailey is Baby Daddy. Cause he speaks up here, but his

[Bob the Drag Queen]

real voice is down here.

[Monet]

He has a really low voice. And I mean, I think lower voice, your voice is. You don't have a low voice, so you only.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You have to have a low voice to have a nice voice.

[Monet]

No, because I think people like that, like James Earl Jones, he has a lot of overtones in his voice. When he speaks, you can hear a lot of overtones, like other tones other than the picture he's speaking at, which I think that is what lends itself to people having a nice voice. You can hear nice overtones.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Whose voice is a 10?

[Monet]

DDG for me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So where am now? What do you give me knowing that? Whose voice is like a one like you're like this voice is I like a shrill voice?

[Monet]

Yeah, I'm trying to think. Megan Mullally has a shrill. Well, no, sorry. Her character, Karen Walker on Will and Grace has a shrill voice.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What about a masculine voice? Because I'm obviously gonna be on that spectrum. So what about a masculine voice?

[Monet]

That's a masculine shrill voice.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Does it have to be shrill? Is the high pitchness make it bad?

[Monet]

I, I, I think so. I, I don't think that's pleasant to hear when you talk. That's, that's not pleasant to hear. I think when you hear someone speaking lower, it feels more grounded, it has more weight to it. So it's nice to hear sometimes I like a really.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You said a really light, pleasant, bubbly voice.

[Monet]

That's really what was a light male voice that's bubbly that you like?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I guess I haven't given as much thought to voices as you do, but someone whose voice is light and they

[Monet]

say, like Mikey has a light male voice.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Mikey has a light lady voice, but someone who has a.

[Monet]

What makes a lady voice? No. Well, Mikey's a male and Mikey has

[Bob the Drag Queen]

a light male voice, but Mikey's voice identifies as female. I'm not.

[Monet]

Mikey has a male voice.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think that someone, like, what's his name? He's a comedian who always does the current event comedy. Josh Jackson.

[Monet]

Jackson.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Josh Jackson.

[Monet]

I said Josh, the guy that did all the specials last year. Like 20 specials, whatever.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, Josh Jackson has a voice that's not deep, but it's higher. But I. But I. But I kind of like it.

[Monet]

I'm not really familiar, so I don't know. I don't know what Josh sounds like.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Make some noise for Josh.

[Jacob]

Jump.

[Monet]

Right.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And so then you know, Bob, that

[Monet]

is a low voice. Yeah. So then he has a. That is. That. That is a low speaking voice.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You're the expert on voices now.

[Monet]

A lot of opera singers like, oh, you weren't there. Oh, you didn't come to the opera. There was this, this guy who was in the. Her Name is Turn of Satan and Turn of Satan. Yes, Bob. His name is Turn of Satan. That is his name. Turner. Staton.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Satan.

[Monet]

Turner. Satan was in the show. And why are you saying Satan, bitch? Stay tun. Stay 10. Stay 10.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I feel like we're. I'm saying Satan. You're saying Satan.

[Monet]

Okay, anyway, wait, I'm not playing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Say the name of the guy who's in hell and then say the name of this guy back to back.

[Monet]

Satan Staten.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You're saying stay tun. That was not clear, nigga.

[Monet]

I said it 19. Can y' all please comment below? I literally said Stayton. S, T A T O N. Stayton. I said it 14 times.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You didn't spell it, but go ahead, continue.

[Monet]

I did. You are listening. Jay, can you please rewind that in slow mo? Because I did spell it out because they gathered you last night. We're talking about. Say you didn't stutter. We need to put. Okay, but never as much as you, Mitch. Can we please put that clip? Cause we did not.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But never as much as you, Mitch likes to.

[Monet]

We need to put that. Put that clip.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Never as much media. Make sure we know that

[Monet]

that's you. But so, But Turner speaks like. He speaks very resolutely. So when you, like, talk to Turner, he like, yeah, he's like, hey, Bob, how are you? But he's not doing. That's just. That's how his voice sounds. I find that I. I like a voice like that too.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think someone with a high pitched voice that I like, I don't think it has to be deep.

[Monet]

You don't. You can't name one?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, of course I can. Give me a second. Because I've heard them before. Like Zach Noe Towers has a higher pitched voice.

[Monet]

Play Zach.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Hold on. Okay. I hate looking up stuff in the name.

[Monet]

If I remember, Zach does have a. He speaks in a. He. He speaks. He has a higher pitch.

[Advertisement Voice]

Thanks.

[Monet]

Okay, so first of all, his name is Yale. Uh, which I think we can all agree is the key word. So. So you think. So you think Zach has a nice male. Ton of voice, but you don't think Mikey has a nice male. High, high male voice?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I didn't say that. I never heard.

[Monet]

You literally said earlier. I said. You said. You said. You said no. You said. You said no. Mikey. Mikey has a female voice, which is nice. But.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But I don't. I wouldn't say, like, if I heard Mikey's voice completely disembodied, I would not be like, that's. That's a. That's a guy talking.

[Monet]

I feel like Zach and Mikey are similar. If, If. If I did not know who that was, I would have thought that was a woman speaking, not Zach Noe Towers.

[Jacob]

Really?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Zach's voice?

[Monet]

This. Yes.

[Jacob]

Hold on.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Listen again,

[Monet]

like the Yale rapist.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, he. No, he's doing. He's that point. He literally did a thing. He went The.

[Monet]

He went up after that. It's healthy and active with a modicum of decorum. Bob, that sounds like Ross Matthews. That sounds like a woman speaking.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't know. To me, that sounds like a guy's voice. But anyway, I guess it's subjective. So now that we know that that guy Dee Dee is a 10. So rate my. Now give my voice a rating and then Give your voice 1.

[Monet]

I think you're neutral. I think you're right in the. You come right in the middle at five.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Five is not neutral.

[Monet]

That is in the middle. It's literally in the middle. It's neutral.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But a score. If someone told you to rate your looks, they told you 5. You wouldn't feel neutral. You'd feel like an uggo. You said, rate my looks, and they said you're like, you're a five. That's not neutral. That's in full on uggo.

[Monet]

Okay, Are we talking about. See, but the scale was not passing or failing. If the scale was 10 being, like, extremely pleasant, zero being unpleasant, five is your middle. You're neutral.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, they hear this. If someone told you, monet, I think you are a very average looking guy, you probably wouldn't be hurt. And then when you said, rape me, when they said five, you'd be like,

[Monet]

no, but that depends on what scale we're using. So now we're going from passing, failing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't think that when we talk about looks, I don't think we're talking. No one's thinking, like, passing, failing. We're just thinking one to five. And I think one is like, this person.

[Monet]

We're not talking about looks. Talking about your voice.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I know. So I'm using the same. The same concept for.

[Monet]

So you want to use that? Okay, okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The same concept for voices.

[Monet]

So I'll give you a six, then.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What are you.

[Advertisement Voice]

I don't know.

[Monet]

I don't think I have a. I think my voice is pretty neutral. I'll probably put myself, like a six or seven. I don't think my voice is.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You're a six or seven, but I'm a five or six.

[Monet]

But also. But also. But I mean, when I'm like. When I'm, like, doing a thing, like, you know, I go in more of, like, a classical thing where I'd be like, yeah, so how are you? Like, what is your.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't do that.

[Monet]

I do. When I'm doing stuff like classical.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I didn't see you. I said I could do that.

[Monet]

Let's hear it then.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, if I wanted to use a voice that was probably deeper in timbre, and I wanted to have a voice that didn't sound good.

[Monet]

Timbre.

[Jacob]

Timber.

[Monet]

Timbre, bitch.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm talking about something different. I'm talking about woods. It has woody. A woody, oaky feel to it. And obviously you wouldn't understand that because you don't have any timbre to your voice, but I don't talk that way. This is how I talk. Yeah.

[Monet]

So I'll give you a five, six, then.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm gonna give you a four.

[Jacob]

Five.

[Monet]

Okay. Do you wanna say thank you for your Jim Z that I gave you?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I wanna say that one of them came off last night and almost chipped my tooth. So, no, I don't want to say thank you. No. Bitch.

[Monet]

How did it come off? And I'm gonna ship your tooth.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The simple act of brushing my teeth.

[Monet]

Okay, to be fair, can you start

[Jacob]

at the top of the story?

[Monet]

Yes. Okay, I will start at the top of the story. Thank you, Jacob. I'm in my home, minding my business. Our friend Alfredo, I was invited. Is staying. You were not invited. Our friend Alfredo is staying here with me for.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Because of me.

[Monet]

Well, Bob invited me here, and then the day Alfredo showed it up, Bob was like, monet. Oh, no, no. So Bob told me. Alfredo's not.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Hold on, hold on.

[Monet]

I was minding my business. I'm on the phone with Bob. We're talking like we do on the phone. I'm like, what's going on? He's like, oh, free's coming to town. I was like, at work. I was like, free I was like, free should. I was like, free should stay with me. I have so much space. And Bob was like, no, he's staying with me. We're spending time together. I was like, okay, work. So then fast forward to two days later. I'm on the phone talking to Bob as we do. I think he'll call me back from the airport. I think you were home, whatever you were. And then you were like, monet. No, I was sleeping, y'.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

All.

[Monet]

It's 8:30 in the morning. I'm in my bed.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You're awake.

[Monet]

No, I was not awake.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You should be awake.

[Monet]

I was thinking. I'm a. I'm like. I'm like, mom's calling. I'm like, hello? He's like, yo, this up. I'll grease you. But they wake your ass. You are so.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

They wake your ass up.

[Monet]

What the fuck are you doing, bitch? It is 8:30 in the morning. Wake your ass up. I was like, what?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I do do that when I call

[Monet]

people in the morning. And he was like, what are you teasing about? Free staying by you? I was like, yeah, that's totally fine. He can sit with me. That's fine. He's like, okay, well, whatever. We'll do some stuff, and then we'll come at you later. They come at me later. So Free staying with me from Thursday. He got here on Thursday.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I can't remember. Yeah, maybe a Thursday through.

[Monet]

He leaves on Monday. And then. So then fast forward to again. This is Saturday night. We have a bunch of holiday parties to go to.

[Jacob]

The.

[Monet]

Bob and I are both invited to Jacob at a holiday concert. So I come home because y', all. My feet.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Cause Jacob was so good in his concert last night, y'.

[Monet]

All. It was good.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So great. They sounded really good. I mean, there's something about hearing that many people sing at once. How many people are in the chorus, Jacob, would you say?

[Jacob]

I'm gonna be fully honest.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't know.

[Jacob]

I think the thing is, we have, like, 300 members around, but some people, like, don't do certain concerts. So I don't actually know what our final tally for this show was.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It looked like over 100 people.

[Monet]

It was. Yeah, I would say definitely over 100. Also, I was looking at the program. There are members who have been there from the beginning, since 1979. They've been singing the chorus for 45 years. That is wild.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's fierce.

[Monet]

I love choral music. Choral music is, like, some of my favorite music. They sang. Y' all saw one of my favorite songs, Jacob, the Lordson oh, sure.

[Jacob]

On the shining night.

[Monet]

Love the Lordson. Love the Lordson. It's a good one. He's here.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What, Ma?

[Monet]

He was my commencement speaker at my Westminster Martin Lawrence work.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, Lordston is the composer.

[Monet]

The composer, yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Got it. And the song is called Short on the Shining Night. Yeah, got it. Okay. But, yeah. So where were you in your story?

[Monet]

Oh. So then fast forward to a Saturday night. And I had to go to a birthday party earlier that day. And y', all, I'm recovering from surgery. My feet, they get swollen so quickly. So I came back from that party. It's like 2 o', clock, 3 o' clock afternoon. I came back to home to rest my feet. And then Bob and Alfredo show up. While Alfredo was coming to rest as well, Bob barges through the door as well, uninvited by me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Knocked.

[Monet]

What?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I knocked and he came in.

[Monet]

And then Bob comes in.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And then.

[Monet]

So Bob deroves and he gets in the bed together and we're playing Smash. No, no, no. He walks in. I'm laying in the bed, y', all, with my underwear in my bed, minding my business.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Bob goes where I was in. I knocked. I did not kick it. I did not kick your door down. I knocked on the door.

[Monet]

It is literally off the hinges. Nigga, you kicked my door in.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I went, knock, knock, knock. Hello, can I come in?

[Monet]

So Bob comes in. He's like, monet, what's on your teeth?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's not how I.

[Monet]

You're like, monet, what's on your teeth? I was like, it's Gen Z's. He's like, you got, you got, you got. You got your tooth done and you didn't tell me? I was like, yeah, I did it myself. He's like, no, you didn't. I said, bobby, yes, I did. I did it myself. He was like, monet, you are lying. I was like, oh, my God. I did it myself. I was like, it's literally in the bathroom sink. So he goes. He's like, oh, you did do it yourself. He was like, can you do it for me? I was like, no, do it yourself. He's like, monet, do it for me. I was like, bob, instruction. Just do it for yourself. And then he.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You've already read the instructions.

[Monet]

So he comes over there and he's. He's feigning to do it himself. Cause I'm like, let me just fucking do it. So I put the little thing on his teeth and I put the stones on. I did it, but I was half asleep. Sorry. I Didn't do it perfectly well to your standards, bitch.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yo, yeah, now. Now I believe you did yourself because I was brushing my teeth. I was not like. I was not going in. I was like, just brush my teeth like normal, boy.

[Monet]

TT that's the time you make when you brush your teeth.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I said, what is in my. What am I chewing, bitch? I was like, this motherfucking juice. I had one here, so now I got one. Fucking asymmetrical. My head feel heavy.

[Monet]

I mean, that's what I. I did mine and mine didn't fall off so well.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Must be nice. The gym Z Tech I went to did not use the same care and consideration that you used that yours used. Maybe they. Maybe mine was right at the end of the day and they wanted to go home. Maybe that was what happened to me.

[Monet]

Do you remember that story about that guy in Atlanta that was. He's becoming. He was a veneer tech and he was like, fucking dude. People's veneers in some office that he made up this whole business about being a. Like, that is very Vampire in Atlanta. Are wild. Y' all are wild over there down in Atlanta.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I know a New Yorker didn't say nobody was. I know a New Yorker did not just crack their sparkly little Jim Z mouth to say anything about what's going on in Atlanta.

[Monet]

You literally were just saying it. And as I said it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I know you have no room to talk. In fact, let's talk about how you have no room after this break. Listen, guys, I would love for you to go to readthedragqueen.com right now and get a copy of my book, Harriet Tubman Live in Concert for pre order. The book is out in March. You can get an audible. You can buy it on Amazon. You can buy it at your local bookstore. You can buy it at Barnes and Noble. There are so many places you can buy this book. There will be an audiobook. I am doing the recording for the audiobook as well. And it would really mean a lot to me. This is a reader advanced reader's copy. So this is not the actual one. Obviously you'll be getting a. You have the option to get a hardback book. So how exciting is that?

[Monet]

You brought mine over to my house the other day.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I want a hard.

[Monet]

I don't want no soft cover. I don't like soft cover.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But I want a hardcover advanced reader's edition.

[Monet]

Okay, but when the hardcover comes, I want a hard one.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, then go to readthrowdradqueen.com and get one.

[Monet]

Bitch no.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

After all, I gotta have a hard copy.

[Monet]

Bitch, I paid for 50% of that goddamn book.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, you didn't. What the hell? I did, Monet. I don't even have a hard copy.

[Monet]

Well, when you get a hardcover, I want the first one. I want the first edition.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'll send you a link.

[Monet]

No, thank you. Bitch, I will come. You know I will come to. Do you got a merch I stolen from you? You don't even know. I will come to PG and take what I want.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And. And you think. You think I leave your house empty handed? Ha ha. Bitch, you think I just walk out the front door of your house empty handed? No, no, no, honey. You look. You look at it and take Colleen a potato.

[Monet]

Honestly, take them. Take em.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Coleen was trying to be sweet the other day. I was like, bitch, your fake ass. You so fake.

[Monet]

Yo. You're fake.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Because y'.

[Monet]

All, Colleen was being sweet to Bob and Bob literally got the phone to take a picture with her. Colleen. Colleen smelt the. The fake shit. Literally ran away when you pulled your phone out. Cause you're like, this is.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I wanted to document it. How is that fake? To document your. Your. Your. Your friendship with. With an animal?

[Monet]

Cause you fake. Cause Colin, because you don't act like that when. Cause you. You. You was gonna put on for the camera. You don't act like that when the camera's not on.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I actually. I was cuddling her and I was like, wow, she's being really nice. And then we start. And also I'm. I'm the protector of Colleen because Monet is constantly yelling at this poor cat. My niece screaming at her screaming. Which is. Which is. Makes sense with this wife. She's always screaming. She's mimicking your behavior.

[Monet]

Colleen does scream a lot.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Colleen is always screaming because you're always screaming.

[Monet]

No, that's not how it works.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's a product of her surroundings.

[Monet]

That's not how that works, boo. And Andy is.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And Andy's anxious, so potato's anxious. You see how it works Real quick? I have a. I have a. I never understood shopping addictions until online shopping.

[Monet]

TikTok.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Shop TikTok. I mean, I had a. I've had. I've had online shopping addiction for a while. To be honest, this all started with me before online. It was started with. With infomercials. I would buy anything with infomercial. Anything I have bought.

[Monet]

Are you 49?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I am 38. I bought the AB Lounge. I bought the Express one on one. I bought the Magic Bullet. I bought The Ab Roller. I bought the. I mean, can't even keep up. If it. If it had an infomercial, I would purchase it.

[Monet]

Yeah, I was never. I think infomercials will be for myself. I mean, infomercials were obviously going on when I. But not when I was. Not when I could buy things. I feel like I've never. And infomercials are still going on, but the popularity of them has since waned, especially since online shopping has become more accessible. And a lot. Everyone does it. But I was never an infomercial. Girly.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

In infomercial, they go for hours. Hours. And, like, so pretty much late at night on certain channels, all they had was infomercials.

[Monet]

Yeah, it would be like.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, same infomercial. Back to back to back to back. Or the same three. So you see, like, Billy Mays.

[Monet]

Billy Mays was what. He was the food guy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

He was Oxiclean.

[Monet]

Oxiclean.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And he might have been. And then. And then you had the shamwow guy, whose name I can't remember.

[Monet]

He died too. All of them died.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I know. I don't think that. I don't think the shamwow guy's dead.

[Monet]

Something happened to the shamwow. It was a thing I remember seeing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And then you have the lady from Express 101.

[Monet]

What the fuck is Express 101 VPN.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Express 101 is like these. It's like a. Imagine a George Foreman grill, but it's actually not a press. It's like a little bitty. A little bitty oven. So you can actually make. Oh, my God. I want to get an Express 101 again so bad. This thing was so amazing. You could put. You could basically make two little personalized cakes.

[Monet]

Okay. Yeah. The Shamwell guy was arrested for beating. For beating up a prostitute.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Damn.

[Monet]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

All right. You can make cakes. Like a personalized cake, like this big. Not a cupcake. Imagine basically two cupcakes side by side.

[Jacob]

But it's like this.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And you can make them. So that way if you.

[Jacob]

If you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If you want to have cake, but you don't want to be cutting and chopping the cake, or if you want to save the batter, you can just make one little cake at a time.

[Monet]

That's so that's all it did was make cakes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It also made omelets. It made a. It can make a chicken. A chicken parm.

[Monet]

It can.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I made a cordon bleu.

[Monet]

Cordon bleu is. I was just talking to someone about cordon bleus. I can get because of school lunch. Cordon bleus have. Will always be nasty to me because they used to have them and it wasn't only me. A lot of us had this experience. They used to put the chicken cordon bleu available for lunch in schools, and it was always nasty. That's when you have the chicken stuffed with like ham in it or something. And cheese.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, it's breaded chicken with ham and cheese in it.

[Monet]

Yeah, chicken cordon bleu. I don't. I don't care if I go to a fucking Michelin gourmet, five star whatever. It will always be nasty to me every time.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Can I make you a turkey chicken cordon bleu?

[Monet]

No, I don't want no cord on nothing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You don't want to cordon anything. What about you? You got a cord on your microphone. So you never purchased any infomercial ever?

[Monet]

Never. Never. I think, I think one thing that I did, this was like right, like right after, right after college, my grandmother purchased for me. I got the six week beach body makeover. Did you. Do you remember this?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was, I was P90X.

[Monet]

No, this was. It wasn't a workout thing. It was a food thing. You order this food thing. They sent you like these meal plans and these meal kits.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That feels like. Did you ask for it?

[Monet]

No, I asked for it. I wanted it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm gonna say. Because someone, if someone bought me a beach, I'd be like,

[Monet]

yeah, the sissy bought a makeover. So I never, I never been. I was never an informal infomercial girly. I did do insanity. But I didn't buy it on infomercial. I bought it like, I think just at the website. I think that at that point websites were a thing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I bought P90X hard. Now I'm on the TikTok shop Monet. I'd be buying stuff. Why do I need this? Oh my God.

[Monet]

Is that the measuring tape?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's the measuring tape. I bought it, girl. This thing is a game change. Monet, this walk. Monet, Monet got that waddle, honey, waddle, waddle, baby.

[Monet]

I bought it too.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This makes fittings a breeze.

[Monet]

I mean, does it though, for me?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Cause it makes measuring your waist easier. You don't. I mean, how big is your wrist? Mine is four inches.

[Monet]

Impossible. You're such a liar.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, it is, Bob.

[Monet]

There is no way your wrist is fucking four inches.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes, it is.

[Monet]

No, because your wrist is at least seven. Let me see.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Can you see it?

[Monet]

No, I can't see it. But Bob, there's No way. Your wrist is 70. We wear the same outfits and our sleeves fit the same.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Five.

[Monet]

What?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Five bob.

[Monet]

That's impossible. We wear the same.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Look at the fucking numbers, bitch. My wrist is five inches. Like a little over five bob.

[Monet]

Let me see the other side.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Show me yours.

[Monet]

You are so full of shits. You are such a liar.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You was really. You was really like, what is happening?

[Monet]

I was like. I was like, how many. I was like, how much weight have you lost? Did you lose a whole godd. 4 inches is crazy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

How much is your wrist?

[Monet]

7.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

My wrist is 7 inches. Give me your neck. My neck?

[Monet]

I think my neck is maybe 16. No, 17.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Are we the same size all over?

[Monet]

I think so. Oh, no. I mean, but this is, like choking me, though. This is.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, that's the size of your neck. Your neck is not meant to be. It's the measure of your neck. Oh, I'm.

[Monet]

I'm 15 and what, like a 15 and a quarter?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm 16 and a half.

[Monet]

Damn, nigga, you be swole.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't think my neck is swole now. You really want to get. You really want to outdo me? Measure that head.

[Monet]

Oh, I know my head is big.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If you really want to. If you really want to show me up, measure that noggin gag.

[Monet]

You want the gag when we have the same motherfucking size sitting here.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm not taking my headpiece off because my hair is looking crazy.

[Monet]

I'm 23. I'm 23 and a quarter.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Mine says 23 as well.

[Monet]

Okay, so you got the same wrist I got. You got the same neck I got. Nigga got the same head I got. Then shut up.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, no, mine says 23. Yeah, 23.

[Monet]

Oh, wait, no, mine is 17.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This. Shut the fuck up. But yeah, this thing is great. It helps. It helps for me. It helps. It helps fittings. Cause I can measure myself. I don't have to have someone else. There's parts I can't reach. You can't see. You don't have to hold it. This has made my life easier when

[Monet]

it comes to this. I bought it. I've never used it. But here's the thing about TikTok Shop. TikTok Shop shopping is that once you get it, that's it. If it don't work, either you donate or try to resell it to someone. Because I don't know how to return anything on TikTok.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I bought something that was broken. I got something that came fully broken. I bought a camera. First of all, not the Camera I ordered. Not the camera I ordered at all. And it broke upon opening it. I bought this thing. I saw this thing online. This measures your grip strength. And there was a thing where people were at this house party, or it was like a Christmas party or Thanksgiving party or something, and everyone was just passing around the family, see who has the best. It's called the Handexter, by the way. Y'.

[Monet]

All.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This is not me telling you, go buy me this stuff. I'm just sharing with you my absurd. I was thinking, wouldn't it be fun to go to a party and everyone pass around the grip strength tester?

[Monet]

No.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

They were having fun in the video. You tell me about you telling me about this.

[Jacob]

Let's bring it to Monet and Andy's Christmas party.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And then Monet won't use it, because Monet would be like, it's not everyone. Everyone would be cackling and having fun. Monet would be like, I don't think it's fun, and I'm not gonna do it. So when I bring this to the Christmas party, don't touch it.

[Monet]

Let us have fun.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Let us have fun. I won't touch it.

[Monet]

Y' all know Bob, dude, Bob will make me want to do it like Monet. I wanna see how strong you are. You will make me do it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, no. When we're doing it, I won't even talk to you. Just let us let everyone at the party have fun.

[Monet]

Perfect.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And you sit in the corner.

[Monet]

Perfect.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And watch us with Handexter.

[Monet]

You are so. Wait, what? What? What do you. And what food are you and Jacob bringing to the Christmas party? Cause last year, both of y' all came in hand swinging. Y' all got. The invite said, bring a meal.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Chips.

[Monet]

What?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We bought some chips.

[Monet]

No, the invite says to bring a cooked meal.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Someone cooked.

[Jacob]

No, the partyful invite says, are you bring. Planning on bringing food? If so, what are you going to bring?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So do you even know what you

[Jacob]

wrote so you can say, no, I'm not planning on bringing food.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And it also doesn't say hand. It doesn't say cooked. It says food. So do you know what your own invite says? Who wrote the invite? Andy did.

[Monet]

Not me. Clearly, there will be an amendment going out on this thing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, we already ordered our chips on a TikTok shop.

[Monet]

Oh, this reminds me, y'. All.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I bought a few things I want to show you.

[Monet]

Wait, hold on, hold on. Lifey Life in is coming. My tour is coming to the United States of America and Canada starting January. So if you want to see me, y', all, this show is riveting. It's entertaining. It's funny, it's sad. It's all those things. So you want to see me do my one. One show? Lifely life and. Cause these really are the last days. Bob, make fun of me. I've teased. These really, really, really are the last time I'm doing the show in January. So make sure you go to monations.com to get tickets to see me live in your city.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's a marketing tactic. She says this to you all because you'll believe, because you keep believing in it. Monet is not done with this show. Monae is doing this. She's playing. She's playing, y'. All. I would never do this to my fans.

[Monet]

This came. This came yesterday.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But you should go to the show.

[Monet]

I got the Juvia's place powders because someone's talking about how amazing they were, and, girl, let me tell you something. I would. I just. I just. I have so much thing. So many things from TikTok. It's insane.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Juvia's place like that. Okay, how about this?

[Monet]

I bought it. I didn't send. I bought it myself.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

They're from TikTok. I was saying they sell on TikTok.

[Monet]

Yeah, yeah. TikTok. Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This is my dumbest purchase.

[Monet]

What. What is it?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What does it look like to you?

[Monet]

A museum, but like a. A pov. I don't fucking know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Describe what you're looking at.

[Monet]

It looks like. It looks like a museum with, like, haunted pieces of art. The Girl with the Pearl Earrings, Van Gogh, Starry Night. And when you move it, it changes the perspective. Not the perspective, but the. The. Yeah, your perspective shifts. How the picture.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

How deep do you think this thing is?

[Monet]

I know it's. It's just a picture, but I think it's just.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

How deep do you think it is? Like, how deep do you think it goes?

[Monet]

Like. Like what I'm seeing or how physically how deep it is?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Physically, like, what are you seeing? What? Describe the shape you're looking at right now.

[Monet]

It's a square or it's a cube. Oh, you can change the colors in it. That's cool. Um, and it looks like it goes back maybe like, 20ft, but the box is probably, I'm sure, only like, an inch deep. Oh, it's a little cone.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Isn't that cool? Is it that cool?

[Monet]

Wait, did you turn it around? Wait, go back the other way and turn it face forward to me. No, no.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, like this?

[Monet]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Wait, so

[Bob the Drag Queen]

what it's gagging. See, this was not a waste of money.

[Jacob]

Wait, turn it to the left and right.

[Monet]

That's okay. That is cool. That's fucking cool, dude.

[Jacob]

See?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Thank you for validating that and not waste my money. This came. It looks better on camera than it does in person. It's kind of like, girl, I can see what's happening, but on camera it is.

[Monet]

So that's cool.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Gaggy.

[Monet]

Okay, that's cool. Okay, you ate. You ate that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But I don't know how to get it to mount to my wall.

[Monet]

Oh, my God.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, my God. Look how cool that looks.

[Monet]

Yeah, that's cool. I was watching a video about how, like, things like that are just, like, you know. Let's take a break. I'll tell you about the video I saw.

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[Monet]

Every style, every home. Yeah, guys, if you are in the.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If you're in Europe, anywhere in Europe, please come see me on tour. You can go to seethedradragqueen.com to get tickets to come see me. And not to mention, y', all, the tickets are selling really well. Except in Paris. Paris? Why y' all don't see me?

[Monet]

Cause niggas in Paris. So you know to open the show, you gotta go ball so hard.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Apparently ain't no N s in Paris. What the hell going on up here? Paris and Warsaw. Y' all are trying to play me. First of All Zagreb, y' all went crazy. I did not know I had this many fans in Croatia. Thank you so, so much, Paris. I'm disappointed. And the last thing I want to show you from the TikTok chat that I bought that is just like. I'm so terrified of these.

[Monet]

What? Oh, God. You came over to my house. Wait, did you charge them? Do they work?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

They're charged.

[Monet]

Can you do it right now? Can you give us a test on camera?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, Free said that he would do them first. I'm scared.

[Monet]

So, you know. Yeah. Tell them what it is.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If you see the hoverboard, this is two individual hoverboards for each foot, Bob.

[Monet]

They're called es. They're called skates. They're literally skates. You describe them. Skates, Bob. Like. Okay, it's like a skateboard, but it's an individual skateboard for each foot. No, bitch, it's a skate.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This can't be safe.

[Monet]

It sounds incredibly unsafe.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If your feet were. Well, would you do it? Yes, it's incredibly unsafe. Sign me up. This is. I am.

[Monet]

So how do they adhere to your feet? Are there a strap or anything?

[Advertisement Voice]

They don't.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You just stand on them and people.

[Monet]

And in the video, do people make it look easy?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Some people do, some people don't. I mean, there's a video of Mike Tyson falling off of one, like, busting his ass.

[Monet]

Not these.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

He was doing on the. On the hoverboard. Like, he just fell and just busted his shit. The back of his head.

[Monet]

Got it. Yeah. I. I mean, this. I've also bought. I bought a lot of nails. I have a lot of TikTok nails.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, my. I can't even. Did I put you under the nails?

[Monet]

No. I mean, I think because you told me about them. They popped into my algorithm, and then I saw one. I was like, oh. And then. But I always go to see.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You must have looked it up. Your phone's not listening to me. You must have looked it up.

[Monet]

They don't just. No, probably happens all the time. Pat and I were talking about buttons the other day. Now I'm getting fucking targeted Instagram ads for buttons. I'm like, I've never searched for fucking buttons. Allegedly.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Alle has been disproven.

[Monet]

Well, then how does that happen? Then?

[Jacob]

You.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

At some point, you probably. You. You probably search for a nail. I mean, you're a drag queen. You probably search for a nail.

[Monet]

Some of the buttons, specifically, with me and Patty, we're talking about buttons for this outfit. Goodoy is making me we talked about it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, when you talked about it, did you just quick. Did you quickly google buttons? Because you know the companies are all sharing. They're all selling information to each other.

[Monet]

No, Patty. Maybe Patty made me look for it. Cuz we're. He was looking on his. On his Amazon and then that same night maybe.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Maybe your Amazon is linked to his. Maybe he was looking through your Amazon. That's probably what it was, girl.

[Monet]

Anyway, yes, I have a lot of TikTok nails. I love me a TikTok nail.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Now I have.

[Monet]

They're here to mitts though sometimes they are too. The large ones are like I'm. This is not a large.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, that's true. Jacob. Jake. I put a. I put a nail on Jacob this morning. I don't know if he still has

[Monet]

it on like a. A cunty nail.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, a cunty has TikTok nail.

[Monet]

Well, Jake a. Jake probably extra small.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Girl. My. It's on his thumb. And let's just say it's not a thumbnail. I gagged. Are you wearing the nail now?

[Jacob]

I'm not. I took it off.

[Monet]

But I've always been a shopper. I like shopping. Recently I've got really recently because, you know, I. I used to be a luxury shopper, girl. I mean I'm not used to. Me, I still am. But I found out about the whole scam with these luxury bags. Did you hear about this?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No.

[Monet]

So specifically Dior. Dior, you know, is a. Is a luxury brand. You know, whatever. And there's this Lux. It's in my house. I'm not. My feet are not. Well, I can't. I should have brought some stuff. Anyway, it's a Dior bag. It retails like it retails for $4,200. Right. Come to find out, the bag cost them like $50 to make.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. Okay.

[Monet]

I knew luxury bags, I knew they didn't cost that much to make. But I was thinking maybe like with the attention to detail on stuff and the materials, at least you're looking at at least like 500 to 1,000.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And on this day, Monet figured out what late stage capitalism was. Yeah, Monet.

[Monet]

The markup on that is crazy. $50 to $4200.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Monet. Think about the sodas you drink at restaurants or the soda you buy them a can. The bottle costs more than the soda.

[Monet]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The bottle that the soda is stored in cost them more money to make than the soda itself.

[Monet]

That I knew. But I think with like, you know,

[Bob the Drag Queen]

and they turn around and sell it to you for a buck 75 with

[Monet]

luxury brands, you think about like leathers and like all these things that come into play, that these are like goods that cost a bit more. I just thought, I did not in my mind think that it will cost $50 to make this bag.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But because there are such expensive, I mean such large corporations, what they are doing is constantly, constantly, constantly trying to figure out how to spend less money. And, and again, it's not always ethical. So if someone is making a bag for $50 and selling, I assure you the bag's not being made. The bag might be made in one hour. I, I doubt it. However. But there's, that's what I mean when I talk about heavy exploitation, that's the kind of exploitation I'm talking about. So obviously Dior is not going to be like, if someone's like, I found a way to take your bag from being $400 to $50, they're gonna take it.

[Monet]

And like, and again and like sometimes. And so then I'm like, bitch, for all these like luxury bags I have, I should just go and buy the fucking knockoff bags. Like why do you know that a

[Bob the Drag Queen]

lot of times they're actually made in the same factories.

[Monet]

I know that's. I heard that too. And I was like, yo. I mean, but has that really been proven though? I've, I've heard that rumor for a long time. But is it. Has that been debunked?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I've never proven it. I've not done my own research as they say. But allegedly, honey, allegedly.

[Monet]

I mean with my Cartier drew, right. I bought. Yeah, I have, I have a bunch of some, some Cartier stuff and I got stolen. It got all. Got stolen in Jan. In this past summer and I don't think I've.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You.

[Monet]

You knew about it? I don't think I was. Anyway, it got stolen in January, in, in June and I'm like, we talked

[Bob the Drag Queen]

about it on the airtag episode.

[Monet]

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. And then, and then I purchased some new pieces and I'm like now I was looking up like the resale value of like high end luxury jewelry and like basically I, I discovered it makes more sense to go to my own jeweler and get like, find a jeweler that I like and get something made similar. Like. Cause not the same. You can't get the same thing made. Cause I think there's some type of trademarks and copyrights, whatever you can get. Like example, if you want the juiced un clou, which is the nail bracelet, like you can't go to a jeweler. I mean, I guess you. There is a jeweler that will make that exact same thing, but you can. It makes more sense to just find a jeweler and get something similar made because then what you're paying better. You're. Because for Cartier you're paying for the name. You're pay. You're. Cause the retail value of like a heavy starter. A Cartier love Bracelet costs about $8,000, right? But it really, you just look at the raw material, the gold and the diamonds. It really cost, should cost about $3,000, but you're paying that extra $5,000 just for the name Cartier, which is crazy. Just go to a jeweler and get your own fucking bangle made.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I feel like I told you this, but I'm duped.

[Monet]

But I've been drinking the Kool Aid for so long.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But what I, but I told. I feel like I told you this.

[Monet]

No, I don't think you told me that specifically.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, I mean I will say, I will buy a luxury bag and when I say luxury, I, I'm not talking like a, a Christian Dior or a, or a, or a. I would.

[Monet]

You wanted a Birkin, you Bob, you do. You did want a Birkin at one point.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I might buy a Birkin, but, but I've not. But I've never actually, I've never actually gone through with the, with the purchase. Whenever I look at the price, I always get sticker shock. I'm like, this is just so expensive. I've never been able to actually bring myself to actually purchase a Birkin bag. But I will buy like a, like a, like a, a luxury fanny pack. I, I do buy luxury fanny packs because one, the ones that I have bought have lasted really long. I used to buy the cheap ones and they would just, they would just always fall apart. And when I buy the one from like Gucci, they will rep. The Gucci one is much less expensive than some of the other ones. And they, they just, they replace it.

[Monet]

Yeah, if. Yeah. Well, I have, I have a few out of a few Gucci backpacks that the strap would always pop and you just take it to the Gucci store and they'll replace it free. For free. Like they don't like because it shouldn't be always popping. I know that's what was the ones. It was that, you know that, that neon green one I had. You probably don't remember anyway, I had to get that replaced through them four times. But now I bought, I bought the army green one. And that one has never popped, so it must be something with the type of leather they used for the neon green one.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I'm not really, I'm not really, I mean I'm, I like to spend, I like to buy things, but I'm not really like a, like the other day, meanwhile. This was crazy. Oh God.

[Monet]

What stops you be like me and Monet, then you stop and say this is crazy. I'm like, what fucking. What you about to say?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I told Monet, I was like, I think my next car is going to be a Mercedes or maybe.

[Monet]

Oh my God.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's all I said, my next car. I think my next car would be either a Mercedes or Alexis Monet.

[Monet]

Okay, you already like, you didn't say Lexus, you said Mercedes to me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, you didn't let me finish. Cause Monat jumped in with, great, let's go tomorrow. I said tomorrow, bitch. My car, my car is works, My car is fully functioning. I have a fully functioning car. Moni said, I know, but you can get like a better car. I said, I like my car. Monee. My car doesn't even have 20,000 miles on it.

[Monet]

You get a good trade in value for it then.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But my, there's, but why would I get rid of my car? There's nothing wrong with my car.

[Monet]

I mean, but in 4000, in four years, you could probably be looking at a whole new different car. I mean, I traded my car in and it was fine too.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You didn't own your car.

[Monet]

Yeah, so, Right, so it's a God. But I could have extended it in

[Bob the Drag Queen]

on a car you don't own.

[Monet]

I still had a year on my lease though.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But when it was like, yeah, girl, let's get rid of that piece of shit. I said, oh, when I said right now, I was like, this is crazy. That sounds crazy.

[Monet]

Anyway, so I think you just, but okay, you're gonna wait until, for four more years, you get 50,000 more miles on it and then what? Then what you concentrated in.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I didn't say that like I have not come with a plan. I just said my next car. Like my car, y'. All, there's nothing. My car does not need a tune up, it don't need a flip flop, it don't need a flim flam. My car is literally 16,000 miles. I rarely ever drive it. It's in great condition. I rarely use it, I rarely money like driving in the river.

[Monet]

Well, you know, yeah, I mean, I, I, I, I, I, I enjoy shopping. Shopping is fun. And I mean everything I Learned about luxury stuff. Is that good? I mean, if I, I think it's deterred me from certain things, but I think jewelry is a safe investment. Yes. Sometimes you're paying a little bit for the name, but until I find a jeweler, I just have to, you know, pony up and get the things. Until you find a good. How do you find a respected jeweler, one that you like, know and can like love and trust? I don't fucking know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't believe in this resale value thing of jewelry.

[Monet]

What do you mean?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like, why would I buy your old ass Cartier bracelet? I can just go buy a brand new one for Lux.

[Monet]

But that's not how it works. You sell it so they can. Why you want to buy it like with the material. Cause then they melt it down. That's why you just want the cost of what the gold is. Right.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm not saying everyone thought like with the resale value of this, everyone's like, this is an investment. Why would I want to buy your old ass bracelet when I can just buy.

[Monet]

That's what I'm saying. But you're not buying like if, if I go sell my bracelet. You're not buying a bracelet. Like when you sell it to a place, they melt the gold down. So you're paying for the value of the gold.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

People are like, this was an investment like this. I can give this to like, like, like people are talking like the, they talk about their bracelets as if their bracelets will accuse, will they will gain value.

[Monet]

Yeah, no, that's, I don't think that's what they're referring to. I think they're saying like this because.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So what's the point of buying an

[Monet]

expensive bracelet because you want the cost of the gold. That's what I'm saying. It's stupid. It's stupid to buy a name brand thing. You should just buy, go to a jeweler again. And if you go to a jeweler who makes it, there is going to be a little markup. Right. They're not going to sell it to you for exactly what the gold costs. They're going to mark it up so they make a profit. But it's going to be, instead of it being $8,000 for a love bracelet, you may be paying $5,000 for something that should have cost three. So there's a $2,000 discrepancy, roughly.

[Jacob]

I also think the investment thing, part of it is true and then part of it is kind of like a marketing scam. Like for example, if you have like an old Tiffany or like an old Cartier watch from like the 1960s, like an older one. Those pieces are vintage and those pieces will be much higher than the piece they cost. So there is like vintage jewelry that if you got back at the time, is an investment because you get money from that because those pieces exist. A lot of other jewelers will try to upsell you being like, oh, yeah, yeah. This Cartier bracelet that it's an investment. Like in 50 years, it's gonna be a vintage Cartier piece and everyone's gonna want one. But that's not necessarily the case anymore because everyone is doing that now.

[Monet]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Which is what I was saying. Cause like, when you buy your bracelets, you were like, you call it an investment. I don't understand how it's an investment

[Monet]

because I was investing in like the cost of the gold. But like, also because. But also, if I was to sell

[Bob the Drag Queen]

it, you could just buy the gold.

[Monet]

For example, this one right. When you buy that, it gets so many scratches on it. So it's not like who would want a scratched up bracelet. So that's what I was just saying.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But if it's really an investment in the gold, you could just go buy an ounce of gold.

[Jacob]

Yeah, but it's also pretty. You could buy an ounce of gold and a hat, sit in your closet, or you could have an ounce of gold as like a watch, a ring, a thing that you can wear around and have it be pretty.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Monet's saying it is an investment. The ounce of gold in your closet will actually be much more valuable than the ounce of gold of a bracelet. Because if you're selling an actual ounce of gold, the people don't have to worry about labor of melting it down, turning into something else. It's already. It's already in a chunk.

[Monet]

It's okay. So it's an investment you can wear. Right. Because I'm not going to have a chunk of. I'm not going to walk around with a gold brick in my hand, be like, oh, look what I have. But I will wear a bracelet and be like, oh, gold.

[Jacob]

It's a combination. It's true. It is not as much of an investment as just buying an ounce, but it's a combination investment and a thing you can wear.

[Monet]

So how much is an ounce of gold?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

$2,662.74.

[Monet]

And let's see. Okay, let me see how many. Let's look at how many ounces in my love bracelet. Hold on.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I would see. I would guess that your Your bracelet is probably half an ounce of 0.7, maybe less than that in maybe 0.75 ounces.

[Monet]

Love bracelet. Let's see if I'm looking. Carney love bracelet has. Okay. Weighs around 32 grams. How much? How many fucking ounces? In a grammar.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

How many ounces are In a gram?

[Advertisement Voice]

One gram is equivalent to 0.0353 ounces.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

0.035.

[Monet]

So 32 times what? 0.32.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Girl, that's not even. That's not even one tenth of a.

[Monet]

Of a. Wait, well, that's a. No, you're.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, no, no, no, no. Am I saying an ounce of. Gram. Ounce of.

[Monet]

Wait, how many grams? How many ounces are. How many. How many?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, my God, we're about to get a nosebleed.

[Monet]

How many grams make up an ounce? That's what you're trying to find out.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

One gram. Wait, how many. How many. How much. How many grams do you have? Wait, am I saying it? Wait, do you buy an ounce of gold or you buy a gram. You buy an ounce of gold?

[Monet]

I don't know. Probably. No, you probably buy a gram of gold, I would imagine.

[Jacob]

I just said.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I said it a second ago. You buy an ounce of gold. Gold is really in ounces. So how many grams do you have?

[Monet]

32 grams.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, hold on.

[Monet]

Well, 32.4.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

32 grams of gold is not.

[Monet]

Sorry. No, no, no, no, no, no. I have this high 20. It's 37 gold.

[Jacob]

So it's about three quarters of an ounce.

[Monet]

Is it.

[Jacob]

That's what. That's what I. Yes, I believe so.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So you have about. So you. What you actually have is a so and so. 75%. What is 75?

[Jacob]

75 to 80%. It may be closer to. It's around.

[Monet]

No, this is. This is 38 grams. And that is 1.3 ounces. It's 1.3 ounces.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What. What's going on here? How many. Wait, freeze.

[Monet]

This bracelet.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

How many grams you have?

[Monet]

This bracelet is 38 grams. 38 grams equals 1.3.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

38 grams is how many ounces of gold?

[Monet]

1.3.

[Advertisement Voice]

38 grams is equal to 1.34 ounces.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

1.34 ounces. So you have in 1.3. So 1.3 times four times. Wait, hold on. One point. Oh, 1.34.

[Monet]

Well, actually should be 2.6.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I have 2x2662. That's $3,800 worth of. Worth of gold for.

[Monet]

For one bracelet.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

For one bracelet.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's 30. That's. That's that's 300 worth of gold.

[Monet]

Okay. And you put in labor and like the name. So that's why they market it. So, so, so just bare. Bare materials. You have 33. $3,800. But you put in. You add in labor, then you put in the name brand. That's why it gets the crazy price it is.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But I guess what I'm saying is if you took that honestly, I would have started trending. I'm going to buy one ounce of gold, put it on a cheap rope and wear that.

[Monet]

Okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I. And it's going to catch on. I'm going to. I don't know. I don't know where the hell I'm going to buy an ounce of gold. I wouldn't even know where to find an ounce of gold.

[Monet]

I'm sure you can just go to a place. I mean, I don't think you can just go buy. I mean, it won't cost $3,800.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Buy gold. If I want to go buy gold

[Monet]

anywhere you go buy. And it's not going to cost. They're going to mark it up wherever you buy it from. Not unless you go to a mine and go mine it yourself. Like you're going. You're going to play a markup to buy the gold.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, I don't think that's true.

[Monet]

Yes, it is. So someone did all the work. Someone did all the work to mine and clean and get the gold, and they're going to sell it to you at market value.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think that this price, all that's included in the price.

[Monet]

I don't know if that's true. We're completely. You're completely guessing that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, you're guessing too, bitch. Can we have that conversation? Okay. Ampex is selling me an. You can buy an ounce of gold at Walmart.

[Monet]

I don't trust that gold.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm driving to the Walmart in motherfucking Burbank. I'm gonna get me an ounce of gold. It costs $2,700. I'm gonna wrap it. That. That is an investment.

[Monet]

Oh, God,

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Honey. That's how you invest. Now I need to find one of those hippies to wrap it in twine.

[Monet]

You gotta take it out $2700 and wrap it in some fucking twine from Trader Joe's.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I'm going to go to Home Depot or I'm going to go to. You know. You know, I was going to. I'm going to walk over to the

[Monet]

craft section at Walmart.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

At Walmart, y'. All Next. Next time y' all see me on this podcast, I will be wearing my ounce of gold necklace.

[Monet]

Must be nice. Just flexing on the girls. Just flexing on the girls. Your ounce of gold is around your neck.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Next time you all see me on this podcast, I'll be wearing my. My investment.

[Monet]

And if y' all ever thought Bob wasn't part of the 1%, he just flexed on y' all right in this thing with his fucking 1% ass.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Monet. Put your wrist down.

[Monet]

Put your 1% ass.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Put your wrist down. I'm just gonna.

[Monet]

Rolling. I had to work hard for what I had, okay?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I had to.

[Monet]

I saved up for years to get my motherfucking jewelry.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Just gonna float over that. I'm just going to float over that one. But, yeah, I think that, you know, the truth is I don't own any gold. I don't own any expensive jewelry at all.

[Monet]

You don't have anything?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I have a pair of Versace earrings. You brought me in a ring.

[Monet]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's all I have.

[Monet]

Really? So what do you just not. Are you just not into jewelry because you. I mean, you wear jewelry?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I got piece of jewelry on right now.

[Monet]

Yeah, but you just not into, like, metals or, like, expensive metals.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Spending a lot of money on jewelry seems crazy to me. Like, spending that much money on jewelry to me seems crazy.

[Monet]

What do you. What do you spend a lot of money on? What is something that you spend a lot of money on?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

My home electronics. My family.

[Jacob]

Plane tickets for twinks.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Jacob, you're not a twink anymore. But once upon a time, Jacob, that is true. And experiences like Broadway shows or. I don't go to that many concerts.

[Monet]

Yeah, I was watching this thing, this. I forgot who it was. It was some point in some celebrity person, they were saying, like, how, like, you know. You know, they worked really hard in their career and they don't spend a lot of extra shit because, like, you know, it's always a fear that it might go away, whatever. And I'm like, you know, yes, that is a fear that I think everyone who's an artist who creates their own art and who, like. Who lives like us. But I'm like, I also don't wanna live a life where I don't experience going to concerts. I really wanna go to, like, or going to Broadway shows or buying things I want because I'm like, God forbid, I want to die tomorrow. Like, I wanna also just enjoy the things that we work so hard for. Like, you know, when you were on the road for three Months. And I was home for one month a day out of those three months. Like, I worked really hard. And also to take care of my family, which I do. But also to be able to go to New York to go see Gypsy because they're opening. I really want to go see the show. And I love Audrey McDonald, you know what I mean? So I. I do like spending on experiences and stuff like that too.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Also, this necklace. This is an actual cheetah tooth from a cheetah shark. They bred a cheetah and a shark. And this is one of the actual teeth.

[Monet]

Okay, all right, let's move on. Can you. Can you take anything seriously?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You're not interested in a cheetah? See, this is why you don't like genetics. Let's see. You know what? Whatever. Don't worry about it.

[Monet]

You can't say anything.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Seriously, if biology is annoying to you, then I'll just shut the hell up. If advances in biology.

[Monet]

First of all, you cannot mix species. You cannot mix a fish and a mammal. That's not how that works. Now, you could have maybe had us if you said a cheetah and a cheetah and a dolphin or cheetah and a whale. Cause those are mammals.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't think a shark is a fish.

[Monet]

A shark is a fish. 100%. This is not a fanatic.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

A shark is a fish.

[Monet]

A shark is a fish. It is not this literally. Yes, there is nothing you can.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes, a shark, a fish.

[Monet]

Correct.

[Jacob]

Yes, sharks are fish.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Fish with a cartilaginous skeleton. Oh, sharks are fish.

[Monet]

So now if you said a whale or a dolphin, I'd have been like,

[Bob the Drag Queen]

no, you can mix shark. No, they're mixed a shark and a. I'm. I'm wearing the tooth. I'm literally wearing the tooth. I have evidence.

[Monet]

I think you along in the tooth trying to make it that up.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's not what long in the tooth means. It means you're old.

[Monet]

Yeah. Old people should be wise and you're wise.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know where long the tooth came from?

[Monet]

From shark tooth?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

From horses teeth.

[Monet]

Do they have long teeth?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, the only way to really tell a horse's age at a certain like is kind of their teeth. That's why I say you never look a gift horse in the mouth.

[Monet]

You never look a what?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You never looked a gift horse in the mouth.

[Monet]

A gift horse?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. The thing is, you never look a gift horse in the mouth.

[Monet]

What does that mean?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Meaning if someone. If someone is gifting you a horse, you don't be like, and how old Is it? Let me check. Just take it. Just take the gift.

[Monet]

That's such a strange. Like, if someone gave me a horse. The age is the last thing I'm considering.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's why they say you never look a gift horse in the mouth. You agree with the saying, but I wouldn't.

[Monet]

But I'm saying I wouldn't.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, Monet, you get it. Then you're on the same page as the thing. What they're saying is when. When you give someone a gift and they start inspecting it and going all over it and. And trying to see what's wrong with it, they're saying, you're ungrateful. Just take the gift.

[Monet]

Well, maybe the saying should say, you never see how fast a gift horse can run. Cause that's what I've been concerned with. That's what I've been looking for. I'm like, well, how fast can it run?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But it's a gift, right?

[Monet]

But not the age is not the concern. It's how fast it can run is what I'm saying.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But what I'm saying is, it's a gift.

[Monet]

Yes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So just take the gift or decline it. One of the two. Don't start expecting it.

[Monet]

When you get gifts, you n. I give you things, and you ask questions.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like what?

[Monet]

When I gifted you these, your fucking gemsies, you asked me all these questions, Monet, Are you doing it right? Monet, Are you sure it'll last that long? Monet, for the Louisville. It was a gift, nigga. You asked me questions.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

First of all, you were gluing something to my face, so, yeah, I just said, are they even? And I think I asked, too. I said, are they even? I wasn't saying, are you doing it right? I just said, are they even? I said, these feel uneven. Monet's adding questions. I said, are you doing. I said, are they even? They feel uneven. And by the way, oh, also, I bought these. I bought these from TikTok Shop, which is probably my new favorite purchase.

[Jacob]

What?

[Monet]

What am I looking at? I can't.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I love these.

[Monet]

I can't.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

How cute are these?

[Monet]

Not very.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

These are my house Crocs for the holiday season. I'm obsessed. But I was not asking you tons of questions. I just asked if they were even.

[Monet]

What you did do is I was sitting on the bed, and Bob goes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I said. And I said, thank you.

[Monet]

No. Then you. Then before I started, he sticks his finger in my mouth. He like, oh, yeah, you got a little glue on that one.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I said, oh, I did not touch your teeth. Yes, you did. I did not touch your teeth. You're making that up. Okay, so I did not stick my finger in your mouth. You're making that up.

[Monet]

What did you do?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I looked and I pointed, but I did not touch your teeth. I never made physical. I would not stick my fingers in your mouth. That doesn't even sound something I would do as a joke.

[Monet]

Okay, you did it after you stick them in my pussy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Let's see. Now you're doing a bit like my shark tooth. Like my cheetah tooth.

[Monet]

So you admit that was a bit.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, it wasn't a bit. This was. You thought it. One of the things you thought it was a bit. This is actual science, and you're a science denier.

[Monet]

So Andy and I went to Cabo and we swam with whale sharks. Would you ever do something like that? Oh, no. You can't swim.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't get in the water.

[Monet]

Yeah, yeah, you don't swim. You got in the hot tub the other day. That was nice.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But I didn't get in the pool section.

[Monet]

Yeah, just the hot tub. And I told Bob I would teach him how to swim. And he's like, everybody, every time I buy a bottle of water, a body of water, they're gonna teach you how to swim.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Bottle of water. Anytime I walk past a bottle of water, someone tries to teach you to swim in the bottle of water. No, People have been trying to teach me to swim my whole life. I can't swim.

[Monet]

But what if you need to?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I've made it this far.

[Monet]

We live in the Valley. You know, they say there's a crazy earthquake that's gonna happen in the Northeast, Northwest, Pacific Northwest. I mean, like, it's going to level, like, Portland and, like, parts of San Francisco, and it's gonna send surges down here. You might need to know how to swim.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, first of all, I don't live in the Valley. You live in the Valley. Let's make it.

[Monet]

You think only the Valley is gonna be Los Angeles, bitch. We are right by the water. We are. We are.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like, if this thing comes.

[Jacob]

If.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If the water is coming in like that, Monet. My little doggy paddle is not gonna do nothing. Monet. I. I will have a. Hopefully, I will have evacuated in time. I don't think that. I don't think Michael Phelps is gonna eat everybody up in this situation. These are. These are. This is tumultuous weather.

[Monet]

Imagine Michael Phelps was Aquaman this entire time. We had no idea. This nigga.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, he actually does have a genetic advantage.

[Monet]

Yeah, he has a wingspan. That's his arms, his lungs.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Something about his lungs. I don't get it. But it's nothing about his lungs.

[Monet]

So he, so yeah, he has like

[Bob the Drag Queen]

bigger lungs or something or his lung capacity is different than which. I don't know how lung capacity, obviously it does, but somehow lung capacity affects

[Monet]

swimming because I think you can, I think, I think what it does when you first get off the block, he's able to go longer underwater where most people have to come up for air. I think maybe he's able to go along also when you, when you turn around, you kick back. You probably can go longer because you can swim faster underwater when you like do that.

[Jacob]

Phelps. His lung capacity is significantly higher than other athletes, 12 liters compared to an average lung capacity of 6 liters. This results in a higher supply of oxygen to the muscles, allowing him to perform for extended period of time before muscle fatigue. He also produces half the lactic acid of an average athlete, which helps him resist fatigue and recover faster. Between swims.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

He has twice the lung capacity of the average human.

[Advertisement Voice]

Twice.

[Monet]

That's wild.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So, so it, it, he gets more oxygen to his muscle so he doesn't get tired as quickly. That's what it is interesting. You ever think advantage.

[Monet]

You ever think that like in some way, like there could be something, like, you ever think maybe there's some sport you could have been really great at, but you just like, I think about a lot of humans but you didn't know about it or you didn't know your family didn't know to cultivate it in you. Like what if you probably like you could have been a world class Batman player, like medals and Olympic things and you like, well, like you could be a world breaking history tennis player, but you just never did it. You ever think about that?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Not really. Because it doesn't seem fun. Like I don't think I want to do those things. Like. And I also prefer what I'm doing now than to being like some famous Batman player. I do think that I would be a great archer. Still to this day I think I'm, I think I would be a remarkable marksman.

[Monet]

Yeah, I feel like I could have been a. I really feel like I could have been a really, really, really, really fear of something. I just don't know what it is.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I ha. I just have like a good. I could just be like. I would have been that, that guy from Russia give me the silver.

[Monet]

Oh, you went for silver?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, that guy got silver, but would

[Monet]

you go for the gold?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I Mean, I think everyone's going for the gold. You know, in racing, they just, like, give up. Sometimes they just, like, give it to their person sometimes.

[Monet]

Car, Human?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, they're like the foot races. They just give it to the other person or the other bike or the bike races. They'll be like. They'll be like. They'll like. They bargain at the finish line. I'll work.

[Monet]

I'm like, what's the word? If I get gold, I'll give you $10,000.

[Jacob]

Like that?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, they just get there and they're so tired. And someone's like, I'm just gonna let you have it. Like, I'm just gonna let you. I've seen that. They're like. They're like running and they're close, and they're like, someone's winning. They're like, all right, man. I'm just gonna. I'm just gonna. You're gonna get it this time, or you get to have it. But then the other person, then that person doesn't have to run as hard because you are just basically saying, I'm gonna give up. But there's like some legendary story of a guy who was told, the guy, you can have it, but then he lied, and he just. And when the guy started to slow down because he was gonna let him have it, he just took off. And apparently, that's poor sportsmanship.

[Monet]

I'll do that. That's what I'll do.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But you. But you would be considered a bad, poor sportsman.

[Monet]

With my gold medal, though, is it worth it, though?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You have a bad reputation, so. And that's how she won the crown. And with that, thank you for coming on my show. You told Trinity she would win, but then you didn't. And you tried to pull forward in the end, and she tied with you. She was neck and neck.

[Monet]

How thick do you think this microphone is?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This microphone looks like it is about 8 to 9 inches around, girl.

[Monet]

11.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

11 inches around. How big do you think my microphone is? No, this is probably 8 inches around.

[Monet]

All right, I'll say it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm grabbing with my hand. I can almost get my hands to touch.

[Monet]

Let's see

[Bob the Drag Queen]

this microphone is. This microphone is nine inches around.

[Monet]

Now let's do our dicks next.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Mine is a millimeter around.

[Monet]

Mine is 3 centimeters.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This is what a 9 inch penis would be if someone was really.

[Monet]

I mean, nine inch around.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Not really. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Monet around. We've been discussing this at conference the whole time.

[Monet]

I know, but just for people. You know what people? Not everyone's watching the podcast, Bob.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But we've been discussing. We've been saying around the whole time. We've been saying around.

[Monet]

Yeah, but we don't know what you just did.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was listening.

[Monet]

You started moving your. You started moving your mic into the home, but we didn't know what was

[Jacob]

going on over there.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I mean, goodbye.

[Monet]

Bye, bitch.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Goodbye. Have a goodbye. No, you know what?

[Monet]

I'm just gonna say, you know what? Bad bye. Have a bad bye.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Let me call my friend Alfredo.

[Monet]

Bad bye.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Who's obviously not happy in your home right now.

[Monet]

Bad bye. He can go stand by you tonight. Pack it. He's calling. Pack your bag. I'm gonna leave.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Bye.

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