The One About the Zombie Apocalypse (Re-Release)

Summary

Sibling Rivalry – "The One About the Zombie Apocalypse (Re-Release)"

Hosts: Bob the Drag Queen & Monét X Change
Release Date: September 7, 2022

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Episode Overview

In this uproarious episode, Bob the Drag Queen and Monét X Change, icons of RuPaul’s Drag Race and co-hosts of Sibling Rivalry, dive into the hypothetical (and hilarious) world of zombie apocalypses. Their signature banter covers everything from childhood punishments to cloning, with detours through Drag Race gossip and outlandish what-if scenarios (“Would you eat tofu, dog, or human if you had to survive?”). The conversation seamlessly weaves in pop culture, their own experiences in the drag world, and plenty of playful shade.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Childhood Antics, Punishments, and Food Fights

(06:00–17:00)

• Bob shares a childhood story about saying he hated his brother and the creative punishment his mother gave him: complete enforced silence between the siblings.
  • "You hate your brother? ... She said, okay, that's fine. Don't talk to him ever again." (05:57)
  • Monet teases: "That's some good bother drag king punishment." (07:00)
• Monét opens up about sneaking food as a child in St. Lucia and always being caught by her brother, leading to comical, but stern, corporal punishment.
  • "I would lift open the pan and I would take my fingers and sneak a piece of a chicken drumstick or something." (14:53)
  • "She took that ruler and she fucking lit my fucking shitty ass up." (62:23)

2. Drag Queen Friendships & Rivalries

(04:41–05:35)

• The duo discusses friendships within the drag community (Gia Gunn, The Vivienne, etc.), and playfully contests who knows more queens.
• Monet accuses Bob of not knowing anything about her personal life, referencing their Patreon content.

3. Cooking, Eating, & Tofu Wars

(07:17–10:16; 45:17–46:04)

• Bob recounts his attempts at healthy juicing and the struggles of keeping produce during the pandemic.
• Monet goes in on her visceral dislike of tofu, despite Bob’s attempts to defend its versatility.
  • Monét: "I just do not like the fucking taste of tofu on my tongue." (09:01)
  • Bob: "Let me tell you this. Tofu is the chicken of the whatever world." (09:16)
• Later, faced with the zombie apocalypse, they debate if they'd sooner eat dog or human than tofu.
  • Monét: "I would just eat a human. ... Dog meat is probably gamey." (45:22)
  • Bob: "You think we just taste like fucking rotisserie chicken?" (45:36)
  • Bob: "I googled what human meat tastes like recently ... Apparently it tastes a little sweet." (45:42)

4. Pop Culture: RuPaul’s Drag Race, Drag Venues, and YouTube Drama

(21:06–25:06; 26:19–30:46)

• Reminiscences about Lucky Cheng’s—a legendary drag queen-run restaurant—its vibe, the queens who ruled there (including Laverne Cox), and the drag hierarchy.
  • Bob: "Lucky Changs was like a Tim Burton version of [Lips and Hamburger Mary's]." (22:02)
• Extended discussion about YouTube’s drag race drama channels (especially "Jakeyonce") and online “tea” culture:
  • "I am a fan of Jakeyonce. I watch all of his videos." – Bob (31:26)
  • "I think a lot of people are jealous that ... they're not getting the exposure and the success and the access that Jakeyonce is." – Monét (27:54)
  • Bob defends Jakeyonce, noting all the content is already public, while Monet points out, "These are the number one people watching his videos..." (30:31)
  • Bob (regarding fans who complain about YouTube channels): "Then bitch, leave. Get the fuck out of my house. You are not a prisoner." (30:46)

5. Tech, The Future & Apocalypse Brainstorming

(32:04–36:37)

• The pair discusses expectations versus reality about futuristic tech—holograms, flying cars, and cloning.
  • "I thought that I would be able to answer my phone and instead of me FaceTiming you, it would be a hologram projection." – Monét (32:17)
  • Bob argues flying cars are possible, Monet pushes back: “Where is this technology that you say we have?”
  • Bob: "For example, we fully have the technology to clone human beings, yet we don't do it." (35:36)
  • They segue into the morals of cloning, whether they’d raise a clone of themselves, and the ethics behind it.

6. Conspiracy Theories and Zeitgeist

(39:03–41:49)

• Monet and Bob reflect on the film Zeitgeist and its impact on their worldview, especially regarding trust in the government.
  • Monét: "Zeitgeist changed my life. ... I was like, fuck the police." (40:05)
  • They break into impromptu N.W.A. and Kanye West lyrics, comparing generational protest music.

7. Zombie Apocalypse Survival Squad

(46:45–57:46)

• The main zombie scenario: Bob and Monet pick their Drag Race "survival team" for the apocalypse.
  • Initial picks, complications, and justifications for/against other queens (Kim Chi, Kennedy Davenport, Naomi Smalls, Latrice, Shangela, Trixie Mattel, Aquaria).
  • Monét: "We have to have someone white." (56:02)
    • Bob: "Do we have to?" (56:05)
  • Monet: "Yeah, cause we gonna have to use them as leverage." (56:08)
  • Fierce debate about each queen’s usefulness, personality, and who would have to be “killed off for making noise”.

8. NYC Infrastructure – The Great Utility Pole Debate

(52:47–57:46)

• Hilarious argument about whether Manhattan has above-ground power/light poles or if all wiring is underground.
  • Bob: "There are not a lot of power poles. The electricity is underground in Manhattan." (53:30)
  • Monét: "Please comment y’all and let Bob know that this bitch sound crazy." (54:20)

9. Embarrassing Childhood Memories

(59:59–63:44)

• The hosts exchange stories about their earliest memories; Monet relives an incident of soiling himself at school and the resulting punishment.
  • "But she took that ruler and she fucking lit my fucking shitty ass up." – Monet (62:23)
• Bob recounts possibly falling asleep on the toilet in preschool, unsure if it's his own memory or secondhand.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Bob on unsupportive listeners:
  "Then bitch, leave. Get the fuck out of my house. You are not a prisoner." (30:46)

• On imaginary cannibalism:
  Bob: "Apparently [human meat] tastes a little sweet." (45:59)
  Monét: "Ew. Oh my God, that sounds creamy." (46:00)

• On school punishments:
  Monét: "But she took that ruler and she fucking lit my fucking shitty ass up." (62:23)

• On forming the perfect survival squad:
  Monét: "Yeah, cause we gonna have to use them as leverage." (56:08)
  Bob: "Do we have to?" (56:05)

• On personal boundaries:
  Monét: "We have to start establishing boundaries... Boundaries that I don't have the desire to eat your food." (10:05)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Childhood punishments & food stories: 06:00–17:00
• Tofu argument & taste debate: 08:33–10:16 / 45:17–46:04
• Drag community gossip: 21:06–25:06
• YouTube/Drag Race drama discussions: 26:19–30:46
• Conversation about tech/future/flying cars: 32:04–36:37
• Zombie survival team draft: 46:45–57:46
• NYC utility pole debate: 52:47–57:46
• Embarrassing childhood memories: 59:59–63:44

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Tone, Language, & Style

The episode brims with Bob & Monet’s signature witty shade, friendly mock-bickering, and candid storytelling. Their rapport invites listeners in like old friends, balancing Drag Race gossip with outlandish “what if?” hypotheticals. They blend heartfelt childhood stories with unfiltered adult humor, never holding back—whether on the ethics of cloning or the logistics of eating human flesh.

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For Listeners Who Missed It...

This episode is Sibling Rivalry in peak form: a gleeful mix of shade, substance, and absurdity, with sincere glimpses into Bob and Monet’s lives. If you've ever wondered which Drag Race queens would make it in the apocalypse, what tofu really tastes like to a skeptical palate, or who would betray their tribe first, this episode delivers—with plenty of laughs along the way.

Transcript

[Monet X Change]

Close your eyes.

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Exhale.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Feel your body relax.

[Monet X Change]

And let go of whatever you're carrying today.

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[Monet X Change]

And breathe.

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[Monet X Change]

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[Bob the Drag Queen]

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[Bob the Drag Queen]

My name is Bob the Drag Queen.

[Monet X Change]

And I'm Monet X Change. And this is simply rivalry. Today we talk about the flavor notes of tofu and human flesh.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We discuss the future.

[Monet X Change]

And we find out what made Bob say this.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Then bitch, leave. Get the fuck out of my house. You are not a prisoner. And we find out what made Monet X Change.

[Monet X Change]

Say this, but she took that ruler and she fucking lit my fucking shitty ass up.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I'm the king of the snow. No, I wanted to start off singing. I was singing.

[Monet X Change]

No, I wanted to start off singing. No, I'm not giving.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, I'm the singer.

[Monet X Change]

No, you're always singing. Well, you're always trying to sing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I wanna sing.

[Monet X Change]

Okay. Wow. Go ahead. I'll let you have this moment.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Nah, I don't want to anymore.

[Monet X Change]

Wow.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

How are you?

[Monet X Change]

I'm good. Roberta, your shirt. What does your shirt say? Queen. Is it like your merch?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, it just says Queen. Louise got it for me.

[Monet X Change]

This would be some cute Bob merch. You know, you'd be having a little crunchy merch. This is some cute merch, girl.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't have crunchy merch. My merch is great.

[Monet X Change]

Is it?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What makes you think my merch is great? People talk about my merch all the time. Can we see where I'm putting them so I don't lose these keys to.

[Monet X Change]

How many times have you lost? I feel like I've heard you say you've lost your keys like four times in the past.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, I have never found the keys I lost. They've been gone the entire time.

[Monet X Change]

How do you lose your keys? In quarantine.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't know. I've had these same set of. I have not lost my keys. The two things that I did not lose. Phones. I did not lose keys. I actually.

[Monet X Change]

Well, apparently you do.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, obviously I still have like, all five of my old phones are in this apartment. And when I say I can't say it now cause my phone will go off. But you know, I said the blank, blank, Google, like five phones in the house are all like bleeping and chiming.

[Monet X Change]

Wait, are all of your old phones still on? That's very weird.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, Jacob uses one of my old phones to post my social media.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, oh, so you have someone helping me with your socials. You're very talented technological boyfriend.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, And I want to recommend it to you too, because I haven't seen

[Monet X Change]

some of your bitch these nuts.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

My TikTok is popping now, by the way.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, well, I need to get mine verified and stuff. It's just such a. You have to like fill out a form. You have to. Because someone has my name. So they won't verify this name I'm on. They're like, you need to go do like your name. I was like, well, bitch, it's not my fault it's not available. So they're like, well, in order to get your name back, you have to fill out this form and let us. I'm like, this is. It's too much. It's too much, it's too much.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm not verified. I'm just. Whatever, who cares?

[Monet X Change]

No, but you're Bob the Drag Queen, aren't you?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I'm the Bob the Drag Queen because someone else is Bob the Drag Queen. But I also didn't bother getting verified because I was like, girl, whatever, I'll get it or I won't. Like, I didn't reach out to get verified on Instagram or Twitter. I just looked up one day and I was just, oh, there's a check mark go off.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, yeah, mine. Well, for season 10, they like told. It was like part of the process. They're like, we have to get you guys all verified. We're like, oh, okay, sure. You know, right now also, I'm sitting here in full on green face. I look like bitch into the unknown.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was looking at you like, what's really popping? But you look good, though. You look good.

[Monet X Change]

You look good. Are you friends with Gia Gun Monat?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Don't ask me that goddamn question, bitch. You know I'm not friends with Gia Gunn, okay?

[Monet X Change]

I like friends. Okay? Not friends, but do you text? Like, if you guys see each other, you guys like, hey, girl, what's going on? Are y' all, like, I don't know your life, bitch?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, I do not text gan.

[Monet X Change]

I don't know your life. Just like, bitch, you text queens that I don't even know. Like, you're friends with a lot of UK girls, like the Vivian and stuff. I don't know that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You do know that. Cause you just said it.

[Monet X Change]

What I'm saying. But I wouldn't expect you to be.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Not.

[Monet X Change]

I wouldn't expect.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Wait, Monet, who else am I. Friends that you don't know about?

[Monet X Change]

Not that I wouldn't expect you to be friends with them, but I don't know. I don't know every part of your life. And as we can see, you don't know nothing about my life. Because on the patreon. Because on the Patreon, you have proven you know literally nothing about anything about

[Bob the Drag Queen]

me, so who cares?

[Monet X Change]

Wow, you are such a rude fucking bitch. Ooh, I don't like you. Ooh, I don't like you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do something about it. Do anything.

[Monet X Change]

You know when kids go. You know when kids go, ooh, ooh, ooh.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You get on my nerves. Ooh, ooh, I hate you. Well, I think. Did you grow up in one of those houses where you weren't allowed to say hate? You know, people who grew up in a house where you can't say stupid and you can't say hate?

[Monet X Change]

No, I wasn't. No, I wasn't in that house.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I mean, I was. I did once say that I hated my brother. I could say hate, but I could not say that I hated my brother. I once said I hated my brother, and my mom did every time about this punishment. My mom was very creative when it came to punishment.

[Monet X Change]

I don't know what.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So my mom was like, you hate your brother? I said, I hate him. She goes, you hate Justin? I said, I hate him. And she said, okay, that's fine. Don't talk to him ever again. I was like, fine. So that was that night we fell asleep, woke up in the morning. I was like, justin, can you pass me? And she goes, who are you talking to? I was like, I was asking Justin about. You can't talk to Justin. Y' all hate each other. Didn't y' all say y' all hate each other? And I was like, I do hate him. She goes, good, so you can't talk. And I came home from school, and then we were walking down the road talking. She was like, why are y' all talking to each other? And I was like, this. This is my brother. And she was like, you can't talk to him. So we just sat there in the house. And then I started crying. She's like, why are you crying?

[Monet X Change]

I was like, I miss my brother. That's what you get. Ooh, that's some good bother. Drag king punishment. That's how I gotta get you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I wanna talk to Justin. And she was like, you can always.

[Monet X Change]

How old were you at this point?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was probably five or six.

[Monet X Change]

And you had told us that you were a crybaby. So this sounds about where it scans.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And Justin was 7 or 8.

[Monet X Change]

Work. How is your juicing going? How is your weight loss journey going, Roberta?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I wanna talk about juicing. My weight loss journey's going great. I. The thing about juicing is you just burn through all of your fucking produce in no time. So I was going really strong. I haven't juiced in about two days, so I juice. And also, like, you. You have to juice a lot of greens. I'm talking, like, it's like one orange and then, like, three fistfuls of spinach. And I'm like, I can't even keep this much spinach in my home at any given time. So all I have left is two apples and some lemons. But I made three hauls to the grocery store, and I was like, I'm going to the grocery store a lot. It is COVID 19 time. So I started making healthier choices that involve maybe less produce. But I have been. I've been cooking in the house more. More than just oatmeal and not much more. I've also added one dish.

[Monet X Change]

He's like, yes, I started adding bananas to that oatmeal. So I really changed it up.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, I added. So now I'm making oatmeal noodles, and I've added tofu scramble.

[Monet X Change]

Ugh, tofu. I fucking hate tofu. And honestly, I can be man enough, I can be an adult and say it's probably a very. It's a stupid reason. It's like an elemental thing. But I just cannot fuck with tofu when I order motherfucking pad thai. A chicken pad thai, and they put tofu. My pad Thai, I get. Literally, I see green.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But how. I see green right now. But how can you. But how can you hate tofu? It doesn't.

[Monet X Change]

I know. I know. Everyone. All the vegans like chicken. All the vegans say it takes the flavor. I get it. It takes a flavor of boo. Boo. But I've heard all the things that I. Listen, I get it. I know. I just do not like the fucking taste of tofu on my tongue. But you feel like that's true, though,

[Bob the Drag Queen]

because there is no. Okay, let me tell you this. Tofu is the chicken of the whatever world. Because it tastes like. Have you ever had completely uncooked chicken? Like, unseasoned, just cooked chicken? It is.

[Monet X Change]

Heard it all before. Nah, nah, nah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I wanna make you some tofu, and I ain't gonna tell you it's tofu.

[Monet X Change]

Bob, I. Okay, no offense. I do not want to have you cooking anything for me. No offense.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No offense. I won the cooking challenge. Okay.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. Fucking ramen.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

You're good at most things that you do in life. You are a very. You're very. You're a very accomplished individual. You do a lot of things well, more than the average person.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You're also great at a lot of stuff.

[Monet X Change]

I don't want to eat your food, and that's okay. What's the benefit? We have to start establishing boundaries.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Based on your logic, I'm a better cook than you.

[Monet X Change]

Well, we just need to start establishing boundaries and that. Boundaries that I don't have the desire to eat your food.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, do we agree? I'm a better.

[Monet X Change]

Continue.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I won the cooking challenge. I'm a better cookie.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, winning one challenge, that's like. Okay, that's like somebody winning one challenge in Drag Race doesn't mean that. What challenges happen. Doesn't mean Heidi is the fiercest commercial TV actor in the world. Cause she won a TV challenge.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I mean, based on you. Because you beat me in the Roast Battle, you think you're funnier than me. So therefore, since I beat you at the cookie thing, I'm a better cook than you.

[Monet X Change]

I just listened to that episode the other day. Do you listen to all episodes of our podcast?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, actually, kind of, because Jacob listens to them around the house sometimes, and then I end up listening through Jacob, so. Yeah, actually.

[Monet X Change]

But you don't. But you won't go and listen to them on your own? Wow.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, I'll go back. I'll go back and watch old videos, but I don't listen to old podcasts, though.

[Monet X Change]

I listen to old. Do you listen to our current ones that come out, or do you just not give a fuck?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, I listen, for sure.

[Advertisement/Announcer]

Okay.

[Monet X Change]

That don't sound like a true statement, but whatever y' all decide, if y' all think that's. Y' all think Bob is telling the truth, comment on the YouTube. If not, let me know, too.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Now, Monae, are you willing to acknowledge that you have been pronouncing Jussie Smollett's name wrong the whole time?

[Monet X Change]

Okay, you see, this is what I'm talking about. You and Sneaky Jacob over there, y' all be passing little.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Just asking. I went for a walk today.

[Monet X Change]

Over how many blocks did you walk?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I walked down to 114. No, no, no, no. Leave it out. Because if you don't start doing math, because folks gonna find out where I live. Don't start doing math on that. So you walked in this many blocks.

[Monet X Change]

People can do math on their own, Bob. Or math.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, either.

[Monet X Change]

Or say something.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You saying, oh, so you walk this many blocks, and then they would do the first.

[Monet X Change]

No, that's not even where I was going. I was like, did you go to Lavaine to get a cookie?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, no. Y' all are on the cookie trip, which. I like cookies, but I mean, I haven't. I just gone down that road.

[Monet X Change]

I was about to say. Don't act like you just miss Mean and Green. She's a mean, green mother for nyc, and she bad.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, I'm just not on the cookie trip like y' all are. I mean, I'm a still on my oatmeal and noodles kick.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Also, I've already experienced the levain. Like, levaine is something you go to, and you're like, I'm just so obsessed with levain. And then after a while, you're like, I can't keep eating these fucking biscuit cookies every goddamn day.

[Monet X Change]

But if we are, they're besty fucking cookies.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I feel British. I'm like, it's the biscat. And then can we also talk about, like, where Patty got those secret cookies he won't tell us about?

[Monet X Change]

Oh, my God. Okay, so just for y' all know, so we were in rehearsals for our sibling, like, mini Sibling Rivalry UK tour, and we were all in at the Pearl studios. Yeah. On 35th street, rehearsing. And then Patty steps out to do an errand for us. And I think he was doing stunning. He came, he comes back, and he has a box full of these motherfucking chocolate chip cookies from somewhere in that neighborhood in the garment district. I want to tell you, we all look like that fat fucking kid from Matilda. Okay. Finished the box. I held the box on top of my head, and then Bob smashed it on my head and exploded into 13 million pieces. It was such good cookie.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You were the kid from Matilda? Speak for yourself. I was Augustus Gloop. From fucking Willy Wonka in the Chocolate Factory girl. I was like, these cookies were so good.

[Monet X Change]

Were you a kid that you just ate a lot? I didn't always eat a lot necessarily, but I would get in trouble by my mom all the time for sneaking food. I was.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Monet, that sounds like you were eating. That sounds like you were eating a lot. Monet was like, I didn't eat a lot. But whenever people weren't looking, I was eating. I think.

[Monet X Change]

Well, what happened was on Sundays. Cause my mom would cook. My mom would cook every Saturday. Every Sunday. And then on Sundays, I don't know why, Sunday just felt like the day that I needed to sneak this food. Well, so she would, like, cook, really? My mom would wake up super early and cook. So, like, she'll be done in the kitchen by like, 11, 12 o' clock every weekend, and then by like. But we wouldn't end up eating until like, 3:00'. Clock. So I'm like. The food was just sitting there idly for hours, and I. And I would just be so tempted by the aromas. I knew there was gonna be some stewed chicken, some stewed pork, some, like, curry goat, some, like, all kind of stuff. So I would, like, when I knew she was in her room and my dad was doing whatever the fuck he was doing, working in the car. My dad is a very West Indian dad. Like, he's like, always, like, planting trees or doing some crazy shit.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So how many trees are around your house?

[Monet X Change]

Do you live in the woods?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

He was always planting trees. We're just surrounded by trees. Is your dad. Your dad is the original fucking. What's that game? Animal Crossing.

[Monet X Change]

We invented Animal Crossing. We had a lot of place to plant stuff anyway, so when I knew both of them were busy and I thought my brother wasn't watching, I would go to the kitchen and I would lift open the pan and I would take my fingers and sneak a piece of a chicken drumstick or something. And then my brother, he would know I would do it and he would tell on me every time. And my mom would march down the hallway and then she would beat my ass every time for fucking stealing some chicken.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Just stop stealing the chicken. Wait, Monet. Just wait for the chicken.

[Monet X Change]

I want. It was too long. Why would she cook so early? Why is this?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Probably because she didn't want to cook all. She didn't want to, like. I feel like sometimes if you just get it out of the way, you're done.

[Monet X Change]

You know what I mean?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Was it a crock pot? Was she like a crock pot type shit?

[Monet X Change]

No, no, girl. It was like full on dicing this, boiling this. It was all that. But I think you're right. Also, in St. Lucia, it gets super hot. So she wanted to cook in the morning when it was cooler. Because if you're cooking the dead afternoon, 12, 1 o', clock, it's like BL. Blazing hip hop and R and B. She was like, no, I need to get out the kitchen. So that's why she would do it super early.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You are something else. Stop. I mean, so apparently the ass whooping was worth was.

[Monet X Change]

But that was.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You was getting your ass whooped with a big smile on your face. Just like with a drumstick in your mouth. Just getting that brown round beat the fuck down. All right, let's take a quick break. Monae, you are so messy.

[Monet X Change]

How am I messy?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I didn't get whoopings like that when

[Monet X Change]

I was a kid.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I got like a. I got. I got really hit really hard a couple times, but I never really got whoopings.

[Monet X Change]

Really? When you say hit really hard, like, was it like a slot? My mom was a slapper. Was your mom a slapper?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I got slapped in the face a couple times. I got choked one time.

[Monet X Change]

This is. Oh, choke. Not the choke slam.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was big. It was a reach up. Cause I was 6, 2. It was a reach up and be like. And she was yelling, shut up.

[Monet X Change]

I live. Let me say something. Let me tell y'. All I fucking love.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Cause I don't have the strength to beat you.

[Monet X Change]

I love Miss Martha. I love. We chat on Instagram pretty often. And like. And like, Bob would tell me to. Like, for example, when I posted the video of you getting oral surgery. And like, you were like, recovering from it. And she was like. She's like, monet, why now? Why you want to post that video on my side? I was like, Ms. Martha, he wants you to post it. I didn't do this on my own.

[Advertisement/Announcer]

For which.

[Monet X Change]

And she was like, man, Chris is so crazy. He is so crazy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

My mother is very. My mother is very protective. She wouldn't let me drive in New York, in Atlanta, because she thought it was dangerous. She just would never. My mom's really, really protective. My mom didn't like you at first. Did I tell you this years ago, because you wore when I gave you an outfit, but my mom didn't know that I gave it to you. And she just saw you online and she was like, who that queen walk around trying to be you? And I said, no, that's my friend. That's like, my close friend. She's not trying to be me. I just gave her that outfit, and she was like, oh. Because I. I was about to write her a letter on Facebook, but now she loves me.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, my God. I am sitting here. Mouth again. I cannot believe Miss Martha didn't like me. That is so shady.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

She thought she was trying to steal my gig, girl. She thought she was coming.

[Monet X Change]

And what dress was it that she thought that I wanted? That dress?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You did. You asked for it.

[Monet X Change]

Which one?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Also, my mom is just like. My mom does not like when people make fun of me, when people are mean to me. My mother is very, very protective of me. No, my mom. Yeah, but she loves. My mom loves you.

[Monet X Change]

I'm very hurt by that, Ms. Martha. And Ms. Martha, if you're listening, you're about to get a very surly message from me. Cause I'm hurt. My feelings are hurt.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

My mother does not listen to the podcast.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, work.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

My mom knows how to find a podcast.

[Monet X Change]

Can I tell you this? It is so crazy to me how, like, you've done drag in New York City, obviously, for a very long time. You know, straight men, or quote, unquote, straight men, they will hit no matter what you look like.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, Girla, you know that picture of me on my face, half black, half white?

[Monet X Change]

Yes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was leaving Splash. That's how long ago this was. Leaving Splash. And I was wearing a tuxedo with, like, a collar. My face was half black, and I had. I don't know if you knew me during this time, but I went through this phase where I would tie bow ties, Kanekalon hair to a, like, a piece of fabric and then tie it under my chin and then just have one little thing of hair coming out directly out of the top of my head. I'll show you some pictures. And this guy was, like, wanting to have sex with me or something. And I was like this. I remember I just turned around and I was like, this is it. This is like, I'm not knocking what you're into, but like, this. This what you are, right?

[Monet X Change]

It's so crazy. Well, when you did Bloodbath, that was Bloodbath, right? When Trixie did it, when she was in that skeleton costume, that was Bloodbath.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Monet X Change]

When Bloodbath that year, Bloodbath, I painted my entire face and hands and everything pitch charcoal black.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I remember then I had.

[Monet X Change]

I had no wig on. I had a fucking golden unicorn horn coming out my forehead. I had. And then I took black glitter and pressed the black glitter into all of my skin so I look like I was just like a floating black. Something like, nebulous of a person. Bitch. Walking from the venue to my car. I cannot tell you how many guys like, oh, yeah, Ma, I want that. I'm like, you want this? You want this to be? You want to put your penis inside of this?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I, like, do not care. Chasers don't care. Chasers are just like. I would like that. I said what I said. This was the picture of me when I got. When I got.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

When all those guys were fucking hitting on me. And I was like, what is the fuck is going on, girl? And they used to come into Lucky Changs. This guy in Lucky Changs in, like, most of them were, like, not traditionally attractive, so the girls would kind of like, pay them dust. There was one guy that came in who was a hot, hot daddy. And the girls used to, when I say, like, argue to the point where they were about to start hitting one another. Bitch, if. Girl, if you took this man from a girl, honey, these girls were ready to throw you down and fist fight you. Do not steal their trade.

[Monet X Change]

Well, the girl. Let me tell you something. Y' all girls are Lucky Changs. Y' all were like, well, when I was coming up, besides, like, Jasmine and others, like, it was like the seasoned girls who, like, worked at Lucky Chang. Like, Lucky Changs was, like, something. Because a lot of girls, they used to steal money, and they used to, like, say, like, ooh, bitch, I work my shift, and I made, like, $900. So, like, a lot of girls wanted the gig, but only a few of y'.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

All.

[Monet X Change]

Not a few, but only a select group of y' all worked. So in my mind, Lucky Changs is also just, like, big thing, like, younger queens wanted to get. Cause y' all made, quote, unquote, so much money.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So Lucky Changs is Lucky Chang's. It still exists, actually, but it used to exist as a. Like. So now it's like, okay, Lucky Changs is a restaurant run by drag queens. The bartenders, the hostess, the waiters. Even at one point, even the busters were all drag queens. Yeah. The managers, like, they're all drag queens. And it's just like. It's like, if you ever heard of Lips or hamburger mix.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, it's like Lips. But it was cooler than Lips, though.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like, if Lips is. If Lips and Hamburger Marys are Disney. This is like a Tim Burton version of that. It's like, it was like, raw and gritty and, like, nasty and, like, we did not fall in love with.

[Monet X Change]

But. But Lucky Chang just felt cool. Like lips. No shade to anyone working on lips. I'm not throwing shade the lips, but lips seemed like it was like the older girls who were like, more like a pageanty kind of drag, whereas the guy is. The guy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, the guy is there. But there were also girls who worked there, too.

[Monet X Change]

The queens working at Lucky changing younger and hipper and cooler and Lucky and

[Bob the Drag Queen]

also, like, the rules. It was just more fun there. Like, I remember in our menu, my favorite thing in the menu, it said under the drink section, it said, nothing hot, nothing frozen, and don't ask me for no goddamn mojito. That sums up Lucky Chang's in, like, that's it. Nothing hot, nothing frozen. Don't ask me for no goddamn mojito. Because, like, we were just nasty bitches. But they were also nasty bitches. It was run to the ground, but it's still running. U Haul still works there, but it's, like, operating inside of, like, stage 48 or some other place. I don't even know, girl.

[Monet X Change]

Well, it's moved for. It was. Used to be in, like, the Lower east side, then it moved to somewhere else and it was in Times Square, then went back to the Lower east side and now it's at stage 48. It's like, it's always moving around, girl.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, but it is a cock horse that will never fucking die. Who worked there at Lucky Chang's? Me, Thorgy.

[Monet X Change]

Did Pep ever work there? No, she was working Monday. I work it on Monday, I work it on Tuesday.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't. No. I don't know if Pep have worked at Lucky Chains, but I know me and Thorgy did as far as Ru

[Monet X Change]

girls and Laverne Cox worked there.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

How did I forget? Laverne worked at Lucky fucking Chang's, right? That's wild.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, that just goes to show you, like, some, you know, she was still auditioning and she was, like, trying her stuff, but she was, like, working at Lucky Chang's to pay her bills and stuff.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

She was filming Orange is the New Black at Lucky Chang. So she got the role and then she was like, hey, I got booked on a web series. And I was like. We were like, yeah, work. We're all booked in web series. Can you grab some plates, bitch, since we're all at work. So she was still working there. And then one day I was headed to work at Lucky Chang's in full drag. I got off the train and I looked up and Laverne Cox is looking back at me on the fucking poster.

[Monet X Change]

That's so fierce. That's so fierce.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I said, laverne, why do you say you're on a Netflix show? She goes, I said, I booked a web series. You're like, bitch, that's a different fantasy, mama.

[Monet X Change]

But was Netflix super big? I mean, Orange was to me, Orange is the New Black was a show. Not that made Netflix, but Orange is Black was a show. I was like, oh, this is Netflix. I wanna be subscribed to it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I feel like apparently Orange Is the New Black and House of Cards are the first two digital web series that got such critical acc. They were like, huge, huge, huge web only TV shows that you can only see on the Internet. But now, girl, we're all on the Internet, honey.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, girl, Everything, everything is digital. Everything, everything, everything, everything, bitch. We're here.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's not digital. We're here on hbo.

[Monet X Change]

But it's available digitally.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. Yes. Just like the Lion King is available digitally. But I would call the Lion King.

[Monet X Change]

I'm trying to promote your fucking show. Can you just go with me? Damn.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, you're trying to. You called it my lil show. Wow, Nene, Wow. Actually, I can't remember if you said a little show or not, but I'm

[Monet X Change]

gonna go with it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I can't remember either, but it helps my narrative to say that you said that.

[Monet X Change]

Well, you know, and I think things like Orange is the New Black and House of Cards were really the gateway to the future of what, like, we are expecting in terms of streaming and platforms like that. Because now, like you said, everyone's doing it. Hulu, Disney, Netflix, Crackle.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

YouTube has original series.

[Monet X Change]

Says who? What?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Says YouTube. Liza Kosh. She has an original series on YouTube.

[Advertisement/Announcer]

Oh, yeah.

[Monet X Change]

And James Charles show is gonna be on YouTube. Actually, you're right.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The next influencer of America that I think Trinity Taylor's gonna be a guest on. You made it, is she? No, girl, you are in. By the way, you are in a fucking jakeyonce video every week.

[Monet X Change]

No, bitch, that's you. You're in a jakeyonce video every week, Bob. Are you joking?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We're in a jakeyonce video every week. I think you're in more jakeyonce videos than I am. You are the queen of controversy. You stay away.

[Monet X Change]

Am I in one this week?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, you were in one because you had James Charles on your show and he was feuding with Trainer.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, oh, yeah. And he was like, well, my question was, when did Your friendship turn so sour.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

He's like, we were never friends. I was gay. I was like, say this out loud too. I'm trying to say this like, I don't get why people don't like Jake Yonce. It confuses me.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, people were mad at you that you had. That you were having me as a guest on your show. They were like, wow, I can't believe Bob was super so low to have Jake Yonce. Really, Bob, we like you. We. We just expect more from you, mom. Like, I, I can't believe you do that to our.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like, it is like, I, I like Jake. I think Jake Yonsei, first of all, did you know he's 19 years old?

[Monet X Change]

Oh, he's super young. He's super young.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Jake Yonsei is so hardworking. He's really clever. He's really fucking smart. I think he's.

[Monet X Change]

I think he is too.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think he's funny. I think. And also, all Jake Yonse is doing is just taking what you have already posted on the Internet and putting it in one. He's not like hiding your trash can and taking out your DNA samples and, you know, sneaking around and getting secret. He is literally just taking what is already posted. Most time buying the people he's talking about and then condensing it so folks don't have to look around all over the universe.

[Monet X Change]

Well, I think that what it is, a lot of people are jealous because a obviously Drag race has a very big fan base and he is someone who like, not a lot of, A lot of queens talk to Jakeyonte. A lot of queens get close to him. And I think that a lot of people are jealous that they don't have that relationship and they're not getting the exposure and the success and the access that Jay Chianti is.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. I mean, this guy tweeted out his name is Phoenix said. So seriously, how has no one taken down Jake Yonce yet? He's equally as toxic as Perez Hilton. Like, I don't understand Trinity Willem, Bob the drag queen. And I just wrote. Okay, genuinely curious. What do you not like about him specifically? And I'm reading his comment, his response for the first time. You want to hear it?

[Monet X Change]

Yes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay. It says one. I was honestly fine with him doing this thing until these most recent videos. If you want to do Drag Race related content, cool. You want to be salacious. Cool. You want to steal content from drag performers and monetize it. Not cool, but okay. But you want to basically. You want to basically steal content but also like, so Is the news still in content? Is Wendy Wright still in content?

[Monet X Change]

Anyway, how is it. I don't get. How is it stealing content? Did you ask that?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No. Cause I did not check back. I forgot. I tweeted that in the shower this morning. Cause I woke up to that tweet and then I forgot. And then I did pit stop and yada yada. Then he said, from Reddit to from Reddit and put in a channel like, it's your original of yours. Do you, girl? What I can't tolerate is when you start trying to compare shows, compare art, and using these comparisons to try to create drama in the community. Additionally, do not capitalize on the sherry pie situation. Especially when you come from a place like, you know, personal. What's going on? This is where I draw the line. I know Danny and I know Joey. I saw the impact it had on these people, personally and professionally. I'm like, I'm weird. So you're madder at Jake Yonce than you are at Sherry Pop? Sherry Pop go off. Jace Phoenix.

[Monet X Change]

Well, also. And the only thing Jakeyonte may be guilty of is like. But obviously, like, any news, like Wendy Williams, anyone, when you're reporting about drama news, you have to. You have to put a little sasson in it to like, make the stakes a little bigger so that people are super invested. But I get, again, he's not making up stories. He's not making up this Trinity and James Charles fight. They had this fight. He just. He just leaves you on a cliffhanger, then you want more. And also, all these people who shade him and don't like him. These are the number one people watching his videos. Jakey Onti isn't getting 300,000 views in less than 24 hours because you're not watching it. You know what I'm saying?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

And also, bitch, when I had him on the exchange rate, oh, girl, he would be like, Monet. Seriously, I cannot take you having Jakeyonce. I'm just going to stop watching it. If you. If you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If you're going to keep on having

[Monet X Change]

Jake Yonce, I'm going to stop watching these videos. Like, I just can't.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm like, get the fuck out of my house. You are not a prisoner. This is your. You're on your phone. I didn't fucking. It's not like the U2 album. It didn't come downloaded with the fucking phone. You remember that shit? You remember when YouTube was.

[Monet X Change]

Apple tried it with that. I'm like, apple, don't nobody want this motherfucking album. Take this shit off my phone. Yeah. Before I take my ass to Samsung.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. We did not sneak this motherfucker into your phone, bitch. Like, stop. Like, fuck off. Oh my God.

[Monet X Change]

Do you watch things like Wendy, though? But you see, but you don't like. You don't like pop culture gossip and drama, but obviously Drag race is something that you're a part of. So do you find yourself watching Jake's videos?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I watch all of Jake's videos, bitch. I'm a huge. I am a fan of jakeyonce. I watch all of his videos. And I'm not really into the, like, major celebrity drama.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, you don't like that shit.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It just doesn't speak to me. But I'm also not trying to get Wendy's show canceled. You know what I mean? Like, that's what I'm saying. Like, I honestly, I don't want to be one of those comedians who's like, the future is gonna be so fucked up if we can't just yada yada yada. Cause I'm not saying that you have to like, like this stuff or I really don't like comedians who are like, we all need to be laughing at stuff. Where's your sense of humor? Cause I do not vibe with that mentality personally.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, I mean, are we in the future? I feel like. I mean, there's just so many things that I thought would happen by now. For example, I thought we would. I thought Hologr would fully be a thing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

They are.

[Monet X Change]

I was like a hologram.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

They are.

[Monet X Change]

No, but I mean, like a hologram. Like, I thought that I would be able to answer my phone and Instead of me FaceTiming you, it would be a hologram projection. I would see like a 3D mold of your head or something. Like, that's what I thought we would be right now.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think that could happen. You just have to pay a lot of money for it.

[Monet X Change]

But holograms fully exist. I know, but it's not accessible technology. No cell phone companies doing that. Like, I thought iPhone would be having holograms, but definitely not Samsung.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay. Anyway,

[Monet X Change]

I thought we would have flying cars by now, and we just don't.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But also. Okay, I have a lot of statements. Cars could fly. Like, we have all of the technology to make cars fly. You know, we don't need flying cars. That is. That sounds insanely dangerous.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, what is that based off of that you think that we have flying cars? Have you seen a flying car?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No. We have all of the technology to make cars.

[Monet X Change]

How do you know if we had flying car technology, we'd have flying cars?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, no, because first you have to make it legal to fly cars. Then everyone has to get a new license where they can get flying. So everyone's getting pilot licenses now.

[Monet X Change]

Bob, you are crazy. You think that if we didn't. Okay, where is this. Where's this technology that you say we have? Please show me some proof. Like, what are you talk.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What are you talking about? Where is this technology? There are airplanes as small as cars. There are cars bigger than airplanes. So we have the technology to make cars fly. However, it would be dangerous. It would be not cost prohibitive, but

[Monet X Change]

not in the way, like the future. Like, for example, back to the future. I'm not talking about cars with, like, wings and shit, obviously pain. There's a lot of science and aerodynamic science that make airplanes fly. I'm saying, like, can you do. I don't think we have the technology to make your Prius fly, to fly to your house right now. That's not. I don't. I don't think we have that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I think we do.

[Monet X Change]

Based on what?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Based on the fact that there are, like, jets and based on the fact there are jet engines that don't. You don't need wings to fly a jet. Always.

[Monet X Change]

Bob, you are. Oh, my God. I feel like I'm a crazy person. Oh, I can't wait for the fans to comment on this. You was crazy. You was a lunatic.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Why is that crazy?

[Monet X Change]

Because, Bob, if we had the technology to have to make your motherfucking Prius fly, they would have already made. Bitch. They have automatic driving cars, cars that drive an autopilot. You think they wouldn't make flying cars? You think flying cars. Bitch. An autopilot car is dangerous, but also

[Bob the Drag Queen]

the autopilot cars are. There's a couple of things going on with the autopilot cars. They're illegal in almost most states. Almost every state they're illegal in. And two, they are actually proven to be less dangerous than people driving cars themselves.

[Monet X Change]

And that's just so that's what I'm saying.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And that is just a scientific fact.

[Monet X Change]

Well, I'm sure they can do the same thing. Obviously, if we were to have flying cars, it would have to be a whole remodeling and basically having, quote, unquote, roadways in the sky. And they'll have to figure ways to traffic that. So there's like, a lot of things that have to be figured out in that way. But if we had this technology to have that Happen. I think they would. They would be expeditiously making that shit happen. They would be.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Bitch.

[Monet X Change]

They would. Have you ever seen Back to the. You have to see Back to the Future?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Of course. Well, there's lots of stuff we have the technology to do, but we're just not doing it. For example, we fully have the technology to clone human. Human beings, yet we don't do it. We are perfectly capable of cloning people. Perfectly capable.

[Monet X Change]

Well, I don't know all the information on that, but I will say the last time that they, well, they cloned that fucking sheep. Do you remember the sheep's name? I don't remember the damn sheep name.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But you know Barbra Streisand has cloned dogs.

[Monet X Change]

I know she's cloned her dogs before, but I feel like there is. What's the word I'm looking for? Not moral.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think that's the word.

[Monet X Change]

People think it's moral?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. People think it's wrong.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. Ethical. They're like, they're like ethical standards that I don't think we will meet with cloning human beings, which is why we have not done it. But there's like a reason why.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. People are like, you can't play God.

[Monet X Change]

Right. You know what I mean? I mean, but would you, would you clone yourself if you could? Like, would you want to have a clone of you walking around?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No.

[Monet X Change]

Why?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It just doesn't speak to me. It's a no for me.

[Monet X Change]

Imagine everything you could get done.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay? That's not how clones work. Okay, first of all, clones have to be like, they're babies. You don't make a 33 year old clone.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, smart clones. Well, I'm sure if they can figure out a clone your entire DNA body, I'm sure they will figure out a way to get the level of sophistication and smartness in order to operate a fucking run errands in New York City.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But I don't think that's how science works. You can't. I mean, I don't think you can rapidly age a human being without some really severe side effects. So if I were gonna clone myself, I'd be a baby. Like, it's like a baby baby. And then also clones still have to be born.

[Monet X Change]

Right? But then, okay, so you take 10 years to train this fucking clone.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, it would. And then in 10 years I would just be a 10 year old.

[Monet X Change]

Right, but I mean, when I was 10 years old, I was running errands, I was cleaning, I was doing things. At 10 years old.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But also, if you clone a. If I make a clone, then it's just a 10 year old kid. It's not a slave. Monet. Jesus Christ. Cancel. It is a. It's a 10 year old child. So you're asking me do I want a child and do I want to raise myself? I just told you I was a crybaby. No, I don't want to raise myself. I was a monster child. I don't think.

[Monet X Change]

I don't feel the clones would have the same emotional makeup. I mean, maybe they. I guess scientifically they would.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Monet thinks the clones don't have souls. Oh, shit. Barbra Streisand's dogs are quaking. Barbra Streisand's dogs are quaking. Do you believe in souls? We talked about this already. I can't. We can't go wrong.

[Monet X Change]

We Talked about this 19 times. The fans are like. Talk about you. The fans are literally like, talk about souls one more time.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I mean, I just feel. Yeah. Based on the fact that this clone is. Is still a being full of DNA and is born and has a fully human experience, the only thing a clone is, is an exact replica of someone else.

[Monet X Change]

See, that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's why that technology is not massively available, because of exactly what you're saying. Like there are moral and ethical.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There are already exact replicas of people walking around in the world. It's just locking in the DNA and repeating it. So identical twins have the ex. Exact same DNA. They have the exact same DNA.

[Monet X Change]

So there are human clones walking around out here.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What I'm saying is there are people who already have matching DNA. They're called identical twins and they have matching DNA.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, but do you think the government has cloned human beings and we just don't know?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No. I'm also not a conspiracy theorist. I'm just not a conspiracy theorist.

[Monet X Change]

Bitch, you just said the other day, you said you watched Zeitgeist and you love Zeitgeist. So what do you mean? You don't.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Conspiracy. All right? Zeitgeist is different. Zeitgeist is not.

[Monet X Change]

It's a conspiracy theory movie.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, okay. So the people who are out there watching Zeitgeist is this movie that basically takes three things.

[Monet X Change]

Watching. You mean listening. Get your sentence together.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Also, spoiler alert. Spoiler alert, Spoiler alert. I mean, it was. The movie's like 20 years old at this point. That breaks down Christianity and why it's not real. And then it Breaks down the American money system.

[Monet X Change]

9, 11.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Then it breaks down the American. Oh, 9, 11. Then does 9, 11. To say inside job. And then it takes. Takes the American money system and shows why the American financial system was set up so that we would literally always be in debt.

[Monet X Change]

Right? Which bitch. Let me tell you something. Like I said, Zeitgeist changed my life. And it changed the way I looked at the government. Because I think that we're obviously, we're all taught to think that the government is on our side. The government is working for you. The government and black people. We've been done knowing that that is not the truth.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Been done.

[Monet X Change]

Been doing that yet. But, you know, I still grew up with, like, hope and, like, maybe the government is trying to help me out. Then I saw Zeitgeist. I was like. I was like, fuck the police.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, do you know the first verse? Fuck the police.

[Monet X Change]

Fuck the police. That's how I treat them. We buy our way out of jail but we can't buy our way.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, my God. That's Kanye West, Monet. That all falls down. Yeah, Kanye west goes. Kanye west goes. Fuck the police. That's High Treaty by way out of jail but we can't buy free we buy a lot of clothes but we don't really need them things we buy to cover up what's inside. Cause the made us hate ourself and love their wealth that's why Shorty's holler where the ball is at Drug dealers buy drug crack head by crack and the white man get paid off of

[Monet X Change]

all of that off of all of that. Yo, let me tell you something.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Fuck the police goes Fuck the police. Coming straight from the underground A young nigga got it back. Cause I'm brown and not the other color so police think they have the authority to kill a minority. Fuck that shit. Cause I ain't the one For a punk motherfucker with a badge and a gun to be beaten on and thrown in jail we can go toe to toe in the middle of a cell Fucking with me. Cause I'm a teenager with a little bit of gold in a page. And yeah, that is such a great cube.

[Monet X Change]

When Straight Outta Concert came out, you were obsessed with it. You got so obsessed with so many of the songs from N.W.A.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

yeah, I was gonna do the ice cubes versus long. I had to, like, cut it short. But that is such a great. And you know, his son played him. O' Shea Wallace Jr.

[Monet X Change]

I know. And he's a good actor.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And there was this one DJ who knew Them back in the day had this really funny line, and he goes. He was like, I saw Straight Outta Compton, and it was a pretty good movie. But I don't ever remember Dr. Dre being that tough. And I don't ever remember Ice Cube being that skinny.

[Monet X Change]

He's kinda skinny now.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh. So we were at home for the family reunion, right? And I came home. My mom.

[Monet X Change]

Was this the one when they said, who that white man over there. Why he watching us?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, yeah, Jacob was there. And so Jacob doesn't like fireworks. So Jacob was heading really far.

[Monet X Change]

No, to be honest, he don't like black people. Continue.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's not. Not unsure. No, just kidding. Jacob was standing really far from me and my cousins, who were all playing with fireworks. But he was, like, wearing a hoodie and, like, standing behind a car. So my cousin goes, who that white man looking at us? Who that white man over there looking at us? And I was like, he's with me. He's with me. Don't fuck him up.

[Monet X Change]

I love him.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Please, Hammer, don't hurt him. So we were sitting there, and my mom was watching Straight Outta Compton, I had just gotten back from. So I took my nephew and my cousin to the hotel to play video games, to get away from my aunts and, like, you know, just be around someone slightly younger. But then I realized for a moment, I was like, oh, my God, I'm old to you.

[Monet X Change]

You're old.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like, I was like, they don't think I'm young and cool, like I'm old to them, but my mom is old to me. So I was like, come on with me and, you know, come play the video game. It was my nephew, my cousin, and my. My nephew's sister, Lachelle, who's my niece, kind of, sort of. She's my niece. For all intents and purposes, she's my niece. So. Complicated family. Complicated family. So we get back, and my mom was watching Straight Outta Compton. And then I was like. Someone was like, oh, my goodness. Straight Outta Compton. This is kind of an adult movie. My mom was like, oh, no, it's fine. Cause it was on tv. She's like, oh, there's no cussing in this. Less than a minute later, a lady runs by with her titties just jiggling out. In the scene, they're shooting guns like, fuck these motherfucking niggas. Fuck the police. And my mom was like, well, maybe there's a little cop.

[Monet X Change]

Do you think. Do you think that's an I Am legend? Like, do you honestly? Because I Have my theories, like some I am legend shit or some zombie apocalypse, kind of like some cure is gonna turn half of humanity, like all of humanity into zombies. And we're all gonna be having to defend for ourselves. Do you think that could actually happen?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I mean, before coronavirus, I would have been like, don't be ridiculous.

[Monet X Change]

Right?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And now I'm like, girl, right? Like,

[Monet X Change]

do you think that you could survive a zombie apocalypse? I mean, how would you stop them from coming into your apartment? You see, your apartment too big. Or maybe, maybe your apartment is the place to go because we could like. We could like, shelter in your basement.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, no, I think that. Well, I have a. Well, I have a few window. I mean, we'd board up the windows and we would. I mean, you have to be quiet so the zombies don't know you're there. Every zombie movie they're really focused on, apparently zombies have really great hearing. Zombies are just really like great.

[Monet X Change]

But they hate light.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, they're great listeners. Great listeners. If you ever need someone to talk to, get yourself a zombie that can do both. And then I could. I mean, I can probably hunt. I've never hunted before, but I feel like I could scavenge.

[Monet X Change]

I don't think I'm the hunting kind. Oh, my God. Imagine killing like a little dog to get some food. That is so sad.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

When you hungry, bitch, you gotta fucking. Oh, by the way, speaking of, I

[Monet X Change]

would just eat a human. We would divide and conquer.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You, you would eat a human before you ate a dog?

[Monet X Change]

Yes, Bob. Dog meat is probably gamey. It's probably like, oh, you think we

[Bob the Drag Queen]

just taste like fucking rotisserie chicken.

[Monet X Change]

Like tofu. We taste like tofu?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, I googled what human tastes like, what human meat tastes like. Recently. I remember recently googling what disease is.

[Monet X Change]

Why did you Google that? I don't know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I just wanted to know what it tastes like. I mean, I had two options. I could either Google it or do it. And I chose to Google. So I chose the nicest route possible. Apparently it tastes a little sweet.

[Monet X Change]

Ew. Oh my God, that sounds creamy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Listen, let's take a look. On that disgusting note, let's take a short break,

[Monet X Change]

All right?

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[Monet X Change]

Okay, I want to. I want to play a game.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay.

[Monet X Change]

If you were in a zombie apocalypse. Apocalypse apocalyptic.

[Advertisement/Announcer]

If you were.

[Monet X Change]

If you were in a zombie apocalyptic, who were six rude girls that you would want to. To do the, like, the thing with the.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Give it up for the Wordsmith Monet. I mean, I don't know that I would like. And it has to be RU girls. I can't just pick people I want there. They have to be real girls.

[Monet X Change]

No RU girls. RU girls.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I would like to go with you. Kim.

[Monet X Change]

Kim. Kim is scary as hell. Kim is scared of everything.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But she's smart.

[Monet X Change]

You are crazy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But she's.

[Monet X Change]

She's smart, but she's scary. She's scary.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Uh, and by the way, when Monet says scary, she means in the black way. When black people say someone is scary, what they're actually saying is this person is really afraid of a lot of

[Monet X Change]

things and they're jumpy. She too jumpy. No, she be making noise and shit. We have to kill her ass. We gonna have to put a bullet in that bitch head. Cause she gonna make too much noise.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, at that point, you know, Nick can't catch come. Cuz Nick is the jumpiest motherfucker ever. We took Nick to a Broadway play

[Monet X Change]

and he screamed, what show was it?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It was Oklahoma. Oklahoma. In his defense, there was a gunshot in it and there were other people, but he caused the scene. And he also screamed during Stonewall, the opera.

[Monet X Change]

Oh my God. Can I tell you when I saw Miss Saigon? When they brought it back to Broadway, when they had that scene at the end, the death scene, when.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Fuck my drag. I was gonna watch it. Spoiler. Damn.

[Monet X Change]

Anyway, when they had that scene and when the gunshot happened and she could like, I was like, why was it not? I wanted to see blood. I wanted to see like a fucking headache. I wanted to see like gore.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What is wrong with you? You did this last time with Waitress, a nice play about pies. You were like, lose the baby, kill the mother. I was like, damn, Jesus.

[Monet X Change]

Well, and okay, but Bob, also in this. What. What's the word? When they bring it back to Broadway, what is it? Revival.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Revival.

[Monet X Change]

In this revival, they had this big 80 foot animatronic gorilla. They had a fucking airplane. They had like all this crazy stuff.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What you're saying is you would like to have seen some Vietnamese people being slaughtered on stage.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, my God. Anyway, back to. You are so problematic. Anyway, why do you hate Vietnamese so much? Plastique. I'm sorry, he doesn't mean that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Plastique's not the only Vietnamese person we know. Know.

[Monet X Change]

Okay? That's who I know. Who else is that we know that's Vietnamese? You don't even know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm pretty sure.

[Monet X Change]

Vietnamese. Thank God. Anyway, so back to our team. So you. Me, not Kim, Bob, she's too. I would say. I would say Kennedy Davenport. I think Kennedy Davenport will be able to fucking slaughter some animals that we need. We'll send her ass out. She'll go barefoot, but she's so grumpy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And just like. And just like, Kennedy is one of those drag where girls, like, these fans hate me. So whatever, girl, fuck them. I'm like, oh, my. I could not be around that. I mean, granted, her experience is different than mine and maybe the fans do hate her. I don't think that's necessarily true. But like, her always being like, good, he's good show dude. I'm like, you know who else does that? Silky. Silky is like, the fans hate me.

[Monet X Change]

Well, especially after your fucking makeup tutorial. That wasn't very nice.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What was wrong? All I did was follow the tutorial and it was hilarious. Cause that tutorial.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, it was very funny. But, Bob, you brought back a very sensitive subject for Silky, and now people are making fun of her again for her makeup tutorial.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I called Silky and she's in my video. And I was like, I followed your tutorial.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, Bob, it's still not nice. Just because your call doesn't make it nice.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do you think that was online bullying?

[Monet X Change]

Yes. You bullied Silky. You knew that people made fun of her for this video. You did a video about it. Yes. It's very funn. Very, very hilarious. And you brought it back up to the surface.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like when people make fun of me for. Maybe I'm not looking at this, but I know when people make fun of me for my makeup. If someone did follow my thing, I'd be like, girl, I wouldn't do that. But I probably wouldn't be hurt. I mean, maybe I should call her and ask her if she was hurt by that.

[Monet X Change]

Well, you might want to think about it. Okay, I would say Naomi, because Naomi does not eat a lot, so that's good.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Naomi is not strong. And if we do get to the point where we have to eat people, what the fuck? We're going to eat her big ass dick, which could feed A full family Mom. Everyone knows Naomi has a huge dick.

[Monet X Change]

She's hung like a mother tucking baseball. Stop trying to steal. That's from my season. Stop trying to steal my lines.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's not yours. It's Naomi's. And I've seen them, and it is fucking mama. This is not appropriate.

[Monet X Change]

This is not appropriate to talk about on this podcast.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You are in. They want to hear this. If you guys want to hear this, comment below. If you want to hear about the time, the times I've seen Naomi's humongous penis, comment below.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, my God.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No. Naomi can't come.

[Monet X Change]

You literally say no to everyone you said no to. You said no to Kennedy, you said no to Naomi, and you said no to Kim, and you said no to Kim because Kim is scary.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I want to bring people I can enjoy, I don't think. And by the way, I would enjoy Naomi, actually. I would have a lot of fun with. But now we can't do. Now we would be smacking ass.

[Monet X Change]

Bob, we are surviving an apocalypse. What do you mean having. What the fuck? What are you talking about? Having fun? We're trying to survive having. We're not trying to have fun. We're trying to live.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, we're trying to survive coronavirus, but I'm still trying to have fun.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, so you think that you're just gonna be quarantined in your little zombie basement, doing digital drag shows, laughing about Carol Channing? You think that's what it's about to be?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think during the zombie apocalypse, there will be a point in time where we all will be quarantined. And we will still be. There will still be Internet. We'll still have to entertain the world and have moments.

[Monet X Change]

No, there would not be Internet in a zombie apocalypse, Bob. How will we have Internet? Who is. They're gonna. No one will be at the towers running the fucking connection. What are you talking about?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Are you under the assumption that the towers are run by someone cranking a wheel like on an old timey plane? How do you think?

[Monet X Change]

Okay, okay, okay, yes, it's run by satellite and stuff, but there has to be buttons have to be pressed. The Internet. Not just without no one doing things,

[Bob the Drag Queen]

but you can press buttons from where you are. So you think every. So what? We're not gonna have power either.

[Monet X Change]

The fucking zombies might fucking knock down the goddamn poles. So you think electricity is like WI fi now?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Let's revisit this. So you think electricity is all. When was the last pole you ever saw in Manhattan, Bob?

[Monet X Change]

There are Are you joking? There are poles every block, Monet, and those are power wires.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

In Manhattan, the power wires go underground. And everyone knows this. There are not a lot of power poles. The electricity is underground in Manhattan.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, some do, but there are a lot of them on top of the.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Almost all of the electricity in Manhattan is underground.

[Monet X Change]

Where is this proof? Who is telling you this?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Monique, leave your house right now and tell me to walk until you see a pole.

[Monet X Change]

Well, I know because I just saw a video of someone talking about how empty 10th Avenue was, and you go down 10th Avenue, there are literally poles on every corner, like we all know. And there are wires going through every pole. So what do these wires bring us? Water and juice?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What pole are you doing with the little WI FI stands?

[Monet X Change]

No, poles. Telephone. I mean, not telephone poles. Poles for lighting. For poles with wires, like any other country in the world, Monet.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There are not a lot of, like, wires.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, my God, I can't wait for the fans to make you sound crazy. Please comment, y', all and let Bob know that this bitch sound crazy. Oh, I can't wait.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You from Brooklyn? You think everyone. You think all of New York City is run like Brooklyn? We in Manhattan now, honey.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, can we please finish our list? All you have is you and me. That's literally all we have.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay? Kim can come. Okay. I'm making my list. You make your list. We have to make. Is it a joint list?

[Monet X Change]

Well, yes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay. Latrice can come.

[Monet X Change]

Latrice? Oh, yeah, yeah. I would do Latrice, missy, but she eats.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

She eats too much.

[Monet X Change]

Forgot to feed her too much. Shangela. Shangela is very. Shangela will be able to barter, and Shangela will be able to get stuff for us. 100% Shangela down.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Shangela.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. Shangela will be able to barter. She'll be able to negotiate with fellow survivors and get, like, trade goods for us, like, you know, I think so.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I just keep thinking back to Trixie telling Shanta to get out her station on All Stars. That shit tickles me every time. She couldn't barter that time. Time she has to get on my station,

[Monet X Change]

cuz. You know, cuz little inside te Trixie was not having. Trixie was so. She was. That was a inside tea.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Everyone knew that. That is the. That's not even. Even Jake y wouldn't spill that tea, girl.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, that was genuine. Get the out of my face.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Trixie can come.

[Monet X Change]

Trixie can come. Yes, yes, Trixie can come.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Me, you, Trixie, Shangela, Latrice.

[Monet X Change]

Uh, we have to have someone white.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do we have to?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. Cause we gonna have to use them as leverage.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, so we will bring Aquaria.

[Monet X Change]

Aquaria. Aquaria's very smart. I would take Aquaria. Yeah, Aquaria can go and she's down. Aquaria's down. Like, she'll be a down ass bitch.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What do you mean down bitch? Anyone would be down in the zombocalypse. You want a team? You think in zombie apocalypse I want to be like, you know, I'm just gonna weigh my options.

[Monet X Change]

Honestly, if our team was looking crazy, bitch, I would betray us, bitch, I would Judas the fuck out of all y' all hoes and go down to the next town to get a better team. Abso fucking lutely.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Wait, what do you mean, Judas? Like turn us into the cops?

[Monet X Change]

Like, I would like, let's say there was like another village and like we had something. I'd be like, listen, I'm in this house with Bob and all these girls. I will come over and I can bring all these things if you can grant me, if you can promise me that I'm the queen of the house.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And bitch, if you take any motherfucking thing from my zombie apocalypse tribe, don't let me see you on the streets hanging on one of your very famous light poles that are hanging out in New York to Manhattan.

[Monet X Change]

Not my very famous light poles. You had such a ridiculous person.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Wait, did you Google, are there light poles in Manhattan? There are some, but not a lot. That's what I said when they said thank you.

[Monet X Change]

But there's still existence.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, it says on every corner. They're all over the place. You just said every corner.

[Monet X Change]

Okay. You don't know how lights work, bitch. They knock down a bunch of them, bitch, the power go. I'm sure the ones on top of the ground connected underground.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There are not a lot of light poles in Manhattan. There are a few.

[Monet X Change]

Jacob just said there are some.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, that's okay. Okay, that's what Jacob said was a few, not a lot. And you took that. Cause you said every corner.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, my God. Well, I'm sure, listen, I'm sure the fans listening right now, they're gonna let us know. Cause our listeners are not afraid to let us know their truth. They let us know it every time.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We can also just. Can I say walk to the corner after the podcast, I'm gonna be like, shout out. I'm gonna walk to your corner so they know where you live though.

[Monet X Change]

Can I just say, I just love the people who listen to our podcast because Obviously, I think because they listen to us, we're so irreverent and we're just so very vocal. I feel like the people who listen to us, they're very vocal. They'd be letting us know when we. Wrong bitch. Bitch. They were so mad about the Villains podcast. They was like, bob and Monet don't know nothing about Harry Potter. These dumbass, black, ignorant bitches.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I said, I've only seen two. One, one Harry Potter. No, two Harry Potter movies. I saw the fifth one, like five, like eight years ago. And I saw the first one, like two months ago.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, and they were mad about Captain Hook. They was like, these fucking dumb bitches. How did they not know that Peter Pan cut off Hook's arm and put it to crocodile? Like, how do they not know that? They were like. And Bob, Bob, that is not the story of fucking Maleficent. Really, Bob. Like, that's not how it goes. I was like.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Also, apparently I did some research and some people let me know. Apparently my Voldemort nose thing was pretty much correct. His nose did fall off because of how evil he was. Because he kept casting spells on himself over and over again. And then his body transformed because he. He kept putting evil magic in it. And then his nose came off or disappeared.

[Monet X Change]

Okay. The one speck of kinda accuracy you had. Are you proud of that?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes, I'm proud of it. So, to all the haters listening. Work, I'm trying to see if there's anything else we need to talk about in the future.

[Monet X Change]

The future? I don't think so.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

2020 just sounds like the future. Like, this is. We have perfect vision now.

[Monet X Change]

You know?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know what I'm saying?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, yeah. 2020 does feel futuristic. I just feel like. I think that coronavirus is opening us to a lot. Like you said. Like, I didn't think a fucking zombie. Like, they give us this drug that could fix everything and then people start turning to zombies. I didn't think that could happen. But then, fucking coronavirus. I'm like, bitch, anything can happen in this motherfucker. Who knows?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What's the first year you remember?

[Monet X Change]

Ooh, that's a good question. The first year I remember.

[Advertisement/Announcer]

Um,

[Monet X Change]

I don't know what year it was, but, like, the oldest memory I feel like I have was, like my seventh birthday.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I. My God. Did you experience some trauma that you blocked out the first seven years of your life?

[Monet X Change]

Maybe. I can't. I. But then, like, when it's like that young, I kind of like, mix all the things together. Like, I Don't know how old I was. I just know I was really.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I specifically remember my first memory ever was in the middle of my preschool year. We came back from school and the teacher was like, it's 1990. It was from after Christmas break. The teacher like, hey, everyone, it's 1990. Do you know what a decade is? And I was like, wow, I'm a baby. This is my first memory. She was like, well, a decade is ten years. We're in a new decade. I was four years old. That's my first memory.

[Monet X Change]

Wow, Bob. Four years old. Oh, nice you say that. I do. See, I thought this memory was old. Well, it's gonna sound embarrassing now, but I think one of my first. One of my first memories was when I was in elementary school. I wanna say maybe first or maybe second grade. I. Oh, my God.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What, bitch?

[Monet X Change]

I shit myself.

[Advertisement/Announcer]

Let's go.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, you were one. I think. I feel like I have a memory of shitting. Tell me your story.

[Monet X Change]

I don't know. I think I just ate something and I had the bubble guts. And this was in St. Lucia. This is when I went to Anglican. Anglican infant school in St. Lucia. And I remember going to the bathroom, and I couldn't get to the bathroom in time. And it was like in my pants. And I went back to class and sat down like nothing happened. I was so embarrassed to tell anyone, but obviously, bitch girl, the smell was. Bitch.

[Advertisement/Announcer]

You could.

[Monet X Change]

You could probably taste it in the room. And then I. I shit my pants. And I sat there and the teacher. And I remember the teacher came up to me. She was like, kevin, did you just mess yourself? And I was like, no. And she was like, turn around. And then I remember her, like, turning me around and like, smelling me. And then I had messed myself and she took. Cause corporal punishment is a thing in St. Lucia. But she took that ruler and she fucking lit my fucking shitty ass up.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Just splashing everywhere.

[Monet X Change]

No, I think. I think at first she had maybe put out my hands. And then they took the rule and they were hitting my hands, and then they started to hit me on my legs.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Rumor has it you can still smell remnants of Monet's shit in the halls of the school from the day that Monet snuck some curry goat out of her mom's pot and then ran to school and ate it.

[Monet X Change]

What is your shitty kid story?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, I can't remember if this is my memory from taking someone else's. Did you ever hear a story so often or been told something that you can't remember if it's yours or not.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I can't remember if I shit myself or if someone I knew shit themselves. Then I just made it my story over time. I really. I have very little memory of it. It was that. It was that long ago. Like, that. That long ago work and.

[Monet X Change]

How old do you think you were

[Bob the Drag Queen]

though preschool, if it did happen? I do remember falling asleep on the toilet in preschool. Like, being. Because the toilet was in the class and I just took a shit and then I just woke up. And the entire class.

[Monet X Change]

What the fuck?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The entire class was like, standing at the door and the teacher was like, are you sleeping? And I was like. I was like, huh?

[Monet X Change]

What the fuck?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And she was like, did you fall asleep on the toilet? And I was like, yeah.

[Monet X Change]

That is the Bob shit, yo. Oh, that sounds like some Bob the Drag Queen shit, bitch. When you want to sleep, you go to sleep. Also, when you wake up, you are literally a preschool all over again. It is.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We should do a test, Jacob. Well, I always go for Jacob, actually. But next time I will wake up and do some sort of a test. We'll do like a early morning test. Are. Are you a morning person test? I'll do it first thing in the morning. I'll wake up, I'll sit down and I'll. But you have to do it, too.

[Monet X Change]

I'll do it. I'm very coherent. I can wake up anytime, and I'm like, very good to go.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Why. Why are you making a face at me, Jacob? What, bitch? Have you seen yourself when you wake up? Yeah, I. I'm very. Okay. I wake up in the morning. I go to the bathroom also. Who you think you are, Skippy Magoo? In the mornings, Jacob.

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Jacob.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Be waking up, sloshing around like the. Like the guy from Men in Black, you know? Then he goes to the kitchen, and then I'd be like, good morning, my love. And he's like, I have to have a coffee. I need my caffeine.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, you're. You're. I've seen you many a time in the morning, and you are not. You are. You're not fun in the morning.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We're gonna. We're gonna. So for the Patreons exclusively, we will do a. I'll do some sort of a morning test. I'll wake up, I'll sit down, and I will just do what. What should I do in the mornings? Math girl.

[Monet X Change]

Let's have you. Formula. Let's have you just talk. Let's start. Let's start there. Let's start really simple. Let's have you just make a sentence.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think you should have a trying interaction with somebody. What do you mean? What do you mean? Your dad. I'm not calling my father first.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, no, let's. Ooh, let's. Let's get you to send an email in the morning.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I can send an email. That'd be so easy work. We'll figure it out. We'll figure out what it is and we'll do it. All right. We have been. We have been chatting forever. This podcast is longest.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, I don't want to talk anymore.

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I'm done.

[Monet X Change]

All right.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Roberta, I love you very, very much. You know, I walked past your home

[Monet X Change]

today on my walk, and you didn't let me know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Say again?

[Monet X Change]

You didn't want to. You didn't feel like letting me know?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, okay. So to be honest, this is what happened. I was walking down to meet someone, but I. Oh, this sounds so shady. So I'm filming the pits and we shoot all the footage, but uploading it takes like two days. We're uploading high definition footage. So what I did was I got suited up, masked up. I walked downtown, took my Lysol, wiped down this card, put it on the ground, and then Joe went to Joe's. And then Joe came over and then picked it up. But we was very. We literally was like, wipe it down. I literally put it on the ground, and then he came over and grabbed it.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, my God, I love Joe.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, he's great. He's great.

[Monet X Change]

I wanna have Joe's kids.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I saw a lady on the way back I thought was you. I'm not even being friends. Cause she had the mask on. And Monet, she was shaped exactly like you. It looked like it was you. It was you. I was like. But then I looked up and she had a scarf on her head, which then I saw, like, braids coming through. And I was like, okay, nevermind. But I was like, what is mon. She was wearing those gray sweatpants you be wearing with that zip up, like, performance fleece, that little Sherpa fleece you'd be wearing. I was like, is that Monet? And I was like, I gotta get

[Monet X Change]

my head on straight work. All right, we gotta go. Bye, bitch.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Bye, girl.

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