The One About Water

Summary

Sibling Rivalry – "The One About Water"

Date: October 24, 2022
Hosts: Bob the Drag Queen & Monét X Change

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Episode Overview

In this characteristically hilarious and candid episode, Bob and Monét promise to talk about "water"—but true to the Sibling Rivalry style, the topic is both delayed and used as a springboard for wide-ranging riffs, personal stories, and plenty of on-brand bickering. The queens discuss body image, customer service nightmares, concert-going strategies, and eventually, their opinions and neuroses surrounding water—bottled, tap, and otherwise. “The One About Water” is less a focused dissertation and more a showcase of their electric chemistry and playful, loving antagonism, with a dash of genuine insight.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. “My Titties Are Filling Out”: Body Image & Gym Talk

• [00:47] Monét expresses pride in her chest gains: “Bob, my titties are filling out.”
• [00:56-03:44] The pair riff on chest aesthetics, cosmetic surgery, fat removal, and affirming body image, with Bob maintaining his characteristic body-neutral language.
  • Bob: “This is how I talk about bodies in general.” – [03:13]
• Memorable Moment: The two briefly squabble about how candid they actually are on and off the podcast about other people’s bodies, highlighting their different communication styles.

2. Behind the Scenes: Touring, Travel & Lizzo

• [06:25] They’re in Indianapolis to see Lizzo perform.
• [07:39-09:32] Reminiscing about seeing Lizzo at DragCon and the VMAs, discussing her rise to superstardom (notably after her “Juice” performance on Ellen), and reflecting on the power of branding and performance in the pop industry.
  • Monét: “In my mind, that’s when Lizzo transitioned… on her way to like, superstardom.” – [09:32]
• Excitement over seeing friends (like Jayla from “Watch Out For The Big Girls”) potentially performing on Lizzo’s tour.

3. Airport & Customer Service Rants

• [14:01] The classic Sibling Rivalry drag: flight mishaps, gate agents vs. straight men in airport customer service.
  • Bob: “Every straight guy at the airport needs to be in something hidden…” – [18:08]
• [19:11] Monét defends straight men in customer service; Bob stands by his “ban straights” bit. They spiral through their customer service memories, both at airports and in general.

Best & Worst Cities for Customer Service:

• Bob gives the dubious honor of "worst customer service" to Atlanta, sparking stories about eateries where orders are seemingly impossible to fill (KFC and Gus’s Fried Chicken escapades) [22:29–26:36].
• Monét and Bob recall New York’s infamous “third shift” Duane Reade staff:
  • Bob: “They always say no, then you go back and find it yourself.” – [30:36]

4. Actually Talking About Water

• [36:31] (No, really.) They debate water as a resource, its dangers (floods, hurricanes), and swap hurricane stories—especially about living through Hurricane Sandy in New York.
• [41:21] Side-tracks into “tropical depression” vs. hurricane, then critique each other's punctuality for concerts and work.

5. The Bottled Water Debate & Tap vs. Toilet

• [51:37] Favorite bottled water brands:
  • Bob: “I just don’t like spring water… I prefer distilled.”
  • Monét: “The only water that tastes different to me is Nestlé and Evian.”
• [53:41] Mocking Dasani haters: “Y’all who act like Dasani’s unhealthy, but then you chug a bottle of cocktail and then you do a bump…” – Bob [53:41]
• Super-smellers/super-tasters and the dramatics of claiming subtle differences in water or alcohol flavors.
• [61:23] Stories of playing in public fountains as kids, and the gross differences between then and now.
• [62:22] Drinking water from bathroom sinks: Bob is horrified, Monét is unfazed, sparking a debate about the realities of germ exposure in public places.

6. Concert Going, Drag Show Punctuality, & "Moving the Goalposts"

• [42:54] onwards: Bob and Monét have a very heated/funny debate about what time one should arrive for concerts (Bob is early, Monét plays it loose), folding in stories of missed acts and drag show start times.
  • Includes a live call to Mitch Ferrino (former show runner), confirming the loose relationship between drag shows and punctuality.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Banter

• Bob: "Every straight guy at the airport needs to be in something hidden. They need to be a hidden figure." – [18:08]
• Monét: “My titties are filling out.” – [00:47]
• Monét: “In my mind, that’s when Lizzo, like, transitioned...to superstardom. When she did ‘Juice’ on Ellen.” – [09:32]
• Bob: “Atlanta has the worst customer service in America.” – [21:29]
• On Dasani:
  • Bob: “Y'all who act like Dasani’s unhealthy, but then you chug a bottle of cocktail and then you do a bump…” – [53:41]
• On Tap Water in Public Bathrooms:
  • Monét: “I drink water from the bathroom sink sometimes.” – [62:22]
  • Bob: “You want to say, then drink that—but it’s in a toilet, Mon.” – [62:34]
• On Drag Show Punctuality:
  • Bob: “If you show up at 10:31, you missed the first minute of the show, bitch.” – [46:17]
• The perpetual sibling dynamic:
  • Monét: “You don’t control the flow of the show.” – [50:40]
  • Bob: “We do it together.” – [50:47]

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Timestamps for Major Segments

| Topic | Timestamps (Approx.) | |-----------|-------------------------| | Gym talk & body image | 00:47–03:44 | | Lizzo, concerts, drag fandom | 06:25–11:37 | | Airline customer service gripes | 14:01–21:20 | | Atlanta/New York customer service stories | 21:29–31:32 | | Finally talking “water” – disasters, bottles, tap | 36:31–41:21; 51:37–54:47 | | Debating drag show and concert punctuality | 42:54–49:57 | | Water fountains, tap vs. germ-phobia | 61:23–66:27 |

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Episode Mood & Tone

• Authentically combative: Playful, direct, teasing, occasionally exasperated—classic Sibling Rivalry realness.
• Banter-driven: Frequent detours, callbacks, and inside jokes.
• Honest: Personal admissions about flaws, insecurities, preferences, and even the occasional TMI body or bathroom anecdote.
• Relatable: Audience will recognize both the universal and deeply specific experiences of travel, drag performance, and just—life.

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For Listeners New & Old

This episode is a near-perfect encapsulation of Sibling Rivalry: the topic is, ostensibly, water, but the real current is the friction and affection between Bob and Monét. With sharp wit, shade, and warmth, the queens break down everything from customer service horror stories to the philosophical meaning of bottled water preference. Whether you care deeply about Dasani’s taste or just want to laugh at two drag icons dragging each other, this episode delivers.

Transcript

[A]

My name is bob the drag queen.

[B]

And I'm monet x james.

[A]

And this is sibling rivalry.

[B]

On today's episode, I show off my

[A]

titties, we talk about water, and we

[B]

find out what made Bob say this.

[A]

I'm not entertaining you discussing chocolate. We find out what made Mo Monet

[B]

say this, and then they be working fully.

[A]

Have their iPhone in their hand, they're corded headphones in their pocket, have it

[B]

listening to music or talking to somebody. Bob, my titties are filling out.

[A]

What do you mean, filling out?

[B]

I've been really trying. I've been really working at getting. Cause since I'm not gonna get breast implants, I wanna get, like, pecs. Like pecs, bitch. But the problem is I have a lot of fat there. So there's a lot of work to be done to get pecs. But I definitely noticed a change in the past couple months. In the past, like, two months, Honestly.

[A]

Well, you know, there's stuff you can do.

[B]

Chest exercises.

[A]

There's a lot of stuff you can do. There's a lot of different things you can do to make your chest look the way you want it to look. Between dieting and working out and cosmetic surgery, you don't want to diet, workout, or do cosmetic surgery. I was into the first. I was like, jesus, I don't want

[B]

to get pec implants. That doesn't speak to me.

[A]

You know that guy who also have the fat removed.

[B]

Yeah, but I've seen people do that. And sometimes it doesn't always work out because you have loose skin afterwards. Sometimes, depending on your. The. On the elasticity of your skin, it could be, like, really flabby skin. And I'm not into that either.

[A]

You can also get it stitched up, too.

[B]

Then you get, like, scars and marks. I've thought about all those things. Trust and believe. I really thought about it because I. You. We talked about this. You and Garcwefa Hall, Shaquita hall from New York City. You guys have good packs. Like, you can. You have, like, good pecs. Like, not in drag. When you. In drag, you can, like, push the skin to give this.

[A]

I don't really have pecs. I just.

[B]

You do, though. You don't.

[A]

I mean, you don't have. Everyone has pecs. You're not. Right.

[B]

You're not fucking Hulk Hogan, but you have a. You have the assemblage of, like, a little pectoral muscle that when you're. When you don't have anything on you, you're not like, bitch me, you know?

[A]

What?

[B]

I mean, I'm just going to thank

[A]

you for your compliment. You know, I think that all of us have good pecs. We have the pecs. We have, and we. Why are you rolling your eyes? Because I'm affirming my body and the body of others.

[B]

My God. Can we just talk candidly on the

[A]

podcast and just like, this is how I talk all the time. This is how I talk when I'm on the podcast. When I'm on the podcast, this is how I always talk. I'll ever go around saying, he's got good.

[B]

Bad.

[A]

He's got bad.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

There are certain times when you and

[B]

I shoot the shit as friends and

[A]

be like, when I say, he has good or he has bad.

[B]

Okay, I'm not talking about that specifically, just certain things that you're, like, monetary.

[A]

Well, this is how I talk about bodies. I talk about whether I'm on the podcast or not. I don't like when you try to make this seem like I'm doing a thing. And on the podcast, when I talk about bodies, when I'm on the podcast or on the podcast, I do not be like, this is a good body. This is a bad body. This is a good peck. This is a bad peck. This is how I talk about bodies in general.

[B]

But there are certain things that you and I discuss when we're shooting shit as friends. We were like, Monet, can we just. Can we just talk as friends? Monet?

[A]

We're not. We're not.

[B]

We're not. We're just talking as. You know what I'm talking about.

[A]

This is how I talk about bodies. No matter where I'm talking, no matter who I'm talking to you. This is how I talk about bodies. Okay, well, I'm not asking you to change your. All I'm saying is. I'm not asking you to change how you're. All I'm saying is I think that my pics are good. Those pics are good. I'm not asking you to change your stance. I'm just saying this is how this

[B]

move you're doing you.

[A]

I'm saying, this is how I talk about bodies. And then you're like, can you just be. I am being me. This is how I talk about bodies.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

Like, when have you. Like, what else? This is how I talk about bodies.

[B]

I'm not gonna out. You don't do that.

[A]

Cause you're trying to make. You're trying to do this, like, fake insinuation where it's acting like I do this thing.

[B]

I'M screaming, I need to.

[A]

Where I. Behind the scenes, I'm like, this f. Nigga, this big bitch, this, that, that. And I do not do that.

[B]

I mean, that is language that we use. I'm not saying that you use it to, like, make someone feel bad.

[A]

I use words fat and this and that, but I don't use words like, fat is good.

[B]

No, I don't think

[A]

so. Don't insinuate we're not. I do that.

[B]

Neither of us do that. And no one did that on this podcast. That's not the insinuation I was making.

[A]

All that happened was I just said that my pexiguff. Your pexigan. You rolled your eyes as if I'm putting on for the podcast when you know, I did not see how I was putting on. Well, what were you saying?

[B]

I was saying, can we just have, like, a. A conversation that's a little disarmed, but

[A]

this is how I talk. I'm not armed. This is how I talk. Like, you want me to just change the way I converse so that you feel better about saying pics are good and bad? That's what it sounds like you're saying to me.

[B]

All right, moving on. Anyway, water. We're talking about water today. How do you think about water?

[A]

We have never gotten to the topic four minutes into the podcast.

[B]

You know, we can pick it on Destiny. We can dance around. We can do it early, we can do it later. We own this podcast. You know that. 50 plus 50.

[A]

50.

[B]

We can do whatever you want. We cannot talk about the topic. We can talk about it now. We can talk about it later. Did you know that?

[A]

Well, I'm just sticking to the formula that we normally do, that we've been doing for, like, five years. Jacob, I think it's. Y' all can't see Jacob.

[B]

This is.

[A]

Jacob. I mean, it's not like. This is not a glasses off that we've done for five years now.

[B]

Okay, so what would you like to continue on to next?

[A]

Well, I was just. I don't know. You seem like you don't want to talk about what I want to talk about.

[B]

Which is what?

[A]

Well, I don't know. I was. I. At one point, you were talking about pecs, and then. Then you were. I don't know what you were insinuating, but it felt like a mischaracterization. So then I just tried to clear how I was feeling about it. But then you don't want to talk about that anymore, and now you want to talk about water.

[B]

I know I was just trying to not argue for. For a certain amount of time. We. We did that last episode. Just trying to just move things along is what I'm trying to do. Because we can argue both blue in the face in a very circular way. So I'm just trying to progress, get to the next benchmark.

[A]

Well, when do we try not. When did we ever try to not

[B]

argue on this podcast?

[A]

We did. We actually had an episode where we specifically tried not to argue. Thank you. An episode. That's not what we do normally also.

[B]

But I make a concerted effort when arguments are just going and going. I try to move them along every. Not every time. A lot of times, I do

[A]

work.

[B]

Lovely. You want to talk about where we're at today?

[A]

We're in Indianapolis, Indiana, and we're going to see a Lizzo concert at the arena here.

[B]

Yeah, Lizzo is having her concert. We're gonna go in New York, in Los Angeles, San Francisco. We did Taste in San Francisco, California. But for the tickets that we wanted, they were. They were bad. Expensive, yo. So we decided to fly to Indiana instead to get tickets to see them here at this arena. Yeah, I've never seen Lizzo live.

[A]

Oh, no, I did.

[B]

I saw her at the VMAs. She performed To Be Loved at the VMAs and was really great. And I can't. I'm really excited to see her in, like, all of her regalia with all her dancers and this bitch. Headlining arenas. Bitch work. Also, I, like, drag my elbow somewhere yesterday. You know when you have, like, these. A rug burn. That shit is fucking annoying as hell. It's, like, peeling and shit. It still was so tender.

[A]

Did you fall down somewhere?

[B]

No. I don't know how. Honestly, I don't know how I got a rug burn. I don't know how I got a rug burn. It may have been from some adult activity, but I don't think so. I don't know. Maybe at the gym. Who knows?

[A]

I saw Lizzo at DragCon 2018. She performed there. And then I saw.

[B]

What song did she do?

[A]

I think she did Phone and a couple of songs from Coconut Oil. And then I saw Lizzo, obviously, at the VMAs. We were both there together, and she was. She was really great. Our view wasn't great, though, because the whole performance was based on this big screen behind her, and we were looking at her literally from the side, so we could not see the screen at all.

[B]

I watched a video, I watched a performance. I watched a performance on MTV. On MTV's YouTube to see it afterwards, because I did VMAs. A lot of it. They did a lot of it in the metaverse. Like Snoop Dogg and Eminem's performance, like, half of it was literally. You could only see it in the metaverse. And a lot of performances had these, like, visual graphic elements that we in live could not see it, but people who watched it online. So I watched that one. I watched Lizzo's performance at home. Later, I watched the Blackpink, because the Blackpink. If you look at the Blackpink performance at this year's VMAs, they did this thing, this graphic thing with, like, pink smoke or, like, digital smoke. How they made it was really cool. It's like, a really cool effect they did. But some of the things I wanted to see, like, what it looked like to the audience when Nikki was performing or not Nikki, somebody was performing. There was this big. Oh. Cause they had a big monitor. Like, the big monitor in the stadium. We could see the big monitor. You could see some of it. And while one of the Latinx performers was performing, there was this, like, big silver, big booty lady, just, like, on, like. You remember this? Yeah, we're just, like, twerking, like, on the screen or something like that. So stuff like that. I want to see, like, what it looked like. So I. I did see some of that. And so, yeah, that was really the only time I've ever seen Lizzo perform. I saw. I was. She was a judge when I did good as hell on Drag Race. And so that was really cool because that was like, didn't you give her

[A]

a corset or something?

[B]

Eureka gave her a corset.

[A]

I feel like Eureka said she gave her a corset then. I feel like she wore the corset on Ellen.

[B]

Oh, her. That was. To me, that was the moment when Lizzo flipped, when I. When she did Juice at Ellen. In my mind. In my. And people who, like, follow every single moment of Lizzo probably, like, actually know is this. But in my mind, that's when Lizzo, like, transitioned and she became, like. When she was on her way to, like, superstardom. When she did. When she did Juice and Ellen, I was like, oh, this bitch has fucking made it. It was such a cool performance, the way she did, like, all through the audience. And Stu, to me, that was the thing. I was like, yep, this bitch is. She's fucking Lizzo. She's not performing a dragon anymore. She is motherfucking Lizzo.

[A]

I've been a fan of Lizzo. For. For just a long time. And I do think that the song Juice had a. The song Juice, I don't know that it was, for me, the only performance. But the. But the video for Juice was the. The production value was significantly higher.

[B]

Was the 80s video.

[A]

Yeah. And it felt like there was just a big shift in Lizzo's. I don't know, her branding and her. With Juice and the quality. Yeah. Specifically when the song Juice came out. So it was like something big happened. And all of a sudden she was like this. She was like this massive superstar.

[B]

And it was.

[A]

It was much less underground.

[B]

It wasn't like, you know, where the hell am I?

[A]

It wasn't like zebra cats. Who's. Who's really significant, but still kind of underground.

[B]

Zebra fucking cats.

[A]

It's where they went from, like, vet level where you would see, like, maybe Mariah Lynn, Zebra Katz, and Brooke Handy. Brooke Handy. And then it became a level where you see, like, Cardi B, Lil Nas X. Those kind of. Those kind of acts.

[B]

Yeah. Lizzo's great. I'm very excited to see her. I don't know if you have any. Did you watch Watch out for the Big Girls?

[A]

I watched, like, maybe like the first, like, four episodes, but I haven't finished it yet. So.

[B]

You didn't see the SZ episode yet?

[A]

No.

[B]

Watch out for the Big Girls. I fucking loved it. I binged it in, like, two days. It was a really good show. And I think a bunch of our big girl on this tour with her, if not all of them, a good bit of them are. And my friend Jaila is one of the big girls.

[A]

Spoilers.

[B]

She's. I mean, she was on the show and Jayla's from Portland. She's a fierce trans woman. She is such a great dancer. And she does, like, back flips and cartwheels. It's, like, insane. Like, she, like. It's like some really athletic, fierce fucking shit. So hopefully I see Jayla on there. She like, I don't have a number. I can, like, send her a DM and say like, hey, girl, are you in the show tonight?

[A]

I tried to DM Lizzo. I didn't try. I did DM Lizzo. And she didn't respond. We've DMed before on Twitter, but I also was like, I'm coming today, so we'll see if she's like, hey, girl, hey.

[B]

I'm gonna tweet her. I'm gonna DM too. I follow. She follows me as well.

[A]

It probably makes me just. Do you probably get a fast Response if you just tweet.

[B]

Honestly, that's what I was saying. Tweeting. Excuse me. Like, girl, so excited for the show. You know, she. She was on our flight today. Who? Lizza. Yeah. That's not true. Lizza's on our flight. You didn't see her.

[A]

Was not on our flight.

[B]

She was 4A and she was. And she was really incognito. She's in that. Like, Luna's ex's.

[A]

Well, I was. I was in C27J, so I. I probably.

[B]

You're in the back of the plane.

[A]

What do you mean, back of the plane?

[B]

Bob X. Parks. That's what I. That's what I mean.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, you come for Rosa Parks like that.

[B]

Rosa. Rosa Parks. Rosa dating Mike Vick.

[A]

Rosa barks Rosa. Rosa is the villain in the Daredevil movie. Rosa Michael Duncan Clark. Cause he was a villain. I get it.

[B]

But. Oh, my God, Rosa selling that pussy on Hunts Point. Rosa tricks.

[A]

What tricks?

[B]

Yeah, like, you're a trick that doesn't rhyme with Parks.

[A]

Oh, wait, it's a rap. What the fuck? I don't know what this happened.

[B]

I don't know what happened either.

[A]

What just happened?

[B]

Yeah. Wait, why are we gonna roll up?

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Cause you're in the back of the plane, right? This morning. We stroll up to the Delta line today, and Bob is, like, fighting with the gate agent.

[A]

I was not fighting with him. That is not true. I got to the line and I said, hey, I just want to make sure I'm not gonna miss my flight. My flight board is in about an hour and five minutes, and there's like, a little bit of a long line in my apps. Can you help me out? He goes, do you have your avoiding pass? Let me see. My app just was not populating the flight. Like, it just was not refreshing. And I was like, ugh, My app's, like, not working. Can you help me? He goes, I mean, if your app not working, you just gotta get on the line. And I was like, but what if the line takes too long and I don't make it on the flight? He goes. And he kind of starts going like. Like making those noises. And then Monet comes right after me. And then Monet goes through and says kind of the same thing to him, but he's just like, just get in line. And then we were like. Monet was like, okay, we were afraid. We're really running late, and we're just wondering. We thought being here an hour ahead would be enough time, but there's obviously there Was like these long delays at the ticket desk. There were just like, these long. I don't know, there were like, three people who just weren't moving.

[B]

Five.

[A]

Yeah, five people who just. No, I mean, the customers who just weren't. Who weren't. They were just. And they were arguing back. Not arguing, but they were, like, conversing back and forth with the.

[B]

With the gate eight. The ticket. Dust the ticket a.

[A]

Dust the ticket a. I'll tell you what. After this break, I'm Kiana, and I

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[A]

And now we can talk about water. It's been 15 minutes. Okay, so. So then. So. So we're like, oh, my God, this line's not moving. So Monat goes back to the guy, and she's like, can you please help us out? And he goes, you can go down there if you got a. If you got a ticket, but his app ain't working, so he got to stay here. And I was like, I know, but I'm like, my app doesn't work. Can you help me? Like, can you help me?

[B]

And I was like, so if you go down there, can we, like, get. Cause it was 5, 10, and it's 45 minutes before your flight departs. They cut off getting your bags on, and Bob and I, we. Here we come Palooza. But we both have separate gigs after this. So we, like, have our show bags, too. So, like, we need to, like, getting. I mean, Delta's pretty good about it. Like, if you lose your bag, normally it does put on the next flight and they get it to you in the city. But that's just so much to do,

[A]

especially if you lose your bag. You cannot leave your bag behind. You can't be like, put it on the next flight. You have to get your bag checked when you go. No, no.

[B]

But if you check it late after the 45 cutoff, they'll put on the next flight.

[A]

That's why I've never had that happen before.

[B]

Oh, it happened to me, literally. Bitch. We finished tour. After all that traveling we did for tour, we finished our tour and then I had a gig.

[A]

Bob had a thing.

[B]

Everything's fine from my last gig in D.C. coming home, what happens? My bags just don't show up at the fucking bag itself carousel. And I was like, of all the traffic, of course on the last day, I'm tired.

[A]

Wait, but did you show up late and they put it on the next flight or.

[B]

I was like a minute before cutoff. So I wasn't late, but it was literally a minute. Like I think the cutoff was like 6:10. They scanned my thing at like 6:09.

[A]

I don't know if you get there after the cutoff, if they will just put your flights. Have you ever had that happen where

[B]

they haven't they put late check on your tags and it happened to Patty and I before and most likely it misses getting on that one. They just put on the next flight.

[A]

But then.

[B]

But that's also a dangerous game because what if they don't put it. It's just too much just having your shit there. So anyway, so Bob and I like running down the thing with her.

[A]

No, that's not. So then the guy was like, well, but his app don't work, so like I don't know. And I was like, can you help me though? Like can you help me make this work? And he goes, I told you to get in the line. And I was like, oh my God. So then we just walked down to the other side where you check the. I walked actually to the other side. You were running. And then I got to this lady and I was like, hey, my app's not quite working so I can't log in over there. Can you help me? She goes, oh, absolutely. What can I do for. Yeah, what's your name? Just give me your id. Yeah, uh huh. Done. Here's a boarding pass. Here's a this, Let me tag these bags. And that's when I was like, honestly, like I don't ever want to see a straight guy working at an airport ever again, back of house. Every straight guy at the airport needs to be in something hidden. They need to be a hidden figure, some hidden job. They need to be in some position where I cannot see them. Because straight guys, it just feels. And there's some straight guy in the comments. Not me, not all. But I'm like, y' all niggas don't know how to do customer service, Especially at the airport.

[B]

I've had very good interactions with straight. I haven't had like, sour. Not more than I've had with like, women working there or gay guys.

[A]

I have not Monet standing up for the straight man.

[B]

To me, it hasn't been a thing of straight, sometimes annoying flight people are just bad at their job. I do like a gay flight at sun and Dell because they are standing. They stand at the front of the little thing where you walk in and they know everyone. Hey, Susan, how's Michael? He's on soccer practice now, right? Oh, so cute. Oh, hi, Ro. How. Rufus. You're so big. Like, I love those.

[A]

That is the level. I love those. That is the level of professionalism and customer service. I went to the airport especially at 6am when I'm tired. I just don't want to see any fucking straight guys at the airport unless they're flying or like. Like they're a passenger or they're fucking throwing bags on the. Fucking on the thing. Don't be a. Don't. Don't be a straight man. Flight attendant. I don't want that in my life. I don't. I don't need that. I don't want to see that. I don't want coffee from you. I don't want anything from you. If you're a straight man, you're a flight attendant. It can be a 21 hour flight. I'm not eating. I'm not drinking nothing.

[B]

First Street.

[A]

I don't. Nothing.

[B]

Spitting his coffee. And tell him, fuck off.

[A]

I won't have a coffee. That coffee will never make its way to me.

[B]

Do you know what I love? I love female flight. Female. Not female women. Oh, God.

[A]

I don't know where this is going.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

Bishop, roll it back. Like, what are you trying to say? Can you fucking not be? I like females. I need a female. Like what?

[B]

I love when I see women pilots. I love that. I love that. I love that. I didn't know I was. But I said something earlier. I think I'm having like a. My brain is fucked up. Yeah.

[A]

If you Turn it alt right. You're like, I need females. I like straight men.

[B]

You know, I almost wore the same hoodie today. We would have been matching today.

[A]

We would have been. Would have. If footage and shouldas were hads and dids, we'd be wass and worse. Bitch, what the fuck did you just say? If would'ves, shoulds, and coulda's were hads and dids, we'd be wass and worse.

[B]

It's not like you were casting a spell. It's not like you were casting a spell. It's to the woulda been one of my way.

[A]

You never heard that expression?

[B]

No, that's some Jacob yoga. That's some Columbus stuff. Not Southern. It's. That's Columbus, Georgia saying, out of all

[A]

the places you visited, which place has. Which city has the worst and best customer service? Ooh.

[B]

The worst and best.

[A]

Atlanta has the worst customer service in America, in my opinion. And I lived in New York State for 12 years. I mean, the only place that can rival the suburbs of Atlanta customer service is possibly. And I mean, maybe Duane Read third shift in New York City. When you go to the Duane Reade on a third shift in New York City, those motherfuckers do not care about you. They do not care about anything you're doing. They do not care about. They do not care about their jobs.

[B]

I try to think that's the worst and best. I don't think it's Atlanta. I think you mean, like, in terms of the airport or just in general, Jacob?

[A]

Both, I guess. But I meant in general, because there

[B]

are some airports I hate going to. And, like, for example, the Detroit airport. I feel like the flight attendants and the people that work. Not flight attendants, people that work at the airport there, they're very unhelpful. Like, because it is an airport that can get a little confusing. And when you're like, hey, I thought. Or fucking the Minneapolis airport, that can be a very confusing airport, too.

[A]

Minneapolis.

[B]

And sometimes, yes, sometimes you can stop and you need help. And they act like. I feel like the people that work at the airport, at jfk, can be very rude.

[A]

Jfk, yes.

[B]

Can be very rude.

[A]

Jfk. I think they can be very rude.

[B]

They can be very rude.

[A]

I have actually said LaGuardia. LaGuardia. I'd be like, y' all niggas don't want to work. Like, what are you doing? Why are you. Like, what is going on? That is. They're all quiet. Quitting at LaGuardia. Whenever I go, like, I'm like, I don't know what is happening up in here, but for me. And maybe just come from. And specifically Clayton County. I mean, Clayton county customer service, y'. All. It is insane. Like, going to a fast food restaurant in Clayton county is so insane. It is so bananas, and it never fails. It never fails to blow my mind. And I mean, every single time. I don't know if I tell you the KFC story. When me and my brother went to KFC and love that chicken from Popeyes. We went to kfc, though. And then we walked in, the guy was like, nah, man, y' all gotta go into the drive through. And we were like, we can't just order right here.

[B]

We were here.

[A]

We can't order here. He goes, nah, man, you gotta go to the drive through. No customers inside.

[B]

And we're like, was it Covid?

[A]

No, it was just a rule they made. And I was like, okay. So we got back in our car, we drive around, and I was like, hi, can I get the Nashville Hot? And the lady was like, we ain't got. We ain't got. We ain't. I can't get the Nashville. We ain't got them. And I was like, okay, okay. Well, so then my brother ordered, and then I was like, can I get a number 12? We ain't got that. I said, you don't have the number 12? We ain't got that. And I was like, wait, because my brother ordered a chicken sandwich. And I was like, well, 12 is a chicken sandwich. So I'm assuming you have this, or is it 10 or something? And she goes, we don't have 12 wings. We don't have wings. I said, I didn't ask for 12 wings. I asked for a number 12 or a number 10. I can't remember which one it was. And she goes, oh, we got that. And I was like, okay, can I have that, please? Yeah, and can I get the Nashville Hot Sauce on it, please? We don't have that. And I said, but it's on your menu. Like, I'm looking at it on the menu. And the guy goes, oh, you want the Nashville sauce? Yeah, we got that. And I was like, okay, can I have that? Yeah, yeah, we'll put that on the side. We pull up to the window, we pay for our food. And then she goes, y' all gotta drive back around and come inside to get your food. And I said. I said, what? She goes, y' all gotta drive around. You gotta come in and get your food. And then my brother said, y' all on some bullshit and she goes, how are we on bullshit? And he goes, y', all, we were just inside. We were just inside the store, right? And then y' all told us that we have to go to the drive thru, so we did. And then we got to the drive thru. You didn't have anything we wanted, but you actually ended up having everything we wanted. You just said you didn't have it, even though you actually had it. And then we get to the window and we pay you. And then you tell us we have to drive back around and go back inside to pick up the food. You don't see how this bullshit. She goes, I don't see how that is bullshit. And I was like, this is ins. This is madness. And I walk around inside, of course, and I go to grab my food and they just, you know, they just hand it. They just kind of give it to you without like saying anything. That's kind of how they, like, they drop her drinks off and they'll be

[B]

like, this is how they did at the Dunkin Donuts. The Dunkin Donuts? You mean kfc?

[A]

I went more than one place, but they've also put it, like. Imagine like it's a big counter at Dunkin Donuts. So imagine it is so far. It's like they put it at the very edge of their side of the counter. Like, it's like. It's like Weeble Wobble and about to fall off. So you have to reach all the way over. It is like every time I go, I'm like, this is insane how they do customer service here. This is wild.

[B]

I mean, I mean, I did have a sour experience at the Gus Fried Chicken, I guess. Gus Famous Fried Chicken in Atlanta. Andy and I went and they were open until 10 o'.

[A]

Clock.

[B]

And we got there like 9:30, which is a half an hour before the close. And then we went to get chicken. And then we ordered our food. They didn't want. They didn't have like, several things, which is fine. We got something. We said. I'm like, oh, y' all can't sit in here and eat. And I was like, huh? Like, y' all can't sit here and eat. I was like, but what time do you close? We close at 10.

[A]

What time was it?

[B]

9:30. He's like, y' all can't sit here and eat. I just went outside. I just ate on the curb. So that was very annoying.

[A]

Wasn't also where the lady was like, not nice to y'. All. Cause she saw your little gayness. What was it?

[B]

Oh, My God, did I tell the story on here?

[A]

I don't remember. See, you're getting the Atlanta. That is the Atlanta customer service.

[B]

Well, I will say this. This lady was clear religious. So Ann and I, we were going to. It's not crumble. What's the other one that does cupcakes? They have the vending machine sprinkles. It was sprinkles they have in the Atlantic Square Road Mall. There's a sprinkles. So Andy and I walk in, we're holding hands, and we're like, two people in front of us in line. And we're, like, getting up to the counter. And then, you know, we're, like, kissing each other, not making out, like, being cute, whatever. So we get to the thing. I'm like, hi. It was. I was getting cupcakes. It was Patty's birthday. I was getting a dozen cupcakes. I was like, can I have an assortment of your. Of 12 of your cupcakes? She. And then she had not looked up from her monitor once at me. She's just like, which. Which flavors you want? And I was like, it doesn't really matter. You can do any you want, just as long as there's one or two red velvets. She was like, okay. She walked back, and Andy was like, why is she being so weird? Do you think it's cause we're gay? I was like, no, it's not. Cause we're gay. She probably just tired, girl. She's been working all day. She wanted to go the fuck home. That's probably what it is. So then she comes back. She still doesn't look up. She's like, hey, here your cupcakes. And nature told her, put in your card. I was like, okay, thank you. And then Andy taps me, and he's like. And I was like, yeah. He was like, her hat. So I look up, her hat said CIA on the side, says, pray for Jesus or something. Jesus. And the CIA was like, christ.

[A]

Christ is the answer.

[B]

Christ is the answer. Or Christ in action. Something like that. And she's clearly like a very militant religious person. And she's like, the hat stuff.

[A]

A crunchy, ignorant asshole.

[B]

And she's very put off by how gay we were. Cause then as we left, the next.

[A]

But she's like, hey, y'.

[B]

All. How y' all doing? Welcome to Sprinkle.

[A]

But that. I'm telling you, Mone, that is the. In my experience, that is such an Atlanta customer service experience. I always say, when they say Southern hospitality, bitch, they are not talking about Atlanta, that. That sprinkles. There is a, like, protective shield over. Over the metro Atlanta area when they sprinkle like Southern hospitality. And it just does not make it Atlanta.

[B]

Well, it's so. Funny thing in New York desert. I feel like every time, literally, when I was just recently in New York, I went to a store, like, a store to get. I don't know where I was at some store, like a Target

[A]

to get, like a razor.

[B]

We were there for the thing. I needed a razor. And New York people, to me, they just didn't really look at you. They don't really talk to you. They're talking to everybody else on this shit. They're like, jaquan.

[A]

They never stop playing. And I'm like, but you're right here. You're right here. They talk over your head. I hate that New York, New York does the especially Duane Read over your head.

[B]

I'm like, do you guys know the razors? They over there somewhere. Marquise, come on.

[A]

I gotta go on my break.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

Well, I hate is when you go into Duane Reed in New York City, and they always ask you. You ask them if they have something. They always say, no, they might look around for three seconds. I remember one time going in, being like, do you guys have any kind of episode Duane Reed, y'? All?

[B]

I was like, if you don't know, because Winry's a New York thing. It's like.

[A]

It's a Walgreens. It's owned by Walgreens. It is literally just a Walgreens called Dwyane Reed.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So you walk into Duane Read and you go, can I get. I said, can I get some Benadryl? And she goes, I said, do you guys have Benadryl? And she goes, benadryl? No, I said, you don't have Benadryl? She goes, we don't have. It's called Benadryl. No, we don't have Benadryl. I was like, you don't. This pharmacy doesn't have Benadryl. She goes, you can check. So I go back and look, I have so much Benadryl in my hands. I was like, oh, this is Benadryl. She goes, oh, I guess we do have Benadryl.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

But you love that. Like that. But it's so fucking ranchy. Like I was. And then.

[B]

And then they be working fully, have their iPhone in their hand.

[A]

They're corded headphones in their pocket, having.

[B]

Listening to music or talking to somebody.

[A]

Let's take a break.

[B]

Let's take a break. We'll be back.

[A]

Close your eyes, exhale, Feel your body

[B]

relax and let go of whatever you're carrying today. Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-contacts. Oh, my gosh, they're so fast.

[A]

And breathe. Sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw

[B]

the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste. Visit 1-800contacts.com today to save on your first order.

[A]

1-800-contacts. They be fully at work, phone in hand, listen to their music.

[B]

One edit, one headphone in, the other one dangling. That shit is just funny to me.

[A]

I do not think it's funny. I think it's fair. It does not tickle me. I don't think it's humorous. It is not funny to experience. When I'm experiencing it, it does not feel funny. Oh, wait.

[B]

And the moment. It's not funny.

[A]

When I sit back now and think

[B]

about, I'm like, that is such a New York thing. That is so New York.

[A]

It's not just New York, though. Like, I was. I was talking to Nick the other day and.

[B]

Who?

[A]

Nick Smith.

[B]

Nick Gurr. Oh, Nick Smith. Not Gurr. Got it. Okay, continue.

[A]

I was with Nick Smith the other day and we were walking and I was like, the last name should be Gurdly. That would be Nick Girdley.

[B]

Niggardly.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

One name.

[A]

But anyway, so talking about phone. Wait, no. Why Girdley?

[B]

Just Girdly?

[A]

Because it's less obvious. Anyway, I was talking to Nick Smith on the phone and I was trying to buy my mom my Apple tv. And I walked to the Walmart and I said, this is in Atlanta. And I said, do you guys have an Apple tv? And the guy said, apple tv. Now, this is the guy standing in the electronic section, but he's plain clothes, so I just thought he was a customer. And I said, yeah, Apple tv.

[B]

But you asked the customer if they have Apple tv.

[A]

No, I asked the employees and this guy just turned around, oh, got it. And just said, apple tv. And I was like, yeah, Apple tv. Do you guys have an Apple tv? He goes, apple tv? I said, yes, Apple tv. He goes, apple tv. And I say, yes, we are both saying Apple tv. Apple tv. And he put on his vest later on, but he worked there. And he was like, oh, Apple tv. And I was like, yes. And we just kept. It was like. It was like 30 seconds of us just saying Apple TV back and forth.

[B]

No, it was not that long.

[A]

And he was like, oh, I thought Apple made a tv. And my brother's like, you work in the electronics department. You don't know what Apple TV is. Okay, I'm not gonna hold you for that. But, like, what? So he goes, oh, Apple tv.

[B]

Hold on, hold on.

[A]

And then the guy was like, which one you want? And I was like, well, which ones do you have? He goes, I don't know. And I was like, I want the one that you can talk into. I need the one that you can, like, speak into with the microphone. He goes, all right. And he goes back, and he kind of grabs him, and he just like. Like, pushes them toward me. And I'm like, which one is the one that you can talk into? He goes, I don't know. And then he's like. He's just like, here. So I'm like, okay. So I'm reading them myself. And then like, what's the difference between these two? Like, which one's better? And he's just like, I don't know. Like I'm bothering him. I don't know. And I was like, oh, my God.

[B]

Well, all the time, these people, they don't really know the products. Like, they know that they sell.

[A]

Bitch. Read the box like you're in the electronics department. Bitch. Just.

[B]

But what I think it is, Walmart and Target, they don't train these people to do that. Like, they stick to. This may have been this man's first time working in electronics. He normally probably works in the baby dissection. And I don't think Walmart and Target trained them on, like, each individual thing.

[A]

Sure. Whoopty whoop. They don't train them. They probably don't. The way that I got answers was what he could have done, which I literally just read. I was just like, I'll just read the box then, while you just stand here. Okay. So I'm reading the boxes, and then I'm like. And then I was like, okay, I want this one. And then he takes the other one out of my hand and starts walking away. And I said, I also need a tv. I need a tv. He goes, you want a tv, too? And I was like, yes, I would like a tv, please. Can I please have a tv? Which one you want? And I was like. I was like. I'm like, oh, my God. I want to fight this guy. I want that one, please. And he's like, oh, my God. Hold on. So then he goes to the.

[B]

Did he say, oh, my God?

[A]

Yes. He goes, nick was on the Phone with me. I was like. I remember being like, I'm so glad someone else is here to experience this, because someone's gonna think I'm exaggerating. This is. So he said, oh, my God. No, he said. He said, oh, my God.

[B]

Hold on.

[A]

That's what he said. He didn't go, oh my. He went, oh, my God, hold on. So then he went, he got a TV and he put it in the cart. And then he was like, all right, we gotta go to the front. So I. But he took. I mean, he took both Apple TV out of hand because you can't walk to the front of the Apple TV because people steal them, I guess. So he's like, they go, your tv, it's in the cart. So I'm like pushing the cart and he's like, got the Apple tv and he's just like walking in front of me. But he's walking so fast. All of a sudden he has all this energy. He is like speed racing through Walmart and I have a massive TV trying to get through Walmart to catch up to him. He makes it to the self checkout before I do. I don't know where he put the Apple tv. He made it there, dropped it off and just left. And I don't know where the Apple TV is. I have no clue where anything is. And then I asked the lady who was up at the front, a. A very lovely lady. She might have been like, maybe in her 40s. And she was like, very. I was like, this woman is who I need. Thank you. I'm so glad I ran into you. And she's like, hey, baby, what can

[B]

I do with you?

[A]

And I was like, I just, I'm trying to find the tv. She's like, oh, I can find the tv. Hold on one second, honey. She's like, help me find the tv. But I think it's just. It's the young ones and it's always the straight ones. Not always. That's not true. But often. I just don't think I want to see straight guys in customer service.

[B]

You all heard it. Bob hates straight guys. But do you know what straight guys love? What? Water. Now, have you ever met a straight guy that doesn't like water?

[A]

I'm sure at some point I've probably met a straight guy who doesn't like water, but I haven't done a whole lot of investigating. I don't know that many straight guys.

[B]

Well, you hit the right thing. Okay, now water as a natural resource. In my opinion, water is one of the Most dangerous natural resources that we have. Would you agree with that statement? Water can. What do you mean by that? Like, when with floods, with tsunamis, like, water can do, like, really, really, really bad damage to our planet, to our. Just our. Oh, my God. I was using your leg as comfortable.

[A]

I know.

[B]

It was not comfortable for me, so I moved my leg.

[A]

Yes, water can be very, very damaging. Yes.

[B]

Have you ever been in a flood?

[A]

I've been in a hurricane before, but I've never been in a flood.

[B]

What Hurricane Sandy?

[A]

I want to say Andy ironically, or Eileen. It was something. It was something that hit. It hit the Gulf of Mexico when I lived in Alabama. So even though. Even though I was not on the coast, but the hurricane reach goes. Reaches very, very far. And we had like a lot of power lines knocked down and a lot of flooding, a lot of power outages. This is like. I was.

[B]

Maybe I was pretty young, but never in Atlanta. Also. We both lived through Hurricane Sandy.

[A]

And I lived through Hurricane Sandy. Yeah.

[B]

Hurricane Sandy. Hurricane Sandy. I was working at. This is when I was dating this guy in Brooklyn called. His name was Joel. Oh, my God. Who was this Puerto Rican guy in Brooklyn. And he had his whole brownstone. Well, he had the first of a brownstone to himself. And I was working at that time at the Holiday Inn, jfk. And we were dating for like a month and a half. And then Hurricane Sandy happened, and I was spending all my time with him and we were like. We like bunkered up together.

[A]

I guess.

[B]

I wasn't doing drag then. Was I doing drag when Hurricane Sandy happened? What year was Hurricane Sandy? Because I don't remember the year Hurricane Sandy was.

[A]

2012.

[B]

Oh. So I was like, just starting.

[A]

It was around Halloween.

[B]

It was around Halloween. So you were obviously doing drag. Did you get caught? So Hurricane Sandy was a big hurricane that hit the eastern seaboard, obviously, and it came to New York City and it had knocked power out from like 33rd street all the way down to the bottom of Manhattan. So people who were having to be there when it happened, they like, were. People walked from 33rd street all the way up to Harlem in the Bronx. If you lived there, did that happen to you?

[A]

Well, I didn't live in. I didn't.

[B]

Oh, right, you didn't live there yet.

[A]

I didn't live in. I Never lived below 33rd street ever, once in my life.

[B]

But I'm saying. But people who were like. Cause it happened, the storm was out during the day.

[A]

Yeah, but I mean, no one walked to my house. I mean, I lived in 100. I lived in 100 street at the time. And it was pretty. It was pretty calm uptown. I remember, like, going downtown, going downstairs during Hurricane Sandy to go buy a sandwich from the bodega next door, and this guy was, like, jogging past me. And then when I, like, got on my phone or on the. To watch on the TV to see what was happening on Lower Manhattan, I was like, that's hap. Like, I saw people's living rooms were flooded. I was like, I know. People's entire homes, like, were flooded. I was like, what is happening in. In lower Manhattan? Because upper Manhattan, that was just not. Was just having a complete. Even though it was, like, 10 miles away. Was having a completely different experience. I saw people who. I saw entire train stations underwater, completely submerged. South Ferry, I think South Ferry was completely submerged underwater because the one used to go to South Ferry because we used to set the dragon name one to South Ferry. But then the one train for a while only went to Rector. So the drag name changed to one director, but one Direction.

[B]

That's hilarious.

[A]

But, yeah, it was a really. It was a really wild time because uptown, we were just having such a different experience. But I was working at bars that were. I was working at Barracuda and Boots and Saddle and I think maybe Pieces at the time maybe. So all those gigs were, like, not happening.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

For, like, I don't know how long. Maybe, like a couple weeks, maybe a month.

[B]

I don't know why I got on the topic of Joel, but he was. Oh. Cause I had stayed at his house. So, like, in, like, I would this, like, bl. Fest we were having. I had no idea, because Brooklyn wasn't. I mean, the part of Brooklyn he was. It was in Crown Heights area, so the part of Brooklyn was at. Didn't really affect it that bad.

[A]

Far Rockaway got decimated.

[B]

Yeah, far. Because Parkway is, like, literally, like. It's like. It's like a little gulf over there.

[A]

It's actually.

[B]

Isn't it Queens? Yeah, it's Queens. Parkway is Queens, so. And, like, this thing. I had, like, bunkered out his house for, like, three, four days. Like, I had to call out of work. I was like, I can't get to work. I'm stuck. And then. So when I left this, like, nest at his place, and I realized, oh, shit, it was like, a real storm, because I had. In my lifetime, I had never experienced a storm in New York besides a snowstorm. I never experienced, like, a hurricane storm in New York.

[A]

And did Joel drink water?

[B]

Joel did, like, to drink water. Joel also. He did. This is my first introduction into someone who did like. Well, that's not true. But he smells like. Like a lot of weed. Like a lot of weed. Joelle was like a weed head. Like a pothead.

[A]

You say pothead?

[B]

Yeah, I said it because I said weed head. And we did the whole thing on the podcast about pothead weed head thing. He was like a really. And I was like, wow. But Joel did like water. He was a very big fan of water. Now, in St. Lucia, obviously, St. Lucia is in the Caribbean, so they have hurricanes that pass St. Lucia, but they have often. I don't know if you will even be familiar with this term tropical depression. You know what that is?

[A]

I've heard the term before.

[B]

It's like a.

[A]

Whenever you come around, I kind of get a little.

[B]

So what is it sitting in? Tropical depression.

[A]

That's funny.

[B]

Topical depression. They're like a less serious tropical storm. So I think, Jacob, maybe you can look this up. I think it goes from like a storm to a tropical depression. Tropical storms.

[A]

Something real quick before we talk about this, before we go into bringing Al Roker, we were going to this. Lizzo's concert's at an arena, and it's at 8 o'. Clock. And Monet looked at me today and said, what time should we go? 7. What time should we head over? 7:45. Y' all does that. That's crazy. That sounds wild, right?

[B]

Okay, but while we're missing out on very crucial information, our lady our. The woman who drove us here in the Uber sh.

[A]

Like, oh, you're like.

[B]

You're like two to four minutes away from the venue.

[A]

But we should. We should. In my opinion, when you go to see a show, especially a live show, you should try to be there. Be there. Not head out. Be there at least 30 minutes before the show. And that's in like a 200, 300 seat theater. This is over a thousand seats in an arena.

[B]

Yeah, sure, but we're like two to. Two to four minutes away. I mean, whatever.

[A]

I mean, okay, we're gonna leave early.

[B]

I don't think it's.

[A]

That you're acting. Like I said, let's take.

[B]

Let's go murder Lizzo.

[A]

I don't think that what I said carried the same weight as let's murder Lizzo. Now. I think you're the one being extreme. I think it is wild to be like, we should leave it. Like, if we left at 8:45, let's say it took five minutes to get there. We get there at 7:50. I mean, we get there at 7:50. We now have 10 minutes to get from the. From the park, from the edge of a stadium to our seats in a stadium with like. With like 3,000, 4,000 people in it.

[B]

Yeah. Yes.

[A]

Is that how you go to stuff? Is that how you did ACL? Did you go to SZA show 10 minutes before?

[B]

Oh, I was an hour before.

[A]

So you do understand? So you do understand? I don't understand.

[B]

I was just saying, bitch, are you drunk, ho.

[A]

You had an hour before. How far is it fancy to go see Lil NASA?

[B]

Did what? Lil Nas X. I got that. He was already performing because we were at Diplo.

[A]

And how early did you get to Diplo?

[B]

No, Diplo was at. We were at some of the one else.

[A]

How early did you get to the people you were. I don't know.

[B]

The only.

[A]

I was late to everyone, bitch.

[B]

I was mad because we ended up missing. I only saw the last two songs that Jasmine Sullivan set because we was fucking late because we had lunch before. And the bitch who was our waitress was taking Mad along. So I ended up missing all of Jasmine Sullivan's set. I'm so tired.

[A]

I feel like running late to concerts is kind of a thing for you. You relate to Diplo. You relate to. You were late to Jasmine Sullivan.

[B]

Well, when you had a festival.

[A]

I'm trying to drop you on some shit. You are late to everything now.

[B]

Sza. I was there, bitch.

[A]

Early.

[B]

Squirrely. Honey, that was.

[A]

I was. I'm trying to put you on some game. You guys, you can't be going late. You are. That was so wild. I remember, like, what? Isn't that wild?

[B]

Okay, you see your mom acting like I said some crazy shit. Like mom acting like I said water don't exist or some shit.

[A]

The extreme between me, between me saying going to a concert, getting there 10 minutes before to get to a stadium seat and saying let's murder Lizzo and water doesn't exist. Does that really seem like a correlation?

[B]

Because you're like.

[A]

That is. I can't believe Monet said that.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

It's just such poor planning. Especially someone. Cause you work in theater. You work in shows. You do shows, you put on shows. Yeah, that's why it's such an odd concept to me. Because you. What time do you tell people to come to your show? If the show's eight, what time do you tell them to be there?

[B]

Before I was working. How we work now when I was just working in the bar. So my short starts at 10 get it at 10:30. Because we know this show's never taught on time.

[A]

They're your show. Your show. First of all, I Bob, come and

[B]

see you on Tuesday nights.

[A]

Your bad drag food show was a book.

[B]

Lies.

[A]

I call Chris Dunbar right now.

[B]

I'm calling. Oh, my God.

[A]

Famously had a saying in my show. I famously. Barracuda, I said.

[B]

Not barracuda, I said.

[A]

You're not listening. I famously had a saying where I said, my show is at 10:30. If you show up at 10:31, you missed the first minute of the show, bitch. I famously said, call first down.

[B]

Hold on. First on. First of all, your bad drive. I mean, your Monday night show did not start at 10:30.

[A]

It started midnight. I know what time my show started. Right.

[B]

So 10:30.

[A]

Call Chris Dunbar.

[B]

I'm calling Chris Dunbar right now. Because you're so. Oh, my God. Oh, I can't wait. It's gonna taste so good.

[A]

Say the Bob starting.

[B]

Hold on. I'm not even gonna give him any lead up. I'm gonna ask him just a generic question. I'm gonna say, hey, Chris, what time was Bob show supposed to start on Tuesday? What time did it start? Or did Bob show start on time? Do you think that's a fair question?

[A]

Yes. However you wanna ask, I'm not here to tell on you.

[B]

Your call has been forwarded to.

[A]

You can call Mitch Farino. You can call Mitch Farino. And I worked at the Monster.

[B]

We know for a fact Monster did not start on time.

[A]

Oftentimes call my shirna. Was Bob always late to. I did not say that. That's not what I said. Ring a ding, ding. That's not what I said, bitch.

[B]

And you know that's not what I said.

[A]

Let me answer home for you.

[B]

Hello, good evening, Mitch Perino. This is Monet X Change. You're on the podcast. How are you?

[A]

I'm wonderful.

[B]

How are you? Good. Mitch, I just have a question. Okay. On Sunday nights at the Monster for liquing, what time did the show start? Did they start on time or did they. Or did we. Wait, like, what is. How do you remember those shows happening?

[A]

Okay, this is back in. Okay. We started Look Queen in 2014, so this is a stretch. I remember. I feel like we did several shows throughout the night, right? Yeah, we did, like, three shows throughout the night. Usually three or four.

[B]

Huh?

[A]

Right. And I don't believe. I mean, there's been several hosts because the last hosts were, like, Tara and Dusty. But the original.

[B]

Hold on, hold on, let me talk.

[A]

But the original Post when it was you guys. When it was Bob hosting. I don't think.

[B]

I think.

[A]

I don't think we started on time. I would be surprised if we did.

[B]

Yeah, I would too. Mitch, thank you so much for taking your time. Thank you so much.

[A]

Now, let me ask Mitch. Now, don't hang up.

[B]

Don't put in your hand so we can hear him.

[A]

Hold the phone. Now, Mitch, Monet is trying to do this insinuation that I was starting my shows late all the time. Monet was like, at industry, you was always late. Who was the first queen? Who was the first queen at Lil Queen Everywhere week? You.

[B]

Oh, you. You were there.

[A]

You would take the stanchions and set up the stanchions and like you were moving around set pieces and like getting everything set, like by 10 o'. Clock.

[B]

Yes, we agree.

[A]

Okay. That is not the same.

[B]

I started the show.

[A]

Now you are now. Now, if I was waiting for someone like Mon Exchange to show up, what's that? And I had to wait because she was part of the show.

[B]

You were moving.

[A]

You were moving. I didn't interrupt you. I didn't interrupt you. I didn't interrupt you. I didn't interrupt you. Now, if I was waiting for someone like Monique Shane to show up, which you've admitted you relate to your shows all the time, right?

[B]

Not tell these much of all the. That's not what I said.

[A]

So the question is, did I have a reputation for starting my shows late? That's my question. I don't think you have a reputation for starting your shows late. To answer that question. No, you don't have a reputation.

[B]

No, we agree. No one said that you had a reputation for starting your shows late. No one literally ever said that.

[A]

So what were you saying then?

[B]

I was saying that I said that your Tuesday night show would start late. Bad Dragon. The show was supposed to start at 10:30. You know, that show did not start until midnight. And again, that's not because of true. Yes. That's not cause of you. That was because of other.

[A]

That's not true. That's not true.

[B]

Anyway, Mitch, thank you so much. We love you very much. Love you guys. Bye bye.

[A]

That is category. So y' all see if I was

[B]

just moving the goalpost.

[A]

That is categorically. Wait, you just said categorically false. That's on a call. Chris Dunbar. Yes, it is categorically false. Well, you.

[B]

You think one thing. I think one thing. The only person that can answer is Chris Dunbar. So next time on the podcast might be a Patreon Exclusive. We'll talk to Chris.

[A]

I can answer more than you because I did the show and I was

[B]

there for most of it.

[A]

No, you weren't. I was there for. I was there for every show and

[B]

I will come to your show very often.

[A]

I was there for every show I did.

[B]

That show seldom started on time.

[A]

I was there for every single shot.

[B]

Every mercury in retrograde. You saw it on time most of the time.

[A]

Not when they speak for your shows, bitch.

[B]

I was there. Speak for yourself. Anyway, so let's move on.

[A]

I cannot wait for you call.

[B]

I can't wait.

[A]

I'll talk about what I'm talking when I talk about. Bitch. You don't control the flow of the show. You don't decide when we move on. Neither do you. We're all.

[B]

We do it together.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. So you're a little. Let's move on, bitch. There's no concurrence.

[B]

So anyway.

[A]

So there's no concurrence. So speak for yourself.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Speak for your shows.

[B]

Getting late.

[A]

Rain. I would say we have rain. I'm not talking about tropical storms. I don't want.

[B]

Hold on.

[A]

I'm not talking about tropical storm. You are my tropical depression. I'm not entertaining you discussing tropical depression. Well, but this is what I want to talk about.

[B]

I'm talking about something else on your

[A]

half of the microphone. I'm on my side too. Talk about your tropical depression.

[B]

So I think. Go ahead.

[A]

Between what, a little bit of rain and some drizzle. And then what? And then we have what? Tropical depression.

[B]

I would say drizzle. Rain.

[A]

Bitch, you don't even know what you're talking about.

[B]

Tropical storm. Tropical depression. Tropical storm. Hurricane.

[A]

Monique, shut the fuck up. What are you.

[B]

What are you talking about?

[A]

You're talking about tropical depression. You're talking about water. You are talking about tropical depressions, you bitch. What would you say your favorite brand of bottled waters. I don't have a favorite brand of bottled water. I just don't like spring water.

[B]

What? You don't like spring water?

[A]

I do spring water.

[B]

Isn't that most of them?

[A]

No. There's some distilled waters. There is glacier water and there's spring water.

[B]

So what bottles of water do you like to drink?

[A]

I'll drink like Voss Dasani. I'll drink.

[B]

Isn't Dasani spring water?

[A]

Dasani is distilled water.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

I'll drink. Those are the waters that I tend to prefer. I just don't like. Deer park is spring water. Those are different kind of waters.

[B]

Oh, Dasani is purified water. Dasani purified. I like smart water. I like life water. I like essentia. I guess I never paid attention. What's spring? What's blah, blah, blah. Honestly, to be very honest, I do not taste. The only water that tastes different to me is the Nestle water and Evian. Evian like, has a different taste. Everything else pretty much tastes the same thing.

[A]

You think that tequila tastes like vodka. So your taste buds have no discern ability to discern.

[B]

Maybe, Maybe that's the truth. But I think that. I think that the only. Those are the only two that have, like, oh, my God, we have a Nestle one right here. Nestle and Evian, they just have a different taste. Like, do you agree Evian tastes weird? It tastes like, weird. Sure. They didn't know. New York City has the best sapo in the world, you know? Well, not in the world. New York City has one of the best taps water in the States.

[A]

In the States.

[B]

In the States. In the States.

[A]

I also, I have drank tap water my entire life. I drink tap water all the time. I'm not one of the folks, like, I don't drink no I. In my mind. People who act like Dasani is gross. You're doing too much. Like, you need to chill out.

[B]

Yeah, I don't taste Dasani doesn't taste weird.

[A]

Y'.

[B]

All.

[A]

Who act like Dasani's unhealthy, but then you chug a bottle of cocktail and then you do a bump a K. And then you eat. And then you eat a bagel slathered in butter. You're doing too much. It's Dysania bottled water. You're. You're, you're literally doing too much.

[B]

Because people see it has salt and people like, I can taste the salt. Like, I, I just can't. They're doing funny.

[A]

They're full of. I do not believe them. Now, I don't think this is. Granted, I, I. It's not as extreme as, like, saying all bottled water is saying. Because I do not think all bottle water is same, but. But acting like Dasani tastes salty. Y' all niggas lying.

[B]

Unless these people are just hypersensitive. They are tasting some shit that we don't taste. You know? Like, you know people who are super smellers.

[A]

No, I don't know any super smellers.

[B]

I'm super smellers. Like, they smell everything.

[A]

They're like this they term super smellers.

[B]

Yeah, that's the thing. A lot of people talk about super smellers and super tasters I mean, I don't categorize myself as a super smeller. I feel like I am sensitive to certain things. But, like, I know some people, like, Patty is notoriously. Has very bad smell. Patty's like, I don't smell anything. He's like, I'm like. But I was like, you smell that? He's like, what? I don't smell anything. But Patty knows he has bad sense of smell. But some people are. Super smell. You never heard that term super smellers?

[A]

No.

[B]

Work.

[A]

I don't have a great sense of smell, but there are certain smells that upset me. I don't like the smell of candles with specific candles, like things like vanilla.

[B]

And

[A]

I don't like the way that lush smells. I don't like the way the bath and body works smell.

[B]

Cucumber melon.

[A]

No, it's been a warm, warm vanilla sugar. The way the.

[B]

The whole.

[A]

There's too many. It's too. There's too many smells in there.

[B]

There's a lot of smells.

[A]

It makes my stomach hurt. Like, I literally get like bubble guts and I get sick when I go into those stories. It's just something about the way that the.

[B]

Do you think that's tied to your vision because you have vision? Like, because you know, your senses are. They say, like, if one sense is weaker, the other ones are super heightened. Do you think maybe because, like, you have some vision stuff, like your smell is like, really is a little warped as well?

[A]

Well, doesn't make sense because my vision is bad. My smell would be better.

[B]

I'm saying that's why you smell it so intensely. That's what.

[A]

That's.

[B]

That's. But I don't have.

[A]

I don't have a great sense of smell, though. I just. That particular smell makes me safe, but I don't have a great sense of smell.

[B]

Well, you. Do you have. Do you have bad vision? Do you have. What's your.

[A]

I also don't have. I also don't. I don't know, but I don't have horrible vision. I. I can. I can go by without. I've lost my glasses. I have not worn my glasses in probably two months now.

[B]

But you're supposed to wear glasses, so that means you.

[A]

I've worn glasses. I was 4 years old, but I've also gone years at a time without wearing glasses. I didn't wear glasses the first, like, I think eight years you knew me, so maybe doing.

[B]

But that means you have bad vision, right? You have glasses, right?

[A]

I have impaired vision, but I don't have like, horrible vision. I can see very well. I can read everything on the screen. I can read every single word. I am visually impaired technically, but I do not have bad vision.

[B]

I am visually impaired technically, but I have great vision.

[A]

What I'm saying is I wear glasses, but I. But I don't. I'm not legal. I don't need them. I'm not one of the folks who's like, what is. I can't Like, I'm not one of those folks.

[B]

Most people have really.

[A]

Sometimes I will put. I will do this sometimes, but I can read things. I didn't wear glasses for the first eight. For the first eight years.

[B]

I was like, sometimes I have to

[A]

be like, but I can see. Well, that's different. People do different things. Like, for example, also, as you get older, your vision just changes. Like, for example, as you get older, you might need readers, but you don't need seeing glasses.

[B]

I mean, I have never had to do this sort of thing. I know I can.

[A]

Probably because you're not that age yet. Some people. Just. Some people, as you get older, your eyes are getting technically worse. I get how emotional. But it's not because you need seeing glasses. It's because you need reading glasses.

[B]

I mean, I get that the body deteriorates and certain things just don't work as ease the older you get. But I'm saying I've never been a point in my life in my 32 years where I have to be like, all people be like. Like Kameka. Since I know Kameka since middle school, Kamika has to do this to see. She's like, listen. She has to go. And I'm like, kamika, bitch, put all your glasses on. She's like, kevin, no. She's like, what'd that sign say?

[A]

Well, sometimes carrying around glasses just to read a thing. Like, if I'm wearing, like, wearing glasses can kind of become a hinder. So am I gonna wear glasses all day or am I just gonna go, stan's coffee? That is a lot easier than just wearing glasses all day. Because my vision's not so bad that I need glasses all day. But if I want to read one thing, I'll just quickly close one eye and then be like, oh, actually, I never put it this close. I can't read that at all. I usually put it about right here. And I go, oh, well, that's what

[B]

I was saying, though, because your vision is a little bit. A bit.

[A]

But I'm also saying I don't have a strong sense of smart. So because my vision's impaired. I would have a stronger sense of smell. But I don't have sense of smell.

[B]

I mean with your color thing. Because like you have like that thing with your. With color colors. Maybe that's why like the one thing about smells like really upsets you. Like it makes you. Like it fucks you up. It makes you go to shit. You said it fucks up your stomach.

[A]

I don't think. I don't think that because I'm colorblind. The smell of Bath and Body Works makes me have to use the restroom.

[B]

Like it is physically. Like you physically have to use the restroom.

[A]

Yes. It bubbles my guts to go into Bath and Body Works or Lush. Like the smells are way too overwhelming and it genuinely upsets my stomach and it turns everything into it to liquid and I have the shit.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

If you are some. What's that? I know the name of this. Not a doctor that deals with a gastro.

[A]

Gastro something.

[B]

But maybe something has to do with ant though. Like Angela's throat too. I don't know if you're ENT or a gastrointestinal person. And like you have some insights and I'm very curious as to how that all works. It's very interesting to me that it makes you like it like bubbly. That is. That's so wild to me.

[A]

Why do you think you have a bad sense of taste?

[B]

I don't have a bad sense of taste.

[A]

Money. You can't even distinguish vodka from tequila. That's not a great sense of taste.

[B]

But nothing else. Is that.

[A]

There was something else recently that you were talking about. You can't discern spring water from. From distilled water.

[B]

When I say I can't purify, it

[A]

isn't because any water can be purified. Like pure. That's purified.

[B]

Spring water defined just says purified. I didn't say distilled. It just says purified. But it's not a purified water. That's why I said that. But I like when I say I can like Evian to me has like a drastic taste and everything else. Like Evian. And people know that about Evian. Like Evian is just like it tastes weird. What is Evian? What type of water waters that beyond.

[A]

I believe they've gone to spring water. I'm almost positive they're going to spring water.

[B]

Yeah, I think you're right.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Adrian. Natural spring, whatever natural spring they get that water from. It tastes a little crazy for sure. I don't think.

[A]

I don't. I don't think it tastes. I mean, I. I don't like Deer Park. Deer park, specifically. Spring water just tastes like it been in nature. And I want my water to taste like it came from a distillery. There's that.

[B]

There's that TikTok of that lady who. She goes to Iceland. I think it's Iceland. And she just takes her thing of water and she just goes to the spring. And apparently, like, the. The natural waters in Iceland are so clean. You can just like, take your thing and go and just drink it. It's so purified. Which. Which in America, never. I mean, maybe there are some places like Yellowstone or some parks you can do that. I. There's no. There's no place in America. I would go and be like, oh, yeah. I don't. I don't. I don't see that for me. Have either of you ever been in

[A]

a public fountain, like Washington Square Park? You know, people hang out there during the summer.

[B]

Have you ever done that for.

[A]

When I was a kid, I used to go to public fountains all the time. Like splash around in a fountain or. Or to a water park. I went to water parks when I was a kid or I was. I would go to Six Flags and stand at that place where the. The. The boat crashes down and then all the water hits.

[B]

Yeah, I used to. In. In the public parks in New York, they have like those geysers they have. You can go play around and splash around. I used to do that as a kid for sure. Kamika and I used to do it in the park all the time together. And I. I used to drink public fountain water. I don't think I would now as an adult, but as a kid, I used to do it all the time.

[A]

When I was a kid, I would. At the school, the water fountain. I would put my mouth on the spigot and suck it. That's how you get the most water.

[B]

That is so gross. I also think.

[A]

Are you calling a child gross?

[B]

Yes, that's gross behavior.

[A]

You're calling a child gross?

[B]

Yes, absolutely. That's gross.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I would. It always. I get it. I'm sure. Cause like, with plumbing and how it all works, but always, like, mentally grosses me out that water fountains are like, right by the bathroom. Like, they. That same bathroom sink water is probably what you're drinking. So why not just go to the bathroom and be like.

[A]

Like, I drink. I drink water from the bathroom sink sometimes.

[B]

No, you don't.

[A]

I do you really? It's literally the exact same water coming out of your kitchen sink.

[B]

I. Out of your kitchen sink.

[A]

It's literally the exact same water. You know, the water. I mean, I don't drink out of the toilet, but the water going into your toilet is also.

[B]

You want to say, then drink that,

[A]

but it's in a toilet, Mon. That doesn't make sense.

[B]

They clean it.

[A]

It's in. It's in a toilet. That doesn't make any sense. I'm also not licking water from, like, sink. I'm getting it directly from the faucet. And the water in the toilet is rubbing against the entire bowl as it goes down.

[B]

So when you go to the bathroom in like a. In the airport, you just. Would you bring a cup? Do you have, like a refillable thing?

[A]

I do in a hotel sometimes. I've done it at home before.

[B]

But not like a public place.

[A]

Probably not.

[B]

I'm thinking of you going to the bathroom at Atlanta Herschel Jackson Airport and being like. Like, ooh.

[A]

I would sit there and be like, what is.

[B]

What is he going through?

[A]

I would drink a bottle of water from the Hartsville Jackson Atlanta public bathroom, though. From the sink. I would drink a bottle of water from there. Work. It's the same tap water that you're gonna get.

[B]

I'm sure it is when you go

[A]

to the restaurant in the airport.

[B]

The same water to me, just all the germs. People. People fucking wash their shitty hands in that thing. People. Who knows what people are doing with those bathrooms. Bathroom sinks are soft.

[A]

That a lot of people drink from.

[B]

At least it was a wash. You didn't know how often those people. Right before you did that some bitch probably fucking shit her brains on was fucking washing their hands trying to get the shit off her. Who knows what happened in that sink.

[A]

Yeah, that probably happened, but more than likely not.

[B]

But it could.

[A]

Like someone else. By that same notion, someone could have just shit in the cup you just drank from and they could have not washed it. Probably not.

[B]

Someone is less likely to have shit in the cup that you drink up before wild wings than somebody washing their shitty hands at a public bathroom. Like the likelihood that someone shitting the

[A]

cup of wild wings and the likelihood

[B]

of someone who's washing their shitty hands in the bathroom is a way higher probability than the shitting their cup.

[A]

I agree, but I think they're also both drastically low. It's kind of like the thing. Like, it's kind of like low. The idea that. I think that the chances that someone has shit on their hands. Let me finish the whole statement. Someone has shit on their hands and Then gone to the sink that you are using and then got the shit off their hands, but then got some shit on the sink is probably insanely low.

[B]

Okay. But there's.

[A]

I mean, insanely low.

[B]

It is high. Most times you go to an airport bathroom, a few people are shitting. So when I say shitty hands, maybe not shit on their hands. Let's say that they did take a shit and they wiped their ass. Oh, my God, we're saying shit so many times in the microphone. And they wipe their ass and they wash, and they're saying that happens many times a day. Several times a day, even. So I'm saying, like, just the germs from all of that, as opposed to the ones that are on your cup are probably.

[A]

I just don't share this concern that you share. I'm not like, I don't navigate the world being afraid that because these. Like, there was someone I was talking to recently. I found this. When I was younger, I found this belt, a young warthog. And I was like, oh, this belt's so cute. I just found it outside. And someone's like, for all you know, someone could have took that and rubbed it between their ass cheeks. And I was like, yeah, but probably not. Like, more than likely that didn't happen. Yeah. So I'm just definitely.

[B]

I agree with you.

[A]

So I'm like, I'm just not concerned. Or someone's like, someone could have threw up on this plate. That actually probably happens a lot more than you think it does. Probably someone vomiting on a plate at a restaurant probably happens more than people shitting on their hands in the bathroom.

[B]

Probably.

[A]

But I'm also like, I'm just not. I'm just not. I'm just not a germaphobe. I'm just not. I'm just like. I've gone through my life pretty healthy. I don't. I'm not reckless. I'm not like, I'm not licking toilet seats, but I'm like, it's a sink. It has water. I'm gonna drink it. I'm very lucky to live in a country, in a place in this country, this place, in its very own country. I'm very lucky. I'm very lucky to live in a place where you can drink water from the sink. And more than likely, probably in the 99.9 percentile, nothing's gonna happen to you, so just drink. So I'm just like, just drink the water.

[B]

I agree. Someone probably did not throw up on a plate or rub a belt between their ass. So someone probably washed their shitty hands in the sink. And that is probably true in a public bathroom.

[A]

Yeah, but it probably. What I'm saying is it probably won't make you sick. I mean, it may not make you sick.

[B]

I'm just. The grossosity of it. I hate to break it, I can't

[A]

see you, but your interactions with fecal matter on a daily basis is probably so much higher than you think it is. It is.

[B]

Listen, it's on door handles and et cetera. We know that shit. But I'm specifically talking about a bathroom sink where you wash your hands after you take a dump at the Atlanta Jacksonville Hartsville. Atlanta Hartsville Jackson International Airport.

[A]

I'm not trying to convince you to take a drink from the.

[B]

Oh, and I will not. You have not and I won't. On that note, we have to go. We have to leave here in line.

[A]

Well, according to you, we can go in about four hours.

[B]

Honestly, we can leave at 7:30. We leave at 7:30.

[A]

No, I want to get dressed.

[B]

I'm leaving.

[A]

I'm leaving by 7:15.

[B]

Okay. Well, bitch, I have the tickets. So what's up?

[A]

I bought the tickets.

[B]

Yeah, but you bought them on my Kennedy. Bought them on my ticket master. So what's good, Miley?

[A]

Miley, what's good? I'll see you at 17. Miley, what's good?

[B]

Why do you need to shower? So let's wrap it up, bitch.

[A]

Let's wrap a shower, bitch.

[B]

We're doing a podcast.

[A]

We're not doing a podcast. The podcast is over.