The One That Was Supposed to Be About Holidays

Summary

Sibling Rivalry – “The One That Was Supposed to Be About Holidays”

Date: December 14, 2022
Hosts: Bob the Drag Queen & Monét X Change

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Episode Overview

In this wildly tangential and delightfully candid episode, Bob and Monét set out to discuss “holidays” but—as is tradition with Sibling Rivalry—veer into hilarious debates and personal stories about crystals, candles, gaslighting, problematic celebrities, and faux holiday traditions. The discussion is loosely connected by the theme of rituals and gatherings, with both hosts poking fun at each other’s quirks and lives, all in their trademark irreverent, shade-filled style.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

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1. Crystals, Candles & Spiritual Practices

Timestamps: 01:32–09:46

• Jackie Aina Candles: Monét shares enjoyment of Jackie Aina’s candles and wonders if Bob uses his.
• Cleansing Rituals: The two discuss rituals like saging homes and lighting candles, but admit they don’t deeply believe in the spiritual aspects.
• Crystals & Their “Powers”: Bob recounts being given a Herkimer diamond, initially dismissing it as just a rock. Monét reads metaphysical properties online, playfully accusing Bob’s “demon stone” of disrupting electronics (“…you waved it on the podcast, I lost my signal and the lights went off” – Monét, 05:31).
• Skepticism vs. Play: Both hosts note they perform rituals or keep crystals/candles for tradition or the vibe, not because they’re true believers.
• Religious & Cultural Rituals: Bob expands on doing things for tradition (“I listen to gospel music and really love it, but I don’t believe…” – 08:41). Compares this to decorating Christmas trees or listening to religious music.
• Memorable Quote:

  “I think a lot of people do [rituals they don’t believe in]. Like, I used to decorate a Christmas tree. But I'm not pagan.” – Bob (08:41)

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2. Pop Culture Down the Rabbit Hole

Timestamps: 10:00–16:45

• Stranger Things: Quick aside where Monét jokes about Bob’s lack of TV binging.
• Controversial Musicians: R. Kelly’s album “I Admit It,” Prince’s disturbing song “Sister” (Bob reads the entire lyrics, deeply shocked—12:39).
• O.J. Simpson’s Book: The two react to “If I Did It,” marveling at the questionable marketing:

  “It looks like ‘I did it!’ and then when you zoom in on the I, you see the word ‘if.’” – Bob (16:37)

• Influence of Celebrities: Discussing how society rallies around stars, the problematic fandom around O.J., and why people continue to support those accused or convicted of crimes.

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3. Society, Justice & The End of the World

Timestamps: 21:32–25:57

• Public Figures & Crime:
  • Discussion around Megan Thee Stallion & Tory Lanez (shooting trial), and skepticism over “supporting Black women.”
  • How evidence is ignored and people choose when to care.
• Culture Shift:
  • Bob reflects on how attitudes toward sexual assault have shifted since the '80s (regarding Prince’s song), and how society now handles similar issues.
• Climate Anxiety:
  • Monét brings up existential fears:

    “They’re saying by 2036... our planet... this mf is going down…” – Monét (23:47)

  • Bob: skeptical of YouTube “science panels,” but notes that all civilizations eventually collapse.
  • Humor about home ownership being pointless if the world is ending:

    “Does it annoy you... you just bought a house, you’re getting it renovated, and by the time you get your keys, it’s going to be the Purge…?” – Bob (25:12)

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4. Holiday Hosting & Household Drama

Timestamps: 28:03–36:32

• Holiday Guests: Both compare notes on how often friends/family “just bop in” during the holidays.
• Differences in Hosting:
  • Bob claims people love coming to his place (“my door was a revolving door”). Monét claims she’s more private and strict about her space.
  • Debate over whether a stool can serve as a coffee table.

  • “If I put my drinks on your TV, that doesn’t make it a table. It’s a TV with a drink on it.” – Bob (30:33)

• Game Nights & Being Social:
  • Monét’s partner Andy wants to host regular game nights; Monét is less convinced.
  • Bob hosted frequent gatherings (more than 52 times!) but not on a set schedule.

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5. Handling Negative People

Timestamps: 31:18–39:35

• Bullying Memories:
  • Bob tells the story of “John Wayne the doo doo stain,” a school bully whose notorious fart scarred Bob’s 6th grade experience.
• Dealing with Negativity:
  • Monét avoids negative people. Both admit to having friends who are a bit negative but “not toxic.”
• The LA Is Fake Trope:
  • A friend of Bob’s complains everyone is fake in LA. Bob debunks this, using a “yellow Prius” analogy:

    “If you’re looking for fakeness and untrustworthiness… you’re just going to keep finding it because you’re looking for it.” (38:28)

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6. Holiday Parties & Family Dynamics

Timestamps: 39:35–51:22

• December & January Birthdays: Bob and Monét lament over having birthdays close to holidays.
• Going to (or Avoiding) Straight Events:
  • Monét shares her reluctance to attend a straight Hollywood party (“I was not going to be stuck with straight people for hours” – 41:45).
• Plans for Housewarmings & Holidays:
  • Both discuss how and whom they’d invite to future parties; Monét admits she must host separate friend/family events due to large family gatherings.
• Bob’s quest to crash Monét’s family event:

  “I want to come to the family one, is what I’m telling you right now.” – Bob (51:57)
  “Okay, then, nigga, I guess you ain’t coming then.” – Monét (52:11)

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7. Sexual Preferences & Random Tangents

Timestamps: 47:15–49:03

• Hands, Hygiene & Odd Turn-ons:
  • Monét cares about nice hands and lips—“non-negotiables” in dating.
• Hand Jobs & Foot Jobs:
  • The hosts compare sexual routines—Bob doesn’t like hand or foot jobs, preferring “lips around this shit” (48:53).
• Gaslighting Wars:
  • Monét and Bob bicker about who gaslit whom about a missing ring (see 44:01–44:56), referencing an old photo and Photoshop shenanigans.

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8. Language, Family, and Cultural Differences

Timestamps: 56:01–59:39

• Regional Pronunciation Shades:
  • Bob and Monét rib each other about saying “years/ears” and other words, with playful regional pride.
• How They Address Their Mothers:
  • Bob: “Ma”; Monét: “Mommy”; Jacob (producer): “Mom.”
• Smart Device Routines:
  • Both joke about their love (and Peppermint’s love) for automated assistants (“Hey Siri...”, “Hey Google...”).

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9. Holiday Rituals, Gaslighting, and Too Wong Foo

Timestamps: 59:39–end

• Trying to Stay on Topic:
  • Monét, exasperated: “By every point in the conversation, I tried to stay into holidays. Bob is actively... steering away.”
• Theater & Drag:
  • The two reminisce about theatrical projects—and the Broadway-bound rumors of “Too Wong Foo.”
• Holiday Movie Rituals:
  • Bob jokes that “Too Wong Foo” is one of his favorite holiday movies, further annoying Monét with a fake full-circle finish.
• Sign-off:
  • Monét calls it a night; Bob exposes her as “gaslighting y’all—it's 2 p.m.!”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Rituals Without Belief:

  “I listen to gospel music, and I really love gospel music, but I don’t believe in what’s going on.” – Bob (08:41)

• On Assigning Powers to Crystals:

  “You started waving that thing, and things started happening in my life, so I do not get that thing.” – Monét (05:51)

• On Climate Anxiety:

  “Does it annoy you to know that you just bought a house, you’re getting it renovated, and then by the time you get your keys, it’s gonna be the Purge. Your shit’s just going to get ransacked…” – Bob (25:12)

• Coffee Table Debate:

  “If I put my drinks on your TV, that doesn’t make it a table. It’s a TV with a drink on it.” – Bob (30:33)

• On LA “Fakeness”:

  “If you’re looking for fakeness and untrustworthiness and disloyalty in everyone, you’re just gonna keep finding it because you’re looking for it.” – Bob (38:28)

• On Avoiding Negative People:

  “I just don’t need that energy in my life if I have a friend. I mean, I think you and I have mutual friends. That their natural disposition is to be a little negative, but they're not toxic.” – Monét (34:38)

• Gaslighting Each Other (as always):

  “You're doing it right now! So who's gaslighting?” – Monét (44:06)

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Important Timestamps

• Crystals & Rituals: 01:32–09:46
• Prince “Sister” Lyric Reading: 11:12–13:44
• O.J. Simpson book analysis: 15:47–16:45
• Climate/Purge Paranoia: 24:50–25:57
• Hosting Debate (Game Nights, Parties): 28:03–36:32
• LA “Fake” Paranoia & Perception: 36:41–39:35
• “Too Wong Foo” & Holiday Traditions: 63:03–end

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Episode Tone & Language

Tone:
Playful, shady, irreverent, occasionally sentimental, always colloquial and explicit.

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For New Listeners

This episode exemplifies why Sibling Rivalry is a fan favorite: genuine friendship, playful arguing, and deeply queer cultural references, all delivered with quick wit. Though the holidays were merely a launching point, the journey is as entertaining as the (nonexistent) destination.

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End of Summary

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

My name is Bob the Drag Queen

[C]

and I'm Monet X Change.

[B]

And this is simply rivalry. On today's episode, we learn about the demonic properties of the Herkimer diamond.

[C]

Despite all of Bob's efforts. We try to talk about the hot holidays.

[B]

And we find out what made Monet say this.

[C]

Not Bob being the number one de Chebel aficionado. Sorry, didn't mean to offend you. And we find out what made Bob say this.

[B]

Does it annoy you to know that you just bought a house, you're getting renovated, and then by the time you get your keys, it's gonna be the purge. Your shit's just gonna get ransacked, and then also the water levels are gonna rise. Your whole shit's about.

[C]

I often light my Jackie Aina candles. Do you use yours?

[B]

Yeah, mine is almost empty, actually.

[C]

They smell very good.

[B]

I don't really love candles, but Trinity

[C]

the tuck for a while. I don't know if she still does, you know. Say it again.

[B]

I said I don't usually love lighting candle, but sometimes Jacob will light candles if we. If he knows we're having company come

[C]

over to cleanse your home or for good smells and vibrations.

[B]

Jacob and I don't really believe in cleansing and vibing homes. So it is not for cleansing.

[C]

So it's for smells. Yeah.

[B]

You light candles to cleanse your home.

[C]

When we first moved into this apartment, you did it with a smudge stick.

[B]

Yeah, I did it. It was a gift that a friend. A friend gave me. Lady Suge.

[C]

I don't know if they heard. Jacob. So when Bob first moved into your home, you. What did you do, Lady Suge?

[B]

A friend of mine gave me some sage and I used it.

[C]

So did you believe in this?

[B]

No, I don't believe in it.

[C]

So you just did it just for posterity? Just to.

[B]

She was like, you should do it. And I was like, okay, but I don't believe in it.

[C]

Now that's just another thing that you just say to your apartment. Like, I don't believe in this shit, but doing.

[B]

I wasn't saying that. She gave it to me.

[C]

She was.

[B]

She's a friend of mine. She was like, you should use this. And I was like, okay, I'll use it, but I don't really believe in it.

[C]

Now work.

[B]

Does that not make sense to you? Like, someone gave me crystals and I'm like, I'll keep them. They're like, carry this. I go, okay. And I carried it for a long time. I don't know what happened to it. I scared of my fanny pack everywhere I went. I probably just never took it out, but I wasn't like, charging it or anything. And I don't believe in it.

[C]

I don't do it. No. I've been. I've been given crystals and stuff and meet and greets by fans, by friends. I don't know. I don't. I don't. I don't believe in that stuff. So I don't ever use them or engage them. I don't.

[B]

I didn't use it. I just had it. I just had it with me.

[C]

But it's. Isn't that the thought process of a crystal? Like, you keep it on your person. So if it's a. If it's an obsidian, it's warding off evil. If it's a. You know, I mean, isn't that the whole. You don't do anything with it. You just keep it on your person, Right?

[B]

I actually don't know. I think that you do charge them. I think that you can hold them. I think you can put intentions into them. I think you can, like, hold them and put intentions into the crystals and then, like, hand them off to other people. I think you. I think, if I correct, you can, like, transfer energy with crystals to other people. You can give off good vibes and stuff like that. I'm pretty sure you can do those things with crystals.

[C]

What kind of crystal was it?

[B]

I don't remember. I used to carry my fanny pack everywhere I went, but I never took it out. And then one day, I clean my fanny pack and then I lost the crystal.

[C]

Like the one you had around your neck, that little demon stone you had on the other day.

[B]

It's not a demon stone. It's a Hermica diamond. And it's not a crystal. It has no. It has no.

[C]

Hermica diamond is a demon stone, honey. I mean, a diamond is a stone just like anything else.

[B]

It's not a diamond. It's a Hermica diamond, okay?

[C]

A Hermica Diamond. Is it not a stone, but it's not a crystal.

[B]

It's not one of those crystals with, like, powers. It's just a rock. It's literally just a rock. But my explanation, like, every rock on the ground. Every rock on the ground doesn't allegedly have some sort of a power behind it. So a lot of these crystals that people use, they have intentions and powers behind them. The Hermur diamond is just a rock. It does not have any intention or meaning or you're not supposed to be able to charge it. Allegedly, it's just a rock like any other rock you'd find.

[C]

And I'm saying just like an obsidian, just a rock and all these things. It's kind of like what you make it, right? If I say that this is a crossrock, I was like, I can charge this crossrock to ward off evil and ward off Satan.

[B]

You know, I agree. What I'm saying is. But. But sometimes these certain crystals have like a. Like, not a universal, but like an Understood by people in the crystal community.

[C]

But it's not like an understood.

[B]

This crystal does this. We all agree that this crystal does this. Hermica Diamonds don't have any. Except you. You have been assigning it as some sort of a demon crystal. So I guess you're the first person,

[C]

because when you waved it on the podcast we started, we, like, I lost my signal and the lights went off in my apartment. It's demonic.

[B]

You're the first person to ever think that the her or to that I know of to assign the hermit or diamond any sort of powers or. Or otherworldly energy or anything like that. To my knowledge.

[C]

Yeah, I. When you. You started waving that thing and things started happening in my life, so I do not get that thing.

[B]

Do you believe it or do you not believe it? A second ago you didn't believe it.

[C]

Nasally. Listen. No, see, listen. I'm looking at the Hermekodoma thing. The Herkimer diamond is the most powerful of. The Hermica diamond is the most powerful of all quartz crystals believed to have the ability to not only transmit energy, but to receive spiritual energy and amplify focus, intensity.

[B]

Where are you getting that from, bitch?

[C]

CrystalVaults.com oh, the lady who gave it

[B]

to me said it didn't have any. I didn't look it up. She was like, it's just a.

[C]

See? Oh, my God, Bob. I. Oh, my God. I told you, Bob. See, you don't even listen to it.

[B]

I said it was demonic.

[C]

You need to read this and a bitch. It doesn't say Jesus energy or positive energy, nigga. It says spiritual energy.

[B]

Let's see her Khmer.

[C]

Her Khmer? I just sent you the link diamond in our chat.

[B]

Properties, okay?

[C]

Healing properties.

[B]

Meanings and uses have metaphysical properties, including healing, increasing spiritual energy, and opening up the crown and the third eye. I've not experienced any of that.

[C]

What? You have. Okay, so tonight's healing.

[B]

We're going to go to Griffith Healing, but I'll wear it again and I'll see if I. So maybe it does. Maybe if I open myself up to it, it can have some.

[C]

I think you and I should take the herk of a diamond and we'll go to Griffith Park. We're going to put in the center. I'm going to bring some water bottles and some feathers, and we're going to do a little ceremony to activate his properties. Are you down?

[B]

Is that how you activate her? I didn't even know her Kimber diamond had powers until a second ago.

[C]

Yeah. So that's how you do it. Because when you waved it, I felt like. I felt like my third eye was hot. Like, I felt like it got, like, warm. And then after that, that's when my Internet started getting weird and the lights went out of my room. So I felt that when you did

[B]

it last time, okay, at the beginning of the chat, you don't believe in it. Now you believe in. Now you believe in crystals having powers.

[C]

I don't believe it. I don't believe in crystals. But that one specific. The Herkimer diamond crystal is very powerful. I have heard that.

[B]

You said that. You just looked it up. You just found out about this a second ago. You just found this out?

[C]

I heard it from myself.

[B]

You are on some clown shit right now.

[C]

Sometimes you have to encourage yourself. Sometimes you have to give yourself knowledge, too.

[B]

It's called study and show yourself.

[C]

Approved. Study to show thy self. Approved.

[B]

It depends on what version of the Bible you have and who your pastor was.

[C]

You know those.

[B]

First of all, sometimes I do. Sometimes I do religious things, but I don't believe in. I listen to. I listen to a lot of gospel music. Not a lot, but I listen to probably more than some people. I listen to gospel music, and I really love gospel music, but I don't believe in what's going on. So I do engage in stuff I don't believe in quite often. I think a lot of people do, actually. Like, I mean, I used to celebrate. I used to decorate a Christmas tree. But I'm not pagan.

[C]

Why? I Mean a lot. I mean, a lot of people celebrate, do that and did not. But I think that's what I'm saying.

[B]

I don't think that, like, doing a few things like. Like saging my home but not believing in it. I. I don't think it's any stranger than decorating a Christmas tree but not believing in that.

[C]

Oh, I think. I think there's a difference there. But also, I want to go back a little bit with what were we talking about before?

[B]

The Hermica diamond or the saging things or not believing in things or Jackie Aina's candles. Those are all of our topics we've covered.

[C]

Oh, I talked about the Bible. It was on the Bible.

[B]

And you said when you talk about the Bible study and show yourself approved

[C]

different versions of the Bible.

[B]

I said, depending on which version of the Bible you have or who your pastor was.

[C]

God damn it.

[B]

Maybe if you had a Herkimer diamond, you would. You would be able to. The energy would bring you back to light.

[C]

You heal. I'd become fucking Vecna from fucking Stranger Things, bitch. That's what I would do if I had to.

[B]

Herkimer D. Oh, I haven't watched what's Vecna. I haven't watched Stranger Things since season one.

[C]

Are you interested in watching season four? Oh, bitch, you stopped season one. Damn.

[B]

Yeah, the Demogorgon was the last thing I saw.

[C]

Bitch, them kids is grown. These babies is out here having babies, okay? These niggas is grown as hell.

[B]

Yeah, Millie Bobby Brown is so old now that drake has stopped DMing her.

[C]

Yeah, that was. Let's not even get into that. Bitch. Did you.

[B]

Are there anything that you do that you don't believe in, that you participate in?

[C]

Anyway, I need to remember. Did you see? Yes. Yes, they are. But wait, did you see what happened yesterday with R. Kelly?

[B]

Oh, his album that he dropped called I Admit It. How the. So to those of you who don't know, R. Kelly released a song or an album or something, a cartoon track album called. How many tracks?

[C]

13.

[B]

10. Less than SZA.

[C]

Well, I think he's giving us some tea leaves about the age that he prefers. There's a whole lot of stuff people are reading in between what he did.

[B]

Well, he had a song called I Admit it. But anyway, the album got pulled. I know you still find. You can still find clips of it. There's actually a lot of songs out there. I was looking at some. Prince has a song that is so disturbing.

[C]

Prince?

[B]

Prince, yes. So Prince was I. According to this song. Prince was a victim of incest and trigger warning to everyone here. We need to give a big trigger warning to sa. But he was a victim of incest and statutory really from his.

[C]

And he's thinking about it in his song.

[B]

He has a song called Sister. The lyrics say, I was only 16 but I guess that's no excuse my sister was 32, lovely and loose she don't wear no underwear she says it only gets in her hair and it gets a funny way of stopping the juice My sister never made love to anyone else but me she's the reason for my sexuality she showed me where it's supposed to go A blow job doesn't mean blow. Incest is Everything is said to be oh sister, don't put me in the street again oh sister, I just want to be your friend I was only 16 and only half a man My sister didn't give a godamn she only wanted to turn me out she took a whip to me until I shout oh, just a motherfucker can't you understand? Oh sister, don't put me in the street again oh sister, I only want to be your friend I know what you want me to do Put me on the street and make me blue oh sister, oh sister, oh he wrote a song about how his sister assaulted him when he was 16 and she was in her 30s and that is. And I never realized that Prince released this song.

[C]

This is like, I don't know a whole lot of. I don't know a whole bunch of Prince besides like the greatest hits, like, you know, Purple Rain and all those ones. So I definitely wouldn't know, but that is. What year would this. Did this song come out?

[B]

Let me look. Oh, I'm not sure. I'm trying to find it on Spotify or something. I'll figure it out in a second.

[C]

I'm going to type Prince, Sister and Google, see what happens. Came out. And this song came out in. Oh, yeah. I can't even see what year it came. I normally just says it.

[B]

Yeah, it's. It's kind of hard to try to trade this song. It's. I think it's from the. I think it's from the album Dirty Mind, which was released in 1980. October 8, 1980. No, it's not from Dirty Mind.

[C]

It's his sister, Taika. Taika Nelson is his sister. Yeah. I can't figure out what year the song came out anyway. We'll figure it out what year it is.

[B]

Isn't that wild? 1980. It was 1980. It's from the album Dirty Mind.

[C]

That's. That's crazy. Yikes.

[B]

Yes. This is like. What's that, 46 years ago?

[C]

Imagine. I mean, was it. Was the. Was it like a 42 years ago? I guess that's before there was, like, a big reckoning with sexual assault stuff.

[B]

I think that, you know, I wasn't alive in 1980, so I can't really speak on the climate, but I think that a. I think that having sex with your sister, who's an adult, when you're in high school age, was probably frowned upon in 1988. It was frowned upon.

[C]

But I think that there's a lot. In these past 42 years, a lot has changed with how we view sexual assault and people calling it out and the way people reacted. If someone put out a song called Sister now about this Sister about the same situation, I think it would be handled differently. We just. It's always been frowned upon, but the way that society reacts to it and how people are punished and pursued by the law has changed.

[B]

Yeah, I just randomly. I was, like, listening to Prince, and I came across this song, and I was like, what? These lyrics are crazy. This is a cry for help.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, he's like, I didn't want to do this. I just want to be. I just want to be friends with you. I don't want to be like. I was like, this is wild. Oh, my God.

[C]

Yeah. His sister, Taika. Taika Nelson.

[B]

Is she alive? Like, did she hear this song? Was she, like. Yeah, I did that. Like, what? Like.

[C]

Like the fact that we didn't. Like, we didn't hear about. Oh, yeah. When Prince put this song out and what happened to his sister, like, that makes me believe that she wasn't. Yes, she's still alive. Taika Nelson is still alive. She was born in 1960.

[B]

Like, what's his family saying? Are they like, oh, my God, you took advantage of my. Like, what? What? That is so wild to me. Like, sometimes I think the fact that song exists and, like, people don't talk about it is kind of. And you think that. I admit it was wild also. You know, speaking of. I Admit, you know, O.J. simpson wrote a book called if I Did it, here's How It Happened or something like that.

[C]

No, he did not.

[B]

Yes, he did. Yes, he did.

[C]

Like, recently.

[B]

Let me see. O.J. sorry. We're looking everything up today.

[C]

I mean, it's kind of back to Olson rivalry. Yeah. He wrote.

[B]

It's called if I Did it, if I Did It, Confessions of the Killer. Not A killer. The killer. No, it's called I did it.

[C]

Yeah. No, it's called if I did.

[B]

Yeah, if I did it. Yeah. Oh, my God. Have you seen what. Have you seen the COVID of the book?

[C]

It says with the crime scene, do not cross.

[B]

No. Oh, my God. This is so disgusting.

[C]

What?

[B]

It says the if is so tiny.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

The if is in the top of the eye. So it's just the.

[C]

It looks like I did it.

[B]

It looks like I did it. And then when you zoom in on the I, you see the word if.

[C]

And I'm sure some people are so sick because in the Jeffrey Dahmer. The amount of people that became that were fans of Jeffrey Dahmer, sending him things in jail, I'm sure that. I'm sure that fucking people were. Let me see if this was a New York Times bestseller. I'm very curious.

[B]

Well, a lot of people, you know, the entire black community rallied around O.J. simpson. Like, the entire black community, you know, before, when Mr. Kardashian was. And Johnny Cochran were helping him get off. You know, let's talk about after break. I'm Kiana, and I leveled up my business with Shopify. Once I figured out that Shopify was a thing, I never turned back. I can create a site with my eyes closed. Shopify thinks ahead of us, you know,

[C]

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[B]

Every day I'm thinking about some other new business, but Shopify is doing it

[C]

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[B]

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[C]

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[A]

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[C]

Close your eyes.

[A]

Exhale.

[C]

Feel your body relax. And let go of what. Whatever you're carrying today.

[A]

Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-contacts. Oh, my gosh, they're so fast.

[C]

And breathe.

[B]

Oh, sorry.

[A]

I almost Couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste.

[C]

Visit 1-800-contacts.com today to save on your first order.

[B]

1-800-contacts.

[C]

Okay, we're back. If I did it by O.J. simpson was number two on the new York Times best fellows list for nonfiction. Top three.

[B]

Isn't it wild that he would write a book called that?

[C]

That is because obviously somebody advised him to do it because they knew that people would buy it and it'll make him a lot of money.

[B]

And he probably didn't make a lot of money.

[C]

Oh, I'm sure he made a lot of money.

[B]

He was on Twitter before. I think he's in jail now. I'm pretty sure he's in jail now for armed robbery.

[C]

He's in jail.

[B]

I'm pretty. I think. O.J. yeah. For armed robbery. Yeah.

[C]

When did he rob someone?

[B]

Someone bought all of his paraphernalia, his, like, sports stuff, and then he, like, went to their hotel room and, like, tried to rob them for it to, like, get it all back. Like, he broke into their, like, hotel room to, like, rob them to get back his, like, jerseys and stuff.

[C]

He was eligible for release from prison on October 1, 2017, and was released on that day. On December 14, 2021, Simpson was granted early release from his parole by the Nevada Division of Parole and Probation. So he is on parole as of December 14, 2021. Bitch. Almost a year ago, if I saw

[B]

OJ Simpson in the street, my blood would run cold. Girl.

[C]

I would cross the street and bitch if I'm in a car.

[B]

Girl. Corvette. Corvette. If someone was like, would you rather spend an hour in a room alone with O.J. simpson or a grizzly bear? I'd be like, honestly, bears are cute.

[C]

Imagine. Okay, here's the thing. They put you in a waiting room with O.J. simpson, Martha Stewart and Tory Lanez. What you doing?

[B]

Crying. I told you. I had an interaction with Martha Stewart once. She physically intimidated me on an airplane one time.

[C]

I mean, Martha Stewart clearly leads with dominance. She leads with dominance.

[B]

Is her Linnez in jail?

[C]

No, bitch. They're on trial. They're going to trial now. Megan, thee stallion has been super quiet on jail. And you know what? There is this segment of the black community. Cause, you know, I'd be up in the shade room and some other podcasts I listen to, and they're like, you know, I'm just. I don't know what to think. I'm just gonna. Cause it just seems like it's so people choose, pick and choose. And as human beings, it's their right to do pick and choose. When they wanna support black women and believe black women. I'm like, the evidence is there. There is nothing that Megan Thee stallion, if your argument is like, I don't know what she did. There is nothing Megan Thee stallion could have done to warrant him shooting her, no matter what she did.

[B]

So if she shot him first, maybe.

[C]

Where? Where?

[B]

I said, maybe if she shot. I did not say she shot him. I said, if she shot him, I

[C]

think there's nothing that Megan could have done to. And if he had shot her, that would have came out.

[B]

When. When.

[C]

When people ask him why he did it, he didn't say anything like that. So, I mean, did I say Megan?

[B]

I just want to be clear. I did not say Megan.

[C]

I know.

[B]

Tory Lanez.

[C]

I know.

[B]

But maybe I was saying. You were like, nothing could warrant. And I was like, maybe if she shot him, maybe if they were shooting at each other, that might warrant shooting someone. But not. But, yeah, no, Megan did not. Megan just got shot by Tory Lance. Yeah.

[C]

So it just. It really bugs me that people like, I don't know what to believe. We'll see what happens. I'm like, no.

[B]

Well, weren't you alive during. During. Of course you were. Well, it wasn't really against Black women, though. O.J. simpson was against a white woman, and Bill Cosby was against almost only white women, which I think, like, five more women have come out against Bill Cosby because, you know, he's out of jail and they're trying to.

[C]

They're trying to lock him up again.

[B]

And some folks like, please, leave him alone. Leave him alone.

[C]

No, no.

[B]

Leave him alone.

[C]

Yeah, it's crazy. It's really crazy.

[B]

Absolutely. Not.

[C]

Absolutely love.

[B]

Lock that gritty old man up. Throw the key away.

[C]

Lock her up. Remember when they were chanting that to Hillary? Yo. American politics is so crazy. On positive news, it looks like Iran is actually. They're gonna. Because of all the protesting and stuff. They're going to. They're looking to abolish the moral police, which leads to people's deaths and executions and et cetera, which is a positive thing.

[B]

Yeah. There's so much wild stuff going on all around the world.

[C]

I know that. It is like, did I send you that thing on TikTok, basically saying how the world is ending and you. Was that you? I did send it to you.

[B]

What'd I say?

[C]

And you were saying, why the world gotta end when life is going well for me? Which I Agree. Like, why the world gotta be why? It wasn't like about crime and stuff. It was about like, literally our planet is going to expire. They're saying by 2036, our planet. There is this council of scientists and really smart people. And you can go watch this on YouTube. They do stuff on YouTube all the time. Like these like four 11 hour long sessions and it's them, they're like. Because you know the media is gonna push and send things to y' all to not make everyone be scared and bother. But they're like, bitch, y' all should be scared. They're like, by our guesstimation, by our hypotheses, by our research, this motherfucker is going down starting 2036.

[B]

To be fair, I do not know these people's credentials. For all I know, they could just be four actors who are doing a bit. I have, I literally have no clue. But you know, the idea of the world and like just crumbling. Like, you know, there are also these, these things that like, like every major society will have to crumble. And it's America's, it's America's turn, basically. Like, just like the Roman Empire crumbled and the Mayans and you know, all this stuff, they're like, it's just, it's just our turn now. We've, we've gone, we've. We're too top heavy and we're gonna fall over now. You know what I mean? How'd that make you feel?

[C]

I'm so.

[B]

How do you feel about that?

[C]

Honestly, it makes me happy that I don't have kids. People who like, are actively, and I get it, live your life. I'm talking for me, but who are like, knowing how fucked up everything is. I just could not imagine bringing up a child and trying to raise them for a future. Bitch, what future? It's a wrap.

[B]

Does it annoy you to know that you just bought a house, you're getting it renovated, and then within like two years, it's gonna be like underwater. What do you call it when, when everyone steals stuff for a night? No crime.

[C]

Oh, the Purge.

[B]

Yeah, it's going to be the Purge. By the time you get your keys, it's going to be the Purge. And your shit's just going to get ransacked and then also the water levels are going to rise because you live on the, on the West Coast. Your whole shit's about to be done, bitch.

[C]

The east coast too. I love how people, like people don't realize New York, New York is in the water, bitch. New York, Florida, Los Angeles, Seattle, Portland done sunk. The sunken place. San Francisco bitch is already underwater.

[B]

Let's all move to Ohio. Maybe Dave Chappelle was right about that.

[C]

Did he say that in his special?

[B]

No, he lives in Ohio.

[C]

Oh, he does.

[B]

Like, famously.

[C]

Oh, I didn't. I didn't know that. Why Ohio?

[B]

Maybe he doesn't like being around people.

[C]

Well, this may shock you. There are people in Ohio, not a lot of people.

[B]

And that may shock you.

[C]

I knew that.

[B]

I got a feeling that Dave Chappelle's estate, he's probably not walking past a bunch of folks.

[C]

Well, he famously doesn't live in an estate. He lives in, like, a condo or something, right?

[B]

No, he does not. Oh, my God. He lives on, like, this big farm.

[C]

Yeah, you're right. Oh, my God.

[A]

Do you.

[B]

Yeah, you're right.

[C]

I don't. I don't.

[B]

Yeah, but you're saying stuff like that as if you know and you don't, which is weird. You're like, doesn't he famously live in a condo? No, he lives on this, like, farm where he invites comedians out and he does these. Like he did that special for Netflix, the YouTube thing from his farm.

[C]

Not Bob being the number one deja bell aficionado. Sorry, didn't mean to offend you.

[B]

Not the number one deja aficionado. But I am aware of things in comedy because I'm. One of us.

[C]

Is a real comedian now. Bob think he can gay keep comedy. Bitch, please.

[B]

From you? Yeah. From fakers like you? Yeah, I do.

[C]

You're not Mateo Lane and you never will be. So stop it.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. Thank you. Thank you for making that clear.

[C]

You never will be, honey.

[B]

So while you tiptoe and dabble, some of us been in these streets for years, for decades.

[C]

Yeah, you are in the street, in the gutter. You a low down gutter bitch. Know that? Gutter bitch. Oh, for sure. Think, nigga. I know.

[B]

I don't like this. What are you. Are you just doing the housekeeping while we're together? You flipping over your fucking oil sticks?

[C]

You are. You are some nigga.

[B]

What is she gonna do?

[C]

You over picking up your little smell good sticks? It's called a diffuser, bitch.

[B]

What you gonna do now? You start Swiffering, what else you gotta do?

[C]

Well, you know, because of the. It is the holiday season, I feel the need to always make sure my house is neat and tidy. Cause, you know, during the holidays, people just kind of bop into your space. Or do you experience that? People like, hey, I'm in The neighborhood. Can I come over? Like, sure.

[B]

No, I do not. But I do. But I do invite more people over to my house during the holidays, though, when I'm at my mom's house, my mom has a lot of visitors. Way more than I do. My mom has visitors on visitors on visitors.

[C]

Honey, I don't like that. But which is. So oftentimes, Bob talks about Ms. Martha on the podcast. He sees stuff his mom does. I'm like, the funny thing is that Bob thinks this is not him.

[B]

Bob.

[C]

Especially in your old apartments, Bob would. Bob's door to your place was a revolving door. Someone was always in your space, always at your place. So it's. And do not pull your head back like that. Because Jacob put his camera on. Because Jacob was like, okay, first of

[B]

all, you don't know why Jacob turned his camera on, for starters. And secondly, not making it sound like my house is some whorehouse that is getting used up by the whole neighborhood. My house has got some loose pussy ass. Front door, the front door. Fucking flappy, loose pussy shit, asshole, blown out. The back door's blown out. Jaw, loose throat.

[C]

All pretty much. Bob, you know, your door people were always at your place.

[B]

Always. I had a place where people wanted to come. People? Yeah. Did nobody go to your house? No one felt comfortable there.

[C]

I don't want no niggas in my house because. Yeah.

[B]

And we didn't feel comfortable because at

[C]

my house, people had to take their shoes off. They had to, like, use coasters. And Bob's home was just lawless.

[B]

Okay, that's not true. People take their shoes off my house, you know, people take their shoes off my house. Also, first of all, your house in New York City. First of all, you didn't have a coffee table.

[C]

I did have a coffee table.

[B]

Stop saying that, Monet. You did not have a coffee.

[C]

It was my stool. That stool was a coffee table.

[B]

That stool. You didn't have a coffee table, Monet. You did not have a coffee table.

[C]

Okay, first of all, see, you are so stuck in this, like, archaic way of thinking of furniture. As a person who likes modern furniture, you think about different ways to utilize your space.

[B]

So why don't you get rid of your stool? So get rid of your current coffee table and get a stool. I'll come by today.

[C]

Now I have a bigger space.

[B]

Now I have a bigger. No, throw the table away. Get a bunch of fucking stools. Get some bar stools. Get some ottomans. Smush them all together and make that your coffee table. That was your coffee table in New

[C]

York, I had a small space, so I had to get something that was functional for my space. Was using. Bitch. When Pixie would come over. When you would come over, Jasmine, y' all will all use it to hold your drinks. So what's. Was it not a table?

[B]

No, it's not a table. If I put my drinks on your tv, that doesn't make it a table. It's a TV with a drink on it. And I think you know that. Just cause you use it one way, don't make it something, honey.

[C]

But now, girl, now I have more space and Andy is just way more social than I am. So we do have people over more often. But like, I had. I do not enjoy people coming over all the time. I like certain times. But we were talking about the new space and he was like, oh, yeah. Cause we're gonna have a game night every week. I said, game night every week? Woohoo. He was like, I thought he's gonna. I'm like, no. I was like, no. He's like, we can have a standing game night at our place. I was like, no, no.

[B]

I had a recent interaction. How do you feel about people who you might consider negative being in your life?

[C]

People who I consider. Is this what we talked about last night?

[B]

Yeah. How do you feel about people who might be negative but, like. Because you know, I'm right. Now, I. I've told this story on the podcast before, but I want to retell a story today. Okay. When I was in. When I moved to lagrange, Georgia, I was in sixth grade. I moved halfway through the school year and there was this, this, This. I was in. And if you've heard the story, please just bear with us. We have. We do have new listeners, actually. Actually, when we went to pe, there was this one guy sitting, like. I mean, when I tell you, it was like a cartoon. Like, it was like tv. Like he was separate from everyone. No one would even, you know, in the bleachers. No one would even sit on the same row of the bleacher that he would sit on.

[C]

We didn't have bleachers in New York. Our schools are too small for bleachers, y'.

[B]

All. Well, the rest of us in the rest of America, we have bleachers. You know, the bleacher is. Right?

[C]

Yeah, yeah. Like. Like the thing you sit on. Sit like at the game.

[B]

Yeah. You can smush them back and you can put. They're like an accordion.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So no one would sit on no one. I'm telling you. No one would sit on the same row of the bleacher. The entire row and the gyms are huge. Especially in fucking lagrange, Georgia. There's a lot of space. And I kept being like, why is no one. They kept being like, do not be friends with John Wayne. His John Wayne, the doo doo stain. Do not. They were like, do not be. And I'm like, you guys are bullying him. I will not engage. I will not be around you all while you're bullying this guy. Like, no, I'm not going to be a part of this. I'm going to be. I'm going to be friends with John Wayne. Bae. B. The way I found out why no one fucks with John Wayne, because I was like, I'm going to. John Wayne was impossible. John Wayne was so mean. John Wayne was like, I remember. Like, I remember John Wayne would try to. Like, he. He would try to be like a TV bully. Like, John Wayne, the doo stain one time tried to take my lunch money. And I was like, what? He was like, well, give me your money. You need to give me your money so that I can eat. You don't need to eat today. Like, it was literally like lines from a fucking Disney bully show. He was like, well, you need to give your money to me every day. And I was like, john Wayne, this is wild. I hope John Wayne doesn't hear this. Anyway, so then John Wayne was sitting on the road, the bleacher one time, and I was like, I'm gonna go sit next to you. So I sat next to John Wayne. I said, hey, why does no one sit? Like, are you okay? And John Wayne farted so loud that the entire seat beneath me rumbled.

[C]

That is disgusting.

[B]

Like, I could feel his fart throughout my body. The whole seat rumbled. And John Wayne yelled, thank you, God, for giving me life. I will never forget this day. And then I had to be like, I don't fuck with John Wayne. I cannot hang out with John Wayne.

[C]

Bob, you let that one instance make you indifferent from John Wayne.

[B]

No. And the bullying and the name calling and the. Like, he would call you and he would belittle you. He would try to shame you for things that you felt like you shouldn't be ashamed of. It was, like, a lot. It wasn't just him farting one time. It was a lot of stuff. And I found out that we weren't compatible, that John Wayne and I just were not compatible.

[C]

Well, I mean, I don't think I've ever encountered anyone like that, but I have encountered negative people. And I just don't I just choose not to associate with negative people. I mean, I just don't need that energy in my life if I have a friend. I mean, I think you and I have mutual friends. That their natural disposition is to be a little negative. But they're not. Say they're not toxic.

[B]

They're names.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Jacob Ritz. Sorry, I had to say it. Let's take a break and maybe I'll think about what. We'll take a break, Bitch. We're back. You know who is. You know who I'm talking about? There are two. There are two in particular that are. That are close friends of ours. Two very close friends of ours. Yes. Two.

[B]

I know one. Who's the other one?

[C]

I'm gonna say.

[A]

Oh,

[C]

But I love. But also I love her for it.

[B]

You are so.

[C]

I love her for. Cracks me up, but I love her.

[B]

Yeah. These two people, I love them a lot, but they know. They're kind of. They know, but I love them so much. They're so fun. They are genuinely fun to be around for sure.

[C]

But their natural disposition is to be a little negative.

[B]

Well, and I was. I was. I was with an old friend last night who I hadn't seen in like years, and we kind of like phone tagging. And I was like, well, come over. You know, I'm like, come play smash. We can come play smash together.

[C]

The visitors revolving door.

[B]

Come play smash. Then we. Then we can go to a party. Then we went to a party together. And then I was like, how you been? And he was like, not good. And he was talking about how his life was like, had been bad. I was like, I'm so sorry. That sounds really something. Sorry to hear that. And then he was like, and no one likes me. No one fucks with me. Everyone hates me. And I was like, well, what's your part in that? What do you think? What do you think you're doing? Like, if everyone is group together that they don't. Do you think maybe there's something that you're doing? And he was like, everyone's fake. He's one of those. Well, everyone's fake. Everyone is fake. And I was like, everyone's fake. And I will say this, I hear that a lot in la. Specifically in la, everyone in LA is fake. And I'm like, you know what?

[C]

I think it's just a character decision people have made about la. I do not think people in LA are more fake than people I met in New York. Other places, I think just people just have make this general characterization of la. And everyone just agrees with it now.

[B]

Same. My experience with people in LA is just not that. I have met some really lovely people in la. That's like when I say everyone in New York City's mean. Also not my experience, just my. That was not my New York City experience. I. And then I was telling my friend, I said, you know, my ex. My ex drives a yellow Prius. And whenever I started driving around with him, that Prius, I started seeing yellow Priuses everywhere. Like, everywhere I look. I was like, damn, does everybody drive? My car used to be white. I was like, there are a thousand white SUVs in LA. It is the official car of LA. But it's because you're constantly looking for it. Because you are in a yellow Prius, you're just looking for yellow Priuses. Because you're in a white SUV, you're just looking for white SUVs, you know what I mean? I saw a black Toyota Venza the other day. You know how rare a 2022 Vince is? It was a very popular car. Like, five of us got these. Okay, so when I see. When I was like, oh, my God. But you probably never see one that wasn't mine, because it doesn't, you know? You know how often your car and color pops up? I'm like, wow, I cannot be seeing Monet's car in that color because I'm looking for it now. You know what I mean? So I was like, so if you're

[C]

looking for fakeness and, like, fuchsia, fuchsia Lamborghinis, that's very rare. So when you see one the same color, you're like, wow, I was talking

[B]

about the green garbage truck anyway. But I was like, so if you're looking for fakeness and untrustworthiness and disloyalty in everyone, you're just gonna keep finding it because you're looking for it.

[C]

Interesting.

[B]

I mean, and then we ended up going to this party and it got. And, girl, he proved me. He proved himself right is what he did. I was like. And I was like. And I was like, well, did you have. I was like, what did you fight? Were there any fake people at the party? I kind of jokingly said, were there any fakes there? He was like, yeah, kind of. Everybody was fake. And I was like, what? And I was like, what were they doing those fake. And he was going. He was mentioning stuff that I thought was, like, not fake, but he was, in his mind, it makes people.

[C]

Is he going to hear this and. And be like, see this is what I'm talking about.

[B]

Maybe. But, I mean, I'm not saying his name. I'm not trying to shout him out. I mean, there's no way anyone know this is. He and I have talked in, like, years. We talk, like, once every couple of years. He'll know it's him. I. But no one else went over to him. And I'm not, like, outing him or anything.

[C]

Is he hot?

[B]

He's attractive. Yeah, he's very attractive.

[C]

See, hot people kind of get a pass, too, by being mean.

[B]

Well, he's not getting a pass, apparently, because he has no. He's like, I don't have anyone. I'm getting. So then I was like, now, what do you care about? He goes, I just don't really care about anything. And I was like, you don't care about anything? He goes, no, I don't care about anything. And I was like, well, I can imagine why it'd be kind of hard to invest in someone who doesn't care about anything.

[C]

What. What holiday parties have you gone to this year?

[B]

Just the one. I went to this one. This woman named Ornella. She's a friend I met through Steve and Johnny, who are the creators that we're here. And she lives over in, like, Beverly Hills in some, like, fancy house overlooking the Bitbot Borp. And we were, like, at her. It was also. It was actually her birthday party, though.

[C]

Oh, people and I have birthdays by Christmas. I feel bad. Growing up, I would have probably hated that. Now, I understand your parents probably did stuff to make it super special if they could afford to. But having your birthday around Christmas sounds terrible.

[B]

My brother's birthday is January 2nd.

[C]

That's damn after New Year's. Girl, it is.

[B]

My brother's birthday is the second day of the year, and it is about a week and a half. A week and a day after Christmas. Like, Justin got it. Justin down bad. You know, Kerry Kerning's birthday is on Christmas Day.

[C]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. Carrie Kerning is a drag queen in New York City. She was born on Christmas 1st.

[C]

Carrie Kerning. You said Carrie Kerning. I was thinking Carrie Colby.

[B]

Kerri Colby. No, Carrie Kerning is a drag queen from Ohio who is pretty popular in New York City. Anyway, her birthday. My friend David Cross.

[C]

Who?

[B]

Not the actor David Cross, but imagine having your name be David Cross and you're not the David Cross. And your birthday's on Christmas. You got to share. You got to share your name with David Cross and your birthday with Jesus. My goodness.

[C]

I went to the Gucci Holiday party. And I went to another holiday event party last week. I was supposed to go to this thing called a little controversial, this party called the Noel Ball. They invited me to go.

[B]

Why is it controversial?

[C]

Because. So Patty and I. Patty RSVP'd me, said, I'll go. And then like, the date was coming up. I was like, let's look up this thing. I've never. Like, who else is going? I was like, I don't know. Patty was like, I don't know. So we looked it up. Bitch. It was a straight event. Like the getting images. Not one queer person there. All these people are like straight people that live in Los Angeles. I was like, I'm not going to this straight event to be trapped with straight people, drunk straight people for like two hours. Absolutely not. So I didn't end up going. And so the person invited me. If you're listening to this. Sorry. I just didn't want to be stuck with straight people in a dinner thing for hours.

[B]

It was a dinner party.

[C]

That does not sound fun to me.

[B]

It was a dinner party.

[C]

It was like a. It was like this big space. You had to, like, rsvp. You had to get these VIP things. It was like a whole thing. So not just dinner, but it was like drinks and stuff.

[B]

I'm going to a Christmas party tonight.

[C]

What are you wearing?

[B]

I'm not sure. I have this big white fur coat that I love wearing around because it's just such a stunt. And it's just. It can elevate a really plain look. It's a big faux for white fur coat. Yeah. Polar bear. Yeah, I. I killed a polar bear with my bare hands.

[C]

You that bitch.

[B]

And I posted a picture a while back on. You know, I am actually sitting. I'm sending the picture of me in the coat right now to Jay Defeo. Oh, yeah.

[C]

What happened? You sent it, Jake, you said it. Didn't you give it to Jacob last night? What happened? Jacob?

[B]

He did.

[C]

He didn't send it to me. Oh, I have.

[B]

We have no proof that we don't know that for sure. Jacob might be lying. Jacob tried to throw me under the bus. Honey, honey.

[C]

Well, during the episode. Jake can cut this out. We should, like, compile our things and send this Jacob. And Jacob can get it over to Jay when he.

[B]

Well, also, I don't want to look for them in the middle of the conversation. You know what I mean? Because then I'd be like, hold on, let me just. Hold on. Let me just.

[C]

Well, Jacob, can you take a list for us and Then at the end be like, hey, guys, when we do the. This is what I said. We can send them to you. We should really. I mean, at this point, we've been joking about it, but it is wild now every time. We never put the pictures in.

[B]

Well, here's a picture of me in the fur coat. I just sent it to the group chat. So let the record show that it is in the group chat. Me in the fur coat.

[C]

Oh, yeah. This was. This was this. Oh, this is when. This was when you really leaned. I mean, you were gaslighting before, but this is when you were. This was Peak Bob the Gaslighting Bum bitch nigga ho.

[B]

What are you talking about?

[C]

That picture. That's in that picture. That's when Jacob photoshopped my ring onto it. And now we're acting like it was your ring. And the whole ring ring debacle. That's the.

[B]

I would like to. If you all put. Look at the picture, put it back up. There's no ring in this picture.

[C]

Yes, literally. There was a verse. There was a version of it that.

[B]

Jacob, you said this picture.

[C]

What is it? That picture that Jacob took.

[B]

That picture.

[C]

Jacob photo she. See. Oh, my God. You're doing it right now. You're doing it right now.

[B]

So who's gaslighting. There's literally no ring in this picture.

[C]

Doing it right now. So who's gaslighting took that picture? He photoshopped the ring onto another version of it.

[B]

So what did. We. Did we photoshop the ring out now? Is that what happened?

[C]

That's the original. Jacob took that and put. I'm not. I'm not doing this with you. You know exactly what I'm talking about. Anyway, that's. Yeah, yeah. That's not. We took a photo shoot with him.

[B]

We did not. First of all, the rate. I never had your ring.

[C]

That's not true. You're lying because you gave it back to me.

[B]

I didn't. You've probably found it somewhere. You probably left in my house and found it. I'm not. I probably said, Monet, you left the ring here. There is no ring in this picture.

[C]

Where's the ring? Am not doing this.

[B]

Where's the ring? Can you find the ring?

[C]

I'm not doing this. I'm not doing this.

[B]

Can you find it?

[C]

I'm not doing this. Anyway, moving on and full. Anyway, what's up and what. No, I'm not doing this. I'm not doing this.

[B]

You know what? Maybe one day when you admit that you gaslit me about the Fucking pride Doc Martens. Maybe we can have a conversation about this.

[C]

You don't even remember. It was not the Pride Doc Martens. It was the patent leather ones that.

[B]

So you admit it?

[C]

But no.

[B]

So you admit it.

[C]

The shoot the question were the patent leather ones, not the pride ones.

[B]

Anyway. So you admit it.

[C]

So I'm saying as I. Would you ever host like a holiday party at your home?

[B]

Well, I hosted. Thanks. I've hosted Thanksgiving a few times.

[C]

Like a holiday party. Like, you know, like, you invite.

[B]

Thanksgiving is a holiday.

[C]

But. Yeah, but when you say the holiday season, you're not talking about Thanksgiving. You're talking about Hanukkah, Winter Solstice, Christmas and Kwanzaa. That type of holiday. You know what the fuck I'm talking about, bitch.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

So. Yeah. So Valentine's Day. Are you gonna host a Valentine's Day holiday party? Maybe, you know, St. Patrick's Day, Easter holiday party?

[B]

Maybe. Maybe I'm gonna. Maybe I will have a Flag Day party. Maybe I'm gonna have a Canadian Boxing Day party.

[C]

It's not Canadian. It's just Boxing Day. Cause they do it in the UK as well.

[B]

I'm talking about Canada. But Canada's Boxing Day is different than UK's Boxing Day. So. I mean Canadian Boxing Day.

[C]

But they hap. Oh, you mean like. But they happen on the same day, do they? Yes. The Queen deemed it so first of all, your royal highness.

[B]

Okay, that's. That's literally your queen. But anyway, go ahead.

[C]

I would. I would definitely cleaning.

[B]

Boxing day is December 26th and the

[C]

British Boxing Day is what? I don't know.

[B]

I don't know. By the way. I'm not saying you're wrong. I literally have no clue. I never said you're wrong. I just said. Is it. You hate when I. You hate when I google things to find out. You hate when I google things to find out if they're right or not. It's the same day. I never again. I never said you were wrong. I just googled it. You hate when I look things up. You hate when I look things up. Like, who are you?

[A]

Who are you?

[B]

Who are you doing that? Doing the Andy lipstick.

[C]

Andy has full lips. Actually, Andy has full lips. I could not I have kissed people with skinny white people lips before. I can't. I have done it twice before. And if you have skin, those are some of my non negotiables. Lips hygiene, oral hygiene as well. And hands. You have to good hands. Are you into hands?

[B]

I don't know what good hands means. What Are good hands for you.

[C]

Like, you can't have, like, dirt all up under your fingernails. Like, your, like your finger. Like your fingernails should be like, nicely cut and trimmed. And I like, like a full. And I like seeing, like the little white part there. I think that's hot for some reason.

[B]

At the. At the base of your nail?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Interesting.

[C]

Are you into hands?

[B]

I don't think that I'm particularly into hands. And I don't have any. I don't really have any hang ups about hands, to be honest. Yeah.

[C]

Would you ever get a foot job?

[B]

Like have someone jerk off their dick on my dick?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

No, I don't. I don't like. I don't want a hand job.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

So. So I don't think I'd like a foot job either.

[C]

So every time you and your partner get off, y' all either penetrate anally or orally. Every time. You don't ever just sit in bed and jerk off together?

[B]

No, we do not sit in bed and jerk off together.

[C]

Not once. Not even once. Never.

[B]

Not once have you done that?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Oh, well, there you have it. So you just. You and Andy just be jerking each other off?

[C]

We have. We have before. Don't do it. It's not like a regular occurrence, but sometimes just to like, switch things up. Like, we try.

[B]

If you don't put this shit in your motherfucking mouth and start being lazy. We just have lips around this shit. My dude.

[C]

We try a lot of different stuff. And that is one of the things that has occurred for sure.

[B]

Well, that sounds lovely for you. I've never done that work.

[C]

I love when I ask about stuff like this. Vava's like, no, just doesn't speak to me.

[B]

What? Jacob.

[C]

Jacob is like, that is not the truth. Ellen. You give some. I've seen you. You have this trick for hand jobs that's really great.

[B]

Me?

[C]

Yeah. It's when you're giving somebody a hand job and then you put your mouth on it. You know.

[B]

You know. You know how to make a. You know how to make a great hand job. You put it in your mouth.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

You know I make a good blow job. Put it in your butt.

[C]

Damn. I was gonna. What? No, it's inappropriate to say.

[B]

We were just talking about what it's

[C]

not all my business to say.

[B]

Are you talking about you and Andy?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Whisper it.

[C]

Whisper it.

[B]

If you whisper it, it's a secret.

[C]

So I would like to throw a holiday party when I move into my new. Well, first of all, when I move into my New space. I want to have a big housewarming party.

[B]

You don't even want people over here. How you gonna. Ain't nobody coming here.

[C]

But I'll do a housewarming because, you know, my family wants. I had to do, like, two separate ones. Bitch, I'm Bob the Drag Queen. I'm doing a tour, but. Except everyone's coming to me for this one. I have to do the one with family and one with friends to do, like, a little housewarming situation.

[B]

You be sequestering. You be kind of sequestering. You don't want folks to mingle.

[C]

Okay, first of all, my family is gonna roll, like, 25 deep by themselves, and I can't come to, like, 25.

[B]

42. You've been trying to make me not meet your family for years.

[C]

You met my family in New York City at the show.

[B]

Yeah. Moni, I've known you for over 10 years.

[C]

Okay? But first of all, like we said, you know, that was.

[B]

Cause I rolled up on them.

[C]

You would not even travel to Brooklyn to see anyone, and that's where my family lives.

[B]

I went to your house in Brooklyn, and you made your aunt hide in her bedroom so we wouldn't see each other. You snuck me in like Harriet Tubman on the Underground Railroad. You snuck me to your room. You said, now she don't know we up in here. I had to sneak to your room where I found your big bags of illegal money hanging off your door.

[C]

Yeah, as opposed to your apartment where the big bags of money were just rolling on the floor at Bob's old apartment, 945Amsterdam. You walk into his apartment. When I tell y', all, Bob would just have money on the counter, money on the floor, money everywhere. So that I would be like, ooh, I found $20. Bob would be like, you did not find.

[B]

You didn't find $20 in my house. You've never. You stole $20?

[C]

No, I found it.

[B]

I said, you didn't find. Bitch, you stole $20. Call it like it is.

[C]

So, yes, I want to have a big holiday party and to bring people over to my place. But would you like. Would you like. Let's say you were home.

[B]

I want to come to the family one, is what I'm telling you right now. I'm coming to the family one, okay?

[C]

You don't tell me.

[B]

Why do you dictate to your family?

[C]

Can you get me to my family? Jesus Christ.

[B]

If I can't come to the family, I'm not coming. That's the one I'm coming to. I want to come to the family one.

[C]

Okay, then, nigga, I guess you ain't coming, then.

[B]

I won't be there.

[C]

Okay. They did. They almost done with a garage. Can I send it to you so you can see?

[B]

Yeah,

[C]

so that's what I want to do. Let's say, like, you got a gig or you were doing a TV show and you were just in LA for a year and, you know, whatever would you want? Would you and Jacob do, like, a standing game night every week at your home?

[B]

No. Jacob and I did do. Jacob did host a Game of Thrones viewing party at our home in New York City for people who like Game of Thrones, and we enjoyed that. That was actually pretty fun to have people come over and watch it.

[C]

But that's finite. That's like, oh, we're signing up for this for eight weeks. That's different. A standing game night for a year. That means 52, bitch. For 52 weeks. Someone is here in my. No, no.

[B]

That sounds like a great way to be social. I mean, it doesn't particularly speak to me, but I. But I would have. I would say this. I had you and the friends and Peppermint and Patty and Mateo and Alfredo over my house way more than 52 times. It wasn't on, like, some every Friday type shit, but it was definitely more than 52 times I had y' all over.

[C]

Yeah, but again, you love having people over. I'm not the same way.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, so to answer your question, I probably would not do some sort of, like, every Wednesday come over, but I would do, like, hey, let's all watch Drag Race together, or, let's all watch the Masked Singer. Let's all watch Game of Thrones. I would have loved to have had fun and watched Severance with people. Severance was such a good show, but I was. It was just me and Jacob watching it. I would love if someone else would have gotten into it or the rehearsal. I wish someone would have gotten. I didn't know that Andy was watching. I don't know. He was watching Severance or someone would watch the rehearsal with us. Me and Jacob were watching the rehearsal. But the rehearsal is. Is Nathan Felder's show that was on hbo. And it was a show where he would, like, if you had an awkward thing, like you wanted to tell your friend that you. You actually didn't have a master's degree in education, but you're afraid how they'll react, then you rehearse it over and over again.

[C]

Saw that. I did See that.

[B]

It was really interesting show. Kind of, kind of wild. There were points where I was like, this feels like it might be honestly a little bit unethical.

[C]

Why? To rehearse. Why rehearsing a thing. Why is it unethical?

[B]

I don't want to spoil it because it is really one of the craziest shows I've ever seen on tv and you just have to watch it. The rehearsal on hbo, Max, you just have to watch it. It is one of the craziest things I have ever seen in my life ever.

[C]

So. But it's unethical because you're saying you shouldn't rehearse what you're going to say to someone like that.

[B]

I don't want to tell you why it's unethical because I think it would actually spoil the show. But if you all watch the rehearsal, please, maybe, maybe, maybe over on the Patreon, I'll do, I'll do one of the, like our post viewing things. We all, all of us who watch rehearsal can be like, this was crazy, right? Like, this was wild.

[C]

So you watched, you watch the Survivor, you watch the rehearsal, the dinner, the severance, but you won't watch Survivor. You such a. You such a fake asshole. You was a fake ass nigga, yo.

[B]

How does that make me fake?

[C]

You a fucking fake ass bitch, just like your friend. This is why I don't fuck with people in la. Cause y' all fake. Y' all fake.

[B]

Cause I don't wanna watch. Cause I don't wanna watch Survivor. I've seen Survivor. Monet.

[C]

When?

[B]

Monet, how has Survivor been out for like 20 years? You think I haven't seen one episode of Survivor?

[C]

But okay, I'm talking about in the past five years. You haven't. And I'm saying Survivor.

[B]

You're right. In the past five days. You caught me. In the past five days.

[C]

I haven't Years.

[B]

It's pronounced years, first of all. Not years.

[C]

Years.

[B]

They're not years. They're not ears. You don't hear things. You hear things. And you've been doing this shit and you've been trying to gaslight me into thinking that it's pronounced air, but I know it's ear.

[C]

Do not tell me how to pronounce my words, bitch. Don't tell this fucking.

[B]

You are gaslighting into thinking that it's air when we, we all know it's earth.

[C]

It's ear.

[B]

So say the air above your ear. Say the air above your ear.

[C]

The air above your ear.

[B]

Not the air above Your air. That is wild. Mo, you make fun of me how I pronounce stuff all the time.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

So how's it like? How do you like it?

[C]

You're a little Southern self. That's because in above the Mason Dixon line, we speak the real English, first of all.

[B]

Actually, below the Mason Dixon, where we're really actually speaking the Queen's English, Eureka's speaking more of the Queen's English than anybody out here, girl. Do you. I don't have a Southern accent, by the way.

[C]

Bob, you've done it. You know you do. And especially when you're around your family, you absolutely do. And there's some things that you pronounce daily that just, like, you say it in a Southern way.

[B]

People from the South. No, I have. I have a Southern vernacular, but not a Southern accent.

[C]

Bob, when I was helping you move

[B]

Emma over there, first of all, you sound Jamaican, Emma.

[C]

I can't do it.

[B]

So that what you move that couch for?

[C]

You, Absolutely. And Andy, you would walk away. Andy was like. He's like, does Bob sound different to you? I was like, yes, he does.

[B]

Okay, first of all, I don't say Mom. I say Ma. I call my mom. I call my mom Ma. Hey, Ma. But that's part of my vernacular, Ma.

[C]

Yeah, but the way you pronounce words, you have.

[B]

What do you call your mother?

[C]

Mommy.

[B]

That's right. That's so funny to me. What are you, 10? Who are you? Some. Who you? Some British kid going to Matilda school? Mommy. Oh, Mummy.

[C]

That's how we say it in Tammy. Who are you?

[B]

What's his name? Wellington Bear. Who are you?

[C]

Not Wellington Paddington Bear, nigga. This uncultured bitch talking about some Wellington. Who you Wellington, bitch. You need. You want a fucking beef Wellington, bitch? There's Paddington Beer.

[B]

Mummy.

[C]

Well, we also spell it Mu.

[B]

Wait, Jacob, what do you call your mom? Jacob, what do you call Rose? Mom. Mom. Mom. Honestly, Ma slaps harder. And. And by the way, ma is not spelled M. U h. It's spelled M A, but it's not, man. It's Ma. So in my. In my phone for years, she was Ma. But I changed. I had to change her name.

[C]

Why?

[B]

Because when I talked to Google, it couldn't. It wasn't like I was like, call Ma. And it'd be like. And it would call someone else, like, calling Jamila. And I'd be like, no, no, call Ma. And he'd be like, calling Margaret. And I'd be like, okay, so I just change the name to Martha Caldwell.

[C]

So anytime you hang out with Peppermint and Bob. They are both. They both love automated things, right? You talking to. This is Peppermint the whole time. Hey, Siri. Text, text Jacob. Yes. No, exclamation point. We are not going to the thing tomorrow.

[B]

Da, da, da, da.

[C]

Then Bob is like, hey, Google. Da, da, da, da. So Pop and Peppermint, they are both just talking to their devices as you're talking to them the entire time. It is insane.

[B]

Well, Pep more than me. One time, Mitch really pissed Pep off. Like, I was like, oh, she's mad. Mad. We're on this, like, call. And then she was trying to get the light turned on, and Mitch was just like, hey, Google, turn off all the lights.

[C]

Ooh, Fucking don't like that. Stop.

[B]

Every.

[C]

Stop.

[B]

Every light in the house went out.

[C]

Oh, no.

[B]

And she didn't. She did not think it was funny at all. Me and Mitch were laughing, and she did not think it was very funny.

[C]

I was telling you when we. I didn't do it, but you engaging in the laughter at her dismay is not helping me.

[B]

The laughter was involuntary, Monet. I did not choose to laugh. The laughter chose me.

[C]

Put your camera off and laugh in silence.

[B]

It was like the time that Jacob made Matteo laugh and I could not stop laughing.

[C]

We made Mateo cry.

[B]

Cry. Yeah. And we were playing Fortnite, and Mateo had chopped down, like. It's hard to believe you can build these, like, bridges, the sky. And then if you chop it down and you fall, you break your leg. You have to get healed again. So Mateo was, like, crawling up to the sky and then. But he didn't know that Jacob was at the bottom chopping down his bridge. But we were all watching it happen. But Mateo was just, like, talking. But the way the bridge falls apart is. It falls apart like a domino effect. It's all. It's like, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click. Until he got to Mateo.

[C]

So we're all.

[B]

Mateo's just talking, thinking we're behind him, and then we're watching the bridge collapse behind him. And then Mateo fell out of the sky. The way we were guffawing, I mean, we were screaming. And then Mateo started crying.

[C]

Oh, sweet little Mateo, I said, you are wild. So about holidays. Bob wanted to do an episode about holidays. And by every point in the conversation, I tried to stay into holidays. Bob is actively. And I want y' all to listen to the whole episode actively, staring away from holidays every time. This is. I am sweating. I've never worked this hard. On this podcast, before I play Fortnite

[B]

around the holidays, I talk to Peppermint around the holidays. How do you know that Mitch didn't do that thing to Peppermint on Christmas Day? How do you know?

[C]

Did it happen on Christmas Day?

[B]

I don't remember. I can't remember.

[C]

He was such a liar. Bitch.

[B]

Can't remember when it was, quite frankly. Might have been.

[C]

One of my favorite Peppermint stories is when we were doing. We were doing Macbeth. It was her, myself, and Manila. We were the witches. And then it's like, us and, like,

[B]

a lot of, like, what happened to that? Where is it? Where can we see this?

[C]

It came out. It was a podcast play on podcast Macbeth. And then so we were like. We were doing rehearsal, and these are, like, people who are, you know, these are, like, big TV actors. Like, a lot of them are like Blue Buds and, like, those, like, Lauren order Espio, the D side actor. So we're all on this zoom call, like, reading our lines and reading the scene. And then I'm like, daba, daba, toil in trouble, Manila, fire, Corona cauldron bubble. All of us in this big zoom, right? Peppermint is doing her eye makeup in the camera. She's like, whence?

[B]

From he we witches come.

[C]

Fire, call, drum. And everyone. Everyone is just at their desk with their book perfumations in the camera. I don't know. Once we see a witch, because she comes first.

[B]

Oh, shit.

[C]

What's my line? Sorry. I was like.

[B]

And Pep is the only one on Broadway, honey. So who's doing it right? So who's doing it right?

[C]

I don't know if that's true. Wait, Peppermint is. Was or is she currently in something now? Is she in the news?

[B]

Yes, she was on Broadway.

[C]

Oh, bitch, I thought you gave us some tea. About the new two Wong Fu on Broadway.

[B]

No, no, no. Pep was on Broadway.

[C]

Or did Bob mess up and now he's trying to trick us, y'. All.

[B]

Okay, you guys got me. Pep is replacing Lea Michele in Funny Girl.

[C]

No. You know, two Wong Fu's coming to Broadway.

[B]

Is it?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

It's been, like, allegedly coming for a long time now.

[C]

But it's, like, actually coming now, like, legit. Legit.

[B]

That's what I heard. That's what I had been hearing for a while. Yeah, I was like. I was like, I should audition for this. But they were like, we're not looking for real drag queens. Which was. I was like, weird choice. But I guess they wanted to go on the Same route as the movie where they're like brand new draw drag queens or something.

[C]

Which sounds.

[B]

I don't think it's going to Broadway. I'm looking at the official, the official Twitter for it. I don't think that's true.

[C]

Something that's coming to Broadway. There's, there's something coming to Broadway. Something with.

[B]

Oh, wait, Lewis Finn. I think it is true. Host Two show, two day show. No, never mind. No, I don't know. Maybe it is. Maybe it is. I don't, I actually, I, I don't have the. I have not done enough research to. To say whether that it is.

[C]

What are you doing about Chu? Say it again. I have a question about Chuang Fu. What's your question? So they're just in drag the whole time?

[B]

No, you know, like they're. I've seen. They're not in drag the whole time.

[C]

Oh, I feel like every scene I see they just like show up in a car. They're like driving in their car in full drag.

[B]

They are not in drag. They're in most of the time, but they are not in drag the whole time. They are in drag most of the time, but they're not in drag the whole time.

[C]

Like for all intents and purposes from the time they get into that town, they in drag the whole time. Like from. And I'm pretty sure I'm trying to remember when they're not in drag, But I think 97% of the movie they're in drag. When are they not in drag?

[B]

They're in drag mode. You see them getting dressed, you see them getting done up, you see them come apart, you see Patrick Swayze get her wig snatched. So they are in, they are in drag. Like most of the movie, they are just driving. They are in drag more than they. At this point, they are like, like gender non conforming, non binary or let's say gender, gender fluid presenting people.

[C]

The movie drives on the point that. And you think that these, these women are drag. They think that they're women because they are. Every time we see them for like 90% of the movie, they're in drag.

[B]

Yeah, they are mostly in drag. Yes. Yeah.

[C]

And I think they're trying to sell this. That's what the movie. To answer Jacob's question, I think, yeah, they're just trying to drive that. These are real women and this is how drag queens live. They're always in drag. But they also kind of have like magic powers because when they're like setting up this room, they just throw a sheet in the air and it just. And it becomes like a balance on a.

[B]

It's a Bewitched. Nah. She literally does the Bewitched nose wiggle.

[C]

Yeah. So yeah, I love too Wong Fu and if it goes to Broadway and like we said.

[B]

As I was saying, that is why I like to watch too Wong Fu every holiday season. Monet, thank you so much for having a wonderful podcast today.

[C]

Thank you, Bob.

[B]

Why you had your face all twisted up when I mentioned that Tuwung Fu is one of my favorite movies to watch around the holidays.

[C]

I'm not doing this.

[B]

What is your problem today?

[C]

I'm not doing this.

[B]

You are out of control.

[C]

I'm not engaging in this. Eyes. I'm tired. Good night.

[B]

It's not nighttime. It's actually Monet's gaslighting you all. It's literally 2 o' clock in the afternoon. Don't let Mona gaslight you.

[C]

Podcast. Please end this.