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Monet x Change
Hey, y', all, it is me, Monet. And we wanna let y' all know that the siblings are coming at you. Boo.
Bob the Drag Queen
Boo.
Monet x Change
We are doing Netflix is a joke
on May 5, 2024 at the Belasco Theater in Los Angeles.
So if you're around, you need to get some motherfucking tickets and see your favorite girls do our thing.
Bob the Drag Queen
If you wanna see our beautiful faces in person, please go to seethedragqueen.com and get tickets for Sleeping Rivalry Live at the Netflix A Joke festival.
Monet x Change
And y', all, I am coming to Joe's Pub. I think the 1st and 2nd.
I think the 16th and 17th are
sold out, but we still have tickets for the 18th. So come and see me do my thing. My one woman show, Life Be Life Ing, which was legendary at the Edinburgh
Fringe Festival, live for you in New York City at Joe's Pub on January 16th, 17th and 18th.
Bob the Drag Queen
And last but not least, I am on tour with Madonna until April. So go to madonna.com and see me in a town near you with the
actual Queen of Pop. My name is Bob the Drag Queen,
Monet x Change
and I'm Monet x Change.
And this is Sibling Rivalry.
Bob the Drag Queen
On this week's episode, we talk about our New Year's resolutions.
Monet x Change
We talk all about sleeping.
Bob the Drag Queen
And we found out what made Monet say this.
Monet x Change
I bet you. No, no, no. But I bet you they compiled a database about the amount of Marthas in the United States versus Kamekas. I bet that. And we find out what made Bob say this.
Bob the Drag Queen
And you know, you be saying Valentine's. Monet is a Valentine's bitch.
Want to say Happy Valentine's.
Wait, what are you.
What do you.
What did you do today?
Mo.
What time is it in la? Noon.
Monet x Change
Today is a couple days before New Year's. I woke up this morning and yesterday because my. Yes, I did some errands and Andy came with me. He left his key in my car for he kept. So we do this thing when we leave the house. Anytime I leave the house, I leave with my keys, whether I'm leaving with or without Andy. Like, always have my keys just in case. For whatever reason, I have access to all my things, get into the house with my own set of keys. If we go somewhere together, this motherfucker loves to not bring his keys. And I'm like, bitch, bring your keys. What is the problem? Like, bring your fucking keys. You don't know what's gonna happen. So anyway, he did bring his keys yesterday. We ended up leaving them in my car, and I went to the gym this Morning. And then when I go to the gym, I put my phone on focus mode because I want to. You know when. You know the worst thing was when you're at the gym and you get like mad calls and mad texts and you go on social media. I'm like, no, bitch, I just want to get my workout done because we
had a podcast today.
And then so he called me like 12 times. I didn't see it. And then I'm just like lifting weights. And I just see. Because we don't go to the same gym. And he pops up. I was like, oh, my God, what are you doing here? He's like, I'm trying to call you. What are you doing?
Bob the Drag Queen
I'm like, wait, who?
Monet x Change
Andy.
Bob the Drag Queen
Okay.
Monet x Change
He's like, I tried to call you. He's like, what are you doing? I'm like, bitch, what do you mean what am I doing, motherfucker? I'm at the gym. I have a weight in my hand. And he was like, I left my keys in your car. I was like, oh. So he, like, had to. It was a whole thing. But anyway, I say that to say I went to the gym this morning.
I don't know why I was off
a very long story about me going to the gym.
Bob the Drag Queen
I went to the Walmart to buy a ring light because I don't know where I have the ring light at my mom's house, but I just don't know where the ring light is. So I feel like there are now like four ring lights in this house somewhere. Cause every time I come home, I end up buying a ring light to do the podcast with. So I've added to my mother's ring light collection, which no doubt she is opening up her own YouTube studio or something. Maybe my mom's gonna become a tiktoker.
Monet x Change
Yeah, imagine your mom chooses become a tick tocker and she successful one.
Bob the Drag Queen
Jacob has a fantasy with. With creating my mother into an influencer and how Jacob wants to dress my mom up in like a lot of Gen Z fashion and do photo shoots with my mother and. And run my mother's social media as the Gen Z. As the boomer. Gen Z I'm into. That's a very young boomer. She's a very young boomer, though.
Monet x Change
Boomer starts in the. After the war, right?
Bob the Drag Queen
Well, the boomers are the baby boomers. World War II, I'm imagining. Yeah, let me see.
Producer/Moderator
I think the boomer cut off is 61. 1961. Anything after 61 is Gen X.
Bob the Drag Queen
Got it. 1946 to 1964. And my mother was born in 1942. And my mother was born in 1962. So she's at the very, basically the
tail end of boomers.
Monet x Change
Got it.
They went to Walmart. So y' all ate us up. They were like, Bob and Monet. They know nothing about Los Angeles. There are so many Walmarts in Los Angeles. I'm sure there are in LA county, though. There aren't like, like in, like Hollywood, in the Hollywood area. Silver Lake. Bur there, There is one in Burbank. That's what. There's a. There's a Walmart in Burbank. So we misspoke. There's a Walmart in Burbank.
Bob the Drag Queen
I don't know if they ate it. They probably just announced. I don't know if they ate us. They're probably like, oh, there are ones.
Monet x Change
There were like five comments. Like, they're clearly not from la. There is one in Burbank. Like, of course they just moved to la.
Bob the Drag Queen
Did it say all that? Did it say all that? Or it was just like, well, also, we're not from la. We've made it very clear. I'm gonna say several things. I am from Atlanta, I am a New Yorker, I live in la. I'm not from any place but Georgia, Georgia is the only place I'm from. And, and my la, my LA ism is very minimal. I have lived in LA for three years and I have barely, barely gone out in la. New York City, I lived in the longest out of all the places I've ever lived.
Monet x Change
You know, as we're coming upon a new year and you and I are
both people who don't really believe in
resolutions, yada, yada, yada, yada. But is there anything like, are there any promises or really big goals you're making for yourself for 2024?
Bob the Drag Queen
Not really, no. I'm writing my next stand up show and preparing for that. But I wouldn't call that a resolution of the year. It's just a goal that I have within the year. Resolution is essentially, I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but like an attempt to change a pattern, a behavior or activity within yourself for like ongoing. Like, I don't think in perpetuity.
Monet x Change
There's something you said. I don't think it's. I don't think it's about changing a behavior. Like you can have a resolution that you don't do. It's just a resolution is like. I think it's more like a declaration
that you're promising to yourself.
For the new year that may be changing a behavior, Maybe something. Starting something brand new. It may be like, what.
Bob the Drag Queen
What.
What resolution could it be that isn't changing behavior?
Monet x Change
I don't know. Like, my. My. My New Year's res. My New Year's resolution is to start podcasting. Like, you start, like, you just.
Just.
Cause you, like. You know what I mean? Like, you're.
Bob the Drag Queen
You're.
Monet x Change
You're. You're declaring. You're doing this thing in the new year. And my resolution. My New Year's resolution is to start gardening.
Bob the Drag Queen
Like, maybe I don't understand resolution. I thought resolution is like, eat healthier, to be on time to things.
Monet x Change
Those can be resolutions. But not all resolutions involve changing behavior.
Bob the Drag Queen
I mean, I don't do resolutions, so
I'm not a resolution girly.
So I'm, you know, I don't engage in them. So I don't know. Maybe I'm getting the resolutions wrong.
What?
I don't even know if there's a way to. Like, what is a New Year's resolution? Like, it says, there seem to be a way. New resolution is a tradition most common in the Western world, but also found in Europe, in which a person resolves to continue good practices, change an undesired trait or behavior, accomplish a personal goal, or otherwise improve their behavior at the beginning of the calendar year. Yeah, I always. I think resolutions are good. I think new resolutions are good, actually. I mean, I don't think they're unhealthy. Like, some people have, like, anti New Year's resolutions.
Monet x Change
I think those are people who love. Who are like.
Are.
Have tried to resolute. Who have tried to be. Who have tried to have resolutions, and they failed at them. And it's like, ugh, I can't with the resolutions. But I agree with you. I'm like, setting a goal for yourself for the New year. I don't think that's bad, and I don't think it should be frowned upon. I mean, what I would have liked to do, something I want to do in the new year. I'm not saying it's a resolution, because then when I don't do it, I'm gonna feel bad about myself. I wanna start. I wanna have a green thumb. Like, I wanna have plants in my home.
I want to.
I ain't trying to plant shit outside. Like. Like a garden. Like, Shea Coulee has, like, a garden. She, like, planting tomatoes, and she's harvesting shit, and she's, like, using compost and manure. I'm not trying to be that Girl. But I want to, like. I want to invite some plants into my home in the new year.
Bob the Drag Queen
It sounds like you like to have New Year's resolutions, but you just don't want to call them New Year's resolutions.
Monet x Change
No, I mean, I don't do this every year. This is something I'm saying this year. I've not had a resolution in many years or a plan to do something, but this is not a resolution in a while. Like, I want to have, like, greenery. I want to, like, have some.
Some greenery in my home.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah, I mean, that sounds exciting, you know, I mean, for you. Plants don't particularly excite me.
Monet x Change
Do you remember in the pandemic when everybody became a plant parent? Everybody was naming them. Everybody was like, people went plant crazy in the. Almost called the Depression in the. In the. What do you call it in the pandemic.
Bob the Drag Queen
I wonder how those plants are now.
Monet x Change
I know. And when a plant dies, do you bury it like a. Like. Like a. Like a pet, or do you just throw it away?
Bob the Drag Queen
I assume you just compost it. I mean, I personally kept telling people, do not get pets. Do not get. Well, you can get plants, but don't get pets during the pandemic. I wonder what's up with all these pandemic pets. Like, now that the world of Mecca. How does everyone. How does everyone. How does everyone feel about their idea to get a pandemic? Peter, do you still stand by that decision?
Monet x Change
I do. I love Lila.
Colleen.
She's my little girl. I was talking to Andy about this the other day with our last podcast, talking about parent dog owners and cat owners and stuff. And Andy's like, if he is. If Potato died, he would be distraught. He would have to take, like, weeks off of work. And I was like, okay. I was like, if Colleen died, would I be sad? I'm not taking weeks off of work. Like, I will be sad. I'm not going to. Like, I'm not. I'm not, like, canceling work and canceling gigs because Colleen died. That's just not how I feel. And he was like, I mean, if
Bob the Drag Queen
people in my family dies, I'm gonna go to work. Like, is that horrible? I don't work. I'm like, I gotta go to work. I'm gonna be mourning, but I'm gonna be mourning and, like, filing paperwork, answering emails, telling jokes, dancing, saying, Madama.
Monet x Change
Yeah. You know what I mean? So. And I'm like. I'm like, are we just. Are we just. Are we just devoid of feelings? Are we fuck Are we bad people? I was like, no. I don't think. I don't think canceling my entire week of work because Colleen died is weeks. Weeks. He was like, oh. He's like, I would have to take weeks off or he's like, I have to take. I was like. I was like, go off. I was like, that is not my experience. That's not how I would behave. Can y' all comment below? How would you. If your pet died, how would you react? Like, are you taking weeks off of work? Are you taking a day off of work? Are you taking a month? I'm very curious because, again, pet owners out here are really. Especially. Dog owners are really wild.
I'm very curious.
Bob the Drag Queen
I'm not judging anyone who does it. Do you remember that clip of New York arguing with someone online? And I think her dog died or her cat died. New York, Tiffany Pollard, her animal passed away while she was filming a TV show. And she was really distraught about it. Like, really upset, and understandably so. But this guy kept being like, you need to chill out. He was like, you're out of control. It's just a. She said, this is my daughter. And she was like, well. He was like, well. So basically I can't remember exactly what it was, but she was, like, obviously very distraught because her pet passed away, and he was like, so it's just a dog. Nobody cares. Literally, just a dog. That's. To me, that's too much.
Monet x Change
Yeah, I agree. That's wild.
Bob the Drag Queen
You know, people.
Monet x Change
I thought you were going to say. That's how I want to say.
Bob the Drag Queen
I was like, I know all that. Like, years ago, years ago, my. This is obviously a very different scenario, but years ago, my aunt passed away, and my mother was very, very close to my aunt Stephanie. They were, like, the closest in age, and she was like, that was their twin. They were, like, very, very close. She passed away very young, very unexpectedly, randomly out of nowhere. And someone in my mother's life was like.
Producer/Moderator
It was.
Bob the Drag Queen
It had been, like, over a year. My mom was, like, just, like, sad one day, and she was like, I missed my. Like, I miss my sister. And then whoever it was, I don't know if it was like, was like, you still sad about your sister dying? And she was like, yes, yes, I'm still sad. What? And then later on, years later, his sister passed away, and he was like, you know what? I'm sorry.
Monet x Change
Right?
Bob the Drag Queen
I am very sad that my sister's dead now. Like, very, very sad. And it's been over a year, and I'm still incredibly sad about it. So, like, I understand what you're. What you're, what you were going through. So if someone's pet passes away, like Caitlyn Crackers. Katelyn was living with me when her childhood pet died and she was going through. Through it like the R. It isn't
Monet x Change
Kaylin from D.C. caitlyn's from the middle of the East Coast.
Bob the Drag Queen
I mean, I don't think they're saying where someone's from is.
Monet x Change
I don't know. I'm not Kayin. I don't know. But Kayin K's sometimes a little private about her information, though, so that's why.
Bob the Drag Queen
Oh, okay, sure. Anyway,
Monet x Change
not Bob Doxing. Caitlyn. Like, Caitlyn is bro Doxing.
Bob the Drag Queen
I was laughing. That sounded like one of Kamika. When someone would be like, Kamika's from New York.
Monet x Change
Don't be.
Hey.
Bob the Drag Queen
And it's like New York.
Monet x Change
Okay. How many Kamikas have you met in New York? Right?
Bob the Drag Queen
But also like, but also like whenever, like, my mother's from Mississippi. All you're saying is Martha's from Mississippi, but you're not paying her home address.
Monet x Change
There are a lot of.
Bob the Drag Queen
Martha, first of all, you do not know. First of all, there aren't a lot of people in Mississippi, let alone Martha's. Okay.
Monet x Change
What do you mean a lot of people? Hold on, hold on. What do you think?
Bob the Drag Queen
Mississippi is some extremely populated state. How big do you think Mississippi is?
Monet x Change
Probably 3 million people.
Bob the Drag Queen
That's big, Monet. There are more people in New York City. There are many. That doesn't matter.
Monet x Change
There are 3 million people also. You saw my St. Lucia. St. Lucia has 200,000 people. That small. 3 million people.
Bob the Drag Queen
We know St. Lucia small. We've been knew that. But as far as states in the United States go, Mississippi is one of the. One of the least populated. Mississippi is not a big state.
Monet x Change
No one's arguing that, but it's still
Bob the Drag Queen
a lot of imagination. Jacob.
Monet x Change
Jacob telling you to roll down the river. So what you go do is you.
Producer/Moderator
It's also time for a break.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah, it's time for an ad break.
Monet x Change
You're going to listen to Jacob, you're going to shut your mouth and we're going to go to a commercial, ok?
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Monet x Change
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Monet x Change
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Monet x Change
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Producer/Moderator
You know, it's a reoccurring segment on the podcast where the two of you argue about the population of a state and or a city. Is this at least 10 times on the podcast?
Bob the Drag Queen
Montana Island, Mississippi is Texas, California.
Monet x Change
I never. New York. Okay. To quote you, that is literally. I literally did not say those things. That is not worst.
Bob the Drag Queen
There's bajillions.
Monet x Change
3 million people is a lot of people.
Bob the Drag Queen
Mississippi is basically California. Mississippi has the most.
Ad Reader
I'll bet you this.
Monet x Change
I'll bet you this. I'll bet you this. I bet you there are more Martha's per capita in Mississippi than Kamika's per capita in New York State. In New York City.
Bob the Drag Queen
You don't know. You don't know that. You can't confirm that.
Monet x Change
I will bet that, bitch.
Bob the Drag Queen
How do you plan on confirming it?
Monet x Change
I don't know how to confirm that, but I know it's true.
Bob the Drag Queen
Based on what? Based on.
Monet x Change
I can google how many Kamikas
Producer/Moderator
you
Bob the Drag Queen
think There's a database of. Someone online has compiled all the Kamikas in New York City.
Monet x Change
But I bet you.
Bob the Drag Queen
No, no, no.
Monet x Change
But I bet you they've compiled a database about the amount of Marthas in the United States versus Kamika's. I bet that.
Bob the Drag Queen
Based on what?
Monet x Change
Based on the fact that if I go to a souvenir store, I can find a Martha keychain. I will never find a Kameka keychain.
Bob the Drag Queen
Never. How many Marthas have you met?
Monet x Change
That's because it is a common name.
Bob the Drag Queen
How many Marthas have you met? I met like three or four Marthas. Name one that's not my mom. Quickly.
Monet x Change
Martha P. Johnson.
Bob the Drag Queen
You met her.
Monet x Change
I don't met her, but I know that is a Martha. I met the one you met. The one you met Andy's aunt. Martha. Martha Short. That would. I went to Christmas with her last year.
Bob the Drag Queen
We'll have to confirm that. Okay, confirm.
Monet x Change
Text him.
Call him.
Bob the Drag Queen
Cause why was your first one Martha P. Johnson? Her name is Marcia, by the way.
Monet x Change
Her name is Marcia.
Bob the Drag Queen
Her name is Marsha P. Johnson.
Monet x Change
Okay, just so we're clear. Okay, question. How many Kamikas do you know? How many Kamikas do you know?
Bob the Drag Queen
Wait, no. Freeze. Freeze. So consider that the first Martha you named was actually a Marsha. I'm starting to wonder. I'm starting to wonder what Andy's aunt's name is.
Monet x Change
How many? How many Kamikas do you know?
Bob the Drag Queen
5.
Monet x Change
You did not know. You know five kamikas, all from New York.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yep, all from New York. You know five Kamekas, all from New York.
Monet x Change
Bob, you are so full. There's so much. You're so full of shit. It is seeping through your fucking eyeballs.
Bob the Drag Queen
Kameka P. Johnson.
Monet x Change
Kamika Short. You're so full of shit.
Bob the Drag Queen
I'm screaming at Martha P. Johnson.
Monet x Change
I don't know why my brain. I sound like Jorge Santos in that fucking Z way interview.
Bob the Drag Queen
I'm screaming at Martha P. Johnson. This is. That's crazy. I cannot believe I said that.
Monet x Change
Wild. I am so embarrassed by that.
Bob the Drag Queen
Me too. Incredibly, incredibly.
Monet x Change
I am so embarrassed.
Bob the Drag Queen
Now Monet or Martha X change. Also the lady who helped. The lady who helps clean our house, her name is Mika too.
Monet x Change
The lady that.
Bob the Drag Queen
What? The lady who helps clean my mother's house. Her name is Mika.
Monet x Change
Is Mika. It's not Kamika.
Bob the Drag Queen
You don't know what the first.
Monet x Change
You just changed it. You just did it. You said it's Kamika.
Bob the Drag Queen
Her name is M. You looked off
Monet x Change
the camera and you're like, M. We all saw. Can y' all please rewind the table?
Bob the Drag Queen
What's the name of the lady who helps clean the house? Thank you, Kameka.
Monet x Change
So convenient that we can't hear your mom now. So convenient.
Bob the Drag Queen
Mm, yeah, there's a lot of Mikas in the world, honey.
Monet x Change
Anyway, stop fucking whacking. Okay, y', all, so I'm gonna change
gears a little bit because today's episode.
Bob the Drag Queen
You change. Yeah, change gears. I told you to change gears. Cause Jacob told you to change gears. That's why you.
Monet x Change
Changing gears is about sleep. Okay, first of all, before we jump. Well, okay, Bob, are we going to commit to changing our voices to. To sound like this, or are we going to keep your raggedy bangy ass tone?
Bob the Drag Queen
Oh, first of all, there's something else Monet said today that was so random. And I was like, not Monet.
Monet x Change
What did I do?
Bob the Drag Queen
I can't remember.
Monet x Change
I can't remember what it was.
Bob the Drag Queen
It was something that you said. I was like, see, this why. This is why you. You call me Hood. Mon is. Mon is the kind of the that be that they be in the street talking about some Valentine's with an M. And you know, you be saying Valentine. Monet is a Valentine's. Want to say Happy Valentine's.
Have never you laughing because, you know you say that. I have never said, hey, y. Happy Valentine's, y'. All.
Monet x Change
Never said.
Bob the Drag Queen
Drives me crazy. I hate what people say. Val Times. I hate it so much. I don't know why, but I just don't. I just. It drives me crazy.
Monet x Change
So y', all, today's episode is about sleep. Now, before we jump in. Well, actually, this is part of it. So, Bob, have you ever done a sleepy Time podcast?
Bob the Drag Queen
Is that what it's called? Sleepy Time? No.
Monet x Change
I mean, I don't know what the
official name is, but I have last year.
Bob the Drag Queen
Like a Sleep Aid podcast.
Monet x Change
Yeah, Sleep Aid podcast. There we go.
Bob the Drag Queen
Whose podcast was it?
Monet x Change
It was Better Sleep. And I did their Pride episode last year and was about me talking about a pride march with these two lesbians. And then. So when you do those takes, y', all, you would read.
Bob the Drag Queen
Is that a real story?
Monet x Change
No, it was. It was. It was fictionalized.
Bob the Drag Queen
Okay.
Monet x Change
And when you're reading these stories, you go. You go to a studio I went to, and Patty and I were on the roads. I was at a studio in Madison, Wisconsin, and it was for, like, four hours. And when you're reading the story, they don't want your voice to change very much. Like, they want you to have dynamics, and they Want you to have inflection, but you still want to tell the story. Because when people are listening to go to sleep, they don't want too much change. They want you to change a little bit, but not enough that it would distract them if they're falling asleep.
Bob the Drag Queen
I don't know that I have the capacity or the desire to do that, but I certainly can commit to speaking at a lower volume, Keeping my decibel love.
Monet x Change
Okay. Yeah. So do you have. Currently now, as it stands today, do you have a bedtime routine?
Bob the Drag Queen
No, not really. I mean, when Jacob was out of town, I was sleeping in the living room, which felt really nice. I actually really enjoyed that. It was very, very comfortable.
Monet x Change
Wait, what?
Producer/Moderator
We're in the living room on the couch.
Bob the Drag Queen
On the longer couch with that. With those, like, those special pillows that we have. And. And it was really comfortable. And I would just lay there. And I also like to fall asleep while other people are watching tv. I like for someone else watching the TV show in the room.
Monet x Change
Oh, my God. I like that, too.
Bob the Drag Queen
Then I'll fall asleep while they're watching tv. I enjoy that. But I wouldn't call it a routine, though. No, it's like, not so many of your time. Yeah.
Monet x Change
I mean, so before, when I was. Oh.
Bob the Drag Queen
Oh, I thought she was coughing. Oh, I was trying to stop Uncle Steve from interrupting the podcast.
Monet x Change
She what?
Bob the Drag Queen
She's trying to stop Uncle Steve from interrupting the podcast.
Oh, she got up quick.
I thought she got the Holy Ghost jumped up. Honey,
she's moving.
She's a runner. She's a track star.
Monet x Change
I would love to go with your mom to church.
And I just start shouting. And she was like, oh, Kevin, done caught the spirit.
Bob the Drag Queen
Well, my mother watches church on television, and she doesn't go to the actual churches. But she does watch church on tv, though. So you'd have to catch the Holy Ghost in my mother's bedroom.
Monet x Change
I could have been.
I can catch the Holy Ghost anywhere, honey.
I would catch the Holy Ghost right here.
Bob the Drag Queen
Well, the Holy Ghost will find you wherever you are. The Holy Ghost doesn't just exist in the church.
Monet x Change
She's everywhere.
Bob the Drag Queen
I think the Holy Ghost is giving
they them or it.
Monet x Change
You know, the blessed 3 and 1. Do you know. Do you know what the blessed 3 and 1 are?
Bob the Drag Queen
You mean the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost?
Producer/Moderator
Yes.
Bob the Drag Queen
Come on. Blessed three and one.
But it's. Who says blessed three and one? You mean the Holy Trinity?
Monet x Change
Yeah, but I think in. In certain religions, they say the blessed three and one.
Every.
Every religion has the same. Well, Catholic based religions have the same or Christian basically.
Bob the Drag Queen
Judeo Christian, Yeah.
Monet x Change
Judeo Christian, have the same. Some called it the Holy Spirit, the Blessed three in one. There's like all these different names.
Bob the Drag Queen
I've never heard the term blessed three
in one, but I just used a
little bit of context clues based on what we're talking about and I assumed it was the Holy Trinity. And I mean, I grew up going to church one day. So, yeah, I mean, very hard to believe.
Monet x Change
You, you, you make it very hard to believe.
Bob the Drag Queen
I think if anything, I think if anything, the way I behave is probably
evident that I certainly went to church, which is why I feel. I feel about church. But yeah, I used to go to church of my own volition.
When I went with no one prompting
me, just get dressed, wake up on Sundays, every Sunday and every Wednesday night and go to church by myself. When I was in like maybe 8th grade, in 10th grade, you weren't the only one.
Monet x Change
Bitch. I used to go to church. I used to go to church by myself as well. I have a whole thing in high
school, I went to church by myself.
Bob the Drag Queen
You got paid to be at church.
You were living.
Monet x Change
Was not paid.
I paid.
Bob the Drag Queen
You've never been paid. You've never been paid to pay church.
Monet x Change
I have had church jobs.
When I was going to.
When I go to church by myself,
it was not paid. With Songs of Solomon. It was, it was. I was part of Songs of Solomon.
Bob the Drag Queen
You weren't praising the Lord, you were praising money. You can't worship two masters and you chose yours.
Monet x Change
Yeah.
Worship me. To quote.
Bob the Drag Queen
You chose to worship me.
Monet x Change
Worship me.
Bob the Drag Queen
You chose to worship Benjamin Franklin. Honey, anyway, honestly, when you was doing it, you was probably worshiping George Washington, because I doubt you were getting Benjamin Franklin's darling Monet.
Monet x Change
Did you have a bedtime routine? Let me tell you so I.
Bob the Drag Queen
Your voice, please. Please lower your voice.
Monet x Change
All right. Thank you. My bedtime routine. So typically. So before, before, when I was a single girl out here in these streets, I would always fall asleep with the TV on. Like I'm fall asleep with the TV on, girly. But since I am partnered up, my partner can't fall asleep with the TV on.
So I be so, I mean, so
when we go to bed together, like, the room is quiet, but I need to have white noise. Can you sleep? Can you sleep, like dead silent? I cannot sleep.
Bob the Drag Queen
I have. Let me tell right now, when I tell you that I have no conditions that I need to fall asleep, I can fall asleep in the dead of silence. I can fall asleep with the sun blasting in my eyes, I can fall asleep in a completely pitch black world room. I can fall asleep on a pet, on a plane, on a train, in a box with a fox. Like I have.
I have.
I have no problems going to sleep ever. I never have problems sleeping.
Monet x Change
My only thing is dead silence. Please lower your voice.
Bob the Drag Queen
Please lower your voice.
Monet x Change
You're ready already, right? My only thing is dead silence. I can sleep in on all the other conditions you mentioned. But if it's like dead silent, I cannot sleep like that. That bothers me. I cannot sleep like that.
Bob the Drag Queen
I don't mind white noise. Sometimes I listen to Two Birds by Trixie Mattel to go to sleep. Your voice, please. Clear Your voice, please.
Monet x Change
So my bedtime routine. So typically if we watch TV on the couch, we'll go upstairs. Even when I'm at hotels or gigs, I get my little water, my little water flosser. I floss, I receive, I brush my Invisalign, and then I put them in to go to bed. And that's usually my bedtime routine. That's like my only routine thing I do.
Bob the Drag Queen
Sometimes I brush my teeth hours before going to bed. I'll just do it like as I'm winding down. So I don't really call it part of my bedtime routine.
Monet x Change
Oh, no, I can't trust myself because I will have snacks until it's time
to go to bed.
Bob the Drag Queen
That's the thing. I don't have. You know this about me. I don't have snacks at my house. There is the only way that I can eat at home is to order food.
Monet x Change
What are we saying again?
You don't have water at your house.
Bob the Drag Queen
Snacks.
Monet x Change
Okay, so when you come over to my house, y', all, let me tell you, this is more.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah, I want you to have snacks.
Monet x Change
This is more of a Bob by being a hood ass bitch. Bob will bust through.
Bob the Drag Queen
I knock on the door and wait for you to answer it. Let's be clear about that.
Monet x Change
Bob will bust through my house. And he was like, hey, Monet, Bob's first stop is he will open a
cabinet in my kitchen and say, damn,
we don't have no snacks in here, bitch.
Bob the Drag Queen
Like, some of what, nigga?
Your voice, please. Your voice, please. Your voice.
Monet x Change
And you'll open a cabinet in my kitchen and be like, damn, girl, you don't eat. Damn, bitch, you don't know snacks in here.
What am I supposed to eat?
Bob the Drag Queen
Well, I do that with your permission. I asked you a long time ago and you said, make yourself at home. I don't bust into your house. I knock on the door, I ring your doorbell, and I wait for you to answer.
Monet x Change
Your voice getting a little. You get a little.
Bob the Drag Queen
I wait for you to answer. I walk through the door, and then I take off my shoes, which is another part that you skipped out on. I greet the. The. The masters of the house, Colleen and potato. And then I go to the cabinet, and yes, I will look for snacks. And if you don't have them, I do call you out. Yes, I do. Quite frankly, yes, I do. Because you should have snacks for me at your house, not that I have them for you at my house.
Monet x Change
And then so when Bob comes over, he came over for Christmas. And then everyone. I'm like, I ask everyone if they have something to drink. So I'm making it. Everyone, something to drink. Bob pours himself a glass of lemonade. And y', all. I don't know if y' all ever
seen Bob in public.
Bob will drink a 16 ounce bottle of water in maybe three seconds. And he would continue to crush the bottle as he consumes it.
So anytime Bob drinks a liquid, he
will drink it within 0.3 seconds flat.
So he takes the glass, and he's walking to the living room. He's like, girl, I don't know why I'm acting like I'm not gonna drink this.
And he just chunks the whole glass of lemonade.
Bob the Drag Queen
I also want to point out that I crushed the bottle so there's more room in the trash can.
Monet x Change
Like, I. I do that too.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah, you're like, I'm crushing a can on my forehead. I crush cans, too. I crush cans. I crush bottles before I put them away because it creates more room and you have to make less trips or you don't have to take your trash out so early. Bottles.
Monet x Change
Listen, it makes sense.
It makes sense, girl. You don't telling me.
Andy cannot. He cannot figure out that. Let's take a break. I'll tell you about my recycling.
I'm Kiana, and I leveled up my business with Shopify. Once I figured out that Shopify was a thing, I never turned back. I can create a site with my eyes closed.
Bob the Drag Queen
Shopify thinks ahead of us, you know,
Monet x Change
and it thinks about the customer more than anything. Every day I'm thinking about some other new business, but Shopify is doing it to me because it's so easy to use. It's like, I can't stop. I'm addicted. Start your free trial@shopify.com.
so I.
Bob the Drag Queen
Well, no, let me tell you, because I've learned something in life. I've learned something in life. Is this something? Someone told me years ago. Is this. And I believe it's true. Only Republicans hide their trash cans. Someone pointed out to me years ago.
And I don't care what level of
wealth something about is, only Republicans hide their trash cans.
Monet x Change
Can you. Can you elaborate? People don't understand what that means because
I didn't get it.
Bob the Drag Queen
When you see a trash can and it's in a drawer, is under the sink, the trash can. They have a tiny little trash can that's stored inside of a cabinet. That's a Republican household. Now, if they. Monet, people trying to sleep. People are trying to sleep. Now if you are also hiding your refrigerator, you're basically running a Republican super PAC at this point.
You are running.
You're a lobbyist, you're a gun.
You're a gun lobbyist.
You're a lobbyist for the NRA at this point.
Monet x Change
Ridiculous.
Bob the Drag Queen
So I come to Monet's house where she is hiding her trash can. Recycling. You're hiding it. If someone has to ask you where the trash can is, you're hiding it. So Bunny hides her fridge and her trash can. I have.
Monet x Change
So y', all, I have a panel ready.
Bob the Drag Queen
For those who don't believe me, think back about. Think. Those of you who have Republican parents, think where the trash can is. Just think about that.
Monet x Change
I have. First of all, I grew up anyway. I have pan. I have a panel ready fridge. If you don't want a panel ready fridge is. It's a fridge when you buy it. And instead of,
instead of having like a traditional fridge, you buy it.
So they can make it.
They can put the wood on it.
So it like your voice.
Bob the Drag Queen
Your voice.
Monet x Change
Oh, so you're. So you're. So your fridge is part of your cabinetry. And that's how my drawers are too, in my dishwasher.
Bob the Drag Queen
That.
Monet x Change
So it's not. That's not weird or Republican. You're so wild.
Bob the Drag Queen
I didn't say it was weird. I said it was Republican. I mean, about half the country is Republican, including you, according.
Including peanut and Peanut.
Potato and Colleen. Apparently.
Monet x Change
We were talking about this like our pets.
Bob the Drag Queen
Do you think your cat has liberal views?
Monet x Change
I was just about to say my cat is liberal and my cat is black. Potato is a white pet. Have you noticed this potato is white?
Bob the Drag Queen
Well, I mean, I don't know.
Monet x Change
He's giving a black experience because. So, for example, Andy, I mean, Andy raised the dog fine, but Potato has a lot of. Had a lot of Training to do when I got in my hands on him.
And now that I got my hands
on him, Potato's having a black experience. Like, for example, before Potato would. Like, his bowels and his urinary track were a little.
Bob the Drag Queen
Your voice. Your voice were a little.
Monet x Change
They needed some taming. Let's just say that. And he doesn't do that anymore. And he'll do something like.
Bob the Drag Queen
What do you mean? Like pooping in the house.
Monet x Change
Like, he would, like, poop and pee in the house sometimes.
Bob the Drag Queen
Was he a puppy?
Monet x Change
No, it wasn't a puppy.
Bob the Drag Queen
How old is Potato?
Monet x Change
Potato is three now.
Bob the Drag Queen
Okay, to be clear, I don't think that pooping in the house is a white dog thing. I don't, I. I don't feel in my heart.
Monet x Change
I mean, the training around it is.
Yes.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah.
Monet x Change
I have friends that have puppies, and
when they have them, the puppies don't do that.
They train the dog from the time it's way smaller.
Bob the Drag Queen
Jacob's. Jacob has. Jacob's grew up with two. Well, two dogs. One of them was what has gone down to Glory. Wait, did they both go on a Glory? Well, one of the dogs has gone on to Glory, but there was no. Those dogs didn't poop and pee in the house. I think this. I think that's a. That's an Andy thing. I don't think that.
Producer/Moderator
I'm so sorry. I'm not about to say this. Caldwell. So we actually got the dogs when they were three and we got them from a black couple who had twins. So they didn't have time to take care of the dogs. So we adopted the dogs from them. So they actually trained the dogs and then we adopted them.
Bob the Drag Queen
Is that why they don't poop in the house? Well, in my experience of people. I mean, I don't have that much experience with white people. With dogs who do I know what white people do. I know with dogs. The only person I really know who's an animal owner is you, Assad.
And there's gotta be more.
I just don't really know. I just don't really know about their relationship with their animals.
Monet x Change
So anyway, Potato like Potato. When Potato goes outside, Potatoes any. If potato steps a foot outside, his paws are being washed because then you're not gonna step outside in grass, on gravel or whatever the fuck and then jump on my co with your dirty paws. So Potato, now he's his. His body gets cleaned every time he comes inside. And if Potato is like, is that a.
Bob the Drag Queen
Is that a black thing?
Monet x Change
All my black friends with dogs do that.
Bob the Drag Queen
When I had a dog, we did not wash grizzly's feet every time we came in the house. That sounds.
Monet x Change
Oh.
All my black friends do that. Every black friend I know I have a dog.
Bob the Drag Queen
All of your black friends do that?
Monet x Change
Yeah.
Well, all my black friends. I have dogs. Cats. No. Because they don't go outside.
Bob the Drag Queen
What?
Monet x Change
Yes.
Bob the Drag Queen
You're telling me that every single one of your black friends has a dog? They wash their dog's feet every single
time they walk them.
Monet x Change
That is three of them.
Bob the Drag Queen
I don't believe. I do not believe you. When I grew up in one of the blackest states in America, I want to be very clear about that. Let me just say this. Georgia is such a black state that I didn't even know black people were.
Monet x Change
People are sleeping.
Bob the Drag Queen
People are sleeping. I didn't even know black people were minorities until I could be like, what y' all mean? Minority? Everybody's black. I have never met a person who washes their dog's feet.
And I grew up in one of
the blackest states in America. I have never met a single person who washed their dog's feet.
Monet x Change
Cannon dejuan. Who else? I have a black. Another black friend that has a dog. Cannon dejuan and someone else. Arcia just got a puppy, but I don't know about that. Marcia just got another puppy.
Bob the Drag Queen
Maybe that's because your dogs are walking in a. To turn my game down. Maybe that's because your dogs are walking in the disgusting city of New York.
Monet x Change
Maybe. But even here, it's not disgusting.
But I mean, I'm just used to that.
Bob the Drag Queen
But think about, you know, the tidy LA la known for its clean street.
Monet x Change
But also. But think about it. If a dog is outside in dirt, digging and shitting or, like, in grass, they're gonna come and jump on the couch that you're putting your face on, and you're on your couch. That's nasty.
Bob the Drag Queen
My dog didn't go. My dog never got on the couch.
Monet x Change
Well, see, well, that's the thing. Potato does. Potato's a little dog. Potato gets on the co. Well, I
Bob the Drag Queen
didn't have a dog on the couch. Well, dogs sat on the ground.
Monet x Change
When I grew up with dogs in St. Lucia, I. Coming to America was the first time I saw dogs inside. But I understand, like, New York is cold. A dog cannot stay outside all year round. But I grew up with my dogs. They never came inside.
Bob the Drag Queen
Well, in Georgia, there are outside dogs and there are inside dogs. And it's really all about how the person raises them. Georgia Never really gets cold enough to, like, your dog can't be outside. I mean, at least Atlanta just never really gets that cold. But I don't agree personally with, like, outside dogs. Like, if you're. If you're cold, your dog is cold.
Monet x Change
That's not true.
Bob the Drag Queen
Listen, listen, listen. Have you ever seen dogs that are shivering indoors, where it's not even cold? Shivering.
Monet x Change
That's the thing.
Bob the Drag Queen
Have you ever seen dogs that are just shivering and it's not even cold and you feel like you're, like. I can pause there. Dogs get cold as easily as some breeds of dogs. So not all, but some breeds of dogs get cold just as easily as you do, if not easier.
Monet x Change
Yes, some breeds of dogs. But again, example, a Chihuahua. A Chihuahua is shaking not because it's cold. That's just how they are. They just have to breathe. They're nervous. They have nervous shakes. So if you're having a dog outside, of course it should be a dog for outside. Like, I don't think, like, a fucking Chinese. Chinese crusted should live outside. They don't have any fur, but certain. Like a German shepherd, a Rottweiler, like a St. Bernard. Those dogs can be outside. They can be outside dogs.
Bob the Drag Queen
I mean, I don't. I don't believe in leaving your dogs outside, especially if you live in a place where it's sleepy.
Ad Reader
Voices, please.
Bob the Drag Queen
Oh, yeah, sorry. Especially if you live in a place where you are. Where it's cold. Chihuahuas are the tiniest breed of dogs. They produce a lot of energy because of their fast metabolism. And these dogs burn three times as many calories as other canines. This can cause shivering or shaking so that they're not nervous. It's because they're burning calories at an alarming rate.
Monet x Change
Yeah. So Chihuahuas just shake. They're not shaking because they're cold anyway.
Bob the Drag Queen
Can also shake because they're cold, too.
Monet x Change
I know. Yeah, sure. They can. I'm not saying that they can't shake.
I'm saying.
But if you see, like, a Chihuahua outside, inside, in a nice warm room, they're not shaking because they're cold. They're shaking because they're. They have all this. What you just said. Anyway. Have you ever tried to meditate?
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah, I meditate often. But I do meditate.
Monet x Change
You do?
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah.
Monet x Change
What do you do when you meditate? I'm so. I'm so intrigued about meditation because I don't get it.
Bob the Drag Queen
So when I used to meditate religiously, what I was doing was I would paint my nails, and while my nails were Drying. I would take the time to meditate because I kept painting my nails and ruining them and getting my nails. I don't paint my nails anymore, but I would get nail polish on everything and it get all messed up and I'm like, well, this is the perfect time for me to. So I take my nail polish off every night and every morning I would paint. I would paint my nails and meditate. I did this for like maybe five months. And while I'm there, I just think about my life, I think about my day, I think about people. I set intentions for myself, I set goals for the day. I come up with an itinerary in my head. Or sometimes I just try my best to just blank out as best I can. I've also done guided meditations on podcasts that do guided meditations and stuff.
Monet x Change
Is an intention just a short form resolution?
Bob the Drag Queen
Well, like my intention today is to. Is to smile more or to make people happy or to. My intention for today is to exude joy. My intention for today is to be. To be more matter of fact and to him and hall us that kind of stuff.
Monet x Change
So intention just like a, a shorter version of a resolution. Like a resolution is a more long term intention is short term, like a day, whereas a resolution is for the next year.
Bob the Drag Queen
Well, I don't know that resolutions necessarily revolve around a calendar year. I think it's just specifically a new year, a New Year's resolution.
Monet x Change
I think it's the new year. My intention is to work out more for the new year, which is 365 days.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah, yeah, that's a New Year's resolution. But I'm saying I don't think that the resolutions are necessarily bound to a year unless it is a New Year's resolution.
Monet x Change
Yeah. So I'm saying our New Year's resolutions, long term versions of intentions.
Bob the Drag Queen
Well, I imagine you can set intentions for any amount of time. You know, I mean, but I was for me specifically on those meditations, I was setting daily intentions. But I don't think the intentions are necessarily about a daily. A day to day thing. That was just for me and my daily intentions.
Monet x Change
I guess I've never heard of a long term intention. My intention is to work out for the next year. I've never heard that. My Normally when I hear intentions, they're like, yeah, like when I was going to take a trip, I had an intention, a psycho drug trip.
Bob the Drag Queen
What I imagine someone could say, I intend to. I intend to be a nicer, calmer person in general. I'm setting Intentions for myself and how
Monet x Change
I want to do that one.
You should try that one.
Bob the Drag Queen
Not interested. Your volume, please. Please. Your volume. You just woke up three people. What are you playing,
Monet x Change
Monet? Have you ever tried to meditate?
Producer/Moderator
Thanks.
Monet x Change
Thanks.
Bob the Drag Queen
You know, if.
Monet x Change
If you're.
Bob the Drag Queen
If you're asking me questions for the sole intention of me to ask you, you can just answer your own question. You don't have to try to trick me into asking you the question.
Monet x Change
Well, this is a podcast. Can you.
Damn. Can you engage me?
Bob the Drag Queen
What? Your volume, please.
Producer/Moderator
Sorry, yeah. Can you say that again in a sleepy voice?
Bob the Drag Queen
Yes, please. Can you please be calm? You just woke up several of our listeners.
Monet x Change
Yeah, nigga, you. Can you engage me?
Bob the Drag Queen
Damn, I'm happy to engage. You know, I feel like I've been quite engaging with you. I'm just not asking you the questions you want me to ask you. This is not an interview. So if you have questions, if you have answers you want to bring to the stage, then I think that it can help you to just, you know, just offer the information instead of desperately begging me to give you attention. And I know how much you love
Monet x Change
my approval, but your approval rating is
Bob the Drag Queen
your volume, por favor.
Monet x Change
I think I talked about this on the podcast before. I found out from my doctor that me and, like, 3% of the population, like, only require five to six hours of sleep. It's a very rare thing. Like, if I get more than that, I, like, sure, it's fine. Sometimes it makes me more tired, but, like, five hours of sleep, I'm like, oh, my God, I feel amazing. My life.
Bob the Drag Queen
Is that really 5% of the population?
Monet x Change
3% of the population?
Bob the Drag Queen
Is that real?
Monet x Change
That's real. Look it up.
Bob the Drag Queen
Interesting. I mean, I also don't require that much sleep, so. But I don't think I'm. I just think that. I don't know. I feel like I. I don't have any research on people and how much sleep they need. I know I don't need that much sleep. I can go down, wake up, and just be pretty chill. You know,
Producer/Moderator
work.
Bob the Drag Queen
But I do think that it is. I'm not gonna call it a superpower of mine, but, you know. So listen, why don't we take this opportunity to guide our listeners through.
Monet x Change
I don't know how a guided meditation works. I've never done one.
Bob the Drag Queen
Okay, let's. Let's start by you shutting the hell up. Let's start with that. Thank you. So I want you all to just sit. Please sit with your hands by your side in a chair.
Monet x Change
We should like.
Bob the Drag Queen
Okay, okay. I guess we're just gonna stop them. Go ahead.
Monet x Change
Because we kind of just like, like, let's listen, guys. Now you want everyone to get in the space because we're going to guide you through a meditation.
Bob the Drag Queen
Okay.
Monet x Change
And it doesn't start with you, like, clear your mind. Isn't it all of that?
Bob the Drag Queen
Well, I'm doing. You keep interrupting me. I am trying to guide the meditation, but you keep jumping in, asking me how to do it instead of figuring out how to do it. So I want you to start by sitting in an upright position in a chair on the floor, on the bed. But make sure that you're comfortable. You don't want to feel any tension. You want to be able to lean against something so that you can. You're not actually carrying any of your own weight. And if you want, you can also lie flat on your bed or on your floor as long as you feel free and not like you have to support your body weight.
Monet x Change
Oh, also, I think that we should go back and forth so we kind of like. This is a guide, a double guided meditation.
Bob the Drag Queen
Okay, Your turn.
Monet x Change
And now that you're on this space and you are feeling, I want you to. I want you to become fully aware of your body. Become fully aware of your mind. I want you to breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in through your nose. Breathe out through your mouth.
Bob the Drag Queen
Now that you've regulated your breathing, try your best to keep that going at a regular. At regular intervals until it becomes second nature. And now I want you to think about your fingertips. Think about your pinky finger. Don't move it. Just think about the tip of your pinky. And do you feel that energy in your pinky? Now let the energy travel over to your ring finger. You should feel a little tingle in both your ring finger and your pinky finger. And now your middle finger. The three fingers should all be tingling on both hands. Your pointer finger. And now your throat. Yes. Now I want you to just imagine that there's. That there's light coming out of the tips of your fingers, illuminating the room. Also, your eyes should be closed. We forgot to say that your eyes should be closed by now, illuminating the room. You can feel that light traveling up through your fingers, traveling up through your wrist, your forearms, your elbows, your shoulders. Now those are your shoulders. Just give your shoulders a little shrug, a little roll. Think front to back. Just give your shoulders a little roll. Now push them back. You can feel that in your chest. You feel your chest tightening. Take a really deep breath. And then you let it Out.
Monet x Change
And then I want you to really let your mind go. I don't want you to think about where it should go. Just let it go. You might be thinking about nothing. You might be seeing something. You might be at a beach. You might be in the desert. You might be floating amongst the clouds. You might be sitting on a mound. Wherever you are, just let your body go. Just let your mind go. I want you to think about letting everything go.
Bob the Drag Queen
Now I want you to just do me a favor, and if you're not sitting up already, go ahead and sit up. Sit up. Give yourself a little wiggle. Just experience your body. Feel your body. Feel how it feels to be back in your body. Now that you've done this slight meditation. Now I want you to put your. All of your fingers to each other. Put your pinky to your pinky, your thumb to your thumb, all of your fingers to each other. Now put your palms to each other. Okay? Keep your fingers closed. You want to keep your fingers completely closed. Now try your best, if you can, to get your elbows as close to each other as possible. And lean your hands forward. Now clap. It's tight. Isn't it great? How was that meditation for everyone?
Monet x Change
Wait, wait.
Bob the Drag Queen
You all feel relaxed.
Monet x Change
No, we're not done. And now you're. And now you're standing up.
Bob the Drag Queen
You're the worst improv.
This is horrible.
Monet x Change
You're standing up.
Producer/Moderator
Bob, please. Sleepy voice.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah, yeah.
Monet x Change
And stop coughing. Please stop coughing. And then you stand up. I want you to bend over as far as you can. Look down at your toes, and slowly let your body stand up, vertebrae by vertebrae, feeling each disc locking back into place. But not too tight. Stand up. Breathe in one more time.
Bob the Drag Queen
And out. I feel like it had a really great ending. And then you just, like, added that last part. It was like. It was like a. It was like a good ending.
Monet x Change
We weren't standing up. We were still sitting down.
Bob the Drag Queen
Your meditation doesn't have to end with standing. Also, not everyone can stand. Wow. So you. So you're only meditating if you can stand. Whoa. So you think everyone else is just stuck meditating? Yikes. Yikes. On bikes.
Monet x Change
You know, I hear all these stories of people who get hypnotized to stop smoking, and it sounds so successful. Like, I mean, I have heard a few stories that it hasn't worked, but oftentimes when I hear. Listen, I've heard it on, like, a few podcasts now. Once on the Cole Byers podcast on Chelsea Handlers and some interview I watched recently. And, like, people really be Getting healed through hypnosis. I'm like, maybe I should try hypnotizing myself.
Bob the Drag Queen
To what? Just like, stop being a bitch to
Monet x Change
get a better fucking best friend. How I can be more discerning?
Bob the Drag Queen
Who are you trying to use for this position? I would like to have a talk with them and let them know what really all comes with this quote unquote position. They should know. People have the right to know.
Monet x Change
Not one position. All positions.
Bob the Drag Queen
You know what?
Monet x Change
From the Fifth Element, I'm. They need to do a remake. I think we should do a remake of Fifth Element.
Bob the Drag Queen
Why?
Monet x Change
Because I want to see it again. Like, with, like.
Bob the Drag Queen
Does the movie not exist anymore?
Monet x Change
The what?
Bob the Drag Queen
Does the movie not exist anymore?
Monet x Change
It does, but I feel like they could be, like, a really cool new version of it.
Bob the Drag Queen
Who's gonna play Chris Tucker's part? There's only one correct. There's only one correct answer.
Monet x Change
That. That guy that does the impressions, the black guy, the funny black guy. He does. He does Eddie Murphy really well. Chris Rock. You know what I'm talking about? I don't know his name.
Bob the Drag Queen
His name is. He's from snl. Yeah, Jay Pharaoh.
Monet x Change
Jay Pharaoh.
Bob the Drag Queen
But that's not the correct answer. The correct answer is Lil Nas X.
Monet x Change
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Bob the Drag Queen
You hate Montera. Why do you hate Montera?
Monet x Change
First of all, we don't know if Lil Nas can act yet.
Bob the Drag Queen
We do. We've. We've seen Lil Nas X act, like,
Monet x Change
in, like a feature film or like on the silver screen, like something like that.
Bob the Drag Queen
Oh. So it has to be. So it's not acting unless it's.
Monet x Change
Wow, it's. That's. That's putting a lot on his shoulders to have him do such an iconic role. I haven't having no roles before.
Bob the Drag Queen
I believe in him.
Monet x Change
What?
Bob the Drag Queen
I believe in him. He can do ruby rod. I believe in Lil Nas X Montera.
Monet x Change
Who would play Bruce Willis?
Bob the Drag Queen
I have to keep it a buck with you. I have not seen the Fifth Element in probably 10 years, and I've only seen it one time.
Monet x Change
What? The Fifth Element is one of my favorite movies of all time.
Bob the Drag Queen
I've only seen the Fifth Element one time. I don't have a lot of information about this film. Wait, who did. Didn't someone, like, super famous do the costume design for. Can you Google who did the costume design for the Fifth Element?
Producer/Moderator
Yeah, it was Mugler.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah, Mugler.
Monet x Change
Mugler did the costume design for Fifth Element.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah.
Monet x Change
What?
Bob the Drag Queen
I should be like, someone really big did the costume design for Fifth Element. Mugler.
Monet x Change
Oh, that that's so cool.
Producer/Moderator
I'm sorry. It was Jean Paul Gaultier. My bad.
Bob the Drag Queen
Gaultier. But just every bit is big.
Monet x Change
I know, but it is as big. But I was like, not a. Not a Manfred.
Bob the Drag Queen
Not you. Disappointed in Jean Paul Gaultier, then. Where are your standards? If Jean Paul Gaultier is a letdown
Monet x Change
to you, my word is fierce. But I mean, Mugler is just.
Bob the Drag Queen
I met Jean Paul Gaultier.
Monet x Change
Where? At the Madonna.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah, you know, he does. He's. He famously did Madonna's cone bra.
Monet x Change
Why don't you ask him to be the podcast?
Bob the Drag Queen
You know, I don't remember having a conversation with him because I didn't. But he's very tall. He's taller than I thought he would be. That I can say.
Monet x Change
He's.
Is he.
Bob the Drag Queen
I think he's my height or a little bit taller. Maybe work. Maybe he had on some big boots or something. But he. Big boots. But he was big, big boots. Someone commented that creaming. Someone commented that I made up that Nicki Minaj was laying on her stomach while performing. Everybody. And y', all. It's literally on the Internet. You can just Google it yourself. It's Nicki Minaj on her stomach, kicking her heels, going body, body, body.
Yeah.
Everyone did it quietly.
Monet x Change
Everyone is up.
Bob the Drag Queen
Do you know what, Nicki?
Monet x Change
I love that. That should be funny. That should be really funny.
Bob the Drag Queen
I went to go see Ocean Kelly last night at a bar called Felix.
Monet x Change
Okay. Titties look so real. I saw. I was like, come on, titties, Let me see.
Bob the Drag Queen
I guess some people just happen to be the caller that they make boobs in the world. The boobs I wear for. The boobs that I wear for the Madonna tour are really good, but they're also custom painted by the guy who did Raja's infamous light outfit.
Monet x Change
You were supposed to give me that. Didn't give it to me.
Bob the Drag Queen
Did she win that episode?
Monet x Change
No,
Producer/Moderator
Jinx did.
Bob the Drag Queen
That was a good outfit, too. What was the challenge that week, though? Do you remember, by any chance?
Monet x Change
Roast.
Bob the Drag Queen
Oh, that's. That's why Jinx did a good job on the roast.
Monet x Change
Yeah.
Bob the Drag Queen
Let's just be cousins. Let's just be cousins is one of the best jokes. I'm so, like, structurally speaking.
Monet x Change
I didn't get to see her and Ben show. It looks so. I've never got to see the Christmas show. And I was in Iceland when it came to la.
Bob the Drag Queen
Where were you this last time? In Iceland.
Monet x Change
Iceland, yeah. In the last year. I don't know.
Bob the Drag Queen
You couldn't. You couldn't get on A plane and go see it somewhere. Like, the planes are broken.
Monet x Change
I couldn't. Not in my time.
Bob the Drag Queen
I just like, all the planes are broken and stuff.
Monet x Change
Yeah, they were all broke.
Bob the Drag Queen
Oh, that's crazy. I don't know. I don't know. Every plane in America was broken, so you couldn't.
Monet x Change
Every single last one.
Bob the Drag Queen
Oh, my God, that's so upsetting.
Monet x Change
Have you seen this viral video of those two white guys going to Fort Lauderdale? To my Dolly and Shelly, the girls. Have you seen this?
Bob the Drag Queen
The girls. The girls. You don't care about the girls. The girls. Dolly and Shelly. That's all I'm saying. Dolly and Shelly. No, Shelly and Dolly. Shelly and Dolly. Shelly and Dolly.
Monet x Change
It has to be their pets or something. See, I. I bet you they're dogs. I bet you they're dogs.
Bob the Drag Queen
This woman turns around and goes, hey, this woman's sitting in a wheelchair. And he goes to her, I. And I love dogs. And she says something. She goes, you. I was like, jesus. So, no, the one who was going crazy, one who went around saying, hey, everyone, what airline? What airline is it? America?
Monet x Change
It looks like American.
American, yeah.
Bob the Drag Queen
And then this lady in a wheelchair is like. Or I mean, it's one of those, like, wheelchairs that they have at the airport. Yeah, yeah. And she's like saying something to him. And then he's like, he's there. He goes, and I love dogs. There's a dog sitting directly next to her. And then she says something that just sends him. And he goes, you.
Monet x Change
I knew I had to. I knew it was about dogs.
Bob the Drag Queen
Of course, I don't know. It's not confirmed. It's not confirmed that they are dogs. It's just weird that he all of a sudden was like, and I love dogs. Trust me, I love dogs.
Monet x Change
I know. I'm saying, I bet you it's about dogs. I would. I will stand 10 toes down and bet that it's about his dogs.
Bob the Drag Queen
Do you think those dogs are just back there pooping and peeing inside this person's house? That's why I'm saying this. People who have small dogs put down little pee pee poo poo pads in their house.
Monet x Change
No, no. That is fucking disgusting. I'm sorry. No.
Bob the Drag Queen
People who have small dogs. I've. This is the thing I've seen across cultures putting down the pee pee poo poo pads in the house for the dogs to use. And that is what I will say I did once. Well, at one time, someone stayed at my house and their dog, Monet. People are.
Monet x Change
I want to tell you Bob was so.
Bob the Drag Queen
Oh, probably like this.
Monet x Change
Besides this dog and pistol on my floor damaging my floor. Literally.
Bob the Drag Queen
The dog's just peeing ping in the house. And this person was the color of my palm. Well, Monet's palm. So that's a little bit of, that's a little bit of evidence toward your thing that you were saying. And then I had to throw out my rug, my living room rug. And which I, which I just was so disheartened. I never brought another living room rug. And that while I was living that whole place, I just feet freezing. Just feet freezing in my own home.
Monet x Change
So we were somewhere recently in Bob goes.
I went to Color Purple with Andy and Bob was doing some bit.
And Bob goes, Monet, you gonna let up turn to reference Andy. I was like, Bob, your hands are.
That side of your head is fully brown. You are talking about Andy Latinx.
Bob the Drag Queen
Okay. Your hands are particularly light skinned.
Monet x Change
That's true. Every black person that I know has hands like this.
Bob the Drag Queen
You keep saying everybody. What about, what about Uncle Steve? What about my brother? What about my mother? What about me?
Monet x Change
Is your mom, is your mom's palm this, this color?
Bob the Drag Queen
Not, not, not the. Not your hand color.
Monet x Change
Let me see, is she around?
Bob the Drag Queen
My mother has stepped. She stepped out of the room.
Monet x Change
Well, all the black people I know
Bob the Drag Queen
and I will not parade my mother's hands around for your amusement.
Monet x Change
Arcia's hands are this color. Dejuan's hands are this color. Naomi's hands are this color.
Bob the Drag Queen
Okay. Naomi is the bitch. Naomi's skin is that color. Which Naomi is light skinned.
Monet x Change
Day's hands are this color.
Bob the Drag Queen
I don't know if they are.
Monet x Change
They are.
Bob the Drag Queen
There are lots of people who have black people with hands this color.
Monet x Change
I'm sure. But you saying that my is particularly white is false. It's not true.
Bob the Drag Queen
That is true. Her hand is particularly white. Lupita Nyanga.
Monet x Change
I don't know.
I don't know Lupita. I don't know her.
Bob the Drag Queen
Boom. You know. And you also don't know Martha P. Johnson either. But you dragged her name into a conversation earlier, didn't you? To prove a point, didn't you? I can't wait till some, some like the, the like someone like some fan who works over at the US I can't wait until some fan who works over the US Census drops the thousands of kamikas in New York. It's going to be delicious.
Monet x Change
Okay, okay. Versus the millions of Martha's in New York.
Bob the Drag Queen
You think they're. No, I'm talking About Mississippi. So you telling me you think that out of the 3 million people in Mississippi, over a million of them, you think a third of the people at Mississippi are Martha's?
Monet x Change
I did not say that. I said the millions in New York is what I said.
Bob the Drag Queen
We talk about Martha's in, we're talking about Martha's in Mississippi and Kamika's in New York.
Monet x Change
And what's, and what, and what is the question.
Bob the Drag Queen
You're like, there's so, you're like, you're saying that you think that you have some irrefutable evidence that doesn't exist that you can't find that per capita there are more Marthas in Mississippi than there are Kamika's in New York.
Monet x Change
No, I said that there are more Martha's per capita in Mississippi than Kamika's in Mississippi. That's what I'm saying. And the same in New York and
Bob the Drag Queen
the same in New York, in Mississippi. Don't talk about Martha's Mississippi, Kamika's, New York. Is that fair to do Martha's and Kamika's both in Mississippi? That's not fair.
Monet x Change
Yes it is because we're trying to. My point is that there are more Marthas than Kamika's. Where? In whatever state, whatever country, whatever city.
Bob the Drag Queen
Per capita.
Monet x Change
Per capita.
If you do the amount, if you count the Marthas, the amount of Marthas per capita in Mississippi, the amount of Kamika's per capita in Mississippi, they will
Bob the Drag Queen
always, every time it needs to be Martha's, Mississippi, Kamika's, New York. It's not fair for you to do Martha. Martha and Kameka's per capita.
Monet x Change
Per capita means yes, if, if, if, if we're doing population. No, we're doing per capita. So that is fair.
Bob the Drag Queen
That's what I'm saying. Martha's per capita Mississippi, Kameka's per capita, New York.
Monet x Change
No, we're saying the same city. Because I'm saying that in the same city.
Bob the Drag Queen
And I'm telling you that's not fair. That's, that's like, that's like saying. That's like me saying I promise you there's more Muhammad's per capita in Iran than there are Josephs. I promise you. And that is my irrefutable proof which probably there are more Muhamma name in the world. Muhammad is literally the most common name in the world. But the fact there will be more Muhammad in Iran than there are Muhammad's per capita in New York City, it's just proof that Muhammad is a very common name in Arabic. Cultures.
Monet x Change
So to your point, that's why you should, you should do the same name in the same city. So you're saying, are they.
So you have to do.
Bob the Drag Queen
You'd have to do Muhammad's per capita in Iran versus Jose's per capita in. In Mexico.
Monet x Change
No, no, because. Because Kamika is not a name by. That's different. You're trying to do a name by ethnicity. And of course Muhammads are going to be plentiful in fucking.
Bob the Drag Queen
There's more Muhammads than any name in the world. Muhammad's the most common name in the world.
Monet x Change
That's what I'm saying. So the fairest way to do this is doing per capita, same city, the different two names in the same city.
Bob the Drag Queen
But that doesn't work because certain names are in more places than other names. You will find. In my opinion, which I don't. I'm assuming this is just an assumption. There's probably more Kamikas in New York per capita than there are Kamikas in Mississippi per capita. Which is what I'm saying you'd have to take.
Monet x Change
You're saying there are more Comicas where
Bob the Drag Queen
in New York per capita than there are Comicas in Mississippi. So what you could do is you could take the amount of Joses in Mexico and compare them to the amount of Muhammad in Iran. That's more fair than trying to prepare the Joses in Iran versus the Muhammads in Iran.
Monet x Change
But we're arguing two different things. Okay, now we're just going back and forth. We are an Arab.
Bob the Drag Queen
And I'm just saying that yours isn't fair.
Monet x Change
No, I'm saying yours isn't fair because I'm not debating whether there are more Kamikas in, In. In. In Mississippi or New York. I'm just saying that Martha is a more common name across the board. So the, the fairest way is to take maybe three different states in America. Fucking Oregon, Mississippi. Voices, sleepy voices, Oregon.
Bob the Drag Queen
Please money. We're almost done. But you still can't wake people up.
Monet x Change
Okay, Oregon, Mississippi and New York. And you do the amount Kameka versus in each one of them. And that would be a fair way to say. To get it.
Bob the Drag Queen
I've already. I've heard your thesis and I disagree with it before. Okay, congratulations. Before we go, I will say one last thing. Actually, I don't have anything. Well, I have nothing.
Monet x Change
Well, listen guys, thank you for listening to our sleep, our Sleepy Time podcast. We hope that you are now sleeping and we'll see you next time here.
Bob the Drag Queen
Goodbye everyone.
Episode Title: The One To Listen to When You're Trying To Fall Asleep
Date: January 8, 2024
Hosts: Monét X Change & Bob the Drag Queen
In this special “sleepy” episode designed for nighttime listening, Monét X Change and Bob the Drag Queen playfully tackle the topic of going to sleep—including bedtime routines, meditation, and their often hilarious takes on “sleep aid” content. True to Sibling Rivalry form, the duo’s infectious chemistry leads to tangents on pets, family, pop culture, and a running debate about the popularity of the names “Martha” and “Kamika.” Throughout, they gently (mostly) lower their voices in an attempt to help listeners wind down for bedtime, culminating in a tongue-in-cheek guided meditation.
(00:00–01:16)
(05:46–09:05)
(09:27–14:19)
(14:01–21:03 & 63:13–67:04, recurring)
(22:12–30:35)
(34:24–40:21)
(41:13–52:23)
(52:23–end)