The One To Listen To While Cleaning

Summary

Sibling Rivalry: "The One To Listen To While Cleaning"

Date: August 5, 2026
Hosts: Bob the Drag Queen & Monét X Change

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Episode Overview

This episode of Sibling Rivalry is designed as the perfect companion for listeners while they clean their homes. Bob and Monét reminisce about cleaning rituals past and present, discuss the grossest cleaning tasks, debate cleaning products and car washes, and deep dive into family dynamics and childhood chores. Throughout, the episode delivers the duo's signature chemistry, quick wit, irreverent humor, and playful banter.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Cleaning Rituals & Shout Outs

(00:22 – 02:15)

• The hosts dedicate the episode to listeners cleaning their homes, offering shout outs to those using classic cleaning products and methods.
• Monét: “Shout out to people who are cleaning their floors with an actual mop, baby, that means you are not new to this. You are true to the clean, Mac.” (01:06)
• Both reminisce about wringing out mops by hand and cleaning with Pinol and Fabuloso.

2. Car Wash Adventures & Scams

(02:15 – 11:12)

• Bob and Monét trade stories about car washes, which tier is a scam, and the realities of drive-through services.
• Bob: “No matter if you get the ultra, regular, deluxe, it is the same thing. So I’m like, they’re scamming.” (03:34)
• Monét reveals she always buys the cheapest wash.
• There's playful speculation about whether the attendants are flirting or just working, and a hilarious play-by-play of Monét “performing” while vacuuming her car.

3. Car Dealerships & Trusted Car Brands

(11:12 – 12:45)

• A debate about America’s most trusted car, leading to a real-time fact check (Toyota, Chevrolet, or Ford?).
• Monét: “Toyota is America’s most trusted car.” (08:28)
• Discussion about car manufacturers, marketing, and the shocking revelation that Suzuki no longer sells cars in the US.

4. Family, Chores & Cleaning Upbringing

(19:20 – 26:37)

• Both discuss their childhood cleaning chores, the presence of housekeepers, and parental expectations.
• Bob: “When I clean the bathroom…” (19:20)
• Playful interrogation of who did what in their childhood homes, with Monét probing into Bob’s family dynamics and household structure.
• Monét: “Is your task to be vague? The task has to be vaguery.” (19:36)

5. Family Lineage and Cousin Hierarchies

(23:27 – 28:01)

• A lengthy, comical confusion over cousin relationships (first cousin once removed, etc.) with help from a third voice (Jacob).
• Monét: “So, my first cousins can only be my aunt’s children?” (26:22)
• Jacob: “Your second cousin is your mom’s cousin’s daughter.” (26:07)

6. Hotel Room Cleaning & Shame

(18:49 – 19:36, 32:01 – 33:39)

• Both share tricks for cleaning after themselves in hotels, lamenting the lack of brushes, vacuums, and plungers.
• Confessions about tidying up for hookups and before cleaners come — Bob tidies “out of shame,” whereas Monét does not.

7. Judging Others’ Cleanliness

(28:08 – 34:46)

• Debate about whether it’s appropriate to judge others’ messy or dirty homes.
• Bob: “I’m judging a little bit…” (28:24)
• Monét tells a story about “the Johnsons,” a notoriously messy family from childhood, and recounts how her nose just “adjusted” to weird-smelling homes.
• Both agree: if a usually tidy friend is suddenly messy, it’s a sign something’s wrong.

8. Cleaners and Housekeeping

(33:47 – 37:10)

• Candid talk about frequency and scope of professional cleaning—Monét’s comes weekly, Bob’s every 6 weeks.
• Amusing issues of cleaners mixing up clothes between roommates, and returning to “deep cleans.”
• Monét: “If you’re cleaning, why are you hiring a cleaner? Like, you’re cleaning and they’re coming to clean on top of your clean?” (34:57)

9. Home Ownership Headaches

(39:06 – 43:41)

• Multiple ceiling leaks and complicated HOA repairs in Bob’s condo.
• Nightmare flooring installation with contractors trying to get paid before finishing the work.
• Monét: “The whole threshold kick and fly off.” (43:21)

10. The Struggles with Shower Storage

(43:33 – 47:14)

• Debates over niche vs. caddy, and the annoyances of a cleaner who puts items back in the wrong place.
• Banter about skin and hair care in the shower.
• Monét: “I have two skincares. I have one I do in the shower, and I have, like…” (45:31)
• Bob confesses he has to shave his tattoo area, leading to teasing about “the only hairy spot.”

11. Cleaning Product Substitutions

(50:13 – 52:20)

• Monét’s infamous habit of using hand soap or even Dawn dish detergent as shower gel.
• Bob: “Which—are you a duck? That was just recently in the oil spill?” (51:47)
• Disclaimer: hosts do NOT officially recommend using Dawn on your skin.

12. Final Shout Outs & Relatable Cleaning Struggles

(53:14 – 53:56)

• Monét gives a shout out to anyone “having to clean their whole house by themselves because their partner is useless.”
• Bob salutes those vacuuming with headphones “because the vacuum is too loud.”
• Both acknowledge the universal struggle of cleaning while dealing with distractions and less-than-helpful partners.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Monét: “See how you chose violence?” (29:20)
• Bob: “I always get the cheapest one.” (04:30)
• Monét (addressing cleaners): “That’s not your responsibility. Make that motherfucker clean too.” (53:24)
• Bob: “God forbid you have a fucking waste basket. It was like fucking Legend of the Hidden Temple trying to find a fucking wastebasket.” (33:08)
• Monét: “If you are currently on the vacuuming phase wearing headphones because the vacuum is too loud...I salute you.” (53:29)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:22 – 02:15: Cleaning products, mop nostalgia, shout outs to classic cleaners
• 02:15 – 11:12: Car wash stories, scams, flirtation
• 11:12 – 12:45: Car brands, dealerships, Suzuki revelations
• 19:20 – 26:37: Childhood chores, family cleaning dynamics
• 23:27 – 28:01: Cousin hierarchies and family tree confusion
• 28:08 – 34:46: Judging other people’s messiness, stories of messy homes
• 34:47 – 37:10: Professional cleaning, folding, laundry mishaps
• 39:06 – 43:41: Home repair nightmares, leaks, unscrupulous contractors
• 43:33 – 47:14: Shower storage, skin and hair care banter
• 50:13 – 52:20: The Dawn debacle and improvised shower supplies
• 53:14 – 53:56: Final cleaning shout outs and relatable struggles

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Tone and Takeaways

Energetic, irreverent, and candid, this episode is a hilarious and relatable listen for anyone grappling with the joys and pains of cleaning. Bob and Monét’s chemistry shines through, as does their willingness to be honest (sometimes brutally so) about both themselves and each other. The stories, banter, and practical wisdom create the perfect background for any cleaning task, making the hour both entertaining and comforting.

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Summary prepared for Sibling Rivalry's “The One To Listen To While Cleaning” by request.

Transcript

[A]

My name is bob the drag queen.

[B]

And I'm monet x change. And this is simply rivalry.

[A]

On this week's episode, we accompany you while you clean your home.

[B]

We talk about the messiest things to clean up in your house.

[A]

And we find out what made Monet say this.

[B]

See how you chose violence? And we find out what made Bob say this.

[A]

I always get the cheapest one.

[B]

Hey, y'. All. So this is our cleaning episode. This is the episode we want y' all to listen to while you clean for the ease of the clean so that. So the time passes by. And an hour with us is never enough time. But we hope that you finish whatever task you're doing in that time.

[A]

And we haven't done a shout out in a while, but shout out to anyone cleaning the floors with Pine Sol. That's the power of Pine Sol.

[B]

That's the olden days, honey.

[A]

That is very old school. Shout out to anyone who still cleans their floor with pine saw. Who you want to shout out today? I want to.

[B]

I want to shout out people who are cleaning their floors with an actual mop, baby, that means you are not new to this. You are true to the clean, Mac.

[A]

You use the mop.

[B]

I use a mop.

[A]

A mop. Like a.

[B]

Like a one you put in the bucket. Ring it out.

[A]

Ring it out. I used to ring it out with my hands. We didn't have the.

[B]

Yeah, I used to with my hand, too.

[A]

Are you, like, a professional if you have one of these? You work in, like, a school?

[B]

Well, you know, cleaning orders. My favorite. With your hand?

[A]

With my hands grabbing the mop.

[B]

That nasty water. And.

[A]

And we used pinel growing up.

[B]

Yeah, I. I used pinel growing up, too. I mean, I think the girlies today, a lot of them use fabuloso.

[A]

Fabuloso is huge.

[B]

Your house in New York, though, I feel like it's only like, a New York thing.

[A]

Your house will smell like a car freshener.

[B]

It smells good, though.

[A]

Your house will smell like your car just got back from the. Can I just say what? These.

[B]

You're looking very today, honey. The. She's wearing the hoochie, Daddy. I can see. I can see. I can see your testicles.

[A]

If you are across your leg.

[B]

We're looking at testicles.

[A]

And what color are they? The col. Not black skin. The color black. Car fresheners have gone too far.

[B]

Which one are you getting, though?

[A]

Any one of them. There's no car freshener that is, like, faint. Like, when you first get. Is so powerful. You have to leave it outside or something because they're too strong initially.

[B]

No, you got to just. You got to get the traditional. The one that looks like a pine tree and get it in the new car scent. That one is not too strong.

[A]

I. They're too strong. I went to get my car clean months ago and they gave me this car freshener, and, baby, like, my eyes were burning.

[B]

You took. You took the Lexus on a little spa date? The Lexus went on a little spa date.

[A]

I drove it through the car wash. You took your Lexus to the spa?

[B]

I want to be clear.

[A]

I drove through the car wash. Jacob and I both like going to the car wash.

[B]

I like going to the car wash, too. There's one, you know, there's a $6 one over here on. I'm not going to say the street.

[A]

Go ahead. Dr. Stuff again.

[B]

The second major shoot over here.

[A]

You and Brent. Brent. Braden. Braden. Brinson. Brown. Brady. Bray.

[B]

Nope.

[A]

Brit.

[B]

Nope.

[A]

Dylan.

[B]

No.

[A]

Dan.

[B]

Nope.

[A]

D. What's his name?

[B]

Byron.

[A]

Byron. I was close when I said Braden. I was pretty close.

[B]

One is a BR. One is a BYR Right?

[A]

So I got two of the letters, right? And the N. Byron Brayden. Anyway, I got four letters, right?

[B]

But here's the thing with this car wash, right? So it's a scam. So when you get up to you, it's a drive through, and you get up to the thing and you select regular, ultra, deluxe. The regular is 6, ultra is 8, deluxe is 10. Just to test it out. I've tried each one. And no matter if you get the ultra, regular, deluxe, it is the same thing. So I'm like, they're scamming. What do you mean?

[A]

Are you looking around and seeing if new. Stuart?

[B]

Yeah. If new things are happening and it doesn't seem like anything's happening?

[A]

No, I think the ultimate. Listen, Mo. I think the ultimate is the wax.

[B]

I didn't get no wax.

[A]

How do you know?

[B]

Cause I'm looking my car. I came out to think there's no wax. My car is not waxed. I think they're just getting me.

[A]

How do you know? How do you know you can tell when a car's been waxed?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So what's like when a car's waxed?

[B]

When your car is wax, it's extra shiny. And you also get like, a little, like, water repellent on the thing.

[A]

And when it's not wax, it's not shiny.

[B]

It's not as shiny. It's clean, obviously, but it's not like

[A]

shiny I always get the cheapest one.

[B]

That's what I'm gonna start doing every time.

[A]

I don't ever get nothing. Super duper oopa troopa deluxe. I do the regular one.

[B]

Can I tell you? So the guy at the car. So there's always. There's. Well, oftentimes there's like a little attendant standing there and who's like. He's supposed to, like. He takes a hose, like, sprays your wheels down and just get like extra dirt off of there. And I thought he was cruising me as I was like.

[A]

Was he sexy?

[B]

It was very sexy.

[A]

Probably still is.

[B]

I thought it was cruising. So after you get out the car wash, there's a little line of vacuums. You can go and, like, do a little extra detail work. So I go through the car wash and I pull up on the side to detail my car. So I just came from the gym, so I have my little, like, little short shorts on and my little, like, you know, my little skimpy little gym outfit.

[A]

I've seen them.

[B]

Don't say so. We've all seen them. So I'm dia and I'm like, vacuuming. And then they sell you an extra rag if you want to get the extra water off. So, like, your car is fully dry,

[A]

which I don't understand, but just. If you drive for another five minutes, your car is going to dry.

[B]

No, but then you see, you're such a noob. You're driving and the water is like pushing back on your window. So now when you're driving at a certain velocity, the air is pushing the water. So now your windows are getting dirty again.

[A]

How fast are you driving if you're

[B]

driving at least 40 miles per hour. We. We live in LA. We get on highways all the time. You get to your house, get on

[A]

the highway between the car, the car wash and your home, you're. This is like those people who take. Who take the train to get Trader Joe's. When I used to be in New York City, when I see people on the train with groceries, it's only Trader Joe's or Whole Food sometimes, or Whole Foods sometimes. Otherwise, just go to the grocery store in your neighborhood.

[B]

No, but se.

[A]

Town. Seatown seat.

[B]

Town. I'm not going to. The path is not always linear. I'm not always, like, going from, like, the car wash to my house. Sometimes I'm on my way to something. I'm going to your house, I'm going to go to the car wash, then go to your house. I'm always going back home.

[A]

I'm usually car washed at home. Car wash is on the. For me, car wash is on the way home. Because then I want to. I want to. I want to wash my car and then park it in a garage. I want to wash my car and then put it on the street.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So also, I don't understand why I leave town for. I mean, I get it, but I'm annoyed that is dirty, that I haven't moved.

[B]

I know there's all the dust because LA is very dusty, but it's in

[A]

the garage and I haven't done anything.

[B]

Girl, dusty's everywhere. There's dust in your house. Put your car to your house for a week, it'll be dusty there too.

[A]

I'm only. You were driving up the elevator. I can't get my car in my house.

[B]

So anyway, so I drive my car and then so I'm like, he sees I don't have a thing, so he comes up here and like, hey, do you want one of these? I was like, but the cars in

[A]

the dealership aren't dusty.

[B]

That. Cause they cleaned them.

[A]

They're cleaning those cars?

[B]

Yes, girl, they're trying to sell you a car.

[A]

I assume it just came clean.

[B]

No, girl, they detailed those.

[A]

Someone is cleaning every car on a lot.

[B]

Yes. Not the ones outside.

[A]

So they're dirty.

[B]

Sometimes they're dirty, but the ones inside that they're modeling, those are like sparkly clean.

[A]

Does anyone work at a car dealership? Tell me right now, how often are you washing these cars? I never seen nobody clean a car at a car dealership. Never.

[B]

How often are you hanging out at dealerships?

[A]

I used to live near one.

[B]

Where?

[A]

In Columbus, Georgia.

[B]

That was long. You don't remember?

[A]

I do remember. And it was not that long ago, Bob.

[B]

It was over a decade and you could last episode. You could remember something from eight years ago, but now you can remember 20

[A]

years ago I lived in Columbus, Georgia

[B]

with your 40 year old ass.

[A]

I lived in Columbus, Georgia in 2008.

[B]

So that was.

[A]

Bob, that's.

[B]

That's 18 years ago.

[A]

It's not 20. It's not 20. I used to live by the Bill Herd Chevrolet. I just want to work there so bad too.

[B]

I feel like you'd be a good you, You. Oh my God. You give used car salesman you.

[A]

Bill heard was not used cars.

[B]

But I'm just like. But I didn't say Bill Heard. I'm saying you give used car salesman.

[A]

No, I give a luxury car salesman. No, I, I would work at like a Chevy dealership. A Lexus dealership, a Toyota dealership. I think my dream would be to work at a Toyota. If I had to pick a dealership, I would want to work at a Toyota.

[B]

Just selling Venza to everybody that came.

[A]

Well, Toyota is the most trusted car in America.

[B]

Is it? I thought it was Ford. Jacob, can you look up the most trusted car in America?

[A]

It is Toyota.

[B]

Are you standing 10 toes down on this?

[A]

10 toes down.

[B]

I'm going to say Chevrolet, Toyota is

[A]

America's most trusted car.

[B]

Lexus, Toyota City.

[C]

I don't know if there's like a specific one that's.

[A]

Well, to be clear, Lexar and Subaru are all the same company.

[C]

I mean this is the AI Google, first thing that comes up. So I don't know if that's like. But like there's not like a

[A]

Lexus super Toyota.

[C]

Report says this.

[A]

Yeah, Lexus, super Toyota, they're all the same company now what? Well, Lexus is the first one that's the same company. Are they Lexus, Subaru and Toyota are all the same company. Yes.

[B]

Really? That same company. See, so like, so when they selling all these different cars, why, like, why can't they make all of them the same? Like why the different companies, they're all made the same parts.

[A]

Well, I think what's happening is. Listen, so a Toyota is what?

[B]

Toyota. What the fuck was that?

[A]

How do you say Toyota?

[B]

A Toyota.

[A]

It's a Toyota.

[B]

Are you looking at it?

[A]

It's a Japanese company.

[B]

Toyota.

[A]

It's a Toyota.

[B]

Exactly. There we go. But you're not doing Toyota. You said a Toyota. He became Alan Cumming all of a sudden.

[A]

Toyota is the least expensive version.

[B]

Right?

[A]

So a Lexus is just a Toyota but a little bit nicer. And the Subaru is the Toyota but made for outdooring more than the Toyota is. And also Subaru markets toward granola and lesbians and Lexus markets toward people who want a Toyota but a nicer car.

[B]

It's all marketing. It's all.

[A]

It's all marketing.

[B]

Ah.

[A]

I was telling my friend. I was telling my friend about you.

[B]

About me?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

What did I do?

[A]

I was like, my dear friend Belinda China shop likes her little fancy cars. Talking about it's all marketing. It is a marketing.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Kevy, you like them little fancy cars, honey? You like them super duper fancy mugs. Talking about some marketing. You fail for the marketing. Money, money, money. When I step foot out the door, unless it is a BMW, unless it is a Mercedes. You knew me when.

[B]

I've never driven a Mercedes before.

[A]

But you would.

[B]

You knew me when I had my four years. My Cosmo, which iconic. Which was a Suzuki Grand Vitar. Suzuki. I don't even think they make that car anymore.

[A]

They make Suzuki, do they?

[B]

Not, not. Not the Grand Vitar. Jacob, you look up the latest model, I might go back. I love that car. That thing was do r Bleu. I could do anything to that car and it was still standing. I missed that car.

[C]

They no longer sell cars in the

[A]

U.S. wait, Suzuki don't sell cars at

[C]

all in the U.S. they only do the European and Asian markets.

[A]

Hell, you can afford to get a car shipped over from Asia.

[B]

You know, I can afford. Do you know what I can afford? Wait. I was telling a story. Oh, yeah. So he. This podcast is crazy. So he comes in, he gives me the cloth to drive my car off. And I was like, no, I don't want to buy that. He's like, no, you can't have it. And I was like, dong, ding dong, darling, ding dong. Did that lady from Dog Garland.

[A]

Ding, ding dong, dong, darling, ding dong.

[B]

Bring back Seaway season four. I love that show.

[A]

It was a fun show. So.

[B]

So then. So now I'm like, oh, okay. Thank you. And then he goes back and he's smoking a cigarette and he's on the phone, but he's standing at his little post and he's like, watching me.

[A]

You've lost points for me.

[B]

Oh, no, I. Bitch, I'm just sucking your dick. I'm not kissing you. So then. So he described him. He was a. He was maybe like 5, 8.

[A]

Why are.

[B]

You can't just go into. Because you give me adjectives about how he describes it. You're like Monet.

[A]

I thought you were his five, eight.

[B]

No, he's like Monet. Give more details. You try to get so specific. I'm like, it's not that deep. Well, because you would be like, cute and that's enough.

[A]

Black, white, tall, skinny, short. He was.

[B]

He was Middle Eastern. Since I'm a Middle Eastern. I was. Because the language. I'm guessing by the language he was speaking. Facial hair, like a very light scruff.

[A]

Hair on his head.

[B]

Yeah, he had a nice. A low hair, like a. I don't know what kind of haircut you call that. Like a white person haircut. Like the short.

[A]

A Caesar.

[B]

Do they call it. It's not like, like black people, like a longer. Like.

[A]

Well, look.

[B]

Look at white person Caesar. Like, like that. That's a Caesar.

[A]

A Caesar.

[B]

Yeah, but it's still long on the top.

[A]

That's a Caesar, baby.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

Okay, well, you're thinking a buzz cut.

[B]

I'm thinking like, how, like, would you call your hair Caesar? That's a Caesar to me. That's.

[A]

That.

[B]

That's what a Caesar is.

[A]

I don't think white people get Caesars.

[B]

Yes, they do. I just get a Caesar when I get my haircut.

[A]

I get a fade.

[B]

I just get a Caesar.

[A]

I think white people get Caesars.

[B]

No, black. This is. Girl, no, that's. I used to get. That's a Caesar. You have a Caesar.

[A]

I would never call it a Caesar.

[B]

I would call that a Caesar.

[A]

I would call that a, like a fade. And then describe what you have. Like a high top fade or like a.

[B]

What do you.

[A]

What do you.

[B]

It's just a black dude with like a fresh cut. There's nothing like it. It brings me back to just. Just walking through this junior. Anyway, so. So five, eight, Caesar. And he's on the phone talking. And so now he's giving me a singer. He's looking at me while I'm driving my car. So I'm like, I'm extra. I'm like. I'm like on the hood.

[A]

What color is ours?

[B]

Like a greenish hazel y color.

[A]

He didn't describe his body.

[B]

His body was like average. Like, small to average build. I don't think he was over. He wasn't over. He wasn't muscular, but he was just like a average build.

[A]

He was like Nick's Smith skinny.

[B]

Not Nick Smith.

[A]

What?

[B]

Not Nick Smith skinny.

[A]

All that on Nick Smith. All that on Nick who watches our show.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Who's a friend of ours.

[B]

Correct.

[A]

Who is giving you a whole.

[B]

A friend of ours.

[A]

Nick is a friend of ours.

[B]

Of yours.

[A]

Nick is my friend.

[B]

Yeah. Not of mine.

[A]

You can't say that about Nick. I just did Nick. I'm sorry, I had to hear that. Continue.

[B]

And so now I'm being extra, right? I'm like drying off the hood. I could have just do this, but now I'm like, I'm being so extra. I have one leg on the floor.

[A]

I'm rocking one leg up on the car. This is whore. You're a the door.

[B]

And I'm like. I could just like do this thing. I'm like bending over. So like, half my ass is just overly.

[A]

And then girl, he went back in

[B]

his office and he. I think. I think I turned him away. I was doing too much.

[A]

Yeah, you did too much.

[B]

I was doing too much.

[A]

Has that ever worked?

[B]

You look at me like that's has it over you have this work.

[A]

When specifically. I just need one time. You act like you're working all the time. I need one time that you flashing your duke in that egregious fashion has worked for you. What works on you? Honestly?

[B]

Energy and swag to beat tbh. I don't need a whole bunch of, like. I mean, if you do overt things, like, can you be a little energy and swag.

[A]

Like, repeating it is not being specific.

[B]

What worked for me was he wasn't doing anything. His what energy?

[A]

What swag?

[B]

Like, the energy of, like, the energy of.

[A]

Jacob.

[B]

You are diabolical. The energy of, like. Of cruising was doing it for me. Like, knowing that he could get caught at work. Like, we're.

[A]

That's the swag.

[B]

That's the energy, his demeanor.

[A]

Like, what's the swag? Him. Monet. That's not. I don't know him. If I knew him, I could be like, yeah. If you said Kane. Swag, Jacob. Swag de One swag. You're. You give me the swag of a person I've never met. What is the swag like?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

You're fucking with me.

[B]

I'm not fudgeing with you.

[A]

Is your challenge. To give me no details is your. Is your task, or to literally never give me a single detail of anything?

[B]

Give you so much.

[A]

You've not.

[B]

Monet.

[A]

Let me explain the kind of swagger that works on me, right? If you are wearing something pretty slutty and showing your body, that'll work on me.

[B]

So what I was doing would have

[A]

worked on you, but also if you. Yeah, probably. And if you know you're really sexy and you know that I'm into you, but also showing me that you find me attractive with either compliments or the way you touch me, that would work on me.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

Like. Like. Like a hand on the shoulder. A. A grab of the arm.

[B]

Shoulder and ankle. Majority of the fucking 1930s, just a

[A]

little bit of ankle. The touch would work on me. The touch of a shoulder.

[B]

It's cur.

[A]

Sorry. Sorry. Flashing my anus to a man trying to provide for his family. Sorry. I'm not going that far.

[B]

I'm a man. Provider for my family, too.

[A]

What have you ever had to cleanse?

[B]

Listen to me.

[A]

Macaroni x cheese. Have you ever had to clean something truly disgusting, like at work or at home? Like, disgusting. Oh, at work.

[B]

No, I never worked in any cleaning capacity at work. I have had to clean a toilet in my home after.

[A]

Let's give a blue warning it's about to get real blue up in here, y'.

[C]

All.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

It's about to get graphic.

[B]

This is not super blue. This is kind of medium.

[A]

It's about to get graphic.

[B]

This is, like, sky blue.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

About. I have to clean it after someone who was not aware of how they're using it, and they would just be, like, pissed, like, all, like, oh, that's not too bad. All in the crevices. And also splashback from easing their bowels aggressively.

[A]

I will say, whenever I'm in a hotel, and this happened a ton, but I'm in hotels a lot, so. And I have, like, a stomach issue. It's about to get blue, y'. All. Sorry. And it's not coming out solid.

[B]

So milky, milky, or soupy?

[A]

Just, like, a little soupy soft serve. So when we're hitting the walls, but there's no brush. Well, that's their fault.

[B]

A hotel should provide a brush.

[A]

What if I don't have friends come over or hook up or people say,

[B]

what are you doing?

[A]

You in the bowl? I take the paper towel, the tissue, I wet it, and I have to go around the rim because otherwise I.

[B]

You look like a monster.

[A]

And there's only one bathroom.

[B]

You can't even blame it on someone else.

[A]

And you have to do it immediately,

[B]

or else it gets hard.

[A]

You need a brush.

[B]

You need a brush.

[A]

So, like, we. First of all, why does no hotel room have a broom?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They never have a vacuum. A plunger. They never have a scrub.

[B]

Because they want. Cause they want. They want the embarrassment of you calling downstairs and saying, hi, can I put into the room.

[A]

Have you ever shaved in your room?

[B]

Yeah. Hair everywhere.

[A]

So I am now using a towel to sweep up hair.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I hate it. We need to start putting.

[B]

You know what?

[A]

I don't need the hair dryer.

[B]

The hair dryer. Yeah.

[A]

You know, I rarely need the iron.

[C]

You don't. Don't use the hairdryer to glue, like, the wigs and the lace.

[B]

No, girl, we're not got to. We. Jacob. Dude, we're not these little new. Got to be.

[A]

Yeah. We're not these plastique tiara nails, GG goods.

[B]

We're not those kind of girls.

[A]

Old school queen, honey.

[B]

We use mastic pee, baby.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And some stockings.

[B]

Some stockings and a staple, just in case. Okay, but. Okay. So I grew up cleaning. My chores were clean the bathroom and to clean my room and some other things. When I clean the bathroom, I.

[A]

Some other things. Is your task to be vague. The task has to Be vaguery.

[B]

Okay. The bathroom. I had to. I had to do dishes on Sunday. Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday nights.

[A]

I'm not trying to be funny. What did Julietta do? If you're doing all this?

[B]

This was when I lived in Brooklyn. Julietta was in St. Lucia.

[A]

Did you claim when Julietta was around?

[B]

No.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Whoa.

[A]

No one else cleaned. Juliet is the only one cleaning. It's you, your mom and your dad. Who all lived there?

[B]

Me, my mom, my dad, and my cousin Henry.

[A]

Juliet is cleaned by the four people. You didn't clean your room?

[B]

Yeah, I had to straighten up my room.

[A]

Yeah, but you didn't clean it.

[B]

I straightened up.

[A]

You made the bed. I made the bed.

[B]

I put my toys away.

[A]

And then Julietta vacuum. Did you have your own room? Cousin had his own room. And mom and dad had shared a room.

[B]

Well, they didn't share a room. My mom's in a room, and he said, my dad's on the couch the entire time.

[A]

So how many bedrooms in this house?

[B]

I tell you, four.

[A]

This is before or after y' all added the wing? I know. You added a wing.

[B]

We didn't add the ring. Well, it wasn't a wing. We added an extension to. That's a wing. But a wing implies that it's like a fucking wing.

[A]

What was in the extension?

[B]

It became the living room because we had.

[A]

So all I added was the living room. No extra rooms added nowhere to sleep.

[B]

No, we added a living room. We didn't add. No, it was just.

[A]

We have an old living room.

[B]

That's the one we didn't use. That's the one. Like two. No.

[A]

Okay, sorry. The living room we don't use.

[B]

No, we added a TV room and then we had a living room. The living room was like my mom had, like, white couch, white robe. We did not use that room.

[A]

Where's Paul sleeping?

[B]

Who?

[A]

Paul.

[B]

Who the hell is Paul?

[A]

Your father.

[B]

He sat in the TV room on the couch.

[A]

The TV room? The new room.

[B]

The new room, yeah.

[A]

Where was you sleeping before that?

[B]

I don't know. To be honest, I don't have memories of thereof.

[A]

Juliet got clean all by herself. Who washed?

[B]

She was there Monday through Friday, full.

[A]

Who washed dishes?

[B]

It depends. Like, when My mom would cook, she would, like, do dishes, but, like, my mom. My mom wasn't home during the week.

[A]

Juliet washing dishes.

[B]

But no one is there during the week to wash them, does she? Because Juliet had to work nine days.

[A]

So you weren't there.

[B]

Julietta worked nine to five.

[A]

Your hands didn't work.

[B]

I Was a child.

[A]

I washed this as a child. A lot of us listening.

[B]

I washed dishes when I. When I moved to Brooklyn. Then I didn't. Then my Aunt Annette that you met, that's when I took on full responsibilities at the house.

[A]

I had to stand on a footstool to wash dishes.

[B]

Why full dishes?

[A]

Because I couldn't.

[B]

Yes, full dishes.

[A]

Full sink full of dishes. Standing on a footstool washing dishes. Yes.

[B]

Well, yeah, I started, like, really, like, working, working, working.

[A]

Cleaning.

[B]

When I turned. When I moved to Brooklyn, I was in. Was 10 years old.

[A]

Y' all didn't have a housekeeper there?

[B]

No, we didn't have a housekeeper. I call my own right now. We didn't have a housekeeper in Brooklyn.

[A]

You talking about Rose?

[B]

Yeah. Which I moved to Brooklyn. I said, how y' all live like this? That's a bitch.

[A]

We at the ghetto, child. The ghetto. Did y' all make your grandma clean?

[B]

I mean, my grandma. So my grandmother spent her entire life in turf. My grandma worked in housekeeping. Her. And she's still.

[A]

My grandma's still working icon.

[B]

Yeah, she's a housekeeping supervisor. Manager or something like that.

[A]

At, like, a place or For a company?

[B]

For a company.

[A]

So did you cut the grass?

[B]

I did not mow the grass. My dad did that. But my dad also had a landscaping thing. Like, landscaping was his thing.

[A]

He was allowed to cut the grass out.

[B]

Anyone sleep in the house, girl, they had their own situation.

[A]

I never. Because I grew up with a single mom. I just don't know what it's like to live in a household when your parents are, like, not vibing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, they never got a divorce.

[B]

They did get a divorce. They got a divorce 12 years after they got married.

[A]

Can I ask a question? And if I'm being insensitive, please let me know, because I know your family history is a little confusing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So when you say mom, you're talking about Rose, and you're talking about Jackie, and you're talking about June.

[B]

When I say mom, I'm always talking about Jackie.

[A]

But Jackie never lived in. So you. You said my mom. You said, I can call my mom right now, but Jackie never lived in.

[B]

No, I said. I said my aunt right now. Oh, yeah.

[A]

Because Jackie never lived with you in New York.

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay, so we say. When you say mom, you're either talking about Jackie only. And when you talk about June, I

[B]

could call her June.

[A]

Got it. Or you say my mother. My birth mother.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Now we are actually on good terms.

[A]

Okay. Now, Sean, Nature is Healing is technically Your cousin.

[B]

Correct.

[A]

But he is your brother.

[B]

Correct.

[A]

But the cousin you live with in St. Lucia is not your sibling.

[B]

I think I've ever mentioned him to you. You're Henry.

[A]

I did. I. I just last. Just this episode, I found out he existed.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Henry.

[A]

Which is crazy. You never mentioned Henry to me, ever.

[B]

Henry. I love Henry.

[A]

So why. Why isn't Henry your sibling? So is Henry Jackie's child?

[B]

No. Henry.

[A]

Is Jackie just taking anybody? Jackie's like, send him to me. So Jackie's never given birth?

[B]

No.

[A]

Is she just taking in family members, kids?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Jackie's an icon.

[B]

She's an icon. She's the moment.

[A]

So who is Henry's kid?

[B]

Henry is like a long cousin. Like, he was a. He is my dad's cousin's son.

[A]

I recently found out what it means to be a first cousin. Second cousin.

[B]

First cousin is like the first two. Sis. Like your mom's first sister.

[A]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. That's what I can remember. So removed means you're in a different generation.

[B]

I never. What does that. What do you mean, removed?

[A]

First cousin once removed would be my mother's first cousin. So my first cousin once removed is my mother's first cousin. You removed from a generation.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Or your first cousin's child, or.

[A]

So it goes up or it goes down. Yeah. So Amanda is my first cousin. Martha and Lisa are sisters, and they're first kids and they are siblings.

[B]

So Sean is my first cousin, technically,

[A]

and Amanda's son is my first cousin once removed.

[B]

And then his son will be your first cousin twice removed. That's. I can't.

[A]

And my second cousin

[B]

is your mom's second sibling. Their first kid.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Your second cousin is your mom's cousin's daughter,

[A]

so. Fuck. So my first cousins can only be my aunt's children?

[C]

Yes. Or.

[A]

Yeah, that's you. So you can be like all of them are your first.

[B]

So.

[A]

So you my great aunt. But if. But if Avante has a child, that would be my second cousin.

[C]

Nope. That's your first cousin twice removed.

[A]

No, Avante is my first cousin once removed.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Avante's child is your first cousin twice removed.

[B]

Right. That's what. That's what. That's what we just talked about.

[C]

So. So what?

[A]

First cousin. I think he's my second cousin twice removed.

[C]

No, no. Once removed, twice removed, thrice removed. You're going down or up the lineage and then the next generation. First cousin, second cousin. It's how far back you had a common ancestor.

[A]

Wait, what's the second Cousin.

[B]

Okay, here's the thing. So my mother had three sisters, right? Annette, Sharon, and Adrian. So are all of. So are all the kids.

[A]

All their kids are your first cousin.

[B]

Oh, they are.

[A]

All their kids are your first cousin.

[B]

Oh, I thought it was like the order from birth.

[A]

No, all of your grandmother's children on both sides. Your granddad's children on both sides. All their kids are your first cousins. Now, if they have children, they're your first cousin once removed. And if they. And if their aunts have or uncles have children, they are also your first cousins once removed. Now we need to find out who is my second cousin.

[C]

So second cousin. It's essentially how many. So your cousins have the same second cousins have the same great grandparent. First cousin. Same grandparent. Second cousin, same great grandparent.

[A]

There it is.

[C]

Third cousin, say great, great grandparent.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

It's confusing.

[C]

You want to say anything to our fans who are cleaning?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Well, I have a question. Do you judge someone when you visit a house and it's dirty? No, I do.

[A]

I do not. Because I don't know why your house is dirty. What if you have kids?

[B]

But it's not about that.

[A]

But what if you have mental health issues? I'm not judging you.

[B]

I'm judging a little bit when I. Okay, if I don't.

[A]

But I'm not.

[B]

I'm not.

[A]

So what is dirty? Dirty or messy?

[B]

I'm not simply going to someone's house.

[A]

I don't know, is it filthy or is it just, like, messy?

[B]

Okay, well, we're both. Is there one that you judge? Do you not judge any of them?

[A]

I'm not really judging any of them. I'm a messy person.

[B]

If you know someone, like, let's say you know me, and you come to my house, at my house, it's dirty.

[A]

Like, like filthy.

[B]

Filthy. Like, you don't want to take your. Like you don't like, you know, I'm a shoes off household. You're like, I'm not taking my shoes off you specifically. What do you mean if I come

[A]

to your house and it's you, like, you like or a good friend? Well, it depends. Okay. If it's you and your house is dirty, you like something, I'm gonna see what's going on with you. I'd be like, are you okay? Cause you're a very tidy, like, weirdo.

[B]

See, why do you have to say weirdo? You can say person was right there. You had to say weirdo. Why? Why is it. Why is it weirdo? See, See how you chose violence. You chose to be infl.

[A]

So if you were being. I would be like, Monet's going through something. If Monet's home is. Is. Is messy. Even if it's messy, I'd be like, Monet is going through something. Let me check in and see what's going on with her. But if I just met you, this

[C]

is maybe it's like a clean. Like Plastique. Have you ever been to Plastique Tiara's house?

[A]

No, never.

[C]

I mean, I'm sure it's stunning and beautiful, but like in a theoretical world, you go to Plastique's house and it is dirty. Would you.

[B]

Are you judging?

[A]

So again, dirty, filthy, dirty, messy.

[C]

I would say a little bit of both. It's. It's definitely messy. And like in certain areas, like you can tell the bathroom hasn't been cleaned. Like there's some dust and stuff. It's not like disgusting. It's not like great gardens.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yes.

[C]

Like maybe hasn't been cleaned. And clearly, like, like you go in like.

[B]

Yeah, like you go to the bathroom, you go to pee and you see, you pick. You lift the toilet to pee. There is piss all over the thing.

[C]

So.

[A]

There was a family in my neighborhood growing up. I'm not going to say their names. Let's just say they're the Johnsons. Okay. The Johnsons had a very dirty house. Like everyone knew their house was dirty. Their kids all smelled weird. They all. They were just. They were, they were the dirty family. And they were new.

[B]

This because of the way they kept the house where people would go to the house like from the outside or.

[A]

Well, one. They all smell bad. All of them smell bad. And they let everyone in their house. Like there were no rules. Anyone can come into the Johnson's house. Anyone.

[B]

What do you mean? Does it have open door policy?

[A]

You just walk pretty much like you. You have to knock. But like it was. They were like the hangout house.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

And their house was. I would. I would say was filthy.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

And the carpet was like matted down. Stains on everything, always dirty. Smelled weird. But it was the fun house to hang out at. They were. It was a very social home, you

[B]

know what I mean?

[A]

So I didn't judge them. And I felt comfortable in their house because it was fun there and I was a kid, so I wasn't really thinking much about it. If I go to your place and it smells weird, I might be a little uncomfortable. But honestly, my nose will adjust over time. I went to A hookup recently. And his house smelled weird. And I kind of. Over time, I just kind of. My nose just adjusted.

[C]

How weird was the smell?

[A]

It smelled like food. It smelled like old food. Like he left food out. That's what it smelled like.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

And it was every part of the house, like, the whole. Like it wasn't a big home. And he didn't have much furniture at all. He had nothing hanging on the wall, like, nothing. It was like a bed. Not a picture, not a flag, not a nothing. The living room just had, like, it looked like he just moved in, but he did not. He had been living there for quite some time.

[B]

That's my thing. I hate when I'm having a hookup over and I'm like, you know, let me just, Just make sure everything is good.

[A]

And then with your body or with your home?

[B]

My, my. I, I, I clean up my hotel when hookups come up.

[A]

We made. Everything's good.

[B]

You mean like your body body? Yeah, also. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

But do you, do you clean up the hotel room when hookup is coming?

[A]

I'll make the bed.

[B]

Yeah. I'll make the bed. I'll arrange. I'll make a little bit.

[A]

I'm not, I don't. First of all, my hotel room is practically never messy because one, I, I do not unpack in hotels. I don't care if I'm there for a month. I'm living out of the suitcase.

[B]

That's ridiculous.

[A]

So the most you'll see in my hotel room is a mess. Is the bed unmade? And I usually. And I never do the don't disturb. So my bed's always getting made. And you might see an open suitcase.

[B]

Remember in Covid.

[A]

But if the room's too small, I will close the suitcase.

[B]

Remember in Covid. And they're like, yeah, we can't clean your room every day. So if you sick.

[A]

I remember, bitch.

[B]

They were like, we'll come once a week maybe if we feel like it.

[A]

And I'm here for. And I'm here for 24 hours. Like, yeah, I remember.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, oh, and towels. Because I. That's another thing about hotels. There's no laundry basket.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I just.

[B]

God forbid you have a fucking waste basket. It was like fucking Legend of the Hidden Temple trying to find a fucking wastebasket.

[A]

So I take all the towels and

[B]

I put them under the sink of the basket.

[A]

Under the sink? Yes, under the sink. I'm like, kicking them, shoving them under the sink.

[B]

Do you clean before the cleaner comes?

[A]

Absolutely not.

[B]

That, that's crazy to me.

[C]

Shout out to, to be fair, I, I clean before she.

[B]

Okay. I, I, I could not imagine my cleaner coming and me not tidying up. Because I'm like, they probably come look at this pig nasty.

[A]

They should be like, thank God I got work work security. Job security.

[B]

No, I got a job security. One of my exes, he thought that was so crazy I would do that.

[A]

My house isn't, but also my house isn't trash. Like, it's, it'll be like clothes like, like, like did I just, did I just do something? Like for example, the other day I went to go spend time with Jacob at the, at the parade. And we were getting dressed and I was trying to put together a pink outfit. So there were just. The whole bed just had pink clothes all over the whole bed. Just pink clothes everywhere and loose. Wasn't coming that day. But if she was, I wouldn't have, I wouldn't have put the clothes away. So if I'm like exploding to get ready. Usually when I wake up in the morning, I usually put on some sweatpants and a T shirt. Cause I usually change when I get to work to get dressed for the podcast. So most of my like. So I'll just put on something really comfortable and then I'll get here and I'll change with the clothes that are at the studio.

[B]

Are you on a regular schedule with your cleaner?

[A]

Yeah, once a week.

[B]

Once a week. Work. That's fierce. The money bags over here. Once a week. That's, that's cunty, honey.

[A]

How often does your cleaner come around?

[B]

Once a two. Once every two months. Once every six weeks.

[A]

I mean, also like once every six weeks.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What are they cleaning?

[B]

What are they cleaning? What?

[A]

First of all, if you're cleaning, why are you hiring a cleaner? Like, you're cleaning and they're coming to clean on top of your clean?

[B]

Cause they do deep clean. Like they like kind of like scrub the shower and like get like that thing and get like the limestone, the limescale. Like clean the guest bedroom and the bathroom. Like, they're like clean cleaning. I do like a nice maintenance clean like every, like every day. Every other day or so.

[A]

I also don't wash my sheets because the cleaner will wash the sheets once a week.

[B]

Oh, word.

[C]

She changes the bed. She does the laundry too.

[A]

So I haven't like washed a comforter or a sheet in a long time.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Because she'll. Once a week she'll swap them out. So she'll.

[C]

And then it's also about, like, because you are cleaning. Like, we don't clean at all. And she comes once a week because. So if we don't, then it is like a deep clean is not going to. Like, it's better to just keep on doing it.

[B]

Why do you think about, like, the. I'm saving money that way instead of, like, doing it.

[A]

And I will say there are times where I come back and she has just folded all my clothes. That is so great.

[B]

My person is not doing.

[A]

But what she does do is, though, I don't know. Well, I guess she doesn't know.

[B]

Ooh, tell me. I have one too. That I did. It drives me crazy.

[A]

I mean, she does. She knows that Jacob's room in my room are different rooms. She has to know. Yeah, but all the clothes go in my room. All of Jacob's clothes. I mean, maybe there's somebody. But I am constantly returning. I'm like, she knows these little ass pants ain't my pants.

[B]

You don't know that.

[A]

They're. They're tight. First of all, she doesn't see me very often because I'm rarely over there. But everyone, oh, hey, hey. And we'll chat back and forth. But she sees that I am substantially larger than Jacob.

[B]

Obviously.

[A]

I'm like eight inches taller than him. I'm probably 100 pounds heavier than he is. But his little underwear, his tiny little pants, his little, tiny little shirts, they just be up in my room. I'd be like, girl, you know, these in my clothes.

[B]

You know what I'm thinking about? It's so fucking ridiculous.

[A]

His shoes are never in my room, though.

[B]

Boy, she know that? She didn't tell you.

[A]

All the boats are in my room. All the boats are in my room.

[B]

I think about my own cleaner. You used to crack me, the rapper.

[A]

What's her name?

[B]

I don't remember.

[A]

Something Almazar. Bel Khalees.

[B]

Shit, what was her name?

[A]

I don't remember. She's a rapper, though.

[B]

It's Queen of the Something. One of our OG listeners is probably like, they're typing in the Patreon right now.

[A]

Girl.

[B]

Queen of.

[A]

Did she ever give you a mixtape? She.

[B]

I don't remember. It was so long ago. Oh, my God. These are. Crack me up.

[A]

When'd she get on the pod?

[B]

She did a show, right? She did a show she was telling me about. I'm like, well, I'm asking you, like, because you remember stuff like that.

[A]

I remember you told she. I remember you did tell me that she invited you on, which I thought was so fun.

[B]

Yeah, and you didn't go? I could. I couldn't go. Probably not.

[A]

Did you ever go support Julietta in any of her adventures?

[B]

Julietta didn't do any adventures.

[A]

You think Julietta had no interest? I don't.

[B]

I think her interest was cleaning.

[A]

You think Julietta had no interest outside of taking care of your family?

[B]

She probably. She probably had, like. She probably was doing some fierce, like, cleaning competitions or something.

[A]

I think she probably was, like, into knitting or maybe she was a horseback rider.

[B]

She's an equestrian, maybe.

[A]

Have you even tried to find Julietta?

[B]

No. That's going to be the documentary I'm going to do.

[A]

Try to find a Julietta.

[B]

First of all, studio is going to produce my documentary. Finding Julietta.

[A]

Finding Juliet.

[B]

Honestly, we'll make it like a fucking mockumentary. I think it'd be really funny.

[A]

I can't wait for finding Juliet.

[B]

Do you want to do it? 50. 50. I'll invest. 50. 50. But then we got to call it Mo Beomo presents the new legend.

[A]

We didn't know nothing gets the name bomo ever again. It's cursed.

[B]

Okay, so, Momo.

[A]

There we go. Maybe that because bowbo is cursed.

[B]

Okay. So one thing that my cleaner does that drives me crazy, but I don't know how to address it because I'm like, how can you not see? This is so. He'll, like, take out all this. Oh, there's another one.

[A]

Let's pause.

[B]

Jay.

[A]

Sorry. This is crazy.

[B]

Is it the ac?

[A]

I don't know what it is. It's not raining. Obviously, it's not raining. It is in the shot, though, Jacob. But I mean, it is what it is. All right.

[B]

It's probably the ac. There's nothing else that could be. There's no one flushing toilets upstairs.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That's so annoying. I mean, they'll fix it. The parts that come and take your ceiling out, though, to fix it? Not that much. I tried to. Crazy.

[A]

Can I think if I think about

[B]

y' all open when they had to bust open. That was crazy.

[A]

On our home in your house twice.

[B]

I know.

[A]

That would drive me.

[C]

Twice.

[A]

Three times, right?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Hold on. Let me. All right, we're back.

[B]

That would drive me crazy.

[A]

Tell them what drives me crazy.

[B]

So, I mean, we can leave it

[C]

in because they're gonna have to understand why a towel in a ye.

[A]

A leak, guys. So there's a.

[B]

There's a towel down here, and then in Bob's. In Bob's condo, they. There was a. There was a leak in your ceiling, and they had to like bust open that.

[A]

The thought that left the whole thing open.

[B]

That would drive. It would piss me off.

[A]

Honestly, I felt bad cuz it always happened when I was out of town. I don't think I've ever been home for the ceiling leak. Jake can call and be like, the ceiling is leaking in the bedroom and they rip the whole ceiling open. And then first of all, first of all, they have to do something where they find out whose fault it is. Is it the building or is it you? And I'm like, it's not us. Obviously no one lives above us. So it's not anyone above us.

[B]

They're the country right above us.

[C]

It's not. It's not whose fault, it's who owns, like, what. Is it a pipe that supplies water to the building or is it a pipe that supplies water to your apartment?

[A]

So it's always the building, by the way. It's always the building. Every single time. So then the HOA has to pay to get it fixed. And then so they spend time stooping around in the ceiling, inside the ceiling or whatever. And then they cut a giant hole in your ceiling and then they put a vacuum or whatever to dry the whole thing out. They dry out your home, which takes days, by the way. It takes days. They tape the room up. You can't go in to your bedroom and it takes days. I didn't laugh at you. You are laughing.

[B]

No.

[A]

How dramatic. You impressed with that? Well, okay. No.

[B]

Because Bob puts up his head days.

[A]

It's days. You can't go in this room for days while they dry your ceiling. And then they come in and then they fix the thing or they fix it first. Dry it up, patch it up, and then they paint it.

[B]

Sounds so irritating.

[A]

It's happened three times in our room.

[B]

That sounds so irritating, right, Jacob?

[A]

That sounds about right.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, That's. That's about it. I mean.

[A]

And then your walls start bubbling, right?

[B]

So, so.

[A]

Oh, and the pictures start falling off the walls. Cause the walls get soggy. So the pictures just

[B]

in the middle

[A]

of the night go just in the other room go like a scary movie. Because the walls are literally soggy. They just start falling. The pictures are exploding. The frames are broken. You have to get the frames, the pictures reframed.

[B]

God, that sounds annoying. I'm so sorry.

[A]

And Jacob. Jacob is my. That's my man. He took care of it.

[B]

I'm so sorry.

[A]

My man took care of it, honey. He called them and get one over on Jacob. I was probably because there's been one Time where. Where a contract tried to get one over on. They did get one over on Jacob, but Jacob got him together this next time, he was like, you didn't get one over on me. The flooring guys got a guy, I don't know. Say the name of the place. I'm not trying to start. No drama, But I was very. It's. It is the most famous flooring place in the world. It's the one you. It's the one you're thinking of. The one that has the song Baby,

[B]

I will come and do. I'm doing Monet Expose, honey.

[A]

Well, it's the one with the song. You know what I'm talking about?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So they came in one time, girl, and they have a. They're not supposed to leave until they get. Until they get the floors done, baby. Or they're not. They can leave. They're not supposed to. You're not charged until you pay.

[B]

So you mean not charged until the work is done.

[A]

Yeah, okay. That's what I mean.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So I come home one day, and Jacob is stressed st. Rest. And I'm like, what's going on? And he's like, they're trying to get money, and the. And the closet's not done, and none of the thresholds are done. And they put all the stuff on the porch, but they paid. Jacob had paid. They were never gonna come back. They were like, we paid. It's. Dustin. It's not done. Look at my closet. There's no floor in the closet. Yeah, none of the thresholds are done. They're like, well, we got paid. And I was like, yeah, but come fix my shit. And you left all this stuff on the porch. You're like, yeah, we got paid. So then we had to. So Kennedy's mom is a judge. We had to, like, threaten action, legal action with a judge. And then the judge was like, yeah, you got to do this. And then finally they came.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

And by the way, the threshold still, you walk by, but if you're not careful, the whole threshold kick and fly off.

[B]

No.

[A]

And now I don't want to deal with it again.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the four. And initially, the four was also bubbling. You know, when you step in, it's like, yeah, they fucked my shit up. Fucked my shit up. Okay.

[B]

The thing that my cleaner does, he'll, like, take out all of this stuff in the shower to clean what you call it. What do you put, like, your little caddy? No, I have a caddy. I have, like, an insert in the wall.

[A]

Okay. The cubby. Yeah.

[B]

There's a name for it. Tim. Tim knows. Yeah, Everything. The little niche.

[A]

I bet Patrick knows, too.

[B]

Patty knows, too. It's a niche. It's called a niche.

[A]

What did Patrick hit us with at one time?

[B]

Girl, always.

[A]

No, a sconce. No, it wasn't.

[B]

It wasn't a sconce. We know a sconce.

[A]

I know a sconce. It was like, this is.

[B]

This is dealing with Patty all day long. Patty's like, oh, yeah. The. The. The lights and mosh. I'm like, what the is the lightning?

[A]

Patty hit me with the loose sight shoe. I said, a loose size shoe. Well, a loose sight shoe, maybe.

[B]

I don't know what a loose size shoe is.

[A]

You don't know what a loose sight shoe is?

[B]

I guess she acted like. It's common knowledge, everybody.

[A]

It was something we're talking about. It was like, maybe it's the. There's a name for that little skirt at the top of your window. Maybe it was that there was something.

[B]

A valance.

[A]

Valence.

[B]

A valance.

[A]

What's the balance again?

[B]

The valance is a little skirt thing.

[A]

Yeah, that's what it was. Patrick was like, well, well, of course. Well, the balance should be a balance. So, Patty, the. Is a balance. Oh, balance.

[B]

I feel like we want the Titanic. I'm nervous.

[A]

I'm triggered. You know, this is triggering, and you're laughing. You're laughing at me being triggered.

[B]

So he'll take all this stuff out the niche to clean properly. He'll take all this stuff out the medicine chest, this cadoosh to clean the medicine chest. But, baby, he will go back and he'll just put things back wherever he wants. And I'm like, and it dry. Because I have it organized in a certain way.

[A]

How much is up there?

[B]

It's a lot. In my nuts and chest, I have all my skin cleaners.

[A]

You mean inside the bath? Inside the bath.

[B]

I have about nine things in there.

[A]

In the bathtub, in the.

[B]

In the shower? Yeah. I have skincare in there. I have shampoo.

[A]

You don't do your skincare in the

[B]

sink, but I have some stuff, like cleanser and stuff in there.

[A]

So where's the. Where is the what?

[B]

I have two skincares. I have one. I do. In the shower, and I have, like.

[A]

For your whole body, skincare.

[B]

I have, like, soap in there. I have a razor.

[A]

I have. I hope there's soap in there.

[B]

Yes, I have a razor.

[A]

What do you use your razor for?

[B]

When I'm shaving, like, oh, My God, this is triggering. I can't believe you're gonna ask me this on camera. I don't.

[A]

You don't have. I don't know what you're talking about.

[B]

So I got laser hair over my whole body, as you know. But I got it after I got my spine tattoo, so I have to only. So I grew, like, hair on my spine tattoo.

[A]

I've noticed your tattoo is hairy.

[B]

It is.

[A]

I noticed. So I have to shave that my the only thing.

[B]

I have to shave my body.

[A]

And you know what said anything.

[B]

Wow, you have a hairy spot. I have a hairy girl. I'm like a fucking racerback dog. It's just a little like mohawk going down my spine. So I have to shave that.

[A]

So you have a razor in there?

[B]

I have a razor. Shaving cream. I have dove like gel, like shower gel and a bar of soap. I have shampoo I have for my scalp. You shampoo your scalp to clean your scalp?

[A]

This nigga has hair for three business days. He thinks that he fucking. I know that shampoo gotta be two years old. You go through that shit slow, don't you?

[B]

It's like 10 years.

[A]

It's the same biannual shampoo haul, you know, y' all don't know when I. I mean, I still don't have a lot of hair, but baby, when I tell y', all, I. Especially when I was bald, I was buying shampoo twice a year.

[B]

Girl, not even.

[A]

Girl, that's a lot because I get a dollop in my hand and then my whole head, girl. Yeah, you are conditioning your scalp, right? You have to condition your scalp. We've had this conversation.

[B]

Why you have the conditioner?

[A]

Conditioner is for your scalp.

[B]

So I don't need shampoo, just conditioner.

[A]

No, you can shampoo it. Shampoo is just cleaning your head. But you don't. Shampoo cleans your hair. Conditioner condition your scalp and your hair, but mostly for your scalp.

[B]

So I should just get conditioner then and fuck the shampoo probably work.

[A]

You could just clean your hair with soap.

[B]

I hit up Bianca because I was like, you know what? I want to take more. I want to take better care of my human hair wigs. As you know, human wigs are expensive. Don't wear human hair wigs, but just wig care. And I was like, cosd. Well, you know, we're on a. We're in the Crystal Method. Crystal Versace. We're on her Patreon.

[A]

Smooth, girl.

[C]

I just got. I just got.

[B]

So I'm gonna lazy.

[A]

Am I Smooth.

[B]

You always smooth. But you have hair, which. Your skin is very smooth.

[A]

I don't shave them, so they're not gonna grow back thicker. Is that a myth?

[B]

That is a myth. It's not true. Yeah, it's not true. So we're on Crystal Versace's Patreon, and she did a whole wig washing tutorial, and I was like, you know, I need to take a bear out a bit of care of my human hair wigs. So we subscribe.

[A]

Because it's actually Patreon.

[B]

Yeah, we do.

[A]

We need to subscribe to someone else's too.

[B]

We support a lot of girls.

[C]

I subscribe to Trinity's after our episode.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Oh, good. We should be on hers.

[A]

That's what we were. That wasn't true.

[B]

Bob always says we're subscribed on Patreon. I'm like, no, we're not.

[A]

Well, one.

[B]

There's one of them. You on there that. I'm like, can we please un.

[A]

One time. Monet unsubscribed from somewhere.

[B]

Do not.

[A]

And then I had to deal with it.

[B]

Do not.

[A]

You drag me into drama. You dragged me into drama.

[B]

There's one who were on there.

[A]

You left me to the wolves.

[B]

I opened their thing, and every time I open our Patreon, I'm like, I don't wanna see their content. They're whack. Not that person.

[A]

No, that's the one that Monet got. We're on that one.

[B]

Because I still. I. I get.

[A]

I get those.

[C]

Hold on.

[A]

Did she unsubscribe? Oh, I can't.

[B]

Do not. Do not.

[A]

I'm not saying anything.

[B]

Oh, you're seeing if they're on ours. If they're.

[A]

If they. It was a whole thing. Because she said she could anyway. It was a whole thing.

[B]

Well, that's what's wrong with me. I'm screaming, no, no, there's no way. Oh, really? Oh, no. Because, girl, no, because we were just chatting.

[C]

Okay, never mind. Sorry, sorry.

[B]

We need to move on because I

[C]

wouldn't know what's happening.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

They won't let me say it. Because she's scared of that smoke. No, you are scared of the smoke. A little bit.

[B]

I'm not.

[A]

Then say it. You're.

[B]

Anyway, so I need to get. I need to have a conversation with him. Like, you know who I am scared of?

[A]

Smoke from who? Sorry, I cut you off.

[B]

I'm like, I need to say to him, hey, when you do these, can you like. I'm like, should I just take a Picture of what it looks like and like, can you put it back like this? When you clean this area, does that feel aggressive?

[A]

No. Right. You're asking for what you want.

[B]

Okay. I'm like, I feel bad.

[A]

I got called out by Tal the other day.

[B]

Why? What you do?

[A]

Cause when I run out of body wash, I would just go grab the hand soap.

[B]

That's insane.

[A]

I will just go grab the hand soap until I can get to the store to buy.

[B]

You know what? I run out of something, I just go and I order it and put it in a card online. And I just have. So like I put all these little essentials.

[A]

My thing is I just order it. I think to myself, I want it now. So I'll just go. I'll just go to the store and buy to work tomorrow. And then I forget and then I don't have it for a week. But I should just put it in the car. I need it.

[B]

That's what I do.

[A]

And then it'll show up. But I never. I keep thinking to myself, I'll just go grab it.

[B]

No, rather you won't.

[A]

And I will and I will not.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I drop on my way to work. I drive by 19 cvs a Walgreens. I drive by probably three or four different.

[B]

Say your favorite one. Say your favorite one.

[A]

I don't shop at Target, but I do drive by Target, but I don't shop at Target. Yeah, I will probably drive by, honestly. Minimum 8 places to purchase the things I need.

[B]

But it's just inconvenient to get out your car.

[A]

And I forget.

[B]

Yeah. I just, I just in the moment I like stop and get my phone. Like put in a cart. And then when I have enough items in there that it warrants like a sting, I'll press send.

[A]

But I want to be the kind of person who would just grab it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But I'm not.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I need to be the person.

[B]

So you just get out the shower. So you were wet. Dripping. Sopping wet. Get out the shower. Oh, the hand soap end up in the sink. Like by the shower.

[A]

Yeah. I'll just not just grab it from the sink.

[B]

Which I thought you was going to get the dawn.

[A]

I have showered with dawn before back in the day.

[B]

Which are you a duck? That was just recently in the oil spill.

[A]

One time I ran out of soap shower. So because I now shower with a bar of soap.

[B]

I. I've always do that.

[A]

And I use.

[B]

And I use an African netting knitting sponge.

[A]

I do as well.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

One time I ran out of the bar soap.

[B]

Jacob, do you use an African netting sponge?

[A]

No, he does not.

[B]

Wow, that's racist.

[A]

One time I ran out of the bar. That is not one time I ran out of the bar of soap and then I used up all the hand soap and I had. And then I did one time go and grab the dawn and it was the dawn that foams when you spray.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

Vav.

[B]

You're insane. Did Tao not have soap? Did Jacob not have soap?

[C]

I thought that was there because Luz was cleaning the shower.

[A]

No, that was there because I moved it into the shower to foam my body in clean. And.

[B]

And yeah, you're fine.

[C]

Like I. I mean, I have sensitive skin. I feel like I would get like a rash or something.

[A]

No, Don is actually great for your skin. The whole thing is that Don is.

[B]

Is for ducks. It's for feathers.

[A]

Dawn is not for ducks. They did a campaign where they show that it is gentle enough to clean a duck. But dawn is not made for ducks.

[B]

You are.

[A]

And I am a. I'm a duck. So Don is actually good for your skin. Y', all, this is not.

[B]

If you use dawn or you break out or whatever.

[A]

This. This is.

[B]

This podcast is not advising you.

[A]

Not advising.

[B]

Use your own discretion of what is worth for your advice.

[A]

Do you have one last shout out before we wrap this up to anyone?

[B]

I want to shout out to anyone who had to clean their whole house by themselves cuz their partner is useless. And let me tell you something right now. You should not have to suffer for a useless fucking sack of shit sitting in your home that can't clean. That's not your responsibility. Make that motherfucker clean too.

[A]

All right, honey. And I want to give a shout out to anyone who is currently on the vacuuming phase wearing headphones because the vacuum is too loud and it drowns out your phone or your TV or however you listen to it.

[B]

Just pump the volume up.

[A]

But the vacuum can be really loud. Mitchell.

[B]

Dicey.

[A]

And then you keep getting further away from the speaker. So now you're in the furthest corner. You're far from the speaker. The vacuum is obviously keeps being loud.

[B]

You get surround sound. It's all in your ceiling.

[A]

Goodbye, everyone. Sam,