The One Where Monét Goes to Ancient Mesopotamia

Summary

Sibling Rivalry Podcast: "The One Where Monét Goes to Ancient Mesopotamia"

Date: January 19, 2022
Hosts: Bob the Drag Queen & Monét X Change

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Episode Overview

In this lively and unscripted episode, Bob and Monét indulge in their signature banter, jumping from hilarious personal anecdotes to deep dives into their upbringings, friendship dynamics, and musings on everything from house buying and microblading to hot tubs and public affection. The "Ancient Mesopotamia" theme is rooted in a wild shroom trip Monét recounts, but the conversation meanders through many comedic detours, revealing both queens’ unmatched chemistry and wit.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Catching Up: Military Friends & Old Connections

• [02:09 – 06:43]
  • The pair discuss which friends from their past have recently reached out, with Bob noticing a trend: "A lot of my friends who are in the military, especially now around age 35, they’re all reaching back out" (Bob, 02:29).
  • Monét counters that reconnection isn't necessarily military-related but admits Bob's pattern seems oddly specific.
  • Bob shares a wild college story about living with friends (and a bank robber!), and how these friends still pop up in his life.
  • Memorable quote: “John, you have some crazy ass experiences. Not the bank! That was wild.” (Monét, 05:35)

2. Brooklyn Upbringings & (Alleged) Privilege

• [12:14 – 17:46]
  • Bob teases Monét about having had luxuries like housekeepers and landscapers in childhood, painting Monét as the "Jeff Bezos of St. Lucia."
  • Monét vehemently denies being privileged, explaining that having hired help was common where she grew up.
  • Bob: “I have a feeling… I’m going to walk onto a palatial estate… This is the room I kept my toys in… and this is the room we let the butler sleep in, but only when they were, like, too tired of nonstop shit.” (15:34)
  • Monét: “Let’s be clear, we would never let Jeffrey sleep at the house! That’s not a problem.” (16:50)

3. Celebrity Banter & Name Pronunciation

• [08:22 – 11:28]
  • Bob ribbing Monét over how she refers to 50 Cent as "Fifty Cents."
  • They riff on celebrities resigning to mispronunciations of their names, with Bob sharing the Ariana “Grandy/Grande” debate.
  • Bob: “Some people have professional names. Maybe she’s like, my professional name is Grande... Everyone looks at it and says Grande, so I’m gonna say Grande.” (09:58)

4. The House Hunt & Life as a Drag Queen Homeowner

• [40:06 – 54:12]
  • Monét opens up about wanting to buy a house, preferably with a pool, and weighs the pros and cons of building versus buying.
  • Bob provides a reality check on building from scratch: “It’s way easier to just buy a house and fix it than to build one from the ground up” (42:28)
  • The challenge of finding a home as a drag artist: needing extra rooms to accommodate drag, wigs, and costumes.
  • Monét: "I cannot go with a fixer upper. I’m not that girl.” (41:17)
  • Both discuss personal “space philosophies” — Bob prefers using the biggest room for drag, Monét for resting.

5. Quirks, Preferences & Microblading

• [61:09 – 66:23]
  • Monét explains her microbladed brows, why she got them, and how the technique works. Bob considers trying it but fears he’ll look "weird with eyebrows."
  • Monét: “10 out of 10 would recommend. It has given me eyebrows. I looked crazy without eyebrows—crazy.” (62:18, 63:56)
  • Bob wonders aloud about the phenomenon of “front half only” brows among drag artists.

6. On Food, Hot Tubs, and Peer Pressure

• [33:04 – 38:26]
  • The pair talk about growing up with adventurous eaters (Monét’s mom would eat “turtles, shark, dolphin, possum”) and how Bob is not a food snob, just not into shellfish.
  • Both express distaste for social pressure—whether it’s getting in a pool/hot tub or being coerced to sit down at gatherings.

7. Public Displays of Affection (PDA)

• [56:35 – 59:37]
  • Bob confides in Monét about being uncomfortable with overt PDA, citing his strict, “non-affectionate” upbringing.
  • Monét says her background was more affectionate, and the dynamic plays out in their friendship as well.
  • Bob: “I’m just not used to it... I feel like I’m on display. I feel like everyone’s, like, looking at me.” (59:37)

8. Drug Stories: The Ancient Mesopotamia Trip

• [45:37 – 47:18]
  • The episode’s title comes up as Monét recalls a shrooms trip where she “visited” ancient Mesopotamia in a broom closet, much to Bob’s amusement.
  • Bob: “Monet was, like, Bob, I was in ancient Mesopotamia. I said, Monet, you were in a broom closet!” (45:39)
  • Monét insists that the experience was vivid and “real” for her, even though it ended with dehydration.

9. Miscellaneous Comedy Gold

• Bob's ordeal with glass doors and a potential concussion (“I was looking up online all the symptoms... I was sleepy, like, emotionally drained from this physical trauma to my mouth.” 49:17)
• Uber Eats misadventures at Bossa Nova and Monét refusing to wait for her food: “See, that’s when you gotta be a hood bitch and be like, no, I’m going back inside.” (31:04)
• Drag queen friendship trivia: “What is Eureka’s favorite color?” “Pink.” “No! It’s orange.” (22:19)

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Notable Quotes and Moments (with Timestamps)

• Military friends reaching out:
  “A lot of my friends who are in the military... especially now around age 35, they’re all reaching back out.” (Bob, 02:29)

• Accusations of privilege:
  “You are the Jeff Bezos of St. Lucia. Come clean. Come clean.” (Bob, 17:32)
  “I did not grow up privileged.” (Monét, 15:23)

• On shroom trips:
  “Bob, I was in ancient Mesopotamia.” (Monét, 45:39)
  “You were in a broom closet, Monet!” (Bob, 45:39)

• Building vs. buying a house:
  “It’s easier to buy a house and fix it than it is to build a house from the ground up.” (Bob, 42:28)

• Drag artist home needs:
  “I have to think about drag, and I have to think about having a room to do all the things that our drag requires.” (Monét, 52:09)

• Microblading endorsement:
  “10 out of 10 would recommend. It has given me eyebrows... I looked crazy without eyebrows.” (Monét, 62:18 & 63:56)

• Reluctant PDA:
  “I feel like I’m on display. I feel like everyone’s, like, looking at me.” (Bob, 59:37)

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Memorable Segment Timestamps

• [02:09–06:43] Military friends discussion, old friend reconnections, wild college roommates
• [12:14–17:46] The “privilege” debate and luxury childhood jokes
• [31:04–33:04] Bossa Nova food pickup story; refusing to wait outside
• [40:06–44:07] Real estate talk; home buying vs. building
• [45:37–47:18] Monét’s "Ancient Mesopotamia" shroom experience
• [61:09–66:23] Microblading brows, tattoos, drag beauty secrets
• [56:35–59:37] Discussing public displays of affection and their roots

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Episode Style & Closing Thoughts

True to Sibling Rivalry’s form, the episode is more a hilarious, dynamic conversation than a linear story. Bob and Monét’s sibling-esque banter, light roasting, and candid self-reflection make even their tangents engaging and relatable. Whether breaking down drag queen needs, roasting each other’s upbringings, or dissecting the nuances of microblading, their chemistry keeps the conversation snappy and irresistible.

Closing question (Monét): “Do you guys like when we just kind of just talk and don’t like, do like a topic?” (67:49)
Bob: “It’s kind of like our thing.” (67:54)

Patreon tease: The episode ends with a tease about gotcha journalism and taking down problematic guests, promising to dig deeper on Patreon.

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For listeners:
This episode is peak Bob and Monét: hilarious, honest, and razor-sharp—never letting each other (or themselves) off easy, but always keeping it real and wildly entertaining.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Once I figured out that Shopify was a thing, I never turned back.

[A]

I can create a site with my eyes closed.

[B]

Shopify thinks ahead of us, you know,

[A]

and it thinks about the customer more than anything.

[B]

Every day I'm thinking about some other new business, but Shopify is doing it

[A]

to me because it's so easy to use.

[B]

It's like, I can't stop. I'm addicted. Start your free [e-mail]. my name is Bob the Drag Queen

[A]

and I'm Monet's Change.

[B]

And this is simply rivalry. You have a mole on the side of your head. I can't. I can't see you right now because

[A]

my Internet's shut down for some reason. Like on. Oh, no.

[B]

But just on the left side of.

[A]

That's a dark spot.

[B]

Eye on the left side.

[A]

That's. That's a hyperpigmentation.

[B]

Oh, I thought it was like a little mole. I've never seen it before. Wow.

[A]

Wow. Please don't talk about my hyperpigmentation, okay? Oh, please. We make one joke about your tooth.

[B]

Now you're like, okay, me, me, me, me, me. I said, I said, okay. I don't know. I don't know what you. We can change subjects. I'm not super. I'm not super invested. I just look. I was looking going, oh, wow. I've seen something that I've not seen before. Do you have any friends in the military?

[A]

I don't have any friend. I had a friend in the military. Julius Coker was in the Navy. He was in the Navy band for many years. My friend Julius went to college together. Shout out to Julius and he was in the Navy band, but he's not in there anymore. But I have family who was in the military. My aunt Sharon was in the Air Force for a number of years.

[B]

So I'm from like a military town and my college was in a military town. Yeah, I do have a friend in the military and I found that people in the military. This is a generalization it's not across the board. It's not every single time. It's not always and forever. But people in the military are, like, more interested in clinging to old friendships than some of my friends who aren't in the military. Like, like all of my. Like, not all my friend, but like, several of my friends who are from the military. Especially now around the age 35, they're all, like, reaching back out and being like, hey, what's going on? And I'm like, I haven't heard from you in so long.

[A]

So not necessarily people who are just in the military, but people. Just old friends. If you find your friends who are from the military.

[B]

My old friends. My old friends in the military are reaching back out. Specifically, like. Like, like, like a lot of. None of my high school friends. None of my other college friends are like, my old friends who are in the military.

[A]

I think maybe it's because you're from a military town, but I have old friends from high school and old friends from middle school that reach out, and they were never in the military. I think just because you're from a military town, you're noticing that these people were in the military, But I think that's just a thing that old friends do.

[B]

Well, I had friends who weren't. All of my friends weren't in the military. I had a lot of friends. This may shock you.

[A]

So you're saying only your. So you're saying only your friends in the military have ever reached out to you, saying, hey, bitch, you reached out to, like, three friends from your high

[B]

school on this podcast? I did not. Only my friends have ever reached out. I said a lot of my friends from the military have been reaching out, and none of my friends from high school have been reaching out.

[A]

On this podcast. You've reached out to three of your friends from high school, and you're not in the military.

[B]

The.

[A]

The that opened the cat up. The one that. The. The one that you dated.

[B]

Dodson.

[A]

Tamika. Dodson.

[B]

Her name was her. Her name was Tisha.

[A]

Morticia.

[B]

Uhhuh. But what I'm saying is, in my experience, this is just me talking about. I don't know why you're getting so hyped about this. All. The people that. The people that are reaching out to me are people from the military. None of my friends from high school who. Or. Or college who weren't in the military are reaching out to me. Even when we lived in the same city, Like, a lot of. Because I went to school for theater, A lot of my. A Lot. Well, not a lot, but like a few of us ended up in New York City and I would never talk to them, like, ever. My only friend from high school that I really talked to is my friend Summer McCusker. She's literally the only high school friend that I have. And if you want to see Summer custody, you can go check out my YouTube video called Snatch Game Disaster. And she played Justin Bieber. Yeah, heard I've been friends. But yeah, I'm just wondering if there's a thing because like my. My friend Shane reached out during the. During the Dawson. He was. His name. I probably should say say his whole name is. Something seems weird about saying his whole name. I don't know why, but Shane. Shane is in the Air Force and we were roommates in. In college and he was my roommate when we had that. When the bank robber. When I lived. The bank robber.

[A]

John, you have some crazy ass experiences. Not the bank. That was wild.

[B]

Jaime, me, Shane, Jaime, Morgan and Malik were all living in this two bedroom. This two bedroom house at the same time. And obviously Morgan and Malik didn't live there long because of their criminal enterprises. But Shane reached out and was like, hey, I want you to come to my, my Zoom wedding. And I was like, okay. So then like he and I have been kind of like corresponding and then you've seen Jaime before. I think you've seen Jaime before, but Jaime. But I would say Jaime and I were. Jaime was, was. Was another very close friend of mine, but he and I were really close. So that makes sense that me and Jaime are.

[A]

He came to New York, right? And he like, he can't. Like a few of your shows.

[B]

I may came. No, how many came to my show? I mean, I think Jaime came to New York City last. Before I even knew you. Before I even knew you. Like, I was still living in really Ozone Park, Queens, when Jaime. Jaime is like a short Latinx guy, really muscly, with a very thick southern accent. I'm pretty sure you talked to him on the. On the um, on the phone before. Yeah, I Probably have like WhatsApp or Facebook call or something.

[A]

Can you do me a favor? I would like you to turn your wig around. So Bob's only. Apparently only wears his hat like this. And I'm telling him when he wore it the other way, when he wore it right side front, it looks better. Can you show the people what it looks like with the hat going forward?

[B]

Yeah, for sure. I just. Something about it just doesn't look good to me. Like it feels this Feels. This feels silly. I feel silly. I feel right. I feel the kind of. Who scratches his hat when he's thinking like. Like that. So I just wear my. I. I don't know why. Since I've been.

[A]

I don't.

[B]

I don't wear baseball caps very often. I actually started wearing baseball caps recently because I was working out. And when I'm sweating, there's nothing to stop the sweat from getting there. I don't have hair. I don't have eyebrows. I don't. I'm not wearing a headband. There's nothing stopping the sweat into my eyes. So I've started wearing baseball caps recently to work out. And because I was growing my hair out for that. For that unit, I needed to cover my head. So I was wearing the. I was wearing baseball caps because. Because those big hats don't match every outfit, despite me wearing them with practically every outfit. And. And I'm wearing this hat now because I just need to shave my head and I just haven't. Like, I'm. I'm past doing. I'm like grindy. To cover my head up, and I just feel silly. Doesn't that look. Doesn't this look silly?

[A]

No, it doesn't look silly. You wearing it backwards looks like you're like some old head trying to be cool. When you wear backwards, you like some old head and they go on the block trying to be cool.

[B]

Okay, people from the south, we don't say old head. So can you please switch over when you talk to me? Was.

[A]

Was G Unit big in the South?

[B]

G Unit, we knew who. We knew who the members of. Well, not all the members. We knew who G Unit was. I mean, mostly I was thinking 50 Cent more than anybody.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I know that he'd been shot several times and he. And he.

[A]

Nine times.

[B]

He's not one he doesn't want. And. But. But it's really interesting to see all those rappers. Even I like old men now. That is so weird. I know.

[A]

I know. Except 50 Cent, he is. 50 Cent is always trolling online. He's always coming for somebody. Did you see 50 Cent? Did you see his whole thing? 50 Cent.

[B]

His name is. His name is 50 Cent.

[A]

Whatever.

[B]

50 Cent. His name is not 50 Cent.

[A]

I said 50 Cent.

[B]

I mean, anyway, you said 50 Cents.

[A]

That's how I.

[B]

But his name's not 50 Cent. His name is. His name is 50 Cent.

[A]

50 Cent. Anyway, he had a whole discourse with Madonna. Did you see this fight?

[B]

Not the gentrification. Not the gentrification of 50 cents.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Oh, by the way.

[A]

By the way, this is. Again, this is a further proof how people mess with people's names. And the fans gave you a barrage of examples how people. How people may have a pronunciation of their name, but they just go with how people pronounce it because it's easier. For example, Ariana Grande on t. On the Grammys, on the. On the Tonys, they all call Ariana Grande. Her name is. Her last name is not Grande. It's Grandy. But she's like, everyone's gonna mispronounce it. I just say Grande.

[B]

Well, also, here's a question. Is it one of those things where if you tell people. If you tell me your name is Grande, I'm gonna say grande? And it's like, sometimes people's names change. Some people have professional names. Maybe she's like, my professional name is Grande. Because it's just easier to say. Everyone looks at it and says grande. So I'm gonna say Grande. Some people have multiple names. For example, I know that Ezra's last name is Michelle, but no one in Mexico says that. But here in the US they say that. But also in the. It's weird because in the US his dad said that his last name is Michelle, but then Ezra says Michelle, and then in Mexico, they say Michelle. So it's like three different names.

[A]

Right? That was my point with Simone. Yeah. Is that she is like, she is. She just become accustomed to everyone saying Simone, so she doesn't correct it. So when one person does it, it's

[B]

like, she also came out and said, I was joking about that too, which is weird. That isn't even real. She said later down the line, there was somewhere, someone, because someone. Because everyone was gathering and someone was like, this is a clip of her being like, I was kidding. My name is Simone.

[A]

I don't believe that. I don't ever. Maybe you're right. I never saw that footage. I never saw that footage.

[B]

But it's just so interesting. Because what is interesting to me is that, like, all these years of her saying out loud that her name is Raven Simone. Like, I mean, years. And then one clip of her being like, actually, it's Simone. Ye. On the judges panel, when they notoriously joke around, you're like, this is Bible. This is Bible.

[A]

I mean, sometimes when you Bob. When you're seen, you're seen. Okay? I can't. I can't control feelings. How Raven feels seen and she felt seen in the moment. She's like, oh, my God, you see me.

[B]

Thank you so what's your last. How do you pronounce your last name?

[A]

Biatin.

[B]

And if I ask your mama, what would she say?

[A]

She like Kevin be.

[B]

You know, I can't wait to finally. I cannot wait to finally meet her and record this moment so the world. I can expose your lion ass. What would your maid say? How about the chauffeur? Oh, by the way, last night, that really gathered me. I mean, Monet's trying to buy a place, right? And Monet was like, I want to get a yard and this, that, and I want to have a pool boy and this, that, and I said that.

[A]

I did not say with a pool boy. Bob stops all your extra.

[B]

Okay, Monet, Monet, at one point, you. You used the phrase pool boy. And then.

[A]

I did not. I did not. I said, you can.

[B]

You did.

[A]

I said, you can hire someone. I'm not a number.

[B]

I'm not gonna ask Jacob because I don't want Jacob to embarrass you. But the first. I did not.

[A]

I don't care what Jacob say. I did not say pool boy.

[B]

Let me finish. Let me finish my sentence. You said pool boy, and then you. Later, you didn't amend it, but you started saying someone to take care of your pool anyway. I'm not gonna. I. I know. I know what you said. I heard. I was sitting right there looking at it.

[A]

What you want? That's not what I said. Go ahead, continue.

[B]

And the people on this podcast know that there is experience after experience, time after time, where you have fully said something and then literally three seconds later, flat out said, you didn't say say it. And then the editors roll the footage back, and then you did say it. So. Okay. And there was.

[A]

And there was many footage of you saying, moni, I said this literally with a thing about the pot, about the couch, I think. And then they roll the footage back, and you mumbled through it. So when I didn't hear it, you can't be mad. I didn't hear it because you literally like. And then. So when I didn't hear you came in mad. I didn't. I did not say poo boy. I said, you can pay someone.

[B]

Difference between take care of a something incoherently and then flat out say, well,

[A]

I guess all you do. All your. Everything you say is incoherent.

[B]

Clear as day. There's the difference between mumbling something and then saying something clear as day and then just acting like you didn't say it, which is I.

[A]

We have time.

[B]

At the time proven. You say poor boy. Anyway, that's the point. So Monet, later down the line goes, yeah, we had. What did you say? A lawn? No, we had a yard.

[A]

Okay, so you see, Bob has already messed up the whole thing.

[B]

Goes, yeah, I had a landscaper. Then I said, you had a landscaper? Then when I was like, no, no, no, it was, it was my dad's friend. It was, it was, it was a friend of my dad. They were just buddies in the yard. But it started out money being like, I was like, monet, that sounds really expensive. When it was like, I need a huge yard. And I was like, why do you need a big yard? Why do you want a big yard? Then when it was like, I said, it sounds really expensive when they goes, When I was like, I had a land. That was the word. I had a landscaper growing up. And I was like, oh, my God. And when I was like, no, a buddy. It was a friend. It was my cousin. It was me. I was a landscaper. My name started backpedaling.

[A]

Okay, even people in Brooklyn, like, because again, you need someone, you can, you can pay someone 25 bucks.

[B]

Don't ever disgrace people like, in Brooklyn like that. Don't you dare. Even people, even lowly people.

[A]

I'm from Brooklyn, bitch. I'm from Brooklyn.

[B]

Landscape.

[A]

I'm going to say, you can, you can pay someone.

[B]

You can pay someone. Landscape.

[A]

25, 30 bucks.

[B]

Beyonce lives Brooklyn. Beyonce lives in Brooklyn.

[A]

You can pay someone 25, 30 bucks to come and mow your lawn and, and first or when, when the season change in the fall, when all the leaf falling yard to rake them up, you can play, you can pay someone 20 bucks to come and do that for you. That's not a weird thing. And that's, that is a landscaper.

[B]

When I was like, darling, we had a landscape. I think that the fans and our listeners would be able, would be able to digest this a little bit easier if you just acknowledge that you grew up a privileged kid.

[A]

I did not grow up privileged.

[B]

You had a housekeeper and a landscaper in St. Lucia. Again, I will ask you, again I ask you, did your landscaper have a landscaper?

[A]

He probably did.

[B]

You are so full of. Because I was, I was scrolling through Reddit and it was like, there. I followed this one Reddit account. I mean, this, I mean, Sorry, this one TikTok account where all they do is they just read out Reddit scenarios and I scrolled across one that was like, insanely wealthy people of Reddit. When did you know you were insanely wealthy? This guy was like, well, not me, but my friend, she was talking about having a housekeeper and a driver. And then I was like, girl, that's wild. And she was like, everyone has a housekeeper and a driver. Then he goes, well, does your housekeeper and your driver have a housekeeper and a driver? And I was like, is this. Is this someone literally listening to something rivalry and playing back this conversation for Monet? Like, this is. I think all of your friends had housekeepers because you lived on Rich Row. You lived in the Beverly Hills of St. Lucia. I have a feeling that when I go to your house, when I. If I ever get the actual invite one day, I'm sure pixie's been there 10 times already. But if I ever go to St. Lucia, I. I'm going to walk on a palatial estate. It's going to be. And you're going to be like. You're going to be like, what? I know. I just know. Like, I know. Like, I know that you're going to be like, this is the room that I used to, like, keep my toys in, and this room I kept my video games in, but this is the room that I. That we let the butler sleep in, but only when they were, like, too

[A]

tired of non stop shit. Let's be clear. We would never let Jeffrey sleep at the house. That's not. That's not a problem.

[B]

You're Kiki in, but you're probably dead ass serious.

[A]

Did you.

[B]

What was your housekeeper's name again? What was her name? You never want to say it because you're so embarrassed at your privilege. And did she ever sleep at your house? Did she ever sleep at your house? And I don't mean when she fainted from doing all the work you refused to do as a child. I mean, did she ever sleep at the house? So you were trying to be cute and funny, but you literally never let your housekeeper sleep at the house. And you were trying to be cute. But, bitch, you just exposed yourself, okay?

[A]

She had her own family and kids. She's not gonna sleep in my.

[B]

But, but, but.

[A]

Would.

[B]

But you didn't let her. So you were trying to be cute. You just exposed yourself. You are the Jeff Bezos of St. Lucia. Come clean. Come clean.

[A]

You are.

[B]

And I cannot believe I. This feels like rich dad, poor dad. Like, every time I talk to you, it is so clear that our upbringings were so different. It. My head starts spinning. Spinning. We need to talk about this after the break. I need a drink. I'm gonna grab myself a little. A burst pipe, a dead water Heater.

[A]

The AC calling it quits.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

Close your eyes.

[B]

Exhale.

[A]

Feel your body relax and let go of whatever you're carrying today.

[B]

Well, I'm letting go of the worry

[A]

that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class.

[B]

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[A]

Oh, my gosh, they're so fast. And breathe.

[B]

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[A]

Oh, sorry.

[B]

Namaste.

[A]

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[B]

I want to thank our sponsors, Crystal Light. Thank you. I wish Crystal Light didn't sponsor us.

[A]

Oh, I wish. I mean, when they sponsor, they don't send that much shit anyway. Like, pretty litter. They sent me a couple bags, but they haven't sent me any more litter.

[B]

Really? Oh, I keep getting all your litter.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Every month right to my doorstep, no fuss. Jacob poops in the little litter box next to our bed. And I know when he's sick too, because it turns his colors. Today I was headed to this audition and I was like, oh, my God. I'm like, I'm late for this audition. And I was like, my agents were like, no, don't worry, you're headed down there. It was like a mix up in the schedule and, like, my assistants out in a different time zone. It was a whole thing. And I was like, oh, my God, I'm, like, freaking out. And then I was like, jacob, I need to, like, go over these in the car. So, Jake, I need you to come with me. I know you're just maxing, relaxing or whatever, we're doing your work on your computer, but if you can just join me for a little bit, we're gonna. We're gonna ride the car there together. And I want you to, like, read me the line so I can, like, at least have a grip on what I'm reading. And then Jacob goes, I don't think this is an audition. And I said, what? And then I was like, what? I don't think this is an audition. And then I call up Kennedy. And then they were like, girl, this is a job. So I realized I was. I was headed to a gig, girl. I was on my way to a gig out of Drag that I had already booked. Yes. It was for a voiceover that I had already booked. And I was like, oh, my God, this is crazy.

[A]

Oh, my God, Bob, you're a mess, girl.

[B]

But I was. I think I was telling. I'm like, today's my day to get out of vacation. I have to get back to business.

[A]

I know, I know. You know, I'm very excited about this next year about stuff about to happening, but I am excited in my schedule, I'm spending, like, more time in LA and doing other stuff, like stuff solely in la, which again, we talked about this before. We love doing stuff. I realize what I want to do is a podcast things in la. And if I'm not in LA and if I have to do work, I want it to be with you or with friends. I'm not trying to work with people who aren't friends.

[B]

Just say drag Queen Crisp. No, that's not true.

[A]

I had friends on there. You are so messy. Just because. Listen, just because. Just because drag queens don't want to be your friends, just because these girls don't want to be friends with you, don't put me in your drama.

[B]

Oh, listen, like, they could never sleep in my house.

[A]

Honey, on the last podcast, you. You. You played Eureka and Shangela and I. And I hope that the editor put that on a loop. Yes, you did.

[B]

I was joking. I was joking. Were you joking? Were you? Yes. I like Eureka. I'm friends with Eureka. Shangela, are you. What is.

[A]

What is. What is Eureka's favorite color? What is Eureka's favorite color?

[B]

Eureka loves pink.

[A]

That is not true. Eureka loves orange. Orange is Eureka's favorite color. And if you watch the season 10 Meet the Queens, you'd know that. Yeah, because that's not your friend, bitch.

[B]

Think you're wrong. And Shangela loves to wear pink and yellow together. She likes that. She likes the pink lemonade fantasy.

[A]

Shangela likes pink and green because she loves the icky AKA color. But she's not an AKA How I know more about your friends than you.

[B]

You were just saying. You were just saying things. You're just. You're just saying. Saying things. You just don't know your favorite color. Okay, I don't even know your favorite color.

[A]

Well, that's a problem.

[B]

Why is that a problem?

[A]

Do you want to guess? Do you want to guess what my favorite color is?

[B]

You probably like blue.

[A]

No, green.

[B]

Like green money. Yeah, yeah. Like, you're like, your chat. Like your upbringing. Green filled with green. You were. You are. You are. Who was that little. That little boy who was a millionaire? What was his name? Maximilian.

[A]

Richie Rich.

[B]

Oh, Richie Rich.

[A]

That was you.

[B]

You were fully. Do you remember a vault full of coins?

[A]

Do you remember the Richie Rich movie with Macaulay Culkin? That was one of my favorite, favorite movies going up. It was such a good movie.

[B]

I vaguely remember. I remember watching it. But I remember specifically really enjoying Macaulay Culkin's work with Kathryn o' Hara in Home Alone. Home Alone. And, Joe, look at this picture of Macaulay Culkin. This is.

[A]

Again, I am not sober. That's not, like, my thing. But I saw this picture. Do you remember? Cause you remember when Macaulay Culkin was really down in the dumpsters, like, he was really using and he looks really bad. He has turned his life completely around. He's now a model again. Look at Macaulay Culkin. Look how he's, like, got himself together. Look at him.

[B]

I can't see that. Can you. Can you just text it to me, please? I can't. It's like, this is so blurry. Can you just text me the picture?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Anyway, and we'll put it.

[A]

This is not. Macaulay Culkin has changed

[B]

his life will get you together.

[A]

Yeah, girl, he looks. It is crazy. He went from being like, I. I didn't know that being sober, like, got you. Like, he looks great. I'm like, good for him.

[B]

What is Is not that being sober will get you so great is that drinking and drugs will you up. That's what it is, right? It's almost quite the opposite. Drinking and drugs are really bad for you. And that's really. I think what especially. Especially in excess. I just want to be clear. I'm not, like, advocating against drinking or whatever, but, like, drinking in excess is bad. Oh, yeah. He walked in that. The fashion show. So. So, girl, I was walking. I was driving down the street. I was driving down the street. I sounded so country just now. I was.

[A]

I was drinking my black tea boba. And this.

[B]

Oh, none of this. What is this? What is this?

[A]

Oh, my God. It's my cat. Leave her alone. She's in her home. Colleen, here's the thing. Colleen be in her own home where she lives. She's on my screen where she occupies space. Where she dwells. And Bob has a problem.

[B]

Oh, she occupies space. Oh, she occupies.

[A]

I posted your house is wall Street.

[B]

She's occupying their whole shit.

[A]

I posted a video of me and Colleen, my insta story. And Brooklyn was like, oh, my God, you got. You got another cat? I was like, no, that's Colleen. She was like, it is. She's like. She has hair. I was like, girl, I know.

[B]

I keep telling you, somebody shaved a cat and sold to Monet. That is my story, and I'm sticking to it. So I was driving down the street and. Where La Brea meets Hollywood.

[A]

Okay, right by.

[B]

Right by Hollywood, but like. Like the main spot. Like, what you think of when you hear Hollywood Boulevard. That spot. It was. The whole. The whole street was shut down. You could.

[A]

Not on La Brea or Hollywood.

[B]

You couldn't turn east onto Hollywood. You couldn't turn east off of La Brea on the Hollywood.

[A]

Why? What was going on? Were they filming a movie?

[B]

Because, girl, they. They did a Gucci Runway show, but it was just down Hollywood Boulevard. Like, just. Just. Just walking down Hollywood Boulevard was the Runway, and, like, Macaulay Culkin was in it. Lots of other big names. I cannot believe they. No, this was. This was maybe about a month and a half ago. Oh, I remember being like, I cannot believe they just shut down the entire street for this Gucci show. And I was very inconvenienced because I was trying to go. I was trying to buy some frames anyway. Not anyone knows, but I. I like buying frames. I really buy a lot of frames. Just so everyone out there knows, I really buy. I really be out here buying frames. I was like.

[A]

Like. Like.

[B]

Like for.

[A]

Oh, like picture frames.

[B]

Like, getting pictures framed.

[A]

Yeah, I was like. I was like. I was like, you and not Michelle Visage? You don't buy eyeglass frames. Please.

[B]

Okay. I do own several pair of eyeglass frames, actually. Anyway, and then I was driving, and then the other day, I was driving down. I couldn't turn west on Sunset, and it was because someone had been murdered at the Bossa Nova.

[A]

Let me tell y' all something right now. Bossa Nova. Every time I go to Bossa Nova to pick up my food, bitch, it is scary as hell. The one right there on. Fucking. On Sunset? Yeah. Every time I go there, bitch, it be popping off in Bossa Nova. But wait, someone died at the Bossa Nova?

[B]

Someone was murdered at. Not in the Boston over, but outside the Bossa Nova. Like. Like right outside the Boston over at. Boss. At the Bossa Nova at home. Address. I mean, address. And it was like some people were, like, harassing this girl, and this guy was standing up for her. And then they killed him.

[A]

Like, shot, Stabbed, shot. Oh, my.

[B]

Specifically says they were trying to rob his female companion and he tried to defend her. And they killed. Yes, his female companion. That's what the news said. His female companion. I was like, I cannot believe. Also imagine, I feel like if you're this woman and you have it in your head that someone died trying to defend you, that would fuck with me forever. Like, forever. I would not be able to sleep.

[A]

All right. I mean, you'll get over. I mean, you'll get over it. You'll get over.

[B]

I mean, eventually I would sleep, but that would really. That would be. In my head. I'm like, oh, my God. This person died trying to, like, defend me. This is crazy.

[A]

Oh, I would be like, oh, my God. Somebody died trying to defend me.

[B]

Work. Oh, my God. That is why. So. So one time, me and Jacob almost got into it at Bossa Nova.

[A]

Why Jacob was.

[B]

Because. So we.

[A]

Was Jacob trying to defend you?

[B]

Jacob was not trying to defend his female companion. We ordered some food off of Uber Eats, and I was like, let's go pick it up. I just got my car, and I was like, let's try. I like driving around. I wanted to run another errand. I think maybe we went from. Maybe we were coming from Zach Place or something. I can't remember now. Let's just go. We'll go pick it up. And then it says, it's ready now. So we drove over there, and I parked, and Jacob went over, but Jacob was there for, like, 15, 20 minutes. It was like a lot of, like, Jacob, what is going on? So I come around, and you know that. You know that that meme of. Of author with his fist balled up when he. Huh? He got little hands by his side. They're balled up. Jacob is like. Jacob is standing on the sidewalk at Bossa Nova with his hands by his side. Me in fists. Like, his hands are literally in fist. And he is just fuming. Like, he's not, like, yelling or. He just looks so upset. And I was like, hey, what's going on? And he was like, we just need to get this food and go. Because I am understanding that in this moment, I am very angry and upset. And I'm aware that it is almost an irrational to be this upset about this, but I am acknowledging that I am upset about this.

[A]

And what was he so mad about?

[B]

I think the shenanigans. Do you want to chime in and what you were upset about, babe? Yes.

[A]

So

[B]

in order to get into Bossa Nova, in order to make. To see, like, what's happening with your food, you have to wait in line, and the line takes about 15 minutes. So I waited 15 minutes in line. So it said the food was ready. Like, food is ready. And I was just, like, trying to go in. And he was like, you need to wait in line. So it takes 15 minutes to get into Bossa Nova. And when I get there, like, inside, they're like, the food's not ready yet, so if you just wait outside, we'll have it ready soon. So another 15 minutes went by. So at that point, we'd been. It was half an hour after the food had been ordered, and I was like, hey, can I go back in and check? And the guy was like, no, you need to wait in line again.

[A]

See, that's when I'm like, no, see, that's when you gotta be a hood bitch and be like, no, I'm going back inside. You go up inside and you go get your food also.

[B]

Yeah, to be clear, what you gonna do? They have shoot for you to kill you. People get murdered at Bossa Nova, Monet.

[A]

I've experienced what you gotta do. Because Boston Nova, like, if you ever own an Uber eats, It'll be like 65 minutes. So I have often. I can. And it's fast for me to drive. I've often driven there. And bitch, I go right in there and they'd be like, you gotta wait outside. Like, I'm not waiting outside. And I'll go inside and get my food, because the food be sitting right there on the little fucking rack. Your shit be ready. And they just be fucking fucking around. I don't play no bitch. I'm hungry.

[B]

Yeah, but no bouncers are gonna stop you, Monet.

[A]

How could they? Right? I'll beat that up.

[B]

Hello. I just want to point out, I. I don't think that it is explicitly true that your food is ready and they're just around. There's a chance that it's probably not ready. Sometimes they actually press the. Sometimes they press the. The button to say that it's ready because they don't want to have extremely long wait time. So when you have long wait times, you get a lower rating on Uber. So they'll say your food is ready before it's actually ready because they don't want to affect their rating on, like, Uber and stuff.

[A]

Let me tell you something, bitch. I go to. I pick up.

[B]

I'm just saying, it's a thing.

[A]

I often pick up my food, like, from Squirrel. I pick My school from. From Squirrel, from Cuter Bros, and also from people. Probably gonna figure out where I live. I'm the type of bitch. I will. I will get there and I will stay. I will stand there and I will watch and I will see. If I see a bag that looks like the amount of food I ordered, I will watch and I'll go and be like, hey, it's me. It's Mo. And they'll be like, oh, yep, here's your food. I'll be watching my food, and I know how my bags be full, and I'll be ready to get my food, because I'd be hungry.

[B]

But this is some young Kevin Burton stealing curry goat off the stove. Shit. This is something like. And I know if the bag is heavy on one side and if the greases come off at one corner, that's obviously a so and so. But if it has the fries, it.

[A]

Let me tell you. So.

[B]

Okay, go ahead.

[A]

Go ahead. Well, my mom. My. Like, I know my mom. My mom eats all type of food she eats. My mom will eat everything my mom eats turtles, shark, dolphin. She likes possum. If you went to St. Lucia, would you try all these things? Are you. Are you a food snob? Could you. Could you try different types of cuisine? Are you like, this is fishy. I can't. I. I can't see myself eating that.

[B]

I don't think that I'm a food snobber. I don't. I think that this may be a different. I don't think that's quite the term I would use to describe someone who has. Who doesn't have a particular.

[A]

Are you a picky eater?

[B]

Sophisticated. Yeah. I don't have a sophisticated palate. So would I try the shark and the turtle? I might try it, but I would not commit to eating a bowl of it. No.

[A]

Would you eat possum?

[B]

But also, it depends on what it is. It depends. What is it? I. I don't eat. I do not eat shellfish at all. That's not true. I'll eat, like. I'll eat, like, extremely deep fried shrimp. That is literally where it goes.

[A]

What's the difference between fried shrimp and extremely fried shrimp? What's the difference?

[B]

You know, when there's so much braiding, there's more breading than shrimp. That. Popcorn shrimp. Popcorn.

[A]

So you want, like, heavy bread?

[B]

I don't have a. Yeah. I don't have a refined palate. I don't like. I don't like shellfish at all. I'm not eating clam. I'm not eating lobster.

[A]

I don't like lamb. I don't like that.

[B]

I'm not eating crab. I'm not eating oysters.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm not eating. I'm not eating mussels. I'm not eating any of that stuff. Because I've tried it before. And what drives me wild isn't. Folks are like, but. No, but, but, but, but. Try this. Like, I have.

[A]

I hate that.

[B]

I hate that.

[A]

I fucking hate that. Yeah.

[B]

I'm like, I've tried it. And I. Like. I was. I was just recently in Mexico and.

[A]

Are you going to.

[B]

Yeah, we know. We know. Yeah. But I was. They have ceviche. And I was like, I don't like ceviche.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

I was like, I don't like ceviche. And they were like. And I was like, this is raw fish. They're like, no, no, it's cooked with lime juice. And I was like, when you say cooked with lime juice, do you mean it is cooked and there's lime juice in it or the lime juice is supposed to be cooking? They're like, no, the lime juice cooks. And I was like, yeah, because the acid. I get it. I get it. You can describe it to the fans who maybe don't know what ceviche is. Describe it to them.

[A]

Yeah. Yes. Ceviche is when you cut up raw. It could be salmon. Tilapia. Not tilapia. I don't think it's tilapia, but different types of raw seafood. And then they put lots of lime and they put some pico stuff. And the theory is that the lime juice. Cause it's so acidic, it cooks the fish enough so it's not raw, but it's raw fish, girl. It's raw fish.

[B]

It's full of raw fish.

[A]

Another thing that really drives me wild is when you go to, like, a pool party or you. Or. Or people are hanging out at a house, and all of a sudden someone's like, oh, let's get in the hot tub. And if people, like, get in the hot tub, like, no, I'm okay. I'm just gonna chill and watch it. Like, come on in the hot tub. I'm like, no, it's okay. I don't want to go. They're like, come on, we're all doing.

[B]

I'm like.

[A]

I said, I want to get in the tub. Go and go and do.

[B]

Get.

[A]

Go and play in all the tub. I'm gonna. I'm cool chilling here. I don't need to get in the pool. I hate when people want you to like, come on, come in the pool. Come, come, come like.

[B]

No, I'm good.

[A]

Come on. I said I don't want to get in the pool.

[B]

Yeah. I hate when they start trying to bargain with you. They're like, all right, you'll put your. Just your feet. Just your feet. Put your feet in. Why do you care if my nigga, are you cooking us? Is this soup? Why? We'll talk about when we come back. When we.

[A]

Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile.

[B]

Now, I was looking for fun ways

[A]

to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited Premium Wireless for $15 a month is back.

[B]

So I thought it would be fun

[A]

if we made $15 bills but it turns out that's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months or $180 for a 12 month plan. Required $15 per month equivalent taxes and fees.

[B]

Extra initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes. Me slow when network is busy. See terms. All right, we're back. Yeah, it is weird to try to convince people to get into a hot tub. That is. And. And because I don't like swimming, I don't like getting wet for sport. I don't go to the ocean, I don't go to pools, I don't go to lakes, I don't go to rivers, I don't go to ponds, I don't go to estuaries, I don't go to rivers, I don't go to reservoirs. I don't go to bodies of water that aren't Bob does not shower.

[A]

Both did not shower.

[B]

I use baby wipes once once a month whether I need it or not.

[A]

A whole bath.

[B]

And. And when you don't they like the people are. If you are one of those folks, can you please come below and explain to me why the you need me to be in the pool as I don't like people. People who try to make you sit down when. When you're the only one standing. Yes, yes. And they always say they always get the same thing. You're making me nervous. Why is me standing making you nervous? I don't want to sit down. No.

[A]

That should drive.

[B]

You're making me nervous. Sit down, nigga. You sit down.

[A]

You are good. Good for you.

[B]

I'm gonna stand. Take your bag off. No, no. Or your coat on my person. I want them.

[A]

I will say when you.

[B]

When.

[A]

When everyone has their coat off. And some hood comes in wearing her coat on, her backpack on, her purse in her pocket. That is very unsettling.

[B]

It's like, girl, relax. Monet keeps her house white. Monet keeps her house white people whole. Even Andy was like, it's cold. Andy, who doesn't even lock the door, was like, it's cold. This is cold.

[A]

Okay, to be fair, we were playing. We were playing board games. And I opened the sliding door and then, because it was a little warm, cause I had the heat on in the house, I opened the sliding door a little bit. And then everyone. Bob was like, I need a blanket. I was like, are you cold? And he was like, yeah, it's cold. And I immediately closed the sliding door. That was literally the only time.

[B]

It's just so interesting that whenever Andy asks you to close it or you close it immediately, I have to beg. Still cheating bar?

[A]

Yeah, cuz that's my man. And he's dicking me down religiously multiple times a day.

[B]

So, yeah, you are that girl. You are that hood. You be like, you ain't. You are that. Like, well, my man, you ain't. You ain't me. You. You can't tell what to do. You, not me. You are that ratchet ass hood like my. If you dicking me down, you can tell me what to do. But if you not taking me down, honey, you don't. You don't put rules on me. You are so stupid.

[A]

You are really.

[B]

From Vincent Hurst, Bed Stuy, Flatbush. You are.

[A]

Okay, so hear me out. Hear me out. Okay, so I am looking to buy property this year. And I am really in a hard place, Bob. I want to have a pool, but what are you laughing at?

[B]

Just tell me about the phrase looking to buy property. I don't know why this. It just tickled me in this moment. That tickled me. And I've recovered and we're. And we're moving forward.

[A]

Here we go.

[B]

I'm looking to buy property. It was very Tim Gunn. I am looking to buy property this year. Like, bitch, you're buying a house. You act like you're buying acres and acres of land. You're not buying a farm, bitch. You're buying. Well, here's the thing.

[A]

Oh, Bob, can I finish what the

[B]

fuck I'm saying, nigga? Anyway, tell me about your farm. I've been.

[A]

I've been looking on. On place. And there is a thing of buying a plot of land which is substantially cheaper than buying a ready built house. And building a house on top of that. Because then you can build your house how you want it from the ground up. It's more work, obviously, and it's longer, but it's way cheaper.

[B]

Did you just now realize that land with no house is cheaper?

[A]

Obviously.

[B]

Obviously. Yeah, obviously, clearly. When a land. Cause because when you buy the house, you're buying the land and the house.

[A]

Right? But obviously I knew that. But now that I am a fully function, a fully functioning adult, going to spend my own dollars to do it. Using my own dollars. It's a, it's more of a real thing. You're like, oh my God, okay, how am I going to be spending my money? Like, do I, it. Does it behoove me to just buy land and build a house on top of it or just because I also. I am not you. I'm not one for fixer uppers. I am people who buy old ass houses and like, and they want to spend time investing and making it theirs. I'm not for that. If I buy a house, bitch, I want it to be built last year and be brand new with everything I. Or, or fully refurbished, like recently, like in like a year or two. I cannot go with a fixer upper. I'm not that girl.

[B]

So I'm going to tell you why you do not want to build your own home. I've been going out as well. I'm looking to get, I'm looking to get a home in Atlanta for my family and I want the home to be really specific because my mom has needs with her abilities, her disabilities and first of all, Ezra's dad is a contractor. He like bills.

[A]

Oh, so is he going to build a house from.

[B]

No, because I'm not building him. I'm just going to buy a house. He's like, it is, he's like, it is way. When I say way easier to just buy a house. It is easier to buy a house and fix it than it is to build a house from the ground up. I mean like when I say. He's like when I say way easier. Like the nightmare of building a home from the ground up. Especially if you're not like a contractor. If you don't work, if you don't work in construction, you're gonna end up getting in bed with a contractor who's

[A]

going to probably, I know, take forever.

[B]

Who's gonna go take you for a ride, who's gonna have all this stuff go on. You're gonna end up hating them, resenting to them having a back and forth, bit by board boop with them versus just buying a home. And fixing it, it's just way easier to buy a home and fix it. There's the, the, the checks. There's the, there's the, like the zoning, there's the licenses. There's, you know, rerouting wires to your house and plumbing to your plot of land. And all this stuff is really expensive, really timec consuming, really. In the end, you do have exactly the home you want. But it is a lot. Apparently. It is a lot of work to get there. And it's easy to find a new home, especially in la.

[A]

You know what? One time I did shrooms and I was so stoned and I was like, it's crazy how you can get running water everywhere. Is that not crazy? Like, if you were in the middle of the desert of Joshua Tree and you bought a plot of land and built your house wherever you can when they, when they like get your shit, you will have running water.

[B]

There are pipes in the desert. It depends on where you are in Joshua Tree. Because some of the homes in Joshua Tree have tanks and reservoirs, right? So the things would be. Yeah, yeah, I understand that. But most places where there are houses, yes, you can get. You can get running water. That's crazy. It's no crazier than being able to drive somewhere on the road. Like, there's like all the roads are connected and all the pipes are connected. It's really not that great.

[A]

Yes and no. Because you got to Joshua Tree, it's all dirt roads. It's like people make. You're forging your own path through the fucking wilderness.

[B]

Like if, like you can. I mean, I haven't. There are some places in Joshua like that, but I'm sure there are some places you can go where you never have to get off the. Like if you go to Burning man, that running water there is coming from tanks. That's not food pipes, right? That's from tanks and fresh water supply that's being shipped in. And maybe some of these places in Joshua Tree are like that as well.

[A]

I have a thing for you. Do you think we should start a music festival? I talked about this with Kim and I was like, bitch, we should start a music festival, Bob.

[B]

We could.

[A]

Like a music ass festival. Like a. Life is beautiful like a burning man. Like a fucking. What is it? Bonapaloo. Bonaplu, anyway.

[B]

Palooza.

[A]

Lalapalooza. There's a. There's a one called Bono.

[B]

Probably.

[A]

Anyway, I will answer that question.

[B]

Before I answer that question, I will say one time Monet was doing shrooms and she came back from this trip. And Monet was like. Mon was, like, trying to convince me how great it was, but she was like. Monet was like. She was like, bob, I was in ancient Mesopotamia. I said, monet, you were in a broom closet. You were in a broom closet. You were not in ancient Mesopotamia. Like, in your head, you were. But if anyone could have been recording you at that moment and then played the footage back to you, you would have been like, bitch, this. This is. I look crazy in your head. You're like. You're, like, bouncing off also, where is Mesopotamia? Where is that? Where is that?

[A]

Mesopotamia? Was like, kind of like, where? The Middle east now? Somewhere over there, like, northern Egypt.

[B]

Since you were there, Northern Africa. You should know exactly where it is. But it was like. It was like. And I was like, monet, you were not in Mesopotamia, bitch. You were in a broom closet off the kitchen room.

[A]

No, I'm freaking out.

[B]

I'm telling you.

[A]

I'm telling you where my mind was. I was back in Mesopotamia, and I was there, and I was, like, kind communing everyone, and we were all. I'm telling you, I was in Mesopotamia, because you know what?

[B]

Again, Go ahead. Sorry.

[A]

Go ahead. Notice the simulation. And I think I was simulating to ancient Mesopotamia.

[B]

And then Monet was like. And I said, well, what was it like the next day? And you were like, oh, I felt. I felt horrible. I was sick. I was like. I was tired. I was dehydrated.

[A]

I was a little dehydrated. That's what it was. I was just a little dehydrated. That's what it was. And I had a little bit of a headache.

[B]

Dehydrated, that is. Being dehydrated will kill you. You're like, yeah, just a little. It's like I had a little concussion. Yeah, bitch, you fully were dehydrated. Oh, fully.

[A]

Speaking of concussions, this nigga. When Bob had the incident that he. Can I say the tooth?

[B]

Yes, we can talk about. Oh, my God, you're so insensitive.

[A]

Okay, I'm asking if I can say it.

[B]

That's insensitive. I'm asking. Can I? Can I?

[A]

And you went. Which you. Which you slam into a glass wall very, very hard, causing you. Not a wall, glass door. And I was like, bob, you should probably go to the doctor and not go to sleep because you may have a concussion. Bob was like, monet, I just. I just don't know. I just want to go home. I was like, yeah, but you should. If you have a concussion, you're If. If y' all are not. Listen. If you're listening, you don't know. When you have a concussion, you should not go to sleep. And you, like, you should not put your brain to rest, basically. And Bob was like, I'm just gonna. I was like. I was like, bob, go to the ER and just make sure you don't have a concussion, Monet. Okay, I'm gonna. Bitch. I called to Bob the next day. I'm like, so, what happened? He's like, I went home and I went to bed. Literally, things you don't do if you may have a concussion. So, bitch, you're the one who did.

[B]

But I knew I didn't have. But I knew I didn't have a concussion for a couple of reasons. One, when I. When I. When I got hit with the door, I had this feeling like I was in Mesopotamia. No, I'm kidding. When I got hit with the door, I got hit on the lower half of my face. So, typically speaking, if you get hit, and I think. I'm sure someone's going to read me the comments. This is not medical advice, but I think that most concussions come from getting hit above the nose. I got hit below the nose. I wasn't dizzy. I wasn't seeing spots. I wasn't. I was. I was. I got sleepy, but I think I was just emotionally exhausted. I was looking up online all the symptoms of sleepy is a big one.

[A]

Sleepy is, like, one of the big ones.

[B]

I was. I was sleepy. Like, exhausted, but not sleepy. Like, I can't. I was like, oh, I want to lay down and go to sleep because I'm. I'm emotionally drained from this physical trauma to my mouth.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

Is what it was. And I didn't. Or maybe. Well, you what?

[A]

No, I was like. I just. I just can't imagine, like, how you're walking. Like, were you doing a bit when it happened? Were you, like, acting something out? No.

[B]

And Todrick asked, touch. I thought you were doing a bit. I was like, I wasn't doing a bit. There's a. There's a door on the way up the stairs to the pool. There is this glass door.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it was so clean. I didn't see it. I just didn't see the door.

[A]

And I. Yeah.

[B]

And I remember being about to reach up and grab it, but by the point I was going to grab it, I was already at the. Like, I was. I was at the door, and it hit me in the mouth or I hit the door. The door didn't hit me. I Hit the door wasn't moving at all. And my bottom teeth hit the door so hard that I scraped. There's, like, scratches in the door.

[A]

That's wild. Are you gonna pay for Todrick's door to be fixed?

[B]

No. Work is how they're gonna pay for my tooth to be fixed is the question. Okay, so if you get injured at someone's house, you can really.

[A]

I know they are, they are, they are liable. So I don't know if it's real,

[B]

but I saw in Liar Liar, they were like in the movie Liar, Lie. I don't know if this is a real thing, but in the movie, Liar, Liar was like a friend of mine. Not Jim Crow. It was a different actor. It's like a friend of mine fell through a burglar fell through my friend's sky. Skylight, and then he landed on a knife and he sued the friend and won, like, millions of dollars.

[A]

If this was in the movie, it

[B]

was, it was a lot. It's a line from the movie. I don't know if it actually happened or if it's based on something true, but it was a line in the movie. And as a kid, I kept thinking to myself, I remember thinking myself, oh, my God, if someone breaks into our house and gets hurt, we'll owe them a lot of money. I remember thinking that a lot as a kid.

[A]

And I was saying, jim. I would say Jim Carrey, because Liliar is starring Jim Carrey and not Jim Carrey. Said online. But in case people are wondering their movie, Bob's talking about Liar, Liar starring Jim Carrey.

[B]

It's a very, very good movie.

[A]

It's a really good movie. Jim Carrey, man, he was really, really good. And it was. He's still alive. He's. I, I, I fixed myself. Calm down, Calm down.

[B]

Calm down.

[A]

You need to calm down. Calm down.

[B]

No, it's. Calm down, Calm down. My kids can't hear me because they're listening to kids pop.

[A]

So buying property. I would like to have a place with a pool. I know that's a lot of work, but here's the thing about buying, buying a house in the profession we do. Like, I cannot just buy houses. Considering myself and, like, my partner, whatever. I ha. I have to think about drag, and I have to think about having a room to do all the things that, that our drag requires. You know what I mean? Like, I need to dedicate a whole room or a whole space just to drag, which I, which I'm so jealous of people who, who aren't who aren't in our profession who don't have to make those considerations. Because it really can be like when I got my apart, like, but when looking at a place, I was like, okay, I can have a bedroom, but I need to have this amount of space for drag. And that shit is annoying.

[B]

Your drag is in two rooms, which is wild to me.

[A]

I have a lot of stuff. But also your one room, your drag lab, is really big.

[B]

Well, I sacrificed the largest bedroom for drag.

[A]

Yeah, that's wild to me. I said, my bedroom is going to be my largest room. So this is a very crazy Bob thing. At my old apartment, Bob was like, Monet, you should. You should make your bedroom the small room and have your. And have the main. Because master bedroom is. You're not supposed to say that. That is not problematic. And the main bedroom should be your drag. I was like, no, I want to have the big space for me,

[B]

bitch, the whole space is for you. Everything is for you. I think that the reason why I said that and why I do it here is because I have more drag. So now Monet has two rooms full of drag, where, as opposed to Monet could just have all of her stuff in one drag room. And then Monet, you could have had two rooms for you or for you, as you say. And I also do it because I wouldn't have ever been able to fit all my drag into this small room that we're in right now, or even in the room next door and in my bedroom. Like, I don't need a huge bedroom room. Especially in New York City. I remember thinking to myself, because we didn't have central heating and air, we had. Well, for those who don't know, the New York City heating system is kind of like there's these radiators. These, like these, like. How do you describe a radiator? It's just like. Looks like coils, like a. Like a couple of metal corners of your rooms. And you kind of. Depending on where you are, you kind of can't turn them on and off. You can turn.

[A]

Yeah, you can turn the valve on it. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

But you can't control when it turns on the building. It all turns on. Everyone in the building has heat at the same time. Yeah, you can lower the valve. Sometimes the. The October 15th thing is just by

[A]

law, they have to turn it on by October 15th.

[B]

And then sometimes you lose the valve, and that is stuck all the way up in your apartment. Be hot. I mean, like, hot hot. It's crazy. So because I needed my room to Be heated soon. Earlier I used to sleep in before me and Jacob got together, I would sleep in the smaller bedroom bedroom because it would heat up faster and that room would get warm quicker, it would get cool quicker. When I. With the air conditioning, it was just an easier room to maintain, temperature wise. And I'm like, I'm just sleeping here. I have the whole house. I have my living room, I have my. I have downstairs. I have this other bedroom. I have a kitchen, I have a dining room. I have all this space. Like, why does my bed. I. I don't personally see why my bedroom. I think when I was younger and my bedroom was all I had, I think if I had children and it was like I had nowhere to escape, I'd be like, maybe I want a big room then. But I have the entire house, so I don't know why I would need a massive bedroom.

[A]

But what about your partner? So if I'm considering, yes, for me, I may not need a huge bedroom. But if I have a partner, someone living with, I would want. I don't want them to be confined to the smaller bedroom because I want to make my big bedroom the drag room. You know what I mean?

[B]

Well, Jacob's also not. Jacob also has the entire house. We have a living room, we have a patio, we have a kitchen. We have a content space. We have a bedroom. We have three bathrooms. Jacob's not confined to our bedroom.

[A]

I guess it's also your partner because they have some people, they find sanctuary in their bedroom. They like having their bedroom being a space that they can do all that stuff in. So I guess again, it varies from person to person. For me, I like my bedroom being down. I like my bedroom being my sanctuary and my escape from everything. I mean, I do spend time in my living room when I have people over home by myself. I spend a lot of time in my bedroom and I watch TV in there and I'll like sit on my laptop and work in there. So I guess it varies from person to person. I like my bedroom being an escape in a sanctuary.

[B]

If I'm home alone, I'm usually in the living room and I go to the bedroom when it's time to go to sleep. I usually legitimately, and I think Jacob can vouch for this. Only in the bedroom when I'm sleeping,

[A]

and I mean otherwise in the kitchen.

[B]

Jacob and I usually have sex on the patio. Sometimes on the roof, on the. In the elevator.

[A]

Would you. Would you have sex on your patio?

[B]

Would you.

[A]

Would you and Jacob have like on the no.

[B]

Why? No.

[A]

Not even get a little celebrity?

[B]

Celebrity? That is not me and Jacob's style, and we would never do that. And Jacob looks very uncomfortable. We're having this conversation.

[A]

This conversation. I mean, I'm like, man, vocalize.

[B]

If you want me to stop talking about the shaker. No, Jacob's fine with it, but no, Jacob. I. I can't see. At one time, touched Jacob's butt at the Delta Sky Lounge. And he was like, what are you doing? It was like. He was like, let me touch my butt here. And I was like, all right. I once held his hand while we were walking in public, and he said,

[A]

what are you doing?

[B]

That is not true. What? That's not true. Jacob made that up. He knows he's being silly.

[A]

Do y'.

[B]

All. Wait, wait, is that what Jake was saying? And I held your hand afterwards in the streets of Philly. You were visiting my parents. And afterwards you told me that public displays of affection, like holding hand, made you uncomfortable. Oh, that does sometimes make me a little uncomfortable. Sometimes. Really, Bob? You don't like pda? I mean, have you ever seen me and one of my partners just, like, canoodling in the streets?

[A]

Okay, canoodling. Like, I mean, canoodling is not holding.

[B]

You holding. I pinched Jacob's butt. Okay, the difference between walking down the street and holding hands, like, so everyone, it's like, kind of like.

[A]

That's not canoodling.

[B]

I know. It's just. It's just I didn't grow up that way. You know what I mean? But I, like, secretly pinched Jacob's little butt in the Sky Lounge. And Jacob was like, what are you doing? He was supposed to grab. And you said grab the first time

[A]

you told the story. Yeah. Roll the tapes.

[B]

Jacob's butt. But I touched Jacob's butt, and Jacob was like, this is inappropriate. And then, by the way, I immediately took the note and I said, okay, sorry. And I never did it again.

[A]

That's so interesting.

[B]

Okay, do you and Ezra have touched Jacob's butt since that day?

[A]

Do you and Ezra do pda? Because Ezra seems like he's very big on pda or. I'm looking at Ezra.

[B]

Yeah. Ezra tends to be a little more PDA with his other partners than he is with me. And, I mean, like, I, like, lean against Jacob or Ezra in public and maybe put my arms around them or. I mean, maybe I've gotten better over time. Maybe I've actually gotten better about this over time than I was in the beginning, because Jacob's also my first partner, so. I had no history at all of walking down the street holding hands, so it was so new to me. So maybe now I've actually probably chilled out a little bit. I remember one time I walked a hook up up named Preston. Shout out, Preston. One time I walked Preston to the train, and I held his hand, and I was so uncomfortable right now. What? God, that is so great.

[A]

But you out here telling that you love them on the first day. Would you want to hold a hand? I was like, I love you. Don't touch me, though. I love you. Don't touch me.

[B]

I'm just not used to it. So when I was walking Preston to the church, to the train and holding his hand, I was like, this. This feels like I'm just like. I feel like I'm on display. I feel like everyone's, like, looking at me. I just feel like. You know what it is? I think. I think for years growing up with a mom, whenever people would kiss or do anything, she'd be like, oh, Lord, have. Look at this. Look at this.

[A]

Really?

[B]

If there's, like, a couple of kids in my mom, but, oh, they need to be ashamed of this. That is wild.

[A]

Ms. Martha.

[B]

Mama. My mom's not like, aw. She's like, oh, Lord, this is too much. This is. Can you see my mom saying that? It is all. It's never, like, love. She's like, oh, Lord. Y', all. They. They do not need to be involved in doing that. I grew up.

[A]

I grew up in a very affectionate family. My mom is. My. My mom is very affectionate. I grew up my mom. Yeah.

[B]

You hugged everyone except the maids, right?

[A]

Oh, yeah. We never hug her. Ew.

[B]

I'm laughing.

[A]

But. But. Which is weird because you fully. I feel like you're affectionate with me. You like my butt in public.

[B]

You.

[A]

You hold. We. We. We've held hands in public.

[B]

Yeah, well, slapping a butt feels different than holding hands. There's something kind of. We've held hands in public about slapping a butt. You know, I, I, I'm. I'm trying to unpack this here in real time with you all. And we've held hands. Yeah. I don't know, Mon. I think it's because it's. It's because we're not dating. Also, I want to talk about your. Your eyebrows for a second. Can we talk about your eyebrows?

[A]

Sure.

[B]

So a couple of months ago, maybe six months, I don't know how long ago, Monet got her eyebrows microbladed in.

[A]

I got them done in June. June. Beginning of June.

[B]

And a lot of people in comments are like, what's going on on Monet's face that looks so different? What difference? And Kennedy also got her eyebrows microbladed, too. Mm. Which is like, tattoos. What is it like? Is it needles? Does it hurt?

[A]

No, it's a form of tattooing, but it's like a superficial tattoo. So how regular tattoos work. If you guys out there who have tattoos, you know, it's like a gun. It goes pretty deep into your skin. Microblading, it does not go as deep. It's almost like. Y' all know, like those little. When you in art school. Not art school or in art class, those little scalpel things that have, like, the little. It's like a thing on a roll that has, like, the little points on it, and you can roll it and it' it perforates a paper. So you know where to cut. Kind of like that. You know what I'm talking about?

[B]

Got it.

[A]

It's like.

[B]

It sounds like a pizza cutter, but with spikes.

[A]

Right? That Right. Very good. So microblading is something like that, but much small. And they do, like, the strokes, and they, like, get you like that. And I honestly, 10 out of 10 would recommend. I love microblading. It has given me eyebrows. Again, as y' all know, I did not have eyebrows for years. I shaved them off for drag. And then at two years ago, I grew this. I grew this part back, so I would have these, but not this. And then so what I got microbladed was the rest of it. So then in drag, I just covered this with makeup.

[B]

Explain to me why the girls do the first half. I don't get it. What is up with doing the first half of your eyebrow? I genuinely don't understand how it works. What does it do?

[A]

Because for me, if I cover this, I use my natural brows. I don't have to cover anything on any of my brows. So what I do is, if I would have this covered, I just make my crease go up here. So you use your brow as the beginning. You just go higher. So if that makes sense.

[B]

I've seen a lot of girls do it. If you ever see the girls with quotation marks over their nose, that's because they just use the front. But also, I think what is weird to me is that it looks wild to have these quotation marks. I think it looks wilder to have quotation marks than it does to have no eyebrows.

[A]

Well, what. But girls who do that, then they. If they want to, they normally just fill in what I did with microblading out of when they're. When they're not working. And then they have a brow again. Because brows really. I didn't realize how crazy I looked without. Without eyebrows. I looked crazy without eyebrows. I look like I looked. Oh, my God. That's what I look like. I looked crazy.

[B]

This feels like a very personal attack.

[A]

No, but, Bob, you have famously said that you have never had eyebrows. So you look the same. Cause you never. You never had a thick eyebrow like this.

[B]

This is actually. This is me. This is. I haven't shaved my eyebrows in a very long time. This is all I can grow. This is me doing my eyebrows to the best of my ability.

[A]

I think you should get. I can't see them because they're so blurry.

[B]

But can you see them?

[A]

No.

[B]

Can you see them? Jacob, does this look a lot different than normal? Not terribly different up close. Yeah. I can't grow a lot of eyebrows. I don't have the ability to grow

[A]

a lot of eyebrows. You should get microbladed. You should get microbladed. It lasts for about six months. You could take it off and it just goes away.

[B]

So I'm afraid of getting it because I'm afraid that I will look weird with eyebrows because I've never had eyebrows. I'm afraid that I'll look like, you know, when drag queens draw their eyebrows in. You know what I'm talking about?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or.

[A]

Or Bob, just hire. Make Layla just put a brow on you like this so you can see how it look how it is first. They can be like, oh, I could do it.

[B]

Layla, put around. Layla, put it around me one time.

[A]

Can I see your pictures send to me?

[B]

I mean, it's like. It's. It's like on my computer, it's like. It's like, I'll try to find it. This is not a promise to put it in there. I'll try to find it. But I remember putting it on being like. But I also was like, looks like makeup. And I don't want. Because I don't wear any makeup during the day out of drag. People who have their eyebrows put on through microblading, it looks like makeup when I think it looks good with makeup. But when you don't have makeup, it. To me, it looks a little bit wild.

[A]

Do I look wild without I don't have makeup on? Do I look wild?

[B]

Well, you also have this little bush. In the beginning, I have nothing. So it would just look like drawings of eyebrows. And I think that when I'm with you, the back half, I Do think that when I'm with you, the back half does look like a drawn on eyebrow. Well, that's because the front half looks like a bushy eyebrow.

[A]

That's because I don't. When I'm just hanging out, I don't feel. I don't feel in because I'm due for a touch up and I haven't done it because, you know, I'm lazy, whatever.

[B]

So I have to fill it in too.

[A]

If you take. Cause I got into it in June, so that's June, July, August, September, October, November, December. Every six to eight months, you're supposed to get it retouched up so you don't have to do that. And I just haven't gone.

[B]

I don't know. It, it, it. And also they don't look that faded. Like, if this is fading, this just never going away. You will have these forever. No, this is not faded, Monet. You fully have eyebrows. This is not faded. You're like, it lasts six months. No, bitch, it is still lasting. They're not even halfway gone. It doesn't even look halfway faded. You will never not have these eyebrows.

[A]

I filled them in a little bit for the podcast because I'm on fucking camera, bitch. What?

[B]

No. What about time we've been together, you didn't fill them in. They still. Monet, your eyebrows are. These are not fading away. You will always have a hint of this on your face. So I don't want to go do it and be like, oh, no. And then now I have eyebrows. These are crazy eyebrows. Because I'm not used to having them.

[A]

You'll have something everyone do. You look normal. Not. You look normal now, but everyone has eyebrows. You having eyebrows won't be wearing.

[B]

Oh, my God. What?

[A]

That.

[B]

Yikes.

[A]

Oh, my God. I can't. I can't.

[B]

You know, I watched her name glues them on Plastique. No, Vivian in like her day to day.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I saw that. Yeah, it's. It's. But it looks good. It looks, it looks. It looks normal. It looks great.

[B]

Yeah, she.

[A]

She's.

[B]

She's got it figured out.

[A]

We didn't really have a topic today. We kind of just. We kind of resorted to old methods. We just kind of just talked. Do you guys like when we just kind of just talk and don't like, do like a topic? It's kind of like our thing.

[B]

Would you ever want to bring some of the podcast and like take them down?

[A]

Like, whom? It depends on whom.

[B]

I don't know. Like, like imagine the. Imagine the sherry pie thing, but before it broke, and then we broke the story and, like, took her down.

[A]

That would be crazy. I would love to do that.

[B]

I mean, it's kind of gotcha journalism, which is a little problematic, but it's wild.

[A]

I would. It depends on, like, the sherry pie thing. Yes, I would have liked to do that. But if it's like, I don't know. I can't think of an example right now, but the short answer is, yes, I would. But there are, you know. But you go to who? Like, if it's like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

[B]

Anyway, I just thought about that. It is. I like to watch that stuff. I don't like to do it. Like, when I think back to, like, people and there's something about inviting someone on your show and then being mean to them, you know, who used to do this actually, you know, we'll talk about this little extra bit in the Patreon. We'll see y' all there.