Loading summary
Bob the Drag Queen
This episode is sponsored by Airbnb. I've been having so much fun partnering with them because between drag gigs, filming and touring, I'm always on the move and hotel life can be pretty draining. I'm serious, y'. All. Booking stays with Airbnb has changed the game. When I go on tour, I love having extra space to spread out and it's those extra like everyday comforts, you know what I mean? Like sitting at a real kitchen table or having a cozy living room that makes it all the different.
Monet X Change
Traveling this way just feels more authentic and human. So glam up your trip by using Airbnb to find an amazing place to stay.
Athletic Brewing Co. Sponsor
This episode is brought to you by Athletic Brewing Co. No matter how you do game day, on the couch, in the crowd, or manning the snack table, Athletic Brewing fits right in with a full lineup of non alcoholic beer styles. You can enjoy bold flavors all game long. No hangovers, no buzz, no subbing out for water in the second half. Stock the fridge for tip off with a variety of non alcoholic craft styles. Available at your local grocery store or online at athleticbrewing.com near Beer Fit for
Abercrombie Sponsor
All times Put together your summer wardrobe with Abercrombie. First step New denim. Abercrombie added new linen blend jeans to their lineup. They're really lightweight and a comfortable cotton linen blend you need for summer. Their archive shirt is your next must have cut in a 90s inspired oversized fit that gives a put together but relaxed look. Pair it with their classic poplin short and you have your new go to outfit for the season. Set your wardrobe up with Abercrombie this summer. Shop in the app, online and in stores.
Bob the Drag Queen
My name is Bob the Drag Queen
Monet X Change
and I'm Monex Change and this is sibling rivalry.
Bob the Drag Queen
On this week's episode, we welcome licensed therapist Todd Baratz.
Monet X Change
We rehashed some of our biggest arguments
Bob the Drag Queen
and we find out what made Todd say this.
Todd Baratz
Both of you have been describing all of the grudges that you hold against each other.
Monet X Change
And we find out what made Bob say this.
Bob the Drag Queen
I do believe that Monet knew what I meant and she's acting like she didn't know.
Todd Baratz
And we find out what made Monet say this.
Monet X Change
You could lose your Venus.
Bob the Drag Queen
All right everyone, just so you all know, welcome to a very special episode of Something Rivalry where we are going to be talking to a licensed therapist named Todd from the state of New York. But to be clear, this episode is for entertainment purposes only. Yes, Todd is a licensed therapist. This is just for entertainment purposes. And if you need therapy you can visit Todd's socials or go wherever you go to get your therapy. Go where you go. Go where you.
Monet X Change
I usually get my therapy at bath houses.
Bob the Drag Queen
I believe it's you.
Todd Baratz
So you can get the best care there.
Monet X Change
Yes. We want to welcome you to. Well, let's. Let's first. Well, let's first.
Todd Baratz
You're already arguing.
Monet X Change
Well, no, Todd, first, we just want to officially welcome you to the pod. Thank you so much for taking some time out to. To. To talk to the siblings. In case you don't know about us, I just want to give you a little background about us. We are two best friends who work wise for a very long time. We started in New York City. Well, Bob started New York City drag before me. I came after him. And we quickly had a. We quickly. See already. Already starting. We quickly had a. I'm. I'm affirming you a very quick rise in friendship. And through the tenure of our friendship over the past 14 years, we. It is. I want. I want to say it's 85% love and 15. 85% love. 10% vitriol and 5%. Ugh, I can't with this bitch.
Todd Baratz
And I'm curious, Bob, are you on the same page? Is that the same numbers don't represent
Bob the Drag Queen
how I feel about Monet? I would say I have 100% love for Monet, and everything that I do in all of my interactions with Monet stem from the love that I have for Monet. So if I am annoyed with Monet, it's coming from a place of love. If I am happy with Monet is coming from a place of love, and if I am pointing out Monet's discrepancies in character, it is all coming from a place of love.
Todd Baratz
Monet, you're rolling your eyes because Todd,
Bob the Drag Queen
he is putting on. Bob is.
Monet X Change
I wish we had. First of all, there are literally hundreds of hours of footage of Bob bullying me, yelling at me, literally. There's an episode, Todd, where he was. There's screenshots of Just Google Bob of him. Want to physically strike me on the podcast. Those things have happened. I have never, ever physically struck. Feigned, striking Bob, just to be clear.
Bob the Drag Queen
Well, Monet is also putting on right now because Monet's not giving context. And I'm sure, Todd, as a life of therapist, you know that context matters a lot. Monet was trying to prank me. Monet and Jacob were trying to prank me on the podcast. And I am afraid of bugs. And Monet acted like there was a bug. And then I had a visceral reaction to the bug that was not there. So, of course, Monae is using screenshots and things without context to paint a picture for who she thinks I am.
Monet X Change
I think. No, no.
Bob the Drag Queen
Anyway, sorry, what do you think about those things we've told you, Todd?
Todd Baratz
Well, I. I mean, I've seen some of these arguments, and the two of you are extremely competitive. I'm just curious about what's going on underneath the arguments. Like, what's the story for both of you? What's really happening? What is the 15%? What is the hundred percent? What is this about?
Bob the Drag Queen
I want to hear these number breakdowns. I'm very intrigued by your. By your. By your math. And I need to do. I need to question the numbers and see if that actually added up to 100.
Monet X Change
Well, quick math will tell you that 85 plus 10 plus 5 is clear. I don't know what Atlanta public school education you need to crunch the numbers
Bob the Drag Queen
on, Todd, Was that necessary? Was that necessary, Todd? That's my question.
Todd Baratz
Was that necessarily aggressive? But so what's underneath all that aggression? The two of you clearly have some aggression for each other, but also a lot of love, which two things can exist at once. But what's up with that? Is that a normal pattern for each of you? Is this the only relationship you experience in it?
Monet X Change
I think this is the only nature. This is the only relationship in my life. I can confidently say I think this is the only relationship in my life where I'm this competitive with the other person. And I think I'm not taking myself out of the whole competitive nature, but I do think a lot of the competitiveness between us is brewed on Bob's kitchen table. And I, by proxy, am roped into it because I'm not competitive in any other with anyone else. No other Drag Race girls. No one else I don't have this competitive nature with.
Todd Baratz
So what is it about Bob?
Monet X Change
I think that literally everything Bob makes it into competition. We were at. There's a video of us playing a wig snatching game on his thing. And before the competition started, he starts with, I bet. I bet I can put my wig on or something fast.
Bob the Drag Queen
Something.
Monet X Change
I was like, why is this a competition? We haven't even started the competition. Bob. Bob knows this about himself. Bob is a very competitive person.
Bob the Drag Queen
Is that.
Monet X Change
Am I. Am I incorrect by that, Bob?
Bob the Drag Queen
To be clear, Todd, that was all within the context of a competition. I want to be very clear. Monet is talking about a specific competition that we. That we knew we were Having. We were choosing to compete in this online trend together, so obviously I was in a competitive mode. I think Monet is leaving out that. I am also incredibly supportive that I uplift Monet, that I nurture her talents, and that I am quite probably her biggest inspiration as well. Have you seen that episode? I don't watch Kardashians? There's an episode where apparently one of the Kardashians is taking someone else's wedding. Have you seen this? They use the same singer, the same code, and she's like, she stole my wedding. I feel like Monet's often stealing my wedding. I feel that a lot. The Internet would say reheating my nachos.
Todd Baratz
Hmm.
Bob the Drag Queen
Monet.
Todd Baratz
Monet, are you stealing? I'm not.
Monet X Change
No, I'm not. I'm not stealing. I'm not reheating Bob's nacho. I'm not stealing anything of Bob's. There are several things that I've done and Bob has piggybacked off of me. And.
Bob the Drag Queen
Like what?
Monet X Change
Several things.
Bob the Drag Queen
Like what?
Monet X Change
I had a very successful talk show. The exchange rate, Literally, a few months later, Bob wanted to start his show, Bob the Live Queen. His talk show that had different segments, just like my talk show, which I was like, sure, go ahead. Go off Queen. That's an example of one.
Bob the Drag Queen
I want to be clear. It was not a few months later. This is Monet's skewing the timelines here, right? So what happened was, during lockdown, I didn't have gigs. None of us had gigs. I had nowhere to go. I had nowhere to be. So me and my partner Jacob were like, we need to keep. Well, we need to keep the lights on around here. You know, I lived in a pretty big apartment in New York City uptown, and I was like, we gotta keep the lights on around here.
Monet X Change
Showing off. You just had to add, I live in a pretty big apartment. Todd has a pretty big apartment, too. What's your point?
Bob the Drag Queen
Well, my rent was expensive, and I wanted to make sure that I provided a home for my family. So I. And I also didn't want it to not go crazy, so I started this show called Bob. Bob Live. I think it was called Bob Live.
Monet X Change
No, it was called Bob the Live Queen.
Bob the Drag Queen
You know, I don't think it was, but we can have Jacob do a little bit of research on that. Yeah, it was called Bob Live. I specifically remember Monet kept calling it Bob Live Queen. I kept telling her that wasn't the name of it, but she didn't listen to me. Also, we'll get into Monet not listening to me. That's another big problem. Monat does not listen to me when I talk, which drives me absolutely. Like now, whatever she's doing, she's not paying attention. She's mixing up a drink or whatever.
Monet X Change
Okay, I can do two things at once. I can. I can pick up my water.
Todd Baratz
I'm just wondering, with all of the arguments, with all the competition, what do you really want from each other? What are you looking for? I mean, it's not just to be angry with each other.
Bob the Drag Queen
I love. Again, it all comes from a place of love. It's all just varying degrees of love. I do get angry with Monet. I want Monat to listen to me when I'm talking. That would be really nice. I want Monae to consider how I'm feeling, and I want Monae to give me the credit I deserve.
Monet X Change
And I think I have some similar requests. I want our relationship to not be as contentious as it gets. I don't want everything to be competitive. I want us to be. To just exist as friends in love. I have so many other friendships. They aren't as precious to me as Bob, but they don't exist in this world. We're always competing, and it always just feels like this. Like I want to be able to walk into this.
Bob the Drag Queen
Mimic friendships that you don't like. For example, if I'm your best friend, why would you want me to mimic your lesser friendships?
Monet X Change
Okay.
Bob the Drag Queen
Why would you do that?
Monet X Change
You're not my only best friend. I've told you this. I have dejuan. I have Kameka. I have Arcia, I have Jay. I have other people who are. Who are best friends. And we don't have the relationship where we are constantly fighting and bickering.
Bob the Drag Queen
Well, they're not as great.
Monet X Change
Oh, my God. See? Showboating. And I want our relationship to exist in that same space and occupy that same space. We can have the amount of love, but just less competitiveness. I want Bob to also give me the credit that I deserve for the things that I've done and inspired him in his world and his career and the things that I have given Bob that has helped his career flourish and bloom and blossom in such a beautiful way.
Todd Baratz
Well, you guys are super fast. I think. Slow down a little bit. I mean, let's go back to what you both said you wanted. Yeah, Big eyes. What did you. What did you want from each other? Cause you both zoomed right past it.
Bob the Drag Queen
Well, I was saying. I w. I want to start with the fact that I want Monet. To listen to me when I talk. It really drives me crazy that Monat does not listen to me when I'm talking. It drives me insane.
Todd Baratz
Okay. And, Monet, listen, what is. What is it like for you to hear Bob say, this is what he wants?
Monet X Change
Um, I think that I listen to Bob when he talks. I'm interested. So, I mean, but I think that, you know, if. If that's something that he's feeling, I can consider that, and I can try.
Todd Baratz
Oh.
Bob the Drag Queen
Ooh.
Todd Baratz
Okay. Yes.
Monet X Change
Wha. What?
Todd Baratz
No, I'm excited.
Monet X Change
Yeah, I think I can consider that. And, you know, I can acknowledge that there are ways I can be a better listener so that Bob feels that his voice is being heard when being spoken, when he's talking to me.
Bob the Drag Queen
And I. One of the greatest examples was on the podcast a couple years ago. This is actually the one that tipped me off. And I was like, this is insane. Because it was so crazy, it got clipped and it started getting shared, and
Monet X Change
I was like, your apartment is at 77 degrees. That's insane.
Todd Baratz
Wait, what was it like? Monet said.
Bob the Drag Queen
Monet said, she's not listening to me. She's looking at my. But this is crazy. In a challenge of listening, really good job.
Monet X Change
You're not even listening to Todd. Todd is trying to talk. You're not listening to him. So I. So the same thing you're saying I'm doing to you.
Bob the Drag Queen
First of all, Todd's not my best friend, okay? I'm not working on my relationship with Todd. What is that? In a conversation where Monet. I talk about her not listening. Monet is like, look at their thermostat behind you. What did I. What did I just say, Monet? What did I just say when I said that? What was I talking about?
Monet X Change
You said you were talking about one of the times that it got really crazy, and then that I. When I wasn't listening to you. You're about to describe. I know exactly the situation you're about to describe.
Bob the Drag Queen
Go ahead and describe it and justify it. Then go ahead and describe it and justify it.
Monet X Change
No, go ahead. I'll let you lay it out, and then I'll respond. I think you know what? I want to listen to you describe the situation, and then we can have a conversation about it. I don't want to take this moment from you.
Bob the Drag Queen
So we're on the podcast, and I was talking about my mother, because my mother was very sick at the time, and I was like, oh, God, my mom. And I was like, I've been. Look, I've been interested in looking on the black market to find a lung for my mother. This is kind of crazy. I'm in this, like, crazy, desperate space. I don't know what to do. My mom needs a lung. Lungs are hard to get. I want to. And I was, like, telling her, like, I've been doing research on how to get on the black market and how to find a lung. This is kind of crazy. It kind of scares me to do this. And then after I, like, spilled my heart about this very devastating thing, Monet goes, oh, my God, I love this new nail color I'm wearing. What do you think about this? That was crazy to me. No, by the way. No, we just moved on. No backtrack, no acknowledgement, no conversation. Just look at this nail color. I think we're gonna go with Midnight Star next time instead. And she's never acknowledged it to this day.
Todd Baratz
Did that happen?
Monet X Change
So, yes, it did happen. Context does matter. Like Bob said earlier about context, we did a whole podcast episode about the Dark Web. And I think. And I think if you've listened to a few episodes of our podcast, Tod, we oftentimes we. We just jump around from topic to topic.
Bob the Drag Queen
We.
Monet X Change
We. We'll set a course, and then we are just all over the map. All of the change. I just. That. That is. That is the nature of our pod since the inception of our podcast. Two to. To. To today. Nine. What? 10 years. In 10 years. This is how. This is how our podcast goes. So I do acknowledge that maybe I could have acknowledged.
Bob the Drag Queen
I'm sorry, we've not been podcasting for 10 years.
Monet X Change
Sorry, nine years.
Bob the Drag Queen
It's been eight years.
Monet X Change
It's been nine. We started in 2017.
Bob the Drag Queen
We'll look into that. Continue.
Monet X Change
See the cutting off. This, which is Todd, this is my. I want to put a pin in that. The cutting off is something that I want to talk about.
Bob the Drag Queen
Put a pin in my nuts, bitch. Since you're putting pins in shit. Put a pin in my fucking nuts, you bitch. And it was seven years ago. Like I said, our first podcast uploaded was seven years ago. Anyway, continue.
Monet X Change
Wasn't in 2000. Okay.
Bob the Drag Queen
Anyway, it was seven years ago.
Todd Baratz
What role do both play in this? What do you both bring? What's your shit? What are you bringing to the dynamic? So you're both just blaming each other for a bunch of shit? Yeah. Can we agree on that?
Monet X Change
I'm owning my part in it. I'm saying that I said that I could have been better at investigating Bob's thought process about the black lung. Sorry. The black. The dark web.
Bob the Drag Queen
My mom had a black lung. That's crazy. That's crazy.
Todd Baratz
Is your mom okay, by the way?
Bob the Drag Queen
My mother is very dead.
Monet X Change
It's been a while now.
Todd Baratz
Oh. Oh, I'm sorry.
Bob the Drag Queen
This episode is sponsored by Airbnb. I have been having so much fun partnering with them because between drag gigs, filming, and touring, I'm always on the move. And hotel life can be pretty draining. I'm serious, y'. All. Booking stays with Airbnb has changed the game. When I go on tour, I need a home base that actually feels like a home. I love having extra space to spread out. And it's those extra, like, everyday comforts, you know what I mean? Like sitting at a real kitchen table or having a cozy living room to decompress in that makes it all the different, you know what I mean? Plus, chatting with hosts gives you that local perspective you just can't get anywhere else. It makes me feel connected to the neighborhood instead of just passing through it. And also, I booked this. This modern ranch house on Airbnb with Jacob. And first of all, we each had our own bedroom and bathroom, which is luxury. This is romance. The house had a whole stack of board games. And I beat Jacob and Combio. I bought the company myself. To be fair, it was private, it was quiet, no hotel hallways, slamming doors. Just real unrushed quality time. Honestly, elite domestic bliss.
Monet X Change
Traveling this way just feels more authentic and human. So glam up your trip by using Airbnb to find an amazing place to stay.
Bob the Drag Queen
Look, we've all been there those seasons where the stress starts piling up. Or maybe you're dealing with burnout or a tough breakup where you realize you really need someone to talk to. But then you start to search, and that's when the nightmare begins. You look for a therapist who actually specializes in what you're going through, but even more importantly, someone who actually takes your insurance. It is wild to me that we don't think twice about using insurance for our physical health. When it comes to our mental health, it's suddenly this massive out of pocket. Hurd shouldn't be that way. And that's exactly why I'm obsessed with Rula. Rula, that's R U L A, is a healthcare company that makes therapy actually simple and more importantly, affordable. Unlike other platforms that might stick you with a huge monthly subscription or a massive bill because they don't work with your plan, Rula partners with over 100 insurance plans. The average copay for a session is just $15. That is real therapy. From licensed professionals at a price they actually makes sense.
Rula and Rakuten Sponsor
They also don't just match you with the first random person who has an open slot. RUA has a network of over 15,000 vetted therapists and psychiatrists to actually look at your goals, your background and your preferences, to give you a curated list of people who are the right fit for you. There are no wait lists and no frustrating back and forth. You can find a provider who is accepting new patients right now and potentially have your first appointment as soon as tomorrow. Whether you need to talk therapy or medication management, Rula stays with you the whole way to monitor your progress and make sure you're actually reaching your goals. If you've been putting this off because of the cost or the hassle, let Rula handle that part. Thousands of people are already using RULA to get affordable, high quality therapy that's actually covered by Insurance. Visit rula.com rivalry to get started. That's R U L A.com rivalry. You deserve mental health care that works with you, not against your budget.
Monet X Change
About the dark web trying to get a lung on. Yeah, so I admit that I could have been a better job of talking about that more and expanding on that with Bob, but I think that in the context of our podcast, we oftentimes don't always finish thoughts and we just kind of, I'll say something and Bob will bring up a whole nother thing. We don't really discuss it and vice versa. So I wanna acknowledge, I do hear that I could have done better at that, but in the context of our podcast, that's kind of what we always have done and always and continue to do.
Bob the Drag Queen
What I feel like I'm hearing is in the moment when I mentioned this to Monet before you bought up, like, basically what I always say, which is what is your part in this? Monet hates when I say that, which is. You did another version. What is your part in this? Monet did not say.
Monet X Change
Oh, I.
Bob the Drag Queen
Because Monet, after you said the. Monet was like, no, I'm saying I could. But you didn't. In fact, what Monet said was, no, this is the kind of. The nature of the podcast. This is what we do. So instead of looking inward, she was looking at the whole. As opposed to the myoscopic view. She was like, well, it's just kind of the nature of the pod is what we do.
Monet X Change
It's myopic. Not myoscopic. Myopic.
Bob the Drag Queen
Pressed on something. Once pressed, well, you. You have to like catch Monet in some bullshit before she will Acknowledge that she did it wrong. If you just let her do her thing, she will just skirt by without taking ownership or responsibility. And I was looking for the word microscopic, but I misspoke.
Monet X Change
But you said my scopic, so I just wanted to.
Bob the Drag Queen
And you said 10 years.
Todd Baratz
Well, I think we understood what both of you were saying.
Bob the Drag Queen
I understand it because I knew the said it wasn't 10 years. I'm sorry, but you're correct. I misspoke and you didn't know what I meant. Thank you very much.
Todd Baratz
Yes, but. So I'm curious, in this moment, are the two of you feeling triggered?
Bob the Drag Queen
I feel.
Todd Baratz
What is this touching for you?
Monet X Change
I think that it's very rich for Bob to insinuate that I don't listen to him. Where there are. I haven't done. I haven't crunched the numbers on these hundreds of thousands of comments of people constantly saying how Bob doesn't let me finish a thought. Finish a thought and cuts me off. Constantly in comments, they're saying, bob, let Monet finish. Let Monet speak. You didn't let Monet say her piece. So that is. There is evidence of this throughout our podcast. People constantly commenting on this. So I think it's rich to say that I don't let. That I don't acknowledge Bob's. When Bob doesn't even let me speak on our podcast.
Bob the Drag Queen
You do speak on the podcast, obviously.
Monet X Change
Do you do acknowledge the comments saying bob let Monet speak when they was anything. Bob, let her finish. But Bob, stop cutting her off. Do you. Do you acknowledge those comments?
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah, people say that, but I don't think those people are right about this. I'm not talking about what people think about us. Talking about what you and I feel about us. I'm not worried about what people think about us. So why don't you write how you feel, not what people are. So you think you. You think.
Monet X Change
You think.
Bob the Drag Queen
You think.
Monet X Change
If they're not letting me finish, I don't feel like I'm my. Like my voice isn't being heard on our podcast.
Bob the Drag Queen
It is interesting that you just interrupted me just now, but I. But I'm not bringing in what other people are observing. I'm bringing up what I am observing in. I'm showing the ocular proof.
Monet X Change
I'm curious evidence that what I am feeling is validated by the comments is what I'm trying to say. Sorry, Sorry.
Todd Baratz
It seems like the two of you bring out an earlier version of yourselves with each other because this kind of pettiness, this kind of circular Conflict that goes nowhere. I mean, I would imagine it gives both of you a headache. I mean, you have a great show because of it. But how old are you right now? Are you in your adult self? Are you? Where are you?
Bob the Drag Queen
I would say the younger version of myself was actually quite conflict avoidant. I do not think that. I do think that in life I am a confrontational person. I prefer to be confrontational as to be conflict avoidant. For me, it's more important to address things as opposed to ignoring them or letting them pass. I'm someone who, like, if something bothers me, I will say it bothers me if I catch it and the time is right the first time it happens. I mean, by the second time you do it, you'll already know I didn't like it the first time you did it.
Todd Baratz
And so why were you a conflict avoidant person before? And what shifted that now you're not?
Bob the Drag Queen
I think I was a people pleaser before I moved to New York City. I think something about growing up, I think something about getting sober. I think something about living in New York City. You know, I'm from the south, where, where, you know, there's that Southern hospitality. It's kind of like this, like, never let people know that you're bothered by them, or if you do, or if you are bothered by them, let them know in a really passive aggressive way. And New York City just kind of ripped that out of me. Like I, I think sobriety also just ripped that out of me. So I have just become someone who would rather address things and nip them in the bud as opposed to letting them fester. So I will say to me, like, I don't suffer fools, right? Like, I really don't have very many people in my life who are not in a work relationship. Like, if I'm working somewhere and I don't like someone, yes, I will work. But I don't like, if I'm not the boss there and we're all just employees. I have no say over who works there. But in terms of my, like, personal life, I, I don't really suffer fools. I don't really spend time around people that, that bother me.
Todd Baratz
But you do spend a lot of time around Monet.
Bob the Drag Queen
Monet does bother me. But again, but Monet brings me much more joy than she bothers me. And sometimes Monet bothering me also brings me joy. So the, the truth is, I, because I am a confrontational person, I don't mind arguing sometimes I like arguing. I will say that is my toxic trait. And I think that sometimes when you're having an argument with someone, it actually brings out your truest self. It illuminates your most vulnerable side because your emotions are so heightened. So I believe that because Monet and I argue so much, we actually see each other at our truest form the most often, to be honest.
Todd Baratz
So you feel most comfortable to be yourself, to express yourself. I feel comfortable with conflict and being argumentative with Monet.
Monet X Change
Yes.
Bob the Drag Queen
And I feel very comfortable being myself around Monet. I don't feel the need to hide anything from Monet. I feel very, very comfortable being around Monet. And when I am in conflict with someone, I do. I don't necessarily feel like if it's someone that I don't know that well. It's not that I necessarily feel comfortable, but I. But it doesn't make me super uncomfortable. I have no problem with conflict.
Todd Baratz
So there's a lot of reason behind why you can become so confrontational. Having to stuff it down, having to literally depress yourself to hide yourself. And now you don't have to. Especially with someone like Monet, who you love so much, trust so much, you can let it all out.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah, I think that sounds accurate. Okay. When 80 want to say something nice about me?
Todd Baratz
Yeah. What's up with you?
Monet X Change
I don't think Todd is asking me to say something nice about you. I think Todd asked.
Bob the Drag Queen
No, I said, do you want to say something nice about me? That wasn't Todd asking.
Monet X Change
Couldn't highlight. I like that your hair is growing in. It looks nice.
Bob the Drag Queen
How about my. Who I am as a person? Like my personality?
Monet X Change
Okay, well, you said something that. You didn't specify if you wanted it internal or external. I was trying to just compliment you. I know.
Bob the Drag Queen
See how Monet tried to make his argument? I just said, how about I didn't say anything bad? I didn't say what you did was bad. I said, how about something about.
Monet X Change
But what I feel is that my first thing wasn't good enough for you, so now I need to change. You know what I mean? So I think, okay, it was great.
Todd Baratz
Well, yeah, Bob, this is how you derail what you're looking for because you want to be listened by Monet. And then Monet gives you the compliment, which maybe it wasn't the one you were looking for. But then you go after, well, all
Bob the Drag Queen
I said was, what about something about my personality? And then Monet goes, you're sa. I didn't say. All I said was, what about my personality?
Monet X Change
But, Todd, do you see how I. Now that Makes me feel like, okay, you asked for the thing. I gave you the thing. And it wasn't good enough. So now, you know, in my life, you know, sometimes I have felt like what I offer isn't good enough. So it, like, beats me down, and I'm like, oh, okay, let me try again. And, like, I guess it feeds this thing of not being good enough by doing my first offering.
Bob the Drag Queen
Also, I'll tell you right now, Bonet knew what I meant. Bonet knew what the fuck I meant. She knew what I meant. Monet knew I did not want a fucking compliment on my hair. Don't let Monet trick you into believing that. She actually thought I meant, what about my hair?
Monet X Change
Bob, you okay? Okay, top. For some context, Bob had hair replacement surgery. And literally, we just did. I saw him last week, and Bob Winter was going around the whole room showing everyone his hair, asking about how his hair looked. So in that, I took that to, okay, let me affirm Bob's hair when or where I can. So I literally, in this moment, ask for a compliment. I'm affirming the thing. You were just showing a whole room full of people a few days ago.
Bob the Drag Queen
I'm not.
Todd Baratz
So, Bob, could you receive that or you wanted.
Bob the Drag Queen
I said, thank you.
Todd Baratz
Something more deep and meaningful.
Bob the Drag Queen
I do appreciate that. And I said, thank you. I do believe that Monet knew what I meant, and she's acting like she didn't know. Monet knows.
Todd Baratz
If we could go back and rewrite the script, how could you ask Monet for something like, something deeper, something more meaningful, something about your personality in a way that might elicit a better response?
Bob the Drag Queen
To be honest, I genuinely think I did a really good job. Monet gave me a compliment on my hair, and then I received it. And then I said, what about something about my personality? So I received the compliment. I appreciate it. I'm saying, thank you for it. And then I was like, So I didn't negate the compliment in any way. There was no negation of the compliment. I just went straight into, what about something else? So I didn't attack it in any way. And then me saying, what about this? Monet took that into some way of being like, you're saying, it's not good enough. I gave you the compliment already. Blah, blah. That's what I'm hearing. She didn't say those words. But what I was hearing was, I've already given you a compliment. You're saying my compliment's not good enough. Yada, yada, yada. Deep down, I believe Monet knew what I meant. And she's trying to play me and you for the fool, and she knows that we're not fools.
Monet X Change
But I think you're. You're.
Bob the Drag Queen
You're.
Monet X Change
You're taking a whole lot into my psyche and just assuming what I. What I meant. And I'm telling you so you don't. You don't have to assume. I'm telling you what I. What I'm telling you what I. What I. What I said and what I meant. And now I know you want something deeper. I can go deeper. But I just was trying to acknowledge and compliment you physically, but you wanted something more than physical. So I heard, received. And I can give you another compliment. I think that your confrontational nature has served you well in your life and your career is something that. That's very charming and endearing about you at times.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah, see, that compliment didn't feel particularly complimentary.
Todd Baratz
Well, the at times kind of really fucked that up.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah, but we're on the same page, so. We're on the same page because that's real. Right?
Monet X Change
Sometimes I don't want to argue down. I just want to just move on to the thing. So most times it isn't there. Sometimes it's like, we don't need to argue about it. Let's just go on. So that's just honest.
Bob the Drag Queen
Can you acknowledge what Todd and I are saying? That compliment was. There was a little random spice at the end that didn't necessarily need to be there.
Monet X Change
Okay, let me try that again. Your conversational nature is very charming and endearing most of the time.
Bob the Drag Queen
That was crazy. That was crazy. She doesn't have the ability. Also, something about money that drives me insane is that I'm not gonna. I'm not a. I'm not a psychologist. I'm not here to do armchair psychology. But if I were, I wouldn't be shocked if Monet was diagnosed with, like, oppositional defiance disorder. Sometimes Monet doesn't want to do something just because I'm asking for it. Like, the only reason she doesn't want to do it is not because she actually doesn't want to. And she has said this out loud. This is not me. This is not conjecture. This is not. This is not my framing. These are. This is from. From the horse's mouth. Monat does not want to do sometimes simply. I mean, like, tell me if I'm wrong, Monet. Were you the kind of kid who. If someone, like, if you were cleaning your room and your parents came in and were like, clean up this room. How would you feel about that if you were already cleaning it?
Monet X Change
If I was already cleaning it, I'd be like, duh, Duh, I'm already cleaning it. But I've always, like, this may be a wrong thing because, you know, I'm a very clean person. So, like. Like, I would still. I wouldn't. Like, not if you. If you ask me if I would stop doing. Because they asked me to do it. No, because, A, I would get in trouble, and, B, I wanted to be clean,
Bob the Drag Queen
but it would. But yeah. So like, sometimes me.
Monet X Change
I mean, it would annoy me. That's like, if. If you're in the bathroom brushing your teeth and I walk in, like, bob, brush your teeth. You'd be like, bitch, what do you think I'm doing? That's irritating.
Bob the Drag Queen
I would probably say, I am brushing my teeth. I would probably think it was funny and be like, girl, what do you think I'm doing? I am brushing my teeth. I don't know that I'd be super annoyed. I'd be like, if your mom came
Monet X Change
in as like, and you brush your teeth. She's like. She's like, bob, brush your teeth.
Bob the Drag Queen
You're like, if my mom came in and she'd be like, whoa, what are you doing here? And I'm kidding. If my mom came in as a child and it was like, brush your teeth, I'd probably be like. I'd probably be like, I am brushing my teeth. Like, of course I'm brushing my teeth. I will say, though, like, when I'm at the elevator and someone comes up and presses the button, as if I did not press the button before they got there, my mind is like, you think I'm so dumb I just walked up and just stood at the fucking elevator. You think I didn't already press the up button? You think I'm just standing at the elevator looking crazy? So that would bother me. But if I was actively pushing the button and they were like, oh, can you press the button? I'd be like, oh, I just did. If that gives any context to the. To the. If that answers your question at all.
Monet X Change
Can I. Can I. Can I get my grievances handled?
Todd Baratz
Yeah, sure.
Bob the Drag Queen
Go.
Todd Baratz
What are they?
Monet X Change
Is that Bob constantly, oftentimes interrupts me and I can't finish my thought. And Bob knows. Bob knows I have the memory of a squirrel. If Bob says one thing, I've completely gotten off topic, and I will never remember what I was talking about.
Bob the Drag Queen
Do not interrupt Monet. Sorry.
Monet X Change
First of all, you're delayed, bitch.
Todd Baratz
You were really trying to interrupt Bode there. It didn't work.
Rula and Rakuten Sponsor
Me and Bob love to fight about who we think is a better shopper. It's me. We all know that I've been using Rakuten. Yes, Rakuten, and honestly, it's the most rewarding way to shop. With Rakuten, you earn cash back and rewards on almost everything you're already buying. I'm talking fashion, beauty, travel, all of it, darling. So whether you're shopping at Macy's, Ulta, Adidas or ebay, you're getting rewarded for purchases you were already going to make. And the best part? You can stack that cash back on top of other deals like sales on coupons. So when I go get things on sale, you have to say, ooh, yeah, I got that on sale. And I earn cash back. You can redeem your cash back your way, check PayPal built points or redeem instantly in the form of a gift card from one of your favorite stores. Eligible American Express card members can choose to earn membership rewards points instead of cash back. Term and conditions apply. It's super easy and free. To join, you just need an email and Rakuten partners with tons of brands across fashion, beauty, travel, electricity, electronics, dining. Basically all the things literally, I can't think of something that they're not doing Now I check Rakuten before I buy
Monet X Change
anything because if Bob is earning rewards and I'm not, that's not a loss
Rula and Rakuten Sponsor
I'm willing to take.
Monet X Change
Ever.
Rula and Rakuten Sponsor
Join for free@rakuten.com or download the Rakuten app to start saving today. That's R-A-Kashutn.com, rakuten the no brainer way to save money and feel rewarded when you shop.
Bob the Drag Queen
Hello everyone. Wake up and smell the flowers. Spring is in the air. It is officially spring and I'm trying to clear the clutter and simplify everything I can including dinner. Between work, getting back into a more active routine and those longer busier days, having home chef deliver fresh pre portioned meals takes a huge weight off my dainty tiny little shoulders. It is the easiest way to feel organized, well fed and weigh less stressed as the season starts to ramp up. Y' all know I do not like grocery shopping. I would rather kiss a pit bull in the mouth than take a trip to the grocery store. I've been using home shelf late and it really makes cooking simple. They deliver fresh food and easy recipes that actually taste good. I recently made one of their steak recipes with a garlic herb butter and the ease of the process is what hooked me. Everything is pre portioned so you aren't, you know, spending an hour chopping or mincing and measuring. You just get straight to the good part and people really love it. Home Chef is rated number one by users of other meal kits for quality, convenience, value, taste and recipe ease.
Rula and Rakuten Sponsor
They've even worked with legendary chefs like Gordon Ramsay and now they're partnering with Giada De Laurentiis to bring restaurant quality recipes straight to your kitchen. You find these chef inspired recipes across Home Chef's culinary collection. Classic meal kits and express options. They really do make you feel more confident in the kitchen.
Bob the Drag Queen
I'm actually really confident Home Chef has not reached out to me after I made that bomb macinis like where's my collab?
Monet X Change
Whatever kind of day you're having, Home
Rula and Rakuten Sponsor
Chef has you covered. They have everything from plastic recipes with fresh ingredients and 30 minute meals to oven ready trays and quick microwave lunches. There's even a dedicated family menu if you need easy four or six serving dinners.
Bob the Drag Queen
That's right honey. Shout out to the polycules out there.
Monet X Change
Oh God. It's definitely not one size fits all either.
Rula and Rakuten Sponsor
Home Chef has over 30 meal options each week with choices for different diets and tastes. Plus it's affordable. Home Chef customers save an average of $86 per month on groceries for a limited Home Chef is offering my listeners 50% off and free shipping for your first box, plus free dessert for life. Go to homechef.com wibrary that's homechef.com rivalry for 50% off your first box and free dessert for life. Homechef.com rivalry must be an active subscriber to receive free dessert.
Bob the Drag Queen
That's from on Nation because I know y' all be scamming. Don't be trying to. Don't be trying to scam Home Chef.
Carrington College Sponsor
Your next chapter in healthcare starts at Carrington College's School of Nursing in Portland. Jeff Join us for our open house on Tuesday, January 13th from 4 to 7pm you'll tour our campus, see live demos, meet instructors and learn about our associate degree in nursing program that prepares you to become a registered nurse. Take the first step toward your nursing career. Save your spot now at Carrington Edu Events. For information on program outcomes, visit carrington. Edu sci.
Monet X Change
So yeah, so if I could just acknowledge his ability to interrupt and not let me finish thought and maybe some gesture to hopefully fix that or to make some movement to not doing that, that would really feel great to me.
Bob the Drag Queen
Well, I do interrupt Monet. I Do have, I do get annoyed when I feel like someone is explaining something. And then when you loop back around and you explain it again, and then usually within the second or third time, my thought process is, I understand, like, this is something that happens in my relationship with Jacob where Jacob will be like, he'll be explaining something, and then I'd be like, I get it. Or I understand, I understand what you're saying. And part of me is like, I get it. I know what you said. You said the thing. And I would like to maybe not optimize our time together, but I guess it's a part of my head that's just like, I don't know how many times I can listen to this person say this same thing again. I do this at work a lot. Especially someone, like, if someone just explained, like I'm doing right now, I'm like, I get it, I get it. I understand what you're saying. So, yes, I do interrupt sometimes, but I, I, I, in my mind, it is for the efficiency of the conversation.
Monet X Change
So is that an apology?
Bob the Drag Queen
You didn't ask for an apology. You asked for an acknowledgement, which I acknowledged.
Monet X Change
But it's also, it's not only when I'm explaining something, oh, no, it's not an apology. I'll be talking about going to the mall and, and in a story about going to get some Birkenstocks at the mall. And when I get to the part about putting my key in the ignition and getting in the car, it goes off to something else because you've interrupted where I was going.
Bob the Drag Queen
Well, I'm curious.
Todd Baratz
I can assume why it might be a big deal, but I don't want to assume. Why is it a big deal for you?
Monet X Change
Because, you know, oftentimes I have felt in my life stepped over by people and overlooked and my contributions aren't valued. So when I feel that in a loving relationship and with my platonic, I don't know.
Todd Baratz
When did you feel that way? You said times in your life.
Monet X Change
Yeah, I think, I think I would say in, like, when I would do group projects in college, I went to a very atypical school situation, and we had to do way more group projects than anyone should ever do with anything. And I would have very valuable things to add to the group. And then people would kind of look over me, and it was very annoying.
Todd Baratz
And does this tie into what you were saying before about being criticized so much?
Monet X Change
Yeah, I think so.
Todd Baratz
How?
Monet X Change
Because it ties into, like, being, feeling like, feeling like my, feeling like my contribution isn't Valued or it's not worth the group's time or what I have to say does not add value. So why are we. So why are we. So why are we paying attention to it?
Todd Baratz
Yeah. With Bob, how does that translate? How does. How do these earlier experiences translate to what comes up here? Well, I think Interrupted or when he's pushing back.
Monet X Change
Well, in our podcast, where we've worked so hard and so beautifully to create this amazing experience, I just want to. I just want to feel like he. That because Bob is important to me and knowing that what I have to say is. Is. Is important to him. Cause what he has to say is important to me, I think it would.
Rula and Rakuten Sponsor
It would.
Monet X Change
It would feel nice to know that.
Rula and Rakuten Sponsor
That he.
Monet X Change
He sees value there.
Todd Baratz
Bob, is it important to you?
Bob the Drag Queen
I see a lot of value in my friendship with Monet. I. So the idea to this podcast came from me and Monet. We were living apart for basically the first time in years. And I was living in years.
Monet X Change
Not years years.
Bob the Drag Queen
Most Americans pronounce it years. And I was living in California. Monet was living in the Bronx. And we would have these phone calls, and I was like, I think these phone calls are really great, and I think that people should hear what we'd be talking about. I think it'd be really fun for folks to hear what we'd be talking about. So then I. So then, because I really believed in the project, I invested a lot of time and effort into, like, making the podcast happen. And Monet, you know, was very happily along for the ride at the time, which I. Which I really appreciated. And because I value Monet's ideas and opinions, I wanted to help create a platform for people to hear her ideas and hear her opinions and hear her values.
Todd Baratz
What is that going somewhere?
Monet X Change
Yeah, I don't. I don't. Are you saying.
Todd Baratz
And so this is. You're saying that this is how much you value this is how much.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah, this. This feels like an outward perspective of my appreciation for Monet's opinions and values and ideas. This.
Monet X Change
But I want to be very clear. I don't think Bob made Bob. I don't think Bob had the suggestions of our podcast because the world. Because he values, like, as some token, to show how much he values my ideas, I think he made this podcast. It was not made, like. Correct me if I'm wrong, you didn't think about the podcast. And we didn't start this podcast because you. Because you think the world needs to hear my ideas so much.
Bob the Drag Queen
It was not made exclusively because I think the world wanted to hear ideas, but I think that the world would want to hear our conversations. Not just my part, both of our parts of the conversation. So I thought that it would be a great opportunity for the world to see what you've got going on, what you have to say. And not only that, I think I've expressed my appreciation for Monet's input and her ideas in multiple ways outside of the podcast. You know, when I left New York City, the nightlife scene in New York City, I offered Monet, like, two or three of my gigs because I value her ideas, I value her opinions, I value her artistry. And I thought to myself, they were like, who do you want? And I was like, I would choose Monet. So I think I've shown several times that I really value Monet's opinions, ideas, her artistry, her craftsmanship.
Monet X Change
We're not talking about that. We're talking about now in the podcast. I'm not talking about 10 years ago in New York City. We're talking about now.
Bob the Drag Queen
Well, I'm showing what. What I'm doing, what I'm using is. Which is really just interrupted me. That's kind of crazy. But I'm using this as an opportunity to show that I do value your ideas. And I hear what you're saying, that you have some past experiences that make you feel like your ideas and your. Your opinions and your, you know, creativity isn't valued in group projects. And I actively wanted to be on the longest group project I've ever done with you because of how much I value your input. And I just want to point out
Monet X Change
that there was no.
Bob the Drag Queen
There was no. Most of the time. At the end of that compliment, the
Monet X Change
most of the time, I was just being silly because this. This, as you said, this is for entertainment purposes only.
Bob the Drag Queen
I just want to point it out. I' pointing that out. I'm just pointing it out. That's all I'm just pointing out.
Todd Baratz
Can you. Can you let that in? Can you take that in, Monet?
Monet X Change
Yeah, for sure. I can absolutely take that in. And this is the longest group project I've ever done, and so far. And most of the times, I would just delete the group project, but I've stayed on, so I guess that says more about Bob than it does me.
Todd Baratz
I'm just curious, with these conflicts the two of you have, is there somebody that escalates the conflicts and then one of you shuts down, or are you both. Both just at it?
Bob the Drag Queen
Monet, what do you think?
Todd Baratz
Usually when there's two people One person's shutting down, the other person is escalating.
Monet X Change
Okay. So as Bob outlined before, when we have conflict, Bob is like, let's talk about it. Let's do it now. I'm. I need to remove myself and think about all my emotions and my feelings and then talk about it. So I think in just the way we handle conflict, Bob is a little more. I mean, he said. He said it. Bob likes conflict. Bob likes. Bob has a TikTok where Bob was literally on for hours debating and arguing with people, which. That is not my thing. It's not. I don't enjoy. So I think Money just posted a
Bob the Drag Queen
whole video taking down a designer. I just want to point that out. That's not money's thing. Money doesn't enjoy that. Money just posted a whole video.
Todd Baratz
It was a designer.
Monet X Change
Oh, a domino couture in New York City.
Bob the Drag Queen
But I'm saying, but conflict's not Monet's thing.
Monet X Change
It's typically not. Anyway, so.
Todd Baratz
And so how does that. How does that interact with each other? So, Bob, you want to have the conflict. Monet, you don't want to have the conflict.
Bob the Drag Queen
Bob is on the show called Monet Expose. Now. She's planning to expose other people. So this is actually a thing that Monet does.
Monet X Change
So Todd asked us a specific question. So there was an argument, and we're talking. Bob would be like, Monet. I think that he would want to talk about it now. And I would be like. Like, girl, I don't really want to. I feel like when. I just think that this is the best way for us to handle our disagreements.
Bob the Drag Queen
And I will relent.
Monet X Change
I will. I will. I would not. Relent is a word. I would. I will acquiesce the mom's request. And I would deal with the conflict in that situation as opposed to what I would. What would make me feel value, which is taking. Taking a. Taking a beat and figuring out how
Bob the Drag Queen
I really feel about it. Well, I think it depends on the conflict. I think if Monet and I have ever had, like, a really big conflict, we've had three.
Monet X Change
In our. In our entire friendship, we have three big conflicts.
Bob the Drag Queen
If the conflict is really big, I actually will remove myself. Like, if it's really big. Like, we argued one time on the podcast, and I. I was like, I'm going to walk home. Like, I am so over this. I'm leaving. I am walking home. I'm leaving your apartment. I do not want to be around anyone right now. And then I think with the veganism
Monet X Change
one, which has been I don't know how we even. How we even. How. I don't remember how that happened or how.
Bob the Drag Queen
What? Veganism argument.
Monet X Change
No, not how it happened. The resolve. Like, I don't think we said. I think we just. We talked about it in your apartment for, like, two hours.
Bob the Drag Queen
About veganism or about the other one?
Monet X Change
Veganism.
Bob the Drag Queen
The veganism. When. Okay, the veganism. When I felt like Monet was being hypocritical or. I'm sorry, that's the right word. I feel like when it was being defensive as opposed to receptive. So we ended up having this long back and forth, and we talked about it for a long time. So I didn't walk away from that one. And then the most recent one.
Monet X Change
Yeah, go ahead.
Bob the Drag Queen
The last one we had, we. We talked it out. Both of us stayed in talk. So we talked two of them. Then the one that was the biggest, where I didn't. I didn't align with Monet's values. I. Cause the other one was like, conflicts. And then one of them was like, values. Our values were different. And the other two was like, our miscommunications. Or I would say the other two were miscommunications. And the first one was a difference in values.
Monet X Change
I would say the most recent one, though, I like. I think I remember asking, what would you like to do? Like, how would you feel? Like we have a conflict. And I.
Todd Baratz
These are the conflicts you're having on the show.
Monet X Change
Two of them were on the show. One was not. The veganism one was not on the show. The other two on the show.
Bob the Drag Queen
It was rehashed on the show.
Monet X Change
Yeah, we rehashed, but we rehash. It was fine. The two. The two most recent ones. Go ahead, Jacob.
Todd Baratz
These were episodes we were recording, and they actually started arguing so intensely that
Bob the Drag Queen
the episode never saw the light of day, which I had the footage.
Monet X Change
Todd, I could send you the footage if you want to see the footage of that.
Bob the Drag Queen
There are two episodes that never saw the light of day. Just two? Yeah.
Monet X Change
And in the most recent one, we had the argument. We were like. It was getting heated in the thing. And then we put down cameras. And then I asked Bob. I was like, how. Like, how would you feel? Like, what would make you feel? I don't know. The language I use to get us to a place, whatever. He was like, I would like to get undressed and let's talk. And then we did that, but naked.
Bob the Drag Queen
I want to. I think we're still about to say. I don't think I said, let's Get.
Todd Baratz
So you get naked and then you process
Bob the Drag Queen
well. And to be clear, too, like, me and Monet did not put the cameras down. Jacob was like, I think we should stop going.
Todd Baratz
And you said you were able to resolve that. So what did the two of you do to create a resolution?
Monet X Change
We just talked it out. Bob expressed his feelings about what had made him feel a certain way, and I expressed some things in it. You know, my feelings. We. I think we both acknowledged our part in the thing, and then we set expectations going forward about how we want to talk about or treat that topic.
Bob the Drag Queen
I do think that details. I do think details are important regarding this last one specifically. And what it was, was Monet and I had reached a point where we were not on the same wavelength. Monet was joking. I wasn't joking. I told Monet that I wasn't joking. She thought I was joking when I said I wasn't, when I said I wasn't joking. And then I was really irritated. Then Monet acknowledged that there was a miscommunication there. She thought I was, and I told her, no, I was serious. I even said the words, I am not joking in this moment. And that's how we resolved that one.
Todd Baratz
I got a little lost with the joking and the not joking. But that's what I'm curious about, is that so many of these conflicts are jokes.
Monet X Change
Well, that's a thing, right?
Todd Baratz
Sometimes they're not, I would imagine. Sometimes they sting, and then sometimes you do process them if they get escalated, and other times you don't. And it just kind of one kind of forms a scab forms, and you just keep touching them because none of them ever get resolved because you're not expressing your feelings. You're just criticizing each other or responding to each other or saying, I didn't like that. But you're not actually telling each other how you feel. But you did. When you're talking about vegans,
Bob the Drag Queen
I would say over a decade and a half. I would say over a decade and a half, Monet and I have set some really clear boundaries about things that we don't like to joke about out. There's very few of them, but we know what they are. And we, of course, it was like, you know, stepping on a landmine. But now you know where the landmines are. And for the most part, I would say the landmines are. Well, I know that, like, I mean, I don't want to bring up the landmines because they're.
Todd Baratz
Okay, don't bring up the landmines.
Bob the Drag Queen
I want to bring up the landmines because they were. We'll all blow up, up. We'll all be dismembered in this bitch.
Todd Baratz
Let's stay intact.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah, but Monet and I know what the landmines are, and I think we actually do a really good job navigating around them. And the other thing that Monet does that irritate me, they don't irritate me enough that I don't want her to do it. Like, for example, Monet laughs at me when I'm in pain. If I am in pain, Monet laughs. Let me rephrase that. When I am in pain, Monet starts laughing. Monae says she's not laughing at me, but it certainly feels like is irritating. It's not irritating enough that I actually want her to stop doing it, but. Cause when the truth is, once I'm not in pain, it is funny. Like, when I look back at it, it is funny. But when I am in pain or when I am sick, it is not funny. It is very irritating. Last night we recorded a podcast. Or two nights ago, we recorded a podcast. I had very severe allergies. I had taken Benadryl on accident. I did a Broadway show on Benadryl. I was very drowsy. I was very good.
Monet X Change
See, Todd, he gotta add all. All the. All. Well, that.
Bob the Drag Queen
Well, context matters. Doing the Broadway show. It was also my seventh show of the week. I wanna be clear. It wasn't like fresh off of a break. It was my seventh show of the week. I was completely exhausted. I sat down, I had tissue in my nose. Monet immediately starts laughing at me, immediately off rip. And I was very irritated about it. And then at the very end of the podcast, I was trying to do the podcast, and Monet wasn't listening to me. I was reading comments from the patrons. And I read the comment four times. And then instead of answering, she was like, you answered the question. And I was so irritated, I was like, the podcast is over. And I actually did a really. I feel like I did a really good job keeping my cool for two hours during the podcast. By the end, I was just spent. So, like, when I got my wisdom teeth removed, I was really sick. I had four.
Monet X Change
Wait, can I kind of rebut to that? Yes. So, Todd, I don't like. I don't laugh at Bob when he's in pain. I told him I think it's charming. As you can tell, Todd, Bob is a very charming individual. Bob, is he a charm out the wazoo. So when he's in pain. Like, Bob. Bob does these subtle things with his head instead of holding. Touching his head. Todd, if your head hurt, you'd be like, oh, my God, my head hurt. This is how Bob. Bob is. Ugh, my head. He just does all these little silly things.
Bob the Drag Queen
Now Todd's laughing at my pain. This is Bob.
Todd Baratz
Can you show us, Just so I can. Just so I can really understand what's happening here.
Bob the Drag Queen
So I'll just do this, and I'll put my hands like this, and I'll go with pinkies. And Monet laughs because I say I'm not well monetized.
Monet X Change
I'm. I'm like, what's wrong? Like, I'm not well. And I just think that's. Anyway, they're cute. So I said to him, I'm not laughing at you. I just think you're very. It's very cute, like when you're sick or something. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's not laughing at you. I'm laughing. Well, I guess it's kind of.
Bob the Drag Queen
Which is why I adjusted to say, Monet's not laughing at me. When I'm in pain, Monet is laughing. And my pain. Part of my pain is part of the cause of the laughter. My reaction to my pain is causing Monet to laugh. And when I'm. And when I'm not well, I don't like it. It is so. It'll be like backstage at a show. My teeth hurt, my head hurts, my body hurts. And then I'm, like, thinking to myself, I cannot believe I have to do a show. I cannot believe I have to sit here and do a show. And Monae's like, ha, ha ha, you're in pain. That's what it feels like. It is not that. It feels like.
Monet X Change
Not that. I also want to acknowledge him. Bob had all four of his teeth, wisdom teeth removed. I canceled work. I made myself available to pick him up from the hospital. I cared for him in his home. I brought his. I went to the pharmacy to get his medicine to take care of him and vice versa. Bob is taking care of me when I've been sick. So when Bob isn't paying, why would
Bob the Drag Queen
you bring that up?
Monet X Change
Because I. To outline that when you arm every time you're not impaired, I'm not just
Bob the Drag Queen
like, ah, no, I like.
Monet X Change
I do my best to help you out as well.
Bob the Drag Queen
Why do they say you're not helping, but you're there. You're helping and laughing at me. So, like, for example, Monet's been very public about having her cosmetic surgery. When Monet had her cosmos, her. She was down bad. Yo. Monet was down bad. Imagine if I was laughing at you while you were sitting there.
Monet X Change
You weren't laughing, but you were cracking jokes.
Bob the Drag Queen
Yeah, I told jokes to make you. To make you laugh. Not so I could laugh at you,
Monet X Change
which was causing me pain because I couldn't laugh when I had the. When you were telling the jokes that, you know, I couldn't laugh. And it was hurting me when you tell jokes.
Bob the Drag Queen
Well, you're lucky I wasn't in pain, too. You'd have really fucking split up.
Todd Baratz
How much do you enjoy the conflicts?
Monet X Change
I do not enjoy the conflicts. I only enjoy them.
Todd Baratz
It seems like you both get some pleasure out of it.
Bob the Drag Queen
No, thank you, Todd, for calling it out. Cause I do enjoy the conflict.
Todd Baratz
Not necessarily like orgasmic pleasure. You're not like squirting and having conflicts.
Bob the Drag Queen
I think it helps us grow. And Monet is talking about all her best friends. Well, Monet is not acknowledging. And I'm going to acknowledge it. Yes, Moni has a lot of best friends. They're not all her life partners. There's only two of us in this mix, and Andy ain't one of them.
Monet X Change
You see, Bob is taking a jab at my partner, which I never jab at Bob's partner. So I always honestly do.
Bob the Drag Queen
You started the phrase sneaky little boyfriend. That was you.
Monet X Change
Because Todd Bobbitt is.
Bob the Drag Queen
But you said you never, so that's. So we clocked you in a lie already. And Jacob is on the call. Jacob can chime in. You do take Jeff that you Jacob.
Monet X Change
That's because you and you and Jacob take jabs at my partner Andy, because
Bob the Drag Queen
Andy takes jabs at us. No, for the record, sneaky little boyfriend was coined before you were with Andy
Monet X Change
because you and Bob lied about y' all adopted a picture, but you just
Bob the Drag Queen
said it was a response to Andy. And meanwhile, sneaky little boyfriend was way before Andy. We any of us knew Andy existed. So what's the truth?
Monet X Change
Well, I didn't know any of this because we met at Dragcon 2018. But that's the second point.
Bob the Drag Queen
You don't even remember that.
Monet X Change
That I don't remember. But it still happened. Oh, my God. You see. See the language, Todd? You see the language and now I. I become a lie ass.
Bob the Drag Queen
I didn't make you a lion ass. You made yourself a lion ass by being a. Who lies and having an ass.
Todd Baratz
But as you're collecting the pearls, how much do you dislike Being called the lion ass Todd.
Monet X Change
I hate it.
Todd Baratz
It is really 10 out of 10
Monet X Change
hate because back when I was in middle school, this girl named Rakitha La, she called me a lion ass bitch. And it brings. Takes me back to.
Bob the Drag Queen
There. Is that like you've been lying for a long time? How do you address the lying as opposed to addressing people calling you a liar?
Monet X Change
I didn't lie to Rakitha. She thought I did.
Bob the Drag Queen
Well, we don't know Rakitha's side of the story, but I know that Rakitha sounds like a trustworthy. That sounds like the name of a trustworthy person. You know what doesn't? Kevin? That doesn't sound like a fucking trustworthy person. Would you. Would you let a Kevin watch your fucking kids?
Monet X Change
I would.
Todd Baratz
So the two of you don't hold any grudges against each other?
Bob the Drag Queen
You. You would. You would let Kevin Hart watch your kids? You would leave your children? Can you respond to My Children with Kevin Spacey? Todd asked a question. Can you respond? Oh, sorry, go ahead.
Todd Baratz
Grudges.
Bob the Drag Queen
Okay, because he was talking. Sorry. I don't really. I don't really hold grudges.
Todd Baratz
I was asking who holds grudges, because it seems like there's a lot of grudges here.
Bob the Drag Queen
I don't think Monet. Monet and I don't hold grudges against each other. I will say I think Monet probably holds a grudge in general a little more than I do, but I don't think Monet is a person who really holds grudges too much. Um, and. And I don't really hold. I think the reason why Monet and I are able to be such great friends and life partners is because we don't hold grudges. Also, Monet and I both like being teased. We. We like teasing people and we like people who like to be teased. So we both tend to not have a big problem with it. Um, so, yeah, I don't think. I don't think that Monet really holds a grudge. I mean, I would say if Monet holds a grudge against you, it is. You've probably done something very egregious, like you've probably stolen something or you have probably put her in some way of harm. But outside of that, Monet is a very forgiving person. I think Monet is actually a little too forgiving.
Monet X Change
I'll speak for myself. I don't hold grudges. And if I do have a grudge, it's because you've stolen something or you've Done something like. Like, yes.
Bob the Drag Queen
But yeah, you appreciate such a biting ass business. Also, Monat likes to bite me on. Like, she bites off of me on purpose and then acts like she doesn't do it. And that drives me crazy.
Monet X Change
Lame.
Todd Baratz
Well, I think this whole hour, you, all, you, both of you have been describing all of the grudges that you hold against each other. Which is funny that you both said you don't hold grudges, but I don't
Bob the Drag Queen
hold any grudges against one a Ford. I mean, there are times someone said a while back, like, I. Do you. Do you trust me? And I said, I trust pretty much everyone. I trust you to do what I know you're gonna do. Right? So, like, there are people I wouldn't leave my money around because I trust you to steal. There are people that I wouldn't, you know, that I would leave my money around Cause I trust you not to steal. I trust you to do what you're gonna do. So, yeah, I think. I wouldn't describe them as grudges, but I think that they are. It is documented characteristics of Monet that I have locked away. And I know for sure, like, I'm like, Monet is gonna do this thing. Thing. When Monet gets here, she's going to do this. When Monae gets there, she's going to do that. When Monet sees that I'm doing this, she's going to do that.
Monet X Change
Ditto.
Bob the Drag Queen
You just bit off me again. It's crazy. Say your own thing.
Monet X Change
Todd, I have a question. How do you propose if you had to rate this relationship on his own rate?
Bob the Drag Queen
I don't think they ever have a great relationship.
Monet X Change
Yeah. How would you rate this, this, this, this, this relationship compared to your best friend?
Todd Baratz
I rate it like 1 to 10.
Bob the Drag Queen
Well, compare it to your best friend. Good, bad. No, compare it compared to my best
Todd Baratz
friend compared to you.
Bob the Drag Queen
Your relationship with your best friend.
Todd Baratz
Hmm. I don't know if I could give it a rating. I mean, the two of you clearly enjoy fucking around with each other to the point where you've partnered and made a really fucking funny show about it. Sounds like some of the times when you're fucking with each other, though, it touches a little too deep. And conflict happens when they like. Conflict is fun. And other times not so much, but it's. You have a cute dynamic. You just don't listen to each other, each other. And then you don't communicate properly each other.
Monet X Change
That's crazy.
Todd Baratz
And you're not communicating properly. But underneath all of that, you both Love each other very much, which is very sweet.
Bob the Drag Queen
What do you know about communication?
Todd Baratz
So sometimes you have to shut up and listen to each other and slow it down.
Bob the Drag Queen
Let me see your relationship with your best friend. Let's see how you and your bestie are doing before you come in here and tell us.
Todd Baratz
Oh, I don't have any friends. I don't have any friends. It's my dog. She does what I tell her to do.
Bob the Drag Queen
How you gonna tell us how to be.
Monet X Change
Monet?
Bob the Drag Queen
You can't attack Todd. Monet was texting me to say that to you. Monet texted me. She was like, you're liar, because you got the text.
Todd Baratz
You could attack me.
Monet X Change
You're such a liar. I literally have the text.
Bob the Drag Queen
I can post them. They're on the screen right now. You see?
Monet X Change
And if you're seeing this, this is footage that the sneaky little boyfriend they docked her footage to.
Bob the Drag Queen
Mamnay, you were texting me. Can you confront Todd about his lack
Monet X Change
of show us right. Right now?
Todd Baratz
I mean, it's a problem
Monet X Change
of things
Bob the Drag Queen
that Todd does not want to talk about. This is crazy. Todd, in our last few moments, anything. Can you tell us a little bit about the kind of therapy that you do? We know that you. That you work in relationship therapy and sex therapy. Can you tell us a little bit about the kind of work that you do in therapy and what got you into therapy?
Todd Baratz
Yes. The typical therapy is not necessarily like this. The two of you are hysterical, and I love you both so much. So it's really fun to be able to be here. Part of me was just kind of like watching. Like, it was me watching a show, which I guess it is. But the typical type of therapy is not really like this. I'm much more engaged and much more serious. And I see a lot of couples. I see a lot of people who are just having issues with sex, but usually it's a lot of anxiety, a lot of trauma, a lot of childhood shit.
Bob the Drag Queen
So what do you mean by issues with sex? Like, they're like. They're like. Is it like working through trauma or is it like. Like ed or that, like, sex has died in their relationship? All of it.
Todd Baratz
I mean, it's all relational issues that are presenting as sexual issues, but it's usually about a lot of relational anxiety. People are just freaked out.
Rula and Rakuten Sponsor
What do you. What do you.
Monet X Change
As a sex therapy. As a therapist, you doing a lot of sex therapy? What do you think about the use of lots of stimulants to make the penis erect? Like, all the girlies on her door work. Okay, good.
Todd Baratz
Yeah. Why not?
Rula and Rakuten Sponsor
Okay.
Bob the Drag Queen
I mean, if you got to get there. If you don't, you gotta. If you gotta lay brick, you gotta lay brick.
Todd Baratz
I mean, if you have a headache, you take a Tylenol. I don't know. I'm a pill pusher. But I mean, if there's something that can fix the problem or take away your anxiety, I mean, like, you should take it if you want to take it, but don't take. I mean, you might also want to take a Tylenol and a allergy medic allergy pill as well, because you're doing the. Well, get congested.
Bob the Drag Queen
I. I have a friend. I have a friend who I say take an allergy pill before a Broadway show and then do a podcast and get laughed at. I have a friend who used the. The injector Trimax.
Todd Baratz
Trimax. Yeah.
Bob the Drag Queen
And he was like. But then apparently.
Todd Baratz
But some people are using it as a party drug is another story.
Bob the Drag Queen
Use it again to get it undone.
Monet X Change
Yeah, sometimes you can over you. You can overthink it and your erection lasts too long and then dudes like put like a cock ring on it and it's kind of circulation. You could. You could lose your penis.
Todd Baratz
Yeah, you have to be careful that a lot of. A lot of people are not.
Monet X Change
What you said, Bob.
Todd Baratz
And so it's like a party trick.
Bob the Drag Queen
Have people lost their penises to this?
Monet X Change
I mean, if you. If you. If you put the cock ring on and you trimax and then you have. And then you put too much and your boner goes on for like longer than. I don't know the amount of time, but that's blood just caught up in your penis. So you had to go to the. To the doctor and they had to like.
Bob the Drag Queen
Your hands are so light. Light skin. It is crazy. This is insane how light your hands are compared to your body. It never. It never. Does it look. Or is there a. Is it because they're too close? Is there anything else you want to talk about that is related to our guest? Sorry.
Monet X Change
No, wait.
Todd Baratz
This is related.
Monet X Change
So. So, Todd, if people want to find.
Bob the Drag Queen
Got the whitest hands here there.
Monet X Change
If you want to fight for therapy.
Bob the Drag Queen
How.
Monet X Change
How best do they do that?
Todd Baratz
You can find me at. On Instagram at yourdog nonsense or my website, ts barrets.com and those are on
Bob the Drag Queen
the screen now, right, Jay? Right, Those social posts on the screen. Right, Jay?
Monet X Change
Ton, thank you for taking an hour out of your time to. To therapize this untherapizable relationship.
Todd Baratz
Untherapizable Yes.
Bob the Drag Queen
I think our relationship is perfect the way it is. Again, 100% love.
Todd Baratz
Yeah. Don't change at all.
Bob the Drag Queen
100% love for Monet.
Todd Baratz
Just yell at each other.
Bob the Drag Queen
I would like to figure out how to get Monet's number up to from 85%. I didn't know I only had 85% love for you.
Monet X Change
I'm not saying 85% love. I said in the 100.
Todd Baratz
I mean, a B plus is pretty good, right?
Bob the Drag Queen
I think you said 80. You said. And you said 85% love. You said 85% love. Love. 10% G and 5%. That is what you said. Can you acknowledge that before we go? Can that be your last acknowledgement, please?
Todd Baratz
I could take 85%.
Monet X Change
Thank you.
Todd Baratz
I encourage couples to go with 85%. I mean, if you can get 85%, that's pretty good.
Bob the Drag Queen
Be happy to get 2%.
Todd Baratz
Well, I'm in a very different rubric here.
Monet X Change
All right, bye, everybody.
Bob the Drag Queen
Sam.
Podcast Summary: Sibling Rivalry — "The One Where We Go To Therapy" (with Todd Baratz)
Released: April 6, 2026
Hosts: Bob the Drag Queen & Monét X Change | Guest: Todd Baratz (Licensed Therapist)
In this candid and riotous episode of Sibling Rivalry, Bob the Drag Queen and Monét X Change invite licensed therapist Todd Baratz to analyze their famously combative-yet-loving friendship. In true Sibling Rivalry fashion, the conversation is packed with bickering, shade, wild laughter, and surprisingly vulnerable admissions. Todd’s attempt to “therapize” their relationship leads to a blend of genuine insight and playful chaos, revealing what makes this comedic duo tick—and occasionally explode.
| Time | Segment / Topic | |-----------|-------------------------------------------------------------------| | 03:29 | Monet’s friendship math: 85% love, 10% vitriol, 5% “ugh” | | 08:46 | Talk show rivalry: “The Exchange Rate” vs. “Bob Live” | | 14:00 | Bob’s “nail color” grudge—being ignored during a deep moment | | 21:42 | “Bob, let Monet finish!”—listener complaints about interruptions | | 24:11 | Bob describes journey from conflict avoidance to confrontation | | 39:08 | Bob admits his reason for interrupting: conversational efficiency | | 40:37 | Monet shares root of frustration with being overlooked | | 46:16 | Conflict style: Bob’s confrontation vs. Monet’s withdrawal | | 53:02 | Monet laughs at Bob’s pain—source of playful irritation | | 62:01 | Todd: “All you’ve both described are grudges you hold.” | | 64:02 | Todd: “You both love each other very much, which is very sweet.” | | 68:53 | Bob: “I think our relationship is perfect the way it is.” |
This episode is a hilarious, honest, and sometimes poignant look at one of podcasting’s most volatile and beloved duos. With the help of Todd Baratz, Bob and Monét dissect their unique brand of conflict, mutual teasing, and real friendship. Ultimately, they decide their imperfect communication and competitive bickering are exactly what make their partnership—and show—so special.
Final thought from Bob:
“I think our relationship is perfect the way it is. Again, 100% love.” (68:53)
Final thought from Todd:
“You both love each other very much, which is very sweet.” (64:02)
[For therapy with Todd Baratz, find him on Instagram @yourdognonsense or tsbaratz.com (68:28)]