The One Where We have to be Nice II (Live at the Balboa Theater)

Summary

Sibling Rivalry: "The One Where We Have to be Nice II" (Live at the Balboa Theater)

Date: August 12, 2024
Location: Historic Balboa Theater, San Diego
Hosts: Bob the Drag Queen & Monét X Change

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Episode Overview

In this vibrant, laugh-packed live episode of Sibling Rivalry, Bob the Drag Queen and Monét X Change tackle the challenge of "being nice" to each other onstage at San Diego’s historic Balboa Theater. Returning to a favorite old format, the queens attempt to trade affection, reminisce about Drag Race, respond to burning audience questions, and—of course—descend into friendly (and not-so-friendly) rivalry. With signature chemistry, they veer from playful bickering over thermostats and drag lewks to sharing earnest insights about monogamy, queer identity, and living authentically. The evening culminates in an audience-decided "nicest queen" vote, a heartfelt exchange about their friendship, and plenty of iconic quotes and wild crowd energy.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments (with Timestamps)

1. Balboa Theater Vibes & Cheeky Banter

[02:08 – 05:47]

• Bob and Monét riff on the venue's rumored history as a porn theater.
  • "Apparently, this was a porn theater in the 70s." (Monét, [02:45])
  • Bob: "Well, we're gonna revitalize its original meaning tonight, honey. Put pussy back in the theater." ([02:48])
• Spiraling into a debate on climate control at home:
  • Thermostat wars (“You keep your house too hot... That’s right, sociopath.” – Bob [04:59])
  • Battle between preferring warmth vs. cold ("I just feel better when my body is warm...a little bit of sweating." – Bob [05:40])

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2. Being Nice: The Episode’s Central Challenge

[05:56 – 14:23]

• The duo establishes the "we have to be nice" game and rules:
  • Audience claps to call out any "not nice" moments ([10:51])
  • "Whoever has the fewest infractions at the end wins." (Bob [11:02])
• Hilarious squabbles about past Drag Race moments, mythic miscounts, and bobblehead logic.
• Bob defines the nuance between being "nice" and "a good person," using Harriet Tubman as an example:
  • “Was Harriet Tubman nice? She was notoriously mean…But she was a good person.” – Bob ([13:02])
• Brief detour on cat impressions (Bob & Monét meowing for audience applause)

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3. America, Politics & Kamala Harris

[08:57 – 10:25]

• Real talk about America's fraught political climate, Kamala Harris’s recent ascension, and Black women’s qualifications.
  • “Everyone's like, she's not qualified. I'm like, how many more credentials does a black woman need?” – Bob ([10:13])

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4. Sibling Rivalry Games: Impersonations & Drag Race Looks

[16:53 – 28:29]

• Bob impersonates Monét’s Caribbean accent; Monét threatens to have hurt feelings but both end up laughing.
  • "You go, I heard what you just said. And I’d be like, wait, what?... Life down here better than anything they got up there." – Bob ([18:20])
• They exchange light-hearted shade about each other’s legendary (and less-loved) drag looks:
  • Bob about Monét's sponge look: "The execution was slightly lacking. However, the concept behind the sponge dress was truly inspired." ([26:16])
  • Monét on Bob’s Madonna Girl Scout look: "The way that it looked on you was so interesting, and no one else could pull it off the way that you did." ([26:43])
• Audience erupts into laughter at their exaggerations and callbacks.

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5. Long-Term Friendship and Podcast Chemistry

[36:00 – 39:24]

• Bob and Monét reflect on their unique dynamic and why their banter works.
  • "I think I bring the ability to reconsider the way that you would normally think about something. Sometimes it is in a slightly antagonistic way. But I do think I bring the spice to Sibling Rivalry." – Bob ([36:43])
  • “I bring a tenacity of love, warmth, bravery, resilience, and just an overwhelming...” (Monét, tongue-in-cheek, [37:26])
• Bob lists the VERY few queens he’d want to work with consistently, namely Monét and Peppermint.

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6. Apologies & Famous Sibling Rivalry Fights

[40:06 – 44:02]

• Both apologize for past beefs in heartfelt (and still very shaded) fashion.
  • Monét: "I acknowledge how me bringing [your chipped tooth] to the light of millions of downloads a week was not nice, and I formally apologize." ([41:12])
  • Bob: "I have certainly, from time to time, showed up to work with a bit of an attitude problem...It's a condition I have." ([41:35])
  • Legendary fights referenced include "Pride will be your downfall," veganism, and withholding information.

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7. Life Advice & Audience Q&A

[58:25 – 77:28] Five engaged audience members ask for both practical and deep spiritual advice:

• Navigating Subtle Homophobia at Work
  • Bob: "Write [the incidents] down...start recording...take his ass to HR." ([60:12])
  • Monét: "The petty side of me want to be like, well, that’s why your mother pussy stink! ...But that's probably not professional to do." ([61:14])
• Affirmation for a Black Trans Man Navigating Government Work
  • Monét: "They will look for every single thing that they can to take away from you...But as long as you know that you are always rising to the occasion and doing everything to the best that you can do...” ([62:48])
  • Bob: "Multiply by two if you black and gay and keep up...multiply by 10 if you black and trans, literally my experience." ([63:22])
• Mistakes to Avoid in Your 20s
  • Bob: "I could tell you till the cows come home, but until you find out you shouldn't drink poppers, sometimes you gotta find out."
  • Monét: “I was valuing and giving myself away to people who were closeted or DL, and I really regret a lot of my 20s because I gave myself to those people who did not deserve me.” ([68:08])
• Pay Your Taxes
  • Bob: "If they can get Wesley Snipes, they can get you, honey." ([69:17])
• Working with Madonna
  • Bob: “Madonna is truly a perfectionist… I realized something in life. I never want to be that famous. I never, ever want to be that famous.” ([70:03]–[71:37])
• Monogamy, Polyamory, and Queer Relationships
  • Monét: "[In relationships,] you have to be open to the ebbs and flows...never closing yourself off to what your relationship can grow to change and be like." ([73:37])
  • Bob: “I don’t have the capacity to engage in monogamy of any sort… [It] leans into misogyny. It’s commerce, it is capitalism in its purest form.” ([74:34])
  • Both stress that queer relationships can and should look however the people in them want.

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8. “Name That White Woman!” Game

[45:47 – 57:29]

• The queens, with audience help, try to identify white actresses—often with hilarious failure and confusion.
  • Ongoing joke: Bob cannot tell Sandra Bullock and Julia Roberts apart. Monét heroically botches the difference between Natalie Portman and Keira Knightley.
  • “Girl, these two white bitches look the same. This is crazy.” – Bob ([50:31])
  • Running gag with Nicole Kidman being a "chameleon" of white womanhood.
• The segment doubles as a playful riff on the lack of Black faces in mainstream media games.

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9. The Niceness Vote & Heartfelt Closing

[77:34 – End]

• Bob and Monét have the whole room clap for who was "nicer."
  • Bob wins, with the crowd in stitches. "It was rigged. I don't accept... It was rigged." – Monét ([79:02])
• Affectionate sendoff:
  • Bob: “Give it up for my best friend in the world, Monet X Change.”
  • Monét: “And give it up for my best friend in the world, Bob the Drag Queen.” ([79:06–79:18])

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Notable Quotes & Iconic Moments

• Bob on Nice vs. Good: "Was Harriet Tubman nice?…She was a good person. But she was not necessarily a nice person." ([13:02])
• On the “Sponge Dress”: "The concept behind the sponge dress was truly inspired…the execution was slightly lacking." – Bob ([26:16])
• Political Read: "Everyone’s like, she’s not qualified. I’m like, how many more credentials does a Black woman need?" – Bob ([10:13])
• On black excellence: "Multiply by two if you black and gay...by 10 if you black and trans." – Bob ([63:22])
• On Polyamory: "You shouldn't have any prisoners in your life. No one should be stuck with you." – Bob ([76:34])
• On Fame: "I realized something in life. I never want to be that famous. I never, ever, ever want to be that famous." – Bob ([71:37])
• On Drag Family: "There are two, three, maybe four drag queens I like to work with...The first two are Monet X Change, then Peppermint..." – Bob ([38:54])

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Episode Tone & Takeaways

• Playful, Savage, Loving: The hosts’ banter is laced with genuine affection, constant shade, and outright roasts.
• Honest & Unapologetic: They speak candidly about queerness, race, mental health, and drag, refusing to sugarcoat hard truths.
• Empowering & Uplifting: Advice to the audience centers on self-worth, unity, and joyful authenticity.
• Community-Centered: The crowd’s energy, participation, and laughter is present throughout, cementing a lively communal atmosphere.
• Classic Sibling Rivalry: The episode highlights why Bob and Monét remain podcast gold—mixing drag wit with real-world wisdom.

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Perfect For Listeners Who...

• Want the raw, riotous energy of a live show
• Adore Bob and Monét’s whirlwind of reads, cultural references, and sage advice
• Crave honest, affirming discussions of Black and queer life
• Need a reminder that friendship can thrive on both love and (just a touch of) rivalry

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"I just feel better when my body is warm. A little bit of sweating—like a small amount."
— Bob the Drag Queen ([05:40])

"If they can get Wesley Snipes, they can get you, honey."
— Bob ([69:17])

"You shouldn’t have any prisoners in your life. No one should be stuck with you."
— Bob ([76:34])

"When you know, people be praying for your downfall...When that day comes, baby, tastes so good. It’s like a five-star Michelin restaurant. Bite, bitch!"
— Monét ([16:01])

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[End of Summary]

Transcript

[A]

I'm Kiana, and I leveled up my business with Shopify.

[B]

Once I figured out that Shopify was a thing, I never turned back. I can create a site with my eyes closed. Shopify thinks ahead of us, you know, and it thinks about the customer more than anything. Every day I'm thinking about some other new business, but Shopify is doing it to me because it's so easy to use. It's like I can't stop. I'm addicted.

[C]

Start your free [e-mail].

[A]

close your eyes.

[D]

Exhale.

[A]

Feel your body relax.

[C]

And let go of whatever you're carrying today.

[D]

Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-contacts. Oh, my gosh. They're so fast.

[A]

And breathe.

[D]

Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste.

[B]

Visit 1-800-contacts.com today to save on your first order. 1-800-contacts.

[C]

My name is Bob the Drag Queen.

[E]

And I'm Monet X James.

[B]

And this is Sibling Rivalry.

[C]

Hello, San Diego.

[E]

We are so excited to be here with you tonight. We have a really good little program planned out for you, a fun little podcast.

[B]

Are you ready?

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

All right. Please welcome to the stage Bob the Drag Queen and Monet X. Change.

[C]

Oh, my goodness. We are recording live from the historic Balboa Theater.

[B]

Historic?

[C]

What history has happened in Balboa? You know, I haven't studied the history.

[B]

I heard that Balboa is like the Alamo. Alamo. Alamo? The Alamo's in Texas. I know, but Balboa is the Alamo of San Diego.

[C]

There was a battle here at this.

[B]

Yes, the Battle of Balboa, bitch.

[C]

There's no battle at the Balboa Theater. Oh, thank you, ma'. Am. Your pussy's hanging out.

[E]

Sorry, I was told that.

[C]

Ma', am, your labia are showing in the 70s.

[B]

Wait, wait, wait. Say it again, Jacob.

[E]

Apparently, this was a porn theater in the 70s.

[C]

Well, we're gonna revitalize its original meeting tonight, honey. Oh, my God. Put pussy back in the theater. Ignore black pussy in the theater.

[B]

Four score and black pussy ago. Bob, be decent. My boyfriend is here. How dare you.

[C]

I don't want to tempt anyone. San Diego, how the fuck are y' all doing tonight? Y' all feeling good tonight? Can I talk about something real quick?

[B]

What?

[C]

On the topic of pornography.

[B]

What?

[C]

The other day, I was looking at porn on my computer, and I Was like, jesus Christ. Because I feel like we're so used to seeing porn on our phones now that when it's on the computer, you're like, what is happening?

[B]

No, no, no, no, no.

[A]

I like.

[B]

So here' on my phone, I peruse and I save things for later. Now when I'm gonna actually do the deed, I wanna see it on a bigger screen. So then I watch it on the computer so I can get a more interactive experience.

[C]

You know I went to Monet's house.

[B]

Right, Right.

[C]

I went to Monet's house once. She was projecting it onto the projector.

[B]

Okay, no, and then. Well, then one time I was at a hotel, and then I was, like, really feeling my fantasy, so I was watching on a computer and had my AirPod Maxes. So I was like, Bitch, it was fucking Twister 4 DX. Okay, girl. It was everything. Bitch. I was like, this is crazy. It was everything. Realize the volume was also playing out loud. And then. So people. And then the next room were hearing my porn business.

[C]

Wait, you listen to porn with headphones on?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

With headphones, yes. What if someone, like, knocks on your door, comes in the. I need my senses. About me?

[B]

No.

[C]

Well, if.

[B]

Okay, they can wait about an hour. Okay.

[C]

But, you know, hotels have. They don't they. They knock and then come in. They'd be like, hey. They'd be like, I'm coming in. They do. They do not wait.

[B]

I don't. I don't. When they knock, I just wait till they open the door and I be like, no, thank. Because they cannot hear you through the fucking door.

[C]

What if you're naked? Then I've been caught naked.

[B]

I'm not on the bed. Spread eagle, like, hello, I'm not giving that girl.

[C]

But you can walk from the bathroom to the bed or lay in your

[B]

bed or something if it's under the covers.

[C]

Yeah, usually under the covers, too. But I like a really warm room.

[B]

Oh, girl. Okay.

[C]

But you keep.

[B]

I know. Black people don't like shit. Cole, you keep your house too hot. His temperature is, like, 78 degrees. That's right, sociopath. It's ridiculous. That's too much. And Jacob is too white. Jacob wanted, like, fucking Sub zero in that motherfucker.

[C]

That's too much. It's true.

[B]

I got to find a nice, happy medium.

[C]

We're just constantly battling at the thermostat.

[B]

Who. Who wins?

[C]

Usually Jacob. Because people who are people who like it cold, they act like they're dying. If it's not 3 degrees, I can't live I'm like, what do you do

[B]

when you're outside, but when it's cold, you can always put clothes on. When it's hot, you can only take so many clothes off until you're fucking naked and you're still hot, you know?

[C]

I guess so. But, I mean, I don't know. It's just. I just feel better when my body is warm. A little bit of sweating, like, a small amount.

[B]

In your home?

[C]

In the place where I pay a mortgage.

[B]

This is y' all queen bobbleheads, okay? This fucking sick, twisted bitch.

[C]

Okay, on that topic, I want to say that today, Monet and I have chosen. This is an old favorite that we have not busted out in a while. This the one where we have to be nice to each other.

[B]

And as we all know, as memory serves us, I won the Last stop. Yes, I did.

[C]

Let me tell. Monet will rewrite history if it's the last thing she does. Monet will rewrite her.

[A]

That's true.

[C]

Do y' all remember on. On when I was hosting the Pit Stop, one of the three times I hosted it? Okay.

[B]

And also just one of the times you did it was because I couldn't do it anymore.

[C]

So that's when they call you over. That's absolutely, absolutely false.

[B]

You know, I'll call RuPaul and I'll

[C]

ask him, but whatever makes you feel better. And in. In the thing, there was a moment where Monet turned around and walked upstage, and I said, why is Monet always do this on Drag Race? Why does she always do. This is so weird. Because then Nicole Byer said, maybe she doesn't know the words. And I said, oh, my God, Does Monet not know the words? Because normally Monet is very professional. Monet flipped that into. You said, I don't know the words.

[B]

Because you know what? In that moment, Bob, I was. I was counting on you to be a friend and a sister and come to bat and fight for me. The fucking song was A, B, fucking C, okay? Of course I know the goddamn word.

[C]

There's a TikTok of me and Monet where she can't count to eight, so I don't know.

[B]

Okay?

[C]

Monet goes, one, two, three. What, bitch?

[A]

Four.

[C]

Four.

[B]

Did you know that the challenge you were doing? I was.

[C]

I was counting, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. Can you do that with me live now? You ready?

[B]

Yeah. Okay, wait, wait. Okay.

[C]

I'm nervous.

[B]

I don't want to embarrass myself in front of all my friends and family.

[C]

All right, here we go. If you have rhythm, join in.

[B]

If you need a metronome.

[C]

No, we don't. You and your fucking elitist music degree. They don't have a metronome. Of course I can't be elitist. I'm you. I have to. To write

[B]

another situation that you've blown out of way out of proportion.

[C]

I. We all read the text. The text said verbatim.

[A]

I.

[C]

There was a tear emoji. I have to write. All right, ready? Okay, one, two. Ready? And one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

[B]

Two, three, four, five, Six, seven, eight. Three, four, five, six, Seven, eight.

[C]

Four, five, six, seven, Eight. Five, six, seven, eight. Six, seven, eight. Seven, eight, eight, eight, seven, eight, six, seven, eight. Five, six, seven, Eight. Four, five, six, Seven, Eight. Three, four, five, Six, Seven, Eight. Two, three, four, Five, six, seven, eight dot One, two, three, four, Five, Six, seven, eight. You shouldn't have to do that in a corset. No one should. Okay, can I say real quick, before we get into being nice to each other.

[B]

What?

[C]

America has a problem. America is in such a strange. This feels like the. One of the oddest times to be an American.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

Ever.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And I've been an American for 38 years almost. And I feel like there was a period of time right before Kamala Harris took the ticket where I was like, america's so over.

[B]

Oh, yeah, girl. Before Uncle Joe sat his old ass down, I was like, girl, I was doomsday prepping. I was taking my ass to Costco to buy that fucking bum$100 fucking meal bank shit.

[C]

And then, obviously, Kamala Harris became the official nominee recently.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Who was a senator right here in the great state of California.

[B]

Oh, she's.

[C]

Yeah, she's.

[B]

Wait, is she from Californ, though?

[C]

She was born in Oakland.

[B]

Got it.

[C]

She was a district attorney and a. She was a district attorney and the. Not attorney general.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

A district attorney and the attorney general in San Francisco. A senator in California, Vice President of the United States of America. And pretty soon the President of the United States, which is so crazy. Everyone's. Everyone's like, she's not qualified. I'm like, how many more credentials does a black woman need?

[B]

Also stop putting on. Bob is wearing an airpiece right now. Jacob is feeding all that information to him right now. So don't act like you know all of that off the top of the dome. Stop it.

[C]

What was the word that I. There was a word around that.

[B]

It was.

[C]

I looked up, but I tried to act like I didn't look it up. The study of Rock's Patrology.

[B]

And on the Patreon, they called, one of the cousins, were like, well, we

[C]

know we can't trust the cousins. All right, let's see. What are our prompts we have up here? Oh, Monet and Bob have to be nice to each other for the next 30ish minutes.

[B]

Okay?

[C]

If you think one of them crosses a line into not nice territory, clap.

[B]

Monet and Bob can petition the audience. If you agree, clap. If not, a substantial portion of the

[C]

audience has to be clapping for it to count monation.

[B]

Whoever has the fewest infractions at the end wins.

[C]

Now, how do you think you're gonna do my beautiful, lovely co host?

[B]

You know, my very tall, bodacious sister?

[C]

I. Oh, is that a yes? Okay.

[B]

I think that, you know, I think I would try my best, but when. If you ultimately win, I'll be so happy that you do.

[C]

How would you define nice?

[B]

I would define nice as being able to have a nice conversation with someone.

[C]

This feels like when. When. When the jurors were like, what is a black job? Which I'm like, anybody. Anybody that has a job? Oh, the job. I'm like, nigga, you taking black jobs? Wasn't there a black man in office before you were there? You don't want taking black jobs.

[B]

How would you define being nice? Okay, Jacob, can you prepare the actual definition of nice, please?

[C]

So I was thinking about a couple of things. There's nice, there's kind, there's helpful. Right now, for example, I. I would not necessarily define myself as a nice person. I would call myself a good.

[B]

I don't think anyone would have defined you as a nice person.

[C]

They're clapping because that was mean. No, they're clapping because that was mean. Okay, hold on. That's a society talk of the audience. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Don't gaslight them. No. What?

[B]

Y' all are not gonna fucking deal.

[C]

Okay, hold on.

[E]

You.

[B]

I was simply saying I didn't get to finish. I said, I don't think anyone would categorize you as nice except me. It was what I was going to say, but I didn't get to finish because she cut me off.

[C]

See, y' all see what I have to deal with in the workplace, but yet, still, like dust, I rise. No, like, for example, was Harriet Tubman nice? She was notoriously mean. Harriet Tubman was she. She would. She would give babies alcohol. She's been known to knock babies out with the butt of her gun, which I think is kind of hilarious. Can I just say but she was a good person. But she was not necessarily a nice person.

[B]

You know her name wasn't.

[C]

It was Araminta Ross.

[B]

Yes. Look at you. Come on.

[C]

Araminta Ross.

[B]

But also. So I recently saw the movie A Quiet Place, but like the. The prequel, the Quieter place. No, it was the quietest place.

[E]

Quiet place. Day one.

[B]

The way.

[E]

A quiet place day one.

[B]

Yeah, day one with Lupita and Yongo. And then she has this cat going around with her. And, you know, you have to be quiet and the cat is making noise. I'm like, imagine if, you know, Colleen is such a loud. Colleen would. She would literally the entire time. And I. If we had potato and Colleen, I would. We would have to kill both animals.

[C]

That was a good cat noise I just made.

[B]

Do it again.

[A]

Can we.

[B]

This pussy depressed.

[C]

Can we hear yours?

[B]

Of course. You know, I speak cat.

[C]

I talked about an angry cat, not a meow like a cat. Who's going through it?

[D]

Me, me, me.

[C]

That's actually really impressive.

[B]

Thank you. Thank you. I try. Practice.

[C]

All right, Jacob, what is the definition of nice?

[E]

Nice, pleasant, agreeable, satisfactory.

[B]

That's the definition of nice.

[C]

You might as well have the picture right there on the motherfucking screen. Someone once told me, okay, is it. I saw this shirt that I recently saw that I just. I need this shirt. And it said, did it hurt on the front? And on the back, I thought I was gonna say when you fell from. When you. Like when you fell from heaven, but on the back it said, this front said, did it hurt? And on the back it said, when I told you to Google it, and I was right. And, baby, when I tell you, I was like, I feel seen. I feel seen.

[B]

Okay, I'm curious. What do you think the ratio of times you asked to google something and you were right on the podcast? High. Over 75%. You think over 75% of the time. When.

[C]

Yeah. Adjust your attitude.

[B]

I respectfully don't think it's that high. But it is pretty good, I feel like, because I.

[C]

Here's the thing. Is anyone here. Am I the only know it all in the room? Is anyone here also a know it all? And when you know, when you know a lot and you're a know it all, people be praying for your downfall. Am I right? They be waiting around the corners, waiting. For the day that you will be slightly wrong. And they're texting their friends in the group chat like, aha. She can't spell restaurant without sounding it out.

[B]

And let me tell you something. When that day Comes, baby. Tastes so good. It's like a five star fucking Michelin restaurant. Bite, bitch. It tastes so good. I mean, and by I mean friend,

[C]

because they was about to get over there. I said friend.

[E]

Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. Now, I was looking for fun ways

[B]

to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited Premium Wireless for $15 a month is back.

[E]

So I thought it would be fun

[B]

if we made $15 bills, but it turns out that's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment

[D]

of $45 for three months, $90 for six months, or $180 for a 12 month plan. Required $15 per month equivalent taxes and fees. Extra initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes. Me slow when network is busy. See terms.

[C]

Can you do an impersonation of me? Yeah, I did famously once do a great impersonation. Yeah, really did. But I will do my. Well, first of all, Monet. The evolution of Monet's accent is very interesting. When I first met Monet, Monet insisted that she did not have a Caribbean accent. Monet was like, I am 100% certain I do not have a Caribbean accent. And as you all know, the lie detector determined that was a lie.

[B]

Why? So you calling me a liar?

[C]

No, I'm saying that you did lie one time, but it doesn't make you a liar. You're still a good person despite your proclivities.

[E]

Don't

[B]

anyway, but.

[C]

So that's why I try to do. Whenever I do impersonate Monet, Monet usually goes this. Monet's like. I feel like Monet says words that are in this vein more than anyone else I know. Monet goes, yeah, girl, I was trying to figure out hair here, hair there it is. Monet goes. Monet goes, well, I haired. Hold on. But he goes, well, I heard what you just said. And I'd be like, wait, what? You go, I heard you. Me heard what you done said. Life down here better than anything they got up there.

[B]

I do not talk about.

[C]

The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's liquor. You dream.

[B]

That's rude.

[C]

Okay, I'm gonna say Sebastian is an icon.

[B]

No, my feelings are very hurt right now, y'.

[C]

All. Sorry. I'm sorry.

[B]

You don't mean it.

[C]

I would never. Also, Monet picked out our outfits today.

[B]

I did.

[C]

Aren't they cute?

[B]

And okay, so let me say. No, let me know because now. Now you're Trying to put on for these motherfuckers.

[C]

I have to be nice, okay?

[B]

So we're at my house, and we're like, we should match outfits, right? I was like, oh, I recently got some dresses from this amazing African designer. His name is. The brand is called Onalaha, right? So we go and we try the dresses on. Bob's new studio is around the corner from my place. He's like, oh, I'll take this brown one home, and I'll go try it on, and then I'll let you know. So he takes it back to his place, tries it on. It doesn't fit, right? And I was like, oh, I have.

[A]

I'm. I'm.

[C]

I'm very tall. I'm six two. And these dresses were made for, like, probably a tall woman, but I'm a tall man, right? So it's like, it was a little short. So, like, oh, it's too short. I don't want to wear.

[B]

And they're five different dresses. A green one, a pink, orange one, a brown one, a green one, and a blue one, right? So I was like, hey.

[C]

So I. I did not see this dress. Monet said, I'm going to be bringing you the blue one.

[B]

It's the blue one. That is blue.

[C]

That is blue. Okay.

[B]

What you cannot see, this is all blue in here. And these are blue.

[C]

I bought blue nails. I bought blue. Rob, go get my blue nails and blue shoes. I brought blue nails, I brought blue shoes, blue earrings. I was like, I'm going to be matching down. There is blue in this garment. Yes, there is a lot of blue. All of this is blue, y'.

[E]

All.

[B]

All these in here.

[C]

That's all blue. Do y' all see what I have to work with? So while I will say, yes, this dress does have blue in it. And even my colorblind ass knows this is not a blue dress.

[B]

So I think I should get points. Cause I brought the dress for this bitch to wear. Thank you. See, they agree. More points for me. Thank you.

[C]

I don't know how we're scoring this. We need some dual citizenship bobblehead Monet people to be a part of this. What is one drag look from your co host that. That they thought was sickening, but you couldn't get behind?

[A]

Oh,

[C]

Okay, Let me be clear about the robot look. I never. I brought blue heels. I was like, I'm going to be the blue queen Aqua and then Monet, bro. Okay, but if Rob would have wore

[B]

the blue heels and the blue nails, it would be nice accents. It would've all looked very nice together. Right. Thank you.

[C]

The robot outfit. I never thought the robot outfit was sickening. Okay. What happened was back in my day, when you were on Drag Race, they would give you the list of looks, but they did not say if it was a challenge. They did not say if it was a Runway. They didn't say if it was for the work room. They didn't say anything. Just bring these looks. This big list. There was a lot of looks. It was like 20 something looks, girl.

[B]

You had like seven episodes. You had to bring five looks all together. I mean,

[C]

thank you. Hold on. Thank you.

[B]

Hold on. What I meant to say was

[C]

you

[B]

do not have a standard recording season, my love. And the amount of runways you had to ring paled in comparison to what I had to.

[C]

This is not nicer. Anyway, so when I had this look, they were like, bring a roller derby look. And I was like, oh, they said roller derby. They did not say roller skating. They did not say. I was like, well, they're not gonna make us roller skate on the Runway. That's dangerous. Cause back in my season, they didn't have those. Those black things on the side. The stage was just a tee. If you wobbled, bitch, you fell down. It was.

[B]

If you watch it now, there is like black. The way you see the black on the Runway, that's actually like stage you're gonna stand on.

[C]

There was a 40 foot drop with sharks in a tank. Man, we was hardcore. It was like some Tyra Banks style shit. You were. Tyra Banks would be like, it is often. It is very well known that in the modeling world over a family of killer orcas while wearing eels on your feet.

[B]

Have you seen these orcas?

[C]

Whatever I was saying, I wore the. I wore the outfit on the show, but I did not know it was going to be for the Runway. But I ended up wearing it anyway, and I still won that motherfucking episode.

[B]

Have you seen these killer orcas, like, attacking when they knew they're not people? They're not attacking people, but they are, like, attacking other, like little pods of orchids. It's really fierce. I love watching.

[C]

Cause no orca gang violence is fierce.

[B]

Well, they're cute. Like, I'm wondering if I was you,

[C]

they're killing other orcas?

[B]

No, not other or. They're not killing orcas. They're killing, like sharks and shit.

[C]

You said other orcas.

[B]

I meant sharks. Oh, yeah, they're killing other sharks. And it's just.

[C]

They're not sharks, though.

[B]

What do you mean? They're not sharks.

[C]

They're not sharks. They're whales.

[B]

No, the killer orca.

[C]

They're dolphins. They're. What do you call it? Porpoise. They're porpoises. They're not killer whales are not sharks.

[B]

Am I what?

[C]

Killer whales are not sharks.

[B]

I know they're dolphins.

[C]

You said other sharks.

[B]

No, I'm saying. But the killer whales are killing sharks is what I'm saying.

[C]

Okay, bitch.

[B]

I mean,

[C]

what is happening?

[B]

Okay, so I see what's happening here. He is goading me into these things, and I'm taking the bait. I'm gonna need. I'm good. I'm gonna relax.

[C]

Something I found out today, and I do not know why I was gonna mention this whole podcast, but I'm gonna mention it.

[B]

Oh, God.

[C]

Today I was just, like, looking at something online, and I saw this headline in Georges bio. This is kind of funny. And I was like, let me go see. Does it actually say this? Then I went to go look on Twitter. She fucking blocked me. I was like, what did I do to George's? I have met George's once in my life, and I think I did say, oh, you are really tiny, and you're a great performer.

[A]

Blocked.

[C]

Literally.

[B]

Wait, okay, but did you say anything less than savory about her on the pod at the beginning of the season? You literally had. You. You, like, started a beef for her at the. I didn't start.

[C]

She did the ranking system. She. Then she put me at 8 and made a face. She was like, Bob at 8, and I was like, me at 8 with the. Where?

[E]

Where?

[B]

Okay, I have a question. If you had the chance to. Would you top George's?

[C]

It seems like there's a lot of animosity between us now, so.

[B]

But that can make it really fun, though.

[C]

Jesus Christ.

[B]

Okay, we all know. Everyone in here knows hate sex. Be fucking good sex, girl. It's good.

[C]

Would you trump?

[B]

Trump? I mean, what's the check looking like, girl?

[C]

Trump doesn't pay.

[B]

I know. So, no. The answer is no.

[C]

Get the money up front.

[B]

Get the money up front. Tell the man. Okay.

[A]

A look of.

[B]

Oh, wait, what is this A look

[C]

of mine that you want? Well, you never did the look. We never did each other's looks.

[B]

Oh, a look of yours that people

[C]

that you can't get behind.

[B]

You go first, and I'll.

[C]

Okay. The look is iconic. The sponge dress is genuinely an iconic. And I'm not even kidding. It is. Monet is known for the sponge dress. She is known for the poof, the bubbles, the Soap. The water.

[B]

The suds.

[C]

The suds. I remember the whole story, and the story was there. I do believe the execution was slightly lacking. However, the concept behind the sponge dress was truly inspired.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Damn, I ate that. That was crazy.

[B]

Yeah, but you left some crumbs, bitch.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

A look of Bob's that everyone thinks is iconic, I have to say, because, you know, Bob is such an innovator in the way that he thinks of fashion. Okay? No one else thinks of fashion the way that Bob does. You know what I'm saying? So when he walked out onto that Runway in that Madonna Girl Scout look.

[C]

Oh, I hate that look.

[B]

And.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

And you chose to adorn it with that very interesting blonde wig. I think the way that it looked on you was so interesting, and no one else could pull it off the way that you did, I think.

[C]

I don't think they're clapping because of how well you spoke. I think they're clapping. That was a little shady. No, you didn't have an overwhelming majority, but I did look good in that look. And I want to reiterate. I won that fucking challenge. I just want to bring that around one more time. I am.

[B]

Have you ever. Have you ever shown Madonna that look?

[C]

Yeah, I did show her that look.

[B]

And what did she say?

[C]

She liked it. Madonna said that she loved that I chose the Boy Scout look. She kind of forgot that she Madonna said. I said we all had to recreate an iconic Madonna look. And she goes, which one did you choose? And I said, when you went to the GLAD Awards, she was like a Boy Scout. And she goes, you chose that look. And then I showed her, and she goes, oh, it looks really good. I like how you made it curve to your body and everything.

[B]

Now, did you show her the tattoo that the person got of that look?

[C]

I did not show her.

[B]

Can you please pull up the tattoo of the Madonna look if you have not seen it? It's one of my favorite Drag Race girl tattoos.

[C]

I will find this person who got this tattoo, because, I mean, there are people who get us tattooed. Our signatures, our hands, our slogans, our faces. Do you have a lot of. Are there a lot of.

[B]

There are a lot of one on me, but this is. You have no idea. This is happening tonight with the person

[C]

with the smoke on that shoe.

[B]

Yes, they are.

[C]

Sarah, stand up. Sarah. You're lying.

[B]

I'm lying. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

[C]

This is anti black.

[B]

I cannot. The person that went to this tattoo artist. This tattoo artist committed a hate crime.

[C]

Okay?

[B]

That is Crazy.

[C]

It looks like I'm allergic to shellfish. Okay, let's continue on with the thing. Did Monet sneak chicken tenders under the table?

[B]

Okay, if you are a longtime listener, you know the story, and I swear to God, Bob has mistaken me with some other fat, black drag queen. Okay. Because I did not. There has been no. In our entire tenure as friends, I have never, ever snuck food in front of you. We've also. We've always been open and hon eat it.

[C]

I never snuck food around. So it wasn't. We weren't alone. That's why I think Monet was sneaking. So what? Monet does this thing. There's a famous episode of the podcast where Monet comes on and she tells me and you all that she only eats organic. Monet said, I only eat organic food. And then I went to the trash can and pulled out some candy. She ate. She goes, no, I meant, like, when I go to the grocery store and then I pull something out. She goes, no, I meant when I buy produce, I buy organic. So Monet went from I only eat organic to sometimes I buy organic apples. And, you know, she loves apples. So we were at McDonald's and somewhere in the UK on the haters. No, like, one of the roast tours where Monet did a really good job. Actually, Monet did a really, really good job on the tour. And then we were at McDonald's. I remember this so vividly. And Monet was like, I'm gonna get a salad. But then we all ordered, but Monet was last, and she's like, no, you guys go sit down, and I'm just gonna get my food. You don't have to wait for me. We said, okay. Monet came back and she put a. I'm not making this up. Such a fast food. Monet put a salad on the table, and she ate from it. And then she had chicken dinners in her lap under the table, and Monet would eat the salad, and then we would look away. She would reach out to the table.

[B]

Does that even make a girl? That is literally ridiculous.

[C]

I would not do that because Monae was like, I'm eating it healthy. And then we brought Arcia on the podcast, and Arcia, she could not corroborate the story because she wasn't there, but Arcia did corroborate that. It is within the realm of possibility.

[B]

I did not do that. And the fact you keep on saying this story is very hurtful. It's caused me many sleepless nights, and it really has affected my mental health.

[C]

May I Recommend Ambien.

[B]

I wanna do Ambien.

[C]

Do you have problems with sleep?

[B]

But I've heard it's like a journey. Like, you do an Ambien and you kind of just like, have a journey.

[C]

You know, I. I'm not against anyone doing recreational drugs. You can do your recreational drugs, but I do feel like this is a hot take. I feel like if you're going to do recreational drugs, I'm sober. I don't do any of this stuff. Maybe, maybe some Molly, some marijuana, you know, a little cocaine every once in a while. But if you're delving into prescription drugs for kicks and giggles, this is where you become a desperate. A real housewife, I don't think. And you recall Ambien made Roseanne Barr racist.

[B]

Oh, my God, Roseanne. Where is Roseanne now? I haven't heard from her in a while.

[C]

Roseanne is a very wealthy woman.

[E]

She. Is she.

[B]

Because of Shell. Really?

[C]

Yeah, it was a huge, Huge.

[B]

Yeah. Syndicated.

[C]

And she owns. Well, she got into really big trouble because she owns a lot of land in Hawaii.

[B]

Does she really?

[C]

Yes, she does, Monet. She is a very wealthy woman.

[B]

Wait, Monet.

[C]

No, I was saying, Monet, she's very. Well, when you have a really huge sitcom, you could be earning up to $2 million.

[B]

Well, friends did. And that's the shade with Friends. If y' all don't know Living Single preceded Friends, okay? The network ABC put out Living Single. It was a smash hit. These six different friends coming together. It was. Everyone fucking loved it. They were like, hmm, this seems like a great combination for white people. So then they casted, you know, what's her name with the hair? Rachel.

[C]

Jennifer Aniston.

[B]

Jennifer Anderson. Matthew McConaughey.

[C]

David Schwimmer.

[B]

David Schwimmer, yeah.

[C]

Matthew McConaughey was in Friends. Famously, he said, all right, all right, all right.

[B]

Wasn't he.

[C]

Welcome to Friends. All right, all right, all right.

[B]

He's the one that passed away.

[C]

McConaughey was not in Friends. All right, all right, all right.

[B]

Oh, yes. I'm from how to Lose a guy in 10 days. Yes, that's him. Yeah. Matthew, how does the guy in 10 days? And the. The. The JLO movie, the one where she's getting married. The Wedding Planner. I love rom coms. I love rom com.

[C]

I love a rom com.

[B]

I love a rom com.

[C]

I love a com. Com.

[B]

Like a comedy.

[C]

Yeah, like. Like straight up.

[B]

What about Shallow Hal? That's kind of like on the border.

[C]

It's like Shallow. How is a horrible film oh, it's terrible for many reasons. Truly abysmal.

[D]

Truly.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Did not age well.

[B]

Yeah. So the ABC made Friends, and on Living Single, they were getting paid. Queen Latifah, who was the star of the show, was making $100,000 an episode. You're like Monet. That's a lot of money. What are you talking about? Everyone on friends made, like, $2 million per episode, and then they cut Living Single off after four years, and Friends kept on going until a problematic take.

[C]

What problematic? I personally didn't really watch a lot of Friends. I watched a few episodes.

[B]

I watched.

[C]

I watched Living Single pretty religiously. I Pretty much the entire series. That being said, they obviously are going to get more advertising dollars on Friends. It is a white show that appeals to white people. So white shows, because they have a wider audience, black shows have to, like. You have to be black in a way, like, I don't know, like, Oprah or. Or. Or like fucking. There's very few black folks. I mean, for example, the success of this podcast, which is the longest running Rug Girl podcast.

[A]

It is.

[B]

We're the first one. We're the first Rugirl podcast.

[C]

No, we're the longest running. We're not the first.

[B]

We're the first.

[C]

We're not the first.

[B]

Who was before us?

[C]

Mayhem and the one who broke her arm hitting the Nazi, Morgan McMichaels. They had a podcast. Yes, they did. Yes, yes, yes. Oh, they had one before us, but ours, I mean, we lasted longer than what's the tea? With RuPaul.

[B]

Which is good. My favorite what's the tea episode is the one when Kimchi's on there. Oh, no. You were on there and you're asking him about Kimchi?

[C]

Like, Kim who?

[B]

Kim who?

[A]

Kim.

[C]

Kim sent me to the moon. So anyway. But obviously, we. We. We are not quite as successful as the Bald and the Beautiful, which them

[B]

niggas is, like, two years old.

[C]

Yeah, but, you know, they have a wider. A whiter appeal, which lends you to a wider appeal.

[B]

They do.

[C]

So would it be nice to be on the level of a bald and beautiful? Yes, would be nice. But we are the living single, and they are the friends.

[B]

Oh, my God, don't say that.

[C]

But Living Single is a brilliant show. It is a brilliant show. Everything is not about Kappa. You don't. Everyone. It doesn't always have to be about.

[B]

Well, you know, we live in a capitalistic society, bitch. So it is about capitalism.

[C]

We're doing well.

[B]

Fine.

[C]

We're doing well. Let's not get greedy. Let's not get greedy.

[B]

And I mean, well, I wanted to say to that poor prompt, so go ahead. And so with that point, when y' all fucking go on Apple podcasts and Spotify, y' all have to rate us and leave a fucking comment because that shit fucking helps us out. Okay, we're at nine point, like 2,000. We need 10,000. My goal by the end of this episode tonight is to get to 10,000 comments on Apple podcast. Amen.

[C]

I mean shout out. I mean shout out. Tricks and kaja.

[A]

They.

[B]

They. Oh, no. Yeah, I love trick. Yeah.

[C]

People. People love white people. All right, what do you bring to silvering rivalry? You specifically.

[B]

I went first last time. You go. Did I go first?

[C]

Yeah, well, I mean, I. It was my idea. I just want. Throw that out there laugh, cuz that's shady. It was shady to come up with the idea for civil rivalry. I really ruined your life with this one, didn't I? I think that you know what it is? I feel like whenever a podcast, when everyone's like, all like, nice and friendly and boo, boo, boo, that's fine for some people. I like a little spice. I like my reality TV with a little bit of conflict. And I think I bring the ability to reconsider the way that you would normally think about something. Sometimes it is in a slightly antagonistic way. That is true. But I do think I bring the spice to slipping rivalry.

[B]

I would like to petition your use of the word slight. And maybe if I would make a. Make a recommendation.

[C]

I'm open.

[B]

It would be to always.

[C]

Oh, nice.

[E]

Okay. Interesting.

[B]

Very, very. Okay, interesting. Yeah, Sorry, I'm a little drunk. So let me tell you this.

[C]

What do you bring besides alcoholism? Civic rapper. That was.

[B]

Thank you.

[C]

Yes, yes, yes. That was an observation. This actually is not a podcast. It's an intervention. Everyone read your letters.

[B]

You know, to the sibling rivalry podcast brand franchise incorporated. I think that I, Monet X Change, bring a tenacity of love, warmth, bravery, resilience, and just an overwhelming. Stop it, stop it. Monation. We cannot let the bobbleheads do this to us tonight, okay?

[C]

We're in our.

[B]

We're on our home territory. We cannot let these motherfuckers get home.

[C]

Terr.

[B]

How is it my family's from San Diego originally?

[C]

That's not true.

[B]

It is true.

[C]

Monet is from St. Lucia.

[B]

St. Lucia, San Diego, bitch.

[C]

And that explained everything.

[B]

You know, read the whole thing in St. Lucia, comma San Diego. Anyway, so I think that I'm Monet Shane. Those are the traits that I Bring to this podcast that helps elevate us and bring us to a higher level.

[C]

I will say this. I'm very happy I will tell this. This is true. I have done a lot of projects with a lot of drag queens, tours, TV shows, YouTube shows, talk shows, a lot of stuff like that. And there I tell folks I don't want to work with a bunch of drag queens. There are two, three, and maybe four drag queens I like to work with. The first two are Monet X Change, then Peppermint. I work with Monet Peppermint all the time. And then I will work with Trixie, and I will work with Katya.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And like, on a consistent basis, but other than that. And it's definitely. And Thorgy, but I have to be really. I need to center myself. I have to center myself to work with Thorgy. And then on one off base, I love Nami Smalls. I love kids.

[B]

I love Nami Smalls.

[C]

But in terms of consistent terms, there's only two queens. You and Peppermint. No one else we're trying to work with. If it's gonna be over and over again, because I just can't. I don't want to be in any more group tours. I don't want to be any more group TV shows. I don't want to be any more group projects. I just don't want to do it anymore.

[E]

What?

[C]

Hey, Pixie. I said what I said. I said what I said.

[B]

Yeah, for me, too. And, you know, we were supposed to do a thing tomorrow, but you couldn't do the thing, so now I had to do it with someone else, which I was very upset about.

[C]

Well, I have the. I had to reschedule my show. Yeah, yeah. Cause I was away filming the Traitors.

[B]

Okay, wait, so. Which I can't wait for. Wait, should we. What's the. What's the. Are we gonna play the game? The. The name that.

[E]

Yeah, we can do that. I have one more prompt, but we can also go straight to it.

[B]

How are we on time?

[C]

It is 8:41.

[B]

Okay. See, we should. We should do this one last prompt and then do. We're playing one of my favorite games today, and I can't wait to do it with y'.

[A]

All.

[B]

What is this?

[C]

Are there any past disagreements or arguments you want to apologize for your role in?

[A]

Oh,

[C]

Would you like to go first?

[B]

I can go first. You know, A proverb says hindsight is 20 20, and I would like to formally acknowledge how I played a part in maybe some insecurities.

[C]

Acknowledge and apologize it says, apologize.

[B]

I'll fucking get there, bitch. Give me a second. Sorry. Wait, hold on. Sorry. I'm apologizing.

[E]

I

[B]

acknowledge my role in how I may have perpetuated certain insecurities you had by making fun of your chipped tooth. Why are y' all oohing? I'm acknowledging her.

[C]

It had spice. The way she said chip tooth.

[B]

I know how it happened was not your fault, and it was at a very sensitive time. It was the holidays. And I acknowledge how me bringing that to the light of millions of downloads a week was not nice, and I formally apologize.

[C]

Thank you. I'm good. Let's go to the next version. I'll play it. Okay. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Imagine that would be Monet X. Change. Macaroni X Cheese. I have a lot of nicknames. I call her Mac because of Macaroni X Cheese, and I call her Mo. I have certainly, from time to time, showed up to work with a bit of an attitude problem. In my defense, I was born with Is a condition I have. I almost got. Actually, I got fired from my first job for having an attitude problem. That's true. They said, you have an attitude problem. I said, nigga, what the fuck you talking about? I said, oh, I see.

[B]

You might have about to get fired from this one. Continue, nigga. Come on, let's go.

[C]

Thank you. You're out of control.

[B]

I would say, bitch, I can say God bless you. The bobblehead's like.

[C]

And I will say that the pride will be your downfall argument. I was maybe withholding information because I felt like you were acting in a way that I didn't think was appropriate. But you know what? It's not for me to decide how you should act. That's for you to decide. So I apologize. I do. Oh, my God. If y' all don't know.

[B]

If y' all newer listeners. If pride would be a downfall was one of probably. I would say. I want to say that one is probably a recent biggest fight. Like, we haven't had a bigger fight since that one.

[C]

We had two big fights.

[B]

Yeah. Veganism. Veganism. Pride would be a downfall. And the one at the house, I

[C]

still have it on my phone, by the way. Post it. No,

[B]

but they're proud of me.

[C]

A downfall.

[B]

Really quick. I hit Bob. I was like, hey, I want this cartoonist to do this thing for me. And he's like, okay, text me tomorrow to remind me, and I'll send you the contact information after I get a clearance from him. It's okay to Give you. I was like, okay. The next day, Patty and I were in Pandemic. We were doing things at my house. I forgot to text him. And then Bob texts me. He's like, are you ever gonna ask

[C]

me for that number you wanted?

[B]

I was like, I forgot, girl, but just send it over to me. He's like, no, you need to send me a text. I was like, you know what, girl? Whatever. Do whatever you will with that number. I want the thing. And then he goes, wow, Pride will be your downfall.

[C]

Honestly, I ate. It was such a good. It was such a great read. And I was like, excuse. Excuse me, Bitch.

[B]

It was so stupid. Anyway.

[C]

Can I ask you a question? If someone asks you for money, to borrow money, are you allowed to say, what is it for?

[B]

No, I don't think you're allowed to say, what is it for?

[C]

If you're asking me to give you over $500, I'm allowed to say, what is it for?

[B]

I mean, I think who the friend is. If it's me, would you ask me what is it for?

[C]

Yes. I don't care if it's. I don't care who it is. Especially you. If you go on a Joshua Tree.

[E]

Sorry.

[B]

Thank you. I think, who? The parents. If it's some random person or someone I'm like, more acquaintances with. I'm like, why? I'm gonna ask why. If it's like, you coming.

[C]

If I asked you for $7,000, you wouldn't ask what it was for. For me, the limit is. Actually, the limit is 100. If you ask me for more than $100, I'm asking you, what is it for? What do you need? Especially depending on what time of day you text me. If you text me after 11 o', clock, what do you need $100 for? I need to know what am I investing in.

[B]

Can I tell you something?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

My dealer gave me some drugs yesterday, and the price has gone up, girl.

[C]

La, la la la la la la, la, la.

[B]

The price had gone up. I was like, girl, why are things so expensive these days?

[C]

Did you not hear? There's been. There's inflation and it affects all markets.

[B]

I bet. I was like, girl, this is not.

[C]

I was.

[B]

And then I scrolled back in the text messages. I was like, it cost this much last time. Why is it this much?

[C]

He's like, well, he's probably paying more to his supplier.

[B]

Well, he texted me back. He just goes, man. I was like, well, is your plug straight? Yeah.

[A]

Ugh.

[B]

Well, I think so. I don't know. I've never asked. I don't know.

[C]

All right, let's play our game. Now, this is a game that got us into a lot of trouble on the Internet one time, but honestly, I think it's hilarious. Let's play Name that white woman. I can never tell white women's faces apart. Well, I can, like, if they. If they have. If they're like. Like a big girl or, like, have an interesting face. If you're like. If you're like Missy Pyles. Right. How could you miss. How could you mix up Missy Powell's face? But who are the two I get mixed up?

[E]

Julia Roberts. Julia Roberts and Sandra Bullock.

[C]

Jennifer. Sandra Bullock. I cannot.

[B]

Jennifer Bullock. Yeah, her.

[A]

I.

[B]

The ones that I mix up a lot are Natalie Portman and the one that looks like Natalie Portman. Cara Delevino.

[C]

Natalie Portman and the one who looks like Natalie.

[B]

Kara Knightley. Those two are the same person. Okay. It's crazy. It's crazy. Oh, do you know what? There's another one on Twitter. Do you know who looks alike that I didn't realize?

[A]

Who? Future.

[B]

As in Ciara's baby daddy and Meryl Streep.

[C]

No, it's true.

[B]

I'm not gonna type it on your phone right now. They look like the same fucking person.

[C]

You know who also looks the same? I'm telling you, this could be her aunt or her mom. Nicki Minaj and Chaka Khan. Yes. They have the same face.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

All right, this is.

[B]

Oh, I have a Tilda Swinton.

[A]

Bitch.

[C]

That's Kesha.

[B]

That. That looks like Kesha.

[C]

Pray for the joyride.

[B]

That's Kesha about to sing.

[C]

Praying right now, Girl by Shout out to Kesha. Tik Tok just hit 1 billion streams. Oh, word on Spotify.

[B]

Do you remember that. That picture they posted of me and Kesha at the Grammy Sing? And they said Kesha about the drag queen.

[C]

I. I will never forget, Katie. Never forget.

[B]

I don't have no idea who this.

[C]

Does anyone here raise your hand?

[D]

Do you.

[C]

Do you know this white woman? Yes. Kate Blanchet.

[B]

Is that Kate Blanchett? This is Academy Award winning. That's like a long time ago, though. She doesn't like this anymore.

[C]

What are you saying, Jacob?

[E]

This is Academy Award winning actress Kate Blanchet.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

No, I did not.

[B]

Okay. She has so much filler now. No shade, girl. Those cheeks are like out here. Gag. Okay.

[C]

Oh, I'm.

[A]

I'm.

[B]

I'm Sabrina Carpenter.

[C]

Oh, that's espresso.

[B]

Espresso.

[C]

Easing her some way. Hold on, I'm gonna Try. You ready? The Run on TikTok.

[B]

Oh, God.

[C]

Be nice.

[B]

I'm. I. Oh, God. In support of you.

[C]

Have y' all seen the Run? The Run on TikTok? I'm working late. Cause I'm a singer and I look so cute wrapped around my finger. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

[B]

I know who she was.

[C]

In a superhero movie.

[B]

I don't know. I know who, though.

[C]

You know who that is? Wait, wait, wait. Is she American or British?

[B]

American.

[C]

I don't know. This white woman.

[B]

Charlie d'? Amelio.

[C]

That's Charlie d'?

[B]

Amelio? I think so.

[E]

That is correct, yes.

[C]

She's the one that beat Shangelon for the Stars. She did.

[B]

She. She was the Dance with the Stars.

[C]

She won with Shangela and Wayne Brady.

[B]

Wayne Brady?

[C]

She won.

[B]

You know, Wayne Brady's pansexual. Oh, I know who. Bob.

[A]

Bob.

[B]

Come on. Really? Okay, here's a hint.

[C]

Wait. What country she from?

[B]

Here's a hint. No, no, no. Don't tell her. That's it.

[C]

Wait, wait, wait. What country?

[B]

That's big of a hint. That's too big of a hint. This one is Heartbreak Feels Good like this.

[C]

That is Netta Lee Hirschlag.

[B]

What?

[C]

That is Netta Leigh Hirschlag.

[E]

No, you're thinking that's Natalie Portman. Is Natalie Hirschlag.

[C]

Who's this.

[B]

This Nicole Kidman. Heartbreak Feels good in a place like this.

[C]

Portman and Nicole Kidman. Mixed up. Wait, why is everyone laughing? Why are they laughing? Why is everyone laughing? They're different people. These are different people.

[B]

Is it really. That is not suited for people. Y' all are lying. Okay, do y' all see the. Like.

[C]

Wait, which one is Keira Knightley? Okay, wait, hold on.

[B]

Don't tell me, don't tell me. Don't tell me. Keira Knightley, I think, is the one on the left.

[C]

And who is this, Nick? Natalie Portman. Oh, that's Natalie Hirschlag.

[B]

Wait, why is that? Where is she from? Why is that? What is that?

[E]

That's her real name. Not a real name.

[B]

Is she Russian?

[C]

That's Ali Herschlag. I think she's. I think she's Israeli.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, got it, got it, got it. Yeah. Like, girl, these two white bitches look the same.

[C]

This is crazy. One of them looks a little older than the other.

[B]

Okay, next one.

[C]

Wait, that's a trick. That's a trick. That's a trick, Monet. It's a trick.

[B]

Oh, I know.

[C]

That is Tina Fey. No, no, it's a trick.

[B]

That is Trinity Taylor. Girl. That is Trinity the Tuck Taylor.

[C]

Do y' all know that her impersonation of Sarah Palin was so spot on that there were news sources that would play clips of Tina Fey thinking it was actually Sarah Palin? That is hilarious. Wait, before you go.

[D]

Wait.

[C]

Oh, before you go on, I want to say, who are some of your favorite SNL political impersonations you've seen? I think Alec Baldwin as Trump was really brilliant.

[B]

Yeah, that was really good. Tina Fay. Sarah Palin.

[C]

I really enjoyed Larry David as Bernie Sanders.

[B]

I don't remember that.

[C]

And Melissa McCarthy is Sean Spicer.

[B]

Yes, that's a good one. That's a good one.

[C]

All right, who's this next? Is that Amy Adams? Amy Adams. Okay, so she looked.

[B]

Does she look like the other white lady from that show on HBO with the. That show that had the cutting?

[C]

You think? No, you're thinking about Russian doll.

[B]

No, not Natasha Leggero.

[C]

Natasha Leon.

[B]

Natasha Leone. No, the other. The lady from the Wedding Crasher.

[E]

Elsa Fisher.

[B]

Alyssa Fisher.

[C]

Okay, go to the.

[B]

What the hell is that

[A]

girl?

[B]

That looks like Max Melanifee girl.

[C]

Is this. I thought it was Moira. Moira Dubois.

[A]

Moira Rose.

[C]

Who the. Is this Moira Rose? Is this Avril Lavigne now?

[B]

Oh, I know. This is Nicole Kidman.

[E]

This is Nicole Kidman.

[B]

She truly is a chameleon.

[C]

She doesn't look Australian at all in this picture. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. This is one of the two. This is Julia Roberts. Oh, Dennis. Sandra Bullock. Nailed it. I don't know why I cannot tell them apart. All right, next one girl. Hey, Kirsten.

[E]

Is that.

[B]

Is that.

[C]

Do you want to build a snowman? Oh, it's Heidi Klum.

[B]

No, that is Heidi the Goop. Goop goop. When is Paltrow looks like Heidi Klum? What is Paltrow?

[C]

That is Meryl Streep. Don't play with me. You had me.

[B]

I think that's number one.

[C]

Meryl Streep in Angels in America where she plays the. She plays the rabbi in the first scene of Angels in America. I only know that because I was in Angels in America, and I was like, oh, my God. Meryl Streep was the Rabbi.

[B]

That's Dumbledore.

[C]

Oh, that's Pink Pony Club Chaperone. Chaperone.

[B]

Oh, wow. Gorgeous.

[C]

She's so black.

[B]

That's Pink Pony Club Black Folk.

[D]

Oh,

[B]

I'm the one from the Girl on the Train, Emily Blunt. That's the girl from. This is Jacob's cousin, Devil S. Prada girl.

[C]

It's not a famous woman. This is Jacob's cousin.

[B]

Oh, girl, I don't know who this. Oh, that's the lesbian from panic Room.

[C]

No, that's Jodie Foster.

[B]

That's Jodie Foster.

[C]

No. Oh, it's Michelle Williams.

[B]

I just heard that's Michelle Williams on the right, but that's Jodie Foster on the left.

[C]

Jacob, who is that woman on the left?

[E]

Carey Mulligan.

[C]

I don't even know who that is.

[B]

Who the fuck is that?

[C]

I don't know. Kelly Mulligan.

[B]

Can we get some black people?

[E]

God damn.

[C]

We didn't do so great, but I just like. It was like, all right, how many more do we have, Jacob?

[B]

Oh, Nicole Kidman.

[C]

How does she look so different? Is that Amy Schumer?

[B]

That's Amy Schumer after she got canceled.

[C]

Girl, that looks like. Does that look like Amy Schumer?

[B]

No. Who is that? That's. Is that Amy Adams?

[E]

Amy Adams again.

[B]

Amy Adams.

[C]

Yeah, I got the first name right.

[B]

Jesus Christ. That's.

[C]

Oh, that's.

[B]

Utica. The Utica girl. Utica.

[C]

This is an old picture of an actor who we know to be older. This is a trick one. Jacob, you little slick self.

[B]

Can we get some black?

[C]

This is Laura Linney.

[E]

This is Nicole Kidman in the Hours.

[B]

She's wearing a prosthetic mask.

[C]

Does she have an Oscar?

[E]

Yeah, I think so.

[C]

She deserves one. Taylor Swift.

[E]

That's correct.

[C]

Taylor Swift.

[B]

Blake Lively. Okay, enough Fast forward through these white bitches. I need some black people.

[C]

God damn.

[B]

Queen Elizabeth. No idea.

[C]

No, that's. That's Katie Couric.

[E]

That's correct.

[C]

Oh, that's the blonde. Atomic Blonde.

[B]

Megyn Kelly.

[C]

Atomic blonde. Megan Kelly.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[E]

This is Nicole Kidman.

[C]

Is it really in the movie Bombshell?

[B]

Oh, my God. She's such a good.

[C]

He's so good. But she was playing Megyn Kelly.

[B]

She's so good.

[C]

That was crazy.

[A]

I really.

[C]

I really thought I ate.

[B]

No idea.

[C]

That's Alaska.

[B]

Is that Alaska?

[C]

That's Alaska. Trixie.

[B]

No.

[C]

Oh, golem. No, I'm playing Nina West. Nina West.

[E]

Nina West.

[D]

Ooh.

[E]

This is our final slide.

[B]

Oh, okay. Okay.

[C]

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

[E]

Oh.

[B]

Margot Robbie.

[C]

Wait, Emma Stone.

[B]

Nicole Kidman. Emma Stone.

[C]

Salma Hayek. No.

[B]

Margot Robbie.

[C]

That's Margot Robbie.

[B]

That's Margot Robbie, girl.

[C]

Okay, you name. Who are they all? Jacob.

[E]

Okay, the top right. From top right. Margot Robbie. Emma Stone. Emma Mackey.

[B]

What?

[E]

Margot Robbie again. Nicole Kidman. Margot Robbie.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

The power of makeup.

[C]

Honestly, Nicole Kidman is A chameleon.

[B]

She's fierce.

[C]

Have her for fucking All Stars. Fucking eight. All right, we're gonna do.

[B]

Before we go, we wanna do a

[C]

little Q and A. Oh, yeah. We did.

[B]

We did, we did.

[C]

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[B]

Can we do a giveaway before the Q and A?

[C]

We need to. Well, maybe the Q and A will be the determining factor.

[B]

What?

[C]

We're gonna have the audience weigh in on who was the nicest.

[E]

If you think the nicest, wait after

[C]

the Q and A, because there might be some might be revealed. So can you guys please welcome our wonderful Manager Day to the room, please? And we're gonna get. Let's start with five.

[B]

We're gonna get five. If you have a question, raise your hand. And please make it a good question. Don't make it something boring, like.

[C]

Well, to be fair, I would like you to. If you need to ask advice on something, so don't ask. What's your favorite color? Don't ask me. How was Drag Race?

[B]

It was easy.

[C]

Yeah, don't ask the question. Ask us, like, do you need advice? Spiritual advice, Life guidance, career counseling? Also, do not take any advice that I give you, please. All right, we got one right here. Stand right behind. Stand right here on the red carpet,

[B]

y', all, to line up. So we're just gonna choose five people. I'm gonna choose one right here. Over here. Come over here and line up in this aisle down here in the striped shirt with the fan. With the fan, yeah.

[C]

You got that fan?

[B]

Come on, fan.

[C]

The fan clacking.

[B]

Is anyone from the balcony?

[C]

And right here in the crop top. All right, we got. We got the five we need.

[B]

You got five?

[C]

That's. Well, we got. Yeah, that's five. That's five. All right, let's have a seat.

[B]

Don't tell me what to do. How does that mean? Because I said I'll tell you what to do.

[C]

All right, and who has the clack fan? Yeah, come on. Oh, were you raising your hand? Did you want to come down?

[B]

I think I just wanted to see their fan.

[C]

Oh, it's a beautiful fan. All right, Dave, while they're coming down, let's talk to this button up shirt in the cargo pants. No, they're not cargo pants. The shirt does button up.

[B]

Ping pong.

[C]

No, it's not buttoned up, but it does button up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Hi, I'm Matt.

[C]

I'm 26.

[B]

Hey, Matt, where you from? Here.

[E]

San Diego.

[B]

San Diego born and raised.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Yep.

[C]

Cute.

[B]

Okay, so I work. How long have you had Your mustache.

[A]

Two years.

[C]

Cute.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Post pandemic mustache. Yeah, exactly. I went through the blonde phase.

[A]

You know that? Talk about it.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

So I work in a very predominantly straight club. I work in finance.

[A]

Oh.

[C]

And one of my co workers always makes subtle, like, gay jokes.

[A]

Kind of like poking fun. Not really like making fun of me, but kind of just like, you know,

[C]

if you see someone with painted nails,

[A]

he's like, oh, haha, you probably get along with them, but it's a little bit too much sometimes.

[C]

So how should I deal with that? First of all, I'm gonna tell you right now, baby. When I tell you, go directly to hr, baby. Do not handle this on your own. Write them down, document them with times and dates, and if you can, bitch, start recording those motherfuckers and be like this. When he told me, this is when he told me that gay guys wear nails. This is when he asked me if I love RuPaul. This is when he asked me if I know what dick tastes like, which I do, but I will not be describing it to him. Take his ass to hr and if HR gives you any fever, then go to there. The next hr, you will own the motherfucking company, honey. They'll be calling you Crypto Matt by the end of the motherfucking year, honey.

[B]

Okay, a few observations. You work in finance. Why would you seat all the way back there? But that's one thing I have to say.

[C]

He's in the front.

[B]

I was right.

[A]

I was right there.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[C]

Never mind.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Ate you up with that one.

[B]

You did. Secondly, I don't. I think that is all great advice. The only thing I would say it might be not kosher to record someone that might actually get you in trouble. So everything, state laws.

[C]

Because it might be for perfectly legal.

[B]

Yeah. But I think that is, that that is sound advice to just go straight to hr. I mean, the petty side of me want to be like, well, bitch, that's why your mother pussy stick. I just said, I don't know, like, read him in some way. But that's probably not professional to do and we'll get you fired.

[C]

Well, I want to say that launching into misogyny might not be a great way to attack homophobia,

[B]

but read him about, I don't know, something else. But don't do that. That is not good advice. That's great advice. I would say that the high road for sure.

[C]

All right. Yeah. Let's go to the Polo.

[B]

Thank you.

[C]

Matt.

[B]

Matt.

[C]

And Matt goes back to his seat in the motherfucking front Row.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

What's your name, baby?

[A]

How y' all doing? I'm Zoe. I'm 31 and I live in San Diego. What advice would you have to. So I'm a black trans man and I work in government and I'm. Thank you. Thank you.

[C]

Were y' all clapping for the government or black trans? Cause one of the right.

[A]

Thank you.

[C]

Clapping for government is crazy.

[A]

And I'm moving up right and in the company. But it's always hard to find that sit at the table and get that validity that you. Not necessarily the validity, but showing this is who I am and not having to prove to people who you are. So what advice would you have as folks who are drag kings who walk this world with energy? As a trans man, how do I navigate these spaces and still stay positive about myself and the things that I bring to the table? Because I'm very confident in what I bring to the table.

[B]

I think as you are navigating these spaces, I think always knowing that you are operating to the best of your ability and always bringing your best self forward is the way that you can always check and balance yourself, knowing that every. Every way that you're showing up, you're prepared, mother bitch, you were prepared. You're on time. You were always crossing all your T's and dotting all the I's. Because they will look for every single thing that they can to take away from you and to make you look smaller, to make you look inadequate. But as long as you know that you are always rising to the occasion and doing everything to the best that you can do, then that is the only way that you can show up and know that you are fucking turning that shit out every time.

[C]

You know, I said in my song black, I said, black folks are working twice as hard to get half the pay. Multiply by two if you black and gay and keep up. Cause I know it's hard to understand, but multiplied by 10 if you black and trans, literally my experience, am I the Maya Angelou of my time? I mean, I could have written I know why the Cageburg sing, but she couldn't have written booty. No. Well, the upsetting thing is that you do have to work so much harder to prove that you are valid because you have to prove yourself valid as a black person, prove yourself valid as a queer person and prove yourself valid as a trans person. You have to validate your own identity through gender, through race, and through your queerness. On top of validating your experience as a professional working in the world as well. So I just hate that there is that. First of all, that is. It just, it just sucks that it is. But what I will say is, and I hate that you just have to work twice or you have to like, you have to be so much better than the next average white guy just to get halfway to the position that he's at. But also I haven't. I imagine that if you are where you are, you're probably one of the. The most qualified people working in the office. Oh, yeah.

[B]

Yes. And then also sidebar other thing. Just a little petty note when you know that you have done all this shit, always, just, just always give a little extra sassa in your email. Be like, well, like I said previously,

[C]

per my last email.

[B]

Per your last email up and down that motherfucking office so people know that you are doing your shit.

[C]

Circling back to the conversation we had before. Yeah, yeah. When piggybacking off of what Matthew said

[B]

when we had first had this meeting three months ago, I had suggested, had we followed through with my previous suggestions, do that shit all the time.

[C]

I'm go ahead and attach the email from five months ago where I warned you all this, all of that shit.

[B]

It's those subtle, petty things, girl. Just all of that shit. As much as you can.

[E]

Thank you.

[A]

I love you guys so much. Thank you.

[C]

Love you, babe.

[B]

Because let me tell y', all, I be per my last emailing up and down. Sibling rivalry. Okay. Me and Pat'll be per my last emailing every motherfucking thing up in here. That wasn't rude, that was a fact.

[C]

What's your name?

[A]

Hello. I love you both. I've loved Bob forever, but I am definitely monation. I will say that no one's perfect.

[C]

No one's perfect. No one's perfect. What's your name?

[A]

My name is eddie. I am 23, born and raised here in San Diego.

[B]

Work, work, work, work.

[A]

I'm actually turning 24 on Sunday. So this is my little birthday gift.

[B]

Happy birthday.

[A]

My birthday gift to my brother.

[C]

He's right there.

[A]

And I want to ask you, since you're, you know, up there in age, you know, I just want to know what mistakes, what mistakes have you made in your 20s, What mistakes have you made in your early 20s that I should not repeat?

[C]

Well, let's start with I may have

[A]

done them already, but what should I not repeat again?

[C]

Well, let's start with respecting your elders. Let me tell you right now, there will come a time for Gen Z and I can't wait for it to happen.

[A]

Is it is it Monet. Gen Z.

[C]

The time that comes. Because when there was a. Do you remember when they were always saying millennial and it always meant young? And then one day you heard millennial, and it didn't mean young anymore, and you were like, oh, my goodness, what is this? And then you realize that people that you are working with weren't watching Rugrats, but they were watching Ben 10. And you're like, wow, there has been a gap. So I will always say that one day, the Gen Alphas, you're gonna look up and there's gonna be a person in the club who was born in 2014 chugging a white claw, looking at you and going, old. Ew. And honestly, I'll be in my 70s, so what is gagging at these fancy

[B]

ass bars you go into? People are drinking White Claws.

[C]

Okay, girl, work. But I don't. I'm telling you right now, honestly, you have to learn from your own mistakes. I could tell you. I could tell you till the cows come home, but until you find out that you shouldn't drink poppers, sometimes you gotta find out about. I already knew that, Bob.

[A]

Tell me something I don't know. Selena Gomez. I think that.

[B]

Which you don't seem like you're in danger because you're here celebrating yourself and being authentically you. I think a mistake that I made throughout my 20s was I was valuing and giving myself away to people who were closeted or DL. And I really regret a lot of my 20s because I gave myself to those people who did not deserve me. But you are here living, like, authentically and as freely as you can. I think that's so beautiful. So you're not in danger of that. But if you ever feel that, don't do that shit, because it is not worth it. It's not worth your time. They're not worth your time. And who you are is way more important than what you can give to them. What do you do for a living?

[C]

What do you do for a living?

[A]

I actually clean houses all over San Diego for a company called Green Frog Cleaning.

[B]

What's your Instagram? What's the Instagram?

[A]

My Instagram is my name. My name is Edward White, but the E in Edward is a three. So if you look me up, it's Edward White with a three at the beginning.

[C]

This is a wifi password. What the hell?

[A]

It could be your wifi password if you invite me over.

[C]

H is a hashtag, the I is an exclamation point, the across, and e's a three.

[B]

So Edward is here in San Diego. They clean. Do you. Okay, now. Do you do.

[C]

I'm just going to give one bit of advice. No matter what you do for a living, especially if you are a 1099 employee, when I tell you, pay your taxes, when I tell you, pay that.

[A]

Honey. Honey, I say.

[C]

And also double check, I'm telling you right now, when I. Cuz, baby, if they can get Wesley Snipes, they can get you, honey. It's true. They will. They will find you. They will find you. And I'll tip them off because you kind of got an attitude problem. No, I'm kidding.

[A]

Clap.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Clap

[C]

Police. He's right here. I got him.

[B]

Kamala, help me.

[A]

Kamala, help me.

[B]

Thank you, Edward. Thank you, baby. Thank you, baby. Love you, honey.

[C]

We have two more. What's your name?

[B]

Baby Dos Mas.

[C]

Hello, my name is Gerald.

[E]

I just wanted to ask.

[D]

Ask.

[C]

I'm a big Madonna fan also.

[B]

We can put the lights. We can put the house lights down.

[E]

I just wanted to ask to.

[C]

To Bob, how was your experience with Madonna? Oh, fun. All right, let's go to. I'm just kidding. No, I mean it. It was okay working with Donna. I have a hard time summing people, like, what's like to be on Drag Race. I'm like, it was a lot of things. It was. There were ups, there were downs, there was highs, there were lows. It would be so hard to sum up my experience. We worked on that show for a year and a half. For a year and a half. I moved to New York City. I moved back to New York City in Brooklyn. No, I'm just kidding. I moved back to New York City, and then I moved to Long island, and then I traveled around the world with a group of people who I just met previously. We worked together. We worked six for rehearsals. We worked 12 hours a day, six days a week. It was truly. Madonna is truly a perfectionist. I'm not a perfectionist. I am one of my greatest traits that. I am not a perfectionist. I will do it and just get it right next time. Not Madonna Louise. Veronica Ciccone. She really wants to get it right the motherfucking first time. So I learned a lot. I met a lot of people. I think that I experienced something like when you are around someone who's that famous, Like, I know some famous people, but it's like me, Monet, Trixie, maybe. Like, what's the lady who lives up the street from us? Jacob, the lady who lives on the street.

[E]

Charlize.

[C]

Yeah, like Charlize Theron. Like, you'll see these people who are, like, famous, but they're not famous. Like, Madonna is famous. It is just a completely. And I realized something in life. I never want to be that famous. I never, ever, ever want to be that famous. Would you ever want to be that famous? Mo.

[B]

Whatever. But are you going to thank me for giving. For opening the doorways for you to work with Madonna? Is tonight the night that you say thank you, Monet, for opening the door, for having me work with Madonna? It's tonight the night I finally get that.

[C]

It was a lovely experience. Thank you so much for asking the question. Let's go to our next. It was wild.

[B]

I was waiting for it the whole time. I was like, okay, it's coming right now. It's coming right now. Hi, my love. What's your name? Where you from?

[D]

Hi, my name's Ru. I'm originally triggered.

[C]

Okay. Is it bad?

[B]

My brain went to Ru from Euphoria. Zendaya. I was like. But you went RuPaul.

[C]

Yes, I did.

[B]

Got it. Okay. Okay. Ru from San Diego.

[D]

Originally, I'm from a tropical island called Saipan. I know you're an island girl, too.

[B]

Saipan. Where's Saipan?

[D]

It's next to Guam.

[B]

Oh, word.

[C]

It's right next. It's right next to Guam.

[B]

You should.

[D]

You should try going.

[B]

I would love to. It's probably fierce.

[D]

So is it a commonwealth? It is a commonwealth.

[C]

So we can just go there. We can go there right now.

[B]

Of America.

[D]

Take me with you. I'll show you around work.

[C]

Of America? No, of Canada. I don't know.

[B]

It could be a commonwealth of England.

[D]

I don't know where it's from in the Pacific. North.

[E]

Right?

[C]

It's next to Guam.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

She hasn't asked a question yet. What's the question?

[C]

The question is, where is Guam?

[D]

So, Monet.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

And, Bob, my.

[B]

Did you trip it again?

[A]

No.

[D]

Oh, not the second trigger. So my question is, what is your current take on monogamy?

[E]

And.

[D]

And what would you say to someone who is exploring polyamory for the first time?

[A]

Ooh.

[B]

Okay. The polyamory question is for you, Monet. I think in terms of monogamy, I'm in a relationship. And we have been monogamous for. For the majority of our relationship, but we have had spurts of openness and trying what that is. Because, you know, I think as two gay men living in this country, like, and you try to have a monogamous relationship that we are both consenting to, you know, as you grow as a couple. You grow and you change and you get older and things shift and things change. And you have to be open to the ebbs and flows of that and allow each other to explore those things. So we have been open in that, and we have had moments of openness and monogamish. And I think it's just never closing yourself off to the fact of what your relationship can grow to change and be like. When you lock. When you lock yourself into. My relationship is only gonna be this way. I think that's where you fall. There are pitfalls. And then you lock yourself into some straight shit, and that shit is gonna fail. So, yeah, I just want to see

[C]

someone's reaction to that, you know, in terms of monogamy, I know that I. I don't have the capacity to engage in monogamy of any sort. Is my hair crazy? I don't have the capacity to engage in monogamy. And I honestly think that it just wasn't made for us as queer people in general, like, the hegemonic idea of monogamy in relationships and dating and marriage, the way that we see it on TV is really. I know this sounds really ridiculous, but if you do a deep enough dive, it's. You will find that it really leans into misogyny. It leans into ownership of women. It leads into economy. It's commerce. It is capitalism in its purest form, to be honest. And I really want my partner to feel free. I want you to feel free to do the things you want to do. I do not have any desire to be your only source of joy for sex, for laughs, if you can get something. For example, this friend of mine broke up with his boyfriend because he wouldn't eat his ass. That's why they broke up.

[B]

Do I know them?

[C]

You do, but not. You don't really know them.

[B]

Got it.

[C]

The one with the big ears got it. Yeah. His boyfriend would not eat his ass. And he was like, I am so annoyed. And his boyfriend was like, I'm not gonna do it. And you can't go anywhere else to get it.

[B]

That's crazy.

[C]

We're gonna be together forever. So your ass will go uneaten for the rest of your fucking life. Hell, no.

[B]

Bye.

[C]

And, you know they say if you don't do it, someone else will. I'm like, good, go find them, bring them over. I'll get them an Uber here and back. I don't give a motherfuck. Because I don't want to do it. So if I don't want to, you know, and it's like, are you going to start eating ass if you don't eat ass? No. Just let your partner get their ass eaten somewhere else. Or if it's like that. Or if you have someone, like, who wants to go to the beach or go out and do things and you don't want to do it, maybe let that person go find that with someone. And sometimes if they leave you, then, okay, like, I know that sounds so ridiculous, but, like, you can't. There are no prisoners. You shouldn't have any prisoners in your life. No one should be stuck with you.

[B]

Yeah. But also I do. There are people who find joy and they love. They love monogamy. The monogamy makes them feel safe. And I think that is okay too. I think each couple has their own journey that they're gonna go on. Where you may start monogamous and only stay monogamous. Or you start open and you wanna get closed. Or Dan Savage has a great book where he talks about how him and his partner have grown and changed throughout their 25 year relationship. They were open, they were polyamorous, they were close, they had a kid. They were not. They allow each other to grow and change and not just lock each other into one thing. And I think that is the beauty of relationships. I think that's when you find a partner who you can really love and trust. When you can be open and honest and say, hey, today this feels like this and I want to try this. And your partner being like, okay, this is an adjustment. We're going to work it out. We're going to make it, see how we feel. You know what I mean? I think locking yourself into one thing, whether it be polyamory or monogamy, I don't think is the right way. I think it's allowing yourself to grow and change with your partner as you get older and as you grow and change.

[C]

And on that note, tonight's orgy will be in Monet's hotel room.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Thank you so much. All right, we need to find out who was the nicest before we leave here. First of all, I want to thank everyone here at the historic Balboa Theater. Thank you for having us. Letting us bring porn back to the theater. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. Smell your hand, right? Thank you all for.

[B]

That's how you got Jacob.

[C]

There it is. There it is. Right. Thank you all for attending. Give yourselves a big round of applause, everyone.

[B]

Yes. Yes. And we'd have to say, we know we changed the date for this show like three times. So we thank y' all for all sticking through the different dates and changes and Madonna and life and things happen. So we'll thank y' all for you, for you sticking with us and loving us enough to stick to these show and coming to sue us live. We really appreciate it.

[C]

Thank you so. All right, Monet, you go down there. I'm gonna go down here.

[B]

Jacob is gonna say it.

[E]

If you thought Monet was nicer, clap.

[C]

And hold on, hold on.

[E]

Okay, and pause. You can stop the clapping. If you thought Bob was nicer, clap. It sounds like we have a winner.

[C]

And that's what all winner seven would have been like if I was there.

[B]

It was rigged. It was rigged. I don't accept deserve the next one. It was rigged.

[C]

I love you so much. Give it up for my best friend in the world, Monet.

[B]

Exchange

[C]

and get it from my best

[B]

friend in the world.

[C]

That's stunning.

[B]

Bob the Drag Queen.

[C]

Thank you all so much. Have a wonderful night. Thank you.

[D]

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