The One with Nick Smith and Matteo Lane

Summary

Sibling Rivalry – "The One with Nick Smith and Matteo Lane"

Release Date: July 22, 2024
Hosts: Monét X Change & Bob The Drag Queen
Guests: Nick Smith & Matteo Lane

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Episode Overview

This riotous episode centers on the infectious chemistry between fan-favorite drag duo Monét X Change & Bob the Drag Queen and their guests, comedians and podcast hosts Nick Smith and Matteo Lane. The group dives deep into stories from their real-life friendship, dishes on the stand-up comedy world, relives memorable group trips (including wild tales from Bob’s mother’s funeral), and investigates burning questions such as what actually qualifies as a “beach,” the perils of mail and voting in America, embarrassing fainting stories, and so much more. Expect big laughs, classic shade, and all the delightful bickering you know and love.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Art of (Mutual) Fat-Shaming – and Friendship

• The episode kicks off with hilarious recountings of friendly (if brutal) fat-shaming, a recurring bit among the crew.
  • [02:06-06:09]:
    • Nick calls back to a Thanksgiving Quiplash game, where he jokingly submitted "Monet Eats Everything."
    • The group debates who has fat-shamed whom more, with both Monét and Bob trying (and failing) to claim moral high ground.
    • Quote: Monet, confidently: "If you can fat-shame me, I can fat-shame you, bitch." (03:44)
    • Matteo loyally sides with Monét: "They were. Monet, I'm on your side." (03:22)

2. Technical Difficulties Drag Storytime

• [07:14-09:37]:
  • The crew teases each other’s legendary technical issues while on tour or recording.
  • Bob is accused of always having "something going on," but then Monet is roasted for rescheduling.
  • They swap stories about lost luggage, iPhones under desks, and travel woes.
  • Quote: Nick, dryly: "What I'm hearing is he's a profess and still made it work." (08:40)

3. Comedic Beef: Beach Elitism

• [14:35-17:20]:
  • Bob and Nick (both genuine islanders) passionately argue that a lake with sand is NOT a real "beach."
  • Monet and Matteo counter with dictionary definitions.
  • Quote: Matteo: "Lake Michigan...might not be as nice as Naples, Florida, or Hawaii, but it’s still a beach." (15:12)
  • The conversation morphs into a teasing critique of Monet's ever-changing origins story.

4. How Nick & Matteo Became Podcast Partners

• [18:03-19:20]:
  • The duo reminisce about their viral Olive Garden and cooking videos that led to their podcast "I Never Liked You."
  • Their “15 minute, one topic” structure was born out of pragmatic laziness—and a lot of off-camera calls.
  • Quote: Matteo: "Nick calls me at least eight times a day, so I’m like, we might as well just record this." (18:18)

5. Olive Garden vs. Ribalta – Food Fights

• [20:03-21:16]:
  • The group good-naturedly debates NYC Italian food spots, with Nick swearing by Olive Garden and Matteo by Ribalta.
  • Monét: "He loves Olive Garden for real. It is not a bit." (19:50)
  • Discussion swirls around favorite foods, underrated pasta, and drag names inspired by NYC locales like "Chelsea Market."

6. Stand-Up Open Mic Night and Comedy Social Anxiety

• [23:11-24:50]:
  • Nick shares the emotional rollercoaster (and boomerang snubs!) of attending open mics as a queer comic.
  • The group jokes about Nick’s difficulty making friends in the brutal world of comedy.
  • Quote: Monet, deadpan: "I think making friends might be harder for you than breaking the Da Vinci Code." (24:50)

7. The Epic Funeral Trip (“Donald Duck at the Funeral”)

• [25:04-34:01]:
  • Wild, loving, and chaos-tinged stories from Bob’s mother’s funeral: surprise guests, clubhopping, wardrobe critiques.
  • Hilarious descriptions of their burial attire spark more jibes—Monet is compared to Donald Duck, Nick to Bea Arthur, and Peppermint emerges in a full cape.
  • Memorable Quotes:
    • Matteo: "Nick was dressed like Bea Arthur from season four in the Golden Girls." (28:22)
    • Bob, recapping: "My family got together at the repast and sang karaoke, and then everyone—you all met my cousins, my aunts...I am every person in my family, just in a different font, literally." (30:37)

8. The “I Have to Write” Meme

• [32:10-36:43]
  • The crew lovingly roasts Monét for bailing on a night out to "write" and translate an aria for a performance.
  • This spirals into full-on dramatic readings, extended riffs about artistic calling and self-seriousness.
  • Quote: Matteo, in full parody: "For singing is not merely a means of expression, but also a feeling..." (35:12)
  • Bob: "Mateo, you used to be my favorite person. Now I do not like you." (36:39)

9. Mail, Voting, and American Bureaucracy

• [41:52-44:00]:
  • The group shares mutual loathing of junk mail and outdated paper systems.
  • Bob proposes abolishing physical mail; they riff about digital voting and the woes of election day.
  • Nick quips: "I don't want to vote from phones because we saw they let Taylor Hicks win over Katharine McPhee, so trust the phone voting system." (45:06)

10. Generational Shifts: American Idol & Pop Culture

• [45:36-46:57]:
  • The crew bonds over memories of American Idol ("I did not vote"), the fading fame of Clay Aiken and Ruben Studdard, and gripes about feeling old in front of a Gen Z crowd.

11. History Pop Quiz Gone Wild

• [47:02-54:44]:
  • Jacob flips the tables, quizzing the group on historical events (Stonewall, World War I, Juneteenth).
  • Chaos reigns as Bob and Nick scramble (and hilariously fail) to recall accurate years.
  • Quote: Bob: "We're not talking about the Salem Witch Trials in the 1600s, girl. We're talking about World War I." (52:53)
  • Nick, on being put on the spot: "When you put someone on the spot…to just whip out a date, it’s hard." (50:36)

12. Fainting, Vomiting & Drag Queen Biology

• [55:09-59:20]:
  • The group shares stories of fainting on trains, throwing up on New Year’s, and who’s most likely to black out on rollercoasters.
  • Quote: Monet: "You seem like someone who would just…collapse under the weight of society." (59:26)

13. Podcast Behind-the-Scenes and Future Ideas

• [60:38-61:16]:
  • Nick and Matteo explain the 15-minute episode format of their show, "I Never Liked You", and consider “stitching” episodes into a monthly compilation.
  • Quote: Bob: "You can just put them all together...that’s a really good idea." (60:49)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Fat Shaming: "If you can fat-shame me, I can fat-shame you, bitch." – Monet X Change (03:44)
• On Friendship Dynamics: "Nick calls me at least eight times a day, so I’m like, we might as well just record this." – Matteo Lane (18:18)
• On Boozy Open Mic Politics: "It was like Amanda and Tracy and Greg. Fuck this faggot." – Monet, about Nick being snubbed from a Boomerang (23:30)
• On Beach Elitism: "People in the Midwest, y’all swear those are beaches, and baby, it’s not a fudging beach. It is a nice lake." – Bob the Drag Queen (14:38)
• On Artistic Calling: "For singing is not merely a means of expression, but also a feeling..." – Matteo Lane, impersonating Monet (35:12)
• On Mail & Voting: "I don't want to vote from phones because we saw they let Taylor Hicks win over Katharine McPhee." – Nick Smith (45:06)
• On Blacking Out on Coasters: "I black out on roller coasters." – Nick Smith (59:41)
• On the Essence of Family: "I am every person in my family, just in a different font, literally." – Bob the Drag Queen (30:37)

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Highlight Timestamps

• Fat-shaming saga & Quiplash memory: [02:06–06:09]
• Tech issues & luggage mishaps: [07:14–09:37]
• Olive Garden and food opinions: [19:02–21:16]
• “I Have To Write” running joke: [32:10–36:43]
• History quiz disaster: [47:02–54:44]
• Mail, voting and American bureaucracy: [41:52–44:00]
• Podcast formatting advice: [60:38–61:16]

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Tone & Style

This episode is pure classic Sibling Rivalry: affectionate, biting, rapid-fire, and frequently leaving the rails for side-bits and mutual reads. Expect high-volume laughter, vintage drag humor, and charming chaos, with everyone equally quick to take and deliver a punchline.

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Want More?

• Sibling Rivalry Live: August 8, Balboa Theater, San Diego.
• Nick & Matteo’s Podcast "I Never Liked You": Available on YouTube, Spotify, iTunes. See them live August 17, Talia Hall, Chicago.
• Patreon Segment: “Newlyweds” game—who knows their co-host best? (Available on Sibling Rivalry’s Patreon.)

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For Sibling Rivalry fans or newcomers alike, this episode delivers the laughs, inside jokes, and unique blend of irreverence and honesty that makes this show a mainstay.

Transcript

[Commercial Narrator]

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[Nick Smith]

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[Monet X Change]

We run the business on Shopify.

[Nick Smith]

Start your free trial on shopify.com all right, listen y'.

[Monet X Change]

All, before we get started, I want to let you all know that you are listening to seven more Every podcast and we have a live show coming up in San Diego.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes, we are going to be at the Balboa Theater in San Diego on August 8th. We would have had to move these

[Monet X Change]

days for a few things, but this

[Bob the Drag Queen]

is the real one. This one is happening for real. So go over to seethedrading.com or monetexchange.com to get your tickets.

[Monet X Change]

And we have our special guests Nick Smith and Matteo Lane, who also have a live show coming up as well.

[Matteo Lane]

Yes, we have a live show at Talia hall in Chicago August 17th, so get your tickets on potatolanecomedy.com or taliahall.com and we have our podcasts. We have our podcast I never liked you. I turned British there for a minute. We have our podcast I never liked you where you can get on YouTube, Spotify, iTunes, anywhere and come see me on tour. Matteo lanecomy.com My name is Bob the

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Drag Queen and I'm Monet and this is sibling rivalry.

[Monet X Change]

On this week's episode, Monet has to

[Bob the Drag Queen]

write, we welcome Nick Smith and Matteo Lane to the pod.

[Monet X Change]

And we found out what made Matteo say this.

[Matteo Lane]

Well, because my pants. I lost my pants. Damn. Madonna took him. And then we find out what made Susan Boyle say they let Taylor Hicks

[Nick Smith]

win over Katharine McPhee. So maybe I don't trust the phone Voting system. And we find out what Monet said. This.

[Monet X Change]

Wait, is that English?

[Nick Smith]

And we find out what made Monet say this.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Mateo, you used to be my favorite person. Now I do not like you. And we find out what made Bob say this.

[Monet X Change]

And Nick, I gotta be honest. I think making friends might be harder for you than, you know, breaking the Da Vinci Code.

[Nick Smith]

Mateo and I were playing, you know, those jackbox TV games. And remember that one Thanksgiving that we were all at Yours, Bob, and we were playing them, and it said, fill out the acronym M E M. And I wrote, Monet eats.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Mmm.

[Nick Smith]

Everything.

[Monet X Change]

So what happened was there was this running bit about Monet, Fatty's pies, fat

[Bob the Drag Queen]

shaming all these motherfuckers. They were indulging in fat shaming me. Continue.

[Monet X Change]

No, that's what happened.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You were like, that's a running joke.

[Matteo Lane]

Yes, they were. I'm on Monet's side. They were. Monet, I'm on your side.

[Nick Smith]

It was tied to Patty's pies.

[Monet X Change]

Yes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Bob, you like. Bob was like.

[Monet X Change]

Bob was like.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There was this running joke that Monet's fat ass would eat everything she came in contact with.

[Monet X Change]

First of all, we have documented Fujimoney fat shaming me tons. I don't give a fuck, bitch. Fat shame you down. Cause you did it to me. So if you could do. If you can fat shame me, I can fat shame you, bitch. If you can fat shame me, I can fat shame you, bitch.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

All you little woke warrior bobbleheads.

[Commercial Narrator]

This. This.

[Jacob]

This.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This is y' all leader. This is how he talks about it.

[Monet X Change]

I have never. I'm telling folks. I have never claimed to be civil. I've never claimed to be kind. I've never claimed to be benevolent. I don't know where this notion of me being these things came out.

[Matteo Lane]

Bob, Nick. Nick has. Nick has claimed to be civil. So everyone go after Nick.

[Monet X Change]

I have told y' all this whole time, I'm not civil. And when Monet's done fat shaming me, I'll be done fat shaming her. But let's get back to the point of hand here. So what happened was, Patty, you do.

[Nick Smith]

I heard it.

[Monet X Change]

Well, you do fat shame me. I mean, I heard that. You don't literally.

[Nick Smith]

I've been in the room.

[Monet X Change]

You do fat shame me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I have never fat shamed you.

[Monet X Change]

We have footage. You being of us is larger than the other one. And then you try to gaslight me into believing that it's not fat shaming. Mona, you're not slick. And you fat shaming it's part of

[Bob the Drag Queen]

you, who you are.

[Monet X Change]

It's okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think that's you, babe.

[Monet X Change]

I think that's you, babe.

[Nick Smith]

You have. You have. I've been there. You've been like, hey, Bob, you fat ass bitch. I've heard it.

[Monet X Change]

We have footage of it on the podcast.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Those words have literally never came out of my mouth.

[Monet X Change]

Good.

[Matteo Lane]

First of all. First of all, I feel so bad for Jacob, who has to edit this. And secondly, if our podcasts are each other, I'm clearly Monet and Bob is clearly Nick.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes. A tyrant.

[Monet X Change]

So you fat shame Nick first.

[Nick Smith]

Yeah. Mateo fat shames me every episode.

[Matteo Lane]

Yes, I do.

[Monet X Change]

That's not the point. We need to tell the story. So what happened was Patrick bought a pie, but it was. It was a Hershey bar.

[Matteo Lane]

It was a pie competition. Now, keep that in mind. And I want you to remind everyone who won.

[Monet X Change]

And Patrick bought a Hershey, like, four or five Hershey bars that he melted into a pie crust. It was literally just Hershey bars. No shame. He's like, it's her. He's like, it's Hershey pie. And we were all like. We were all like, we're not saying it's not pie. We're just saying it's not good. None of us are claiming it's not pie, Patrick. We're just saying it's not good and

[Bob the Drag Queen]

we don't want it, is what we're saying.

[Monet X Change]

But then I think Monet had some. Or whatever. So anyway, somehow, during. During.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, I didn't.

[Monet X Change]

During Quiplash, it just became. Someone once said, monet eats everything. And then at the end. No, here it was.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It was.

[Monet X Change]

We kept. Somehow, everyone kept saying, monet eats everything.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But at the very end, everyone was fat shaming me. Except for Mateo. Correct.

[Monet X Change]

But at the very end, it was M E M. And then Nick wrote monet's memory.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Fat shaming, y'.

[Nick Smith]

All.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This is why I have a complex. This is why I. I've gone through so many.

[Monet X Change]

Well, then, money. Stop fat shaming. Stop acting like you don't do it. That's what's so annoying. You keep acting like you don't fat shame.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I have never fat shamed you. I've never fat shamed you.

[Matteo Lane]

Oh, my God, I'm so happy to

[Monet X Change]

pull up the footage. I'm so happy to pull up the evidence right now.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Anyway, we'll get there when you finally

[Monet X Change]

pull up the evidence, when you finally

[Bob the Drag Queen]

like to see it. But you know what, Bob? I'm sorry. Bob is so rude. I'm gonna Introduce our two lovely guys. Just in case some people are tuning

[Monet X Change]

in and they have.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

They don't know who they. So just in case someone is listening to the Patreon right now who had no idea, please welcome our lovely delightable. Well, one delightable friend. The other one is something we have. Mateo Lane and who. You know what? I'll let them decide.

[Nick Smith]

They know who.

[Monet X Change]

Y' all see how Monique tried to stop me before I found her evidence? Monet was like, let's switch the subject. Let's go to. Maybe we should switch into.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You mean conduct the podcast and introduce our guest. Yes, you're right. I'm gonna derail the podcast to do that, Bob.

[Monet X Change]

Yes, you did. I also want to point out that y'. All. We are. I got my laptop got wet. Like, I might.

[Jacob]

I.

[Matteo Lane]

You turned it on.

[Monet X Change]

My laptop is. So I had to open. I had to get, like, a new laptop. I went to the Apple Store and I was like, what is the. What is the least expensive one you have? Which actually ended up working out because he told me in Australian dollars, and I was like. And then in USD, I was like,

[Bob the Drag Queen]

oh, can I tell y', all, every time we are on. Bob is on location. Bob has some type of technicals. Either Madonna lost his luggage. His laptop fell in the O. There's Jacob. Laugh. Jacob, am I lying? Am I so true? Ain't Bob always got something going on?

[Monet X Change]

Bob always. What are the things have I had?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There's always something, girl.

[Monet X Change]

Can you name one?

[Matteo Lane]

Mateo's like. Monet's like, Bob didn't get his second meal from Delta.

[Commercial Narrator]

Literally.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's what it feels.

[Monet X Change]

Can you name one of my technical difficulties that I had?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What do you. The whole. On the Madonna tour, allegedly, they lost your luggage. Allegedly. Or they couldn't find your bag for whatever reason. So we had to do the episode with you under a desk using. Using your iPhone for the speaker. It was crazy.

[Monet X Change]

The Madonna tour never lost my luggage.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, that's what you.

[Monet X Change]

Oh.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh. So now the truth comes out.

[Monet X Change]

I never said that. When did I say that?

[Jacob]

It's not that they lost your luggage. It was. It was like, left on the tour bus or something. Like, there was an issue with it. So it wasn't lost. You knew where it is. But I think was like, either locked up in the arena and you had to go get it because it was loaded onto the wrong bus.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, they put. The bus is sometimes locked in a garage. Not a garage, but like a parking lot. You can't get into the parking lot.

[Nick Smith]

And What I'm hearing is he's a profess and still made it work.

[Monet X Change]

Thank you. Because Monet will push 18 hours.

[Matteo Lane]

Nick, whose side are you on?

[Nick Smith]

The right side of history.

[Monet X Change]

Exactly. Okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Also, the irony is that Bob is the one that pushed the podcast today. I logged in at 58 to the hour, and Jacob was like, hey, Bob needs 20 more minutes. I'm like, okay, so who.

[Jacob]

Who.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Who needed more time today, me or you? Right.

[Matteo Lane]

Actually, when Jacob. When Jacob told me that Bob's laptop got. Was broke, I was like, Bob is probably so pissed right now. So, like, the second you. You got water on it, whatever happened on the flight, I can just see Bob's face, furious.

[Monet X Change]

Well, I was like, I. You know, I move into acceptance really quickly. I'm very quickly moving into a place of acceptance. I was like, you know what?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I just.

[Monet X Change]

I gotta go to the Apple Store.

[Matteo Lane]

I know. First of all, we've all argued with you. You've never moved into acceptance quickly. I don't know who this is for. Just because. Just because you' lit by Jesus right now. Just because St. Peter is lighting you right now does not mean you've moved into acceptance, Bob.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, first of all, what happened to me was I found that my laptop was wet, and I immediately was like, well, I guess I gotta go to the Apple Store. I didn't buy anyone. I was like, oh, as all four of your friends here.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

All four of your friends literally laughed at that statement because we were like,

[Nick Smith]

that's what I want to know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I had something.

[Monet X Change]

It was something spilled on my backpack, and then my laptop got wet.

[Nick Smith]

Why do you have liquid that close to an electronic.

[Monet X Change]

This was a backpack. Like, liquid just spilled on my back.

[Matteo Lane]

What? Do you work for the tsa?

[Nick Smith]

Who do you.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, who do you work for? What is this line of questioning?

[Matteo Lane]

Global entry.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Wait, Mateo, look at. Wait, are these. Are these all the cards?

[Monet X Change]

Freeze. Wait. Something I want to say, by the way, I did push the podcast 20 minutes today. Now, I did not put Monet on blast last week. Let me tell you what happened, Monet, the other day. What? I came back in our guest. No, no, no. Monet love trying to blast me, but now she don't want to be put on blast. After a long day of traveling, I went to a day trip back and forth to San Francisco. And then I was sitting in. I was sitting at my little desk waiting for Monet at 10 o', clock, where Monet and Patrick told us we could. We could begin podcasting. And then I got a message from Monet that said, hey, I can't quite make it till 11. I said, okay, not a problem. So I sat in front of my desk even longer.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, first of all, the story is already askew because I say that I had the text message. You were like, ugh, Monet, really? Girl, please let me know as soon as you can. There's a whole.

[Monet X Change]

Monet, Really? I was sitting there waiting. Monet said, actually, I can't make it until 1230 because why? You know what?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Because why?

[Monet X Change]

I can't wait that long.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Because why? Because.

[Monet X Change]

Why do you think I waited extra today? You think I was just. I was just twiddling my thumbs. Some of us are working.

[Nick Smith]

So Madonna's tour lost your bag too now, Monet? What's the real story?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The airline lost my bag.

[Monet X Change]

Anyway, some of us are working. Monet, what's the real story

[Bob the Drag Queen]

exactly, Mateo? Are those the. Are those the cars in the evolution order, like going vertically?

[Matteo Lane]

Yes. 150. The original. It's my. It's. It's my favorite thing. Yes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do you have a. Do you have a holographic Charizard there, too?

[Matteo Lane]

No. Yes, he is holographic, but he's not first edition. I just found on. On ebay. Someone had the whole. All the cards. I just wanted the piece. Like, the big framed piece.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do you know my story about my holographic Charizard? So in sixth grade, I am playing Pokemon. You know, my mom is buying me Pokemon decks. I've been.

[Matteo Lane]

Madonna lost it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I know I got a holographic charizard, but I didn't know the value of it. And I traded it for, like, a regular, like, Bell. Bell, the yellow sprout Bellsprout. I was like, oh, I need.

[Monet X Change]

I want a grass one.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I traded my first edition holographic Charizard in the sixth grade. Had no idea. Wow, they're worth like $400,000 today and now.

[Matteo Lane]

And you. You've not made it. And that's why you're living. You're living in a. Under a bridge.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I know, I know. Which I just gotta. Anyway, I'll tell you about that later. Okay, so.

[Monet X Change]

About what?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Obviously, I can't say it. That's why I said, I'll tell y' all later.

[Monet X Change]

They love to bring up some podcast. You can talk. That's one of his favorite thing to do.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, because I just have. I get excited and I'm gonna say. And I'm like, oh, wait, I can't say that. Also, is that Jacob on your. On your thing, Mick? Is that A painting of Jacob?

[Nick Smith]

No, it's a painting of me that Mateo did of me, and then a painting of Mateo next to it that I did of him.

[Monet X Change]

Do you want to bring them up and display them? We can't see them. You have to bring them close so we can see them. Nick, go get them. Bring them up so we can see them. Nick, go get them.

[Nick Smith]

Hold on. Yell at me one more time now for the.

[Monet X Change]

Well, you're moving like molasses. Now, those of you who are just listening, you know, go over to the YouTube or the Patreon to see. So this is the one. This is obviously now.

[Matteo Lane]

We had 20 minutes. We had 20 minutes to do it. Okay, so that's my painting of Nick in 20 minutes.

[Nick Smith]

And then I want you two to tell me who looks like who more.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, we'll say it does. Look, Matteo, Nick's looks like you. Yours is good. I wouldn't say it looks like Nick, though.

[Monet X Change]

Wow. That's your queen.

[Nick Smith]

It's like that Princess Diaries. It's like the Princess Diary scene where it's like.

[Monet X Change]

Well, you meant well. Nick looks nice in the painting. Nick?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, Nick looks beautiful in the painting.

[Monet X Change]

I was thinking friendly.

[Matteo Lane]

I'm just. I'm just easy to paint because I look like a Nintendo character.

[Monet X Change]

Nick looks friendly in the painting. In the real life, I would not say Nick looks.

[Matteo Lane]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

You also gave him such, like, a sharp jaw.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, I can't say this looks like.

[Matteo Lane]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

But I will say you did get Mateo's hair.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Shocking hair. The hair, the little up and up

[Monet X Change]

to the one up into the one side. Little moment.

[Matteo Lane]

She's gone. I got rid of it.

[Monet X Change]

You should.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Why you should. All that work, you cut it all off.

[Monet X Change]

You should auction them all. You guys should auction off the paintings or at least frame them. I would say if you're going to have art, you got to frame it.

[Matteo Lane]

In my opinion, Nick can figure it out.

[Monet X Change]

Like, hanging painting on the wall without being in the frame is like, we got to.

[Jacob]

Come on.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We got it.

[Monet X Change]

We got to go. Go down to Michael's, grab a frame, Right?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I want to say. So I commented on. From. From Yalls podcast. I commented on that thing about the fucking beaches because I agree. I have never agreed with Nick Moore. People in fudgeing the Midwest, y' all swear those are beaches. And baby, it's not a fudgeing beach. It is a nice lake. It is a nice lake. It's not a beach.

[Matteo Lane]

Okay, question, Monet, I. A lake, a sea, an ocean, and a beach are all Very different things. So just because Lake Michigan, which is the size of some seas, doesn't. Is not on the ocean, doesn't mean it doesn't have beaches. The beaches might not be as nice as Naples, Florida, or the Caribbean or Hawaii, but it's still a beach.

[Nick Smith]

I think it needs a different word.

[Monet X Change]

Well, do not ever mention Florida.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Anything nice. Do not ever mention anything nice in Florida, please.

[Monet X Change]

So let's just talk about a strip of land covered with sand, shingle, or small stones at the edge of a body of water.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Especially by the ocean, between high and low.

[Monet X Change]

Especially. Especially by the sea. Mine says ocean between high and lower marks. What I'm reading says especially by the sea. Now, bear in mind, when something says especially, that does not mean exclusively. Especially does not mean only.

[Matteo Lane]

So what does that look like to you, Monet?

[Monet X Change]

Looks like a beach. That.

[Matteo Lane]

What does that look like, Monet?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That looks like a beach.

[Matteo Lane]

Well, that's the Indiana dunes. That's on Lake Michigan in Indiana.

[Nick Smith]

I think that we need a different word for lake beaches than ocean and sea beaches.

[Matteo Lane]

Yeah, I agree.

[Monet X Change]

You have to pull that up with, With. With. With Oxford Dictionary, because Oxford Dictionary seems to think that those really qualify as beaches.

[Nick Smith]

I'm going to write to them. I'm going to write a letter.

[Monet X Change]

Do you think maybe two are, like, beach elitist? Maybe.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Maybe. I think. I think it's because I take personal offense because I am someone who grew up on an island surrounded by beaches.

[Nick Smith]

Same.

[Monet X Change]

So offense is crazy. I'm sorry. Offense is crazy.

[Matteo Lane]

Monet. Which island?

[Nick Smith]

Monet and I are born and raised islanders, so we really. We feel deeper connections to the water and the sand.

[Matteo Lane]

Yeah, Monet's referring to the. To The Brooklyn Island, St. Lucia island, the Atlanta island. The

[Monet X Change]

changes where she grew up every 10 seconds, based on what story she wants to tell the neighborhood Monet grew up in. Changes. Monet grew up everywhere from Bensonhurst to Flatbush to. That is not Canardi. Never happened. Monet's there. She grew up in East New York, bed style. She will move based on the story she wants to tell. She grew up in Atlanta. She grew up in St Lucia, London.

[Matteo Lane]

Monet is Annie.

[Monet X Change]

Literally. Based on the story she's trying to tell on any particular week. Monet will change where she grew up.

[Nick Smith]

She's a person of the world. Okay.

[Jacob]

Wow.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I have adopted Mateo, so that I, I. That hurt one mate. That one cut me deep. Because I am adopted. And I. I took. I took personal offense to that, what you just said. My feelings are hurt.

[Matteo Lane]

Well, Bob, Bob, Looks a little bit like Daddy Warbucks right now, so you might feel more comfortable.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

A gay ass daddy. A faggot ass daddy war.

[Monet X Change]

Welcome to the podcast where Monet pretends to be offended by everything you say. That's part of the whole process of doing this podcast. Mateo, you'll get it, too.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So, okay, I have a question. How did y' all decide to do your pod together? Like, why?

[Matteo Lane]

Well, we did a video together on my YouTube channel of cooking, and I thought it might be fun to. Actually, the first thing we did was we went to the Olive Garden together, because I thought it'd be a funny video. Go to the Olive Garden. And that video exploded, and so did the dishes around us. And then we did a couple other videos, like cooking videos together. And it was just us screaming at each other. And we thought, you know, because Nick calls me at least eight times a day, so I'm like, we might as well just record this. But we were like, we don't have time to do, like, an hour and a half. Let's just do a 15 minute podcast. One topic, roll them out per month, and just move it along. Jag.

[Monet X Change]

My 30th, for your birthday, where do

[Jacob]

you and I go?

[Nick Smith]

No, my 30th is me. And you were there.

[Matteo Lane]

No, we were all there.

[Monet X Change]

Where did we go? That one time was you and me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Was it.

[Monet X Change]

Was it Buffalo Wild Wings? There was somewhere you and I went.

[Nick Smith]

No, you and I went to Ruby Tuesday.

[Monet X Change]

What? It was Went to Ruby Tuesday. Which, by the way.

[Nick Smith]

And you dragged me there. I don't like Ruby Tuesdays, but I made all of them go to Olive Garden.

[Monet X Change]

I wanted to go to Buffalo. But there was someplace that you and

[Nick Smith]

I During COVID Right?

[Monet X Change]

There was someplace way before COVID that you and I went, and you. Where you kept being like, I literally can't eat another bite. That was Olive Garden, wasn't it?

[Nick Smith]

Oh, no. It was the second year of COVID We went to Olive Garden. My first year of COVID My birthday is March 15, so Covid happened that day. And when we finally were able to hang out at Bob's, Bob got McDonald's.

[Matteo Lane]

That's right. We got McDonald's catering.

[Monet X Change]

Do we have Domino's? It wasn't Domino's.

[Matteo Lane]

No, we got pizza for me from Otto's, I think.

[Monet X Change]

Got it. But no, Nick, where was that place where you and I went and you kept being like, I can't. I literally can't have another bite. And maybe it wasn't your birthday. Maybe it was a Random day where we went to go eat some food, so. And I feel like it was Olive Garden. I feel like I've been to Olive Garden with you.

[Nick Smith]

I mean, maybe I take a lot of people there. It's a hot spot.

[Monet X Change]

Maybe it wasn't. Maybe it wasn't your birthday. But I remember Nick was, like, literally gorging himself on all of it. So when Nick says he love Olive Garden guy, it's not a bit. It is not a bit. He loves Olive Garden for real.

[Nick Smith]

It's.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The place for Olive Garden is only rivaled by Matteo's love for Ribalta.

[Monet X Change]

Bitch.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If I never hear Mateo say the word Ribalta ever again, I think I will die a happy person.

[Matteo Lane]

I tried taking Bob there once, and Bob was like, it's just not Domino's.

[Monet X Change]

It's just not. I was like, you know, it's not bad. I had to be. I've been with you several times because I felt last time I went was

[Matteo Lane]

me, you, Nicole Byer and Nick and Naomi Smalls. She goes all the time now.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, I've been with Naomi, too. Yeah, I've been with you. Me and Naomi. I do like Ribalta, though. You know what? Also, there's never, like, a crazy line out the door. The staff is very, very friendly. The food is really good. So I actually do like Ribalta, but just not for pizza. I prefer the pasta there.

[Matteo Lane]

Yeah. Well, now we have a new place for pasta called Adelzione in Chelsea Market, which is really good.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Chelsea Market. Okay. Chelsea Market.

[Nick Smith]

Slaps.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I went there recently with a friend, and I was like, oh, my God. There's so many little options and things. There's this place that affairs Bibimbap. And that shit is fucking good. I fuck with that.

[Monet X Change]

Why is there no biminbapt? I think it's Bimin bop, isn't it? Or is it. Is it Bean Bean Bop?

[Matteo Lane]

That was Selena's number one hit song.

[Monet X Change]

Is it. Is it Bimin Bop or Bean Bean Bop? What is it?

[Nick Smith]

What cuisine is that?

[Monet X Change]

I think it's Korean. Why is there not a drag queen named Chelsea Market? The fact that it's not a drag queen in Chelsea Market is kind of crazy.

[Matteo Lane]

The fact that it's not a drag queen.

[Monet X Change]

What bomb named Chelsea Market is kind of crazy?

[Nick Smith]

Well, there's Chelsea Pierce.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's not Chelsea.

[Matteo Lane]

Is that the one lady. Wait, what did Lady Bunny say that one time? She was like, I won't say her name, but she fancies herself the mother of a house that foreclosed who is she talking about?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't remember.

[Matteo Lane]

She said it's our Midwestern peer queen.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I still don't know who she's talking about. That shit is we. That shit is such a funny podcast.

[Monet X Change]

Okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And then I said I was telling Bob. Oh, I want to go see, I wanted to. Surprise. Well, shit, I just ruined the surprise.

[Monet X Change]

Now this. You have to work with your co workers high at work. Anyone else? Just me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Hi.

[Matteo Lane]

I thought.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Hi.

[Monet X Change]

You just told us that marijuana is affecting the way you do your job. You just. You just admitted to everyone that marijuana is affecting the way you're doing your job.

[Matteo Lane]

You're like, I'm sorry, I took it edible in Chicago. Nick, when we're in Chicago. That would be fucking fierce if you guys came to Chicago.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, we're not dating now.

[Monet X Change]

What's the date again?

[Matteo Lane]

August 17th. Talia Hall.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We ain't coming down.

[Monet X Change]

Wait, do I have a show that day?

[Nick Smith]

You have what? Make up something.

[Jacob]

It looks like you're doing Charlotte Pride.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, I'm going to Charlotte Pride.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Cancel.

[Matteo Lane]

Yeah, cancel. To come do a live podcast in Chicago where you're not getting paid.

[Nick Smith]

Yeah. Say Madonna lost your luggage on the way there.

[Monet X Change]

I am very proud that Nick is out in these streets doing these open mics and doing stand up. And Nick made it into the boomerang of one of them very recently, which is a big deal because last time Nick got excluded from the boomerang. They gave everyone a boomerang. They gave all the new comics boomerang except Nick for some reason.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Wait, wait, wait. What does that mean? Can y'. All. I don't know what that means.

[Matteo Lane]

So at the open mic, they have. Like they do on everyone who went up, they put on their Instagram. But you do a boomerang, right? So it's like this and then you tag them because you don't want to put their jokes online. And all 20 people at the open mic got on the boomerang for that open mic, except for Nick Smith.

[Monet X Change]

It was like Amanda and Tracy and Greg. Fuck this faggot. And Carl and Brandon, literally. But then I saw Nick boomerang. So when Nick made it, I was

[Matteo Lane]

like, nick, how's the open mics going? Well, I was called last. I need to be better at talking to people. I said, well, I don't know. A 6 foot 4 man in a pussy blouse in the back of the room with his purse on his lap, gagging and cackling at all the bad comics isn't necessarily the warmest person to

[Monet X Change]

approach well, Nick told me that a girl. Nick, can you tell us about the girl who you went up to and told her she was really good?

[Nick Smith]

Well, this has happened twice. But one girl, I went up and I was like, I'm putting myself out there. I'm gonna talk to people. So I go up, and I was like, oh. And I had gone already. And she had gone already. So I went up and I was like, oh, you were really great. She was like, thanks. I like your bag.

[Monet X Change]

She dragged it. But I will say, Nick, you are very funny. You know, standup comedy is certainly a craft to work on, but I think you really got the bones of a great comic, in my opinion.

[Matteo Lane]

He has no muscle, just bones.

[Nick Smith]

My goal is to try to put myself out there and make friends that actually do stand up and are good at it. It. So that's my goal this year.

[Monet X Change]

And, Nick, I gotta be honest. I think making friends might be harder for you than, you know, breaking the Da Vinci Code. Nick's like, well, I don't like her outfit. She's shit. And I think she's a horrible person.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We were. We were talking about when we were all in Atlanta and how we were. We. We. When we went down to. To be with Bob.

[Monet X Change]

I have to write.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And we went out the first night. Well, we all got there that day. We met up. Peppermint was supposed to be a surprise, but Peppermint would just not let me help, like, help her surprise Bob. Like, she was like, calling Jacob and calling, texting. I was like, peppermint, don't do anything. We are gonna help you figure out how to get to the place. And then. So she ruined the surprise. Cause Bob ended up figuring out she was there, which was annoying. We all go out there.

[Monet X Change]

I think Nick ruined it. I think Nick was like, well, I don't know why Pep's here. And I was like, why Pep's here? He's like, oh. I was like, is Pep coming? He goes, no. He said, well, I think Pep's flight's getting in later or something. I said. I said, oh.

[Nick Smith]

No one told me it was a surprise. How was I to know?

[Jacob]

Somebody texted me. Maybe it was Nick. Nick was like, we just landed. We're at the airport. Like, Pep is getting her stuff together. And I was like, oh, Pep's here. That's fun. And, like, then I told Bob.

[Monet X Change]

And then. And then I was like. And I was like. And I was like, nick, is Pep. Is Pep. Peps coming? He goes, I don't know. I was like, you just said She's. You just said she's here. I just say things sometimes. You know me. I'm like, nick, it sounds like Peppermint's here. I guess she didn't. And then I said, oh, Nick, was this supposed to be a surprise? He goes, I just. Please stop asking.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So then we all go out.

[Monet X Change]

First of all, our.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

All over 30 behind. Some of us in our 40s. We stumble into this club in. Was it in Columbus? Where was it, Bob?

[Monet X Change]

We're in Atlanta.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, but I don't know. Not Columbus. Clayton, was it. Where. Where do you live again? Where's your family at Clayton County?

[Monet X Change]

We were not. We were not in Clayton County. It was in Clinton County.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, well, just like it's a little. This lowly gay bar with everyone. The meat, lowly, the medium. The medium.

[Monet X Change]

Lowly gay bar is crazy. That was a hopping spot.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It was girl hopping lowly, okay?

[Monet X Change]

She. I said, she wins one crown, and now every bar is a lowly.

[Commercial Narrator]

Used to.

[Monet X Change]

You used to work at the lowly gay bars, Remember that?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We were in our 40s, and you. You just proved who it was. Somebody girl. The club was hopping with your old ass. Anyway, so then we go.

[Monet X Change]

Just remember, you used to work in those lowly gay bars, honey.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And the average age in the outside of us will had to have been like 22. I never felt older than when all of us walked into this gay bar. And all of these.

[Nick Smith]

Nick Monet, you just said in an episode I just watched that you're Gen Z. So those are apparently your peers. What are you talking about?

[Monet X Change]

What is it, Monet?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm talking about for y'.

[Nick Smith]

All.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

For my friends.

[Monet X Change]

No, you said I never felt more. You didn't say y'.

[Jacob]

All.

[Monet X Change]

You said, I never felt more old. Rewind the tapes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What I am on the inside versus what I feel is two different things. You know what I mean? How I feel and what I am are two different experiences. So, anyway, so we do do that club, and we. We. We're out very late, we wake up early the next morning, we go to. To the funeral.

[Nick Smith]

Well, some of us woke up early.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, yeah, we'll talk about that.

[Monet X Change]

Wait, what did I miss?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What do you miss? Who missed? Missing is the operative word.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, you mean at the service?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes.

[Monet X Change]

She's always. That's her thing. It's part of her charm.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Anyways, we wake up early, we go to the funeral, and we go through repast. We're at Voss house the whole day. Then we get back to the hotel

[Matteo Lane]

that night, which, wait, real Quick, can I just say all of our outfits, because we were all going to a different party. So I. I looked like a Guinea from New Jersey who was like, like working security at, like, a barbecue. And Nick was dressed like Bea Arthur from season four in the Golden Girls. Literally could have said, I look like the mother of a Solid Gold dancer.

[Monet X Change]

Yes, yes. Nick looked like the gay guy who was on the first episode of Golden Girls who vanished and disappeared and never came back again.

[Matteo Lane]

Monet dressed. Monet was like, I'm gonna wear pants with a belt, but his butt is so big from the side. He looks like Donald Duck walking into the funeral home.

[Jacob]

Just.

[Matteo Lane]

Jacob was going to the Matrix.

[Monet X Change]

Monet dressed so plain. Which I was gagged. I was like, why? Because normally Monet was doing some crazy stuff. Monet. Monet looked like she was dropping us off in the Uber. Monet had, like, a black button up shirt, some black pants. Like, I was like, I don't know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't want to, like, be. I don't want to look crazy at your mom's funeral, Bob. I was like, I need to, like, not look insane. Did I try to.

[Nick Smith]

Oh, so we looked crazy.

[Matteo Lane]

Nick, you looked crazy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And then Mateo just had a black shirt with some white sneakers. I'm like, what is going on?

[Matteo Lane]

Well, Pep, because my pants. I lost my pants. Dan Madonna.

[Nick Smith]

Pep wore a cape.

[Monet X Change]

Pep had a cape. Pep had a full cape and a cat suit. I was wearing a.

[Nick Smith]

Pep was doing a reveal for Drag Race finale at your mother's funeral.

[Monet X Change]

I had on.

[Matteo Lane]

And Mitch was still DJing at the Eagle.

[Nick Smith]

He was still DJing for Pep in the hotel room.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Bob looked like you, like a very, very gay pimp from, like, a Spike Lee joint. You look very good, though.

[Monet X Change]

I was wearing a black sequin suit, which is. My mom wore a black sequin dress at her mother's funeral. So I honored her in that way. But it was. Honestly, it was. It was definitely a wild day. And then. Then my family got together at the Repass and sang karaoke. And then everyone. You all met my cousins and my uncles and my aunts, and you realize that I am basically every person in my family. Just. We're all just wearing in a slightly different font, literally.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes.

[Matteo Lane]

And y' all recreated the idea, all

[Jacob]

of us trying to play basketball together.

[Monet X Change]

Well, Nick was good. Nick was, like, shocking.

[Nick Smith]

I'm athletic.

[Matteo Lane]

Nick's taller than the basketball hoop. It's not fair.

[Nick Smith]

Like, you couldn't even hold the basketball dribble. So why don't you exit the conversation Shorter people.

[Matteo Lane]

Me, Mitch and Jacob can't reach even the basketball.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, first of all, mugsy bulbs is a very short basketball. Mugsy bulgs are like five something.

[Nick Smith]

Yeah. Allen Iverson short. And he was a basketball player in the National Basketball League. Heard of it.

[Monet X Change]

He was short.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think he was like six feet. But comparatively to, like, you know.

[Monet X Change]

How do you know Allen Iverson? I did not expect you to know that, Nick.

[Matteo Lane]

It's not the nbl. It's the NBA.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Because he's from Pennsylvania. He's from Pennsylvania. Allen Iverson is a Pennsylvanian.

[Monet X Change]

Did you say National Basketball League?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm screaming, that's crazy. And then, so we all do that.

[Monet X Change]

The whole game. He's like, it's not the national basketball group. The National Basketball Friends.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And then so. So then at like. So this is like at like five o' clock this. And then that afternoon, we're all like, okay, we're gonna go back and like, rest up and figure out what the plans are later, right? So we all go back and the plan was to possibly go out. And then at like 7, 8 o' clock, everyone, like. Everyone's like, trying to figure out what's going on. And I'm like, you know what? I've, like, been like, out of it for like the past two days. I need to, like, stay in my hotel. Cause I needed to write.

[Monet X Change]

Cause I had to. I have to. First of all, what Monet's. Monet's not adding it that we all

[Nick Smith]

agree Monet turned into Anne Frank all of a sudden. It was just journaling in her hotel room while we're all going out.

[Monet X Change]

We had to write. Monet's acting like we didn't all agree that we were going. Like, we all had agreed to go out.

[Nick Smith]

Right?

[Matteo Lane]

I just want to say I don't like Nick Smith. I've never liked Nick Smith.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't like Nick Smith. On this podcast, right in the middle

[Monet X Change]

of Monet act like she had to finish the last chapter of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. She was like, I have to. When motivation strikes, you must.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Right? I had.

[Matteo Lane]

Right?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And then so I'm like saying, I

[Jacob]

think I'm staying in, guys. I have to write my verse for me and Sathira's song and do translations from my arias.

[Monet X Change]

I do. I have to write.

[Nick Smith]

And how much of that did you do, Monet?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I accomplished. I wrote the entire. I wrote. I translated my aria and I wrote

[Nick Smith]

the verse I needed for me, that takes seven seconds.

[Matteo Lane]

You're stuttering. It sounds like you're Lying.

[Nick Smith]

Google translates for you, Monet.

[Matteo Lane]

You're doing a lot of. You're doing a lot of nerd nervous. You're doing a lot of nervous talking, Monet.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I am not. I am not a shady.

[Matteo Lane]

Neither.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Doing literally. A teacher would gather, Nick, if you did that, just go on Google and translate. No, actually translate my songs. I know what the.

[Monet X Change]

There's no professor to check your work, and that's why you did what you did.

[Nick Smith]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

Come clean and be honest about it.

[Matteo Lane]

And Monet, what language was the aria in Italian? So you didn't want to hang out with the one fluent in Italian to translate for you to make sure it was done properly?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, at the club, I'm like, mateo, What's.

[Monet X Change]

What. What. What influence. Wait, how were you translated?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Huh?

[Nick Smith]

How were you if you didn't use Google? What did you translate?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Source. So you write the IPA and then you also write the translation. What the word is?

[Nick Smith]

No, how did you get the translation?

[Jacob]

I don't know what that is.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

IPA Source is like a source for singers. Nick acted like right now you don't know what IPA source is.

[Nick Smith]

No, I know what IPA is, but IPA is, how you say the word

[Bob the Drag Queen]

source is a website you go to, you put in your aria, and you put in the words and it translates.

[Matteo Lane]

What is it, a part of the nbl?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

IPA gives you the International Phonetic Alphabet. IPA is different than the Alphabet. It's the International Phonetic Alphabet that shows

[Matteo Lane]

you you went through all that trouble, or you could have gotten dinner with me and I could have just told you what it meant.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We're not gonna be doing that at dinner. We gotta dinner. I'm bring my. My textbook and bring it there.

[Matteo Lane]

Yes. Nick and I had a steak. We. And we sat there at the hotel, had a steak, enjoyed ourselves, had a cup of coffee, and then texted everybody that we were gonna go out to the Eagle. And the Monet's like, sorry, I'm with the monks studying ancient Latin, and I can't make it out tonight.

[Monet X Change]

Monet's letter goes, I'm sorry to inform you all that I will not be able to be joining you on your voyage this evening.

[Matteo Lane]

Wait, Bob. Okay, I'll be. I'll be. Monet. Ready? Okay. Ask me. Ask me what I'm doing.

[Monet X Change]

Monet, what are you doing?

[Matteo Lane]

I know it's difficult for you to understand, but you see me in this Hyatt. I have to reach deep within my soul to understand the lyrics that which I sing, speak and sing for. Singing is not merely a means of expression, but also a Feeling. So thank you for your offer. Thank you for your time, but I will be here typing away an ipa.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Mateo, you used to be my favorite person. Now I do not like you.

[Monet X Change]

I'm so glad that you found. That you found the text yet, because when I kept saying Monet said I have to write, I didn't say I have to write. Monet literally said the words, I have to write to. I have to write my new favorite quote.

[Nick Smith]

I have.

[Monet X Change]

God, you don't get it. When. When the. When the artistry calls to you, you must answer.

[Matteo Lane]

Well, as much as I would enjoy a night out at the Eagle, I do find myself clinging to the sounds of the wind, for it reminds me of the aria that I'm singing now. Perhaps my neighbors will be inspired by my singing and translations, and they will also bring good into this world.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yo, let's go.

[Monet X Change]

I will say that I feel like that night ended up being.

[Matteo Lane]

No, Bob. He goes. He goes. Bobby goes. Have fun at Uchello. I'm so sorry. The Eagle. I'm translating now.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, IPA sauce. You're so clever and witty, and y' all didn't even.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And then y' all didn't end up staying out that late.

[Matteo Lane]

Y'.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

All. Y'.

[Monet X Change]

All.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Bob said y'.

[Monet X Change]

All.

[Matteo Lane]

Yes, we did. We went to three bars, and then we went to a diner.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, it was. It was a very New York City. It was a very New York City evening. We went to. Yeah, we were bar hopping. Did Ocean Kelly come with us at night? No, no, no.

[Matteo Lane]

You, me, Rob, Nick. Rob Taylor.

[Monet X Change]

And we. Yeah, we bar hopped.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It was.

[Monet X Change]

It was quite. It was quite. Quite fun. I really enjoyed myself that night. And then we had a lovely evening at the diner. They ended up being quite. Quite wonderful. Honestly. I think it was better that Monet wasn't there, to be honest.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm happy, you see, you had a better time. I wasn't there.

[Monet X Change]

And, you know, you never know, actually. But who knows?

[Nick Smith]

I would have liked you there, Monet.

[Matteo Lane]

Thank you, Nick.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Next time.

[Matteo Lane]

She really wanted. I wanted you to come to Monet. I was sad.

[Monet X Change]

Monet, if you could do it all over again, would you. Would you go? Would you translate, or would you join us?

[Matteo Lane]

Well, I simply can't pretend that

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I had to write. I had to write.

[Monet X Change]

Two roads diverge in a yellow wood, and sorry I could not travel both and be one traveler. Long I stood and looked down one to where it bent in the undergrowth.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, my God. Robert Frost. That's a Frostiana.

[Monet X Change]

You know, when I was a Kid, I thought I had to have a favorite poet. And I used to always say my favorite poet is Robert Frost. But I know like two Robert Frost poems. But as a kid I was like, my favorite poet is Robert Frost. Wasn't he the poet laureate? Did I make that up?

[Commercial Narrator]

Probably.

[Monet X Change]

I feel like Robert Frost was one.

[Nick Smith]

They all have been. Poet Laurie at this point is the current.

[Monet X Change]

I think making a hip hop artist.

[Nick Smith]

The poet Laurie would be Amanda Gorman.

[Jacob]

I think she was Amanda every year.

[Monet X Change]

I feel like making a hip hop artist Laurie would be such a great move for America. And I'm just going to advocate for that right now.

[Matteo Lane]

You don't think it should be Hillary Duffy.

[Jacob]

Is ada limon.

[Monet X Change]

Wait, wait. Jacob and monet. Who's one that goes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jacob]

Hillary duff.

[Matteo Lane]

Oh, ready? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Who is that? What is that? What are you doing?

[Matteo Lane]

Hillary Duff, Raise your voice.

[Monet X Change]

So I did not grow up watching Disney movies at all. But I will say if you did not grow up watching Disney shows or Disney movies. I mean, I watched it, but not the made for TV Disney movies. When you go back and watch them, they are unhinged. You were like, how did these pass a quality control? How did that scene get past it? Had to be seen by so many eyes. And they kept going.

[Nick Smith]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

No notes. And somehow it made it to our.

[Matteo Lane]

No, no. They said, yeah. Every note from four different singers.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I guess. Yeah. I mean, Smart House is one.

[Jacob]

That's.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's, that's kind of unhinged. But.

[Matteo Lane]

But that one, that one Halloween town

[Bob the Drag Queen]

is the best one. Halloween town are so good. They're so good. I mean, Nickelodeon kids, y'. All, y' all were too busy making. Y' all couldn't make movies. Y' all were fucking fondling kids over there. That's what. That's what the problem was.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, y' all Nickelodeon girls, y' all were too busy sucking toes. And. Disney was not with that Disney.

[Monet X Change]

You want to distance yourself from Nick's comments? This is crazy.

[Nick Smith]

I can't make an off colored Anne Frank joke. But we.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There's a whole documentary.

[Matteo Lane]

What's an on color and Frank joke? Nick,

[Monet X Change]

describe an on color above the board. Good old fashioned Anne Frank joke. I would love. Don't, please, Nick.

[Nick Smith]

I don't.

[Monet X Change]

Nick, please don't.

[Nick Smith]

I don't see color, so.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, my God. I was afraid that Nick was going to actually try. That was Nick. Let me tell right now, if I'm your friend, you cannot get canceled. Don't be in these streets. Actually, half of My friends, if I'm

[Nick Smith]

going to be canceled, it's because of you girl.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What to say? Do not make that statement because these children will be in these comments listing all your friends. Got you.

[Monet X Change]

Careful. Start with you.

[Matteo Lane]

I honestly do it because it would save me a lot of time. Nick is insufferable.

[Jacob]

Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile. Now I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited Premium Wireless for $15 a month is back. So I thought it would be fun if we made fifteen dollar bills but it turns out that's very illegal.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So there goes my big idea for the commercial.

[Jacob]

Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment

[Commercial Narrator]

of $45 for three months, $90 for six months or $180 for a 12 month plan. Required $15 per month equivalent to taxes and fees. Extra initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes. Me slow when network is busy. See terms.

[Monet X Change]

I was, I was.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was getting my mail today and I was really annoyed at how I get so much junk mail. I'm something that. I think Bob thinks we should abolish libraries. I think we need to abolish junk mail. Do you know how many trees are wasted?

[Matteo Lane]

Monet? I say the same thing. I say the same exact thing. I say the same thing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's too.

[Matteo Lane]

Even movies like Remember FernGully when we were little?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't watch FernGully.

[Monet X Change]

Oh yeah, of course.

[Matteo Lane]

Okay. FernGully was a movie about an animated film about fairies. Savings. Trying to teach us not. Yeah, and like trying not to teach us, like to not tear down rainforest. And like how many rainforests did they tear down just to animate that movie?

[Monet X Change]

Damn, I didn't think about that.

[Matteo Lane]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Mail is a mess. Like everyone needs to go digital.

[Monet X Change]

And if you can't for whatever reason, then.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Then you just don't get mail. Like mail should be all digital. Like there's no reason they need paper. Should ever come to you in the mail.

[Monet X Change]

Ever. Well, I will say whenever I get a check in the mail, it stresses me out. I'm like, can this be any direct deposit? Like, I don't want an actual physical check in the mail. That stresses me out to the max.

[Matteo Lane]

I don't like mail. Yeah. Even when I get mail from like SAG, for example. Like, do I have to open it? What does this mean? I don't like, is it. Why are we saying I just.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, yeah. To give me a check. $27.46. It's like eight sheets of paper.

[Monet X Change]

I'm like, why, Mo, if you're elected as a comptroller, how are you going to fix the mail crisis?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm going to make every company from A to Z, you have to make sure that all of your mail is digital. From A to Z.

[Matteo Lane]

No, I'm going to create. Yeah. I'm going to create something they did in 1999. AOL email.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I still use my email.

[Matteo Lane]

It's been 26 some years, and they're still like, we have to send paper,

[Bob the Drag Queen]

like, for no reason. It's so stupid.

[Monet X Change]

We can sign things digitally. Like, everything can be done digitally now.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, my God. Did I just crack the code?

[Monet X Change]

You know, I feel like this is. I feel like we should be able to. I'm sure there's a problem with this, but at some point we gotta figure out a way that we can vote

[Nick Smith]

from our like American Idol.

[Monet X Change]

I feel like we should be able to vote from our phones.

[Matteo Lane]

They should also. They should also give us the day off of work or do it on a weekend or give it a week.

[Monet X Change]

Just go Monday through Friday. Why do they have to vote?

[Nick Smith]

Why do you.

[Monet X Change]

Why does everyone in the country have to vote there?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, early voting.

[Matteo Lane]

I know there's early voting, but for. But I'm just saying in general, they should make all of it so much.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But also you can. You can vote from home. You just have to send an early ballot. So people don't want to do the work to send it. Like, you can vote from home. You don't have to.

[Monet X Change]

We all did early ballots in. In 2020.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Right. So you can.

[Jacob]

You.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You can't. You can vote from home. You just. You can't. Everyone has the ability to vote from home.

[Monet X Change]

I know. What I'm saying is it seems like when they make it seem like it's election day, this is the day everyone has to go to elections. And then the polling sites aren't as many. There aren't as numerous polling sites. An early in early.

[Nick Smith]

Well, it should be considered a national early voting. Work is closed that day so people can actually go. If they're going to put the emphasis on that one day, y'.

[Commercial Narrator]

All.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We don't country where we can all agree on the elections. You think we're gonna. We gonna start voting from our phones? Everyone doesn't even accept what the elections are.

[Nick Smith]

I don't want to vote from phones because we saw they let Taylor Hicks win over Katherine McPhee, so trust the phone voting system.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

Did a really great rendition of. Of what's that Queen song he sang. I can't remember. Taylor Hicks did a really good rendition.

[Matteo Lane]

Whatever happened, Stop Me now.

[Monet X Change]

It was like, what was that? Anyway? I can't remember. Taylor Hicks did a really great rendition of this Queen song. I'll find it. I'll find. Just give me a sec.

[Matteo Lane]

By the way, I know that we're older now because I mentioned Clay Aiken just in passing on stage, and everyone was staring at me, and I looked at these girls ago. Do you guys know who Clay is?

[Jacob]

Tenderness?

[Matteo Lane]

They're like, we don't know who Clay Aiken is. Yeah, you don't know Clay Aiken. I'm like, you don't know Clay Aiken and Ruben stutter. They're like, they don't.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, they don't. I have a Reuben stutter reference I make. I think people always like.

[Matteo Lane]

Like who?

[Monet X Change]

The song is called Crazy Little Thing Called Love. Crazy Little Thing Called Love. There Goes my baby.

[Nick Smith]

Well, we know who voted for Taylor Hicks.

[Monet X Change]

I did not vote. You know, to be honest, I fell off of American Idol after Ruben stuttered season. And also I misspoke.

[Matteo Lane]

The second season.

[Monet X Change]

The second season, I misspoke. I want to say right now, I misspoke. A couple episodes ago, I said that Todrick hall was on the same season of. Of. Of American Idol with no. Todrick hall was. He was. He was in the Color Purple with Fantasia.

[Nick Smith]

What did he do with color to go do? Did he get paid?

[Monet X Change]

He was in the. She was in the ensemble. Oh, my God.

[Matteo Lane]

This is why Lizzo comes after us. This is why Lizzo comes after us. I thought, I'm gonna do a nice little podcast us with my friend Nick and have fun. And then now Lizzo is after us.

[Jacob]

This is.

[Monet X Change]

Have you had any more beef with any other celebrities besides Nick and Lizzo? Has there been any other celebrities you fought with?

[Nick Smith]

Just our entire fan base and the Internet. They don't like any of my takes. They don't like that. When World War II was.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I did not know what World War II was.

[Nick Smith]

Well, I know now. In the moment, I did.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Did you do this? Did you do well in school? Did you have good grades? Were you a good student?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, I don't know when World War

[Bob the Drag Queen]

II was in the moment.

[Nick Smith]

No. And I've learned since.

[Monet X Change]

Well, in Nick's defense, like. Like, how many. Roughly, how many years ago Monet was Pearl harbor, like, roughly Pearl harbor, like, roughly, like 70. I think it's like 80, 82 or something.

[Matteo Lane]

80. 19, 39.

[Monet X Change]

I think it's like 82 years ago, maybe. I was just asking. Yeah, you seem defensive.

[Jacob]

Pearl harbor was 1941.

[Monet X Change]

How many years ago?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So it was 80. It was 83 years ago.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, I hate that. 82 was pretty close. What. What's another world event? What was.

[Jacob]

Nick, do you know what your Stonewall was? The Stonewall riots.

[Matteo Lane]

Nick, Nick.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Nick. Nick Smith.

[Nick Smith]

The 80s, 1800s.

[Monet X Change]

The 80s.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The 80s. Nick.

[Nick Smith]

Okay, I was gonna say, like, you even know that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't think Nick knows a correlation between Judy Garland and Stonewall. He doesn't know that.

[Nick Smith]

I was gonna say, like, the 60s, but then I was like, okay, I'm gonna get in trouble again if I go too old.

[Monet X Change]

Do you think Cyndi Lauper was at the Stonewall Riot? 60s singing? Do you think that during the.

[Nick Smith]

I was gonna say the 60s, but I didn't want to get. I got in trouble for going too old before.

[Monet X Change]

Madonna was performing at the Paradise Garage in the same. Like, a week earlier.

[Matteo Lane]

Nick thinks. Nick thinks that Stonewall happened the same time they broke down. The Berlin Wall.

[Monet X Change]

Was beginning his acting career.

[Nick Smith]

What did you just say?

[Monet X Change]

I can say it. And I wouldn't have.

[Nick Smith]

I know you didn't. You know what?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I've seen old pictures of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Arnold Schwarzenegger was never hot. I don't know why we thought Arnold Schwarzenegger was hot. He was not hot or sexy or cute. He was always a right. But it was just because he was a bodybuilder. He got. He got so many. Like, I don't understand what.

[Monet X Change]

Interesting.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes.

[Matteo Lane]

What's another one? Jacob?

[Jacob]

Nick. When was Juneteenth girl?

[Nick Smith]

18.

[Monet X Change]

Okay. Nick is sweating. Nick's like, January.

[Matteo Lane]

We went through this before.

[Monet X Change]

Is that when they stormed the Capitol? On Juneteenth? They stormed the Capitol and released the black people from the. From the catacombs.

[Nick Smith]

Is it 1896? Am I making that?

[Monet X Change]

It's earlier? Probably like 30 years or 30ish years. Not you.

[Nick Smith]

1865.

[Monet X Change]

Well, I did make Nick remember that the emancipation proclamation was 1864. I had to, like, drill that into Nick's head. The Color Purple.

[Matteo Lane]

Well, it's because we were watching Color Purple, which takes place in the 1920s,

[Monet X Change]

to, like, the 1920s. Anyway.

[Nick Smith]

Right. When you put someone on the spot, though, to just whip out a date, it's hard.

[Matteo Lane]

We were at the scene where she's at the store and they're trying on clothes, and there was, like, a car outside.

[Monet X Change]

It was the scene. It was the scene where. Where. Where Nettie is coming home. And then there was this Dust kicking up. And Nick was like, what?

[Matteo Lane]

No, that was two separate scenes. But yes, there was dust kicking up.

[Monet X Change]

And then Nick goes, what is that? And I go, sonic the Hedgehog. Nick. I said, what do you think it is? I said, it's a car. They had cars. I said, nick, when do you think cars were inv. Invented? Win.

[Nick Smith]

I'm not good with dates. Okay, wait.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, in. In.

[Commercial Narrator]

In.

[Monet X Change]

In Nick's defense, you have to give me mato and Monet 1 2, and then we'll move on to our little. Our little game before you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, no, I. I think we should do the game as a Patreon exclusive, and then we'll put clips online.

[Monet X Change]

So, Jacob, give Mateo.

[Nick Smith]

Okay, when was the Korean War?

[Matteo Lane]

19 5th.

[Monet X Change]

No, sorry, what? Jake. Jacob, you do.

[Jacob]

Mateo started answering it. So let's go. Let's go for Mateo.

[Matteo Lane]

1953.

[Jacob]

Yeah, it started in 1950. In 1950. 1950 to 1953. Yeah.

[Matteo Lane]

All right, I see. I better work. Work. Okay, go ahead.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Bob.

[Jacob]

Bob, when was World War I?

[Monet X Change]

Oh, World War I.

[Jacob]

The.

[Monet X Change]

The. The. The. The. The. The Ferdinand thing. I want to say.

[Nick Smith]

Can I.

[Jacob]

Can I.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Can I answer for Bob if you don't. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, babe.

[Nick Smith]

No, no, no. Say it. Say it.

[Monet X Change]

Well, World War I.

[Nick Smith]

Say what? You were gonna say you were on something.

[Monet X Change]

Well, I was gonna say 16 something, but apparently that's. I'm. I'm off by over a century. Bob, think.

[Jacob]

Bob.

[Matteo Lane]

Are you making a joke? I thought you were joking.

[Monet X Change]

World War I.

[Commercial Narrator]

19.

[Monet X Change]

Yes, World War I.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You gave me 19.

[Nick Smith]

Lizzo, wherever you are. Okay, World War I.

[Matteo Lane]

It was right after the Titanic. It was right after the Titanic.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The first one? Yes, girl. The first two wars, like, 40 years apart.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, wow, that's so close. That's too close. Can I go out on a limb and say. Can I go out and limit, say, 40 years apart? It's too close.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I just say up to 16.

[Jacob]

What year is America founded in?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We're not talking about the Salem witch Trials in the 1600s, girl.

[Monet X Change]

We're talking about World War I.

[Jacob]

The US was. The Declaration of Independence was signed in 1776. And you think World War I is before that?

[Monet X Change]

Maybe. I mean, apparently not.

[Nick Smith]

When did Columbus sail the ocean blue?

[Monet X Change]

Well, then, of course, you just know

[Matteo Lane]

that from the song. Nick, you just know that from the song because you said it in our pocket. Oh, Nick is ridiculous. Okay, so, wow. Bob did not know when World War

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was Rupert of Gag.

[Monet X Change]

What's Monet's give Monet one.

[Nick Smith]

Oh, God.

[Jacob]

Okay, I need to think of Bloop, bloop, bloop.

[Nick Smith]

Let's do Monet. When was the Vietnam War?

[Jacob]

Monet, when was JFK assassinated?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, was 1972 or 1971, something like that? JFK was 1960s, 1960, something.

[Jacob]

Do you want to guess an exact year?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That was too easy.

[Monet X Change]

That's too.

[Jacob]

Bob. I gave you. I gave you World War I.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's too easy. The only easier question, like, bob, what is.

[Matteo Lane]

Your name's close. Wait, Jacob. Was it 1964?

[Jacob]

It was 63.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. Okay, Bob. The only easier one would be if Jacob said, bob, when is your birthday? Okay, World War I is a throwaway.

[Monet X Change]

I said what? I said. I said what?

[Matteo Lane]

I. Lizzo's going to come after. And as I said, I'm Monet and Nick is Bob. It.

[Monet X Change]

So Nick's the smart one.

[Nick Smith]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

Work.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Anyways, Mato, we. We don't need to.

[Monet X Change]

You mean Nick's the one who's holding this.

[Matteo Lane]

Why don't we just. Can we switch hosts, please? Do a show with Mon holding this

[Monet X Change]

podcast up by the seams. You mean Nick is doing the hard work? You mean Nick came up with the idea of the podcast? You mean Nick is the reason why this whole boat is afloat? Is that what you mean?

[Nick Smith]

Yeah.

[Matteo Lane]

Anyway, I. No, that's not what I mean at all.

[Monet X Change]

Then I guess. Then I guess Nick's not the Bob then, honey. Because if Nick didn't come up with the idea for the podcast, if Nick didn't launch this whole motherfucker, him, his motherfucking self, keeping this shit afloat on his own back. That's what the Bob.

[Matteo Lane]

I would say that. Nick, you don't look like you're agreeing with Bob. You look like you're passing out on a boat.

[Nick Smith]

No, it's me on the roller coaster.

[Monet X Change]

When was the last time you all fainted?

[Matteo Lane]

I never fainted, so.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I've never fainted before. But yesterday I was in New York and I went out to lunch and I would drive. It was.

[Matteo Lane]

I'm in. Why don't you call us when you come to New York?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was literally there for, like, 24 hours on set filming for something. I was literally there for 24 hours. She was there for three days.

[Jacob]

You know she's gonna be there next weekend.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm supposed to be there, but they just shifted the date, so I'm not going.

[Nick Smith]

You know when she was there, too, that we didn't know is when she was singing that translation she worked so vividly on that night, and we never got to hear the actual translation because we weren't invited.

[Monet X Change]

Your literal two opera friends who you're like, they wouldn't want to come to my little opera show.

[Nick Smith]

They wouldn't want to come see that Lincoln Center.

[Matteo Lane]

One, one. One. Fluent in Italian. Thanks, Monet. Garcia Monet.

[Monet X Change]

That's your new podcast host, Mateo. There she is.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

She'll be crazy riding.

[Monet X Change]

She'll be too busy riding to do the podcast.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was almost. I never fainted, but I was riding back. It was so hot in New York. It was like 95 degrees. And I was on the bike, on my city bike, and, like, I started to wobble, and I had to, like, pull over. Cause I was. I felt lightheaded. And then I had to just park my city bike and walk home. When I tell y', all, I was sweating so much, I just went to my bedroom, to the hotel, and I cr. And I fell onto the bed and I fell asleep. I woke up six hours later.

[Monet X Change]

This is the most anticlimactic story.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I almost had, like, a medical event.

[Matteo Lane]

That's not a fainting story. That's a. I didn't call my friends when I was blocks away from them. Stroll around the city.

[Monet X Change]

I was at work. That was crazy, guys.

[Matteo Lane]

One time I stood up too fast, and it was a little dizzy.

[Monet X Change]

Just.

[Matteo Lane]

Just a little.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The way that you told.

[Monet X Change]

You were like, wait till I hear this. No, my last time. I remember.

[Matteo Lane]

We know. Bob, Bob, Bob. You see, when I fainted, I didn't realize how.

[Monet X Change]

Well, of course, my legs were swept from beneath me with the weight of.

[Nick Smith]

No, say it in.

[Matteo Lane]

Yeah,

[Monet X Change]

My last time fainting was. I was going to rehearse with this drag queen named Sable Cities for this number we were doing. This was years ago, and I've actually fainted twice in the exact same spot. I don't know what it is, but when you come. When you're riding the seven trains into Queensborough Plaza, it's coming up from underground, and I just kind of get, like, dizzy. And the most embarrassing part is that some people when they faint, you fart. When you faint, like. Like, as you go down, your body just, like, does its own thing. So I don't remember, like, when you faint. Not everyone, but sometimes when you faint, you actually do not remember falling. You don't remember hitting the ground. You don't remember any impact. You just are standing up.

[Matteo Lane]

I'm just imagining Bob coming up on the seven trainers.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, basically. I mean, it must have. What happened But I. I stand. I'm like. I remember, like, standing, and I was like, oh, I feel a little. And then the next thing you know, I'm just on the ground and it smells like fart. That's literally what happened. And I was like, I need help off this fucking train.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And how long were you out?

[Monet X Change]

I mean, we were still in Queenborough Plaza, so it must have been like six weeks. It must have been, like, about as long as you were in New York. No, it must have been probably. It must have been about, like. Like 15 seconds or so. Nothing too long. And the last time I threw up was hanging out with Nick and Jacob on New Year's.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Drink too much.

[Matteo Lane]

I don't remember the last time I've thrown up. I hate that feeling, but I don't. I don't remember the last time I never fainted. And I don't remember the last time I've thrown up.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Have you.

[Monet X Change]

Have you thrown up, Monair Lately?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Lately?

[Monet X Change]

No, I mean the past, like, 10 years.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, yeah, for sure.

[Monet X Change]

Because some people. Some people just don't vomit. Some people just do not be in these streets vomiting at all for any reason. Which is wild to me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I mean, every. It's something that your body does when it's in distress. Maybe they've never been. Their body was like, I gotta get this out of me.

[Monet X Change]

Like, Nick, you never vomited recently as an adult.

[Nick Smith]

Maybe like five or six years ago from food poisoning or something.

[Matteo Lane]

Yeah, he only vomits now when he actually eats real food.

[Nick Smith]

I vomited far more than I vomited.

[Monet X Change]

Nick, you seem like a fainter. You seem like someone who would just. Oh, my. And just, like, throw a hand on the head and just collapse under the. Under the weight of society. You seem like someone who faints a lot. I don't think anyone.

[Matteo Lane]

Nick, I don't want to be next to you. Me, Peppermint, Nick and Mitch are going to Six Flags this weekend and I'm afraid Nick's gonna die.

[Nick Smith]

I don't. Well, I guess you could consider it fainting. I black out on roller coaster.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Wait, what are y' all going on?

[Monet X Change]

I'm no longer conscious and I black out.

[Matteo Lane]

Monat, come early. Come on.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, the first flight out gets me there at like, 3, 4 or 4 o'. Clock. Yes. Too late.

[Matteo Lane]

We're leaving at like. Just come and take a red eye.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Peppermint don't play Peppermint. I'm doing an event Saturday night.

[Monet X Change]

Money's gonna go to.

[Matteo Lane]

We're leaving. You can still take him money. You can still take a red eye because we're not leaving till 12pm we're meeting at Mitch's. While we're meeting in, like, Hell's Kitchen.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, I'm doing an event. Like, I'm doing a Whoopi Goldberg has this thing coming out. I'm going to. I think it's going to be.

[Monet X Change]

That has to write. You don't understand.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Anyways, Wait. Okay.

[Matteo Lane]

Going on the roller coasters. All you hear is this. And see that I was the one.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So y' all podcast comes out. What? Like, do you have a set schedule? So. Okay, wait. I really want to know that. I don't. There are 50 minute episodes, and they come out once a week on what day?

[Nick Smith]

Thursdays.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And the podcast only exists in 15 minute increments. You guys don't put out the longer 15 minutes.

[Matteo Lane]

We set a timer, and Nick's job is the timer.

[Monet X Change]

You know what you guys could do, which obviously no one asked me, and I probably shouldn't be giving advice, but at the end of the month, you can just put them all together. Make like. You can do like, 15. 15, 15. Because the moth podcast does this thing.

[Matteo Lane]

That's a good idea.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, the Moth podcast.

[Matteo Lane]

I think we should do that.

[Nick Smith]

They do this thing where they.

[Monet X Change]

The Moth podcast does this thing where they release really short stories. And at the end of the month, they just take all the stories you've already heard. They just put them together in one long podcast. And it's actually really quite nice.

[Matteo Lane]

I'm gonna text Chris now and say that we should do that. That's a really good idea, Bob.

[Monet X Change]

And that's why I'm the Bob of the podcast, honey.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And then.

[Matteo Lane]

And that's the way it is.

[Monet X Change]

That's the way it is. Before we.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

All right, we're gonna go shift over to our Patreon, y'. All. Cause we're gonna do a little Newlyweds game. If y' all wanna see which two co hosts know each other better. Go over to the Sipping rivalry Patreon to see that. Why? Baba and I, even though we get on each other's nerves, we're perfectly matched.

[Monet X Change]

I love it.

[Nick Smith]

We done with our episode?

[Monet X Change]

Yes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We're an hour. We're not. We're not an hour 15. We're in one hour, baby.

[Matteo Lane]

Can we tell people before we go to the Patreon where to see us?

[Monet X Change]

And let's just say goodbye and then we'll put it at the top of the episode. We'll do it now and put it at the very top of the episode.

[Matteo Lane]

Okay, bye.

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