The One With Sam Jay

Summary

Sibling Rivalry: The One With Sam Jay

Date: October 13, 2021
Hosts: Bob the Drag Queen, Monét X Change
Guest: Sam Jay

Episode Overview

This lively episode of Sibling Rivalry features comedian and writer Sam Jay, known for her HBO show and work on Saturday Night Live. Bob and Monét, joined by Sam, cover everything from the challenges of being queer comics of color, sex and body humor, toxic masculinity, and the realities of love, relationships, and success. The conversation is laugh-out-loud funny, surprisingly candid, and peppered with moments of raw honesty and reflection.

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Main Discussion Points & Key Insights

1. The Met Gala, Pop Culture, and Queer Visibility (01:28–04:24)

• Kicking off post-intro, Bob and Monét riff on the recent Met Gala, which moved from its usual May date due to COVID.
• Lil Nas X is praised for brazenly showcasing his queerness:

  “Can we just give Lil Nas X’s queer ass a round of applause? He is out here not giving any fucks, being as queer as he want to be, and all of the CIS hating rappers are like… and he's like, I love it.” —Monét X Change (02:24)

• The discussion segues to Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s infamous “ball” story, with both hosts laughing at how quickly the internet debunked the claim.

2. Comedy Scene Tea & Drag Race Vegas Live (05:45–09:05)

• Bob recounts attending Drag Race Vegas Live and praises Naomi Smalls' beauty and Asia O’Hara's comedic skill.
• The hosts debate the merits of Drag Race Vegas vs. seeing Megan Thee Stallion live, with Monét joking:

  “Megan Thee Stallion is out here getting shot in her feet every weekend. Okay? We don't know if she's gonna be here tomorrow.” —Monét X Change (07:14)

3. Hilarious Tales from Their Past Jobs and Drag Origins (09:05–12:00)

• Monet shares a story of workplace food theft and her “investigation.”
• Bob tells how he was fired from a bar for leaving to film RuPaul’s Drag Race:

  “He was like, if you leave, you can't come back. I said, nigga, I don't even like this fucking job.” —Bob the Drag Queen (10:34)

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Special Guest Segment – Sam Jay Joins (13:13–59:24)

4. Queer Comedy, SNL & the Journey to TV Writing (14:32–18:28)

• Monét and Bob discuss the lack (and existence) of funny queer people of color in comedy.
• Sam shares her comedic journey:
  • Started in Boston stand-up, then LA, then SNL in New York.
  • She describes auditioning for SNL as both cast and writer, landing her first-ever writing job on the show.

  “I just wanted... something in my gut told me it was next. It was scary to me, and this is probably where I need to go.” —Sam Jay (16:41)

  • She worked on the legendary “Black Jeopardy” sketch with Chadwick Boseman (15:47).

5. Queer Sex & Body Comedy (19:16–27:32)

• Bob and Sam delve into Sam’s comedy album “Donna’s Daughter” and the bit “Dick Juice.”

  “I didn’t like being cummed on... I don’t know. It made me just feel defeated. I didn’t like it.” —Sam Jay (20:12)

• Hilarious, deeply honest back-and-forth about sexual preferences and bodily fluids, including what it feels like for masculine-presenting lesbians and gay men, and the contrast with oral sex involving people with vulvas.

  “When you make someone with a pussycum, it is a different experience. It feels like you’ve achieved...” —Bob the Drag Queen (25:32)

6. Being Visibly Queer and Navigating Comedy Spaces (27:35–39:07)

• Bob discusses performing stand-up in drag and feeling like an “outsider among outsiders.”

  “Being in comedy clubs in full drag... it wasn’t a fierce clown, it was like, these motherfuckers are laughing at me.” —Bob the Drag Queen (38:18)

• Sam relates, reflecting on being a masculine-presenting woman in stand-up:

  “...They would do the same shit to me, as a masculine-presenting woman... like, straight up to them, a dyke... yeah, they would do the same shit.” —Sam Jay (38:15)

• They agree everyone’s search for community is personal—what feels supportive to one may not to another.

7. Drag vs. Stand-up Culture & The Value of Struggle (31:35–38:29)

• Sam argues for the value of enduring comedy’s “rite of passage” struggles:

  “Stand-up is a very shitty... back of the bus, everybody’s mean to everybody. And if you have the fortitude... you get your riffs off, motherfuckers are gonna respect you. And that's what makes it this beautiful equalizer.” —Sam Jay (33:02)

8. Toxic Masculinity, Vulnerability, and Queer Relationships (39:15–59:12)

• Bob discusses why he prefers queer or drag environments to CIS straight ones.
• Shift to relationships:
  • Sam’s been with her partner for 13 years (on and off).
  • The trio debates who really gives good relationship advice, with Bob roasting Monét's track record.
• Audience Q&A features a memorable exchange with a self-described “masculine bottom” working through toxic masculinity:

  “Femininity does not belong to women. Masculinity does not belong to men... If you’re already giving yourself in that way… you’re already being vulnerable. So continue on your journey, and you’ll be fine.” —Bob the Drag Queen & Sam Jay (57:17–58:27)

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Audience Q&A – Notable Moments

Advice on Chasing Dreams and Expectation (46:41–51:06)

Q: What’s your advice for when reaching your goals doesn’t feel how you expected?

• Monét:

  “If life is pushing you in a direction that you didn't think you should be going, go with it for a bit. Because you’ll never know if it is for you if you don’t fucking try.” (47:27)

• Bob:

  “Don’t get wrapped up in the concept of the American Dream… It’s okay to be sad, it’s okay to be depressed; just do your thing and fuck what everyone else is doing.” (48:28–51:04)

Funniest Moments & Bob's Legendary Shade

• “I won Drag Race… Monet won also. Monet won the consolation show, where if you lose, they bring everyone who lost back.” —Bob (52:43)
• Bob and Sam roast an audience member for using their “last minutes to be messy” with a question about who should have won Drag Race if they hadn’t.

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Quotes & Memorable Lines

• “White people are probably the most interesting people in the world because of how uninteresting they are.” —Bob the Drag Queen (12:13)
• “I think drag queens are mean as fuck… But that’s because it’s not the energy for me.” —Sam Jay (36:21)
• “Toxic masculinity is, next to Christianity, the most destructive thing on the planet.” —Bob the Drag Queen (56:35)
• “The fact that you have identified [toxic masculinity] is a very big step… you know what the fuck to do, bitch.” —Monét X Change (58:50)

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Timestamps – Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |---------------|-------------------------------------------| | 01:28 | Met Gala, Lil Nas X, Nicki Minaj’s “cousin” story | | 05:45 | Drag Race Vegas Live, Drag Show Recap | | 09:05 | Food theft at work, Drag Race job loss | | 13:13 | Sam Jay introduced | | 14:32 | Sam’s comedy journey, stand-up origins | | 16:41 | SNL audition story and writer’s room | | 19:16 | “Dick Juice” bit & oral sex candidness | | 27:35 | Being visibly queer in stand-up/drag scenes| | 31:35 | Comedy club “struggle” vs. drag bar welcome| | 39:15 | Toxic masculinity and relationship Q&A | | 46:41 | Audience question: chasing dreams vs. happiness | | 52:43 | Drag Race winner shade | | 56:35 | Toxic masculinity deep dive |

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Tone & Language

The episode is raw, irreverent, and hilariously explicit, with candid discussions of sex, race, and the struggle of being queer comedians. The trio keeps the energy high with constant playful teasing, shade, and mutual celebration of one another’s uniqueness. Audience engagement is lively, with both friendly and “messy” questions getting heartily roasted.

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Conclusion

This episode of Sibling Rivalry, with guest Sam Jay, is an uproarious, no-holds-barred exploration of queer comedy, community, sex positivity, and the realities behind the bright lights. Whether you’re a longtime fan or new to the show, the insights on vulnerability, persistence, and finding your chosen tribe are resonant for anyone on their own journey to authenticity.

Transcript

[Sam Jay]

I'm Kiana, and I leveled up my business with Shopify. Once I figured out that Shopify was a thing, I never turned back. I can create a site with my eyes closed. Shopify thinks ahead of us, you know, and it thinks about the customer more than anything. Every day I'm thinking about some other new business, but Shopify is doing it to me because it's so easy to use. It's like, I can't stop. I'm addicted.

[Monet X Change]

Start your free [e-mail].

[Ornod Founder]

i started Ornod in 2013, and we make bike apparel. The best part of Shopify for me is our ability to run the business as essentially non technical people. We're able to admin everything on the back end, front end, and sell things online easily. If Shopify were a bike accessory, I think it would actually be the bicycle. It's the thing that you do the thing on. We run the business on Shopify. So start your free trial on shopify.com.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

hello, my name is Bob the Drag Queen.

[Monet X Change]

And I'm Monet X. Change. And this is sibling rivalry.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Cut.

[Audience Member Samantha]

Yes.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, so we know that the Met gala happened. Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Now, also, you know, they moved. Cause I was like, there was a documentary called the First Monday in May, and I was like, it is the first Monday in May. Why is it happening in September or October, whatever month it is right now? But it's because of coronavirus, so they moved it.

[Monet X Change]

Is it normal? Oh, it normally is in May.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So on one weekend, it was the MTV Awards, the Emmys, and the Met Gala.

[Monet X Change]

How does Lamar and I got dp?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, God. So my question is, honestly, how does Lil Nas X have this much time in his schedule? He was at Lil Nas X. Was the. Was he at the Emmys?

[Audience Member Samantha]

Probably.

[Monet X Change]

No, he was not at the Emmys. Why would he be at the Emmys?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, ask Miriam Webster since she knows everything. Was he at the Emmys? But he was the star of, like, every event.

[Monet X Change]

He was what?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The star of, like, every event?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Sam Jay]

He.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, and he. I mean, can we just give Lil Nas X's queer ass a round of applause? He is out here not giving any fucks, being as queer as he want to be, and all of the CIS hating rappers are like. And he's like, I love it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Can I say something messy?

[Monet X Change]

Oh, God.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I just feel like one day down the line, in like five years, he'll be like, I'm kidding. I wasn't ever gay.

[Monet X Change]

No.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like, there's something. It's a little tattoo, something about it is a little tattoo. But I do, like. Can I tell you also, my mom, during the Jessie Smollett. Smollett Smollier, during the Jussie Smollett thing, as it was happening, as soon as he went live, was like, I got mugged. My mom called me and said that never fucking happened. Like, the mo Black women be fucking knowing. And I was like, ma, don't go live with that. That's messy. Cut to here it is.

[Monet X Change]

No, no, no. He is not. That is not factual.

[Ad Voice]

He's.

[Monet X Change]

No one said no.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

He never said it. But everyone else is like, girl, it's kind of like Nicki Minaj's cousin's balls. It didn't happen. Like, it just didn't happen.

[Monet X Change]

The shade is not the Prime Minister of health being like, that bitch is lying, okay? I was like, that is too much.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Not them, like, scanning their entire. Like, they go to their database, have been swollen balls and be like, no, there's no cases of swollen balls at all. Also, a lot of doctors were doing research, and they found out that, like, a small amount of impotence or, like, a small period of time where you're impotent and swollen testicles is a symptom of chlamydia. So she basically told everyone in the country that her cousin's friend had chlamydia. And I feel like when you are Nicki Minaj's cousin's friend, like, nigga, we know who you talking about.

[Monet X Change]

To be fair, chlamydia is cool for, like, the first two weeks. Then it gets messy. You know what I mean?

[Audience Member Joseph]

Cool?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What do you mean? It's cool like this?

[Monet X Change]

It's like, cool.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You're like, it's a TikTok dance. It's not like, Renegade.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, first, we have a mutual friend. I'm not gonna say who it is. Who started getting Botox. Say their name.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Say, Wait, wait. Tell the story first. Tell the story first, and then I'll

[Monet X Change]

say, there's a friend who has started getting Botox in his balls so that they don't shrivel up. Like, so they're always hanging and being, like, fierce.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Can I. Oh, my God. We've cracked the case of Nicki Minaj's cousin's friend right here.

[Sam Jay]

No.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Who is it? Whisper it in my ear.

[Monet X Change]

I'm not gonna say it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's someone very close to me who mouth it. Rhyme with what

[Monet X Change]

she may or may not have been on Drag Race Season eight. No, I'm kidding.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, my.

[Audience Member with Question]

Kidding.

[Monet X Change]

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Yes, Robbie Turner. No, I'm kidding.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, my God.

[Monet X Change]

So you know that nigga lied.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, Hasn't Robbie Turner been through enough? Did any of y' all go see Megan Thee Stallion last night?

[Monet X Change]

Oh, shit, we missed it. I wasn't here. And Bob, you went to go see Vegas Live.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I want to go see Drag Race Vegas Live.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, okay. Now we want the real motherfucking seat. Shall we ask Bob the important questions right now? Did you enjoy the show?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, my God.

[Monet X Change]

Who was the worst and why was it Kameron Michaels? We wanna know. We want to know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That is so messy and true. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Cameron Michaels is actually really sickening. Naomi Smalls is, hands down the most beautiful person. It was. She is ethereally beautiful. She is fucking gorgeous. The show age. Your ha. What I'm gonna say is gonna sound shady, and it is a' Johara was actually really funny. I was like, how many of you ever seen the Work the World Tour before?

[Monet X Change]

Yes, I remember you. I know your makeup. Yes, I have absolutely seen you before. I worked the world, so it was

[Bob the Drag Queen]

kinda like Work the. It was like Work the World, but more campy. Work the World is really fierce. There's like cat, cat, cat, cat, cat, cat, Kaboom. Those are more like cat, cat, cat, Yuk, yuk, yuk. It was more like that. But I enjoy myself. I recommend. And Monet was making fun of me earlier because I skipped. Oop, excuse me. I skipped on a chance to go see Megan to go see Drag Race.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, hear me out, Bob. You can go see Drag Race Las Vegas anytime you want. Megan Stallion is a once in a lifetime.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, Is she Bitch.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, first, Megan Thee Stallion is out here getting shot in her feet every weekend. Okay? We don't know if she gonna be here tomorrow. Bitch.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And apparently someone from Drag Race Vegas is getting shot in the testicles with Botox. Well, what happened was before I knew I could go see Ms. Stallion, as my mom calls her, me and my mom watched WAP together, and she was like, what's the big one? What's her name? And I was like, megan Thee Stallion.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, big one.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, Megan is. I mean, Cardi B is five three, and Megan is five' ten, so five'

[Monet X Change]

ten and a half.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Very important. Meghan is taller than Monet. Isn't that wild?

[Monet X Change]

No, no, no. She's a quarter inch shorter than me. I'm 5, 10 and 3/4.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

People under 6ft be swearing by these quarter inches people under 6ft. Be swearing.

[Monet X Change]

But that's the thing on Grindr. They will fuck you up, though, because they'll be like, yeah, I'm five eleven. Nigga, you five nine. Okay? You know, nobody's five' eleven. Stop lyin'.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So anyway, I told Naomi I would come see her. Then Kennedy was like, oh, we can go see me. And I was like, you know what? I already told Naomi I was gonna see her. I wanna stay true to my words. So I'm gonna go see Naomi, and I would just see Megan at some point in life. You know, we're both coach ambassadors, we're coworkers. Me and Meghan are peers.

[Monet X Change]

First of all, Megan Desallion, she did that campaign one year, and she was like, bob is in it. I'm good.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Anyway, that's not true. She's still in it. Me and Megan.

[Monet X Change]

That is not when I have not seen a post. Nothing but no codes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Let's just say one of us work works for Coach and one of us doesn't. So take my word on this. Megan. Thee stallion is in the most crowded.

[Monet X Change]

Have you ever seen Megan at the water cooler? Yes or no?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, we hang out all the time. She's so funny. She does this thing. She cooks fish in the microwave. We're like, megan, who does that?

[Ornod Founder]

Come on.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And we think she's the one stealing food from the fridge, but we don't know. We don't know.

[Monet X Change]

Can I tell you, one time, when I used to work at the Yale Club back in 2014, someone stole. So are there any West Indian people in here? Jamaica, Trinidad, St Lucia?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We are not in New York.

[Monet X Change]

I know we are not, bitch. These white people, like, where? St. Louis.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm from West Indiana,

[Monet X Change]

and one time at work, I got a very delicious dish of oxtails, red beans and rice and green plantains, right? And someone stole my meal from the work fridge. And you know me, bitch. I went on a hunt. Okay, bitch, don't take Monet's food.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, bitch.

[Monet X Change]

I was like, cynthia, was you in the break room at 12:15 on Wednesday?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Everybody, open your mouth. Let me smell your breath. Open your mouth. I'm smelling niggas breath. Nah, you good. Nah, you good, bitch. You smell like oxtails. What's good?

[Monet X Change]

Honestly, it was. And I almost got suspended. But you know what? That's neither here nor there. I'm a drag queen now, so fuck those people. Okay?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I actually got fired from a job for going on RuPaul's Drag Race.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, I remember this.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I got fired from a bar called Boots and saddle that doesn't exist anymore.

[Monet X Change]

We used to affectionately call it booze and sadness.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Booze and sadness is where drag goes to die. And I told the manager, I said, hey, I gotta go away to do something. And I found someone to cover my shift. Bitch, like, I work at fucking Duane Reade. I was like, give me say Walgreens. I don't know what Duane Reed is. Yeah, like, I work at Walgreens. Location based humor. And he was like, if you leave, you can't come back. I said, nigga, I don't even like this fucking job, let alone not. Imagine if I was like, I'm not gonna go to drag race. I'm working at Boots and Saddles.

[Monet X Change]

Boots and Saddles.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like, imagine if that.

[Sam Jay]

Close your eyes, exhale, feel your body relax and let go of whatever you're carrying today.

[Ad Voice]

Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-contacts. Oh, my gosh, they're so fast.

[Sam Jay]

And breathe. Oh, sorry.

[Ad Voice]

I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order.

[Sam Jay]

Oh, sorry.

[Ad Voice]

Namaste.

[Monet X Change]

Visit 1-800-contacts.com today to save on your first order, 1-800-contact.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So I do want to say something really interesting and exciting. I know we do not get to have guests on our podcast very often, but we do have a very special guest.

[Monet X Change]

Yes. Now, if you listen to the most recent episode of Sipping Rivalry, you know, I was telling Bob, we cannot show off in front of our guests. We need to be nice ladies today. Do you agree to be a nice lady today?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Hell to the knob. Well behaved women rarely make history.

[Monet X Change]

To quote the great Martha Caldwell. Do not embarrass me in front of these. Only the black people got that joke. And you know, it's for us, the

[Bob the Drag Queen]

white folks, like, in front of your palm.

[Monet X Change]

What does that mean?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The more I like get to know white people, they're just probably the most interesting people in the world because of how uninteresting they are. I don't know if that doesn't make any sense.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, my God.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But the more white people, you know, you're like, white people are weird.

[Monet X Change]

Jack Remington on Twitter today posted, who

[Bob the Drag Queen]

the fuck is Rollback? Do any of you know Jack Remington? Okay, you can't just lean in like, you like, Bitch, this is not our friend. Who the fuck is Jack Remington?

[Monet X Change]

Jack Remington.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Shoot.

[Monet X Change]

Like Paul Craigson said, Jack Remington is a Twitter gay. He did like UK's Got Talent. He's a singer. He's a singer in the UK anyway, but that's not important. He posted a thing on Twitter today. He was like, oh, I love having this for breakfast. It was. Sorry. Tuna fish cheese and pimento beans, like, mashed together. And I was like. I was like, in the uk Y' all don't love yourselves. That shit is nasty.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Bitch, if I was Mew Cat, I'd be skinny.

[Monet X Change]

Anyway, I think it's time to bring out our guests.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Let's do it. Ladies and gentlemen, she is incredibly funny. She has her own show on hbo, some really great comedy on Spotify. Itunes. Please give it up for Sam J. Y.

[Sam Jay]

Hey, where do I put this? Do I put it right here in the middle? All right.

[Audience Member Samantha]

Hey.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Just us HBO girls and Monet. Just us with HBO shows and Monet's here.

[Monet X Change]

Wow.

[Audience Member Samantha]

That was.

[Sam Jay]

What's up? That's shady.

[Monet X Change]

Shady.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So we just did a show right before this, and Sam J. Headlined it. How many of you were here at the show before this? Make some noise.

[Sam Jay]

How?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Cause y' all were in line. How does that. How does that happen? I saw y' all in line. Anyway, it doesn't matter. It was really funny. You did some really fucking brilliant, brilliant comedy. And you're just really, really fucking funny.

[Sam Jay]

Oh, my God.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Thanks, Nicki. You about to cry?

[Sam Jay]

No, just feeling awkward.

[Monet X Change]

Feeling awkward. Why you are here? We are honestly. What I will say is this. I attend comedy shows here and there in New York City. What there is not. What? I used to live in New York. What there is not a lot of Are funny queer people of color. And you are all those things. So you're just celebrating that, living it.

[Audience Member Joseph]

Thank you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I mean, well, that's the thing. I mean, there actually are lots of funny queer people of color, but we just don't really get to dominate the scene. Back when I first started stand up in New York City. When did you start doing. Did you start in New York City? Where did you start at?

[Sam Jay]

I started in Boston. I'm from Boston.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, yeah.

[Sam Jay]

I'm a Boston.

[Monet X Change]

I was just in Boston. Great dick in Boston, by the way.

[Sam Jay]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're all suffering through racism, so. So we fuck like that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Fuck like you hate each other or hate somebody.

[Sam Jay]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Then how long you been doing standup in New York City?

[Sam Jay]

Moved to. So I moved from Boston to la. I started kind of. My first major city was Los Angeles, and then I was there for two years. Then I moved to New York to write for Saturday Night Live. And then.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And Sam J. Wrote quite. I'm pretty sure if my, if my research is correct, literally my favorite sketch that has ever. Which one it is Black Jeopardy. The 1. Did you write that right? With Tom Hanks?

[Sam Jay]

No, no, no.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Not the wrong research. Damn. Damn.

[Sam Jay]

Black Jeopardy was a thing that Brian Tucker and Michael Che wrote together that they had been writing long before I got to the show. But the one Black Jeopardy. That I was a part of was the one with Chadwick Boseman.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So, Jacob, we'll have you murdered after the show. I'm kidding. But the one we chat with, it was really good. And it's. Go ahead.

[Monet X Change]

Can you please tell us about the process for getting to snl? Because, I mean, if there are any aspiring comedian writers out there, was it a crazy process? Were they like, not. You know what I mean? Like, I'm sure getting to SNL is a crazy road. Bob, you've auditioned for SNL before.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I have auditioned to be in like an actor, not a writer, though.

[Audience Member Samantha]

Oh.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Cause you can't read or write, so that would be awkward.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Got me.

[Sam Jay]

Well, I actually auditioned for cast too, actually, and not to write. I think the road is just different for everybody, to be quite honest. And there's no one way to do it.

[Monet X Change]

Got it.

[Sam Jay]

That's the whole nature of this industry. But I was at a festival called Just for Laughs, which is like this really huge comedy festival. It was probably the biggest comedy festival in the world that happens in Montreal and they do this thing called New Faces where they kind of trail out everyone who they think is next for the industry. And it's a very industry heavy showcase. And I did that showcase and some SNL people were there. They asked if I would audition. I did in la and then they flew me to New York to audition in front of Lauren and all the producers at 8h. And I did that. And then from that audition, they were just kind of like, we don't really know how you would work or fit in cast. And I also wasn't an improv kid and it just wasn't my lane, so I didn't really feel a way about that. And they asked me if I would be willing to write and I was like, yeah, I would love to write. Cause I just wanted to see it and I just wanted. I don't know, something in my gut, like, told me it was next. Yeah, I don't know what it was, but something was just like, this is scary to you and this is probably where you need to go. And so I was like, sure. All Right. And I didn't know shit about sketch. I'm not an improv kid. I started in stand up. I started at open mics, at bars, you know, So I only knew how to write for myself. I had never done sketch comedy. I had never experienced TV writing. That was my first writing job.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, productive.

[Monet X Change]

Your first writing job was snl?

[Sam Jay]

Yeah, that was my first job. That was my first writing job, yes. And I learned so much. I grew so much in that place, in that space. I cannot give it enough for how it developed me as an artist. But, yeah, that's how I landed there. And I think you land there in so many different ways. You know, there's packets, there's auditions, there's just a million ones.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I feel like if I auditioned to be on camera, they were like, you're more of a. I'd be like, I feel some kind of way if I was like, I'm here to be on the camera. Y' all niggas with me behind the scenes. What the hell's going on?

[Sam Jay]

You know what?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But I'm also not humble. I have no humble. No. No humility at all.

[Sam Jay]

I did feel away, but I did. I didn't feel away because at the end of the day, I didn't think it was a place I belonged, period. So every call was an awkward call to me. Cause I'm like, I'm not NBC. I'm such a cussing, dark, weird ass motherfucker that that call period was like, what? Really? And then, so wherever it landed, I was kind of like, ah, this is all seems out of place.

[Monet X Change]

I'm pretty. Like, my humor is pretty. Pretty dark and filthy too. And we something. That's something that we all have in common. We all talk about dick a lot in our stand up.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So. Okay.

[Monet X Change]

Dick is great.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So Sam J. Has a great. Sam J. Has a great track on itunes and Spotify called Dick Juice.

[Sam Jay]

Yeah, it's on my first album.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And it's really, really. You want to talk a little bit about dick juice?

[Sam Jay]

Wow. I mean, you're making me go back to a lift. First shit I ever wrote. Really? Cause that was my first album. That was Donna's daughter. So that was just all like my. Really? Your hour, before your hours. Your album, I think. Anyway, so that was like my first bit that I was doing, but I was talking about how I didn't like being cummed on. Like, I don't like.

[Monet X Change]

I love the stuff, bitch.

[Sam Jay]

I don't.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Because you were at a point you were straight identifying.

[Sam Jay]

I was. Yeah. I Think I wasn't even. I was just being straight. I don't know about these words like that. I was just being straight. I didn't identify as anything, but I was taking dick and N was coming on me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Monet's like, same. You know what this thing gave the NEPA as a whole. I'm just a hole, sir.

[Sam Jay]

Yeah, I was doing that. I was doing that. There was a time when that's what I was doing. And I just. I didn't like being. I just didn't feel like. I don't know. And I think that was because there was a lot of masculine energy in me that I was denying. And I didn't know where it was to be placed. But I just felt like when I was being cummed on, it was like, I win. And I was like, I don't like this. I don't know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But that's so interesting.

[Sam Jay]

Cause the exchange made me just feel defeated. I didn't like it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm so intrigued by it. Because whenever I heard you talking about it, I had no. Never heard anyone talk about sucking dick and cum from this perspective. And it was like, I don't want that come. And gay. Especially a maab assigned me at birth. You're assigned me at birth. You're a gay man or. Or a trans woman. When I. When I say we love. Come. When I. I love.

[Monet X Change]

Wait, who was that? You. You. You worship. Come. Who was that?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Someone said, oh, I don't love cum.

[Sam Jay]

Nah, I don't love it.

[Monet X Change]

You know? Oh, I say, listen, come is great. And spitters are quitters. Okay. That's all I have to say.

[Sam Jay]

No, that's all. Listen, I would never back down from a challenge. You will come.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, you gonna come? It's not like a threat. Oh, you coming?

[Sam Jay]

I like to win. I like to win. I'm not a loser. I like to win. So I'm. I'm not saying I would swallow. I'll do the things. I want you to do the thing, but it's not my thing. Like, I don't need that in my life.

[Monet X Change]

Okay. I used to look up. I used to hook. I used to hook up with this one guy in the Bronx. Can I get.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Thank you, Monet. We are on the West Coast. There's not a lot of wood for us.

[Monet X Change]

Okay. So I used to hook up with this guy in Nevada, See? Oh, wait, is that a state or a city?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's a state.

[Sam Jay]

We're in.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We're in Nevada right now.

[Sam Jay]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

And his jizz was so thick. It was like someone would take play DOH and throw it on my ass. And I was like,

[Sam Jay]

see, that's what I'm saying. Like, I don't. Not the go group all come is that to me. I don't even make the difference. I'm just like, it's all bad. It's coming, it's bad.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Monet's like, bitch, I want the grab and go yogurt.

[Sam Jay]

I don't know if it's thin, it's thin. I'm like, it's all coming. It's coming and I don't want it.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Sam Jay]

You know what I mean?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I feel like for a lot of people who suck dick, who really love it, it's the reward. It's the. At the end, you're like, this is what I've been working for. I've been holding my breath and punishing my tonsils for anywhere between 15 minutes to 60 seconds. It's all for this. If sucking dick. If sucking dick was the color purple. The cum is when her children come home.

[Sam Jay]

But I don't get it is when she.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The cum is when she finally sees Silly and she goes, me, my sister never part.

[Sam Jay]

I understand all of that. I like being rewarded as well. I'm a fan of rewards. I think what I don't understand is why the reward has to be on my face. I think that's where I'm losing track of the story. And I'm just not a fan of the award assaulting me.

[Monet X Change]

And every gay man is like, girl moisturizer, honey.

[Sam Jay]

I'm like, just present it. You know, if you really love me, let it land on your belly. Let me know what I did. Actually. Let me witness it. I would rather stand. Stand above and watch.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Just be like, good job.

[Sam Jay]

Let me. Let me really see how my thing's working.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But I don't wanna.

[Sam Jay]

When you put it on my face, I barely see it. It just closes my eyes. It makes me feel sad.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Have you ever had cum on your face and then you run to the mirror? No, by myself on that one.

[Monet X Change]

I will say we're talking about.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Come.

[Monet X Change]

This man is having a religious experience. Okay, Bitch. He is at like a seven day advent. His hands are in the air.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

He's a God. It is an ost,

[Sam Jay]

I believe. Shit is like fluid and we're just all different bitches too, you know, I also, I don't.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't want to skip over eating

[Monet X Change]

pussy as a. I was just about to go there.

[Sam Jay]

It's way better too, in the sense of on your face. Because pussy feels like a good toner on your face. It's light. It's like effervescent. You just like, I can move this around.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I would say when you.

[Sam Jay]

And keep going with my day. Not on your face. You have to remove it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This is true. When you eat pussy, you need to

[Sam Jay]

get it off you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

When you eat pussy, this whole part of your face is just slick. I mean, you are.

[Audience Member Samantha]

Yeah, you're so.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You are slick than a motherfucker.

[Sam Jay]

When you're eating pussy that on your face, you got to get it off. Well, everyone knows you're a dirty bitch.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It does feel softer, too. And I will say, when you make someone with a pussycum, it is a different experience. It feels like you've achieved. Like, making someone with a dick come is like, whatever. When you make someone with a pussycum, you're like, bitch, I fucking did that.

[Sam Jay]

Yeah, I did it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's like making someone with a pussycat, it's like finishing the entire Jack Snyder director's cut of fucking. Damn. I fucking did that.

[Monet X Change]

I don't know her, but that's fierce.

[Sam Jay]

I love that you never made a pussy comb.

[Monet X Change]

I've never had a pussy comb.

[Sam Jay]

Damn. You should do really is not just to know. Just to know.

[Monet X Change]

I am a bottom by trade. I'm too lazy for that.

[Sam Jay]

No, you can get some. You can do it.

[Monet X Change]

Like, you have to, like, add fingers. You have to, like. You have to know what you're doing. Can you be lazy on this?

[Sam Jay]

And I also think you need to step outside yourself, you know, like, do something that you wouldn't normally do. We all need to do that.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, douching is enough. Okay. When I spend an hour getting ready for dick, I try to lick shit, too. That's too much work.

[Sam Jay]

Well, you don't have to do that. If you go in and eat some pussy, you could be a whole nother nigga.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, I guess the first time I

[Sam Jay]

ate a pussy, you're gonna be a whole nother motherfucker.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The first time I ate a pussy, I was like. I was like, this is gonna be a lot. I'm gonna eat this pussy. This is wild. But after a while, I was like, honestly, this is really great. It is really super. 10 out of 10 would I love this restaurant?

[Monet X Change]

You sound like a white woman reviewing something on yelp.

[Sam Jay]

Eating pussy is great.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, it's great.

[Sam Jay]

It's good. And not to say I never felt bad sucking dick. I was just kind of like, I don't need this.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I know I feel bad doing it.

[Sam Jay]

I never felt bad.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's the point.

[Sam Jay]

I never felt bad. Maybe I'm a hoe. I'm like, when I'm doing something, I'm doing it. If I'm doing it, I'm sucking a dick. Fine. Do what you need to do.

[Monet X Change]

This is just the Sucking Dick and Eating Pussy podcast. I love it. I love it. Are you guys learning things today?

[Sam Jay]

Wow.

[Monet X Change]

Is this educational?

[Audience Member Samantha]

Good.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I want to talk a little bit about being a black queer person. Visibly queer, if you. I think.

[Sam Jay]

Yeah, I know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Sam Jay]

Outwardly presenting.

[Audience Member Joseph]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

People look at you and like, oh, yeah, gay.

[Sam Jay]

Gay, yeah.

[Monet X Change]

People never look at me and think gay. They're like, oh, my God, he's so straight.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Mad straight, son.

[Monet X Change]

And I.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I. So I used to do Caroline's Comedy Club years ago, and I was doing this comedian named Colin Kane. Does anyone know Colin Kane? Drag him.

[Monet X Change]

A football player.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

He's a. I just said comedian. Colin Kane is not a football. He's.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, no, it's Colin Kaepernick.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was like, colin Kaepernick, do comedy.

[Sam Jay]

Oh, my God.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Money. That's so cute. That was very yeasty Eddy behavior of you. So Colin came to this show and Judah Friedlander was there. I never told this on the podcast. Judith Friedlander was there. I was in full drag at the time. My name was Kitten with a Whip. So, Judah Freeland, do you know Judah Friedlander from 30 Rock? He's the one with the crazy hair and the hat. Like world's best or champ? Yeah, world's best.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, he's the one with the glasses.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes. Big, big Yeti looking motherfucker.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So he walks up to me and he goes, oh, okay. And I was like, judah, I'm just standing.

[Ad Voice]

I'm just.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm just standing in full drag. And I said, hi. And he was like, what's your name? And I said, my name is Kitten. And he goes, ugh. What's your real name?

[Sam Jay]

Judah?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I said, yes, Freelander. And I said, what's your real name? And he was like. And then he walked away. And that's. I'm not saying, go get Judah, but that sums up my entire experience as a visibly queer person walking around these fucking comedy clubs.

[Sam Jay]

And Judah Friedlander's defense, if you would've just hung around that nigga three more days, he is socially inept.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, really?

[Sam Jay]

Absolutely.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was around him for three minutes

[Sam Jay]

and I found that that's one of those. It's like, eh, Spectrum. That's just his.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I will Say in my three minute interaction, I found out he was socially inept.

[Sam Jay]

Yeah, he's bad socially enough. And that's most of comedy, I think, too. So it's always very, like, weird to me when people like, I met this mother. I'm like, you're in a comedy club. Everybody's damaged.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Comedians are sad, depressed. Comedians are sad, depressed people.

[Sam Jay]

Right? But yeah, it's true.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Comedians are sad.

[Sam Jay]

Like, sad.

[Monet X Change]

I'm funny. Am I sad and depressed?

[Sam Jay]

Yes. Oh, that's how it works. That's how it works.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I took a break from the comedy clubs and started doing the gay bars, started doing the drag shows because they just. They pay better. Like, not a whole lot better, but like you. When I first started doing comedy club, I was doing Bringers. So you'll do a show and they'll ask you to bring like, 25 people. That's like at Caroline's. And when I first started, they're like, can you bring 25 people? I was like, bitch, I don't fucking know. 25 people. Somehow I was able to get 25 people to come. Or if you do like a smaller club, like near a comedy club or. Or something like that, they'll actually bring like five or three people. It's like a really small night. So I would, like, do all these things and like, and then, like, you bring like 25 people. They all pay like 10, 15 bucks a piece or $30 worth of food and drinks. And then Perona be like, you were so funny. And then like, fully hand you $25.

[Monet X Change]

Fully $25.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Entire 25. A quarter of a hundred.

[Monet X Change]

Bitch, in New York City, that is a Subway sandwich to go home with.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes. And I was like, this is. But I was like, I mean, I didn't think. I didn't know I was getting paid at all. So thank you. But then you go to the gay bars and they'll pay you like 150 a night, plus you can make some tips. I was like, I'm done doing the comedy clubs. So upon my return to the comedy clubs after being on TV and touring around, you'd go in and they'd be like, oh, you're. Where do you. Where do you do comedy? And I'd be like, I just do like the Gramercy or Sony Hall. And they'd be like, who the fuck are you? And I'd be like, I'm Bob the Drag Queen. But they don't. But it's just such a.

[Monet X Change]

The villain of season eight.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, my God. But it's such. It's such a disconnect from the world because I feel like I did all these years in kind comedy, and you did. You, like, really went through the proper comedy channels?

[Sam Jay]

Yeah, I'm a dirty comic.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Sam Jay]

Yeah. I loved all that. I loved all that. I've been doing comedy nine years.

[Monet X Change]

Nine years.

[Sam Jay]

Yeah. I wanted to go through all that. I wanted to be paid, like I wanted. I did. I just. I felt like that was what was gonna make me. I don't know. It's like the NBA, and I wanted to be able to have all the stories.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You lost me at NBA.

[Sam Jay]

That's how I felt.

[Monet X Change]

I was lost at Ann. I was like, what?

[Sam Jay]

That's how I felt, though.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, that makes sense.

[Sam Jay]

A lot of people.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

A lot of people do. Like, I'm gonna call it the Struggle, and it feels like a rite of passage. But I think for me, what it was was I was like. I just. Honestly just don't. It's probably because I was doing it in Dragon. And then I would get looked at in this very gimmicky way. Like, a couple of years ago, I did last comic standing. They reached out to me, like, we do last comic standing. And then when they did the video package, they put me in the package with that guy who wears the gorilla suit. It was like, clowns. Do you want to remember the guy in the gorilla suit? And they put me in that package with the guy who wore the gorilla

[Sam Jay]

suit, which would fill away. Yes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. And I was like, oh, wow. That. That's how they see me. Yeah, that's how the fuck they see me.

[Sam Jay]

In defense, like, not even in defense. I'm just. I'm a comic, and I love standup, and I love the culture of standup. And I do think you hear a lot of negativity about the culture of standup. And I think what we don't hear enough is that standup is a very shitty. It's the back of the bus. Everybody's mean to everybody. There is no group that's not getting fucked with. And if you have the fortitude to get fucked with and still come sit at the back of the bus every day, and you get your fucking riffs off, motherfuckers are gonna respect you. And that's what makes it this beautiful equalizer in this same way is because it's fucking with everybody the same way. And that's what always attracted me to stand up was that, like, damn, it's not running from the world. The world is judgy. The world is shitty. But it's also giving you the space to prove me wrong. But, yeah, I got some assumptions, but I'm giving you room to prove me wrong. And I always just wanted to prove niggas wrong because I wanted to be able to sit at the table with everybody else that had to prove niggas wrong. They sit at that table, the Chappelles, the Harts, everybody, they had to do it. They went through their own system of being fucked with. And I didn't want to skip over that. Cause it's kind of like, I don't know, LeBron's ring versus Jordans, the rings.

[Monet X Change]

That's baseball, right?

[Sam Jay]

But did he run? You know, I don't know. That's how I always looked at it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So that was how I. So, honestly, what you're saying is very valid. And I remember when I was in the midst of all that and then like, just kind of feeling like. Feeling like an outsider in a group of outsiders. So then I went to the drag club, and when I say it is such a complete, completely different experience. When you go into the drag bar, it doesn't matter how low you are. It doesn't matter what you do for a living. Outsider. I used to work at a restaurant called the Jekyll and High Club. If you know that. If you ever watch Unbreakable, Kimmy Schmidt, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, where Titus Burgess works, that is a parody of the place I used to work. It was a haunted restaurant. I got dressed up as a butler named Mortimer Grimm. Literally. The butler, nigga. The butler. Some. I'm the butler at work. And then I go to the comedy club, and people are like, who are you? What's your name? And I'm like, I honestly, I don't fucking need this. I don't want it. It doesn't speak to me. I've done enough struggling in my life. So then you go to the gay bar and you're a drag queen, and no matter how fucking shitty you look, they appreciate you. I had never experienced that. You walk in the bar and they call you a queen. You walk in looking like shit, and they buy you a drink. You walk in doing. You do your work. And then, like, they'll. They'll cheer louder for the other girl, but they still cheer for you. And then the other queens, they get together and they're like, girl, we accepting you. You got to work on this, this, and this. But they just. I know it sounds odd, but drag queens just aren't that mean in the New York City scene. It was this weird Uplifting place. People are nice to you, told you what to work on. You meet people who've been doing it for, like, years and years and. And navigate from space to space. And I was like, honestly, I'm going

[Sam Jay]

choose this crazy, right? It's all just what you take to. Because I think drag queens are mean as fuck. Really?

[Monet X Change]

Okay, say who? Say their names. Say their names.

[Audience Member Samantha]

Who?

[Monet X Change]

The mean drag queen. Tell us where.

[Sam Jay]

Everything you're saying about comedy, everything you're saying about that world is how I feel about comedy, where it's like, yeah, they say their things, they pull you to the side and then whatever. Like, I felt that way about going through the comedy scene, but you felt about going through the drag scene. It just was. We found the right scenes for us.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That makes sense.

[Sam Jay]

Because when I go to the drag scene, I'm like, these bitches are mean. I don't like none of this energy. But that's because it's not the energy for me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I think. Wait, wait, wait, really quick.

[Monet X Change]

The mean drag queen, did her name rhyme with Minity the Mux? Was that the mean queen you met?

[Sam Jay]

I'm not doing that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Minity the Muck Mailer.

[Sam Jay]

I'm saying it's just different strokes with different Boo Paul.

[Monet X Change]

Boo ball.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I do agree with you, and I am glad that I went through my way. And I think if I wasn't doing it in drag, then I would have felt more comfortable in the spaces. It's just something about Dave Chappelle mentioned this, and he was like, is something about a point where you feel like a clown in a bad way? And being in the comedy clubs in full drag, it wasn't a fierce clown. It was like, these motherfuckers are laughing at me. The other comedians, it was like this, like, hack energy. And I was like, yeah, I get dressed in drag, but my jokes aren't like, I'm a man in a dress. I was like, I'm talking about funny stuff. And then I get upset and they're like, oh, wow, you were really a fan of, like, N wow, bitch. Why would it be wow?

[Sam Jay]

Yeah, it's just the league. Yeah, it's the league you want to play. Cause they did the same shit to me, though, is what I'm saying. Like, they would see me as a fucking masculine presented woman, like, straight up to them, a dyke. And I'm walking in these rooms and they expect to know. And it was like, yeah, they would do the same shit. Wow, you funny or wow, I didn't expect that, but it was like, this the league I want to ball in. So I put up with this shit. It just wasn't the league you wanted to ball it. You know what I'm saying?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, yeah.

[Sam Jay]

It's just. That's it. But they were no different. I just was like, I want to win these niggas over. It mattered to me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I also just kind of honestly, like, just don't want to be around CIS straight guys. And I think when you grow up as a. When you grow up as a gay guy, it's like, it is. That shit is like, being around a bunch of CIS straight guys is like, y'.

[Monet X Change]

All.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like, I'm coming in with preconceived notions. Y' all have preconceived notions. I'm uncomfortable as fuck around y'. All. I don't want y' all to look at me. I don't wanna look at you. I got an attitude. You got an attitude? You think I'm a clown? I'm sure you're a rapist. It doesn't feel good.

[Audience Member Joseph]

Yeah.

[Sam Jay]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

The only time I feel comfortable being in a room of, like, CIS straight dudes is if it's an orgy. Otherwise, I'm just not into it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If you're in the middle, just get.

[Sam Jay]

Yeah. And I'm like, throw me in a room of CIS Trump supporters. I might put me in the middle of the chaos.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You would?

[Sam Jay]

I would love that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

She just said, I don't know if y' all heard. Cause Monet was showing up.

[Sam Jay]

I'm like, don't be in a room. Assist Trump supporters. I wanna be around the thing I'm absolutely not supposed to understand.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I think I just like fighting too much. This may shock you. I like fighting. I have an attitude problem. Like, last night, I was at the Drag Race. They're like, what? Last night, I was at the Drag Race live Vegas show, and Asia o' Hara came up and she was like. And everything above everything else, please get vaccinated. And then the crowd starts clapping. So I immediately look around and see who's not clapping, who's not clapping, who's the fuck not clapping?

[Monet X Change]

Bob the house down.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I see this lady, like. So I said, oh, my God. I said, so I was sitting with Derrick Barry's in laws, and I said, oh, my God. The ladies behind you are in. This is a bitchy drag queen. You're so right. I was like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. It was me. I was the drag queen that was mean to you.

[Audience Member Joseph]

Yes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You're here to get your Revenge. I was like, oh, my God, the ladies behind you are anti vaxxers. And then Derrick Barry's in laws. One of them was like, who? And I was like, oh, he's about to fight. He was like, point them out right now. I was like, okay, I'm just trying. I was just trying to do a little. This white man said, please, stood up, said, point to them, point to them now. I was like, oh, my God, her.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, bitch, bitch. Let me tell you something. That white man would have started a fight at the Drag Race Vegas show and the police would have been like, work. Anyway, hit her, hit her. I want to shift gears a little bit to talk about love life. We met your amazing partner here tonight. Make some noise for her partner. And how long have y' all been together?

[Sam Jay]

Oh, I'm not far. I don't know. Off and on since like 13 years.

[Monet X Change]

13 years.

[Sam Jay]

That is dating off and on.

[Monet X Change]

Like dating off and on for 13 years. I cannot keep a man for more than 13 days. Can you please tell me a secret? How can I keep a man?

[Sam Jay]

I don't know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Didn't you hear her man stories? Didn't go well.

[Sam Jay]

I don't know. I don't got an answer to that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Can I tell you what? I'm not gonna lie. This drives me crazy. I'm not gonna lie to y'. All. So on our podcast, me and Monet have a lot of differing opinions, especially about dating. I'm polyamorous. I have two boyfriends. Woo. So on the podcast, I'll say my opinions, which are very strong in mine, and I can say what I want to say. So then I'm like, I feel like this, this, this and this. And then Monet would be like, I feel this, this, this and this. And then people in the comments would be like, monet's right. And I'd be like, if y' all trust this single ass bitch with no man nowhere in sight. And I go and I check and they be single as fuck too. I say, the best advice I could ever give anyone is, when you get advice, consider the source of the.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, first of all, these are your first two boyfriends. I've had five boyfriends. So what's your point?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There's nothing to brag about.

[Monet X Change]

Yes, it is. That means I've captivated the hearts and minds of five men.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And how did it work out?

[Monet X Change]

They were great.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

How was the end of the movie?

[Monet X Change]

Terrible. I would not watch it again.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But also, I mean, I'm not saying I'm right. I'm Just saying what I have works for me. It is more of a open relationship polyamory. Do what you want with your body, kind of. Oh, not the waves.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, you got waves. Can you help me out? How can I make this into waves? It's a wig, so. Man, it's synthetic. Yeah, nevermind. Okay, I think we're gonna do. Are we gonna do questions? I would love to.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We're gonna do a few questions from the audience.

[Monet X Change]

We have a little time to do some audience questions. Y' all wanna ask us some questions on stage?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So if you have any questions for me, Monet or Sam J. We will have either Kennedy or Jacob running around in the audience.

[Monet X Change]

They're coming. They're coming very soon.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And we're going to be also. There he is. Thank you. Jacob.

[Monet X Change]

Jacob.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Jacob is such a Disney tour guide. So great. All right there. Can you make your way to the aisle, please?

[Monet X Change]

You can go this side.

[Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Jacob.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. Now, please, no, wait. Before. Before you ask this question. We know you love us. We know that. Da da, da. Please make them like, we don't want. Oh, my God.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Don't do dumb questions.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, we want, like, some good shit.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We will drag you. Oh, my God. Drag queens are mean.

[Monet X Change]

Drag queens are mean.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Drag queens are mean. But, like, don't ask us any dumb, like, fully fans who. Who are like, could be seeing Billie Eilish, but you're here and we're like, don't ask dumb questions.

[Sam Jay]

It's just. It's just being mean with your tribe.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Exactly. What's your name?

[Audience Member Samantha]

Samantha.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Samantha. And what's good?

[Audience Member Samantha]

Oh, everything's good. Life is beautiful.

[Monet X Change]

Ah, I see what you did there.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Are you paid to be here? Bitch, we bought the ticket. You don't have to advertise.

[Audience Member Samantha]

We pay. Somebody paid for me to be here.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Whoa, you better work. Pussy must be good. Go ahead.

[Audience Member Samantha]

Oh, it is. My oral skills are on point too. That's what I had a question about. As a matter of fact, can I

[Bob the Drag Queen]

say your accent is terrifying. Triggered. Triggered. You are so white. You should apologize to me.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, my God.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Bob, let her out. I am 100% positive my daughter's here,

[Audience Member Samantha]

so don't be too mean.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I know you. You have cousins who are anti vaxxers. All right. But also, so does Monet, Nicki Minaj. All right, go ahead. So my question is for you.

[Audience Member Samantha]

So I was seeing your show earlier and you were talking about was the perfect way to suck dick.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Audience Member Samantha]

So I was just gonna ask you, like, is that, like, you know, just your specific. That's good. Or is that, you know, like.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So I did my dick sucking technique. So I did not. I didn't go. I didn't learn them from an official school or anything. But I do think that over time, you can learn to lose your gag reflex. Most people. I could. Me, I lost my gag reflex. And I feel like if you want, I know your daughter's here. You started it. If you want the dick in the back of your throat bad enough, you will make room for it.

[Audience Member Samantha]

That's what I want to know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

When you want a partner to move in with you. When they say, start clearing space and they'll show up.

[Monet X Change]

And I say, you can't lose something you never had. Okay.

[Audience Member Samantha]

Thank you so much, guys. We love you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Of course.

[Monet X Change]

Love you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Again. You can ask questions for me, Monet or Sam J. They're all great. Raise your hand if you have a yes.

[Monet X Change]

Any other questions?

[Audience Member with Question]

Right here.

[Monet X Change]

This one over here.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Make your way to the aisle, baby.

[Audience Member with Question]

Go.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Go that way.

[Monet X Change]

Go to the aisle.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What's your name? Scream it maximum.

[Sam Jay]

That's cool.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You don't meet a lot of that. Just. Just sounds like you.

[Monet X Change]

I've never met a maxibilian.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You sound like you made that up. I did.

[Audience Member Joseph]

I did not make it up. That's my name. My mom tells it means most excellent. Anyway, my question is, I don't know, kind of emotional, but what's your advice for. Oh, you want.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm sorry. It was just. I'm not laughing at you being emotional. But you were like. It was like, suck dick. And you were like, I'm gonna cry. Yeah, it was the transition.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Audience Member Joseph]

I'm a cancer. Anyway.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, my God. He's a cancer. Emotional as fuck.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't.

[Monet X Change]

You are emotional.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, go ahead. We are what we are.

[Audience Member Joseph]

My question is, what do you. What's your advice, all of you, for when you're going after the things you want, but it's not necessarily what you pictured.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Ooh, can you be a little more specific?

[Audience Member Joseph]

I don't know. There's this quote where it's like, sometimes trying to make your dreams come true is not the same as being happy. And I'm going after things and I'm like, this isn't what I imagined it to be.

[Monet X Change]

But, yeah, that is deep.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You wanna. Who wants to go first?

[Monet X Change]

Sam. I think you should go, Sam.

[Sam Jay]

Oh, y' all get all the sexy questions and then.

[Monet X Change]

Well, your stories are inspiring.

[Sam Jay]

Than me. That's fucked up. I don't know, nigga. Life's hard

[Audience Member Samantha]

work.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I mean, that Is true. I will say this when I. Go ahead, Monet. I've been talking a lot. Go ahead, Monet.

[Monet X Change]

I think for me, personally, I think I'm a Pisces, I'm a water sign. So I am very good with the flow. So I think that if life is pushing you in a direction that you didn't think that you should be going, go with it for a bit. Because you'll never know if it is for you if you don't fucking try. You know what I mean? So if you want to be. If you want to be a Broadway actor and your dream is to be on the stage and do that thing, but you're getting pushed to be a director or to be a producer, and you may find a love and a passion for that part of the biz that you didn't even know was they were like, oh, my God. I like sitting behind the camera and telling all these motherfuckers on stage what to do. So I say, just fucking go with it. And you can always say, you know what?

[Sam Jay]

I don't like that.

[Monet X Change]

I'm gonna go back to the original thing. So I always think, just go with the flow and see what happens. Cause you never know if you'll love it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's good advice.

[Audience Member with Question]

Thank you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think that. Don't sit down. I haven't gone maxibilian like Monet got the last word. Y' all be playing favorites. No playin'. So there's a quote. Since you love quotes, why am I being so nasty today?

[Monet X Change]

Cause you're a nasty drag queen.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There's a quote in kinky boots that says, no matter how far down the wrong road you've gone, you can always turn back. Like, you don't have to stick with something just cause you started it. So I moved to New York City to be a comedian and an actor. I got there, I found drag and I was like, this is it. I'm gonna be lip syncing for my life forever. And then when I got to that, I was like, I can't still do comedy and do drag at the same time. And also, do not get wrapped up in the concept of the American dream or things. I don't believe in quotes like, you can be anything you put your mind to. That's not true. Everyone can't be everything. When you say stuff like the idea of the American dream is so messy and detrimental, it tells you that if you just work hard enough, you can be anything. But it takes a lot of things out of context. Do you have a learning disability do you have a physical disability? How rich are your parents? Could you afford to go to college? Are you fat? Are you conventionally attractive? Are you trans? Are you black? So when you see a white person, a white cisgendered, 200 pound muscle, 6 foot 2 guy who's straight and is like, just dream hard. Like, you don't even have to sleep to dream. Of course things are easy for you. You know what I mean? It's okay to be sad, it's okay to be depressed. It's okay to have hard times. It's okay to feel like you're ugly or you're fierce, like it's fine, you know what I mean? And I like to look at where I am and not compare myself to. There have been times in my life there are two drag queens who I always compare myself to and I can really get depressed. It is Trixie Mattel and Bianca Del Rio. And I will be. Don't not. And I. And I would be like, I'm doing really well. I'm the first person in my family to buy a house. Like, this is crazy. But then during quarantine, I got so pissed off because Trixie Mattel bought a house for herself. A house for her mom.

[Monet X Change]

Are you telling Trixie's business?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

She put it on the Internet.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

A condo in Milwaukee, a hotel in Palm Springs and a bar in Milwaukee. And I was struggling to buy a house in a condo in Hollywood, but I couldn't look at it. I just bought a house instead. It was like Trixie got everything else, but I was too deep in. What is it when you compare? Comparison is a thief of joy for me anyway. So just do your thing and fuck what everyone else is doing.

[Audience Member Samantha]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And you know what?

[Monet X Change]

Cum is great.

[Sam Jay]

And I guess fuck Trixie. I don't know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Fuck Trixie.

[Sam Jay]

Fuck, I don't know. I don't know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Stop it, stop it, stop it.

[Monet X Change]

Do not indulge in Bob's toxic behavior, please.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do you know Trixie?

[Sam Jay]

No. Yes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes.

[Sam Jay]

Felt like it was fucker from the vibes.

[Monet X Change]

Trixie is a very nice lady.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I love Trixie. She's amazing. The point of that is that it is my problem. It has nothing to do with Trixie. It is me and my jealousy. Trixie's really lovely. She's great. Go, go, Trixie. Who got a question?

[Monet X Change]

Let's do this one down here. Jacob. They've been raising their hand for a little bit. All the way down.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, yeah. Come, come to the aisle. No, no, no. Come to the aisle, Jacob.

[Monet X Change]

Come to the aisle so we can see you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There you go. Monet's about to.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, look at that thigh tattoo.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Monet's about to be such a dick pig. I see a guy, I'm like, monet's about to be a dick pig. Go ahead. I mean, same. What's your name?

[Audience Member Joseph]

My name is Joseph.

[Monet X Change]

Hi, Joseph.

[Ad Voice]

Hi.

[Monet X Change]

Where are you from? I'm from Ecuador.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Ecuador, Joseph. I mean, it's no Maximilian, but Joseph's a nice name.

[Monet X Change]

Go ahead, Jacob. So, okay, obviously Jacob, but he's not listening.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Go ahead, Craig.

[Monet X Change]

Go ahead, Fred. What's up? Okay, so obviously both of you guys

[Audience Member Joseph]

have won Drag Race in some form.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I won.

[Monet X Change]

All right, all right. We knew it was coming. It's like fucking diarrhea. She had to do it one time during the show. We heard it. We know, we know. We know what's going on.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, let me explain this. Mj, he said both of you won Drag Race. I was going to jokingly say I won Drag Race. Monet won also. Cause we both did Drag Race. Monet won the consolation show, where if you lose, they bring everyone who lost back and you compete against each other.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, it's real easy to win Drag Race. And your competition is Robbie Turner. Yeah, I sure know. It's really hectic. I had Aquaria, Asia o'. Hara, you know, you had Robbie Turner, so whatever. Anyway. What's your question, Fred? Andrew.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What's your name again? Joseph.

[Monet X Change]

Joseph. Joseph. Yes. Mary Joseph. Okay.

[Audience Member Joseph]

Okay.

[Monet X Change]

So basically, my question was. Time for comparisons. If you had not won it, who should have won it?

[Audience Member with Question]

Ooh.

[Sam Jay]

Oh, you just wait. Can I. Can I answer?

[Monet X Change]

Yes, please.

[Sam Jay]

I don't like that you're using our last minutes to be messy. I don't like that you just got up to be messy. People got up to be enlightened, bitch. People got up to really feel something tonight. And you walked your ass up here with the last four minutes to be a messy bitch. Catch a nigga on the strip, ask that question, that was messy. I don't like that messy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Feeling was like, I'm going to cry. I'm having a hard time.

[Sam Jay]

I'm high on mushroom syrup. I was feeling the love. He came up here with a mess.

[Monet X Change]

I just like to stir shit. Sorry, Brian. I will answer that question later at my hotel. Okay? I will personally answer that question for you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'll go with Kim. All right, let's get.

[Audience Member Joseph]

Thank you.

[Monet X Change]

Thank you, Matthew. Let's get one more. Jacob's right there.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Jacob, we're choosing the one in the white One more. Come to the aisle. All the way to the aisle. And if you be messy, Sam J. Is gonna roast the fuck out of you. You better really think this shit through.

[Audience Member with Question]

All right, so get him. I don't know you guys. I'm not super familiar with you guys. My boyfriend is, but, you know.

[Sam Jay]

Wow. Sit your ass down.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Next.

[Sam Jay]

All right, we are fucking up tonight. Get him out of here. He just said bye, sir.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't know y'.

[Audience Member Samantha]

All.

[Monet X Change]

N. Let's be clear.

[Audience Member with Question]

No, no, no.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Let's be clear.

[Sam Jay]

Okay.

[Audience Member with Question]

Not a fan with that.

[Sam Jay]

All right, well, before you start. No, we don't give a fuck what the. You want. Go. Go with that.

[Monet X Change]

He's like, I don't watch hoarders, so

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't know what y' all do.

[Sam Jay]

We don't give a. About your questions.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Speak with that.

[Monet X Change]

You know what?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm not familiar with you. What.

[Audience Member with Question]

What do you want with that said? I wanted to say I've been working on my toxic, toxic masculinity, like, over the last few.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Are you straight?

[Audience Member with Question]

No, I'm not. I have a boyfriend.

[Sam Jay]

I just said that he's topping, but he shouldn't be. Go ahead. No, continue.

[Audience Member with Question]

Listen, I'm a. I'm gonna put my business all the way out. I'm a masculine bottom.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, okay, okay. We got you.

[Audience Member with Question]

And my boyfriend is an effeminate top. All right, so I've been working on my taxes, masculinity. And from you guys, like, being drag queens.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I wanted to get the mic right by your mouth.

[Audience Member with Question]

I wanted to get some advice from you guys in terms of how to, like, move past that, like, toxic masculinity that you, like. I don't know. Maybe you guys have moved past it, or maybe you guys have, like, moved on from it and that sort of thing.

[Sam Jay]

I want to know, are you being top? No. You're asking. No, I'm taking. So you said you being topped by the femme.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This femme. Raise your lip.

[Sam Jay]

He's a feminine top.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Raise your limp wrist. Raise your limp wrist.

[Ornod Founder]

Please.

[Sam Jay]

Raise your hand. Let's get.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Where's your boyfriend? No, he's not here.

[Audience Member with Question]

I'm here by myself.

[Sam Jay]

Okay, so you're saying your boyfriend is in a feminine top?

[Audience Member with Question]

Yes, and I'm a masculine butt.

[Sam Jay]

But you are being fucked in the butt. We're clear?

[Audience Member with Question]

Absolutely, 100%.

[Sam Jay]

But you have toxic masculinity.

[Audience Member with Question]

Of course. I think every homosexual man does when

[Sam Jay]

he's bending you over. Do that all day, and then you'll work it out.

[Audience Member with Question]

Fair. Fair.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I mean, all right. I think so. As a feminine top, a blouse. What's going on is toxic. Masculinity is. When I say it's nasty, it is. Next to Christianity, it's the most destructive thing going on on the planet. Don't get me started on the Jesus freaks. That's not even. Like, if you black and you worship Jesus, what are you doing? Like, that's not even. That's not even for us or queer. You adopted your oppressor's identity and made it your own. What are you doing?

[Audience Member with Question]

Can I say that? My boyfriend is also white. So then there's that like colonial culture.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What's your racial identity?

[Audience Member with Question]

My parents. I'm a first generation immigrant. My parents are Mexican.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Ferris, here's the thing. Honestly, you know what to do. You don't even answer the question I'm asking. You know when you're being messy, you know when. And it's honestly, the realty is. It's your trauma. It is your trauma. You're gay. And there was probably a point in your life where you didn't want people to know you were gay or you had a hard time saying you're gay. People asked if you were gay and you were like, I don't know. And you said, I'm figuring it out. And a lot of times just hold on. And a big part, see the toxic masculinity. And I think that if you're able to recognize what you're doing wrong, and you're still doing it wrong, you're not at the place of help yet. You want to want help, but you don't want help. You want to want help, but you don't actually want the help. I think that you have to decolonize your mind. You have to understand that gender is simply a construction. Femininity does not belong to women. Masculinity does not belong to men.

[Audience Member Joseph]

Yes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So yeah, your boyfriend is a feminine top, but if he identifies as a man, he's just a man who does this.

[Sam Jay]

And it's all polyfix.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

He's just a man.

[Sam Jay]

That's what I'm saying. So if you could already give yourself in that way, that was no bullshit. If you're already giving yourself in that way, then you know how to not be that because you're already being vulnerable. So that's all tossing masculinity is, is a fighting against vulnerability. And you already know how to do that, hence why you're bending over. So just continue on your journey and you'll be fine.

[Monet X Change]

But, and I will also say A big part of that is identifying. You have identified that you are. That you are doing this behavior. So the fact that you have identified is a very big step to just keep on making those progressions. And like Bob said, you know what the fuck to do, bitch. Yes. When you bend it that ass over, bitch, you be like, yes, daddy.

[Sam Jay]

That's what I'm saying.

[Monet X Change]

Y' all do it live.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Liv.

[Sam Jay]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

Go for it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Thank you so much. We are actually out of time. Thank you all so much for coming out. Listen, before we go. Wait, wait, wait. Can you please tell them where they can find you? Tell them about your. You've been renewed. Nope. All right, there we go.

[Sam Jay]

Bye.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Type Sam J on the Internet. Go to subway.com y' all be great.

[Ad Voice]

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