The One With Zach Noe Towers

Summary

Sibling Rivalry – Episode: "The One With Zach Noe Towers"

August 28, 2024
Hosts: Bob the Drag Queen & Monét X Change
Guest: Zach Noe Towers

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Episode Overview

In this lively and intimate episode, Bob the Drag Queen and comedic partner Monét X Change welcome comedian Zach Noe Towers onto Sibling Rivalry for a sprawling, hilarious deep dive into queer comedy, friendship, life lessons, and the sometimes awkward art of growing up both onstage and off. The episode blends storytelling from gay cruise ships, candid chat about comedy, sex, and age, and thoughtful discussions about identity and community. Zach brings his signature self-deprecating wit, sharing juicy anecdotes and hard-won wisdom from almost a decade of friendship with Bob.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Origin Story: Bob & Zach’s Friendship and the Infamous Gay Cruise

[00:40–13:00]

• Bob and Zach met almost a decade ago on an RSVP gay cruise—at the “very edge” of their 20s, a self-deprecating recurring joke.
  • "We were both in our 20s. Some of the youngest people on the ship." – Zach Noe Towers [02:29]
• Bob explains how performing on that cruise helped him become a Drag Race contender.
  • "This cruise is part of how I got on Drag Race. Zach can confirm this." – Bob [01:16]
• Zach recounts becoming "public enemy number one" on night one after an AIDS joke flopped disastrously.
  • Details the context and learning experience, owning his mistake:
  • "I stand by the joke... but I didn't factor in that I was speaking to an entire room of men who went through it." – Zach [04:35]

Notable Moment

• Zach shares the actual joke for transparency and discusses audience reactions, with Bob offering both support and honest critique.
  • "If you don't tell them, they're going to make up the worst version." – Bob [05:25]
  • "So this is actually validating for me to hear because... the concept of a phone dying of AIDS is so funny." – Zach [05:38]

2. Comedy, Drag, & Crowd-Pleasing Tactics

[07:25–10:35]

• Discussion on how young comedians and drag performers use shock value or well-worn tricks to stir a reaction—sometimes for cheap applause.
  • Example: Drag queens drinking on stage or invoking “support your local queens” to prompt crowd noise.
  • "A cheap old drag trick... is stopping your lip sync to chug a beverage." – Bob [08:38]
  • "Comedians will often do things to get noise, even if the noise isn’t a laugh. You just want a reaction." – Bob [07:54]

3. Navigating Conflict in Close Quarters (Pandemic Roommates)

[13:00–18:32]

• Bob and Zach reflect on living together as roommates during the pandemic, only ever having a single true argument.
  • Argument was over semantics (whether a film festival was “porn” or “adult film”), yet became heated due to stress and pandemic pressures.
  • "We were two prickly pears trying to get grabbed with a big paw paw." – Bob [16:34]
• Both praise open communication, quick resolution, and highlight vulnerability in close friendships.

4. Home Life, Tidiness, and Childhood Pest Trauma

[19:41–23:13]

• Comparisons of living habits: Zach as the “tidy one;” Bob, the clutter queen but decent in shared spaces.
  • "My bedroom… it’s a write-off." – Bob [20:20]
• Stories of growing up in homes with roaches and ants, and how these experiences shape adult habits.

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5. Zach’s Creative Hustle: Filmmaking, Podcasts, and Thrifting

[24:09–36:15]

• Zach plugs his new SiriusXM show, After Hours with Zach Noe Towers, focusing on guests discussing their sexual journeys.
  • "You make people really comfortable with how open you are about sex." – Bob [24:50]
• Loves second-hand everything, especially Facebook Marketplace “low-ball” deals.
  • “I’ll lowball people in such an insulting way, but sometimes it works!” – Zach [35:34]
• Recaps a botched attempt to pick up a $600 swivel chair.

6. Queer Sex, Dick Sucking Contests, and Grindr Hacks

[26:44–47:20]

• Playful banter about oral sex prowess, including a recurring joke about an in-person “dick sucking contest.”
  • "If a man walked in right now, we’d just suck him. We’d put him on a lazy Susan." – Bob [27:05]
• Zach concedes Bob might win after witnessing Bob’s oral skills (demonstrated with a water bottle).
  • "You annihilate popsicles. Popsicles didn’t stand a chance." – Zach [28:39]
• Tips for getting more blowjobs via witty Grindr bios (Throat Goat Verification Society).
• Discussion of sex culture on gay cruises (RSVP vs. Atlantis) and who’s collecting the most “loads.”

7. Pronouns, Nonbinary Inclusion, and the Rise of They/Them

[40:39–42:43]

• Real talk on “they/them” pronoun usage, the (manufactured) conservative “war on grammar,” and how language adapts.
  • "It feels like a comfortable space for me to they/them people." – Zach [41:14]
  • "Conservatives have waged a war on grammar... How do you not know what a pronoun is?" – Bob [41:50]
• Affirms that using more inclusive language is a positive for spaces like theirs.

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8. Drag Race, Oversaturation, and Cultural Fatigue

[39:32–40:39]

• Zach credits Bob for getting him into Drag Race; both discuss feeling oversaturated by so many seasons/spinoffs.
  • "It became, like, a Marvel situation, where there was a little fatigue for me." – Zach [39:37]

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9. Nepotism, "Nepo Babies," and Privilege in Showbiz

[49:02–52:33]

• Spirited debate on the true meaning of “nepo baby” and whether it extends to spouses, friends, or is strictly for children.
  • Both agree: connections help, but ultimately talent matters to have staying power.
  • "We will all stumble upon a privilege or a gift that we have that sets us apart from everyone else." – Bob [51:04]
  • Playful shade at celebrity examples: Liza Minnelli, Willow Smith, and Chet Hanks.

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10. Navigating Nightlife and Aging Out of Club Culture

[56:38–57:31]

• Acknowledgement of their changing relationship with nightlife as they grow older.
  • "As I get older, I find myself wanting to go out less... but our jobs put us in those spaces often." – Bob [56:49–57:09]

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Notable Quotes

• On Comedy Risks & Growth:
  – “I haven’t told [that joke] in 10 years… It’s not worth it. In comedy, at the beginning, you just need people to listen—say 'abortion' or 'AIDS'... It’s a way to make noise. But the crowd was right.” – Zach [07:21]
  – “Even if the noise isn’t a laugh, you just want a noise, a reaction… Anything is better than sitting there in complete silence.” – Bob [07:54]

• On Friendship:
  – “We were two prickly pears trying to get grabbed with a big paw paw.” – Bob [16:34]
  – “Oh my god, you’re one of my favorite people ever.” – Zach [18:32]

• On Pronouns:
  – “It feels like a comfortable space for me to they them people.” – Zach [41:14]
  – “Conservatives have waged a war on grammar and literacy.” – Bob [41:50]

• On Thrifting/Marketplace:
  – “I’ll lowball people in such an insulting way, but sometimes it works!” – Zach [35:34]

• On Sex Positivity:
  – “You make people really comfortable with how open you are about sex.” – Bob [24:50]
  – “If a man walked in right now, we’d put him on a lazy Susan.” – Bob [27:05]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Meet Cute, Cruise Ship Memories: [00:40–06:35]
• AIDS Joke, Comedy & Consequences: [04:22–07:25]
• Applause Chasing – Comedy & Drag Tricks: [07:25–10:35]
• Roommate Drama & Film Festival Fights: [13:00–18:32]
• Childhood Home Stories & Pest Trauma: [19:41–23:13]
• Zach’s Podcast and Creative Hustle: [24:09–36:15]
• Oral Fixations & Dick Sucking Contest Bit: [26:44–30:05; 42:43–44:22]
• Pronouns, Language, and Grammar Wars: [40:39–42:43]
• Drag Race & Pop Culture Overload: [39:32–40:39]
• Nepotism/Nepo Babies Chat: [49:02–52:33]
• Nightlife & Getting Older: [56:38–57:31]

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Final Shoutouts & Plugs

• Zach’s new show: After Hours with Zach Noe Towers on SiriusXM’s Netflix is a Joke (Ch 93) & everywhere podcasts are found. [24:09]
• Bob’s new touring podcast: Bob and the Opener (featuring opening acts like Zach, Solomon Georgio, Sydney Washington, Jay Jurden, etc.) [58:41–59:05]
• Tour dates: See the Drag Queen dot com for Bob & Zach appearances.

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Tone:
True to Sibling Rivalry’s signature blend of affectionate ribbing, unapologetic queerness, and sharp comic insight, this episode delivers rapid-fire jokes, tender friendship, and plenty of real talk—from aging and sex to the nuances of queer comedy. Listeners are left with laughs, some philosophical nibbles, and a big-hearted celebration of community.

Transcript

[A]

My name is bob the drag queen.

[B]

And I'm monet x change.

[A]

And this is sibling rivalry. Hey, everyone. Welcome to Sibling Rivalry. Today we have a guest. We have comedian Zach Noitre. He's one of my oldest friends, and I've known him for, like, three weeks.

[B]

And I'm Bob's mentor in comedy. I'm so sorry for that joke.

[A]

But, yeah, me and Zach met years ago on a cruise.

[B]

Like nine years ago.

[A]

I don't think RSVP even exists anymore.

[B]

I don't think so either.

[A]

I don't think it survived the pandemic.

[B]

Well, it was the older sect of gay cruises, and there's a world in

[A]

which you just age out of cruise.

[B]

Yes. Let's say you ate burial at sea.

[A]

Yeah. And can we tell the story about you getting in trouble on the cruise? Is that.

[B]

Yeah. No, I don't care.

[A]

So Zach became public. Public enemy number one.

[B]

On night one on day.

[A]

Okay, so to be clear, what was happening was this was when I was. I was a New York City queen. I had not even filmed Drag Race yet. Actually. There's a really fun story in here. This. This cruise is part of how I got on Drag Race. Zach can confirm this.

[B]

Yes, I was there.

[A]

So I was hosting. So I've been doing stand up comedy for probably. Well, I started in 2008, so. What's that, 16 years?

[B]

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I started in 2008 and I have. And this was probably 2000. Maybe 13.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or 14ish, I think.

[B]

So whatever. Nine years ago was.

[A]

Yeah. So I've been doing stand up for. For a little while there.

[B]

2014.

[A]

Yeah. And I was hosting the comedy shows. Now there were two comedy shows a night for three nights at least.

[B]

There were four comics and we each had two nights.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

And then I also did my own shows, which were.

[B]

They added a third show for Bob because his shows kept getting standing ovations that led to encores and encores and encores. Your last show that they added was like a two hour show.

[A]

It was a very.

[B]

It was magical.

[A]

It was very validating. Yeah, Very, very validating. And so Zach and I met on this cruise. We were both in our 20s.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Probably 29 at the very. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. To be clear, we were the very

[A]

edge of our 20s.

[B]

Some would call it early 30s.

[A]

Yes. Some would. Okay, I'm going to say early 30s is up to 33. Mid 30s is 34 to 36. Late 30s is 30 to 39.

[B]

Yeah, right. Correct.

[A]

Because I'm.

[B]

Wait, who's. Who's debating you on this?

[A]

People who want to just have early and late 30s. They don't have mid.

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

Because they want to be in their early 30s until they're 35.

[B]

Oh, no, no, no, no. Sorry. Sorry, pumpkin.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're mid. You're made in more ways than one.

[A]

So because we were chicken on this cruise, like, we were young.

[B]

Oh, oh, oh. O. Some of the youngest people on the ship.

[A]

Well, we may have well been someone Johnny. Johnny Depp would want to. Not Johnny Depp. Was Johnny Depp. Is he the one who dates the young Leo Caprio?

[B]

Yes. Yes. And Leo, if you're watching, which I know you are, slide into these dms.

[A]

Yeah, we actually. Technically, we're probably a little too old for Leo DiCaprio. Apparently, it's 25. This is cut off. Allegedly. This is all alleged.

[B]

Alleged.

[A]

This is all alleged.

[B]

I think we're fine, legally speaking.

[A]

Um, but. Yeah, so we were obviously on this cruise as the. But there were. There were also a few, like, hustlers who like. Like hookers who work the cruises, too. Oh, and you'll. You can.

[B]

As they should.

[A]

They must clean up as they.

[B]

If I. If I did sex work, I would absolutely book cruise after cruise and just make myself known and available.

[A]

Right. You have to clean up, because here's

[B]

what I will say. I don't think I'd go with one guy. You know what I mean? Like, I wouldn't want a guy to, like, hire. Well, unless he's paying the right price. Hire me for the week. I'd rather go as a free agent and have, like, word of mouth spread.

[A]

More like mouth on mouth spread.

[B]

Yeah. Mouth of word.

[A]

So I. So we ended up on the first night, Zach told a joke that did not. I wouldn't say age well. It didn't even cook well. It did not there. It did not go well.

[B]

It didn't go well. I had been doing commie, like, four years at this point, and I. I stand by the joke. And you all might hate it, but it was crushing. In L. A. In L. A. It was like a closer type joke, and it may have incorporated the AIDS epidemic, which was okay to do. Then it was like, I didn't. I didn't factor in the fact that I was speaking to an entire room of men who went through it. Yeah, I was in my late 20s. I was a little drunk demon twink, and I just told my little AIDS joke. And when I tell you, do you

[A]

want to tell them the jokes. Because if you don't tell them, they're going to make up their own joke, and it's going to be 10 times worse than what you said.

[B]

Is it?

[A]

Like, if you don't tell the joke, they're going to make up the worst.

[B]

Oh version of it.

[A]

They're going to make, like, what's that. What's that puppet show with. With. With the. With all the A jokes in it.

[B]

Oh, oh, oh, America.

[A]

They're going to make it that. And it wasn't bad.

[B]

Okay, okay. So this is actually validating for me to hear because anyway, I say it's stand by the joke. I haven't told it in 10 years. Like, I don't need to. I don't want to. But the joke is, I love being gay. I love gay pride. Although gay pride is often more trouble than it's worth. Like this summer, as soon as I got there, my phone died of aids. I just kept filling it with random dudes numbers, and it died of aids, which is hilarious. The concept of a phone dying of AIDS is so funny.

[A]

So this room walk out. Which they're right to do.

[B]

I mean, listen, the fact that they could walk was refreshing. So much worse, their nurses took them out of the room. That's what I will say.

[A]

So. So anyway, and people would come up to me on the cruise and tell me to. They would ask me to reprimand Zach.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which was. Which was kind of wild.

[B]

I had people come up and go, are you that foul mouth Twink everyone's talking about? And I was like, twink?

[A]

I found a compliment there somewhere. Someone at the end of their twenties.

[B]

But you know what? I will say I also had men who were HIV positive come up and say, I thought that joke was really funny, but it was.

[A]

Where were you when I needed you? Where were you when I was dying a thousand deaths on stage? My goodness.

[B]

And you know what? I will say the crowd was ultimately right, and they did not book me for five years.

[A]

That's very mature of you. And you. And you stopped telling the joke. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not worth it. I found that in comedy, too, at the beginning of my career, at least. And I think I see this in other comics. They tell, like, shocking jokes that aren't necessarily true. They just need people to listen to them and, like, pay attention. And the easiest way to do that is say, like, abortion or, you know, AIDS or something like that.

[A]

Yeah, a lot. A lot of. A lot of young comics do that to get like, if you. Here's the thing about comedy is the. What you don't want is a silent room.

[B]

No.

[A]

So comedians will often do things to get noise, even if the noise isn't a laugh. You just want a noise, a reaction. Have you heard comedians who come out and they give affirmations? They say stuff like, we need to laugh now more than ever. And I was like, yeah.

[B]

Oh, it's such an easy. I'll say, telling people I'm sober on stage. It's an automatic applause break. And our mutual friends, like Deborah DiGiovanni, they don't like those. They, they. They see when people do that and be like, oh, that's such a. A cop out.

[A]

There are a few things in drag like that that I don't like. Like, for example, if a drag queen is doing a number a. A cheap old drag trick, in my opinion, I think it's a cheap drag trick, is stopping your lip sync to chug a beverage.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It always gets an applause if you drink a beverage from the. From full to empty, even if it's halfway full. If they can see that you finish the beverage and they watch that. And then, especially if. If the, if the cup was like a martini and there's no ice and you turn the cup upside down, sure, you're going to get a massive round of applause every single time. And I think it's cheap.

[B]

Does the song keep going?

[A]

Yes. Yeah, the song's going. And if you can time it to a place where it makes sense in the song. Okay, even better. You know what I mean?

[B]

Do you like that better when they time it so they're not. Not lip syncing.

[A]

The timing is. But if you can make it to a point where, like, if the lyrics up and, and you know, if you're doing like, ladies who lunch.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

You know, and you. Everybody and you, like, you drink.

[B]

So do you like that in that situation?

[A]

In that situation. But when it's to like, you know, or anaconda and it doesn't make any sense. I'm not into it.

[B]

Interesting. Wait, what are, what are some of the other ones that you have at top of mind that you don't like in the.

[A]

Yeah, I don't like when. I don't like when drag queens. This is a thing that a lot of Drag Race girls do. If they're kind of just like eating it on stage, they'll be like. And don't forget to support your local queens. Now, I do think it is important to support your local queens. I want to be Very clear about that. But, like, I can tell that you're eating it and you just need some applause. So you just lean in with everyone, please support your local queens. And everyone's like, yeah, vote, because you need noise. So that's the thing I'm saying, like. Like, comedians will get you to groan, they'll get you to applaud, they'll get you to gasp. Anything is better than sitting there in complete silence. Because, like, even. Even if you're, like, a halfway decent singer or, like, a halfway decent dancer at the end of the number, everyone's going to clap. Yeah, but if you're not. But as a comedian, the applause is the laughter during the set.

[B]

Oh, and you know what? You just pulled up for me, how uncomfortable I feel watching someone like one of the singers on the ship. And no applause is happening throughout the number. Do you mean, like, I. I've conditioned myself to be like. Like, I want to hear clapping and, like, applause throughout.

[A]

How did you get back involved in the. In the cruises? Was it when. When RSVP dissolved?

[B]

You know? Okay, actually, this is

[A]

Jacob saying RCP is in business. RCP is still in business, y'. All.

[B]

And book today.

[A]

I mean, Zach won't be booked, but you can go.

[B]

No. You know, this is so crazy. Five years later, I think, to the cruise. I was invited back then. One of the people saw me at the improv or something on an, like, an Aaron Foley show, invited me back. It was me and another comic. And it was very scary because I was like, oh, my God. This is like the exact situation where I. I fumbled so hard.

[A]

All the gay guys are like elephants. They remember you. Like I remember this.

[B]

But again, five years. Not all of them are there. I listen. I choose to laugh at our mortality, and that's just my way of coping.

[A]

Do you think you'll die before me?

[B]

Probably.

[A]

Why? You're only one year older than me.

[B]

We're the same age right now.

[A]

That's not how age works.

[B]

Aren't you 38?

[A]

Yeah, but we can. We are. We. We are both in the same year, but we're not the same age.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Wait.

[B]

No, no. You're 86.

[A]

I'm 86. You're 87.

[B]

85.

[A]

85. Yeah. We're not the same age. You're older than me, Mary.

[B]

Okay, but not a year.

[A]

Well, what month were you born? I was born. You're more than a year older than me then. Because I was born in June.

[B]

I don't know if anyone.

[A]

So from June. June, you were over A year. Wait. No, you couldn't have been over a year old. No, I'm on. I'm on crack.

[B]

You're wrong. Yes. I'm glad we could finally. Intervention.

[A]

Jacob's doing the math. Jacob. Jacob says that Zach is nine months older than me. A full baby.

[B]

I'm a full baby, and I am still a baby.

[A]

If your mom would have got pregnant right after you, you could. Had a sibling my age, a young sibling. If your mom would have got right back in the business.

[B]

I don't even. I don't even know. What was the question preceding this?

[A]

I don't remember. Somehow we got into.

[B]

Once you got me a year older, I got. I got prickly.

[A]

Yeah, you got a little defensive.

[B]

But what was it?

[A]

Well, Zach and I have been friends for this, like, almost 10 years now, and we've only ever gotten to one argument.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

One argument, which is honestly pretty. And we live together.

[B]

Is that good for you?

[A]

Is that not good for you?

[B]

No, it is.

[A]

It is.

[B]

Yeah. And I will say living together during the pandemic.

[A]

And it was during the pandemic.

[B]

Yeah, it was a lot of things.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I just. Yeah, it was. It was a very tumultuous time, and it was a silly thing. And I'm sure on my side, it was absolutely not about you.

[A]

I was spicy. I can acknowledge my partner. So what happened was, oh, we're going to do that. Should we not do that?

[B]

I mean, we can.

[A]

So we were. We were hanging out and then I, I. Oh, it was this.

[B]

You guys are.

[A]

You gotta be like, this was so stupid.

[B]

It is so that. I think that's why I'm like, oh, we shouldn't even talk about. But yeah. Yeah, good.

[A]

We were watching this film festival. Yeah, the. The porn film festival.

[B]

This is how it happened.

[A]

He goes, zach's a film buff. Zach's really into horror films, and Zach's a film buff in general. Zach really loves cartoons, adult cartoons, horror movies, and, like.

[B]

And movies. Films. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Zach. Zach is. There are literally times where I will call Zach and be like, what are you up to? And he'll be like, I can't answer. I'm at the movies. That. How many movies do you see a week?

[B]

Live, amc, a list, Shout out, plug, and like, at most three.

[A]

That's a lot of movies a week.

[B]

But aren't. See, I just. In my head, I think movies are, like, the best.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And in a theater where during summer especially, it's, like, cool and dark and, like, you're, like, taken to some Other

[A]

place, I would say I go to the movies once every three to four months.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And it's usually either at someone else, someone is inviting me.

[B]

But you go to a theater.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But do you watch movies at home? No.

[A]

Terribly often.

[B]

You watch YouTube?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. So that could not believe that I watch YouTube. So Zach was like, who is watching you? But now you're like, kind of. You got into YouTube.

[B]

I never didn't like it. But you.

[A]

I support independent film.

[B]

Oh. I don't know. I. I know there's so much to be had. YouTube for me, has always been like, I need an answer to something or I need to learn how to do something, and I'll go to YouTube. I don't often think of it as entertainment, but I know it is.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, I, I. I certainly enjoy YouTube, and I watch it a little less now. I was really in my YouTube bag, but I was also making so many YouTube videos.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

the time as well. And you were also really, like, Zach was making. Zach was one of those folks who's always writing, always creating something. You had that, that Ring series with Travis.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Pick up, pick up.

[A]

Oh, that was such a fun.

[B]

I like to do pick up whiz, and you can still find it. Oh. And the. The argument was, he said, this is porn. And I said, it was adult film. It was something as simple as that. It was like, semantics.

[A]

Yeah. And then we kind of argue from that.

[B]

And then it's not porn. Like, I was like. I was so. I was like, og.

[A]

I was like, oh, it's a porn film festival.

[B]

And I was like, no, no, no. Some of them don't have. Like, I was. I was really tripped up.

[A]

And then I said, somehow in the midst of all of that, I said, not everyone's coming for you, Zach. And that was the thing that really.

[B]

Yeah. Because I think that probably. And you've always, like. It awakened a. Of course, an inner suspicion that I'm perceived a way. A different way than I think I am.

[A]

And I. I was. I was prickly.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

We were two prickly pears trying to get grabbed with a big paw paw. Do you know what that movie that's from the great.

[B]

We say it again.

[A]

If you take a pair from the big paw paw, is it some sort of Disney? The Jungle Book.

[B]

Oh, okay. It was close.

[A]

It's in Baroness. Yeah. It's in Baron Intensity. Yeah. I'm Kiana, and I leveled up my business with Shopify. Once I figured out that Shopify was a thing I Never turned back. I can create a site with my eyes closed. Shopify thinks ahead of us, you know, and it thinks about the customer more than anything. Every day I'm thinking about some other new business, but Shopify is doing it to me because it's so easy to use. It's like, I can't stop. I'm addicted. Start your free [e-mail].

[B]

close your eyes. Exhale.

[A]

Feel your body relax. And let go of whatever you're carrying.

[B]

Today, letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-contacts. Oh, my gosh, they're so fast. And breathe. Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste. Visit 1-800-contacts.com today to save on your first order.

[A]

1-800-contacts.

[B]

I had another roommate who, when we, he was, we were fighting and he was like, you think you're so calm and serene. You don't have an ounce of serenity in your entire body. And I was like, that's crazy for it.

[A]

For a person who says the serenity prayer multiple times a week.

[B]

I know. Well, then again, it hit on this, like, inner suspicion that, like, oh, maybe I don't. Do you know what I mean?

[A]

I think you're, I think you are quite.

[B]

I think so too.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But you know, when you're open minded, unfortunately, it leaves you very vulnerable to people's words that you value.

[A]

Yeah, no, I, I. You know, you're definitely right about that. But anyway, me and Zach, obviously, I mean, Zach and I have a very fantastic friendship.

[B]

And oh, my God, you're one of my favorite people ever.

[A]

I went insane. Ditto. And I do think that one argument every time. And by the way, it was only like two, three days.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

We both were like, we're acting crazy.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

Poor Jacob in the middle of it. Poor Jacob.

[B]

Shout out, Jacob. And he did just mic himself. But then he ran. He counseled me a little bit. He was like, bob, you know, he's crazy. He was just like, you just will need a couple days. And I was like, okay, you know, like. And it was just like a couple days.

[A]

And it was, it was, it was, it was a little awkward in the house during those horse. You do not want to argue with someone you live with, y'. All. It is not. It is your home. You have to be comfortable in your home.

[B]

And that's why I don't believe in cohabitating.

[A]

I mean, I will say it was. It was. First of all, Jacob and I moved to L. A. And so I was renting a room in L. A. Before I ever lived here. And then I moved to L. A. And I was like, why would have a room? And Jacob and I were living in a two bedroom. Really? A three bedroom, two story apartment in the. In the heights.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And then we went to a bedroom. All of this into a bedroom.

[B]

And Zach is not a big one.

[A]

That's a big bedroom, Zach.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

That is a huge room.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Especially from a New Yorker. Bigger than my current bedroom.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

Is it? Yeah. So, yeah, it's. I think it's a big bedroom.

[B]

But again, going from what you said, two story huge to one bedroom.

[A]

Yeah. And I. I will admit that I've said this on podcast. I'm not tidy. I'm not known for my tidiness, But I'm decent in the common space.

[B]

Yeah, you're great in common space. But my bedroom, oh, my.

[A]

It's a write off.

[B]

It's wild. Like, can't. Can't see the floor.

[A]

That's not.

[B]

Can't see the floor.

[A]

That's not true.

[B]

They had a poop corner. They just pooped in it.

[A]

Okay, Zach. Thinking of stuff. But you're not like a neat freak.

[B]

No, you are.

[A]

But you are a very tidy person.

[B]

I'm pretty tidy.

[A]

I would say Zach is. You can have guests at any time. Anyone can stop by and, like, if

[B]

someone's not crazy, someone's up to my house.

[A]

The house is never crazy, but I will be picking up and acting like it's not normally this messy. Oh, my God.

[B]

Sorry. We had guests last night and they're like, no.

[A]

Every time. I'm. Literally every time I come by years ago, I was. Remember watching cribs.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I think it was either red man or method man. They had the most, like. I thought it was so cool. They had the most, like, normal home. It was like a normal house. Like, you would walk into the house and there was like, kids, there was toys.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

There was like, crayon marks on the wall.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I remember being like, it's really kind of brave of them to be like, this is my real house.

[B]

I was just gonna say, what does normal house look like to you?

[A]

I mean, to me, a normal house is like.

[B]

Like a family lived in home.

[A]

Yeah. Like. Yeah. Like. Yeah. Like, there might be a juice stain on the carpet.

[B]

Okay. Might be an open magazine.

[A]

Yes. For sure. A box in the corner that has not moved for months.

[B]

High chair with, like, Cheerios on it.

[A]

No, no, no, no. Oh, no. Food out. Oh, food out is wild.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

That's because I grew up with roaches.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I can't say that because my mom is dead and she would never want me to say this one when she was alive, but we had roaches when I grew up, and she would. My mother would, like, deny certain things. I'd be like, mom, we had roaches. We had roaches.

[B]

No, not.

[A]

Not in all of our home. Just when we lived in. In Columbus, Georgia, we had roaches. Then we moved to Phoenix State, Alabama, we had ants. So anyone lives in Alabama knows that, like, ants are a massive problem.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Ants. I don't care how nice your home is, ants are a massive, massive problem.

[B]

And how do they manifest? I. We had ants a couple times, I remember, and it'd be crazy because they. In a line. Yes, all. And you go like, yeah, up the

[A]

wall, down the thing.

[B]

They have. Oh, they're going to the Nabisco, literally. Or whatever.

[A]

I never left food out because of the either roaches that I had in Columbus, Georgia, or the ants that I had in Phoenix State, Alabama. By the time I moved to Atlanta, we didn't have any bugs because the apartment we lived in was pretty regularly fumigated.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But when we lived in the house in Phoenix City, just answered one time, my mom was like, all right, spring cleaning. Clean out your closet. I was cleaning out my closet and I had. I had so many toys. My mother got me a lot of toys. So many toys. And then, like, this one toy was, like, stuck. I was like, what is going on? There was an ant bed in my closet, a full ant bed in the corner of my closet. The mound, like, the mound with the dirt and the tunnels and everything in my closet. Isn't that crazy?

[B]

That's. That's wild.

[A]

Come see the shore. This. That's. This is wild. Get [e-mail].

[B]

i'll be there for, like, eight of the cities or eight of the shows.

[A]

Yeah, you do the New York City show.

[B]

Am I. I know. I'm doing. I know, I know, I know.

[A]

I said that so confidently.

[B]

Start in Toronto and I think I end in Florida.

[A]

Isn't that normal,

[B]

the natural progression of things?

[A]

Do you think you'll retire in la?

[B]

I mean, if I keep on my track and I, like, can get a cute, like, house or condo or whatever. Yeah, probably.

[A]

But would you ever go back to St. Louis?

[B]

Not unless I was forced to.

[A]

You wouldn't you know, you don't, you don't go home and like I could see myself come back here when I'm like 70

[B]

seasons. That, that okay. Actually this is. I'm so glad you said this. Earlier this morning I did another little radio thing and someone was like, oh, she passed away.

[A]

Oh, and plug your, your radio show.

[B]

Oh. After Hours with Zach Nui towers. It's on SiriusXM via the Netflix is a joke channel. Channel 93. If you don't have SiriusXM, that's okay. It's available anywhere. You get podcasts just like two weeks later. But there's a bunch of episodes. Bob was my very first guest on the show and it's very funny, very cute. It's me and a guest talking about their sexual journey.

[A]

You've had me, you've had Fortune theme,

[B]

you've had Joel Kim Booster. Yeah. Lots of Taylor Tomlinson, Nikki Glaser and some of these. Y' all are so open and honest about your sex lives. And it was, it's so much fun to talk about.

[A]

Well, you make people really comfortable with your, your, with how open you are about sex because this is your second sex podcast.

[B]

Open mind, open heart.

[A]

Good morning. Was your, Was that the tagline?

[B]

I mean, no, actually the exit, the outro line is until next time, keep sucking and fudgeing.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

Which is classy. Nice.

[A]

It is.

[B]

But yeah, my first podcast was Good Morning Sodomites. There's a bunch of episodes of that available. Bob was also. You were the second guest on that ever.

[A]

Alaska on it, huh? Jacob is on it.

[B]

Yeah, Yeah, A lot of people. And then there's like unknown people, like our friend Jake Carter who's like a model you remember, with the big beautiful penis with a self cited.

[A]

He's beautiful. I have never. I have. I want to be clear, I've never seen his penis.

[B]

You know what?

[A]

But he says my penis is very big and beautiful. It's perfect. Or something like that.

[B]

He does say something along those lines. He also refers to himself as a sex God. And these do not sound like great things to come out of the horse's mouth.

[A]

I don't think there's anything wrong with being like, I'm really good at sex.

[B]

That's interesting. Yeah, I guess I have a self deprecating bone in my body because I'm

[A]

like, you're sitting on.

[B]

But yeah, I like, I think I like people to find things out on their own. And I think it's also like, who's to say what good at sex means?

[A]

I Guess maybe it's. Maybe it's just feedback he's getting. Maybe this is all feedback. You know what I mean?

[B]

Totally.

[A]

You get feedback on your sex very often.

[B]

I've never. Well, I've gotten compliments. Does that count?

[A]

You share the compliments you've received.

[B]

I give a lot of oral sex and receive a lot of oral sex. And I was. I've been told. Oh, that was great. Oh, I. I've gotten this before. Oh, I don't usually come from oral, but I get that. I get that.

[A]

Do you come from oral?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Who doesn't come from oral sex?

[B]

People sound off in the comments if you don't get off from oral.

[A]

I wanted to do a dick sucking contest with money exchange.

[B]

It was originally me.

[A]

Was it me and you?

[B]

Yeah, originally. You wanted us to find a dude that we would both blow.

[A]

I'm still down. No one is. No one has taken me up on the offer yet.

[B]

This is the thing.

[A]

Is it too vulgar?

[B]

You're asking the wrong person.

[A]

True.

[B]

If. If a man walked in right now,

[A]

we just suck them.

[B]

We put him on a lazy Susan.

[A]

Are we the friends who. Who do stuff in the same room, though? I don't know that we're. I mean, I'm not. It just. It's never been on the table.

[B]

The older I get, the more I'm like, sure, why not? But I wouldn't be like, I never look at my friends and go, oh, I want to get them naked.

[A]

Years ago on a. I just interrupted a story you were telling. We. We are. And do you remember it even.

[B]

No, honey.

[A]

Wow. We. We have. We have that. We have done this twice.

[B]

I will say in my old age, we. You pose this competition years ago at this point. Yeah, I'm going to say five years ago, four years ago.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm willing to admit that you could very well be much better at giving oral sex.

[A]

What changed in five years?

[B]

I've seen.

[A]

Five years ago, you were like, I'm positive.

[B]

I know, because I think I was

[A]

like, I also show you this.

[B]

I. Oh, this is part of it. On my radio show After Hours, you put a water bottle a like, arrowhead, you know, the little collapsible kind in your mouth with no problem.

[A]

Very Glenn Close.

[B]

And on tv, while I will say, that's giving, gaping. That's giving anyone feeling gapy, tonight, I. The way in which I tried and just toothed that entire bottle did scare me, but. And I've also seen you annihilate popsicles. Just these popsicles didn't stand a chance.

[A]

I. This is also part of what. I don't drink anymore. Whenever I have a drink, it does not last. Oh, sure, I don't sip any. I don't down the hat. I don't sip anything. And when I was drinking alcohol, it was the same way. I just cannot sip.

[B]

Sip.

[A]

People are always gagged at how fast I consume liquids. They are truly blown away that anyone can consume liquid as fast as I do.

[B]

No, you're like, get it in me. Or at least with alcohol too. I love taking shots. I love just like chugging the drink or like, get it in. I don't want to hold it. Get it in.

[A]

Well, I didn't necessarily need a shot because I drank my. My cocktail as fast as people were drinking their shots. I would just put a straw in it. Like I would walking around the club with a drink.

[B]

Oh, no, never. No, no, no.

[A]

Never walked around with a drink.

[B]

Maybe a beer. But I saw the beer as hydrating, where I'd be like, oh, I have like my little, like, you know.

[A]

You know what else I will do? I will hold the empty can and sip from the empty can. I will keep thinking, and I'm like, oh, there's nothing. But I won't put it down. And I would just keep doing my thing. And then I'll go and I'll be

[B]

like, is that to avoid people bothering you?

[A]

I don't know. I think it's. Cause I. You ever go to the fridge and you know there's nothing there?

[B]

Oh, yes.

[A]

You have not gone to the. You have not gone to the grocery store, you've not bought anything, but you keep revisiting the same fridge. That's me.

[B]

There is a part of me that believes we are thinking we have fresh eyes. Like there is something I didn't see. So maybe it's like an optimist thing

[A]

where you're like, if you have roommates, something could pop up you.

[B]

Yes. Or it could pop out.

[A]

Yes, exactly. I don't know what that means.

[B]

I meant like, it could. You could open and be things gone.

[A]

Yes. Oh, yeah, yeah. So, okay, earlier I mentioned this is part of how the. The cruise ship got me on Drag Race.

[B]

Oh, yes. So Kathy Najimmy was one of the other performers doing her one woman show, Main stage.

[A]

Zach and I were on like this. This step. There's like three levels. There's like the main stage, there's the cabaret space, and there's like the loud.

[B]

The lounges. Yeah. And we were in the cab the mid Size.

[A]

But it was maybe on a 200 seat theater.

[B]

Yeah. Which is cool. And they also had like a four camera setup.

[A]

Oh, my God. This cruise ship was. It was truly. It was. Actually, they would broadcast Because Johnny McGovern would do hey, Queen with RIP Lady. Ray Couture was on the cruise as well, and they would broadcast it out and all the shows are uploaded to

[B]

the TVs so you could watch them on demand later.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Imagine my horror when I realized anyone who missed my live fumble could catch it later in their room.

[A]

It is very big of you though, to admit that, like, the joke didn't work. It offended people. I don't want to just keep telling

[B]

it was a complete, complete misstep on my situation because some people are double down.

[A]

Like, like, like Dave Chappelle. Like, no, I was right. I'm gonna keep doing it. And fuck you guys.

[B]

I have a different. I'm trying to entertain as many people as possible. And while I do want to be true to myself, I am willing to sacrifice bits and premises to make more people in on the joke and feel

[A]

good in the audience.

[B]

Yes. I got into it because I wanted people to laugh, not be triggered by, like losing the love of their life, you know?

[A]

That's very fair. Kathy, Jimmy, Catherine.

[B]

Jimmy who you might know from Hocus Pocus or the voice of Peg Hill on King of the Hill.

[A]

Sister Act, Sister Act.

[B]

Veronica's closet. So many things. Icon. She's doing a one woman show. After she came to see Bob's last show, the one that was like two hours long, full of applause breaks. Like, six of us went up to dinner and she said she pulled out her. Her global phone or whatever.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because there was no phone service at this point. In cruises and stuff.

[A]

Only the rich have these phones.

[B]

Exactly. So she calls. She calls. And didn't she leave a message for Ru?

[A]

Yeah, she called RuPaul. RuPaul did not answer.

[B]

And she said she was like, ru, I found the next winner to your

[A]

show and I won the next season of Drag Race.

[B]

So it is all set up.

[A]

Industry plan.

[B]

Yeah. But I will say, as someone who, like, did not know Bob going into the situation, not only was Bob, like the nicest person, they were the most professional performer I had seen and truly so talented.

[A]

Oh, God, that's so sweet.

[B]

I mean, hopefully, you know, it's true.

[A]

I do feel that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then. And then my first time in L. A. I. Did I stay with you or I stay with you?

[B]

Stayed at a hotel, but we hung out.

[A]

Oh. Because I Was filming Cherry Pop.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

So my. Actually, technically, my second time in, like, my first time in LA was filming RuPaul's Drag Race.

[B]

Wow. But, you know, your first time in

[A]

la, I had never set foot down in LA until I filmed Repulsed. Drag Race.

[B]

That. Do you. Do you all get to, like, explore, though?

[A]

No.

[B]

They have you on lockdown.

[A]

Yeah. So back in my day, we used to film it off of Santa Monica and La Cienega.

[B]

Huh?

[A]

No, Las Palmas.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Santa Monica and Las Palmas. There is a.

[B]

There's a. Oh, the Oprah studio.

[A]

Is that Oprah?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I Love Lucy.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Will and Grace.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

I think iCarly used to shoot there.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And in seasons one through eight of RuPaul's Drag Race.

[B]

That's before it went.

[A]

Not one. Right. I think three through three through eight.

[B]

Okay. The first three were in a basement,

[A]

I think in RuPaul's garage. Yeah. In RuPaul's guest bedroom, where BB Zahara was crowned and then had to go to the guest bathroom, the half bathroom, to put her crown on.

[B]

When you're eliminated, it was just, like, into the basement.

[A]

Literally. They just call you an Uber and they send you back to your place.

[B]

Uber. No. Yeah.

[A]

No. Oh, my God.

[B]

Back.

[A]

There was no Uber. There was no Uber. But yeah, so we used to film it over there, and then we would stay in Burbank. We drive out to Burbank to sleep, and then they drive us into the city, and that was how we did it. Now they're like. Now they have, like, a big. They're in some giant fancy studio. I, I, I went for season 10, and I did All Stars. The one with. The one that. The one. What's the name? Just one? Yeah. What's her name? The winner, Anger. The one that Anger just won. I did a bit for. For them. It is so much nicer. It is, like, so nice.

[B]

Yeah. It's like a. A hugely successful franchise at this point.

[A]

Yes. I was on Logo.

[B]

I know you were.

[A]

I know. Well, what am I? So. Yeah. So that. That is the story of how we. How we ended up on. We have. We have crossed so many subjects already.

[B]

I know. We've been friends, and then. Oh, we talked about this.

[A]

Oh, on the video shopping, you used to thrift.

[B]

I love thrift shopping.

[A]

You still thrift?

[B]

Yeah. Everything I buy is secondhand. Everything I'm wearing right now is secondhand.

[A]

Zach is also obsessed with Facebook Marketplace. Like, y'. All. I mean, I would literally be in the apartment, and I could be like, I, I Got to go see about a chest of drawers. Like, that could be like, I'm driving to San Francisco to check in on

[B]

a Tiffany lamp to save $8 on something. I'm obsessed with reusing things. I'm obsessed with, like, finding things instead of paying full price. And I do this psychotic thing on Facebook Marketplace, where in the. In the dark of night, I'll lowball people in such an insulting way because. But it's really. It's kind of work sometimes. Exactly. So especially because, like, that leather chair I have that swivels that was listed for, like, $600 on Facebook marketplace. And I said, would you take 150 and. Which is rude.

[A]

That's insane.

[B]

And she goes, if you pick it up right now, you can have it for 150.

[A]

And that's when I caught Zach in the dead of night, 3:00am driving to Arizona, driving to Las Vegas to buy a swivel chair, put it in the back of his Prius.

[B]

Okay. You know, it's so messed up about that. I go, does not fit in my Prius. Shit. Call the. My sister, she has an suv. Doesn't fit in the suv. Called a guy I was dating at the time.

[A]

You Special Victims. Did I say sbu? My sister who works in svu.

[B]

Dad. And then I called the guy I was dating, and it fit in the back of his car. But I was like. I felt so dumb that the guy

[A]

you had the dog with.

[B]

Yeah, we had a dog. I carried it to term and everything.

[A]

Oh, another dog lives in, like, Kentucky.

[B]

Dog has a yard and a house. I famously. I didn't abandon this dog, but I did adopt it briefly, and then my ex acquired him, and it's been the best thing ever.

[A]

That was a very cute dog.

[B]

The peanut is the cutest.

[A]

I say this, and I stand by this. White people will give their dogs food names. Biscuit, peanut, pickle, hot dog. Sure. Lollipop, candy, cashew. They. They. They. They're oatmeal. They're obsessed. And lesbians.

[B]

White people do.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And lesbians give their. Give their. Maybe this is a gay guy thing. I'm not sure. But lesbians give their cats human being names, and they give Melissa and they give their girlfriends cat nicknames.

[B]

Kitty.

[A]

Yeah. Like. Like, this is my cat, Elizabeth, and this is my girlfriend, Muffin. Like, that is how it always. Do you remember that when lesbian Kitty or something, she was on rsvp. She was like, an older lesbian who would come. Who travel on the cruiser. She was. She has been like, every RSVP Cruise ever.

[B]

Oh, as a passenger, her name was,

[A]

like, Kitty or Katie or. Or Kitten or.

[B]

Or Muffin or Miffy or something peculiar.

[A]

And she had a cat named, like, Susan. Huh? Yeah.

[B]

RIP who named.

[A]

She's not.

[B]

Okay, listen, I assume the cat was passed because I thought.

[A]

You assumed the lesbian was passed.

[B]

Oh, no, no, no. The cat.

[A]

Oh. I thought you were talking about the cows. Like, Jesus.

[B]

I'm like, I'm. I'm rude, but I'm not.

[A]

That episode of the Pit Stop, Isabelle Brooks told Bianca, like, she was like, oh, my grandma made me this. My grandma made me this. This, like, scarf or something. And Bianca's like, every time I don't like something, someone's like, my dead grandma. She's like, I didn't say my grandma was dead. I said, she made me this scarf. This is. She's like, I.

[B]

Every time. My dead grandma. Oh, my gosh. You living with a lie.

[A]

I didn't say she. That. I said she made this. That was insane.

[B]

Talk about the crazy resentment towards this person's, like, past loved one having made something.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

That really rubbed her the wrong way.

[A]

So are you. Are you okay? I don't know if I should breach this subject.

[B]

Oh, are you.

[A]

Were you, like, a Drag Race girl who, like, watched? Were you. Are you. Were you watching? Because you would go to watch parties and stuff.

[B]

You are the reason I got into Drag Race.

[A]

So you didn't watch anything before season eight?

[B]

I watched things like, yeah, I've watched things before season eight, but more so since I started liking it, I'd go back or people would recommend things, or I go pop in.

[A]

Are you watching the current International All Stars?

[B]

No.

[A]

It's a lot. Right? I don't know if. I don't know if one is watching this. They probably are, actually.

[B]

It be. It did become feel a little oversaturated. Like, do you mean, like the season after season after season, there became, like, a Marvel situation where there was a little fatigue for me.

[A]

The cinematic. Yeah, okay. Marvel. I used to be like, I got to see every Marvel film, and now

[B]

entire ones come out, and you're like, I'll skip this one.

[A]

Literally. And this is someone who watches 18 movies a day.

[B]

Yeah. It's just.

[A]

I can not watch every Marvel film.

[B]

No. And there's so many between the movies and the TV shows, there's one coming out, like, every month or two, and it's just too much.

[A]

Well, you got me into WandaVision. WandaVision's fun one division was a really exciting one because I was like, I'm not about to watch these fucking shows. And then one Division was such a good show. And one of my friends is in

[B]

the spin off Agatha all along. I will be tuning in for that.

[A]

But shout out to Sashir Zamada. Oh.

[B]

Oh, they're in that?

[A]

Yes. Ashir's in it.

[B]

Yeah. I love everyone.

[A]

Everyone's a they them. Idio. Oh, my God. Patricia lupone.

[B]

God. Okay, so actually question and please drag me in the comments.

[A]

You've been dragged already.

[B]

I. I shudder to think about what people will say about me. But also, I think that's okay.

[A]

People like you.

[B]

Whatever they want to say, whatever your therapy is, if it's dragging me, drag me. But is it inappropriate to they. To they people?

[A]

I think it's safe. I mean, I don't they them everyone. And I probably should be they theming more people.

[B]

It feels like a comfortable space for me to they them people.

[A]

It is safer.

[B]

Okay. To me. Okay, this is the other thing. Didn't we use they them periodically before it became known to be a pronoun subject?

[A]

Yeah, like someone, someone. Someone left their coat here.

[B]

Like, is Bob going to the party? And I was like, I texted them earlier. I would say that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I wouldn't always say I texted him earlier. Was I wrong to do that back?

[A]

I don't think so. I think conservatives have waged a war on grammar.

[B]

Oh, it's insane.

[A]

And literacy. And now they do. They act like they don't know what's a pronoun. How do you not know? You literally learned this in elementary school. How do you not know what a pronoun is?

[B]

You know, I did radio with someone like that of that kill of that cut from that clock ilk. God, that. That is the word. Thank you. Yeah. And they were like, I just don't know what to say anymore. And I go, you know what? I promise you, if. If you sat down with 10, 10 cards, 10 note cards, you could have it figured out in. In one hour.

[A]

And that's all you have to do. And it certainly doesn't take a high level of intelligence if you could figure out.

[B]

And it's also just like, I'm just like. I try to leave with a compliment. Like, I promise you. Like, I hear you. New things are hard to sometimes ingest. But, like, I promise you, if you just sat down and, like, looked at it for, like, a few minutes, like, you'd get it and it'd be okay.

[A]

I want to get back to this dick second contest. Are we prepared to finally officially do It. We got to find someone.

[B]

This is the I. But I almost want to say that I concede that I think you will for sure beat me in it. No, he sucked our deck.

[A]

Yeah. And I think Zach won that one because I can't get a call.

[B]

How do you get your dick sucked? Wrong.

[A]

To be.

[B]

To be fair, I. Me and this guy have been.

[A]

Oh, it's been a long stand.

[B]

Yeah. We have like an oral thing. Like, I feel like I'm grandfathered in maybe. But we also wax and Wayne. Like, there's been like six months, nine months at a time that we haven't.

[A]

Maybe I'm gonna wane right now. Yeah, yeah, maybe. I'm in the middle of a Wayne and my waxing is coming up.

[B]

He's also very waxes.

[A]

Let me tell you right now. He waxes.

[B]

Honey, he is. Is there like a rating thing or like, is it too raunchy in this ever this for us? Yeah, this show.

[A]

No, no, no, no. He Monet talks about getting someone on her chest.

[B]

Oh, really? Well, you all get. You gotta sign up.

[A]

Exactly. Anyway, go ahead.

[B]

That feels like a Patreon exclusive, if I'm being honest. Oh, he loves loads. Like, I. I think I will use the term load collector, which, if you've ever been on an Atlantis cruise, which is the younger version of rsvp, there are very proud load collectors. And these men will acquire like 100 loads in like four days. And like, that's a lot of clump,

[A]

a lot of protein. Seriously, what has helped me get a lot of blow jobs on a grinder.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Well, it feels easy to get to get blow jobs on the grinder. Sometimes I struggle to find a dick to suck on Grindr.

[A]

Oh yeah. It's easier to get sucked in way for sure.

[B]

Any straight men are listening. Just know, right? Grindr is your endless buffet of oral sex. If you want head and would be okay getting it from someone who also identifies as male Grindr, all you have to do is put SMD or something of that variation, have a relationship straight. Just want some head. You will your phone will.

[A]

There are non binary people and there even. There are trans women and even CIS women. I've seen CIS women on Grindr.

[B]

Oh, yes. I didn't mean to be exclusionary, but yes. Yeah, I agree.

[A]

I think also if you're a. If you. I've had a friend tell me if you are a CIS woman and you want a bi man to have sex with with you, Grindr will. You'll go crazy. They're like if you are a sis woman on Grindr, you will actually get hit up a lot.

[B]

And I see more and more guys or people with they, he, him pronouns in their profile will be like, only into girls. Femme.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

People still say cd. Is that like crossdressers?

[A]

Yeah, no, I think a lot. There are people who identify as cross dressers.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

For sure.

[B]

Well, there are definitely men seeking. See the cross dress.

[A]

I mean, I would call myself a cross dresser, but not for set. Not sexually, though.

[B]

Yeah. You're for money only.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or for fun. I'll do it for fun, too.

[B]

For sure.

[A]

Okay. So this is what I put in my bio that has helped me really up the amount of blowjobs I've been receiving. I put here as a representation of the cheat of here as a representative of the TGVs, the throat goat Verification Society.

[B]

Brilliant.

[A]

And people are, like, brilliant trying to get verified yet. Yeah, it will. I'm telling you, whatever you're at now, if you put that in there, you will get more blowjobs.

[B]

So, first of all, I had a funny sketch that I used to do, and it was a Halloween costume where it was one of those clipboard people outside of Whole Foods or whatever with the dps, the Dick Pic Society. And as a Halloween costume, may I just say, this is the most simple costume. You just need a clipboard, a lanyard, whatever, and you just go up and you're like, hi, sorry, I'm working tonight. I'm here with the Dick Pic Society. Have you ever received a dick pic? And, like, yes or no? It's like, well, I don't know if you know this, but there are lots of. There's thousands of lonely, horny singles who have not ever received a dick pic. And here at the dps, we want to connect those people with dick pics. Now, you can become part of the society in two ways. You can put your number down to receive a dick pic, or you can become a donor and send a dick pic. And so these guys would write down their name and phone number on my clipboard and tell me if they wanted to send a dick pic or receive a dick pic. And then later that night, I would go through and just, like, text them.

[A]

Like, you actually did the work?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Were you sending them your dick pics or were you actually connecting them with other people?

[B]

No, no. Me. I mean, it's a Halloween costume at a gay party. I'm not, like, outside of Whole Foods, to be clear. I. Oh, I. You know what's so crazy is that Scary movie. I wrote about the gay dating app. It is Sniffies. I wrote it in 2018 and it's a location based Run us our money. But isn't this wild how the universe.

[A]

I put myself in there. Give us our money.

[B]

I mean, you know, did you know you're attached to the project,

[A]

but it's not my ip.

[B]

But it's crazy how the universe gives all of us access to the idea and like, you just have to take it and run with it.

[A]

Who's the actor who invented Instagram? Who's the actor who keeps going online saying, Jacob, can you help us out

[B]

that some actor claimed that they invented Instagram?

[A]

It's Jamie Lee Curtis.

[B]

Oh yeah. She's like, I had a picture and I showed it to someone and I said, tap on it twice.

[A]

I think that she was like, I think she had a blog spot or something.

[B]

Grass.

[A]

I don't remember what it was, but Jamie Lee Curtis, She's. By the way, she's not kidding. I think it's Jamie Lee Curtis. She's like. She's like, I invented Instagram. And I mean, she. She's not kidding.

[B]

She rarely is.

[A]

Well, she seems goofy though. She does because I saw everything ever all at once.

[B]

You know who she's married to?

[A]

Who?

[B]

Christopher Guest.

[A]

The. The writer of all those show.

[B]

Waiting for Guffman.

[A]

How long?

[B]

Forever.

[A]

And she. She been any of them? They don't. They don't.

[B]

They don't think so. No, she's not. I would know it.

[A]

Would you want to be in one of your husband's films?

[B]

Yeah, I think so.

[A]

You would be a Nepo baby.

[B]

Is that a Nepo baby? I mean, that's a Nepo husband.

[A]

I mean, Nepo babies have to actually be the children of the people.

[B]

Can it be like connections related to. I think it's relation, like blood relation.

[A]

Is that what an Apple baby is? It has a relation or. Or adopted or something? You have to be.

[B]

Nepotism is like hiring within the family, I think.

[A]

Nepotism. I think. Well, I know nepotism itself is like getting jobs based on your. Not on your merit, but on your connections.

[B]

That's interesting because I don't. That's what I agree. I agree that Nepo babies. Nepo babies. So I actually. Should I Google it in real time.

[A]

So I'll google nepotism. You google Nepo baby. So what do you. What do you have for Nepo baby?

[B]

Napo baby is.

[A]

But we start with nepotism because it's. The baby comes from nepotism.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Nepotism is the practice among the practice among those with power or influence of favoring relatives, friends or associates, especially by giving them jobs.

[B]

Oh. Oh, so it is just connection. Yeah, like family, friends. Oh, well, then I'm sure we've all experienced nepotism.

[A]

Yeah, for sure.

[B]

I really thought it was family. Like, I thought it was like, he's my cousin.

[A]

I joke that Monet is my nipple baby.

[B]

Op is your her drag mom?

[A]

I mean, kind of. And I'm not really her drag mom, but I, I, I was kind of her drag. I like her drag aunt kind of.

[B]

Sure, sure.

[A]

But we're sisters. But I, I was just a little bit more established in the scene that she was. But she formally asked someone else to be her drag mom.

[B]

Nepo baby is an informal term that refers to someone who is believed to have benefited from their family connections or privileged background instead of their own talent or merit.

[A]

So I guess nepo baby is more about family, though.

[B]

Yeah. Because baby, I think, implies someone for me.

[A]

Yeah, that makes sense.

[B]

I will. This is my shout out to nepo babies. I still think that in order for them to stick around and have a career, they must be talented as well.

[A]

Like, we could call Liza Minnelli a nipple baby.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

But it is no doubt that she her talent.

[B]

Yes. And in that way, we will all stumble upon a privilege or a gift that we have that sets us apart from everyone else.

[A]

Willow Smith is a nepo baby who is incredibly talented.

[B]

Incredibly talented.

[A]

Chet Hanks is a nepo baby, but he's not. I don't think he has the lasting power.

[B]

What does he do?

[A]

Kid Hanks has music.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

And he talks like a Jamaican.

[B]

But the brother, Colin Hanks, good actor.

[A]

The hell is Colin Hanks? What's he in?

[B]

A lot.

[A]

Name one thing.

[B]

He was in the Godzilla with Jack Black.

[A]

Wasn't that King Kong?

[B]

King Kong? I'm so sorry. He was just. Oh, he was in. Now, hold on, hold on, hold on.

[A]

I mean, that's good enough. I probably won't know anything else. I, I happen to be a huge Jack Black fan.

[B]

He was in Dexter. He was in House Bunny. He was in. Oh, he's the lead in Orange County. That movie. He was in Fargo.

[A]

Okay, Jumanji.

[B]

Anyway, he's a pretty good actor.

[A]

Yeah, the new Jumanji.

[B]

Lily Rose Depp, star of the Idol. Did you watch that? Did you know about it? The fake pop star

[A]

Trey Siobhan was in it.

[B]

Yeah, that show. Really? Oh, and ironically, Sam Levinson, who I believe was the Creator of the show who did Euphoria.

[A]

Do you know any nipple babies? Personally? I. I've met a few nipple babies, and they do not like. They do not like being called. They really don't like that term.

[B]

It is a. It is a subject you have to delicately dance around.

[A]

Very delicately. When you and I did a cruise with a comedian who. Who in my opinion. A Nepo baby.

[B]

Very much so.

[A]

And I'm not saying he's not funny. He is funny.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But he is a Nepo baby for sure, right?

[B]

Yes. Oh, there's a deeper thing that we'll talk about. Off Pod. That is, I think, a phenomenon, but it will. I. I think I want to talk about it. Sorry, that was weird. We'll cut that out.

[A]

Monet does it all the time.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

When? It does it all the time. She's like, something. Don't remind. Something I need to tell you. I can't say it here, but I'll tell you.

[B]

I would hate to hear that as a listener.

[A]

You know, our fans are so used to it.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

Yeah. I don't love it, but fans are kind of used to this.

[B]

I really apologize because it's something I hate, and it's. It's akin to.

[A]

Now we're just really digging into it.

[B]

There's eight. Eight people talking, and one person says something to the other that only they would get. And I'm like, there are six other people here listening.

[A]

Or someone goes, remind me to tell you later. Not. Not around these people.

[B]

Insane.

[A]

If I text you in a room, are you going to make a big deal about it or are you going to be chilling?

[B]

I'm gonna be chill.

[A]

Like, if we're in a room together.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

With. With like, three other people and you get a text from me, are you gonna. Because my friend Patrick is not cool about it.

[B]

That's Patrick.

[A]

Patrick is like, why did you text without reading it? My God, Bob, why did you text me?

[B]

That is insane.

[A]

It's horrible. Well, I looked at the text from Monet. I was like, yeah, look at the text from Monet. And I was like, let me go look at the text from Monet. And I went. I was like. And Monet sent us this. A tweet. And I was like, okay. And I did not see the text from Jacob, but I did not spoil it. I just was not picking up what you were putting down, which is fair.

[B]

I do feel like this is. Yeah, this is a gray area moment, but it's in the vicinity.

[A]

It is. No, it is. It isn't. It is in the neighborhood.

[B]

But that is wild. That's like.

[A]

Especially because usually the text is like, I want to go home. Or like. Or, like, was.

[B]

Or this person is pissing me off.

[A]

Did they really just say what I think they just said? That was insane.

[B]

Yep. It's the catching eyes with your friend across the room. But text.

[A]

Do you still go to the bars and clubs and stuff?

[B]

Funny you should say that. I went to an event called Gay Watch. Have you heard of it? It's, like, from you.

[A]

I was like. I was like, oh, it says in Venice.

[B]

I literally went, have you heard of Gay Watch? It's in Venice. It's a monthly. And then Bob goes, this is yesterday. He goes, oh, where is it? When does it happen?

[A]

How often does it happen? What is. What's it called? And I wasn't even being funny. I was. I was like, how often does it happen? Where is it? You're like, I just said Venice Monthly.

[B]

It is, like, close enough, I think, to the water. You can kind of smell the ocean air. And, like, one part of the patio has, like, a bunch of sand, and they play episodes of Baywatch while you're there. But it was really. I was dreading going because we weren't gonna get there till, like, 11. Way past my bedtime. Yeah.

[A]

On the beach at 11:00pm well, it's

[B]

at an establishment, but I'm just saying it's close to. It's, like, close to the water. And I was like, oh, my God. Across town, Venice. I. I know.

[A]

It's great.

[B]

No, it's not great. It's not crazy.

[A]

And it was. I wasn't even doing.

[B]

I know you weren't. That's in Santa Monica.

[A]

That's insane.

[B]

Venice. And you're like. And what's it called again? But I think. Do you ever go into something dreading it, and then you have, like, a good time and you're like, oh. But it's probably partly because you were dreading it. Like, if I went with expectations that it was gonna be fun, that I was gonna meet a guy, that I was gonna flirt or whatever, I would have been, like, devastated. But because I was like, oh, my God. Just go. Just go. Just go. And I just went. And it was fun.

[A]

Hey, I'm on the podcast. I'll call you right back. Okay. All right, bye. That was Naomi Smalls.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Which Naomi once came to me and Zach's apartment to win.

[B]

More than once, I feel like.

[A]

Yeah, a few times. But specifically the time that she did my makeup for the podcast she came to the house the night before to do skin care. Like it took her four hours just to do the makeup. And then she spent an hour the night before prepping. Prepping my skin. I was like, does my skin. I thought, I have my skin.

[B]

He had a blowtorch and she was like smithing.

[A]

We got to resurface this whole. This whole fucking thing. As I get older, I find myself wanting to go out less, of course,

[B]

which I always heard but couldn't conceive.

[A]

But because there were a few older people who were like, are always at the club.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like when I was consistent, when I was working in the clubs and going to the clubs for fun, in the bars for fun. There'd be a few people older than I am now who were always. And by the way, those who are still at the club.

[B]

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Well, I think we do take for granted that our jobs put us in those spaces often. So we're getting our beak sweat in that way. And then other people work at CarMax from 8am to 6pm and then they desperately need a shot of like fun and life and exuberance.

[A]

I have a question for you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If people want to see you in LA or on the Internet, where can they support you?

[B]

I would love to feel your love and support on socials. I'm at Zach Noe towers everywhere. Z A C H N O E T O W E R S I'm about to tour my hour this fall. It's like Philly, San Francisco, Sacramento, Atlanta. I'll be in Toronto. I'll be with Bob for a good portion of their to his tour. Her tour, all of them were its tour.

[A]

That one that went not so much.

[B]

But yeah, I would love. I'm almost at 100k on Instagram and I really like 94.

[A]

That's pretty close.

[B]

Stop you. You should have seen Jacob out of the corner of my eye went like he looked around for something quickly. He couldn't find his mic. And that's what it was to say. Everyone follows unfollow him.

[A]

I mean, after the age joke, they probably all have unfollowed you.

[B]

Listen if you are you phone or your tablet has recently died of aids. I apologize.

[A]

Okay. You're doubling down. All right. Thank you all so much for tuning. You can see me and Zach on tour. You can go to see the drag queen dot com. I'm also going to be launching a new podcast called Bob in the opener where me and whoever's opening for me that week will be doing a weekly podcast. It will be featuring Bob, obviously. Bob the drag queen.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Zach no Towers. Solomon Giorgio.

[B]

Sydney, Washington.

[A]

Sydney Washington.

[B]

Jay Jordan.

[A]

Jay Jordan.

[B]

And a few more who are Ross Hernandez.

[A]

Ross Hernandez. And one or two more who are yet to be Cartman.

[B]

Cool.

[A]

All right, thanks, everyone. It.