Silver Linings with The Old Gays

Episode: "Evolving Through The Mess" ft. Brandon Kyle Goodman: “Permission to break the boxes.”

Date: August 19, 2025
Host: The Old Gays (Robert Reeves, Jessay Martin, Bill Lyons, Michael "Mick" Peterson)
Special Guest: Brandon Kyle Goodman

Overview

The season one finale of Silver Linings with The Old Gays features their first-ever guest, the dynamic Brandon Kyle Goodman. Best known as a writer, comedian, activist, and host of the podcast Tell Me Something Messy, Brandon joins the Old Gays for a candid, intergenerational conversation about queerness past and present. Together, they reflect on coming out stories, chosen family, self-love, sex positivity, grieving rituals, and the evolving experience of LGBTQ+ community life.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Generational Perspectives on Queer Identity

• The Old Gays and Brandon compare Silent Generation, Boomer, and Millennial experiences:
  • Bill clarifies the "Silent Generation" vs. Boomer labels and their cultural significance.
  • Robert notes how different waves of boomers experienced big movements (civil rights, women’s, LGBTQ+ rights).
  • Brandon shares millennial hallmarks: focus on mental health and feelings, 90s nostalgia, and the embrace of singlehood.
  • They discuss the idea that generational labels are both informative and sometimes irrelevant when it comes to personal journeys.

  “I never figured out these boomers and exes and all that stuff. I’m just me.” – Mick Peterson (07:03)

2. Coming Out: Stories & Challenges

• The group shares unique coming out journeys, illustrating generational shifts:
  • Jesse’s was gradual and internal:

    “For me there was no single event or anything. It was just a very gradual natural process that took place when I was probably five…” (07:56)

  • Robert recalls coming out to his mother while high on LSD, and her wary acceptance:

    “Oh, okay, I still love you, but don’t tell your father.” (09:28)

  • Bill quips he “came out of the womb gay” but never officially told family; his sexuality was always apparent.
  • Mick narrates a supportive yet emotional coming out process with his mother, highlighting the importance of love and acceptance.
  • Brandon came out in his early 20s to his Trinidadian mother, resulting in a 15-year estrangement, and speaks to chosen family:

    “My journey has been learning to love myself regardless of whether or not my family could show up for me.” (12:28)

3. Chosen Family & Community

• Brandon and the Old Gays discuss how queer community fills familial gaps.
  • Brandon credits older generations for making out-loud living possible.

  “It would feel disrespectful…to not honor the people who have come before and who were living out loud…if I feel safe enough to do it, I should.” – Brandon (13:31)

  • Robert reflects on sharing more with chosen family than blood relatives, particularly regarding queer culture and experiences:

    “I have so little in common with [my family]...I have to relate on their level…” (24:04)

  • Bill expresses gratitude for strong blood family support, but notes he knows he is lucky. (26:06)

4. Sex, Shame, & Liberation

• The group ditches taboos, covering joyful and awkward sides of queer sexuality:
  • Brandon describes Tell Me Something Messy as “a safe space to talk about relationships, sex, and identity”—from cringe to soulful.
  • They share “messy” stories: lost butt plugs, porn, and oral sex tips (like the “BK Goodman Yawn” for a better blowjob).

    “I taught people how to give a better blowjob, which is by yawning...you suppress the gag reflex.” – Brandon (20:46)

  • Brandon’s definition of “hoe” (spelled ‘heaux’):

    “Someone who commits to the liberation of themselves and others by thoughtfully interrogating their relationship to sex using curiosity, communication, and compassion.” (22:24)

  • The hosts agree that sex for queer men, especially before AIDS, was equal parts connection and fun, but often began with conversation and community.

    “Sex is not just about penetration, but it’s about conversation.” – Brandon (22:40)

5. Self-Love, Worth, and Aging

• On self-acceptance and aging:
  • Jesse suggests self-love starts by recognizing uniqueness.
  • Robert:

    “I think loving yourself begins with masturbation.” (33:22)

  • Brandon adds that self-love is about embracing imperfections and past trauma, not perfection.
  • They challenge ageism, with Brandon (aged 38) declaring he feels like life is just beginning.

    “30 is when life begins…Some people may experience what looks like externally the success...but who you are as a person...you don't know...until you’re further along.” – Brandon (35:14)

  • Bill and Jesse share how their 80s are unexpectedly wonderful and fulfilling.

    "It's the best time of my life." – Bill (36:19)

6. Grief, Loss, and Rituals

• The group discusses rituals for processing grief and the importance of talking about loss:
  • Robert and Bill both use classical music, especially opera, as a grieving tool.
  • Mick describes using support groups and helping others as a way to heal after the loss of his partner.
  • Jesse shares a more analytical, problem-solving approach to grief, though admits to crying and emotional releases.

    “I try to look at what the cause of the grief as a problem to be solved…” – Jesse (44:08)

  • Brandon and Robert note the freedom (and responsibility) that can come with parent loss or estrangement—a chance for self-actualization.

    “Because I'm not...no longer a representative of the bloodline, I can kind of play and explore.” – Brandon (37:43)

7. Passing on Strength and Visibility

• Brandon asks the elders how to best protect and lift up one another today:
  • Robert stresses visibility—using your voice for those before and after.

    “A lot of people died for our freedoms…so when I say something publicly, I think of generations that are younger than me…All of that has given me the courage to join in.” (30:19)

  • Robert reminds young queers to act with courage and integrity, even at the cost of career.

    “I’d rather be true to myself and to my peers than to be fake.” (31:40)

8. Silver Linings and Queer Joy

• Brandon’s key silver lining from being queer:

  "The permission, the invitation, and the embracing of being able to be my full self...in the queer community I felt like I've been given permission to break the boxes and live, like, to build my own blueprint as opposed to following a societal one." (45:28)

• In closing, Brandon expresses gratitude to the Old Gays for their joyful, boundary-pushing presence:

  “You are healing so many people by just being.” (46:14)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On generational labels:
  “I never figured out these boomers and exes and all that stuff. I’m just me.” – Mick Peterson (07:03)
• On coming out:
  “Oh, okay, I still love you, but don’t tell your father.” – Robert Brie’s mother (09:28)
• On chosen family:
  "My journey has been learning to love myself regardless of whether or not my family could show up for me." – Brandon (12:28)
• On healing:
  “You don’t need somebody’s response to heal…you just need to say the truth of what you’re feeling…that healing has to come from you.” – Brandon quoting Lena Waithe’s therapist (15:08)
• On sex positivity:
  “Sex is not just about penetration, but it’s about conversation.” – Brandon (22:40)
• On queer aging:
  "30 is when life begins." – Robert Brie (35:14)
• On queer community:
  "In the queer community I felt like I've been given permission to break the boxes and live..." – Brandon (45:28)
• Closing gratitude:
  “You are healing so many people by just being.” – Brandon (46:14)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Introduction & Generational Banter: 00:04–04:50
• Coming Out Journeys: 07:15–12:28
• Chosen Family & Parental Relationships: 12:28–14:06
• About 'Tell Me Something Messy' Podcast: 14:11–17:21
• Sexual Stories & Conversation: 17:33–24:01
• Family & Celebrity: 26:05–27:18
• Community Protection & Activism: 29:54–32:17
• Self-Love & Aging: 32:47–36:14
• Grief & Rituals: 36:55–45:19
• Silver Linings Reflection: 45:21–46:14
• Brandon’s Closing Gratitude: 46:14–47:00

Tone and Atmosphere

The episode is a blend of raucous humor, moving vulnerability, and insightful wisdom. The Old Gays and Brandon riff off each other with honesty and warmth, creating a unique space where taboo topics—from butt plugs to grieving rituals—are welcomed with laughter and loving curiosity. The tone is playful, frank, affirming, and deeply rooted in lived queer experience—making this episode a touchstone for listeners seeking both entertainment and connection.

For new listeners:
This episode is a vivid journey across generations of queer experience, full of hilarious asides, heartfelt stories, and practical wisdom. Whether you’re wrestling with coming out, seeking community, healing from grief, or just wanting a laugh about queer sex and senior sleaze—a silver lining awaits you here.