In this episode of Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia explores the hidden patterns behind addiction, emotional dysregulation, self-sabotage, and high-functioning survival mode. She is joined by Dr. Blair Steel, a licensed clinical psychologist whose career has focused on resilience, substance abuse treatment, and helping people understand how they either transcend adversity or become trapped in negative cycles. Dr. Steel’s background includes training at Beit T’Shuvah, working as a primary therapist at Cliffside Malibu, serving as Program Director at Passages Malibu, and maintaining a private practice. She is currently a clinical supervisor at pH Wellness and part of the clinical team at Carrara Wellness Treatment & Spa, with writing featured in outlets including The Huffington Post, CNBC, and Well + Good.

Together, Sonia and Dr. Steel unpack why addiction is often more complicated than a simple bad habit or lack of willpower. They discuss what it means to view emotional and behavioral patterns as protective rather than defective, and why alcohol or substances can become a way to regulate depression, anxiety, social discomfort, trauma, identity loss, or overwhelm. The conversation looks at the progression from drinking as something that feels magical, to something medicinal, to something miserable — and how to recognize when substance use has become a private coping mechanism instead of a shared ritual or choice.

Dr. Steel brings a compassionate, clinically grounded perspective to high-functioning addiction, perfectionism, shame, cultural programming, and emotional avoidance. She explains why shame rarely creates lasting change, why internal motivation matters in long-term sobriety, and how “pattern solving” can be more useful than problem solving. Sonia and Dr. Steel also explore AA, community, social media, therapy, psychedelics, ketamine, antidepressants, labels, self-regulation, and the difference between being alcohol-free and identifying as sober.

In the personal story segment, Sonia shares her experience of being a high-functioning alcoholic while working as an orthodontist, running a large practice, and holding a professional license. She reflects on selling her business, the identity loss that followed, her fear of having too much unstructured time, and the realization that sobriety was not just about removing alcohol — it was about building a new life. Sonia and Dr. Steel also discuss the grief of letting go of old identities, the pressure to appear put together, and the moment when the “party” has often been over long before someone finally stops drinking.

This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our substack for extra tips, tricks and resources.

Highlights

[00:01:00] Dr. Blair Steel introduces her work as a clinical psychologist and how she entered the addiction treatment field.

[00:02:00] Blair explains why she sees patterns as protective rather than defective.

[00:03:00] Sonia reflects on how alcohol once helped her survive severe depression and anxiety.

[00:04:00] Blair discusses why substances can work temporarily before they begin taking more than they give.

[00:05:00] Sonia and Blair talk about shame, blame, fear, and why shame is not motivating.

[00:06:00] Blair introduces the idea of pattern solving instead of problem solving.

[00:07:00] Sonia connects cultural expectations, self-care, and the pressure to push through pain.

[00:08:00] Blair explains how alcohol can maintain a disconnect between the head and the heart.

[00:09:00] Blair discusses the disease model of addiction and why she does not approach people as “sick.”

[00:10:00] Sonia asks why addiction and mood disorders so often go hand in hand.

[00:11:00] Blair shares the phrase “magical, medicinal, then miserable” to describe the progression of alcohol use.

[00:12:00] Blair explains why she prefers “problematic” and “non-problematic” substance use over “healthy” alcohol use.

[00:13:00] Sonia and Blair discuss psychedelics, ketamine, and the risks for people who tend to reach for substances.

[00:16:00] Blair validates Sonia’s self-awareness around knowing what is risky for her sobriety.

[00:17:00] Blair shares her view of AA, community, interpretation, and why connection matters.

[00:18:00] Sonia asks how addiction shows up differently in high-functioning people.

[00:20:00] Sonia shares her experience as a high-functioning alcoholic with a professional license.

[00:23:00] Sonia reflects on losing her identities as wife, orthodontist, and business owner.

[00:29:00] Blair explains the difference between external motivation and internal motivation in long-term sobriety.

[00:43:00] Blair offers a first step for anyone feeling stuck: set a small, short-term, attainable goal and get honest about what happens.

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