In this episode of Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia and Kathleen continue the 12-step series with Arlina Allen for a real, funny, and deeply honest conversation about Step Three: making a decision to turn will and life over to a higher power. Arlina helps unpack the language that can feel intimidating, especially the “God” part, and reframes Step Three as a practice of willingness, surrender, and learning to stop doing recovery alone.

The conversation explores what it means to move from willpower to willingness, why “trying harder” often keeps people stuck, and how dependence on a higher power can actually create more freedom. Sonia and Arlina talk about abstinence, moderation, self-will, fear, control, family triggers, difficult conversations, and the emotional gymnastics of wondering whether there is an “easier, softer way” to stay sober.

Along the way, they make Step Three feel practical and human. They discuss the difference between surrender and giving up, how intuition can show up as peace, why self-care is part of spiritual practice, and how resentment becomes a bridge into Step Four. The episode also touches on the Serenity Prayer, direct communication, emotional responsibility, and the inventory process: naming resentments, identifying how they affect self-esteem, security, relationships, and fear, and beginning to see one’s own patterns without collapsing into shame.

In the personal story segment, Sonia reflects on the relief and grief of realizing that full abstinence is the easier, softer way for her, even when part of her wishes she could use substances differently. Arlina shares how old family patterns, friendship endings, people-pleasing, and “everybody hates me” thinking still show up after decades of sobriety—and how connection, gratitude, honest conversations, and returning to practice help bring her back to peace.

This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our substack for extra tips, tricks and resources.

Highlights

[00:01:00] Sonia explains why Step Two felt like a mental hurdle.

[00:03:00] Arlina reads Step Three and reframes it through willingness.

[00:04:00] The set-aside prayer opens the door to new information.

[00:05:00] Sonia shares when she finally became willing to consider abstinence.

[00:06:00] Dependence on a higher power becomes independence of spirit.

[00:08:00] Step Three is not abdicating responsibility.

[00:09:00] Arlina explains ego, intuition, and the quiet voice of peace.

[00:12:00] Outside perspective helps interrupt the silo of self-will.

[00:14:00] Family triggers reveal old default settings.

[00:16:00] Arlina checks self-care when “nobody likes me” thinking returns.

[00:18:00] Sonia reflects on learning to treat herself like a precious object.

[00:21:00] Recovery as a practice, not a one-time achievement.

[00:23:00] “Ish” and dimmer switches offer a gentler view of consistency.

[00:24:00] Arlina defines self-will as fear, control, and self-centeredness.

[00:27:00] Love versus fear becomes a simple spiritual gut check.

[00:30:00] Letting go of a friendship becomes an act of self-respect.

[00:33:00] Sonia connects with “no easier, softer way.”

[00:36:00] Running the experiment again is no longer necessary.

[00:39:00] Resentments become the bridge into Step Four.

[00:48:00] The Serenity Prayer becomes a tool for emotional disturbance and indecision.

Arlina's Links

🌐 www.soberlifeschool.com
📸 Instagram: @arlinaallen | @odaatpodcast

SIS Links

💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen

📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email

📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram

🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast

📸 Kathleen’s Instagram