In this episode of Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia takes on something she has circled for years: the 12 steps. After years of attending meetings here and there, interviewing addiction experts, and seeing the way the steps have changed people’s lives, she is finally stepping in. Joined by recovery coach, One Day at a Time podcast host, and The 12 Steps for Skeptics author Arlina Allen, Sonia explores Step Two through the lens of skepticism, spirituality, language, and lived recovery.

The conversation opens with Sonia’s honest reaction to Step Two: “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” Together, Sonia and Arlina unpack why words like sanity, insanity, God, and character defects can feel outdated or loaded, especially for people who understand addiction through trauma, mental health, coping mechanisms, and neuroscience. They also explore how to “take what you like and leave the rest,” why looking for similarities matters, and how a higher power can be understood in a way that feels personal, flexible, and grounded.

Arlina helps reframe Step Two as less about dogma and more about willingness, support, outside perspective, and access to something beyond one’s own fear-based thinking. The episode touches on spirituality versus religion, the pause between impulse and reaction, emotional triggers, “first thought wrong,” and why the hard choice is often the right one. Sonia and Arlina also talk about synchronicity, awe, honesty, music, emotional avoidance, and how sobriety can make room for deeper joy, grief, intuition, and connection.

In the personal story segment, Sonia shares how she is beginning to recognize her higher power in real life: in moments of synchronicity, in sober awe, and in choosing honesty. Arlina offers a beautiful reflection on how witnessing someone else heal can soften and heal something inside us, too. The conversation becomes both practical and deeply human—a bridge for anyone who has wanted the wisdom of the steps, but needed a way in that actually feels possible.

This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our substack for extra tips, tricks and resources.

[00:00:00] Sonia introduces the episode and shares why doing the 12 steps feels like a big deal.

[00:02:00] Arlina Allen joins Sonia to begin exploring Step Two.

[00:03:00] Sonia explains why the word “sanity” immediately brings up resistance.

[00:05:00] Arlina reframes insanity as repeating the same pattern and expecting a different result.

[00:06:00] Arlina explains Step Two as the beginning of needing help and outside perspective.

[00:08:00] Sonia and Arlina discuss trauma, coping mechanisms, guilt, shame, and neuroscience.

[00:10:00] Arlina talks about looking for similarities instead of differences in recovery literature.

[00:12:00] Sonia shares the “Fred drinking whiskey in milk” moment that took her out of the Big Book.

[00:14:00] Sonia explains how the 12 and 12 and Arlina’s homework softened her resistance.

[00:16:00] Sonia describes her current concept of spirituality and a higher power.

[00:18:00] Sonia reflects on reliance versus defiance and asking for guidance instead of control.

[00:20:00] Arlina explains why surrender is not abdicating responsibility.

[00:21:00] Sonia and Arlina explore the difference between impulse, instinct, and inner guidance.

[00:23:00] Arlina discusses triggers, condescension, and the power of pausing before reacting.

[00:30:00] Sonia shares the qualities she wants in a higher power.

[00:32:00] Arlina tells a powerful story about synchronicity, grief, and a sobriety date.

[00:40:00] Sonia describes sober awe, inspiration, and the return of her inner life.

[00:43:00] Sonia connects higher power to the pause between impulse and reaction.

[00:49:00] Sonia shares an emotional story about grief, love, and witnessing healing.

[00:54:00] Arlina explains why avoiding pain also blocks joy, awe, and wonder.

Arlina's Links

🌐 www.soberlifeschool.com
📸 Instagram: @arlinaallen | @odaatpodcast

SIS Links

💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen

📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email

📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram

🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast

📸 Kathleen’s Instagram