Slow Burn / Decoder Ring | “Videomate: Men” (Encore)

Host: Willa Paskin | Date: December 3, 2025

Episode Overview

In this encore episode, Decoder Ring dives into the strange, earnest, and unintentionally hilarious world of 1980s video dating, focusing on the VHS artifact "Videomate: Men." Willa Paskin explores how video dating briefly flourished, why it faded away with the rise of new technology, and why, despite our video-saturated culture, it still hasn’t become the norm for finding love. The conversation uses Videomate and the industry giant Great Expectations as windows into ongoing tensions in dating: vulnerability versus self-protection, authenticity versus presentation, and the universal discomfort of letting oneself truly be seen.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Videomate: Men Phenomenon

• Introduction of Videomate (02:50–06:00)

  • In 1987, Videomate: Men offered 60 LA-based bachelors pitching themselves directly to home viewers.
  • Men describe themselves in quirky, candid, sometimes awkward monologues, e.g., “Are you a little crazy? Do you like to laugh a lot?” (02:50)
  • Produced as both entertainment and matchmaking tool.

• Features of Videomate (03:36–04:46)

  • Each man's video segment included stats (occupation, weight, height) and a unique code for contact.
  • Moments range from the comical (“I am looking for the goddess. Are you the goddess?” 04:22) to the affecting (“I decided that I’m lonely. That’s the truth.” 04:29).
  • Some men performed magic tricks, brandished roses, or donned costumes—like the memorable Viking (04:46).

“They pitch themselves directly to whoever’s watching... here are all of these men trying to be their best selves and instead coming across as anything but.” — Willa Paskin (03:15–04:03)

2. From Time Capsule to Viral Curiosity

• Rescued from Obscurity (08:24–10:09)

  • Joe Pickett and Nick Prewer from the Found Footage Festival preserved Videomate alongside other vintage dating tapes.
  • The edited clip went viral on YouTube in 2010, demonstrating public fascination with awkward, vintage self-presentations.

• “This is amazing.” — Willa Paskin to Joe & Nick about collection of tapes (09:18)

• Iconic Lines

  • “No fatties, I want it all. No dopers, no smokers, no alcoholics...” — Videomate participant (10:09)

3. The Creator’s Intent and Experience

• Steve Dwarman’s Vision (10:41–13:24)

  • Dwarman was inspired to make Videomate less laborious and costly than the industry leader, Great Expectations.
  • The recruitment took out huge ads; Steve ran auditions and filmed all sessions himself.
  • “I just use ‘we’ figuratively to make it sound bigger than myself.” — Steve Dwarman, on the company’s actual size (11:50)
  • “They had to be entertaining, otherwise you would have turned it off after five minutes.” (12:54)

• Success and Limitations

  • Videomate sold thousands of tapes after a TV segment on "Entertainment Tonight," but technical and logistical constraints made scaling impossible and led to bankruptcy (22:45).

4. Great Expectations & The Early Days of Video Dating

• Julie Fuhrman’s Testimonial (15:20–21:25)
  • Great Expectations, launched in 1976, was the first and most successful video dating service, boasting a reputation for exclusivity to counter stigma.
  • The service was expensive—$1,400/year in the 90s—and involved in-person profile and video creation.
  • Julie, a satisfied client who became a franchise employee, credits its success to “skin in the game”: motivation, effort, and mutual investment—not to the video itself.
  • “There’s a lot of value in both people having skin in the game.” — Julie Fuhrman (21:34)

5. The End of Video Dating’s First Era

• Transition to the Internet (22:45–25:03)

  • The rise of the internet (Match.com, 1995) all but killed elaborate in-person video dating models, outpacing video until broadband arrived.
  • In the interim, video dating became a pop culture joke, mocked in films ("Singles" 1992) and comedy sketches (MAD TV, Tim & Eric).

• “All of these bits are sending up self-awareness, or rather a lack of it... It’s like they’re tattling on themselves.” — Willa Paskin (26:35)

6. Why Didn’t Video Dating Make a Comeback?

• Technological Renaissance, Human Reluctance (27:05–29:55)

  • Despite platforms like Tinder, Hinge, and Coffee Meets Bagel integrating video features, user adoption lags far behind the promise.
  • Dawoon Kang (Coffee Meets Bagel): “Video actually can be worth more than a thousand pictures, even in a very very short clip.” (27:39)
  • Andrea Silenzi: “There’s just something so creepy when you see them moving.” (29:06)

• Failed Video Features (30:05–32:00)

  • Attempts to lower barriers (short videos, auto-deletion, daily prompts) still failed to gain real traction—most users preferred not to expose themselves in a new, vulnerable way.
  • “If this is the party that I’m a part of, I... would rather not be here.” — Andrea Silenzi on encountering video-dating “pioneers” (31:39)

• Quote: “Video may be better, but it’s not easier. It’s not less painful.” — Willa Paskin (32:55)

7. Vulnerability, Self-Exposure, and the Human Factor

• The Paradox of Modern Dating (33:45–35:31)

  • Video reveals the truth about people—sometimes too much. People crave authenticity, but fear rejection, leading to the ultra-minimal presentation style of today’s dating apps.
  • “To find people who will really like you for you... it actually helps to be the Viking.” — Willa Paskin (35:08)
  • “I’m really looking for somebody I can feel special about and I don’t encounter people like that very often and I’m hoping you’re one of them.” — The Viking, Videomate (35:23)

• Closing Insight

  • The “Catch-22” is that showing your real self on video increases the sting of rejection, while apps move toward less exposure—making rejection easier to take, but real connection harder to forge.

8. Timelessness of Vulnerability in Dating

• Final Reflection (36:58–37:13)
  • The moral: it takes bravery to be yourself. The “Videomate men, as laughable as they are, are at least a little brave.”
  • “Putting yourself out there can feel really bad. But sometimes to get what you really want, you have to do it anyway.” — Willa Paskin (37:12)

Memorable Quotes & Timestamps

• “I am looking for the goddess. Are you the goddess? Who is the goddess?” — Videomate participant (04:22)
• “I decided that I’m lonely. That’s the truth.” — Videomate participant (04:29)
• “No fatties, I want it all. No dopers, no smokers, no alcoholics, I still want...” — Videomate participant (10:09)
• “They had to be entertaining, otherwise you would have turned it off after five minutes.” — Steve Dwarman (12:54)
• “There’s a lot of value in both people having skin in the game.” — Julie Fuhrman (21:34)
• “We built it to be the largest dating brand in the world … but we were battling the stigma of ‘I wouldn’t touch a dating service with an 11-foot pole.’” — Jeff Ullman, Great Expectations founder (17:19)
• “Video actually can be worth more than a thousand pictures, even in a very very short clip.” — Dawoon Kang (27:39)
• “There’s just something so creepy when you see them moving.” — Andrea Silenzi (29:06)
• “The Videomate men, as laughable as they are, are at least a little brave.” — Willa Paskin (37:12)

Notable Segments & Timestamps

• Videomate: Men description and excerpts: (02:50–06:00)
• Found Footage Festival & Videomate’s viral life: (08:24–10:09)
• Steve Dwarman’s background and motivations: (10:41–13:24)
• Julie Fuhrman on Great Expectations & matchmaking: (15:20–21:25)
• The decline and stigma of video dating after the Internet: (22:45–25:03)
• Modern dating apps’ struggle with video features: (27:05–32:00)
• Analysis of vulnerability and human resistance to video: (33:45–35:31)
• Closing reflections on bravery and real connection: (36:58–37:13)

Tone & Style

Much like the original episode, Paskin’s approach is curious, gently rueful, and empathetic—never mean-spirited about the sometimes absurd subjects. The episode’s tone invites listeners to see both the humor and the vulnerability in the earnest attempts at connection, drawing out broader truths about dating, technology, and human nature.

Summary Takeaway

Through the lens of one archaic VHS artifact, Decoder Ring uncovers why video dating never caught on—despite its clear potential, it's still just too risky, too exposing for most. Technology may change, but the discomfort of true vulnerability remains. To be seen is both what we want and what we fear—and until that paradox changes, video dating will remain a curiosity, a time capsule, and a challenge awaiting a braver generation.