101 - It’s A Numbers Game (w/ Will Arnett and Jason Bateman)

Summary

SmartLess Presents ClueLess
Episode 101: It’s A Numbers Game (w/ Will Arnett and Jason Bateman)
Release Date: November 18, 2024
Duration: Approximately 16 minutes

---

Introduction

Elliott Kalan kicks off the inaugural episode of "Clueless", a spinoff from SmartLess Media, setting the stage for a delightful blend of puzzles, humor, and celebrity camaraderie. As the host, Elliott introduces the concept: a biweekly, bite-sized podcast where listeners tackle various puzzles, brainteasers, and conundrums, striving to be faster than the show's resident puzzle enthusiast, Sean Hayes.

Elliott Kalan (00:41):

"Welcome to episode one of SmartLess Presents Clueless, a brand new podcast where you, the listener, try to solve puzzles faster than Sean Hayes."

Guest Introductions

Joining Elliott on this pilot episode are two of Sean Hayes's close friends and esteemed actors, Will Arnett and Jason Bateman. The trio reminisces about past game nights and adventures, providing listeners with a glimpse into their strong friendship and shared love for gaming.

Will Arnett (01:31):

"You know I'm at a 10, but you pick up the slack with your energy, Elliot. It's really infectious."

Jason Bateman (02:42):

"We used to gather over at his house for game night. Sean has been with us. We used to play a lot of poker together. I mean, he's a gifted gamer."

Setting Up the Game

Elliott unveils the episode's main attraction: "It's A Numbers Game TV show edition." This interactive segment challenges participants to solve math equations where TV show titles with numbers replace numerical values. Additionally, there's an opportunity for bonus points if the answer itself is a TV show title.

Elliott Kalan (06:04):

"This game is built around TV shows with numbers in their titles. You are going to be tested on your very useful knowledge of television shows and also your very useless knowledge of basic elementary school math."

A practice question is presented to help guests and listeners grasp the game's mechanics:

Elliott Kalan (06:51):

"If I said day fiance minus for 30, what would the answer be?"

Jason Bateman (07:16):

"Sean Hayes. 90 day fiance. 30 for 30."

Will Arnett (07:18):

"So it'd be 60."

Elliott Kalan (07:19):

"Yep, you got that right. And if you wanted that extra point, what is there a show title with 60 Minutes?"

Main Game: It's A Numbers Game TV Show Edition

The game progresses with increasing difficulty, showcasing the quick wit and knowledge of the guests.

1. First Question:

   • Elliott Kalan (07:31):

     "Million Dollar man divided by Stooges."

   • Will Arnett (07:43):

     "Six million dollars, man."

   • Jason Bateman (07:44):

     "Yep."

   • Elliott Kalan (07:57):

     "Perfect."

2. Second Question:

   • Elliott Kalan (08:21):

     "Reno nine. Plus and a half men."

   • Will Arnett (08:35):

     "Wait, No, Reno 911 could be 11 or two ones."

   • Sean Hayes (08:47):

     "13 is 13 and 13 reasons why."

3. Third Question:

   • Elliott Kalan (09:08):

     "Heaven Times Company."

   • Jason Bateman (09:18):

     "21 Jump Street."

4. Fourth Question:

   • Elliott Kalan (09:54):

     "Beverly Hills 0210. Minus is enough."

   • Will Arnett (09:58):

     "One murder."

5. Fifth Question:

   • Elliott Kalan (10:23):

     "Things I hate about you, minus Babylon."

   • Will Arnett (10:43):

     "Party of five."

Throughout the game, humor and friendly banter abound. Notably, Jason Bateman teases Sean Hayes about his game performance:

Jason Bateman (10:09):

"Sean, by the way, you suck at this game. I haven't heard one answer."

Sean Hayes (10:16):

"It's obviously helping."

Mega Clue

After the main questions, Elliott introduces the Mega Clue segment—a culminating puzzle derived from the answers of the previous questions. Guests are prompted to perform mathematical operations, leading to a final riddle.

Elliott Kalan (11:36):

"Sean, Will, Jason, are you guys going to get any sleep between now and the moment you learn the answer to this puzzle?"

The segment involves multiple steps:

1. Summing Previous Answers:

   • Numbers: 2, 13, 21, 1, 5
   • Total: 42

2. Subtracting the Number of Monkeys in a TV Adaptation:

   • Reference: "12 Monkeys"
   • Calculation: 42 - 12 = 30

3. Final Calculation:

   • Adding the last number to 9970: 30 + 9970 = 10,000
   • Elliott Kalan (13:40):

     "Can you tell me the name of any pyramids that are worth that much money?"

The guests respond with playful remarks, highlighting their chemistry and humor.

Cliffhanger Puzzle

As the episode nears its end, Elliott presents the Cliffhanger Puzzle, a teaser for listeners to ponder until the next episode.

Elliott Kalan (14:09):

"Today's puzzle takes the form of a little story. It seems that the energy drink Prime Hydration has been so successful that the company celebrated by creating two solid gold prime bottles. The gold bottles are an appropriate vessel for the drink. Silver bottles would also be appropriate, but iron or tin bottles would not be. Why is that the case?"

Guests speculate on potential answers, adding intrigue and anticipation for future discussions.

Conclusion

Elliott wraps up the episode by encouraging listeners to engage with the podcast through subscriptions, ratings, and reviews. The guests bid farewell with light-hearted comments, and Elliott teases the next episode's content.

Elliott Kalan (15:37):

"We'll reveal the answer to today's cliffhanger puzzle at the top of our next episode."

Sean Hayes (16:34):

"Good Burger."

---

Notable Quotes

• Elliott Kalan (01:06):

  "Sean Hayes and Smartless Media are excited to announce the birth of an all new baby podcast. The podcast weighs in at a healthy 10 to 12 minutes."

• Will Arnett (06:34):

  "227."

• Jason Bateman (07:19):

  "It will be a winner in one of these questions."

• Sean Hayes (10:02):

  "Murder one. Very good, Will."

• Elliott Kalan (11:01):

  "Which. It's good for record keeping for later."

• Jason Bateman (13:40):

  "That's the way we'd end things on smart lists."

• Elliott Kalan (15:23):

  "We'll reveal the answer to today's cliffhanger puzzle at the top of our next episode."

---

Key Takeaways

• "Clueless" successfully blends entertainment with cognitive challenges, making it engaging for both casual listeners and puzzle enthusiasts.
• The chemistry between Elliott Kalan, Sean Hayes, Will Arnett, and Jason Bateman adds depth and humor, enhancing the overall listening experience.
• Interactive segments like "It's A Numbers Game" and the Mega Clue foster listener participation and anticipation for future episodes.

Conclusion

Episode 101 of SmartLess Presents ClueLess sets a promising tone for the series, combining celebrity charm with stimulating puzzles. Whether you're a fan of TV trivia, math challenges, or simply enjoy the dynamic between the hosts and guests, this episode offers a compelling start to what promises to be an entertaining podcast journey.

Transcript

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[T-Mobile Terms and Conditions Voice]

Four lines via virtual prepaid card. Allow 15 days qualifying unlocked device credit service ported 90 plus days with device and eligible carrier and timely redemption required. Card has no cash access and expires in six months.

[Smartless Media]

Smart Less Media.

[Elliot Kalin]

Sean Hayes and Smartless Media are excited to announce the birth of an all new baby podcast. The podcast weighs in at a healthy 10 to 12 minutes. Sean Hayes is resting comfortably. This is Clueless.

[Smartless Media]

Clueless.

[Sean Hayes]

Clueless.

[Will Arnett]

I'm Clueless.

[Sean Hayes]

Woo.

[Elliot Kalin]

Welcome to episode one of Smartless Presents Clueless, a brand new podcast where you, the listener, try to solve puzzles faster than Sean Hayes. My name is Elliot Kalin and I'll be your host because Sean Hayes can't just ask himself the questions, can he? It would be unethical. And with me on every episode of this show is the man who loves games more than is really healthy, Mr. Sean Hayes. Sean, how excited are you for this new podcast on a scale from 9 to 10?

[Will Arnett]

You know I'm at a 10, but you pick up the slack with your energy, Elliot. It's really infectious.

[Elliot Kalin]

Thank you.

[Will Arnett]

And listeners, by the way, this is Elliot Kalin, who you may know was the head writer for Mystery Science Theater 3000, the Daily show with Jon Stewart, co host of the bad movie podcast the Flop House. And now he's hosting this show for us.

[Sean Hayes]

Yes.

[Elliot Kalin]

Thank you. Thank you. Now, Sean, we should explain to the listener, what is this show all about? Each episode you'll be playing a different main game and it might be a word puzzle or identifying a song or choosing the odd one out. That game is called Odd One Out. But it won't just be you competing alone. You'll also be bringing on a selection of your funny friends and family to play along. Who do we have with us today?

[Will Arnett]

It's Will Arnett and Jason Bateman, everybody.

[Jason Bateman]

Hi.

[Sean Hayes]

Hi.

[Will Arnett]

We're excited.

[Sean Hayes]

I was trying to harmonize.

[Elliot Kalin]

Will, Jason, welcome to the show. How does it feel to be Sean's funny friends and family?

[Sean Hayes]

Jason, you're family.

[Jason Bateman]

I'm family.

[Sean Hayes]

I'm funny friend.

[Jason Bateman]

You're funny friend.

[Elliot Kalin]

Before we begin, I have to know one thing. Jason and Will, what is your Sean Hayes gaming experience up to this point? Has he ever asked you to do it in Public before.

[Jason Bateman]

Oh, yeah. No. Let's keep it clean. Okay. We used to gather over at his house for game night.

[Will Arnett]

Game night?

[Jason Bateman]

Sean has been with us. We used to play a lot of poker together. I mean, he's a gifted gamer.

[Sean Hayes]

Let me just say that I got passed over a little bit on the game. On the game stuff.

[Will Arnett]

You did.

[Sean Hayes]

And have I forgiven him? Yeah. And you ask why? Because I'm a big person.

[Jason Bateman]

I don't remember you being a part of the group at that moment.

[Sean Hayes]

No, I wasn't. I wasn't a part of the group. And that's a. It's a bigger conversation.

[Will Arnett]

You were always here.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, I was on your mind.

[Jason Bateman]

The trip to like, Istanbul and stuff. Was that before or after game night at your place?

[Sean Hayes]

Istanbul was after, but Venice was before.

[Will Arnett]

Huh.

[Jason Bateman]

Venice didn't go very well.

[Will Arnett]

No. And here we are. Well, now. New beginning.

[Sean Hayes]

But now we're here. New beginnings. Elliot, now you've really unearthed some.

[Jason Bateman]

This will stitch us back together. Maybe it'll launch a podcast of the three of us to be here.

[Sean Hayes]

But we're very excited. I'm very excited. And I know Sean's love of games is deep. Very deep. He loves games.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, I like it. It's fun. It's fun.

[Elliot Kalin]

Sean is a master gamer. I love getting that peek inside of your relationship. It briefly turned into a James Bond movie with all the international locations that got thrown into the mix.

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Good Burger.

[Will Arnett]

It's better over here.

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[Elliot Kalin]

Sean, Will Jason. Enough talking about the past. Let's look ahead to the present. Today's main event. It's a Numbers Game TV show edition. Cue the theme. So.

[Smartless Media]

TV show.

[Sean Hayes]

I keep forgetting that. I keep forgetting there's a band right behind me because I saw them load in.

[Jason Bateman]

I smell the weed.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, you did.

[Will Arnett]

It's a numbers game.

[Sean Hayes]

It's so good.

[Will Arnett]

All right, let's begin.

[Elliot Kalin]

This game is built around TV shows with numbers in their titles. You are going to be tested on your very useful knowledge of television shows and also your very useless knowledge of basic elementary school math.

[Jason Bateman]

227.

[Will Arnett]

227.

[Elliot Kalin]

I like that. You were so ready with a number right off the bat.

[Jason Bateman]

It will be a winner in one of these questions.

[Elliot Kalin]

Each question will take the form of a simple math equation. Only instead of numbers, I'm going to tell you a TV show title that has had the number removed from it.

[Smartless Media]

Oh, shit.

[Elliot Kalin]

You're going to have to recognize the show, understand the number, and then solve the equation using the missing numbers. You can get a bonus point as a group for responding with an answer in the form of a TV show title. So I'm going to give you an example. This is just a practice one. This doesn't count to your score. Let's try this out. If I said day fiance minus for 30, what would the answer be? And you can talk it out, too. Work it out between yourselves.

[Sean Hayes]

90 day fiance. 30 for 30.

[Will Arnett]

So it'd be 60.

[Elliot Kalin]

Yep, you got that right. And if you wanted that extra point, what is there a show title with 60 Minutes? You got it. 60 Minutes. You could have also said Studio 60 or any of the millions of TV shows that have 60 in their titles.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Elliot Kalin]

Okay, then let's play It's a Numbers Game TV show edition. The first question is Million Dollar man divided by Stooges.

[Will Arnett]

Six million dollars, man.

[Jason Bateman]

Yep.

[Will Arnett]

Divided by three. Stooges. Six divided by three is two. Oh, two. And then you got to do a show with two in it.

[Jason Bateman]

Two hundred and twenty seven.

[Will Arnett]

Nice.

[Elliot Kalin]

You got it. Perfect.

[Jason Bateman]

Two and a half.

[Sean Hayes]

You use it, you receive it right away.

[Elliot Kalin]

I feel like. I feel like I should give you double extra points because there's two twos in that. In that name.

[Jason Bateman]

I would like it. I'll take it.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Elliot Kalin]

Okay, so that's three points total for that first question. That's. You're getting more points than you're supposed. Question two is Reno nine. Plus and a half men.

[Jason Bateman]

14. Reno nine one one. Three and a half men.

[Elliot Kalin]

Oh, shit.

[Sean Hayes]

Two and a half men. Fucking dummies. 13. Hang on, hang on.

[Will Arnett]

Wait. No, Reno 911 could be 11 or two ones.

[Sean Hayes]

I think we gotta go 11. I think we have to go with 11.

[Will Arnett]

Okay, 11 and then what is it?

[Sean Hayes]

I think plus. Plus two and a half. 13 is 13 and 13 reasons why.

[Elliot Kalin]

Yep, you got it.

[Will Arnett]

That's great.

[Sean Hayes]

What's 13 reasons why?

[Jason Bateman]

Oh, it's a ya vehicle on netflix. It can be seen.

[Will Arnett]

Massively successful.

[Elliot Kalin]

Young people love it. Young people love it.

[Sean Hayes]

That sucks. And I can give you 14 reasons why.

[Elliot Kalin]

Let's go to question three. This one might be a little more difficult. I'm going to try to enunciate as much as I can. This is Heaven Times Company.

[Will Arnett]

7Th Heaven.

[Jason Bateman]

7Th. Heaven Street.

[Sean Hayes]

21. Wait, wait. 21 Jump Street.

[Elliot Kalin]

That's right.

[Jason Bateman]

You got it. I thought you said something different on the second show. That it was six something.

[Elliot Kalin]

It could have been Six's Company.

[Sean Hayes]

Who's your cable provider? Because you're getting different shows.

[Elliot Kalin]

Three and a Half Men. Six's Company. Yeah. That was very fast. Very impressive. You guys are blazing through this game. Let's continue it to number four. This question is Beverly Hills 0210. Minus is enough.

[Jason Bateman]

One Beverly Hills 902108 is enough.

[Sean Hayes]

We got to think of this show.

[Will Arnett]

Minus eight.

[Jason Bateman]

One murder.

[Sean Hayes]

Murder one.

[Jason Bateman]

Murder one. Very good, Will.

[Elliot Kalin]

Yeah, very good. You got it. Order one. That's two full points. It's just fantastic.

[Jason Bateman]

Sean, by the way, you suck at this game. I haven't heard one answer.

[Will Arnett]

No, I got the first one.

[Sean Hayes]

Why you got a pen in your hand? What are you doing?

[Will Arnett]

I'm writing the numbers down.

[Sean Hayes]

It's obviously helping.

[Elliot Kalin]

Question five. Yeah. Things I hate about you, minus Babylon.

[Will Arnett]

What is it? 10 Things I Hate about you or what is it? What's that one?

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

Is it 10 things. Is it 10, Elliot?

[Sean Hayes]

I think it's 10 things I hear about you, minus Babylon 5. Babylon.

[Will Arnett]

Babylon 5, yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

So it's party of five.

[Elliot Kalin]

Great. You got it.

[Jason Bateman]

Wow.

[Will Arnett]

Wow. That was good. That was good. Party of five.

[Jason Bateman]

Incredible. Will.

[Elliot Kalin]

You all have such unique strengths that come together as a team. Jason with the numbers. Will with the TV shows. Sean with the writing down the numbers. Which. It's good for record keeping for later.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

[Sean Hayes]

Would you consider. Sean, would you consider it a compliment? And he says your strength is writing stuff down.

[Will Arnett]

Yes.

[Sean Hayes]

That's all he could.

[Jason Bateman]

What a great day you're going to have.

[Will Arnett]

Anything I can get.

[Sean Hayes]

Is there. In the Marvel. Sorry. In the mcu, is there a character. Is there a superhero whose superpowers was writing stone?

[Will Arnett]

Note down the stenographer.

[Sean Hayes]

He was the stenographer.

[Elliot Kalin]

Okay. That was a great game. You guys played an amazing game. But just because you're done with the game does not mean the game is done with you. There's also the matter of this episode's Mega Clue.

[Sean Hayes]

Mega Clue question.

[Elliot Kalin]

Beautiful. This is a final question made out of the answers of all the previous questions. So I'm going to remind you what those answers were. I would tell everyone, except Sean doesn't need to know this because he already has it. Everyone take a moment to get a pen, something to write on so I can remind you of what the correct answer is.

[Sean Hayes]

Take it back on Sean. I take it back on Sean writing it down. It turns out that was smart.

[Jason Bateman]

If you're driving, lodge your knees just underneath the steering wheel. Grab a pen. Keep your eyes on the road somewhat.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah. If you have a candle on your dashboard. Careful. Sorry. Elliot, there are some.

[Jason Bateman]

No, some Easter eggs here.

[Elliot Kalin]

No, but it's a good point. Set aside the rotisserie chicken that you're picking out with your non driving hand so you can put a pad there so you can write during that time. Yeah. Okay. Here are the numbers that you have already had as your answers. 2, 13, 21, 1 and 5. Yeah, I'll tell you again. 2, 13, 21, one and five. Now, I want you to add those numbers together, 42. And then subtract from that number. That was great. Then subtract.

[Sean Hayes]

I don't even have a pen with me. And I did that in my.

[Jason Bateman]

Oh, man.

[Will Arnett]

Amazing. Talk about your superpower mask, Mr. Math Man. Hey, Algebra.

[Elliot Kalin]

Okay, now add those numbers together, 42. And then subtract the number of monkeys in the title of a television adaptation of a 1990s science fiction film. And then Tell me, can you think of a show with that number in the title?

[Jason Bateman]

It'd be 12 monkeys.

[Sean Hayes]

34.

[Will Arnett]

But it's 34.

[Sean Hayes]

Wait, 12 monkeys or 8 monkeys?

[Jason Bateman]

12 monkeys. 30 something.

[Will Arnett]

Is it 30?

[Jason Bateman]

30 something.

[Will Arnett]

Oh, wait, what?

[Elliot Kalin]

42 minus 12. 12 monkeys for 30. And then I was hoping that someone would say 30 something because it's the rare television show where they spelled out the number. They didn't just put a number.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, that's right.

[Elliot Kalin]

And for one final. Absolutely. Last question, take that last number, and I want you to add it.

[Jason Bateman]

I get up.

[Elliot Kalin]

Yep.

[Jason Bateman]

That'S the way we'd end things on smart lists.

[Elliot Kalin]

Take that last number, add it to 9970, and can you tell me the name of any pyramids that are worth that much money?

[Sean Hayes]

Ah.

[Jason Bateman]

$10,000.

[Will Arnett]

100,000.

[Jason Bateman]

Elliot, I put you and this show on the top of a million dollar pyramid. It's so damn good.

[Elliot Kalin]

Yeah, thanks, Elliot.

[Will Arnett]

You're brilliant.

[Sean Hayes]

It's a lot of fun. It's a lot of fun.

[Jason Bateman]

You know, it's a hoot, you guys.

[Elliot Kalin]

Listeners at home, did you do better or worse than these actual 100% authentic famous people? If you did better, maybe you should be famous. Your mom keeps telling me how talented you are. Think about it.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Elliot Kalin]

Sean, Will, Jason, thank you so much for being with us today. I'll be very sad to see you go. So it's a good thing the show's not over yet, because every episode of Clueless ends with the Cliffhanger puzzle.

[Smartless Media]

Sting music.

[Elliot Kalin]

There it is. You wanted more Sting music? You got it.

[Jason Bateman]

Heavy bass line.

[Elliot Kalin]

The Cliffhanger puzzle is just a little bit of extra puzzle. We put it in a Tupperware for you to take home and pick at it until the next episode. And today's puzzle takes the form. Today's puzzle takes the form of a little story. It seems that the energy drink Prime Hydration has been so successful that the company celebrated by creating two solid gold prime bottles. The gold bottles are an appropriate vessel for the drink. Silver bottles would also be appropriate, but iron or tin bottles would not be. Why is that the case? That's for you to noodle over until our next episode. Sean, Will, Jason, are you guys going to get any sleep between now and the moment you learn the answer to this puzzle?

[Jason Bateman]

Not if I get all hopped up on prime beverage.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, I'm going to sleep. Great. I'm going to sleep.

[Elliot Kalin]

I'm going to be maybe even better. Maybe a little better than normal.

[Sean Hayes]

I mean, Elliot, I got to say, just. Just the very end of your question. I was just entering rem.

[Elliot Kalin]

We'll reveal the answer to today's cliffhanger puzzle at the top of our next episode, which guess what you can listen to right now. Just click the link in this episode description to follow us on Apple Podcasts or search for Smart List presents Clueless in your podcast app of choice. Make sure to follow, subscribe, rate, review all the things that you can do to let us know you love this show. And with that, this first episode of Clueless must come to an end. Will Jason, thank you so much for joining us. Sean thank you for being Sean Hayes. Somebody has to. I'm glad you took the burden on exhausting. Yeah, and as long as I'm just handing out thank yous, why don't I toss one of the audience's way as well. Thank you audience for listening to this show. This has been Clueless. We'll be back next episode with more puzzles and more Sean Hayes. Not necessarily in that order. I've been your host, Elliot Kaelin reminding you to join us next time because if you give us less than 24 hours notice, we still have to charge you for the appointment. Goodbye.

[Sean Hayes]

Yay.

[Jason Bateman]

Very nice. Thank you guys.

[Will Arnett]

Thank Elliot Clueless.

[Smartless Media]

You have been listening to Smartless presents Clueless, a Smartless Media production in association with SiriusXM. Your host is Elliot Kalin who also writes our scripts. Your constant contestant is Sean Hayes who is five'eleven Your producer, editor and engineer is Devin Tory Bryant who is me. I also write all the music and sound effects assistant engineer Kyle McGraw. Today's puzzles were written by Matt Broussard and Josh Richmond. Talent producer is Anne Harris. Associate producer Maddie McCann. Social media producer Tommy Galgano. Executive producers are Elliot Kalin, Sean Hayes, Will Arnett and Jason Bateman. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminsky. Remember to follow, subscribe, rate and review the show. It really helps. That's all for now. We will see you again for more.

[Will Arnett]

I'm Clit.

[Smartless Media]

Smart Bless Mia.

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The kind of burgers you get today tells you a lot about yourself. You're either someone who settles for sad same old same old burgers or you're Eddie Carl's junior Obsessed with a tangy OG Western bacon cheeseburger demanding a house made guacamole, loaded guac bacon fired up for the insanely hot El Diablo or craving a classic Charbold Famous star. Give in to your flavor craving. Do your mouth to Carl's Jr.

[Sean Hayes]

Good Burger.