105 - It’s A Numbers Game (w/ Ali Wentworth)

Summary

SmartLess Presents ClueLess: Episode 105 - “It’s A Numbers Game” (w/ Ali Wentworth)
Release Date: November 28, 2024
Host/Author: SmartLess Media
Duration: 15 minutes 52 seconds

---

Introduction

In Episode 105 of SmartLess Presents ClueLess, host Elliott Kalan, an Emmy-winning writer, teams up with recurring guest Sean Hayes and special guest Ali Wentworth to dive into a series of numerical puzzles and brainteasers. This biweekly, bite-sized (10-12 minutes) podcast episode promises listeners an engaging journey through complex conundrums, testing whether they can outpace Sean Hayes in solving them.

---

Welcome and Recap

Elliott Kalan [01:04]:
“Welcome to SmartLess presents Clueless. I'm your host, Elliott Kalan, and I'm broadcasting from right behind you.”

Sean Hayes joins the show once again, bringing his characteristic humor and quick wit. The episode also welcomes back Allie Wentworth for her fourth appearance, adding depth to the puzzle-solving dynamic.

Sean Hayes [01:21]:
“Sometimes people say I'm the man of people's nightmares.”

Elliott Kalan [01:25]:
“A nightmare is still technically a dream. They gotta give you that.”

The trio reminisces about the previous episode’s cliffhanger, setting the stage for today's numerical challenges.

---

Puzzle Warm-Up: French Musical Group Challenge

Elliott revisits last episode's cliffhanger puzzle involving the names of a French musical group translated into English: Volante, Je suis Taboo, and Palme L'app. The challenge was to identify the missing member.

Elliott Kalan [02:59]:
“Who is the missing member of this group?”

Sean Hayes deliberates but initially struggles with the French names, ultimately deducing that the missing member is Fergie, completing the iconic Black Eyed Peas lineup.

Sean Hayes [04:05]:
“Fergie.”

Elliott Kalan [04:08]:
“That’s right. These are the Black Eyed Peas.”

Allie contributes to the discussion, showcasing the collaborative and engaging nature of the podcast.

---

Main Segment: It’s A Numbers Game

The core of the episode introduces “It’s A Numbers Game,” a bookstore edition where Elliott presents mathematical equations disguised with book titles. The objective is to decipher the missing numbers based on the book titles and perform the calculations.

Elliott Kalan [06:07]:
“This is a Numbers Game bookstore edition. That was beautiful.”

Sean Hayes [06:18]:
“We’re lesson.”

Elliott Kalan [06:22]:
“But this is a game that will be involving numbers.”

Allie Wentworth [06:41]:
“Math is not my strong suit. I'm all eye candy.”

The game involves identifying the numerical value embedded within a book title, performing the math operation, and optionally framing the answer as another book title for bonus points. Points, while acknowledged as nominal, add a competitive edge.

Example Provided:
Elliott Kalan [07:10]:
“For example, if I said ‘Catch’ minus ‘Perfect Strangers,’ the answer would be 13, because Catch-22 minus 9 Perfect Strangers is 13.”

---

Puzzle Round 1: Solving the Equations

1. “One for the Money” + “The Two Towers”

   • Sean Hayes [07:52]:
     “One for the money.”
   • Allie Wentworth [07:54]:
     “So one for the money and then the towers. Is it twin towers?”
   • Elliott Kalan [07:52]:
     “No, but I'll give you the hint. It's the same number, but not that word.”
   • Solution:
     One for the money (1) + The Two Towers (2) = 3
     Answer: Goldilocks and the Three Bears
     Elliott Kalan [08:14]:
     “Yeah. That's great. I'll give it to you. That's a book.”

2. “101 Dalmatians” - “Ready Player One”

   • Sean Hayes [08:43]:
     “That's 100. So what's 100,000ft under the sea?”
   • Solution:
     101 - 1 = 100
     100,000 ft under the sea (likely 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea)
     Answer: The First Hundred Days
     Sean Hayes [09:12]:
     “That's a book.”

3. “The Six Wives of Henry VIII” + “Apples Up on Top”

   • Elliott Kalan [09:33]:
     “This is a children's book. I don't know if that's gonna help.”
   • Solution:
     Six wives (6) + Apples up on top (10) = 16
     Answer: Around The World in 80 Days
     Elliott Kalan [10:25]:
     “The answer is 80. I also would have accepted 100 Years of Solitude.”

4. “A Million Little Pieces” / “20,000 Leagues Under the Sea”

   • Sean Hayes [10:43]:
     “A million divided by 20,000.”
   • Solution:
     1,000,000 / 20,000 = 50
     Answer: 50 Shades of Grey
     Sean Hayes [11:02]:
     “You got it.”

5. “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” - “Slaughterhouse-Five”

   • Sean Hayes [11:45]:
     “Seven minus five is two.”
   • Solution:
     7 - 5 = 2
     Answer: Two Gentlemen of Verona
     Allie Wentworth [12:00]:
     “They weren't gentlemen. They were just two men.”

---

Epilogue and Mega Clue

Elliott transitions to the epilogue, presenting a mega clue puzzle that requires aggregating the answers from the previous questions.

Elliott Kalan [12:44]:
“Those numbers were 3, 180, 50, and 2. Now, to get the average of all of your answers, divide your total 235 by the number of answers, which is five.”

Sean Hayes [12:46]:
“So it's 47.”

Subtracting five from 47 leads to the famous answer from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy:

Allie Wentworth [13:09]:
“42.”

Elliott Kalan [13:12]:
“Yes, that's right. According to the... Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, the answer to life, the universe and everything is 42.”

The trio reflects on their performance, encouraging listeners to compare their puzzle-solving skills.

---

Cliffhanger Puzzle

Elliott introduces a final cliffhanger puzzle to keep the audience engaged until the next episode.

Elliott Kalan [14:29]:
“The cliffhanger puzzle is... I'm an odd number. Take away two. Now I'm even. What number am I?”

Allie quickly solves the puzzle but refrains from revealing the answer, promising to disclose it in the next episode.

---

Conclusion and Sign-Off

The episode wraps up with heartfelt thanks to Allie Wentworth and Sean Hayes for their participation, and a reminder for listeners to reflect on their own puzzle-solving prowess.

Elliott Kalan [15:52]:
“This has been Clueless. I've been Elliott Kalan, and it's way past my bedtime. Goodnight, everybody.”

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Elliott Kalan [01:25]:
  “A nightmare is still technically a dream. They gotta give you that.”

• Sean Hayes [08:43]:
  “That's 100. So what's 100,000ft under the sea?”

• Elliott Kalan [12:44]:
  “To get the average of all of your answers, divide your total 235 by the number of answers, which is five.”

• Allie Wentworth [13:09]:
  “42.”

• Elliott Kalan [14:29]:
  “I'm an odd number. Take away two. Now I'm even. What number am I?”

---

Key Takeaways

• Engaging Format: The blend of humor and intellectual challenge makes ClueLess both entertaining and mentally stimulating.

• Collaborative Puzzle-Solving: The dynamic between Elliott, Sean, and Allie exemplifies teamwork and humor in tackling complex problems.

• Listener Interaction: The inclusion of listener participation contests fosters a sense of community and active engagement.

• Educational Value: The puzzles not only entertain but also encourage listeners to think critically and make connections between literature and mathematics.

---

Final Thoughts

Episode 105 of SmartLess Presents ClueLess successfully balances lighthearted banter with challenging puzzles, making it a captivating listen for fans of brainteasers and celebrity interactions. The introduction of a numbers game adds a fresh twist, while the cliffhanger guarantees anticipation for the next installment. Whether you're a regular listener or new to the podcast, this episode offers a delightful mix of humor, intellect, and charm.

Transcript

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[Elliot Kaelin]

Smart, less me. We at Smartless are excited to announce our first listener puzzle participation contest. The grand prize is everything in your house. Congratulations. You already won. This is Clueless.

[Sean Hayes]

That's hysterical.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Clueless. Clue.

[Sean Hayes]

I'm clueless.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Welcome to Smart List presents Clueless. I'm your host, Elliot Kaelin, and I'm broadcasting from right behind you. This is the podcast where dreams come true if your dream is to try to solve puzzles faster than Sean Hayes. And now here he is, the man of your dreams, if that is indeed your dream. Sean Hayes. Hi, Sean. You ready to dive into some puzzles today?

[Sean Hayes]

I am. Sometimes people say I'm the man of people's nightmares.

[Elliot Kaelin]

A nightmare is still technically a dream. They gotta give you that.

[Sean Hayes]

That's true.

[Allie Wentworth]

Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

I'll take anything I can get.

[Elliot Kaelin]

That third voice you heard should tip you off that Sean Hayes is not the only celebrity contestant we have for you today.

[Sean Hayes]

Yes, today we have Allie Wentworth again joining us for the fourth time.

[Allie Wentworth]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Sean Hayes]

She is a glorious human being who I love very, very much. And she's here to join us to solve some problems today. And not just puzzles.

[Allie Wentworth]

I'm a call in therapist also.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Now, normally I would tease the answer to last episode's cliffhanger puzzle and then torture the audience by making them sit through me asking you a ridiculous question. And today is no exception. So I just have to ask Sean Alley corduroy. Yay or nay, anything about corduroy.

[Allie Wentworth]

I love corduroy.

[Sean Hayes]

Corduroy? Are you kidding me? You like corduroy? The swish, swish, swish. I could hear you coming from eight blocks away.

[Elliot Kaelin]

It's not a good thing for a spy to wear. Or a ninja. That's true.

[Sean Hayes]

No, right.

[Allie Wentworth]

Well, yeah. Your thighs aren't supposed to rub together that hard.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, then I got to take my back and I mean my thighs.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Last episode's cliffhanger puzzle involved French, the language of diplomacy and very long bread I gave you the names of three members of a group in French, a musical group. I gave you the names in French and it was your challenge to give me the name of the fourth member. Just to remind you, their names are Volante, je suis Taboo, and Palme. L'app. And now's a good time to tell you, as I said last time, I don't know French and I'm not sure I'm pronouncing them right. Anyway, who is the missing member of this group? And extra credit if you can say it to me somehow in French. Do you have any ideas who these people?

[Sean Hayes]

All right, so Volonte, Je suis. Je suis. I know, means I am. I am volunteering. Volunte. I don't know what that means. Taboo. I think it's with LL E. But maybe it's T. Taboo. Like the game, the card game and then pomme l'appe. I don't no idea what that is.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Okay.

[Sean Hayes]

She's sweet.

[Allie Wentworth]

I am. I thought it was. I am Valentine. Right.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Valentine Volont. So the spelling I have here is V, O, L, O, N, T, E with an accent. Mark.

[Allie Wentworth]

Volant. Okay.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Oh, Volant. This is. My apologies. I don't know.

[Sean Hayes]

Volantre suis. And how do you spell taboo?

[Elliot Kaelin]

T, A, B, O, U. Oh, taboo, like the game.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Allie Wentworth]

Oh, if you say it with a lower voice, then it makes sense.

[Sean Hayes]

Taboo. Yeah. Oh, now I got it.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I forgot that French is the language of speaking very quietly.

[Sean Hayes]

I think you'd have to know how to speak French to get this.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Well, how about this? What if I gave you. I'll give you their names in English, the language of us. And then we'll see if you know the last ones.

[Sean Hayes]

Okay, that might be helpful.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Their names translate to English are Will, I am Taboo. And Apple de app. Who is the fourth member of that group that These three.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, whoever. Oh, Ferg. Fergie. Fergie. Fergie.

[Elliot Kaelin]

That's right. These are the Black Eyed Peas. So the last one's Fergie. Or as they would say in France, I assume, Fergue. Fergue.

[Allie Wentworth]

Fergay.

[Sean Hayes]

Fergay. That's why I got it. Because I'm fair gay.

[Allie Wentworth]

C'est crais Fair Gay.

[Elliot Kaelin]

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We needed this.

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[Elliot Kaelin]

Now that we've tied up last episode's loose ends, it's time to untie the rest of your brain with this episode's main puzzle. Sean, I hope you brought some fingers to count on because this is. It's a Numbers Game bookstore edition.

[Sean Hayes]

We're lesson.

[Elliot Kaelin]

It's a Numbers Game bookstore edition. That was beautiful. That was beautiful.

[Sean Hayes]

Yes, Ally, It's a numbers game. I like that.

[Elliot Kaelin]

But this is a game that will be involving numbers. Allie, how do you feel about numbers? Do you have an opinion about them? I know you're pro corduroy. How are you with numbers?

[Allie Wentworth]

I'm not. I gotta be honest. Math is not my strong suit. I'm all eye candy.

[Sean Hayes]

That's why I'm here. That's why I'm here.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I'll pick up the numbers and perhaps Als will handle the book titles. Because this game will test your knowledge of numbers and book titles.

[Allie Wentworth]

Oh, book titles. I can do.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yes. I'm going to give you a very simple math equation. Very simple. But instead of the numbers in the equation, I'm going to tell you a book title that has that number in it. But I'm going to leave the number out. You'll have to guess what the number is and then do the math.

[Sean Hayes]

Okay? Great.

[Elliot Kaelin]

And if you do it in the form of another book title, you'll get an extra point. So, for example, if I said catch minus Perfect Strangers, the answer would be 13, because catch 22 minus 9 perfect strangers is 13. And you could say 13 reasons why as your answer if you wanted that extra point. The points, of course I'll remind you, mean nothing, but you may want them.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah. Oh, I want them.

[Allie Wentworth]

I want them. I got 7,300 in the last game.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Elliot Kaelin]

The first question is for the money plus the towers. For the money plus the towers. And feel free to confer. This is a collaborative game, isn't it?

[Sean Hayes]

One for the money.

[Allie Wentworth]

So one for the money and then the towers. Is it twin towers?

[Sean Hayes]

That's what I thought.

[Elliot Kaelin]

No, but I'll give you the hint. It's the same number, but not that word.

[Allie Wentworth]

Two.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah. Two. Yeah. The two towers.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yes.

[Sean Hayes]

That's three.

[Allie Wentworth]

So the answer is Goldilocks and the Three Bears.

[Sean Hayes]

Three Bears, Sure.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yeah. That's great. I'll give it to you. That's a book. Yeah, I mean, it's a story that's in a lot of books. Maybe there's an individual book.

[Allie Wentworth]

No, there is an individual book. It's right on Sean's nightstand.

[Sean Hayes]

And don't tell me how it ends, because I.

[Allie Wentworth]

Not.

[Sean Hayes]

Well, I just started it.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You ace that one. Let's go on to number two.

[Sean Hayes]

Okay.

[Elliot Kaelin]

The Dalmatians minus. Ready, player one.

[Sean Hayes]

That's 100. 101 Dalmatians, ready, player one. That says 100. So what's 100,000ft under the sea? Sea.

[Allie Wentworth]

Did we say that at the same time?

[Elliot Kaelin]

You somehow did both say a title that doesn't exist at the same exact time.

[Allie Wentworth]

All the 100 president's mental. Oh, there's gotta be a historical.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Allie Wentworth]

A Hundred Days. The First Hundred Days. That's a book. Oh, yeah, that's a book.

[Sean Hayes]

That's a book.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yeah. Okay, I'll give it. That's great. First hundred days. I also would have accepted 100 Years of Solitude. A beautiful book. Beautiful book.

[Allie Wentworth]

Beautiful book.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You're doing great. That's fantastic. So this is number three, The Six Wives of Henry V. Times, times, Times, times. Apples up on top.

[Sean Hayes]

I don't know. Apples up on top. I don't know. Apples up on top.

[Allie Wentworth]

Wait. Henry viii. Apples up on top.

[Elliot Kaelin]

This is a children's book. I don't know if that's gonna help.

[Allie Wentworth]

Apples up on top.

[Sean Hayes]

Well, I figured. Apples up on top.

[Allie Wentworth]

I thought it was about plastic surgery. Apples up on top.

[Sean Hayes]

On top. Wait, is it 12? Is it 12? Apples up on top.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I'll Give you a hint. It's a number somewhere between eight and 12. You're narrowing it out.

[Allie Wentworth]

10 apples.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yes, 10 apples up on top. And so let's do that math.

[Sean Hayes]

80.

[Allie Wentworth]

80. So that's.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, 80 for Brady.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I don't think that's a movie, but maybe they novelized it.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, maybe it was a book. Yeah, 80 for Brady.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I'm not sure if it was a book or not, but I'll give it to you. I'll give it to you.

[Sean Hayes]

All right, great.

[Allie Wentworth]

What did you have, Elliot?

[Elliot Kaelin]

I would accepted say around The World in 80 Days is one that I would have thought, but you know me, I love the classics.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, there's nothing more classic than 10 apples up on top or 80 for Brady. Yeah.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Let's move on to question number four. This one. This is. These numbers are going to sound big, but the math is deceptively. Maybe not as difficult as it sounds. We'll see.

[Allie Wentworth]

Okay.

[Sean Hayes]

Okay.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Little pieces divided by Leagues under the sea.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, 20,000. So isn't it a million little pieces?

[Allie Wentworth]

Yes.

[Sean Hayes]

Divided by 20,000. I gotta take my calculator out.

[Allie Wentworth]

A million. Well, so it's 900 and wait, a million.

[Elliot Kaelin]

A million divided by 20,000.

[Sean Hayes]

20,000 is 50 shades of gray. 50 shades of gray.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You got it.

[Allie Wentworth]

Oh, my God. That was great, Sean.

[Sean Hayes]

Thank you.

[Elliot Kaelin]

That was fantastic. Okay, we have one last question in the game. Question number five. The Habits of Highly Effective People. Minus slaughterhouse. Okay.

[Allie Wentworth]

Slaughterhouse 5.

[Sean Hayes]

The habits of Highly Effective.

[Elliot Kaelin]

This is a popular kind of self help business type book.

[Sean Hayes]

And how many. And it's. Say it again. The Habits of People.

[Elliot Kaelin]

The Habits of Highly Effective People. And number of habits?

[Allie Wentworth]

10.

[Elliot Kaelin]

A little bit less. 5.

[Sean Hayes]

8.

[Allie Wentworth]

7.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yes, the seven habits of highly Effective People. There's always lots of sevens of things.

[Sean Hayes]

Seven minus five is two.

[Allie Wentworth]

So it's two.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yes.

[Sean Hayes]

Two. Oh, the two. The Two Men of Verona.

[Elliot Kaelin]

That's for sure. Two Gentlemen.

[Allie Wentworth]

Two Gentlemen.

[Sean Hayes]

Two Gentlemen of Verona.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I'll take it.

[Allie Wentworth]

I mean, Sean, thinking of the erotic movie.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Allie Wentworth]

I'm sorry, they weren't gentlemen. They were just two men.

[Elliot Kaelin]

That's the main game. But wait, like any good book, this game has an epilogue. Or to put it more accurately, a mega Clue. Mega clue question. So first you're going to want to remember the answers to each of those questions, the numbers for them. I will remind you of them right now. Okay, those numbers were 3, 180, 50 and 2. Now, to get the average of all of your answers, divide your total 235 by the number of answers, which is five.

[Sean Hayes]

So it's 47. So it's 47.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Exactly. You had five answers. 235 divided by five is 47. And five is also coincidentally the number of novels in a famous science fiction comedy book series. Now, okay, subtract five from the answer you just gave me and tell me that series famous answer to the question of life, the universe and everything.

[Allie Wentworth]

42.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, my God. 42.

[Allie Wentworth]

42.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yes, that's right. According to the increasingly inaccurately named trilogy of five books, the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, the answer to life, the universe and everything is 42.

[Sean Hayes]

Yes. I was going to say the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I was going to say that. I was going to say that I need a nap.

[Elliot Kaelin]

That if you haven't read those books, this is a hard one. That is a book series that if I can be personal for a moment, as I was last episode when I talked about how much I don't like Kokomo, that is a series of books that literally changed my life by inspiring me to get into comedy writing, eventually leading to this very hosting job. But that personal information is incredibly irrelevant to the answer of the puzzle. It would not have helped you get the answer to that puzzle. The answer is 42. Sean, Allie, how do you feel about how you did in the game today? I think you did a fantastic job in that.

[Sean Hayes]

Making decent, decent, decent.

[Allie Wentworth]

I wouldn't say too hard.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Being too hard on yourself. Listeners at home, how did you do compared to Sean and Allie? Are you also familiar or unfamiliar with late 20th century British science fiction comedy novels? If you're not, don't read them. They might inspire you to become a comedy writer who hosts a puzzle podcast. And that's my job. I have it.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Instead, take this time to get ready for today's cliffhanger puzzle.

[Sean Hayes]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Elliot Kaelin]

The cliffhanger puzzle is a fun little extra tidbit to keep your brain busy. So it's too busy to remind you of that embarrassing thing you did 20 years ago. Today's puzzle is another piece of number based mathemagic. And it goes like, I'm an odd number. Take away two. Now I'm even. What number am I?

[Sean Hayes]

I'm an odd number.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Takeaway two. Now I'm even. What number am I? John? Allie, don't tell me right now.

[Allie Wentworth]

I won't.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Just think about it and just let me know. How hard is it going to be to operate heavy machinery while your brain is working to solve this one.

[Allie Wentworth]

I solved it.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Wow.

[Sean Hayes]

You did?

[Allie Wentworth]

Yeah, but I can't. It's a cliffhanger, so I can't say it.

[Elliot Kaelin]

It's a cliffhanger. You know, we can't have you give it away to the audience. But I like that the audience now knows that they have lost to you already.

[Allie Wentworth]

I like that too.

[Elliot Kaelin]

We'll reveal the answer at the beginning of next episode. That's the end of today's episode. Allie, it's been so wonderful having you with us. Like sharing the sweetest ambrosia with a unicorn made of children's laughter. And Sean, you were here as well. Did share that.

[Sean Hayes]

Thank you. Oh, this sweet. I can't wait to come back.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Well, we'll talk about it. Thank you to every single member of our audience. You know who you are. Until next time. This has been Clueless. I've been Elliot Kaelin, and it's way past my bedtime. Goodnight, everybody.

[Sean Hayes]

Good night.

[Allie Wentworth]

Good night, Clueless.

[Production Team]

You have been listening to Smartless presents Clueless, a Smartless media production in association with SiriusXM. Your host is Elliot Kalin, who also writes our scripts. Your constant contestant is Sean Hayes, who is 5 11. Your producer, editor and engineer is Devin Tory Bryant, who is me. I also write all the music and sound effects. Assistant engineer, Kyle McGraw. Today's puzzles were written by Matthew Broussard and Josh Richmond. Talent producer is Anne Harris. Associate producer, Maddie McCann. Social media producer, Tommy Galgano. Executive producers are Elliot Kalin, Sean Hayes, Will Arnett and Jason Bateman. Executive producers for media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminsky. Remember to follow, subscribe, rate and review the show. It really helps. That's all for now. We will see you again for more.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Smart lessons. Me.

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