113 - It’s A Numbers Game (w/ Scotty Icenogle)

Summary

SmartLess Presents ClueLess - Episode 113: “It’s A Numbers Game” (w/ Scotty Icenogle)

Release Date: December 26, 2024
Host: Elliott Kalan
Guest: Scotty Icenogle

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Introduction

In Episode 113 of SmartLess Presents ClueLess, host Elliott Kalan welcomes listeners to another engaging installment where puzzles and brainteasers take center stage. Joining him is the ever-quick-witted Sean Hayes and his puzzle-solving partner, Scotty Icenogle. Elliott sets the tone with his signature humor, comparing himself to a "reverse Santa Claus" while introducing the dynamic between Sean and Scotty.

Guest Introduction: Scotty Icenogle

Elliott introduces Scotty as Sean’s husband and the true puzzle maestro behind their nightly “Crosswits” sessions. Sean humorously admits, “[...] I cannot take a hint. [...] I’m not great at solving puzzles.” (01:36) However, Scotty quickly counters, emphasizing their collaborative efforts in tackling puzzles like the New York Times crossword, Wordle, Connections, and Strands (02:00). This segment underscores Scotty’s prowess and sets the stage for the episode’s main challenge.

Revealing the Previous Episode’s Cliffhanger Puzzle

Before diving into new puzzles, Elliott revisits the cliffhanger from the last episode:
Cliffhanger Puzzle: “This year I'm celebrating Christmas by going on Twitter, doing my times tables, blowing kisses and finding buried treasure. What connects all these activities that makes them appropriate for the Christmas season?”
Sean attempts to unravel the riddle, connecting activities to the letter "X" (03:15). With Scotty’s assistance, Sean deduces that all elements relate to "Xmas," as highlighted by the recurring theme of "X’s" (04:02). Elliott commends their success, noting, “You did it” (04:08), and playfully teases listeners who might have struggled with the puzzle.

Main Segment: “It’s A Numbers Game – 12 Days of Christmas Edition”

Elliott introduces the main puzzle segment, aptly titled “It’s A Numbers Game” with a festive twist inspired by the classic “12 Days of Christmas” song (06:21). The rules are straightforward yet challenging:

• Objective: Solve math equations by substituting the numerical values with corresponding gifts from the song.
• Example: “turtle doves plus turtledoves” translates to 2 + 2, resulting in 4.

Puzzle Breakdown and Solutions:

1. Drummers Drumming minus Swans a Swimming

   • Elliott: “Drummers drumming minus swans a swimming equals...”
   • Solution: 12 (drummers) - 7 (swans) = 5
   • Sean: “Five golden rings.” (08:36)

2. French Hens plus Turtle Doves

   • Elliott: “French hens plus turtle doves equals...”
   • Solution: 3 (French hens) + 2 (turtle doves) = 5
   • Sean and Scotty confirm the answer. (08:54)

3. Ladies Dancing minus Calling Birds

   • Elliott: “Ladies dancing minus calling birds equals...”
   • Solution: 9 (ladies) - 4 (calling birds) = 5
   • Sean: “Five golden rings.” (09:15)

4. Lords a Leaping minus Golden Rings

   • Elliott: “Lords of leaping minus golden rings equals...”
   • Solution: 10 (lords) - 5 (golden rings) = 5
   • Sean: “Five golden rings.” (09:41)

5. Pipers Piping minus Geese a Laying

   • Elliott: “Pipers piping minus geese a laying equals...”
   • Solution: 11 (pipers) - 6 (geese) = 5
   • Sean: “Five golden rings.” (10:00)

Throughout the segment, Sean and Scotty collaborate, showcasing their problem-solving synergy. Elliott highlights their consistent success, remarking, “You got it all.” (10:12) The unanimous answer of “5” emphasizes the recurring theme of the number five in the puzzles.

Mega Clue Question

Building on their flawless performance, Elliott presents the Mega Clue:
Mega Clue: “Add up all the answers from today’s game and then subtract the number of days of Christmas you would have in two consecutive years. Provide the number's corresponding gift from the song.”
With all five answers adding up to 25, and subtracting 365 days × 2 years (calculated humorously by Sean as “one”), the final answer lands back on the iconic fifth day gift. Sean and Scotty triumphantly solve the Mega Clue, reinforcing their mastery of the episode’s challenges (11:07).

Cliffhanger Puzzle for Next Episode

As the episode draws to a close, Elliott introduces a new cliffhanger puzzle to entice listeners:
Cliffhanger Puzzle: “If Prancer had seven, Dasher had six, and Vixen had five, how many did Rudolph have?”
This riddle blends numerical logic with a playful nod to the beloved reindeer, setting up anticipation for the next episode's reveal (12:34).

Conclusion

Elliott wraps up the episode by expressing gratitude to Scotty for his puzzle expertise and Sean for maintaining a light-hearted atmosphere. He encourages listeners to engage with the puzzles and hints at more brainteasing content to come. The episode concludes with credits, acknowledging the production team and encouraging audience interaction through subscriptions and reviews (13:04).

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Notable Quotes:

• Elliott Kalan (01:02): “Hello and welcome to Smartless presents Clueless, the first podcast where you get to solve puzzles alongside Sean Hayes.”
• Sean Hayes (06:11): “That’s the creepiest way to say that.”
• Elliott Kalan (06:41): “Number One. The first question is drummers drumming minus swans a swimming equals.”
• Sean Hayes (12:37): “I can already feel my pants bursting.”

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Key Takeaways:

• Collaborative Puzzle-Solving: The dynamic between Sean and Scotty highlights the importance of teamwork in tackling complex challenges.
• Engaging Content: The festive “12 Days of Christmas” theme adds a seasonal flair, making the puzzles both relevant and entertaining.
• Listener Engagement: Cliffhanger puzzles effectively tease future content, encouraging continued listener investment.

For those who haven't tuned into SmartLess Presents ClueLess, Episode 113 offers a delightful mix of humor, intellect, and holiday spirit, demonstrating why Elliott Kalan and his guests are masters of their craft.

Transcript

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[Elliot Kaelin]

Two roads diverged in a wood and I I took the one less traveled by and that is probably why I'm lost. I'm dropping you a GPS pen. Please send help. This is Clueless.

[Sean Hayes]

I'm clueless. Wait. Elliot, those are so good.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Thank you. The best part of this whole process for me is reading them and then seeing you laughing at them. It's my favorite part. I love it.

[Sean Hayes]

They're so good.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Hello and welcome to Smartless presents Clueless, the first podcast where you get to solve puzzles alongside Sean Hayes. And also probably the last. I'm your host, Elliot Kaelin, and I'm kind of like a reverse Santa Claus in that I take away my children's toys and throw them up the chimney. And joining me now is the man who's great at solving puzzles but can't take a hint. Sean. Ha. Hi, Sean.

[Sean Hayes]

That is so true. I cannot take a hint. I'm not. But part of it's not true. I'm not great at solving puzzles. But guess who's with me today? Who is good at solving puzzles?

[Elliot Kaelin]

Can't wait to find out.

[Sean Hayes]

Me too. But he couldn't make it. So instead it's my husband, Scotty.

[Scotty]

I tell you, that's so true. That's so true. I ponder too, too, too long with puzzles.

[Sean Hayes]

No, you're very good. Scotty and I actually play almost nightly. We call it Crosswits. We're just like as a general term because there was a show years and years ago called Crosswits on TV that was. I don't even remember the show, but I just remember that title. And so every night we play the New York Times crossword and then we do wordle and then we do Connections and then we do Strands.

[Scotty]

All part of the New York Times and La Mini.

[Sean Hayes]

And one day there will be a Smartless presents Clueless version of that.

[Elliot Kaelin]

And then you will do that in your spare time. And your life will have gone full circle.

[Sean Hayes]

That's right. That's right. I'll be like, wait a minute. Yeah, exactly.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Hold on. Why is my face looking up at me from my recreational activities?

[Sean Hayes]

This is right. Right.

[Elliot Kaelin]

But this is the part of the show where we reveal the answer to last episode's cliffhanger puzzle to remind everybody the cliffhanger puzzle was a riddle that went thusly. This year I'm celebrating Christmas by going on Twitter, doing my times tables, blowing kisses and finding buried treasure. What connects all these activities that makes them appropriate for the Christmas season?

[Sean Hayes]

I feel like, well, blowing kisses makes me feel. Think of, you know, Hershey's Kisses, chocolate, whatever. Is that right?

[Elliot Kaelin]

No, but I like that you're thinking about it.

[Sean Hayes]

But let me finish.

[Scotty]

Good start.

[Sean Hayes]

Let me finish. But finding buried treasure, blowing kisses, times tables, Twitter. Well, Twitter is like a little bird. Like a blue bird.

[Elliot Kaelin]

It used to be.

[Sean Hayes]

It used to be.

[Scotty]

Now it's used to be dark, black X. Yeah, Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

X. X is X's and O's. X is X's and O's. X times tables. Oh, is an X. Times is an X.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yes.

[Sean Hayes]

XX is a kiss. And X marks the spot for the buried treasure.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You got it. They're all X's, like in Xmas. You got it.

[Sean Hayes]

Wow.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You did it.

[Scotty]

That's good.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I love to see the moment of discovery. It's so inspiring.

[Sean Hayes]

How about that?

[Elliot Kaelin]

Listeners at home, did you get it right? Did you get the answer just like Sean did? If you didn't, we don't need to discuss it now. But I will have to tell your father about it when he comes home.

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[Elliot Kaelin]

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[Elliot Kaelin]

Sean, Scotty, are you ready for a main puzzle that's bursting with holiday cheer and math?

[Scotty]

Yes.

[Sean Hayes]

Hang on. I gotta go to the bathroom really quick. Oh, no. I'm ready.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Glad you took that moment well. Here it comes. We're playing. It's A numbers game. 12 Days of Christmas Edition.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, nice.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Well, it's a numbers game. It's A numbers game. 12 Days in Christmas Edition. That's the creepiest way to say that.

[Sean Hayes]

That is so creepy. Devin, is that you saying that?

[Devin Tory Bryant]

It certainly is.

[Sean Hayes]

Does not sound anything like you. Okay.

[Elliot Kaelin]

As regular listeners may know, it's a numbers game involves solving simple math equations without using numbers. Because we substitute in titles or phrases that would normally have those numbers in them. Only today's version has a fiendish, surprising, some might say impossible to predict twist. It's about Christmas. Specifically, the 12 Days of Christmas, the most numbery of all Christmas songs. I'm going to give you a simple math equation, but instead of the numbers, I'm going to tell you the gift from your true love from the iconic song and leave the numbers out. You need to figure out those missing numbers, perform the equation with them, and then tell me the answer, maybe in the form of what else but the gift from that corresponding day of Christmas. So, for example, if I said turtle doves plus turtledoves, the answer would be 12.

[Scotty]

Six.

[Sean Hayes]

Six turtle doves. Wait, six.

[Elliot Kaelin]

No, it would be four. Four calling words because it's two turtle doves plus two.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, two turtle doves. Oh, my God. Boy, we're going to kill. We're going to kill this.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You're doing great on the math part of it, just not necessarily on the. On the nights, the days, you know?

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Elliot Kaelin]

So are you ready? Or do you want to break the emergency and activate this podcast evacuation slide and get out of here?

[Sean Hayes]

Is there a way to do both?

[Scotty]

Is there a slide?

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yeah, there is a. We'll get the slide in later.

[Scotty]

The inflatable slide. Okay.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Number One. The first question is drummers drumming minus swans a swimming equals. And you can work together on this. Talk it out.

[Sean Hayes]

Wait, what's the first one? Blank.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Drummers drumming.

[Sean Hayes]

Drummers. Okay, Scotty, let's sing the song really quick. 11 pipers piping 10 lords of leaping, 9 ladies dancing. 8 maids in Millsp. 7 swans a swimming, 6 gieseling 5 golden ring 4. So drummers drumming. I miss drummers drumming. So wait, 1212. Isn't it 1212 drummers drumming.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Okay. Minus swans a swimming 5. You got that right. And do you remember what part of the song that is?

[Sean Hayes]

Five golden rings.

[Elliot Kaelin]

That's right. Five golden rings. Beautiful. Beautifull.

[Scotty]

Wow, Nice.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Question number two French hens plus turtle.

[Sean Hayes]

Doves equals two turtle doves.

[Scotty]

Two and three French hens.

[Sean Hayes]

Three French hens. Two joes.

[Scotty]

Five.

[Sean Hayes]

Wait, wait, that's five.

[Elliot Kaelin]

What part of the song would that be?

[Sean Hayes]

Five golden, golden rings.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You got it. You got it. We had a. We had a duplicate there. All right, question three. Ladies dancing minus calling birds. Ladies dancing minus calling birds.

[Sean Hayes]

Four are calling birds. Four is calling birds.

[Scotty]

Four.

[Sean Hayes]

Four ladies dancing is a nine. Ladies dancing nine minus four is five.

[Scotty]

Jesus.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You got it. That's right.

[Scotty]

Wow.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Five golden rings. Let's move on to question number four. Lords of leaping minus golden rings equals.

[Sean Hayes]

Ten lords of leaping, five.

[Scotty]

Golden grace.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Exactly right. You're doing great. There's just one question left. You're doing fantastic. And the answer to this one is. Piper's piping minus geese a laying.

[Sean Hayes]

11 pipers piping, six fingers laying. It's five.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You got it. Wow. What? X 100%. You got it all.

[Scotty]

Wow.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Five for five. What a game. So many twists and turns. How do you guys feel about how you did?

[Scotty]

Oh, it was a mental twister game.

[Sean Hayes]

That was incredible.

[Scotty]

Yeah.

[Elliot Kaelin]

But yep, we're not yet at the 13th day of Christmas, also known as the day when it's not Christmas anymore because we still have this games mega clue. Mega clue question. This mega clue involves remembering all the answers from today's game. So just to remind you of them, the answers were 5, 5, 5, 5 and 5. Now add up all those answers and then subtract from it the number of days of Christmas that you would have in two consecutive years. And please give me the number you get as its corresponding days of Christmas gift. So add them up. Subtract from it.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Oh, you got it already.

[Sean Hayes]

It's one.

[Elliot Kaelin]

But what's that in the song? What is in the song?

[Sean Hayes]

Wait. Five gold rings. Four and a partridge and a pear tree. Jesus.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You got it. You got there. Fantastic. You aced the game. Your knowledge of Christmas in that one song is second to none.

[Sean Hayes]

Isn't that astonishing?

[Elliot Kaelin]

How do you feel about it?

[Sean Hayes]

I feel I need Prevagen.

[Scotty]

Yeah.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I hope nobody blew out their voice. It was just beautiful. As beautiful to hear as I'm sure it was to perform. Listeners at home, did you do better than Sean and Scotty? Did you sing as much as them? If so, feel free to break one law today. Not one of the serious ones like a little one like loitering. Yeah, you've earned yourself a good long loiter. But before you embark on your new career as a low energy criminal living on the edge, don't forget we have one more puzzle hanging off of the edge. It's today's cliffhanger puzzle. The cliffhanger puzzle is our way of saying, you better come back next episode if you know what's good for you. And today's cliffhanger puzzle goes thusly. If Prancer had seven, Dasher had six, and Vixen had five, how many did Rudolph have? It's a riddle about numbers, but it's also kind of not about numbers. Sean, Scotty, will you be able to withstand the unholy torment of not knowing the answer until we reveal it next episode?

[Sean Hayes]

I'm going to try.

[Scotty]

I'm going to try real hard.

[Sean Hayes]

I can already feel my pants bursting.

[Scotty]

Yeah.

[Elliot Kaelin]

We'll be back next episode to fill your ears with more gibberish. But until then, I want to thank our special guest Scotty for teaching us the true meaning of the season. I want to thank Sean for not making this any more awkward than was absolutely necessary. And I want to thank you, the listeners, for pretending you didn't think of the answers before Sean did. He's very sensitive about that. This has been Clueless. I'm your host, Elliot Kaelin, and you're you. For further information, please consult the nearest mirror.

[Devin Tory Bryant]

Clueless, you have been listening to Smartless presents Clueless, a Smartless media production in association with Sirius xm. Your host is Elliot Kaelin, who also writes our scripts. Your constant contestant is Sean Hayes, who does like candy. Your producer, editor and engineer is Devin Tory Bryant, who is me. I also write all the music and sound effects. Assistant engineer, Kyle McGraw. Today's puzzles were written by Kevin Lehman and myself. Talent producer is Anne Harris. Associate producer, Matty McCann. Social media producer, Tommy Galgano. Executive producers are Elliot Kaelin, Sean Hayes, Will Arnett, and Jason Bateman. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminsk. Remember to follow subscribe, rate and review the show. It really helps. That's all for now. We will see you again for more Start less me.

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