117 - Bizarro TV Guide (w/ Ali Wentworth)

Summary

Podcast Summary: SmartLess Presents ClueLess – Episode 117: Bizarro TV Guide (w/ Ali Wentworth)

Release Date: January 9, 2025
Host: Elliott Kalan
Guest: Ali Wentworth
Contestant: Sean Hayes

---

Introduction and Setup

[01:06] Elliott Kalan introduces the episode of "SmartLess Presents ClueLess," a biweekly, bite-sized podcast where listeners tackle puzzles and brainteasers alongside the contestant, Sean Hayes. The episode features guest Ali Wentworth, adding an extra layer of challenge and fun.

[01:26] Sean Hayes humorously recounts how he was "brought into this life" when he arrived in a box filled with packing peanuts, setting a playful and whimsical tone for the episode.

ClueLess Cliffhanger Resolution

The episode begins by addressing the previous episode's cliffhanger puzzle:

Cliffhanger Puzzle:
"I'm going to tell you a sentence and I want you to replace five of the words in it with five new words that are all homophones with each other while keeping the meaning of the sentence the same. The sentence was: 'You and I said yes when you found a small Nintendo, then shouted woo as we played.'”

[02:53] Ali Wentworth expresses confusion:
"I'm totally confused, Elliot, but I'm just gonna watch Sean try to solve it."

[03:11] Sean Hayes navigates the puzzle:
"I think I'm still a little confused, but what's another word for small, tiny? Wii."

With Ali's hint, they solve the riddle:
"We said we when you found a Wii Nintendo then shouted we as we played."
[03:54] Sean Hayes remarks on the complexity for the audience:
"Yeah, for the audience, we might have to set it up so they enjoy trying to figure that out because that was crazy, but cool."

Main Puzzle: Bizarro TV Guide

Transitioning from the cliffhanger, Elliott introduces the main puzzle of the episode:

[05:22] Elliott Kalan explains:
"Thanks to an interdimensional post office mix-up, I started getting TV Guides from Bizarro Land, where everything is the opposite of our world. You'll name each show's non-bizarro counterpart in our world."
Example:
Bizarro Show: Little Sister → Real World Opposite: Big Brother

Gameplay Overview:
Elliott presents eight Bizarro reality TV show titles. Sean and Ali must identify their real-world counterparts by determining the opposites.

Puzzle Solving:

1. The Square

   • [07:00] Sean Hayes: "The circle."
   • [07:15] Ali Wentworth: "It's a reality show where people are stuck in different rooms talking on fake Internet to each other, and it's actually kind of fantastic."
   • Comparison to the podcast's own format is humorously noted.

2. The Unimpressive Stroll

   • [07:29] Ali Wentworth: "The Amazing Race."
   • [07:39] Affirmation from Elliott.

3. Buying Dawn

   • [07:39] Ali Wentworth: "Selling Sunset."
   • [07:44] Elliott Kalan praises Sean's observation skills.

4. Recognizable Employee

   • [07:52] Ali Wentworth: "Undercover Boss."
   • [07:58] Confirmation of correct answer.

5. Canada's Previous Bottom Irregular

   • [08:06] Sean Hayes: "America's Next Top Model."
   • [08:25] Correct answer acknowledged by Elliott.

6. Hate Peninsula

   • [08:36] Ali Wentworth: "Love Island."
   • [08:40] Accepted by Elliott.

7. Insufficiently Cold to Avoid

   • [08:50] Sean Hayes: "Too Hot to Handle."
   • [09:18] Elliott Kalan commends the correct answer.

8. Meter Invitees

   • [09:43] Sean Hayes: "Yard Crashers."
   • [10:27] Elliott Kalan praises the final answer.

[10:32] Elliott Kalan introduces the Mega Clue:
"Take the first letters of each answer to spell the most popular show in Bizarro Land, then identify its real-world opposite."

Solution Process:

• Answers:

  1. Circle
  2. Amazing Race
  3. Selling Sunset
  4. Undercover Boss
  5. America's Next Top Model
  6. Love Island
  7. Too Hot to Handle
  8. Yard Crashers

• First Letters: C, A, S, U, A, L, T, Y → CASUALTY

• Opposite Show:
  [11:24] Sean Hayes: "Casualty."
  [11:26] Elliott Kalan: "That's right. They spell casualties. So the final answer would be the reality show that is the opposite of casualty."
  [11:36] Ali Wentworth: "A survivor."
  [11:40] Elliott Kalan: "Exactly. A survivor."

  • Final Answer: Survivor

Cliffhanger for Next Episode

[12:03] Elliott Kalan presents the new cliffhanger puzzle:
"What tastes better than it smells?"
He hints that the answer is not the most obvious one, encouraging listeners to ponder until the next episode.

[13:18] Ali Wentworth suggests: "Bacon. Bacon smells great, but it tastes better than it smells."

Closing Remarks

[13:16] Sean Hayes and [13:18] Ali Wentworth engage in light-hearted banter as Elliott wraps up the episode.

[14:00] Ali Wentworth provides credits, thanking the production team and encouraging listeners to follow, subscribe, rate, and review the show.

Notable Quotes

• Elliott Kalan on solving puzzles:
  "[03:54] – 'We said we when you found a wee wee and shouted we as we played. That's a tough one, but you got it.'"

• Ali Wentworth on the fun of the game:
  "[07:15] – 'It's a reality show where people are stuck in different rooms talking on fake Internet to each other, and it's actually kind of fantastic.'"

• Sean Hayes on the challenge:
  "[05:35] – 'I have a lot of answers for that.'"

Conclusion

Episode 117 of "SmartLess Presents ClueLess" delivers an engaging and intellectually stimulating experience as Elliott Kalan, Sean Hayes, and guest Ali Wentworth navigate the quirky Bizarro TV Guide puzzle. Through teamwork, wit, and sharp thinking, they decode the opposites of popular reality TV shows, culminating in the revelation that "Survivor" is the real-world counterpart to "Casualty." The episode concludes with a tantalizing cliffhanger, inviting listeners to return for the next challenge.

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Stay Tuned: Don't miss the next episode of ClueLess where the answer to "What tastes better than it smells?" will be revealed!

Transcript

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[Sean Hayes]

Smart Glass.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Has this ever happened to you? You're just trying to mail a letter at the post office when a huge bat attacks you. And when you try to fight it off with the nine iron you always carry with you, you accidentally knock over a priceless Ming vase. That hasn't happened to you. That's a relief. This is Clueless.

[Allie Wentworth]

Clueless.

[Elliot Kaelin]

CL.

[Sean Hayes]

I'm Clueless.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Welcome to Smartless Presents. Clueless, the only puzzle podcast where Sean Hayes is the contestant and all's right in the world. I'm Elliot Kaelin, a fully bonded and licensed podcast host. Documentation available for review upon request. And just before we started recording, I received a package in the mail. Let's see what's in here. Dig out all the packing peanuts. It's a fresh delivery of Sean Hayes. Welcome to the show, Sean.

[Sean Hayes]

Sadly, that's how I was brought into this life.

[Elliot Kaelin]

In a box full of packing peanuts.

[Sean Hayes]

Uh huh. That's how it just. And somebody rang the doorbell and ran away.

[Elliot Kaelin]

No wonder you look so comfortable in there. Wait, hold on, Sean, I just heard a knock at the door. Let me go answer that and see who's there. Why, it's our guest, Allie Wentworth. Welcome to Clueless Alley.

[Allie Wentworth]

Oh, I didn't. I wasn't handed to you in a Tiffany box.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I just. Now I see it.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, no, Tiffany box with no packing. So the bruises are real.

[Allie Wentworth]

Tissue paper, sweetie. And a silk white ribbon.

[Sean Hayes]

Ali Wentworth. The incredible, talented, funny, beautiful phrase, honey, you don't have.

[Allie Wentworth]

Everybody knows that. You don't need to repeat it.

[Sean Hayes]

Okay, sorry, sorry. No, I'm reading, I'm reading off of paper. Oh, sorry.

[Elliot Kaelin]

That's the one that Ally provided, right? Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah. All right, so wait, I'm still hung up on this cliffhanger.

[Elliot Kaelin]

We'll get to it. We'll get to it because. Oh, hold on. There's a messenger raven that just landed on my Windowsill with a parchment wrapped around its leg. Let me just look at this. It's the answer to last episode's cliffhanger. Puzz. The Raven still has not left. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to give him a tip or not, so let's just do the cliffhanger puzzle. Last episode's cliffhanger was a riddle that went like, I'm going to tell you a sentence and I want you to replace five of the words in it with five new words that are all homophones with each other while keeping the meaning of the sentence the same. And the sentence was you and I said yes when you found a small Nintendo, then shouted woo as we played.

[Allie Wentworth]

I'm totally confused, Elliot, but I'm just gonna watch Sean try to solve it.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I want you to take five words that are homophones of each other. They don't have to be homophones of the words in the sentence and replace the words in the sentence with those ones. So think of just one word and then that can have five different meanings. Basically.

[Sean Hayes]

I think I'm still a little confused, but what's another word for small, tiny? Wii. Oh, Wii, Nintendo. And yes.

[Allie Wentworth]

We is French for yes.

[Sean Hayes]

Ah, we.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You got it. You're doing great.

[Sean Hayes]

And so that's all we. So like you and I, we said we when you found a Wii. Nintendo then shouted Wii as we played.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You got it. That's it. We said we when you found a wee wee and shouted we as we played. That's a tough one, but you got it.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, for the audience, we might have to set it up so they enjoy trying to figure that out because that was crazy, but cool.

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[Elliot Kaelin]

Listeners at home, did you get the answer? And find these homophones to be homa fun? If not, that's okay. You're still a homo sapien. And that means you can play today's main puzzle. Sorry, animals, we're about to play Bizarro TV Guide.

[Sean Hayes]

Ooh, ooh.

[Allie Wentworth]

I like the sound of that Bizarro TV Guide. TV Gu.

[Elliot Kaelin]

That laugh at the end is very sinister. Yes, so allow me to explain. Recently, thanks to an interdimensional post office mix up, I started getting TV Guides from Bizarro Land, the place where everything is the opposite of our world. So I'm going to name eight shows from the reality TV section of this Bizarro TV Guide. And you'll have to name each show's non bizarro counterpart in our world what the opposite of that opposite is. So, for example, if in Bizarre Lands they watch the show Little Sister, the answer from our world would be Big Brother.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, I see, I see.

[Elliot Kaelin]

So no matter what world a puzzle comes from, it always has a mega clue at the end of it. And for this one, you're gonna eventually put together the first letter of each answer to discover the most popular show in Bizarre Land. But I will remind you of those letters later. You can count them up as you go, but don't worry about them too much. Sean, Allie, are you ready? Or do you regret every life decision that brought you to this moment?

[Allie Wentworth]

Just the past two years, but otherwise I'm good.

[Sean Hayes]

I thought you're gonna say the past 20 minutes.

[Elliot Kaelin]

That's where things diverge for each of you. That's good to know. That's good to know.

[Allie Wentworth]

Bizarro TV Guide.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Okay, let's play the game. So the first question is the square. What's the opposite of that?

[Sean Hayes]

The circle.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You got it. The circle.

[Sean Hayes]

What the hell's the circle? Is that a real circle?

[Allie Wentworth]

Yeah, the circle.

[Elliot Kaelin]

It's a TV show, Devin. What's the circle about?

[Allie Wentworth]

It's a reality show where people are stuck in different rooms talking on fake Internet to each other, and it's actually kind of fantastic.

Okay, Sounds like this podcast.

[Sean Hayes]

Exactly.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Question number two. The Unimpressive Stroll. What is the opposite bizarro version of the Unimpressive Stroll?

[Allie Wentworth]

The Amazing Race.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yes, you got it. The Amazing Race. Question number three. Buying Dawn. What's the opposite of buying Dawn?

[Allie Wentworth]

Selling sunset.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yes.

[Sean Hayes]

You guys, Wait a minute. What? Look at her go.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Amazing. Someone watches tv. Question number four. Recognizable employee.

[Allie Wentworth]

Oh.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh.

[Allie Wentworth]

Something Boss.

[Sean Hayes]

Undercover Boss.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yes.

[Sean Hayes]

Yes.

[Allie Wentworth]

Undercover Boss.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Great teamwork. You got it. Question 5. Canada's previous bottom irregular.

[Sean Hayes]

Wait, what?

[Elliot Kaelin]

Canada's previous bottom irregular. What's the opposite of each of those words to make our world's reality show.

[Allie Wentworth]

America's Next Best Talent?

[Elliot Kaelin]

Very close.

[Sean Hayes]

America's Next Best Model. America's.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You're getting so close, you're saying some of the right words. And then.

[Sean Hayes]

America's Next Top Model.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yes. America's Next Top Model. You got it. That's the opposite of a bottom irregular. The top model.

[Allie Wentworth]

Oh.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Question number six. Hate Peninsula.

[Allie Wentworth]

Love Island.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yes.

[Sean Hayes]

For what?

[Allie Wentworth]

Jeez.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Question number seven.

[Sean Hayes]

I'm still writing the last one down.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Question number seven. Insufficiently cold to avoid.

[Allie Wentworth]

Say that again.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Insufficiently cold to avoid.

[Sean Hayes]

Cold. Hot.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Hot.

[Sean Hayes]

Embrace Hot. Hot. Is there a show called Hot that you watch, Ali?

[Allie Wentworth]

Yes. It's on the Dark Web. What is that called?

[Sean Hayes]

It's on wicked.com.

[Allie Wentworth]

Hot date. Hot. Blind date. Hot. Meeting. Hot. Hot.

[Sean Hayes]

Too hot to handle.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yeah. Too hot to handle. You got it.

[Allie Wentworth]

What?

[Elliot Kaelin]

I just.

[Allie Wentworth]

That's a reality show.

[Sean Hayes]

That's a show.

[Elliot Kaelin]

That's a show. All the shows just have phrases for names. So in reality shows, if you don't know the title, you can just guess a phrase and sometimes you get it.

[Allie Wentworth]

Too hot to Handle.

[Sean Hayes]

Okay, how about that was on now.

[Elliot Kaelin]

There's only one question left. This one might be a little hard. Question number 8. Meter. Invitees. Meter. M E T E R. Invitees.

[Sean Hayes]

Guests. Something. Guests.

[Elliot Kaelin]

What's the opposite of an invitee? Someone you didn't invite.

[Sean Hayes]

Crash.

[Allie Wentworth]

Loser.

[Sean Hayes]

Crash.

[Allie Wentworth]

Loser.

[Elliot Kaelin]

No, That's a good guess. That is a thing. Let's see. So kind of, what's the opposite of a meter? If you're talking in measurement terms.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, of a yard. Say, like a meter.

[Allie Wentworth]

Is that what you mean?

[Sean Hayes]

Yard. Yard.

[Allie Wentworth]

What was.

[Elliot Kaelin]

And now the opposite. The opposite of invitees. You were getting to there.

[Sean Hayes]

Yard. Yard guest.

[Allie Wentworth]

Yard loser.

[Sean Hayes]

Yard crash. Yard sale Crasher.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yep. You said yard crash. I'm gonna give it to you. It's Yard Crashers.

[Allie Wentworth]

Oh, Yard Crashers. Never heard of it.

It's on the DIY network.

[Sean Hayes]

Sure, sure.

[Allie Wentworth]

Yeah, yeah.

[Elliot Kaelin]

That's a real hat.

[Sean Hayes]

We watch. I have it. It's one of my favorites.

[Allie Wentworth]

Bizarro TV Guide.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You did great. That's this whole game. You did fantastic. Clearly, it's time for this game's.

[Sean Hayes]

Megaclue Mega clue question.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Or as they might say in Bizarro Land, the mini. Not a helpful piece of information for this mega clue. You're going to take the first letters from each of this game's answers to spell the most popular game in Bizarro Land, and then I want you to tell me its real world opposite. So the letters are going to spell a word and you're going to tell me the TV show that's the opposite of that word. Would you like me to remind you of the answers?

[Sean Hayes]

Yes.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You got it. They were Circle, Amazing Race Selling, Sunset, Undercover Boss, America's Next Top Model, Love Island, Too Hot to Handle, and Yard Crashers. Take the first letter of each of those titles and what word do you get when you put them together?

[Sean Hayes]

Casualty.

[Elliot Kaelin]

That's right. They spell casualties. So the final answer would be the reality show that is the opposite of casualty. Of casualty.

[Allie Wentworth]

Casualty. A survivor. A survivor. A survivor.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Exactly. A survivor. You got it.

[Allie Wentworth]

I just kept thinking of that Sean Penn, Michael J. Fox movie Casualties of War.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Oh, yeah, yeah. The opposite of that would be Survivors of Beasts.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, yeah. Nice, nice, nice.

[Elliot Kaelin]

So, Ally. Great job, Sean. Great job saying Ally's answer real loud after she said it. I love that. Survival, your working process. Yes.

[Allie Wentworth]

It's a thing we do.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yeah, yeah. Listeners at home, did you do better than Sean and Ally in this contest of counterintuitive counter programming? If yes, then maybe you should be the new Sean Hayes. Send me a messenger, Raven. We'll talk about it. If not, don't worry, because that's the great thing about puzzles. There's always another one coming down the line. In fact, I can see in the distance. Right on schedule. Here it comes. Today's cliffhanger puzzle. The cliffhanger puz is that most mysterious of things, a question without an answer until we tell you the answer next episode. And today's cliffhanging question is kind of a. It's kind of a riddle that I want you to think about and come up with what is the most kind of puzzle points, the most riddled version of the answer. And that question is, what tastes better than it smells? What tastes better than it smells? There are lots of potential answers, but only one, perhaps not the most obvious answer will score you the most puzzle points. Puzzle points being a thing I just made up that isn't real. But now suddenly you've heard about them and you are desperate to win some. Sean, Allie, I apologize for all the sleep you will not get as you toss and turn obsessing over this puzzle until the next episode.

[Sean Hayes]

I have a lot of answers for that.

[Allie Wentworth]

Bacon. Bacon smells great, but it tastes better than it smells.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Well, folks, it's time, I think, to bring this episode to a close if we want to get back our security deposit. But first, I want to thank Sean for continuing to be a delight and an inspiration. And I want to thank Ali for making sure Sean didn't put anything dangerous in his mouth. He's just such a curious little guy, you know. Just got to watch him at all times.

[Sean Hayes]

Sure.

[Elliot Kaelin]

But most of all, I want to thank you, the listeners, for mailing us all big envelopes stuffed with cash, as I assume you are about to do. This has been Smartless presents Clueless. We'll be back next episode and I'm your host, Elliot Kaelin. Saying I've got to run. I just realized I left the oven on.

[Sean Hayes]

Bye, everybody.

[Allie Wentworth]

Bye.

[Sean Hayes]

Nice, nice, nice.

[Allie Wentworth]

Clueless, you have been listening to Smartless presents Clueless, a Smartless media production in association with SiriusXM. Your host is Elliot Kaelin, who also writes our scripts. Your constant contestant is Sean Hayes, who is five'eleven Your producer, editor and engineer is Devin Tory Bryant, who is me. I also write all the music and sound effects assistant engineer, Kyle McGraw. Today's puzzles were written by Matthew Broussard and Josh Richmond. Talent producer is Anne Harris. Associate producer, Matty McCann. Social media producer, Tommy Galgano. Executive producers are Elliott Kaelin, Sean Hayes, Will Arnett and Jason Bateman. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Korson and Bernie Kaminski. Remember to follow, subscribe, rate and review the show. It really helps. That's all for now. We will see you again for more smart, less medium.

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[Allie Wentworth]

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