120 - Don’t Be A Ditloid (w/ Carrie Aizley)

Summary

SmartLess Presents ClueLess - Episode 120: "Don’t Be A Ditloid" (Released January 20, 2025)

In episode 120 of SmartLess Presents ClueLess, host Elliott Kaelin teams up with returning contestant Sean Hayes and guest Carrie Aizley for an engaging session filled with puzzles, brainteasers, and lively discussions. This episode, titled “Don’t Be A Ditloid,” delves into the intricacies of ditloids and culminates with a challenging cliffhanger puzzle. Here's a detailed breakdown of the episode's key segments:

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1. Introduction and Host Interaction (00:40 - 01:22)

Elliott Kaelin opens the episode with his signature humor, introducing Sean Hayes and Carrie Aizley. The camaraderie between the hosts and guests sets a friendly and competitive tone for the podcast.

• Elliott Kaelin [00:40]: “The following podcast was taped before a live studio audience. That is if you count the voices in my head. This is Clueless.”
• Sean Hayes [00:56]: “I'm clueless.”
• Elliott Kaelin [01:03]: “You just recorded your first number one hit. Congratulations.”

This playful banter not only entertains but also warmly welcomes listeners into the episode's dynamic.

2. The Cliffhanger Puzzle: "What Kind of Sword?" (02:02 - 03:36)

The episode kicks off with the customary unresolved cliffhanger puzzle, challenging listeners to solve a riddle: “What kind of sword is harder to break as it gets longer?”

• Elliott Kaelin [02:13]: “I've been trying to figure this out for hours and hours.”
• Carrie Aizley [02:31]: "So it's not a sword. Sword, obviously."

After a brief and humorous struggle, Elliott reveals the answer:

• Elliott Kaelin [03:14]: “The sword that gets harder to break as it gets longer is a password.”
• Sean Hayes [03:45]: “A piss word.”

This segment highlights the show's knack for wordplay and sets the stage for the main game.

3. Main Game: "Don’t Be A Ditloid" (06:10 - 10:47)

The core of the episode revolves around the game “Don’t Be A Ditloid,” where participants decipher abbreviated phrases. Elliott explains the rules and presents a series of ditloids under the general knowledge category.

• Elliott Kaelin [06:23]: “Ditloids are phrases or facts that have to be deduced by their abbreviations.”
• Example [06:52]: "24H in a D" – 24 hours in a day.

Gameplay Highlights:

1. 365 D in a Y

   • Answer: 365 days in a year.
   • Carrie Aizley [07:18]: “In a year, 305 days in a year.”

2. 13 in a BD

   • Answer: 13 in a baker's dozen.
   • Sean Hayes [07:39]: “13 in a baker's dozen.”

3. 7C on E

   • Answer: 7 continents on Earth.
   • Sean Hayes [07:39]: “Continents on Earth.”

4. 26L in the A

   • Answer: 26 letters in the Alphabet.
   • Carrie Aizley [07:52]: “20.” (Clarification follows.)

5. 366D in a

   • Answer: 366 days in a leap year.
   • Carrie Aizley [08:09]: “Three Sisters Days in a leap year.”

6. 7W of the W

   • Answer: Seven wonders of the world.
   • Sean Hayes [08:09]: “Seven wonders in the world.”

7. 12s of the Z

   • Answer: 12 signs of the Zodiac.
   • Sean Hayes [08:50]: “12 signs of Zodiac.”

8. 16O in a P

   • Answer: 16 ounces in a pound.
   • Sean Hayes [09:07]: “16 ounces in a pound.”

9. 4H of the A

   • Answer: Four horsemen of the Apocalypse.
   • Sean Hayes [09:31]: “Four horsemen of the Apocalypse.”

10. 18H on a GC

    • Answer: 18 holes on a golf course.
    • Sean Hayes [09:47]: “18 holes in the golf course.”

Throughout the game, Sean consistently exhibits his prowess, often leading the correct answers with confidence, while Carrie adds humor and occasional flubs, enhancing the episode’s entertainment value.

4. Mega Clue: Expert-Level Ditloid (10:04 - 11:44)

Transitioning from the main game, Elliott presents a mega clue—a more complex ditloid designed to test even the most seasoned players.

• Elliott Kaelin [10:07]: “8F A2T, O A, P, O, H.”

The clue pertains to a part of the human body and requires deeper analytical thinking. Sean and Carrie engage in a collaborative effort to decode it.

• Sean Hayes [10:36]: “Eight fingers and two thumbs on a pair of hands.”
• Carrie Aizley [11:05]: “Eight fingers.”

Elliott acknowledges their near-miss and reveals the intended answer, highlighting their thoughtful approaches:

• Elliott Kaelin [11:30]: “Eight fingers and two thumbs on a pair of hands.”

This segment underscores the show's ability to escalate difficulty, keeping both participants and listeners engaged.

5. Cliffhanger Puzzle: "Odd One Out" (11:50 - 12:51)

Concluding the episode, Elliott introduces the final cliffhanger puzzle—a quick “Odd One Out” challenge.

• Elliott Kaelin [12:10]: “Which of the following objects doesn't belong and why? Tissue box, toilet paper, wombat poop, fuzzy dice, sugar lumps.”

Sean attempts an amusing guess:

• Sean Hayes [12:51]: “They're all terms of endearment. But especially wombat poop.”

Elliott leaves the audience to ponder the riddle until the next episode, maintaining the show's signature cliffhanger allure.

6. Conclusion and Credits (12:51 - End)

Elliott wraps up the episode with heartfelt thanks to Carrie Aizley, Sean Hayes, and the listeners, reinforcing a sense of community and appreciation.

• Elliott Kaelin [13:31]: “This has been SmartLess presents Clueless. I've been your host, Elliott Kaelin, and I'm gonna make it after all.”

The credits acknowledge the contributions of the production team, ensuring listeners are aware of the collaborative effort behind the scenes.

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Notable Quotes:

• Elliott Kaelin [02:10]: “Once again, this has been kind of a trick, this riddle, because the answer is not a physical sword at all.”
• Sean Hayes [09:31]: “Four horsemen of the Apocalypse.”
• Carrie Aizley [11:05]: “Eight fingers.”
• Elliott Kaelin [13:31]: “This has been SmartLess presents Clueless. I've been your host, Elliott Kaelin, and I'm gonna make it after all.”

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Final Thoughts:

Episode 120 of SmartLess Presents ClueLess masterfully combines humor, intellect, and camaraderie. Through engaging puzzles and dynamic interactions, Elliott, Sean, and Carrie create an entertaining experience that challenges listeners' wits while providing ample laughs. Whether you're a regular listener or new to the show, this episode offers a delightful blend of brain teasers and heartfelt moments that underscore the enduring appeal of Clueless.

Transcript

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[Elliot Kaelin]

The following podcast was taped before a live studio audience. That is if you count the voices in my head. This is Clueless.

[Sean Hayes]

I'm clueless.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You just recorded your first number one hit. Congratulations.

[Sean Hayes]

Thank you.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Welcome to Smartless presents. Clueless, the only puzzle podcast that lets you match your wits against a voice that sounds an awful lot like Sean Hayes. I'm your host, Elliot Kaelin. Please join me in welcoming the star of the show, the man of the hour, or in the case of this show, the man of the 10 minutes, Sean Hayes. Sean, thank you so much again for being here.

[Sean Hayes]

Yes, Elliot, thank you. It's so wonderful to hear your voice and to see you. Carrie Asley is joining us today. Carrie is so lovely. She's one of my best friends. She's super funny and talented and she's pretty ins. And we love her and she's family, and here she is today. Carrie, what are you gonna do tonight for dinner?

[Carrie Asley]

That's a really good question. And we have decided on Baja. Buds. Mexican.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, okay. You sound excited about it.

[Carrie Asley]

I'm gonna get a tostada salad.

[Sean Hayes]

That sounds really good, actually.

[Carrie Asley]

What are you gonna have?

[Sean Hayes]

I don't know. Whatever the hell I want.

[Carrie Asley]

Yeah, well, I don't wanna fight about it.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yeah, there's no reason to bring that level of hostility to the question. I think. Sean.

[Sean Hayes]

Wait. Let's get to the cliffhanger. I'm trying to figure this out.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yes.

[Sean Hayes]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I've been trying to figure this out for two days.

[Elliot Kaelin]

For two or more whole days?

[Carrie Asley]

For a week. The past week.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I've been trying to figure this out hours and hours. Now, as Sean is saying, every episode of Clueless ends with an unresolved cliffhanger puzzle. You may remember it Was a riddle that went, what kind of sword is harder to break as it gets longer? Sean, Carrie, do you want to talk it out a little bit between yourselves?

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah. It's harder to break.

[Carrie Asley]

So it's not a sword. Sword, obviously. Sordid. Sordid.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, yeah. What about sorted?

[Carrie Asley]

Harder to break as it gets longer. So what kind of sword gets longer is this.

[Elliot Kaelin]

What kind of sword? And think about the word sword. Perhaps this might be one of those word tricks that we play on clueless sometimes.

[Sean Hayes]

I know. Sword. Like Carrie just said sworded. Or like swordfish.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yeah, swordfish is a hint I'll give you. Not because it's the answer, because it maybe is the first step towards a path of thinking that leads you to the answer.

[Sean Hayes]

What kind of swordfish is that?

[Carrie Asley]

Like a habit.

[Sean Hayes]

You break a habit, you break bread. How?

[Elliot Kaelin]

Is there a way of including the word sword into bread?

[Sean Hayes]

No, I try every day into something.

[Carrie Asley]

Something you have to break.

[Elliot Kaelin]

This is a tough one. I hate to break it to you and to the audience. Once again, this has been kind of a trick, this riddle, because the answer is not. Not a physical sword at all. Not an actual sword or, you know, not a bladed weapon. The sword that gets harder to break as it gets longer is a pass sword. A password.

[Carrie Asley]

I would never, ever have gotten that.

[Elliot Kaelin]

And that's why it's a great password to use. If you ever need a password, just set up the word pass sword and no one will ever think of it. If this riddle is the question.

[Sean Hayes]

Well, if you said what kind of sword?

[Carrie Asley]

Right. What kind of puss word?

[Sean Hayes]

A piss word.

[Carrie Asley]

A puss word.

[Sean Hayes]

Puss word.

[Carrie Asley]

Puss word.

[Sean Hayes]

Like a puss word.

[Carrie Asley]

All right.

[Sean Hayes]

What are you saying?

[Devin Tory Bryant]

Pss.

[Carrie Asley]

Word.

[Sean Hayes]

A piss word word. A puss word.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yeah, I feel like. I feel like I'm eavesdropping on an elderly couple in the booth next to mine at a restaurant.

[Carrie Asley]

You are.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I love it so much.

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Is anyone out there?

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[Elliot Kaelin]

Listeners. Did you get the answer? If not, don't pick up your own sword. You did not bring dishonor to your family. This was a tough one. Well, maybe you did a little, but it's okay.

[Carrie Asley]

That was hard.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You get a chance to redeem yourself with today's main game. And today's main game is a new one for us. It's called don't be a ditloid.

[Sean Hayes]

Will be a ditloid.

[Carrie Asley]

Nice ditloid.

[Sean Hayes]

I couldn't understand the lyrics.

[Carrie Asley]

Don't be a ditloid.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Don't be a ditloid.

[Sean Hayes]

Ditloid D I t. I wrote it.

[Carrie Asley]

Down to see if I can make it. If it's something we need to turn into something else.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Well, okay, I will. I'll explain it to you. So this game is all about ditloids. Ditloids are phrases or facts that have to be deduced by their abbreviations. So for example, If I said 24H in a D, the answer would be.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, 24 hours in a day. Got it.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yes, 24 hours a day. Love it. Exactly. All of the ditloids in today's game are in the category of general knowledge. Maybe the vaguest category title you could possibly imagine. Just general knowledge. Are you ready to play or would you rather go out for a carton of milk and never come back?

[Carrie Asley]

I'm nervous and I don't like milk. I am nervous.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Okay, you don't have to get the milk. You can go out for something else. Question number one. 365 D in a Y days.

[Carrie Asley]

In a year, 305 days in a year.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You got it. Almost in unison. Almost. Question 2. 13 in a BD 13 in a baker's dozen. Yep. You got it. 13 in a baker's dozen. Very good. Question number 3. 7C on E.

[Sean Hayes]

Continents on either. 7 on Earth. Continents on Earth.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You got it.

[Sean Hayes]

Great.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Teamwork.

[Carrie Asley]

That was teamwork.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Question number 4.26L in the A.

[Carrie Asley]

20.

[Sean Hayes]

26 letters in the Alphabet. Wow.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Exactly right.

[Carrie Asley]

Sean's really good at this.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yeah. This is Sean's game.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Number five. 366D in a. Ly in a leap year.

[Carrie Asley]

Three Sisters Days in a leap year.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I'm gonna give you credit for what you were saying and not certainly what words came out. Yeah. It's like playing with layers in our leap year. Question number six. Seven W of the W. Seven wonders in the world. Yes. Wonderful. Sean, question seven. 12s of the Z. Z as in zoo. 12s of the Z.

[Carrie Asley]

12 of the Z.

[Sean Hayes]

Is it stars or.

[Elliot Kaelin]

No, the S doesn't stand for stars, but this phrase is related to the stars.

[Carrie Asley]

The Zodiac.

[Sean Hayes]

12 signs of the Zodiac.

[Elliot Kaelin]

12 citizens of the Zodiac.

[Sean Hayes]

12 signs of Zodiac.

[Elliot Kaelin]

12 signs of Zodiac. Very good. Question number eight. 16. 0 in a P. 16 ounces in a pound. Great. Question number nine. 4H of the A.

[Sean Hayes]

Four hours of the day. No, four. Four hours of the day. Four hours of the day. That's my work day. Wait, four. Four. What is it?

[Elliot Kaelin]

4H of the A.

[Sean Hayes]

Four.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yes.

[Sean Hayes]

Of the Armageddon. Four horses of the. Four horses of the.

[Carrie Asley]

Of the Apocalypse.

[Sean Hayes]

Apocalypse. That's what I meant.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You're right. That right. Four horsemen of the Apocalypse. I'll give it to you.

[Sean Hayes]

Four horsemen. What did I say? Horses.

[Carrie Asley]

Horses.

[Sean Hayes]

Four horsemen of the Apocalypse. And then I said Armageddon.

[Elliot Kaelin]

And now the final question for this game. Question 10.18h on a GC.

[Sean Hayes]

18 holes in the golf course.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Very good. Great. You finally achieved it. You finally achieved real, like, synchronicity. Unison between the two. Amazing. I love it.

[Sean Hayes]

I love that game.

[Carrie Asley]

That's fun. I like that one too. It's hard, but I like that one.

[Elliot Kaelin]

So be a deadlord by now. You've got the hang of it, which is great because we've still got our mega clue.

[Carrie Asley]

Mega clue question.

[Elliot Kaelin]

And this is a tough one. This is when ditloids stop being polite and start getting real. Now that you're ditloid experts, this mega clue will subject you to an expert level. Ditloid. Having to do. I'll give you a hint with a part of the human body and it goes like this. 8F A2T, O A, P, O, H. I'll say that again. If you don't have a pen and pad and paper.

[Sean Hayes]

So there's only two numbers in it.

[Elliot Kaelin]

There's only two numbers in there? Yes.

[Sean Hayes]

8 and 2. Okay.

[Elliot Kaelin]

8 f a, 2 t, o a.

[Sean Hayes]

P, O, H. And it has to do with the body.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yes.

[Carrie Asley]

Maybe if we do the end of the word first.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, yeah. Eight shots.

[Carrie Asley]

Piece of hair. Piece of hair.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, eight heart. On a partridge. In a pear. On a part of eight versus two. That's really hard. But I love it. I love to figure it out.

[Carrie Asley]

I know. Eight fingers.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Eight.

[Sean Hayes]

Eight fingers and two toes, is that right?

[Elliot Kaelin]

Not exactly.

[Sean Hayes]

Eight fingers and two thumbs. On a something something hand.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You're so close.

[Carrie Asley]

Eight fingers and two thumbs.

[Sean Hayes]

Two thumbs.

[Carrie Asley]

On a pirate's old hand.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I'll accept. On a pirate's old hand. Would you like me to tell you the answer? You're so close to it. You're so close. Yeah. Eight fingers and two thumbs. On a pair of hands.

[Carrie Asley]

On a pair of hands. Not a pirate's old hand.

[Elliot Kaelin]

But I am so impressed. Thought for sure you were going to struggle with it, get really mad at me and then leave in a huff.

[Sean Hayes]

But instead, I don't need a puzzle for that.

[Elliot Kaelin]

That's true. So you can do that on your own? Yeah. Listeners, did you do as well as Sean and Carrie? If not, that's okay. You're still a winner in my book. Or to put it in ditloids, you're still a W in my B. And besides, you still got another chance to prove your mental mettle with today's chp. I'm sorry, I mean, cliffhanger puzzle. Mystery. The Cliffhanger puzzle is an extra little game that you should make sure to take out of your pocket before you throw your pants in the wash. Today's is a quick and informative odd one out puzzle. Which of the following objects doesn't belong and why? Tissue box, toilet paper, wombat poop, fuzzy dice, sugar lumps. Again, that's tissue box, toilet paper, wombat poop, fuzzy dice, sugar lumps. Which object doesn't belong and why? Sean Carey. This one may take some research, some hands on research, but hopefully not.

[Sean Hayes]

They're all Terms of endearment. Okay. But especially wombat poop. Oh, you're my wombat poop, are you my wombat poop, Gary?

[Elliot Kaelin]

Oh, my little wombat poop. Yeah. How sweet. Well, don't feel like you have to solve it just yet because you haven't yet. You'll have until next episode when we'll read the answer. We hope you enjoyed today's episode, folks, because that's all you're going to get out of us today. Don't ask. Don't ask. No, don't ask. Don't ask. I can't. I've given it all. I can't give any more. But before we go, I'd like to thank Cary Asley for turning the world on with her smile. I'd also like to thank Sean Hayes for taking a nothing day and suddenly making it seem worthwhile. And most of all, I'd like to thank you, the listener who with each glance and every little movement has shown it that love is all around. No need to fake it.

[Sean Hayes]

I love it.

[Elliot Kaelin]

This has been Smartless presents Clueless. I've been your host, Elliot Kaelin, and I'm gonna make it after all.

[Sean Hayes]

Nice Clueless.

[Devin Tory Bryant]

You have been listening to Smartless presents Clueless, a Smartless Media production in association with SiriusXM. Your host is Elliot Kaelin, who also writes our scripts. Your constant contestant is Sean Hayes with those blue, blue eyes. Your producer, editor and engineer is Devin Tory Bryant, who is me. I also write all the music and sound effects assistant engineer Kyle McGraw. Today's puzzles were written by Kevin Lehman. Talent producer is Anne Harris, Associate producer Matty McCann. Social media producer Tommy Galgano. Executive producers are Elliot Kaelin, Sean Hayes, Will Arnett and Jason Bateman. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminski. Remember to follow, subscribe, rate and review the show. It really helps. That's all for now. We will see you again for Smart Less Medium.

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