SmartLess Presents ClueLess: Episode 121 - The Sort ‘Em Consortium (w/ Scotty Eisenogle)
Release Date: January 23, 2025

In Episode 121 of SmartLess Presents ClueLess, hosted by Emmy-winning writer Elliott Kalan, listeners are treated to an engaging and intellectually stimulating session featuring returning contestant Scotty Eisenogle and beloved recurring guest Sean Hayes. The biweekly, bite-sized podcast offers a delightful mix of puzzles, brainteasers, and interactive games, all designed to challenge the audience's quick thinking against Sean Hayes' contestant prowess.

Welcome and Introduction

The episode kicks off with Elliott Kalan's signature humor, playfully referencing the outdated entertainment value of a mouse running up and down a clock:

Elliott Kalan [00:40]: "Can you believe that used to be considered entertainment? Just watching a mouse run up and down. Good thing we've got podcasts now."

Elliott introduces the show’s concept, emphasizing the playful competition between the listeners and Sean Hayes:

Elliott Kalan [00:58]: "Clueless. Welcome to SmartLess presents Clueless, the only game show podcast where you get to go head to head and toe to toe with Sean Hayes."

Revisiting the Cliffhanger Puzzle

The episode begins by addressing the unresolved puzzle from the previous installment, enticing both returning and new listeners:

Elliott Kalan [02:27]: "Now, this wouldn't be an episode of Clueless if we didn't reveal the answer to last episode's cliffhanger puzzle."

The puzzle in question asked: "Which of these does not belong and why? Tissue box, toilet paper, wombat poop, fuzzy dice, sugar lumps." Sean swiftly identifies the correct answer—toilet paper—explaining that it is the only item not cube-shaped:

Sean Hayes [03:07]: "It's toilet paper."

Elliott Kalan [03:14]: "All of those things, except the toilet paper are cube shaped. That includes wombat poop."

This revelation not only settles the previous episode's mystery but also transitions smoothly into the new challenges awaiting the contestants.

The Sortum Consortium: A Number-Based Challenge

Elliott introduces the main puzzle of the episode, aptly named "The Sortum Consortium", which revolves around assigning the numbers 0 through 5 to a series of questions. This segment tests the contestants' knowledge across various topics.

Gameplay Mechanics:

• Elliott Kalan [05:49]: "Put in order."
• Contestants must assign each number (0-5) to unique answers for each question, ensuring no number is reused.

Round Breakdown:

1. Number of Seasons of the Will and Grace Reunion

   • Sean [07:18]: "I think it's three."
   • Elliott [07:21]: "You got it. It was three."

2. Number of French Horns in "Twelve Days of Christmas"

   • Scotty [07:46]: "0."
   • Elliott [07:49]: "You are exactly right. It is zero."

3. Number of Stomachs a Dairy Cow Has

   • Sean [08:11]: "Two."
   • Elliott [08:15]: "The answer is 4. There are 4 stomachs."

4. Pounds of Grapes to Make One Bottle of Wine

   • Sean [08:38]: "Five."
   • Scotty [08:44]: "Two."
   • Elliott [08:45]: "It is two. That's right."

5. States in the United States with the Letter 'V' in Their Name

   • Scotty [08:55]: "Five."
   • Sean [09:03]: "Yeah, it's five."
   • Elliott [09:03]: "It is five."

6. Number of Hit Singles by Sir Mix-A-Lot

   • Sean [09:21]: "One."
   • Elliott [09:31]: Confirmed correct.

Performance: Sean and Scotty achieve an impressive 4 out of 6 correct answers, showcasing their diverse knowledge and teamwork:

Elliott Kalan [09:44]: "Very nice work on that game. 4 out of 6. Correct."

The Mega Clue: Guess the Famous Person

Transitioning to a more competitive segment, Elliott introduces the Mega Clue, where Sean and Scotty face off to identify a famous person based on a series of five clues. The contestant who guesses correctly with the fewest clues wins the prize—a single marble.

Clues and Guesses:

1. Clue 1: "I was one of People magazine's 50 most beautiful in 1996."

   • Sean [10:44]: "Is it Julia Roberts?"
   • Scotty [10:49]: "Charlize Theron."
   • Both incorrect.

2. Clue 2: "Me and my company have won 18 Emmy awards for outstanding work in television."

   • Sean [11:08]: "Tom Hanks."
   • Scotty [11:10]: "Tom Hanks."
   • Incorrect.

3. Clue 3: "I once dated Sir Anthony Hopkins, but 'Silence of the Lambs' creeped me out so much I had to break up."

   • Sean [11:35]: "Helen Mirren."
   • Scotty [11:30]: "Judi Dench."
   • Incorrect.

4. Clue 4: "I was the first United States self-made female billionaire."

   • Sean [11:52]: "Oprah Winfrey."
   • Scotty [12:00]: "Jessica Alba."
   • Incorrect.

5. Clue 5: "I'm a convicted felon."

   • Sean [12:20]: "Martha Stewart."
   • Scotty [12:25]: Acknowledges Sean's correct answer.

Outcome: Sean successfully identifies Martha Stewart with the final clue, securing the Mega Clue victory:

Sean Hayes [12:20]: "Martha Stewart."

The Cliffhanger Puzzle

As the episode wraps up, Elliott presents a tantalizing cliffhanger puzzle to keep the audience engaged until the next episode:

Elliott Kalan [13:05]: "What five-letter word is pronounced exactly the same way even if you take away four of its five letters?"

This puzzle invites listeners to ponder and return for the resolution, maintaining the podcast's interactive allure.

Closing Remarks

Elliott concludes the episode with gratitude towards Scotty and Sean, while also acknowledging the production team behind the scenes:

Elliott Kalan [13:39]: "I'd like to thank Scotty Eisenogle for being born. Great. I'd like to thank Sean Hayes for achieving greatness."

He encourages listeners to engage with the podcast by following, subscribing, and reviewing, ensuring continued support and interaction.

Notable Quotes and Timestamps

• Elliott Kalan [00:40]: "Can you believe that used to be considered entertainment? Just watching a mouse run up and down."

• Sean Hayes [03:07]: "It's toilet paper."

• Elliott Kalan [07:21]: "You got it. It was three."

• Scotty Eisenogle [07:46]: "0."

• Elliott Kalan [08:15]: "The answer is 4. There are 4 stomachs."

• Sean Hayes [09:03]: "Yeah, it's five."

• Elliott Kalan [12:28]: "Sean, Scotty, quick, let's get out of here."

Conclusion

Episode 121 of SmartLess Presents ClueLess masterfully blends humor, intellect, and camaraderie, offering listeners a captivating experience filled with challenging puzzles and entertaining banter. With returning favorites like Sean Hayes and Scotty Eisenogle, the episode not only reinforces the podcast's engaging format but also sets the stage for future episodes filled with more intriguing conundrums and delightful interactions.