SmartLess Presents ClueLess
Episode 132: “Don’t Be A Ditloid” (w/ Scotty Eisenach)
Release Date: March 3, 2025
Introduction
In Episode 132 of SmartLess Presents ClueLess, host Elliott Kalan welcomes returning contestant Sean Hayes and special guest Scotty Eisenach, Sean’s husband. The episode kicks off with Elliott’s signature humor, setting a playful and engaging tone for the show.
Elliott Kalan [01:04]: "Welcome to SmartLess Presents. Clueless, the puzzle podcast. That's only as long as it takes you to boil an egg. Unless it's an ostrich egg. Those things are enormous."
Cliffhanger Puzzle: Hurricane Names
The episode begins with a recap of the previous cliffhanger puzzle surrounding the naming conventions of hurricanes. Elliott presents the puzzle, challenging Scotty to recall why certain letters are omitted from the hurricane naming list.
Elliott Kalan [02:08]: "...alphabetically successive names. First my name will start with an A, then a B, then a C. And so on. But I always skip Q, U, X, Y and Z. If one of my names gets retired, that's how you'll know I was truly dangerous. What am I?"
Scotty Eisenach adeptly solves the puzzle, identifying it as a reference to hurricane naming practices.
Scotty Eisenach [02:36]: "How do you know it's a hurricane? I came in blazing, just so you know."
Elliott Kalan [03:14]: “Every year, hurricanes are labeled with alphabetical names throughout the year...if one of the names is particularly deadly, like Hurricane Andrew or Hurricane Katrina, they take it out of the rotation forever.”
Main Game: Ditloids
The centerpiece of the episode revolves around ditloids, a word puzzle format involving numbers and abbreviations. Elliott explains the rules and launches into the game with Sean and Scotty.
Elliott Kalan [06:21]: "Quixies. We're about to play today's main puzzle. And there's only one real rule of this puzzle. Don't be a ditloid."
Round of Ditloids
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G, a T3B
- Scotty Eisenach [07:58]: "Goldilocks and the three bears."
- Elliott Kalan [08:00]: "Exactly. You got it, Scotty."
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1p. 2p.
- Sean Hayes [08:17]: "One potato. Two potato."
- Elliott Kalan [08:19]: "Yes, you got that right."
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A, b. And the 40t.
- Scotty Eisenach [08:38]: "40 temples. No. What is it?"
- Elliott Kalan [08:43]: "Ali Baba and the 40 thieves."
- Scotty Eisenach [09:00]: "Thank you."
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1, 2 BMS.
- Sean Hayes [09:08]: "1, 2, buckle my shoe."
- Elliott Kalan [09:11]: "You got it."
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3, 4, open the door. K, A, T, D.
- Scotty Eisenach [09:26]: "Knock at the door."
- Elliott Kalan [09:28]: "Three thousand four, knock at the door. Very good."
-
3 lp.
- Scotty Eisenach [09:53]: "Three Little Pigs."
- Elliott Kalan [09:55]: "Yes."
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s w, a, t, 7d.
- Scotty Eisenach [10:16]: "Snow White."
- Sean Hayes [10:16]: "Snow White. And the seven doors."
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1, F, 2 F. R, F, B, F.
- Scotty Eisenach [10:38]: "Fish, blue fish, red fish, red fish, blue fish."
- Elliott Kalan [10:44]: "One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish."
Elliott Kalan [10:50]: "You guys did fantastic. Nine and a half points out of ten."
Mega Clue: Advanced Ditloid
The game intensifies with the introduction of the Mega Clue, an expert-level ditloid designed to challenge even the sharpest minds.
Elliott Kalan [11:13]: "This ditloid contains no numbers, but it's a lot of letters. It abbreviates the entire opening line of a famous nursery rhyme."
The puzzle presented is: T, T L S H I W W Y A.
Scotty Eisenach [12:10]: "Twinkle twinkle little star How I wonder where you are."
Elliott humorously acknowledges the classic nature of the puzzle while prompting listeners to ponder the answer.
Elliott Kalan [12:15]: "Yeah, you got it. One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish."
Cliffhanger Puzzle for Next Episode
As the episode winds down, Elliott introduces the cliffhanger puzzle for the next installment, maintaining suspense and encouraging listeners to return.
Elliott Kalan [13:53]: "What is the largest number between 1 and 1 million that, when written out, does not contain an N?"
Closing Remarks
Elliott wraps up the episode with lighthearted banter and acknowledgments, thanking Scotty for his participation and Sean for his competitive spirit. The closing also teases the continuation of their playful dynamic in future episodes.
Elliott Kalan [14:55]: "Let’s shake on it."
Notable Quotes
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Elliott Kalan [00:31]: "If you ever find yourself in the path of a charging rhinoceros, run up to that rhinoceros and give it a big hug. I didn't say it was good advice. This is clueless."
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Scotty Eisenach [03:35]: "Thank you. I was warmed up. I was ready."
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Sean Hayes [10:06]: "Three blind mice."
Conclusion
Episode 132 of SmartLess Presents ClueLess offers a delightful blend of humor, challenging puzzles, and engaging interactions between Elliott, Sean, and Scotty. Whether you’re a seasoned listener or a newcomer, this episode’s focus on ditloids and the lively competition make it a standout installment in the series.
About the Podcast:
SmartLess Presents ClueLess is a biweekly, bite-sized podcast where Emmy-winning writer Elliott Kalan guides listeners through various puzzles, brainteasers, and conundrums. Hosted by Elliott Kalan, with regular contestant Sean Hayes, and special guests like Scotty Eisenach, the show blends humor with mental challenges, making it both entertaining and intellectually stimulating.
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