136 - Bizarro Concert Guide (w/ Jeff Max)

Summary

SmartLess Presents ClueLess
Episode 136: Bizarro Concert Guide (w/ Jeff Max)
Released: March 17, 2025

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Summary

In Episode 136 of "SmartLess Presents ClueLess," host Elliott Kaelin teams up with recurring contestant Sean Hayes and special guest Jeff Max to delve into the whimsical world of Bizarro Concert Guides. This episode, lasting approximately 10 minutes, is a delightful exploration of band name inversions and musical puzzles that challenge both the hosts and engaged listeners.

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1. Welcome and Guest Introduction ([00:00] - [02:13])

Elliott Kaelin kicks off the episode with a brief nod to their sponsor, Monopoly, before formally welcoming Sean Hayes back to the show. The chemistry among the trio is immediately evident as Sean introduces Jeff Max—a close friend from their theater days in Chicago. Sean humorously remarks, “Sean Hayes: I’m not Clueless. Clueless. It’s clueless or no shoot, I’m clueless. Isn’t that what I usually say?” ([00:34]).

Jeff Max shares anecdotes about his early interactions with Sean, highlighting Sean’s unexpected foray into conducting: “Jeff Max: Even brilliant back then. He took over for the conductor one night, Slade. Last minute I was like, why is it so much better tonight? It’s cause Sean’s conducting.” ([01:51]).

2. Cliffhanger Puzzle Recap ([02:13] - [05:59])

Elliott revisits the previous episode's cliffhanger puzzle: “Could you call me Bob or Rachel. I’ll answer to Caesar or even Buzz, but do not call me Jason. Why?” ([02:34]). The trio engages in a lively brainstorming session, ultimately revealing the answer as "haircuts." The reasoning is humorously dissected, emphasizing that "Jason" refers to the iconic hockey mask, which isn’t a traditional haircut ([03:55]).

Elliott also plugs their sponsor briefly, Monopoly, reiterating its new expansion packs, including "Go to Jail," "Buy Everything," and "Free Parking Jackpot"—adding a playful twist to the game dynamics ([04:25]).

3. Main Game: Bizarro Concert Guide ([06:36] - [12:16])

Transitioning to the main segment, Elliott introduces "Bizarro Concert Guide," a Bizarro World-themed game where band names are the opposites of their real-world counterparts. The concept is playful and intellectually stimulating, encouraging both the hosts and listeners to decode the inverted band names.

Gameplay Highlights:

• First Puzzle Example: Elliott provides an example where "No" would be replaced by its opposite, making listeners deduce the correct band name based on given clues.

• Round-by-Round Band Name Guesses:

  • Lawbreakers → Police ([08:14])
  • Stop Stops → Go Go’s ([08:25])
  • Unappreciative Living → Grateful Dead ([08:51])
  • Black Dots → White Stripes ([09:06])
  • Antidote → Poison ([09:24])
  • Main Drag Girls → Backstreet Boys ([10:13])
  • Private Friend → Public Enemy ([10:30])
  • Non Speaking Tales → Talking Heads ([10:40])
  • Move at a Leisurely Pace → Rush ([11:33])

Sean demonstrates impressive rapid-fire thinking, correctly identifying each band, often peppered with humor:
“Sean Hayes: That was good. Jesus, that was good.” ([10:22])

Jeff Max proves to be a formidable puzzle solver, matching every band accurately, which earns him accolades from Elliott:
“Elliott Kaelin: You both did an amazing job. You got every single one of them. Fantastic teamwork together.” ([11:46])

Mega Clue Question: The episode's climax involves deciphering a mega clue: “Monday through Friday, hot work. Me only.” The trio deciphers this as:

• “Monday through Friday” → Weekend
• “Hot work” → Cold Play
• “Me only” → YouTube

Resulting in the lineup: The Weekend, Coldplay, YouTube ([12:16]).

4. Cliffhanger Puzzle and Wrap-Up ([12:16] - [14:53])

Elliott introduces the episode's cliffhanger puzzle: “Which word does not belong? Drove, never, Murder, school, unkindness.” The puzzle encourages listeners to ponder the odd one out, fostering engagement for the next episode ([13:00]).

In wrapping up, Elliott playfully acknowledges Jeff's prowess and Sean's progress in puzzle-solving:
“Elliott Kaelin: I want to thank Sean Hayes for being more of a B minus. He’s showing improvement.” ([14:14])

The episode concludes with acknowledgments to the production team and a final nod to their sponsor, Monopoly, reiterating the innovative expansion packs available ([14:56]).

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Sean Hayes on Conducting:
  “Sean Hayes: That’s very nice. I came for one show and stayed for four years.” ([02:00])

• Jeff Max on Early Impressions:
  “Jeff Max: He was Danny Zuko in Greece and I was 18 years old or 19 around there. Unbelievable performance.” ([01:38])

• Elliott on Bizarro World:
  “Elliott Kaelin: We’re taking another trip to Bizarro World, the world where everything is the opposite of the world that you know.” ([07:10])

• Sean’s Humor on Listening:
  “Sean Hayes: I don’t remember this one.” ([07:02])

• Elliott on Puzzle Complexity:
  “Elliott Kaelin: So, if you knew it was heads or tails, Talking Heads makes more sense.” ([11:13])

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Conclusion

Episode 136 of "SmartLess Presents ClueLess" offers an engaging blend of humor, musical trivia, and intellectual challenge through its Bizarro Concert Guide game. The seamless interplay between Elliott, Sean, and Jeff Max creates a vibrant atmosphere, making complex puzzles accessible and entertaining. Whether you're a long-time listener or new to the show, this episode promises a delightful auditory experience that celebrates creativity and camaraderie.

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Transcript

[Elliot Kaelin]

Today's episode of Clueless is sponsored by Monopoly. And their three brand new expansions get faster gameplay and fresh twists with free parking. Jackpot. Go to jail and buy everything available now. Monopoly is a trademark of Hasbro starts. You can fool all of the people, so some of the time. But you can fool some of the people all of the time. Those people are called fools. Fooling them, it's not that impressive. This is Clueless.

[Sean Hayes]

I'm not Clueless. Clueless. It's clueless or no shoot, I'm clueless. Isn't that what I usually say?

[Elliot Kaelin]

Perfectly done. Perfect. Welcome to Smartless presents Clueless, the only puzzle podcast that promises Sean Hayes and delivers on that promise. Call me Ishmael, but I probably won't realize you're talking to me because I'm actually your host, Elliot Kaelin. Now please join me in welcoming the man who lists his religion as games, Sean Hayes.

[Sean Hayes]

Well, you could laugh out that Ms. And just gay. Gay Ms. We have two religions.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Two religions.

[Sean Hayes]

Two religions. Thank you, Elliot. I'm so excited to be here. What a journey we've been on. Today we're joined by our friend, my friend, and now our friend who I grew up in theater with in Chicago. He's a wonderful human being, one of the funniest people I know. Although, you know when you say that and then you meet the friend, you're like, like, it wasn't that funny to me. His name is Jeff Max and he's super talented.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Woo hoo.

[Sean Hayes]

Woo hoo. Okay. And he's super gay and very excited to be here.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Very excited.

[Jeff Max]

He was very excited.

[Sean Hayes]

The first time I ever met you, Jeff was. He was Danny Zuko in Greece and I was 18 years old or 19 years old around there. Unbelievable performance. He's got an incredible voice, incredible talent.

[Jeff Max]

Even brilliant back then. He took over for the conductor one night, Slade. Last minute I was like, why is it so much better tonight? It's cause Sean's conducting.

[Sean Hayes]

That's very nice. I came for one show and stayed for four years.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yeah, I can't wait to hear more about that journey and this friendship. Some other time because we've got business to do on this show.

[Sean Hayes]

I know, right? I'm bored too.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I'm so glad you're both here today because the timing actually could not be better. Just like a fine wine aged to perfection or a caterpillar that stopped procrastinating and finally got around to turning into a butterfly. So too is last episode's cliffhanger puzzle in its prime, finally ready to be solved. Let's savor it together, shall we? So you may remember, last episode's cliffhanger was a name based puzzle that went. Could call me Bob or Rachel. I'll answer to Caesar or even Buzz. But do not call me Jason. Why, Sean? Do you know?

[Sean Hayes]

I do know. I do know. But let's give Jeff just a little bit of time for those synapses to kind of come together.

[Jeff Max]

You can call me Bob.

[Sean Hayes]

Bob.

[Elliot Kaelin]

So you could call me Bob or Rachel. I'll answer to Caesar or even Buzz, but do not call me Jason. Why?

[Jeff Max]

Oh, God.

[Sean Hayes]

I know. But it's Jeff's first time on the show, so I'll see.

[Jeff Max]

I have no idea.

[Sean Hayes]

Okay, I'm going to give you some clues. Ready?

[Jeff Max]

Okay.

[Sean Hayes]

Ye call you Bob.

[Jeff Max]

Robert.

[Sean Hayes]

No.

[Jeff Max]

Okay.

[Sean Hayes]

Bob. Rachel. Okay, Buzz. Caesar.

[Jeff Max]

Yeah. Oh, oh, wait, hold on, hold on. Yes, yes. But never call me Jason. Haircut, hairstyles.

[Elliot Kaelin]

That's it. Yes, exactly right. The answer is haircuts. They're all haircuts. Except there's no haircut called the Jason.

[Sean Hayes]

There's the Rachel.

[Elliot Kaelin]

There's a Buzz cut. There's no the Jason. Because putting on a hockey mask and chasing teenagers with machete not technically considered a haircut. Not yet, anyway.

[Sean Hayes]

Well, if we called it the Jeff or the Jeffrey, what would that look like?

[Jeff Max]

The Jeff or the Jeffrey? A mullet.

[Sean Hayes]

Nice.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You took a haircut that already has a name, but then you said, mine's better. Mine's better.

[Jeff Max]

That is correct. I can't believe I just got that.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, yeah. How? Okay, let's keep going.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Hello, listeners. Elliot Kaelin here and I just want to say thank you to our sponsor, Monopoly for finally making it fun to go to jail. Listener. We're just talking about Monopoly jail. We're not promoting actually committing a crime and going to jail. Our lawyers need us to be super clear here. Please do not go to jail. With the new Go to Jail expansion pack, which you can add on your classic Monopoly board. Landing in jail isn't a penalty, it's your secret weapon. No more sitting in a corner waiting to get out. You don't have to cash in that get out of jail free card or roll any doubles. Now you're pulling corruption cards and getting advantages over the other players. Bribing, stealing and getting away with board game crimes ends up paying off in Monopoly. Go to jail. This is a game that we have been playing a lot lately. I have two sons. They love the idea of sending me to jail, but they don't love that it now helps me. In the past when we played, they really liked it. But now it's helping me out. Now when I go to jail, it's like I can pull off a heist. I can. I can do whatever I. It's like any movie where the bad guy wants to get to jail because it's part of his plan. That's what you can do with Monopoly now. It's really fun. The new Go to Jail expansion pack is available now. Embrace the chaos and let's see how you play the system. But if you're too good for crime, as so many of us are, there are also two other expansions you may like. For the big spenders, look for the Buy Everything expansion. For the risk seekers, go for the Free Parking Jackpot expansion. All is fair with Monopoly expansions. Choose your expansion pack or get all three available on Amazon now. A classic board is required to play, but you can buy that on Amazon too, if you don't already have one. Monopoly is a trademark of Hespro.

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[Elliot Kaelin]

Listeners at home, did you get the answer? If you did, I'm officially naming my next haircut after you. I'm calling it the Listener and it's gonna look weird. But before I run to the barber, we've gotta play today's main game. It's a new spin on one of our favorite oldies. It's called Bizarro Concert Guide.

[Sean Hayes]

I don't remember this one.

[Kyle McGraw]

Bizarro. Bizarro Concert Guide. Concert Guide. Let's rock House.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Well, thank you, Cleveland. You've been a terrible audience.

[Sean Hayes]

Nice. Wait, I don't remember that theme song. I don't remember this game.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Well, we've done Bizarro World games before. This is our first one doing it as a concert guide. We're taking another trip to Bizarro World, the world where everything is the opposite of the world that you know. Up is down, left is right. Cheese is a liquid, milk is a solid. You know, everything's the opposite. That applies right down to the names of our entertainment choices. We recently got ahold of a concert schedule listing a bunch of bands. We're gonna be playing the Bizarro World Unimpressive Dome. Cause everything's backwards there. In the next few months, your job is to figure out who these musical artists are. For example, if I said the name of one of the bands playing soon is no. The analogous opposite band in our world would be.

[Sean Hayes]

Very good. Yes. Okay. Very good.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Exactly. Yes.

[Sean Hayes]

I love that band, by the way.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Oh, they just make you feel good.

[Sean Hayes]

Come on. Yeah, because they're positive. They're. Yes. They're yes men.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Exactly. It's progressive. It's progressive rock. Although in Bizarre World, they call it regressive rock.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, nice. Very good, Very good, Jeff. Oh, God, the easiest audience ever.

[Elliot Kaelin]

It's gotta be more games. Gotta be on my chest.

[Sean Hayes]

Not since Me.

[Kyle McGraw]

The Sorrow Concert Guide.

[Elliot Kaelin]

The first one is the Lawbreakers.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, well, would be the Lawbreakers would be the. You know, the Police. Nice.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yes. Very good, Jeff. You got it.

[Kyle McGraw]

Shoot.

[Sean Hayes]

That's it.

[Elliot Kaelin]

But Sean, you set em up. Cause you said the. So you got half the name.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, yeah, I got. I got it.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Let's move on to the next one. In Bizarro World, this band will be known as the Stop Stops.

[Sean Hayes]

Go Gos.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yes, the Go Go's. Very good. Number three. This band is the Unappreciative Living.

[Jeff Max]

The Grateful Dead.

[Sean Hayes]

Ah, yes, Grateful Jesus. His brain works fast. She is on fire.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Bizarro question number four, this band. The Black Dots.

[Sean Hayes]

The white lines. No, the white.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You're very close, Jeff.

[Sean Hayes]

The white line. The White stripes.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yes, the White Stripes. Very good. Number five, Antidote.

[Sean Hayes]

Poison.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Oh, my eyes. I love the answers and I love the responses.

[Kyle McGraw]

It's so good.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, Poison is. Remember Poison? What did they sing? What was their hit song?

[Kyle McGraw]

Every Rose Has Its Thorn is them, isn't it?

[Sean Hayes]

No, that's.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Oh, yes.

[Sean Hayes]

No, Every rose has its thorn.

[Kyle McGraw]

Except Bret Michaels. That's Poison, right?

[Sean Hayes]

Axel. Axl. What's his name? Isn't that.

[Elliot Kaelin]

No, that's not Guns N Roses.

[Sean Hayes]

Guns N Roses.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Sounds kind of like them.

[Sean Hayes]

All right, maybe it's Poison.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Guns N Roses. November Rain.

[Sean Hayes]

That's Bach Sebastian Bach. Is that the lead singer of Poison?

[Kyle McGraw]

No, that's Skid Row.

[Sean Hayes]

Thank you.

[Kyle McGraw]

Okay, let's do this podcast.

[Jeff Max]

God, is that you?

[Elliot Kaelin]

Now that we're done with Jumbled Jukebox, the podcast. Well, we don't know whose song is whose. Let's get back to the main show.

[Sean Hayes]

Jumbled Jukebox okay, here we go.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Question number six. The Main drag Girls.

[Jeff Max]

Backstreet Boys.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yes, the Backstreet Boys.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, nice. Jesus, that was good.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Very good. Question number seven. Bizarro Band. Private Friend.

[Sean Hayes]

Public Enemy.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yes, very good. Synchronize that time. Wonderful. Question eight. Non speaking tales.

[Sean Hayes]

Loud or non speaking? Is vocal or non speaking? Is speaking Talk. What is it?

[Elliot Kaelin]

Non speaking tales. T A I L S. Talk something.

[Sean Hayes]

Talk stories or talk.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Like what would be the opposite of a tail?

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, right. Like T A L E or T.

[Elliot Kaelin]

A I L T A I L. Like on a coin.

[Jeff Max]

Oh, mouth, face, tail on a coin.

[Elliot Kaelin]

What's the opposite of that?

[Jeff Max]

Head.

[Sean Hayes]

Heads. Talking heads.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yes, talking heads. Very good. I realized when I said it that if you knew it was heads or tails. Talking heads. That makes more sense that coins don't really have tails. So the audience was like, what? What is a title? I didn't know the last question in this game. Move at a leisurely pace. What would be the Bizarro Band?

[Sean Hayes]

Rush.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yes, Rush. Very good.

[Jeff Max]

Oh, good.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Rounding out from the example, our progressive rock bookending of this game.

[Sean Hayes]

I love it.

[Kyle McGraw]

Bizarro concert guide.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You both did an amazing job. You got every single one of them. Fantastic team work together. Here's the thing. The thing is, Bizarro World is having one big end of summer concert with three headliners. And that lineup is the answer to today's megaclue mega clue question. The names of the performers are in the following seemingly nonsensical. Monday through Friday, hot work. Me only. What could be the opposite of those phrases that reveals the lineup?

[Jeff Max]

Say it again.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Elliot Kaelin]

So Monday through Friday, hot work. Me only.

[Jeff Max]

Hot work.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Hot work.

[Jeff Max]

Yes, Sean. So weekend cold play. Cold play.

[Sean Hayes]

Weekend cold play. And what was the last one?

[Elliot Kaelin]

Me only.

[Sean Hayes]

You all.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Close? Getting close.

[Sean Hayes]

Me only. Is there a band with a u in it?

[Jeff Max]

YouTube.

[Elliot Kaelin]

YouTube. Jeff, you got them all. That's right, the weekend Coldplay. You two fantastic.

[Sean Hayes]

And you win nothing but the embarrassment that you've given us. Wait, oh.

[Jeff Max]

So I thought that then we were going to take those three answers and there was going to be an answer from those. But that.

[Sean Hayes]

No.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Someday maybe. Someday maybe. But this is for your first mega clue. We're keeping it. Keeping it simple. Keeping it simple. Listeners at home, did you know the answers? If not, I'll just assume you were playing by Bizarro World rules where you get points for being wrong. Yeah, but seriously, you don't get points for being wrong. You gotta, you gotta be. You gotta do better. You have to. In fact, make sure you're extra correct when you guess the answer to this episode's cliffhanger puzzle. The cliffhanger puzzle is where we give you half of a puzzle and when you reach out for the other half, we pull it away and go, uh. Today's cliffhanger is an odd one out riddle which goes thusly. Which word does not belong? Of the following words, Drove, never, Murder, school, unkindness. I'll say them again. Which word does not belong? Drove. D, R, O, V, E. Never as in no, I will never. Murder, as in help, murder, school as in going to school, and unkindness as in the opposite of kindness.

[Sean Hayes]

Okay, well, we got a few days to think on it, Jeff. Until the next episode. Oh, good.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Perfect. One take and done. Perfectly natural. That's all the Clueless we have for you today. And partying is such sweet sorrow. It's sorrow because I hate to say goodbye. It's sweet because I can finally dig into this ice cream sundae that has been sitting here melting throughout the entire recording session. But first, I want to thank Jeff Max for being a grade A puzzle solver. I want to thank Sean Hayes for being more of a B minus. He's showing improvement.

[Sean Hayes]

You know, I need somewhere to go.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Exactly, Exactly. It's not inspiring to start at the top. And most of all, I'd like to thank you, the audience, because if you're not listening, do I even exist? Probably not. Until next time, this has been Smartless presents Clueless, and I've been your host, Elliot Kaelin, saying, don't bother getting up, I'll let myself out.

[Sean Hayes]

Ah, very good.

[Jeff Max]

Thanks, guys.

[Kyle McGraw]

Clueless, you have been listening to Smartless presents Clueless, a smart media production in association with SiriusXM. Your host is Elliot Kaelin, who also writes our scripts. Your constant contestant is Sean Hayes with those blue, blue eyes. Your producer, editor and engineer is Devin Tory Bryant, who is me. I also write all the music and sound effects assistant engineer, Kyle McGraw. Today's puzzles were written by Jason Reich and Kevin Lehman. Talent producer is Anne Harris. Associate producer Maddie McCann. Social media producer, Tommy Galgano. Executive producers are Elliot Kaelin, Sean Hayes, Will Arnett and Jason Bateman. The executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminski. Remember to follow, subscribe, rate and review the show. It really helps. That's all for now. We will see you again for more Clueless. Clueless.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Thank you to our partner Monopoly for supporting today's episode. Just like Clueless is a shorter, faster show from Smartless Media, Monopoly is introducing three new expansion packs that you add on to classic Monopoly for fresh twists, faster gameplay, and a modern take on the game you love. I'm talking about Monopoly. Look out for the all new buy everything, go to jail or free parking Jackpot expansions. To spice up your next game night, pick your expansion and level up your game. Available now on Amazon, Monopoly is a trademark of Hasbro Smart.