
On this episode of ClueLess, host Elliott Kalan and constant contestant Sean Hayes welcome back Sean’s good friend, actor Jeff Max, to grapple with a scrappy new game, Stuck In The App Store! We’ll give you a series of clues, and the correct answer will always feature the letters A, P, and P, in that order, try to answer them faster than Sean and Jeff. And once you’ve got the hang of it, the MegaClue will ask you to replace five words in a sentence with more APP words! New episodes every Monday and Thursday. Puzzles in this episode are by Jason Reich and Kevin Leman. Script by Elliott Kalan. Music and sound effects by Devon Torrey Bryant.
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Sean Hayes
Today's episode of Clueless is sponsored by Monopoly. And their three brand new expansions get faster gameplay and fresh twists with free parking. Jackpot. Go to jail and buy everything available now. Monopoly is a trademark of Hasbro.
Jason Bateman
Smart less meow.
Elliot Kaelin
This is your captain speaking. If you look to your right, you'll see that you are not in an airplane. Also, I'm not a captain. This is Clueless. Clueless. Welcome to Smartless presents Clueless, the only podcast with Sean Hayes, aside from the other one. I'm your host, Elliot Kaelin. And a little birdie told me it was somebody's birthday, but he didn't tell me whose. Now please welcome the man whose motto is E Pluribus Shawnum. Sean Hayes.
Sean Hayes
That's me. I wish I was as intelligent as that. I wouldn't even know what e Pluribus means. Should I know that?
Elliot Kaelin
Your motto means out of many, Sean.
Sean Hayes
Okay, very good. Is that what that means? E Pluribus?
Elliot Kaelin
Yeah. E Pluribus unum means out of many. One many states coming together to make one great nation. That nation is. Smartless presents Clueless.
Sean Hayes
That should be a game, and I just lost it. Speaking of losing it, welcome my friend Jeff Max, who's here to join us. Hello, everybody. And it's just as clear as day. That voice.
Jeff Max
You're welcome.
Sean Hayes
Yeah. Has a tendency to go extra and so you don't want to be too close to him when he gets excited or angry.
Jeff Max
Especially if you're wearing a hearing aid.
Sean Hayes
That's correct.
Elliot Kaelin
Doctors see a lot of spinal injuries from people jerking their heads back suddenly as Jeff shouts at them.
Jeff Max
It's my superpower.
Sean Hayes
That's amazing. Yes. And he wears a cape. Go ahead.
Elliot Kaelin
Thank you so much for being here again, Jeff. I hate to rush the show, but there is a bomb under my desk that will go off if we talk at less than 55 miles per hour. Let's not waste another moment before we reveal the answer to last episode's cliffhanger puzzle. You may remember that it was an odd one out puzzle which went thusly. Go Fish, Scrabble, Catan, Minecraft, and Frogger. Which is the odd one out and why?
Jeff Max
All right, Sean, go ahead.
Sean Hayes
I have an idea, too.
Jeff Max
Well, they're all games. Go Fish, Scrabble, Minecraft, Frogger. I don't know what catan is.
Sean Hayes
Yeah, the only catan I know is Chris Catan from snl.
Jeff Max
Yeah.
Elliot Kaelin
I will say there's the game Settlers of Catan. Or now it's just called Catan. So that is another game.
Sean Hayes
Is that a hard game or.
Elliot Kaelin
It's a resource based board game.
Sean Hayes
Okay. Like, like, like Risk or something?
Elliot Kaelin
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there's a map and it takes a long time and your, your kids get mad at you when you try to play it. It's just like Risk. Yes.
Sean Hayes
Yeah, yeah.
Jeff Max
Oh, yeah. Well, there goes my theory.
Sean Hayes
Oh yeah, mine too. So, but, but a lot of these, I wonder have been made into like video games. Yes. Or like, yes, video games. I wonder if that's it. So like, Go Fish is the only one that probably hasn't been correct. There you go. That's our answer.
Jeff Max
Let's say that.
Elliot Kaelin
Oh, I'm so sorry. That is not the right answer to this cliffhanger. The answer is Minecraft. All the others, they are all games, but all the others have an animal in their names. Fish, Crab in Scrabble, cat in Catan, and of course in Frogger. Grr.
Sean Hayes
Hey, Gur.
Elliot Kaelin
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Sean Hayes
So let's put the nickname if you're.
Elliot Kaelin
Hanging out with you, in trouble.
Jeff Max
Grr.
Sean Hayes
Hey guys, Sean Hayes here. Today I'm going to teach you about the all new Free Parking Jackpot, an expansion from our sponsor, Monopoly that you add on to your classic Monopoly board. Did you know that in the actual rules for Monopoly, nothing happens when you land on free parking. There is no money. It's just literally a place to park for free. Luckily, the new free Parking Jackpot expansion makes things a bit more interesting and it builds on the common house rule that there is a jackpot on free parking. The moment you land on free parking, you've got the chance to spin to cash in. It's faster, it's riskier, and it adds a new twist to the classic game. The goal in Monopoly is to get the most money and property. And this expansion can help you do just that. I've had some serious moments where I thought I was done. Then boom, hit the jackpot and turn it all around. If you got a competitive streak, this one's for you. But players beware, you can lose big too. I have a friend that's into gambling and that friend is me. And so these add ons from Monopoly really, really make me feel kind of like I'm gambling, but safely with Monopoly money. And it does give you a little jolt of that kind of feeling when you win because it gives you more opportunities to win, especially on that free parking thing. It's really, really cool. Free Parking Jackpot is just one of three new expansions for Monopoly. Whether you're a risk taker rule Breaker or Moneymaker. There's an expansion pack for you. Buy Everything, Go to Jail and Free Parking are available now on Amazon. A classic board is required to play, but you can buy that on Amazon too. If you don't already have. You might get Ruthless, but all is fair in Monopoly. Choose your expansion pack or get all three in stores now. Monopoly is a trademark of Hasbro.
Elliot Kaelin
Firehouse Subs is partnered with Hot Ones. Grab the Zesty Garlic Hook and Ladder with Crispy Garlic Chips and the Spicy Dill Hook and Ladder with Last Dab Reaper Marinated Pickles only at Firehouse Subs.
Sean Hayes
Individuals sensitive to spice or the Carolina.
Elliot Kaelin
Reaper Pepper should not consume the Spicy Dill Hook and Ladder.
Sean Hayes
Limited time at participating Firehouse Subs restaurants.
Elliot Kaelin
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Sean Hayes
Oh, if you're down with app and.
Jason Bateman
You'Re happily trapped then this game should appeal because you're stuck in the App Store. Sappy rappers clapping, slapping apples that they're laughing. All that yapping sometimes happens when you're stuck in the App Store.
Sean Hayes
Oh my God, it's 6pm now we.
Elliot Kaelin
Gotta wait to make sure there's not a third movement to that song.
Sean Hayes
That's two verses, it's one second Longer.
Jason Bateman
Than the longest one I've writt.
Sean Hayes
Good. Keep going.
Elliot Kaelin
Songs are getting longer. The longer the songs get, the less we have to do. Stuck in the app Store is very simple. I'm going to give you 10 clues, and the answer to each one is a word or phrase that contains the word app. The letters a, p and P appear in that order somewhere in the correct answer. So if I said, what is the thing that the letters a, p and P do in every answer in this puzzle? You would say that they apply. That works, too. I was going to say appear for this example. Apply also works. Yeah.
Sean Hayes
Oh, all right.
Elliot Kaelin
So great. Because those letters appear in order in the word appear and also apply. We're gonna start easy. We're gonna work our way up to some tricky ones. By the end of this, you'll be begging for mercy from, I don't know, the letters A, B and B. Are you ready?
Sean Hayes
Yeah.
Jeff Max
Ready.
Jason Bateman
Stuck in the app store.
Elliot Kaelin
Question number one. You're gonna get this no problem type of singing without musical accompaniment.
Sean Hayes
A cappella.
Elliot Kaelin
You got that right.
Sean Hayes
Well, that was easy.
Elliot Kaelin
Zen cappella. I said we'll start easy.
Sean Hayes
Jeff woke up saying that word. Okay, go ahead.
Jeff Max
Acapella.
Sean Hayes
Yeah.
Elliot Kaelin
I'm giving you an extra point for the way that you pronounced it. Yeah. Thank you. Question number two. A modern woman during the jazz age.
Sean Hayes
Huh?
Jeff Max
Flapper.
Sean Hayes
Flapper.
Elliot Kaelin
Yes. You got it. That's right. A flapper.
Sean Hayes
That was good. Jeff also woke up saying that word.
Elliot Kaelin
Question number three. You might order it at Starbucks to cool down.
Sean Hayes
Frappuccino.
Elliot Kaelin
Yes, Frappuccino. Very good.
Jeff Max
Good.
Elliot Kaelin
Question number four. The singing family from the Sound of Music.
Jeff Max
The Von Trapps.
Elliot Kaelin
Yes. Von Trapp. Question number five. The nephew of a mystery solving dog.
Sean Hayes
Scrappy Doo.
Elliot Kaelin
Yes, exactly. Everyone's least favorite cartoon characters. Scrappy Doo. Question number six. A green pod that's often stir fried.
Sean Hayes
Yeah, it's at a map. No, I'm kidding. It's a. It's. Wait. It's a green vegetable.
Elliot Kaelin
Green pod.
Sean Hayes
That's also like a pea pod. It's like a. It's like. What is that called? I know exactly what it is.
Jeff Max
Sugar snaps.
Sean Hayes
No, no. Oh.
Elliot Kaelin
What? You're almost there. You've each given me kind of half of it.
Sean Hayes
Yeah, it's sugar snap peas.
Elliot Kaelin
Snap pea. That's what we're looking for. Yes. And you added some sugar in there. I appreciate that.
Jeff Max
You know, I always want to give.
Elliot Kaelin
You a little sugar. Question number seven. The celebration after a show closes wrap party. Yes.
Jeff Max
Good.
Elliot Kaelin
Question number eight. A kind of laundry Detergent. That's not a liquid.
Jeff Max
Liquid. Oh, powder.
Sean Hayes
Is it a brand name or.
Elliot Kaelin
No, it is not a brand name. This is a descriptor. You were part of the way there just a couple seconds ago.
Sean Hayes
What did you say, Jeff?
Jeff Max
Pods. Powder.
Sean Hayes
Yeah, like it's a powder. It's something powder. It's an app powder. No, I'm kidding. It's something. It is something dry powder. You know, something like. It's like soap powder.
Elliot Kaelin
Yeah, soap powder. Exactly. You got it. Right.
Jeff Max
Oh, God, that would. I would have never gotten that.
Elliot Kaelin
I knew you got the. All you had to do is go through every type of powder. You know, you're like flour, cocaine, talcum.
Sean Hayes
Right, Cocaine. App powder.
Elliot Kaelin
Question number nine. We've got two left. You're doing great. Question number nine. A Japanese beer brand.
Sean Hayes
Oh, yeah, I know it.
Elliot Kaelin
Japanese beer.
Sean Hayes
There's like cure or remember.
Elliot Kaelin
The letters that have to be in it remind me.
Sean Hayes
Is it S, T, Q? Is that what it is? You got it.
Elliot Kaelin
Yeah. There are thousands of words with S, T and Q in that order.
Sean Hayes
It's. I know it. You're gonna say it. I'm gonna know it.
Elliot Kaelin
You'll know it when you hear it.
Jeff Max
Yeah, I have no idea.
Sean Hayes
I know it. What is it? I know it.
Elliot Kaelin
The answer is Sapporo.
Sean Hayes
Yeah, Sapporo.
Elliot Kaelin
Sapporo. Not to be confused with Sephora, which is a different thing that doesn't have the right letters in it.
Sean Hayes
Right.
Elliot Kaelin
Question number 10. A place you might swim back and forth and back and forth and back and forth.
Sean Hayes
Lap pool.
Elliot Kaelin
You got it. Lap pool. And that was our final question for the game. Damn, you guys did amazing. Well, he did, but I decided to give the who some credit for it.
Sean Hayes
Let's go through again. Jeff got all the gay ones. He got acapella, Flapper and Von Trapp. And for some reason a little gay kid remembered inside of him, remembered Scrappy Doo.
Elliot Kaelin
But wait, we haven't used up all the words with app in them. In fact, we bought way more than we could use in that puzzle and we're gonna have to unload the rest in today's Mega Clue.
Jeff Max
Mega Clue question.
Elliot Kaelin
So for your mega Clue, here is a headline style riddle. Can you replace five separate words in this headline with different words in which letters app appear but without changing the meaning? So I'm going to tell you the headline. You're going to change five words in it into different words that have app in them without changing the meaning.
Sean Hayes
Okay? Got it.
Elliot Kaelin
Okay. And the headline is Cheerful tree fruit horrified by anxious mc Cheerful tree fruit. Horrified by anxious mc.
Sean Hayes
Okay, got it. So cheerful is like happy, which is H, A, P, P, Y. Happy Apple. Happy Apple.
Elliot Kaelin
Mm. Horrified.
Sean Hayes
Horrified is like appalled.
Elliot Kaelin
Very nice.
Jeff Max
Oh, my God.
Sean Hayes
Happy Apple. Appalled by what?
Elliot Kaelin
Anxious mc.
Sean Hayes
Well, MC is like an announcer or a host or a.
Elliot Kaelin
What's another type of performer called an emcee?
Sean Hayes
Yeah, I know. Is a. You know, like a presenter, Like a. You know what I'm saying?
Elliot Kaelin
But there's. I know exactly what you're saying. But there's one other type of performer that also has. That's the MC attached to their name. You're doing great, though. You are most of the way through it. You've got Three fifths, but 60% Apple.
Sean Hayes
Appalled by apprehensive or like.
Elliot Kaelin
Yep. Don't even go further. Don't even go to another word. I thought apprehensive was gonna be the hardest one, and you got it.
Sean Hayes
Apprehensive.
Jeff Max
You know, apprehensive.
Sean Hayes
You know, I just keep thinking about, you know what? I know what Jeff's thinking about. Cabaret.
Elliot Kaelin
Post cabaret. Unfortunately, not a word, but if it.
Sean Hayes
Was cabaret, I don't know.
Elliot Kaelin
Well, you were so close. You're most of the way there. The answer is Happy Apple. Appalled by apprehensive. Rapper. Rapper was the word we were looking for for mc.
Sean Hayes
I would have said, you know, I would have said, what's his name? Drake or something. Does he rap? I don't know who that is.
Elliot Kaelin
He does rap. But I like that you were able to. You were able to dig that name out of the far corner of your memory somewhere.
Sean Hayes
I heard it once.
Jeff Max
Wow, Sean, that was good.
Elliot Kaelin
But again, it's a team. It was a team effort. Who's to say who did the most work on the team and who did the least amount of work on the team? Nobody. That's not recorded in the history books. Listeners at home, did you do as well as Sean and Jeff as a team? If so, you deserve some applause. Sorry. I found an extra F word at the bottom of the package. But just because we're out of very specifically spelled words doesn't mean we're out of games. Why, any moment now, I believe we can expect a cliffhanger puzzle. The cliffhanger puzzle is like an encore performance for your brain. And today's cliffhanger is a celebrity riddle that goes. Chef Alton Brown, author Charles Dickens, and singer Ella Fitzgerald are going on vacation together in Palm Springs. But they have room for one more person in their yurt. Yes. Alton Brown, Charles Dickens, and Ella Fitzgerald are going to stay in a yurt together, take a look at who's already going, and tell me who would be the right person to go with them and why.
Sean Hayes
Okay, can you read the name thing in?
Elliot Kaelin
Yes. The names are Alton Brown, celebrity chef, Charles Dickens, celebrity author, Ella Fitzgerald, celebrity singer. Who could join Alton Brown, Charles Dickens and Ella Fitzgerald in their year and why? We'll find out in the future. Oh, unless Sean knows right now.
Sean Hayes
Oh, no, I. We can't, okay?
Elliot Kaelin
We can't say it even if he does. We'll just pretend that Sean knows, okay? And we'll pretend that Sean and Jeff know it, but they cannot tell us because look over there. The full moon is rising. We better end the show before I complete my transformation into a werewolf. But before my jaws extend into a muzzle which can no longer pronounce human speech. I want to be sure to thank Jeff Max for locking me in the basement until this spell of supernatural madness has passed. I want to thank Sean Hayes for not letting me out no matter how much I plead. And I'll thank you, the listener, for remembering the love we share and not turning your back on the cursed man beast I've become. Until next time, this has been Smartless presents Clueless and I've been your host, Elliot Kaelin, saying, oh.
Sean Hayes
Woo. Nice.
Jason Bateman
Clueless. You have been listening to Smartless presents Clueless, a Smartless Media production in association with SiriusXM. Your host is Elliot Kaelin, who also writes our scripts. Your constant contestant is Sean Hayes with those blue, blue eyes. Your producer, editor and engineer is Devin Tory Bryant, who is me. I also write all the music and sound effects assistant engineer, Kyle McGraw. Today's puzzles were written by Jason Reich and Kevin Lehman. Talent producer is Anne Harris, associ producer Matty McCann. Social media producer, Tommy Galgano. Executive producers are Elliot Kaelin, Sean Hayes, Will Arnett and Jason Bateman. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminski. Remember to follow, subscribe, rate and review the show. It really helps. That's all for now. We will see you again for more.
Elliot Kaelin
Thank you to our partner Monopoly for supporting today's episode. Just like Clueless is a shorter, faster show from Smartless Media, Monopoly is introducing three new expansion packs that you add on to classic Monopoly for fresh twists, faster gameplay and a modern take on the game you love. I'm talking about Monopoly. Look out for the all new buy everything, go to jail or free parking Jackpot expansions to spice up your next game night, pick your expansion and level up your game. Available now on Amazon Monopoly is a trademark of Hasbro Smart Bless Media.
Will Arnett
Today, the beverage aisle looks a lot different than it used to. America's beverage companies are working together. We're delivering the options everyone wants. In fact, nearly 60% of beverages Americans buy have zero sugar. You'll find more variety than ever, including more of your favorites now available with zero sugar. You'll also find more sizes and clear calorie information on the front of every can, bottle and pack. We know when it comes to finding balance, the more choices, the better.
SmartLess Presents ClueLess: Episode 143 - "Stuck In The App Store" with Jeff Max
Release Date: April 10, 2025
Elliott Kaelin, the Emmy-winning writer and host of SmartLess Presents ClueLess, teams up once again with guest contestant Sean Hayes and returning participant Jeff Max in Episode 143, titled "Stuck In The App Store." This episode delves into engaging puzzles and brainteasers, challenging listeners to outthink the contestants while providing entertaining banter and insightful discussions.
The episode kicks off with Elliott Kaelin humorously dispelling the notion of being in an airplane, setting a light-hearted tone. He introduces Sean Hayes with a playful nod to Hayes' self-declared motto, “E Pluribus Shawnum,” leading to a chuckle-worthy exchange about its meaning.
Elliott revisits the cliffhanger from the last episode, where listeners were tasked with identifying the odd one out among a set of games: Go Fish, Scrabble, Catan, Minecraft, and Frogger. Sean and Jeff provide their initial theories, believing all options are games, but Elliott reveals the correct answer.
This revelation leads to humorous exchanges, emphasizing the playful competition among the participants.
The core of the episode centers around the debut of a new puzzle titled "Stuck In The App Store." Elliott outlines the game's rules: listeners must solve ten clues, each answer containing the sequence of letters "app" in order.
Clue: Type of singing without musical accompaniment.
Clue: A modern woman during the jazz age.
Clue: You might order it at Starbucks to cool down.
Clue: The singing family from The Sound of Music.
Clue: The nephew of a mystery-solving dog.
Clue: A green pod that's often stir-fried.
Clue: The celebration after a show closes wrap party.
Clue: A kind of laundry detergent that's not a liquid.
Clue: A Japanese beer brand.
Clue: A place you might swim back and forth.
Throughout the puzzle, Elliott commends the contestants' quick thinking, highlighting moments of humor and camaraderie.
Moving beyond the standard puzzle, Elliott introduces the "Mega Clue," a more complex challenge requiring the replacement of five words in a headline with different words containing "app" without altering the meaning.
Headline: "Cheerful tree fruit horrified by anxious mc."
Objective: Replace five words with alternatives containing "app."
Process and Interaction:
Elliott appreciates the teamwork, acknowledging both Sean and Jeff's contributions.
Elliott concludes the main segment with a tantalizing cliffhanger puzzle, setting the stage for future engagement.
This open-ended question encourages listeners to ponder and anticipate the next episode's reveal.
The episode wraps up with humorous farewells and acknowledgments, maintaining the show's signature blend of wit and intellect.
Sean and Jeff also share light-hearted moments, reinforcing the friendly competition and collaborative spirit that define the podcast.
Notable Quotes:
Final Thoughts
Episode 143 of SmartLess Presents ClueLess offers a delightful mix of challenging puzzles, engaging discussions, and humorous exchanges. Elliott Kaelin adeptly balances intellectual stimulation with entertainment, while Sean Hayes and Jeff Max contribute dynamic interactions that enhance the listening experience. Whether you're a puzzle enthusiast or simply seeking an enjoyable biweekly listen, this episode delivers on all fronts, leaving listeners eagerly anticipating the next installment.