150 - It’s A Numbers Game (w/ Jon Gabrus)

Summary

Episode 150 - It’s A Numbers Game (w/ Jon Gabrus)
Released on May 5, 2025

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Introduction

In the 150th episode of SmartLess Presents ClueLess, host Elliott Kalan welcomes back his regular contestants, Sean Hayes and John Gabris. The episode kicks off with the trio exchanging playful banter, setting a lively and engaging tone for the session.

Review of Previous Cliffhanger Puzzle

Elliott revisits the cliffhanger puzzle from the last episode, challenging Sean and John to uncover the common link between "beans," "milk," and "guts." The discussion is filled with humor and quick thinking as the contestants navigate through various guesses before arriving at the correct answer: "spill". This showcases their sharp puzzle-solving abilities and sets the stage for today's challenges.

Notable Quote:
Elliott Kalan ([03:50]): “You can spill the beans, spill your guts and don't cry over spilled milk. These things are always spilling in phrases.”

Main Game: It's a Numbers Game (Action Movie Edition)

Elliott introduces the main segment of the episode—a numbers-based puzzle game centered around action movie titles. The rules are simple yet inventive: instead of traditional numbers, movie titles containing numbers are used to solve equations. Bonus points are awarded for naming a movie that corresponds to the numerical answer.

Round 1: Gone in Seconds Minus Hours

The first puzzle presented is "Gone in Seconds minus hours." Sean quickly deduces the answer by referencing the classic film "12 Angry Men", earning the first set of points.

Notable Quote:
Elliott Kalan ([09:02]): “You do have an Angry Men situation. Excellent.”

Round 2: Assault on Precinct Minus District

Next, Elliott challenges the contestants with "Assault on Precinct minus district." John Gabris triumphantly identifies the answer as "Four Weddings and a Funeral", demonstrating his quick wit and movie knowledge.

Notable Quote:
Elliott Kalan ([09:56]): “When in doubt, just throw the number.”

Round 3: Blank, Fast, Blank Furious Plus Star Wars Episode A New Hope

The third puzzle combines elements from "Fast & Furious" and "Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope." After some deliberation, Sean and John calculate the sum to arrive at the number 8, linking it to the movie "8 Mile."

Notable Quote:
Sean Hayes ([10:51]): “8 Mile.”

Round 4: Kill Bill Volume Blank Plus Kill Bill Volume Blank

In a slightly more challenging round, Elliott presents "Kill Bill Volume blank plus Kill Bill Volume blank." The contestants navigate this by referencing both existing volumes and hypothetically extending the series, ultimately arriving at the number 3. This leads them to consider movies like "Kill Bill Volume 3", though it remains a playful nod rather than an actual film.

Notable Quote:
Sean Hayes ([12:07]): “21 Drum Street. Let's just say 21.”

Round 5: The Widowmaker Plus Terminator: Judgment Day

The final puzzle merges "The Widowmaker" and "Terminator: Judgment Day." After a series of creative guesses, the contestants sum up the numbers to reach 48, correlating it with the movie "48 Hours." This flawless performance secures a perfect score of 10 points for Sean and John.

Notable Quote:
John Gabris ([13:29]): “Lethal weapons 49. Got it.”

Mega Clue Puzzle

Elliott challenges Sean and John to a Mega Clue Puzzle, where they must add the numbers from all previous questions: 12, 12, 4, 8, 3, and 21. The total 60 leads them to identify the movie "Another 48 Hours," reflecting their cumulative puzzle-solving prowess.

Notable Quote:
Elliott Kalan ([13:08]): “Another 48 hours is what I was looking for.”

Cliffhanger Puzzle

As the episode nears its end, Elliott presents a new cliffhanger puzzle to intrigue listeners for the next episode:
"Which of these acronym phrases does not belong in this group and why?
UPC code, DVD player, LCD display, ATM machine, DC Comics."

The contestants brainstorm but intentionally withhold the answer, heightening anticipation for the forthcoming episode.

Notable Quote:
Elliott Kalan ([14:57]): “Which of those acronyms does not belong? You're gonna find out next episode.”

Conclusion

The episode wraps up with Elliott thanking Sean and John for their stellar participation and teasing future puzzles. The camaraderie and enthusiasm among the hosts and guests leave listeners eagerly awaiting the next installment.

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Highlights and Notable Quotes

• Elliott Kalan on Solving Puzzles:
  “[03:50] You can spill the beans, spill your guts and don't cry over spilled milk. These things are always spilling in phrases.”

• Encouraging Playfulness:
  “[09:56] When in doubt, just throw the number.”

• Celebrating Success:
  “[13:08] Another 48 hours is what I was looking for.”

• Building Suspense:
  “[14:57] Which of those acronyms does not belong? You're gonna find out next episode.”

This episode of SmartLess Presents ClueLess masterfully blends humor, quick wit, and engaging puzzles, making it a must-listen for fans of brainteasers and action movies alike.

Transcript

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[Unknown]

Smart less meow.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Isaac Newton's third law of motion states that for every action, there is an equal but opposite reaction. But Newton's third law of motion pictures states that for every action movie, there is an equal but opposite reaction movie. He was wrong about that one. This is Clueless.

[Sean Hayes]

Clueless.

[John Gabris]

I'm Clueless.

[Sean Hayes]

I'm Clueless. Wait, that's such a good jammy song, isn't it?

[John Gabris]

It adds so much fun to be able to hear it as a guest. I'm so glad because I'm not gonna listen to this when it comes out, but it's so nice.

[Sean Hayes]

By the way, who is?

[Elliot Kaelin]

But you get to enjoy it in the moment. That's the important thing. Welcome to Smartless presents Clueless, just one puzzle podcast among many. I'm trying out being humble. I'm Elliot Kaelin, the greatest podcast host in human history. I decided I didn't enjoy being humble. Now please welcome the star of our show, whose very name makes puzzles and games shiver with fear and. And perhaps a touch of desire, Sean Hayes.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, that's what my profile says. Oh, Elliot, thanks for having me again. This is always so fun to see you and back and better than ever. The funniest ever in the world, John Gabrius, who's gonna. Who's host of Staying Alive. If you haven't listened to it, it's truly, truly hilarious. I love it so much, and I love this man.

[John Gabris]

Oh, thank you. Thank you so much, Sean. And I'm a huge fan of you as well. You make wordle wet. Uh.

[Sean Hayes]

We can keep that. We can keep that.

[Elliot Kaelin]

The kids won't give it. It'll be fine.

[John Gabris]

I'll find the PG13 ification. Yeah, that's right.

[Sean Hayes]

It means I sweat a lot when I play it.

[John Gabris]

That's all. Leave this part out, though.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Mr. Hayes, Mr. Gabris. A pleasure to have you both back. Now, in this house, we always say grace before we start a game, so if we could please bow our heads. Lord, we thank thee for the cliffhanger puzzle answer we are about to enjoy. Amen. As you may remember, last episode's cliffhanger was a classic Cl. Samesies. Which went thusly. What secret thing makes the following items Samesies? 1 beans, 2 milk, 3 guts.

[Sean Hayes]

Okay, does it have something to do with, like, fairy tales?

[John Gabris]

No, you say fairy tales. My guess. Does it have anything to do with farting?

[Elliot Kaelin]

No, also, but I mean, two of those things do, but not the other one. With both of those, they're almost same as these. Beans, milk. You see those in fairy tales, not so much guts. Farting involves beans and guts, not so much milk. Although actually now I think about it with my family members, milk quite a bit too. But I'm not gonna let that one go. That's not the samesies for this one.

[Sean Hayes]

What do they have in common?

[Elliot Kaelin]

What do beans, milk and guts have in common?

[Sean Hayes]

Like intestines is what I keep thinking of.

[John Gabris]

Yeah, I can't stop thinking of intestines.

[Sean Hayes]

Should I think about that or no?

[Elliot Kaelin]

I mean, there's nothing wrong with thinking about intestines, but it's not what we're looking for here. I mean, it's a question about should. There's no moral aspect to it. Think about, think about. Be beans, milk and guts. Is there something that can be done to all of these things?

[John Gabris]

Beans, milk and guts. Gypsies, tramps and thieves.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Elliot Kaelin]

We heard it from the people all the time.

[Sean Hayes]

Wait, is there something you can do to all these things or with all these things.

[John Gabris]

Oh, you can spill them all.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yes, exactly. Excellent work. Excellent.

[Sean Hayes]

That's great.

[John Gabris]

By the way, I skipped 3, 3 R rated answers to get to spill. I was like, no, do not say that.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh my God.

[Elliot Kaelin]

And our producer thanks you for it.

[John Gabris]

Yeah, anything for Devin.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You can spill the beans, spill your guts and don't cry over spilled milk. These things are always spilling in phrases. Excellent work.

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[Elliot Kaelin]

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[Sean Hayes]

Nice.

[Unknown]

It's a numbers game action should be.

[Elliot Kaelin]

My favorite part is the whisper at the end that tells you the addition.

[John Gabris]

So I'm wearing my Action Movie Podcast T shirt so it feels. What is it? It's called the Action Boys. It's a Patreon podcast I host. But I'm awful at math, so maybe together, Sean and I, we.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Wait.

[Sean Hayes]

I love that you love action movies. So do I. I'm obsessed. Yeah, same, same.

[John Gabris]

Oh, we. Sean, we have a lot to talk about.

[Sean Hayes]

This is gonna go good.

[John Gabris]

Leave.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Oh, understood. Understood. I will ask the questions in another.

[John Gabris]

Room and I'll Spill my guts.

[Elliot Kaelin]

This game is built around famous action movies with a number in their title. I'll give you a simple equation, but instead of numbers, I will use a movie title without saying the number that goes in the title. You'll have to guess the number and then do the equation, solving it with the missing numbers. And you'll get a bonus point if you can answer in the form of a movie with that number in it for the title. For example, if I said days later minus grams, the answer would be 28.

[Sean Hayes]

Days later minus 8 grams. Is it?

[John Gabris]

No, 21 grams.

[Sean Hayes]

21 grams, yeah.

[John Gabris]

So the answer would be 7 and S E, 7 EN.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You got it exactly right. The movie 7 or 7 as it's properly pronounced, would be an acceptable answer. Excellent.

[John Gabris]

Real 7 in heads. No.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Are you ready to play the game?

[John Gabris]

Yes.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Sounds like you're.

[John Gabris]

This is so exciting. I'm so happy. I'm gonna.

[Sean Hayes]

You're gonna kill this. I'm not gonna know any of these.

[John Gabris]

We got this together. We could do it.

[Sean Hayes]

Here we go. Watch. Watch.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Gone in seconds, minus hours. Gone in blank seconds, minus 16, minus 48 hours for.

[John Gabris]

We got Angry Men situation going on here.

[Sean Hayes]

12. Yes, 12 angry men.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You do have an Angry Men situation. Excellent.

[Sean Hayes]

That's great.

[Elliot Kaelin]

12 points.

[John Gabris]

That was so, finally, a podcast. A podcast about Angry Men that isn't just every other podcast.

[Sean Hayes]

Right. Wait, John, that was so fast.

[Elliot Kaelin]

All right, well, I'm amazed, Sean, that you were so fast with those movie titles. And then 60 -48 was where you.

[Sean Hayes]

Started to stumble, by the way. Still working on it.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Excellent work. Let's move on to question number two. Assault on precinct, minus district.

[Sean Hayes]

Well, 12th district. I don't know. The first one.

[John Gabris]

The first one is assault on precinct 13. John Carpenter. The second one is district nine. Neil.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, district nine. That's right.

[John Gabris]

So that puts us at four. Four weddings and a funeral.

[Sean Hayes]

Sure.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Action classic. Four weddings and a Funeral.

[Sean Hayes]

That's so fast. That is so fast.

[Elliot Kaelin]

That was great. I mean, the things.

[John Gabris]

That was four brothers, if we want to go. Action.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Okay. There. Yeah.

[John Gabris]

Yeah.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I also would have accepted lethal weapon 4. When in doubt, just throw the number.

[Sean Hayes]

At the end of the title. Yeah, yeah. Pick any movie and just say, yeah.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Question number three. Blank, Fast, blank Furious. Plus Star Wars Episode A New Hope.

[Sean Hayes]

So, Star Wars Episode 4. What was the first one?

[John Gabris]

Too Fast. Too Furious. Now, is that 22 or is that four?

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yeah, yeah. Add them together. Yeah.

[John Gabris]

So we're getting four. Four puts us at eight. Hateful eight.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Great. You got it. God.

[Sean Hayes]

How do you know that.

[John Gabris]

So fast. This is my version of neurodivergence. Like, that's it. It's only helpful here. It ruins every conversation at a party. But this is, like, where I can't.

[Sean Hayes]

Think of one movie with eight in it. Even though we already did it.

[John Gabris]

We got it. Eight Man Out. The White Sox movie, Right. With John Cusack.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, I have the VHS.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yeah, you could also say 8 mile. That's a movie with 8 in.

[John Gabris]

Oh, 8 mile.

[Sean Hayes]

That's good.

[Elliot Kaelin]

And Lethal Weapon 8. They didn't make it, but you can still say.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Question number four. Kill Bill volume, blank. Plus Kill bill volume, blank.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, God, I don't know.

[John Gabris]

Blank. Days of the Condor.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Oh, very good.

[Sean Hayes]

Wait, what were the numbers?

[Elliot Kaelin]

What's the numbers?

[John Gabris]

One plus two. It's kind of a cop out answer. There's two Kill Bills, Volume one and Volume two. And so I just went with three Days of the Condor with Robert Redford.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Very good.

[Sean Hayes]

That's good.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Got it.

[Sean Hayes]

Wow.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Okay, you're doing great. You've gotten the extra point on each number. Let's see if you can do it. On the last question. K. The Widowmaker plus Terminator. Judgment Day. Two movies with colons and subtitles in them.

[Sean Hayes]

Okay, well, Judgment day is two, right? Isn't that the second one?

[John Gabris]

T2. I know what the Widowmaker is.

[Sean Hayes]

What is it?

[John Gabris]

That's K19. Okay, so the answer is not to. I don't want to bring up Sean Hayes's favorite actor, but Kevin Spacey leads the movie 21.

[Sean Hayes]

No way. I was gonna say 21 Jump Street.

[John Gabris]

That's a good one, too.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Let's say 21 Drum Street. Let's just say 21. You know, no reason. No particular reason.

[Sean Hayes]

My favorite. Oh, wow. Okay, so. Wow. That was the last one.

[Elliot Kaelin]

That was the last one. Excellent work. Out of a potential 10 points, you got 10 points. Fantastic.

[Sean Hayes]

Johnny, you crushed that.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You aced it.

[John Gabris]

Dreamwork.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You aced it. You should have a podcast about action movies.

[John Gabris]

I'm trying.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Well, the credits are rolling on that game. But don't leave the theater yet because at the very end, there's a mega clue. Mega clue question. That's right. For today's Megaclue, I'm going to ask you to add up the numbers to all of our questions and you'll get another number. Can you name a movie with that number in the title? And I'll remind you what the numbers were. Please get out your pad and pencil so you can write it down. Those numbers were 12, 12, 4, 8, 3 and 21.

[Sean Hayes]

Wait. 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15.

[John Gabris]

You said it before 48.

[Sean Hayes]

48 hours.

[John Gabris]

Yeah. Another 48 hours.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Thank you. Another 48 hours is what I was looking for. Thank you very much.

[Sean Hayes]

That's nice.

[John Gabris]

Wow.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Thankfully, There was another 48 hours, by the way.

[Sean Hayes]

By the way, John, I added up to 49, so thank you for saying 48. Yeah, yeah.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You're like 49 hours. Was that the sequel to 48 hours? Makes sense.

[John Gabris]

Lethal weapons 49. Got it.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Had a lunch break, 49 weddings, and still just one funeral.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Listeners, did you do as well as Sean and John? If not, that's okay. Instead of watching movies, you are probably busy spending time with your loved ones. And I know you won't make that mistake again, especially because those loved ones will only distract you from today's cliffhanger puzzle. The cliffhanger puzzle is like when you think the bad guy's defeated, but then his hand bursts out of the ground and you're like, oh, no, he's back. But with a puzzle. For today's cliffhanger, I'm going to name some things that are generally referred to using acronyms. Tell me which of these acronym phrases does not belong in this Group and why? UPC code, DVD player, LCD display, ATM machine, and DC Comics. Again, those acronyms are UPC code, DVD player, OCD display, ATM machine, and DC comics. Which of those does not belong? You're gonna find out next episode. But, Sean, Jon, do you have any ideas?

[John Gabris]

I have the answer. Spoiler alert. I'm so happy to be on the episode.

[Sean Hayes]

You do already.

[John Gabris]

I can't wait to be. I'm so pumped to get the cliffhanger on the next.

[Sean Hayes]

Sorry, this is the last one you're on. This is the last one.

[John Gabris]

Well, then, listeners, you'll never hear that.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Moment of glory taken away. No, you'll be with us next time. We'll make it happen. We'll arrange it.

[John Gabris]

Thank you.

[Elliot Kaelin]

It's time for us to walk away slowly while this episode explodes behind us. But before we get to the chopper and head into the sunset, I'd like to thank John Gabris for taking on one last mission after we tracked him down to his remote mountain cabin. I'd also like to thank Sean Hayes for getting the job done, even if he doesn't play by the rules. Though, to be fair, he's very good about playing by the rules. He's a great game player. Most of all, I'd like to thank you, the listener, for not getting tired of all these action movie jokes. This has been Smartless Presents Clueless and I've been your host, Elliot Kaelin, because this time it's personal, but next time I'll try not to let it get to me so much.

[Sean Hayes]

Nice. Nice. That's great.

[John Gabris]

Those are killer.

[Unknown]

Clueless, you have been listening to Smartless Presents Clueless, a Smartless Media production in association with Sirius xm. Your host is Elliot Kaelin, who also writes our scripts. Your constant contestant is Sean Hayes, Dreamer Adventurer. Your producer, editor and engineer is Devin Tory Bryant, who is me. I also write all the music and sound effects assistant engineer Kyle McGraw. Today's puzz were written by Jason Reich and myself. Talent producer is Anne Harris Associate Producer Maddie McCann Social Media Producer Tommy Galgano. Executive producers are Elliot Kaelin, Sean Hayes, Will Arnett and Jason Bateman. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminsky. Remember to follow subscribe, rate and review the show. It really helps. That's all for now. We will see you again for more smart Bless me.

[Devin Tory Bryant]

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