154 - Monkey In The Middle (w/ Scotty Icenogle)

Summary

SmartLess Presents ClueLess – Episode 154: "Monkey In The Middle" (May 19, 2025)

Hosts and Guests

• Host: Elliott Kalan, Emmy-winning writer
• Contestants: Sean Hayes and Scotty Eisenogle

---

1. Welcome and Introduction

Elliott Kalan kicks off the episode with his characteristic humor, immediately setting a playful tone. He introduces the dynamic duo:

• Elliott (00:50): "Please welcome the man who's in line for the presidency, but he got in that line because he thought it was for Space Mountain, Sean Hayes."
• Sean Hayes (01:10): Enthusiastically asks for votes, “Yes, please vote for me...”

Joining Sean is Scotty Eisenogle, who adds a warm presence to the conversation:

• Sean Hayes (01:22): “I also love and adore Scotty because I have to. 18 years married.”
• Scotty Eisenogle (01:39): Responds thoughtfully, “I'm doing well. Thank you for sharing, folks, about our obligation to each other.”

2. Discussion on Marriage and Commitments

Elliott delves into a heartfelt discussion about marriage, highlighting its transition from a promise to a contractual commitment:

• Elliott (01:47): “There's a certain point when a marriage starts as a promise and then eventually becomes a contractual commitment...”

Sean humorously touches on the practical aspects of their marriage:

• Sean (01:56): “There are contracts on the kitchen table, and every morning we have to do an ink thumbprint. Wow. That we're sticking around.”

3. The Sequence Puzzle: Adverb, Cramped, Elf…

Elliott presents a puzzle to Sean and Scotty, challenging them to identify the next word in a specific sequence:

• Elliott (02:35): “What's a word that could go next in this sequence? Adverb? Cramped. Elf. And what now?”

The contestants brainstorm, attempting to uncover the pattern:

• Sean (04:18): “What starts with a G and ends with an H?”
• Scotty (04:22): “Gong.”

Elliott reveals the underlying pattern:

• Elliott (04:33): “The key to the puzzle is that the words’ letters start and end in alphabetical order. So adverb starts with an A, ends with B; cramped starts with C, ends with D…”

Sean proposes “ganache,” though Elliott notes it technically ends with an E:

• Elliott (04:55): “Any word that starts with a G and ends with an H, like girth, glitch, gnash, gush... But I like the panache of ganache.”

4. Main Game: "Monkey In The Middle"

Elliott introduces the main game segment, “Monkey In The Middle,” a competitive round where Sean and Scotty compete to replace the word “monkey” in given phrases:

• Elliott (08:03): “I'm going to give you two words separated by the word monkey. Your job is to tell me the correct word that replaces monkey and completes two common phrases.”

Game Play:

• Example Round:
  • Elliott (09:12): “Cookie monkey mash.”
  • Sean (09:12): “Monster.”
  • Elliott (09:14): “Monster Mash. Yes, exactly.”

Notable Moments:

1. Parking Monkey Invaders:

   • Scotty (09:35): “Space.”
   • Elliott (09:36): “Space Invaders.”

2. Over the Monkey Connection Count:

   • Sean (09:45): “Over the top. Rainbow.”
   • Elliott (09:48): “Rainbow Connection.”

3. Tooth Monkey Tail:

   • Sean (10:08): “Fairy.”
   • Elliott (10:09): “Tooth Fairy. Fairy Tale.”

4. Fish Monkey Top:

   • Scotty (10:22): “Tank.”
   • Elliott (10:23): “Tank Top.”

5. Peanut Monkey Knife:

   • Sean (10:38): “Butter.”
   • Elliott (10:49): “Peanut Butter. Butter Knife.”

6. Music Monkey Game Video:

   • Sean (10:57): “Video.”
   • Elliott (11:00): “Video Game.”

7. Sweet Monkey Chip:

   • Sean (11:14): “Potato.”
   • Elliott (11:14): “Sweet Potato. Potato Chip.”

8. Grapefruit Monkey Box:

   • Sean (11:22): “Juice.”
   • Elliott (11:25): “Grapefruit Juice. Juice Box.”

9. Paper Monkey Mix:

   • Scotty (11:42): “Trail.”
   • Elliott (11:45): “Paper Trail. Trail Mix.”

10. Monkey in the Works:

    • Sean (12:04): “Wrench.”
    • Elliott (12:06): “Monkey Wrench. Wrench in the Works.”

Score Update:

• Elliott (12:13): “Sean with 4 points and Scotty with 6 points.”

5. Mega Clue Puzzle

As the competition heats up, Elliott introduces the “Mega Clue”:

• Elliott (12:42): “Today's mega clue takes the form of a sentence containing three monkeys. They are all the same word. Whoever can tell me what one word can replace all the monkeys in this sentence will win three points.”

Mega Clue Sentence: “I wanted a cook monkey, but there were none at the monkey store, so I'll have to monkey mark it for another day.”

• Sean (13:21): “Book.”
• Elliott (13:22): “Correct! Cookbook, bookstore, bookmark.”

Sean secures the win with the correct answer, finalizing the game with:

• Elliott (13:34): “Sean slapped Scotty back down and took the game.”

6. Cliffhanger Puzzle: "Gizmo's Piggy Bank"

Elliott leaves listeners with a challenging cliffhanger puzzle:

• Elliott (13:43): “Today's cliffhanger is called Gizmo's Piggy Bank... There are 21 coins in the bank. How old is Gizmo?”

The puzzle references the movie Gremlins, prompting listeners to engage with some math:

• Elliott (15:00): “How old is Gizmo? Save it for next time.”

7. Closing Remarks

Elliott wraps up the episode with his signature blend of humor and warmth:

• Elliott (15:14): “It leaves behind its beloved special guest, Scotty Eisenogle... And share our condolences with Sean Hayes, who finally put to rest his long-running feud with the episode.”

He encourages listeners to rate the podcast:

• Elliott (15:24): “Leave a five-star rating on the listening app of your choice.”

Notable Quotes:

• Elliott on Marriage (01:47): “There's a certain point when a marriage starts as a promise and then eventually becomes a contractual commitment.”
• Scotty on Commitment (01:39): “I'm doing well. Thank you for sharing, folks, about our obligation to each other.”
• Sean on Game Strategy (09:48): “Talk about connection. Mine must be slow because I'm pretty sure I got that fast.”
• Elliott on the Mega Clue (12:46): “Whoever can tell me what one word can replace all the monkeys in this sentence will win the number of points required to win the game.”

Conclusion

Episode 154 of SmartLess Presents ClueLess seamlessly blends humor, intellect, and playful competition. Elliott Kalan masterfully guides listeners through engaging puzzles and witty banter between Sean Hayes and Scotty Eisenogle. The episode not only entertains but also challenges the intellect, leaving listeners eagerly anticipating the solution to the cliffhanger puzzle in the next installment.

Transcript

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[Elliot Kalin]

Smart.

[Unknown]

Bless me.

[Elliot Kalin]

99 bottles of beer on the wall. 99 bottles of beer. You take one down, pass it around. No, don't pass it around. Everyone can have their own bottle. There's 99 of them up there, for crying out loud. This is Clueless. Clueless. Clueless.

[Sean Hayes]

I'm clueless.

[Elliot Kalin]

Very smooth. Welcome to Smartless presents. Clueless, the game show that will leave you a changed person or just entertain you for the next 12 minutes. One of those two. I'm your host, Elliot Kalin, and I regret to say I have but one life to give to this podcast, and it's this one. Now please welcome the man who's in line for the presidency, but he got in that line because he thought it was for Space Mountain, Sean Hayes. Sean, thanks for joining us.

[Sean Hayes]

Yes, please vote for me. Oh, gosh. What if my campaign as president was just you guys? Can you just please vote for me? And that's all I said.

[Elliot Kalin]

Like, come on, guys.

[Sean Hayes]

There's no issues.

[Elliot Kalin]

Do me this favor.

[Sean Hayes]

I'm happy to be back. I'm always happy to be here with the fun and funny and shiny Elliot. I love who I love and adore, and I also love and adore Scotty because I have to. 18 years later. Married for 18 years. Can you believe it? Love my life. How are you, Scotty?

[Scotty Eisenogle]

I'm doing well. Thank you for sharing, folks, about our obligation to each other.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Elliot Kalin]

There's a certain point when a marriage starts as a promise and then eventually becomes a contractual commitment. And. But there's a certain stability. There's a certain fineness to that.

[Sean Hayes]

You know, there are contracts on the kitchen table, and every morning we have to do an ink thumbprint. Wow. That we're sticking around.

[Scotty Eisenogle]

Yep.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Elliot Kalin]

Both of you, you're very important people, so I'm sure you deal with this kind of thing all the time. There's a puzzle here to see you. It's not on the schedule. It says it knows you. It told me to tell you it was last episode's cliffhanger. Maybe you remember if you're able to squeeze it into your schedule today. It went thusly. What's a word that could go next in this sequence? Adverb? Cramped. Elf. And what now? If you want me to just tell this puzzle that it can get lost, I totally Understand? I'll make up an excuse.

[Sean Hayes]

No, no, let him in.

[Elliot Kalin]

Okay, okay.

[Sean Hayes]

Let's see what he has to say. Wait, does. Now, this fourth word that you're looking for, does it have. Is it have to be in order? Like, do you know what I'm saying? Does it have to go after elf?

[Elliot Kalin]

Yes, it has to go after elf. The same way that adverb, cramped, and elf, they're in a specific order.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, got it.

[Elliot Kalin]

That's not. This is not a category. It's a specific order of words.

[Sean Hayes]

Okay, got it.

[Elliot Kalin]

And now sometimes regular listeners will know. Sean likes to be like, this is some kind of weird word trick. This doesn't have anything to do with the content of these words. And he would be right in this case.

[Sean Hayes]

Right, right, right. It has to do with, like, the language of the word.

[Elliot Kalin]

Yes.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah. The grammar or whatever.

[Scotty Eisenogle]

Like, is it a phrase?

[Sean Hayes]

Like, with notes over.

[Elliot Kalin]

Well, you know the common phrase, adverb, cramped, elf. And then there's something.

[Scotty Eisenogle]

Yeah, no, totally, totally. But I meant a phrase meaning, like, adverb is. Actually means a certain word, and then.

[Sean Hayes]

No, you mean like a sentence? Like, doesn't make a sentence.

[Elliot Kalin]

Yeah, yeah, it does not. That's a good question. It has nothing to do with the content of the words or how they would. How they would work as language.

[Sean Hayes]

I was trying to think of what an adverb was when I was cramped in my closet, listening, watching elf. I try to do it backwards, but that doesn't spell anything. Like brevda and dep. Mark. Dep. Mark and fle. And then.

[Scotty Eisenogle]

Are you speaking Danish?

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah. And then I try to do every other letter, like a, V, R, ad, B, A, B. Oh, A, B, C, D. Oh, yeah.

[Scotty Eisenogle]

A, B, C, D, E, F. So.

[Elliot Kalin]

What word could possibly finish this chain of words?

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, God. What starts with a G and ends with an H?

[Scotty Eisenogle]

Gong.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, no, wait. GH Ganache.

[Elliot Kalin]

I'll take it.

[Scotty Eisenogle]

Ganache.

[Elliot Kalin]

Technically, ganache ends with an E, I think, but I'll take it. There's an H at the end there.

[Scotty Eisenogle]

Oh, I thought it was an H. Yeah.

[Elliot Kalin]

So the key to the puzzle, that the words letters start and end in alphabetical order. So adverb starts with an A, ends in B, cramped, starts with C, ends in D, and so on. Any word that starts with a G and ends with an H, you're right, would be correct. Girth, glitch, gnash, gush. Any of those would work. Or ganache, again, technically doesn't. But I like the panache of ganache.

[Sean Hayes]

But it sounds like it does.

[Elliot Kalin]

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[Elliot Kalin]

Listeners at home. Did you get the answer? If so, you should know the rest of the class is very angry at you for wrecking the curve. Try not to be so brilliant at today's main game. It's a brand new one we're calling monkey in the middle.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, here we go. Oh, my God. Nine minutes long.

[Elliot Kalin]

I had a bet with myself whether this song was going to have monkey sounds in it or not. And I'm really glad it did. Yeah, sure enough.

[Sean Hayes]

That was good.

[Elliot Kalin]

Yep, that was great. In this game, I'm going to give you two words separated by a prankish little monkey, literally the word monkey. And your job is to tell me the correct word that replaces monkey and completes two common phrases. And whoever does it first gets a point. Because this is a competitive game. That's right. You're working against each other. That marriage we talked about at the top of the episode, that obligation. That obligation. Get ready to test it. Okay, so as an example, if I said cookie monkey mash, the answer would be.

[Sean Hayes]

Monster.

[Elliot Kalin]

Monster. Yes, exactly. Monster.

[Sean Hayes]

Monster. Monster mash.

[Elliot Kalin]

Exactly. And you caught on so fast. That's fantastic. Like most games, it's easier to play than it is to explain. So are you ready, Sean and Scotty, to shock this monkey?

[Sean Hayes]

Yes.

[Elliot Kalin]

Yes.

[Unknown]

Monkey in the middle.

[Elliot Kalin]

Question number one. Parking Monkey invaders.

[Scotty Eisenogle]

Space.

[Sean Hayes]

Parking. Space.

[Elliot Kalin]

Very good, Scotty. You got it. Space. Parking. Space. Space invaders. Question number two. Over the monkey connection count.

[Sean Hayes]

Over the top. Rainbow. Rainbow. Rainbow connection. Over the rainbow.

[Elliot Kalin]

Scotty. Got it. First it's rainbow. Let's write over the rainbow and rainbow connection. Two great songs.

[Sean Hayes]

Talk about connection. Mine must be slow because I'm pretty sure I got that fast.

[Elliot Kalin]

We'll check the Internet speeds after that next one. Thank you. Question number three. Tooth. Monkey tail.

[Sean Hayes]

Fairy.

[Scotty Eisenogle]

Fairy.

[Elliot Kalin]

Yes, very good, Sean. Fairy. Tooth. Fairy. Fairy tale. Question number four. Fish. Monkey top.

[Sean Hayes]

Stick top. Fish. Stick.

[Scotty Eisenogle]

Tank.

[Elliot Kalin]

Yes. Scotty.

[Sean Hayes]

Tank.

[Elliot Kalin]

What is tank and tank top?

[Scotty Eisenogle]

Tank top.

[Sean Hayes]

We are gonna have a huge argument later.

[Scotty Eisenogle]

I'm bringing the contract out.

[Sean Hayes]

Exactly.

[Elliot Kalin]

See what clause covers this.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Elliot Kalin]

Question number five.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Elliot Kalin]

Peanut. Monkey. Knife.

[Sean Hayes]

Peanut shell. Knife. Peanut butter knife. Butter.

[Elliot Kalin]

Yes.

[Scotty Eisenogle]

Peanut butter. Butter.

[Elliot Kalin]

Very good. Peanut butter butter knife. Very good. Sean, that time there was no question about it. Very. Question number six.

[Sean Hayes]

The one I got Music.

[Elliot Kalin]

Monkey. Game. Video. Yes. Video. Very good. Music. Video. Video game. Question number seven. Sweet monkey chip.

[Sean Hayes]

Potato.

[Elliot Kalin]

Yes. Potato. Very good, Sean. Sweet potato. Potato chip. Sweet potato. Question number eight. Grapefruit. Monkey box.

[Sean Hayes]

Grapefruit.

[Elliot Kalin]

Grapefruit. Monkey box.

[Sean Hayes]

Grapefruit seed. Seed. Grapefruit juice.

[Elliot Kalin]

Yes. Juice. Grapefruit juice and juice box.

[Sean Hayes]

Scotty.

[Elliot Kalin]

Question number nine. Paper Monkey mix.

[Sean Hayes]

Paper mache. Paper.

[Scotty Eisenogle]

Paper.

[Elliot Kalin]

Paper. Monkey mix.

[Scotty Eisenogle]

Trail.

[Elliot Kalin]

Yes. Paper trail. Trail mix. You're really good at this, Scotty.

[Scotty Eisenogle]

This one works. I like this one.

[Elliot Kalin]

You know monkey. He's like, I like this game. Would you like to play this one? And for the final question of this game, before we get to the make it clue. Of course. Monkey. Monkey in the works.

[Sean Hayes]

Wrench. Yes.

[Elliot Kalin]

Wrench. Very good, Sean. Monkey wrench and wrench in the works.

[Unknown]

Monkey in the middle.

[Elliot Kalin]

So toting up the scores at the end of that game before we get, of course, to the final part of the game that we always have, we have Sean with 1, 2, 3, 4 points and Scotty with 1, 2, 3, four, five, six points. But the game's not over yet. Don't celebrate just yet, Scotty. Don't celebrate just yet.

[Sean Hayes]

Sorry.

[Elliot Kalin]

We still got our monkey clue. I'm sorry, Our mega clue.

[Sean Hayes]

Mega clue question.

[Elliot Kalin]

I was trying to say that with as false a laugh as I could. Today's mega clue takes the form of a sentence containing three monkeys. They are all the same word. Whoever can tell me what one word can replace all the monkeys in this sentence will win the number of points required to win the game, which in this case is just three. So that's not a huge amount.

[Sean Hayes]

What am I going to do with three points? Okay.

[Elliot Kalin]

Yeah. And then you have to take the points home and care for them. Yeah, yeah. And the sentence is, I wanted a cook monkey, but there were none at the monkey store, so I'll have to monkey mark it for another day.

[Scotty Eisenogle]

Yeah, Lord.

[Sean Hayes]

Book.

[Elliot Kalin]

You got it, Sean. The answer is book.

[Scotty Eisenogle]

Wow.

[Elliot Kalin]

I wanted a cookbook, but there were none at the bookstore, so I'll have to bookmark it for another day. So after that brief moment when Scotty was up, Sean slapped him back down and took the game.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh.

[Elliot Kalin]

Listeners, did you do as well as Sean and Scotty? If not, that's okay. The problems of one podcast listener don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. But that's also understandable. A hill of beans would be a lot of beans. Very valuable. Anyway, enough about beans. Here's today's cliffhanger puzzle. The cliffhanger Puzzle is like a time bomb in puzzle form. We said it now, but it won't go off until next episode. Today's cliffhanger is called Gizmo's Piggy Bank. It has to do with one of my favorite movies of all time, a movie called Gremlins. And it goes thusly. Every Christmas since Gizmo came to live with him, Billy Peltzer has deposited as many coins into that adorable mogwai's piggy bank as he is old. The mogwai is old, not Billy. Now, there are 21 coins in the bank. How old is Gizmo?

[Sean Hayes]

Didn't understand any of that.

[Scotty Eisenogle]

So.

[Elliot Kalin]

Every. You would if you were familiar with the movie Gremlins. Every. No, it's more. It's a. It's. It's a math problem. Every Christmas since Gizmo came to live with them.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Elliot Kalin]

Billy Peltzer has deposited as many coins into that adorable mogwai's piggy bank as he is old. So each year, he has deposited that many years worth of coins into the.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Elliot Kalin]

Now there are 21 coins in the bank. How old is Gizmo? Well, that's going to take some work with a pen and paper.

[Sean Hayes]

Well, it has to. She's 21.

[Elliot Kalin]

I mean, no. Cause each year he gives that year's age of worth of coins.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, got it. Okay. Next episode.

[Elliot Kalin]

Otherwise, it would be the most. It would be the simplest cliffhanger puzzle in the history of cliffhanger.

[Sean Hayes]

I was like, wait, what?

[Scotty Eisenogle]

21?

[Elliot Kalin]

You got it? It's. No, Save it for next time. So we'll all take some time to do that math. But of course. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. The time has come to lay this episode to rest. It leaves behind its beloved special guest, Scotty Eisenogle, who shared 15 wonderful minutes with it. And it would, of course, behoove us to share our condolences with the star of this episode, Sean Hayes, who finally put to rest his long running feud with the episode. In the episode's final moments, let us not forget, of course, you, the listener who this episode always spoke of so fondly. This has been Smartless presents Clueless, and I am its executor, Elliot Kaelin, saying that in lieu of flowers, this episode's family has asked you to leave a five star rating on the listening app of your choice. Thank you. So solemn.

[Sean Hayes]

Sorry, I was doing the math.

[Unknown]

Clueless, you have been listening to Smartless presents Clueless, a Smartless Media production in association with SiriusXM. Your host is Elliot Kaelin. Who also writes our scripts. Your constant contestant is Sean Hayes who does Like Candy. Your producer, editor and engineer is Devin Tory Bryant who is me. I also write all the music and sound effects assistant engineer Kyle McGraw. Today's puzzles were written by Kevin Lehman and myself. Talent producer is Anne Harris. Associate Producer Matty McCann Social media producer Tommy Galgano. Executive producers are Elliot Kaelin, Sean Hayes, Will Arnett and Jason Bateman. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminski. Remember to follow, subscribe, rate and review the show. It really helps. That's all for now. We will see you again.

[Elliot Kalin]

Less.

[Unknown]

Smart, less medium.

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