167 - Don’t Be A Ditloid (w/ Scotty Icenogle)

Summary

SmartLess Presents ClueLess: Episode 167 - “Don’t Be A Ditloid” (w/ Scotty Icenogle)
Release Date: August 4, 2025
Host: Elliott Kalan
Guest: Sean Hayes
Duration: 13:12

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Introduction and Welcome (00:00 - 02:04)

Elliott Kalan, the Emmy-winning writer and host of SmartLess Presents: ClueLess, kicks off Episode 167 with his signature humor. He introduces the theme of the episode, emphasizing the fun and challenge awaiting listeners as they navigate through puzzles and brainteasers alongside contestant Sean Hayes.

Notable Quote:
Elliott: “Welcome to Smartless Presents. Clueless, the puzzle podcast that's more fun than going to the dentist, but not as good for your teeth.” (00:31)

Guest Introduction and Banter (02:04 - 06:22)

Sean Hayes joins Elliott Kalan on the show, bringing a lively dynamic to the conversation. The hosts engage in playful banter, discussing Sean’s nickname “Iceman” from his high school days and Elliott’s affectionate nod to their long-standing friendship. This segment sets a friendly and engaging tone for the episode.

Notable Quote:
Sean Hayes: “I always claimed that. Well, in high school, everybody called me Iceman...” (02:04)
Elliott: “It’s true. You do. You have a warmth in your heart, even though ice is in your name.” (01:49)

Opening Puzzle: “Samesies” Challenge (02:38 - 03:40)

Elliott presents the episode’s opening puzzle, a “samesies” game where contestants identify the commonality among seemingly unrelated items. The puzzle for this episode asks: “What makes the following three things samesies? A snake, a delicatessen, and a piano lesson.”

Sean quickly identifies the answer—scales—explaining that snakes have scales, delicatessens use scales for weighing, and piano lessons involve musical scales.

Notable Quote:
Sean Hayes: “Snakes got scales. They all have scales.” (02:38)
Elliott: “They all have scales. Snakes have scales. Delicatessens have scales to weigh them, eat. And piano lessons have scales.” (03:28)

Main Game: “Don’t Be A Ditloid” (03:41 - 08:35)

The primary segment of the episode, “Don’t Be A Ditloid,” challenges Sean and Scotty to decipher abbreviated titles of popular movies using numbers and letters. Elliott explains the rules with an example: “O11” stands for Ocean’s 11.

Game Highlights:

1. 101D – 101 Dalmatians
   Sean identifies the family-friendly movie correctly on the first attempt. (05:18)

2. 500 DOS – 500 Days of Summer
   Scotty quickly deciphers this title, showcasing their chemistry and teamwork. (05:28)

3. 12:00am 12 – 12 Angry Men/Monkeys
   After some confusion, they settle on 12 Angry Men. (05:38 - 06:00)

4. 40 yov – Incorrect guess leads to clarification. Discussing How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days as the correct answer. (06:22 - 08:13)

5. 21 js – 21 Jump Street
   Sean nails this one effortlessly. (06:29)

6. ls and two sb – Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
   Scotty appreciates the London flair of the title. (06:37)

7. 10T I H A Y – 10 Things I Hate About You
   Despite initial confusion, they correctly identify the romantic comedy. (06:49 - 08:13)

8. 1 F O the CN one – One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
   Successfully solved by Sean, highlighting their effective collaboration. (06:59)

9. 50 SOG – 50 Shades of Gray
   Both guests recognize this popular film with ease. (07:17)

10. HTLAGI10D – How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
    After a challenging moment and several hints, they correctly solve the final puzzle. (07:59 - 08:13)

Notable Quotes:
Elliott: “Don't be a ditloid...” (04:29)
Sean Hayes: “Ocean 11.” (04:53)
Scotty: “500 days of summer days of summer.” (05:28)
Elliott: “How to Lose a guy in 10 days. Fantastic. Wow.” (08:13)

Mega Clue Challenge (08:35 - 11:21)

Elliott introduces the “Mega Clue,” a more complex puzzle involving abbreviated numbers and letters within a movie title. He emphasizes that the answer is his all-time favorite movie, “The Taking of Pelham One Two Three.”

After several hints and a genre clue—“thriller with a lot of comedy”—the guests struggle initially but eventually arrive at the correct answer with Elliott’s guidance.

Notable Quote:
Elliott: “The taking of Pelham One Two Three. I love it. These bad guys, they take a subway train hostage...” (10:46)

Cliffhanger Puzzle and Conclusion (11:21 - 13:12)

As the episode wraps up, Elliott presents the cliffhanger puzzle for listeners to ponder until the next episode: “If it takes 5 Guy Fieris 5 minutes to fillet 5 flanks, how long would it take 100 fieris to fillet 100 flanks?”

Both Sean and Scotty acknowledge the challenge but don’t solve it on air, teasing the answer for next time.

Notable Quote:
Elliott: “This episode's cliffhanger goes bustling. If it takes 5 guy fieri 5 minutes to fillet 5 flanks, how long would it take? 100 fieris to fillet 100 flanks.” (11:21)

Behind the Scenes and Credits (13:12 - 14:13)

The episode concludes with credits narrated by Devin Tory Bryant, highlighting the production team and encouraging listeners to follow, subscribe, and review the podcast.

Notable Quote:
Devin Tory Bryant: “Today's puzzles were written by Jason Reich and Kevin Lehman. Talent producer is Anne Harris…” (13:12)

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Episode Highlights:

• Engaging Chemistry: Elliott, Sean, and Scotty showcase their camaraderie and quick wit, making the puzzles entertaining and the banter enjoyable.

• Educational Yet Fun: The “samesies” and “Don’t Be A Ditloid” games provide both entertainment and a mental workout for listeners.

• Challenging Puzzles: The Mega Clue and cliffhanger puzzle add depth and anticipation, encouraging audience participation.

• Humorous Interludes: Light-hearted jokes and playful exchanges keep the tone lively and engaging throughout the episode.

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Conclusion:

Episode 167 of SmartLess Presents: ClueLess—titled “Don’t Be A Ditloid” featuring Sean Hayes—delivers a delightful mix of challenging puzzles, engaging dialogue, and humorous interactions. Elliott Kalan masterfully guides listeners through each segment, ensuring both entertainment and mental stimulation. Whether you’re a puzzle enthusiast or new to the show, this episode offers a captivating experience that highlights the chemistry between the hosts and their guest.

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Stay Tuned: Don’t miss the next episode, where Elliott, Sean, and Scotty will unveil the answer to the cliffhanger puzzle and present new brainteasers to keep your mind sharp!

Transcript

[Sean Hayes]

Smart Glass medium.

[Elliot Kalin]

Before we start this show, your doctor just called to say you only have 48 hours to live. So I really hope you're listening to this the day it came out. This is Clueless.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

Hurry, hurry.

[Elliot Kalin]

Clueless. Clueless.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

I'm Clueless.

[Elliot Kalin]

Welcome to Smartless Presents. Clueless, the puzzle podcast that's more fun than going to the dentist, but not as good for your teeth. I'm your host, Elliot Kalin. Scientific name Homo sapien. Quiz showy. Now, please welcome the man who's rated PG because he's strongly in need of parental guidance, Sean Hayes. Welcome to the show, Sean.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

Thank you, Mr. Quiz Showy. Is it Quiz Showy?

[Elliot Kalin]

Mr. Quiz Showy was my scientific father. You can call me Elliot. It's okay. You can call me Homo sapien.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

How about just Homo for short? Thank you for having me. This is such a glorious day. It's. It's warm outside, but it's also warm in our hearts. And another person joining us who's also got warmth in their heart.

[Elliot Kalin]

Ah.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

The ever so talented and charming and handsome and funny and outgoing, and everybody loves him. His name is Trevor. Trevor Scott Eisenogle. Scott.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much. I feel like it's been a minute since I've been here. By the way, I know my fan has been wondering where I've been.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

And by the way, everybody always says, you know, it's weird when somebody says Scott, because from the first day I met you, over 18 years ago, I've only known you as Scotty. As in Scottie Pippen or Scotty. Did we talk about this already?

[Elliot Kalin]

No, I don't think so. Scotty the dog. Yeah, but I'm riveted. Well, Scotty, thank you so much for joining us. Sean, as always. Thank you. I love that, Scotty. It's true. You do. You have a warmth in your heart, even though ice is in your name.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

Oh, nice.

[Sean Hayes]

I always claimed that. Well, in high school, everybody called me Iceman, but I can't take credit for being the first one because there was Val Kilmer, who was I, Tom Gunn. I was in high school. A junior senior in high school and a chorus that everybody thought, oh, ice, ice, snuggle, Ice. You know, Iceman.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

Yeah. So Iceman.

[Elliot Kalin]

But that's what inspired me to get into.

[Sean Hayes]

You can just hear people clicking away as I'm telling that story. It's just so unbelievably roving.

[Elliot Kalin]

What I loved about that story, it had the ring of truth because it didn't go anywhere. Exactly. It did not feel like it had been massaged to be more interesting.

[Sean Hayes]

Nope. Or have a setup and a payoff. It had no payoff.

[Elliot Kalin]

Yeah. Not even really. Barely even a story. And now, ladies and gentlemen, it is time for our opening event. In this corner, hailing from the end of last episode, weighing in at one puzzle, it's last episode's cliffhanger puzzle. And it's ready to rumble. And it goes thusly. What makes the following three things samesies? A snake, a delicatessen, and a piano lesson. What makes them samesies? That's right. Another classic popular samesies. A snake, a delicatessen, and a piano lesson. What makes them samesies?

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

Yes, I know what it is.

[Sean Hayes]

Gosh.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

Well, snakes got scales. They all have scales. They stuff with scales.

[Elliot Kalin]

You got it, Sean. They all have scales. Snakes have scales. Delicatessens have scales to weigh them, eat. And piano lessons have scales. That would be perfect. A perfect riddle for a musician. Very good.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

Very good.

[Elliot Kalin]

Yeah, they all have scales. Wonderful listeners. Did you get the answer? If not, that's okay. I like you so much, I'm still going to take you with us to the next round. It's today's main game. It's called don't be a Ditloid.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

W a D line. I like that. That's very catchy, actually.

[Elliot Kalin]

Yeah, it is.

[Sean Hayes]

That's very catchy.

[Elliot Kalin]

A lot of the songs, they explain how the game is played, but that one is just. It's just rocking, you know, it leaves us hanging. Yeah, exactly.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

I feel like a ditloid.

[Elliot Kalin]

Don't be a diploid. Don't want to be diloid. A ditloid, as everybody knows, is a type of word puzzle where you have to figure out a phrase from just the numbers and abbreviated letters in the clue. The answers in this particular ditloid puzzle today are all the titles of movies. So, for example, if the clue was O11, the answer would be.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

Ocean's 11.

[Sean Hayes]

Ocean 11.

[Elliot Kalin]

Exactly right. It's Ocean's 11. So that's the example. Are you ready to play?

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

Yes.

[Sean Hayes]

Yes.

[Elliot Kalin]

Okay, here's your first one. O12. I'm just kidding. That's not the first one. Number one. And this is a cooperative game. Please work together. Share your thoughts out loud. We want to see this relationship in action because we love it. So. So question number one is 101D Dalmatians.

[Sean Hayes]

One of the Dalmatians. 101 Dalmatians.

[Elliot Kalin]

Great. Thank you for keeping this a family show. 101 Dalmatians. Number two. 500 DOS.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

500 days of summer days of summer.

[Elliot Kalin]

Very good. 500 days of summer. Number three. 12:00am 12.

[Sean Hayes]

12.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

Wait, I know what it is. 12 monkeys. 12. Isn't it 12 something monkeys.

[Sean Hayes]

No, it's 12 monkeys. Isn't it 13 monkeys.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

Oh, yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

12:00Am 12:12.

[Elliot Kalin]

It's also a time, but we're not looking for the time. 12:00am Yeah.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

12 angry men.

[Elliot Kalin]

Yes. 12 angry men. Exactly. Or 12 angry monkeys. If you put 12 monkeys in the jury room, they're gonna be mad. Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah. And men too.

[Elliot Kalin]

If it's half men, half monkeys, that's just trouble.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

Now you got a movie.

[Elliot Kalin]

Yeah.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

Now you got a green light.

[Elliot Kalin]

Yeah. Six angry men. Six angry monkeys. Yeah. Question number four. The 40 yov.

[Sean Hayes]

30 year old version.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

40 version, you're right.

[Elliot Kalin]

Number five. 21 js.

[Sean Hayes]

21 jump street.

[Elliot Kalin]

Yeah. Number six ls and two sb.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

Lock stock and two smoking barrels.

[Elliot Kalin]

Said like someone who's in London right now. Yes. Question number seven. 10T I H A Y 10 Things.

[Sean Hayes]

I Hate about yout.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

That's great, Scotty.

[Elliot Kalin]

Number eight. 1 F O the CN one.

[Sean Hayes]

Float over the Cuckoo's Nest.

[Elliot Kalin]

Yes. Very good. I love how it's technically cooperative game, but you still kind of get frustrated when the other one kicks.

[Sean Hayes]

Always, always, always. Competition, Competition, competition.

[Elliot Kalin]

Number nine. 50 SOG.

[Sean Hayes]

50 Days. 50 Shades of Gray.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

50 Shades of Gray.

[Sean Hayes]

50 shades of gray. 50 shades of gray. That's what I saw.

[Elliot Kalin]

There's the prequel to 500 days of summer. 50 days of summer. And they added 450 more days. 50 shades of gray. Yes. And number 10, our final one in this. You have been acing this entire game. You've just been blazing through it. Let's see if you can keep it up for the 10th one. H T L A G I 10 D. H T L A G I10 D. One more time. H T L A G I ten D. Wow.

[Sean Hayes]

Wow.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

It's a lot of letters.

[Elliot Kalin]

It's a lot of letters.

[Sean Hayes]

H O. No, that's not it.

[Elliot Kalin]

If at some point you'd like a clue, I can give you the genre of this movie if you'd like.

[Sean Hayes]

Sure.

[Elliot Kalin]

This is a romantic comedy.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

How to Lose a guy in 10 days.

[Elliot Kalin]

Yes. Very good. How to Lose a guy in 10 days. Fantastic. Wow. Looking at the score, perfect score. 10 out of 10. Amazing.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

Don't be a Ditloid.

[Elliot Kalin]

Of course, though, every game of Don't Be a Ditloid ends in a McQ. I'll solve that one for you. Mega Clue question.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

Mega Clue question.

[Elliot Kalin]

For today's Mega Clue, I'M going to give you a title that has several numbers in it. But this time I'm going to abbreviate the numbers as well as the other words in the titles. It's gonna be a little trickier. Here's a hint, though. The answer is my personal, absolute, all time favorite movie, which I've mentioned on several previous episodes of this podcast. So if you don't get this, I'll know you don't really pay attention when I talk, and it'll be a serious blow to our relationship. So a lot is riding on this.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

Well, we can just record the next.

[Elliot Kalin]

Episode, then just move on to Vine. So this may conclude. The answer is, or rather the ditloid is the top O, T T.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

The what?

[Elliot Kalin]

The top P as in pool O.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

T, T. And the is in the title. Yes, the T, O, P, O, T, T. Yes.

[Sean Hayes]

The top OT the.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

Oh, and some of those are. Could be letters.

[Elliot Kalin]

Some of those letters are numbers. This title, actually the version of this movie which is my favorite, they spell out the numbers in the title also. So it's a. But so some of those are numbers. The top O, T, T. Can you.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

Give us the genre?

[Elliot Kalin]

It is a thriller. It's a thriller, but it's got a lot of comedy in it.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

Is the second word three?

[Elliot Kalin]

No, but the word three is in there.

[Sean Hayes]

Okay, the ten. Is it T, E, N ten? No, it's not.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

No, I think three is the only number in it.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, okay.

[Elliot Kalin]

I'll give you a hint that it's not right.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

Okay, okay, let me finish. But let me finish.

[Elliot Kalin]

Yeah, he's the only one in there. Except four.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

Except.

[Elliot Kalin]

What are the other numbers? Oh, yeah, yeah, you're right, John. You're right.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

I'm going to.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, no.

[Elliot Kalin]

I was stars in the movie. This will be your final clue. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

Yes.

[Elliot Kalin]

Okay. Walter Matthau and Robert Shaw. Ooh, but it also includes, oh, such, such a cast. Hector Elizondo.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

A Walter Matthau thriller.

[Elliot Kalin]

Yeah, Walter Matthau thriller. He did a bunch in the 70s.

[Sean Hayes]

It was slight, but then it's comedy thrown in.

[Elliot Kalin]

There's lots of comedy throughout.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

No idea.

[Sean Hayes]

Wow. I'm embarrassed. I don't know.

[Elliot Kalin]

You shouldn't be. It's a movie that so many, too many people have forgotten. Unfairly. That is the taking of Pelham One Two Three. I love it. These bad guys, they take a subway train hostage. They're so mean. There's so many jokes in it. So every time I watch it, I'm like, they're not gonna save those people in time. And I've seen the movie probably 20 times.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

I know. And you just. I love movies like that, where every time you see it, you're like, maybe it'll be different this time.

[Elliot Kalin]

This time? There's no way they're gonna do this. It's impossible.

[Sean Hayes]

I know. Maybe Marty and Doc will reset the future. Yeah.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

Yeah. I'm not gonna make the same mistake again.

[Sean Hayes]

Not again.

[Elliot Kalin]

Guys, you've. You know what to do now, right? Well, that was a tough mega clue, but you did a great job on the game. Listeners at home, did you do as well as Sean and Scotty? If so, that's great. But it's not a competition, which is something people say when it's something that's definitely a competition. And you know what else is and isn't a competition? Today's cliffhanger puzz. Cliffhanger puzzles are like when you can only find one sock, and then a couple of days later, you find the other sock, but the only way to get it back is by answering a riddle from a tiny, fiendish Rumpelstiltskin type figure like me. Anywho, this episode's cliffhanger goes bustling. If it takes 5 guy fieri 5 minutes to fillet 5 flanks, how long would it take? 100 fieris to fillet 100 flanks. I'll see you again. If it takes 5 guy fieri. That's plural for fieri. 5 minutes to filet 5 flanks, how long would it take? 100 fieri to filet 100 flanks. We'll find out the answer next episode. But, Sean. Scotty, do you have it already?

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

No, I'm getting there.

[Sean Hayes]

I'm getting there. Getting there.

[Trevor Scott Eisenogle]

The silence is my brain being silent.

[Elliot Kalin]

Well, I'll respect that silence. I'd love to keep this episode going. Unfortunately, the strangers whose house I've been recording in just got home, and they look pretty mad. But before we go, I want to make it clear that no Scotty Icenoggles were harmed in the making of this episode, and that any similarities between Sean Hayes and any actual person, living and dead, are entirely coincidental. Special thanks to the National Film Board of Estonia, and, of course, special thanks to you, the audience. We'll be back next time with more Smartless presents Clueless. Until then, I've been your host, Elliot Kaelin, and I'll be your host, Elliot Kaelin again. And in between, I'll do other things that you don't get to listen to.

[Devin Tory Bryant]

Clueless, you have been listening to Smartless presents Clueless, a Smartless Media production in association with Sirius xm. Your host is Elliot Kaelin, who also writes our scripts. Your constant contestant is Sean Hayes, dreamer, Adventurer. Your producer, editor and engineer is Devin Tory Bryant, who is me. I also write all the music and sound effects assistant engineer, Kyle McGraw. Today's puzzles were written by Jason Reich and Kevin Lehman. Talent producer is Anne Harris. Associate producer Maddy McCann. Social media produce producer Tommy Galgano. Executive producers are Elliot Kaelin, Sean Hayes, Will Arnett and Jason Bateman. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminski. Remember to follow, subscribe, rate and review the show. It really helps. That's all for now. We will see you again for more.

[Sean Hayes]

Smart Last Media.