SmartLess Presents ClueLess

Episode 171 – American Chess Day (Mini Episode)
Host: Elliott Kalan
Producer: Devin (Tory Bryant)
Release Date: September 1, 2025
Length: ~8 minutes (excluding ads/outros)

Episode Overview

This "mini episode" of ClueLess celebrates American Chess Day with host Elliott Kalan guiding listeners through fun chess trivia and a lively quiz segment. Regular contestant Sean Hayes is absent, and instead, listeners get to be the contestant, answering a rapid-fire quiz titled "Chess, Film Noir, or Russian Literature?" The episode is filled with clever banter, wit, and a touch of chess history—perfect for puzzle and trivia enthusiasts.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Episode Format Change

• [00:38 – 01:21]
  • Elliott announces this is a mini episode, shorter than usual, due to ClueLess staff working on puzzles and guests for Season 2.
    • “For the month of September, we'll be putting out mini episodes where the listener gets to be the contestant.” – Producer Devin [01:09]
  • Both Elliott and Devin riff on wishing they were listeners to participate.

2. American Chess Day Spotlight

• [01:22 – 02:11]
  • Elliott quizzes listeners on the number of starting chess pieces.
    • “Can you tell me how many chess pieces are on the board at the beginning of a standard game?” [01:27]
    • Elliott playfully puns wrong answers:
      • “If you answered cheddar, then I guess you don't know chess. But you do know cheese, which is almost as good.” [02:06]
  • He lists the standard setup: 32 pieces (16 per side).

3. The “Rook” Etymology Tidbit

• [02:11 – 03:13]
  • Producer Devin asks why the castle-shaped piece is called a “rook”.
    • “I always wondered, why do we call the piece that looks like a castle a rook? What does rook even mean?” – Devin [02:11]
  • Elliott delivers a quick, comic history lesson:
    • Chess descended from the Indian game Chaturanga, where the rook was originally a chariot (rukh in Persian).
    • “It also makes sense because rooks speed around the board in the way that chariots can, but castles definitely cannot.” – Elliott [02:31]
  • Jokes about how Americans might have called the bishop a “hot dog” if it looked like one.

4. Main Game: Chess, Film Noir, or Russian Literature?

• [03:16 – 04:59]
  • Elliott explains the quiz: He names a list, you guess if each is a chess opening, a film noir, or Russian literature.
    • “The rules are kind of obvious. You probably could have picked it up from the name.” [03:31]
  • The list:
    • The Scandinavian Defense
    • The Vienna Game
    • The Great Flammarion
    • The Idiot
    • Overexposed
    • The Nimzowitsch Larsen Attack
    • The Narrow Margin
    • Nevsky Prospekt
    • Ruy Lopez
    • I Was a Communist for the FBI

5. Quiz Answers & Recap

• [06:08 – 06:51]
  • Elliott delivers the answers, infusing humor and playful self-deprecation:
    • “If you got more than half of them right, then I would say checkmate. I don't really know what that means. I don't know that much about chess, unfortunately.” [06:42]
  • Results:
    • Scandinavian Defense – Chess
    • Vienna Game – Chess
    • Great Flammarion – Film Noir
    • The Idiot – Russian Literature
    • Overexposed – Film Noir
    • Nimzowitsch Larsen Attack – Chess
    • The Narrow Margin – Film Noir
    • Nevsky Prospekt – Russian Literature
    • Ruy Lopez – Chess
    • I Was a Communist for the FBI – Film Noir

6. Closing Thoughts and Announcements

• [06:51 – 07:08]
  • Elliott wraps up by philosophizing:
    • “We've been checkmated. I guess I figured it out. By the ultimate chess player, Time. Time always wins and he takes forever to make his moves.” [06:48]
  • Producer Devin reminds listeners: Season 2 of ClueLess arrives later this year.
  • Elliott signs off with a chess pun:
    • “Wishing you a good night. My but Knight with a K at the beginning, like in chess.” [07:05]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Wit & Wordplay:

  • "The puzzle podcast that has a secret crush on you." – Elliott [00:40]
  • “If you answered cheddar, then I guess you don't know chess. But you do know cheese, which is almost as good.” – Elliott [02:06]
  • “It's like if Americans had picked up chess and been like, this bishop looks like a hot dog. Let's change the piece into a hot dog, but still call it a bishop.” – Elliott [03:00]
  • “If you got more than half of them right, then I would say checkmate. I don't really know what that means. I don't know that much about chess, unfortunately.” – Elliott [06:42]
  • “We've been checkmated. I guess I figured it out. By the ultimate chess player, Time. Time always wins and he takes forever to make his moves.” – Elliott [06:48]
  • “Wishing you a good night. My but Knight with a K at the beginning, like in chess.” – Elliott [07:05]

• Listener Engagement:

  • The host repeatedly breaks the fourth wall, playing with the listener-participation format.

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Time | Segment | |-----------|---------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:38 | Mini episode intro and season 2 update | | 01:22 | American Chess Day intro and opening chess trivia | | 02:11 | Chess history: Why is it called a “rook”? | | 03:16 | Main game: Chess, Film Noir, or Russian Literature? (quiz segment) | | 06:08 | Quiz answers and comic recap | | 06:51 | Outro, season announcement, closing chess pun |

Conclusion

This ClueLess mini episode is a delightful, trivia-laced interlude for American Chess Day, filled with engaging puzzles, sly humor, and offbeat history. Not only does Elliott invite listeners to play along, he also educates and entertains, making it a worthwhile listen for chess fans, puzzle lovers, and the SmartLess crowd alike.