174 - Hobbit Day (Mini Episode)

Summary

SmartLess Presents ClueLess

Episode 174 – Hobbit Day (Mini Episode)
Release Date: September 22, 2025
Host: Elliott Kalan
Producer: Devin Tory Bryant

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Episode Overview

In this bite-sized Hobbit Day special, host Elliott Kalan and producer Devin celebrate the birthday of Bilbo Baggins by taking listeners on a whirlwind tour of Tolkien trivia, etymology, and a brain-twisting word puzzle game—all with the series’ trademark warmth and wit. Listeners are challenged to match their wits against the show’s Middle-Earth themed puzzles, discover the origins of “hobbit,” and maybe even learn something profound about language itself.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. What is Hobbit Day? (01:52)

• Hobbit Day marks the birthday of Bilbo Baggins, hero of The Hobbit and a major figure in Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings series.
• Elliott briefly humorously addresses nerdy calendar debates about Bilbo's actual birthday:

  “Now, before you write me an angry letter, I know there's some discrepancy between our Gregorian calendar and the Hobbit's Shire calendar, which would place Bilbo's date of birth closer to September 13th... And if you think that's confusing, try figuring out when to celebrate the first night of Hobbit Chanukah.” (01:54)

2. Starter Puzzle: What are Tolkien Fans Called? (02:16, Answer at 03:45)

• Elliott’s starter question: Which is NOT a real term for a Tolkien fan?
  • Tolkienites
  • Ringers
  • Lordies
  • Tolkienists
• Fun quip while waiting for answers: “Why don't you tell us where the word hobbit came from? I have always wondered.” — Devin (02:47)

3. Origin of the Word ‘Hobbit’ (02:55)

• Elliott reveals the origin:

  “It came from J.R.R. Tolkien's brain. He claimed hobbit just popped out of his head one day while he was grading papers as a professor… Tolkien loved making up words and even whole languages and said hobbit wasn't based on any other words.”

• He humorously riffs on other possible word origins, like “rabbit” (“because they also live in burrows”), “hobgoblin,” and even “Babbitt” by Sinclair Lewis, despite its complete lack of wizards or trolls.

4. Puzzle Reveal: Which Fan Name Is Fake? (03:41–03:45)

• Elliott gives the answer:

  “And the answer is Lordies. Nobody calls anybody that. We made it up. Just like good old JRRT would have done.” (03:45)

5. Main Game: Middle-earth Creature Word Puzzle (04:07–06:05, Answers at 08:10–10:06)

• Elliott introduces a themed word puzzle. Each group contains three clues; answers include a hidden Tolkien creature.
• Group 1 Clues:
  1. Photo you take of your own face
  2. Where December falls when counting the months
  3. Like the best liquor
• Group 2 Clues:
  1. Thing to push a baby in
  2. Kind of transportation in San Francisco or New Orleans
  3. You might use it to get a thread off your shirt
• Group 3 Clues:
  1. Place where lots of apples or oranges grow
  2. The end of a marriage
  3. First horror film to be nominated for best picture

6. Puzzle Solutions and Explanations (08:10–10:06)

Elliott “dorksplains” the answers with playful commentary.

• Group 1 Answers: Selfie, Twelfth, Top Shelf
  • Hidden creature: “Elf”

  “Elf. That's right. The elves are back. They didn't all go to the Grey Havens or wherever. Or wherever it is they go to. I think they're from the Grey Havens. I don't remember. They're elves. Anyway, elf was the word hiding in there. Not Christmas elf. Tolkien elf.” (09:08)

• Group 2 Answers: Stroller, Trolley, Lint Roller
  • Hidden creature: “Troll”

  “Again, a Tolkien troll. Not a hiding-under-a-bridge-eating-billy-goats troll. It's a Tolkien troll. But there's troll in there.” (09:44)

• Group 3 Answers: Orchard, Divorce, Exorcist
  • Hidden creature: “Orc”

  “Orc. The worst of them. You don't want that guy hiding around you. That's not good.” (10:03)

7. Language and Wordplay Reflection (10:06)

• Elliott closes with an offbeat, thought-provoking note about language:

  “Here's the secret about words. They're all made up. Not just the Tolkien ones. All of them. Even the ones I'm using right now.” (10:09)

8. Declaration of Friendship & Return (10:28–10:46)

• Devin and Elliott end with a warm sign-off and a tongue-in-cheek shift to pirate talk:

  “Me hardy. And I be as confused as you are how my fantasy talk turned into pirate talk.” — Elliott (10:44)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Hobbit Day and Tolkien Calendar Jokes:
  “If you think that's confusing, try figuring out when to celebrate the first night of Hobbit Chanukah.” (01:59)
• Word Origins Fun:
  “The Oxford English Dictionary recognized Tolkien as the inventor of the word hobbit, even though they refused to recognize my invention of the word gebla nebla, sebla nebla, just because it doesn't mean anything.” (03:27)
• Word Wisdom:
  “Here's the secret about words. They're all made up. Not just the Tolkien ones. All of them. Even the ones I'm using right now.” (10:09)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment Description | |-------------|--------------------------------------------------------| | 01:52 | Introduction to Hobbit Day and Tolkien fan trivia | | 02:55 | Origin of the word ‘hobbit’ | | 03:45 | Starter question answer (fake Tolkien fan name) | | 04:07–06:05 | Main Puzzle: Tolkien Creature Word Game | | 08:10–10:06 | Puzzle Solutions and “dorksplanation” | | 10:06 | Elliott’s reflection on language | | 10:44 | Sign-off, pirate talk, episode close |

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Tone and Style

The episode sparkles with Elliott Kalan’s snappy, self-deprecating humor and lighthearted nerdery, delighting in wordplay and playful asides, while still treating puzzles and trivia with real affection.

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Final Thoughts

This Hobbit Day mini-episode is a perfect sampler of SmartLess Presents ClueLess: rapid-fire wit, brainy games, and a celebration of language both fictional and real. Whether you’re a Ringer, a Tolkienite, or the as-yet-unofficial “Lordy,” you’ll walk away with a smile—and maybe even a hankering to invent your own word.

Transcript

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[B]

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Clueless. I'm Clueless. Welcome to Smartless Presents. Clueless, the puzzle podcast that refuses to clean its room. I'm your host, Elliot Kaelin, and that's all you're gonna get out of me until I talk to my lawyer producer. Devin, what are we doing here this week?

[C]

Well, Elliot, this week we're reviewing all the paint swatches for season two, so we've got another mini episode for the listeners.

[A]

Ooh, I hope we find something warm yet bold. Well, on today's episode, we're celebrating hobbit day because September 22 is the birthday of Bilbo Baggins, the The hero of J.R.R. tolkien's classic fantasy novel the Hobbit, and a character in the Lord of the Rings books that come afterwards. Now, before you write me an angry letter, I know there's some discrepancy between our Gregorian calendar and the Hobbit's Shire calendar, which would place Bilbo's date of birth closer to September 13th. And yes, we have to take into consideration the Shire's non month days between afterlife and forelife, and the precise onset of the month of Winterfilth. And if you think that's confusing, try figuring out when to celebrate the first night of Hobbit Chanukah. But. But enough fantasy world scheduling problems. Let's get to today's starter can you tell me which of the following is not a term for fans of the Lord of the Tolkienites, Ringers, Lordies, or Tolkienists?

[C]

Hey, Elliot, while the listeners are thinking about the answer and remembering not to cheat online, why don't you tell us where the word hobbit came from? I have always wondered.

[A]

Of course, producer Devin. I would love to. It came from J.R.R. tolkien's brain. He claimed hobbit just popped out of his head one day while he was grading papers as a professor. I mean, the word popped out of his head. If an actual hobbit had popped out of his head, it would have been very dangerous. Tolkien loved making up words and even whole languages and said hobbit wasn't based on any other words. Though he acknowledged that hobbit was similar to rabbit, which makes sense because they also live in burrows. And hobgoblin, which makes sense because it's like a little magic creature. Also, and Babbitt, which makes no sense because that's a 1922 novel by Sinclair Lewis about. And middle Class America, which has no scenes featuring wizards or trolls, was still a good book. Whatever inspired it. The Oxford English Dictionary recognized Tolkien as the inventor of the word hobbit, even though they refused to recognize my invention of the word gebla nebla, sebla nebla, just because it doesn't mean anything.

[C]

Elliot, let's not restart your feud with the oed. Why don't you tell us the answer to the starter question?

[A]

You're the boss, Producer Devin, to remind you the choices were Tolkienites, Ringers, Lordies, or Tolkienists. Which one is not a real term for a fan of JRR Tolkien. And the answer is Lordies. Nobody calls anybody that. We made it up. Just like good old JRRT would have done. Let's see how the OED feels about that.

[C]

Okay, okay, move on.

[A]

Move on, listeners. Did you get the answer? If so, then you have proven yourself to be a hero indeed and are ready to embark on the greatest quest of all. Today's main game in honor of Hobbit Day, this is a Tolkien themed word puzzle. I'm going to give you clues for three groups of three words each. Within each group, each word contains the name of a creature that exists in Middle Earth. Each word in a group contains the same hidden creature. Your job is to identify the three words in each group and name the mythical creature hiding in those words. So group one your clues. Photo you take of your own face where December falls when counting the months like the best liquor. Those are the three clues for group one. I'll say again, photo you take of your own face where December falls when counting the months and like the best liquor. Group two, your clues are thing to push a baby in kind of transportation in San Francisco or New Orleans. You might use it to get a thread off your shirt. And again, your clues for group two. Thing to push a baby in kind of transportation in San Francisco or New Orleans. You might use it to get a thread off your shirt. And finally, group three, your clues. Place where lots of apples or oranges grow, the end of a marriage, and first horror film to be nominated for best picture. Again, your clues are place where lots of apples or oranges grow, the end of a marriage, and first horror film to be nominated for best picture. Each of those clues is a word. And each of those words has the same middle earth creature hiding within it. Do you have your answers? Well, hold onto them real tight so they don't run away during this word from our sponsor.

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[A]

Welcome back to Smartless Presents. Clueless, the puzzle podcast that, let's face it, is pretty dorky sometimes. So allow me to dorksplain the answ to today's questions for you. To remind you, I was giving you clues for three words in three groups of words, and each of those words in the group hides the same Middle Earthian creature. So let's look at group one. Clue number one. Photo you take of your own face. That is a selfie. Clue number two. Where December falls when counting the months, that is 12th. It is the 12th of the 12 months. And finally, like the best liquor that is top shelf. Technically a phrase, not a word, but we'll let it. We'll let it happen. Yeah. So for group one, it is selfie, 12th and top shelf. And the creature hiding with each of those words is. Elf. That's right. The elves are back. They didn't all go to the Grey Havens or wherever. Or wherever it is they go to. I think they're from the Grey Havens. I don't remember. They're elves. Anyway, elf was the word hiding in there. Not Christmas. Elf. Tolkien. Elf. Group number two, your first clue was thing to push a baby in. That's a stroller kind of transportation in San Francisco or New Orleans. That's trolley. And what you might use to get a thread off your shirt, that's a lint roller. Again, a phrase, not one word. We're playing fast and loose. I apologize, everybody. Stroller, trolley, lint roller, all have the creature troll in them. That's right, a troll. Again, a Tolkien troll. Not a hiding under a bridge eating billy goats troll. It's a Tolkien troll. But there's troll in there. And finally, group three, your clues were place where lots of apples or oranges grow. That's orchard the end of a marriage, divorce and first horror film to be nominated for best picture, the Exorcist and the Hidden Creature. In each of those words is Orc. Orc. The worst of them. You don't want that guy hiding around you. That's not good.

[C]

No.

[A]

Well, listeners, did you get the answers? If not, that's okay. Here's the secret about words. They're all made up. Not just the Tolkien ones. All of them. Even the ones I'm using right now. And having learned that hard earned wisdom, our epic journey is at an end. And I'd like to thank you, the listener, for being part two of our band of adventurers.

[C]

And I'd like to remind the listener to stay tuned for all new Clueless Season 2 episodes coming soon.

[A]

Producer Devin speaks truth for lo, as the ancient prophecy saith. We shall return with more Smartless presents Clueless next week. Until then, I be your first mate, Elliot Kahlen. Me hardy. And I be as confused as you are how my fantasy talk turned into pirate talk.

[C]

Yar Clueless, you have been listening to Smartless presents Clueless, a Smartless Media production in association with SiriusXM. Your host is Elliot Kaelin, who also writes our scripts. Your producer, editor and engineer is Devin Tory Bryant, who is me. I also write all the music and sound effects. Today's puzzles were written by Jason Reich. Executive producers are Elliot Kaelin, Sean Hayes, Will Arnett and Jason Bateman. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminski. Remember to follow, subscribe, rate and review the show. It really helps. That's all for now. We will see you again for more.

[B]

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