SmartLess Presents ClueLess

Episode 175: National Coffee Day (Mini Episode)

Release Date: September 29, 2025
Host: Elliott Kalan
Producer/Co-host: Devin Tory Bryant

Overview

This National Coffee Day-themed mini episode delivers sips of trivia, a dash of history, and a generous pour of playful banter, all built around the beloved bean-based beverage: coffee. Host Elliott Kalan and producer/co-host Devin Tory Bryant guide listeners through coffee-related puzzles and fun facts, mixing education and humor while testing your knowledge of everything from etymology to pop culture and the infamously inventive Starbucks "secret menu."

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening and Episode Theme

• The episode kicks off with a fleeting sketch featuring Jeff Bridges and Dana (ads omitted here), quickly pivoting to the true content: celebration and puzzling around National Coffee Day.
• Elliott: “Today’s miniature episode is all about National Coffee Day, the day when we celebrate America’s favorite bean-based liquid. Sorry, garbanzo ju. Coffee is still number one.” (01:46)

2. Coffee Trivia: The Origin of "Cup of Joe"

• Elliott challenges listeners with the classic: Where does the phrase ‘cup of joe’ come from? Options include exotic etymology, baseball legends, and a US Navy Admiral.
• While listeners “percolate,” Elliott offers a brief history:
  • Coffee's roots: Originally from Arabia, with Ethiopian beans, consumed for 600+ years.
  • America’s switch from tea to coffee: Sparked in part by British taxes, leading to the Revolution and the coffee craze by the mid-19th century.
  • Elliott: “But the biggest consequence was that Americans switched from a leaf-based drink best enjoyed in the afternoon to a bean-based drink best enjoyed in the morning.” (02:55)
• Trivia answer: The true origin is unknown; all suggested explanations are apocryphal.
  • Elliott: “Nobody knows where the phrase ‘cup of joe’ came from... If you said, hey, this is a trick question, then you got this question right!” (03:36)

3. Pop Culture Puzzler: Famous Fictional Coffee Shops

• Listeners are presented with a list:
  • Espresso Pump, Central Perk, Luke’s Diner, Espresso Yourself, Café Nervosa.
• Which one’s totally made up?
  • Answer: Espresso Yourself.
  • The others are pulled from “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” “Friends,” “Gilmore Girls,” and “Frasier.”
  • Elliott: “Espresso Yourself...you won’t find any famous fictional characters, only fictional coffee.” (04:34)

4. Main Game: Starbucks Secret Menu—Fact or Fiction?

• Elliott introduces the famous Starbucks “secret menu,” noting its fan-driven, unofficial nature:
  • Elliott: “The secret menu isn’t an innovation from the Starbucks corporation, but from its fans...Some of these drinks became so popular that if you found a barista who was in the know, you could request them by name.” (06:01)
• The quiz: Which of these drinks are real Starbucks secret menu offerings?
  • Popeye Tea
  • Alien Refresher
  • Barbie Frappuccino
  • Finding Nemocha
  • Medicine Ball

5. Secret Menu Revelations (Answers & Descriptions) [10:45]

• Popeye Tea: Real—unsweetened iced green tea with one scoop of matcha powder.
  • Elliott: “Not quite spinach in a cup, but as close to a vegetable as you’ll get at Starbucks.” (10:38)
• Alien Refresher: Fake.
• Barbie Frappuccino: Real—vanilla bean Frappuccino with half & half, vanilla syrup, strawberry puree, and dragon fruit blended until hot pink, topped with whipped cream.
  • Elliott: “My immediate response is not for me. Nope.” (10:58)
• Finding Nemocha: Fake—though Elliott jokes that if it existed, it'd probably involve fish oil.
• Medicine Ball: Real—a combo of Jade Citrus Mint Tea, Peach Tranquility Tea, hot water, lemonade, honey, and peppermint syrup.
  • “In laboratory tests, it’s proved to be a cure for not drinking weird coffee.” (11:30)

6. Humor & Notable Banter

• Coffee Shop Naming Tangent:
  • Elliott and Devin riff on how Starbucks got its name from a minor character in “Moby-Dick,” joking alternative names like Pequod’s or even Moby-Dick’s Pizza.
    • Elliott: “That doesn’t make any sense. Pequod should be a coffee shape place. Moby Dick should be a pizza place. Starbucks should be a bank.” (05:56)
• Light self-deprecation:
  • After a trick question: “Actually, I do too. It leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, not unlike poorly made coffee.” (04:02)
• Sign-off energy:
  • Elliott: “If so, give yourself a high five. Heck, give yourself a high ten if you’ve got enough fingers.” (11:37)
  • Elliott: “Reminding you that I’m your host, Elliott Kalan, reminding you that I’m your host, Elliott Kalan, reminding… I’m sorry, I think I had a little too much coffee.” (12:02)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the secret menu:
  • “Aliens don’t go to Starbucks. Which is ironic since Starbucks sounds like a money used by aliens.” (10:45)
• On being tricked:
  • “If you said, hey, this is a trick question, then you got this question right?” (03:36)
• On “Espresso Yourself”:
  • “You won’t find any famous fictional characters, only fictional coffee.” (04:34)
• On American coffee culture:
  • “We the people have not gotten enough sleep for about a century and a half and we really need that sleep.” (03:15)
• On fictional coffee shop names:
  • “Moby Dick should be a pizza place. Starbucks should be a bank.” (05:56)
• On the Barbie Frappuccino:
  • “That is... My immediate response is not for me. Nope.” (10:58)
• Outro:
  • “Give yourself a high ten if you’ve got enough fingers.” (11:37)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Coffee Day introduction & opening banter: 01:09–01:46
• “Cup of Joe” origin & America’s coffee history: 01:46–03:36
• Trick trivia answer & fictional coffee shops quiz: 03:36–04:37
• Starbucks name riff & Secret Menu intro: 05:44–06:01
• Secret Menu Quiz & Discussion: 06:01–10:35
• Secret Menu Reveal: 10:35–11:44
• Sign-off and Season Two Tease: 11:47–12:05

Tone & Style

The episode balances playful wit, a dash of sarcasm, and informative tidbits, all delivered in the warm-yet-silly signature style of Elliott Kalan. Listeners get coffee-related knowledge, nerdy asides, and gentle ribbing, wrapped up in an energetic, family-friendly package.

Conclusion

For National Coffee Day, “ClueLess” provides a snappy blend of coffee lore, pop-culture puzzles, and rapid-fire humor. With both esoteric trivia and relatable jokes, it’s a quick, caffeine-like pick-me-up for anyone who loves games, learning, and laughter—or just wants to know what a Medicine Ball actually is. And if you didn’t ace the puzzles? As Elliott reassures: “In a hundred years, nobody will remember if you got this right or wrong. Probably.” (04:34)