206 - This Or That? (w/ Naomi Ekperigin and Andy Beckerman)

Summary

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SmartLess Presents ClueLess

Episode 206: This or That? (w/ Naomi Ekperigin & Andy Beckerman)
Date: December 15, 2025
Host: Elliott Kalan
Guests: Naomi Ekperigin & Andy Beckerman

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Episode Overview

In this lively installment of ClueLess, host Elliott Kalan welcomes comedians Naomi Ekperigin and Andy Beckerman (co-hosts of Couples Therapy) to test their puzzle mettle. This episode weaves in historical oddities, fast-paced trivia, and a hilarious "Bible or Wu-Tang" lyrics showdown—all delivered in a quick-witted, irreverent style characteristic of SmartLess Media's puzzle-offering.

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Key Segments and Insights

Introduction & Barrel Anecdotes

[01:13–02:49]

• Elliott opens with whimsical musings about the appeal of barrel-living, referencing the ancient Greek philosopher Diogenes and cartoon tropes.
• The first trivia tease: Who was the first person to survive riding a barrel over a major U.S.-Canadian waterway?
  • Naomi nails it instantly:

    “Niagara Falls. Come on, come on.” (Naomi, 02:41)

  • Elliott shares color about Annie Edson Taylor’s non-enjoyment of her infamous feat and jokes about not trying this at home—unless your home is Niagara Falls.

Falls, Trips, and Everyday Injuries

[03:37–08:35]

• Elliott segues to the frequency of fall-related injuries and asks the duo to guess Turkey’s top four “fall-off-able” objects.
  • Naomi’s immediate answer: stairs.
    • “When I approach a stairwell, my brain immediately pictures me crumpled at the bottom...” (Naomi, 04:27)
  • Banister safety advice and jokes abound.
  • Through guesswork and hints:
    • Correct Answers: Stairs, Trees, Balconies/Verandas, Furniture.
  • Andy expresses surprise at “falling out of trees” being higher than bikes:
    • “You’re telling me more people fall out of trees than fall off of bikes?...What in the Tarzan?” (Andy, 05:53)
• Elliott shares the quirkier runner-ups (roofs, scaffolding, laps).
  • Humorous speculation on “falling off a lap” leads to light ventriloquism banter.

Mini-Game: Bible or Wu-Tang? (“This or That”)

[12:56–21:34]

• Premise: Elliott provides an enigmatic line; the guests must decide if it’s:

  • “God” (Bible) or “U-God” (Wu-Tang Clan lyricist).

• Sample Questions & Notable Dialogues:

  • “Life is a pool of sin corrupted with foolish men and women with wicked minds.”
    • Split answer, but it’s Wu-Tang (GZA, 13:13)
    • Elliott bends rules for partial credit due to song title “BIBLE”
  • “Haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood.”
    • Both correct: Bible (Proverbs 6:17, 13:48)
  • “Upon my wounds they seasoned me with salt and nailed my hands and feet to the form of the cross. Ah. I said as the blood dripped inside of my eye.”
    • Discussion of “Ah” being out of place in scripture. This is Wu-Tang, not Bible. (“Nowhere in the Bible does anyone say, ah.” - Elliott, 17:52)
  • “Homicide is illegal and death is the penalty. What justifies the homicide when he dies is his own iniquity.”
    • Quick consensus: Wu-Tang (Master of Chessboxing, 18:23)

• Running Gags:

  • Naomi’s rapid-fire answers and pop culture associations.
  • Andy’s meta-commentary on the rules and the nature of the quotes.
  • Imagining apostles writing Bible passages specifically to trip up future podcast hosts:

    "There will be a small Jew in Los Angeles who we need to trick into guessing..." (Naomi, 19:19)

• Final Score: 7/10, with Elliott mock-lamenting that a wrong answer triggered Armageddon:

  “You got the one question wrong that leads to the end of the world, unfortunately. But otherwise you did very well.” (Elliott, 21:54)

MegaClue/Final Judgment: The Biblical ODB

[22:05–22:37]

• Mega Clue: "Who is the oldest person in the Bible, said to have lived 969 years?"
  • Naomi answers instantly: “Methuselah!” (22:34)
  • Elliott confirms, wryly noting the lack of medical records.

Humorous Closing Thoughts

[22:37–23:27]

• Elliott thanks guests for being “holy in mine eyes” and for bestowing the “glory of thine ears.”

• Signature joke:

  “Your birthday wish will always come true if you wish for it to be your birthday.” (Elliott, 23:24)

• Funny sign-off: Naomi references pestilence at the door.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Naomi, on banisters:

  “If there’s one thing you got to hold on to in this world, it’s a banister.” (05:02)

• Andy, on pop culture logic:

  “Dick Van Dyke, probably.” (falling over ottomans, 07:17)

• Elliott, defining podcast’s historical impact:

  “The only puzzle podcast that's ended eight or nine wars.” (01:54)

• Andy, reflecting on post-game consequences:

  “I thought I would let the man before me speak, and do you see what I've gotten us into? Now we're all gonna die.” (19:56)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• 01:13 Introduction, barrel living & Diogenes
• 02:41 Barrel over Niagara Falls trivia
• 03:37–08:35 “Falling Off/Out/Over” emergency-room injuries game
• 12:56–21:34 Bible or Wu-Tang “This or That” game (multiple questions)
• 22:05 MegaClue final question: Oldest biblical figure
• 23:24 Elliott’s whimsical closing wish

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Episode’s Tone & Style

• Comically irreverent yet trivia-rich, with clever wordplay, historical tidbits, and running inside jokes.
• The playful banter between Elliott, Naomi, and Andy creates a high-energy, banter-filled environment where knowledge and humor go hand in hand.

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For New Listeners

This episode offers a memorable blend of obscure facts (Niagara Falls daredevilry, biblical lore), rapid-fire puzzles, and comic foolery. Whether you’re a trivia buff, comedy lover, or fan of hip-hop, you’ll find plenty to enjoy and share here—no risk of falling off your chair required.

Transcript

[Elliot Kaelin]

Taking care of your mental health shouldn't be harder than taking care of your physical health. If you pull a muscle, you see a doctor. But finding the right therapist can be tough, with long wait lists, high costs, or just plain not knowing where to start. Rula makes therapy simple, affordable, and fast. Rula helps you find the right fit by connecting you to over 15,000 licensed therapists and psychiatrists nationwide. It's therapy that doesn't break the bank. Rula works with most major insurance plans, with sessions starting around $15, sometimes even zero, depending on your benefits. Every therapist is licensed, vetted, and chosen for expertise. Rula helps you book, stay on schedule and track progress, keeping everything in one place for simple therapy or medication management. Thousands of people have already used Rula to finally get the care they needed. Don't keep putting it off. Go to rula.com clueless and get started today. That's R-U-L-A.com clueless take the first step. Get connected and take control of your mental health.

[Andy Beckerman]

Smart, Less Mediocre.

[Elliot Kaelin]

As much as I like my house, my bed, guaranteed access to cheese, all the luxuries of 21st century life, I often dream of trading it all in for a nice solid barrel with shelter and transportation in one stylish package. Like I always say, if it's good enough for the philosopher Diogenes and cartoon characters who can't afford clothes, then it's good enough for me. Nobody knows the beauty of barrel life better than Annie Edson Taylor, the first person known to have survived riding a barrel down what majestic U.S. canadian waterway? You'll have to listen to find out. This is Clueless.

[Andy Beckerman]

Clueless, Clueless. I'm Clueless.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I'm Clueless. Welcome to Smartless Presents. Clueless, the only puzzle podcast that's ended eight or nine wars. Now, I I'm your host, Elliot Kaelin, and I'm also the author of Joke how to Write Comedy and Other Nonsense on Store Shelves. Now, I'd love to stay in chat, but I've got to host this podcast. And joining me today, we've got two really fabulous guests. She's the host of the podcast Couples Therapy. He's also the host of the podcast Couples Therapy. Naomi Ekparigan and Andy Beckerman. Thank you so much for joining us on this episode.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

Hey girl.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I love that you both have. You both have your catchphrases. That was great. It's great to see you both. I know none of us can focus on While our opening question remains tantalizingly unanswered, Daredevil Annie Edson Taylor is recognized as the first person to survive a wooden barrel trip down what waterway do you know, Elliot, you're gonna have to.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

Wake up even earlier in the morning if you want to pull, pull one over on me with this kind of question. Niagara Falls. Come on, come on.

[Elliot Kaelin]

That's right. The answer is Niagara Falls. Taylor, surprisingly, did not have a lot of fun going over the falls. She said later, I would sooner walk up to the mouth of a cannon knowing it was going to blow me to pieces, than make another trip over the falls. So amazingly, risking your life in a cramped wet barrel, not an enjoyable experience. Don't try this at home, especially if your home is Niagara Falls. So are either you're going to try it, are you going to try it.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

Now or no, we don't like leaving.

[Elliot Kaelin]

The house in a barrel. That's the thing about a barrel is that you're not really leaving your house the whole time. That's true.

[Andy Beckerman]

You are covered. But what I love too though, right, is that she did that and then literally just went on a tour for years talking about it. And so it's even more fun that she hated it because I would like to think she went on a tour and every time someone asked her, she was like, I hated it. I'd rather go be shot out of a cannon.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I'd love to talk about anything else. Do I have to keep being asked about Niagara Falls and the barrel? You know? Now the fact is you can really hurt yourself riding a barrel over Niagara Falls, but you don't have to ride a barrel over Niagara Falls to get hurt. Everyday life is an unending obstacle course of danger, thanks to our old frenemy gravity. Which brings us to today's first game. First and foremost, It turns out that injuries sustained in trips and falls are the number one most common reason for emergency room visits in just about every country on earth. So can you tell me, according to an actual study by researchers in Turkey, the country, what are the four most common things that people hurt themselves falling off of, out of, falling down, or falling over. Can you name the four most fall offable things that people get hurt from?

[Naomi Ekparigan]

I mean, stairs obviously, because when I the minute I approach a stairwell, my brain immediately pictures me crumpled at the bottom and then I hold onto the banister as if I was an elderly man.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Just like, that's a tip. If there's a thing for you to hold onto so you don't fall, it's a thing that people have fallen off of or down. Yeah, right, right.

[Andy Beckerman]

Right.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

And can I recommend if there's one thing you got to hold on to in this world, it's a banister. It's got to be a banister.

[Andy Beckerman]

You gotta.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You gotta.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

I highly recommend holding onto a banister.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I thank you for saying that because this is now a self care and advice podcast.

[Andy Beckerman]

I will say. Okay, the. Another. What about a bike?

[Elliot Kaelin]

Not one of the top four. Huh? Top four.

[Andy Beckerman]

All right. I figured everyone's had a bike before.

[Elliot Kaelin]

No, but I was fine.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

I. I don't. I don't ride bikes, Naomi.

[Andy Beckerman]

I know, Andrew. I didn't want to bring it up.

[Elliot Kaelin]

So let's see, what else? Can you name the three other things that people are most likely to fall off of or out of, or fall down or fall over?

[Naomi Ekparigan]

Not a bike, but a penny farthing, obviously.

[Andy Beckerman]

Wait, you said out of or over, Fall out of?

[Elliot Kaelin]

Over. Think about things. You could fall off of. Fall over, fall out of.

[Andy Beckerman]

You could fall over a tree branch jetting out of the ground, but I don't know what it's going to fall over.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

Tree branch.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I'm going to say trees was one of them. I think that's more of a falling out of thing. I think maybe people fall out of trees that they climb.

[Andy Beckerman]

You're telling me more people fall out of trees than fall off of bikes.

[Elliot Kaelin]

According to this survey.

[Andy Beckerman]

What in the Tarzan?

[Naomi Ekparigan]

Or are we in a tree branch lying on the sidewalk?

[Elliot Kaelin]

You're telling me this is so stairs, trees. Can you think of the other top two?

[Andy Beckerman]

The other top two.

[Elliot Kaelin]

One of them I have a hint for. The other one I don't have a.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

Hint for falling out of. So you've been kidnapped and you're breaking. You're. You've been tied up and shoved in the trunk of a car and you're breaking out of it on the highway. So you can like. Yeah, so falling out of the trunk onto the highway. So falling out, kidnapped.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Not four. Not one of the top four. That's probably the top five.

[Andy Beckerman]

Okay. Falling out of a. Onto a.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

Falling out of an airplane and your parachute doesn't open.

[Elliot Kaelin]

No, not again. Not one of the top four. Here's. Here's something. Here's a. What. What's a part of a building you expect people might.

[Andy Beckerman]

Falling out of a window, fall from.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Close sometimes a what?

[Andy Beckerman]

What did you say a balcony?

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yes. I'll accept veranda as a part of kind of balcony. I would not accept lanai. That's a. That's a ground floor thing now.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

That's ground floor. We've all seen Golden Girls?

[Elliot Kaelin]

Finally. Exactly. Finally. What do people fall over? Hint. This is a hint for people who watch the same television I did growing up. Think Dick Van Dyke.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

Oh, an ottoman.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Well, what is an ottoman? What is it one of piece of furniture? Yes, furniture. People fall over furniture.

[Andy Beckerman]

What?

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yeah. I will say this. In my house, the most common thing that people fall over off of is furniture. I have two children in my house. They fall off of chairs, they trip over other chairs, step stools, they'll climb onto a table, fall off of that, jump on the couch, fall off of that, jump off a bed, fall off of that, get onto the kitchen counter, fall off of that. Furniture is a very big fall offable thing in a house with children. Yeah.

[Andy Beckerman]

Okay. Okay. So children doing it and, you know, going to. Going to the emergency room. Okay, I'll allow it. Because I don't know what person.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You'll allow children to fall off things and get hurt bad enough.

[Andy Beckerman]

No, I won't allow. I will allow it to count in the top four, because I don't know what adult is out here going to the ER cause they fell over the ottoman.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Well, Dick Van Dyke, probably. So for the record, the list continued to roofs, construction, scaffolding, playground equipment, and human laps. Who was getting injured falling off of a lap?

[Naomi Ekparigan]

I don't know, but LA s not lapse. Like.

[Elliot Kaelin]

No, not a lapse in.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

Lapse in judgment. And therefore they fell.

[Andy Beckerman]

Someone's lap.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yeah. So have you ever fallen out of someone's lap so badly that you got hurt?

[Andy Beckerman]

Never in my life.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

Well, when?

[Andy Beckerman]

Now.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

And I, we have a ventriloquist routine where I sit on her lap and she pretends to. That I'm the dummy and she's on.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Top of a flagpole. Because it's a 1920s routine.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andy Beckerman]

Flagpole sitting.

[Elliot Kaelin]

And that's like someone falling off of the BFG's lap. Like, what's going on? Taking care of your mental health shouldn't be harder than taking care of your physical health. If you pull a muscle, you see a doctor. But finding the right therapist can be tough, with long wait lists, high costs, or just plain not knowing where to start. RULA makes therapy simple, affordable, and fast. RULA helps you find the right fit by connecting you to over 15,000 licensed therapists and psychiatrists nationwide. It's therapy that doesn't break the bank. RULA works with most major insurance plans, with sessions starting around $15, sometimes even zero, depending on your benefits. Every therapist is licensed, vetted, and chosen for expertise. RULA helps you Book, stay on schedule and track progress, keeping everything in one place for simple therapy or medication. Thousands of people have already used Rula to finally get the care they needed. Don't keep putting it off. Go to rula.com clueless and get started today. That's R U L A.com clueless take the first step. Get connected and take control of your mental health. Guys, thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree.

[Andy Beckerman]

Zoe, this thing weighs a ton.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Drewski, live with your legs, man. Santa.

[Andy Beckerman]

Santa, did you get my letter? He's talking to you, Bridges.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

I'm not.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Of course he did.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

Right, Santa, you know my elf Drew Ski here.

[Elliot Kaelin]

He handles the nice list.

[Andy Beckerman]

And elf, I'm six' three. What everyone wants is iPhone 17 and at T Mobile you can get it on them. That center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies. Right, Mrs. Claus?

[Elliot Kaelin]

I'm Mrs. Claus's much younger sister. And AT T Mobile, there's no trade.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

In needed when you switch.

[Elliot Kaelin]

So you can keep your old phone or give it as a gift. And the best part, you can make the switch to T mobile from your phone in just 15 minutes.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

Nice.

[Andy Beckerman]

My side of the tree is slipping. Kimber.

[Elliot Kaelin]

The holidays are better.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

AT T Mobile, switch in just 15 minutes and get iPhone 17 on us.

[Andy Beckerman]

With no trade in needed.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

And now T Mobile is available in.

[Andy Beckerman]

US cellular stores with 24 monthly bill.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Credits for well qualified customers plus tax.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

And $35 device connection charge credit send imbalance due if you pay off earlier.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Cancel financing agreements.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

256 gigs.

[Elliot Kaelin]

$830 eligible for in a new line.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

$100 plus a month plan with auto pay plus taxes fees required.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Check out in 15 minutes or less per line.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

Visit t mobile.com Score Holiday Gifts everyone wants for way less at your Nordstrom Rack store. Save on Ugg, Nike, Rag and Bone, Vince Frame, Kurt Geiger, London and more.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Cause there's always something new.

[Andy Beckerman]

I'm giving all the gifts this year.

[Elliot Kaelin]

With that extra 5% off when I use my Nordstrom credit card.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

Santa who join the Nordiclub at Nordstrom Rack to unlock our best deals. It's easy. Big gifts, big perks. That's why you rack.

[Elliot Kaelin]

We at Smartless wanted to let you know about a new Smartless media show celebrating the world's dumbest criminals. It's called Crimeless and it's hosted by journal, Josh Dean and comedian Rory Scovel. Every week, Josh tells Rory a story or two or three about some ridiculous stranger than fiction crime starring some of the most hilarious Ding Dongs, Knuckleheads and dimwits you could possibly imagine. Think Coen brothers. But real life? We're talking staged deaths, pretend hitmen, fake drugs heists targeting Guy Fieri, crimes against cats. Don't like that. Leave cats alone. And, of course, gangs of monkeys rampaging through towns, terrorizing tourists. That I do like. New episodes of Crimeless Route every Wednesday, wherever podcasts are available. Listeners, did you do as well as Naomi and Andy? If not, that's okay. I'm just going to assume it's because you fell over something while answering. And here's something to do while you're in the hospital waiting room because you fell off that lap so hard that you got hurt. Our next game, it's called this or that. I love how literal our sayings are for our games. I love how literal every theme song is for a game. I'm going to give you a quote in this game, a saying or a phrase, and you're going to have to identify which of two thematically linked sources it came from. Today, the quotes I'm going to be giving you are either verses from the Bible or verses from the Wu Tang Clan. If you think the quote is from the Bible, say God. If you think it's a Wu Tang lyric, say you, God. In honor of Wu Tang member, you, God. Are you ready?

[Andy Beckerman]

Yeah, I'm ready.

[Devin Tory Bryant]

This or that?

[Elliot Kaelin]

Or that. Okay, your first quote for this or that. Tell me if it is a Bible verse or a verse from the Wu Tang Clan. Life is a pool of sin corrupted with foolish men and women with wicked minds.

[Andy Beckerman]

God.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

I want to say you, God.

[Elliot Kaelin]

That was. That was you, God. Yes. I'm sorry, your first answer was God, though. You should. You should discuss that time. That was from Bible. Basic instructions before leaving Earth by Giza. So.

[Andy Beckerman]

Well, that was technically then the Bible. That was from the Bible.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Well, it's from a song called Bible.

[Andy Beckerman]

The Bible's the Bible.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You know what? Okay, I'm gonna. I'm gonna put a question mark next to that in the points. In the points. One. I'll give you half for that. Okay, question number two, verse number two. Haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood.

[Andy Beckerman]

God.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You got that right. That's God. That's Proverbs 6. 17. Wow.

[Andy Beckerman]

So these are just, like, in between. I thought it was gonna be, like, a full rhyme if it was from a song. Do you see what I'm saying? You're just giving us, like, clauses.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I'm just giving you clauses. Exactly. Santa Clauses. It's almost that time of year. Everybody, Question 3. Their land is filled with silver and gold. There is no end to their treasures. Their land is filled with horses. There is no end to their chariots.

[Andy Beckerman]

Okay. Treasures. Chariots, silver and gold. Andy, I think that would have to be God.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

Oh, if there's one thing God loves, it's chariots.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Right? It's God. That is from Isaiah 27. Very nice.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

Which. Which part of the Bible is that? Is that our part, Elliot, or Naomi's part?

[Elliot Kaelin]

No, no, that's our part. I think all of these. Oh, no, no. There's one coming up that's from Naomi's part of the Bible.

[Andy Beckerman]

My part.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yeah, but most of these are from our part. Yeah, the best one. Question number four. In the scale of justice. My heart remains balanced and neutral. My respect for all men is mutual. You got it? Okay. Is that your final answer, Andrew?

[Andy Beckerman]

Let's talk about it for a minute. Neutral. Well, you know what? I guess neutral and mutual rhyme. So that does. It's giving rap.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

It feels.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Well.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

Cause this is the thing, all right? If we're talking the Bible, it's either written in Latin or it's written in Hebrew, I guess, or. Or Arabic. I don't know what the original, originally.

[Elliot Kaelin]

They're either either Ancient Hebrew or in Greek. The. The Gospel.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

You always forget about Greek. You always forget about those guys.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yeah, right.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

Unless you're eating hummus.

[Andy Beckerman]

No one only thinks about Greek people when they're eating hummus.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

All right, Sorry. When you're reading Giannis Varoufakus's latest book, then you're.

[Andy Beckerman]

We're gonna say you God. I'm sorry I suggested we think through it.

[Elliot Kaelin]

That was a. Yeah. Yeah, I think. Well, I'm glad that you could admit that was a mistake. The. You are correct. The answer is you, God. That is from a day to God is a thousand years. Stay with me. Bye. Rza. Next quote. The eye that mocks a father, that scores an aged mother, will be pecked out by the ravens of the valley. Will be eaten by the vultures.

[Andy Beckerman]

Okay. Pecking out eyes is so God. It's a giving Bible.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

It's also Greek. Says, you know what? When I think about ravens pecking out someone's eyes, I'm thinking Prometheus. So I'm also thinking Greek, then. All right.

[Andy Beckerman]

Okay. Yes.

[Elliot Kaelin]

The. I think Naomi was correct. That's from Proverbs, chapter 30, verse 17. Again, nothing to do with Greeks, but that's okay. Prometheus, for the record, he had his liver, I believe, torn out by a vulture, not his eyes. Torn out by a raven. But there's no need for me to rub your nose, Andy, in your lack of understanding of the two.

[Andy Beckerman]

Really, there was no reason. Yet you did. You see what I'm saying, though? How convenient.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Caitlin.

[Andy Beckerman]

Elliot, don't you cover my man?

[Elliot Kaelin]

Okay, no, this is. I'm just trying to bring you two together by giving you a common enemy.

[Andy Beckerman]

Yeah, thank you.

[Elliot Kaelin]

But I also probably got it wrong. Probably someone's going to write in and say, I got it wrong. Verse number six. Upon my wounds they seasoned me with salt and nailed my hands and feet to the form of the cross. Ah. I said as the blood dripped inside of my eye.

[Andy Beckerman]

Okay, now we all know what girly was nailed to a cross. We know. Except the idea of going, ah is so funny to me.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

Yeah.

[Andy Beckerman]

Like, I know it shouldn't be funny, but going ah? I said, that feels.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

That feels like ODB or Big Baby Jesus. It's giving.

[Andy Beckerman]

It's giving, God.

[Elliot Kaelin]

So which. What's your answer? What's your answer?

[Naomi Ekparigan]

Oh, can I. Can we. Can we. We don't have to answer the same way because I think that's you, God.

[Elliot Kaelin]

And Naomi, you think it's God, and I'm saying God. All right, the answer is it is you, God. You are right, Andy. What? It is from Diary of a Madman. They're playing on Christian themes.

[Andy Beckerman]

Have to listen to them. This is crazy.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I think in the Nowhere in the Bible, does anyone say, ah.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

What about fun? What about, ah, real monster 716?

[Elliot Kaelin]

That's true. That's the one part I forgot. I forgot that. I forgot that the. That there was a Nick Tunes section to the Bible. Yeah. Question number seven. Homicide is illegal and death is the penalty. What justifies the homicide when he dies is his own iniquity. Oof.

[Andy Beckerman]

Okay, well, that's. I mean, that's you, God.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You're right. That's you, God. That's from Master of Chessboxing. Very good. Number eight. Under the reign of King Cyrus. You can see the weakness of a man right through his iris. Unloyal snakes get thrown in boiling lakes of hot oil.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

Andy, I want to say God. That's my, like, gut instinct. Even though there's that rhyme in there.

[Andy Beckerman]

It'S giving you God to me.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

I think you're right just because of the rhyme, but also, like, I'm feeling like the rhyme is there to throw you off from the path of the divine.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You think that the authors of the Bible were trying to confuse you into getting this question wrong?

[Naomi Ekparigan]

I'd say yes.

[Andy Beckerman]

I Think Caleb is trying.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

The apostles were just like. The apostles had a vision.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yeah.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

As if at a spirit is mundi. And it came to them. And they said in 2000 some odd years.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yeah.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

There will be a small Jew in Los Angeles.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yes.

[Andy Beckerman]

Yes.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

Who we need to trick into guessing.

[Andy Beckerman]

It's that we have to trick.

[Elliot Kaelin]

The fate of the souls of many depending on you being tricked.

[Andy Beckerman]

Tricking one man.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

Well, they trick me. This is the beginning of judgment Day.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Okay, well, let's see. Are you tricked? What's your answer, God? The answer is you, God. I'm so sorry. You were tricked. Judgment day has begun. That is from fourth chamber. I apologize to everybody who didn't want the world to end, but Andy has. Has made it happen.

[Andy Beckerman]

And I would like this to be a. No. I want this to be a lesson to everybody. See, I thought I would let the man before me speak and do you see what I've gotten us into? Yeah, I was right. But sometimes I said let him do it. Let him cook. And now look. Now we're all gonna die.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

Should I be worried? There seems like there's an army of sk. Outside my window right now.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yeah, well, hopefully we'll just be. We'll be done with the episode by then, so won't be. Verse number nine. Balsam, the son of Bos, who loved the wages of unrighteousness, was rebuked for his iniquity. The dumb ass, speaking with a man's voice, forbade the madness of the prophet Naomi.

[Andy Beckerman]

That's God.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You're right. That's God. That's from the second book of Peter, chapter two, verses 15 to 16. Very good. And finally, question number 10. People who looked to Kush for help will be afraid. And those who are amazed by Egypt's glory will be shamed.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

How's Kush spelled?

[Elliot Kaelin]

That's a good question. C U S H.

[Andy Beckerman]

Well, okay. Actress. Kush Jumbo. That's what we're calling out there. Andrew, would you like to try again?

[Naomi Ekparigan]

Kush Jumbo from the Good Wife. The Good Fight.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Don't get distorted. Don't get distracted.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

Harlot Hoban Oh, God.

[Andy Beckerman]

I'm so sorry, Ellie.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Don't get distracted. Don't get distracted. So I'll read you that quote again. People who looked to Kush for help will be afraid. And those who are amazed by Egypt's glory will be shamed. Is that God or you, God?

[Naomi Ekparigan]

Egypt's glory.

[Andy Beckerman]

You God.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

I'm gonna back up my wife on this one.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You're gonna say you, God. It is incorrect. The answer is God. This is Isaiah, chapter 20, verse 5. So you know, you had some ups and downs with that one. And I'm just gonna say you did really well.

[Andy Beckerman]

No tally given.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Okay, yeah, you did get seven out of 10. So you did very well.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

That's a pass.

[Andy Beckerman]

That's a pass.

[Elliot Kaelin]

No, that's. You passed that one. I mean, you got the one question wrong that leads to the end of the world, unfortunately. But otherwise he did very well. Otherwise he did very well.

[Devin Tory Bryant]

Will you pick that or will you pick this?

[Elliot Kaelin]

And now we've reached Clueless own form of final judgment. The megaclue mega clue question. All will be mega clued and only the righteous will be saved. I'm sorry, I meant only right answers will win this mega clue. I apologize. And so it was written. While the late great odb, Old Dirty Bastard was a founding member of the Wu Tang Clan, the Bible has its own odb. This legendary figure is said to be the oldest person who ever lived, reaching the ripe age of 969 years old. Who is it?

[Naomi Ekparigan]

Mathuza la.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You're right. It is Methuselah. The oldest man in. I'm not gonna call it recorded history exactly, because it's. I have to see some more medical records, but that is his name. Listeners at home, did you get the answer? If so, you're a superstar. Which is much more impressive than being a super sandwich. All episodes of Clueless, of course, just like all rides in a barrel over a waterfall must come to an end. And now we have come to ours. But first, I want to thank Andy Beckerman and Naomi McParaghan for being holy in mine eyes. And I'd also like to thank you, the listener, for bestowing upon us the glory of thine ears. And that's enough of talking like that. We'll be back next week with more Smartless presents. Clueless. Until then, I'm your host, Elliot Kaelin, author of Joke Farming, how to Write Comedy and other nonsense on bookstore shelves now. And I'll end by reminding you that your birthday wish will always come true if you wish for it to be your birthday. Good night.

[Naomi Ekparigan]

Hold on, I'll be there in a second. Sorry, Pestilence is at the door. I'll be right there.

[Devin Tory Bryant]

Clueless, you have been listening to Smartless presents Clueless, a Smartless media production in association with Sirius xm. Your host is Elliot Kaelin, who also writes our scripts. Today's contestants were Naomi Perrigan and Andy Beckerman. Check out their show, Couples Therapy. Any where you get your podcasts. Your producer, editor and engineer is Devin Tory Bryant, who is me. I also write all the music and sound effects. Today's puzzles were written by Brock Mahan. Talent producer is Anne Harris, Associate Producer Maddie McCann Social Media Producer Tommy Galgano. Executive producers are Elliott Kaelin, Sean Hayes, Will Arnett and Jason Bateman. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminski. Remember to follow subscribe, rate and review the show. It really helps. That's all for now. We will see you again for more.

[Andy Beckerman]

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