207 - Christmas Mini!

Summary

SmartLess Presents ClueLess

Episode 207 - Christmas Mini! (December 22, 2025)

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Episode Overview

In this festive “mini” episode, host Elliott Kalan welcomes listeners to a cozier, guest-free holiday special, joined only by producer Devin Tory Bryant. With their trademark playful banter, the duo deliver two themed puzzle games—one about quirky holiday traditions, the other weaving “peace,” “love,” and “joy” into every answer. In the spirit of gift-giving, they sneak in some self-promotion of their creative projects and share plenty of jokes along the way. This episode is all about puzzling fun, holiday weirdness, and bringing some seasonal cheer to the airwaves.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Holiday Traditions Game: Truth or Bogus?

[03:02 – 05:45]

• Premise: Elliott describes four holiday traditions from different countries—three are real, one is fabricated. Listeners must guess the fake.

• Traditions Presented:

  1. Morocco: Pastries baked with money inside for prosperity.
  2. Guatemala: Burning a pile of trash with a devil effigy on top.
  3. Japan: Christmas dinner is KFC fried chicken.
  4. Norway: Families hide their brooms on Christmas Eve to thwart witches.

• Revealed Answers/Explanations:

  • Norway’s broom-hiding? True.
  • Japan’s KFC Christmas dinner? True.
  • Guatemala’s burning of the devil (La Quema del Diablo)? True.
  • Morocco’s monetary pastries? False.

• Insight:
  “Someone else’s holiday traditions always sound a little weird. Like if I told you that during Christmas, many people take a tree from the forest and bring it inside their house and dress it up with shiny baubles like a brazen hussy.” — Elliott Kaelin [04:07]

2. Peace, Love, or Joy Game

[07:50 – 12:50]

• Game Structure: Every answer contains either “peace,” “love,” or “joy.” Elliott poses 10 questions; Devin plays along.

• Sample Questions & Answers:

  • Candy with the jingle “Sometimes you feel like a nut”?
    Answer: Almond Joy [08:44]
  • Award received by Obama, Al Gore, Mother Teresa, and Roosevelt?
    Answer: Nobel Peace Prize [08:57]
  • Setting of Gopher, Isaac, Dr. Bricker, Vicki, Captain Stubing?
    Answer: The Love Boat [09:34]
  • What’s it called when you steal your parents’ car?
    Answer: Joyriding [09:51]
  • English band with “Love Will Tear Us Apart”?
    Answer: Joy Division [10:20]
  • DC Comics character played by John Cena?
    Answer: Peacemaker [10:41]
  • Beyoncé 2003 mega hit?
    Answer: Crazy in Love [10:54]
  • A way to leave abruptly, especially in the 90s?
    Answer: Peace out [11:29]
  • Star of “Furiosa,” “The Queen’s Gambit,” “Super Mario Bros.”?
    Answer: Anya Taylor Joy [11:39]
  • “The Simpsons” minister’s name?
    Answer: Reverend Lovejoy [11:56]

• Memorable Banter:

  • “Mounds don’t [have nuts]. I don’t know what mounds have in them. Frankly, I don’t want to know.” — Elliott Kaelin [08:48]
  • “If only he was named Peacemaker Lovejoy, we would have had every word in one answer. We almost got there.” — Elliott Kaelin [12:01]
  • “Now, this is normally when I’d ask if you did as well as our contestants, but today you are the contestant, so you automatically did as well as the contestant. Nice job.” — Elliott Kaelin [12:13]

3. Festive Banter, Recurring Jokes & Self-Promotion

[01:34 – 02:42] & [13:10 – 13:23]

• Gift-List Joke-athon:
  Elliott and Devin exchange humorous holiday gift plugs:

  • Devin’s new album: “Blame it on My Zodiac” by Painkiller the Pigeon ([01:47], [13:10])
  • Elliott’s book: “Joke: How to Write Comedy and Other Nonsense” ([02:12], [13:23])

• Playful Jabs:

  • “I think Xmas is Spanish for more Xs, please.” — Elliott Kaelin [01:34]
  • “All the children on the list. I assume [the album] is all-ages appropriate.” — Elliott Kaelin [02:03]
  • “Much better than January 17, a day which is in no way Hollywood.” — Elliott Kaelin [03:00]

• Warm, Irreverent Tone:
  Elliott and Devin keep the mood light, embrace the inherent weirdness of holidays, and riff on seasonal tropes.

4. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Absurd Traditions:
  “If I told you that during Christmas, many people take a tree from the forest and bring it inside their house and then dress it up with shiny baubles like a brazen hussy…”
  — Elliott Kaelin [04:07]

• Holiday Takeaway:
  “I want to thank you, the listener, for being the greatest holiday gift of all. Although actually, I think there’s a greater holiday gift…”
  — Elliott Kaelin [12:51]

• On Christmas Planning:
  “…I don’t know where I’m gonna find three French hens or eight maids of milking this time of night. I really should have planned better.”
  — Elliott Kaelin [12:31]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |---------------|------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:34 | Album plug: “Blame it on My Zodiac” | | 02:12 | Book plug: “Joke: How to Write Comedy and Other Nonsense” | | 03:02 | Holiday traditions game begins | | 04:25 | Traditions revealed—“Morocco” is the false one | | 07:50 | “Peace, Love, Joy” game introduction | | 08:44 | Almond Joy, the candy question | | 08:57 | Nobel Peace Prize question | | 09:34 | Love Boat question | | 10:20 | Joy Division question | | 10:41 | Peacemaker/DC Comics question | | 11:29 | “Peace out” as a 90s phrase question | | 11:39 | Anya Taylor Joy question | | 11:56 | Reverend Lovejoy (“Simpsons” reference) | | 12:51 | Thanking the listener as “greatest holiday gift of all” | | 13:10 | Final album and book plug reminders |

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Summary of the Episode’s Tone

The episode is playful, affectionate, and irreverent—full of quick-witted humor and cozy holiday camaraderie. Elliott’s comedic sensibility shines through in his quirky digressions and asides, and the duo’s easy rapport keeps even the trivia segments feeling lively and accessible. The mini-episode is a treat for fans seeking a quick, flavorful dose of seasonal laughs and brain teasers.

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In Short:
This Christmas Mini! episode condenses everything fans love about “ClueLess”—clever puzzles, cultural oddities, gentle roasting, and contagious holiday spirit—into twelve brisk, merry minutes. Perfect for laughing along with the holiday weirdness and testing your own trivia chops!

Transcript

[Elliot Kaelin]

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[Devin Tory Bryant]

Clueless. Clueless.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I'm Clueless. Welcome to Smartless Presents. Clueless, the puzzle podcast with the fresh scent of pine. I'm your host, Elliot Kaelin, and I think Xmas is Spanish for more Xs, please. Producer Devin what is in our stocking today?

[Devin Tory Bryant]

Well, I'll tell you what should be in our stocking today, Elliot. Everyone's stocking is my new album. It's called Blame it on My Zodiac. My artist name is Painkiller the Pigeon just came out this month and you could get it at painkillerthepigeon.bandcamp.com or stream it anywhere. It's everywhere.

[Elliot Kaelin]

That sounds fantastic. I can't wait to buy it for everyone I know on my holiday list. Thank you. All the children on the list. I assume it is all ages appropriate.

[Devin Tory Bryant]

All but one song.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Okay, well, hopefully that song is clearly marked. It is for anyone who is not content just with music. How about books? Also, I've got a product that I'd like to recommend that you buy as well. That is my new book, Joke how to Write Comedy and Other Nonsense from the University of Chicago Press. It tells you all about how jokes work, all about how comedy works, how to write jokes, and there's also jokes in the book. It's a funny book to read. So buy that album, buy that book, and that's the end of the episode, right, Devin?

[Devin Tory Bryant]

I think so, yeah. I think we've taken care of all the business that we had to get. No, no, no. Those were all the gifts. But now let's get into the holiday spirit with a mini episode.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Oh, very exciting. That's right, listeners. This time it's just you, me, and producer Devin. Intimate, cozy. I don't need guests getting between us. So let's pretend we're sitting around the.

[Devin Tory Bryant]

Fire waiting for fireplace sound effects. Fireplace sound effects.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Thank you. Pretend we're sitting around the fireplace sound effects. Waiting for someone to come down the chimney. Hopefully not a very thin cat burglar. Now, if we're going to celebrate the holidays, we first need to admit that holidays are weird. It's silly to take one day out of the year and say you're a special day. Much better than January 17, a day which is in no way Hollywood. And part of the weirdness of holidays is their traditions. So to start today's episode, I'm going to describe four holiday traditions from around the world. Three of them are real, one of them is false. Your job is to tell me which is the false one. And those traditions are. Number one. In Morocco, families bake pastries with money stuffed inside to symbolize prosperity for the coming year. Number two, In Guatemala, people welcome the holiday season by making a giant pile of trash and burning a large effigy of the devil on top of number three. In Japan, a traditional Christmas dinner is a bucket of KFC fried chicken. And number four, in Norway, on Christmas Eve, families hide all the brooms in their homes so witches don't steal them and fly around doing bad things on them. Hmm.

[Devin Tory Bryant]

I don't know, Elliot. Those all sound pretty fake to me.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I know, producer Devon. That's what makes it a game. But someone else's holiday traditions always sound a little weird. Like if I told you that during Christmas, many people take a tree from the forest and bring it inside their house and then dress it up with shiny baubles like a brazen hussy.

[Devin Tory Bryant]

We all know your issues with Christmas trees. Just tell us the answer.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Okay, well, going in reverse order, these were the traditions I mentioned, and I'll tell you if they're true or false. Number four. In Norway, on Christmas Eve, families hide all the brooms in their homes so witches don't steal them and fly around doing bad things. This is true. It is an old tradition for warding off evil spirits. And I assume making it harder to clean. The brooms are hidden. Yes. Number three. In Japan, A traditional Christmas dinner is a bucket of KFC fried chicken. This is also true. Christmas is mostly a secular holiday in Japan, and the KFC tradition dates back to a particularly convincing 1970s ad campaign. Wow. Number two, in Guatemala, people welcome the holiday season by making a giant pile of trash and burning a large effigy of the devil on top. This is also true. This is called La Queima del Diablo, and it happens on December 7th. I guess it's how they celebrate Pearl Harbor. That's December 7th means in the United States. Of course, by process of elimination, this means that number one, in Morocco, families bake pastries with money stuffed inside to symbolize prosperity for the coming year. Is false. Moroccans do not do that. And if they do, it's not a cultural thing. It's just a particular interest that one Moroccan has in eating money.

[Zoe]

Guys, thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree.

[Drew Ski]

Zoe, this thing weighs a ton.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Drew Ski, lift with your legs, man. Santa.

[T-Mobile Announcer]

Santa, did you get my letter?

[Drew Ski]

He's talking to you britches.

[Devin Tory Bryant]

I'm not.

[Zoe]

Of course he did.

[Devin Tory Bryant]

Right, Santa, you know my elf, Drew Ski here.

[Elliot Kaelin]

He handles the nice list. And elf.

[Drew Ski]

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[Zoe]

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[Devin Tory Bryant]

Or give it as a gift.

[Zoe]

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[Drew Ski]

Guys, my side of the tree is slipping.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Jim, burn. The holidays are better.

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[Elliot Kaelin]

And if you keep on believing the dream that you.

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[Lowe's Announcer]

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[Elliot Kaelin]

Listeners did you get the answer? If not, that's okay. We thought we only had enough questions for one game, but it turns out we have enough for two. It's a Hanukkah miracle, so please light the appropriate number of candles. Our second game is all about spreading peace, love and joy by asking questions where every answer contains either the word peace, love or joy. So for example, if I said zero in a tennis match, the answer would be what is it? Bruce or Devin?

[Devin Tory Bryant]

It's love.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yes, love. Exactly. Because in tennis love means nothing.

[Devin Tory Bryant]

Yeah, that's true.

[Elliot Kaelin]

It's all about competition. Yes. Are you ready? Okay then, let's go. Number one. Name this candy that was advertised with the jingle sometimes you feel like a nut. What candy was advertised with the jingle sometimes you feel like a nut. And the answer is Almond Joy.

[Devin Tory Bryant]

Of course. Almond Joys have nuts. Mounds don't.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Mounds don't. I don't know what mounds have in them. I don't know what the name is referring to. Frankly, I don't want to know.

[Devin Tory Bryant]

I don't either.

[Elliot Kaelin]

But it's.

[Devin Tory Bryant]

It's not nuts.

[Elliot Kaelin]

It doesn't have nuts. We know that for sure.

[Devin Tory Bryant]

For sure.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Don't go looking for nuts in a mounds. I don't know what you're gonna find. Number two, Award received by Barack Obama, Al Gore and Mother Teresa. What award was received by Barack Obama, Al Gore and Mother Teresa? Extra hint. Also Theodore Roosevelt. The answer is the Nobel Peace Prize. That's where the peace comes in on that one. Nobel Peace Peace prize. Question number three. Equally important. Where would you find Gopher, Isaac, Dr. Bricker, Vicky and Captain Stubing? Where would you find Gopher, isaac, Dr. Bricker, VickY and Captain Stubing? This is where love comes in because they are on the Love Boat. That's right, the Love Boat. I believe Captain Stubing also won the Nobel Peace Prize.

[Devin Tory Bryant]

I'm pretty sure that's in the later seasons.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Question number four. A word you'd use for stealing your parents car. What's a word you would use for stealing your parents car? And the answer is Joyriding. We're back to joy again. Joyriding around. Don't do that, please. Any children listening to this? Please don't joyride in your parents car. Question number five. What English band had a hit with the song Love will tear us apart? This English band had a hit with the song love will tear us apart. Does their name have the word peace? Love? No, it's joy. Joy Division was the name of that band. Of course, ironically, they're not very happy.

[Devin Tory Bryant]

One of Joyless Division.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Very joyless. A joyless band named Joy Division?

[Devin Tory Bryant]

Yes.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Number six, this DC comics character is played by John Cena. What DC comics character is played by John Cena? You would know if you watch his show. He's peacemaker. Number seven. I'm looking for the name of a 2003 mega hit for Beyonce. What song from Beyonce was a mega hit in 2003? It has one of our three words in it. Peace, love or joy? And the answer is Crazy in love. If you went to a wedding in 2003 or a little bit of 2004, you heard crazy in love played at that wedding. Question number eight. This is something you might say when you leave abruptly. What's something you might say when you leave abruptly?

[Devin Tory Bryant]

Especially in the 90s.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Especially in the 90s. The answer is peace out. The most 90s way to say I am leaving right now. And it has the word peace in it. Number nine. This is the star of Furiosa, the Queen's Gambit and the Super Mario Bros. Movie. What is the name of the star of Furiosa, the Queen's Gambit and the Super Mario Bros. Movie? And that is, of course, Anya Taylor Joy, not Anya Taylor love or Anya Taylor Peace. They were not in those movies. No, they were in different movies. This is Anya Taylor Joy we're talking about. And finally, question number 10. Can you name the Simpsons minister at the First Church of Springfield? Who is the minister at the first church of Springfield for the Simpsons? And this is the opposite of a trick question. It's an ultra not trick question because the name is reverend Lovejoy. There's two in there. Love and Joy. If only he was named Peacemaker Lovejoy, we would have had every word in one answer. We almost got there. Now, this is normally when I'd ask if you did as well as our contestants, but today you are the contestant, so you automatically did as well as the contestant. Nice job. Congratulations. And with that, unfortunately, I have to bring this miniature episode of Clueless to a close. My true love gave me a pretty long list of gifts to get them this holiday season and I don't know where I'm gonna find three French hens or eight maids of milking this time of night. I really should have planned better. But before I figure that out, I want to thank you, the listener, for being the greatest holiday gift of all. Although actually, I think there's a greater holiday gift. Devin, what's the name of your album again?

[Devin Tory Bryant]

Oh, my album? Oh, thanks for bringing it up. It's called Blame it on My Zodiac by painkiller the Pigeon, and you can find it at painkillerthepigeon.bandcamp.com or literally anywhere you stream music. And wait, there was something. A gift from you? I think a book, a paper.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I mean, I don't have to mention it, but I guess I will. Yes, I have a book out. It's called Joke how to Write Comedy and Other Nonsense. If you have any interest in writing jokes or just understanding jokes, or just laughing at jokes, then this is the book for you. It is available in bookstores everywhere. Go to your local independent bookstore and ask them to get you a copy if they don't have it on the shelf already, which they might do. So that's joke Farming how to Write Comedy and Other Nonsense from the University of Chicago Press. It's a university press, but still a fun book. Don't worry, it's not going to feel like homework to read it. I think. We'll be back next week with an all new full length episode of Smartless Presents Clueless. Until then, I'm your host, Elliot Kaelin, saying Merry Clueless to all and to all a good night.

[Devin Tory Bryant]

Clueless, you have been listening to Smartless Presents Clueless, a Smartless Media production in association with SiriusXM. Your host is Elliot Kaelin, who also writes our scripts. Your producer, editor and engineer is Devin Tory Bryant, who is me. I also write all the music and sound effects. Today's puzzles were written by Jason Reich. Executive producers are Elliot Kaelin, Sean Hayes, Will Arnett and Jason Bateman. Executive producers for SMART are Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminsky. Remember to follow, subscribe, rate and review the show. It really helps. That's all for now. We will see you again for more.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Smart lessons. Me.

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