216 - Word Sandwich/Word Centipede (w/ Kristen Schaal and Matt Oberg)

Summary

SmartLess Presents ClueLess – Episode 216: "Word Sandwich/Word Centipede"

Host: Elliott Kalan
Guests: Kristen Schaal & Matt Oberg
Release Date: March 2, 2026
Duration: ~38 mins (Note: summary skips ads, intro, outro)

---

Episode Overview

This episode of SmartLess Presents ClueLess is all about compound words, word puzzles, and playful banter. Host Elliott Kalan challenges comedians Kristen Schaal and Matt Oberg to clever games like “Word Sandwich” and “Word Centipede”, where they must combine words and phrases in inventive ways. The vibe is quirky, witty, and full of spontaneous, irreverent humor as the trio riffs on everything from ’90s punk rock to dad restaurants and the perils of nicotine. Along the way, listeners are treated to improvised tangents, teamwork, and plenty of laughter.

---

Key Discussion Points & Games

1. Opening & Guest Introductions

• [00:24] Elliott waxes poetic about his love for compound words and kicks off with a lunchtime puzzle for the guests involving something that might "slowly pull you under."
• Kristen and Matt are introduced, with Elliot joking:
  • “I was once named one of Baby Magazine’s five Under five.”
• Brief plug from Kristen for her upcoming show “The Legend of Crystal Schall” (with multiple dates and venues).
• Kristen offers a message of hope:

  “Look at your neighbors, look at your friends, look at your family and love them a lot.” (02:09)

2. Opening Puzzle: The Lunchtime Food

• [04:44] The challenge: Name a lunchtime food (a compound word) that could “slowly pull you under.”
• After some wordplay around quicksand, Matthew lands on “Sandwich,” merging “quicksand” and “sandwich” to form “quicksandwich.”
• Elliott confirms:

  “You got that right. It's a quick sandwich.” (06:42)

• The trio riffs on the absurdity of eating a sandwich quickly and a fictional dad-centric restaurant called "Sinkies" where people eat over the sink.

  “Everybody gets their own sink. And you just eat over it.” – Matt (07:20)

3. Game 1: Word Sandwich

• [08:50] Elliott explains: Guests are given clues requiring them to combine two words/phrases sharing a syllable, à la “quicksand” and “sandwich.”
• Kristen and Matt hilariously praise the show’s funky game music:

  “Slices of funk with some jam in the middle.” – Matt (09:20)

Word Sandwich Game Rounds:

• Clue 1: Australian boxer shorts

  Down underwear (10:59)

• Clue 2: Place for arachnids on the Internet

  Spider website or worldwide spider web (11:57)

• Clue 3: Cut of beef to tie a bow on a gift

  Prime ribbon (13:08)

  • Kristen delivers an impromptu anti-smoking PSA:

    “You're giving big corporations your money to kill you. Oh, okay. That’s so cool. Annihilate yourself with alcohol.” (13:34)

• Clue 4: Quick recharge to level up your face wiping game

  Power napkin (14:42)

• Clue 5: After school assignment for temporary housing

  Mobile homework (16:30)

• Clue 6: What you need to mail a public lighting source

  Lamp postage (18:51)

• Clue 7: Pet rodent made of glazed pork meat

  Honey baked hamster (19:42)

• Clue 8: Alternate opinion on the surface where you cook

  Kitchen counterpoint (20:48)

• Clue 9: Place to jot down your kidnapping demands

  Ransom notepad or ransom notebook (22:25)

• Clue 10: Royal realm where you can’t park your car anywhere

  No parkingdom (24:46)

Notable moment:
The guests go on comedic tangents, such as making bathroom stew or how “kingdom” is a lazy story word:

“A royal realm, but... it’s actually a really bad story writing thing. Oh, well, we went to another realm.” – Kristen (23:26)

4. Game 2: Word Centipede

• [26:16] Three given words, guests supply one word that fits with each to create new compound words or phrases.
• Example by Elliott:

  “If the words were pod, away, and news... the answer would be 'cast': podcast, castaway, newscast.” (27:15)

Word Centipede Game Rounds:

• 1: walk, cup, surf → board (boardwalk, cupboard, surfboard) (28:23)
• 2: paper, channel, quarter → back (paperback, backchannel, quarterback) (29:08)
• 3: chain, sun, head → block (chain block/blockchain, sunblock, blockhead) (31:09)
• 4: belly, sweat, flip → flop (belly flop, flop sweat, flip flop) (32:18)
• 5: number, cook, sell → out (outnumber, cookout, sellout) (34:09)

Mega Clue

• Using one answer from each round: surfboard, paperback, sunblock, flip flop, cookout.
• What connects them?
• Kristen and Matt quickly answer:

  “Summer.” (35:13)

  • Elliott notes:

    “We were looking for… the beach. Summer works great.” (35:23)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On punk rock and selling out:

  “Hey, it's punk rock to be positive. That's what Superman said, and I believe it.” – Kristen (03:10)
  “If there's anyone who knows punk rock, it is Superman.” – Elliott (03:15)

• On compound words:

  “That's when you put two words together to make a new word. So it's like two words for the price of one word.” – Elliott (00:24)

• On solving puzzles as a team:

  “What phenomenal teamwork! No, no, but it was…You were all working together. You got every single one of them. That's 10 out of 10. Wonderful.” – Elliott (24:46)

• Kristen’s mock-PSA:

  “Guess what? You're giving big corporations your money to kill you. Oh, okay. That's so cool. Annihilate yourself with alcohol.” (13:34)

• On overthinking:

  “It went from a mistaken guess to a gaslight at a certain point during the game.” – Elliott (34:31)

• On performing under pressure:

  “It's early morning on a weekend… I just want the listeners to know that.” – Kristen (31:30)

---

Segment Timestamps

| Segment | Timestamp | |---------------------------------------------|------------| | Opening – Compound Word Monologue | 00:24 | | Guest Introductions & Kristen's Show Plug | 01:09 | | Heartfelt Well-Wishes | 02:09 | | Opening Puzzle ("quicksandwich") | 04:44 | | Sinks & Dad Restaurants ("Sinkies") | 07:20 | | Game 1: Word Sandwich Explanation | 08:50 | | Word Sandwich Clues (1–10) | 10:46-24:46| | Game 2: Word Centipede Explanation | 26:16 | | Word Centipede Rounds (1–5) | 27:47-34:09| | Mega Clue | 35:11 | | Banshee Joke & Episode Farewell | 36:32 |

---

Takeaways & Listener Value

• The episode is a riotous, fast-paced tour through playful language games where word-lovers and comedy fans alike will find plenty to enjoy.
• The interplay between Elliott, Kristen, and Matt is warm, sarcastic, and joyfully silly.
• The games are built for listeners to play along, and the guests' willingness to overthink, riff, and laugh at themselves makes for an inviting and interactive feel.
• Interspersed are genuine, if tongue-in-cheek, moments of advice and heartfelt connections, in between sharp-witted jabs and surreal asides.

Perfect for:

• Fans of word puzzles, comedy podcasts, improv humor, and bite-sized game show fun.

---

“Remember to look at your neighbors, your friends, your family and love them a lot.” – Kristen Schaal (02:09)

“We'll be back next week with more Smartless presents Clueless, when I will once again be your host, Elliot Kaelin. Who will I be between now and then? Wouldn't you like to know?” – Elliott (36:32)

Transcript

[VRBO Advertiser]

Early birds Always rise to the occasion for summer vacation planning because early gets you closer to the action. So don't be late. Book your next vacation early on VRBO and save over $120. Rise and shine. Average savings $141. Select homes only Smart Less.

[Elliot Kaelin]

As a professional writer, I love every kind of word for fighting words. They're so tough. Words of honor, very noble. And swear words, pretty much always funny. My favorite kind of word, though, has to be a compound word. That's when you put two words together to make a new word. So it's like two words for the price of one word. What a deal, right? Like, for instance, can you tell me what two words, one of which is already a compound word on its own, you can combine to name a lunchtime food that might slowly pull you under. You better be able to, because it's today's opening question. This is Clueless. Clueless. Clueless.

[Kristen Schaal]

I'm Clueless.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Welcome to Smartless presents. Clueless, the kind of puzzle podcast your mom always warned you about. I'm your host, Elliot Kaelin, and I was once named one of Baby Magazine's five Under five. Today I'm joined by the. Thank you. Today I'm joined by the two best guests we've ever had. This episod, Kristen Schall and Matt Oberg. Please. Thank you for joining us. Please, I was about to tell the audience to please welcome you. The audience is listening to this later. They can't.

[Matt Oberg]

I trust they're welcoming us.

[Kristen Schaal]

If they're not turning the channel, then we're welcomed.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Just assume they are applauding wildly and madly. Before we begin the show, is there anything you would like to tell the world about at this moment? This is your stage, your time to promote. If you have a message, if you just have well wishes, what would you like to say?

[Kristen Schaal]

Well, I would like to tell the world that it's gonna be okay. That the world. Oh, cut that.

[Elliot Kaelin]

That was a deeper message. That was a deeper message than I expected.

[Kristen Schaal]

Well, you said well wishes for the world, and that's a heavy lift. But I will say, look at your neighbors, look at your friends, look at your family and love them a lot. And also come see the Legend of Crystal Shawl May 7th and 8th at Dynasty Typewriter, 7pm and also at Largo, May 12th, the Legend of Crystal Shell. And you can come see it in Edinburgh August 12th, 16th, and in London on the 17th. Go.

[Elliot Kaelin]

This is a show starring you.

[Kristen Schaal]

It's starring me and the extraordinary special guest. It's supposed to be A surprise. But John Roberts, who plays Linda in Bob's Burgers, and also he has his own catalog of music.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Thank you. That sounds wonderful. And Matt, was there anything you would like to tell us about?

[Matt Oberg]

I would just like to echo Kristen's sentiment to look at your neighbors, you

[Kristen Schaal]

know, looking at my neighbor.

[Matt Oberg]

Yeah. Happy to be here.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Thank you for that positive message for the world. I really appreciate it.

[Kristen Schaal]

Hey, it's punk rock to be positive. That's what Superman said, and I believe it.

[Elliot Kaelin]

If there's anyone who knows punk rock, it is Superman. That's the most punk thing you could do is call another punk a sellout. That's. It hurts.

[Kristen Schaal]

Remember when selling out was actually, like, a real uncool thing to do in the 90s? I do. I remember when Green Day got, like, a bigger arena to play and all my punk rock grungy friends were like, can't like them anymore.

[Matt Oberg]

Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

And now you can sell, you know, salami online. You can do anything to sell.

[Elliot Kaelin]

That's true.

[Kristen Schaal]

The tides have turned.

[Elliot Kaelin]

That's true. There was that.

[Matt Oberg]

I'm Green Day. Here's my salami. That's what's happening.

[Kristen Schaal]

They didn't do that. I'm just saying, like, but if they did.

[Elliot Kaelin]

But if they did, imagine how big it would go over. That would be amazing. Green Day brand salami, it's got a

[Kristen Schaal]

stigma to sell out, which is.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yeah, normally.

[Kristen Schaal]

I've lived a long time.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I have two thoughts on this. One is that I don't know if you want the word green in the brand name for the salami. Green and meat kind of don't go together. That great. But also, as we all know about green eggs and ham, maybe Elliot proved me wrong once.

[Kristen Schaal]

He tried them.

[Elliot Kaelin]

He loved them. That is. That is. That is. That is one of the. One of the great books about never taking no as an answer, never accepting a no. That's my main issue with that book. Now, look, we've had a lot of fun talking about things that don't make sense.

[Kristen Schaal]

No. You just ruined my favorite childhood book. But go on.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I apologize. I apologize, Kristen. Now, I tried to get rid of it, but that opening question, it followed me all the way to this side of the theme song. So in order to get it to leave me alone, I'm need your help. Can you tell me what compound word can you make to name a lunchtime food that might slowly pull you under?

[Kristen Schaal]

And this is something that we eat in all cultures.

[Matt Oberg]

Great question.

[Elliot Kaelin]

In many of them. It certainly. It is a. It is. It's something you've had. This is a lunchtime food that I'm sure you've had.

[Kristen Schaal]

Okay. Okay.

[Elliot Kaelin]

So if you think about it, give

[Matt Oberg]

an example of a compound word that's just at the top of your. Your head right now.

[Elliot Kaelin]

The ones I'm thinking of first are the ones that are in the answer, But I'm talking about.

[Matt Oberg]

Well, then don't give us one of those.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I mean, so like, a compound word would be like bunk bed. Let's combine the words bunk and bed, you know?

[Matt Oberg]

Or like you're in a child's bedroom right now. We know that.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Okay. I was about to say cartoon, which combines car and tune, but that's not true. That's not actually a compound word. Okay. Shellfish. That's a compound word.

[Matt Oberg]

Shellfish. Great. So this is a. Two compound words. Something that can pull you under.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah, but it's something that you. That you put in your tummy. I chew with your teeth.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Go mad.

[Matt Oberg]

Is this something that pulls you like a riptide type of thing?

[Kristen Schaal]

Tsunami.

[Matt Oberg]

Yeah, tsunami.

[Kristen Schaal]

But like Tsu and then Nami are two ladies names. Compound word.

[Elliot Kaelin]

No, I'm Nami.

[Matt Oberg]

This is su.

[Elliot Kaelin]

It's a good way to think about it. It's a good way to think about

[Game Host/Assistant]

it, but can I give a little clue?

[Matt Oberg]

Yes, that'd be great.

[Game Host/Assistant]

You've mentioned tsunami and that sort of thing. What if it was something on land that might pull you under? What if there was something on land?

[Matt Oberg]

Quicksand.

[Kristen Schaal]

Quicksand. So sandwich.

[Matt Oberg]

Sand. Sandwich. A quick sandwich.

[Kristen Schaal]

A quick sandwich.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You got that right. It's a quick sandwich.

[Kristen Schaal]

It's actually easier than we thought.

[Matt Oberg]

Yeah.

[Elliot Kaelin]

This is one of those many clueless games where playing it is actually a lot easier than understanding it from a description. But you got it exactly right. A lunchtime food that might slowly pull you under is a quick sandwich. Ironic that it slowly pulls you under, but it's got quick in the name. I don't think that happens.

[Kristen Schaal]

I don't understand why you want to eat that sandwich so quick, unless you're running out of time and you're, like, standing up over the trash can just trying to get it down.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I think that's what it is. And also, it's full of sand, so you got to. You got to eat it fast to get it down, or else that'll pull you under.

[Kristen Schaal]

That'll make. That'll make you dry.

[Matt Oberg]

Your husband, Rich Blumquist, has a pitch for a restaurant that's for dads, really, but anybody can come. It's called sinkies. And everybody gets their own sink. And you just eat over it.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You just get to eat over it.

[Kristen Schaal]

Eat over the sink.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Do you have to be wearing just boxers and an undershirt, or can you bring right here? No, but it helps eat over the sink.

[LifeLock Advertiser]

It's tax season, and at LifeLock, we know you're tired of numbers, but here's a big one you need to hear. Billions. That's the amount of money in refunds the IRS has flagged for possible identity fraud. Now here's another big number. 100 million. That's how many data points LifeLock monitors every second. If your identity is stolen, we'll fix it, guaranteed. One last big number. Save up to 40% your first year. Visit lifelock.com specialoffer for the threats you can't control. Terms apply.

[Canopy Humidifier Advertiser]

Dermatologists have long highlighted the benefits of indoor humidity for healthy, glowing skin. Dry air can start damaging your skin in just 30 minutes. That's where canopy humidifier comes in. Recommended by leading dermatologists, the canopy humidifier is a completely reimagined humidifier with invisible clean moisture, the best kind for your skin. Go to GetCanopy Co to save $25 on your purchase today with Canopy's filter subscription. Even better, use code serious to save an additional 10% off your canopy purchase. Your skin will thank you.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Listeners. Did you get the answer? If not, don't worry. In the grand scheme of things, this is only the second or third most important thing you'll ever do. Now, I hope you're not. I hope you're not done with words or sandwiches because we're about to play our first game of the episode. That's right. It's word sandwich.

[Game Host/Assistant]

Take a couple phrases, jam them together. Your answer should be perfect down to the letter. Word sandwich.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yum.

[Kristen Schaal]

That is a beat.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yeah.

[Matt Oberg]

Slices of funk with some jam in the middle.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah, make that longer. And make it a single for the song of the summer.

[Matt Oberg]

Beautiful.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yeah. Well, this, all of our music is by our producer, Devin, and he does an amazing job. I can't wait for the album that's going to come out.

[Matt Oberg]

The bar is.

[Kristen Schaal]

You're just like sitting that, sitting there, just so smug. And you're like a hit maker.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Like, you know that our producer, Devin, he's sitting there the whole time just like, wait till this banger comes out. Wait till they hear this song. They're not even able to handle it.

[Matt Oberg]

What a rush.

[Elliot Kaelin]

So the game is word sandwich. Words. As we've established, I love them. Sometimes I'll curl up With a good book, planning just to read a few pages, and the next thing I know, I've eaten the whole thing. This game works just like that opening question that we gave you. I'm going to give you a clue to a phrase made out of combining two words or phrases that share a syllable between them, much the way that quicksand and sandwich shared a syllable between them. This is very similar. So, for example, if the clue was enchanted way to get the ball into the end zone, you'd combine magic touch and touchdown to make a word sandwich. Magic touchdown. So it's that simple. It's that easy. Kristen and Matt, are you ready to make some word sandwiches?

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah, I just don't use cliche phrases like that all the time, so I think I'm gonna really struggle.

[Elliot Kaelin]

This is gonna be hard for you as a unique creative force. Yes, exactly.

[Matt Oberg]

I'm a pretty basic little bro, so should be fine.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Thank you, Matt Wood sandwich. Yum. Clue number one. Australian boxer shorts. Australian boxer shorts. What word sandwich phrase does that make you think of?

[Kristen Schaal]

Well, down underwear. Down underwear.

[Matt Oberg]

Okay, you got it.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Down underwear. That's exactly it.

[Kristen Schaal]

And you did it in a Australian accent. No, that wasn't good. They say nar like they for. No, they say nar like, when I was over there, I had to get their phone.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Here we go.

[Kristen Schaal]

And so you would listen if you had any voice message messages, you know, and you'd, like, push zero. And the lady. The Australian lady would say, you have nine new messages. And every time, I'd be like, nine new messages, and then nothing.

[Matt Oberg]

Aww.

[Elliot Kaelin]

But that's great you got down underwear so quickly. Now it's time for clue number two. This is a place for arachnids on the Internet.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, web. World World wide web.

[Matt Oberg]

But that's just the Internet, though, so.

[Kristen Schaal]

So we need to add something.

[Elliot Kaelin]

How do you make it a place for arachnids on the Internet?

[Matt Oberg]

A worldwide spider web.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I'll accept it. I'll accept it. Worldwide. We were going for spider website, but worldwide spider web works just fine.

[Matt Oberg]

World wide web is. People don't say that as much anymore. I wish that we got to bring that back.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

Just to remind us we're all in this world on the web, and we're

[Elliot Kaelin]

all caught in the same web.

[Kristen Schaal]

Guys, is AI really destroying the environment now? I am gonna lose it. I'm gonna lose it.

[Matt Oberg]

There's so much water.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Number three. Clue number three. You're doing great. Clue number three.

[Kristen Schaal]

Okay.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Cut of beef. You used to tie a bow on a Gift. What would be a cut of beef? You used to tie a bow on a gift combining two words or two phrases.

[Matt Oberg]

I. I love the Tam o'. Shanter. You guys sort of like the Tam o', Shanter, but they're famous. It's a restaurant in Los Angeles that serves. It's famous for one cut of meat. It's famous because Walt Disney ate there four times a week.

[Kristen Schaal]

I think he owned that place.

[Matt Oberg]

He did like then have a stroke, which doesn't seem like a ringing endorsement for Prime Ribbon.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Prime Ribbon, exactly right.

[Kristen Schaal]

That's good.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I'd love that you made a little story out of here.

[Kristen Schaal]

I just want to add that Walt Disney had a cigarette in his mouth from like the moment he opened his eyes till the moment he closed them. So I think cigarettes for all you youth who think it's so cool now to put a nicotine sp stick in your mouth. Cause it's so cool now. Get over it. Oh, that pisses me off. It's bad for you. It's stupid. And guess what? You're giving big corporations your money to kill you. Oh, okay. That's so cool. Annihilate yourself with alcohol.

[Matt Oberg]

This is your audition monologue as well. This is what?

[Kristen Schaal]

For what? Honestly? For what? For lamest person on the list. 48 year old lady yelling at me.

[Elliot Kaelin]

What a health forward message it was until the last sentence when you came in hard for alcohol.

[Kristen Schaal]

Because I. I enjoy alcohol.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You're like, use the bad thing I like, not the bad thing I don't like. But I agree also, smoking is not good for you.

[Kristen Schaal]

That's that fight.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Smoking is also not a good thing. You should do it. Question number four. A quick recharge to level up your face wiping game. What would be a quick recharge to level up your face wiping game?

[Matt Oberg]

Like a power. A power

[Kristen Schaal]

wet nap or maybe a battery swipe.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I like where you're going with power.

[Matt Oberg]

Oh, power. A power power napkin.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You got it right. Power napkin. That's right. Combining napkin and power nap.

[Matt Oberg]

It's kind of creepy that I went with wet nap first.

[Kristen Schaal]

No, because you have kids, maybe you

[Elliot Kaelin]

eat a lot of barbecue. You mean to eat a lot of barbecue? Because there's more of a wet nap game than a napkin game.

[Matt Oberg]

Yeah. Moist towelette. Power moist towelette.

[Kristen Schaal]

Every time I come over, I have to kind of like just slap a rib out of Matt's mouth.

[Elliot Kaelin]

And you go look at Walt Disney. Just look at what happened to Walt Disney. Question number five. An after school assignment for temporary housing. So a temporary Housing. After school assignment. Can you think of a word for a. For a word. A phrase for temporary housing and a phrase or word for an after school assignment that will go together?

[Matt Oberg]

Hotel, work. Temporary housing. Well, we got homework. That seems like. That seems like easy part. Then of course, maybe Embassy Suites. That's kind of an extended stay property.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I don't know that homework. And Embassy Suites don't necessarily share a syllable.

[Matt Oberg]

Not yet.

[Kristen Schaal]

Like an essay. Okay, there's essays. What do you like?

[Elliot Kaelin]

Homework is a solid angle to go on.

[Kristen Schaal]

Like different kinds of homework.

[Matt Oberg]

Temporary housing.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, homework.

[Matt Oberg]

Homework.

[Kristen Schaal]

Temporary housing. Homeless shelter.

[Matt Oberg]

Okay, homeless shelter. Work.

[Kristen Schaal]

We'll go with that.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I don't think. That's not what we're looking for. Homeless shelter. Judges, what is another type of temporary housing that you can think of that has or even portable or even like

[Matt Oberg]

a tent or an rv?

[Kristen Schaal]

A camper.

[Matt Oberg]

Mobile homework.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Exactly right. Mobile homework is what we're looking for.

[Kristen Schaal]

That was amazing. Matt, you're so good.

[Matt Oberg]

You did such a great job thinking

[Elliot Kaelin]

your way through it. Yeah, that was.

[Kristen Schaal]

You didn't give up.

[Matt Oberg]

Yeah.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I think what I want to focus on is the persistence you showed is such a shining example for today's young people who are so busy smoking and doing things they shouldn't.

[Kristen Schaal]

Get that cigarette out of your mouth

[Matt Oberg]

when they should just be gained down.

[Kristen Schaal]

Put your phone down and go out to a bar and like hug and kiss people.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Now, the message is getting a little muddy as to whether this is the right behavior. So let's move on to question number six. What you need to mail a public lighting source? If you want to mail a public lighting source, what are you gonna need to mail it? You gotta take a public lighting source.

[Matt Oberg]

Public lighting is, of course, you know, street lamps. And in order to mail something.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yeah.

[Matt Oberg]

You need a street lamp box, a street lamp scale and a street stamp.

[Kristen Schaal]

You need an address. A street address.

[Elliot Kaelin]

A street.

[Kristen Schaal]

Street.

[Matt Oberg]

We're locking in with street stamps.

[Kristen Schaal]

Street light address.

[Elliot Kaelin]

No final answer. That's your final answer. Do you want another try? Because I'll tell you that's not what it is. Do you want another try or that's your final final answer?

[Kristen Schaal]

Can I get the clue again?

[Elliot Kaelin]

So if this is what you would need to mail a public lighting source. So think about what is a. What's a part of a public light, of a street light like you're talking about? And what would you. What would you need to mail? What do you need to mail? Something.

[Kristen Schaal]

Poll.

[Matt Oberg]

The poll. Of course. Who could forget about the poll without a poll?

[Kristen Schaal]

Well, you need a mail. You need a stamp. Mail.

[Elliot Kaelin]

What's another word for stamp? What's another word for stamp?

[Matt Oberg]

Postage. Pole.

[Kristen Schaal]

Stage.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Of course.

[Matt Oberg]

Final answer.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You're getting so close. You're getting so close. You were heading. No, let's postage. Let's work with postage.

[Matt Oberg]

Post Stage fright. Final answer.

[Elliot Kaelin]

It's like you're driving straight towards the answer. And then you suddenly turn the steering wheel and veer off.

[Kristen Schaal]

Post it notes. Post it notes.

[Matt Oberg]

Lamp postage. It was there the whole time.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Lamp postage.

[Kristen Schaal]

And then the light came on and it shed over your brain and out your mouth beautifully.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Beautifully. And then it's just one lamppost shining. And you see you played saxophone underneath it.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, my God. Would you learn how to play saxophone?

[Matt Oberg]

Would I. Sure.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yeah. Would you? Okay. Question number seven. This is a pet rodent made of glazed pork meat.

[Kristen Schaal]

Mm, that sounds good.

[Elliot Kaelin]

A pet rodent made of glazed pork meat. Sounds really good. Yeah.

[Matt Oberg]

I ate my pet again. Glazed. Glazed pork.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Glazed pork. Glazed pork and a pet work.

[Kristen Schaal]

What did you say?

[Matt Oberg]

Suck.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Pet.

[Kristen Schaal]

Wrote it.

[Matt Oberg]

Pet rodent.

[Kristen Schaal]

We got gerbils. Hamsters. Hamsters. Hamster.

[Matt Oberg]

Glazed out. Honey baked hamster.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I'll take it. Honey baked hamster. That's great. Yes. You got it.

[Matt Oberg]

Was that the answer?

[Elliot Kaelin]

Feels good. That is the answer. No, no. We just had baked hamster. But honey baked hamster.

[Kristen Schaal]

It kind of undermines our vict.

[Matt Oberg]

I apologize.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I apologize. That's right. I was. That's. Well, more I would take a honey baked hamster is what I'm saying. I'll take it. I'll have that. Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

Okay.

[Matt Oberg]

So, yeah, Germans are a food source in the Incan mountains. Did you know?

[Elliot Kaelin]

That's true. But I don't know if they honey bake them.

[Matt Oberg]

That's true. That's true.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yeah. Question number eight. This is an alternate opinion on the surface where you cook.

[Matt Oberg]

Hot stove hot. Alternate hot.

[Kristen Schaal]

Plate hot.

[Matt Oberg]

Take stove.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You know what I'm gonna say? I'm gonna say. I'm gonna. I'm gonna be more specific. Alternate opinion on the surface where you prep for cooking.

[Kristen Schaal]

Counter.

[Matt Oberg]

Oh, that's a counter. Yeah. So you're so close. I know.

[Kristen Schaal]

Counterpoint.

[Matt Oberg]

Yeah. What if we're going with counterpoint?

[Elliot Kaelin]

And can you add. What room is it where you're. Where you're cooking there?

[Kristen Schaal]

Kitchen.

[Matt Oberg]

The living room.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Kitchen.

[Kristen Schaal]

Counterpoint.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You got it.

[Matt Oberg]

Bathroom Counterpoint.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Exactly.

[Kristen Schaal]

In secret because he doesn't want his wife to see.

[Matt Oberg]

It's amazing when he's making that mulligatawny I make in the back.

[Elliot Kaelin]

It's Just in the tank. Just in the. It's a. It's amazing. When we have contestants, they answer questions in a way that reveals more about their life than it does about, you know, the answer we're looking for.

[Matt Oberg]

Oh, I'm glad you like it. I made it in the bathroom.

[Elliot Kaelin]

My famous bathroom stew. Don't worry, I made it in the tub.

[Matt Oberg]

The bathroom's huge.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I figured. Question number nine. We got two more left in this game. Place to jot down your kidnapping demands. What is a place to jot down your kidnapping demands?

[Kristen Schaal]

Jotting them down.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You just jot them down.

[Kristen Schaal]

So there's the ransom note. Ransom note.

[Matt Oberg]

Ransom. Random.

[Kristen Schaal]

So it has to be like where. What? What is a place that is like a rant that a ransom and note would go?

[Elliot Kaelin]

Where's a place that you could jot something down?

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, yeah. Literally anywhere else. Like anywhere.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I guess that's a point. The wall, Your hand.

[Kristen Schaal]

I've always got a pen and paper on me because I'm full of creativity.

[Matt Oberg]

Yeah. You write poems in the bathroom.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

So can you be more specific or concise?

[Matt Oberg]

I think. What about a ransom note?

[Kristen Schaal]

That's what I'm thinking.

[Matt Oberg]

Ransom notepad.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh yeah. Ransom notepad.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Ransom notepad works. That's great. Ransom notepad or ransom notebook?

[Matt Oberg]

Ransom notebook.

[Elliot Kaelin]

That's the ransom notebook. Is where you work out your ransom notes. Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

It's your first draft.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yeah. And then. Cause it's not until you get the words right that you want to cut the letters out of the magazine. Because that's a lot of words.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah. You know, you don't want to change your mind. And then I have to re. Cut. No.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yeah. Oh, I already glued down letters.

[Matt Oberg]

I'm gonna do another one.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yeah. I gotta go to the grocery store and get a bunch of more magazines now because I need to redo this. Question number 10, our final one of the game. You guys are doing great. You've got almost all of them. It's harder for this one, which we haven't done yet.

[Matt Oberg]

There's less magazines anyway.

[Kristen Schaal]

Has anybody been stumped?

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yes. Oh, sure. We get plenty of stumps, people. Yeah, we. Not everybody does as well as you guys. Thank you.

[Kristen Schaal]

Did you hear that?

[Elliot Kaelin]

Then question number 10. Royal realm. Where it's impossible to leave your car anywhere.

[Matt Oberg]

Well, a royal realm, you think about a kingdom or a queendom, you know

[Kristen Schaal]

that so realm is so lame. Cuz that's anything.

[Matt Oberg]

A royal realm, but a royal realm,

[Kristen Schaal]

like you can have a realm, but still like. Like it's ethereal, it's actually a really bad story writing thing. Oh, well, we went to another realm. It's like Justified.

[Elliot Kaelin]

That's true. It's true. I will also say though, that Matt. Matt has hit on. Has hit on one of the words already.

[Matt Oberg]

Remind me of the second part of the clue.

[Kristen Schaal]

Well, you can't park your car or

[Matt Oberg]

you can't park your car.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You can't park your car anywhere. You can't park your car anywhere in this royal realm.

[Matt Oberg]

King, kingdom. Dumb place to park. Kingdom. Alice, Kingdom.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You can't leave your car anywhere in this royal realm. What's it called in a. What's it. What does it. What does it say in a place where you can't leave your car?

[Kristen Schaal]

No parking or Runway for airplanes. They don't want you to put it there.

[Elliot Kaelin]

That's a good point. That is one of the places you should not leave your car. Yeah, yeah, but you've got. You've got. You've named the words. What? Syllable? What's shared syllable.

[Matt Oberg]

Oh, I got it. I got it. This one's gonna. Gonna need a minute, but I got it.

[Kristen Schaal]

I don't have it.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Just so for the listener, when he said this one, he gestured towards Kristen.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah. And he's right.

[Matt Oberg]

Kingdom comes last. Oh, sorry, guys.

[Kristen Schaal]

No parkingdom.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You got it. No parkingdom. You did it. What Teamwork. What phenomenal. Teamwork is fantastic. No, no, but it was. You were all working together. You got every single one of them. That's 10 out of 10. Wonderful. You took your time, but you showed persistence. Teamwork. You didn't smoke at all. This is a real lesson for America's youth, and I hope they're listening.

[World of Warcraft Advertiser]

Presenting World of Warcraft Midnight.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Will Xalatath break your world,

[Matt Oberg]

or will

[World of Warcraft Advertiser]

you find new allies and defend your world? Explore familiar but new settings in the reimagined zones of Eversong woods and Zulamoth. Then journey to Harendar, the bioluminescent jungle where predation reigns supreme. Plus introducing the most highly anticipated housing feature where you can design and decorate a cozy corner of Azeroth to call your own. Rally together to find the light and defend Azeroth in the darkest hour. World of Warcraft Midnight is available for pre purchase.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Now,

[World of Warcraft Advertiser]

adventure is calling you home.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Why don't we just move along to today's second game? It's called Word Centipede. Uh. Oh. Ooh, yes.

[Kristen Schaal]

Devin.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Not over.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, Devin, you wrote that at like 2am Right? You were like, I can't sleep.

[Matt Oberg]

Babe. Babe, wake up.

[Elliot Kaelin]

He just. He just couldn't he was just tossing and turning, and he just had to get it down and lay down. That track

[Matt Oberg]

came to a dream.

[Elliot Kaelin]

That's right. This game is about more words. It's nothing but words. Today on Clueless. In this game, I'm going to give you three words. Your task is to come up with another word that you can place before or after each of those three words in order to make three new words or phrases. So, for example, if the words I gave you were pod, away, and news, I'd be looking for another word. You could add to each of those to make three new words. Do you have an idea what it would be? What the answer would be?

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah.

[Matt Oberg]

Yeah.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yes.

[Matt Oberg]

I don't think this is the appropriate time to share that word.

[Elliot Kaelin]

But that's fair.

[Matt Oberg]

We know it.

[Elliot Kaelin]

The answer would be. The answer would be Cast. Podcast.

[Matt Oberg]

Okay.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Castaway. Newscast. Yeah. So that's how you do it. I'm gonna give you three words. You're gonna come up with one word that you can add to all of them to make new words. Question number one. Your words are walk, cup, and surf. What word can you add to walk, cup, and surf, either before or after each of those words to make three new words. Surf.

[Matt Oberg]

Dude, figure. Surf's sort of the weirdest word. So what goes with surf? Surf's up.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah. Walk up. Surf up and cup up.

[Matt Oberg]

Hey, guys, real quick. Let's cup up, walk up and surf up.

[Elliot Kaelin]

That's what surf goes.

[Kristen Schaal]

I love this.

[Matt Oberg]

Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

Cup up is so. Oh, like. It's like. I feel full just saying it and thinking it.

[Elliot Kaelin]

It should be a word. It sounds great. Unfortunately, that's not the answer we're looking for. Cup up is not currently a word. Oh, surf, Surf, board,

[Kristen Schaal]

boardwalk, board.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You got it. Exactly. The answer was board or boardwalk. Cupboard and surfboard. Hey, excellent work.

[Kristen Schaal]

This one's fun.

[Matt Oberg]

Here's some good news. I'm having fun.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Good, Good. That's great. Question number two. Your words are paper, channel and quarter. Paper, channel and quarter. What?

[Matt Oberg]

Word channel.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Either quarter in front of or in back of those words.

[Matt Oberg]

Quarter, chicken. That's a. People often order that.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

Wait. Paper channel and quarter.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Paper channel.

[Kristen Schaal]

Quarter quarterback. Paper. Back. Back channel.

[Matt Oberg]

No.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You got it. That was so fast. That was it. You got it. Great.

[Matt Oberg]

Wow.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Although I wanted to see what Paper, chicken.

[Kristen Schaal]

Sorry.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Or chicken channel. Number three, you're. Your words are chain, sun, and head. Chain, sun, head.

[Matt Oberg]

Wonder how we're spelling sun. We'll never know.

[Kristen Schaal]

That's true. How do you spell sun?

[Elliot Kaelin]

You spell it S, U, N. Like the sun in the sky. Chain and chain like a chain of fools. Sun like the sun in the sky. And head like use your head. Think had.

[Kristen Schaal]

Had shine.

[Matt Oberg]

Sunshine, sun.

[Kristen Schaal]

A chainsaw.

[Matt Oberg]

Chainsaw.

[Kristen Schaal]

Head saw.

[Matt Oberg]

Head saw.

[Kristen Schaal]

Is that a thing?

[Matt Oberg]

Yeah, it's. What do you. What would you use to saw ahead?

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, my head saw.

[Matt Oberg]

Yeah. And. And paper saw. What was the other one?

[Kristen Schaal]

No, it was sun saw, sun, head.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Remember the words art.

[Kristen Schaal]

Chainsaw and suds off. Okay. Okay. Let's sunset.

[Matt Oberg]

Sunset, sunrise, Headset and. Headset and chain set.

[Kristen Schaal]

And. And chains and set. Chain set. I don't know what a chain set is.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Chain, sun, head. This is a hard one.

[Kristen Schaal]

Sunburn.

[Matt Oberg]

Sunburn.

[Kristen Schaal]

Sunscreen.

[Matt Oberg]

Head screen. Head screen.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Think of another. Think of maybe an alternate word for lotion if you apply it to sun balm.

[Kristen Schaal]

I think spray.

[Matt Oberg]

Spray. Nah, it can't be spray.

[Elliot Kaelin]

That's not it. There's no chain spray.

[Matt Oberg]

An alternate word for lotion. A cream.

[Kristen Schaal]

Block, Block, Sunblock.

[Matt Oberg]

Sunblock, block. Chain, paper, Chain.

[Elliot Kaelin]

No, no, that. Paper is not the word. It's chain, sun, and head, head, block, blockhead, Blockhead, Blockhead. You got it. Block, chain, sun, block, blockhead. I think there you were really hurt by your inability to remember what the words were that you were putting that

[Matt Oberg]

you were totally part of the problem.

[Kristen Schaal]

You're throwing just shovels of words at us down anywhere. And I just want the listeners to know that it's early morning on a weekend.

[Elliot Kaelin]

That's true. This is Saturday morning. Yeah. Thank you. So we're all not at our best. That's true.

[Matt Oberg]

This is at maximum capacity for me.

[Kristen Schaal]

That is wearing pajamas.

[Matt Oberg]

No, I'm not.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I'm.

[Kristen Schaal]

I dressed.

[Matt Oberg]

You sleep in that.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Question number four. These are your three words. Belly, sweat and flip. Belly, sweat and flip.

[Matt Oberg]

Belly, sweat and flip.

[Kristen Schaal]

Those sound like they go together.

[Matt Oberg]

Yeah. The old flip, flop.

[Kristen Schaal]

Belly flop, flop, sweat.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You got it. That was exactly.

[Kristen Schaal]

I know flop sweat too well.

[Elliot Kaelin]

But you also know flip flops really well.

[Matt Oberg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Because you care about foot comfort. Question number five. This is our last group of words for this game. The words are number, cook, and sell.

[Matt Oberg]

Number, cook, and sell. Well, let's break this down. Kristen, you got. You can have a big number.

[Kristen Schaal]

Is it s e l, l, S a L e or S a L?

[Elliot Kaelin]

S e l l. Very good. I should have pointed that out. S e l L. Like you're selling something.

[Kristen Schaal]

Okay.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Thank you.

[Matt Oberg]

Do you pronounce like a sale? Like S a, l, E. You know,

[Kristen Schaal]

I got that Colorado accent. I know I forgot the words.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Sale the words are number, cook and sell.

[Matt Oberg]

S, E, L, L, sell, buy and sell. Buy and cook. Can't cook without buying.

[Kristen Schaal]

Number, Number.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Looking more for more a word than a whole phrase. Just more. Yeah, I don't know.

[Kristen Schaal]

He's lost it. Number.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Why don't you.

[Matt Oberg]

No such thing as a bad idea. Oh, calm down.

[Kristen Schaal]

I like it.

[Matt Oberg]

Number, cook and sell.

[Kristen Schaal]

Number's really.

[Matt Oberg]

Let's put number to the side now. And this is a great insight for your audience as to how our brains work at least. So forget about number. Let's talk about cook. Okay, what's a word that would precede cook or kind of cook?

[Kristen Schaal]

Out.

[Matt Oberg]

Cook out, sell out, paper, out.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Again. Again.

[Kristen Schaal]

Number, number, outnumber, outnumber, outnumber.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You got that right. The answer is out, outnumber, cook, out, sell, out. Excellent work. Yeah, I feel like. I feel like it went from misremembering each word as paper to subtly pushing me to admit that paper was the. Was part of each one. It went from a mistaken guess to a gaslight at a certain point during the game.

[Matt Oberg]

Not easy to do, by the way.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Once again, you have gotten all of them right. Five out of five. That's fantastic. Now the game's not over yet. I mentioned I love compound words. There's one compound word I especially love, and that's mega clue. Mega clue. Because every second game ends in a mega clue question. In today's megaclue, I'm going to give you five words, one from each of those Centipede rounds. I want you to tell me what links these words together. And the words are with one from each round of the game. Surfboard, paperback, sunblock, flip flop, and cookout.

[Kristen Schaal]

Summer. Yeah.

[Matt Oberg]

Hey, guys, come on down for my summer.

[Kristen Schaal]

Flip flop, my cookout, my surf.

[Matt Oberg]

These are all things, but there's one word that links them.

[Kristen Schaal]

Links them.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You know what? I'll take it. We were looking for.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, God bless you, Elliot. Thank you.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I'll have mercy on you and compassion this time. And I'll. And I'll take it. No, but. So this summer works and we also would have accepted the beach. Summer works great. Of course. Matt, Cristen, you aced these games. You got the megaclue, listeners. Did you get the answer? If not, it's okay. I forgive you because to err is human, but to forgive is divine. Which means I'm divine. But don't worry, I'm not showy offy about it. I'm just casually divine. Well, hold on. What was that? I just heard the high pitched bone Chilling wail of a banshee. So either grave misfortune is about to befall my house, or it's time to bring this episode to a close. But before we go, I'd like to thank Kristen Schaal and Matt Oberg for having brave hearts, keen minds, and I'm guessing at least 18 or 19 toes between them, if you count them all together. And I'd like to thank you, the audience without whom there would be nobody to validate our existence. We'll be back next week with more Smartless presents Clueless, when I will once again be your host, Elliot Kaelin. Who will I be between now and then? Wouldn't you like to know?

[Kristen Schaal]

Who's doing your banshee? Yo.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Oh, I think I was just going to say it. Should we put. Do you want to do one?

[Kristen Schaal]

Yes.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Can we put it in? Okay, sure.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah, I'll do a few.

[Game Host/Assistant]

Clueless, you have been listening to Smartless presents Clueless, a Smartless Media production in association with Sirius xm. Your host is Elliot Kaelin, who also writes our scripts. Today's contestants were the fabulous Kristen Schall and the wonderful Matt Oberg. Follow them online, Follow their work.

[Elliot Kaelin]

They're the best.

[Game Host/Assistant]

Your producer, editor and engineer is Devin Tory Bryant, who is me. I also write all the music and sound effects. Today's puzzles were written by Jason Reich. Talent producer is Anne Harris. Associate producer Matty McCann. Social media producer, Tommy Galgano. Executive producers are Elliot Kaelin, Sean Hayes, Will Arnett and Jason Bateman. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminski. Remember to follow, subscribe, rate and review the show. It really helps. That's all for now. We will see you again for more.

[Kristen Schaal]

Smart glass Me.

[Native Deodorant Advertiser]

Hey, girl.

[Elliot Kaelin]

What's happen?

[Native Deodorant Advertiser]

Is that your antiperspirant?

[Elliot Kaelin]

Uh, yeah.

[Native Deodorant Advertiser]

Let me see that can. Aluminum, butane. I cannot pronounce that. You have to switch to native deodorant. Native simple formula has only clean ingredients. It gives you effective 72 hour odor protection with no hydrocarbon propellants.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Wow, this smells heavenly.

[Native Deodorant Advertiser]

Clean effective 72 hour odor protection isn't a myth.