Re-release: 206 - This Or That? (w/ Naomi Ekperigin and Andy Beckerman)

Summary

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SmartLess Presents ClueLess

Episode: Re-release: 206 – This Or That? (w/ Naomi Ekperigin and Andy Beckerman)
Date: April 13, 2026
Host: Elliot Kalan
Guests: Naomi Ekperigin & Andy Beckerman

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Episode Overview

This re-released episode of the bite-sized puzzle podcast "ClueLess," hosted by Emmy-winning writer Elliot Kalan, features married comedians (and fellow podcast hosts) Naomi Ekperigin and Andy Beckerman as contestants. The episode's games revolve around falls—the most common sources of accidental injuries—and a lively "This or That?" quiz where contestants must decide whether a quote is from the Bible (God) or the Wu Tang Clan (You God). The banter is playful, clever, and filled with pop culture references, classic Kalan wordplay, and genuinely surprising trivia.

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Main Discussion Points & Games

1. Barrel Rides & Annie Edson Taylor (01:31–03:48)

• Opening Puzzle: Echoing Diogenes and cartoon tropes, Elliot asks which “majestic U.S.-Canadian waterway” Annie Edson Taylor survived riding down in a barrel.
• Answer & Banter:
  • Andy instantly answers Niagara Falls.
  • Elliot shares Taylor’s own quote on the unpleasant experience:

    “I would sooner walk up to the mouth of a cannon knowing it was going to blow me to pieces than make another trip over the falls.” (03:19)

  • Jokes about not leaving the house—"That’s the thing about a barrel, is that you’re not really leaving your house the whole time.” (03:44)
  • Imagining Taylor's tour, always miserable:

    “I’d rather go be shot out of a cannon.” (03:48)

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2. The Four Most Common Fall Hazards (04:04–09:12)

Game: Contestants guess the top 4 things people hurt themselves by falling off, over, or out of, as determined by a Turkish study.

• Answers and Banter:
  1. Stairs – Andy’s first instinct:

     "The minute I approach a stairwell, my brain immediately pictures me crumpled at the bottom." (04:53)
     Self-care advice segment about holding onto banisters for dear life:
     “If there’s one thing you gotta hold onto in this world, it’s a banister.” (05:17)

  2. Trees – After a discussion:

     "You're telling me more people fall out of trees than fall off of bikes?" (06:19)

  3. Balconies – Hinted by Elliot, confirmed by both.
  4. Furniture – Dick Van Dyke/ottoman joke leads to “furniture” as a category, esp. with kids:

     “In my house, the most common thing that people fall over... is furniture. I have two children in my house. They fall off of chairs, they trip over other chairs, step stools, they'll climb onto a table, fall off of that...” (07:44)

Honorable Mentions: Roofs, construction sites, playground equipment, scaffolding, and, hilariously, laps.

• Andy riffs on lap falls:

  “When Naomi and I...we have a ventriloquist routine where I sit on her lap and she pretends...that I’m the dummy and she’s on top of a flagpole.” (08:50) “Who was getting injured falling off of a lap? I don’t know...” (08:22)

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3. This or That: “God” or “You God” (Bible vs. Wu Tang Clan) (10:56–20:40)

Game Mechanics: Elliot reads a quote; contestants declare if it’s from the Bible (God) or the Wu Tang Clan (You God, in honor of the Wu Tang member).

Notable Quotes, Answers, and Memorable Bickering:

• Example #1:

  • Quote: "Life is a pool of sin corrupted with foolish men and women with wicked minds."
  • Naomi: “God.” Andy: “You God.”
  • Correct: Wu Tang Clan (“Bible (Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth)” by GZA) (12:05)
  • Elliot splits the points for this one because it’s “from a song called Bible.”

• Example #2:

  • Quote: "Haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood."
  • Andy: “God.” — Correct (Proverbs 6:17) (12:39)
  • Banter on incomplete "rhyme" and Santa Claus.

• Example #3:

  • Quote: "Their land is filled with silver and gold ... no end to their chariots."
  • Team agrees: God — Correct (Isaiah 2:7) (13:21)
  • Segue into whose “part of the Bible” it is (Jewish or Christian), leading to friendly teasing.

• Example #4:

  • Quote: "In the scale of justice, My heart remains balanced and neutral. My respect for all men is mutual."
  • Team: “You God.” — Correct (Wu Tang – “A Day to God is a 1,000 Years”)
  • Andy begins digression on original languages of the Bible:

    “If we’re talking the Bible, it’s either written in Latin, or Hebrew, I guess, or...Arabic?” (13:58)

    • Greek correction, riff on only thinking about Greek people “when you’re eating hummus.” (14:16)

• Example #5:

  • Quote: "The eye that mocks a father ... will be pecked out by the ravens..."
  • Naomi: “God.” — Correct (Proverbs 30:17, 15:02)
  • Andy conflates with Greek mythology (Prometheus); more friendly ribbing.

• More Quotes: Some tricky ones with crucifixion references (“Ah” as the reaction: “Now we all know what girly was nailed to a cross, except that the idea of going ‘ah’ is so funny to me.” [16:06]) and rhymes meant to mislead.

• Score: They finish 7 out of 10, with Elliot joking:

  “You got the one question wrong that leads to the end of the world, unfortunately. But otherwise you did very well.” (20:47)

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4. Mega Clue: The Bible’s “O.D.B.” (20:58–21:29)

• Final Question:
  "While the late great O.D.B., Old Dirty Bastard was a founding member of the Wu Tang Clan, the Bible has its own O.D.B. This legendary figure is said to be the oldest person who ever lived, reaching 969 years old. Who is it?"
  • Andy: “Methuselah.” — Correct! (21:27)
  • Elliot jokingly requests official medical records before confirming the legend.

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Notable Quotes & Signature Moments

• On Emergency Rooms & Banisters:

  “If there’s one thing you gotta hold onto in this world, it’s a banister.”
  — Andy Beckerman (05:17)

• On Lap Injuries & Ventriloquism:

  “When Naomi and I, we have a ventriloquist routine where I sit on her lap and she pretends to... that I’m the dummy and she’s on top of a flagpole.”
  — Andy Beckerman (08:50)

• On Accident Prevention:

  “Everyday life is an unending obstacle course of danger, thanks to our old frenemy, gravity.”
  — Elliot Kalan (04:04)

• On Song vs. Scripture:

  “Well, it’s from a song called Bible.”
  — Elliot to Naomi, splitting the point on Bible vs. Wu Tang (12:21)

• On The End Times:

  “You got the one question wrong that leads to the end of the world, unfortunately. But otherwise you did very well.”
  — Elliot Kalan (20:47)

• On Pestilence at the Door:

  “Hold on, I’ll be there in a second. Sorry, Pestilence is at the door. I’ll be right there.”
  — Andy Beckerman (22:19)

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Key Timestamps

• 01:31 – Elliot’s barrel/Niagara opener
• 03:07 – Answer to Niagara Falls, Annie Taylor’s quote
• 04:29 – Launch of Fall Hazards guessing game
• 07:37 – Ottoman/furniture answers (“Think Dick Van Dyke”)
• 10:56 – Transition to “This or That?”
• 12:05 – First Bible/Wu Tang quote
• 13:21 – Chariots & “our part” of the Bible
• 15:02 – Ravens pecking eyes, Bible/God answer
• 16:23 – “Ah” and crucifixion in Wu Tang lyrics
• 20:40 – Final This or That score
• 20:58 – Mega Clue: Methuselah
• 22:19 – Pestilence joke, end wrap

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Episode Tone & Style

• Playful banter: The trio riff with effortless comedic timing, gently ribbing each other and overthinking clues.
• Nerdy with a wink: The games pivot from the esoteric (Wu Tang or Bible?) to slapstick (furniture falls, Dick Van Dyke).
• Pop culture savvy: References sprout to Giannis Varoufakis, Golden Girls, and O.D.B., as well as deep dives into Bible trivia.
• Jewish humor & affection: The recurring riff on “which part of the Bible” and Kalan’s signature blend of scholar and wiseguy.

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Takeaways

• You’re not alone: Turns out stairs, trees, balconies, and furniture are dangerous for everyone, not just klutzes or Dick Van Dyke.
• Bible or Wu Tang? Not as easy as you might think—sometimes the only clue is whether the line rhymes.
• Kids are hazardous: Especially to themselves in the vicinity of furniture.
• Comedic teamwork counts: Naomi and Andy’s repartee is both competitive and subtly supportive—even when “the fate of the world” depends on it.

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Summary prepared for listeners who want all the fun and facts—minus the bruises and biblical smackdowns!

Transcript

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[Bot (Podcast Intro)]

Greetings clueless listeners. While our host Elliot is busy this week opening his new theme park, Vice President Universe, come for the death defying Spiro Agnew Drop Tower, but stay for Hubert Humphrey's Haunted House, it is I the Bot here to host another repeat performance this week. Eliot is again joined by hilarious married comedians Naomi Ekparagan and Andy Beckerman, who also host the podcast Couples Therapy. In this episode, you will need to think about the most common things people injure themselves falling out of, off of or over. And you'll have to use your judgment to answer whether a particular quote was said by God for from the Bible or you, God, from the Wu Tang Clan. Protect your neck. It's clueless.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

Smart. As much as I like my house, my bed, guaranteed access to cheese, all the luxuries of 21st century life, I often dream of trading it all in for a nice solid barrel with shelter and transportation in one stylish package. Like I always say, if it's good enough for the philosopher Diogenes and cartoon characters who can't afford clothes, then it's good enough for me. Nobody knows the beauty of barrel life better than Annie Edson Taylor, the first person known to have survived riding a barrel down what majestic U.S. canadian waterway? You'll have to listen to find out. This is Clueless.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

Clueless,

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

Clueless. I'm Clueless.

[Bot (Podcast Intro)]

I'm Clueless.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

Welcome to Smartless Presents. Clueless, the only puzzle podcast that's ended eight or nine wars. Now I'm your host, Elliot Kaelin, and I'm also the author of Joke how to Write Comedy and Other Nonsense on Store Shelves. Now I'd love to stay in chat But I've got to host this podcast. And joining me today, we've got two really fabulous guests. She's the host of the podcast Couples Therapy. He's also the host of the podcast Couples Therapy, Naomi Ekparigan and Andy Beckerman. Thank you so much for joining us on this episode.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

Hey, girl.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

I love that you both have. You both have your catchphrases. That was great. It's great to see you both. I know none of us can focus. While our opening question remains tantalizingly unanswered, daredevil Annie Edson Taylor is recognized as the first person to survive a wooden barrel trip down what waterway? Do you know, Elliot, you're gonna have

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

to wake up even earlier in the morning if you want to pull. Pull one over on me with this kind of question. Niagara Falls. Come on.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

Come on.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

That's right. The answer is Niagara Falls. Taylor, surprisingly, did not have a lot of fun going over the falls. She said later, I would sooner walk up to the mouth of a cannon knowing it was going to blow me to pieces than make another trip over the falls. So, amazingly, risking your life in a cramped wet barrel, not an enjoyable experience. Don't try this at home, especially if your home is Niagara Falls. So are you either gonna try it? Are you gonna try it now, or.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

No, we don't like leaving the house in a barrel.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

That's the thing about a barrel, is that you're not really leaving your house the whole time.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

That's true.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

You are covered. But what I love, too, though, right, is that she did that and then literally just went on a tour for years talking about it. And so it's even more fun that she hated it, because I would like to think she went on a tour and every time someone asked her, she was like, I hated it. I'd rather go be shot out of a cannon.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

I'd love to talk about anything else. Do I have to keep being asked about Niagara Falls in the barrel? You know, now, the fact is you can really hurt yourself riding a barrel over Niagara Falls. But you don't have to ride a barrel over Niagara Falls to get hurt. Everyday life is an unending obstacle course of danger, thanks to our old frenemy, gravity. Which brings us to today's first game. First and foremost,

[Producer/Announcer]

first and foremost, it

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

turns out that injuries sustained in trips and falls are the number one most common reason for emergency room visits in just about every country on Earth. So can you tell me, according to an actual study by researchers in Turkey, the country, what are the four most common Things that people hurt themselves falling off of out of, falling down or falling over. Can you name the four most fall offable things that people get hurt from?

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

I mean, stairs obviously. Because when I. The minute I approach a stairwell, my brain immediately pictures me crumpled at the bottom. And then I hold onto the banister as if I was an elderly man.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

Just like, that's okay. If there's a thing for you to hold onto so you don't fall, it's a thing that people have fallen off of or down. Yeah, right.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

And can I recommend if there's one thing you got to hold on to in this world, it's a banister. It's got to be a banister.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

You gotta.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

You gotta highly recommend holding on to a banister.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

I thank you for saying that, cuz this is now a self care and advice podcast. You said that.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

I will say. Okay, the. Another. What about a bike?

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

Not one of the top four. Huh? Top four.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

All right. I figured everyone's had a bike before.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

No, but that's fine.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

I don't. I don't ride bikes, Naomi.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

I know, Andrew. I didn't want to bring it up.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

So let's see, what else? Can you name the three other things that people are most likely to fall off of or out of, or fall down or fall over?

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

Not a bike, but a penny farthing, obviously.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

Wait, you said out of or over.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

Fall out of? Over. Think about things you could fall off of. Fall over, fall out of.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

You could fall over a tree branch jetting out of the ground, but I

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

don't know what fall over tree branch. I'm going to say trees was one of them. I think it's more of a falling out of thing. I think maybe people fall out of trees that they climb.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

You're telling me more people fall out of trees than fall off of bikes?

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

According to this survey in the Tarzan.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

Or are we. Tree branch lying on the sidewalk.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

You're telling me this is so stairs, trees. Can you think of the other top two?

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

The other top two.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

One of them I have a hint for. The other one I don't have a hint.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

Falling out of. So you've been kidnapped and you're breaking. You're. You've been tied up and shoved in the trunk of a car and you're breaking out of it on the highway. So you can like. Yeah, so falling out of the trunk onto the highway.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

So falling out of.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

Kidnapped.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

Not for. Not one of the top four. That's the top five.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

Okay. Falling out of a. Onto a.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

Falling out of an airplane and your parachute doesn't open.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

No, not again. Not one of the top four. Here's. Here's something. Here's what? What's a part of a building you expect people might falling out of a window, fall from close balcony sometimes. A what? What did you say?

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

A balcony?

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

Yes, a balcony. A balcony. I'll accept Miranda as a part of kind of balcony. I would not accept Lanai. That's a. That's a ground floor thing.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

No, that's ground floor. We've all seen Golden Girls.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

Finally. Exactly. Finally. What do people fall over? Hint. This is a hint for people who watch the same television I did growing up. Think Dick Van Dyke.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

Oh, an ottoman.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

Well, what is an ottoman? What is it one of piece of furniture? Yes, furniture. People fall over furniture.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

What?

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

Yeah. I will say this. In my house, the most common thing that people fall over off of is furniture. I have two children in my house. They fall off of chairs, they trip over other chairs, step stools, they'll climb onto a table, fall off of that, jump on the couch, fall off of that, jump off a bed, fall off of that, get onto the kitchen counter, fall off of that. Furniture is a very big fall offable thing in a house with children.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

Okay, okay. So children doing it, you know, going to. Going to the emergency room. Okay, I'll allow it. Because I don't know what person.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

You'll allow children to fall off things and get hurt bad enough.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

No, I won't allow. I will allow it to count in the top four because I don't know what adult is out here going to the ER because they fell over the ottoman.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

Well, Dick Van Dyke, probably. So for the record, the list continued to roofs, construction, scaffolding, playground equipment, and human laps. Who was getting injured falling off of a lap? I don't know, but.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

Oh, laps.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

Not lapse, like.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

No, not a lapse in.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

Lapse in judgment. And therefore they fell.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

No, that's not someone's lap. Yeah. So have you ever fallen out of someone's lap so badly that you've got hurt?

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

Never in my life.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

Well, when Naomi and I, we have a ventriloquist routine where I sit on her lap and she pretends to.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

That I'm the dummy and she's on top of a flagpole because it's a 1920s routine.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

Flagpole sitting.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

And that stays someone falling off of the. The BFG's lap. Like, what's going on? I don't understand.

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[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

Listeners. Did you do as well as Naomi and Andy? If not, that's okay, I'm just going to assume it's because you fell over something while answering. And here's something to do while you're in the hospital waiting room because you fell off that lap so hard that you got hurt. Our next game, it's called this or that. I love how literal our Stings are for our games. I love how literal every theme song is for the game. I'm going to give you a quote in this game, a saying or a phrase, and you're going to have to identify which of two thematically linked sources it came from. Today, the quotes I'm going to be giving you are either verses from the Bible or verses from the Wu Tang Clan. If you think the quote is from the Bible, say God. If you think it's a Wu Tang lyric, say you God. In honor of Wu Tang member, you God. Are you ready?

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

Yeah, I'm ready.

[Producer/Announcer]

This or that?

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

Okay, your first quote for this or that. Tell me if it is a Bible verse or a verse from the Wuang clan. Life is a pool of sin corrupted with foolish men and women with wicked minds.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

God.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

I want to say you God.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

That was. That was you God. Yes. I'm sorry, your first answer was God, though You should. You should. You should discuss that time. That was from Bible. Basic instructions before leaving Earth by Giza. So.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

Well, that was technically then the Bible. That was from the Bible.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

Well, it's from a song called Bible.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

The Bible's the Bible.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

You know what? Okay, I'm put a question mark next to that in the points one. I'll give you half for that. Okay, question number two, verse number two. Haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

God.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

You got that right. That's God. That's Proverbs 6, 17. Wow.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

So these are just like in between. I thought it was gonna be like a full rhyme if it was from a song. Do you see what I'm saying? You're just giving us like, clauses.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

I'm just giving you clauses. Exact. Exactly. Santa Claus is almost that time of year. Everybody, Question 3. Their land is filled with silver and gold. There is no end to their treasures. Their land is filled with horses. There is no end to their chariots.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

Okay. Treasures, Chariots, silver and gold. Andy, I think that would have to be God.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

Oh, if there's one thing God loves, it's chariots.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

It's God. That is from Isaiah 2, 7. Very nice.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

Which. Which part of the Bible is that? Is that our part, Elliot, or Naomi's part?

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

No, no, that's our part. I think. I think all of these. Oh, no, no, there's one coming up that's from Naomi's part of the bar.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

My part.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

Yeah, but most of these are from our part. Yeah, the best one. Question number four. In the scale of justice, My heart remains balanced and neutral. My respect for all men is mutual.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

You got.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

Okay.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

Is that your final answer, Andrew?

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

Let's talk about it for a minute. Neutral. Well, you know what? I guess neutral and mutual rhyme. So it does. It's giving wrath.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

It feels. Look, cuz, this is the thing, all right? If we're talking the Bible, it's either written in Latin or it's written in Hebrew, I guess, or. Or Arabic. I don't know what the original originally, either.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

Ancient Hebrew, or in Greek, the. The gospel. Greek.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

So you always forget about Greek. You always forget about those guys. Yeah, Right. Unless you're eating hummus.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

No one only thinks about Greek people when they're eating hummus.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

All right, Sorry. When you're reading Giannis Varoufakis's latest book,

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

then we're gonna say you, God. I'm sorry I suggested we think through it.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

That was like. Yeah, yeah, I think. Well, I'm glad that you could admit that was a mistake. You are correct. The answer is you, God. That is from a day to God is a thousand years. Stay with me. Bye. R. Next quote. The eye that mocks a father, that scores an aged mother will be pecked out by the ravens of the valley. Will be eaten by the vultures.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

Okay, pecking out eyes is so God. It's a giving Bible.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

It's also Greek. Says, you know what? When I think about ravens pecking out someone's eyes, I'm thinking Prometheus. So I'm also thinking Greek, then. All right.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

Okay. Yes.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

I think Naomi was correct. It is God. That's from Proverbs, chapter 30, verse 17. Again, not nothing to do with Greeks, but that's okay. Prometheus, for the record, he had his liver, I believe, torn out by a vulture, not his eyes, torn out by a raven. But there's no need for me to rub your nose, Andy, in your lack of understanding of the two.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

Really, there was no reason. And yet you.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

Did you see what I'm saying, though?

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

How convenient.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

Elliot. Kaylin. Elliot.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

Don't you come for my man?

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

Ok, yeah, no, this is. I'm just trying to bring you two together by giving you a common enemy. Yeah.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

Thank you.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

But I also probably got it wrong. Probably someone's going to write in and say I got it wrong. Verse number six. Upon my wounds they seasoned me with salt and nailed my hands and feet to the form of the cross. Ah. I said as the blood dripped inside of my eye.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

Okay, now we all know what girly was nailed to a cross.

[Producer/Announcer]

We know.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

Except the idea of going ah is so funny to me. Yeah. Like, I know it shouldn't be funny, but going ah?

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

I said, that feels like ODB or a big baby Jesus.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

It's giving God.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

So which. What's your answer? What's your answer?

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

Oh, can I. Can we. Can we. We don't have to answer the same way, because I think that's you, God,

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

and I mean, you think it's God,

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

and I'm saying God.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

All right, the answer is it is you, God. You are right. Andy. What is from Diary of a Madman. They're playing on Christian themes, but I

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

have to listen to them because this is crazy.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

I think nowhere in the. Nowhere in the Bible does anyone say, ah, it was fun.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

What about. What about, ah, real monster? 7:16.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

That's true. That's the one part I forgot. I forgot that. I forgot that the. That there was a nicktoons section for the Bible. Yeah. Question number seven. Homicide is illegal and death is the penalty. What justifies the homicide when he dies is his own iniquity.

[Producer/Announcer]

Oof.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

Okay, well, that's. I mean, that's you, God.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

You're right. That's you, God. That's from Master of Chessboxin'. Very good. Number eight. Under the reign of King Cyrus. You can see the weakness of a man right through his iris unloyal snakes get thrown in boiling lakes of hot oil. And the.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

I want to say God. That's my, like, gut instinct. Even though there's that rhyme in there,

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

it's giving you God to me.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

I think you're right. Just because of the rhyme, but also like, I'm feeling like the rhyme is there to throw you off. Throw you off from the path of the divine.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

You think that the authors of the Bible were trying to confuse you into getting this question wrong?

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

I'd say yes. I think Caleb apostles were just like. The apostles had a vision.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

Yeah.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

As if at a spirit is mundi. And it came to them and they said in 2000 some odd years. Yeah. There will be a small Jew in Los Angeles.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

Yes.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

Yes.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

Who we need to trick into guessing it's that

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

the fate of the souls of many depending on you being tricked.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

Yeah.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

That's tricking one man.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

Well, they tricked me. This is the beginning of judgment Day.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

Okay. Well, let's see. Are you tricked? What's your answer, God? The answer is you, God. I'm so sorry. You were tricked. Judgment day has begun. That is from the fourth chamber. I apologize to everybody who didn't want the world's end, but Andy has. Has made it happen.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

And I would like this to be a No. I want this to be a lesson to everybody. See, I thought I would let the man before me speak. And do you see what I've gotten us into? Yeah, I was right. But sometimes I say let him do it. Let him cook. And now look. Now we're all gonna die worried There

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

seems like there's an army of skeletons outside my window right now.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

Yeah, well, hopefully we'll just be. We'll be done with the episode by then, so it won't be. Verse number nine. Balsam, the son of Bosar, who loved the wages of unrighteousness, was rebuked for his iniquity. The dumb ass, speaking with a man's voice, forbade the madness of the prophet Naomi.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

That's God.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

You're. You're right. That's God. That's from the second book of Peter, chapter two, verses 15 to 16. Very good. And finally, question number 10. People who looked to Kush for help will be afraid. And those who are amazed by Egypt's glory will be shamed.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

How's Kush spelled?

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

That's a good question. C U S H.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

Well, okay. Actress Kush Jumbo. That's what we're calling out there. Andrew, would you like to try again?

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

Kush Jumbo from the Good Wife. The Good Fight.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

Don't get distorted. Don't get distracted.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

Harlan Coban Oh God, I'm so sorry, Elliot.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

Don't get distracted. Don't get distracted. So I'll read you that quote again. People who looked to Kush for help will be afraid. And those who are amazed by Egypt's glory will be shamed. Is that God or you God?

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

Egypt's glory.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

You God.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

I'm gonna back up my wife on this one.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

Gonna say you God. It is incorrect. The answer is God. This is Isaiah, chapter 20, verse 5. So you know you had some ups and downs with that one. And I'm just gonna say you did really well.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

No tally given.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

Okay, yeah, you did get seven out of 10. So you did very well.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

That's a pass.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host, alternate tag)]

That's a pass.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

No, that's. You passed that one. I mean, you got the one question wrong that leads to the end of the world, unfortunately. But otherwise he did very well. Otherwise he did very well.

[Producer/Announcer]

Will you pick that or will you pick this?

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

And now we've reached clueless own form of final judgment. The megaclue Mega clue question. All will be mega clued and only the righteous will be saved. I'm sorry, I meant only right answers will win this mega clue. I apologize. And so it was written. While the late great odb, Old Dirty Bastard was a founding member of the Wu Tang Clan, the Bible has its own odb. This legendary figure is said to be the oldest person who ever lived, reaching the ripe age of 969 years old. Who is it?

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

Mathuza la.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

You're right. It is Methuselah. The oldest man in. I'm not gonna call it recorded history exactly. Cause it's I have to see some more medical records, but that is his name. Listeners at home, did you get the answer? If so, you're a superstar, which is much more impressive than being a super sandwich. All episodes of Clueless, of course, just like all rides in a barrel over a waterfall, must come to an end. And now we have come to ours. But first, I want to thank Andy Backerman and Naomi Perrigan for being holy in mine eyes. And I'd also like to thank you, the listener, for bestowing upon us the glory of thine ears. And that's enough of talking like that. We'll be back next week with more Smartless Presents Clueless. Until then, I'm your host, Elliot Kaelin, author of Joke how to Write Comedy and other Nonsense on bookstore shelves now. And I'll end by reminding you that your birthday wish will always come true. If you wish for it to be your birthday, good night.

[Andy Beckerman (Guest)]

Hold on, I'll be there in a second. Sorry, Pestilence is at the door. I'll be right there.

[Producer/Announcer]

Clueless, you have been listening to Smartless Presents Clueless, a Smartless Media production in association with Sirius xm. Your host is Elliot Kaelin, who also writes our scripts. Today's contestants were Naomi Ekparigan and Andy Beckerman. Check out their show Couples Therapy anywhere you get your podcasts. Your producer, editor and engineer is Devin Tory Bryant, who is me. I also write all the music and sound effects. Today's puzzles were written by Brock Mahan. Talent producer is Anne Harris. Associate producer Matty McCann. Social media producer, Tommy Galgano. Executive producers are Elliot Kaelin, Sean Hayes, Will Arnett and Jason Bateman. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminski. Remember to follow, subscribe, rate and review the show. It really helps. That's all for now. We will see you again for more.

[Elliot Kaelin (Host)]

Smart. Hi, I'm Angie Hicks, co founder of Angie From Roof Repair to Emergency Plumbing and More. When you use Angie for your home projects, you know all your jobs will be done well. Angie the one you trust to find the ones you trust. Find a pro for your [e-mail] Talk about regrets.

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