Re-release: 211 - Breaking The Law/Linkuistics (w/ Janet Varney and Neil Patrick Harris)

Summary

---

Podcast Summary: SmartLess Presents ClueLess

Episode: Re-release: 211 – “Breaking The Law/Linkuistics” (with Janet Varney and Neil Patrick Harris)

Host: Elliot Kalan
Guests: Janet Varney & Neil Patrick Harris
Release Date: May 11, 2026
Duration: ~33 min (excluding ads and non-content)

---

Episode Overview

This encore episode of ClueLess features host Elliot Kalan guiding celebrity guests Janet Varney (actor, podcaster, SF Sketchfest co-founder) and Neil Patrick Harris (actor, magician, author) through two brainy games: “Breaking the Law” (a U.S. weird-laws quiz) and “Linguistics” (a competitive word-chain puzzle). With wit, camaraderie, and the occasional meta moment, the trio banter about odd legal trivia, wordplay, and their own nostalgic collaborations.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening Banter & Guest Introduction

• After playful legal-themed jokes about Elliot “doing time,” the guests are welcomed.
• Elliot checks if Janet and Neil know each other (they do), reprising a running gag about being replaced by Janet’s “British child ghost.”
• The pair reminisce about prior work together, notably Neil’s Puppet Dreams:

  "Neil’s Puppet Dreams…we got to use the Jim Henson alternative puppets. And we did six episodes…including songs. There’s one called Bollywood where I fell in love with a puppet cow.”
  — Neil Patrick Harris (04:17)

---

2. **Opening Question: Can You Sue Over an Unlisted Ghost?

• Elliot shares a story about moving into an apartment “with a ghost” as a segue to legal brainteasers.
• Main question (03:05): Can you sue a New York realtor for not disclosing ghostly activity?
  • Both guests guess “yes,” citing NY’s pro-tenant reputation.
  • Answer: Yes, due to the “Ghostbusters ruling” (Stambovsky v. Ackley, 1991).

    “You can sue someone for selling you a haunted house if they didn’t include ghosts on the disclosure.”
    — Host (06:08)

---

3. Game #1: Breaking the Law

[08:11–19:45]

Premise: Elliot describes a real, obscure U.S. law; guests guess the state.

Notable Questions, Answers, and Banter:

• Q1: Chumming water with canned corn for fishing is outlawed in…?

  • Answer: Oregon

    “How many times did the canned corn thing happen where then someone said, ‘This is an outrage’? ”
    — Janet/Neil (09:54)

• Q2: Passing off margarine as butter is a crime in this early-caucus state?

  • Answer: Iowa

    “There might be a weird corn theme…”
    — Janet/Neil (11:30)

• Q3: The “tiger selfie” law (banning tiger selfies without a barrier) is in which state?

  • Answer: New York

• Q4: $75 fine for releasing 10+ helium balloons in 24 hours—where?

  • Answer: Connecticut
  • Much confusion about whether Yale is in Massachusetts or Connecticut and a running joke about shoehorning corn puns into every answer.

• Q5: Railroad operators are liable for spooking horses along the Palmetto line—in which “South” state?

  • Answer: South Carolina

Bonus Meta Puzzle

• Using the postal abbreviations for each answer (OR, IA, NY, CT, SC), guests must anagram them into the capital of a known gambling state:
  • Answer: Carson City, Nevada (where hula-hooping in front of casinos is illegal).

    “Scorantixty New York.”
    — Elliot jokingly, as he tries to rearrange the letters (17:10)
    “Think of it this way: Carson City.”
    — Host (17:53)

---

4. Game #2: Lingqistics (Word Chain Game)

[19:45–31:59]

Premise: Players build a chain of two-word phrases, each starting where the last left off (“table tennis,” “tennis court,” etc.), competing to keep the chain going.

Chain Highlights:

• Sample Chain:

  • Table Tennis → Tennis Court → Courtroom → Room Service → Service Animal → Animal Control → Control Panel → Panel Discussion → Discussion Board → Board Game → Game Night → Night Light → Lighthouse → House Party

• Funny Interjections:

  “Don’t say tennis cotton, Janet. That’s not a thing. Tennis cotton is not a thing.”
  — Elliot (21:46)

  “I just want to see if I can… order some food while I’m staying here. Hold on just a second.”
  — Janet, before guessing “room service” (23:21)

Scoring & Playfulness

• Neil wins 8 to 6; game becomes more cooperative than competitive.

  “You turned a competitive game into a cooperative game. You really turned the tables on me…and realized the true opponent: me, the one asking you questions.”
  — Host (27:51)

---

5. Mega Clue (Final Challenge)

[28:20–31:59]

Prompt: Connect the last word (“party”) back to the first (“table”) using three or fewer new two-word phrases.

• Guests attempt various wordplay solutions:

  • Janet: “Party pooper, pooper scooper, scooper table” (comically admits “scooper” doesn’t start a new compound).

  • Neil: “Party comic, comic strip, strip poker, poker table” (almost works, if “party comic” is accepted).

    "I'll give you just one-ish word link instead of ten hundred points. I'll give you five hundred points for that, which means that Janet's the winner."
    — Host (31:34)

  • Host’s model answer: “Party down, downturn, turntable.”

---

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On meta-puzzling:

  “He gave us a meta clue in between clues.”
  — Janet/Neil (11:57)

• On lawmaking:

  “This is a lesson: if a law is on the books, there was at least one time when it happened.”
  — Elliot (09:42)

• On competition:

  “You realize the true opponent, which is me, the one asking you questions.”
  — Host (27:57)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Guest Introduction & Banter: 03:07–04:45
• Opening Question ("Can you sue over a ghost?"): 03:05–06:08
• Breaking The Law Game: 08:11–19:45
  • Q1 (Oregon/canned corn): 09:19
  • Q2 (Iowa/butter): 10:32
  • Q3 (NY/tiger selfies): 12:11
  • Q4 (CT/helium balloons): 13:50
  • Q5 (SC/spooked horses): 15:05
  • Meta puzzle (Carson City): 17:10
• Lingqistics Game: 19:45–27:47
• Mega Clue Challenge: 28:20–31:59

---

Tone and Style

The episode is cheeky, rapid-fire, and playful, loaded with puns, meta references, and good-natured ribbing. The host maintains fast momentum, the guests riff and improvise, and the games balance absurd legal factoids with challenging wordplay. Even competitive segments have a tone of mutual encouragement and gentle trolling.

---

For New Listeners

This episode is a quintessential ClueLess experience: humorous, brainy, and unexpected—with zany trivia and inventive puzzles perfect for wordplay enthusiasts and trivia lovers.
If you like witty banter, obscure American laws, and playful celebrity competition (plus a running “corn” joke!), this is a strong and accessible entry into the series.

---

Transcript

[Elliot Kaelin]

My uncontrollable movements called TD tardive dyskinesia felt embarrassing. I felt like disconnecting. I asked my doctor about treating my

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

TD and learned about Ingreza Valbenazine capsules,

[Elliot Kaelin]

a prescription medicine clinically proven for reducing TD in adults.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

That's always one capsule once daily and number one prescribed. People taking in can stay on most mental health meds in can cause depression, suicidal thoughts or actions in patients with Huntington's disease. Call your doctor if you become depressed, have sudden behavior or mood changes, or suicidal thoughts. Don't take in al. Serious side effects may include allergic reactions like sudden, potentially fatal swelling in hives, sleepiness, the most common side effect, and heart rhythm problems. Know how inezza affects you. Before operating a car or dangerous machinery, report fevers, stiff muscles or problems thinking as these might be life threatening. Shaking, stiffness, drooling and trouble with moving or balance may occur.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Take control by asking your doctor about Ingrezza.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Learn more at ingrezza.com that's I N G R E Z Z A dot com in. Nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual, even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Hey everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Oh no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird. Yeah, the bird looks out of your league. Anyways, get a [e-mail] or with your local agent. Liberty. Liberty.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Liberty.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Liberty. Clueless.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Greetings, Clueless listeners. This week's encore episode includes the game Breaking the Law, which is appropriate because our host, Elliot, is currently doing 10 years in Leavenworth. Or is it 11 years in Twelveworth? Either way, he should be released soon for what the parole board calls polite behavior. In the meantime, please enjoy his guests Janet Varney and star of Stage and Screen Neil Patrick Harris as they overthink some very friendly clues and then compete to keep the longest word chain going in linguistics. This is clueless.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Smart.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Less.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Let me tell you, I've had my fair share of bad roommates. The roommate who let their friends sleep in our bathtub for weeks? I had that one. The roommate that decides 3am is the best time to rehearse for their audition for the musical Stomp. I've had that one. The roommate who said they were mailing in our rent checks but was actually eating them. Yeah, I had that one too. But even I was surprised to move into my new apartment in New York City, only to find that it came with the worst roommate of all. A ghost. A ghost who at 3am rehearses for their audition for the musical Stomp. The realtor did not warn me about this, which leads me to today's opening question. Can you tell me, according to New York law, can I sue over an unlisted ghost? You'll have to listen to find out if you're right. This is Clueless. Clueless. Clueless.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I'm Clueless.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Welcome to Smartless presents. Clueless, the world's only puzzle podcast. Please don't fact check me on that. I'm your host, Elliot Kaelin, and you haven't heard the last of me because we just started. Now, please welcome our guests. She is a podcaster, actor, and co founder of the San Francisco Sketchfest. And he is an actor, a magician, and an author. That's right, they're both triple threats, but only one has a triple name. It's Janet Varney and Neil Patrick Harris. Before we start, thank you so much for being here. I just have to know, do you two know each other?

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

We do know each other. Quite well, actually.

[Elliot Kaelin]

We do know each other. Unfortunately, that has gotten in the way of me wanting to do the bit of saying, I've been replaced by Janet Varney's British child ghost. Please don't sue me, Elliot.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

No, I think you should still do that bit. Let's go for it anyway. Let's start for it.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Does anyone have any lighters that I can flick?

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Mummy, may I play with your lighter? Janet? Neil, I believe you've worked together before. What was it that you did?

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

What have we worked together on? Well, were you on How I Met yout Mother?

[Elliot Kaelin]

Well, first of all, I was. Thank you very much. Insult. Some taken. And we also made a show called Neil's Puppet Dreams.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Oh, my gosh. That's right. Neil's Puppet Dreams is. You can find it on the YouTube. We got to use the Jim Henson alternative puppets. And we did six episodes of. I think six, maybe eight of.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I can't remember either.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Original content, including songs. And they turned out really, really well. And they're still great. There's one called Bollywood, where we did a big Bollywood number where I fell in love with a puppet cow.

[Elliot Kaelin]

It's a beautiful show. Some great guest stars. We won't tell you who they are. You have to go on YouTube and see because you will love who they are. You will recognize them immediately.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Oh, my God.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

I totally forgot about Neil's picture.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I know, and we're supposed to do a season two someday.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

It sounds wonderful. As we've established, you both have guest star amnesia, which is the amnesia where you can't remember when people have been on your shows or not. So we'll go and check it out. That sounds like a fantastic show. But don't check it out just yet, please, because we have a whole episode of Clueless to go through today with our special guests, Janet and Neil.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Oh, yeah.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Now, I don't want to scare anybody, but if you were listening to the cult of me, know I have a situation with a g G ghost and I need to figure out if I should hire a lull lawyer. I'm afraid of lawyers. Also, Janet. Neil, do you know, can you sue in New York? Can you sue a realtor for failing to disclose ghostly activity?

[Elliot Kaelin]

The allure? More of an east coaster now, I've never lived there, and mummy won't let me look into the law because girls aren't supposed to be lawyers.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

I feel like you probably can because New York is very friendly towards. Towards rentors. No, rentees and not rentors.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Janet, would you like to go along with this answer? Do you think you can sue in New York for unlisted ghosts purely for

[Elliot Kaelin]

hope reasons and yes, because I do trust my friend Neil Patrick Harris, I'm gonna say yes, you can.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Probably wrong. It's probably wrong.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

You're right. The answer is yes, you can work in New York State thanks to the 1991 case Stambovski v. Ackley, commonly called the Ghostbusters ruling. You can sue someone for selling you a haunted house if they didn't include ghosts on the disclosure. Now, if someone sells you a ghost without telling you it's in a house, I don't know if you can sue for that.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Feels like a win. Little piece of real estate on the side.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Yeah, that's true, actually. You know, I just thought I was a ghost if I got a whole house.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Yeah, I feel like someone with the last named Stambobsley is probably suing for a lot of different reasons, for a lot of different things. Just to have his name appear in the register.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

I've got to get in the legal book somehow.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Exactly.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Psst.

[Elliot Kaelin]

It's me. Your sense of adventure calling. I'm not just calling. I'm insisting. Insisting you stop daydreaming and start planning to get you and me out there. Out to southwest Idaho during secret season, September through November, when leaves are turning and harvests are bursting. Wine trails, hot springs, fall hikes, farm to table. That's the draw. The only thing missing, the crowds. Start in Boise, then explore beyond the city. Let's Visit Idaho. Visit SouthwestIdaho.org

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

and Doug, there's nowhere I

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front or at a comedy show.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Hey, everyone, Check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Oh, no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird. Yeah, the bird looks out of your league. Anyways, get a'@libertymutual.com or with your local agent. Liberty. Liberty.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Liberty.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Liberty. Listeners, did you get the answer? If so, I've got a special reward for you. It's the same game we were going to play anyway. It's called breaking the law.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Breaking the law. Breaking the law.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

I'm worried that that sting made breaking the law sound too inviting.

[Elliot Kaelin]

What was the last piece that played at that? Because I wanted to.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

We're under arrest.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Oh, that is. That was very smart because up to that point, I thought this couldn't make me want to break the law more.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Yeah, yeah. We had to show you that crime does not pay at the very end.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Thank.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Breaking the law is the game where I'm going to describe a real life weird law. Your job is to tell me which great state in our great usually nation decided to put this weird law on their weird old law books. Are you ready?

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Very ready.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Okay. You can do it. I have faith in you. I have faith in your minds and your memories and also your hearts and also, you know what, your hands, too. You don't need your hands for this game, but I have faith in them. Okay, thank you. Before it gets strange, I'm going to go on to the first before first question. A ban on chumming water with canned corn to attract fish might sound like a Portlandia sketch, but this state's Department of Fish and Wildlife insists it's a real law.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Is there a clue in there? He wouldn't put Portlandia into a clue about Oregon. Like an answer. That was Oregon. Right? That's too easy.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

I mean, I think you got it. It's, you know, the first time. Let's go. Oregon.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

You're right. It's Oregon. In Oregon, it is against the law to put canned corn into, you know, water to get fish to come to you so that you can catch them.

[Elliot Kaelin]

This is a lesson in you can always be sure that if a law is on the Books. There was at least one time when it happened. Two horrifying results causing the law to be enacted in the first place.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

How many times did the canned corn thing happen where then someone said, this is an outrage. We have to put this on the books.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

It had to be enough times that it was bothering somebody. So one time you're like, all right, okay, you did the canned corn thing. It caught. It led to some consequence. My guess is, you know, flatulent fish. I don't know.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

And what is the consequence of that?

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

I'm not sure. Jealousy.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

I think it's outrage and jealousy because the guy next to the canned corn person had a worm on his hook and he's like, wait, what?

[Elliot Kaelin]

We could have been using corn this whole time.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

No one told me I could use corn.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

A whole can and canned corn at that.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Question number two. Presidential hopefuls who want to appear tough on crime during this state's famed caucus might consider campaigning to have the crime of passing off margarine as real butter upgraded from a misdemeanor to a felony. In what state?

[Elliot Kaelin]

There's a lot. A lot of information in.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

There's a lot of information. Let me read this.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Might only need one piece of it. About where caucuses happen.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

But I love all the other herrings.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

This one's full of herrings, ironically, since the last question was out fish. But this one's the one that's full of herrings.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

I mean, I'm guessing it's Iowa because it's not like the caucuses.

[Elliot Kaelin]

And potentially another beautiful, mystical link to the first question since Iowa. Corn fed. Iowa.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Oh, nice. A metaphor.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I hope there's a. Oh, there might be a theme. There might be a theme.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Come on. This is great.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Cover your ears. Everyone else.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Yeah, everyone else.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Keep them open. Keep your ear holes open.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Let's talk over here for a second.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I think sometimes there's, like, an overall theme to a series of questions.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

I'm loving this idea.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Maybe there will end up being, like, a weird corn theme.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Oh, my gosh. It could be corn. Are you taking notes?

[Elliot Kaelin]

And wouldn't it be corny if he did that? And Elliot was corny.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Let's see what she did there. Okay, let's go back to Elliot.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Okay.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Elliot. Elliot. Elliot, Are you ready? Yeah, I was just. I was just in the corner. I was just in the corner, you know?

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Oh, my gosh.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Wait. She was totally.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Okay. Yeah, let me.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Did you hear what he just said?

[Elliot Kaelin]

I said.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

He just said, like, in the corner, it's gotta be corn. There's gotta Be a corn meta puzzle going on.

[Elliot Kaelin]

He gave us a meta clue in between clues.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Oh, my gosh. He's doing this on purpose. This guy's really good. Okay, let's go back. Let's go back.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Elliot. Elliot.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Elliot. You're right, Elliot. Okay. Yeah, I was just reading a story by Cor l Wild. Anyway, let's.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Oh, my gosh.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

So you'll be two hours later, you'll be so disappointed to find the lack of a corn theme after this question. You were right. The answer was Iowa. You answered right. Moving on to question number three. Before visiting the Bronx Zoo, keep in mind that this state's tiger selfie law makes it illegal to take a photo with a lion, leopard, or other big cat unless you are separated by a permanent physical barrier.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I mean, again, I feel like there was a pretty important piece tucked right in there to tell you. What state?

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Brooklyn, which is in New Jersey. I mean, everyone knows. I think it might be New York.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I do, too. But again, I'm not seeing the corn connection.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

The answer is true. I think the answer is New York. You're correct. The same state where I bought my haunted house. But I think. You know what I think? I think don't worry too much about the corn connection for this one. You'll figure it out later. This is more of a. Tonight when you're going to bed, you'll go, oh, yeah, of course.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Corn was buried in there. Of corn.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Corns. Next question. Question number four. We've got two questions left in this game and there's a bonus question if you want. I think we'll do it. Question number four. If you're planning to throw a party for a Yale graduation, note that Anyone who releases 10 or more helium balloons within a 24 hour period in this state is subject to a $75 fine. In what state will you be fined $75 if you release 10 or more helium balloons within a24 hour period? And there was a clue in there as well. Wait a minute.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Rhode island is the balloon state. It must be Rhode Island. Well, we. I had the pleasure of doing this marvelous show with our friend John Hodgman, who happens to be a graduate of Yale University.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Oh, wow. So he's so.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

It's Jersey. It's New Jersey.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Oh, my God. You are so. You are trying to shoe corn in New Jersey.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

I should.

[Elliot Kaelin]

So fun.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

I should know this because I like to stalk John Hodgman.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Oh, that's good.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

I love.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Shucks.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

I love that this is now so Producer Devin, this is no longer a Breaking the law game. This is just a corn game. We just need.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Great.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

The game is not about corn.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Yale, Connecticut. No.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Oh, wait. Maybe it's Connecticut. Hodgman is from Massachusetts, but Yale maybe is in Hartford, Connecticut or Connecticut somewhere. I don't believe in Ivy League schools.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

I didn't go to college.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

I'll give you another hint. Between Massachusetts and Connecticut, which one is it easier to make a corn pun out of? The. The answer is, of course, cornetic. Yeah.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yeah.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Nice.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Final question. Conductors on Amtrak's Palmetto line should be aware that in this state, railroad operators. Corn doctors. Corn doctors on Amtrak's Palmetto line should be aware that in this state, railroad operators can be held liable for damage caused by horses that are spooked by train noise. In what state? Palmetto is the Palmetto line where railroad operators are liable for damage caused by horses spooked by train noises.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I mean, for some reason, Palmetto is reminding me of Florida, but that. That has nothing to do, like, Florida is not a place you think of any horses, unlike someplace like Kentucky.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Yeah. I've never heard of Palmetto as the name of any town or any sort of geographic location.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Have you heard of Palmetto in reference to what I consider to be a common cockroach? But people are like, oh, no, no, no. It's much more exotic than that. It's called a palmetto bug.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Really? Yeah.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

I thought it was the stuff that you used like dish soap when you didn't want your hands to get, like,

[Elliot Kaelin]

I've been soaking in it.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Wrinkly palmetto. Right in Palmetto.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

So we have a number of states in the United States that have both a north and a south version of them.

[Elliot Kaelin]

A Carolina, A Carolina.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Dakota. Carolina.

[Elliot Kaelin]

A South Carolina. South Carolina. South Carolina.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

South Dakota.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

The answer.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Carolina.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

The answer is South Carolina.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Nice.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

It was South Parentheses, Dakota. Carolina. South Carolina. Very good. You got. Well, I'm not quite sure how we're keeping score on this game today. For the best, but you're doing great. There's a bonus question. Let's see what happens if you take the postal abbreviations for each state mentioned in the answers above. And I'll remind you that that was Oregon or Iowa. Iowa. New York. NY. NY, CT. Connecticut, and SC South Carolina. The letters can be arranged to spell the capital of a state where gambling is legal, but hula hooping in front of the casinos on Fremont street is strictly prohibited.

[Elliot Kaelin]

It's the capital of a state.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Yes, the capital of a state. This is a state where it is against the law to hula Hoop in front of casinos.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Scorantixty New York.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Is it something city?

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Yes, that was the hint I was gonna give you. The name is something. It is blank city. So take those letters that make city

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

get out of it.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Yeah.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Snorak City. Ransk City.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

So close

[Elliot Kaelin]

the snoring.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

If you want to get a good night's sleep, Snorak City is the place to go. Think of. Think of it this way. Think of it this way. Carson City.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Carson City, Nevada.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Carson City.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Carson City, Nevada. It's embarrassing cuz I'm not. Where else is gambling fully legal?

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

I mean more and more places.

[Elliot Kaelin]

More and more places.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

But. But you're at Carson City. Very good. Carson City, the capital of Nevada. Excellent work on breaking the law.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Psst. It's me. Your sense of adventure calling. I'm not just calling, I'm insisting. Insisting you stop daydreaming and start planning to get you and me out there. Out to southwest Idaho during secret season September through November, when leaves are turning and harvests are bursting. Wine trails, hot springs, fall hikes, farm to table. That's the draw. The only thing missing, the crowds. Start in Boise, then explore beyond the city. Let's Visit Idaho. Visit SouthwestIdaho.org.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Listeners. Did you do as well as Janet and Neil? If not, that's okay. Don't let this failure push you into a life of crime. Unless it's a life of obscure state specific crime. That sounds kind of fun. A lot of these sounded like fun. Who doesn't want to dump a can of corn into a lake to get some fish?

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

I'm scared.

[Elliot Kaelin]

If it's a corn crime, I feel like it's been. You've been given the seal of approval for podcast podcasts.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

You've got it.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Corn related crime.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

If there's ever. If Batman has a corn themed feeling, he's like, you know what? Just keep doing what you're doing. I'm not going to stop you.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

It's on everyone's bucket list to take a selfie with a lion standing right

[Elliot Kaelin]

next to him right between you. Absolutely.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Of course.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yeah. Also weird that the scarecrow has no corn affiliation. Batman. Sorry.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

It's true.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Interesting.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

So, listeners, we are giving you the thumbs up to go on this life of state specific crime. But still, why not make one last chance to stay on the straight and narrow with today's main game? It's called lingqistics. Linguistics.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Lingqistics.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

What does it mean?

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

You take half a word or phrase and you try to complete it.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Lingqistics is Beginning when you hear the drum beat.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I mean,

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

The best music of any podcast.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Devin, Tory, Bryant. Genius.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

This is a competitive game, so you will be competing against each other. It will test your ability to keep a word chain going. It's going to sound complicated, but it's not that complicated. We're going to give one of you a word that starts a two word phrase or compound word. And we're going to give you the first letter of the second part of that word so we can give you the first word and the second letter. So for instance, if I said to you, Janet, golf C, you might guess golf club. And you'd be right. So I'd say, okay, you get to move on to club S. And you'd guess club sandwich. And I'd say, no, that's not what we're going for. So I'd say to Neil, it goes to you. Club. So. And you would guess perhaps club soda. And you'd be correct and you'd move on to continue your own chain. So did I confuse you too much? Were you ready to live the game and experience it for yourself?

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

I'm super excited. Although when you said the explanation, I didn't get sandwich or soda.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I didn't get it.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

I went into sort of panic mode in my brain.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

I'm a little worried. That's good. You want to harness that. There are 14 words to guess. Let's get started. Okay, we're gonna start. Whichever one of you is the quickest to say the word Chattanooga. As soon as I finish this sentence, Chattanooga. Oh. Neil goes first. Janet. Not even trying. Not even trying. Okay, so your starting word, Neil, is table T. Table. And then a word starting with T. Table tennis. Yes, very good. Tennis C.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Tennis club.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Oh, no, Janet. Tennis co. Tennis co.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Tennis.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Don't say tennis corn. I'm not gonna let you say it. I'm not gonna let you throw this game for the joke.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Don't say. Don't say tennis cotton. Janet. That's not a thing. Tennis cotton is not a thing.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

No.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Tennis colleague.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Is that your answer? Tennis colleague?

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yes.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Okay, then going back to Neil. Tennis C, O, U. Oh, I thought

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

it was going to be tennis coach. Tennis. Tennis C, O, U. Yes.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

You can do this. You can do this.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Tennis cow. Tennis.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Don't make me sue you over this and take you to tennis court.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Sea hut Court.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Tennis court. Nice, Nice helping your opponent, but you

[Elliot Kaelin]

know I can't be stopped.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

No, you're gonna play this the way you want to play it. I admire that. Okay, Neil, court R. Court R.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Reporter.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Oh, that's a good guess, but that's not it, Janet.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I'm gonna go court record.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Let me give you that. Let me give you the second. The second letter Court.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I'm still gonna go court record.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Ro. Oh, no.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Court. Roer. Oh, Court robot.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Is court Robot your answer?

[Elliot Kaelin]

Yes.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Okay, then it goes back to Neil. Unfortunately, the answer is not court robot. I wish it was court. R, O, O.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Room.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Courtroom. Courtroom. Thank you. Then room. S. Room. And then a word starting with S, As in snake, but it's still not room. Snake.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Hang on, you guys. I just want to see if I can. I'm going to order some food while I'm staying here. Hold on just a second.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Room service.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Yes. Room service. Very good. I like Janet's strategy.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

That's so crazy. Janet, the answer was service. And you were actually about to order room service at the same time as.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Amazing.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I don't know how many of you have played the game Hearts, but there's something called Shoot the Moon where what you want to do is do the worst and then do that, end up doing the best.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

But not every game operates that I could try technically.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Let me ask the court Robot if that's allowed.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

I'll allow it. Oh, the robots said they allow it. Yeah.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Thank you.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

All right, Neil, back to you. Yeah, we said room service. Okay. Service. A service. And then a word starting with A. What phrase?

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Service. Service.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Service.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

I got nothing.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

There's so many words that start with A. But if you guess one, maybe it's the right one.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

A service. Apple.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Oh. And what's funny is apple was the one that came to mind that I thought you were going to guess. That's not the answer.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

And me, too, weirdly.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

And producer Devin says he also thought it was going to be apple. What is service?

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

A. Janet, do you know this?

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Janet? You have service. A. Am. How many people?

[Elliot Kaelin]

Well, what works for me is that when I was little, I wasn't allowed to have a real pet. So I had a service apple that I was still allowed to take on planes with me. But in this case, I'm going to say service animal.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Yes. Service animal. Very good. And Janet is on the board. There goes shooting the moon.

[Elliot Kaelin]

That was a mistake. That was a mistake.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Okay, Janet. Animal.

[Elliot Kaelin]

C. Animal Control.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Yes, thank you. Oh, man. Animal Control is the answer. Janet. Control P. Control P as in pool. Not. I know that sometimes my letters can be hard to understand.

[Elliot Kaelin]

No, they're very easy. And it was on me. Control. I better come up with something quick. Control Pony. I'm Back.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

You're back.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I'm back. Everybody. She's doing it.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Back to Neil. Control.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

PA. Control panel.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Yes, very good. Control panel. Now it's panel. D. Panel. And then a word starting with D. Discussion. Yes, very good. Panel discussion. Nice. And back to you, Neil. Again. Discussion. B. As in boy. But it's not boy. The answer's not discussion boy. Though that sounds like a superhero with not very interesting powers.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Before we do this, Batman, I'd like to talk about it for a while and see what the pros and cons are.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Discussion. B.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Discussion board.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Yes, very good. Discussion board. G.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Board.

[Elliot Kaelin]

O', Neill, you of all people.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Game.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Yes, very good game.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

I love fans.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Game. N. N as in north. Game. N.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Game.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Game. Naughty. That's my favorite. That's my favorite type.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

I love it. That's not the answer we're looking for.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

All right.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Do you want to. Do you want to. Was that a good.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

No, no, no, it's fine. I want. I want Janet. I want Janet to go.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Okay, Janet. Game. Ni.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Game night.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Yes. Game night.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Nice.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Night. L. Janet. Night. L. Night.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Light.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

You got it. Nice light. H. Janet. Light. H.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Light.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

It's foggy.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

It's foggy in my brain.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Lighthouse. You got it. I like it when opponents help each other. This is really nice. This is great because you remember, which sometimes the guests don't remember, that they will keep knowing each other after the game is over. And finally, Janet, House P. I mean,

[Elliot Kaelin]

I guess I'm gonna go with house party.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

You got it Right. That's house party. So that is the complete chain of words I'm gonna look up. Let me count it real quick. However you did, Janet. One, two, three, four, five, six. Neil. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. It's eight to six.

[Elliot Kaelin]

We almost did that perfectly, but you

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

gave me two, so. All right.

[Elliot Kaelin]

At least one.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

You know what I like about this? You turn a competitive game into a cooperative game. You really turn the tables on me. And mages, that was.

[Elliot Kaelin]

You're the enemy.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Yeah, exactly. You realize the true opponent, which is me, the one asking you questions. Of course. And this next one is worth ten hundred points. So whoever gets this wins the game.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Ten hundred ten. This is amazing.

[Elliot Kaelin]

That's almost a thousand.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

I know.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Of course, there's one word that's so powerful it cannot be chained. And that word is Mega Clue.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Mega clue.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Every one of these games in the second half ends in a megaclue question. For today's Mega Clue, both of our players, Janet and Neil, will have 60 seconds to compete. In a final challenge, whoever gets a correct solution first will get that ten hundred points. Here's the challenge. Can you create your own chain of words that. Let me say that again, because I started to swallow my own tongue. Here's the challenge. Here's the challenge. Can you create your own chain of words that will connect to the final word of this chain? Party. Back to the first word we started with. Table using three new words or less. So connect party to table in three new words or less, and you can have 60 seconds to think about it, starting now. Today's episode is brought to you by the concept of a triangle. That's right. Circles have no sides and squares have too many. When you find yourself in need of three internal angles, always reach for triangle. Guests of Clueless stay in their own homes. There is no travel budget. The claps surprised me. I didn't expect them.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Gotta throw in something different at the back half. Damn it, Party.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I have had 17 false starts.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

I know I have so close that

[Elliot Kaelin]

none of them are good.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

All right, time's up. That was 60 seconds. Do you have a finishing link that will connect the last word party with the first word table? Janet, Neil, have you got an answer for this mega clue?

[Elliot Kaelin]

When you say answer. I went for comedy for the first 59 seconds. So I was really trying to figure out how to link party pooper, Pooper

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

scooper, then scooper table. Sure, yeah.

[Elliot Kaelin]

And as you can imagine, I realized too late that scooper does not begin anything.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

What I wish had happened was I wish that this had been a cartoon. So you could have then run to a laboratory, invented a scooper table, run to the patent office, get it patented, and then run back to the show just in time for that to be the answer.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Oh, that did happen. In an alternate universe that happened.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

I went the opposite. I started at table smart, and then I went poker table, and then I went strip poker. And now I have nothing to connect.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Strip to party.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Strip party something something strip, party animal.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Party comic. Right. Couldn't say party comic.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Party comic. Comic. Strip.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Party comic. Elliot. Party comic.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

I said there's no such thing as.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Hey, what do you do? I'm a party comic. I did a really funny set at a kid's birthday party.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

I'm a party comic. And, you know, she'd call me a tumler, you know, so.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Oh, by the way, I also did party time times table. This.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

You know what? It's not. I'll get. I'll. I'll give you a half point for that.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Yeah, that's Good.

[Elliot Kaelin]

I'll give you just one ish word

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

link instead of ten hundred points. I'll give you five hundred points for that, which means that Jana's the winner. One way you could do it, for instance, would be you could say party down downturn turntable would be a way to do it.

[Elliot Kaelin]

That's good.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Oh, nice.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

But I like the way you did it, Janet. I like that one.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

I'm giving you the.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

The half of the ten hundred points down turn turntable.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

It seems so easy once you have

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

all the words, once you have the answers. That's my curse is that when I'm doing the show, I'm like, how are they not getting this As I stare right at the answers the entire time. Listeners, did you get the answer? If so, then we shall glorify your name. You'll be a bust, be a bust, be a bust in the hall of fame. Wait, actually, I'm getting word. A witch just showed up to say you stole her sister's shoes. That's gotta be against the law somewhere. So why don't we end the episode so you can sort this out with that witch that wants her sister's shoes back? Before we do, I'd like to thank our wonderful guests Janet Varney and Neil Patrick Harris for bringing a whole new meaning to the phrase wonderful guests. And I'd like to thank you, the listeners, for spending some time with us. Where'd you get all that time you spent anyway? You didn't steal that time, did you? Oh, listeners, listeners, we have to have a real talk after this. For shame. We'll be back next week with more Smartless presents Clueless. Until then, I'm your host, Elliot Kaelin. At least while that's still legal, AKA discussion boy. Clueless.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

You have been listening to Smartless Presents

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Clueless, a Smartless Media production in association with SiriusXM.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Your host is Elliot Kaelin, who also writes our scripts.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Today's contestants were Janet Marney and Neil Patrick Harris. Check out sfsketchfest.com for tickets and schedule.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Your producer, editor and engineer is Devin Tory Bryant, who is me. I also write the all the music and sound effects. Today's puzzles were written by Brock Mahan and Josh Richmond.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Talent producer is Anne Harris.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Associate producer, Matty McCann.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Social media producer, Tommy Galgano. Executive producers are Elliot Kaelin, Sean Hayes, Will Arnett, and Jason Bateman.

[Guest (Janet Varney or Neil Patrick Harris)]

Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminski.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Remember to follow, subscribe, rate and review the show. It really helps. That's all for now. We will see you again for more. Smart lessons. And, Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Hey, everyone.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Check out this guy and his bird.

[Elliot Kaelin]

What is this, your first date?

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Oh, no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird. Yeah, the bird looks out of your league. Anyways, get a [e-mail] or with your local agent. Liberty Liberty.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Liberty.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Liberty.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Walmart shoppers, meet the debit card design

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

with you in mind. The Walmart Money Card offers up to $75 cash back on purchases at Walmart each year. Early direct deposit, overdraft protection, and so much more.

[Elliot Kaelin]

When Walmart is your everyday store, you

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

need a card to match. That's the Walmart Money Card. Open your account today. The Walmart Money Card is issued by Green DOT Bank Member FDIC.

[Elliot Kaelin]

Fees, terms and conditions apply.

[Host/Producer (likely Elliot Kaelin or a co-host)]

Visit WalmartMoneyCard.com to learn more.