"David Duchovny"

Summary

SmartLess Podcast Summary

Episode: "David Duchovny"

Release Date: November 3, 2025
Podcast Hosts: Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, Will Arnett
Guest: David Duchovny

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Overview

In this episode, the SmartLess crew welcomes David Duchovny—renowned actor, novelist, director, musician, and academic. The conversation covers Duchovny’s unique journey from academia to Hollywood, his multifaceted creative passions, insights into his writing process, stories from his early career, reflections on “The X-Files,” and musings on extraterrestrial life. Laced with the show's signature humor, the episode offers both genuine inspiration and glimpses into Duchovny’s quirky, self-aware perspective.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. David Duchovny’s Intellectual and Artistic Trajectory

• Academic Prowess & Origins

  • Duchovny attended Princeton (majoring in English literature; thesis on Samuel Beckett’s novels) and then Yale for a master's, with the early intention of becoming a writer and professor (09:59–12:06).
    • “I wrote my thesis on Samuel Beckett’s novels...because nobody writes on the novels. And I didn’t have to do that much work in research because I could just make the shit up myself.” – David Duchovny (11:09)
  • His fascination with literature is rooted in family: his mother’s Scottish background (where education was a means of social advancement) and his father's passion for writing (19:17–23:02).
    • “My father always said he was a novelist...At 73, two years before he died, he published his first novel.” – David Duchovny (22:30)

• The Leap into Performance

  • Originally considering playwriting as a more social cousin to novel writing, Duchovny was gradually drawn to acting through classes and small performances at Yale (27:32–28:52).
  • His writing always ran parallel to performing; he’s authored four novels and a book of poems in addition to his film and TV work (12:12–12:19).

2. Becoming a Musician Later in Life

• Duchovny picked up the guitar, mainly self-taught, while on “Californication”—even suggesting his character should learn guitar to receive free lessons (15:11–15:49).
  • “I said to the producer, I think Hank Moody should learn how to play guitar so I can get the free lessons.” – David Duchovny (15:45)
• His music blends ‘70s rock and ‘90s indie, and he credits performance confidence to artists like Liam Gallagher, learning that stillness on stage can be powerful (13:33–14:46).
• He’s released multiple albums and recently finished an American tour.

3. Reading, Writing, and Creative Discipline

• The group discusses their differing relationships with reading—Hayes laments his struggle to carve out solitude for books, while Duchovny ties his own love of reading to family history and personal escape (17:55–21:01).
• Duchovny details how his creative process varies for music, novels, and screenwriting—writing novels demands months of immersive focus, while songwriting is more spontaneous (57:29–58:29).

4. Transition to Acting & Early Struggles

• Duchovny’s first paid job was a Michelob beer commercial where nerves nearly got the best of him—until he loosened up by tossing pretzels (34:17–36:14).
  • “I was so tight. I was so nervous...I toss one [pretzel] up, catch it in my mouth, and the director’s like, ‘That’s—I love that.’” – David Duchovny (35:24)
• His first acting class performance involved an outrageous adaptation of a Bukowski story performed in an S&M dungeon, using a blow-up doll for a corpse because classmates refused the role—setting the tone for his unconventional path (36:19–40:43).
  • “As I was copulating with her, her arms and legs started flying out because she’s only made of air.” – David Duchovny (39:22)

5. Breaking into Hollywood

• Moving to LA, he paid bills via commercials and catering, lived in a tiny Santa Monica apartment, and slowly built his resume with indie films (43:02–43:18).
• Duchovny and the hosts bond over early career hustle: commercials, odd jobs, and the weirdness of being recognized retroactively for earlier work while already starring on major shows (44:03–44:26).

6. The X-Files Era

• Landed his iconic role as Fox Mulder via a typical TV audition process, initially hesitant about “doing TV” due to industry bias at the time (44:55–45:19).
• Reflected on the business realities: signing binding contracts under pressure, the nerve-wracking choice to commit before knowing if the show would be picked up (49:07–51:43).
• X-Files’ cult status and the lack of initial pressure—Fox was a fledgling network, enabling the show to grow without huge ratings demands (52:27–54:34).
• Duchovny’s filmmaking ambitions often drew him away from TV, but his more subtle, “movie-like” acting was cited as a reason he wasn’t initially cast in other TV roles (56:37–56:54).
• He wrote and directed several episodes of the series, including a baseball-themed one (“The Unnatural”; 45:30, 67:56–68:09).
• On embracing his legacy: Duchovny was initially eager to move on but now respects how the show’s impact goes far beyond him (“If I don’t respect that, I’m an asshole.” – 59:52)

7. Reflections on Fame, Legacy, and Sci-Fi

• The hosts and Duchovny agree on the importance of appreciating iconic roles and not alienating fans who loved them for foundational works (60:30–62:14).
• Duchovny, ever the skeptic and philosopher, shares his perspective on extraterrestrial life:
  • “The odds to me are slanted way in favor of the existence of extraterrestrials...there’s just too many galaxies, too many planets, too many Goldilocks planets.” – David Duchovny (62:47)
• Shares a whimsical theory that maybe the “aliens” humanity encounters are just other civilizations’ “ship of fools”—the outcasts and dentists, sent out to probe us (64:43–65:10).

8. Present Projects & Personal Life

• Duchovny plugs his Amazon series "Malice" (58:52), and reveals he’d love to adapt one of his novels for a series (58:03–58:29).
• Describes his life as guided by whatever project is most urgent, not by strict goals—pursuing creative “itches” more than ticking off milestones (58:03).
• On free time: No hobbies (“I’m so bad with hobbies...I really should have a hobby.” – 65:47), but he relaxes with TV (including Love Island), sports (basketball and the Knicks), and classic LA routines (66:07–67:10).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Academia and Creative Life
  • “Clearly I have a gaping hole of academia inside me.” – David Duchovny (10:39)
  • “I look at life as a series of games or setups, and this was just another game.” – David Duchovny on switching from academia to acting (30:21)
• On Family and Literary Heritage
  • “My father was a novelist, at least he called himself that all his life, and at 73, he published his first novel.” (22:29)
• On the Versatility of Artists
  • “Sometimes when you see people who do multiple disciplines…you listen, ‘yeah, it’s pretty good.’ Your records are really good.” – Will Arnett (12:41)
• On Creativity and Discipline
  • “With writing a novel, everything has to stop...it’s an intense experience of like 8 hour days.” – David Duchovny (57:29)
• On Embracing Past Success
  • “There was a time when I wanted to leave it behind…and then you realize, it’s not personal. It’s just that this thing has a place in people’s lives and I represent that to them.” – David Duchovny (59:52)
• On Extraterrestrials
  • “The odds to me are slanted way in favor of the existence of extraterrestrials.” – David Duchovny (62:47)
  • “Alien civilizations were putting their deviants and dentists on a ship...and somehow they’ve come to us.” (65:04)
• On Hobbies
  • “I’m so bad with hobbies. I really should have a hobby.” – David Duchovny (65:47)

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Important Episode Timestamps

• [09:07] – Start of Duchovny career background and academic discussion
• [15:11] – Duchovny’s musical journey and learning guitar
• [27:32] – Shift from playwriting to acting at Yale
• [34:17] – First paid acting gig: Michelob beer commercial
• [36:19] – Outrageous Bukowski play adaptation/story
• [45:30] – Writing and directing episodes of "The X-Files"
• [49:07] – Auditioning and contractual realities of TV casting
• [52:27] – The early X-Files/Fox years
• [57:29] – Managing multiple creative careers/priorities
• [58:52] – Announcement and discussion of Amazon’s "Malice"
• [59:52] – On embracing the legacy and responsibility of "The X-Files"
• [62:14] – Speculation and personal beliefs about extraterrestrials

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Tone & Takeaways

With wit, candor, and camaraderie, the hosts and Duchovny traverse subjects from gigging in LA to grappling with fame, the discipline of writing to the existential mystery of life in the universe. Duchovny’s humility, intellect, and self-deprecating humor ground the conversation, making this not just a “celebrity interview,” but an inspiring, quirky snapshot of a modern Renaissance man.

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Recommended If You Enjoy

• The intersection of literature, music, and film
• Comic yet thoughtful explorations of fame and legacy
• Stories of artistic risk-taking and intellectual curiosity
• Practical, personal accounts of Hollywood's machinings

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Listen for:
Unexpected stories (Bukowski necrophilia-adjacent plays!), career resilience, life lessons from academia, and a reminder to embrace all phases of one’s creative journey.

Transcript

[Jason Bateman]

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[Sean Hayes]

On November 14, the now youw See Me movie franchise is back. The Four Horsemen of Magic, Jesse Eisenberg, Woody Harrelson, Dave Franco and Isla Fisher are reuniting for their biggest heist yet. This film delivers everything fans, surprises, stunning practical magic and a few twists. It's the most fun your whole family will have in the theater this fall. Now you see Me, now you don't. Rated PG 13. Only in theaters November 14th.

[Will Arnett]

Get tickets now. Hey, guys, this is. Welcome back. This is the first time. This is the first time I've done this, that we're doing the show since we did it last. Since we made the. Well, no, we made a. Didn't we make a blood pact? Did we?

[Jason Bateman]

I mean, I.

[Will Arnett]

Did we.

[Jason Bateman]

Not that I know of.

[Will Arnett]

Did we not make a blood pact? Who did I make a blood pact with?

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, no, no.

[Will Arnett]

I'll figure it out later. All right? In the meantime, let's go to all new Smart, smart, smart. Hey, you know, jb, somebody said to me the other day, you've become like the Jack Nicholson of. Of the Dodgers. Oh, yeah, you're at the Dodger. You're on the broadcast.

[Sean Hayes]

High compliment.

[Will Arnett]

I know, I know. And Shawnee, you were there with them, and the guys were like. Somebody said that the guys were like, hey, there's two thirds of the. The Smart List crew. And really, we had such a.

[Sean Hayes]

We had such a joy, didn't. I mean, Willie, if I had three tickets.

[Will Arnett]

I know. Sure, sure.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

This is. Last week it was dinner. This week it's the game. I mean, most people would be like.

[Sean Hayes]

Hey, and Sean, we're still good for Ro, right, Sean?

[Will Arnett]

Oh, this is what it is. This is a. You're getting me back for all the holidays that Sean and I went on.

[Sean Hayes]

I mean, the stamps on your passports.

[David Duchovny]

No, you.

[Jason Bateman]

We missed you, Willie.

[Sean Hayes]

We really did have a nice time, didn't we, Shani?

[Jason Bateman]

Oh, my God, it was so easy breezy.

[Sean Hayes]

We haven't. We haven't done that in. Ever. And. And, you know, it reminded me Willie of you. I took you to the. Was it game one of the World Series last year when Freddy Freeman hit that walk off.

[David Duchovny]

Ye.

[Will Arnett]

How good was that?

[Sean Hayes]

We were jumping around like, what was the last contest? The last game of what?

[Jason Bateman]

That. Where is that? Was that the famous last game last year where.

[Sean Hayes]

It wasn't the last game? I believe it was the first game.

[Will Arnett]

It was the first game and it.

[Sean Hayes]

Was a World Series.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah, where he just like got a bases loaded home run like.

[Sean Hayes]

And then the series continued for the. The Yankees to go ahead and they kind of dropped the ball on the whole series. Yankee fans will know that pun.

[Will Arnett]

Oh, gosh. Well, you just, you alienated 50 million people.

[Sean Hayes]

So listen, the Yanks to get another chance. Well, who knows when this is going to air, but we don't know when. This seems like they might get another chance.

[Jason Bateman]

I also look at what I just did. Like five minutes before we came on playing with the dog outside and I ran inside and I tripped over him and to break my fall, I grabbed the door. My. This finger went all the way back here.

[Will Arnett]

Oh, God.

[Sean Hayes]

Really?

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah, just like five minutes ago.

[Sean Hayes]

I was like, oh, wait, so you're on ice right now?

[Jason Bateman]

Well, just in case.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, well, luckily I'm. No, no joke. Luckily, you're. You're done with the, with the play.

[Jason Bateman]

I know. Could you imagine? Could you imagine? No, no, Couldn't play. Wouldn't be able to play.

[Will Arnett]

I know.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, that Ricky.

[Will Arnett]

It would be good night Oscar if that were the case, you know.

[Sean Hayes]

Incredible. Wait, Sean, why do you stupid. Sean, why have you asked me and then my wife separately if my dogs are good with other dogs?

[Jason Bateman]

Because I want to bring Ricky over, but I don't want to bring him if your dogs are going to.

[Sean Hayes]

Why would you be bringing Ricky over?

[Jason Bateman]

Because I might come see a movie this weekend.

[Sean Hayes]

Okay, but, but you, you spend three hours plus over at Jen's every week. You don't. You don't bring Ricky.

[Jason Bateman]

Look at the judging face.

[Sean Hayes]

I just don't understand, like, what's going on. Is Ricky having separation anxieties lately?

[Jason Bateman]

No, no, it's just a thing. And as a dog owner, I just don't like to leave him alone for like three times.

[Will Arnett]

JB I would describe your face as a scowl.

[David Duchovny]

Right now.

[Will Arnett]

It's a scowl.

[Jason Bateman]

But I would like, I would like to bring him over to Jen's, but he. They don't get along.

[Will Arnett]

Well.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, but.

[Jason Bateman]

So I was like, oh, if your dogs get along, it'll be great. I could just bring them over and if not, by the way, that's fine, too.

[Sean Hayes]

But I. But the bigger issue is why. Why do you and Scotty feel like Ricky needs so much constant. Like dogs can be left alone. And by the way, you just spent almost a full year out of the country.

[Jason Bateman]

I know. I don't know how he fed himself. He fed himself. I don't know how he drove himself around.

[Will Arnett]

Listen, this is going to be controversial, but. But we live in an era where people bring their dogs over to other people's houses a lot. And I'm not judging you, Sean, on this, but people do it and they just. And they're like, I got my dog with me. I'm like, what do you mean you got your dog with you?

[Sean Hayes]

It's not okay.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah. And I'm a dog. I love dogs. I've had lots of dogs. I have a dog. But you don't need to bring your dog with you when you go to somebody else's house.

[Jason Bateman]

I like the dog.

[Will Arnett]

I'm not saying that you don't.

[Sean Hayes]

Then continue having more morning play time with them.

[Will Arnett]

Then people show up, I got my dog with me. Oh, you've got your dog with you.

[Jason Bateman]

Wait a minute.

[Will Arnett]

Brought their dog. Everywhere would be mayhem.

[Jason Bateman]

This is what I love. This is what I love.

[Will Arnett]

Well, I'm a dog person. You must be. You're a monster.

[David Duchovny]

I'm sorry.

[Will Arnett]

He peed.

[Sean Hayes]

Where are your paper towels?

[Jason Bateman]

No, this is what I thought. I love. I love the. I love the conversation that I know happened this morning. And Jason's face as he was having it with Amanda.

[Sean Hayes]

It was a couple days ago, and I've been really stewing on it.

[Jason Bateman]

Sean. Amanda's like, sean just texted me, if this. If our dogs are okay with other dogs, and you turn with your cup of coffee or just sludge your cup of sludge.

[Sean Hayes]

And I said, fucking what?

[Jason Bateman]

What?

[Will Arnett]

By the way, he's. You know where he is? He's in his chair in his little study with the fire going, and he's watching msnbc. And then he barely moves, and he looks at her and she's at the door. Cause she's too scared to come in because she sees the pre scowl.

[Sean Hayes]

She knows.

[Will Arnett]

She sees the pre scale. Who knows what stage of gummy he's at? You know what I mean?

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, I will scratch.

[Will Arnett]

He's afraid of dad.

[Jason Bateman]

Ye.

[Sean Hayes]

You know, she does a very tentative little.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, a little knock.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

Honey.

[Sean Hayes]

Sorry. Are you. Sorry, Are you not on commercial? Is it not commercial?

[Will Arnett]

I guess. I tell you what. I tell you who's not tentative.

[David Duchovny]

Is our guest today.

[Jason Bateman]

Nice.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, let's get into it.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, Hang on a second.

[Sean Hayes]

Check the, check the chat.

[Will Arnett]

Hang on in one second.

[Jason Bateman]

Oh, yeah. Oh, by the way.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, yeah, sorry, before we, before we go, before we get into our guests, who we want to talk to immediately.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

Tickets to The Hollywood Bowl, November 15th. November 15th for Smart List Live.

[Sean Hayes]

Wait, do I need to buy tickets for that? I'd really like to go to that. Do I need to buy tickets?

[Will Arnett]

No, we're giving you two cops.

[Jason Bateman]

We're going to give you two.

[Will Arnett]

One for you and then plus one.

[Sean Hayes]

You get a. I'd love a stage. I'd love a stage seat. If you have a stage seat.

[Jason Bateman]

You got you go to smartless.com live.

[Sean Hayes]

Go to smartless.com live for the Hollywood bowl show on the 15th of November. Guys, this is going to be, it's going to be very nerve wracking for us because what are we doing up there at the Hollywood Bowl?

[Will Arnett]

We can barely do this. We're barely doing this.

[Sean Hayes]

This morning I will tell you that my guest is one of our biggest stars in the movie industry.

[Will Arnett]

So is my guest.

[Sean Hayes]

Really?

[Jason Bateman]

Really?

[Will Arnett]

Yes. My guest also is one of the biggest stars out there.

[Sean Hayes]

Let's have a little side bet. You and me.

[Will Arnett]

You and I. I can't wait. I'm going to have a single up on a. On a camera. We're going to single up on you when JB when my guest comes out, gets announced.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, and you'll know why.

[Will Arnett]

Oh, yeah. It's going to be great. It's going to be great.

[Sean Hayes]

Listen, it's going to be a guest that's going to make me nervous.

[Will Arnett]

It's going to be, it's going to be so great on so many levels. I can't wait.

[Sean Hayes]

All right, Shawnee, you can be the judge between Will and I's guest. Will, let's you and I have a little side $10 bet.

[Will Arnett]

Okay.

[Sean Hayes]

Of who is the bigger guest. And Shawna, you get to decide.

[Will Arnett]

And we'll just do like go. We'll do 10, 10, 20, right?

[Jason Bateman]

Be a big reveal.

[Will Arnett]

Do a 10, 10, 20 and presses.

[Sean Hayes]

We have automatics.

[Will Arnett]

Automatic presses. Okay. All right, I'll tell you what we are. We're pressed for time because we want to get into our guest who is. Get this award winning actor, writer, director, New York Times bestselling author.

[Jason Bateman]

What?

[Will Arnett]

Podcaster, singer, songwriter, multiple albums, multiple Golden Globes, multiple Emmy nominations, SAG awards. He's known for his, an iconic TV show which was his sort of breakthrough Even though he'd been doing it for a long time. He's got a degree from Princeton. He's got a master's from Yale in literature. He still has unfinished PhD that I want to ask him about. He's one of the all time greats. Guys, it's David Duchovne.

[Jason Bateman]

Oh, David Duchovny.

[Sean Hayes]

Hey, David. Was that not who you were going to guess, Shawn?

[Jason Bateman]

No, I thought it was David Duchovny or Louis ck.

[Sean Hayes]

Wow.

[Jason Bateman]

Wow.

[Sean Hayes]

Often. Often. I don't think Lou has.

[Will Arnett]

I don't think Louie has a master's in literature. All due respect to.

[David Duchovny]

From.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, but you said Princeton. You said Princeton as well, and Princeton first, I think.

[Will Arnett]

Is that true?

[David Duchovny]

David?

[Jason Bateman]

Welcome.

[David Duchovny]

Is it true? Yes, it's true.

[Will Arnett]

Thank you.

[Jason Bateman]

God, this is so wonderful.

[Will Arnett]

David, why would you. Why would you. You're such a. You know, I remember the we. We spoke about a year ago.

[David Duchovny]

Let me just say I don't like the tone of that. Why immediately?

[Jason Bateman]

Why.

[Will Arnett]

Why would they give you a degree? No, no, no, it wasn't that. It wasn't that. It wasn't that.

[David Duchovny]

Go ahead.

[Will Arnett]

The. Why would you. Because you.

[Sean Hayes]

You.

[Will Arnett]

You graduated. You were. You were head of your class in high school, and then you go to Princeton, and then. And then I feel like you. You lowered yourself to come into show business a little bit, you know, A little bit. Why would you do that, David? The. The.

[David Duchovny]

Clearly I have a Academia, A gaping hole inside me.

[Sean Hayes]

Decided to slum it.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Slummed it with us morons.

[David Duchovny]

Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

What is that?

[Will Arnett]

What?

[David Duchovny]

Go ahead.

[Jason Bateman]

No, that's it.

[Sean Hayes]

Well, no, I want. I just want to. I want you to walk me through your academic prowess. I'm fascinated with all this stuff.

[David Duchovny]

Well, I. At Princeton, I majored in English literature and I wrote my thesis on Samuel Beckett's novels.

[Sean Hayes]

Come on.

[Jason Bateman]

Wow.

[David Duchovny]

Because. Well, let me tell you why I wrote on the novels, because nobody writes on the novels. And I didn't have to do that much work in research because I could just make the shit up myself.

[Sean Hayes]

All right, this is pretty.

[Will Arnett]

This is nothing to compare it to.

[David Duchovny]

Yes.

[Sean Hayes]

No chatgpt cheating.

[David Duchovny]

It was an open field.

[Sean Hayes]

And then what happened at. That was Princeton or that was Yale?

[David Duchovny]

That was Princeton. And then I took a year off and I traveled and I didn't really know what I wanted to do at all. I just knew I wanted to be a writer. And then I thought I applied for a Mellon fellowship, which I got from the Mellon foundation, which they were trying to lure people that might go into Money making businesses and steer them towards academia. So it was for people to get PhDs who might, you know, not be able to afford staying in school. So I got one of those and I went to Yale and I thought that I'd become a professor of English literature and then write novels in my summertimes. That's the plan.

[Jason Bateman]

Wow. And forgive me, have you written like a hundred novels and I'm an idiot.

[David Duchovny]

I've written four or five novels.

[Will Arnett]

Wow.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[David Duchovny]

And I just had a book of poems come out.

[Will Arnett]

Yes.

[Jason Bateman]

Oh, that's cool.

[Sean Hayes]

David, this is.

[Will Arnett]

And then by the way, by the way, he's also, he's admitting the fact that he's put out a number of records. He just finished a tour. Am I right? You just finished a tour in Europe?

[David Duchovny]

Yeah, yeah. Oh no, this was in the States, this one. But, but go ahead.

[Will Arnett]

But last year you were on tour in Europe.

[David Duchovny]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

And, and I listened to your records, by the way. Your music is great. And you know.

[David Duchovny]

Thank you.

[Will Arnett]

Sometimes, and I mean this with all due respect, sometimes when you see people who do multiple discipline, they're like, I'm gonna put a record out, you listen. Yeah, yeah, it's pretty good. Your records are really good. I mean they're very. These aren't just.

[Sean Hayes]

Will's got very good musical taste.

[Will Arnett]

I'm a music lover. Really, really good stuff. I mean.

[David Duchovny]

Thank you, Will.

[Will Arnett]

I love that tune Hell or High Water. I think that's a great tune. Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

What type of, is it? Rock and roll?

[David Duchovny]

Yeah, I guess it's, I'd say it's rock and roll.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah.

[David Duchovny]

Like 70s rock, you know, late 60s rock.

[Jason Bateman]

Like, like yacht. Yacht rock.

[David Duchovny]

Not quite like yacht rock. I'm not, I'm not very jazzy. I stay off the water. I try to stay off the.

[Will Arnett]

It was kind of like indie rock in a way. I mean, sorry to. Forgive me for saying that, but I'm a 90s indie rock dinosaur.

[David Duchovny]

Yeah, it's. Well, well, the 90s was kind of like the garage ification of 70s rock in my mind, you know, Interesting. And so I, I think 70s and 90s have a lot in common.

[Sean Hayes]

And you're playing the guitar there and you're singing as well.

[David Duchovny]

I don't play the guitar on stage because I'm, I'm, I'm kind of self taught on, on the guitar. So I have an inability to play it the same way twice, which is not very nice for my band.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[David Duchovny]

So I, I, I write the songs.

[Sean Hayes]

And, and you sing them and I.

[David Duchovny]

Sing in my, in My fashion.

[Sean Hayes]

So on stage, you don't. You have no. You have no guitar as a crush.

[David Duchovny]

Nothing to do with my hands.

[Sean Hayes]

I was just gonna say. Yeah. So you just. You just kind of work the mic and the. And the, you know, you hold on.

[David Duchovny]

To that mic stand for dear life. That's what happens.

[Sean Hayes]

I wouldn't know what to do.

[David Duchovny]

It's like a life jacket.

[Will Arnett]

You're like. You're like, Liam Gallagher does that, you know, with the.

[David Duchovny]

Is amazing. Because, you know, when I first. When I first started performing live, I just thought, well, I'm like the mc. I want people to have a good time, you know, and I'm dancing around and making a fool of myself. It was actually my wife said to me, you know, you don't have to move around so much.

[Will Arnett]

Oh, no.

[David Duchovny]

And then I saw, you know, then I saw Liam, and Liam is just still, you know, he's just still got his hands behind his back for the most part.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah. Kind of leaning up in a way.

[David Duchovny]

And it's really powerful to be still.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

Do you close your eyes a lot?

[David Duchovny]

Sometimes? Sometimes I close my eyes and then I go, this isn't good. There could be happening out there that I need to keep an eye on.

[Sean Hayes]

Do you ever go full sia and just turn your back to the audience?

[Will Arnett]

But, but, but, David, I just want to say. So you. You were. David, you were self taught on guitar. I think you only started playing guitar a couple years before your first album. Is that true?

[David Duchovny]

True. Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

So. So you barely. You basically teach yourself how to play guitar for a couple years, then you have the audacity to be like, all right, well, I'm gonna write a record. And how are you? Do you know how to read and write music? How did you do? How did. How was that process?

[David Duchovny]

No, I don't know how to read and write music. But here's something that you guys might appreciate as actors. When I decided I wanted to learn guitar, I'm not. I'm not 100% self taught. When I decided I wanted to learn, I was doing Californication at the time. And I said to the. I said to Tom Kapanos, the producer, I think Hank Moody should learn how to play guitar so I can get the. So I could get the free lessons.

[Jason Bateman]

That's amazing.

[Sean Hayes]

The intelligence permeates everything you do.

[Will Arnett]

I know, I know he's playing four dimensional chess, if that's the thing.

[David Duchovny]

So I also, with singing, I'm not. I'm not like Sean. I can't. I'm not that kind of a singer.

[Jason Bateman]

I'm not either, which is sad.

[David Duchovny]

You are.

[Will Arnett]

And how dare you.

[David Duchovny]

It's been a journey to try and put over the song because I can hear melodies that I can't. That I can't necessarily sing, which is weird. I never thought that was a possibility.

[Jason Bateman]

Well, you know, just really quick. Some of. Sometimes the best singers are the, quote, untrained singing, you know, because you don't think about it. You're not in your head about it.

[Will Arnett]

You know, David, when we had Michael Stipe, our friend from REM on here a while ago, and he was talking.

[David Duchovny]

About that wonderful song.

[Will Arnett]

It was so good. And that first record that he made when he was down in Athens, Georgia, with those guys, Radio Free Europe, I think was their first single. And he was talking about. He basically was singing gibberish and he didn't know how to sing. Do you remember that, guys? And he was talking. He was like. I just kind of winged it.

[David Duchovny]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

Because he didn't know what. And he kind of taught himself how to. And he got better.

[Sean Hayes]

I think the correct term is wong. He. Wong.

[Will Arnett]

He.

[Jason Bateman]

Wong.

[Will Arnett]

It.

[Jason Bateman]

He. Wong.

[Will Arnett]

Sorry. Sorry, Jason.

[Sean Hayes]

I don't mean to embarrass you. I'm so sorry.

[Will Arnett]

Stickler. He got David in English from the school bus.

[Sean Hayes]

So.

[Will Arnett]

Hey.

[Sean Hayes]

Hey, Sean. Hey.

[David Duchovny]

Yeah, okay.

[Will Arnett]

Really, speaking of music struck a chord Now, David, this.

[Sean Hayes]

This is. I don't. I. I don't read. And I'm not. I'm not proud to say that.

[David Duchovny]

You strike me as a reader, though. I'm surprised.

[Sean Hayes]

I appreciate that.

[Jason Bateman]

He reads scripts.

[Sean Hayes]

He doesn't read a lot of. This is the glasses.

[David Duchovny]

It's just the glasses.

[Sean Hayes]

But to be an English major and. And to say you want to be a writer and you are a writer, and to be a professor, it just. It sounds like reading a lot of sitting down.

[David Duchovny]

Can't get anything by you.

[Sean Hayes]

Nothing else going on. There's total silence in the house. Maybe there's a little bit of classical music or something. Nothing with lyrics, because that'll distract you.

[David Duchovny]

Right?

[Sean Hayes]

But like. And, Will, I. I wanted to ask you about this, too, at times. And then I just said it. I don't want to talk to Will. How do you do that? How do you just say, of all the things I could be doing, I would rather just sit in this chair and shut out the world and stare at this stack of paper and go left to right, top to bottom, word after word after word after.

[David Duchovny]

So I'm not reading Hebrew at all.

[Sean Hayes]

I mean, I just. I wish my I wish my parents, for all the good that they did, I wish they had somehow tricked me into really loving that process. Because there's so much that I'm talking about writing or reading, reading, writing I've got. But it's the reading that's. I don't know.

[David Duchovny]

Have you ever. Have you ever loved reading a novel or reading?

[Sean Hayes]

I have. I've had a back. I backed into a couple of those. But it was, you know, it wasn't by choice. I do not read for pleasure.

[Will Arnett]

All the jokes JB That I make about you not reading, I will say of the. Of the. The handful that I mentioned that you have read, you've always said you really enjoyed reading them. So that's what's surprising to me. I'm like, well, why don't you double.

[Sean Hayes]

It is the time allotment. It is the decision to go sit in a chair in a quiet corner of a house and shut everything out and do that. There's so much discipline that I have for other things, but I just don't have for reading. I'm so envious of that.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah.

[David Duchovny]

I think it really just comes from my parents. I think on my mother's side, she was from a small town in Scotland, and the only way to advance for her family, which were generations of. I did that. That 20. I did that root finding. Your roots show. So I found out that. That I come from a long line of fishmongers.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

Wow, that's wild.

[David Duchovny]

So the only way out of the fishmongering business. In fact, one of. One of my ancestors occupation was widow of fishmonger.

[Will Arnett]

And I was like, I know that was a job.

[David Duchovny]

I was like, how does that pay? How does that pay? Not well, is my guess.

[Will Arnett]

Well, you need the person to die first of all.

[Sean Hayes]

You need to be included in the will.

[David Duchovny]

And so the only way out of that place in society was education for my mother. So my mother was the first woman. First person in her family and a woman in the 1940s to go to college. And so she was very much just somebody who believed in the power of education and of reading. And writing as a social climbing tool.

[Sean Hayes]

Is also the appeal of reading sometime like the pure escapism of Cause I do remember this one book I really enjoyed reading. I was once on a job that I didn't enjoy. I didn't like where I was. I was on location somewhere and I was lonely. And it was great to just like I was dying to get back into the book any chance I could because it would travel Me from where I was.

[Will Arnett]

That feeling is amazing.

[David Duchovny]

Yeah, well, it used to be, you know, I think the, the place of books has been taken by, you know, TV and movies, you know, that, that, that escape. But before there was that technology, you know, this, this is what you had.

[Will Arnett]

You had the book. And people used to read books on set, I think way back in the day. You. But jb, I would say that you as somebody who travels a lot, you're on a lot of, you're on planes a lot. Yeah, that's such a great time to, to get that escape where you're not watching.

[David Duchovny]

Can I send you one of. Yes, you one of my books for plane ride? It's, it's baseball contingent. It's, it's, it's near baseball. It's called Bucky fucking Dent. I made a movie of it. I made a movie of it. But I want you to read the book. I'll send you the book now.

[Sean Hayes]

Well, that sounds like non fiction.

[David Duchovny]

No, no, it's fiction.

[Sean Hayes]

Is it?

[David Duchovny]

It just uses that, that moment in time as a.

[Sean Hayes]

And then. Does that make you a big Yankee fan?

[David Duchovny]

I am a big Yankee fan. And I heard what you said earlier.

[Sean Hayes]

You got a big day today. Big day today.

[Will Arnett]

So, David, so, so David, all of this.

[David Duchovny]

Father, My father's, my father's family. His, his father wrote for the Forward, which is the, was the only Yiddish daily newspaper in America, the longest running one. And he wrote kind of in a Dickensian way. He wrote cliffhangers for the paper. He wrote, you know, stories about Little Nell or whatever, some, you know, somebody being tied to the train tracks, that kind of a thing.

[Will Arnett]

So.

[David Duchovny]

And my father, his entire life, my father had to work, kind of a nine to five job. But he always said he was a novelist. He always said he was a novelist. And at the age of 73, two years before he died, he published his first novel. So he was a hot young novelist at the age of 73. So I'm coming out of that kind of history of respect for the word, respect for the efficacy of the word, respect for education. Just. It was all that was part of my growing up. That was part of my foundation.

[Sean Hayes]

And we will be right back.

[Jason Bateman]

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[Sean Hayes]

The family that vacations together, stays together.

[David Duchovny]

At least that was the plan. Except now the dastardly desk clerk is.

[Sean Hayes]

Saying he can't confirm your connecting rooms.

[Jason Bateman]

Wait, what?

[David Duchovny]

That's right, ma'.

[Sean Hayes]

Am.

[Will Arnett]

You have rooms 201 and 709.

[Jason Bateman]

No, we cannot be five floors away from our kids.

[Will Arnett]

Eh, the doors have double locks. They'll be fine.

[Jason Bateman]

Fine.

[Sean Hayes]

When you want connecting rooms confirmed before.

[David Duchovny]

You arrive, it matters where you stay.

[Sean Hayes]

Welcome to Hilton. I see your connecting rooms are already confirmed. Hilton for the stay.

[Jason Bateman]

And now back to the show.

[Will Arnett]

That's funny, David. My dad also, who worked forever, but he's been retired for a while. But since COVID has written two novels.

[David Duchovny]

Amazing.

[Will Arnett]

And he wrote his last one and came out when he was 86. He's just written it.

[David Duchovny]

Oh, my God.

[Will Arnett]

Last year. Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

What is the name of it and where can perhaps plug it?

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, well, his latest is the Monmouth Manifesto, which is an interesting novel and it's sort of historical fiction, if you will.

[Sean Hayes]

I love it. This is about when caterpillars change into.

[Will Arnett]

No, it's sort of pre. It's about the American Revolution in a way. Monmouth County, New Jersey, is a reference about Loyalists going to Canada. Based on one of my ancestors and about really at the heart of the revolution.

[Sean Hayes]

I was just trying to do a moth. Joke. Joke.

[Will Arnett]

Okay, sorry.

[Sean Hayes]

You don't want to get into it, really?

[David Duchovny]

This is why you're Canadian.

[Sean Hayes]

Let the readers buy it and discover it.

[David Duchovny]

What's his name?

[Will Arnett]

My dad's name is James Arnett.

[Sean Hayes]

You sure?

[Will Arnett]

Yeah. Emerson. James Arnett, if you will. Oh, yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

My dad. My dad wrote. My dad wrote me off.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, no.

[Will Arnett]

It would be funny if it wasn't so true.

[Sean Hayes]

He wrote me off.

[David Duchovny]

No.

[Sean Hayes]

All right.

[Will Arnett]

He wrote a goodbye note is what he wrote. See ya. That's where bye came from, by the way. Came from Sean's dad. Bye. Wait, wait. David, David, David. So you. So I do want to. So you get in. You graduate, you go to Princeton.

[David Duchovny]

I want to sit with Sean, but.

[Will Arnett]

I know I do. We've done a lot. Anytime you have a question on Sean, please interrupt me. But you decide, and you're studying English lit and you get a Master's, and then what's the moment? You go like, all right, I'm gonna put this down for a second. I'm gonna dip my toe. What was your first acting job, and why did it come about?

[David Duchovny]

I was at Yale. I was getting my PhD or so I thought. And Yale is famous for its drama school, and they have a lot of. They have a lot of productions going on all the time. So I decided I was gonna start trying to take classes over at the drama department. And they were very loose about it. They would just let me walk in and do writing classes because I thought, maybe I'm gonna write plays. Because the idea of writing novels or poems seems so very lonely to me, you know? And I was 20, 22, 23 years old, and I was just sitting in a room all day long alone, trying to write. I was like, this is fucked up. You know, this is not. You know, I like people.

[Will Arnett]

Not as romantic as you thought it was.

[David Duchovny]

No. But I like collaborating. So I thought, okay, I'll write plays, and that way at least I'll get out into the world. And so I met all these actors, and they're always looking for bodies because there's so many productions going on around in Yale. And they said, hey, you know, come and do this thing, this Arthur Schnitzer play, Schnitzler play we're doing, which name escapes me, but you can play the Count de la Tremouille or something. I had one or two lines, and I liked It. It wasn't like, oh, this is a revelation. In fact, I thought, oh, well, I'm comfortable. And I was so comfortable that in between the first and the second performances, I smoked a joint.

[Will Arnett]

Have the second one go.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[David Duchovny]

Yeah, not so good.

[Jason Bateman]

That's really funny.

[David Duchovny]

I got. I was so cocky. I was like, I got this. And then I was like, oh, I don't have anything. Why are people looking at me?

[Sean Hayes]

Did you then sign up for acting classes or did you.

[David Duchovny]

I started taking classes in. In New York with a woman named Marcia how taught Strasberg Method. She was associated with the Actors Studio, and that was wonderful because she was completely supportive. You know, it was all about the interior world, all the things that are so difficult to work on when you're actually a working actor.

[Will Arnett]

But were you thinking about it in terms of, like, informing your playwriting? Was that part of it? Yeah.

[David Duchovny]

Yes, that's what I was thinking.

[Sean Hayes]

So it wasn't like, this is gonna be my future occupation.

[David Duchovny]

No. I thought, if I'm gonna write plays, I should probably know what it's like to say these. Whatever lines I'm gonna write, see if they're sayable up on stage.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah.

[David Duchovny]

And so that was my approach. And then at some point, I was just like. I liked. I'd played sports my whole life, and I liked the team aspect of acting and of making things. I liked the high wire kind of put up or shut up feeling.

[Sean Hayes]

Did it ever frustrate you that it didn't hold the same sort of academic rigor? No, because it is not with all respect to our colleagues that are actors. It's not the. It doesn't have this sort of high eyebrow, sophisticated reputation that a playwright.

[David Duchovny]

It's just a different game. It's just a different game. It's like baseball and basketball, whatever. It's just. I look at life as a series of games or setups, and this was just another game. And I knew it had different rules, and I knew that I would have to examine different strengths in order to.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah. And probably less constraints, too, than writing, because it is such a different discipline. It probably started exercising a different. Different muscle creatively that you're like, oh, this feels good.

[David Duchovny]

Yes. It was the emotional. Emotional aspect of my life, which had been neglected because I was, you know, I was in academia. Which doesn't really prize, you know, being volatile.

[Sean Hayes]

Right. So the emotional side of it and the teamwork side of it is. Is being satisfied. But do you feel like this academic superhero that you have inside of you has been satisfied? Had Been utilized properly in your life thus far?

[Jason Bateman]

Yes.

[David Duchovny]

Now that I. When I started writing novels about. About 10 years ago now. And, you know, people, I. I go on Goodreads and I'll read. I'll read, you know, people's suggestions. Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

Oh, you. Oh, you will? You will.

[David Duchovny]

Stupidly, yeah. But people, I. I will. I will be accused of showing off my learning when, in fact, I don't write with any books around. It's all in my head. You know, if I'm quoting something or if I'm referencing another. A great work of literature, it's coming from my head, it's coming from my memory. That's great. So I'm not doing it just to show off, but it's part of me, and I really feel like I finally joined in the conversation with these people that I grew up reading and loving and feeling like this is the conversation I want to be involved with. And I'm sure you guys have had this as actors where you're like, okay, now I'm in conversation with the people that I want to be in conversation with. That's true.

[Sean Hayes]

That's true. And then what about. Did you ever. Sorry, Shani. Did you. Did you ever end up writing any plays or any screenplays? Have you kind of married the two?

[David Duchovny]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. In fact, the novel writing came out of not being able to make a screenplay. Bucky Dent. I wrote as a Screenplay probably in 202005 or six.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[David Duchovny]

And then I couldn't get it made. You know, these are usually my. My. My soul goes towards, like, more independent kind of stories.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, yeah.

[David Duchovny]

And so, Bucky, I couldn't make. I got close. I got close. I got close. I couldn't make. But then finally did, and then I was like, I'm gonna write it as a novel. And then I made it as a movie.

[Will Arnett]

So you flipped it. You went the other way. So you write a screenplay.

[Jason Bateman]

Because Will always talks about. This is IP now. Because now your book is ip, so they love that.

[David Duchovny]

Right? I don't know if I would love that.

[Jason Bateman]

Reverse engineering? I mean. No, Hollywood loves that. Was it a book first, then? What?

[David Duchovny]

I'll just say that as a. You know, writing the novel of the screenplay was the best preparation I could have done as a director, because I just knew.

[Will Arnett]

So now I'd be remiss that you.

[David Duchovny]

Have to do that next time you direct guys.

[Will Arnett]

No. Yeah.

[David Duchovny]

I'm just saying, for me, that worked.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

Is there a genre that you like writing more of than not?

[David Duchovny]

Oh, I mean, I'm just Of the. I guess, you know, I go back to the movies when I started acting, you know, like James Brooks. Just these movies that can live in a real. In terms of endearment, you know, sobbing, but also laughing. Yeah, yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

Great David O. Russell stuff.

[David Duchovny]

Yeah, yeah.

[Will Arnett]

Just like real emotional stuff that.

[David Duchovny]

Like, emotional but funny. Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

Flips back and forth.

[David Duchovny]

Yeah. So that's. That's always the balance that I'm looking for as an actor, too. It's always the balance I'm looking for. That's where I live.

[Will Arnett]

So what ended up. Because. So. So to go back to my. What ended up becoming the first professional acting gig that you had, that you went up for and you got.

[David Duchovny]

Professional's a funny word.

[Will Arnett]

Well, you know that you got paid. That you got a paycheck that you had to fill out a W4 or whatever, you know.

[David Duchovny]

Well, I'll tell you about two one, the first one I got paid for. And then there's the first one I did, which was even better. But the first one I got paid for, I believe, was a Michelo beer commercial.

[Will Arnett]

Wow.

[David Duchovny]

And I got on set and the guy told me, okay, you're at the bar here. The guy. The director said, you're at the bar here.

[Jason Bateman]

The guy.

[David Duchovny]

Yeah, that guy. Some guy said, you're at the bar. I said, okay. This guy says, I'm at the bar, and you run into an old professor of yours, and you guys have a conversation, and, you know, you're happy to see him. And I was so fucking tight. I was so nervous. I mean, I'm 20. I'm 26 years old. I mean, I'm not young young, you know, And I had kind of staked my life on this path. Like, I wasn't gonna get my PhD. I wasn't gonna be a professor. And I just thought, okay, I'm gonna do this thing and I'm gonna be good at it. Now I get on set and I'm like, I'm just tight because you feel.

[Sean Hayes]

Like you needed to do so much.

[David Duchovny]

I just didn't know. I didn't know it was gonna be so fucking tight.

[Will Arnett]

I know exactly what you mean, man. I know exactly what you mean.

[Sean Hayes]

You needed that joke joint.

[David Duchovny]

It wasn't that. It wasn't. It wasn't like, you know, oh, I'm in the right place.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah, right.

[David Duchovny]

It was like, no, I'm in the wrong place.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

The camera's pointed at you.

[David Duchovny]

I can't do. I can't go on. I can't lie on the ground and go.

[Jason Bateman]

Right.

[David Duchovny]

So I. There's pretzels there. And I start. I toss one up, you know, catch it in my mouth. And the director's like, that's. I love that. I love that. Oh, no. And I just remember again, that was my lifeline. And I was like. So I did it for like 10 minutes. And then I just remember the director going, okay, with the pretzels. We got the pretzels.

[Sean Hayes]

I thought you were going to say you could never get it in your mouth again.

[David Duchovny]

No, no, I was. That I could do.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[David Duchovny]

So that was the first paying job was. Was Michelob. The first job that I remember was my acting class went and my acting class put on a night of one acts. And I decided to adapt this Charles Bukowski short story called the Copulating Mermaid of Venice, California. Sure, sure, sure. As one does.

[Will Arnett]

Sean's always referencing that.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, it's a painting Sean has.

[Jason Bateman]

I just call it Mermaid.

[David Duchovny]

Yeah, yeah. So in this story, these two guys, kind of unemployed guys, watch the hearse unload at the Venice morgue. This is not a true kind of geographical thing, but they. It from the beach and they know the timing of it. They know when the guys are going to come around. They know when the body's going to be unattended and they're going to steal a body. So they do. They steal a body and they, you know, and here's where, you know, it's Bukowski. And it's like the logic kind of fails you. But they open it up and it's a beautiful woman. And I decide I'm going to have sex with her. And then I'm so ashamed of myself that I force my buddy to have sex with her and that. You sure you have this on your wall, Sean? I'm not sure.

[Sean Hayes]

No, no, no, no.

[Jason Bateman]

It's how I should see the poster. It's bizarre.

[David Duchovny]

So then I. I said, we go, what are we gonna do with the body? I don't know. I swim her out to the ocean to get rid of the body. And then I come back and I say, she wasn't dead. She turned into a mermaid. She was beautiful. She swam away. So it's just like beautif. Not beautiful after this. It's this gross, horrible necrophilia. And then coupled with this high romantic. It's just Bukowski, right. So we decided we're gonna do it. And I asked the class, you know, which of the women in the class is gonna be the corpse? And everybody's like, yeah, it'll be me. It'll be me. But Then when the time comes to do it, nobody shows to be the corpse and we're stuck. And we had been. The place where we were making these plays was a. It was an S and M dungeon.

[Sean Hayes]

Sure.

[David Duchovny]

Wow.

[Sean Hayes]

You know, of course, they're not used during the day.

[David Duchovny]

And so, no, they're not used during the day. And we got to use it for two nights by cleaning up. We had to clean up. And that was a whole other different story. But there was the madam. There was named Magda. And she heard that we didn't have a body. So she said, why don't you use one of my Blow up dolls? Oh, my God. This is how things happen there at Yale. Oh, she. Yeah, right. And I'm thinking, maybe I should have stayed at Yale. So I put up a. I had always put up like a bulwark on front of the stage to lay a body down so nobody could see the body. They couldn't see what was going on when I was supposedly making love to this body. And so I had this blow up dollar. And what I. I hadn't been able to rehearse with her.

[Sean Hayes]

Sure.

[Will Arnett]

And she wasn't available. She didn't know her lines or anything.

[David Duchovny]

As I was copulating with her, her arms and legs started flying out because she's only made of air.

[Will Arnett]

Right.

[David Duchovny]

So the audience sees this.

[Will Arnett]

Sure.

[Jason Bateman]

Like.

[Sean Hayes]

Like a used.

[Jason Bateman]

Like a used car lot. The things that use car lots.

[David Duchovny]

I'm trying to do this most intense scene. Young actor. Like, I'm really, like, sure, I'm fucking edgy. And the audience is laughing and laughing and so in between performances, I went to Paragon. I hope you know it. It's a sporting goods show.

[Will Arnett]

Very well.

[David Duchovny]

And I got four ankle weights and I weighed down her wrists and her ankles. So the next time she. She didn't. She didn't have as much move, but.

[Sean Hayes]

She still had the squeaky.

[David Duchovny]

The other part of it was when I walked through the audience and I go. I put a pail of water off stage, where I was gonna go. Cause I swim around, I gotta be wet. And so I walk through the audience, and I'm sure the audience is like, oh, my God, this is the worst thing I've ever seen. And I'm thinking, yeah, that's right. I'm an edgy motherfucker. And I go around the corner to. And I realize it's totally quiet. There's no door. They can just hear me sponging myself down back there. They can just hear me.

[Jason Bateman]

Oh, my go.

[David Duchovny]

So that was my first Play how.

[Jason Bateman]

Long did it last?

[David Duchovny]

It was two nights.

[Jason Bateman]

Okay, great.

[Will Arnett]

Two full nights. Two full nights. So you do the Bukowski, where you're, as you describe, making love to a inflatable doll in an S and M dungeon. You do the Mickelmoore.

[David Duchovny]

I threw away a PhD at Yale for this is what I hear my mother saying.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, your parents. Your parents must have been. At this point. They're beaming with pride. But then what's the sort of the first. Cause I'm leading up to X fil. I want to get into X Files a little bit. We'd be remiss if we didn't get into X Files because I was a fan of X Files and I watched it.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

So you. So you get that. And that leads to what you. You meet. Because what was the first film you did?

[David Duchovny]

An old girlfriend of mine whose name is. Is Maggie Wheeler. That's her married name. She's a terrific actress.

[Sean Hayes]

She was going to give an address.

[David Duchovny]

Or friends quite a lot.

[Sean Hayes]

First and last. Okay.

[David Duchovny]

She's on Friends. She was janice on Friends.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, yeah.

[David Duchovny]

Channel Chandler's.

[Will Arnett]

Yes. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[David Duchovny]

So Maggie was doing this film with Henry Jaglum, who just passed last week, and Henry's this maverick independent filmmaker.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[David Duchovny]

And Maggie was going to be one of the three stars of this film called New Year's Day. And she asked Henry, you know, can you. David's acting now. Can you. Can you see if you can put him in? So Henry did. And I had a couple scenes in the movie and they were. They were kind of notable enough to kind of get me going here in LA and get an agent. And, you know, at that point, it was like. It wasn't like, get your SAG card. It was like, how do I get film on myself?

[Jason Bateman]

You know?

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[David Duchovny]

How do I show people that I'm not a vampire and I don't disappear when I'm.

[Will Arnett]

Well, people didn't have. They didn't have phones and you couldn't put shit on YouTube the way kids can now and create their own stuff.

[David Duchovny]

So it was really this one. It was one long scene in New Year's Day that really kind of opened it up for me in la. And then I, you know, I auditioned forever here and didn't get tons of stuff and would get, you know.

[Will Arnett]

So you moved to la.

[David Duchovny]

Feedback.

[Will Arnett]

You moved to LA to be. To do it. To go all in.

[David Duchovny]

Exactly.

[Sean Hayes]

What were you doing to pay the bills while you were swinging and missing?

[David Duchovny]

I was doing commercials.

[Jason Bateman]

Okay.

[David Duchovny]

I would. I would get commercials. Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

So no, no. No waiting tables, no bartending.

[David Duchovny]

I bartended. I catered.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

Where you. Where did you live when you were here in LA?

[David Duchovny]

I lived on 4th street in Santa Monica. I got.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[David Duchovny]

An efficiency apartment, which means it didn't have a kitchen, which means I did my dishes in the shower. When I had a shower.

[Sean Hayes]

David.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

Wow.

[David Duchovny]

I mean, dishwashing liquid is pretty good.

[Sean Hayes]

Wait, fourth. Fourth and what? I lived on Ocean park and Second for years.

[David Duchovny]

Fourth between California and Washington. Yeah, right by the stairs. You know, like, that was my gym.

[Jason Bateman]

I'd go to the stairs and I catered to. I catered for Anthony. A wedding at Anthony Edwards house. House when I just moved here. And I was like, oh, my God, it's the guy from er and I'm in his kitchen.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

It was so wild.

[Sean Hayes]

And then. And then you were shooting pretty much next door to him when you guys were doing Will and Grace. That's right.

[Jason Bateman]

It's crazy. Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, my God.

[Will Arnett]

And you did a lot. Shawnee, you did a lot of commercials, too, back in the.

[Jason Bateman]

I remember tons.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

It's the only way to pay the.

[Will Arnett]

Bills we talked about. Remember you had those commercials that you were doing, like when Will and Grace was on? Some of them came out.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah, I know.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[David Duchovny]

Isn't that weird?

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah. That was wild. I had Two. I had two commercials. Two on the Super bowl in 1998.

[David Duchovny]

What were they?

[Jason Bateman]

One was a Bud Light commercial.

[David Duchovny]

I did a Bud. I did a Bud Light commercial.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, really?

[Jason Bateman]

When?

[David Duchovny]

87. 88.

[Jason Bateman]

Well, you did Miller Lite and Bud Light.

[David Duchovny]

Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

Michelob.

[Jason Bateman]

Look at you. No, Michelangelo.

[David Duchovny]

Micheloba and Bud Light. I was all over the beers. I was king of beers.

[Jason Bateman]

Wait, so, David. So when did you. I mean, because I was a. I'm a big sci fi nerd.

[Will Arnett]

So X. Yeah. So X Files. How did. That's what you're getting to, right, Shani? How did X Files.

[Jason Bateman]

I know you're sick of talking about it and.

[Will Arnett]

Forgive us. Forgive us. We're just fans.

[Sean Hayes]

I didn't ask, but I'm ready to listen.

[Will Arnett]

Jason, read the books.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah.

[David Duchovny]

It was just an audition. And I remember at that point, I was not wanting to do television. You know, at that point, there was a real divide between.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[David Duchovny]

Television actors and. And movie actors, which has been erased in the past few years or the past 20 years. So it was really. You know, I'm not a TV actor. That was my sense.

[Sean Hayes]

Who was your North Star in film? Who did you want to be?

[David Duchovny]

Well, I mean, I didn't want to be Brando, but he was my North Star.

[Sean Hayes]

Okay, gotcha. Right.

[Jason Bateman]

Did you ever, did you ever write any of the X Files else?

[David Duchovny]

Yeah, I did. I wrote, I wrote and directed two or three of them.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah, that's.

[David Duchovny]

One of them is a baseball one. Jason.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, yeah.

[David Duchovny]

I can't believe we haven't made this.

[Will Arnett]

I know.

[Sean Hayes]

We'll be right back.

[Jason Bateman]

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[Will Arnett]

Today's episode is sponsored by Ashley. They don't just sell incredible furniture. They're also making an impact in vulnerable communities. Here's a tough over 7 million kids are affected by the welfare System and over 368,000 are currently in foster foster care. So together with Ashley and Sirius xm, we made a donation to four others, an organization working to end the child welfare crisis in America. You know, partnering with Ashley in our live show. First of all, they just made our set look really good. They made us really comfortable and they kind of made us look legit because otherwise it would have been, you know, milk crates and, you know, cardboard boxes. And Ashley made it look like a real, kind of looked like a living room, made it really comfortable, made our guest John Mayer really comfortable. And then he thought that maybe we're professional. We're not just a bunch of clowns. To be honest, there was a point where I got so comfortable, I forgot that I was in front of an audience. I was sitting back on that Nice Ashley couch and I was just hanging out with my buds in my living room. Anyway, Ashley offers timeless well crafted furniture with white glove delivery right to your door. Visit your local Ashley or head to Ashley.com to find your style.

[Sean Hayes]

Streaming November 16th on Paramount +Landman returns the next big hit from Yellowstone. Co creator Taylor Sheridan. Academy award winner Billy Bob Thornton is back as Tommy Norris facing his toughest challenges yet with Demi Moore, Andy Garcia and Sam Elliott. Tensions flare after his boss's death as Tommy and Cammy Miller fight to control emtech's oil. The stakes are higher than ever in this gripping truck trauma. Don't miss Landman. Season two. Streaming November 16th only on Paramount Plus.

[Jason Bateman]

And now back to the show.

[Sean Hayes]

So wait, so you get this gig and, and you sign, you sign the five year or seven year standard thing before you go in and you test so you know that if you get this, you're stuck with something that you're not really kind of excited about. Then you get it was your.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah. Are you excited when you get it because of that?

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[David Duchovny]

Well, you know, you, you're not excited to think it's going to go forever, which is a blessing when it does. But you, you get competitive, you know, you just like if I'm going to do it, I want it to, I want it to win, I want it to go.

[Sean Hayes]

You do the pilot, you want it to get picked up and it does.

[David Duchovny]

Every step of the way.

[Sean Hayes]

Then it gets well received and you're like, well, all right now can I.

[Will Arnett]

Just stop for Tracy? Can I just say so the testing process. So you don't know. Jason just alluded to and, and David knows, we all know it used to be. I don't know if it still is the way but what would happen is you'd go in for a show whether it's X Files or Will and Grace or whatever it is and you get the audition and you'd go through and then they'd get a call back and you'd read. For producers then what they do is they sort of take for any given role they might have three or four people who they decide that they're going to, as they call it, bring to the network and that means that they're, they're, they're kind of their select pick three or four people for each role and before you go and do this final audition, usually like an A in a conference room or something in an office building, the most uninspiring place you can imagine before you do that for a day or two before your Agents and the, and the show negotiate your contract, a five year contract. And you sign it before you go into the final audition in the lobby.

[Sean Hayes]

Right before you walk.

[Jason Bateman]

So they got you.

[Will Arnett]

So you're broke. And then your agent goes like, here's your contract. You, we've agreed, you're going to get $25,000 an episode for the next five years.

[Sean Hayes]

It's a lottery ticket.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah. And you're like, oh my God, I'm so broke and I'm going to get $25,000 an episode for the next five years. And you're doing the math and you're like, and then I'm going to buy it. I'm going to buy a new.

[Sean Hayes]

And if you weren't nervous before, you're petrified and you sign it.

[Will Arnett]

And then you go, once you sign it, they take the signed executed company.

[Sean Hayes]

So that you have no leverage if they give you the job.

[Will Arnett]

You've already go in and you then audition for all the execs at the network and then you're waiting and they decide whether or not you got the part. So, so nervous. They have you so over the barrel. You never realize you're never, not over the barrel in that, in that process. And it's really uninspiring and it's a very specific thing to get good at that, to be able to block that part of it out to, to then go and deliver at the final moment. It's. You're, you're kind of torture. Yeah. You're fighting out of a hole.

[Jason Bateman]

Right. What, what if after that David was like, it was an offer, but anyway.

[David Duchovny]

It wasn't an offer.

[Will Arnett]

So, so, so David. So David, your process is you're kind of, you're a little conflicted about doing a TV series, but you want to do. And it's a great paycheck. So you go in and you sign the contract. You do the test now.

[David Duchovny]

You.

[Will Arnett]

And then the, you do the pilot. Right. And so then now they've got the ex executed thing and then the network, sorry again for Tracy, then they decide from all their pilots what shows are going to make it on the air next year. So you're waiting for a month or two for the.

[Jason Bateman]

That.

[David Duchovny]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

And then they go, great, your show is happening, you're in it and we've got you for five years. And, and then what happens a lot is you go, oh my God, this is so great. I'm going to make 20 or $25,000 an episode. And then two years in, if you're lucky enough, that it's going. You're like, hey, man, I deserve way more than 20.

[Sean Hayes]

Or I gotta, I gotta get out of here. I gotta stay available for all the feature opportunities I think are out there waiting, David.

[Will Arnett]

So you know that process, right? Like, so you're, you're, you're there and you're doing X Files and you guys come out of the gate pretty hot. It's a, it's kind of a hit.

[David Duchovny]

Am I right or wrong? It's a hit on Fox. And if you can remember that far back, Fox was really like not, not a real network at that point.

[Will Arnett]

It just started like 93, when.

[David Duchovny]

93. They didn't have programming, you know, across the board. All day, all day long, really. And you know, they had married with Children and I can't remember, you know, they had made 9,002.

[Sean Hayes]

Tracy Ullman.

[David Duchovny]

Yeah, yeah, that's right. But they're really the upstart network.

[Will Arnett]

So they didn't have a big drama, kind of like.

[David Duchovny]

No, not at all. And we didn't need to get like huge numbers to be a hit for Fox, which was nice because we. Fox wasn't even in all the homes.

[Will Arnett]

Who was running Fox at the time when you guys were there?

[David Duchovny]

Do you remember who was running it?

[Sean Hayes]

Garth Ancier. Who was it? Garth An.

[Will Arnett]

He was at NBC.

[Sean Hayes]

I think he was one of the starters of Fox.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah. I can't believe you remember that name.

[Sean Hayes]

Or was it wb?

[Will Arnett]

He didn't want me for a gig and I had to re audition. You ready for this? For my buddy Michael Malley's show. We did the pilot. I get the pilot, we do it, we shoot it. It gets picked up to series. And then he didn't want me and I had to go back.

[Sean Hayes]

Sandy Kershaw.

[Will Arnett]

Two months later, it might have been Sandy. I had to go back two months later and re audition for a part and do a scene in a conference room. A scene holding up pages that I had already filmed that existed on film to get my job.

[David Duchovny]

Terrible.

[Jason Bateman]

That's crazy.

[Will Arnett]

In a conference room in Burbank.

[Jason Bateman]

That's crazy.

[Will Arnett]

Wait, you don't need to see me do this in the room.

[Jason Bateman]

Do you remember what year that was, Will?

[Will Arnett]

1999.

[Jason Bateman]

That's when I first met you. Yeah, I met you at the upfronts.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, that year. That's right.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah.

[David Duchovny]

Did you get it?

[Will Arnett]

Well, I did, actually. Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

Again, well done.

[Will Arnett]

I got it again.

[David Duchovny]

You imitated yourself.

[Will Arnett]

What a victory do you think I had? I think I can't count it. I think I. I had A thousand beers that night.

[David Duchovny]

That's not enough. That's not enough.

[Jason Bateman]

Wait, David, were you a Sci Fi fan when you got it or not? And are you now? Not. Not at all.

[David Duchovny]

No.

[Sean Hayes]

Wow.

[Jason Bateman]

How about that?

[David Duchovny]

No, not really.

[Will Arnett]

So, so you get X Files, you go up to Vancouver, you guys start doing it, it's a hit for Fox. And then it really starts to. When's the moment you can feel that it's kind of pushed through to the general.

[David Duchovny]

Probably like the third year. Just globally, it felt, felt just huge.

[Will Arnett]

You know, I mean, it was a global hit.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah, massive.

[Sean Hayes]

How did you like relocating up into Vancouver for so long?

[David Duchovny]

Well, I loved it at first. Yeah. Because I didn't really have any roots in Los Angeles, you know, I just, I, I had come here to try.

[Sean Hayes]

To get work and you weren't going to. The blow up doll wasn't going to start crying. I mean, they can perform a lot of duties, but tears are not one.

[David Duchovny]

I'm not gonna speak for, for her.

[Jason Bateman]

She.

[Will Arnett]

Jesus Christ.

[David Duchovny]

But I will tell you.

[Sean Hayes]

So I hear, this is what I hear.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah. Oh my God.

[David Duchovny]

So I, you know, I don't know how you guys feel about Vancouver, but it's a beautiful part of the world and I've never been park. You've never been?

[Jason Bateman]

I've never been. I want to go so bad.

[David Duchovny]

How is that possible?

[Sean Hayes]

It's the greatest.

[Will Arnett]

So beautiful.

[David Duchovny]

So I loved it. And yeah, I didn't mind being out of LA at all. I just loved being up there. And in a way we got to just focus on doing the work. There wasn't any kind of LA around us. There wasn't any kind of whatever heat that was happening. We were kind of cut off from in a really good way. And in many ways it was my education as an actor having to go to work every Damn Day for 14 hours. I mean, these were really long days. Days. And I really taught myself.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[David Duchovny]

How to act.

[Sean Hayes]

How soon into the run of it and the success of it did you start thinking, all right, good here, ready to move on and, and, and maybe parlay some of this into, you know. What did you have your eyes on? Was it still features?

[David Duchovny]

Yeah, I mean that was really, you know, I had that kind of bias, you know, that was kind of baked in from a young age. You know, the, the, the TV shows that I watched when I was a kid, it was, it was quantitatively different, the acting in it, you know, that it's not the way now, but you, you, you.

[Sean Hayes]

So I just remember that the, the, you you had very much a. A movie style of acting. In other words, you, you. You're very subtle.

[David Duchovny]

Well, that's how I would not get. That's why I didn't get. I would audition and not get any roles in television.

[Will Arnett]

Right.

[David Duchovny]

They would say, he's a, he's a movie star. And I can't. I don't have a pot to piss in either. So can you get good that you didn't. Can I please play puppet man? Can I get that part? Puppet man.

[Jason Bateman]

David, I want to ask you about, like, time management. Because you're a musician, you literally write novels, which is amazing. You act, you do some other stuff I'm sure you haven't mentioned. How do you do some other stuff? How do you manage all of that on a daily basis or weekly or monthly? Whatever. Do you pick a priority that you focus on on, or do you splice it?

[David Duchovny]

Whatever, whatever's like in front of me is what I'll do. Songwriting can happen at any time. Pick up a guitar. But with writing a novel, everything has to stop. And I have to work on that for a few months. I write really fast, but it's an intense experience of like 8 hour days doing that. And then of course, I can't write when I'm acting. I can't write when I'm directing. So that.

[Sean Hayes]

Do you have a goal in, in your mind that is louder than all the other goals and that then informs how you allocate your time?

[David Duchovny]

That's probably the problem that I have is I don't really have a goal except to satisfy some kind of itch or.

[Sean Hayes]

And that's a daily itch, not a weekly or a monthly or.

[David Duchovny]

No, it's a lifelong kind of a thing. It's just for instance, like I want to make a series out of one of the novels that I've written. And then that's. That's really my greatest ambition at this point. But there's. There's also a movie I'm shooting in February that I wrote, but I'm not directing, I'm just acting.

[Will Arnett]

And so you've got a new series airing now. I think we're in November. Yeah.

[David Duchovny]

Hey, thanks for not having me on the live show.

[Sean Hayes]

I mean, dude, that's for movie stars, bro.

[David Duchovny]

I'm pretty good on my feet. Yeah, Malice, it's a Amazon, comes out, I'm not sure, November 3rd or something like that.

[Sean Hayes]

What's it called again?

[David Duchovny]

Malice.

[Will Arnett]

Malice.

[Sean Hayes]

Malice. Okay.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, it's coming in November on Amazon. And by the way, David, we'll get you a seat of one of the. We have these new stage seats that.

[David Duchovny]

We heard on the live show. Yeah, I was listening. I was listening to.

[Will Arnett]

But you know, I've always wondered this. We've had people on who have been part of something that sort of really struck a chord, you know, culturally pieces, as Sean would say, ip, but part of X Files obviously over a number of years, you know, has this intense following. Had a. And I was one of the followers. I used to watch it religiously back in the 90s. And I saw the film. I saw the first film. I didn't see the second film. The first film was a big hit. Do you. Is there that thing when you run into people who are big fans of it. Do you ever feel a respons. Weirdly, I'm just like a responsibility as the sort of the. As the caretaker of that thing of X Files does that. I don't want to say there's a burden, but like you're the guy, you're the front facing face person of the.

[Jason Bateman]

You feel that?

[David Duchovny]

Yeah, well, of course there was a time when I wanted to leave it behind and reinvent myself. But then over the years you begin to respect the kind of power of the show and the size of the show and the meaning that it has for people. You know, at first when you're younger, you think, oh, it's not because of me, but it's personal. And then you realize it's not personal, it's just that this thing has a place in people's lives and I represent that to them. And I'm an asshole if I don't respect that.

[Jason Bateman]

I say that all the time about your asshole. No, I do say that a lot. I do say that all the time. I said it before on here, where you become famous for playing a certain role or in a movie or whatever it is. And then you spend several years trying to distance yourself that because you want to be able to play all these things and in doing so, so you alienate the fans that made you kind of. Because they are in love with you because of the thing that you just said that you made them feel. And you're doing a disservice. And I always say that I'm an asshole if I don't embrace the character Jack from Will and Grace and what it did for so many people characters. Exactly, exactly.

[Sean Hayes]

And you're also depriving yourself the treat that you deserve, which is like how lucky, how rare it is to be a part of something.

[Jason Bateman]

That's right. That's Exactly.

[David Duchovny]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

It is rare. And you. And you get old enough to appreciate that, you know, that you got to do something that was. That was great. That did strike a chord with people.

[Jason Bateman]

And when you're young, you don't think like that. It takes a few years to go, oh, I need to appreciate that more. And, you know.

[Will Arnett]

No, it's funny. I read somebody. I made the mistake, David, of reading your comment a while ago with somebody saying, like, he thinks that he doesn't. That he should have had more of a thing or whatever about me. And I was like, no, motherfucker. I'm sorry. So grateful for any time that I was able to do anything that even anybody liked for a moment. What a joke.

[David Duchovny]

Yeah, right? Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

And I'm a guy. I don't even have my high school diploma. Like, the fact that I'm still like.

[Will Arnett]

The world doesn't owe me. The world doesn't owe me a living. We're so lucky that we've been able to do this at all. It's so not the way I think about it.

[Sean Hayes]

Now I'd like to ask a question that Sean's too shy to ask. Did you ever learn anything doing the X Files that gives you any sort of confidence that we are not alone?

[Will Arnett]

Sean promises not to tell anybody. If you could just.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, it was just us four talking.

[David Duchovny]

I never learned anything. No. But I have the same kind of sense as when I went into it, which is it seems to me that the impossibility would be that we are the only sentient life. I mean, there's just too many galaxies, too many planets, too many Goldilocks planets.

[Jason Bateman]

Right.

[David Duchovny]

So the odds to me are slanted way in favor of the existence of extraterrestrials, whether or not we haven't advanced technologically enough to reach out to them.

[Sean Hayes]

And they might be all around us, and we just don't have the technology to see it.

[Will Arnett]

They don't want us to. I always look at it when you see all these things, these congressional hearings and stuff about pilots who run into these shapes or things that are moving in ways that we can't understand. I always think, oh, we're so dumb. We think that they want to. That we need to connect. And they're like, no know. You guys, you guys, we're good.

[David Duchovny]

We're good.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, we're good. We're watching you. We're just watching you guys.

[David Duchovny]

We don't want to have anything to.

[Will Arnett]

Do with you ripping over yourselves like a bunch of Ding Dongs.

[Sean Hayes]

Didn't we have we had a guy on once that had. And I'm paraphrasing here, but he said something that was really sort of interesting. That makes a lot of sense to me, that perhaps they are all around us in a way that we can't see. Just like our cell phones service or radio waves, you know, from like television with rabbit ears. It's just flying all around. You don't see any of that. That. The ones and zeros of whatever the hell it is that fly around, that make our phones. They could be all in that stuff.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah. They live in the space between the space.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David Duchovny]

The dark matter. I used to say this thing with. Are you aware of, like, the phenomenon of, like, a ship of fools? Do you remember that? From the Middle Ages where it was.

[Sean Hayes]

A great Robert Plant song is that is.

[David Duchovny]

Could be. But the idea was that they would take their deviants and criminals, their incorrigible criminals, and they'd put them on a ship. You know, they didn't have space for them. They just put them on a ship out to sea, floating.

[Sean Hayes]

Australia.

[David Duchovny]

Sometimes. Well, sometimes, you know, you'd encounter a ship of fools and it wasn't a fun thing. Right, right. Well, they weren't armed. They shouldn't be armed.

[Will Arnett]

No, no. They made sure they weren't armed.

[David Duchovny]

But my theory about being. Because so much of alien abduction testimony has to do with being probed anally and having their teeth drilled. My theory was that alien civilizations were putting their deviants and dentists on a ship.

[Will Arnett]

Oh, I see.

[David Duchovny]

Sending it out into the galaxy, and somehow they've come.

[Will Arnett]

We can cut this. We can cut this. But why are you aliens so obsessed with anal.

[David Duchovny]

Okay, so why would you want to cut that?

[Sean Hayes]

Don't want to get any comments, David.

[Will Arnett]

What do you do? So if you're not. You're not reading and you're not writing and you're not writing music and writing screenplays and doing all this stuff. What is this Is sort of the Sean question that. What are you doing? Is there anything you do in your downtime that you're like, what's your guilty pleasure?

[Sean Hayes]

We'd be surprised to learn.

[Jason Bateman]

What do you do in the space between, in this space?

[Sean Hayes]

Is it gardening?

[Jason Bateman]

Nice.

[Will Arnett]

Anything dumb that you do, you go like, oh, man, I'd be embarrassed if people knew I did this stupid thing.

[David Duchovny]

I don't really.

[Will Arnett]

I'm.

[David Duchovny]

I'm. I'm. I'm so bad with hobbies. I really should have a hobby.

[Sean Hayes]

Not one.

[David Duchovny]

It's. It's really a problem.

[Jason Bateman]

Well, you have you do 25 things.

[Will Arnett]

Are you playing basketball? You playing golf, cross country skiing or.

[David Duchovny]

I wish I was playing basketball.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[David Duchovny]

No, now I feel bad. I, I do.

[Will Arnett]

And you're, you're.

[Sean Hayes]

When, when people like me, when dummies like me are watching television. You're, you're reading. So you're not watching.

[David Duchovny]

I watch, I watch tv. I'm watching Black Rabbit. Come on.

[Will Arnett]

Black Rabbit. Black Rabbit, airing now on Netflix starring Jason and Ju Aggregate Films brings you Black Rabbit.

[Sean Hayes]

So it's not like you're not watching Below Deck or anything like that.

[David Duchovny]

No, but I do watch. I watch the Love island, sure.

[Will Arnett]

Oh, you do.

[David Duchovny]

But then I realize 45 hours. Yeah, I mean it's not like a 15 hour season. No, they make, somehow they make 45 hours get stuck in there, but.

[Will Arnett]

So you watch baseball. Is there another. Is that your number one sport to watch?

[David Duchovny]

Basketball is probably not my basketball sport.

[Sean Hayes]

I hear the Lakers are going to be good this year.

[David Duchovny]

It could be. Okay, who's your team?

[Sean Hayes]

Knicks.

[David Duchovny]

The Knicks? Yeah. Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

Now are you, you're not in New York now. Where do you live?

[David Duchovny]

I live in, I, I live in la. Okay.

[Sean Hayes]

Why the Knicks?

[David Duchovny]

Because I grew up in New York and, and that's just, you know.

[Will Arnett]

Were you not awake when we started the podcast?

[Sean Hayes]

Well, there was, there, there was, there was some doll and stuff like that.

[David Duchovny]

There, but that just puts you in kind of a state that figured that.

[Sean Hayes]

Was just like an hourly thing that.

[Will Arnett]

You were doing in New York. Stayed with you. Huh?

[David Duchovny]

How are we going to. This is terrible. I'm just glad he's not not lie.

[Jason Bateman]

What if the next time we watch Jason on TV at the Dodgers game, he's sitting next to a blowup dog?

[Will Arnett]

He was the other day with an.

[Sean Hayes]

X File's T shirt up.

[Jason Bateman]

Wait, David, I, I have an idea for you.

[Will Arnett]

Okay, Come on.

[Jason Bateman]

So because you write novels and you're not a sci fi thing, you want to sell a lot of copies of something. Do like, you know, Bucky Dent was baseball adjacent. Do whatever you do brilliantly and just make a little sci fi adjacent thing. Just a little bit.

[Sean Hayes]

Right.

[David Duchovny]

Well, well, this is. Well, that episode of, of the X Files that I wrote and directed that I want Jason to watch because it's called the Unnatural and it's a baseball.

[Will Arnett]

Oh, I like that.

[David Duchovny]

All right, so you'll have to. I, I, I did that.

[Sean Hayes]

Wilford Brimley do a cameo on that at all?

[David Duchovny]

No, but Wilford Brimley mmet Walsh.

[Will Arnett]

Wow. Wow, that's pretty. That's a. That's Wilford.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

I love Mm. Walsh, by the way. Just as a quick aside.

[David Duchovny]

And yeah, he was fantastic. And he.

[Sean Hayes]

Did he give you a two dollar bill?

[David Duchovny]

He didn't.

[Sean Hayes]

No, he does that. He does that with a lot of fo. Or did I? I had one.

[Will Arnett]

And then we just made David feel bad again. This is.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, this is before two dollar bills were being made.

[David Duchovny]

But he replaced an actor who got ill. So he was a. He was a. He had short notice and there was a lot of dialogue. His. His character was really the exposition man in this episode. And at one point he turned to me because I only think he had a couple days with the script. He go, you know, and he said, this isn't writing, it's typing. I was like, well, I did the typing, so thanks a lot. And it won't point. He he. Up. It was so great. Instead of calling me Agent Mulder, he called me Agent MacGyver and I kept it in.

[Will Arnett]

Did you really? Oh, yeah, yeah.

[David Duchovny]

It was too good.

[Will Arnett]

That guy was so good. I just remember what was the one he did with Michael Keaton. No, you know, the great. Clean and sober.

[David Duchovny]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

And he was also in Fletcher, in Fletch. He was the doctor in Fletch. He was a fantastic actor. David, you're fantastic. You're fantastic. We've gone over. We rarely go over. We've gone over with you because we. We love talking to you. So malice is out. Amazon Prime. We would be remiss if we didn't mention that again. And we. We got.

[David Duchovny]

Can I plug Black Rabbit again?

[Sean Hayes]

Should I do that?

[Jason Bateman]

Please, please.

[Will Arnett]

What service is that on? And we have.

[Sean Hayes]

Where do we find that?

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

Very, very nice of you to share some of your time with.

[Will Arnett]

I'm Sir. Glad we did this. I'm so. Thank you for coming on.

[David Duchovny]

You know, I love your show and thank you. Thanks for having me, you guys.

[Sean Hayes]

Thank you for coming.

[Jason Bateman]

Thank you, Danny.

[Will Arnett]

Ah, actor, writer, screenwriter, novelist, musician, academic, music. An all around great guy, David Duchovny. Thank you so much, David, for your time.

[David Duchovny]

Thank you.

[Will Arnett]

Enjoy having you.

[David Duchovny]

Thank you.

[Jason Bateman]

Thank you, David.

[Sean Hayes]

Thanks, David.

[Jason Bateman]

All right.

[David Duchovny]

Bye bye, bud.

[Sean Hayes]

Double D. Double D comes Double D to the Smart Lip Studio. I guess is what this is. Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

Welcome to Smartless Studio. Yeah, he shot in front of a live studio audience.

[Jason Bateman]

He's real slick and cool.

[Will Arnett]

He's just. Well, he's always smart. When you're smart, you're confident. He's very confident.

[Jason Bateman]

I didn't know half that stuff. That's amazing because you're not smart.

[Sean Hayes]

You're not smart.

[Will Arnett]

I mean, it is true. I mean, think about it. He. He graduated, like, head of his class in high school. And, you know, he's. And then he goes to. He goes to Princeton. Then he goes to Yale, and he gets a master's in English literature. And then he starts to work on his PhD and while he's working on his PhD, he's like, it's a Michelob spot. I want to go start doing some acting lessons just to sort of see how that is.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah. I mean, but could you imagine being his parents? And you're like, oh, boy, baby, we hit the lotto. Look at this kid. We can't wait to brag about this with our friend. And then they go see his first. First job. He's become an actor. Let's go. Yeah. And he's inflatable.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, Well, I mean, there's nothing more disappointing than just going, I want to be an actor.

[Sean Hayes]

And you're like, all right, maybe he's good. Hopefully he's good. And then they go, see, he's banging this doll.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, I know. I know.

[Sean Hayes]

But let's. He landed on his feet.

[Jason Bateman]

He did.

[Sean Hayes]

You know, Boy, did he ever.

[Will Arnett]

On his feet a few times. Yeah. He's such a. We didn't even get into Californication. We just. He's just done so much. God.

[Sean Hayes]

And he did some movies, too.

[Will Arnett]

He did a bunch of movies. And he's just.

[Sean Hayes]

He's got this new show. New show called Malice.

[Will Arnett]

Malice.

[Sean Hayes]

What do you think it's about?

[Will Arnett]

What do I think?

[Sean Hayes]

What do you think Malice is about? Is it about. Is about. Is about a guy. A guy's girlfriend who. And her name is Alice. And it's like. It's. It's M apostrophe. Alice.

[Will Arnett]

Oh. Oh, Alice.

[David Duchovny]

Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

No, this is Malice now.

[David Duchovny]

She.

[Will Arnett]

This is my Alice.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, maybe it's about that.

[Jason Bateman]

It could be.

[Sean Hayes]

Why don't we throw everybody off right away?

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

Well, Bennett suggests. This is. I'm calling Jason. You said he landed on his feet. Maybe. Maybe on his bip sesame.

[Sean Hayes]

Which is.

[Will Arnett]

What is this?

[Sean Hayes]

Symptoms and treat. Treatment options are. It's from the Melbourne Podiatrist.

[Will Arnett]

No, I'm not gonna take bipartite.

[Jason Bateman]

No, no, no.

[Will Arnett]

Have you.

[Jason Bateman]

Have you. By the way, have you seen the new. Have you seen the new show by chance? By.

[Will Arnett]

No, no, we're not doing that. How are you doing that? How are you overruling with that? With just like a. I tried to.

[Sean Hayes]

Tee you guys up with, you know, what do you think malice is about? I thought maybe one of you ding dongs had a bio.

[Will Arnett]

You know? Well, I thought, well, I don't know what it's like. Is it a biopic about my girlfriend named Alice?

[Jason Bateman]

Whose whistle was that?

[Will Arnett]

Who did the whistle?

[Jason Bateman]

That's great.

[Sean Hayes]

That's really good.

[Will Arnett]

Oh, we got to start adding the whistle. Yeah. Smart Nice. Smart less Smartless is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Rob Armjarv, Bennett Barbico, and Michael Grantieri. Smart Less.

[Sean Hayes]

At Capella University, learning online doesn't mean learning alone. You'll get support from people who care about your success, like your enrollment specialist who gets to know you and the goals you'd like to achieve. You'll also get a designated academic coach who's with you throughout your entire program. Plus, career coaches are available to help you navigate your professional goals. A different future is closer than you.

[Will Arnett]

Think with Capella University.

[Sean Hayes]

Learn more at Capella. Edu. Monday Sidekick the AI agent that knows you and your business, thinks it's ahead and takes action. Ask at anything seriously. Monday Sidekick AI you'll love to use. Start a free trial today on Monday.com.