"Jim Gaffigan"

Summary

Podcast Title: SmartLess
Episode Title: Jim Gaffigan
Release Date: November 25, 2024
Hosts: Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, Will Arnett
Guest: Jim Gaffigan

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Introduction

In this vibrant episode of SmartLess, hosts Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, and Will Arnett welcome the legendary comedian Jim Gaffigan. Known for his relatable humor and numerous stand-up specials, Jim brings a wealth of experience and wit to the conversation. The episode kicks off with the hosts sharing humorous anecdotes from a recent dinner, setting a lighthearted and engaging tone for the discussions that follow.

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**1. Personal Anecdotes and Group Dynamics

The episode begins with the hosts reminiscing about a memorable dinner they shared, highlighting the camaraderie and playful teasing that defines their interactions. Jim Gaffigan joins in, adding his signature humor and seamlessly blending into the dynamic trio.

• Notable Quote:
  Jim Gaffigan (00:02:00): "We really did. Listener, you know, the three of us don't really get a chance to have just a three top, you know, very early 90s. Yeah, it went really well."

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2. Career Beginnings and Stand-Up Journey

Jim delves into his extensive career in stand-up comedy, sharing insights from his early days performing in New York City. He discusses the challenges he faced, including his initial struggles and how he eventually found his voice on stage.

• Notable Quote:
  Jim Gaffigan (00:23:35): "I fell in love immediately. And then... it was like a seminar thing. It wasn't like, me and my buddies went to a club and I got on stage and it was magic."

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3. Balancing Acting and Comedy

The conversation shifts to Jim's dual career in acting and comedy. He reflects on the differences between stand-up and acting, emphasizing the solitary nature of comedy versus the collaborative essence of acting. Jim also touches upon the mental health aspects of working in show business and his preference for maintaining a distance from the industry's relentless pace.

• Notable Quote:
  Jim Gaffigan (00:37:27): "I love doing both of them because I think that stand up is such a bizarre existence at night... versus the collaborative thing of acting is so amazing."

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4. Family Life and Influences

Jim shares heartfelt stories about his family, discussing how being the youngest of six influenced his desire to pursue comedy and acting. He talks about the relationship dynamics with his parents, particularly his father, and how these relationships shaped his career choices.

• Notable Quote:
  Jim Gaffigan (00:14:16): "My dad was this huge influence on me, but it was weird. I think it was mostly trying to make my mom laugh..."

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5. Navigating the Entertainment Industry

The hosts and Jim exchange stories about navigating the complexities of the entertainment industry, including pilot season experiences, auditioning techniques, and the unpredictability of show renewals. Jim recounts his audition experiences and the realities of breaking into television.

• Notable Quote:
  Jim Gaffigan (00:43:05): "Remember, the premise was like that they were gonna do it in a different way. So..."

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6. Personal Interests and Hobbies

Beyond their professional lives, the conversation explores personal interests such as gardening and bourbon. Jim humorously discusses his foray into bourbon during the pandemic, lightening the mood with relatable anecdotes about shifting hobbies.

• Notable Quote:
  Jim Gaffigan (00:50:11): "I got into bourbon. And I have a buddy from Louisville and I was like, can't, because some of them are just so bad."

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7. Reflections on Longevity and Relevance

Jim reflects on maintaining relevance in a long-standing career, balancing the demands of being in the public eye with personal fulfillment. He expresses admiration for his peers who manage to stay connected to their fans while maintaining a semblance of normalcy.

• Notable Quote:
  Jim Gaffigan (00:22:34): "You've been able to stay so relevant for so long. You've had this really long career, and yet you've been able to live outside of it to a certain extent."

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Conclusion

The episode wraps up with heartfelt appreciation from the hosts for Jim Gaffigan's contributions to comedy and entertainment. They discuss future plans, including potential collaborations and attending performances together. The camaraderie remains strong, underscored by mutual respect and admiration.

• Notable Quote:
  Jim Gaffigan (00:54:26): "I'm proud of you for working right through that. You know, that could have wrecked the whole interview. But, no, you didn't let it happen."

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Key Takeaways

• Jim Gaffigan's Dual Career: Successfully balancing stand-up comedy and acting, Jim emphasizes the unique challenges and rewards each path offers.

• Importance of Family: Growing up as the youngest in a large family influenced Jim's comedic voice and career aspirations.

• Industry Insights: Insights into the unpredictable nature of the entertainment industry, including pilot seasons and show renewals.

• Personal Growth: Jim highlights the significance of personal interests and hobbies in maintaining mental health and preventing burnout.

• Staying Relevant: Strategies for maintaining a long-term career in a fast-paced industry, including adapting to changing audience preferences.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

1. Jim Gaffigan (02:21): "Save it. Will's got about the fucking shortest fucking T. Rex arms you'll ever find at a dinner table."

2. Jim Gaffigan (03:06): "He just let it catch his fucking pants on fire before he touched a burning check."

3. Jim Gaffigan (07:49): "But because he walked me through the whole process of how he got the recipe from this guy who makes the best steak sandwiches in Philadelphia."

4. Jim Gaffigan (15:46): "I have five. I have five. Oh, my God."

5. Jim Gaffigan (22:24): "I've been doing it for, like, 35 years."

6. Jim Gaffigan (36:40): "Now, do you have a clear preference between standup and acting? Because you've done tons of both."

7. Jim Gaffigan (54:26): "You're worth the cholesterol. I love it."

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This episode of SmartLess offers an insightful and humorous glimpse into Jim Gaffigan's life, both on and off the stage. Listeners are treated to a blend of personal stories, industry anecdotes, and genuine camaraderie, making it a must-listen for fans of comedy and entertainment.

Transcript

[Sean Hayes]

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[Jason Bateman]

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[Sean Hayes]

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[Jason Bateman]

Subject to credit approval. Apple Card issued by Goldman Sachs Bank.

[Sean Hayes]

USA, Salt Lake City branch terms and [e-mail] hey guys, I got a mouthful of English muffin with a glass full of apple juice here on the rocks. Thank you very much. And I'm here with my surprise guest today who is a clapping sea lion.

[Jason Bateman]

Oh, my God.

[Sean Hayes]

This is by the way, before Jason and Will are on. Welcome to Smart list.

[Will Arnett]

Smart.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Smart.

[Jason Bateman]

Less.

[Will Arnett]

Smart, less.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Crazy. I can't see surprise guest yet. Maybe their camera's off. Wait, how does it work?

[Sean Hayes]

You're not supposed to, by the way. He won't. He won't stop clapping.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Oh, we got a live one. Oh, boy. Might want to just get right to this guest into our chat afterwards.

[Will Arnett]

Folding work going on over here.

[Sean Hayes]

We had, by the way, what a wonderful dinner we had last night.

[Will Arnett]

We had a nice dinner, didn't we? The three of us?

[Jim Gaffigan]

We really did. Listener, you know, the three of us don't really get a chance to have just a three top, you know, very early 90s. Yeah, it went really well. Sean generously picked up the bill.

[Will Arnett]

I know.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Kind of sneaky, like. Very sneaky.

[Will Arnett]

I don't. I gotta be honest.

[Sean Hayes]

Doing it.

[Will Arnett]

I know. I know it's nice to do. But consider this sometimes. And again, I don't want this to seem like I'm being ungrateful because it was very nice of you. So thank you. Yeah. This is all dressed up in a thank you.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

But keep in mind, I got a.

[Sean Hayes]

Heart out in five minutes.

[Will Arnett]

Other people.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

Might want to have the opportunity to do that as well.

[Sean Hayes]

I know.

[Will Arnett]

So. So you don't want to take away from other people the ability.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Save it. Will's got about the fucking shortest fucking T. Rex arms you'll ever find at a dinner table. This fucking guy. You could fucking. You could drop a check on fire in front of him and he wouldn't bat it out. He wouldn't touch it.

[Will Arnett]

That is so true.

[Jim Gaffigan]

He just let it catch his fucking pants on fire before he touched a burning check.

[Will Arnett]

That is so untrue. That is patently untrue. Sean. Crew members just fart through.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah. A bear just walked through your living room.

[Sean Hayes]

A bear crew member.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Speaking of livestock, we, we, we ate a lot of cooked cow last night and I, I Woke up at 2:30 in the morning and had to chug Pepto Bismol because your body stomach is so unused to. It was like, that was like. That was like a four pound steak.

[Sean Hayes]

So good going down though.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Oh yeah, it was great.

[Jason Bateman]

No, I love.

[Will Arnett]

It was so good. Actually, you know what, Sean? After you left us, we went and tried. We were both stuffed. We were as we know. We only went five more blocks after fucking steak sandwich. We went to Bradley's house and he's got his steaks. You know, he's opening a. Yeah, steak. Steak sandwich shop in the Lower east side.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

So good. By the way, he made them for all of us.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Danny. Danny and Coops, something like that.

[Will Arnett]

I think that's right. Is it Danny and Coops?

[Jim Gaffigan]

Check it out. I think it's on Avenue A. He said.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, in the Lower east side. It makes just so good. I think.

[Jim Gaffigan]

What did he.

[Will Arnett]

Jb, did he say on the menu? It's just steak sandwiches.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Just steak sandwiches? Yeah. Either with cheese or without. Period.

[Will Arnett]

No, with onions or without.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Oh God.

[Sean Hayes]

Right, right.

[Jim Gaffigan]

It's gonna be huge.

[Will Arnett]

So Sean, so after that menu, after that meal we had last night, Jason, I go over there and then Bradley's literally cooking these up in his house and he goes, here we go. And he's got his kids there and a bunch of other people and he's like, here you go. And we're like, no, man, we just. Fuck it. We just had an absolute feast.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

And then within 20 minutes, JB gets up.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

And has. Well, no wonder you got up at 2:30 in the morning.

[Jim Gaffigan]

But because he walked me through the whole process of how he got the recipe from this guy who makes the best steak sandwiches in Philadelphia. And then, you know, Bradley like perfected it over like a year because he just loved these sandwiches so much and he taught himself how to cook them and then approached the guy to open up an annex. It's so, you know, basically.

[Sean Hayes]

Don't you remember? He made them for us like I don't know, eight, nine months ago.

[Will Arnett]

But they were so good. Yes, I do remember. And anyway, it was really. And I ended up having. Went to. And they were absolutely delicious. And.

[Sean Hayes]

But how about this?

[Will Arnett]

I walked back because, first of all.

[Sean Hayes]

I got two things to say about. So when we got up from the. Number one, when we got up from the table last night at dinner, Jason, you pulled aside and said, I got to run in the bathroom real quick. So me and Will went outside and waited for you.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I should have thrown it all up at that point. I should have taken it all out of me in the bathroom.

[Sean Hayes]

And then we're standing there, and then you come out, and both Will and I are like, wait a minute. Who's this fucking guy coming up? Talk. Talking to us out of the blue. He's like, well, you.

[Will Arnett]

And I thought.

[Sean Hayes]

And you thought, where's jb?

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, I'm like. I'm thinking.

[Jim Gaffigan]

You're like, who's this twink? Yeah, you wish you were. Well, I don't even know what a twink is. Is that good or a bad thing?

[Sean Hayes]

No, you're a twink.

[Jim Gaffigan]

So listener. I. They're talking about. Because I. I've had my. I've looked like Jesus Christ for the last nine months, basically, I'm playing this guy with long hair and long beard and all that stuff. And I just cut it all off because we came to the end of.

[Will Arnett]

The thing, the number of people. And, Sean, you're probably the same who have come up to me as if I'm your wife over the last six months, go, hey. Or texted me. People have gone so far and go like, hey, what's up with Jason? How come he's here so long? And I'm like, he's an actor. You.

[Jim Gaffigan]

What do you. But they all assume I love it. That nobody. I love that nobody assumes that I would be doing it for any sort of acting part. Like, nobody thinks you're in trouble. Everybody thinks I'm in trouble. They go there Instead of like, well, he's not much of a thespian. He's not going to change his look for a part. He must have just hit fuck it, and we got to send him some money.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

Why did. Why did Marty Bird grow his hair?

[Sean Hayes]

And then you dropped me off and then we said, I'm like, well, where's uptown? Because I'm so lost downtown. Like, I don't understand. And he go, just go that way. I was walking for, like, 20 minutes. I'm like, I don't.

[Jim Gaffigan]

He was a half a block from 8th Avenue, and he walked all the way into the Hudson River.

[Will Arnett]

That's crazy.

[Sean Hayes]

I was. I was no idea where I was. I was scared out of my mind. And then I asked these four people. I'm like, do you know where, like, uptown, like, which direction uptown is?

[Jim Gaffigan]

Well, first, give us your wallet. You got mugged.

[Will Arnett]

And then you ask people which direction uptown is.

[Sean Hayes]

And it was a young married couple. And then in laws. And the married couple was like, yeah, you go that way. And then the mom of the in laws goes, oh, my God, Will and Grace. And then the two young married couples, like, oh, my God. Smartless. And then the dad goes, just to make sure to keep me real, he goes, I don't know who the hell you are.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Right.

[Sean Hayes]

And I go, it's the funniest.

[Will Arnett]

Isn't that the funniest instinct that people have? I've had people come up and go, like, hey, my friends want to pick. I have no idea.

[Sean Hayes]

You.

[Will Arnett]

I want to know, pick you out of a lineup of one.

[Jim Gaffigan]

You're zero to me.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, you're zero. That's basically.

[Will Arnett]

But anyway, they want to get it picked. And you're like, okay, well, thanks for telling me, man. I didn't ask.

[Sean Hayes]

Anyway, let's get into our guest. He's been waiting long enough.

[Will Arnett]

Like, honestly, Sean, I feel like. Why are you crying? This is. Anyway, we've unearthed. Okay, let's not get into it.

[Sean Hayes]

Okay. This guy makes me laugh so hard. I love this guy. We've got a lot in common. Both Midwestern boys, large Irish families. Interesting fact, he's been in over 200 commercials. He's performed for the Pope. I think that means stand up. And how.

[Jim Gaffigan]

200 commercials. That's amazing.

[Sean Hayes]

And how when he was eight, he stood in line for two hours to meet Jimmy Walker from Good Times just to have him sign Dynamite. Well, today we get the other explosive Jimmy. Guys, it's the brilliant, the prolific, the funny, the lovable Jim Gaffigan, who we love Jim Gaffigan.

[Jason Bateman]

Wow.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Wow. Hello there. I'm a big fan of yours.

[Jason Bateman]

Shucks. Gee, you know, it was so weird is you guys went to dinner last night, and I don't know why, and I think the listeners should know this, that you made me be the waiter, which I thought was strange. Well.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Well, just as a rehearsal, you know.

[Will Arnett]

Hear us out, Jim. We just figured that you. We know how real you like to keep it.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

I mean, a lot of people should know that Sean Hayes does not tip at all.

[Sean Hayes]

Not financially.

[Jason Bateman]

It's weird. I said, is this it? Do you need change? And he said, I need you to change your attitude. And I said all.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, my gosh.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Now, Jim, do you still have that autograph that says Dynamite from Jimmy Walker?

[Jason Bateman]

No. No.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I love that.

[Jason Bateman]

I only remember that because I saw a photo of it. Cause I had a dynamite hat.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

I'm probably older than all you guys.

[Jim Gaffigan]

But, like, probably not.

[Jason Bateman]

There was a big. I mean, Will looks the oldest, but, like, the biggest that.

[Will Arnett]

Wait a second. Do I.

[Jason Bateman]

No, I think it's. Will could be like. Well, I think Will would be. There is. A lot of people don't know he's doing a movie where he's playing Gavin Newsom's dad.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

Wow.

[Jim Gaffigan]

This is the Arnett Roast. Will, we didn't want to tell you before we got started.

[Jason Bateman]

You know, Will, I just do that because I'm scared.

[Will Arnett]

Why?

[Jason Bateman]

Frankly, I'm a little scared. I'm intimidated.

[Will Arnett]

Why?

[Jason Bateman]

Three buddies. I'm the new kid. I don't know how to fit in.

[Jim Gaffigan]

You're so safe here.

[Sean Hayes]

You're already fitting in beautifully.

[Jim Gaffigan]

The dirty little secret about this podcast is it really doesn't matter who we have on as a guest because we don't let them talk anyway. We just like to hear ourselves talk. You're on cruise control for the next hour, right? 45.

[Will Arnett]

Jim, we don't know each other well, but you came up to very kindly to Canada and did that hospital benefit. Do you remember that?

[Jim Gaffigan]

Is that right?

[Will Arnett]

Or did you block it out?

[Jason Bateman]

No, I remember it. I remember it very clearly.

[Will Arnett]

He was. You were hilarious. Absolutely crushed.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Always is.

[Will Arnett]

And you always crush.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, yeah, I know. Cause you've been.

[Jim Gaffigan]

He never pushes. Never pushes.

[Jason Bateman]

Just trying to get my dad to like me. And I don't know if it's going to work.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Is dad still with us?

[Jason Bateman]

No, he's been dead for like 20 years.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Oh, you're waiting for a message.

[Jason Bateman]

He's right over here.

[Jim Gaffigan]

He's just off camera when you hear Wake Up.

[Jason Bateman]

I've been telling every morning, I'm like, wake up. He's really tired. He's really tired.

[Jim Gaffigan]

He just put new ice on him every day. Yeah, he's just, hey, how did you get. How did you get to be in 200 commercials? I'm actually envious of that.

[Jason Bateman]

I was on this show, Silver Spoons.

[Jim Gaffigan]

No.

[Jason Bateman]

That was Jason. No, there was an era in the 90s where they really loved the idea of the dumb white guy in every commercial. And I was like, I'll do that.

[Will Arnett]

Sean wasn't available.

[Sean Hayes]

I did those, too. I did a ton of them.

[Jason Bateman]

There's a lot of dumb white guy Work.

[Jim Gaffigan]

And I immediately started thinking, oh, wait, this is one of those guys that's got one of those campaigns. It's like, you know, like the Jack in a box guy.

[Sean Hayes]

The progressive girl.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah, exactly. It would add up quickly.

[Jason Bateman]

Yes, I would do. I did Rolling Rock and Saturn, which was a car company.

[Jim Gaffigan]

And this is back in the days when they would pay. Right. You could you get about 30.

[Jason Bateman]

30 grand was life changing by the.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Time a national commercial is done with its. With its cycle. Right. Wasn't it about. You could count on about $30,000?

[Jason Bateman]

Absolutely.

[Will Arnett]

How many brands did you think? Do you think?

[Jim Gaffigan]

I would say Rolling Rock for one, Saturn for two.

[Sean Hayes]

Jimmy. So you were born in Elgin, Illinois.

[Jim Gaffigan]

That's Jimmy.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah. Yes, it is. I was. When I was a little kid, I was Jimmy now. Where are you from, Sean?

[Sean Hayes]

Glen Ellen. So it's like 20 minutes from Elgin.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah, well, we moved pretty quickly to northwest Indiana. I mean, when I was 8, I guess.

[Sean Hayes]

And you wanted to be a farmer?

[Jason Bateman]

I did.

[Jim Gaffigan]

What kind of. Where did you want to farm?

[Jason Bateman]

You know, I think corn. I just.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Sure.

[Jason Bateman]

It's weird.

[Will Arnett]

It's pretty big.

[Jim Gaffigan]

And not soybeans that you had.

[Jason Bateman]

Not something sexy like soybeans or rye, but like corn, you know, like a normal plant. No, I. I did want to be a farmer and then. But I also wanted to be an actor and a comedy.

[Sean Hayes]

I know, like, early on, like. And your dad was the CEO of the Mercantile national bank of Indiana.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

So crazy. And then you wanted to be. And what did he think of you wanting to be an actor?

[Jason Bateman]

He thought it was pretty fucking stupid. No, you know, it was. My parents were children of, you know, like, their parents went through the Depression, so, like, the whole objective was to seek security. And I think my family had been in the country and my father was the first one to go to college, but before that, everyone was coal miners. So it was just like we finally got to the middle class and you want to become a show person. It was just absurd. It was like, why throw it away?

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah. But it's interesting because this happens all the time. We talk about this all the time. You're the youngest of six, I'm the youngest of five. And it seems to be, like a lot of people we talk to, the youngest in the family always wants to be the actor or the performer or the attention seeker, I guess. Isn't that weird?

[Jason Bateman]

Well, the alcoholism was so significant by.

[Sean Hayes]

The time we were teenagers.

[Jason Bateman]

Same.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, same. Were you close with your dad?

[Jason Bateman]

My dad was this huge influence on me, but it Was weird. I think it was mostly trying to make my mom laugh, but, you know, the whole father relationship is so complex. And again, I think. I don't know about. With you. There was such a parental fatigue that had hit by the time I was a teenager. My dad was like, I didn't even sign up for any of this. You know what I mean? And having children myself, I'm kind of like, can they go to boarding school and middle school? Can they do that? It's just. It's exhausting. Right?

[Jim Gaffigan]

You say you do have children yourself or you don't.

[Jason Bateman]

Yes, yes. I have five. I have five. Oh, my God.

[Will Arnett]

Wow.

[Sean Hayes]

I know. That's a lot of.

[Jason Bateman]

I'm a very fertile guy.

[Will Arnett]

How old is your youngest, Jim?

[Jason Bateman]

He just turned 12. Oh, wow. And.

[Will Arnett]

Wow.

[Jason Bateman]

And I feel like with every kid, there was a reason for me to like him. You're like, all right, this one likes me so much. I like him. And then my youngest one looks like me. And so I'm like, all right, I got a mini me. I gotta be excited about that.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Jim Gaffigan]

It is amazing, right? Like, how you have. You develop these different relationships with the kids based on completely different stuff. I mean, I know you're kind of making a half a joke, but, like, there is something to be said for, like. Well, the initial bond started because that little thing that couldn't speak or do anything yet has an attraction to me. And there's a. It's almost like a puppy. Like, kids are like puppies before they can see.

[Sean Hayes]

Of course. Right.

[Jim Gaffigan]

It's like, oh, they jump on my lap all the time. And so. Well, I like you, too. And now you're my favorite pet.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah. And then your role changes, and you're like, okay, I'm the peacekeeper between. Because daughters and mothers go through some weird crap. And now I'm kind of Boutros Boutros Golly here, you know, trying to keep some peace. And then there's just different ones where you're like, all right, I'm the evil cop that, you know, has to be the disciplinarian.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah. Or the one kid's actually less. Less like a puppy and much more like a cat. So they're different. Like, they don't give you the time of day, so you end up being very drawn to that one. You know, I got to win that one over.

[Sean Hayes]

Right. Independence.

[Jim Gaffigan]

You've got almost a half a dozen there. It must be. Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

My relationship with my kids is so good. I don't have to, like, worry about roles. We just kind of Play, man. Sorry, I just, just click, click, click. Hey, Jim, you don't really think I look older than the other guys, do you?

[Jason Bateman]

No, no.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Let's double back a little bit.

[Sean Hayes]

Tuck on that.

[Will Arnett]

Okay.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Now, Jim, where are you? Are you in Los Angeles? New York.

[Jason Bateman]

I'm in New York, yeah. I'm in New York.

[Sean Hayes]

That's cool.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Have you been in New York a long time?

[Jason Bateman]

I've been here for 35 years. I've done some time in, you know, when I was on a show, I would be in LA for six months or six weeks. I did pilot season.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Oh yeah, every year now. Your time in Los Angeles, is this something you kind of, you know, hold your nose and kind of get through it or do you like it out there?

[Jason Bateman]

I don't have anything against Los Angeles. I mean, I'm not a fan of sunlight, but I'm very much too much. Show business is not good for my mental health. Like I, that's what I like about New York, that like you have friends that are not in the business and you can kind of separate yourself from it, if that makes sense.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Jim Gaffigan]

And we will be right back.

[Sean Hayes]

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[Jim Gaffigan]

Do you ever worry that, like by having that healthy kind of distance from show business and the pursuit of it and all that stuff, that you run the risk of not going to the places that you want to go career wise? I ask because these guys always keep me in check and give me proper ridicule about how sort of on keeping my eye on the ball I am about life, like what's happening in the business tree and what should I be doing next and all that stuff. I can't help it, but I envy those that have a healthy distance from you.

[Will Arnett]

Well, you also grew up in it, so that's a little different in that way.

[Jason Bateman]

I am, yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like I've definitely. I think my career might be completely different if I lived in LA. I mean, it is 99% of the business. But it's also, I don't wanna sound like the person, you know, like there's a, you know, like I'm not like Sam Shepard said, I'm on a farm in Virginia and you could fax me only, you know what I mean? It's like I wish I could be that guy. I mean, I definitely care. I'm definitely the guy who's, you know, works really. I'm the guy who does his homework. You know what I mean? I'm not like I don't even know. I don't even know my agent's name.

[Jim Gaffigan]

No. Yeah. You've been able to stay so relevant for so long. You've had this really long career, and yet you've been able to, you know, live outside of it to a certain extent. Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

Oh, thanks.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, it's admirable. Jim, how many years. What was your first break and how many years have you been doing standup?

[Jason Bateman]

I've been doing it for, like, 35 years.

[Sean Hayes]

And was it always stand up first or was it an actor first and then you wanted it?

[Jason Bateman]

You know, it was. It was a little bit of both, but it was. I would say, yeah, it was, you know, stand up was something I always did, but I always wanted to act and. But there's such fantastic actors in New York, so.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, but the Jim Gaffigan show was hilarious.

[Will Arnett]

But wait, I want to get the stand up.

[Sean Hayes]

That's a good show.

[Will Arnett]

First of all, how did you. What was the first night. What was the first time you were.

[Jason Bateman]

Like in the first time? I was so. You know, there's such an audacity necessary to go into this business. Right. But. And also with standup to go on stage, that I waited till someone dared me. I had a fear of public speaking, so I took an improv class. This is way before UCB existed. And in the improv class, someone was like, there's a stand up seminar. This is in 1990. 1991.

[Will Arnett]

Is this new York or Chicago?

[Jason Bateman]

New York.

[Will Arnett]

Okay.

[Jason Bateman]

And then I. So I did stand up for the first time, and it was. I fell in love immediately. And then.

[Sean Hayes]

How about that?

[Jason Bateman]

Kind of bombed for six months and.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

Did you write. Did you write. Did you write jokes that first time or did you just kind of wing it? What'd you do?

[Jason Bateman]

Oh, yeah, no, it was. I did this. It was kind of like a seminar thing. It was like someone really holding your hand, you know, it was. Yeah. It wasn't like, me and my buddies went to a club and I got on stage and it was magic, you know?

[Jim Gaffigan]

Do you still, like, what is your. The oldest joke that you still have in your rotation? Like, still one from that. From the early years at all.

[Jason Bateman]

I mean, it's. You know, at this point, you know, I haven't done jokes from back then for at least a decade. And sometimes I'll write a joke and I'll think, oh, this is great. And then my wife will be like, you know, that was on, like, your third special, that joke. I'm like, oh, all right. You know, like, I don't even remember that I had done a joke. You Already complained about your kids that way.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Does she dabble in our industry as well?

[Jason Bateman]

Yes. Yeah. So she was the. She did directing, and she also, like, was the showrunner of the Jim Gaffigan show and. Oh, when we were. But, you know, initially, when with standup, we used to totally. Once we had a. Once we were married, we wrote together, and then with five kids, it's, you know, you're lucky to have a conversation with, you know, your partner.

[Will Arnett]

Wait, so she's showrunner for Jim Gavigan Show? So what, you had an overall with the network or with the studio and.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah, that was, you know, before cable completely fell apart or even though, I guess it's coming back. We had a deal at cbs. We did two rounds of pilots. They were committed to single camera comedies, and then they weren't. And so they released us, and we had an offer from a couple cable things, but the most attractive offer came from TV Land. TV Land was gonna do this massive rebranding thing, and of course we were like, all right, yeah, great. And then they. Then we went over there, and then like a month before the show started airing, they. Yeah, we're not gonna do a massive rebranding.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Shawnee did some TV Land work.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, that was the show we did. We produced with Betty White. Hot in Cleveland.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah. Wait a minute. Were you on. Was teachers you guys or. No, that was Melissa, I think.

[Sean Hayes]

Hot in Cleveland with Betty White. Yeah, that was. I think that was the first show that launched tv.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah, I think that was the big. That was part of the big TV Land relaunch.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, we got lucky.

[Will Arnett]

Wait, so what. What network was Jim Gaffigan show on then? I forget.

[Jason Bateman]

It was on TV Land. Yeah, it was.

[Will Arnett]

It was on TV Land. So you're. You and your wife write the pilot together or she writes the pilot?

[Jason Bateman]

I wrote the pilot with Peter Tolan.

[Will Arnett]

Oh, yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

And then.

[Sean Hayes]

Really funny. Yeah, the great Peter Tolan.

[Jason Bateman]

He was under a Sony deal, and so he couldn't go when we went to TB Land. I mean, sometimes they re aired every episode on Comedy Central, so that's where people would end up seeing it.

[Will Arnett]

Yes.

[Sean Hayes]

So wait, so. God, so much I want to talk about. Oh, wait, by the way, we. I heard you love to go to steakhouse after each standup thing.

[Jason Bateman]

I love steak.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, we just had. We just went to a steakhouse last night.

[Will Arnett]

We had great steak last night.

[Jim Gaffigan]

You ever been to Strip Steakhouse?

[Jason Bateman]

Strip. Oh, yeah.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

And so do you guys try. How often do you guys get together and pretend to like each other?

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah, not very.

[Will Arnett]

Not that often too hard.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Jim Gaffigan]

We're not that good at acting.

[Will Arnett]

No, we have. We have dinner quite. We have dinner when we're all in town, like once a week. But it's with everybody in family, and.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Just the three of us is a rare thing.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah. I mean, that's what's also so great about whenever I do podcasts is like, it forces you to have these conversations with your friends because things can spin out of control and. And it's like getting paid to hang around your friends is not bad.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah. That's how this started.

[Jason Bateman]

I know you guys donate all your money. A lot of people don't know that all the money is donated.

[Sean Hayes]

Wait, are you.

[Jason Bateman]

Which is amazing.

[Sean Hayes]

Are you worried, though? Like, I do think about. Cause I love steakhouse, too. Like in la.

[Will Arnett]

Sean's still at the steak. Sorry.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah. I can't wait to hear what Jim might be worried about in the steakhouse industry.

[Jason Bateman]

What does it say?

[Sean Hayes]

No, no. I mean, sure, jump in if you want.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

But. But I love.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Please finish this.

[Sean Hayes]

I like the simplicity of the menu. There's like six things. Because remember Jerry's Deli in Los Angeles? Remember Jerry's Deli.

[Jason Bateman]

You sit down.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I bet Cheesecake Factory must really piss you off.

[Sean Hayes]

Cheesecake Factory, too. It's a book, and it's like 200, and I almost have to get up cause my anxiety. Like, there's too many choices. I can't do it. But a steakhouse, it's like there's four things here and there's four sides. What do you want?

[Jim Gaffigan]

It's the sauces that get me pissed off at a steakhouse, though. I never know which way to go.

[Sean Hayes]

That's why I always do ketchup. I always do ketchup with my steak.

[Jason Bateman]

You are Midwestern. Yeah, I like it. I like it at a steakhouse when they kind of show you the meat or they show you a potato. We got a potato. We got this lobster flown in from Maine. It's just like Hortons does that. It's like so dumb guy. Ish. Like, hey, you're a dumb guy. This is a potato. We can cook it for you. I love it.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

Now, I know I'm jumping all around, but I want to. I want to go back to your career, Jimmy. When you first did beyond the Pale, that was your first standup special. And you had. I don't know how many after. And what blew my mind is how many Grammys you've been nominated for.

[Jason Bateman]

Oh, thanks.

[Sean Hayes]

Like, how many? How many Times you've been nominated, I.

[Jason Bateman]

Think seven times, but, you know, I'm never going to win one. But, like, that's crazy.

[Sean Hayes]

That's amazing.

[Jason Bateman]

Well, because some of it is like, I'm just so thrilled that the Grammys even include, you know, stand up comedy. And in the end, there's always, you know, some very important, newsworthy comedic event that's occurred. You know, whether it be, you know, Chappelle doing anything or like, you know, one year was weird. Al Yankovic had did the first comedy album in 25 years. It's like, obviously he's gonna win. You know what I mean?

[Will Arnett]

Right, right, right, right, right.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, but I don't know. I think it's pretty.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah, you're right.

[Will Arnett]

You're never gonna win.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Which is the. Which is the award with the. With the circle that spins around. Is that the Tony Sean? Does it. Does it spin?

[Sean Hayes]

It does spin.

[Jim Gaffigan]

It does. Wait, do you have it there or is it in la?

[Sean Hayes]

It's in la.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Oh, all right. The Grammy's the one with the. With the horn. Yep.

[Sean Hayes]

By the way, it's so funny.

[Jason Bateman]

It's the gramophone.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, with the horn.

[Will Arnett]

It's fun, isn't it, Jim?

[Jim Gaffigan]

Sometimes just sit back and just marvel.

[Will Arnett]

You just point the pointer and these two little kitties, they just go all over the grid, all over the rug, and you just point the pointer and watch the chase.

[Sean Hayes]

Do you have. I usually ask people, like, if they have any crazy theater stories, but in this case, do you have any crazy, like, fan stories that you have that, like any kind of insane. Out of all of the. Well, out of all the touring you've done?

[Jason Bateman]

For sure.

[Sean Hayes]

But of the specials or the tour where just somebody insane didn't ever stop?

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah, no, there's. I mean, there's definitely. You guys were talking about. I feel like I'm so goofy looking. So, like, I'm very recognizable, if you know who I am.

[Jim Gaffigan]

You look like John America. That's what you look like.

[Jason Bateman]

But like a pale version of it. So it's like I'm either the guy that shovels your driveway or I'm Jim Gaffigan. Right. So there is. So I could be. And I have horrible vision. So. But because I'm pale and goofy looking, people can see me from far away. They're like, oh, is that. Hey, is that Jim Gaffigan? And I can't see who they are because I'm blind. But.

[Jim Gaffigan]

But you've been. You've been. You've been loved and on. On television or some form of media for so long, you. You must not be able to walk down the street often without. Without getting stopped or going, hey, hey. That's. Hey, yeah. Do you get a lot of that?

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah, a lot. You know, like, I'm playing. I'm. You know, I've provided them a riddle. You know what I mean? Like, hey, do I. How am I supposed to know you? And you're like.

[Jim Gaffigan]

You catch a lot of people just staring at you from across the room, trying to. Trying to figure it out.

[Jason Bateman]

Especially in strip clubs, they're always like, who is that?

[Jim Gaffigan]

Because it's too dark.

[Will Arnett]

Five kids.

[Jason Bateman]

What are you doing here?

[Sean Hayes]

Trying to get a six kit.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

They take their phone out. Click. No, but you were maybe gonna tell us. Go down the.

[Jason Bateman]

Oh, yeah. You know, what I would say is there is a theater story. I did that championship season on Broadway, and it was. The amount of testosterone in the cast was absolutely insane. It was me, Kiefer Sutherland, Brian Cox, Chris Noth, and Jason Patrick, whose dad wrote the play. And so it's a great play. And it was. But, like. So, like, when you talk about theater stories, we went. I mean, it's also like this last. I think of, like, there's this last generation of people that. And there's a segment of this generation that drink like our parents did. And those guys are those guys. And so every night we would. Every night was like a. It was. The stamina is just bizarre. Like, these guys can throw it away and then get up and do a matinee. And I was just like, I can barely walk and.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Jim Gaffigan]

But I wonder how that's. I'd love to check in on those fellas now and see how it's. See how it's aging, you know, because at some point, you do. You do pay the bill.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah.

[Jim Gaffigan]

You know, like, you just. The stamina isn't forever.

[Jason Bateman]

Well, I'm sure they're all doing. But, like, they were. It was so bizarre to go out on stage because I always had this vision of Broadway being, oh, my. You know, like, people in top hats and stuff like that. And it's like people would walk out and people 24 a sex in this. You know, it was just bizarre how it was. It was. People were going to. So they could see Mr. Big.

[Sean Hayes]

Right, right, right, right, right. But, yeah, people really, really like it. But your earlier standup stuff is there when you were first starting. Is there?

[Jason Bateman]

Oh, yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

Do you tend to remember the good performances more than the bad ones, or are you like.

[Jason Bateman]

I try to block out some really Humiliating things. But I did a show on Long island at Governor's, and. And, you know, Long island is great, but, like, parts of Long island, you know, it can be not necessarily combative, but just kind of.

[Will Arnett]

Oh, yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

And I would walk on stage when I started, you know, looking like the farm boy that I wanted to be. And these, you know, like, these New Yorkers would be like, look at this guy. You know what I mean? And so, like, early 90s comedy was very combat driven. Like, this guy's just a. You know what I mean? And so I remember I was on stage, it was a late show at Governor's, and I got on stage, and someone in the audience was mooing. They were actually mooing, moo, moo. And I was like, oh, this is great. Okay. Because I'm from Indiana. They're mooing. And so then I tried to deal with the heckler. And normally, you know, you have a microphone, you have an advantage. But it didn't really work. And so then eventually there was enough slack. The moo will mic. So I walked into the audience to find out who this mooing person was. And there was somebody severely handicapped, lying in a hospital bed who could only articulate.

[Jim Gaffigan]

No, Jim.

[Jason Bateman]

Only communicate by going, mo. No. So I had spent a good 20 minutes tearing into this severely disabled. Like, they had, like, the keyboard and everything. And I'm just like. But the crowd had known. And I was like, all right, I'm just gonna kill myself. And they, you know, they were very forgiving, and the person, you know, loved the attention, but that was probably the. One of the more brutal stuff.

[Sean Hayes]

That's quite a story.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Sean, have you learned your lesson? Never ask that question again.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Now, do you have a. Do you have a clear. I'm sorry if you've answered this question a million times, but do you have a clear preference between standup and acting? Because you've done tons of both. You know, one the words come beforehand, the other, the words come after.

[Jason Bateman]

I love doing both of them because I think that stand up is such a bizarre existence at night and stuff, like. And it's so solitary, and it can. Whereas the collaborative thing of acting is so amazing. But I think the process of getting acting jobs is so maddening that I would totally lose my mind if I had to rely just on that emotionally.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah. I mean, some of this. Yeah. It's job security to have created a.

[Jim Gaffigan]

An audience design and you can control in one lane of your career, you're fully in control of that. You can sit down and write some great stuff.

[Jason Bateman]

You can get the creative fulfillment. Whereas I've done a lot of dramas. But to this day, I had a meeting two days ago and I've done tons of dramas and people are always, they all have the idea, what if we put Jim Gaffigan in a drama? And I'm like, all right. I mean, most of them have been indies, but I'm like. And you want to be polite and go, yeah, sure, that would be great. Even though, like, I've done it. I've been doing that for a long time.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, for sure, for sure.

[Jim Gaffigan]

We'll be right back.

[Sean Hayes]

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[Jim Gaffigan]

Do any of your kids share the business tree passion?

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah, I think, you know, my. I've toured doing standup with my 18 year old son. He's really funny.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Oh, no way. So like he opens for you or.

[Jason Bateman]

Closes for you or together, he's done. Yeah, you know.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, really? That's cool.

[Jason Bateman]

You know, last couple spring breaks we've done that. But it's such a weird business. It's like. And my oldest daughter, who's 20, really loves acting. And I'm like, you know, there's no jobs, right? There's just, you wanna. And so I'm like, if you want to, you have to create your own job. So I'm like, I'll pay for film school. But like there's no, you know. Right.

[Sean Hayes]

It's not like it used to be.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah, it is a tough thing. Cause you can't walk around with that diploma and sort of guarantee yourself at least an entry level position. Like, it is so cruel.

[Will Arnett]

But it's even different from it used to be. Like, you talked about pilot season.

[Jason Bateman]

Like I. Yeah, and commercials. You could have been able to.

[Will Arnett]

Commercials? You did commercials? Like, when I was a young actor, it was. I supported myself doing voiceovers. Did a ton of voiceovers in and around New York. And then every year by about January for a few years, I would fly out to California and. Well, not every year. Sometimes I would go for like a month and sometimes. But you'd have pilot at least pilots, auditions. Couple a day here in New York and you do the circuit, right? You go to all the places and then they'd fly you out. And there was like, there was a good Chance. Once you kind of got in the mix, there was a good chance you get a job, you'd get a pilot.

[Jim Gaffigan]

And wasn't the Arrested Development year like the last year you were going to do this goddamn pilgrimage out to Los Angeles for pilots?

[Will Arnett]

No, I did. I got fired the year before, and I wasn't going to do it. And I didn't audition for any pilot.

[Jim Gaffigan]

And Deb Borelski reached out and said, oh, come on, Will, please, just put yourself on TV or something.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

Meanwhile, I was like, I'm not going to do the TV industry. They're really going to feel the pain of me not being around.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Would you wait till I show them?

[Sean Hayes]

Right.

[Jason Bateman]

I think Arrested Development. I tested for that. Or I was. Or wait, maybe not a network test, but a studio test.

[Jim Gaffigan]

What part?

[Jason Bateman]

I think the David Cross one.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

Okay. But I think that. No, it's even worse than that. It was because there's also. During pilot season, there's like, do you want to commit to this pilot? Do you want them in first position?

[Will Arnett]

Yes.

[Jason Bateman]

And I think I had been offered a pilot to be in first position. And I was like, all right, fine. You know that. Yeah, let's do that first position. It was, you know, it was garbage. But I'm like, all right, fine. I just want to act.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

And then because I had worked with Mitch Hurwitz the year before on Ellen DeGeneres sitcom, and he's like, hey, why don't you come in and audition for this? Because I had been schmoozing him to get a part on it because, you know, obviously he's brilliant, right?

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

And so. But I. And then I. And then he was like, yeah, you're in first position. And this is a low budget thing. We can't have anyone in because we're gonna do it.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Oh, yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

Because remember, the premise was like that they were gonna do it in a different way.

[Will Arnett]

Remember, it was written. Remember he wrote that cover letter on it?

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah. If you. If you want to. If you want a dressing room larger than a honey wagon, this job's not for you. Don't even bother auditioning.

[Will Arnett]

Mike Terry, who works on our show, who. Whom you met. He sent me. His wife worked in the ca. Worked for Deb Rilski, I think it was. He sent me recently the. The list of people, and my name's on it, of people who were sent, you know, because I put my. I eventually put myself on tape here in New York. I was doing play in New York, and I was so bummed about being Fired from this show the year before that. I was like, I'm not going to do another done fuck. Fuck sitcoms. I don't do that. It's beneath me. Like, I kind of tried to flip it in my mind that I'm above it because I'd been fired. And anyway, so I went and I read for Deborahskin, but Mike just sent me. I've got in my office at home.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Wow.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah. The sign in sheet or whatever.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Mitch sent me the videotape of my actual audition for Michael Bluth. I've got it on my computer.

[Jason Bateman]

Wow. Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

And that was the last day you ate. Right? Like, that's why you stopped. Ding.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I've been swimming ever since. I just look too puffy, you know.

[Will Arnett]

Jim, I forgot that you were on that. On that Ellen show with Mitch that year before. I remember that.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Martin Mo was on that show. That was so.

[Will Arnett]

We loved Martin Mo.

[Jason Bateman]

It was so. I mean, he was such a sweet guy and he was such a sweet guy. And it was so bizarre to see this guy that I had watched on Fernwood Tonight.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, Fernwood Tonight was great.

[Jason Bateman]

I mean, it was just. And you know, as this. I mean, I know I'm older than you guys, but, like, you have to understand that was this. That was the bizarre. Him and Fred Willard. That was like my first exposure to, like, bizarre comedy.

[Sean Hayes]

And they did like cutting edge, super racy. It was so clever because it was. I love that show.

[Jason Bateman]

Well, also, I had no idea that Martin Mull was this brilliant painter. Like, he went to art school to be a painter. And then he would just tell stories about Steve Martin, which was amazing because.

[Will Arnett]

Jason, is that a mall behind you?

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a mall right there.

[Sean Hayes]

A mall.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I got this one cheap.

[Sean Hayes]

Jim, tell me about, like, unusual jobs before you got all this work when you were starting.

[Jason Bateman]

I started off well. I studied finance, but then.

[Sean Hayes]

That's wild. You went to school for finance.

[Jason Bateman]

I was a copywriter in an advertising agency. And I think it was really helpful in learning some, you know, some word economy and efficiency of writing. But it was. I was the weird guy in the corporate setting. Like, Jim's crazy, you know, like he's napping in his room. Meanwhile, I. I got like three hours of sleep the night before. But yeah, there was. I was definitely. I was the last of my friends to have a day job because I think the remnants of that retaining security had really stayed with me. And I also knew that I didn't want to just do some horrible bar gigs and I tried to limit some of the humiliation.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Did you keep up with financing? Is that still, like, kind of like a hobby of yours or.

[Jason Bateman]

I did. I didn't really. I still. I don't know anything about finance. And it's like, I went to college and I even joke around about that in my news special. It's like, it's really sad. I mean, I have middle schoolers and I look at their math and I'm like, did they introduce new numbers? Because I don't know what's going on. And so. And also, like, if I looked at the Wall Street Journal financial section, I wouldn't know. And I probably, you know, passed a class in it.

[Sean Hayes]

Right, yeah, got it. But speaking of your special, it's called the Skinny. It's on Hulu right now.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yes, yes.

[Sean Hayes]

And so this is number 11. This is the 11th special.

[Jason Bateman]

Good Lord.

[Sean Hayes]

Isn't that amazing?

[Jason Bateman]

That's crazy. And I'm only 22.

[Will Arnett]

That's pretty impressive. Yeah, that's pretty cool.

[Jason Bateman]

Thanks.

[Jim Gaffigan]

What did she say? It's the 11th of 22.

[Jason Bateman]

You've decided I'm only 22 years.

[Will Arnett]

No, he's only 22 years old. Where do you see. I mean, what do you, as a performer, do you see yourself as you sort of get older, that you want to keep making specials? Do you like the process of making specials or do you get a thing? You're like, I just want to act more. Because the Specials, I've done 11 of them and I don't. Or does it. Where does the fire live?

[Jason Bateman]

It's all self assignment, right? Like, every aspect of this business, right? There's like, we have this notion that someone's sitting at a counter at a soda shop and someone comes up. It's like, you have to, like, steer it. You have to sit there and go, I want to do this. But what I love about writing Stand up is that it's something I have control over. So it's like, look, I would love it if I didn't have time to do it as much as I do, but. And I have turned down a fair amount of. I mean, I love just complex characters and, you know, so if it's a good acting role, I'd love to do it. But, like, if it's, you know, some kind of silly comedy where I would have fun doing it, but it wouldn't be something great, you know, I try not to. And also, I have kids, so I have to be very selective on why I'm being out of town, why I'm going out of town, meaning I gotta make money, you know, But I do a lot of indies where I make nothing, you know?

[Will Arnett]

Do you still go. Do you still go and like, jump on stage at the Comedy Cell and places like that?

[Jason Bateman]

Absolutely. I tried. You know, that's why we're still in New York City. I mean, I wanted my kids to be New Yorkers, but also I, you know, it's so great. I can just go and do a show at, you know, Gotham or, you know, the New York Comedy Club, and then I can be home and, you know, try and tear the screens away from the kids, you know?

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah, yeah, your life sounds frickin perfect. I want to come back as Jim Gaffigan.

[Jason Bateman]

It's far from it, but thank you.

[Sean Hayes]

What's your favorite non comedy or non businessy thing? I know you love gardening.

[Jason Bateman]

Yes, I do love gardening.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Now where do you get a chance to do that?

[Jason Bateman]

Downtown, during the pandemic, we got a place in Westchester and so. And they had some raised beds there, and I love that, but I love gardening and I. During the pandemic, I got into bourbon. If I'm talking to like three people in the entertainment industry, I assume two of you don't drink any longer, you know, but like, so I was like a beer guy. And then during the pandemic, I kind of got into bourbon. And then, I mean, we've all probably been approached, maybe you guys have a celebrity spirit, but I didn't want to do that, so. But I have a buddy from Louisville and I was like, can't, because it's. Some of them are just so bad. So I was like, can't we just pick our own and do this? And he's like, you might just end up with a bunch of barrels of. A bunch of bottles of bourbon. I'm like, that's fine. So. So you're doing that Until I go till I eventually join aa, I guess in three years. I don't know.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Turner profit first. Yeah, that's great.

[Will Arnett]

Saying. I went from beard and then I got into bourbon. It's like saying like, I used to do coke and then I got into.

[Jason Bateman]

Crack because I was like, you know, it's just. Ketamine is great. It's just a starting point.

[Sean Hayes]

Well, they always say I'm drinking bourbon in the morning, but it's. It's actual apple juice on the rocks.

[Jason Bateman]

Oh, there you go.

[Will Arnett]

It is, by the way, every step of the way, Jim, Sean will out Midwest you in every respect. You can't believe how from the fucking. Do you see how excited he was when he was like. And you're from Oakmont, right? Or wherever I'm from. 20 minutes away from there. And we're always like, isn't that fucking crazy? People are from places.

[Sean Hayes]

I'm always fascinated that people get out of the place they live to pursue their dreams in other places.

[Will Arnett]

Sean, lunch today. Sean, really quick. What's on the menu? Quickly.

[Sean Hayes]

Scotty, what's for lunch? Mac and cheese.

[Jim Gaffigan]

He's chopping celery for the egg salad right now.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, I think. What is it? I think it's gonna be Kraft Mac and Cheese.

[Jason Bateman]

So you can. So you can still eat like you're in third grade and a little bit. Great.

[Sean Hayes]

A little bit.

[Jason Bateman]

Wow.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I've always got a cookie pouch. Show them the cookie pouch.

[Sean Hayes]

I got a cookie pouch.

[Jim Gaffigan]

There it is. Here it comes.

[Jason Bateman]

Oh, there you go.

[Sean Hayes]

That's it. That's my cookie pouch.

[Jason Bateman]

No, I thought it was. Growing up in the Midwest, I used to look around and be like. I mean, I know I wanted to be a farmer and everything, but, like, sure. I was like, oh, I think there's. I used to. Oh, there's been a mistake. I'm not supposed to be here. I'm supposed to be in New York and.

[Will Arnett]

Right.

[Jason Bateman]

And then I got to New York and I was like, oh, well, I'm finally home. And they're like, you're the most Midwestern looking guy I've ever seen in my life.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

So I realized how Midwestern I was when I.

[Sean Hayes]

Because we look plain. We look plain. We look plain. We blend in. We.

[Jason Bateman]

And it's a sexiness. Right? Like when beautiful, think Midwestern, they think sexy, you know? You know, Tim Wall sexy.

[Jim Gaffigan]

You know, unsnap the overalls and let's get after it.

[Will Arnett]

Sean, be honest. How. How long between now and. When are you. Have you started looking at Rascals online? Are you like, what speed am I gonna get?

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, yeah, I'm looking.

[Will Arnett]

Are you just eating your way into a Rascal right now? Is that. Is that the end goal?

[Jim Gaffigan]

You put special tires on that? Mags or anything? Spinners.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Jim, you're the greatest.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, well, thanks for being here today.

[Will Arnett]

Such a funny deal time.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Very nice of you to spend some time with us.

[Jason Bateman]

I appreciate it.

[Sean Hayes]

We're all big fans of yours.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah. You're such a consistent.

[Jason Bateman]

Next steak dinner. You know, when I wait your table, please tip. You know what I mean? Some of it's for the bus boys.

[Sean Hayes]

And we'll act like Will's gonna pick.

[Jim Gaffigan]

It up Next time.

[Will Arnett]

Next time. I pick it up all the time. Would you. If we're ever here in New York again and we say, hey, we're gonna go to Strip House, would you join us?

[Jason Bateman]

I would totally do that.

[Will Arnett]

Okay.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I'd love to see a set at the. At Gotham First.

[Jason Bateman]

No, I love it because there's certain excuses. Like when I go out with Seinfeld, I'm like. It's like, Jerry wants me to have pizza, and my wife's like, I understand. But if I'm just, you know, hanging out, you know, there has to be a reason behind it.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

And you guys are, you know, very high status.

[Will Arnett]

Wow.

[Sean Hayes]

Sure.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah. We're worth the cholesterol. I love it.

[Sean Hayes]

Wow. Jimmy the Skinny, the Skinny, the Skinny on Hulu. Thanks for being here, pal. We love you. And thanks for making us laugh for 70, 75 years.

[Will Arnett]

Thanks, dude.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Thanks, Jim.

[Will Arnett]

Thanks, Jim.

[Jim Gaffigan]

See you, bud. Will, I think you look 12. Okay.

[Will Arnett]

Thank you.

[Jim Gaffigan]

That's my opinion.

[Will Arnett]

I can't believe he said that. I really found it very hurtful. And you know what?

[Jim Gaffigan]

And he started. He came. Kicked the door down with it, didn't he? Started right out with it.

[Will Arnett]

You know why? I think he's got a crush on me.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah, you are a little intended.

[Will Arnett]

You know, that's the way I gotta. I gotta frame it.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I'm proud of you for working right through that. You know, that could have wrecked the whole interview. But, no, you didn't let it happen.

[Will Arnett]

I love that he. I love that he doubled down on it. It's my kind of joke.

[Sean Hayes]

It's my kind of Gavin Newsom's dad.

[Will Arnett]

Dad.

[Sean Hayes]

Mr. Newsome. Mr. Newsome.

[Will Arnett]

Oh, he's doing a new sitcom called Mr. Newsome.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah. You know, you should. You should send your headshot to Lorne Michaels if Newsom makes a run at it on the next election cycle.

[Sean Hayes]

Isn't he. He's one of those guys, when you watch him doing a special, like you said, Jason, he's so. He's so calm.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

Like, he's not. Like. He's not like a loud in your face kind of. Right.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah. You see him, you just kind of start with a grin. He doesn't even need to. He doesn't even need to be talking yet.

[Will Arnett]

You know, he's authentic and he's. And he's such a nice guy, too.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, my God, I love him.

[Will Arnett]

He's so nice.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, I love him. Huge, huge fan. I'm glad we had him. I'm trying to think of a buy.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Okay.

[Will Arnett]

And I looked up cinnamon seeing your honesty. Finally. By the way, look at this photo that just got sent.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Oh, my God.

[Jason Bateman]

Is that Ricky?

[Jim Gaffigan]

Wait, so you looked up synonyms or synonym treats? I cut you off.

[Will Arnett]

What happened?

[Sean Hayes]

I have two tabs open.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Okay.

[Will Arnett]

Cinnabon's near me.

[Sean Hayes]

By the way. That sounds so good.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Right?

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, I love that.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Well, just after your Mac and cheese, you guys can jump in a cab.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, I love Mac and cheese. So there's like. There's via, there's through, there's a cross, there's a long, there's near, there's. There's a beyond.

[Jim Gaffigan]

There's also synonyms to buy. Yeah, right. Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

Like.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Well, but what you did is you spelt it wrong.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, I get it.

[Jim Gaffigan]

You need to. The prompt needs to be B, Y.

[Sean Hayes]

E. I did spell it wrong. Oh, my God. Okay, ready? So there's adu.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Take your time, Sean.

[Sean Hayes]

Arrivederci. Arrah off. Wiedersehen. There's Cheerio.

[Jim Gaffigan]

No, but we need. Sorry, you're not understanding the concept. You need to put the word buy into the buy. We don't need a synonym. Arrivederci is not going to help you.

[Will Arnett]

Get to a buy. Here's the thing. We've been doing it so long.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, right.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I want to blow your brains out.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, you want to blow your brain. So whatever we come up with, fine. But for our audience, we just gotta make sure that they buy it.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Oh, man. That snuck off.

[Sean Hayes]

Buy it. That was good. That was really good.

[Will Arnett]

Smart Less. Smart less. Smartless is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Michael Grant Terry, Rob Armcharve and Bennett Barbico. Smart Less.

[Sean Hayes]

What's your boldest, truly ambitious life goal? Everyone has one, and everyone deserves a way to get there. That's why Estate street offers a wide variety of ETFs to give all investors access to the market and the chance to reach their goals. Like with DIA, where you get 30 US blue chip stocks in a single trade wherever you're heading. Getting there starts here with State Street.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Before investing, consider the fund's investment objectives.

[Will Arnett]

Risks, charges and expenses. Visit ssga.com for perspectives containing this and other information. Read it carefully.

[Jim Gaffigan]

DIA is subject to risks similar to those of stocks. All ats are subject to risk, including possible loss of principle. ALPS Distributors, Inc.

[Will Arnett]

Distributor.