“John Mayer LIVE”

Summary

SmartLess Podcast Episode Summary: “John Mayer LIVE”
Release Date: July 31, 2025
Hosts: Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, Will Arnett
Guest: John Mayer
Recording Location: Avalon Theater, Los Angeles

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Overview

In this special live episode of SmartLess, hosts Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, and Will Arnett welcome acclaimed musician John Mayer for an evening filled with insightful conversations, humorous anecdotes, and an impromptu musical performance. The episode captures the essence of SmartLess—thoughtful dialogue intertwined with organic hilarity—while delving into John Mayer’s artistic journey, personal experiences, and creative processes.

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Introduction and Sponsorships

The episode begins with brief mentions of sponsors, including Ashley furniture and Skinny Pop Popcorn. These segments set a relaxed, home-like atmosphere on stage, enhanced by the comfortable furnishings and light-hearted sponsor-related banter.

Jason Bateman (00:00):
"It was actually like podcasting in a living room, but just nicer than mine."

Will Arnett (01:40):
"Perfectly salted, and somehow it's always the first thing gone in the green room."

These advertisements seamlessly blend into the show's fabric, maintaining the authentic feel of a live taping.

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Welcoming John Mayer

The hosts warmly introduce John Mayer, highlighting his musical accomplishments and his role as a beloved figure in the industry.

Sean Hayes (13:35):
"He’s someone I'm proud to call our serious XM brother."

John Mayer (14:20):
"Thank you. Good to see you."

The initial interaction is filled with laughter and light-hearted jokes, establishing a comfortable rapport between Mayer and the hosts.

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Vulnerability and Creativity in Music

A significant portion of the conversation revolves around the themes of vulnerability and creativity. The hosts and Mayer explore how personal experiences influence artistic expression and the emotional depth found in songwriting.

John Mayer (64:14):
"Everything that I was looking at was in my way."

Will Arnett (63:32):
"But when you actually go do standup, it is just such a different thing."

Mayer shares insights into his songwriting process, emphasizing the importance of emotional authenticity and how his personal growth over the years has impacted his music.

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Songwriting and Emotional Connections

The discussion deepens into how songs can evolve in meaning over time, both for the creator and the listener. Mayer reflects on the enduring nature of his music and its ability to resonate across different life stages.

John Mayer (63:39):
"You know, the way I met them was through a mutual friend. … I took like six months off and learned how to play those songs."

Sean Hayes (63:55):
"You can mean well and be terribly misbehaved."

The hosts delve into the nuances of songwriting, the connection between lyrics and personal experiences, and the impact of music on listeners' lives.

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Personal Stories and Stand-Up Comedy

The hosts share personal anecdotes related to stand-up comedy, highlighting their vulnerabilities and the challenges of performing. This segment adds depth to their characters, showcasing their willingness to embrace discomfort for the sake of humor and connection.

Sean Hayes (07:00):
"A couple days later."

John Mayer (07:12):
"We’re always amazed that you guys listen to us talk about nothing..."

These stories serve to humanize the hosts, making the conversation more relatable and engaging for the audience.

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Technical Aspects and Musical Performance

Towards the end of the episode, John Mayer is invited to perform live. Despite initial shyness, Mayer delivers a heartfelt rendition of his songs, reinforcing his connection with the hosts and the audience.

John Mayer (69:35):
"All we ever do is say goodbye..."

This spontaneous performance highlights Mayer's musical talents and provides a memorable climax to the episode.

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Notable Quotes

• Jason Bateman (00:00):
  "It was like podcasting in a living room, but just nicer than mine."

• Will Arnett (01:40):
  "Perfectly salted, and somehow it's always the first thing gone in the green room."

• Sean Hayes (13:35):
  "He’s someone I'm proud to call our serious XM brother."

• John Mayer (64:14):
  "Everything that I was looking at was in my way."

• Sean Hayes (63:55):
  "You can mean well and be terribly misbehaved."

• John Mayer (69:35):
  "All we ever do is say goodbye..."

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Conclusion

The episode concludes with heartfelt thanks between the hosts and John Mayer, reflecting on the meaningful exchanges and the shared moments of laughter and vulnerability. The blend of personal stories, professional insights, and live musical performance encapsulates the spirit of SmartLess, offering both entertainment and depth to listeners.

Jason Bateman (78:09):
"SmartLess is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Rob Armjarv, Bennett Barbico, and Michael Grantieri."

Sean Hayes (77:11):
"He’s a brainiac and a sweetheart and a good person. And I hope he finds love because he deserves it."

This episode not only highlights John Mayer's artistic prowess but also strengthens the bond between the hosts and their guest, providing a rich and engaging experience for both live and remote audiences.

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Transcript

[Jason Bateman]

This episode of Smartless and our live show was made possible by Ashley, the brand that is supporting real change where it is needed most. Did you know that more than 7 million children are affected by the welfare System and over 368,000 are currently in foster care. So when we heard those numbers, we were shocked. That's why we partnered with Ashley and Sirius XM to make a donation to four others, an organization working to end the child welfare crisis in America. And I got to tell you, it feels really good to be working with a brand that is making a positive impact. Not only are they generous over at Ashley, they also hooked us up with some incredibly comfy furniture, which is nice as well. And they provided a lot of furniture for our onstage live show that was also very great because we figured sitting on the floor would have looked very awkward and been very uncomfortable. It was actually like podcasting in a living room, but just nicer than mine.

[Will Arnett]

I'm not saying that I fell asleep mid show, but I might have, you know, listen to Sean and, you know.

[Jason Bateman]

Jason being on an Ashley couch. Boy, that'll put you out. Anyway, Ashley offers timeless, well crafted furniture with white glove delivery right to your door. Visit your local Ashley store or head to Ashley.com to find your style. This episode of Smartless is brought to you in part by Skinny Pop Popcorn. We had snacks at the live show thanks to Skinny Pop original and which, if you haven't had it, it's deliciously popped. It's.

[Will Arnett]

It's.

[Jason Bateman]

It's perfectly salted, and somehow it's always the first thing gone in the green room. And when I say somehow, I mean Sean and Jason, because as soon we got there, we had this green room that had all this Skinny Pop. Because, like I mentioned, Skinny Pop was one of the sponsors. Those guys, you would have thought that they'd never tried it before or that they hadn't eaten in years, because they just started.

[Will Arnett]

They literally.

[Jason Bateman]

It was embarrassing. And them talking to the Skinny Pop.

[Will Arnett]

People, John going like, we really love Skinny Pop.

[Jason Bateman]

We're like, yeah, they know, man. They know. Anyway, it was. It was awesome to have them as one of our sponsors.

[Will Arnett]

And then I gave those guys so.

[Jason Bateman]

Much crap about eating all the Skinny Pop. And then when I was on stage during the show, I ended up opening a bag and eating it myself. So, you know, it's a lot of glass houses on this show.

[Will Arnett]

It's a recurring theme, and it's one of those snacks where you eat it.

[Jason Bateman]

And you're like, yeah, I get why it's Popular. It's just really good.

[Will Arnett]

So Skinny Pop, it's deliciously pop.

[Jason Bateman]

Perfectly salted.

[Will Arnett]

Popular for a reason.

[Jason Bateman]

Learn [e-mail] Skinny Pop.

[Sean Hayes]

This special episode of Smartless was recorded live at the Avalon Theater, thanks to our friends at Starbucks. And really, what's better than a cold beverage during a live show? We're talking about the ultimate summer sips from Starbucks. Whether it's the unofficial drink of the summer, the summer Berry refresher, or the new Strato Frappuccino blended beverage, these beverages are handcrafted to help savor the season. When I was doing the show, I had an iced chai latte. The iced chai lattes at Starbucks are the best. I love them. I drink them, like, in one gulp. They're so delicious. Your summer favorites are ready at Starbucks. Good evening and welcome to Smartless Live. Are you ready to get going? Oh, God, I don't know.

[John Mayer]

I don't know if I want Guy. How is this guy still talking?

[Will Arnett]

You have to do it.

[Sean Hayes]

Please welcome the guys from Smartless.

[Audience Member]

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

[John Mayer]

Smart.

[Will Arnett]

Smart.

[Sean Hayes]

Hello, Los Angeles.

[Will Arnett]

Hi. I think we should start with a little crowd work.

[Sean Hayes]

Sure, sure.

[Will Arnett]

We've never done a little crowd work.

[Sean Hayes]

Do the wave fell right off the stage.

[John Mayer]

Last time I was here, I was right about where you were, sir. With belly full of booze watching Smash Em Comeyons play up here.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, yeah.

[John Mayer]

That was about 25 years ago when it was the Palace. Anybody?

[Will Arnett]

And it was just booze.

[John Mayer]

Right, Just the booze.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah. The last time I was here was for some gay bullshit.

[Will Arnett]

Well, happy bride. And also happy bride. Yeah. Let's see.

[John Mayer]

So look at this nice Ashley furniture here. I mean, unbelievable.

[Sean Hayes]

Wow. It makes me want to go right to sleep.

[Will Arnett]

How many microphones do we get?

[Sean Hayes]

I don't. I don't know, guys.

[John Mayer]

I'm so thirsty. I did a little pickme up.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, I wonder if.

[Sean Hayes]

Me too. Oh, it's empty.

[Will Arnett]

There we go.

[Sean Hayes]

What if they were all empty? I was just like.

[John Mayer]

And I guess if you're hungry, just.

[Will Arnett]

Sure.

[John Mayer]

Sean, what's the prop?

[Sean Hayes]

This is. This was so our. The people that really make us look good are.

[John Mayer]

Rob, it's not your personal.

[Sean Hayes]

It's what? No, it's not my personal.

[Will Arnett]

You don't need to eat while we're doing this.

[Sean Hayes]

So Rob Bennett and Michael, the people that make this show, they made this for me because Chin Chin went out of business. And, you know, I love Chin Chin. As much sodium as I can get. And so they just gave it to Me backstage, and I walked out with it and I opened it.

[Will Arnett]

Uh.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, this is true. They just gave it to me as a gift. And guess what's inside.

[John Mayer]

Oh, I want one of those cookies.

[Audience Member]

Wait, I want one.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[John Mayer]

Isn't it when you pick a fortune cookie, you gotta pick the cookie that's smiling at you, right?

[Will Arnett]

You know, one of the things I love that you guys. So who you guys know about Chin Chin and Sean's right?

[John Mayer]

Affinity for attention?

[Will Arnett]

You guys know about that? You guys are. You guys listen to the show from time to time. You're familiar with some of the characters in the show. Do you guys. You guys familiar with him? We talk about our friend Dan Dees. You hear about Dan?

[John Mayer]

Oh, boy.

[Will Arnett]

Dan, stick your hand up.

[John Mayer]

Come on, Dan.

[Audience Member]

There he is.

[John Mayer]

I didn't know you better half. Don.

[Will Arnett]

We got Don right next to him.

[John Mayer]

Josh is here somewhere.

[Will Arnett]

Josh, where are you at? He's maybe on the side.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, there he is. And where's my dad? Josh, where's my dad? My dad here?

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[John Mayer]

Oh, it's just. That's just a block away on the 101.

[Will Arnett]

No, he's sharing his location. He's sharing his location with me right now.

[John Mayer]

This says, seize the opportunities that will define your future's course. What does that mean, anyway?

[Sean Hayes]

I have an opening story.

[Will Arnett]

I think it means do something.

[John Mayer]

Do you have an opening story?

[Sean Hayes]

I do. It's really good.

[John Mayer]

You worked on some bits. I did.

[Sean Hayes]

I worked. Well, that was the first bit that just went. Was Right. All right, so listen. All right, so this is. This is. I don't know if you guys are gonna give a shit, but a couple days later.

[John Mayer]

By the way, thank you for coming, you guys.

[Sean Hayes]

Thank you guys.

[John Mayer]

We're always amazed that you guys listen to us talk about nothing, But I guess the part that makes it understandable is that you're doing something that is sort of brainless, and it's like, well, why not augment it with something that's brain? Like, you know, you're jogging or whatever the hell is you're riding. You know, it's subway or whatever, but here, you've left your house. I just spit Fortune Cookie on the mic. You've left the house and you're out, which is new for you, for us to. Which is a big deal. And we're sitting on stage and just talking. And so thank you for doing that, because there's no music, you know, and so thank you.

[Sean Hayes]

Thank you. Yeah, appreciate it. There's music and.

[John Mayer]

Well, there is a piano. So you guys Are in luck, I.

[Will Arnett]

Think, on the stage.

[John Mayer]

That might be for the. Is that. Is that for the mystery guests?

[Sean Hayes]

It might be for me.

[John Mayer]

It might be for you. Sean does play.

[Will Arnett]

We might get it. Are we gonna get a visit from Oscar Levan? Can he visit with us, by the way?

[John Mayer]

You guys should be so lucky. Truly. We've talked about it before. He's a classically trained pianist, and, like, see this guy?

[Sean Hayes]

Nobody cares.

[John Mayer]

You better get on there just a.

[Sean Hayes]

Little bit today if you want to be put to sleep. I'll run over there and play. All right, so.

[Audience Member]

Because it's like, that's your story.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, I can't. People aren't like, I can't wait for classical music. So Scotty and I are unloading the dishwasher. This is a couple days ago. And we're putting the things away, and we put the tongs in the drawer the opposite way. Have you anybody ever done that?

[John Mayer]

Sounds incredible to me.

[Will Arnett]

So keep going.

[John Mayer]

God, you can't top the star.

[Will Arnett]

Do you know how much traffic they had to drive through to get here in Hollywood on a Thursday night?

[John Mayer]

Okay, you need cars.

[Will Arnett]

Wait, Sorry. So the tongs. So you're putting the tongs in the dishwasher?

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, we put the tongs in the dishwasher.

[Will Arnett]

This is incredible.

[Sean Hayes]

And we couldn't open the door.

[John Mayer]

What?

[Will Arnett]

No way. Hang on. I need another sip for my stomach.

[John Mayer]

Then what?

[Will Arnett]

Sean.

[Sean Hayes]

So wait, so we couldn't open the door. We couldn't open the door.

[John Mayer]

And wait, he's checking his cards to keep himself on the stairs.

[Will Arnett]

Wait, is this a long line?

[Sean Hayes]

No, no, no. I'm thinking. I'm thinking. So we put it in the thing, and then we couldn't open it. We're, like, jingling. So then I said, scotty, get the hot poker from the fireplace. Right? Because it's really long, and the drawer had only opened that wide, so we couldn't get our hand there. So we got the hot poker in there, and for two hours, he's trying to get the tongs out. Look. And this is when I have a picture of Scotty after the tongs. Can we see the.

[John Mayer]

You have pictures of shit story?

[Will Arnett]

This is.

[Sean Hayes]

That's Scotty. And he couldn't get the thing. So then I was like. I was like, wait, I'll get a wire hanger. So then I got a wire hanger. We took out the second drawer, and I put the wire hanger underneath, and I'm inside the thing, and I couldn't get it out for, like, two hours. I'm almost done. I'm almost done. And then. And so, like, I hope this pays off.

[John Mayer]

You need staff.

[Sean Hayes]

So then we had to hire a handyman because we just couldn't do it. And so that. No, no, no, wait. I'm almost done. And then he comes over and he goes, oh, this happens all the time. Which made me feel really good. And then he says, by any chance, do you have a wire hanger? And I was like, yeah, but good luck. It doesn't work. 10 seconds. He just got it out. That's the end of the story.

[Audience Member]

Wow.

[John Mayer]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[Will Arnett]

Honestly. Honestly.

[John Mayer]

Don't applaud that.

[Will Arnett]

Our deepest apologies.

[John Mayer]

You'll get more.

[Will Arnett]

Our deepest apologies.

[John Mayer]

And you give me shit for long winded questions. You have a long winded story that at least mine ends with a question mark.

[Sean Hayes]

When I brought a picture.

[Will Arnett]

But that picture wasn't. I mean, I wanted to see a picture of you jackasses with the poker.

[Sean Hayes]

Well, we could have.

[Will Arnett]

That would have been good to see that.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, that. Like a video of that.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, or a video or something. And it was just a picture of Scotty with dirty hands.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, because of the poker from the fireplace.

[Will Arnett]

Did you run this by anybody?

[Sean Hayes]

No, I didn't.

[Will Arnett]

You should.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, okay.

[Will Arnett]

You should have.

[John Mayer]

All right, Scotty up there giggling like the story worked.

[Sean Hayes]

Scotty didn't.

[John Mayer]

It didn't. Scotty.

[Will Arnett]

Scotty. Is that how it happened?

[John Mayer]

Hey, what's next on the cards?

[Sean Hayes]

Should we. I have another story. Or I could intro the guest.

[John Mayer]

No, I want to hear the other story. Don't you guys want to hear another.

[Sean Hayes]

Yes, it's really. This is much faster. So Scotty and I have. I already told you guys.

[John Mayer]

Why am I all the way over here?

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, come over here. Bring the fucking thing.

[Audience Member]

This thing's all wired.

[John Mayer]

It's a bag on it.

[Sean Hayes]

So Scotty and I both snore and we have like, we sleep in separate rooms because otherwise we wouldn't sleep because, like every five seconds. And we went through the whole sleep program and we got CPAPs. You know, the thing. The CPAP machine.

[John Mayer]

And so it goes drift over two big, big stories right there. Separate bedrooms.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[John Mayer]

Okay. That's not something we all do.

[Sean Hayes]

Well, you should. You should. You sleep better.

[John Mayer]

And oxygen tanks.

[Sean Hayes]

Yes.

[John Mayer]

While they sleep.

[Sean Hayes]

Well, cpap. So, you know, it's hooked here and it pushes.

[John Mayer]

Well, we get it. We've seen it.

[Sean Hayes]

Okay. And it goes over your head and it's not very attractive. So anyway, so I'm lying there in bed And I turn the machine on. And once it's on, it's hard to get. But you can't really open your mouth to speak because the air is pushing nothing. Anyway, so he's stepping over my bed.

[John Mayer]

Getting a hard on and he got. God, how do you guys keep it alive? I mean, this is.

[Will Arnett]

We're. This is technically now not show business. What we're doing is not show business therapy now.

[Sean Hayes]

It's not a show.

[John Mayer]

Do you want to come down and cry a little bit?

[Sean Hayes]

So anyway, so he's standing over me and he's just saying goodnight. And I said. He said. He's like, all right, you good? And I'm like, yeah. I'm like. I just nod. Cause I can't talk. And he goes, okay, good night. I love you. And I go, I love you too.

[John Mayer]

Oh, God.

[Audience Member]

Come on.

[John Mayer]

I told you that no children, right?

[Sean Hayes]

What?

[Will Arnett]

No what?

[John Mayer]

No children.

[Sean Hayes]

No children. No children. A dog. A dog named Ricky. All right, let's get to our guest. Ready? Do you want to add something? I mean, do you want to add something?

[Will Arnett]

No, I just. I just love just your day to day.

[Sean Hayes]

It's interesting.

[Will Arnett]

Incredible. There's such a whole wide world out there and.

[Sean Hayes]

Anyway, anyway, next time you come over, I'll show you.

[John Mayer]

I do want to come over and see that.

[Sean Hayes]

So my guest today, Our guest today.

[John Mayer]

It's your guest. I won't claim the guest yet.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

Writes the kind of songs.

[John Mayer]

Okay.

[Sean Hayes]

That make you want to text your wife or husband or ex or mistress.

[John Mayer]

Or hookup or best friend or CPAP partner.

[Sean Hayes]

There are also songs that you'll love and never forget for the rest of your life. He once tried stand up comedy. Collects rare watches like it's a competitive sport.

[Audience Member]

Oh, swear.

[Sean Hayes]

Shh, shh. And swears he's not as intense as he looks. Mid guitar solo. He's the reason you bought a guitar or learned how to play the piano. And he's someone I'm proud to call our serious XM brother. Please welcome one of the most absurdly talented, relentlessly curious, deeply thoughtful, and consistently brilliant artist of all time, John Mayer.

[John Mayer]

Thank you. Good to see you.

[Sean Hayes]

Good to see you.

[Will Arnett]

Hey, man, how are you?

[Sean Hayes]

This is fantastic.

[Audience Member]

This is fantastic.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, that's what you. What do you got on tonight?

[Audience Member]

Ap.

[Sean Hayes]

What's ap?

[Audience Member]

Audemars piguet. Oh, you got a. You got a nice.

[Sean Hayes]

I'm going to show you for my 50th birthday.

[Audience Member]

So there's an email going.

[Will Arnett]

Welcome to the show. First of all, John, Mary, thank you.

[Audience Member]

Thank you. For having me. Thank you, everybody.

[Sean Hayes]

And thank you.

[Will Arnett]

And it should be noted that we've wanted to have you on the show for a long time, which is going to get. Go into Jason's story, and I know where you're going to start.

[John Mayer]

Well, yeah, you know, the. The mystery guest thing is a real thing. Unless it's, you know, like a president or something. We got to, like, be together and no stuff. No offense.

[Audience Member]

I understand.

[John Mayer]

That sounded shitty. So there's an email that goes out the other day about this, and it says somewhere in the email something about John Mayer. And so I'm like, I'm already here, by the way.

[Audience Member]

She started clapping, but I already am here.

[Will Arnett]

It's like with our whole group of us, it's like an admin thing about this is a thing. And then with John Mayer, the guest in photo or something.

[John Mayer]

And, you know, I mean, I. I like. I like a little snark. So I. I email back and go, huh, John Mayer sounds like a great guest. Hope we can get him on the show someday.

[Will Arnett]

He doesn't reply.

[John Mayer]

All right. Right. Meaning like, somebody screwed up and put John Mayer on this email. Now I know who the guest is.

[Will Arnett]

So then. And then I answer, go ahead and finish, Will. Well, hang on.

[John Mayer]

No, do the punchline.

[Audience Member]

You guys do it. You guys.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, do it.

[John Mayer]

What else happened?

[Will Arnett]

Well, the part that you're forgetting is that. And then I say, yeah, John Mayer would be great, because I realize that they've tipped that it's John Mayer.

[Sean Hayes]

Right?

[Will Arnett]

And then Amanda doesn't really realize that they've tipped it. You didn't know that it was fair.

[John Mayer]

I figured it was for a later episode.

[Will Arnett]

God. But this is what I'm getting at.

[John Mayer]

But this genius. Oh, I hope one day we can get him. That's a great idea. That didn't help. My wife for the last six or seven days says, you know, I was like, well, what should I wear, baby? Oh, don't worry. Wear something funky, because she's really funky. And. And she goes, oh. I said, what? You know, telling me the sex of the guest doesn't really give away. So it's. It's a female. I go. She goes, yeah, I'm sorry. I said, baby, don't worry about it. So for five, six days, it's she, she, she, she. And then, of course, here comes John, and she's giggling up there.

[Will Arnett]

It said in the email that it was John Mayer, man.

[John Mayer]

But not for this one. I don't think it was for this.

[Will Arnett]

Of course it did. It said, what we're doing tonight.

[John Mayer]

Oh, I'm a skimmer, I must say. Skim.

[Sean Hayes]

John, welcome to the show.

[Audience Member]

Thank you for having me on the show.

[Will Arnett]

Great to be here, John.

[Audience Member]

Great to be here.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah. Do you have. Do you own a pair of tongs? I'm kidding. So, yes. Do you remember the first time you and I met?

[Audience Member]

We have met. I think the only place we meet are at a certain somebody's Christmas parties.

[Sean Hayes]

Okay. But we met before then. And we have a picture of me and you meeting.

[Audience Member]

Uh.

[John Mayer]

Oh, I just want more picture aids.

[Audience Member]

All right, let me try to figure.

[Sean Hayes]

Out where this is. That is the Bucket List premiere.

[Audience Member]

That's the Bucket List premiere, which you wrote.

[Sean Hayes]

Say what you want to say for the movie. And did you know. I'm glad you remember.

[Will Arnett]

The irony being that it was not on your bucket list to go to that.

[Sean Hayes]

So you wrote the song say what you want to say, which was a massive hit. I love that song so much. But I don't know that people know. This is just sidebar. The Bucket List. The term the Bucket list was invented by the writer of the movie the Bucket List.

[John Mayer]

Yes.

[Sean Hayes]

Like a lot of yes.

[Audience Member]

So people believe that that has been around for decades, and it really was written for that movie. And I believe it's one of those things. It's a little bit like the Crying Game. People will reference the title.

[Sean Hayes]

Right.

[Audience Member]

And I think that the name of. If I may, we both were involved me tangentially. That's one of those films where the title of the film has gone on to live on a little more than the film itself.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah. It's not wild.

[John Mayer]

Wait, come on. The term the bucket did not exist before that film in the email.

[Audience Member]

This is.

[John Mayer]

This is why he gets a big bucks.

[Audience Member]

Yeah. That was a great night, though. That was a great night at the.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, isn't that amazing? I'm glad you remember it.

[Audience Member]

Yeah, I do.

[Sean Hayes]

I'm kidding. So, wait, so serious. Brother to SiriusXM brother. Yes. You have your own channel. What is it? 14.

[Audience Member]

Channel 14. Life with John Mayer.

[Will Arnett]

Channel 14.

[Audience Member]

I don't know if you know it.

[John Mayer]

Wait, what happens on channel 14?

[Audience Member]

What happens? What's going down on channel 14? What happens? So I was very high one night and I had this idea for a radio channel where the music changes throughout the day so that wherever you are in the day, you turn it on and there's like a playlist for that hour.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Audience Member]

And son of a bitch, it worked.

[John Mayer]

So there's a playlist that's more appropriate for 2pm as opposed to 10pm and.

[Sean Hayes]

If you make it all.

[Will Arnett]

That does sound like a very high idea.

[John Mayer]

But it worked.

[Audience Member]

It was because I was tired of having Spotify. Like, Spotify was always, to me, like Pandora. Yay. But Spotify, to me was always like your grandmother. Like, your grandmother would learn one thing about you when you were five and continually give you gifts based on that thing for the next 10 years.

[Will Arnett]

That's right.

[Audience Member]

And I remember Spotify being like, oh, you like George Benson, don't you? And it's like, I told you I wanted to hear Bring on the Night one time.

[Sean Hayes]

Right, right.

[Audience Member]

You know, or Give Me the Night, it's called. And. And so I was like, what if there was. We broke out of the algorithm because what ends up happening is you go to the gym and all you want to do is just hear something while you're working out, and you go, I don't know. Just give me the war on Drugs. Give me War on Drugs. And then you get the same first song and the same second song and the same third song and the same fourth song.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Audience Member]

And so I really feel like it met a need. And I like making stuff that meets a need. I like that. I get a kick out.

[Sean Hayes]

Like Smartless Mobile.

[Audience Member]

Yes.

[John Mayer]

What's that, Sean?

[Will Arnett]

Wow. Sean.

[John Mayer]

Sorry, what's Smartless Mobile?

[Sean Hayes]

Sorry, sorry.

[Audience Member]

We get Smartless Mobile.

[Sean Hayes]

We just launched it two days ago. It's a mobile service that we're doing anyway.

[John Mayer]

Why would somebody want smartless mobile?

[Sean Hayes]

Because 90% of the time you spend it on your cell phone, you're using WI Fi. So you're overpaying with an unlimited plan where you can save half of your bill.

[John Mayer]

I can save money right now by going to Smartless Mobile.

[Sean Hayes]

Absolutely unbelievable.

[John Mayer]

Tell me more.

[Sean Hayes]

Go to Smartless Mobile.

[Audience Member]

Did you really do that?

[John Mayer]

We did, yeah. We're. Switch your phone before you're out of here.

[Sean Hayes]

All right, great.

[John Mayer]

It seriously takes 90 seconds.

[Audience Member]

Great.

[John Mayer]

Here's what I want to know. Can I get in? So we're up here on stage. This is not comfortable for me. I'm a shy person. I don't like the spotlight. I don't like having. I don't like being myself. And I see all the faces and everything. This is something you're very comfortable with, Right? You've been on stage since how old?

[Audience Member]

22.

[John Mayer]

Right?

[Audience Member]

Yeah.

[John Mayer]

And you're now 60.

[Audience Member]

62 now.

[John Mayer]

But, like, being just hearing your voice on that microphone and I can tell how comfortable you are. Like, that's. I wish I had that. That's like But I wish I had.

[Audience Member]

A gig where I was getting nervous to sit on a couch. You know, I'm looking at this going, this is the greatest gig.

[John Mayer]

Do you getting.

[Audience Member]

You're getting nervous?

[John Mayer]

No, it's not super comfy for me. But you're a freaking rock star looking out at people and singing and strumming. That's like. That's your Jason.

[Audience Member]

Every one of these people, if you needed a place to stay tonight, would let you sleep in their guest room.

[Will Arnett]

That's a great point.

[John Mayer]

Is that what you. That's what you tell yourself when you get every single one of these.

[Audience Member]

Why would you be nervous when every single one of these people would put you up in their house?

[John Mayer]

That's a nice window into John.

[Audience Member]

How can you be nervous now? That's what I ended up doing. At one point I went. Every one of these people would let you sleep on the futon if you needed to. So what are you nervous about?

[Will Arnett]

The futon? I bet a lot. It'd be like, welcome to our marriage. Probably.

[John Mayer]

Have. Have any. Have you guys ever to. Got to get over nerves. Done. Done. The Brady Bunch trick where you just imagine somebody in their underwear.

[Sean Hayes]

No, that doesn't work, does it?

[John Mayer]

Does it work? Have you guys ever done that? It kind of works.

[Sean Hayes]

Really?

[Audience Member]

I just imagine myself taking a quarter milligram of Xanax, and then I do that. A quarter mile manifest. I just need a little.

[John Mayer]

Just a touch.

[Sean Hayes]

Just a little chip. No, you don't do that.

[Audience Member]

Yeah. I mean, every once in a while.

[Sean Hayes]

All right.

[Audience Member]

I mean, okay, this is an unknown thing.

[Will Arnett]

Okay.

[Audience Member]

It's a little different that I'm not high right now, but if. If I'm coming out to do my show and there's muscle memory, then I don't get nervous. But if it's the unknown, it can be a little, you know, what ends up happening. A lot of the times when I'm a surprise, I start getting amped up and nervous because I know I'm a surprise. You know I'm talking about.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, I get nervous every day. I got nervous coming out here.

[Audience Member]

Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

Because it's you.

[Audience Member]

Do you have any pre show OCD ish things you do?

[John Mayer]

Okay, we did. We did. We did Kimmel the other night and.

[Will Arnett]

Tell the story about the dishwasher.

[John Mayer]

Yeah, yeah.

[Will Arnett]

He's got a great one.

[John Mayer]

That's a safe one. And sweet, sweet, sweet. Sean took the seat furthest away from Jimmy because he said, I didn't want to. I don't want to sit next to you, Jimmy, because I get nervous these days.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[John Mayer]

I get nervous on talk shows. Big time.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah. But if I. If I prepare like I did today, I get less nervous.

[Audience Member]

Sure.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Audience Member]

And you may not even go to those cards if you don't have to.

[Sean Hayes]

No. Watch me.

[Audience Member]

Okay.

[Sean Hayes]

So. So you did stand up, which I love. I didn't know you did stand up comedy. Yes, yes. I did not know that about you. That you did stand up comedy, one.

[John Mayer]

Point was nominated singularly as best host for best host. Best host of a podcast. No, I'm so.

[Sean Hayes]

I say that because I did too. I actually have a joke that I read on the Internet today. It's the fda. The FDA just approved a medication for lesbians with depression. It's called Try Cox again.

[Will Arnett]

It's not bad. It's not bad.

[Sean Hayes]

Do you have one? Do you have one that you like?

[John Mayer]

I mean, the worst. The worst.

[Will Arnett]

You read. You read the punchline?

[Sean Hayes]

I did, because I was nervous. I was nervous that I wouldn't get it right.

[John Mayer]

Wait, wait, wait. Maple. My incredible daughter, 13, right up there, told me a great joke today. Knock, knock. Who's there?

[Sean Hayes]

Who?

[John Mayer]

Oh, right, right. Yeah. Wait. Knock, knock.

[Sean Hayes]

Who's there? Jay, Jason, you can do it.

[Will Arnett]

Are you guys. Are you guys starting to get it?

[John Mayer]

This is why he gets a big bucks. He's a moron. Worse. Do it with them.

[Sean Hayes]

Do it with them.

[John Mayer]

Oh, hey. Knock, knock, Britney Spears. Knock, knock, Britney Spears. Oops. I did it again.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, God. Johnny, I. Maple, do you have like a. Like a go to joke that you.

[Audience Member]

Do it long enough to have a go to joke?

[Will Arnett]

What was your style as a stand up?

[Audience Member]

I didn't even. I mean, I would go. I wanted to be observational. I wasn't. The thing is, and I'm glad I did stand up because I'll do shows with Dave Chappelle now, and I'm not front and center, but I understand him. I've seen so much stand up. Like, I used to go to the Comedy Cellar every single night in New York City. I'd go to the Comedy Cellar and I was just enamored with it. When I was younger, I didn't have this thing in my head that would say, that's not for you. And so I would look at it and I go, I'm do that too. I'm gonna do that too. And. And I didn't quite put the time in that it would have taken. I mean, what you're supposed to do if you really want to do it. Get your tapes, Watch your tapes.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Audience Member]

And I didn't want to watch the tapes. I didn't. I just. I wanted to drink just enough to watch someone do stand up and go, I can do it. And it didn't quite.

[John Mayer]

And it was a different experience once you get up there, I bet it's just like I liked it.

[Audience Member]

I actually liked the uphill battle of it. The problem was poor, sweet, beautiful Esty, who books the Comedy Cellar in New York would get calls from People magazine the next night saying, did he go up? I heard he said this and then that. And if you think about it, here's why I can't do standup. Because if I. One of the many reasons. If I got on stage and I said so my girlfriend has another UTI that ceases to be about a joke about a uti. And everyone would go, who's the girlfriend? Who's he dating?

[John Mayer]

And so celebrity news.

[Audience Member]

It didn't work. Even the setup didn't work because people would get stuck in who's who and what's going on. But it taught me stage time.

[Will Arnett]

It taught me most of your jokes were about UTIs.

[Audience Member]

If I were all UTIs. Pretty much, yes, they're all.

[John Mayer]

So never bothered to develop any other material.

[Audience Member]

I never really did. I did this thing where I would just smash cranberries with a big mallet at the end.

[John Mayer]

Yeah, that. And then you just taught yourself guitar, which is.

[Will Arnett]

Cuz they're actually really good for curing UTIs.

[Audience Member]

Yes, well, I had thought about that before I said it.

[John Mayer]

That's actually true. Right. Cr.

[Will Arnett]

Lot of nod out there.

[John Mayer]

Yeah.

[Audience Member]

Yeah.

[John Mayer]

So Willie, you just did some time at the Comedy Cellar. Will's got a film coming out where he's going to play a standup and he went up there and threw himself into the deep end.

[Will Arnett]

Bradley Cooper directed Sean in the comedy seller. Sean's in the the movie with me.

[Sean Hayes]

As well, if you blink. But yeah.

[Will Arnett]

And. And our friend Bradley directed it and we shot at the Comedy Cellar for eight days. I play a guy who's just starting to become a stand up. He's. Because he's going through some life changes. And so. Yeah, so I did the same. I went.

[Sean Hayes]

It's called Is this thing on? And it comes out later this year.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[John Mayer]

And it was scary. Yes. Or not scary.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah. The first time I went on. Yeah. But I was going on. Well in the same way I was going on as the. They introduced me as this character is the guy who's going up doing stand up for the first time. Then people were very confused.

[Audience Member]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

And I'M like, hey, I'm, you know, I'm. I'm going through a divorce. I'm getting divorced. And people are like, he get divorced like 10 years ago. Amy Poehler, like, what's, you know? And it was very confusing for people.

[Audience Member]

It's very hard.

[Will Arnett]

We made the leap anyway.

[Audience Member]

Yeah, but did you see anyone you loved when you were there? Did you get a ton? Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

So many. Good and so good. And they're so good. And it's so hard what they do. You have so much. You end up having so much respect for standups and what they do. It's amazing. And writing jokes all day. So we would go back, we'd write jokes all day and then go at like 9 o' clock and meet up.

[Jason Bateman]

There and go up three or four times at all the different stages. It was pretty crazy.

[Audience Member]

There's really nothing like it. And everyone has a friend that's told them you should do stand up or the other way around. And when you get up there, you realize the water is choppy.

[Will Arnett]

And what's crazy is it's true. And what's crazy is, as Jason pointed out, you been performing in front of huge audiences for a long time. And I've been doing this for a long time. I look really young, but I. But I'm older than. And they're laughing because it's so true. And, and, and, and yet when you actually go do standup, it is just such a different thing. We did one night when we were prepping for the movie.

[John Mayer]

John, we're going to get to you in a sec.

[Audience Member]

This is great. No, this is great. I was just thinking as I was jolting, as he was talking, I was thinking to myself, because I drifted far, I thought, sure. This is actually the most fun I've had on a podcast so far. I like where we're going.

[John Mayer]

I like where we're lucky to get a word in.

[Will Arnett]

It's a conversation.

[Audience Member]

I like where we're going.

[Will Arnett]

My point was the line between, between succeeding, killing and bombing is very thin.

[Audience Member]

So the first guy who brought me on stage.

[Sean Hayes]

Quickly, please. Yeah, we have to get to these.

[Audience Member]

Guys, I'll have you know, was the dearly departed Bob Saget. How bad do you feel now? And Bob brought me on stage, which meant he went up for just probably four or five minutes, which was impossible for Bob to do.

[Jason Bateman]

To do four or five, even more impossible.

[Will Arnett]

Now.

[Audience Member]

That is true. That is. That is true.

[John Mayer]

Bob would appreciate it.

[Will Arnett]

Well, you asked me how would appreciate.

[Audience Member]

It, which is why you can do it. And he brought me up on stage and I. I immediately felt how difficult it was. And this is the real problem. This is the real. I'm trying to put you in my shoes. If you were to do stand up, you might absolutely suck. But all you want to do when you get off stage is do it again and again. There's something about it. It's a little kind of million dollar baby where you're all beat up and you go, I'll see you tomorrow morning.

[Will Arnett]

Now, Sean tried, and you guys have probably heard a little bit if you listen to the podcast, but Sean tries stand up once, and he has a. He had a great opening. You remember his great opening?

[John Mayer]

The best.

[Will Arnett]

Let's hear it, Sean.

[John Mayer]

It's not quite everybody's heard a tong story, but you're love it, John.

[Sean Hayes]

It's. They say doing ballet is one of the most difficult things you could ever do.

[Will Arnett]

Right.

[Sean Hayes]

So I say, just don't do it.

[John Mayer]

End of joke. That's it.

[Audience Member]

That's. That's the kind of logic I like. I like that kind of tail eating logic.

[Sean Hayes]

I can use it. John, you grew up. You grew up in Fairfield, Connecticut.

[Audience Member]

Yes, I grew up in Fairfield, Connecticut. Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

You grew up in Whiplash.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah. Your mom was in English teaching your dad a high school principal. So, whoa. I mean, what, like, did you feel like you had to be on your toes all the time with your grades and learning and all that?

[Audience Member]

I had a very nice kind of hybrid of right brain, left brain growing up, because there would be like, if you had. If you had a question about a word, the dictionary would come out at the dinner table.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, really?

[Audience Member]

You would break down what that word was. But then I would also go in my room and kind of escape from all of it and just play guitar. And if you put both those things together, it's very good for being a singer songwriter because you've got the left brain, right brain thing going. So I. I hear things when people are talking to me. I know what's wrong with all of the grammar they're using, and I just let it go now.

[John Mayer]

Does it drive you crazy?

[Will Arnett]

Does it still drive you crazy? A little bit.

[Audience Member]

There's a couple ones that drive me crazy, and it's number and amount. Do you know about number and amount?

[Sean Hayes]

No. Tell me.

[Audience Member]

I'm gonna change your life forever and you're gonna annoy all your friends. It is a number of people. It is an amount of butter. So number refers to a quantifiable substance.

[John Mayer]

A bunch of singular things.

[Audience Member]

Yes. And amount is the Opposite of that. So when you hear amount of people, it is technically wrong.

[Sean Hayes]

Number of people.

[Audience Member]

Number of people. And when you hear someone say number of people to me, it's like music to my ears.

[John Mayer]

What about punctuation with texting, emails, things like that?

[Audience Member]

Periods go inside of the quotes.

[John Mayer]

Right. You know exactly.

[Audience Member]

Commas go inside the quotes.

[John Mayer]

Exactly.

[Audience Member]

I believe question marks go outside the quotes. There's a book called Eats, Shoots, and Leaves. You said. No, they don't.

[John Mayer]

It depends if you're relaying what somebody else said. Right. Hey.

[Audience Member]

Then it would go in. What do you think you're asking? Did she say this? Then it would go outside.

[John Mayer]

Right. But then it's not a double dash for the quotes. It's a single dash because it's somebody else's. Right.

[Audience Member]

If I'm writing, I will actually do several layers of quotes. So I'll use the single apostrophe for the quotes inside of the double apostrophe for what was.

[Sean Hayes]

So.

[Audience Member]

So. I think it's beautiful. It's a beautiful thing.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

So not all heroes wear capes. I.

[John Mayer]

But are you one of those cool texters that, like, uses acronyms and, like, the kids text?

[Audience Member]

No.

[John Mayer]

You'll write a goddamn sentence, right? And you'll punctuate it. You'll spell check it, and then you'll send it.

[Will Arnett]

I have one pet peeve.

[Audience Member]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

Which is when people use hung for when someone was hanged. It's hanged, not hung.

[Sean Hayes]

That comes in handy a lot.

[Audience Member]

Well, because he searches it on Google also.

[Sean Hayes]

Do you have that, John, where you feel, like, the urge to correct people?

[Audience Member]

I will tell you. I have a rule. I have a rule. If I feel like it will help them and they will appreciate that help, I'll do it. And I'll have a way of saying, there's nothing wrong with you saying it to me. I think you'd want to know, and I want you to. So you can. You can judge it. Here's one that's just a real doozy.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Audience Member]

When I'm looking at an Instagram caption and someone says they were honored to be a part of something, but apart is one word. Apart, which is the exact opposite of what they're saying.

[Sean Hayes]

Right? Right, Right.

[Audience Member]

That one is bonkers.

[Sean Hayes]

Right?

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[John Mayer]

Or what about. Or what about when you're sending a text, the send button is not a period. You know, create your paragraph, send that. Don't just keep hitting send at the end of every sentence, because then my phone goes. I feel like someone died.

[Audience Member]

This has been about a year and A half to two years now.

[Will Arnett]

I promise we're going to get back to the show.

[Audience Member]

This became. Listen, we're on a hot streak. This became a kind of vernacular where people would say, I mean, not for nothing, and it's cool. If you have that text open and if you're watching something and it keeps coming down or if he's trying to show a video of people getting hung, there aren't alerts. Then you would just see it coming down and stuff. And so now just. Just write it all. I put paragraph breaks in.

[John Mayer]

Take your time, write it, get it together, and then alert me to what you want.

[Will Arnett]

At the same time, it does make it more conversation. I'm not here defending that and I'm not guilty of it. But I will say there's also nothing worse. You're the absolute worst. There's nothing worse than getting 6 inches of text from somebody. Here's this story. You know what I mean?

[Audience Member]

You would love my text.

[Will Arnett]

I bet.

[Sean Hayes]

Can you?

[Will Arnett]

I bet. I'm looking forward to texting with you.

[John Mayer]

Try me. Try me. I'm ready. I'm ready to start a friendship with you. I'm saying it officially right now in front of everybody.

[Audience Member]

I'll never be uninteresting.

[John Mayer]

No. I saw you at the Mets game the other day. I'm like, we can go to baseball games. You can teach me how to play guitar.

[Audience Member]

You and I. I know this is sort of like the we never hang out Dave thing you're doing, but I would hang out with you.

[John Mayer]

I'll get you a deal on Smartless Mobile.

[Audience Member]

That's great.

[Will Arnett]

We'd love to get you on.

[Audience Member]

Yeah, no, listen, I would love to have a Samsung phone. That sounds very exciting.

[Will Arnett]

He's kidding. Yeah, he's kidding.

[John Mayer]

You can get it.

[Audience Member]

I can't wait to have red bubbles.

[Sean Hayes]

I'm John.

[Audience Member]

Why are your bubbles red? I'm on Smartless Mobile.

[John Mayer]

It's not true.

[Will Arnett]

That's not true.

[John Mayer]

It's all blue.

[Will Arnett]

It's 5G and you're on the T mobile network. Anyway, John.

[Sean Hayes]

Anyway, John, sounds like you don't want a free phone.

[Audience Member]

I just love the idea of being on Hit me up. Like, you guys have to start integrating it into your casual conversation. You hit me up on my smartphone.

[Will Arnett]

We didn't.

[John Mayer]

We didn't have to.

[Will Arnett]

We didn't know that Sean was going to drop that, to be honest.

[Sean Hayes]

It was fun. It's fun.

[John Mayer]

And we will be right back.

[Jason Bateman]

This episode of Smartless is sponsored by our friends at Ashley. The brand actually made our Live event stage feel kind of like a home while also supporting incredible organizations like four Others. Earlier in the episode, we mentioned their donation to Four Others, a nonprofit doing very, very, very important work to end the child welfare crisis in America. The crisis may go overlooked at times, but it has serious consequences. And through working with Ashley and for Others, we learned that 90% of children in the welfare system will experience severe trauma. And children that age out of the foster care System have a 40% chance of being homeless within 18 months, with 97% immediately entering chronic poverty. And these stats are hard to hear, but that's exactly why this work is so important. So through Ashley's donation, the next generation can find a loving and secure home, strengthening our communities and opening doors to new possibilities. And we're just thrilled to celebrate the powerful work being done by four Others with Ashley's support.

[Will Arnett]

We were sitting on Ashley pieces during.

[Jason Bateman]

The live taping of our show, which was comfy and they looked great and made it look like a living room and kind of at times forgot we were on stage. But sitting on Ashley's furniture, knowing the work that they do that goes and does good in the world felt even better. And just being associated with that brand for us went a long way. Ashley's all about style that's made for real life, with white glove delivery right to your door. So visit your local Ashley store or head to Ashley.com to find your style. To learn more about For Others mission or to donate, visit for others.com.

[Will Arnett]

This episode of Smartless is brought to you.

[Jason Bateman]

In part by Skinny Pop Popcorn. And yes, it's exactly what you heard crunching backstage at our live event at the Avalon.

[Will Arnett]

I will say there's something kind of.

[Jason Bateman]

Really classic about the original Skinny Pop.

[Will Arnett]

No fluff, just.

[Jason Bateman]

It's just got the good stuff. It's deliciously popped, perfectly salted, light and airy. Kind of like me. I feel like I'm kind of light and airy.

[Will Arnett]

I'm like a human Skinny Pop, but.

[Jason Bateman]

I'm not as good.

[Will Arnett]

We did. We had so much Skinny Pop. They were a sponsor of the show.

[Jason Bateman]

And we had so much of it everywhere.

[Will Arnett]

We were kind of silly with Skinny.

[Jason Bateman]

Pop, and the guys went a little bit crazy with it.

[Will Arnett]

Every time I buy Skinny Pop, in.

[Jason Bateman]

My mind, I'm always like, oh, I'm.

[Will Arnett]

Getting it for the kids.

[Jason Bateman]

Because I have two teenagers and a little guy, and I'm like, so I'm.

[Will Arnett]

Getting Skinny Pop for the kids. It's a good snack, and it's a.

[Jason Bateman]

Snack that I sort of feel comfortable having in the house. And then invariably, I'm the one who eats it all.

[Will Arnett]

Skinny pop, deliciously pop, perfectly salted, popular for reasons.

[Jason Bateman]

Find out [e-mail] SkinnyPop.

[Sean Hayes]

You're listening to a very special episode of Smartless, recorded at the Avalon Theater. And we've partnered with Starbucks to help make this summer even more memorable. This season, Starbucks is delivering handcrafted beverages made to inspire you to enjoy the summer season to the fullest. We're talking bold refreshers, iced beverages, and a new Frappuccino that all tastes like summer with each sip I've been sipping between takes. And let's just say none of us are sharing. Your summer favorites are ready at Starbucks. Stop by your local store and enjoy your favorite tastes of summer. And now back to the show.

[Will Arnett]

So you're from Connecticut, and I remember I was in Atlanta once. JB and I spent a couple years there, not together. And I was listening to a radio station, driving to work, and then you were talking to the people and you knew these people on the radio. And I guess I missed the first. You had a real connection to Atlanta at the start of your career. Is that true?

[Audience Member]

Yeah, I moved down to Atlanta when.

[Sean Hayes]

I was.

[Will Arnett]

Like a real connection.

[Audience Member]

Yeah, I went down to Atlanta, moved away. I left Berkeley College of Music after a year, moved down there with a friend and just started writing songs away and going for it. I had a friend who was from there down in Snellville, Georgia, where everyone is someone is what they say down there. And which is really nice now when you look at it that way. And so I moved down there and we started writing songs and I just.

[Sean Hayes]

How old were you?

[Audience Member]

21, 22.

[Sean Hayes]

But didn't you start writing in high school?

[Audience Member]

Yeah, I started writing songs.

[Sean Hayes]

And you were like a gas station person.

[Audience Member]

Gas station. I was writing songs. I was writing songs in math class.

[Sean Hayes]

I was just. See, that blows my mind that. I mean, it's so rare to have that gift at such a young age, to be able to use the English language, then put it to music, and you just happen to be an incredible songwriter. And you knew this at such a young age. Did you know why you were pumping gas at the gas station? Did you have enough belief in yourself to know that, oh, this is just temporary, I'm probably going to make it someday?

[Audience Member]

Everything. Yeah, I mean, everything that I was looking at was in my way. And there are kids out there who feel this way, and my heart goes out to them. They're not being punks. They're acting out in class, but they're not being punks. They already know. It would be like going to a restaurant and the waiter is reading the specials and you go, I know what I want. I don't want that. I just want the burger. And they're telling you about that. We take the lobster out, we cook it, we put it back in the shelf. You're like, I know what I want. And it was very. That was actually one of the hardest times of my life, was to have to be 15. When I knew that I wasn't 15, I wanted to go do this thing. And it was really.

[Will Arnett]

I love that. I love the way you put that. Yeah.

[John Mayer]

So then when. When did the damn break. When was it like, yes, finally I'm getting some traction. They're playing my music or.

[Audience Member]

Well, I went to Berkeley College of Music when I was 19. I took a couple years off to hone my chops at the mobile station. But by the way, let me also say, whatever job you have, be the best at it. On your way to where you're going, be the best at. I became assistant manager at the mobile station.

[Will Arnett]

I remember seeing an interview. Did you go there with, like, Sawyer? Like, 25 years, 30 years ago. I remember that.

[Audience Member]

Got a pager. Just be great at whatever job they give you, because it's more fun to be great than to, like, suck at it and say, you don't want to do it. Just ace it for fun.

[John Mayer]

Right.

[Audience Member]

You know?

[Sean Hayes]

Right.

[Audience Member]

And I would go to, like, mobile management meetings. And I remember, I'm going to tell a story. It's very similar to your style. I was sitting at a meeting in a convention room with all of these mobile managers and there was a woman who was giving a speech to all the mobile managers and it was called Give them the Pickle. And it was all based on, if you're working at a deli and someone comes up and says, can I have an extra pickle? Don't charge them for another pickle. Give them the pickle.

[Sean Hayes]

That's right.

[Audience Member]

That's a cool lesson to learn from pumping gas. It makes up for how stupid you.

[Will Arnett]

That's always been your motto too, right?

[Sean Hayes]

Give them the extra pickle.

[Will Arnett]

Give them the pickle. Yep.

[Sean Hayes]

And if they don't, and if they like it, give them the second one for free.

[Will Arnett]

So.

[Sean Hayes]

So how old were you? So wait, how old when you. When you actually picked up a guitar and what made. And was it really Back to the Future? You're like, I want to be Marty McFly.

[Audience Member]

Yeah. I saw Back to the Future and whatever that thing was, which was that moment of, like, comeuppance, you know, like, that always meant something to me. And then I would, like, go to tag sales, we called them tag sales in the Northeast or garage sales. And I'd buy, you know, guitar. My mom buy me guitar for, like, $2. And like, the first four guitars never had all six strings on them. But then I'll never forget the day I had a guitar with all six strings, because that was all of the strings. And then I could really go off and running. And I just saw the. I saw the geometry of the thing and I went, got it. And it wasn't that I knew how to play the guitar, but I knew how I was going to.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Audience Member]

And I just so quickly went and took things like rocks from the don't know it pile and put it into the know it pile. But it wasn't because I worked harder. I just looked at that thing and I went, I got it.

[John Mayer]

Did you self teach? Did you just, like, start making noises?

[Audience Member]

Yeah, I'm lucky. If you're. If you're ever anyone out there, if you're going to give your kid a guitar, don't give them lessons for, like a couple weeks. Yeah, just go looking. Go looking around, play around. Just see. Because I still see the guitar neck the way I did when I first looked at it. And then I started taking lessons, and then the guitar instructor, they used to cut it in half. 30 minutes. It'd be 15 and 15. The first 15 minutes would be learning from the book, and the second 15 minutes was like, bring in a song and the guitar and the guitar teacher will show you that song. And before long, it was just all, bring in a song. And it was all, show me everything. And I could just. I'd go home and I'd come back and I'd do it and I'd go, give me more, give me more. You just loved it, and I loved it. And then I know you're trying to get me to taper down with the story, and I'm almost done.

[Sean Hayes]

No, no, no, no. I'm just. I'm.

[John Mayer]

I'm commercial.

[Will Arnett]

Sean, were you like that with the piano? Honestly, I was.

[Sean Hayes]

I went through.

[Audience Member]

Through the face.

[Sean Hayes]

I started at 5 years old, literally came home from kindergarten. My mom was like, do you want to take piano lessons? I literally said, I'm not doing anything else. Why not? And she lived across the street, and I started taking piano lessons. And then as I got older, all the adults in my life Kept saying, gosh, you know, you're taking piano lessons. I wish I would have stayed with that. I wish. Or violin lessons or whatever lessons they took. I wish over and over again. All the adults would say, I wish I stuck with it. And so I turned that messaging. I turned all those regrets into motivation. And so I was like, there must be something to that. If. I wonder if I just stick with it. Like everybody's saying they wish they did. It might pay off and I might get respect for it because they gave up on it. So I don't know why.

[John Mayer]

It's Tony.

[Audience Member]

Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

I absorbed all that.

[Audience Member]

Connecting with an instrument is like the. It's like flying.

[John Mayer]

Every time I've tried to teach myself how to play guitar, I can't. I can't get past how much it hurts my fingers.

[Audience Member]

I know.

[John Mayer]

So. So I. I stop every time it hurts.

[Audience Member]

Yet you'll watch. Yet you'll watch a series for nine episodes because someone says it gets good on the 10th.

[John Mayer]

Yeah, right.

[Audience Member]

The things we'll stick with and the things we won't. I know, but also you have to get a guitar that's set up right. Sometimes people's first guitars have been in attics and stuff.

[John Mayer]

Do they make soft strings?

[Audience Member]

They make soft strings.

[Will Arnett]

My 14 year old's here. He's up there and he started playing bass a couple years ago. Now he taught himself to play guitar and he's making music in his room. You knew that. I told you that. Abel. Where you at, Abe?

[Jason Bateman]

He's up there somewhere.

[John Mayer]

Bass strings, that's easier on the fingers. Those are bigger strings.

[Will Arnett]

It's like a gateway drug to guitars in a way. Right? Yeah.

[Audience Member]

I mean it. Sometimes it's whatever the band is.

[Will Arnett]

Sorry, buddy, I don't mean that.

[Audience Member]

But it's all about whether the guitar is set up right.

[John Mayer]

You're going to pay for that later. It's only four strings too, right?

[Audience Member]

Yes.

[Sean Hayes]

When did you have start having panic attacks?

[Will Arnett]

Oh my God.

[John Mayer]

Boy.

[Sean Hayes]

Because. Smooth. Because I have.

[John Mayer]

I had the worst host in the history.

[Sean Hayes]

Because I had 20 seconds ago.

[John Mayer]

Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

Because I had them too. And then I get afib, which is cardiac arrhythmia. Which you have.

[Audience Member]

I have as well.

[Sean Hayes]

And how do you know when you're in it or. No.

[John Mayer]

Is there a doctor in the house just in case?

[Audience Member]

I have so many.

[John Mayer]

Both seem like they're ready to pop.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah. Because I had to go to the emergency room a lot to get cardioverted. Is that what you had to do?

[Audience Member]

I didn't have to do cardioversion so let's just get super esoteric here. When I was 17, I had afib. Parasysmal lone afib.

[Sean Hayes]

Sure, sure.

[Audience Member]

And. And I got out of it with a digitalis. It's an anti rhythmic.

[Sean Hayes]

I've tried that. Doesn't work.

[Audience Member]

Got out of there for me and it's not going on. It's not fatal for most people. It is a slight risk of stroke.

[Sean Hayes]

That's right.

[Audience Member]

But it's just a nuisance. And it keeps me honest because I'm on a daily. I'm on flecainide, 50 milligrams.

[Will Arnett]

You talk to the TV at home. This is. You have.

[Sean Hayes]

I wave goodbye to the ladies in the View. I'm like, goodbye, as they say goodbye. Wait a minute. Me too. I tried flecainide, but then I. I just take it as needed.

[Audience Member]

Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

Okay.

[Audience Member]

I take it because I have lots of PACs or premature atrial complexes and hundreds a day if I'm not on flecainide. And sometimes I'll take metoprolol, which is a beta block. I'll take 50 milligrams of metoprolol.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Audience Member]

This reminds me of a TV show idea I have and it's about a doctor who. Who's a vampire. But he never went to medical school. He just lived so long that everything under the sun happened to him.

[Sean Hayes]

So.

[Audience Member]

So he just knows everything because he's lived like 800 years.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Audience Member]

And he's always trying to break in to drink the blood. I mean, we have that. We have the blood thing. We have. He's always sneaking around the different floors. And I really, like, I really think I hit it out of the park with the name just, just Dr. Vampire, MD.

[John Mayer]

Sure.

[Audience Member]

And like just come out with it. And I think if you're driving down Sunset to go back to wherever you guys are, you know, on the west side, and you see a lit up sign over the Saddle ranch, this is Dr. Vampire MD that you'd be like, I will check that out. Absolutely.

[Sean Hayes]

I would totally check that.

[John Mayer]

Will you write the theme song?

[Sean Hayes]

Yes. Wait. Why don't you have hair on your arms?

[John Mayer]

Simply the worst.

[Will Arnett]

This is simply the worst.

[Sean Hayes]

Simply worse than all terrible of the worst.

[John Mayer]

Sean and I have both lost the hair on our.

[Audience Member]

On our shins from socks, if not a natural.

[John Mayer]

I used to make fun of Jeffrey Tambor for that, but he was like, you wait, you'll get old enough, you'll lose it.

[Audience Member]

So you're saying you lose hair on the legs?

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, because of socks.

[John Mayer]

Like on the Inside, I got hair. Outside, like a. Like a biker.

[Audience Member]

Yeah. I'm not a very. I don't. I can't grow a beard. I'm not very.

[Sean Hayes]

Same hairy and alabaster all the way.

[Audience Member]

Yeah. Yeah. You and I are smooth.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, we're smooth. We're smooth jazz. Yeah. Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

John, whose body was a wonderland.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, I had that.

[Audience Member]

I can tell. I can tell you. And I think. I think I've told people this much.

[Sean Hayes]

That was your first girlfriend?

[Audience Member]

It was my first girlfriend. Oh, my God. He's mocking my answer.

[John Mayer]

The worst ever.

[Audience Member]

I've never had anybody mock an answer. I would have sweetened it up, put something in. You hadn't heard?

[Sean Hayes]

No. Okay, sorry. Go ahead.

[Audience Member]

My first girlfriend. Get to it, Mayor. Get to this question. It's total setup because you asked me the question. Actually, what you're doing is making fun of him for asking.

[Sean Hayes]

That's right. That's right. That's right. But I did have on here. You have a high profile dating history. Do we talk about it or not? Talk about it about it.

[Audience Member]

Here. Here.

[Will Arnett]

Here's.

[Audience Member]

Here's why I don't.

[Sean Hayes]

And that had to do with it.

[Audience Member]

I would talk about me if it related to me, sure. But I am older now. It's been a very long time since. I mean, I have my own situation from that I stay inside the house. Aren't I a good boy, America? I'm not dating anybody. Aren't I good?

[John Mayer]

Aren't you single right now?

[Audience Member]

I'm a single person. I'm a catch.

[John Mayer]

Would you. Would you. Would you. Would you like. Do you. Do you have. Do you have dreams of being a husband, a father? Yeah, absolutely.

[Will Arnett]

It's not easy. It's not easy for John Mayer to date. In all seriousness, like, what are you going to do? Like, it's. It's tough. Well, to meet people.

[Audience Member]

No, But I'll tell you, it's very good. It's a very good filtration system of selecting who's right. So if, if, if it's not easy, then that means when the right person comes along, well, then that's easy because of how not easy it is until you meet the right.

[John Mayer]

But let me ask you about what's right and what's wrong for a girlfriend versus a wife versus somebody that you might have a child with. Are you looking for something different now than you were, say, 10 years ago?

[Audience Member]

Because they're one in the same. There's. I would not be. I would not date someone if it didn't have the upward mobility of Becoming married.

[John Mayer]

Right. So don't marry a girlfriend. Perhaps said said differently, but I don't understand.

[Audience Member]

Wouldn't you always marry your girlfriend?

[John Mayer]

Well, I do. I think, I think there's a difference.

[Audience Member]

Explain it.

[John Mayer]

Well, I think.

[Audience Member]

You know what they say, never marry your girlfriend.

[John Mayer]

Well, but it kind of feels like they never said it.

[Will Arnett]

This is gonna be good. Hi, Amanda.

[Audience Member]

You know what they say? They say, be friends with your best.

[Will Arnett]

Friend John, let him keep digging, please.

[John Mayer]

Babe, Should I put the shovel down? Oh, no.

[Will Arnett]

I do think that you guys come in separate cars. No.

[John Mayer]

Damn it. But you know, you, you might make a choice to date somebody that you think, ah, well, this, this should be a fun girlfriend. That it doesn't really, it doesn't really have legs to go a distance.

[Audience Member]

But all my girlfriends have had legs. It's something, I mean, I, I.

[Will Arnett]

Good for you. Good for you, dude.

[Audience Member]

Yeah. So far I don't.

[Will Arnett]

You gotta have standards, you know, it.

[Audience Member]

Just happens to be. I'm not looking on, but Jay.

[Will Arnett]

Keep going, though.

[John Mayer]

Laugh it up, Jiggles. You're. You're on a. Are you on a dating site right now?

[Will Arnett]

I'm not.

[Audience Member]

Every girlfriend would be a potential wife. At this point. I am 47, which is so at this point, same. Do you think you're older than 47? Do you still think 47 is young? Is there something about 47 years old compared to 63?

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is young.

[Audience Member]

Yeah. So, yeah, it's so however difficult it is, is how easy it will be to identify someone who's right. I think that's how I look at it.

[Sean Hayes]

Well, yeah. With age comes, you know, the ability to reflect on your past and not repeat the same mistakes. So when you enter a new relationship, you are hopefully wiser and all of those things.

[Audience Member]

Can I tell you something? That we could be really honest just between us.

[Will Arnett]

Please just say it's all a fucking crapshoot.

[Audience Member]

Very well behaved. Behaved. I believe anyone buying well behaved like I really care. I've developed really the best parts of me. I'm very well behaved. I treat people really well. I'm honest, I'm sincere, I'm not sarcastic. And I don't know that people know this about me. And so I think that when people come into a dating situation with me, they think I'm going to be snappy and quick and sarcastic. But I'm not like, wait, is that bad really? Well, well, listen, you guys are really giving yes and a run for its money out here, but I'm very well behaved. And the thing Is like, you have to be well behaved.

[John Mayer]

Was it always that way?

[Audience Member]

No.

[John Mayer]

Okay. Cause you're a rock star. And if I'm a girl thinking about dating you, I think, well, this could be a challenge.

[Audience Member]

Yeah. I mean, hell, have no fury. Or, like, maybe not. Nothing is worse than someone who believes they're doing right and they're not. Like, that's. Most assholes in dating are such assholes. Because if they would pass a lie detector test that they mean well, they're.

[John Mayer]

Good at being assholes.

[Audience Member]

You can mean well and be terribly misbehaved. And that's the kind of trap you get. This is, call her daddy, right? Yeah.

[John Mayer]

Yeah.

[Audience Member]

This is where we are. So I am very well behaved. And this is. I've never articulated this before, so forgive me if it sounds strict. I expect good. Like, great behavior turns me on. I fixed, like, high wattage. And I'm not saying anything but just general high wattage. Hollywood zing it at you? Kind of. That was interesting when I was young. And now, like, being well behaved is the hottest.

[Will Arnett]

What's your version? Like, Like. Like. Like, good sleep, hygiene, table manners.

[Audience Member]

If. If you. You know what I would say it is responding to insecurity in a sincere way. Yeah.

[John Mayer]

Amen.

[Sean Hayes]

That's good. But I do well. The ability.

[Will Arnett]

The. The ability to be vulnerable, too, is a big thing.

[Audience Member]

Nobody.

[Will Arnett]

And that's what you get when you get older, because you don't give a shit. You're like, hey, this is who I am.

[Audience Member]

So what ended up happening? You're right. But I think that younger people need to get a head start on being more vulnerable. Being sarcastically invulnerable and apathetic is a really good healing mechanism to get over the past breakup. It is a great way to get over somebody is to go out with your girls and take a couple pictures for your dating site where you're, like, licking a knife, you know, whatever. I get it. I get that. But you can't carry that into your next. I fear that there's a generation of people, men and women, who have decided to come into relationships in a very inflexible, sarcastic vulnerability is the shit.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, it's the best.

[Audience Member]

Leave yourself so vulnerable that you could die if someone said the wrong thing to you and just die a thousand times and drive home and do all those farts in the car and get home and go, well, we tried. I know that's the route to a quicker, better thing. Just be vulnerable.

[Sean Hayes]

I want to get to your career because I have tremendous. I do.

[Audience Member]

I want to get back to my career, too.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah. I did have something about the sleep that you take. Magnesium bathroom. I don't even know what that is.

[Will Arnett]

Where did you get.

[Sean Hayes]

It's magnesium.

[Will Arnett]

Are you late for something? Are you in a rush?

[Sean Hayes]

No, I don't want to. I don't want to overstay our welcome with friends.

[Audience Member]

Chat GPT. And you would say, chat GPT. Are you sure about the magnesium bath thing with John? And it would say, you're right. I can't find exactly where I found it as a magnesium bath. I tried looking. I love what Chad GPD is like. You got me.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah. All right. We don't talk about no. So. But I do have. Speaking about being vulnerable. If I can be vulnerable with you right now, that I do have, from one musician to another, tremendous respect for you. I do. I just think I know so many of your songs. The first one, you know, the first one I think most people knew you from is I want to run through the halls of my house school. I want to scream at the top of my lungs.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, I love that.

[Sean Hayes]

I love that song anyway. And then. But go back to being released. Right.

[Audience Member]

Isn't it funny that, like, singers who also just talk, but that, you know, the whole time they're talking, they could be singing? Yeah, I. I always. When I was younger, I would watch people. I'd be like, that guy's talking, but he's also singing. And I feel like sometimes I want to show people. It's like, this is me talking. This is me talking. This is me talking. I'm kind of moving into singing now. I'm kind of moving into singing now.

[F]

I wanna run through the house.

[Audience Member]

I'm coming back to. But now. But now I'm coming back into talking. But now I'm talking again. Now I'm talking again. But at any moment, I wanted to. I could go.

[F]

Wants to bring me down.

[Audience Member]

But I can talk again. Yes, but I can talk again.

[Sean Hayes]

But here's the thing. We're gonna.

[Audience Member]

Isn't that weird?

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah. I'm gonna ask you if. I'm gonna ask you to sing at the end of the show here, and then you're gonna feel really uncomfortable.

[Will Arnett]

Wait, are you in. Are you in a. Because I want to ask you about your. Your. Your music, musicianship.

[Sean Hayes]

That's what I.

[Will Arnett]

When you joined. When you joined Dead Company. Dead and Company.

[Audience Member]

I'll make sure you didn't say Grateful Dead, because I feel bad.

[Will Arnett]

So I'm not a Deadhead, but I've loved the Grateful Dead for many Years. I've only gone to, like. I went to like 10 shows, but. But I watched you in an interview talking about learning the songs and how quickly you learned all those songs. It is bananas. Can you tell us a little bit about that process? If you guys don't know?

[Audience Member]

Yeah. So I was falling in love with the music of Grateful Dead. Like, falling in love. If I hadn't joined the band or met Bob Weir and Mickey Hart and Bill Kreutzman, I would have just fallen into that anyway. And it's actually funny. The way I met them was through a mutual friend. Don was producer extraordinaire. Don was. Who said, come up and I know how much you love Grateful Dead right now. Come up and meet the guys. And I was just telling them how much their music meant to me, and they were like, what are you doing March 7th? And so I was like, wherever you need me. Cause they were looking at putting a band together. So it was really fascinating because as I was falling in love with the music, I would just learn how to play it on the guitar. And I like. I made a binder, and the binder had a bunch of, you know, the tablature or she, you know, whatever the manuscript paper was. And I would just write the song down and I would just do a song a day. But I was in love with the song a day. So I would just. I took like six months off and learned how to play those songs.

[Will Arnett]

But I mean, it's. How many songs is it? I mean, it's.

[Audience Member]

I mean, I think we played like 150 songs.

[Will Arnett]

Incredible. And he learned them. You learned them all, like, in a short amount of time.

[Audience Member]

But you do this with lines, Will.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, it's a little bit different, man.

[Audience Member]

How so? I couldn't do it. I couldn't look at it.

[Sean Hayes]

I say that too. I say with lines. It's like singing. Because if you do a play or you have to do the same lines over and over again, you have to do the same lines over and over again. You have to do the same lines over. It's like a song.

[Audience Member]

The geometry's already there. It's not like I have to make a new map for every song. And I'm already, like, visualizing where the music goes anyway, so it's kind of. It's easier than you might think to just place the. Think of it like a corkboard with, like, index cards or something. You go, okay, those are there. Or like dancers who can have like a two minute thing and someone can go take out that step in bar 12. And they can just. It's like, it's. It's an innate language, and if I had to learn how to do it and I. It wasn't in me, I wouldn't be able to do it.

[Sean Hayes]

Are you. Are you one of the musicians that. Did you ever learn how to read music, or.

[Audience Member]

No, but I could read a chord chart, but I can't read music.

[Sean Hayes]

That's amazing.

[Audience Member]

Yeah, but if I had, I don't know that I would have even used that skill that much in pop music.

[Sean Hayes]

You know, you've written, like, so many songs. By the way, I love. What is it called? All We Ever Do Is say Goodbye. I love that song so much. Which album was that on?

[Audience Member]

That's on Battle Studies. And it's funny because as a writer, you can put a song out and then kind of get down about it. Oh, I think it's kind of this. And then years later, you listen back to it as someone who wouldn't or couldn't write that song today. And so you hear it for the first time. And I heard it for the first time not long ago after years of not listening to it, and I was like, oh, this is very nice.

[Will Arnett]

But when you. When you. When you listen back to it, do you remember where you were? And I don't mean necessarily physically, but where you were, what it meant to you in the moment? You're like, oh. Like, when you hear a lyric or you hear a certain note that you hit, and you go like, oh, yeah, I remember why I did that.

[Audience Member]

All of it.

[Will Arnett]

There's an emotional connection to it.

[Audience Member]

All of it. It's very deep as I get older, and it really is. And I'll tell you why. Like, I don't know how to deal with it sometimes, because I'll listen back to things and be so. And this is not arrogance. Cause I'm not the same person. I can't do that anymore. Like, you're not the same person you were when you wrote letters to boyfriends or when you wrote in your diary. So I can look at it preserved in amber as this thing. And I. It's very deep. It's very profound because I appreciate it. I can't believe that I did that. But I'm not that anymore.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Audience Member]

It doesn't belong to me, even though everyone would say it does. I go, but those cells that made that thought and the person I was when I was that vulnerable or I was in that particular way, and I didn't understand the world, and I want to be Able to say, hey, that's my song. But I listen back to it and there's a sadness to not having. It's really hard to explain.

[Will Arnett]

But then, John, they have a relationship with the song. When you see it, when they enjoy it, or they say, hey, I really love that song. It really spoke to me. I was going through, you know, I was going through a breakup or somebody in my family died or whatever. And they have a different emotional response to it. How does that hit you?

[Audience Member]

That's great. Whatever it is to someone else is great. And I'm at that age now where people have lost people they used to go to shows with or people they used to listen to the music with. And it makes you more. It's such a deeper connection for people. It makes up for the times people go like, you were my high school crush. This happened to you. You guys. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you go, never happened. Oh, oh, this is the one. This is the one. My 14 year old self is freaking out right now.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, right, right.

[Audience Member]

And I go, so you're not. And the version that did is no longer here. And you're here representing a former ver. But we're all in.

[John Mayer]

Do you feel like you're at. Like you're in a better place now than you were back then to write songs and music? Like, do you think you're better now? I. I bet you are.

[Audience Member]

Great question.

[Sean Hayes]

Thank you.

[Audience Member]

Better.

[John Mayer]

That's beautiful.

[Sean Hayes]

Thank you.

[Audience Member]

That's beautiful.

[Sean Hayes]

Thank you.

[Audience Member]

This is actually, it's. Yeah. I could help anyone with their song. I could help anyone make their song better because of the just pure experience of trying to write every song or every type of song that's ever existed. It gets harder to write as you get older, but you're better when you do. And the reason it's harder to write is because you begin to answer the questions that you've had your whole life. And you should, you shouldn't live in a constant state of like, raw nerves, you know? And so when I was younger, everything hurt. And I could write and I wanted to know, why does this hurt? I gotta get this out. And as you get older, you have wisdom and you understand why and you help other people who don't understand why something's happening and you can tell them what's coming up the road. So music comes from wanting to understand what's going on. And the more you understand what's going on, the less there is to write. But when you catch one, the more experienced you are at like, putting spin on the ball.

[Will Arnett]

Baby, have you ever written a song, though, that's been, like, really emotional? And then you've had somebody in your life and they hear it and they're like, hey, are we good?

[John Mayer]

Like, is that about me?

[Will Arnett]

Is that about me? Like, what the hell? I thought everything was cool. We went on vacation last week and I was listening to the radio today.

[Audience Member]

It happened to me one time.

[Will Arnett]

Really?

[John Mayer]

And were they right? Was it about them?

[Audience Member]

Good questions will get the right answers. Because I can't. I. Yeah, I had a song called Perfectly Lonely, and at the end of the bridge, it was like, something about, have to thank the loves so that went wrong to lead me to a love so strong. And she said, am I the love that went wrong? Am I the love that went wrong? And I had to be like, no, you're. You're not the. It's just a song. That was the only time I think anyone.

[Will Arnett]

They were.

[Audience Member]

But for the most part, I'm actually very.

[Sean Hayes]

I mean, that's what I thought.

[John Mayer]

She knows.

[Sean Hayes]

And though it really was. It really was the love that went.

[Audience Member]

Wrong for the most part. My love. My songs aren't bitter. I don't write songs that are like, how dare you songs. What's that? What did you say? Oh, Heartbreak Warfare. Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[John Mayer]

Except that one.

[Audience Member]

No computers. Isn't this amazing?

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, it's amazing. It's so good. I mean, but, I mean, I tell you, I'm freaking out that you're singing in front of me right now. It's really cool.

[John Mayer]

Speaking of which, Chris, what's that? Goddamn piano.

[Sean Hayes]

No, I. I had one last question before. I.

[Audience Member]

If you want me to play something, I'll play some. I know.

[Sean Hayes]

I do. I do.

[Will Arnett]

Obviously.

[Sean Hayes]

Before that, before you get it, let's. Last question. Let's say you could form a super group of musicians that are alive. Who's in it, and what's the name of it?

[Audience Member]

Alive.

[Sean Hayes]

Okay.

[Will Arnett]

Great answer.

[Sean Hayes]

That is good.

[Audience Member]

I mean, I. So. So to me, my hero, like, real. Okay. There's people. You say they're your hero, but there's people that you just lose it around. And to me, Eddie Vedder. To me, that's it. That's it.

[Sean Hayes]

Love him. Yeah.

[Audience Member]

Like, you gotta understand, like, you can play any. People play so many different things on a guitar. Or I should say there's only so many things you could play on a guitar. His particular way of dropping in.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Audience Member]

So I would just want to. It's a selfish thing. I'd want to be next to him, making music.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Audience Member]

And luckily, I'D put people in the band. I probably already played with it. Put Steve Jordan on the drums, but Pino on the bass.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah. I love that. You know, I. When. Because I. Obviously, I knew you were coming on because you're my guest today, but I went bonkers with nerves because I was practicing a couple of your songs because I wanted to play with you, but I can't because we didn't rehearse. No, no, no, you can't.

[Audience Member]

You have to, because I didn't rehearse.

[Sean Hayes]

No, no. I don't know the chords and all that, but. But I need sheet music. I can't read fake books and chord search, so. But if you weren't gonna play, I was gonna bait you by playing something myself. But I'm glad you are, so I don't have to. So, please, would you indulge us and play something?

[Audience Member]

I just have to remember it.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[John Mayer]

It's very nice of you, John.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, it's very nice.

[John Mayer]

Very nice of you.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, my God, there's so many.

[Audience Member]

Can I play anything I want? Yeah, I want to impress you. You're the.

[Will Arnett]

You're.

[Audience Member]

You were the one who brought me in. You're the one who sent the email.

[Sean Hayes]

Well, I, I, I like.

[John Mayer]

You wrote all those great questions.

[Audience Member]

I love that one.

[Sean Hayes]

I love all. All we ever do is say goodbye. I love all the hit. I love the first one. I can't remember the name, but I know all the words. I want to run with my halls in high school.

[Audience Member]

Oh, no such thing.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, I mean, but you probably don't want to play that. I don't know.

[Audience Member]

I mean, it's. There's.

[John Mayer]

Could you let him. Let him play what the hell he wants.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, play whatever you want. I want you to play what you want.

[Audience Member]

I'll tell you what, you call it out, I'll play a little bit of it.

[Sean Hayes]

No, no, you play it. You. You pick. You pick.

[Audience Member]

See, gravity would be nice, too.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah. Play, Olive.

[Audience Member]

Continue.

[F]

All of.

[Audience Member]

Continue.

[Will Arnett]

Medley.

[Audience Member]

Medley. I know. I'm at the age of doing a medley. I'll do a medley if you want.

[Sean Hayes]

Yes.

[Audience Member]

Hold on. Let me just load it up in my head. Okay.

[Sean Hayes]

All right.

[Audience Member]

All right. Okay. Yeah. This is so fun.

[F]

It's not a silly little moment it's not strong before the call this is the deep and dying breath of this love that we've been working on and on can't seem to hold you like I want to so I can feel you in my arms Nobody's gonna come and save you we put too many FS we go down, you can see it too. We go slow down and you know that we're too mad. Here we slow dancing in a burning room.

[Audience Member]

It's too good. Can I just keep going on this song?

[F]

I was the one you always dreamed of? You were the one I tried to draw. How dare you say it's nothing to me? Baby, you're the only light I ever saw? I made the most of all the sadness. You'll be a bitch because you can. Oh, you try to help me just to help me so you leave me feeling dirty. Cause you can't understand. We're going down.

[Audience Member]

Now you could do in other words. I guess what I was trying to say with this song.

[Sean Hayes]

Was.

[F]

Was ever do is say goodbye.

[Audience Member]

Oh, all we ever do is say goodbye. All we ever do is say goodbye.

[F]

All we ever do is say goodbye. All we ever do is say goodbye. All we ever do is say goodbye. All we ever do is say goodbye. All we ever do is say say goodbye. Welcome to the real world. She said to me condescendingly. Take a scene, take your life and blot it out in black and white. Well, I never lived the dream of the prime kings and the drama queens. I'd like to think the best of me. It's still hiding up my sleeve. They love to tell you see inside the lines with something's better on the.

[Sean Hayes]

Everybody I want to run through the.

[F]

Hall of my high school.

[Sean Hayes]

I want to scream at the top of my.

[F]

I just found out there's no such thing as the real world. Just a lie you got to rise above. I just can't wait till my tenure reunion. I'm going to bust down the double doors and when I stand on these tables before you you will know what all the time must fall.

[Audience Member]

Thank you.

[Sean Hayes]

Come there. Everybody. John May, thank you so much.

[Audience Member]

What a blast. What a blast.

[John Mayer]

Awesome.

[Will Arnett]

Great.

[John Mayer]

Now great job, Sean. I gotta say. Great job, Sean. I mean, I think.

[Will Arnett]

Where is he? Where is he?

[John Mayer]

He's up there.

[Will Arnett]

He's in the back. The theater. I love it.

[John Mayer]

I think Scotty might be in trouble. Huh?

[Sean Hayes]

I mean, what, that I did this photo?

[John Mayer]

Well, no, I mean, you guys had a real connection.

[Will Arnett]

I know.

[Sean Hayes]

I love that guy. He's so. Isn't that John Mayer?

[Will Arnett]

You guys. What a talent.

[John Mayer]

And I saw a bunch of you guys mouthing the lyrics, too. You didn't know he was coming out here. You're a big John Mayer fan.

[Sean Hayes]

I love that. I like what he said about vulnerability. I think more men should be more vulnerable in the world.

[Audience Member]

Agreed.

[Sean Hayes]

We talk about that a lot. And I think he's a brainiac and a sweetheart and a good person. And I hope he finds love because he deserves it.

[John Mayer]

That's right. There's a bucket out there with phone numbers for any single people out there.

[Sean Hayes]

But I love that song. One of my favorite songs.

[Will Arnett]

I know. Great song.

[John Mayer]

Sounded very good.

[Sean Hayes]

Do you remember the name of it? All we ever do is say goodbye.

[Audience Member]

Bye.

[Will Arnett]

Very good. Thank you so much. Thank you.

[Audience Member]

Thank you. Thank you. Smart, Smart, less.

[Jason Bateman]

Smartless is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Rob Armjarv, Bennett Barbico and Michael Grantieri.

[Will Arnett]

Smart Less.