"Kieran Culkin"

Summary

SmartLess Podcast Episode Summary: "Kieran Culkin"
Release Date: December 23, 2024

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Introduction

In this episode of SmartLess, hosts Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, and Will Arnett welcome actor Kieran Culkin as their surprise guest. The conversation kicks off with light-hearted banter about Sean’s recent visit to the ER due to a kidney stone, setting a humorous and relatable tone for the discussion.

Kieran Culkin’s Recent Experiences

Sean Hayes shares his painful experience with a kidney stone, providing a personal glimpse into his life:

Sean Hayes (02:08): "I was in the ER again last night. I had a kidney stone and thought I was having appendicitis or something. The pain was awful."

The hosts express concern and camaraderie, with Jason teasingly asking Sean if he "smashed" the crossbow (a prop joke), highlighting the show’s signature humor.

Acting Philosophy and Techniques

Kieran Culkin delves into his approach to acting, emphasizing spontaneity and minimal rehearsing:

Kieran Culkin (16:20): "I sort of just go fly by the seat of my pants. I can rely on instinct and just go."

He contrasts his method with traditional acting techniques, illustrating his preference for natural and improvised performances. This philosophy is particularly evident in his role in the film "A Real Pain", where his character's spontaneity is pivotal.

Experiences on "Succession" and "A Real Pain"

The conversation shifts to Kieran’s significant roles, especially his portrayal in "Succession":

Will Arnett (08:15): "You have a lot in common with us, having started young on a professional level."

Kieran discusses the challenges and growth he experienced while working on a high-profile TV show, highlighting the shift from child acting to mature roles. He also touches upon his latest project, "A Real Pain", detailing his collaboration with director and co-star Jesse Eisenberg:

Kieran Culkin (08:49): "The character in 'A Real Pain' is the most spontaneous and surprising person, just when you think you have him down, he gives a different reaction than expected."

Childhood and Transition to Adulthood in Acting

Reflecting on his journey, Kieran shares insights into growing up as a child actor and transitioning into adult roles without falling into common pitfalls:

Kieran Culkin (40:22): "When I started working on 'Succession,' I had to throw everything away that I used to do as a kid. It wasn’t about sticking to a strict regimen anymore."

He emphasizes the importance of evolving his craft and avoiding the "bad habits" that can accompany early exposure to the acting industry.

Personal Life and Family

Kieran Culkin provides a candid look into his personal life, balancing his acting career with family responsibilities:

Kieran Culkin (35:05): "I have two kids, a three-year-old and a five-year-old. That's my hobby, really."

He discusses the challenges of maintaining a private life amidst a demanding career, opting for minimal hobbies to prioritize his family. The hosts humorously probe into his daily routines and parental duties, revealing Kieran’s grounded and relatable nature.

Memorable Anecdotes and Stories

Throughout the episode, Kieran shares several entertaining and heartfelt stories:

1. Hosting SNL:
   Kieran recounts his experience hosting Saturday Night Live, highlighting the surreal and joyous aspects of the event:

   Kieran Culkin (30:29): "Hosting SNL was a dream come true. Being part of three sketches was incredible."

2. Theater Mishap:
   An unforgettable theater story where Kieran battled food poisoning mid-performance showcases his resilience:

   Kieran Culkin (26:22): "I had to deliver a speech about money but ended up vomiting on stage. The stage manager had a bucket ready, and it was the most surreal experience."

3. Meeting His Wife:
   Kieran describes his fortuitous and quirky meeting with his wife, Jazz:

   Kieran Culkin (50:12): "I walked into a bar, saw her, and literally stole her friend's seat. That was the beginning."

These anecdotes not only entertain but also illustrate Kieran’s ability to find humor and grace in challenging situations.

Balancing Career and Personal Life

The hosts explore how Kieran manages the demands of his acting career while staying present for his family. Kieran discusses the logistics and emotional toll of lengthy shoots:

Kieran Culkin (37:55): "I tried to back out of a movie once because of the long schedule, but the experience taught me to adapt and embrace the role fully."

He emphasizes the importance of flexibility and prioritizing family, even when faced with demanding work schedules.

Closing Remarks

As the episode draws to a close, the hosts and Kieran engage in playful interactions, reflecting on the enjoyable and insightful conversation. Kieran expresses his appreciation for being on the show:

Kieran Culkin (64:08): "This is a dream come true. Thanks, guys."

The episode wraps up with light-hearted banter, reinforcing the genuine and friendly dynamic between the hosts and their guest.

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Notable Quotes

• Sean Hayes (02:08): "I was in the ER again last night. I had a kidney stone and thought I was having appendicitis or something. The pain was awful."
• Kieran Culkin (16:20): "I sort of just go fly by the seat of my pants. I can rely on instinct and just go."
• Kieran Culkin (30:29): "Hosting SNL was a dream come true. Being part of three sketches was incredible."
• Kieran Culkin (26:22): "I had to deliver a speech about money but ended up vomiting on stage. The stage manager had a bucket ready, and it was the most surreal experience."
• Kieran Culkin (35:05): "I have two kids, a three-year-old and a five-year-old. That's my hobby, really."
• Kieran Culkin (40:22): "When I started working on 'Succession,' I had to throw everything away that I used to do as a kid. It wasn’t about sticking to a strict regimen anymore."

Conclusion

This episode of SmartLess offers an engaging and in-depth look into Kieran Culkin’s life, both professional and personal. His candid storytelling, combined with the hosts' witty interactions, provides listeners with valuable insights into the challenges and triumphs of transitioning from child actor to adult roles, maintaining personal relationships, and balancing a demanding career with family life.

Whether you're a fan of Kieran Culkin, fascinated by the acting industry, or simply enjoy authentic and humorous conversations, this episode is a must-listen. Tune in to SmartLess for more thoughtful dialogues and organic hilarity.

Transcript

[Sean Hayes]

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[Jason Bateman]

Guys, welcome to today's podcast. How are you both feeling?

[Will Arnett]

Does somebody have a gun to your head?

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah. Well, it's just out of frame. And it's not so much a gun as a crossbow.

[Will Arnett]

I've never seen this.

[Sean Hayes]

A crossbow. Welcome to.

[Jason Bateman]

Have you ever shot a crossbow?

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, no.

[Jason Bateman]

Did I blow it? Welcome to Smartless.

[Will Arnett]

Smart.

[Kieran Culkin]

Less.

[Will Arnett]

Smart.

[Jason Bateman]

Less.

[Will Arnett]

Smart. Less.

[Jason Bateman]

Surprise guest. Give us a little snap or a clap, please.

[Sean Hayes]

Cracker.

[Jason Bateman]

Oh, hi.

[Sean Hayes]

Hi.

[Will Arnett]

Hi. How are you guys? How are you?

[Sean Hayes]

Can I just dive right in?

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, do you mind?

[Jason Bateman]

Oh, you. You have some prepared material. Go ahead.

[Sean Hayes]

I don't know. I have prepared. Guys. I was in the ER again last night. Here's why. Here's what? I had a kidney stone. I thought I was having appendicitis or something. So I have a kidney stone and so I haven't been to bed yet.

[Jason Bateman]

Wait, how have you not. Why did you not cancel this record?

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, no, it's fine. I'm fine. I'm actually in a good buddy.

[Jason Bateman]

It would have been such a quick text for me. How? I hear that's the most painful thing in the world.

[Sean Hayes]

You can't even know. I haven't had one in years and years.

[Will Arnett]

So you had one out or you had one put in?

[Sean Hayes]

I had one. So the pain was. Excuse me. I'm like, oh, Scotty, I got it. Scotty, I gotta the er. It was awful.

[Jason Bateman]

Can you tell me where it hurts? Is it in the tinky or is it in the kinky?

[Sean Hayes]

No, it's in the. It's in your side. Yeah, it's I'm going to say it's in your kidney. Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

Hey. Hey.

[Sean Hayes]

And then I'm still a little bit on morphine. I still like have a. Oh, that's a sisle.

[Will Arnett]

That's kind of fun. That is fun. Wait a second. So, Shani, so you're in the hospital last week or whenever it was for a couple, Couple times.

[Sean Hayes]

And then like a month ago.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, right. Twice in that one night. And then.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, yeah. And then this.

[Will Arnett]

And then you're back and then you get the full scope thing that you went and had done. And then you have this. And my question to you is this.

[Sean Hayes]

Yes. Yeah, yeah.

[Will Arnett]

Are you paying so much attention to your well being and your condition that your body. You know what I mean?

[Sean Hayes]

What do you mean?

[Jason Bateman]

No, that was a half a sentence.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, that, that, that. Because you're so. I'm not saying that the experience isn't real.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, well, yeah, it's a.

[Will Arnett]

Obviously it's real. But, but, but there is a lot of attention paid to your health and to your condition at all.

[Jason Bateman]

You're saying, is he. Is he potentially creating some of this stuff by having such a look at it?

[Sean Hayes]

Because.

[Jason Bateman]

Psychosomatic.

[Will Arnett]

I should have prefaced it by saying I'm not a doctor. And I think that you guys, you're.

[Jason Bateman]

On morphine too, so.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah. And also not from.

[Sean Hayes]

No, but it's like a cycle. I know what you mean. But it's a cycle because if something happens to me, then I want. I fear that I don't want that thing to happen again.

[Will Arnett]

I'm not saying it's psychosomatic, but I am. But I am suggesting that maybe you spend so much time and energy thinking about your health and your own condition that if you were to think about other things or other people, you do think about other people. You're a very thoughtful person. But I wonder, do you know what I mean? I don't. Again, I don't know.

[Sean Hayes]

People are going to be.

[Jason Bateman]

But he's being careless with the food that he eats, you know, so that's sort of like keeping his eye off the ball and being sort of lax.

[Sean Hayes]

And that is true.

[Will Arnett]

You know, it's surprising for somebody who's so concerned with their health because you are quite on top of it, that.

[Jason Bateman]

You should start smoking and you know, like me.

[Sean Hayes]

You know what, though? I was lying there, I just had like bed head and I have these scabs in my ankles and I had this IV in my arm and I looked at Scotty and I go, I look to Scotty and I go, all this could be yours.

[Jason Bateman]

Can I ask you about where the scabs from the ankles?

[Will Arnett]

Yeah. Can I ask too?

[Sean Hayes]

They just.

[Will Arnett]

Well, not to see them, just where they came from.

[Sean Hayes]

I don't know, they just like, I don't know, just dry skin or whatever.

[Will Arnett]

Wait, so now you've just got like old man scabs?

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah, yeah, he's got old man scabs.

[Will Arnett]

I know Sean. I imagine walking into the gym at Sean's gym, walking into the men's locker room and he's got a hairdryer to his nut sack. He's one of those guys. And you're like, fuck, man. Morning, dude. How you doing? Like, dude, these won't drive, dude. Dude. What are you. Funny.

[Sean Hayes]

By the way, Jay, I. I switched the Nutcracker to the 21st if you want to go.

[Jason Bateman]

Oh, you did? Okay, great.

[Sean Hayes]

If. And Willie, please come if you want.

[Will Arnett]

I'm going to go. I'm going to be back on the. In New York.

[Sean Hayes]

Okay. And Jay, we're going anyway, so if you can go, great. If not, we'll do something else.

[Will Arnett]

Jay. And are you going to be just you or are you going to bring your nutcracker with you?

[Jason Bateman]

No, she'll be there. It's just a great. It's a great. A great blow to the coffee chat. And here comes our guest.

[Sean Hayes]

Nice.

[Will Arnett]

Wait a second. I just want to say one more thing. I was just thinking about this and I. And I obviously I smoke from time to time and people don't smoke. I feel like I'm a world class smoker.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah, you're great at it. You are.

[Will Arnett]

I really do.

[Jason Bateman]

And I feel like you never smell like cigarettes. You don't. You don't smoke a pack a day.

[Will Arnett]

Thank you. Thank you very much. Obviously they're going to play this clip at my. You know, TMZ will play this clip, but it should be noted. It's fine. It's so great, isn't it?

[Jason Bateman]

It's a hard thing to beat. Although, you know, when I quit, they didn't have the vapes and the gums and the stickers and shit. So there are. There are things to replace it now.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, there are things to replace it.

[Jason Bateman]

You know what you're going to. You got a lot of shit and you're. You'll get to it when you want to get to it. No, no one's pushing you.

[Sean Hayes]

I know there are things to replace it, but there's nothing to replace our guest.

[Will Arnett]

You don't even know who our Guest is. But you're actually right, though.

[Jason Bateman]

Let Morphine Molly go, by the way.

[Will Arnett]

Did you know I was about to say that?

[Sean Hayes]

No, no.

[Will Arnett]

But one of my sort of cheap segues. By the way, I did move today from where I'm doing the podcast because I wanted to be a little bit cheerier. Oh, okay, good.

[Jason Bateman]

Oh, yeah, yeah. You used to be in the whisper booth.

[Will Arnett]

Now you're now in my office. Just because I wanted. I just wanted to be in a. Yeah, I wasn't in the Jack Shack. I forgot about my Jack Shack.

[Sean Hayes]

Remember the Jack Shack?

[Jason Bateman]

The Goo Room?

[Will Arnett]

I think it's the Jack Shack. It's covered in cobwebs. I think they're cobwebs. Okay. But you are right. You are right that our guest today cannot be replaced and certainly won't be forgotten. I don't know why we'd even begin to forget, because this person is so alive and vibrant right now and has been for a long time.

[Jason Bateman]

Snaps and clicks were great.

[Will Arnett]

You'll like this. They were really good. Those are the mark of. Those are the kind of snaps and clicks of somebody who has confidence. The confidence, longevity in doing what they do. And I tell you, somebody who loves longevity is old, jb.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

And you're gonna love this guy because you have a lot. You have certain things in common in that both of you have been performing since you were really, really young on a professional level. And I love guests like this and particularly love this guest, whom I do not know, because they are so fucking talented.

[Jason Bateman]

Kurt Russell.

[Will Arnett]

Funny and cool and smart. It's not Kurt Russell, but this person has been nominated for Shirley maclain, Emmys, Golden Globes, everything. You can't even imagine the number of films. Sally Strothers, you know him from Igbe Goes Down. You know him from Scott Pilgrim Versus the World.

[Jason Bateman]

You Michael Cera.

[Will Arnett]

No, it's not Michael. Ceramic Edgar Wright. No. You also know him from Soderbergh's no Sudden Move, but you're really gonna know him really, really, really, really, really well from his new film A Real Pain.

[Jason Bateman]

But also mostly Jesse Eisenberg.

[Will Arnett]

Succession.

[Jason Bateman]

Kieran Culkin.

[Will Arnett]

It's Kieran Culkin, God damn it.

[Jason Bateman]

Finally got it.

[Will Arnett]

Bateman. Bateman. You ruined the intro. When it's just constant guessing.

[Jason Bateman]

Sally Strothers was close, though.

[Kieran Culkin]

Sally Strothers.

[Jason Bateman]

That was very close.

[Kieran Culkin]

That was not. Shirley McLean was pretty close, too. Yeah, I thought.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

Oh, Kieran, I'm so happy to see you.

[Kieran Culkin]

It's crazy. This is really exciting for me. This is One of my favorite shows.

[Will Arnett]

This has been a long time coming. We had a few times where we were gonna have Kieran on, and then. And then we couldn't, for various reasons.

[Sean Hayes]

That we wanted Kieran. Yes.

[Will Arnett]

So he's.

[Kieran Culkin]

And look, I canceled for bullshit like a month ago. And Sean, you can't. You didn't even cancel. You were in the emergency room.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah. What, Jay, what were you gonna say?

[Jason Bateman]

Well, I just. I just was. Wanted to Frame up the 90 second delay on Sean there going, oh, yes, it's Kieran.

[Sean Hayes]

Just then.

[Jason Bateman]

No fucking morphine is right.

[Sean Hayes]

No, no, because I remember he was supposed to be on. I didn't know who it was. But you must have been that guest that we had an issue.

[Will Arnett]

Yes, Yes.

[Kieran Culkin]

Y. Not kidney stones.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, but it was beyond his control. Have you ever had a kidney stone? Have you ever seen one?

[Kieran Culkin]

No. To me, that's my biggest nightmare. But I thought the. Like you said, I thought the pain came from the pee. Pee, not the.

[Sean Hayes]

No, it starts. It starts in your back in the kidney. That's why it's a kidney stone. And then it works way through to the bladder. And now it's out. So it's sitting in my bladder. So I have another painful thing coming when I pee it out.

[Will Arnett]

Because you're going to pee it out.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, because when you pee it out, that's when it hurts. But it only hurts for five, you know, two seconds.

[Kieran Culkin]

Because they break it down. Right, don't they? Like. Right.

[Sean Hayes]

If it's big. This one wasn't big.

[Jason Bateman]

I think they also have a small tool that can spread your aperture there at the end of your tinky. And.

[Will Arnett]

The miatas.

[Jason Bateman]

The dime slot, it's a clamp.

[Kieran Culkin]

When does that come in?

[Jason Bateman]

A reverse clamp.

[Will Arnett]

A dime slot.

[Kieran Culkin]

When does that come out? When is that?

[Will Arnett]

Do you just, like, wait until January 15th. Right. Is President's Day weekend. Is that.

[Kieran Culkin]

Buy a new mattress, pee out a kidney stone.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, yeah, we're gonna. It's gonna be a huge opening weekend.

[Jason Bateman]

Wait, Shawnee, is that. Is that truly. The next stage is the breakdown. And then the pee out.

[Sean Hayes]

Your body breaks it down. I mean. No, your body doesn't break it down. It just passes through. What is that? The thing that. The tube that goes from your kidney to your bladder.

[Jason Bateman]

Urethra.

[Kieran Culkin]

Penis.

[Sean Hayes]

No, that's the. Your penis. Hole tube.

[Jason Bateman]

Pee tube.

[Kieran Culkin]

Oh, God.

[Sean Hayes]

Something like that. Anyway. And it hangs out in the bladder. Anyway. Karen, how are you?

[Kieran Culkin]

Bunch of doctors. This is great. We're doing. We're doing so well.

[Jason Bateman]

Welcome to Our show.

[Kieran Culkin]

This is. I love. I love this. This is exactly what I thought I'd be talking about. A of I got my wife, or rather, Santa Claus got my wife a hoodie last year that said, explain it to me like I'm Tracy.

[Jason Bateman]

No, come on.

[Kieran Culkin]

You should sue, because I didn't buy it through you. That's. That's merch money that you guys.

[Jason Bateman]

Is that an Etsy? Is that an Etsy?

[Kieran Culkin]

It was, like, something. I think. I think it was. Or, like, Red Bubble or one of those things, you know?

[Will Arnett]

Wait, hang on a second.

[Jason Bateman]

I don't want to run around Tracy. I want one of those.

[Sean Hayes]

I do, too.

[Will Arnett]

Hang on. I do want to say one thing.

[Kieran Culkin]

I can also talk at the same time.

[Will Arnett]

No, you can't. I can't believe that JB knows about Etsy. That's the thing that I'm most shocked.

[Sean Hayes]

How do you know about Etsy?

[Jason Bateman]

Dude, where do you think I get my throat pillow pillows?

[Will Arnett]

I don't know, Karen.

[Sean Hayes]

My sister is a big fan of yours, by the way.

[Kieran Culkin]

As am I. Oh, wait, Tracy's.

[Jason Bateman]

That's Tracy.

[Kieran Culkin]

You haven't seen anything of mine, right? Haven't you guys not watched Succession?

[Will Arnett]

I'm gonna make a sweatshirt that says, find somebody who loves you the way that Tracy loves Kieran. Why don't. Why don't we just say that?

[Kieran Culkin]

Get that one, Karen.

[Jason Bateman]

I do want to get this out of the way. I am very embarrassed to say I am the only person on the planet that is yet to start. Only because I'm very serious about my ingestion of quality product. Ye. I'm waiting till I can sit down and just suck it up like the addict that I am.

[Sean Hayes]

And it's one of the. It's one of the biggest shows ever.

[Jason Bateman]

Everybody I know loves it. I've never heard a bad thing about.

[Will Arnett]

It, and I'm embarrassed to say I started it, and then I got. And then I was like, okay, I got to restart it, and I have it. But I did see most of season one. You are so fucking funny, dude. And so facile and so quick. You can tell that it's. Obviously, it's really well written and there's a great cast, but you have a facility to you that is really unique and really, like, impressive. Do you know what I mean?

[Kieran Culkin]

Thank you.

[Jason Bateman]

It seems very. I have seen enough clips of not only that, but everything else you've ever done. I've seen those things. You do seem very comfortable with what you do.

[Sean Hayes]

Yes, you are.

[Jason Bateman]

And that's, like, it's fun to watch.

[Kieran Culkin]

That's lately.

[Jason Bateman]

Well. Well, then you were a greater actor than I thought you were because you always looked like you're having fun. You're not working too hard in the best sense of the phrase. And as a viewer, you're just. You're relaxed watching you do your thing because it looks you're having fun and you're not stressing about your performance and are you hitting your beats and you know. Oh, God, no.

[Kieran Culkin]

I don't hit beats. Yeah. Or marks or any of that stuff.

[Jason Bateman]

You're right. You're rad. I can't wait to see real pain.

[Kieran Culkin]

About, like, 10 years ago, my wife sort of made fun of me. I was doing a play and I was like, I need to go to work. And she would work. What you do is literally called play.

[Jason Bateman]

My wife does the same thing. Doesn't give it up. Yeah, yeah. But she.

[Kieran Culkin]

But I was like, she's kind of right. Maybe I'll go out there and just have fun with it and just stick around. This is not. Not extra serious. This is just us, you know, I don't know. I'd like to go out there and play.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

And do you think that that level of comfort and ease is because you started so young and it was not really ever framed initially to you as like an occupation, a job, a weigh in which.

[Will Arnett]

Or was it though. Or was it framed as a way of paying the rent?

[Kieran Culkin]

There's a lot of. There's a lot of stuff that I think, because I started doing it at six, like, that's helped me now is like, I learn lines incredibly fast. I know. I've listened to the show a lot. Jason, you're the same way. Yeah, that's like, Jen, I often like on a Real Pain. Do you guys know Jesse Eisenberg?

[Jason Bateman]

Not yet, no.

[Kieran Culkin]

Oh, no, you should meet him. He's just.

[Jason Bateman]

He's seems awesome.

[Kieran Culkin]

Anxiety personified. And nothing caused him more panic than me walking to set and going, what are we shooting today?

[Sean Hayes]

And he's like, what?

[Kieran Culkin]

No, I wrote. There's like a whole page long speech. What's wrong with you? He's like, I learned the lines fast. Don't worry about it.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Kieran Culkin]

And I don't like to rehearse. And I just sort of like, look it over really quickly and go, oh, those are the words. I'll just, just, you know, I'll probably rely on instinct. Yeah, just go. I'm with you. Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah. JB. JB's really good. I. I think that that's could be. Obviously, it works for you, and it's very freeing. Right. So that you're not.

[Kieran Culkin]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

You're not stuck into it.

[Jason Bateman]

But there are certain parts. If I was more courageous, I would take on some parts that probably deserve a lot more research, study, practice. But I do really enjoy kind of not. Not acting. I think we've talked about this before. Like, I. I love watching actors that.

[Will Arnett]

Do we enjoy you not acting, too?

[Jason Bateman]

Believe me, I do like being. I like being the audience as opposed to being, you know, the character Jason.

[Will Arnett]

Do you take it personally when everybody keeps encouraging you to direct more?

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah, it's starting to, but wait, But.

[Sean Hayes]

Kieran, succession of those. Those big scenes where there's lots of people.

[Will Arnett]

Fucking speeches and stuff.

[Sean Hayes]

Dialogue and, like. I mean, you almost have to memorize everybody else's lines, too, right?

[Kieran Culkin]

Yeah, sort of. And I can do that fast. There was. You know, I've done things like that. Like, Sarah Snook and I had a really good rapport. So sometimes I would say, hey, can you just take my lines? Or, you know, vice versa. We even did a scene once for, like, by, like, the third take, I just jumped in and stole her line and gave her a little side eye. And then she looked at me like, all right, game on. And then later on, she took mine, you know.

[Sean Hayes]

That's great. I love that.

[Jason Bateman]

That's pret.

[Kieran Culkin]

But we ran it, like. We sort of did it like a play. There wasn't really a lot of rehearsing. We would go in there. We would always run the full scene, like, three, four, maybe five times. Cameras were always vaguely somewhere. There was no such thing as, like, coverage. Pickup shots.

[Sean Hayes]

Really nice emot.

[Will Arnett]

Wow.

[Jason Bateman]

Wow.

[Kieran Culkin]

I remember, like, in a camera system, like, he showed up, it was like a new guy, and we were kind of rehearsing. He put a mark down, and I just looked. I stopped the rehearsal and looked at him and said, first day.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That sounds like Arrested Development. You got multiple cameras, and they're just sort of tagging different stuff on each take. And by the time you run it three or four, four times, it's fully covered everything.

[Kieran Culkin]

That's why that show was so freaking alive. I'm on my third viewing of that show. That show was great.

[Will Arnett]

We were never. Yeah, but it's true. We were never really aware of the cameras in that way. And talk about a sense of play. Truly, you. We had that same feeling, which was. It was super fun, and you could kind of do anything.

[Kieran Culkin]

It's so alive that. That's why, like, because you. You guys were connecting and like, you guys were very alive. And that's what people respond to, I think.

[Will Arnett]

And we didn't learn. We also didn't learn our lines before. We would. We would kind of do it. We'd have. Have. We'd have a sort of a camera blocking, as it were. It was pretty loose and. And we would just kind of. Everybody would just kind of throw it out there and. Right, J.B. yeah. How many times do you remember we. That time we would come back to shoot that extra? The first Netflix season and the whole. The first day, Jason and I had a 12 page 2 man scene which was just. Do you remember that? And then we were walking towards stage. Mitch Hurwitz comes up to us and he goes, hey, guys. So I kind of rewrote the thing. And we're like, uh huh. So he gave us. And we're just going like this on the way to say, going, uh huh, uh huh. And then, okay, you're gonna come in here, you come in the front door. All right, I'm gonna go there, you're gonna go there. And rolling. And here we go.

[Kieran Culkin]

Perfect.

[Will Arnett]

And you just kind of fucking go.

[Jason Bateman]

That's so fun.

[Kieran Culkin]

Yeah, your back's against the wall. You gotta go.

[Jason Bateman]

And Kieran, are you excited to find another project that is similar to that? Is it now a way in which you love to work that you'd love to replicate on all future jobs, or do you want something like the polar opposite, you know, where it' very, you know, specific and measured and what do you think?

[Kieran Culkin]

That is a really good question. Because I think, like, when I started working on Succession, I had to throw everything that I used to do out the window because I'd never done a TV show before. My thing was like, be off book months before, learn everyone else's lines, and be extremely prepared. And then, because it's the nature of a TV show where you don't know the next episode. And also our show, we were getting rewrites on the day, similar to what you just said. I had to abandon that and just go fly by the seat of my pants. But it lent itself to that character because he was the kind of guy who could sort of talk his way in and out of any situation, so he didn't really have to think before he spoke. So it was sort of like he was that guy. So I've been trying to mentally prepare for, like, as it feels like going backwards, like, you know, doing a job with coverage. And so when we started doing a real pain, I Sort of thought we were going to do that, which we did kind of on the first day or so. But the character in that movie is like the most spontaneous sort of surprising person. It's the kind of thing where just when you think you sort of have him down just to spite you, he's gonna give you a different reaction than what you're expecting.

[Jason Bateman]

Which is a great counterbalance to Jesse's character. Correct?

[Kieran Culkin]

Exactly. Yeah. And he's, you know. And he wrote it, he directed it. He, like, shot listed the whole thing before I got there. He, like, shot it on his phone playing my character. And he would tell me things like, okay, so in this scene, you sit over there. And I would go, how do you know? He's like, well, what do you mean? How do you know? Well, we haven't tried. He goes, well, why can't you sit there? Maybe I could, but we haven't tried it. What do you mean? Why doesn't it work? I'm sure it works. And we talk about being a fricking circle for a while.

[Will Arnett]

I love you. Get to set the first day. He's like, hey, I gotta cut of the movie right here. You were great. We're just doing pickups today.

[Jason Bateman]

So then how was he with, like, you would say, like, well, yeah, maybe I don't sit there. Maybe I stand over here. That way he would just, like, throw out all of his coverage and just be like, oh, fuck.

[Kieran Culkin]

He kind of abandoned it on, like, the second or third day.

[Jason Bateman]

Wow.

[Will Arnett]

Really? You forced him to?

[Kieran Culkin]

Well, because. Yeah. Well, we had to shoot this sequence that he had mapped out. But the whole idea of it was like, we're gonna. I want my picture taken in front of the statue. And then I start gathering the other people on this tour group to come with me. And he had planned it all out. And I was like, well, isn't sort of the point to Just for me to get them into the idea and we're all gonna take a photo together. And he's like, yes. Do you mind if we just try it once? And then he basically just told the cinematographer, like, never mind. Fuck the shot list. Pick up the camera.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

That's great, dude.

[Will Arnett]

That's great, though. How cool is that? Because then you guys ended up creating something together, much more collaborative. And I wonder if. And JB you can kind of maybe address it a little bit. Having directed so much now, having that for Jesse. I don't know, we should ask him. Having that sort of set, that shot list, everything the way he wants to see it. And he was so ready and so regimented. You come in, you kind of throw a wrench in that whole thing. And I bet you freed him up in a lot of ways.

[Kieran Culkin]

Maybe. I think it freaked him out a lot though. I'm sure it maybe scared the shit out of him, but yeah, yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

Cause the clock is ticking. You got this call sheet you gotta get done in 12 hours. And it's like, now I got a fucking pain in the ass actor that's throwing it all up and we're getting.

[Kieran Culkin]

Our scenes a lot faster. Actually, that's how I felt anyway. I'm sort of like, well, you know, let's just run the whole thing a couple of times instead of picking up these pieces. And then, you know, you get to shoot it how you want.

[Jason Bateman]

And we will be right back.

[Sean Hayes]

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[Jason Bateman]

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[Sean Hayes]

And now back to the show.

[Will Arnett]

Kieran, now you're gonna take all of that, that way you're working all that kind of stuff. How's this gonna be different? You're now gonna go and you've worked. Obviously you've done theater before, but you're going back to Broadway, is that right? In the spring?

[Kieran Culkin]

Yeah, I am. Glengarry Glen Ross.

[Will Arnett]

Glen Gary.

[Sean Hayes]

Glen Ross.

[Jason Bateman]

God damn it. Can I be with it?

[Kieran Culkin]

Yes. But no. It's already cast.

[Jason Bateman]

You need an understudy.

[Sean Hayes]

Who's it with?

[Kieran Culkin]

That can be my understudy. Bob Odenkirk's in it. Bill Burr, Michael McKean.

[Will Arnett]

Look at that.

[Kieran Culkin]

What a. I'm terrified. I thought I was. Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

When do you. When do you open?

[Kieran Culkin]

March. I don't know. They don't even have a theater. But they keep telling me that, that.

[Sean Hayes]

I think you'll Be fine.

[Jason Bateman]

Try the Tabasco. It's spicy, it's big.

[Will Arnett]

It's a great theater. Tabasco, home of. Goodbye, Oscar. And it was a great.

[Sean Hayes]

Good night. Good night. Good night, Oscar.

[Will Arnett]

Good night.

[Kieran Culkin]

You about to ask Shawna, you about to ask me about funny theater stories?

[Sean Hayes]

Yes, but. Yes.

[Kieran Culkin]

If you haven't any things that happened.

[Sean Hayes]

If you haven't, please share them. I love it. But look, Kieran, you can't let him.

[Will Arnett]

Tell a theater story.

[Kieran Culkin]

No, I wasn't actually prompting myself for a funny bit. I just know that she wants to ask. It's audition stories or.

[Sean Hayes]

Yes, jump in. I love. Those are my favorite stories, if you have one.

[Kieran Culkin]

I got a really quick one, which is. I did a play 10 years ago with Michael Cera.

[Jason Bateman]

Nice.

[Kieran Culkin]

This is her youth. And I had food poisoning.

[Sean Hayes]

It's already funny.

[Kieran Culkin]

The moment the show started and lights came up, I realized, oh, I'm fucked. So I spent like an hour just trying not to vomit. And by the end of the first act, I had this whole speech and I realized I can't open my mouth. I'm gonna vomit. And I have this whole speech where I have to get the money. There's an amount and what I'm spending it on. And I stood up next to the door to leave the apartment. I'm wobbling. And I had the speech. And there's like a 5, 6 second long pause that's not supposed to be there. And I hold my hand out and I just went, money. And he put the money in my hand. I ran out, and the stage manager, I guess, had put a bucket right next to the door.

[Will Arnett]

Oh, God.

[Kieran Culkin]

And I started violently, loudly vomiting in this bucket. They were trying to drag me away, but I couldn't. I was just holding onto this bucket for dear life, vomiting. I asked Michael afterwards. I said, could you guys hear me? He goes, are you fucking kidding me? It was the most surreal shared experience I've ever had with a group of people of listening to a grown man vomit in a bucket.

[Jason Bateman]

I'm just imagining Michael's just dry takes out to the house while everyone's here, just like he said.

[Kieran Culkin]

He grabbed a comic book and started trying to capture Read a comic book as if this wasn't happening until you made your re.

[Jason Bateman]

Entrance.

[Kieran Culkin]

No, the understudy came in in Act 2.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, wow. Really?

[Kieran Culkin]

While I spent. Yeah, I was vomiting upstairs for the next few hours, and they somehow dragged me home for hours more of vomiting.

[Jason Bateman]

That's the best theater story we've heard yet, Sean.

[Will Arnett]

That's really Good.

[Sean Hayes]

I think that's really great. I love that.

[Will Arnett]

So, wait, so this was in London then?

[Kieran Culkin]

No, that one was in New York. But Wikipedia is correct. I did do that play in London, like, eight years before that. No, no, no, Will, you're the one who had time to actually research.

[Will Arnett]

I actually do know that you did. This is our youth, also in London. I have a very close relationship with. This is our youth because the original cast. Missy Jaeger was in the original cast, whom I lived with at the time. She was my girlfriend in the 90s.

[Kieran Culkin]

I knew that. Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

And I remember when they first did it, and she and Kenny first did it, and with Mark and Josh Hamilton, I saw about 42 times. Yeah, it's a great play. It's such a. It's such a brilliant play.

[Kieran Culkin]

I. I can't let it go. Like, I played it as the. The character Warren in London, and I. I felt like I never got it right. So I spent, like, years trying to do it again and then realized I actually was right for the other part. I just had to spend years convincing Kenny Lonergan that I was right for that part. And then I got to do it, like, in Chicago. Sydney.

[Jason Bateman]

No way.

[Kieran Culkin]

I can't seem to let it go. Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

Oh, that I did not know.

[Jason Bateman]

Would it. Would it make a good movie?

[Kieran Culkin]

I. I don't know. I've always tried to crack that one. I don't think. I. I don't know.

[Jason Bateman]

What about that? What about. What about directing a movie? Direct anything.

[Kieran Culkin]

I don't know. I don't have that thing.

[Jason Bateman]

You don't have a directing thing?

[Kieran Culkin]

I'm not that.

[Will Arnett]

I doubt that's true. I doubt. Yeah, you've been around. You've been around film. You've been making film since you were, as you said. Well, first of all, what was the first. Let's get into this. What was the first professional experience you had working in tv, film, et cetera, et cetera?

[Kieran Culkin]

Professional experience I had was a commercial when I was six. And I actually. You don't quite know what it was for, but it was like, for something to do with learning disabilities. And I remember that I was put. The concept was, I'm standing in front of a chalkboard with chalk in my hand, and I don't know how to solve the easy thing in front of me. And the kids in the class are supposed to be calling me dummy and stupid, all that. And I have a distinct memory of being there. And the director going, okay. He's like, action. And he starts going, dummy, idiot, stupid.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, My God.

[Kieran Culkin]

And, like, even then. Even then I'm thinking, like, you know, I get it.

[Sean Hayes]

I'm six.

[Kieran Culkin]

Like, stand here and look sad. I'm not fucking Method. I'm six. What's wrong with you?

[Sean Hayes]

Right, right, right.

[Jason Bateman]

Oh, my God.

[Kieran Culkin]

I think he was just.

[Sean Hayes]

But why do I have. I have this image of you. I can't remember what I was watching, where you were. Either you hosted or your brother hosted snl, and you were.

[Will Arnett]

Oh, good. I thought you were gonna say, I have this image of you on my hard drive. Okay, keep going.

[Sean Hayes]

Well, that's. Yeah, that too. But wait, why were you on. What was I watching? Where they did a zoom in on you and you were, like, on stage on SNL or something.

[Kieran Culkin]

I hosted SNL a couple years ago, and it was. It was 30 years.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, that's what it was.

[Kieran Culkin]

It was 30 years almost to the day. It was like, a couple days shy of being 30 years from when my brother hosted. And I got to be in, like, three sketches, so they had, like, I got to be there for the good nights and stuff like that.

[Sean Hayes]

That's really cool. That was so cool.

[Will Arnett]

Was that surreal?

[Kieran Culkin]

That really was. And I. It was one of those things I thought would never, ever happen, but was. There's very few, like, things I like. I said I'm not very ambitious. I don't, like, have these big aspiring dreams. But, like, hosting SNL was like, that one. That one. And, like, voicing the Simpsons, which I still haven't done yet. Those are, like, the things I've always wanted to do.

[Jason Bateman]

Here they come.

[Will Arnett]

I remember. I remember one time. I remember when JB got. Was asked to host the first time. This true story. And you probably don't remember this, and you were first. You got asked to do it. This was in. You did it in, like, January of 2005, I think.

[Jason Bateman]

It wasn't after, like, the first year or second year of Second year.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah. Yeah. It was January 2005. And I remember you going, going, dude, dude, they just asked me, I'm gonna host snl. I go, that's great. And you go, I mean, it's like a dream come true. And I was like, yeah, no, obviously, it's a fucking. What do you think you're. This. This was a dream come true for me. Oh, is it?

[Jason Bateman]

No, but a lot of people. But there's a lot of people. And I won't. I won't mention their names here because maybe they. They're not excited about it, but that they. They will never host snl. Because it's so frightening to them.

[Kieran Culkin]

I've heard that. Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

It's like the thing they would least like to do. And they've turned it down a million times. There's tons of them.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, I guess that's probably where I was coming from. Okay, that's one of my favorite.

[Kieran Culkin]

My favorite good nights stories, you know, like, because when you do the good nights at the end, all that's on the cue card is like the musical guest and anybody else that showed up and like, While you're like 5 seconds TV, Lauren goes, okay, enjoy. And I go, what do I say? He goes, anything you want, and walks away. And all I'm doing is looking at the cue cards. And then, you know. But I said the normal goodnights. But my favorite I've ever seen was Liam Neeson hosted like in early 2000s. And the camera cuts to him and he just goes, modest Mouse. And then it's just quiet. And then they just start playing the music. It's so good.

[Jason Bateman]

It's just reading the cards, not doing anything.

[Kieran Culkin]

You literally just read the cue card. Modest Mouse.

[Sean Hayes]

I started hugging. Karen, you can't be you and not be super smart. Like, you seem hyper intelligent because while you talk fast like I usually do, not today on morphine. But you talk, but you, you. It seems like you're firing an all cylinders.

[Will Arnett]

Did they say you had to smoke the morphine? I don't get it. So they gave you the option.

[Sean Hayes]

You were like, no, I want to have a. What is it called? A drip?

[Will Arnett]

Track marks.

[Sean Hayes]

Track marks. But you seem really like, you talk fast, which means you think fast, which means you can probably. Like, when Will was talking to you or Jason was talking about directing, it seems like people who fire in all cylinders all the time can do stuff like that. So if you don't want to do that, what do you do to, like.

[Jason Bateman]

Occupy all that extra bandwidth?

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Kieran Culkin]

God, I don't. I don't know, drive my wife crazy. I don't even have, like, hobbies, crosswords. I don't like. Not even. I do like, you know, wordle, quirtle, bullshit. Like, I know you guys do. Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Kieran Culkin]

Isn't it weird that I know stuff about you because I listen to your show too much?

[Jason Bateman]

Will, pull him in. There's. There's that empty seat. Have you guys ever filled my seat?

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, no, we have better way to say that.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

We still play every morning.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah, I'm still wortle, qutle and octurtle. You do the turtle.

[Kieran Culkin]

I haven't done in A wle while. Yeah, I haven't done my favorite in a wle. What a. Yeah, you just said I'm smart and I speak fast.

[Will Arnett]

Qutle was really. I will say today was really tough. And it was a bust. We had three busts on. On quirtle today, which was a big. It was sending shock waves through our. Our turtle Quirtle Wordle what we call nurdle now.

[Jason Bateman]

Kieran.

[Kieran Culkin]

I find it hard to believe exist. It's a ma.

[Jason Bateman]

You're really saying you do not have a hobby? I don't. I don't buy it. What? Tell me just.

[Will Arnett]

You live in New York full time. Are you in New York, guy?

[Kieran Culkin]

I live in New York full time, but also like I amazed that people do things in a day. Like, I just don't. I don't get it. So you wake up, time to. Exactly.

[Jason Bateman]

You get the kid off to school.

[Will Arnett]

How many kids you have? That's just it.

[Kieran Culkin]

That's it. That's the whole. I just woke up. Like, I'm already getting ready for bed. How did that happen? What did I. What did I.

[Jason Bateman]

How many kids you have?

[Kieran Culkin]

I got two. A three year old and a five year old. So that's my hobby, I guess is that's any. Anytime. I'm not like, this is really lovely and I really want to be here, but I feel like any time I'm doing something, I'm just trying to get home to be with the kids.

[Jason Bateman]

Are you like me? Do you put on the PJs as soon as you're home if you know you're not leaving again the rest of the day, even if it's 1:30 in the afternoon?

[Kieran Culkin]

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, like my walking around like it's a pair of shorts and a big T shirt. But. Yeah, it's the same idea. Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

And then. So then is it. Is it television? Is it a book? Like, what are you. You're not just sitting on a couch staring at the wall?

[Kieran Culkin]

God, I haven't read a book since I had a kid, so. That would be five years ago. I forgot you're not a reader because words just keep coming at you. Right, Jason?

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah. Tv.

[Kieran Culkin]

Yeah. It's just too much.

[Jason Bateman]

We're watching tv.

[Will Arnett]

The words just keep coming.

[Kieran Culkin]

They really do. They just. It's relentless. Like, you know, almost no time for TV or movies unless, like, I can put it like in a schedule. I don't know.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, it.

[Will Arnett]

So. So when you're done with us today, what you. You. You log off and then what. What happens?

[Kieran Culkin]

I have Like a little zoom meeting right after you. And then I have to go do some. I'm still doing press for the movie. So then, like about an hour after that, zoom, I go do a prep. I actually don't know what the thing is I'm going to. I stopped looking at the itinerary. They tell me to, like, get in the car at 11:30. I get in at, like 12:15 and hope for the best. Yeah, I literally. This happened a couple weeks ago. I got in the back of a car about 45 minutes late, and the guy said, delta Airlines. And I went. I don't know. And he said. He goes, jfk. And I said, beats me, man. I really don't fucking know.

[Jason Bateman]

You probably know.

[Kieran Culkin]

Literally, I wasn't even sure if I was going to the airport except for that I had a bag that was already packed. I got to the airport, I put my passport in the machine. And as I put it in, I realized I don't know where I'm going today.

[Will Arnett]

Wow.

[Kieran Culkin]

Yeah. And it was a good thing, too. Cause it was a long flight. I was going to Warsaw. Glad I brought my passport.

[Sean Hayes]

Why were you going to Warsaw?

[Will Arnett]

Warsaw.

[Kieran Culkin]

The movie was shot. Shot.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, oh, oh, oh. This movie. Okay, sorry.

[Kieran Culkin]

Yeah, this movie. It was shot there. Had like a.

[Jason Bateman]

How did you like Warsaw?

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, I was about to say I hardly saw it.

[Kieran Culkin]

I was. We were shooting like six day weeks.

[Will Arnett]

More like. No saw.

[Kieran Culkin]

All right. Yeah, that was good.

[Jason Bateman]

Good for you, Will. It's Poland, I hear, is a very, very beautiful country.

[Will Arnett]

Oh, you've been hearing that?

[Jason Bateman]

I have been hearing that. I have not yet visited yet. Yeah, we're like on the grape. On the grapevine or my text thread heads.

[Kieran Culkin]

Really nice parks. And my w. My wife's from London and she always brags about how the parks in London are the best in the world, but the best parks she's ever seen were in Warsaw.

[Will Arnett]

Really?

[Kieran Culkin]

Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

So she went with you. The kids went with you at the beginning.

[Kieran Culkin]

They were there for the first, like, 11 to 12 days. And then once they left, I was. Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

And how long. How long were you alone without them?

[Kieran Culkin]

25 days. That was. Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, no.

[Kieran Culkin]

That was murderous. Yes.

[Jason Bateman]

25 shooting days. That's 5.

[Kieran Culkin]

25. No, 25 full days.

[Jason Bateman]

25 full days.

[Kieran Culkin]

And actually, yeah, I tried to actually back out of the movie once I saw that. That was the schedule. Jesse didn't know about that. Wow. Because I had recently. I don't know if you guys have these rules, like I just did when I was doing succession. I Had to do eight days away. And I was like, that was tough, but manageable. And then I had to do 11 and went, I can't do that. Eight is my. That's my new rule.

[Jason Bateman]

Wait, you live in New York. The show is shot in New York. Why would Jason.

[Will Arnett]

That's the opposite of your rule. Right. Which is it's minimum six months away or you're out.

[Jason Bateman]

Well, they're just so noisy, these kids. What about. Wait, where did you have to go for succession that took you out for 8 and 11 days at.

[Kieran Culkin]

Away from New York, a lot of places. You know, like, there's usually, like, once per season, watch the show that we ended up somewhere else. You know, Italy, Norway.

[Will Arnett]

Sean's never seen development, and we've been doing this podcast and we've been friends for years.

[Kieran Culkin]

I know. Still.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah.

[Kieran Culkin]

I always say I've seen it three times. I haven't seen Ozark. It's okay.

[Sean Hayes]

I always say I've seen it as much as they've watched. Well, and Grace.

[Will Arnett]

I've seen a lot of Will and Grace, and I was on Will and Grace.

[Kieran Culkin]

He was on Will and Grace.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah. So why don't you. When you're sitting there passing your stone and nothing else that you can't do, all watch a couple episodes. So. So you guys shot in incredible locations for succession that I do know.

[Kieran Culkin]

You guys shot, like, in Croatia, Tuscany. Yeah, yeah. Norway. We were all over the man.

[Will Arnett]

I know. How good is that?

[Kieran Culkin]

But it wasn't that. No, it wasn't that. Like, nice. I remember, like, at the end of season two, my wife was like, like, heavily pregnant. It was August, she's back in New York, and she was basically complaining about hot. It was. And she was alone and all this stuff, and she's like, and you're on a yacht in Croatia. I'm like, I'm not on a yacht. I'm on a set. It's not like I'm going swimming between takes and all that. It's like, that's the thing when we travel all these places. Unless you can specifically get some time off after, you're not really seeing the stuff.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, I don't know. Right? Wait, wait, Kieran. So. So you've always been in New Yorker. I want to get back to this because I saw video something of you. You recently. Not even. Not even in anticipation of doing this. I just saw it out in the world of you revisiting your childhood apartment.

[Kieran Culkin]

Oh, wow.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

Oh, yeah, yeah. That was on CBS Sunday Morning, which is a great show. Right? That was a great.

[Will Arnett]

And it, it was really cool. And I loved you going in and then seeing your former neighbor and, and.

[Kieran Culkin]

That was not planned at all. We were just like, they were setting up a camera outside and he was like, oh, hi, Kieran. I look.

[Jason Bateman]

That was a palace.

[Kieran Culkin]

Oh, thanks.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah. So talk a little bit about, like, growing up in New York and auditioning for stuff and what that was like. And now, as I mentioned in the lead in that Jason, we often talk about people, about being able to have that longevity and be able to kind of take what you be a child actor and have that translate into becoming an adult actor as well. It's really rare.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah. Yeah. Petrified.

[Kieran Culkin]

I feel like other than what I mentioned earlier about, like learning lines fast and knowing like that stuff, I feel like everything I did as a kid, like, I don't think I apply any of the acting stuff I used to do as a kid to what I do now. So I think, I think it's the. Yeah, because sometimes I see that in former kid actors, I don't know if you know what I'm talking about, where there's sort of like bad habits you can sort of pick up along the way that you just have to be mindful to.

[Jason Bateman]

Right. You mentioned. And Igbe, the director was like, I'm seeing the kid tricks. Just fucking knock it off and be better, basically.

[Kieran Culkin]

Yeah. Stop showing me what you're doing. You know, stop, you know. Yeah. Trying to show me what the character's doing or stop showing me what's happening in the scene. Like, you know that.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah. Force us to lean in and read your mind. Right.

[Will Arnett]

So you, you kind of, you shifted what you did. Like Jason. I'm sure a lot of stuff that you used to do, like on Growing Pains, is now different.

[Jason Bateman]

No.

[Will Arnett]

Right.

[Jason Bateman]

No, that's Kirk Cameron. Will. Sorry. Can I talk to you for a second? Yes. This whole time, the whole time, I've never been. Yeah. But now, Karen, did you have the same level of, of panic and horror?

[Kieran Culkin]

Yes.

[Jason Bateman]

When you were. Start thinking about, my God, am I going to be able to transition my, my, my, my, my ability to make a dollar into adulthood? Or should I go to college? Should I get something where I have a diploma and I have a reasonable expectation of sort of a base salary and some consistency and predictability in my life?

[Kieran Culkin]

God, I don't really think all that often. So all I know is I suddenly found myself at like 20. And I remember my manager, who I'm still with. I've been with her for 30 years she like used the word career and I kind of panicked because I'd been doing since six, but it's like a six year old shouldn't really pick their occupation for the rest of their life. That's not really, they're not really qualified to do that, you know. So I think I kind of panicked and was like, okay, well, I don't know if this is what I want to do. So I think I spent many years trying to figure out what I want.

[Jason Bateman]

To do and doing this in the meantime.

[Kieran Culkin]

Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

At that point you're 20, so you could still kind of start college. You'd be a 20 year old freshman, which is not cute, but you still could have done it.

[Kieran Culkin]

I'm a high school dropout as well. I don't really, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Will Arnett]

Well, but, but, but like Jason, you asked, remember we asked this recently to Carrie Russell and she was like, no, I had no thought about making the leap from being a, you know, a child actor to a, like, she didn't worry about it at all. You did, you, you were cognizant of it.

[Jason Bateman]

I did, but I still didn't do anything to mitigate the risk. In other words, I wasn't taking like night classes in real estate, you know, like, it was just, I mean, it's really, really stupid what I did and what you did, Karen, what Carrie did. Like, we're still at this. I'm 55, I'm still running sort of wild. Great show, by the way. You know, like, if this doesn't work out in the next, what, six months, things could go completely dry at any point in any of our careers. And we don't have a diploma or a degree in something that says, no, no, no, I'm knocking on the door, I should give me a job.

[Sean Hayes]

But isn't that the thing that drives, drives you? Is that fear? Like.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah, but you know, this anxiety that's behind all the time.

[Sean Hayes]

I know.

[Will Arnett]

I think a really good antidote to that also for me has been rich parents. I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

[Kieran Culkin]

They're not really nice.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, I'm being, I'm being flipping. It's true. It's not true. It's not true.

[Kieran Culkin]

I remember my Grandma, like about 20 years ago, she was in North Dakota. She asked me, like, she goes, you still acting? I said, yeah. And she goes, when was your last job? And I said, oh God, got it like a little over a year ago. And she goes, you should get into meat. People always need meat.

[Sean Hayes]

Really? Really?

[Jason Bateman]

Your grandma said, not Terrible, not terrible advice.

[Sean Hayes]

People will always eat it.

[Kieran Culkin]

Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

We'll be right back.

[Sean Hayes]

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[Kieran Culkin]

Eat Sonic.

[Jason Bateman]

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[Sean Hayes]

Forgive me, is it just you and Macaulay that were actors or were there other people in your family?

[Kieran Culkin]

My brother Rory. Actually, at some point, we were all sort of like, given the opportunity to act. And some of them just didn't take to it. Some did.

[Sean Hayes]

And then out of all seven of us, and then parents, seven kids. Seven kids.

[Kieran Culkin]

Seven kids.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

In that smart little apartment.

[Will Arnett]

Sorry, where do you fall in that?

[Kieran Culkin]

Right in the middle, Will. Yeah, okay. But I don't really have that middle child thing.

[Sean Hayes]

Huh?

[Kieran Culkin]

Because I was, like, the favorite.

[Jason Bateman]

Yep, There you go.

[Will Arnett]

I don't. I don't really believe in Birth order as much as other people do.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah, you had. You're one of four, right, Willie?

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

Yep.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, I was the baby, like my whole. I was the baby for almost 10 years and then my brother was born. So, you know, I have two older sisters and I don't know, I just don't buy into it.

[Kieran Culkin]

Yeah, I don't.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, you make of it. You make of it what you will. Like, anyway.

[Will Arnett]

Exactly.

[Sean Hayes]

Whatever the order is.

[Jason Bateman]

Real, real quick. Their names.

[Will Arnett]

Jack, Wat.

[Jason Bateman]

And we'll let you come back on that. Okay.

[Will Arnett]

I do love them, I think.

[Kieran Culkin]

Look it up.

[Jason Bateman]

Sean, you have a question for our guest?

[Sean Hayes]

No, I was just saying. So, but then as far as. As far as the lineage of. The lineage of the cult just threw up right now. And the kidney stone comes out my throat instead of my pe. No, but parents and grandparents and like. Or did this acting bug start with you, the kids of the culture?

[Kieran Culkin]

It's like my. I think my father and his siblings did it as kids. That's sort of my understanding. Cause actually, I only know that. Cause a few years ago, we went through an old storage unit and I found this, like, pamphlet of, I guess what his parents were trying to like, I don't know what exactly what it was, but it was like, hey, we have a son that's an actor and we have this other son that's a magician.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, wow.

[Kieran Culkin]

It was like, sort of like. Like we have these performing arts kids.

[Will Arnett]

Wow.

[Sean Hayes]

Isn't it amazing the stuff you find out about your parents way later? Like, I grew up without knowing anything about my mom or obviously my dad, but my mom.

[Jason Bateman]

No idea. Your dad was such a great driver. I know.

[Kieran Culkin]

Do you know the make of the car?

[Will Arnett]

At least you didn't know that your dad didn't own a map. I guess. Still surprising he had a bad memory. Or he had a bad memory.

[Sean Hayes]

Wait, do you guys remember that car? The mj mg? The mg? My dad owned that.

[Will Arnett]

No kidding.

[Jason Bateman]

He built a car built for one.

[Will Arnett]

Built for barely two people. And he had five kids. That's the first sign, man. Yes, I know. You should have punctured the tires.

[Sean Hayes]

I know. Isn't that the truth? Isn't that the truth? Like, that's such a red flag.

[Kieran Culkin]

Oh, God.

[Will Arnett]

You know what the other. You know what the other red flag was? When he said, I'm out of here.

[Kieran Culkin]

Oh, man.

[Sean Hayes]

So funny.

[Kieran Culkin]

So weird for me because it feels like. Like you're just meeting me, but I feel like I'm hanging out with my old friends that are just with each Other you are. My wife used to tell me for months she was listening to the show before I listened to it. She. This happened on more than one occasion. She'd be like, oh, my friend said, blah, blah, blah. The other day we were having this chat and I said, which friend was it? And she'd think, oh, fuck, that was smartless. It happens all the time.

[Will Arnett]

Who is that?

[Kieran Culkin]

Is that Sean? No, I know. Like a couple months ago we were at this because her favorite episode is the one you guys did with Matthew Reese.

[Jason Bateman]

Oh, yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

She loved it.

[Kieran Culkin]

She listened to it more than once. And she. So we're at this party and she goes, oh, Matthew's here. Let's go say hi. And she started dragging me up and I was like, matthew who? And then she. Right before we got to him, she stopped me and started pushing me away. She goes, never mind. We haven't met him. We're not friends. Oh my God.

[Jason Bateman]

I love her already. What is her name?

[Kieran Culkin]

Sweet Jazz.

[Jason Bateman]

Jazz.

[Will Arnett]

Hey, Jazz.

[Kieran Culkin]

J A Z. Z. And it's not short for anything, actually, right when I met her, that was one of the first things I said. It's not. It's dumb. When I first met her, I shook her hand and I said. I said, what's your name? She went, jazz. I said, j A Z. Z. Like the music. She went, yes. I was, well, that's fucking stupid. It just came out of me. And right away I was like, I blew it. But instead she laughed. So it worked out all right.

[Jason Bateman]

Where was when you guys met? Tell us the story. Is it a meet cute at a bar?

[Kieran Culkin]

But that was it. I mean that. What I love about the story is it's fast. That was pretty much it. The only other thing was when I walked into a bar, I was with a friend.

[Jason Bateman]

Is that your ride?

[Kieran Culkin]

Yeah, that's. This is New York City.

[Sean Hayes]

You're like, I don't know where the car's taking me, but it's my dealer, that's my dealer.

[Kieran Culkin]

I walked in a bar, I saw her and I yelled, holy shit.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah.

[Kieran Culkin]

And I.

[Will Arnett]

What city? What city were you? New York City. New York.

[Kieran Culkin]

And I was with this dude. And I said like, hey, we need to go stand near this girl. Which I realize now sounds kind of creepy. And so we stood near her.

[Jason Bateman]

That's what we had to do before these dating apps. You just had to like kind of circle. Yeah.

[Kieran Culkin]

You show up fucking easy now, right? This was 13 years ago. She was sitting at a table with some dude and the moment. The moment he got up to leave to go to the bathroom. I just jumped in there and stole his seat.

[Will Arnett]

No way.

[Kieran Culkin]

And I literally, like, all I did is I sat down and said, sorry, I just stole your friend's seat. And she went, that's okay. I said, was that your boyfriend? She said, no. I said, do you have a boyfriend? She would know. I said, then I'm Kieran.

[Will Arnett]

Wow.

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, wow.

[Kieran Culkin]

Never been that forward in my life.

[Jason Bateman]

And then she said, I'm Jazz. And you said, that's stupid.

[Kieran Culkin]

I said, that's stupid.

[Jason Bateman]

And then, what are you drinking?

[Sean Hayes]

You guys have been making music ever since.

[Will Arnett]

Where. What. What part. What part of town were you in? Do you remember?

[Kieran Culkin]

It was. What the hell was the name of the place? It was on 7 and 7th and 8th. It was called Cabin down Below.

[Jason Bateman]

Oh, nice.

[Kieran Culkin]

Do you know that one?

[Will Arnett]

I don't know if I know. Cabin down below.

[Jason Bateman]

7Th and A. That. So that is Lower east side.

[Kieran Culkin]

I want to say Lower east side. It was one of those places where I kept getting, like, turned away because they kept. Every time I tried to go there, they were like, it's a private party. Because I didn't. I wasn't dressed cool or I wasn't famous, but they knew my wife. Like, there was one time I went there and I was with a couple of, like, I'm not meaning to name drop. I was there with a couple, like, famous Y people. And I walked up first, and they were like, sorry, private party. And I looked back at one of my friends. It was. I'll just tell you who it was. It was Scarlett Johansson. She's like, I got this. And she walked up, she goes, hi there. With me. And he looked at her and said, it's a private party. And then he looked up and went, jessica, Jazz. And she was like, yeah. I was like, oh, are they with you? And she would.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, come on in.

[Kieran Culkin]

Ah, people.

[Will Arnett]

She's like, that's one of those New York jazzy Jazz.

[Jason Bateman]

She's just one of those people, man.

[Kieran Culkin]

She makes friends everywhere.

[Jason Bateman]

Now. Now, since you guys are. Since acting is generational, what about the three year old and the five year old? What are you thinking?

[Kieran Culkin]

I'm not against that.

[Jason Bateman]

You're gonna support it.

[Kieran Culkin]

Yeah. I mean, I had a really nice experience with it growing up. I. You did? Yeah, it was. It was nice.

[Jason Bateman]

However it is that thing getting back to that other point, it's like, are you going to. At some point, you. I would imagine you would say, now, would you want to kind of. Kind of help your odds a little bit by going to college at the same time, maybe.

[Kieran Culkin]

I would probably encourage an education. I never got one, but I don't know. Yeah, I would probably encourage that. But I don't really know. And I've also heard of people. This is something I kind of wish I. It hasn't come to bite me in the ass really, but I remember doing like a lot of press as a kid, and I feel like I would maybe try to protect them from doing that a bit because sometimes I'll get quoted on something stupid. I said, I'm like, I was 13. That's not what I actually think. Like I don't. You know?

[Sean Hayes]

What about Sean?

[Will Arnett]

Remember that? Sean? Remember that time you paid that guy to bite you in the ass? Sorry. It just reminded me of that story.

[Jason Bateman]

Surprisingly cheap too, wasn't it? It?

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah. I mean, he was. He. He lowered his rates for me. That's really funny.

[Jason Bateman]

There's also the part about, like. There's also the part about like training yourself to. To. To believably be someone else at a time when you're trying to figure out who you are. Like starting to act when you're a little kid. Did that ever screw you up at all?

[Kieran Culkin]

No. I think other things probably screw me up. I don't know if that was it.

[Sean Hayes]

What?

[Kieran Culkin]

You guys up?

[Jason Bateman]

You're feeling pretty balanced now. Have you self analysis or. Or. Or professional analysis?

[Will Arnett]

Therapy? Therapy?

[Kieran Culkin]

No therapy. I prefer to go undiagnosed.

[Sean Hayes]

I love therapy. Just.

[Kieran Culkin]

I. I should. I know if you guys sound like long walks.

[Jason Bateman]

Work too.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, Sean, you go.

[Sean Hayes]

Work in progress. I go to therapy every week.

[Will Arnett]

Oh, yeah, you do.

[Sean Hayes]

It's like instead of dumping it all on Scotty, I just pay somebody to listen.

[Will Arnett]

Again.

[Jason Bateman]

Again. Confuse and beat me to it.

[Will Arnett]

I know.

[Kieran Culkin]

Oh, my God.

[Jason Bateman]

All right, Kieran, what about. Are we a sports fan? Television show fan? You've said no.

[Will Arnett]

You won't watch tv?

[Kieran Culkin]

No hobbies. I don't do anything. Zero.

[Sean Hayes]

Wait.

[Jason Bateman]

It's so like.

[Sean Hayes]

It's. Yeah. I don't understand it.

[Kieran Culkin]

I don't know. I just don't have time. I don't even get to the gym.

[Will Arnett]

So you go. Do you meet people for coffee? Do you, like.

[Kieran Culkin]

No, I don't really even have friends anymore. Click.

[Sean Hayes]

And you just hang up?

[Kieran Culkin]

Kind of.

[Sean Hayes]

What will you do after this, Karen? After you're done with this little.

[Jason Bateman]

He's got a zoom. And then he's got to go do more press.

[Kieran Culkin]

Not like a press thing. And I got the thing. You know, I like doing this. Hey, this is. This is Kind of a new one. I think I need therapy because I like doing. I like flower arrangements now.

[Jason Bateman]

Do you really?

[Will Arnett]

Okay. There you go.

[Kieran Culkin]

I do. I like doing great. That gives me some calm.

[Jason Bateman]

What about a garden on the roof of your apartment?

[Kieran Culkin]

That's such a nightmare. It's New York. That's not going to be nice.

[Jason Bateman]

No matter what, there's public gardens. You can. You can rent a public square garden in a public square.

[Kieran Culkin]

Bit of a bummer, too, I find.

[Sean Hayes]

I'll do. I'll do crafts with you, too. Until we.

[Jason Bateman]

Careful, Karen.

[Sean Hayes]

All the time.

[Will Arnett]

Until.

[Kieran Culkin]

Until what?

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, I don't know, but let's. We could get macaroni and glue and make stuff on a paper plate.

[Kieran Culkin]

I can do that with my children. But. Yeah, please come on over.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Kieran Culkin]

Yeah, you can join us. We got all that stuff.

[Will Arnett]

Please turn into a morphine addict. He's gonna steal your silverware. It's not.

[Kieran Culkin]

I'll never leave him alone with the kids. But, yeah, he can come over. Supervised.

[Jason Bateman]

Now, when do you start rehearsals on the play?

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Kieran Culkin]

Oh, gosh. February or something like that. That terrible.

[Sean Hayes]

Can we.

[Will Arnett]

Can we. Can we get a commitment? Can we. Can the three of us come to the opening night of your play?

[Kieran Culkin]

Yeah, you're invited.

[Jason Bateman]

The public is invited. Stupid ass.

[Kieran Culkin]

You got your own publicist. You need me to, like, give up one of my five tickets to three?

[Will Arnett]

Yes.

[Kieran Culkin]

I mean, I could. Yeah, fine.

[Sean Hayes]

It.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah, no, leave them alone.

[Kieran Culkin]

I'm sure you have connections yourself, but fine, you three are my guests.

[Will Arnett]

You want to come?

[Kieran Culkin]

No plus ones, though.

[Jason Bateman]

Exactly. Now, is jazz in the business as well?

[Kieran Culkin]

No, not at all.

[Will Arnett]

No.

[Jason Bateman]

But she understands enough about what you do to.

[Kieran Culkin]

It's taken a while. She used to think that, like, she goes, I don't understand why, like, actors get awards and things. She's. She literally thought that, like, directors puppeteered the actor, told them where to sit and the cadence on how to speak. So that's literally what her point of view was on it. She had never been on a set or anything around it.

[Will Arnett]

Right.

[Kieran Culkin]

She's come to understand.

[Will Arnett]

Where'd she grow up? Chechnya. Like, what's going on?

[Kieran Culkin]

London. But, yeah.

[Will Arnett]

Oh, okay.

[Kieran Culkin]

Closer than you.

[Jason Bateman]

I do.

[Will Arnett]

Like, you guys spend a lot of time over there as a result.

[Kieran Culkin]

We do. Yeah. I love it out there. We always.

[Sean Hayes]

I do, too.

[Will Arnett]

I noticed the throw. The throw pillow.

[Kieran Culkin]

Yeah, that is. And, yeah, that's what we do here.

[Jason Bateman]

Look at Sean. Look at. Sean's right eye is at.

[Kieran Culkin]

Oh, my God. Is it open?

[Jason Bateman]

No, no, the Whole show, it's just been half open. The left one's fully open, the right one is really tired.

[Sean Hayes]

Like that.

[Will Arnett]

This morning, Sean spent 45. He's spent 45 minutes bent at the waist outside his front door this morning in that. It's so true.

[Sean Hayes]

It's so true. I was at the ER at Cedars and there's like, it was a seven hour wait.

[Jason Bateman]

What.

[Kieran Culkin]

What is wrong with you? Why aren't. Why didn't you cancel?

[Sean Hayes]

Because I had. There's no other option.

[Jason Bateman]

Was Scotty with you?

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

So you didn't. You didn't take the. The driverless cab this time?

[Sean Hayes]

I told him. I'm like, fuck off. I'll just take the thing.

[Jason Bateman]

What's it called again?

[Will Arnett]

That's sweet, Waymo.

[Jason Bateman]

And you did have a good experience, right? Right.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, I love the Wayo.

[Jason Bateman]

Do they have that yet in New York?

[Kieran Culkin]

I. I would. I've never heard.

[Will Arnett]

It's the driverless. It's the. It's the driverless.

[Kieran Culkin]

Oh, that scares the out of me. No, I haven't seen any here. No.

[Jason Bateman]

How do you get around New York? Are you a bike rider?

[Kieran Culkin]

Oh, God, no. I don't do that either. See, that would fall under hobby, probably, or at least exercise. And I don't do that. Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

No.

[Jason Bateman]

Are you a subway guy?

[Kieran Culkin]

Subway, yeah. Yeah. That's the best way to get my kids to school. And.

[Will Arnett]

And if it's ready, you take a cab.

[Kieran Culkin]

Yeah, no, not today. It's rainy today.

[Will Arnett]

How do you.

[Jason Bateman]

What do I. You know what I've never figured out about the subways. Once you come up out of the stairs after you've reached your destination, I can't figure out whether I'm looking north, south, east, or west because I can't find the stuff.

[Kieran Culkin]

Because you're used to getting in the backseat and your driver just taking you places.

[Jason Bateman]

Sir, can you change your radio station?

[Will Arnett]

A whole host. I actually requested nobody talk to me on this ride. You know how. You know, a lot of the times JB is. Because on the avenues, certainly on the avenues, you know which direction they go, whether they go uptown or downtown. So you can get.

[Kieran Culkin]

You can look at the numbers. I think if you can count, you can sort of figure out.

[Jason Bateman]

But you. That that necessitates walking a block to see if the numbers are going up or down. That's. That.

[Kieran Culkin]

Oh, that's yes.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah.

[Kieran Culkin]

You might walk one block out of.

[Jason Bateman]

The way, but, like, I shouldn't have to walk a block to figure out which way I'm going.

[Kieran Culkin]

You Know, well, you also have, like, smarty phones.

[Will Arnett]

Now, do you want to go to a council meeting in New York? Maybe you can be heard. You know what I mean?

[Kieran Culkin]

What would you suggest? There's somebody at the exit of every station telling you where to go.

[Jason Bateman]

In England, they take the time to paint on the road there. Look left. You know, like maybe. Maybe New York can say you are facing north on the road.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, but it doesn't say which direction you're facing.

[Jason Bateman]

No, but I'm saying north or south.

[Will Arnett]

It's case dismissed.

[Kieran Culkin]

Yeah, that's so you don't get hit by a car.

[Jason Bateman]

I'm saying. No, I understand, but I'm saying there are efforts that the infrastructure folks can go to, you know, to help out the people on the road.

[Kieran Culkin]

This is real stuff.

[Will Arnett]

Sean. Sean, remember last year, we were having dinner at Richard and Jenny's, and you came outside and I was bent over at the ways. This is true. And I said. And I looked at him and go, yeah. Do you remember that?

[Sean Hayes]

Oh, God. That was one of the hardest things to do. What is your laugh?

[Will Arnett]

Being hunched over at the waist.

[Sean Hayes]

You know Richard. Richard Ehrlich.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah. The world's best realtor. If you're looking for a house in Los Angeles area, contact Richard Ehrlich.

[Will Arnett]

That's a true story.

[Sean Hayes]

That is a true story. And we walk out to our cars, the night's over, and we're walking out to the part, to his driveway, and Will goes, acting like he's completely bombed out of his mind. He goes, hey, hey, man. Can I ask you something? I go, yeah. He goes, do you know where I can. Do you know where I can get some heroin? I'm just asking for a friend. I'm asking. Heroin. I'm asking for a friend. I don't want it. I don't want anything to do with it.

[Will Arnett]

By the way, let's not make light of people who are struggling with it.

[Sean Hayes]

No, of course not.

[Will Arnett]

We're not. We're not. We're just having fun because Sean happens to be hooked on morphine right now.

[Sean Hayes]

Hooked on.

[Will Arnett]

I don't mean addicted to.

[Jason Bateman]

Karen.

[Sean Hayes]

Karen, this is it.

[Will Arnett]

We could just talk to you all day knowing that you have nothing else.

[Jason Bateman]

To do all over again. He's got to do it all over again, right?

[Will Arnett]

Is there anything you want to ask Sean? Is there anything because you've listened to a few episodes. Is there anything you need to know from Sean?

[Jason Bateman]

Go ahead, ask him why he hates his colon so much.

[Kieran Culkin]

Yeah. Why are you always in the hospital? What is Wrong.

[Sean Hayes]

No, cuz my. Yeah, well I'm not just my heart thing was the big. Is the big thing. But it's all being taken care of.

[Will Arnett]

Well, you know why, Kieran? If you went, if you went to Sean and Scotty's house every day, every meal, it's like a 12 year old's birthday party.

[Sean Hayes]

This is true. Okay, I know it's true. It's true.

[Jason Bateman]

Napkins on.

[Kieran Culkin]

Laughs I kind of eat the same. I'm kind of the same when it comes to the food thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jason Bateman]

You like the food?

[Kieran Culkin]

I do. And it's the shitty stuff. Like my wife the other day reached in and grabbed some Cheetos that I was eating, was about to. And then she let go and said what am I doing? Wait, what are you doing? Where did these come from? And I said they were in the house. She goes, how. Stop putting this in our house.

[Jason Bateman]

Right.

[Will Arnett]

How old, how old a man Are you?

[Kieran Culkin]

42.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Kieran Culkin]

And I can't be eating like that.

[Jason Bateman]

So you go to the. Do you go to the. Do you guys take turns going to the market and doing the shopping?

[Kieran Culkin]

Yeah. And then you know I do that thing where I shop hungry and then I'm buying the. I find that they have like that chicken and a biscuit. You know those like boxes. Ch.

[Sean Hayes]

I love those.

[Kieran Culkin]

I'll buy like I buy them by the case.

[Jason Bateman]

I love just pushing the cart row by row by row. No list at all. I'm just going to go down each row, however long it takes and look at everything and. And see what I want.

[Kieran Culkin]

But you don't put anything in the cart. Right?

[Jason Bateman]

I feel it.

[Will Arnett]

Jb I love hearing you describe sort of normal, you know, everyday necessities for people as a novel idea. You know what I mean?

[Kieran Culkin]

It's like a hashtag relatable.

[Will Arnett]

You don't fun can do anything office and to all the places.

[Kieran Culkin]

I like to pretend I have a job. Work, work, work.

[Will Arnett]

Amazing. Amazing. Kieran, what a delight you are.

[Sean Hayes]

You are absolute delight.

[Jason Bateman]

You're a good man.

[Will Arnett]

You'd be a good dinner hang. We'll maybe we'll hit you up for dinner in New York.

[Kieran Culkin]

Come come see the show and.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, I want to see the show. I really want to see the show.

[Kieran Culkin]

Hang out and do the thing. Yeah, you guys never do repeat guests on your show either, right?

[Will Arnett]

Cuz we have done it on live. When we did the tour we did some repeats and had some friends.

[Kieran Culkin]

I remember that. I watched that doc. He was great.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Kieran Culkin]

That's when I learned from You, Jason. And I think about it every time I'm about to shake a salad. You said, don't shake it. Do you remember that? You put like whenever you put the dressing in a salad, you don't shake it.

[Will Arnett]

Don't shake it.

[Kieran Culkin]

I think of it every time now. And I go, oh, wait, I'm not supposed to shake it. And I go, wait, why? What's wrong with you?

[Jason Bateman]

Cascade.

[Kieran Culkin]

Why shake it?

[Sean Hayes]

No, you gotta shake it to get it even.

[Jason Bateman]

I'm a pretty vigorous shaker. Now.

[Kieran Culkin]

Let that dressing. Let it see merch. This is what you guys need. More quotes like that.

[Will Arnett]

Let it.

[Kieran Culkin]

Cascade. That's a sweater right there.

[Sean Hayes]

And the Tracy one.

[Jason Bateman]

That's right.

[Kieran Culkin]

And the Tracy one, which she wears like I'm Tracy.

[Will Arnett]

You are a guy who. You deserve all the success that you're having now. Especially considering how hard you worked and how talented you are. Such a massive fan, dude. Honestly, what a thrill to have you.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah, keep.

[Kieran Culkin]

This is a dream come true. I mean it. Thanks, guys.

[Sean Hayes]

Casey, Casey.

[Kieran Culkin]

Big, big fan, man.

[Jason Bateman]

See you in a few months. Go get them.

[Kieran Culkin]

Bye, guys. Bye.

[Jason Bateman]

Thanks, pal. And he's slamming it.

[Kieran Culkin]

They told me to not slam it, but I'm slamming it.

[Jason Bateman]

Who says not?

[Will Arnett]

No, no, no, don't slam it.

[Kieran Culkin]

They said don't slam it.

[Will Arnett]

Cuz you've got a redundant record at home.

[Kieran Culkin]

I am. That's why I got to do a thing. Wait, do I do a thing now?

[Jason Bateman]

And then I do your thing and then you can.

[Kieran Culkin]

This is a great goodbye. I don't know how to do it. What? What do I do? What do I do with the thing? I don't know. So do.

[Will Arnett]

So if you bring your mouse to the bottom, do you see that little sound icon?

[Kieran Culkin]

No. No. Yes. No. Yes.

[Jason Bateman]

Click on that.

[Sean Hayes]

Yes.

[Kieran Culkin]

And then I hit stop.

[Will Arnett]

Stop. And then hit save.

[Kieran Culkin]

You gotta. You guys gotta use this as part of the goodbye. Okay. I press stop. And then. No, I just press stop. I don't see anything that says safe. We're at the top left. File and save. Share. Save.

[Jason Bateman]

So embarrassing.

[Kieran Culkin]

Save these. Oh my God. This is such a great goodbye. Yeah, use it. I'm done.

[Will Arnett]

Do.

[Kieran Culkin]

I can slam it now.

[Sean Hayes]

Slam it.

[Kieran Culkin]

Slam it.

[Jason Bateman]

It. Love you.

[Will Arnett]

Bye.

[Sean Hayes]

Love you. Bye.

[Jason Bateman]

Now, there's a nice young fella. Will.

[Will Arnett]

There is a nice young fella. You're right. What a great guest.

[Sean Hayes]

A good guest.

[Will Arnett]

Good guest. I've been excited to have him. And like I said, we had a sort of. We had to reschedule and that was, you know, a whole thing. But I was like, oh, God, we were so close to getting him. So glad we had him on. He's so.

[Jason Bateman]

Always wanted to wait. The interviews I've seen him do, I used to like, God, that's a great guy. I. I wonder if they just got him on a good day.

[Will Arnett]

Right?

[Jason Bateman]

You know, I hope he's really like that. And he really is. What a guy.

[Will Arnett]

He really is like that.

[Jason Bateman]

I want to work with him. I want to hang with him.

[Will Arnett]

Hey, Sean. Now, as you. As you scan the buyers.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah, I wanted to. I wanted to talk to him about his ice. Well, I'm about to watch Home Alone again because I watch. We watch it every year, and he's got a little Home Alone.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah. I love it.

[Jason Bateman]

Yeah. I bet she's still getting residuals on that. They're not. They're not. They're not. They're not thick ones anymore, but fun to see, actually.

[Will Arnett]

You know. You know what film he was in? He was in the first one and also the second one.

[Sean Hayes]

Yeah. Which was what?

[Will Arnett]

Father of the Br.

[Sean Hayes]

Br. That was pretty good.

[Will Arnett]

Sm smart less smartless is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Rob Armjarv, Bennett Barbico, and Michael Grand. Terry Smart Less.

[Sean Hayes]

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[Kieran Culkin]

Way to get there.

[Sean Hayes]

That's why State street offers a wide variety of ETFs to give all investors access to the market and the chance to reach their Goals.

[Kieran Culkin]

Like with DIA, where you get 30.

[Jason Bateman]

US Bluetooth stocks in a single trade.

[Sean Hayes]

Wherever you're heading, getting there starts here with Stage Street.

[Will Arnett]

Before investing, consider the fund's investment objectives, risks, charges, and expenses. Visit ssga.com for prospectus containing this and other information. Read it carefully. DIA Subject to risk. Similar to those of stocks, all ATF's are subject to risk, including possible loss of principal. Alps Distributors Inc. Distributor.