
The incredibly talented actor/producer Kerry Washington joins us this week to give us a safer-sex education. Sean becomes our next Barbara Walters, Will makes a promise he’ll never break, while Jason confirms the level of college education in the group… and we’re just a few credits shy, folks. That’s why it’s called SmartLess. Kanpai! This episode was originally released on 8/1/2022.
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Sean Hayes
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Will Arnett
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Jason Bateman
Hello listener. My name is Jason. I will be one of three hosts. I'm an on time host. You're gonna have a couple of tardy hosts joining us soon. If not, you're just gonna get me. Just a solo episode with me. I hope that's. But until then, let me tell you a little bit about myself. I'm a Capricorn Sag moon. I love things sweetened with anything other than sugar. I've had addiction issues. I've got a handle on that, I think. Unless you put something sweetened with sugar in front of me, it's a real trigger situation for me. I just go right down a hillside full of sin. Oh, just in time. Here are the idiots. Guys, welcome to Smartless.
Will Arnett
Smart, smart, smart.
Sean Hayes
The listener does not know this, but this is our second episode today that we're recording. So what did you guys do in between shows?
Jason Bateman
I had a little egg sandwich. I had pasta that I made myself. Not an egg salad sandwich like Sean would have made.
Will Arnett
You had an egg sandwich? Now, what was the bread? Was it actual bread?
Jason Bateman
Not really.
Will Arnett
What was it?
Jason Bateman
It was gluten free bread that, you know, I had to toast to within an inch of its life so it tasted decent. And then I put a little fake butter on it and then the eggs on top of it.
Sean Hayes
Okay, hang on a second.
Jason Bateman
I'm pretty sure the eggs were real.
Will Arnett
We had a conversation with our friend on a different episode about enjoying ourselves.
Jason Bateman
And stuff, you know, But I feel it. But it isn't. But that I enjoy. It tastes great. I enjoy it. I enjoy. Now, last night, we went out for a family dinner to this yummy little restaurant down the street that specializes in Italian food. So I ordered a nice big fat cheese pizza and I woofed. Done more of that than probably I should have. And we had some pasta and I had in.
Will Arnett
In ba.
Jason Bateman
In bh or in the valley down in Laurel Canyon.
Will Arnett
Oh, little potch.
Jason Bateman
Yeah, yeah.
Sean Hayes
Oh, you went. You went. Pache, not patch.
Will Arnett
No, I know, but I say pot. You leave it off. That's how you know that you're legit. You leave it all. Hey, there's map. And she can't hear us.
Sean Hayes
Oh, wait, that was. Hi, Maple.
Jason Bateman
That was Maple. Yeah, she's over here.
Will Arnett
Are you guys going for dinner tonight together?
Jason Bateman
We're gonna go. No, we're gonna go over to our friend's house and we're gonna celebrate our friend Sean because he's.
Sean Hayes
He had a birthday a while ago.
Will Arnett
Yeah, he had a birthday a while ago and we. I wish I could be there with you guys.
Sean Hayes
I know, I know. I'm gonna miss you.
Jason Bateman
Well, you know, we'll FaceTime you. You FaceTimed. In last week.
Will Arnett
I'll FaceTime. I will. FaceTime again.
Sean Hayes
Yeah. FaceTime in again. I will.
Will Arnett
I want this face.
Sean Hayes
You got to get time for that.
Jason Bateman
Does the rest of your body. Is the rest of your body as dark as your face, Will?
Will Arnett
Yeah. Yeah, of course.
Jason Bateman
No, I didn't ask to see it. Put your top back on.
Sean Hayes
I know. That is a tan like nobody's ever seen.
Will Arnett
It's really good.
Jason Bateman
So do you read, though? You said you read three books while you were there. Was it just for the bounce effect of the paper to. Or do you enjoy reading?
Sean Hayes
He just opens it up and lets the sun take over.
Jason Bateman
What were the three books? Do you remember them? Were they all nonfiction? Were they all World War II books?
Sean Hayes
The Giving Tree?
Will Arnett
No, again, I haven't finished my third, to be honest.
Jason Bateman
What were the first two? Were they just airport fiction?
Will Arnett
Well, one of them is my dad's book, Being Fate, which I finally read, which is amazing. I'm so proud of my dad, Jim Arnett, who wrote a book during the pandemic. And he wrote this sort of fictionalized this novel and got it published on history and got it published. That's cool. Yeah, it's really cool. And honestly, I was reading it, I was just thinking the whole time, I'm like, I'm so. My dad did this. I'm so proud of my dad.
Sean Hayes
Yeah.
Will Arnett
So it's called Bean Fate, and it was. And it's really, really good. And this is about the.
Jason Bateman
The Bean Farmers of Calamongas?
Will Arnett
No, no, I think.
Jason Bateman
It'S a remake of the. The Bean War or something. Right. Calamago.
Will Arnett
The Milagro.
Jason Bateman
Beanfield War. Good for him, because I don't think they really got it on the last one, so. Okay.
Will Arnett
No, it's about booze runners back, you know, Prohibition style, back in the day up in Saskatchewan in the Bronfman family, et cetera. So I did that, and then I read the Sympathizer. Have you guys read that?
Jason Bateman
No.
Sean Hayes
What is that? I feel like I wrote it.
Will Arnett
It's written by Vietnamese American author Viet Thanh Nguyen.
Jason Bateman
It's about the Vietnam War, and it's.
Will Arnett
About the Vietnam War. And he himself is of Vietnamese origin, descent, descent and origin. And he came here when he was young. And so it just talks about the experience of God. Honestly, I couldn't have loved it more. But it's not just about that. It's just about such a unbelievable story of, I don't know, just a guy who led a complex life. And there were so many.
Sean Hayes
Are There colored pictures in it for me.
Jason Bateman
Any pictures of him sympathizing with folks.
Will Arnett
So many incredible, incredible passages in the book that just blew me away that I would have to read out loud.
Sean Hayes
I'll check that out.
Jason Bateman
Yeah, I'll bet you $1,000 that you don't.
Sean Hayes
You won?
Will Arnett
Yep.
Jason Bateman
Why now? How do you decide what you're gonna read when you're on the beach there?
Sean Hayes
Like reading in the sun makes you wanna.
Will Arnett
What I do is. Sorry. Then I just started. I'm now reading this Splendid in the Vial, which a lot of people have read. These are big books. The sympathizers are. Won the Pulitzer prize.
Jason Bateman
Reading in the Sun. To me it's like being trapped in a hot car with the windows rolled up, stuck, broken. I don't know when the driver's coming back and I have a three year old scre screaming in my ear. Yeah, that, that, that's. That's what reading on the. On a hot beach sounds like.
Will Arnett
Really?
Jason Bateman
Yeah, because I'm already sweating and I'm.
Sean Hayes
Now and I concentrate on like words.
Will Arnett
Yeah.
Jason Bateman
And I got the hard bounce off the paper and I can't do it. I got sweat. I got sunglasses on and now the sweat's dripping on the glasses. I got to keep wiping the glass and I hear all the people having fun in the water and I. Yeah, it's.
Sean Hayes
I can't.
Jason Bateman
You know what though, Snacky? I get real hungry on the beach.
Sean Hayes
You know what's amazing is our guest today.
Jason Bateman
Great segue.
Sean Hayes
Our guest today is so fun. I love her. She's like a big megastar. No big deal. Whatever.
Jason Bateman
Wait, I've got it. It's a woman. I've got it. I've got it.
Sean Hayes
She's been on one of the hottest primetime dramas in the last few decades. She's born and raised in the Bronx. She's a New Yorker through and through. This might give it away. At a young age, she performed with the award winning Ta Da youth theater teen group. She graduated college with a double major in anthropology and sociology. Clearly not the right podcast for her to do. Before winning an Emmy, one of her earliest acting gigs was. I gotta ask her about this. A traveling sex education sketch group. Her last name is not only a US State, but also an apple. Please welcome the beautiful and extremely talented Kerry Washington.
Jason Bateman
Kerry. Hello, Carrie.
Will Arnett
Hi.
Jason Bateman
Let's get right into it. A traveling. What is it? Yes, a sex education sketch group. What is that?
Kerry Washington
It was not sketchy. Although we did sketches. We were. Oh my God. That's where we're starting. Okay.
Jason Bateman
I'm so. We are not journalists.
Kerry Washington
I'm such a. I'm such a mega fan of the show, so I'm really excited and a little nervous.
Sean Hayes
No, Mike, listen. We're just hanging out.
Jason Bateman
Yeah, you can already hear what idiots we are, right?
Kerry Washington
Well, every episode. But that's why we love you.
Sean Hayes
So.
Kerry Washington
Okay, so bring us up. When I was a high schooler, when I was a teenager, I worked for the Adolescent Health center in New York City at Mount Sinai Hospital. And it was, like, the beginning of the AIDS epidemic, like, late 80s, early 90s. And we used to. We wrote these sketches, these skits about safer sex issues and losing your virginity and drug abuse and LGBTQ rights.
Sean Hayes
And so it was like, I. Like, I find you attractive. I find you attractive. Hold on, let me get a condom.
Kerry Washington
What was like, how do you ask your boyfriend to put a condom on? Or how do you put a condom on? Or how do you make that conversation sexy? Because all the research was, like, people have the information, but the behavior change is not there. So we used to write these things.
Jason Bateman
I'd love to hear the first few.
Will Arnett
Pictures I went to, by the way. I've had. God, Carrie, it's like you gave me a bat, and you put me at the plate, and I've just been standing here, and you just been throwing softballs up, and I'm doing all my best because I want to. Because I don't want to be just a total dirtbag.
Kerry Washington
And I'm just like, man, be yourself, Will.
Jason Bateman
Be yourself. This is true space.
Kerry Washington
I'm a guest in your house.
Jason Bateman
Do you, sir, what was the draft that made it to the stage on how to put on a condom in a funny, funny way?
Kerry Washington
Well, we used to teach kids how to put condoms on by using bananas. So that always got a laugh. But it was really more like. I mean, the first sketch I was allowed to do was actually a scene about whether or Not I was 13 when I started doing the show. So the only. The only sketch they would let me do in the beginning was, should I lose my virginity or not? And it was a whole sketch about, like, my really cute boyfriend who's kind of pressuring me, and I don't know if I should or shouldn't. And then the cool part, and this was actually incredible acting training, was that we would. The problems of the show were unresolved, and we would stay in character after the show, and the audience would, like, solve our problems. We would ask the audience for advice so they would be in conversation. Yeah, we Stayed in character.
Jason Bateman
And then doesn't that mean the show's still going?
Kerry Washington
No. Like, the show would end, and then we'd do a Q and A, but our Q and A would be in character. And sometimes I would be playing, like, more than one character. So I'd have, like, a baseball hat for the girl who wasn't sure she should lose her virginity. And then, like, a red scarf for the girl who was, like, needed to tell her brother, stop selling drugs. So we had all these different, you know, conflict issues. And I got to develop character backstory and learn to be spontaneous. And I found my. Yes. And while doing sex education, what was this group?
Jason Bateman
That sounds somewhat charitable and, you know, altruistic. No, no, no. But it sounds like you're, like, doing great things. I wish I was doing stuff at 13 that was going around and doing, you know, doing shows, but doing shows for, like, hospitals. And you said this was, like.
Kerry Washington
Yeah, we performed it, like. And community centers.
Jason Bateman
How did you get involved in that? That sounds like you were walking around with a bunch of very nice people.
Kerry Washington
I have great parents. I was really into acting. And my mom had read that there were auditions for this. I had done children's theater with that company. Ta da. That was mentioned, which is a company in midtown. And this was, like, for teenagers. And my mom had seen an ad about it. And my mother's an educator, so she was like, educational theater is a great thing. And then I came home with all these pamphlets about, like, gonorrhe. And she was like, what is this? But I. I'd love to see the.
Jason Bateman
One act on Gonriel.
Will Arnett
Don't worry about it. We're gonna put a condom over a banana. It'll be all good.
Kerry Washington
We're gonna fix the world's problems.
Sean Hayes
One banana happened on the way to the theater. Exactly. Wait, Carrie, let's. I wanna get this out of the. Okay, guys, I have kind of a long story to tell.
Kerry Washington
I was wondering if we were gonna do this.
Sean Hayes
Okay, we're gonna do it. We're gonna do it, and we're just gonna get past it, because how could we not do it?
Jason Bateman
Should Will and I lay down, or.
Sean Hayes
Yeah. No.
Kerry Washington
So, you guys, I was shocked that you asked me to be your guest. Cause I was like, there's no way. We're not telling this story.
Sean Hayes
Of course we're talking about it.
Kerry Washington
This is me being punked by Sean Hayes.
Sean Hayes
So these guys have no idea what I'm gonna say. So it's like, if you can hang in there for, like, two minutes, which is a long time, but it's a long story. Here we go. It's one of the most embarrassing things that's ever happened to me. I was shooting a pilot last year and sent a long email to Carrie asking her to help me out. And she emailed me.
Kerry Washington
Let me jump in. Let me jump in.
Sean Hayes
Yes.
Kerry Washington
Nicest email I've ever gotten in my life. You know the email. You know the notes you get from a fan where you're like, I should maybe call security. Cause this person is, like, really loves me. It was that, but it was, like, from another famous person, so it was okay. And it was like somebody that I respect and admire. So I was like, oh, my God. I was so moved.
Sean Hayes
I was deeply moved. I meant every word.
Jason Bateman
And then there was the ask at the bottom of it.
Sean Hayes
Always, Always. Right? So. But she emailed Cara, emailed me back, asked me for my number, said, I'll call. I'd love to call you to chat more about it. Great. Fantastic. Wonderful response. At the same time, I was guest hosting a few episodes of Jimmy Kimmel show. And while there, had befriended a producer named Aaron. Aaron Irwin, who's now her friend. So one night, on my way home from the shows, I got a text from on my phone saying, I'm watching you on Kimmel right now, and you're doing great. And I was pleased by the message, but I was, like, perplexed. Cause I didn't recognize the number. And then I decided, and I deduced that it was Erin from Kimmel who was maybe watching, like, a rough cut of the show because we just exchanged phone numbers as I left the studio. But it hadn't put her contact on my phone. So I pulled over and saved the number in my contacts as Aaron from Kimmel.
Kerry Washington
Now I'm at home. Cut to. I'm at home eagerly awaiting the call from Sean.
Sean Hayes
Right.
Kerry Washington
Because this is my number one fan. I mean, my dad doesn't love me this much. And now I think I'm gonna get a healing because somebody who loves me is gonna get on the phone with me, and it's gonna change my life. And even though I'm gonna say no to the ask, we're gonna be friends forever.
Sean Hayes
Right? Right. Perfect. Right.
Jason Bateman
Big load of junk food just to prop you up.
Sean Hayes
Perfect. All right. So the phone rings. I pick it up. I say, hey, and I see it's Aaron from Kimmel. What's going on? Aaron says, hi. How are you? Your email is so sweet. I couldn't wait to talk to you. And I said, Email? What email? And Aaron says, the email I sent you. And I was like, I don't remember sending you an email. Are you sure? And that's when the tone shifted between us. And I said. Aaron said, is this Sean? And I said, yeah, who's this? And Aaron says, you didn't send me an email with your number. And then I turned into a total asshole. And I go, I think you have the wrong number. Why don't you check. Check that email address and your contact, Then why don't you get back to me? And that's when Aaron was like, that's probably a good idea. So I go sit down, I hang.
Kerry Washington
Up the phone, and I turn to my husband, and I'm like, I'm being fucking punked because Sean Hayes sent me the nicest email I've ever gotten in my life. I just got off the phone with him, and he was such a jerk to me, and he's acting like I made up the email. I was, like, shaking. I was so. I was like, why would somebody do that? Does he think I'm untalented? What?
Sean Hayes
I was so upset, I go sit down and talk to my husband. And I'm chatting. I'm telling you, I just got the craziest phone call. And 15 minutes in the conversation with Scotty, I did all the math and, like, a shot in a movie came zooming towards my face. I go. I jumped up and I screamed, holy shit, that was Kerry Washington.
Jason Bateman
And credits.
Sean Hayes
Yeah, I took credits.
Jason Bateman
Opening credits.
Will Arnett
Yes.
Sean Hayes
I texted you back, immediately explained everything, and begged for you to call me back. And I answered the phone and you were laughing.
Kerry Washington
I was. I couldn't stop laughing because I was really, like. I thought I was being pranked. And I was so relieved. It was so, so lovely.
Will Arnett
Wow.
Sean Hayes
Oh, God. That was funny.
Kerry Washington
Yeah. My feelings were so hurt. And I was like, I'm being gaslit. Like, he's gaslighting me.
Will Arnett
You guys have this great now, this great, like, shared history.
Jason Bateman
Beautiful.
Kerry Washington
Are you jelly? You're jealous?
Will Arnett
A little bit. Jelly. Because we only had our dinner.
Kerry Washington
We had our dinner.
Will Arnett
We sat next to each other. We didn't know each other.
Kerry Washington
You were. Don't say, whoa.
Will Arnett
Yeah. You were across the table.
Kerry Washington
Yeah, but I mean, when you guys worked for me, you know, you guys have all worked for me as a producer.
Will Arnett
When we worked for you, when we did the Facts of Life live in.
Kerry Washington
Front of a studio.
Sean Hayes
Wait, who was at this dinner? What are you talking about? Jason and Will were at a dinner.
Kerry Washington
You know how we. When we did It. We had a cast dinner to kick off for our episode, which I wasn't a producer then, so I have.
Sean Hayes
Oh, that's right. You were a producer on the set. That's right.
Kerry Washington
But I produced then the next two, and so these two.
Sean Hayes
Joy, Sorry. Tell the listener what we're talking about.
Kerry Washington
We're talking about your sister. For your sister.
Sean Hayes
This makes me so happy.
Kerry Washington
I'm in the family for Norman Lears live in front of a studio audience, which all three of you have graced us and blessed us with your.
Sean Hayes
And likewise, as you have specials.
Will Arnett
Yeah.
Jason Bateman
And if it weren't for really active producers like you and Justin Theroux, that show would not be moving at all.
Kerry Washington
I do a lot more than Justin Theroux.
Will Arnett
Let me tell you something.
Kerry Washington
I want to put that out there.
Will Arnett
Justin threw it. And he must be nominated for, you know, Producers Guild Award this year because, I mean, this guy, he got.
Jason Bateman
He rolls up his sleeves.
Will Arnett
He would have. He would have rolled them up if he'd had any sleeves. He would roll them up for sure.
Kerry Washington
What's the same with your thing with people not having sleeves?
Jason Bateman
No, just Justin. Everybody wears them except him.
Sean Hayes
Yeah. Every day of his life. He has a cut off.
Will Arnett
Sometimes people wear them, don't have them when they're the gym and stuff, but not everybody just doesn't wear them ever.
Jason Bateman
Even basketball players now wear sort of like under sort of long sleeve thing over their.
Will Arnett
You know what usually deters people from going sleeveless? Winter. That usually. That usually gets people to pop into a sleeve or two.
Sean Hayes
Not him.
Will Arnett
Not this guy. Not this guy.
Jason Bateman
Or mosquito infestations. It doesn't matter to him.
Kerry Washington
He's fearless that way. He's fearless that way.
Jason Bateman
Yeah.
Sean Hayes
We'll be right back. This episode is supported by FX's the Lowdown, starring Ethan Hawke. Allow us to introduce you to Lee Raybon, a quirky journalist slash rare bookstore owner slash unofficial truth seeker who is always on the tail of his latest conspiracy. This time, his most recent expose puts him head to head with a powerful family that rules Tulsa. Meaning only one thing. He must be on to something big. FX's the Lowdown premieres September 23rd on FX stream on Hulu.
Will Arnett
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Sean Hayes
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Jason Bateman
And now back to the show.
Sean Hayes
Kara, one thing I didn't know about you was, by the way, what a story we'll have for the rest of our life.
Kerry Washington
For the rest of our lives.
Sean Hayes
But double major anthropology and sociology. Why, if you knew at such a young age, you Wanted to act. And have you utilized that degree?
Jason Bateman
This is a great question.
Kerry Washington
So it's actually a little more complicated than that, but that's the easy answer that I give people. I designed an interdisciplinary major called Performance Studies and it was inspired by. It was based on the graduate programs at NYU and Northwestern. So it was like the study that performance plays in different societies and cultures. And that's what interested me. But you have to. To design your own major, you have to write this whole thesis and defend it because they want to just make sure you're not trying to get out of things, taking statistics. So I had to kind of really work with all these academic mentors and come up with this program and design a curriculum for myself. And yeah, I'm just. I'm super interested in how we perform, like professionally, all of us, but also how we perform just in our everyday lives. And yeah, I think I have used a lot of it. I mean, I think, you know what we. For me, I tend to think about characters in the kind of social science context. Like when I'm playing a character, I like to think about how she's become who she is and how she thinks and how she lives in the world and how society impacts who she is. So I do feel like I use some of my. I feel like such a nerd. I've been talking too long about this. I use some of my social media.
Will Arnett
I was about to talk about my character room that I have here and I go into my character room and I've kept all the costumes of my great characters. All my costumes.
Kerry Washington
Yes, through the years.
Jason Bateman
Wait now, Kerry, I'm the dumbest of the four of us. Will you define anthropology for me?
Will Arnett
Pause. He is. Go ahead.
Jason Bateman
Anthropology is the study of society. Yes.
Kerry Washington
Sociology is more the study of society.
Jason Bateman
Ergo the name culture.
Kerry Washington
Yes, but what about anthropology is more about ants.
Jason Bateman
Is this just about ants and the ant culture? Right.
Kerry Washington
I mean, no, it's more. Anthropology is more indigenous cultures and historical culture. So not present day society, but more the role of kind of how societies have evolved through time.
Jason Bateman
Sociology would be the modern day version of anthropology. That's enough, Will. That's enough, Will.
Kerry Washington
And anthropology has a little more ritual.
Sean Hayes
Like study of ritual, but it's also a fabulous story.
Jason Bateman
See, there's my fellow dum dum right there. Hi.
Kerry Washington
I like an anthropology. I like their style.
Will Arnett
Well, you'd like the Sympathizer. It's a great book. Hey, actually all kidding. You said won the Pulitzer. Wait, did you go? It did. Did you go to nyu? Is that what you were saying?
Kerry Washington
No, no, no. I looked. They. Those. NYU and Northwestern were the schools that had graduate degrees in performance studies that I admired and was interested in, but I didn't actually want to go to graduate school, so I tried to just skip ahead and do it. In undergrad, I went to GW G Dub.
Jason Bateman
Okay, G Dub, G Dub, G Dub. Now, did you finish with a degree in anthropology and sociology?
Kerry Washington
I finished in a degree in performance studies. I got to actually, like, I wrote my own situation. Got it, and created my reality.
Sean Hayes
Wow. Does anybody call you K Dub?
Kerry Washington
Yes, especially because I went to G Dub. Yeah, People call me K D. Yeah.
Sean Hayes
I thought of that.
Jason Bateman
Now, wait, are you the only one with a college degree on this chat?
Will Arnett
Yeah.
Jason Bateman
Sean, what's your excuse? How far did you go?
Sean Hayes
I went four years, and then I got an honorary doctorate, but I never graduated.
Kerry Washington
I got one of those, too.
Sean Hayes
You just show up, they'll give.
Kerry Washington
I got one of those. Yeah. If you give a speech, they give you one. You can get one of those guys.
Jason Bateman
Sean, I don't understand. You went for four years. How did you not? Isn't that how long it takes?
Kerry Washington
That's a great question.
Sean Hayes
I was two or three courses shy, and I just did not have any more gas in me to go.
Kerry Washington
I'm fascinated because you seem like a completer.
Will Arnett
I spent a lot of time with you, and you seem to have a tremendous amount of gas, plenty of gas, especially with the amount of tuna salad you eat. Are you getting with plain chips?
Jason Bateman
And he likes the fuse with that glass of milk. And off he goes.
Will Arnett
Nobody kills a bag of plain chips and a glass of 2% milk like.
Kerry Washington
Sean, drink a glass of milk. Is it real milk? Like, just like cow's milk?
Sean Hayes
Yeah. Every day he's going to get in.
Jason Bateman
His Plymouth and drive off in a minute. But wait, Sean. So you ran out of gas? Two credits short, Will. How. How. How far did you get?
Will Arnett
Oh, I made it half a year.
Jason Bateman
Half of the first year, half of the year.
Will Arnett
Yeah, that's right.
Sean Hayes
Because college, to me wasn't all just about the studies. It's about the social. It's about growing up, being on your own and, like, figuring stuff out.
Will Arnett
I had already been out of the house, you know, I went away to school first when I was 12.
Jason Bateman
Yeah.
Kerry Washington
Now, I heard this story on the show about your clothes being taken to across town. That was. I was like, that's kind of child abuse. No.
Will Arnett
Yeah, yeah, it was difficult.
Jason Bateman
And then they made them plant trees and fix sewer Pipes, too.
Will Arnett
Yeah, we did a lot of stuff. I mean, look, I didn't have it. It's not that bad, believe me. And I. But I was 12 when I left, so.
Sean Hayes
Oh, you got a bogey running around in your house.
Kerry Washington
That's Emily.
Jason Bateman
Locations go to two guys.
Kerry Washington
Emily's. Actually. She was. She has listened to your show longer than I have.
Jason Bateman
Hi, Emily.
Sean Hayes
Hi, Emily.
Kerry Washington
I don't know what we're saying. Hi.
Will Arnett
Hi, Emily.
Kerry Washington
She's saying hi. I'm geeking out. She's geeking out. When I was at dinner with you guys, when I was at dinner for the cast, for live in front of a studio audience, I actually had not listened to a single episode yet, and I was embarrassed, and so I faked having listened to a few episodes, and I was able to effectively.
Jason Bateman
She's got skills. She's a professional liar.
Kerry Washington
I'm an actor. But I knew just from hearing Emily talk about it and also hearing my husband, Nnamdi talk about it, I had enough context clues and, like, reference points to pretend that I had seen, but I hadn't. I hadn't watched any. I'd listened. And so then I went home and felt bad, so I started listening, and then I was like, this is the best ever.
Sean Hayes
That's okay. Jason, tell Carrie how much you love Scandal. Every other.
Jason Bateman
I've seen as many episodes of Scandal as you have seen of Arrested Development, Sean.
Kerry Washington
Ooh. I watched Ozark now.
Jason Bateman
Well, thank you. Now, what do you guys do about that? Cause we all know a lot of people and are friends with a lot of people that do a lot of stuff, and you can't put. Possibly see it. Also can't watch it all. Yeah. Do you feel bad about that? Do you lie about it? Do you make an effort? I'm just. I'm terrible about it.
Kerry Washington
Well, I've just admitted that I lie sometimes, but I try to.
Will Arnett
Yeah. I mean, Carrie lies.
Jason Bateman
I don't think you really lie.
Will Arnett
Now, all her friends, it's out there. They know that she just lies, and that's fine. What I do is. You know, what's hard is, Sean, you know, this one is, like, when you go. When somebody says, I'm doing. I'm. You know, I'm in a show on Broadway or I'm doing a play or whatever. I'm always reluctant to go because you have to go and say hi to the master.
Sean Hayes
Now, Carrie, talk about that. I've changed Will since we talked about that. I know somebody. I won't say her name. Very, extremely, gigantically globally Famous who came to one of my shows and she didn't come back. And I was like, I get it. We don't really know each other. Why would she come back?
Kerry Washington
It makes me spiral when somebody doesn't come back. And maybe that just means I'm an insecure person. It freaks me out.
Jason Bateman
No, but how do you know that they're there? Cause that's the part that is telling you so.
Kerry Washington
Listener for the house manager tells you so.
Jason Bateman
Tracy, when you're doing a show in New York, I think specifically in New York. Or is it in Chicago, too? Shaunie. Anywhere you end up finding out if there's anybody who has a SAG card that's sitting in the audience and whether you've invited them or not.
Will Arnett
SAG card. Tracy. Sidebar. Tracy. That's the screen actress Gilgart.
Jason Bateman
Double Tracy. Sidebar. So if they don't come back, you have to go back and say that you love the show, even if you don't know the people in the cast. I just found that. That ritual to be weird.
Will Arnett
Well, that's what I mean. So I don't want to lie. So I just. I'm like. I just end up not going to stuff because I want to.
Kerry Washington
Because you don't want to go and not like what you see and then have to lie about it. Oh, aren't you a person of integrity? No, I'm not.
Jason Bateman
Can't you. But can't you go to a. To a.
Will Arnett
To a show? I don't want to get busted for lying.
Jason Bateman
Can't you go to a show without anybody knowing that you're there? I mean, like.
Will Arnett
Yeah, which is why I go into my character room.
Kerry Washington
It depends on the show and the audience. Like, for me, I could never in my life go to a show that has a black cast and not go backstage because they will know that I'm there.
Sean Hayes
But wait a minute. You're saying if you are in a show and somebody in the audience has a SAG card and doesn't come back, you take that personally?
Kerry Washington
Yeah. There's an actor who I knew had come to see a play I was in called American Son, and he did not come backstage. And unbeknownst to him, I held it against him for like a year and a half. I was like. I just thought, how? Like, why? You know, why.
Jason Bateman
Why did you ever run into that actor and ask him?
Kerry Washington
Well, I then found out, because I'm friends with his wife, that she was the only one who had come and that she was running straight to the airport afterward. And that's why she. She texted me. And so I was like, oh, my God.
Jason Bateman
I've been like, he's been dead to.
Kerry Washington
Me inside my heart. Snubbing him at parties. Yeah. He's been dead to me for a year and a half for no reason.
Will Arnett
You know what I'm gonna start doing? I'm gonna start going and taking in a lot of theater and making a point of not going backstage, hanging around outside a lot for a long time, and then leaving and then going, like, not only did he not come back, but he fucking. He didn't even run off.
Kerry Washington
He was here.
Will Arnett
He was here for a while, milling around.
Kerry Washington
What I learned in that is that I have to be more generous. Right? Like, and I try to be more generous in my attitude toward people, but that was a really good reminder of, like, you don't know what's going on in people's lives. Like, even if somebody really snubs you to your face, you don't know if they just had a car accident or, like, it just was a reminder. Like, be generous, Carrie. The world does not revolve around you and your Broadway performance.
Jason Bateman
But you seem constantly happy, Sunny. You don't seem like a dark person. What would get the. What would get the real ire up in you? When are you the nastiest?
Will Arnett
Finally we're gonna meet the real Kerry Washington. Finally, we're gonna meet you.
Jason Bateman
Is it traffic? Is it people that cut you off in traffic?
Kerry Washington
No. No.
Jason Bateman
Is it.
Kerry Washington
I'm not a traffic. Cause I'm not a very good driver, so I have to be generous when I'm driving.
Jason Bateman
What really pisses you off?
Kerry Washington
You know what dishonesty? Like, to circle back. Like, if I feel like I'm being gaslit or people are keeping information from me in that way. You know how, like, people really like to infantilize actors. Like, they don't want to talk to the talent. They don't want to tell talent things. Or, like, just in my life, throughout my life, whether it's through because of my acting, if I feel like people aren't being honest with me, it really upsets me.
Jason Bateman
This is. This is what makes you a good producer, right?
Kerry Washington
Yeah.
Jason Bateman
Maybe somebody who's, like, holding the information and then sort of disseminates it throughout the production, you understand what a value that is and how bad it is when you're on the other side of that not getting it.
Will Arnett
Carrie. Ike, by the way, I can relate to that. I'm like, tell it to me straight.
Kerry Washington
Yeah, just let me know.
Will Arnett
Tell it to me fucking straight. And let me. I'll decide how I react.
Jason Bateman
Right.
Kerry Washington
By the way, honestly, Will, if you come to see me in something like, let's say, accidentally, you stumble Upon a play that I'm in on Broadway, you don't know I'm in it.
Jason Bateman
Yeah. Yeah, sure.
Kerry Washington
If you came backstage and you said, I'm not crazy about this one, it would make me feel closer to you than you were saying. And I appreciate the transparency.
Will Arnett
I'm making this pledge to you today.
Kerry Washington
You're gonna tell me when I suck.
Will Arnett
I will always be honest with you. I will always be straight up with you about what I think about where you're at, and I want you to know and forget it. On performance, on stage, and in your life. Okay.
Kerry Washington
That's amazing, Carrie.
Sean Hayes
The worst thing. Wait, really quick. The worst thing anybody could ever say when they come backstage, boy, it looks like you're having a lot of fun up there.
Kerry Washington
That's the kiss of death.
Sean Hayes
That is the worst.
Kerry Washington
Or like. Or they're like. You guys did that. That was. You did. Wow. You did that.
Jason Bateman
You do this how many times a week?
Will Arnett
Yes. Wow.
Kerry Washington
Well, that's the thing, too, is it's so. You're so vulnerable when you're on stage. You're so. There's no edit room. There's no score to hide the moment that wasn't fully honest. Like, you're just so vulnerable up there. So I think that's probably why it was also, like, a little more raw than usual.
Sean Hayes
Yes. Yes.
Jason Bateman
Now, in the world of not being told everything that maybe they should be told in the world of series television, Tracy, oftentimes actors will not be told how that particular season is going to end. Now, you're a producer on that show, so you probably have more access to storylines. But have you had that instance with the head writer about, you know, let me know what my finish line is as an actor so I can calibrate what the arc is to get there instead of waiting to read each episode, you know, piecemeal.
Kerry Washington
Yeah. I was not a producer in the beginning of Scandal. I became a producer later on in the life of the show.
Sean Hayes
And director.
Kerry Washington
Yes, and director. And. But my favorite example of not knowing was we had a guest star named Joe Morton, and Joe Morton is an actor I'm a huge fan of. He did an incredible John Sayles film called Brother from Another Planet.
Will Arnett
Oh, I love Joe Morton. He's so good.
Kerry Washington
He's a stellar. And he came on. He was like the one guest star that came on our show that I called home to mom and dad and was like, oh, my God, Joe Morton's on the show. And he was. I was never in scenes with him. He was always in scenes with these other characters on the show. And every table read, I'd be like, God, I really hope that we can do a scene together. And he'd be like, me, too. Me too. And I knew that he had been in talks to do Romeo and Juliet on Broadway, and he had dropped out of that to come do Scandal. And I was like, he doesn't even get any scenes with number one. Like, why did he drop out of this play on Broadway? He's got no scenes with me. Like, why'd he do that? And I just was super, like, what's going on at the end of the scene? The very final line of that season was, I get in a car. Joe Morton is sitting across from me, and he says, hi. And I say with a question mark at the end, dad. Cause he was my father on the show. And he knew from the beginning, from his first phone call with Shonda Rhimes, he knew that he was gonna be my dad. And I never revealed. I didn't know until our very. Until our table read of that episode, like, live.
Jason Bateman
So that was on purpose.
Kerry Washington
It was incredible. Yeah.
Sean Hayes
So wonderful. It would have been cool if they pulled, like, a Star wars and didn't tell you till you were actually filming the scene. Right?
Kerry Washington
That would have been really cool.
Jason Bateman
Is that how it happened in the.
Will Arnett
Scene in Star Wars?
Sean Hayes
Yeah, Empire Strikes Back, they had.
Kerry Washington
Well, you mean in the movie, but not on set, right?
Sean Hayes
No, on the set, Darth Vader just blurbed something else. And then in post, they put, you are Luke. I am your father. So that the crew didn't know. Nobody knew until the movie came out. Right. And I think. I think Mark Hamill knew. Yeah.
Kerry Washington
Wow.
Sean Hayes
Isn't that wild?
Jason Bateman
They were trying to protect the. The crew from leaking that to the fan base.
Sean Hayes
Yeah, I don't. I think that's what I said, but I don't know.
Will Arnett
Hey, Sean, any more great tidbits from.
Sean Hayes
The winner so many years ago?
Jason Bateman
Also, what about Chris Pine's audition process for Star Trek? Let's bring Scotty in to give us some light on that.
Will Arnett
And do you know that the bridge on the Enterprise actually wasn't a bridge at all?
Sean Hayes
Was Scandal the first thing that kind of changed your trajectory, or was it something else that made people really take notice? Or do you think that that's the thing that really launched you?
Kerry Washington
That was the Thing. I mean, I had a really great film career before that because I had been in these Oscar nominated films. I had a joke that if you hired me to play your wife, you would win an Oscar because I was with Jamie Foxx and Ray and in Last King of Scotland with Forest Whitaker. And so I had done. But nobody connected that the girl from Save the Last Dance was the girl from Rey was the girl. Like, I was kind of a character actor and it was like sort of disappearing into these really fun, very different films with accents from all over the world. But TV's just different. Especially before streaming. Right. Like, TV was a different beast where all of a sudden I was in people's living rooms every single week. How many people do you have in your life that you actually spend an hour with every week? Other than your shrink? Not a lot. So it's a very intimate relationship.
Will Arnett
She's talking to you, Shawn.
Jason Bateman
Obviously.
Sean Hayes
Sorry.
Kerry Washington
Talking to myself and myself. So it did. It did. It definitely changed my, like, it changed, you know, sort of the level of how I walked in the world, maybe, or like level of fame or whatever.
Sean Hayes
Yeah. And were you scared to step in a role of leadership like that? Or was it finally, like. Was it like, finally, ah, my God, this is like what I've been waiting for to be like the number one on the call sheet kind of thing.
Kerry Washington
No, really. There was all this pressure because at the time, there was all this talk, every interview was about the fact that in almost 40 years there had not been a black woman as the lead of a network drama. Every article in the beginning, that's what. And so. And I was like 37 or something at the time. So in my lifetime, I had never seen a black woman as the lead of a network drama. And so that's all my pressure was. My fear of, like, if I screw this up, they're not gonna let another woman of color be the lead of a network drama for another 40 years. Like, I knew that we had to get it right and I just had to work as hard as I'd ever worked on anything in my life. But luckily I've worked with amazing number ones. Like, Jamie Foxx is the best number one in the business. No offense to you other number ones on here, but he's just the king.
Jason Bateman
The world is better than Jamie Foxx.
Kerry Washington
Django Ray, like, having worked with him in those. He's. He's just a fun. He's a. He's so generous. He's a team leader, he's a coach, he's a cheerleader he's everybody.
Sean Hayes
And so you picked. You picked up stuff from him and, like.
Kerry Washington
Yeah, I tried to collect, like, Forest Whitaker is a beautiful number one. Julia Stiles was an incredible number one. Like, I just tried to remember the things that I admired about the leaders, the good leaders. Yeah.
Will Arnett
She's so great. So sweet.
Sean Hayes
Oh, my God. Django and Chain is one of my favorite movies of all time. You are unbelievable in that. And I've seen it so many times. It's always Quentin has. Quentin Tarantino has. Is great at the theme of revenge, right?
Kerry Washington
Yes.
Sean Hayes
And that theme, I watch. Whenever I watch that movie, it's disturbing to see you. That character. It's so disturbing. Any kind of fun Quentin stories. I mean, I love that he inserted himself in there in that one scene. It was so fantastic.
Jason Bateman
Wait, which one? I forget.
Sean Hayes
Django and Chan.
Kerry Washington
I got a call. I was asleep in my apartment in New Orleans. We were like, halfway through filming, and I got a call at, like, 2 or 3 in the morning. And I pick up the phone. It's like, I was like, hello? And I hear Leo DiCaprio and Jamie Foxx being like, yo, we need to talk. And I was like, what's happening? And they were like, quinn wants to be in the movie. And I was like, what? So that, like, unfolded in the middle of shooting.
Jason Bateman
Really?
Kerry Washington
We were all shocked, but it was great. He was great.
Sean Hayes
Yeah. So, Jay, just to remind you, in the movie, he intercepts, like, the transfer of the. Of the. Of the collected slaves, right?
Jason Bateman
Yeah.
Sean Hayes
And freeze them or something. I can't remember.
Jason Bateman
I'm so bad about remembering movies.
Kerry Washington
I swear, I don't remember a movie.
Jason Bateman
Last week and forget the entire thing.
Kerry Washington
Same, same. Even movies I've been in, I don't remember. Movies I've been in, I don't remember.
Jason Bateman
Because I like to think it's for a positive reason. That, like, maybe we're so good about getting completely inside that world that once you leave that world, it stays over there. I don't know.
Kerry Washington
It's a glass half.
Sean Hayes
Yeah.
Will Arnett
It's kind of like in memento, like, how he forget, like, the neck. You know what I mean?
Kerry Washington
Do you have an easy time memorizing lines, though?
Sean Hayes
Yeah, Jason does.
Will Arnett
Jason's unbelievable.
Kerry Washington
And do they stay with you or do you forget that?
Jason Bateman
No, I can drop them just as easily as I. As I learn them. But, like, it seems like all my memory skills have just been channeled into that one very narrow lane. It's. It's not. It's not great.
Kerry Washington
Yeah.
Will Arnett
And now A word from our sponsor.
Sean Hayes
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Will Arnett
Now back to the show car.
Sean Hayes
What if you if I had. If I answered you. I mean, if I asked you this question and you had to think of Something really, really fast. Okay, who's one or two of your favorite actors of all time that you worked with?
Kerry Washington
Meryl Streep and controversial. Yeah. Well, I. I'm being honest.
Jason Bateman
Not a lot of people agree with you on that whole talent assessment thing.
Will Arnett
What tiktoks is she at?
Jason Bateman
Have I seen her on a TikTok?
Will Arnett
What tiktoks has she been on?
Kerry Washington
And, I mean, it's hard. There's so many. You can't come to me.
Sean Hayes
I love that. That was the first one. And Jamie.
Kerry Washington
I love Jamie. Yeah, Yeah. I just love him. I love him.
Sean Hayes
What was your first paid acting gig?
Kerry Washington
My first paid acting gig, I played a cheerleader. I don't think I had a name. I think I was, like, cheerleader number two in an ABC after school special.
Jason Bateman
Yes.
Kerry Washington
Called My Special Angel.
Sean Hayes
Oh, wow.
Kerry Washington
I think.
Jason Bateman
Who was the angel?
Kerry Washington
I don't know. I don't remember. I may have done a PSA or something before that.
Jason Bateman
God. After School specials. Remember those?
Will Arnett
Jason, did you ever do one? An After School Special?
Jason Bateman
I don't know if I did an After School Special. I did a few movies of the week. Those. Those were good. Remember, there used to be cbs, NBC, abc. They all used to make their own movies and they'd run Sunday night. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sean Hayes
Now it's like Hallmark Channel does those in Lifetime. Wait, so Carrie, the other thing that I went on and on about before, but I'm gonna do it again because you're so amazing, was American Son on Broadway, which I didn't get to see because I was doing something, but elated to see it on Netflix. So, first of all, it was such an ingenious idea to film the play like that. It was like a hybrid of stage and film. I'd never seen anything like it. Your performance was off the chart. Like, it was amazing.
Jason Bateman
Wait, you're allowed to do that? You can film a play on Broadway?
Sean Hayes
No, it was.
Kerry Washington
No, we like. So really, the reason I came up with that idea was because I loved it.
Sean Hayes
Never seen anything like it.
Kerry Washington
I love producing. I fell in love with producing at Scandal, and the first film I produced was a film called Confirmation for hbo, where I played Anita Hill. And then I fell in love with it. And so they came to me to do this play on Broadway, the producers. And I said, sure, I'll be in it if I can help produce. But on Broadway, producing really just means finding money. Like, you get to be a creative producer as well. But I was like, oh, I don't do the financing thing. I haven't done that, but I was like, okay, I'll jump in and I'll try. And one of the ideas I had for how I could make the money to help produce the play was like, what if we film it? What if we can sell it to a streamer? Sell the rights.
Sean Hayes
Such a great idea.
Kerry Washington
Netflix. Ted read it and loved it.
Sean Hayes
But, Jay, it was filmed. Not in a proscenium. It was filmed.
Kerry Washington
We built us on stages. We built on stages. We kind of, like built a fourth wall to complete the room because the play all takes place in one room. And. And so we just completed the room and shot it on a stage in the one room.
Sean Hayes
Your performance was just mind blowing.
Kerry Washington
So much coming from you. Thank you.
Sean Hayes
Thank you.
Will Arnett
Not that much, but I really want to see it. I really, really. By the way, it's on Netflix. I'm going to watch it.
Kerry Washington
You have an account?
Will Arnett
Well, I share it with, like, 20 people, but. But I. But I'm gonna. I'm gonna watch it and then I'm gonna get your number from Sean and I'm gonna. I'm gonna text Aaron from Kimmel.
Kerry Washington
What I was gonna say. You might be texting Aaron.
Will Arnett
And I'm gonna be honest now.
Jason Bateman
Carrie, where are you right now? Are you home? Are you traveling? Are you on location?
Kerry Washington
I'm not home. I'm on location because I'm doing. We're doing a new YouTube series at my company, really, called the street yout Grew Up On. And it's something I started in Pandemic, because my production company is named after the street that my mother grew up on in the Bronx, Simpson Street. And when we were kids, we used to hear all these stories about, like, all the shenanigans that went on in Simpson Street. So I feel like that's my. Once upon a time, like, my grandparents came to the States through Ellis Island. They immigrated from the Caribbean, and. And they lived in the Bronx. And Simpson street was like, you know, where it all started, where the dreams began. So I interview people that I really like and respect and admire, other than the three of you, and about the street that they grew up on.
Will Arnett
How do you have room after the three of us? You know what I mean?
Kerry Washington
So, yeah. And I asked them questions about the street they grew up on and what their childhoods were like.
Sean Hayes
Great idea.
Will Arnett
It's really cool.
Kerry Washington
It's fun. So we're doing a bunch of them today.
Sean Hayes
You know, I always wanted to do. But you can. By the way, you can have this idea if you want.
Will Arnett
Eat an entire carton of ice cream by yourself and then do it again right after.
Sean Hayes
Yeah.
Kerry Washington
And yes. And.
Sean Hayes
It'S, like, similar to that idea, which is go visit with a celebrity the places they lived before they made it, right?
Kerry Washington
Yes.
Sean Hayes
So, like, go back to their apartment and knock on the door and interview the family that lives. Lived there, that lives there now, and kind of swap stories about how you lived when you were there. And I think that'd be really cool, all the apartments and whatever.
Kerry Washington
I have a dream about maybe next season going to some of the locations with our guests. The stories are incredible, but think about.
Sean Hayes
The stories you'd get from the people that live there.
Kerry Washington
Yeah, the people that live there now.
Will Arnett
You're like our next Barbara Walters.
Kerry Washington
Wait, so the first.
Sean Hayes
What do you mean?
Kerry Washington
The first question. Question that I ask everybody is to learn the name of the street that they grew up on. I asked their porn name. So I want to know the name of your first pet and the street you grew up on. So I want to ask you three. Your porn names, not your actual porn names that you have used in the past, because I know you have those.
Sean Hayes
So it's Pat's first name and the street you lived on.
Kerry Washington
Your first pet.
Jason Bateman
First pet for me was a little bird that was a cinnamon color, and so he was called Cinny, or she was Cinny. And then the first street was Emerson. Cinny Emerson.
Sean Hayes
There you go.
Jason Bateman
That's kind of cute. Cute little Cinny Emerson.
Will Arnett
That's my middle name. Emerson's my middle name.
Jason Bateman
Cindy Emerson receives a lot in these horns. Not a lot of giving. Mostly catching.
Kerry Washington
She's good at it.
Jason Bateman
Yep.
Sean Hayes
Catches bird food.
Jason Bateman
Real passive.
Sean Hayes
Will, what about you?
Will Arnett
We had a cat.
Sean Hayes
You don't have to explain the story.
Jason Bateman
Just what's the name of the person.
Will Arnett
He got to talk about? The stupid fucking bird.
Jason Bateman
And receiving and catching up.
Kerry Washington
You guys are like my kids. He got to do it.
Will Arnett
It's. It would be Minu Edgar.
Jason Bateman
Minu Edgar. Now, Minu Edgar is giving a lot of pain on these porns.
Will Arnett
Okay.
Jason Bateman
Cindy sees Mino coming and just starts running.
Will Arnett
What about you?
Sean Hayes
Mine's Josh. Valley.
Will Arnett
Josh Valley.
Jason Bateman
What kind of animals name? Josh.
Will Arnett
Wait, your pet's name was Josh?
Sean Hayes
My dog's name was Josh, and I lived on Valley Avenue.
Will Arnett
Your dog's name? Jo.
Kerry Washington
Why did you name your dog Josh?
Sean Hayes
I didn't name it. I think my dad did.
Will Arnett
Oh, this guy.
Jason Bateman
Now, Sherry, what was yours?
Kerry Washington
Mine, the best was that I interviewed my mom for the series, and I was like, you didn't have any pets, mom. Did you? And she said, no, no, we did. We did. We had a cat named Big Boy. So my mom's. My mother's porn name is Big Boy Simpson.
Will Arnett
Just the best.
Sean Hayes
That's fantastic.
Jason Bateman
Cindy just exploded.
Kerry Washington
Yeah. I had hamsters named Trick and Treat, and I grew up on Pugsley Avenue, so Trick and Treat. Pugsley.
Jason Bateman
Also very active.
Sean Hayes
Trick or Treat.
Jason Bateman
Pugs is.
Kerry Washington
Yeah. Yeah.
Sean Hayes
Wow, that's so cool. I love that. And that's how you launch into.
Kerry Washington
That's how we start each episode. Yeah.
Sean Hayes
That's great. I love that.
Jason Bateman
So in a perfect balance, then, how often are you working? How often are you home? Like, how often do you like to be bored throughout the year? Cause I think boredom is the route to relaxation. If you can trust.
Kerry Washington
You're right. But. So I'm not very relaxed these days because I haven't been very bored. This is the main theme of my therapy these days, is figuring out how to schedule more open creative time. Because I am a doer. I really like to be busy, and I like to accomplish things and feel like I'm being productive and useful in the world. But I also really, really love my family and spending time with them and being able to read a book on the beach. I'm with the reading. The on the beach team.
Sean Hayes
Do it.
Will Arnett
Thank you.
Kerry Washington
I do. I'm with that. Or even listen. An audiobook.
Jason Bateman
Sean, what if you were in, like, in a nice cabana, right? So we've got nice breathable fabric around three sides of you. We've got a nice roof over the top. We've got some sort of a frosty drink. You're in Bermuda shorts and a Hawaiian shirt.
Sean Hayes
I'm gonna be. Think I know what you're asking. Could I read a book then?
Jason Bateman
Yeah. And you got a nice fan on you. Maybe there's even a little portfolio fan.
Kerry Washington
That has the mist.
Will Arnett
Oh, believe me, Sean's never met a fan he didn't like. Okay.
Jason Bateman
Sean, that would work, right?
Sean Hayes
I. Well, let me. I'm going to ask you the same question. You know that. But it probably wouldn't, because I'd be distracted, right? By the beauty and the breeze, and I'd want to, like, go do something not.
Will Arnett
You can't sit still. But here's the other thing.
Kerry Washington
But it's not the whole day. It's just, like a section of the day where you get to disappear.
Will Arnett
Carrie, what you need to understand is Sean can't sit still and not fidget. Like, and do that and read a book. And country. However, I have been with him On a return 14 hours each way flight to LA to Istanbul, where he played Candy Crush the entire fucking time. So he.
Sean Hayes
I mean, visit a game.
Will Arnett
It's like, so he can just do. And by the way, calling that a game is like fucking. You know, like calling a pamphlet a book. It's just like, why don't you just.
Jason Bateman
Rip the door open and jump out somewhere over the Atlantic and just like, how could I? I still be engaged with this eight hours in.
Sean Hayes
I'll never forget that flight too, because they fed us £80,000 of food. Like, just did not stop serving.
Jason Bateman
Where are you guys sitting? Up front.
Will Arnett
I remember. I remember eating. Sorry. I remember sleeping, like, for like six hours at one point and then waking up and being like, oh, man. I really. And looking in Sean, Scotty, same position.
Kerry Washington
Is that your meditation is Kate.
Sean Hayes
You get to check out and like. Like, I love that. Yeah. That's what I'm addicted to. Is like the solace of that.
Kerry Washington
Well, they work hard on that. They work hard. All those games to control your brain.
Sean Hayes
I know. By the way, they can have it. Right?
Will Arnett
Don't worry. Turns out they claim there wasn't much to grab.
Kerry Washington
They took what they could.
Sean Hayes
They really. Candy crushed my brain. All right, so listen, we're going to let you go soon, I promise. But I want you to talk about the prophecy podcast. What is it? Cause it sounds amazing. You're starring in it. Your EP on it. And it stars Laurence Fishburne, Daniel Dae Kim and David Oyelowo.
Kerry Washington
Oh, yeah. I wanna. Yes. So I also. I wanna thank so many. A lot of the folks that I work with wanted me to do this podcast even more than I. I mean, I really. I'm such an uber fan. But my. There's a guy on my team named Will who was like, we have a podcast coming out, Prophecy. So you. Yeah, it's a bad name, but sounds cool. Will was like, because we're doing a podcast, we have to be on the best podcast. So that is part of why I'm so happy to be talking to you guys. So prophecy is. It's a narrative podcast on Audible. It's a really cool concept. The concept is like, what if the Bible wasn't a document about things that people thought happened in the past, but what if it was a prophetic document about things that were gonna happen in the future? And so I play this woman, this scientist, who winds up being pregnant, and I don't know how, because my husband can't impregnate.
Sean Hayes
Me.
Kerry Washington
We know that. And my name is Virginia, Maryland. So, like Virgin Mary. And there's a scientist named Jonah who gets in a situation with a whale and stays alive for three days. And there's a guy named Daniel who's a zoologist who ends up in a lion's den and they don't kill him. And it's kind of like these biblical happenings are popping up and what does it mean and how do we deal with it? It's very cool.
Sean Hayes
That was a great idea.
Kerry Washington
It's like sci fi.
Jason Bateman
And has that yet been optioned?
Kerry Washington
Well, a part of why I wanted to. I'm in this deal with Audible to create podcasts in the narrative space. And I feel like it's a really good way to test out story and figure out is this limited. Is it a film? I think this one is a film.
Jason Bateman
Great show. Are you kidding?
Sean Hayes
That's cool. And is the idea then to like, maybe if it goes well, make an actual series?
Kerry Washington
Yeah, yeah. Or a film. I think it might be a trilogy of films.
Jason Bateman
That's really cool. I would watch that.
Will Arnett
That.
Sean Hayes
Yeah.
Will Arnett
Let me look at my schedule. What do you. How long is the shoot?
Kerry Washington
Start. Start. Oh, oh. Do you want to be in it?
Jason Bateman
Yeah. How do you feel about Will?
Will Arnett
I want to be number Carrie. You were talking about number ones. And I'm like, what is she working towards here? What is she trying? And I'm like, oh, here it comes. Here comes the pitch. So the number one, then she pitches this show and it could be a movie, actually. And then she looks right at me and I'm like, here we go. All right, so tell me. I tell you what, you know, I'm at caa. Launch some numbers our way and fucking let me look at the sketch, something.
Jason Bateman
To react to and let me see.
Kerry Washington
If fit it around your golf. Shoot around your golf.
Will Arnett
Yeah, that's true. That's a good point.
Sean Hayes
Kerry Washington, you know how much I love you. You got the email. I love you so much. I think you are incredible. And I'm a massive, massive fan as you are.
Kerry Washington
Can I just say, I want to say as somebody who, like, this is what we do all the time. We have to talk to people. We do these interviews. It's so real. I can tell every time I listen that people are. They don't want to get off with you. They're like, they love these interviews. It's a good time.
Will Arnett
People have not wanted to get off with Jason for a long time. Oh, no.
Sean Hayes
She did it.
Will Arnett
That was.
Sean Hayes
She self Buy.
Jason Bateman
So good. No one has ever self buy before.
Sean Hayes
That was great.
Jason Bateman
Kerry Washington East.
Will Arnett
Oh, she had the full district in Columbia.
Jason Bateman
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sean Hayes
So it's Kerry Washington district.
Jason Bateman
Not a lot of people know that. So she's a dream.
Will Arnett
Kerry Washington would actually be the great name for a. Like, just like a detective series.
Sean Hayes
Kerry Washington. Like, that's.
Will Arnett
That's the name of her character.
Jason Bateman
Well, no, no, no, no. But you'd spell it C A R R Y. Because trying to, like, keep.
Sean Hayes
Like she's carrying shoulders.
Will Arnett
Yeah, she's got to carry one. Oh, my gosh. By the way, let's pitch her, get her back on.
Jason Bateman
Can you call her back?
Will Arnett
Yeah, we'll call. Well, Sean doesn't have her number, but email or.
Sean Hayes
Sean, isn't that the dumbest story?
Will Arnett
Sean, that story is so. It's so good. I mean, it's so embarrassing for you, by the way, you just made the link.
Jason Bateman
I love that Aaron was on the other end of that.
Will Arnett
Yeah. And then Aaron. Aaron's the other person. Did you. And obviously Aaron knows the story.
Sean Hayes
I think I told her. Yeah. Yeah. Aaron Irwin. Who's the best?
Will Arnett
So good.
Sean Hayes
Wait a minute. What about how great she is? And she's so delightful and so smart and so gorgeous and so talented and so real and normal.
Will Arnett
Yeah.
Sean Hayes
I always say that about every guest of ours, but, like, I can't stop. That's the thing when you're surprised to me. Cause we know there's a lot of people in this business in Washington, a lot of other businesses, whatever, that you never get like, the real them, and that's the real heart.
Will Arnett
Yeah. You know, I sat with. So at that dinner. We talked about that cast dinner. Jay, when you're like, what dinner did you have when you were. You literally sat across. You literally sat across from Came.
Jason Bateman
That came back to me eventually. We were at Jimmy's, but we.
Will Arnett
So we're at Kimmel's. And she. And I didn't know her at all, but she was producing that thing that we've all done. And I had the same. I had the same reaction. I was like, man, she is so cool and comfortable with who she is and in her own skin and so real. And you're getting. You. You just had the sense that you were getting this genuine person. And she was a delight. We laughed a ton. She was great.
Sean Hayes
Yeah, she's.
Will Arnett
Except she lied about watching this.
Sean Hayes
The.
Jason Bateman
Listen, she's a dirty liar. She admitted it. You know, She's a dirty liar.
Will Arnett
She should. Maybe she should do an arc. She's also all right.
Sean Hayes
She's also really funny. Like she should do more comics.
Will Arnett
She's so funny.
Jason Bateman
Why are we so surprised every time we meet somebody nice and normal in this?
Sean Hayes
Yeah, because they're. We know too many of the others.
Jason Bateman
But maybe, maybe that's just a vestige of what this business was and now we ought to just embrace the fact that there are actually a lot of really nice, normal people in this business now.
Will Arnett
Yeah, I. I don't know if it's a, it's a thing. It's not necessarily.
Sean Hayes
I never mean the business, I just.
Will Arnett
Mean the result of it. But it's maybe, maybe it is. We get there are bad people because maybe it's just a buy product.
Jason Bateman
I didn't see it coming. Well, I didn't even see it coming.
Will Arnett
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Hosts: Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, Will Arnett
Guest: Kerry Washington
Release Date: September 11, 2025
This high-spirited SmartLess episode brings acclaimed actress and producer Kerry Washington as the mystery guest. Through fast-paced, often hilarious banter, the hosts dig into Kerry’s eclectic early acting days, her rise to stardom in “Scandal”, her creative ambitions, producing adventures, stories of awkward celebrity encounters, and how she balances authenticity, honesty, and humor both personally and professionally.
“I'm so proud of my dad, Jim Arnett, who wrote a book during the pandemic…” –Will Arnett [06:23]
Kerry's unconventional acting start:
She began in a sex education sketch group for the Adolescent Health Center at Mount Sinai Hospital as a teen, writing and performing skits on safer sex, LGBTQ rights, and more during the AIDS crisis.
“We used to teach kids how to put condoms on by using bananas. So that always got a laugh.” –Kerry Washington [11:50]
On parental involvement:
Mom, an educator, encouraged participation—even if startled by topics like “gonorrhea” pamphlets.
“I was shaking…I thought I was being pranked.” –Kerry Washington [17:04]
“I’m super interested in how we perform professionally, but also in our everyday lives.” –Kerry Washington [23:39]
“I have to be more generous in my attitude…I have to remember you don’t know what’s going on in people’s lives.” –Kerry Washington [33:11]
“If you came backstage and you said ‘I’m not crazy about this one,’ it would make me feel closer to you… I appreciate the transparency.” –Kerry Washington [34:56]
Scandal’s behind-the-scenes:
Discusses not knowing major plot points ahead of time, including discovering Joe Morton played her father at a table read—while Joe knew all along.
“He knew from the beginning… I didn’t know until our table read.” –Kerry Washington [37:58]
Cultural significance & pressure:
She was the first black woman to star in a network drama in nearly 40 years, feeling intense pressure to succeed not just for herself, but for representation.
“My fear was, if I screw this up, they’re not gonna let another woman of color be the lead of a network drama for another 40 years…” –Kerry Washington [40:26]
“Calling that a game is like calling a pamphlet a book…” –Will Arnett [55:30]
YouTube series: "The Street You Grew Up On"
"My mother’s porn name is Big Boy Simpson." –Kerry Washington [53:15]
Prophecy (Audible Podcast):
“What if the Bible wasn’t a document about the past, but a prophetic document about things that were gonna happen in the future?” –Kerry Washington [57:44]
On Kerry's sex ed troupe:
“All the research was… people have the information, but the behavior change is not there. So we used to write these things.” –Kerry Washington [11:09]
On honesty backstage:
“I will always be honest with you…Not just about your performance, but in your life.” –Will Arnett [35:13]
On leading ‘Scandal’:
“In my lifetime, I had never seen a black woman as the lead of a network drama. So my fear was…if I screw this up, they’re not gonna let another woman of color be the lead for another 40 years.” –Kerry Washington [40:26]
On industry friendships:
“Do you feel bad about that? Do you lie about it? … I’m just terrible about it.” –Jason Bateman [29:43]
On producing:
“I love producing… the first film I produced was a film called Confirmation for HBO, where I played Anita Hill, and then I fell in love with it.” –Kerry Washington [48:02]
On performance vulnerability:
“There’s no edit room. There’s no score to hide the moment that wasn’t fully honest. You’re just so vulnerable up there…” –Kerry Washington [35:45]
“Meryl Streep… Jamie [Foxx]. I love him.” –Kerry Washington [46:18]
“Cindy Emerson receives a lot in these horns. Not a lot of giving. Mostly catching.” [51:55]
The episode’s tone is warm, improvisational, and deeply funny—a weaving of candid Hollywood anecdotes, serious questions about representation, producing, and creative fulfillment, with the hosts’ signature lighthearted teasing and offhand jokes. Kerry’s openness about emotions and industry pressures, her innovative projects, and love for honest communication shine throughout, making this a particularly entertaining and insightful SmartLess episode.
Memorable Moment:
The hosts’ mock “porn names” bit and Sean’s wildly embarrassing email story highlight the camaraderie and willingness to poke fun at themselves that set the tone for this fan-favorite conversation.
“I can tell every time I listen…people don’t want to get off with you. They love these interviews. It’s a good time.” –Kerry Washington [59:26]
A must-listen for fans of SmartLess, Kerry Washington, and anyone interested in the real stories behind Hollywood’s brightest personalities.