Hamsters vs. Goldfish: an adorable debate

Summary

Smash Boom Best: Hamsters vs. Goldfish – An Adorable Debate

Introduction

In the February 27, 2025 episode of Smash Boom Best, titled "Hamsters vs. Goldfish: an adorable debate," hosted by Molly Bloom from American Public Media, two passionate debaters, Nora McInerney and Marcel Malakibu, face off to determine which pet reigns supreme: hamsters or goldfish. The episode is designed to engage kids and families in a fun, educational debate, complete with facts, creativity, and humor. Marlo from St. Paul serves as the impartial judge, ready to score the debaters based on their arguments and presentation.

Round 1: Declaration of Greatness

The debate kicks off with the "Declaration of Greatness," where each team presents a comprehensive argument supporting their chosen pet.

Nora McInerney begins passionately for hamsters, sharing her personal experiences and emphasizing their adorable traits and intelligence. She introduces her hamster family—Bernie, Gus, and Hamster—and describes their nightly "Hammy Jammy time," a family ritual that fosters bonding and responsibility in her children.

Nora McInerney (04:07): "Hamsters are heart meltingly adorable. They've got little button noses, twitchy whiskers, big cheeks, mini hands, and, of course, hamster butts. Seriously, from behind, they look like tiny corgi dogs."

She highlights the variety of hamster species and their smart behaviors, such as spatial memory and the ability to learn tricks, showcasing hamsters as not only cute but also intelligent companions.

Marcel Malakibu counters with a poetic and engaging argument for goldfish, intertwining a personal touch with historical context. He sings a heartfelt song about goldfish, praising their beauty and calming presence.

Marcel Malakibu (11:36): "Goldfish, the dopest fish in the fish tank. Goldfish, goldfish, how far you climb from the riverbank."

Marcel delves into the history of goldfish, explaining their transformation from carp in ancient China to the beloved pets they are today. He emphasizes the therapeutic benefits of goldfish, such as reducing anxiety and stress, and contrasts this with the perceived chaos of hamster care.

Round 2: Micro Round

In the "Micro Round," each team shares a creative diary entry from their pet's perspective, enhancing the emotional connection.

Marlo reads Marcel's entry from Sasuke the goldfish:

Marcel Malakibu (24:42): "Dear Diary, it's me, Sasuke, the goldfish. I had a nightmare last night. I was on land... I'm so glad to be back in the water where everything is calm."

This entry portrays goldfish as serene and reflective, reinforcing their image as calming pets.

Nora McInerney follows with Bernie's entry:

Nora McInerney (26:25): "Dear Diary, the start of the new year has me reflecting on my recent adventures with my family... What a year. That's all for now. XOXO Bernie."

Bernie's entry showcases hamsters as adventurous and integral members of the family, adding depth to their personalities.

Round 3: Super Stealthy Sneak Attack

The "Super Stealthy Sneak Attack" challenges debaters to collaboratively build a story, integrating both hamsters and goldfish creatively.

Nora and Marcel craft a tale about a child choosing between a goldfish and a hamster, highlighting the unique qualities of both pets. Their storytelling includes playful elements and metaphors, demonstrating their ability to work together despite representing opposing teams.

Nora McInerney (29:56): "Once upon a time, in a pet store, a little kid was looking for the perfect pet; they definitely did not want a fish."

Marcel Malakibu (30:17): "At least not just any kind of fish, but a goldfish!"

The narrative effectively balances humor and creativity, making the debate engaging and entertaining.

Round 4: The Final Six

In the concluding round, each team summarizes their stance in just six words.

Marcel Malakibu (33:03): "Gold, beautiful, bright. Day and night."

Nora McInerney (33:16): "Tiny hands, big cheeks, can't lose."

These succinct statements encapsulate the essence of each pet, leaving a lasting impression on the listeners.

Decision and Outcome

After tallying the points across all rounds, judge Marlo announces goldfish as the winner of this debate.

Marlo (33:45): "Goldfish."

Marlo (33:50): "Three times."

Marlo (33:52): "Three times."

Despite Nora's heartfelt arguments and creative presentations, goldfish prevailed due to Marcel's compelling narrative and the calming attributes he highlighted. Both debaters display commendable passion and knowledge, making the debate a close and delightful encounter.

State of Debate: Identifying Logical Fallacies

Following the main debate, the "State of Debate" segment delves into recognizing logical fallacies, enhancing the educational value of the episode. Host Todd Douglas and co-host Taylor Lincoln discuss the slippery slope fallacy observed in a baseball scenario, illustrating how exaggerated consequences undermine logical reasoning.

Nora McInerney (19:33): "I'll say."

Nora McInerney (19:38): "That's right."

This segment encourages listeners to think critically about arguments, promoting better debate skills and logical thinking.

Conclusion

The "Hamsters vs. Goldfish" episode of Smash Boom Best successfully combines fun, facts, and friendly competition to engage young audiences and families. Through structured rounds and interactive segments, listeners are not only entertained but also educated on effective debating techniques and logical reasoning. While goldfish took home the win this time, both pets were celebrated for their unique qualities, leaving the audience to ponder their personal preferences.

For those eager to join the conversation, Smash Boom Best invites listeners to vote on the debate outcome at smashboom.org and participate in future debates, fostering a community of informed and passionate young debaters.

Transcript

[Molly Bloom]

Whistle while you work. From Disney.

[Nora McInerney]

On March 21, the magical tale Snow White. Snow White.

[Molly Bloom]

Snow White that started it all.

[Marcel Malakibu]

I believe you're looking for me.

[Nora McInerney]

Arrives in theaters. Magic Mirror on the Wall Experience, the Disney classic who's the fairest one of all? Like never before.

[Molly Bloom]

We haven't even been in Ragosh yet. Disney Snow White.

[Nora McInerney]

Only in theaters March 21st.

[Molly Bloom]

Rated PG.

[Nora McInerney]

Parental guidance suggested.

[Molly Bloom]

It can be hard to unwind your mind, but the Brains on Universe is here to help. Check out Moment of Calm in the Moment of podcast feed. For the week of March 3rd, you'll hear moment of episodes with soothing topics and special quiet music perfect for playing at bedtime or anytime you need some chill in your life. And on Friday, March 7, you'll hear a special story with music and sounds that will take your imagination on a magical, relaxing journey. Tune in to Moment of Calm by listening to Moment of the week of March 3, or follow the Moment of in your podcast app to make sure you don't miss an episode.

[Nora McInerney]

From the brains behind Brains on It's.

[Marcel Malakibu]

Smash Boom Best, the show for people with big opinions.

[Molly Bloom]

Hi, I'm Molly Bloom, and this is Smash Boom Best, the show where we take two things, smash them together, and ask you to decide which one is best. Today's debate is all pet and no peeve. We've got the Titan of the tank versus the rage in the cage. It's hamsters versus goldfish. We've got author and podcaster Norm McInerney ready to give it her all for Team Hamsters.

[Nora McInerney]

Look, I'm a pro, but today this.

[Molly Bloom]

Is Hamature Hour, and podcast producer Marcel Malachibu is here to defend Team Goldfish.

[Marlo]

We all know goldfish are both the coldest and the boldest. So wait and watch these hamsters get folded.

[Molly Bloom]

Oh, and here to judge it all is Marlo from St. Paul. Marlo is a member of the Scouts. She has a little dog named Poppy and has worked with the Minnesota Opera. Hi, Marlo.

[Marcel Malakibu]

Hi.

[Molly Bloom]

Okay, Marlo, tell me, what are the Scouts?

[Marcel Malakibu]

Basically, the Scouts are a group of people. It's like Boy Scouts.

[Molly Bloom]

Nice.

[Marcel Malakibu]

Yeah.

[Molly Bloom]

So you do you learn about, like, nature, wilderness? What else do you learn?

[Marcel Malakibu]

In Scouts, there's rank advancement. So basically the goal is to get to eagle requirement. It's like Boy Scouts, but just with a group of girls.

[Molly Bloom]

You've listened to a lot of Smash from Best. Do you have any advice for our debaters today?

[Marcel Malakibu]

I love funny jokes, even if I don't laugh at them, but I think they're really Funny. And since this is about animals, I think kind of just everything about animals.

[Molly Bloom]

Great fun, facts, funny. And even if Marlo doesn't laugh, she still thinks you're funny.

[Marcel Malakibu]

Yeah.

[Molly Bloom]

Okay. Will Marlo side with Nora or Marcel? Only time will tell. But first, here are the rules of the game. Every debate consists of four. The declaration of greatness, the micro round, the sneak attack, and the final six. After each round, our judge Marlo will award points to the team that impresses her the most. But she'll keep her decisions top secret until the end of the debate. Listeners, we want you to judge, mark down your points as you listen. At the end of the show, head to our website, smashboom.org and vote for whichever team you think won. All right, Nora, Marcel, and Marlo, are you ready?

[Marlo]

Yes.

[Marcel Malakibu]

Yes, I am.

[Nora McInerney]

I'm so ready.

[Molly Bloom]

Then it's time for the declaration of greatness. In this round, our debaters will present a well crafted immersive argument in favor of their side. Then they'll each have 30 seconds to rebut their opponent's statements. We flipped a Coyne and Nora, you're up first. Tell us why hamsters are the little guys. You can't deny.

[Nora McInerney]

My family is a hamster family. I don't mean that we're related to hamsters or that my mom and dad were hamsters or anything like that. I mean, we love hamsters. We have three of them, and they are the absolute best. First, we have Bernie. Say hello, Bernie. He's got blonde fur and a gentle, doofy personality. And then there's Gus. Gus is orange, white, and brown. He loves baby carrots. And don't forget Hamster. The tiniest of the three, his name is literally Hamster and he's the size of a golf ball with soft gray fur and pudgy cheeks. Every night, we have a special bedtime routine that we call Hammy Jammy time. My two youngest kids get in their jammies. Then we tuck each hamster into a little container set filled with fluffy bedding, and we just hang out together in the living room. Hammy Jammy time is when our family comes together to relax, talk about the day, and, of course, play with our hamster buddies. There's so much to love about hamsters, but let's start with the obvious. Hamsters are heart meltingly adorable. They've got little button noses, twitchy whiskers, big cheeks, mini hands, and of course, hamster butts. Seriously, from behind, they look like tiny corgi dogs. We can't help but just say oh, hamster butt. In the Olympics of cuteness, it wouldn't even be a competition. And now the judges final scores in the World Championship cuteness competition. Kitten playing with a ball of yarn. 7.5 out of 10.

[Molly Bloom]

Goldfish floating in a bowl.

[Nora McInerney]

2 out of 10. Ouch. Oh, that's gotta hurt. And finally, the teddy bear hamster wearing a little cowboy hat. It's a perfect score. 10 out of 10. Woohoo. Plus, with dozens of wild hamster species out there, there are unlimited possibilities for cuteness. Take the Tibetan dwarf hamster. It lives high in the mountains of Nepal and Tibet and stands only 2 inches tall. Or the European hamster, which has reddish fur and the tiniest pink nose. But hamsters aren't just make your heart explode out of your chest cute, they're also smart. You can teach a hamster to do lots of tricks. Sit, play, fetch, or come when you call their names. Plus, hamsters have amazing spatial memory, meaning they use landmarks and other cues to remember where things are. In the wild, hamsters collect seeds and other food in their cheek pouches and then they hide it in different spots for later. So remembering where they left things is really important.

[Molly Bloom]

Let's see. Take a left at the pile of rocks, right by the tuft of grass, three steps from the pine tree. And there it is.

[Marcel Malakibu]

My super secret seed stash. Wait, where are my seeds, Hank?

[Molly Bloom]

Have you seen them?

[Marcel Malakibu]

One seeds? I didn't see any seeds.

[Nora McInerney]

Goldfish are just for looking at, not hamsters. You can play with them, cuddle them, carry them around in the front pocket of your overalls, even make miniature meals for them. My kids and I make veggie sushi for our hammies. Have you ever watched a hamster eat something with its tiny hands? It's the cutest thing ever. Both my kids are really into their hammy pals. Especially my youngest son. He calls himself their hamster dad. I love seeing how responsible and caring he's learned to be thanks to them. The other night, we peeked into their cage to say hi to our hammies while they were napping. Oh, he's already awake.

[Marcel Malakibu]

He's awake.

[Nora McInerney]

He's awake.

[Marcel Malakibu]

Awake.

[Marlo]

Gus. Gus.

[Nora McInerney]

Hi, Gussie. He made his little nest in the corner.

[Marcel Malakibu]

I love him.

[Nora McInerney]

You love him? Why do you love hamsters?

[Marcel Malakibu]

Because they're so tiny and cute and sweet.

[Nora McInerney]

And they're smart, I think.

[Marcel Malakibu]

And they're also really creative and curious.

[Nora McInerney]

Hamsters are the full package. They're unbelievably cute, smart creatures. But they're also our pals. Ones we can cuddle when we've had a hard day. So if you'll excuse me, I need to go put my PJs back on because it's Hammy Jammy time.

[Molly Bloom]

Okay. I will be angling for an invitation to Hammy Jammy Time.

[Nora McInerney]

I forgot to sing the theme song for Hammy Jammy Time.

[Molly Bloom]

May I hear it, please?

[Nora McInerney]

Yes. I thought you would never ask. It's. Put on your jammies, go grab the hammies. It's Hammy Jammy time.

[Molly Bloom]

Okay. I wanna be invited so bad. Now I have really cute pajamas. Nora. I can come and we can snuggle.

[Nora McInerney]

You come over. You just gotta. It is a bring your own hamster situation.

[Molly Bloom]

Okay, okay. Okay.

[Nora McInerney]

We only have three.

[Molly Bloom]

Okay.

[Nora McInerney]

We don't have enough for guests.

[Molly Bloom]

Fair.

[Nora McInerney]

Fair.

[Molly Bloom]

Marlo, what stood out to you about Nora's declaration of greatness?

[Marcel Malakibu]

Well, I love that you brought your kids, your children, into that. I love hearing their voices and hearing their input. I think that I really liked it. I love Hammy Jammy Time. That sounds so fun. Yeah.

[Molly Bloom]

Excellent.

[Nora McInerney]

I think you should get a hamster on your way home.

[Marcel Malakibu]

Okay.

[Molly Bloom]

Is what I think.

[Marcel Malakibu]

I'll take it up with my mom.

[Nora McInerney]

I think you.

[Molly Bloom]

All right. Marcel, it is time for your rebuttal. Tell us why hamsters are all fluff and no substance.

[Marlo]

Yes.

[Molly Bloom]

You've got 30 seconds, and your time starts now.

[Marlo]

Well, number one, hamsters are all fluff with no substance because cuteness doesn't have any depth. Okay. Goldfish are beautiful, not cute. Does Miss Universe win a competition for cuteness? No, it's beauty inside and out within the mind. And also, if they're so smart, then why do you call someone who runs around aimlessly caught in a hamster wheel? Doesn't make any sense to me. So, also, Hammy Jammy Time sounds cute, but also terrifying.

[Molly Bloom]

I'm dying to know why it's terrifying.

[Marlo]

Because they scurry. Okay. A goldfish can't scurry. If they get out, what happens? If they get out of the cage, the little enclosure, what happens? Everybody's afraid. They run outside, they start eating your food. Frito Chips in the pantry.

[Molly Bloom]

Of course.

[Marlo]

All of which goldfish would and could never do.

[Molly Bloom]

Nora, anything you'd like to say in return?

[Nora McInerney]

I think that was a lot of slander. I don't know anyone who's been frightened by a hamster. And when I hear somebody's been on a hamster wheel, I think that's a person with incredible cardiovascular endurance. That's a person who simply loves to exercise. And that's good for you.

[Marlo]

Beautiful.

[Molly Bloom]

All right, Marcel, it is your turn. Tell us why we should wish for.

[Marlo]

A goldfish in my house. We love goldfish so much that I decided to write a song about them. And then I sang that song with my daughters. Goldfish, the dopest fish in the fish tank Goldfish, goldfish How far you climb from the riverbank Goldfish, goldfish scale so bright and shiny.

[Molly Bloom]

Goldfish.

[Marlo]

I like you do you like me? Goldfish, goldfish, goldfish I don't think there's a single person in the world who has met a goldfish they don't like. The shiny orange scales, the cute little puckered mouth, the large mesmerizing black pupils. They're just beautiful. Over 1000 years ago in China, people were eating this kind of fish called a carp. Most of these carp were gray or green, but every once in a while, they came across a rare carp that was red or yellow.

[Nora McInerney]

Hey, man, take a look at this carp. I've never seen this color before.

[Molly Bloom]

Whoa.

[Nora McInerney]

It's absolutely breathtaking.

[Molly Bloom]

Dude.

[Nora McInerney]

Do you think we should take it home? Yes, and we shall name it Gilbert.

[Marlo]

When the fishermen came across these beautiful carp, they would release them into Buddhist ponds to save them. Over time, they morphed into a whole new species, the goldfish. Pretty deep stuff for such shallow waters. Nowadays we see goldfish all over, and for good reason. I want you to imagine being at your doctor's office. It's flu season, so there are people everywhere. It's so overwhelming. You're feeling like a fish out of water. And then in the corner, what do you see? A fish in water. A giant tank with goldfish galore. They're so calming, so soothing. In fact, according to some scientific studies, interacting with fish can help people regulate anxiety and fear, lower their blood pressure, and help reduce stress. Now, I want you to imagine the same doctor's office with a cage of hamsters in it. The smell alone would give you nausea. The scurrying, the scratching. The frantic, fearful aura radiating from the rattling of the cage, haunting your ears, eating away at your soul. And hamster cages are also a hassle to clean. Have you ever watched someone clean a hamster cage?

[Molly Bloom]

Sorry, Harriet, it's time to clean your cage again. I know. I don't like it either.

[Nora McInerney]

Here, let me use the poop scooper. Dagnabbit, I done dropped your droppings all over the floor.

[Molly Bloom]

My allergies are getting to me.

[Nora McInerney]

Harriet, quick, call that doctor's office with.

[Molly Bloom]

A lovely fish tank.

[Marlo]

Now. Have you heard of anyone being allergic to a goldfish? No. In fact, cleaning a fish tank is like an asmr scrubbing of the soul. I take a bucket, a pump, a squeegee, and peacefully wipe away the algae and scum. And my daughters love to help me clean it, too. And you know what never happens? No one ever sneezes or smells poo during the tank cleaning. Our goldfish tank is in my daughter's room. Every night before bed, we have a ritual where we say goodnight to our goldfish, Sasuke. Do you guys want to say goodnight to Sasuke?

[Marcel Malakibu]

Good night, Sasuke.

[Marlo]

Good night, Sasuke. It's the perfect way to end the day. Goldfish. They're pretty. They calm us. They are our tiny, glittery guides to a healthier, cleaner, more tranquil world. In and out of the water.

[Molly Bloom]

A very calming and convincing argument there for goldfish. Marlo, what stood out to you about Marcel's declaration of greatness?

[Marcel Malakibu]

Okay, well, I know that both of you have children now, and I loved their voices. I loved that you have a ritual just like hamsters, but you have a song that's, like, groovy and jammy, and I just love that.

[Molly Bloom]

Very nice. All right, Nora, it is time for your rebuttal. Tell us why goldfish are silly swimmers and not debate winners. You've got 30 seconds. Tell us, Nora, and your time starts now.

[Nora McInerney]

There's a lot of misinformation in that. But I would like to say that hamster cages do not stink. That is a fallacy. You use enough wood chips, they smell great. It's fine. They can also go in a little potty, which they do, and then there is no smell. And another thing. Aren't you talking about carp? Let me tell you about this kind of carp. They're an invasive species. A lot of people think they're just so cute. Oh, we can just release them. Guess what? They can wreck entire ecosystems. So you think you've got a peaceful pet. Some people, they flush them down the toilet. What ends up then? The Great Lakes. They're not so great anymore. Okay. Oh, man.

[Molly Bloom]

Marcella, you'd like to say in response, I don't know.

[Marlo]

I mean, invasive species sounds pretty xenophobic there, Nora. I personally like to welcome the goldfish into our communities in Lake of the Isles. I love to see them. I love. I love all the different iterations of fish.

[Molly Bloom]

Beautiful. All right, Marlo, it is time to award some points. Please give one point to the declaration of greatness you liked best, and one point to the rebuttal that won you over? You get to decide what makes a winning argument. Did one team's jokes make you giggle? Was another team's logic to die for? Award your points, but don't tell us who is getting them. Have you made your decision?

[Marcel Malakibu]

I think I have.

[Molly Bloom]

Wonderful. Marcel and Nora, how are you two feeling so far?

[Nora McInerney]

I'm sweating. I'm so. I'm on this a high pressure situation, and I'm not thriving. I'm not doing well. Molly, thank you for checking.

[Marlo]

I'm as smooth as a fish right now. I don't know if that's a saying, but I'm gonna make that.

[Nora McInerney]

I am. Emotionally, I am on the hamster wheel.

[Molly Bloom]

Well, it's time for a quick break. Check your cages and clean your tanks.

[Marcel Malakibu]

And we'll be right back with more smashboom bets.

[Molly Bloom]

You're listening to State of Debate.

[Nora McInerney]

Home to raging rhetoric and awe inspiring argumentation. Hey, debate heads. Todd Douglas here with my pal Taylor Lincoln.

[Molly Bloom]

What's new? My argument, amigo.

[Nora McInerney]

What's new is I just saw a big time logical fallacy at the baseball field.

[Molly Bloom]

Ooh.

[Nora McInerney]

A logical fallacy is a debate mistake.

[Molly Bloom]

That makes an argument super easy to defeat.

[Nora McInerney]

That's right. And the fallacy I saw was the slippery slope fallacy. That's when you say a small action will result in a big earth shattering outcome. It's an exaggeration to the max.

[Molly Bloom]

Ooh, let's grab some peanuts and cracker Jacks and watch this debate.

[Nora McInerney]

No, no. Listen, Andrew, you're up to bat next, and I need you to hit a home run. I'll try my best, coach. You better, because if you don't, then we won't score. And if we don't score, then we'll lose. And if we lose, I'll be out of a job. And if I'm out of a job, then I'll have to work at the zoo. And if I work at the zoo, the prairie dogs there will straight up eat me alive. Uh, that seems like an overreaction. Whoa, that got real intense real fast.

[Molly Bloom]

Whew.

[Nora McInerney]

It certainly did.

[Molly Bloom]

He made it sound like not hitting a home run in the game would.

[Nora McInerney]

Result in prairie dogs eating him alive. Prairie dogs are our friends and definitely don't eat baseball coaches. But more importantly, that's a whopper of a logical fallacy. It's totally absurd to think that missing one point is the difference between life and death.

[Molly Bloom]

I'll say.

[Nora McInerney]

Whew.

[Molly Bloom]

All this baseball talk is making me thirsty.

[Nora McInerney]

I think it's all the peanuts And Cracker Jacks you've been eating. We're off to get some lemonade. Catch you next time on State of Debate.

[Molly Bloom]

Hey, friends. Molly Sandon and Mark here with some very big news. Drumroll, please.

[Nora McInerney]

We're hitting the road in search of adventure, fresh air, and you.

[Molly Bloom]

That's right.

[Nora McInerney]

We're going to be live at the Boulder Theater in Boulder, Colorado on Sunday, April 27.

[Molly Bloom]

Our science themed live stage show takes the audience on an adventure through the brain, complete with magic tricks, dance moves, out of body experiences, mystery sounds and a game show.

[Nora McInerney]

Molly, you almost left out the most important part. Yeah, Molly, don't forget the big party.

[Molly Bloom]

Oh, right after the shows, we're throwing a Brain Tastic bash. Join us afterward for a VIP party where we'll play games, guess mystery sounds, pose for photos, and give as many high fives as humanly possible. Snag a spot by purchasing a VIP pass when you buy your show ticket.

[Nora McInerney]

Oh, that reminds me, I've gotta start training. These hands aren't gonna high five by themselves. Five and five. Good idea. And remember, spots are limited, so grab your tickets [e-mail] events.

[Marlo]

Brains on Universe is a family of podcasts for kids and their adults. Since you're a fan of Smash.

[Nora McInerney]

Boom.

[Marlo]

Best, you'll love the other shows in our universe. Come on, let's explore.

[Marcel Malakibu]

It's alien laundry day.

[Molly Bloom]

While I wash my nose.

[Nora McInerney]

Mufflers and tummy togas, I'll listen to a new podcast.

[Molly Bloom]

How about Brains on, my favorite science podcast?

[Marcel Malakibu]

So this is Mark's nose.

[Molly Bloom]

It's not actually as hairy as I would have thought. Whoa.

[Marcel Malakibu]

Check out that big crowd of boogers.

[Molly Bloom]

And they're cheering for something. Loogies and gentle phlegm.

[Marlo]

Bugs and germs, gather round.

[Nora McInerney]

Today we zorp signal down.

[Molly Bloom]

Stay right there. Tummy togas.

[Nora McInerney]

Must find Brains On.

[Molly Bloom]

Now.

[Marlo]

Listen to Brains on wherever you get your podcasts.

[Nora McInerney]

Best Smash.

[Molly Bloom]

Smashboard. You're listening to smashboom Best. I'm your host, Molly Bloom.

[Marcel Malakibu]

And I'm your judge, Marlo.

[Molly Bloom]

And we love getting debate suggestions from our listeners. Take a listen to this festive debate idea from Tycho.

[Marcel Malakibu]

Hi, I'm Tycho Ayres and I'm from Denver, Colorado. And I think there should be a debate about birthdays versus Christmas. Now that's a debate with a lot of presents.

[Molly Bloom]

We'll check back in at the end of this episode to see which side Tycho thinks should win.

[Marcel Malakibu]

And now it's back to our debate. Hamsters versus goldfish.

[Molly Bloom]

Fish that's right. And it's time for round two, the micro round. For the micro round, each team has prepared a creative response to a challenge we gave them before the debate. Today, it's Dear Diary. Each side will read us a diary entry from either a hamster or goldfish, respectively. Nora went first last time. So, Marcel, you are up. Take us to the tank with your journal entry.

[Marlo]

Dear Diary, it's me, Sasuke, the goldfish. I had a nightmare last night. I was on land, and instead of being a goldfish, I had to be a hamster. It was so bad. It was so dry out there. I had to find water to drink just to stay hydrated. Boo. And man, the gravity was so strong. It just dragged me down the whole time. And I didn't even have my beautiful golden fins. I had these grubbly little hands and feet. How does anyone move with those? I had to push my feet against the ground just to get anywhere. The agony absolutely terrible. My tank is usually so quiet and serene, but out on the land, there were all these sounds. Honking and yelling and people with their fancy Bluetooth speakers. How do you get any sleep up there? I was afraid I was on edge the whole time. I'm so glad to be back in the water where everything is calm. Where my snail friends clean the algae off my tank walls. Where the pump makes a dull, warm, inviting hum all day as I peruse the substrate for delectable delights. And I'm so grateful for this little piece of aquatic heaven. And I'll never take that for granted again. They say goldfish have short memories, but we don't. And I'll be remembering that horrible dream for a long time.

[Molly Bloom]

Oh, Sasuke. So great to hear from him. All right, Nora, now it's your turn. Show us the inner thoughts of your furry friend.

[Nora McInerney]

Dear Diary, the start of the new year has me reflecting on my recent adventures with my family. Those humans might be gargantuan and have an alarming lack of fur, but I love them. And I love exploring their strangely large world. For instance, I took a road trip around the house in my car. It's eco friendly. I just get in a little plastic ball and run. In the kitchen, I saw wonders I never thought possible. A huge box packed with food. I suppose my family hides their food in stashes like I do. People, they're just like hamsters. But my favorite trip last year was when dad tucked me into his shirt pocket. I must have been 40 inches up in the air. I almost threw up. We went all the Way to the living room. Dad stood in front of a magical portal where I saw his face and another hamster sitting in his pocket. Every time I moved, the other hamster moved. I wanted to jump out of that pocket and fight for my territory, but instead, I hid in the pocket and ate some sunflower seeds. And when I stuck my head back out, we were outside, like, out of the house. And I saw the big skylight. I think. I think it's called the sun. It was low and orange, and the sky was pink and purple. The clouds looked like cotton candy. The trees, well, they looked like trees. What a year. That's all for now. XOXO Bernie.

[Molly Bloom]

Wow. A big day for little Bernie. Okay, Marlo, what did you like about Nora and Marcel's micro rounds?

[Marcel Malakibu]

I loved everything. I think that the, like, imagery stood out to me in both arguments, but specifically for goldfish, like, their scales and, like, lakes and ponds and even the, like, everything. I loved it.

[Molly Bloom]

And what stood out for you about the hamsters?

[Marcel Malakibu]

The hamsters? The vacation you took in the car.

[Molly Bloom]

Well, Marlo, these are both excellent, but only one of them can get a point. So please award a point to the micro round that you liked best. Totally up to you. Did someone really transport you into the mind of their little furry or scaly friend? Have you made your decision?

[Marcel Malakibu]

You got it.

[Molly Bloom]

Wonderful. And it's time for our third round, the super stealthy sneak attack. This is our improvised round, where debaters have to respond to a challenge on the spot. Today's sneak attack is called sentence by sentence. This challenge requires a little teamwork. Nora and Marcel, we want you to build a story together, and it has to involve both of your sides. You'll each get three sentences to build this story from the ground up. And you'll go back and forth, sentence by sentence until the story is done. Does that make sense? Marcel and Nora.

[Marlo]

Yes.

[Nora McInerney]

Yeah. Yeah, I think we can do this.

[Molly Bloom]

Teamwork makes the dream work. Okay, Marcel went first last time, so, Nora, you get to start. Please give us the first opening sentence of this fabulous tale.

[Nora McInerney]

Once upon a time, in a pet store, comma, a little kid was looking for the perfect pet semicolon, and they definitely did not want a fish. Period.

[Molly Bloom]

Nice. Very good. All right, Marcel, let's hear your second sentence.

[Marlo]

At least not just any kind of fish, comma, but a goldfish. Exclamation point, exclamation point.

[Molly Bloom]

All right, Nora, next sentence.

[Nora McInerney]

However, comma, once they got to the goldfish aisle, they realized. They realized that fish are wet, comma.

[Molly Bloom]

Comma, and who wants a wet pet?

[Marlo]

Okay, Marcel, this child wants the goldfish because it's dazzling and gorgeous and I don't know how many anns I can put.

[Molly Bloom]

As many as you want.

[Marlo]

The only pet in the world for this child.

[Molly Bloom]

Wonderful. All right, Nora, it's your last sentence. Make it count.

[Nora McInerney]

Except in the other aisle, there is something cuter, comma, something more charming, comma, something more undeniably appealing in literally every single way. Colon. A beautiful, comma, gorgeous, comma, gentle, comma, inexpensive. Hamster.

[Molly Bloom]

Wonderful. Marcel, your last sentence.

[Marlo]

It's just too bad that that hamster was only the favorite of the child's parent.

[Molly Bloom]

The end.

[Marlo]

The end.

[Molly Bloom]

Wow, what a story. We really packed in a lot.

[Marlo]

There's a lot that went on in that it wasn't just a bunch of commas and semicolons.

[Molly Bloom]

And I personally learned a lot about punctuation. I'm sure our listeners did as well.

[Marcel Malakibu]

I sure did.

[Molly Bloom]

Yup. Marlo, please think about which side impressed you the most for this sneak attack story and award your fourth point. The criteria are totally up to you. Have you made your decision?

[Marcel Malakibu]

I think I have.

[Molly Bloom]

All right, it's time for our final round.

[Nora McInerney]

The final six.

[Molly Bloom]

In this round, each team will have just six words to sum up the glory of their side. Marcel, let's hear your six words for goldfish.

[Marlo]

Gold, beautiful, bright. Day and night.

[Molly Bloom]

Oh, lovely. All right, Nora, it is your turn. Give us six words for hamsters.

[Nora McInerney]

Tiny hands, big cheeks, can't lose.

[Molly Bloom]

Aw. I love it. All right, Marlo, it is time to award a final point for this final six.

[Marcel Malakibu]

I have awarded my point.

[Molly Bloom]

Great. And you tallied them up.

[Marcel Malakibu]

Yes.

[Molly Bloom]

You ready to crown one team, the smashboom best?

[Marcel Malakibu]

Yes.

[Molly Bloom]

All right, drumroll, please. And the winner is.

[Marcel Malakibu]

Goldfish.

[Marlo]

Three times.

[Molly Bloom]

Three times.

[Marlo]

Three times.

[Nora McInerney]

Why?

[Marlo]

Yeah, I'm swimming in all my glory right now. I don't hear anything coming from the other line. And, Nora, if you're just taking a break, that's okay. I just want to let you know I support you, Bernie, Gus. And I forget the last one's name. I think it is just hamster, which is very, very creative and clever of you.

[Molly Bloom]

Was it a close debate.

[Nora McInerney]

Marlo?

[Molly Bloom]

Was it close? Marlo, Was it close?

[Marcel Malakibu]

Those commas really hit me. Those punctuation that really. You were not. You guys were not acting as a team on that thing.

[Molly Bloom]

Hard to turn competitors into teammates. That is a tough.

[Marlo]

Nora, I really appreciated the voice you used in your micro round. That was a different voice that I hadn't heard. Come from you before. And it made me think that you have. I feel like you should be somewhere in the voice field, you know, as a profession. Like, you should use your voice. And then, you know, I accept. And so that was very cool. And the imagery was so vivid. And the word cute does stand out to me with hamsters now because of Nora. So thank you. Thank you for making me think they're not just, you know, a rat that's rebranded itself.

[Nora McInerney]

Here's what I have to say to Marcel Malikibu. There's nobody on earth that I would rather lose anything to. There is no worthier opponent than Marcel with a guitar and two adorable children singing along with him. Was it a little bit of a dirty move? Yeah. And that's what I respect about it. Okay. And you made Goldfish seem like a Zen exercise and not just a smelly bowl of water. So that was really good. You did a really good job. You are a very worthy opponent, and it's always an honor to lose to you.

[Molly Bloom]

Well, that is it for today's debate battle. Marlo crowned goldfish the Smashboom Best. But what about you?

[Marcel Malakibu]

Head to smashboom.org and vote to tell us who you think won.

[Molly Bloom]

Smashboom Best is brought to you by Brains on and APM Studios. It's produced by me, Molly Bloom, Anna Weigel, and Aaron Woldeselass. We had engineering help from Derek Ramirez with sound design by Aron Woldeselassi. Our editors are Shayla Farzan and Sandon Totten, with fact checking by Rebecca Rand. And we had production help from the rest of the BrainZone Universe team, Rosie Dupont, Rachel Breese, Anna Goldfield, Nico Gonzalez Whistler, Ruby Guthrie, Lauren Humphert, Joshua Wright, Mark Sanchez, and Charlotte Traver. Our executive producer is Beth Perlman, and the APM Studio's executives in charge are Chandra Kavati and Joanne Griffith. Our announcer is Marlee Foyer worker Otto. And we want to give a special thanks to Austin Cross and Taylor Kaufman. Nora, is there anyone you'd like to give a shout out to today?

[Nora McInerney]

Kids? This isn't over. Go to smashboom.org, vote for hamsters. This was rigged. Don't let this stand. Don't give up, okay? I need everyone behind this. It's not over. Don't give up. Smashboom.org Vote for hamsters. Shout out to Jack and Lucy Gilmore, my niece and nephew. I'm so sorry that I lost yet again. And to my little kids, Ralph and Q. Thanks for all the hammy jammy times.

[Molly Bloom]

And how about you Marcel. Any special shout outs?

[Marlo]

I'm just going to give a shout out to Amani and Nia. Thank you guys. We are now 2 for 2 with Nora and we are 3 for 3 as a malekeboo family so I just want to put that out there. Thank you for helping me be a member of the winning team.

[Molly Bloom]

And Marlo, any special thanks or shout outs?

[Marcel Malakibu]

Yes, I would like to thank all my friends and my family, especially my parents for like driving me here and everything. Yeah. Thank you for having me as well.

[Molly Bloom]

Thank you for being here. Before we go, let's check in and see who Taeko thinks should win the Birthdays versus Christmas debate.

[Marcel Malakibu]

I think birthdays should win because they're fun and there are more activities than Christmas. SmashBoom Best is a nonprofit public radio program.

[Molly Bloom]

If you're between the ages of 13 and 18 and you'd like to be a judge, or if you're any age and you have an idea for a knockdown drag out debate, head to smashboom.org contact and drop us a line. And while you're at it, join Smarty Pass for bonus episodes and ad free versions of all four shows in the Brainz universe. We'll be back with a new smashboom Best Debate battle next week. Cake versus Pie. See ya.

[Marlo]

Peace.

[Molly Bloom]

Bye bye.

[Nora McInerney]

Smell you later.

[Molly Bloom]

Oh, better than the rest.

[Nora McInerney]

This is when you discover I'm not a creative person. The soon you discover I should have been an accountant.

[Molly Bloom]

It can be hard to unwind your mind, but the Brainz on Universe is here to help. Check out Moment of Calm in the Moment of Podcast feed. For the week of March 3rd, you'll hear moment of Episodes with soothing topics and special quiet music perfect for playing at bedtime or anytime you need some chill in your life. And on Friday, March 7, you'll hear a special story with music and sounds that will take your imagination on a magical, relaxing journey. Tune in to Moment of Calm by listening to Moment of the week of March 3, or follow the Moment of in your podcast app to make sure you don't miss an episode.